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The Art of Preparing Kids for Adventure: Summer Series - On The Ground Parenting Podcast Episode 6
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The last week of our summer series! This time on On the Ground Parenting, hosts Sandy, Sam, and Kelly get into the art of preparing children for outdoor adventures, a crucial life skill. They discuss the concept of "division of responsibility" where parents empower kids to be more capable and self-sustaining by gradually transferring some of the planning and packing duties. The discussion also touches on the importance of parental preparedness, including the lesson of always remembering underwear for a post-beach outing. Sam reflects on her own journey, from being "shell-shocked" as a new parent to developing mental checklists and routines. The hosts agree that these planning skills are a form of leadership that kids can carry throughout their lives, citing an example of a high school student who used her outdoor skills to organize a school-wide picnic. The episode concludes with advice for parents on how to handle frustration and "muddy" moments.
In This Episode
[01:04] What is the "division of responsibility"?[01:56] Using lists and pictures to help kids pack.
[02:47] Learning from the consequences of forgetting to pack.
[04:28] Samantha's journey from "shell-shocked" parent to a master of mental lists.
[07:33] Why packing and planning are valuable life and leadership skills.
[11:05] Giving kids a sense of agency with lists and check-ins.
[14:10] Strategies for parents to cope with frustration and "muddy" moments.
[19:02] The balance of "roots and wings" in parenting.Connect with Us!
If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our hosts, visit the Central Hub at https://linktr.ee/onthegroundparenting
On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio
https://www.redjuicestudio.com/
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Transcript
Introduction and Sponsorship
00:00:00
Speaker
Today's episode of On the Ground Parenting is made possible by the generous donations of our listeners. To learn more, look in the show notes or listen to the end of the episode.
How to Introduce Kids to Outdoor Adventures
00:00:35
Speaker
Welcome back, everyone, to On the Ground Parenting. I'm Sandy. I'm Sam. And I'm Kelly. We've been chatting about getting outdoors with our kids, maybe going camping with them.
00:00:49
Speaker
And this week we thought maybe we need to talk a little bit more about those baby steps by baby steps to get to the actual environment. location or activity or event or how to prepare.
00:01:04
Speaker
How will we introduce this to our kids so that we can have that, what we call the division of responsibility, where we're going to download some of that activity so our children will be more prepared, more able, more capable to be self-sustaining during these occasions.
Teaching Responsibility Through Packing Lists
00:01:22
Speaker
So with that in mind, thinking about how to get ready, Kelly, what's been your experience getting kids ready to go outdoors or to go on a camping trip? How have you helped your kids or your relatives just get ready to pack their own stuff?
00:01:39
Speaker
Oh, I love this topic. It's so close to my heart. I feel like enabling kids to be responsible for their own things. Well, this Saturday, it might be about camping or about our outdoor adventure. It's also a little chance to practice a whole bunch of life skills.
00:01:56
Speaker
So in our house, we like lists. And when our kids were really little, it might have been their tiny backpack with a list that even had pictures beside it. So it might be their water bottle and something to sit on in a sweater when they were two years old.
00:02:11
Speaker
And when they're adults, it's a much bigger list, a list that sometimes they even co-create. What do we need to sleep? What do we need to sleep on? What do we need to sleep in?
00:02:22
Speaker
um do we want to take a stuffy? What do we need to wear? What do we need to wear if it's raining? What do we need to wear if it's sunny? And they create a list. And even what do we need to wear as we head out the door?
00:02:33
Speaker
It takes the responsibility off of me to pack all of their bags and And I found as time went on, it also helped them take responsibility for, oh, I didn't bring a raincoat. And look at this, I'm getting wet.
00:02:47
Speaker
As opposed to when I've worked with lots of kids who are looking in their bag and say quite indignantly, my mom didn't pack me a raincoat. And in one of my silly interactions with kids once, I said, is your mom getting wet right now?
00:03:00
Speaker
And the kid looked at me quite perplexed and said, no, she's at work. I was like, so who might want to pack the raincoat next time? Yeah, yeah.
Using Lists and Imagination for Outing Prep
00:03:09
Speaker
I could imagine that whole um awakening of realization that, oh my gosh, that's that's my job to do that. And But thinking about that, helping our kids get prepared means I think it's starting with us as parents, right?
00:03:24
Speaker
How can I be organized? So do you have some hints and tips for parents? Like you mentioned lists. Is there like a go-to list or how would I start if I'm a parent, I'm about to go off on a little adventure?
00:03:38
Speaker
What would be some things that would help me to help my kids? Yeah. That's such a good question. I usually start with my imagination and I literally picture myself, okay, we're going to spend a day at the beach.
00:03:52
Speaker
When we get to the beach, what might we do? And i you can even see me close my eyes because I'm imagining what would it be like if we were having a picnic? Oh, there's sand getting in my food. I guess I need a picnic blanket.
00:04:04
Speaker
Sometimes I'll Google. There's a lot of outdoor stores that also just have lists. Going camping, here's list. Going camping, there's a list. And in our house, it's a bit of a joke, but there's an entire file folder on our computer for lists.
00:04:17
Speaker
Lists for camping, lists for staying in a hotel, lists for what we might need next Christmas to make our decorations better. We really are a family that does lists.
00:04:28
Speaker
It's actually really funny because I hadn't thought about this for a long time, but I yeah jumped into parenting quite abruptly as a stepmom of a four-year-old and an almost two-year-old, and I was pregnant with my first biological child.
00:04:45
Speaker
And I'll never forget the first time that I was responsible for making sure that I had everything that we needed because
Learning from Mistakes in Preparedness
00:04:52
Speaker
they were little, little. So My stepdaughter, I had to help her figure out what she might need to take.
00:04:58
Speaker
And then I was still doing most of the planning for my 18-month-old stepson. But I was shell-shocked at all of the things that were required just for a simple outing. And it hadn't really occurred to me as a single woman before that, right? Like I've always been pretty prepared for things, but it was it was a shocking revelation to me how much prep is really required.
00:05:20
Speaker
And once I got over the initial shock, um I don't make a lot of physical lists. If it's a big adventure, I would, but I do a lot of mental lists. My capacity for mental lists has decreased as I've gotten older, but when I was younger, that was my go-to.
00:05:33
Speaker
um But also we have something that has kind of stuck throughout the years that's called the weather check at our house. So in the morning before anybody goes anywhere... Has anyone checked the weather so that everybody knows what gear they might need for the day? And I could totally get into that a lot more, maybe a little later, because seasonal prep is a weeks or months long thing in my house because there's so many neurodiversities that, you know, we would not only prep for the day of, but I would then be prepping for like weeks down the road. Or if, you know, you know, winter's coming and you have to transition from those comfy sandals and running shoes
00:06:11
Speaker
into a more structured heavy boot, those sorts of things. So yeah, prepping and getting ready for things was a huge leap for me, but I'm there now. ah when And I'm thinking about the times when I would be planning and trying to forecast what might be happening, what might be unraveling in the future.
00:06:32
Speaker
So my comical story is we thought that it would be a great idea if everyone got in their bathing suits and we left here in our bathing suits. And then we were carrying on to go somewhere else afterwards. Well, none of us had underwear we Because we had to come out of those wet bathing suits. And so that became a bit of a family joke as well, too. It was always like... and So for you, Sam, it's... but Has anyone checked the weather?
00:06:58
Speaker
For us, it's like, has anyone checked about underwear? so the things often... Often we become better because we've lived and learned. You know, something went awry.
00:07:09
Speaker
and um And I think that that's a big part of what this is all about. That when when it does go a little awry, then... If you can chuckle about it and how will you come into your next best scenario or how can we problem solve this to our advantage so that I don't get lost in the, you know, the, oh, woe is me, that and the world is falling apart because we don't have underwear, for example.
00:07:33
Speaker
um I love that, Sandy. yeah That's great. And i I think that what we're sort of hinting about here is that in order to give skills to our children, we have to be aware of the skills that we need ourselves to be able to share that over to our children and in appropriate levels. So that's what you were talking about too, Kelly, is that for young children, it might be a picture cue.
00:07:56
Speaker
And then they can go and they can get things out of their drawers or wherever, if it's a toy or a book. Because we also need to consider if you're traveling in a vehicle, what do they need in the vehicle with them? Will it be a snack? Will it be a favorite blanket or something? And then thinking about what does this give us?
00:08:13
Speaker
Like, why do this? So Sam, what's your sense of what will our kids get out of this? Like, what is there any skill acquisition? Is there a particular mindset? What future experience will this influence for our kids?
Leadership Skills Through Event Planning
00:08:26
Speaker
I think it's huge, the amount of skill and experience that it gives the kiddos that we're looking after. um i was thinking, well, just last weekend, I had planned a birthday party for my husband. And it was just funny to me how listy it was for me.
00:08:41
Speaker
But also just thinking about how, wow, you know, when I was younger, I wouldn't have known how to do this. I wouldn't have known that we needed all the things we needed. I would have forgotten to bring ketchup or,
00:08:52
Speaker
you know Maybe we would have forgotten to make sure that there was water because it was really hot day. But because I'd had the experiences of planning for events and making sure that we had what we needed and tried to forecast any sort of future issues that might arise, i was well prepared. And we had everything we needed except for a giant fan because it was a very hot outdoor birthday party. But...
00:09:14
Speaker
um There was shade, so it was all good. But it just was evident to me. And it isn't just in my personal life, because having that ability to plan for things and pack for things has allowed me to have those skills in my professional life as well. So these skills that we're talking about as parents and caregivers are really just leadership skills that everybody's going to use all throughout their lives.
00:09:37
Speaker
It reminds me of that expression that says, if all goes well, you have a great time. And if all goes awry, you have a great story. And, you know, Sandy's underwear pieces, we now have a good story that we refer to all the time.
00:09:52
Speaker
And my kids, you know, your planning piece reminded me of, as my kids got to high school, we are not a family that thrives in the phys ed environment. So my one daughter used all of her planning skills and outdoor skills on phys ed day, where as you're probably aware, kids in high school or outside or public school, it might've been public school.
00:10:13
Speaker
They have this whole day outside. So Lillian used all her skills and to coordinate all her friends to have a massive picnic. Somebody brought the tent shelter, somebody brought the blankets, they figured out who had to go do their event because that was like the price of admission. But the rest was this fabulous picnic that she carried out year after year with these planning skills.
00:10:37
Speaker
Well, and I think that's just strong evidence of knowing myself. And not only do I know that I may not like this environment of the physical activity, but I know what I like and I'm just going to share it with everyone.
00:10:52
Speaker
Congratulations to her. that That's really impressive. And what a gift to give her friends as well to have that opportunity, right? Like that was so thoughtful and kind. That's lovely.
Building Agency with Self-Checking Lists
00:11:04
Speaker
Wonderful.
00:11:05
Speaker
I think the other piece about setting kids up for, you know, planning themselves is it gives them a sense of agency and whether they're two-year-olds who've packed their own bag or they're high school students, looking at a list means you're not the mediator as the parent in between that.
00:11:22
Speaker
You can say, oh, you think you're ready to go? Can you double check the list? And that works so well for all ages. And I take my nieces and nephews camping every summer for a week.
00:11:33
Speaker
And it was really interesting. This year we took the IKEA um art easel and we put our schedule on that and we put the menu on that. So we weren't always answering questions kids could actually see. And then every day we did ah what do you need to wear a list and a what do you need to have in your day pack?
00:11:51
Speaker
And I really thought those kids rose to the challenge of being more responsible or self-aware. Like you could see them go get things in their backpack and then double check the list.
00:12:02
Speaker
So as the adult figure in all of this, you're not always in the middle of, Well, you didn't remind me about my bathing suit or you didn't do this because the list was universal for the folks that were there.
00:12:14
Speaker
ah Yeah. And I like all the different ways of bringing communication in so that it's building that diversity of how I'm gaining information, how I'm interacting with other people, how I'm keeping myself on track. Yeah.
00:12:28
Speaker
When I was a cub leader, something that we implemented with the boys who were in the cub pack at the time, we had the checklist, but then we set it up that it was a peer review of each other's stuff.
00:12:41
Speaker
That was one more, i think, step away from that adult intervention piece. And we also encouraged them to switch it up every time so that it wasn't the same, you know, best friend or preferred person.
00:12:53
Speaker
We saw... a different type of teamwork and camaraderie, just building relationships in in other ways. And they could seek out whoever they wanted. We weren't telling them who they had to go to.
00:13:05
Speaker
We just set the very loose criteria of choose someone different this time. So that worked well. Yeah, and you're reminding me sometimes what I did with my kids is like, Now shake off the kiddo that just packed that.
00:13:17
Speaker
And if you go in with fresh eyes, do you want to double check the list?
Managing Parental Stress and Taking Timeouts
00:13:21
Speaker
And sometimes I wouldn't double check my kids list. I often didn't double check them. But if the consequences were significant, I might go in and review their things.
00:13:31
Speaker
And then we kind of make a game out of it. Like if I find something you miss, I get a chocolate. If you have the whole list, you get it. Like we just played with the, are you really ready for me to check this out?
00:13:45
Speaker
oh Yeah. yeah Before we wrap up, I thought that it might be helpful for us to share those experiences when maybe, you know, we're on the ground parenting, but it's muddy.
00:13:58
Speaker
Maybe things aren't unfolding in the best way. Maybe I'm not in my best state. Maybe I'm, you know, feeling like I've been rolling around the dirt.
00:14:10
Speaker
I'm frustrated. What are some approaches that have worked for you guys ah when you've been in those situations? I have given myself a minute.
00:14:20
Speaker
That's what I always would say is if I was finding myself getting frustrated or frazzled, I would say, you know what, guys, I need a minute. I need a minute to just breathe and reset. um And my kids have gotten quite accustomed to that. And I know, as Kelly and Sandy know, that's a hard one for them because...
00:14:38
Speaker
They're both, both of my boys, when they need an answer to something, it's pretty urgent in their mind. So for them to respect the I need a minute has been a huge, a huge win in terms of parenting for me, because it just makes life easier because they know if I'm saying that it's I really do. I'm not just trying to slough them off because they would call me out on that for sure. But yeah, when they hear they, you know what, I need a minute, they just respect it and back off and give me my minute. It might be exactly 60 seconds because sometimes a minute is exactly 60 seconds for them.
00:15:09
Speaker
And I might have to reiterate that, you know what, I'm probably going to need five this time. But that's okay because we've gotten to the point where we're all comfortable with that routine. So that's the one that I use in my house for sure. Yeah, I love that, Sam. I love the precision because there's this fun thing as you get to know the small people in your life about how they use language.
00:15:28
Speaker
Thinking about outdoor stuff as a side note, and then I'll answer Sandy's questions. In our house, if we said put on some footwear, our kids had any choice of whatever they wanted to wear on their feet. But when we said boots, we meant boots.
00:15:41
Speaker
When we said running shoes, we meant running shoes. And our kids learned that we use precision when we meant it. But other people laughed at us. They're like, footwear? Or the girls would be like, where's my footwear?
00:15:54
Speaker
I remember being mocked for that. But likewise, when my kids were really little and I was on the ground and sometimes in the mud face first, trying to like parent these kids without a lot of skill. I remember one of the lovely parent educators who went before us from Muskoka Family Focus saying, you know, even though I never gave my kids a timeout, it was okay to give yourself a timeout.
00:16:14
Speaker
And so sometimes very exaggeratedly, very similar to you, but maybe with more animation, I'm like, I'm taking like, I'm sending myself to the room, because I can feel that I'm ready to explode.
00:16:27
Speaker
And so I would stomp away and sometimes like yell in my room for a second. And part of it was, i really was feeling intensely about things. But part of it also, I wanted my kids to understand that it's okay to have big emotions.
00:16:41
Speaker
It's just not okay to take them out on each other. Yeah, for me, i think the first step really is about noticing that I'm starting to get a little bit muddy in my thinking, my viewpoint.
00:16:55
Speaker
So it might be having to notice, you know, maybe I'm gritting my teeth, maybe my jaw's tight, maybe my body's tense. you know Because there could be a lot of pressure. Maybe the timeline for departure is coming up and I'm not ready or other things aren't happening. And so just noticing how I'm getting a little bit gritty.
00:17:15
Speaker
And so then to ground myself from that, I might take that walkaway space. I do know that when there's a lot of busyness going on, in order for me to sort of figure out where have I lost my path,
00:17:28
Speaker
I need a little bit of headspace, free time away from all the chaos that's going on. And like you say, it can be hard to get. It might be saying I have to go to the bathroom and I go to the bathroom and I'm not going to the bathroom, but I'm getting my quiet time.
00:17:43
Speaker
And so I can regroup and feel a little more grounded and go back out. But I think that that's the reality of it all is that we're going to plan for these activities, these events.
00:17:54
Speaker
And as we've been talking about, how can we begin to transfer that responsibility of our own preparedness, our own packing, whether it's just we're going to go for a two hour hike down the road, that might be the best little taster for everybody to try to um relinquish some of that control and pass it over to the children. But Ultimately, what we're looking at here is that opportunity that we're going to be giving to our families, exploring, getting out, and just seeing how it may be that it's not all smooth all the time.
00:18:30
Speaker
And so when it doesn't go as smoothly as we want, find that way to bring ourselves back into focus. So before we wrap up and say goodbye to everyone, you know, what took root for you during this session, Sam?
Balancing Responsibility and Self-Care
00:18:44
Speaker
Just that, yes, prepare, yes, pass the responsibility, but also, yes, take care of yourself so that you're in the right headspace to be able to be guiding your future leaders to be doing those things for themselves. So make sure that you're where you need to be to be able to make that happen.
00:19:02
Speaker
Oh, I love that, Sam. It's such a, you know, as you're saying that it's such that balance of roots and wings. What do we want to support our kids, ground them and in basic skills, being prepared as a basic skill, we might be outside and using that learning space, but being prepared is going to serve them well for their entire life.
00:19:22
Speaker
And where do we have the flexibility to let them make mistakes? or to let them bring too many things. That was the piece that I was just thinking about this mental image of my kids who brought their dolls everywhere. So part of their pack, in their mind, that was essential were dolls sticking out of it. And they had names.
00:19:40
Speaker
And then we also had 12 other imaginary children for one entire summer come everywhere with us. And the smallest one, of course, was Madeline. And we had to help them over every rock. And so it's this really fun space of,
00:19:55
Speaker
What are we teaching them and where can we actually learn from them? So what rose up from the ground for me, what sprouted is just the realization of how valuable this is, this opportunity to be with our children, to get outside, to see how we can start to give them that ownership that agency of taking on the responsibility of their own items, and that it is very impressive. It's impressionable. And just wanting to make sure that we as parents recognize the huge influence that we have.
00:20:33
Speaker
So see you next Wednesday on the ground parenting.
00:20:55
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is a production of Muskoka Family Focus Parent Education Program. If you enjoyed this episode and want to sponsor or support the show, or even ask a question of our host, visit the Central Hub at linktr.ee forward slash on the ground parenting.
00:21:12
Speaker
On the Ground Parenting is produced, engineered, and published by Red Juice Studio. To learn more, visit redjuicestudio.com forward slash nonprofits. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next Wednesday On the Ground Parenting.