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Brad Kesler - Episode 6?
26 Plays1 year ago
Brad's one of the most confident dudes I know. He's also one of my best friends. Find out how to get Brad Kesler Confident, why I love him, and more in this episode of Wes Reflects!
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Transcript
Introduction and Random Questions with Brad Kessler
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Wes reflects. Today we have the first guest episode and we got a hell of a guest. We have Bradley Drake Kessler. How are you doing, Brad? Go Wesley. How about yourself, dude? I'm chilling, man.
00:00:22
Speaker
Um, a lot of people I could have had on first. And the reason I had Brad is Brad has always been a real one, a supportive friend, someone who keeps it a buck, if you will. And I love him to death. And so thank you for being here, Brad. I love you too. And thank you for having me. Glad to be the first, first of many shortly.
00:00:43
Speaker
And the tentative concept for the pod these days is to start with a random question generator and let that guide the conversation. And it is on Brad to bring up three hard, three things that have been hard for him and how he grew from it as a person. So Brad's being brave, brave Brad. And yeah, we'll see how it goes.
Humor in Dance and Boston Love
00:01:07
Speaker
So the first question, what is your go-to dance move?
00:01:12
Speaker
You know me, but I thought of elbow. It's possible to be like this in the spot, you know, shimmy the little elbow. Or I do a little like, you know, just like do something with my hand. Like the Kevin Gates shit kind of, you know, something like that. But, you know, don't have dancing in my blood like you would call and do so. Not as good.
00:01:37
Speaker
There's two I love, but they're always so like, it feels like you're doing something too much. I can do like the jump over your leg thing. I also like the worm, but if you're the guy who does like the worm at a party, it's like, man, why are you on the floor? I'd rather be the guy that's throwing bows, just chilling. A more casual jump. Yeah. Favorite city.
00:02:02
Speaker
I gotta go Boston, you know, from over here. Me and my boys are talking about this recently, like top five cities, and we were like, unbiased. Well, no order, I guess, because that's where bias comes in, but Boston, New York, LA, Chicago, Chicago, probably above LA, but I just got no order. And then like, there's some options there. You go like Miami, you could go like Nashville, you could go like,
00:02:29
Speaker
Well, some, some, but I go Boston because from here and we got everything you need. And we got four seasons, which I like and all that, you know, we do kind of have everything here, especially sports. Weather is questionable, but definitely not a bad city to be from. It's up there. Yeah. I don't even mind the weather because I got it two years in Tampa and you know, the seasons are nice because I got all this nice warm clothes and you don't get to put that shit on when you're in Florida itself.
Friendships, Family, and Relocation Decisions
00:02:56
Speaker
Uh, I don't mind the weather over here, but in small talk, small talk, let me ask about the weather. Let's forget about it. Um, nothing I say, Boston, all you got, this guy, like it's got sports, obviously growing up here is like best place to go up sports wise. Like we spoil. And then like, there's this like stuff to do, like the city's door, but then there's like suburbs around and there's like,
00:03:21
Speaker
you know, family stuff, night stuff, friends stuff, soul stuff, whatever the hell you're looking for. Boston probably got you, and that's true for most cities, but like I said, I'm just from here. I mean, honestly, New York, like if I could like go to one for a week and I go to New York, there's like bigger and more, but you know, Boston's coming up. It's worth a million dollars. Yeah, that I don't, yeah. Something like that.
00:03:45
Speaker
You said Nashville. I did have a good time there. My debacle these days is that I love Denver, but everyone I know and love is on the East Coast. Yep. That was like me when I was in Florida. I wanted to know when love was on the North, still on the East Coast.
00:04:02
Speaker
You're all the way in nowhere, man. I know, like, you gotta redo everything basically and figure it all out. I know. And I've only been there for two months, so it's... I do think about where I set roots down. And then, honestly, I have no idea these days. Yeah, I don't know, no, but, like, I'm leaning. I mean, I'm only 23, so... And I'm not, like, living with anybody, so I really have no idea. But once, like, ideally, I feel like I'd rather live local still just because
00:04:33
Speaker
Oh no, something about the familiarity. I like it and I can do all my traveling and go everywhere else, but always come back to what is home. I feel like most of my good friends are going to probably stay somewhat local. I don't want to be a dad that got no friends because that's grim. That shit is very grim. I'd rather be a dad that can go catch game with his buddies every other weekend or whatever it may be. Not going to be as often, obviously, will be grown.
00:05:03
Speaker
I'd rather, that's important to me. I don't wanna have to, if I move somewhere random, I'm gonna have to make friends from scratch. This is not gonna go over well. There's no way I could replicate the relationships I got over here, so no disrespect to everyone everywhere else. I'm sure there's great people, but you just can't redo 10, 15, whatever years of chemistry you got with the people that you'd rather stick around. And I think that everything's kinda,
00:05:30
Speaker
somewhat similar, like you can go to, if you're looking for like acting show, you'd be better off in LA. But like, if you're looking at, you know, finance, New York, whatever, there's like certain areas that do better things. But like, in general, like life is what you make it. So like, who gives a shit? Like, wherever you're at, like if you've got home is where the heart is or whatever. So if you got your people and you got your family and you're cool with the area, like no point in being like, nah, let's go start fresh and bum fuck. Do we swear here? So we got to bleep these out. Do I got to fuck it?
00:05:59
Speaker
A part of me was like, I'm going to try not to swear, but it's like, I want to be myself. I heard you say that in the first episode and then you were just like, but fuck, maybe second episode. Who gives a shit, man? I think number one priority is like being myself and myself right now is someone who swears, but you hit on not my biggest fear. I got a couple of biggest fears and one of them is like,
00:06:30
Speaker
I've met dads where it's like they're only friends or they're like their wife's husband, like her, your wife's friends. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Guys, you don't know that you're like, hey, by association, that shit sucks. And it's like, dude, making small talk and like those are your closest friends. That's my nightmare. Like you're over at a dinner party. It's like, oh, you catch the game. It's like, motherfucker, I don't even like you. Yeah, I don't even. Yeah, honestly, I don't even like your kids. I don't want my kids hanging out with your kids anymore.
00:06:59
Speaker
But that's how it is for a lot of people, because the way it tends to work, I'm told, is like, you meet a girl. Yeah, you move whoever she is.
Soulmates and Love Dilemmas
00:07:08
Speaker
And fuck that. Allegedly, yeah. That's why I'd rather stop local, personally. Like, there's stuff around here, there's women around here that, you know, me personally, I don't know, I'm not, I'm single now, so I gotta know, like, someone I remember with a long term partner plans, but like,
00:07:26
Speaker
it's not like there's a drought or lack of like pretty educated, wifeable woman around here. So I'm not like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not mad at the support and small business around here. Like that's, that makes more sense to me than, you know, like you said, like, as tough as I'm glad we're out of college or you're in grad school, but like I'm out of college with that, without that. Cause that's, I feel like when it would happen, like if I,
00:07:54
Speaker
If you dated a girl from Nevada in college and you stayed together out of college and then you got a job over, see you later, buddy. That's your life now. You're over in Nevada forever. Welcome to the mob. There's no out from that. If your soulmate, if you knew your soulmate was in Nevada right now, would you move there? Nah, because how the fuck do I know who she is? In this scenario, you know.
00:08:21
Speaker
Well, I know who she is and where she at. I got to Addie. She's sitting at the blackjack table. I just kind of pulled up next to her. And she's like, she knows it too. And she's excited to meet you. I mean, I fly out just to see what it's about. It's also Nevada. So I could go to Vegas and go see the Grand Canyon and do some fun stuff. You could pivot. So even if she, if she my soulmate and like, we'll at least get along for the time being, you know, like I'm taking on so much. I don't really believe in all that. I think that like,
00:08:49
Speaker
you can get along very well and you can have like soul. Like I believe in souls. I think that people got like a, you know, some sort of something in them. That's not just like some exactly or if you will, but like that word's overused nowadays, but everybody got something, whatever. Like you can, I don't know, this is my new boss. I kind of told me, explained to me, he was like, man, like I had a girl that I was with for like a few years and then it was over where he used to live.
00:09:16
Speaker
and he looked like Chicago or something and but he got a job over here and he chased the bag over the shorty and he was like I loved her like she was great like there was really nothing wrong with her like probably could have married her and had like a similar life but like timing just wasn't it and I figured like you know I'm not gonna delude myself into like this is the only woman that I'll have like a real bond with like you know even though it's the best one I've had up until now I'm still gonna
00:09:43
Speaker
go do my job and then find someone over there. And that's what he did. But he was basically saying all humans have the same wants and needs. We all want to be seen. We all want to be loved. We all want to be fed. We all want head, whatever you want. We all have the same wants and needs. So is this a matter of being good at catering to people?
00:10:06
Speaker
Like reading or understand the person you're with. Because if you could be like a good soulmate, quote unquote, to someone, you could probably do it to someone else because you're just good at like understanding the person and how to help them out. You know what I'm saying? Did he regret choosing the bag over the woman? I don't know. He's a president of the company. He got three beautiful kids, a nice wife, grew up great, and then he owns the thing.
00:10:31
Speaker
Not much to shimmy at if you're him. If you ask me, obviously I don't talk to him too. I mean, that was over lunch on like our first casual interview. He's not going to tell me they're like, but boy, do I wish I'd never settle with my wife. Like that'd be a little, I don't think, you know, that's not something you speak out loud even if true, but I don't think it's true at all. Like his wife overhears them. Yeah. They got like three good kids. They're all like good kids too. Like they all turned out.
00:10:59
Speaker
Like one's my age, one's a couple years younger, one's a couple years younger, but yeah, I don't think he regrets it. I think he, like, he wouldn't have been in the position he's in if he didn't, you know? That's another thing.
Commitment, Fidelity, and Relationship Insights
00:11:11
Speaker
It's like every, and I kinda, I'm a deep guy, but I see like other animals doing stuff. I'm like, maybe that's how we should do it. And a lot of animals, like they're not with one person forever. Most of them aren't. Well, I just finished the Sopranos and let me tell you, like I'm,
00:11:28
Speaker
I don't know. You haven't seen it. I don't think, but like that's big theme of this or not even theme, but like every fucking dude in that show has like Guma, they call it. And it's like this side girl. Like nobody just fucks their wife in that show. And Tony's Tony's a sociopath. So he's not very good like justification, but he'll say like, and like, when someone else is doing it, like his buddy got out of jail, but he had a wife and like bought him a hooker. He's like, man's a man. You got to do what a man's got to do sometimes. And so like, I feel you kind of cause like, I think,
00:11:58
Speaker
Like love can be love if you're not only until you're dusty. But I think that like for it to really work, you do have to be like that. And me personally, I never cheated. Like I wouldn't cheat on my girl, at least to date I wouldn't. And so I don't think I would in the future. I'm open to cheating in the future. If I were truly knocked, no, but like, I mean, even when I had a girl, I was very like,
00:12:22
Speaker
like it's because I genuinely loved it so I wasn't even like there were other like I was in Tampa there were like some very beautiful women all over the place in a classroom or something and it's not and someone would seem very like like I'd stand by and I'm like oh she's so fun I could probably but I would just be like nah I got this good thing at home and I was like to burn and I'm not gonna ruin that whatever but like and I would still like
00:12:49
Speaker
I don't know, but I think there's just like a sense like this is like the curiosity about and it's also like we want what we can have. I swear when I have it, like when I came home, and I went out or whatever, like goes when I hit me up way more afterward, what you're doing later, we want to go together, you want to leave together. I was like, God damn you. This wasn't always how it was going. So I was like, interesting, very interesting. And
00:13:13
Speaker
Yeah. Like, cause everybody wants to, like, you feel like, you feel like essentially, I don't know if it's like your ego or like a power struggle, but like, if you can bag someone else, you just, well, you already got something. You just feel like a conqueror, if you will. Like that's what I saw someone explain like that. I think it was 21 Savage actually. But, um, 21 lessons to this show. Oh yeah, absolutely. He's coming in soon. I think January guest target, we got Mr. Savage. Yeah.
00:13:42
Speaker
But yeah, I don't think that seating is the way at all, but I do think that every single person who's married... Probably not every single person, but I think that old-school love, I think it was like that, where you actually would want no one else, but nowadays when you can look at this phone I'm looking at and just see hundreds of beautiful... It's just like, now people are more hungry for what's out there because there's no more of what's out there, whereas
00:14:09
Speaker
back then you didn't even know. You'd be like, oh, she's fine, but I'll never see her and she's not. It's going to post on my feed her ass for me to look at. Whereas nowadays you can see that and then all of a sudden you just want to get with her, even if you got it. Or just whatever it is. I think everybody has lustful thoughts, but if you can actually lock in, that's a beautiful thing.
00:14:35
Speaker
Yeah, when I was in love, it was like I didn't, I wouldn't even think about cheating. And I think you are, it's like something you should pay attention to if you want to cheat, because you're probably not in a great spot. Yeah, exactly. Like as the relationship got later and later, I was more and more like, like, because I think it was just gradually decaying anyway. Like when we were at camp, for example, like I was still dating her for a few weeks.
00:14:58
Speaker
I'm still looking around camp like, damn, she fine, damn, she fine, damn, she fine. But I wasn't like doing anything on anyone. Cause well, one, I was actually pretty unked out that year, but two, like even, even if not, even like outside of it. It just wasn't even, cause I knew it like wasn't like what I should do or how I'd want to like end things if I would end things. But the fact that the thoughts like were like, I'd kind of maybe not even like think about it, but like I'd see it and be, I don't know. I'd just be more like, I don't even know the word. I don't want to sound like a hoe either. Cause I'm not.
00:15:28
Speaker
Regardless, I would just more like conversational, I guess, with other women. Nah, cause that's not even a problem. I don't know. But regardless, yeah, if you feel yourself wanting other women, that's definitely a bad thing. You think you're fully healed from your last relationship? Yeah, I'd say so at this point, I've been around for like over three more years. So from now, I got to see God, but no, no, I've been good though. I mean, it definitely at first was tough, but then after that,
00:15:58
Speaker
I say after that, like at first, at first lasted a good minute probably. But yeah, no, but I'm not like in touch or, you know, I never spoke to her since. So it wasn't, for the longer you do that, the easier it slowly gets. Like if in year two I cracked and hit her up, I'd probably still be like rethinking about her, you know? But nah, that ship has long sailed and I was like a kid and she was a kid and,
00:16:28
Speaker
But it's like, you know, you can't even get like a good, that doesn't even matter. But yeah, you don't even, it don't even like, like matter, I guess. Like matter, I'm glad I got the experience and all that. But like, from then to now, it's so different. Like from 18 to 20, versus like 20 to 23, my life has been drastically different, I'd say. So I'm not, like grateful I had it, grateful I learned, grateful I got to do all that.
00:16:55
Speaker
also grateful like it's over because I think like I did way more like growing and me doing after which most people would probably say so.
Adulthood, Generational Changes, and Privilege
00:17:03
Speaker
Definitely shows some maturity every time someone's like my ex is crazy. I hate them and I'm like, you'd a problem. Yeah, I swear, but I hate that shit too.
00:17:12
Speaker
But it shows the real, it takes maturity to like, go through that with someone, have it end with all those feelings involved and still be able to like respect that person and be like, and I kind of feel the same way about my relationship. Like you said, it was like, we were kids, we were trying our best. Yeah. And we still kids. Okay. Like I'm 23. I still a kid. Like,
00:17:35
Speaker
I'm still fully a kid. I don't get home from fucking work and read a book. I don't know if that signifies grown, but I just don't feel like a grown. I mean, I'm still living a home, first of all, so much fully totally not grown, but that's normal at our age though. Very few people got the blood to move out at this point.
00:18:00
Speaker
100%. And sometimes, dude, my mom, sometimes she does some shit where she shows me a pillow and she's just giddy about it. I'm like, you're a little kid. I swear. No, I saw that you tweeted this before. Adults are just big kids. Really good at masking it or something. Really good at just putting it off until after. They just hold it down until they're off work. I don't think I'll ever be telling my friend,
00:18:29
Speaker
joke and laugh and whatever, thinking, like, gotta stop acting like this. Like, what the fuck? Like, yeah, I don't know. I still plan on, like, 20 years from now, like, I still plan on, like, seeing, like, some of my boys and making, like, the same shitty jokes we make today, but not shitty, like, rude to anyone, just shitty, like, you still think that's funny 20 years later. Like, I still, I still plan on, dude,
00:18:55
Speaker
And of course that can change but I don't think it's gonna. And I also think like generations change for sure and like ours is much more I think like youthful in general because they say whatever they say but they say something like hard times make week, hard times make Songman, Songman make
00:19:14
Speaker
easy times, easy times, make weak men, weak men, make hard times, repeat. So I think we are, we grew up in the strong man, make easy times. So a lot of us are bitches because I think that like none of, or at least like, you know, like around when we grew up, like not, and I think it's like our Americans in general too, you could even argue, like we weren't alive in the wars. Like our grandparents fought in the wars. Our parents like grew up in the crack era. Like we grew up, yeah, I mean,
00:19:43
Speaker
none of you too bad. Like our parents are like, there's been like, like our parents got to go through college already. They had the opportunity to like, like, like society was way more established for our parents growing up or at least like way more for our parents than it was our grandparents or way more for us or similar for us at least. And it was our parents probably closer there, but still like we got to grow up with like a normal ish world, you know, whereas people growing up back then it's like, you got to go to war at 18, like,
00:20:12
Speaker
brother that is such a different life you know what I mean and there's people still in the world that live like that in like inner cities in the city areas of course like people don't have it cupcakes and rainbows but I'm just saying from my experience like and I think our generation as a whole like that's part of it 100%
00:20:29
Speaker
mantra plug, a smooth C never made a skilled sailor. And exactly what you were talking about, I talked about with my friends freshman year of college. Before COVID happened, I thought crazy things were done happening. I thought the world had stabilized.
00:20:50
Speaker
We grew up in kind of like you said, like, I guess the 28 financial crash, whatever, like that didn't affect us. It didn't affect us for shit. Nothing affected us until I was in college and then COVID happened. I was like, I live in a very completely different world than I thought I did. Yeah. But yeah, crazy shit's still going on. Oh yeah. So always has been though.
00:21:17
Speaker
There's more publicize now, I think, too, because like media and everything, you know? And I think, yeah, it was like an illusion that we just grew up in such like a bubble in like upper middle class Massachusetts. But the real world caught up to us eventually. Yeah. And honestly, like, I definitely I mean, I think you probably did too. But like even growing, I think there's like I have some friends from around where I live that is living like
00:21:46
Speaker
not in my neighborhood, but they live in the town and town or where they live in the projects and whatnot. And we've ran an argument before and they'll just randomly bring up like, you got a silver spoon. And I'm always just like, first of all, shut the fuck up. It ain't my fault. My parents are not. My dad is from inner city Philly and became chilling. So
00:22:07
Speaker
Like you're mad at him for grinding to get out of a situation like then you're just you have a broken brain Because that's the whole fucking goal for anyone in a bad situation like I don't you just give up But don't say that and I always be like well like like as weird as it sounds Good thing. I'm not famous because it would cancel me for this maybe but like like growing up
00:22:29
Speaker
And I didn't grow up rich by any means, but I just grew up okay. I grew up having everything I needed types of, like I had food, clothes, family, all that stuff. And it wasn't like Christmas was like $1,000 gift day. It was like, I'd get my things and move on. You know, it's like pretty like regular life outside of it. Like it wasn't like we took mad vacays or anything like that. Or like bought me like fancy stick clothes, like none of that. And I had like, whatever, had to buy my own like little little things as a kid, which I think like taught me like viral money. But I think growing up having money, you can say, like,
00:22:58
Speaker
I've fallen out with family over money. Someone who doesn't have money in their family could never even feel what that's like. And that's not like a diss to them, because they got other things that you feel what I like that I can't relate to. Like telling me I grew up with a silver plate fork, whatever. Yeah, I did. Does that change how we eat the goddamn food? No, we still eat the goddamn food. And you not have a money, maybe. I have a very, one of my best friends did not have a lot growing up, and he started working pretty much all through high school. He was going in to help pay bills.
00:23:28
Speaker
shortly after they moved out and he helped like pay for a house at like 18, 19 years old, like beast. But like, that was just his situation. Like, so he went the route that makes sense for him. Like my situation, I had the chance to go to college and I get to work after that. So I'm just like working now or whatever for the past year. And like learning that as I go. But me and I said, I was saying that because I grew up
00:23:53
Speaker
having money and my grandfather died basically when he had more money to pass down to his two kids and they start fighting over it because my aunt is basically broke and she was like trying to get as much as she could whereas my mom is not broke so she's like trying to divvy it up evenly but then getting like whatever I'm not going to go into gritties but like basically trying to get more and then she's owed my aunt and now we like don't speak for like a very long time and I don't want my intention to speak to her because like
00:24:19
Speaker
you family, but you're willing to like shoe your sister over assets. Like that's crazy. When as you know damn well, that was not your dad's wishes. So like that's something where I learned, like that happened to me when I was like a sophomore, senior and a sophomore, junior in high school. So even though life was like nothing crazy, like we were saying, like you still go through shit like that. And you're like, he's pretty young. Like that was pretty like real world. Like that was my first like real world experience I can remember.
00:24:47
Speaker
Goddamn like look at what money make a bitch do and a young nudie said something and some Something I hit on a bunch in the first podcast is everything has pros and cons and like you were saying like having money It comes with its own mo money mo problems. Mm-hmm and I think The grass one the grass is always greener like you everyone thinks money is gonna solve all their problems and then you like meet rich people who are like wildly messed up and it's like Yeah all the time
00:25:16
Speaker
It seems more often than not. Like I think people who have less are often happier or grateful for what they do have. Yeah. I agree, dude. If you're a multi-millionaire, bro, like you are tweaking every day. You just got so much at stake. Whereas if you make like a nice little 70, 80 K or something and just get what you need. Me personally, I want somewhere in the middle of that, but like,
00:25:44
Speaker
I think you lose a bit of your mind working that hard or going that hard. That's why I had to quit my last job part of it. Other reasons too, they were bullshitting. Aside from that, the work itself is so draining and I was just like, yeah, dude, I might get dementia if I do this job forever. I need to do something that I can log off and be done and things like that.
00:26:10
Speaker
Yeah, I was working like 60 hours a week this summer, which is obviously not, I mean, some people do that and it's just so clearly not sustainable. I quit and within like three days I went to like pick up my stuff and I quit, I quit like a week before I was supposed to end because I kept getting sick. And then,
Work-Life Balance and Mental Health
00:26:30
Speaker
so I quit, I went back three days later and my coworkers were like, oh my God, you look wildly healthier. And it was at three days.
00:26:40
Speaker
Like swear dude, that's how I felt. I couldn't when I was like that, I mean like the guy like breaking out the chain, like that's literally how I felt. Like I was like, wow, like now I get off work and I'm just like not working. I used to get off work and still think about work, which is horrible.
00:26:56
Speaker
And now I get paid just for doing work. I used to only get paid commission, which is just such a guy because not everything's in your control in that life. And being so young, trying to save money, living like that is just so goddamn stressful. So I was like, man, this is over with. But immediately, slowly and steadily, my joy just came back way more than it was, I feel like. And my want to go out and see people, I'd be so drained from work that I wouldn't even want to see my friends.
00:27:24
Speaker
That's I was thinking like, yeah, I'm like, yo, I got to be depressed or something because that can't be like good. I'm not big on depression. Personally, I think you just got to lock in sometimes and like everybody goes through tough shit. But like, you know, you can be down, but you can't stay down if you will. There is, I think, some aspect of like mindset, like you got to.
00:27:52
Speaker
If you give up, it's only going to get worse. If you're looking at it like, God, my life is so hard. Let me just do fucking drugs and cry or even take the drugs out. Let me just cry and be a mess and not go to work and not try to get a job and not go out and meet people. I get you can take time to heal from whatever's going on 100% if something very bad has happened.
00:28:19
Speaker
I'm not too big on it just because I think everybody goes through shit. Maybe I only got to lack empathy or sympathy, whichever one it would be. I understand people go through things. For me, it's just I went through most of my hardest things pretty alone, I'd say, for a lot of them.
00:28:39
Speaker
I know, I guess, and I get people have been through worse than me obviously, I'm not saying that, but people, they can do the same thing in a different situation. You can get out of your shit if your shit is not good.
00:28:53
Speaker
If you're not happy, you got to make a change or whatever. Yeah. And that's what this touches on something I'm very passionate about is like acceptance. And when I say acceptance, it's like accepting that like maybe things aren't great right now, but that doesn't mean you don't do anything about it. It means it is absolutely your responsibility to do something about it. Yeah. I'm also like, I agree. Like nothing else. It's not all to be all at once. Like nothing's like that.
00:29:24
Speaker
Like I'm big on that too. Like I fully accept like why I'm at pretty much every stage of life. Cause I'm just like, it's so easy to be hard on yourself. And I'm like, think I'm naturally hard on myself without even trying to be. So it's
Habits, Ambition, and Personal Growth
00:29:37
Speaker
like good to, when I am, I try to not be. And now some of my wardrobe is doing too, making me feel like so much harder on myself than I ever was. And I already am. So we're just making it like hell. But you gotta be like somewhat hard on yourself, but you can't be like, you know,
00:29:55
Speaker
Oh my God, I'm 22 or 23 and I'm still doing this thing I used to be doing. I need to stop doing it. Like you need to kick, you need to like stop things and build new habits like that. And really like we're in the point now where like by 25, I'd say our day to day is probably our day to day forever. Not job wise, but like habit wise. Like if you wake up,
00:30:14
Speaker
and go to gym and eat good and all that by 25, you're probably a good boy for life. But if you're like smoking cigs and like still drinking mad beer and like that's your like after work or routine or whatever the hell you want, like just routine in general, like that's part of what you'll be doing for a while. I think it'll change every few years at that point. But I think like by then you're pretty like developed where like your habits are who you are, you know?
00:30:44
Speaker
I think it's definitely important and you do form a lot of habits, but I also, I think it's never too late to change. No, I agree. Never. I agree like you can be 25.
00:30:55
Speaker
and be a bum and then lock in at 26, sure. But I mean, in general, if it's easier if by 20, I'm just using a rough age, because I mean, me and you both, I still feel like I need to do better, but I'm also like, give myself some slack, I'm still young, I don't need to do better. And that's so like, the Tate Brothers and shit, they're so like, do better now, there's no time, there's no time. What are you waiting for?
00:31:22
Speaker
Sure, my man. There's time. There's world spins. And if you're not doing anything, then yeah, you're bummed. But if you're doing something and it might not be what you want or it might not pay what you want, whatever. I'm just so big on that. One of my best friends works at Play It Against Sports right now.
00:31:41
Speaker
go bro. He's my age, he's not doing anything astronomical, but he's at least going to get his ass to work five days away from work. You go and you do some shit, but I have another friend who doesn't do shit. I look at him and I'm like, brother, I get you don't have your dream job. I don't need it, but you got to figure something out. You got to be doing something. Then steadily and steadily keep working and working and try to find your way up. If you don't like what you're doing, where you're at, go try something else, but in order to have it all figured out overnight or in a couple of years, but
00:32:11
Speaker
That is when most people like separate themselves just in the early years. Like you grind hard those first years, that's what sets you up. Like I'd rather grind harder in my twenties than in my thirties. But I also want to enjoy both very much. So that's like, how you doing?
00:32:27
Speaker
I think we actually might have talked about this before over like text, but I got this from a book and it's like changing your direction in life. The analogy is like a bow and arrow. It's like if you lift it like an inch and then you fire it like over time that just gets like farther and farther and it puts you on like a different path. And your life really is just like a sum of all your choices. Yep.
00:32:55
Speaker
And that's why I was thinking about this yesterday. It's like, I don't like not feel bad for people. Like I, I do have empathy and I know like life is pretty hard for pretty much everyone, but at the same time, like you're saying, like it's your responsibility to like your life is a sum of your choices. And then you can only control what you react to or how you react to things. I mean, you can't control what happens to you. So like.
00:33:20
Speaker
When life's hard, guess what, brother? It is for everyone else. If you're thinking, damn, it's so hard for me. This only happens to me. Why me? Why me? Hey, dummy, there's so many people like you.
00:33:36
Speaker
go get a beer with someone or just go get an iced tea with someone and talk about what's going on. They've probably been through some mad similar. That's what I've learned. When I was going through what I was going through at 17, I was thinking, damn, I bet no one knows what this is like. And then when I got dumped out of nowhere, I'm thinking, damn, I'm the only man who's ever felt this way. And then you just live and you're like, well, we all got the same boy.
00:34:00
Speaker
somewhat you just have to and then like even like the greatest most successfulist people have probably most you know very tough stories like somewhere along the way I'm obviously some just got handed you know and as he said have fun little one but like most people who make it big had to go through it like no one everyone goes through it is my point and the people that make it big they just like share their stories inspiration because they're like I got through it and the people that are moping and pouting and taking
00:34:30
Speaker
never mind to like to like help with it like that's not like like that's why you're not like because you let it like overcome you I guess you know and that's a lot of things you said hit for me but it's like this every and we know I don't even we know someone that plays the victim mentality I already know yeah I won't say their name but
00:34:57
Speaker
It's when something bad happens to you, you have a choice and that choice is everything. It's, and it's like how you look at it. It's like, for me, or it's like, this is just going to make my comeback even greater. And it sounds like.
00:35:14
Speaker
I don't know if it sounds corny, maybe a little bit, but it sounds like, oh, that could be a useful mindset, but it's not like as valid, but it is 100% valid. Yeah, it's just seems less valid because anything like because a lot of people in the world think the same way and thinking a different way is what the only thing that makes it seem less valid, but it's.
00:35:38
Speaker
And that's the difference between everything like a hero and a victim have like the same backstory bad things happen to them and the heroes like I'm gonna take that and now watch this and I'm gonna make this like let me become And the victims like you see that point me whereas the other guys like you see that and I'll see this exactly
00:36:01
Speaker
And that's the difference between a hero and a victim is like, I don't know if there can be a greater difference. It's the difference between winning and losing. Yeah, that's how you react, literally. Like I said, like, everybody go through everything pretty much. Like, we've all been through similar. And if not, like, I met someone at work recently, but their life seems horrible. She's a very sweet girl, but I'm not horrible. Like, she seems unhappy. Just like, yeah.
00:36:28
Speaker
Dad died last year. Best friend died last year. I'm just listening to her talk about her life. I'm like, yo, very grim. That's something where I have not gone through. I have not lost my boyfriend. I have not lost my very best friend. She literally lost her very best friend, not a homie, her dog. So much of her cake chips and all that. And I think it was a clock last year. She was sad southern.
00:36:57
Speaker
Like that, okay, that's a different novel. But even still, she still goes to work every fucking day. She asked for a year. So like, yeah, then she took a couple of weeks when her dad died, but then she just went like, as sad as that is, and as like, oh, this is that bass sound, like that literally just is life. Like, you're gonna go through shit. And even her, who's gone through like more than me, I'd say, you know, somewhat I know, and like, whatever, she don't put on a powder, like,
00:37:24
Speaker
when me just does stuff and lives. You could easily let that happen to you and let it make you like, I can't do anything for a year. You know what I mean? And then you just wasted a whole year of your life. I've been through a lot, but like you said, I hear things other people have been through and I'm like, I wasn't gonna eat it. Yeah, swear man. Very tough stuff, dude.
00:37:51
Speaker
And people just beast through it sometimes. But I think it is like, you think you might not be able to do it, but when stuff happens to you, like you have no other option but to give up or fight back. And that's like the same thing with the things you have been through.
00:38:10
Speaker
and neither of us gave up. And it's easy to say, I've like, yeah, when I've met people where just they have an abundance of like bad things happening to them in like a couple of year period where it's like, they can't catch a break. But it's either like giving up, it's either give up or like keep it pushing. And giving up is just not even a viable option in my mind.
Resilience and Overcoming Life Challenges
00:38:36
Speaker
That really happened to me. Like I had like a two year run where
00:38:39
Speaker
boom, left from life, boom, right from life, boom, uppercut from life. And then I would just say, oh, we eat these, we eat these, we eat these. And then like, it kind of trickled because, you know, you know how it all went down, but like, all that goes down, that same location. And then like, I got to kind of restart it. That's a whole other like hardship, if you will, not like, not to play Victor, but it is like going to a first school as a junior, like, or I think I was a sophomore, honestly, because I was back a year, like,
00:39:10
Speaker
I was like, uh, hello, hello. I don't know. I wasn't like, like, that's why I don't want to go somewhere new to make friends because I got better friends already. Like I don't need a bunch of new ones, please. But, um, I figured I was going with that. I had something to say. We were kind of talking like when it rains, it pours.
00:39:31
Speaker
yeah and like oh yeah just like going from there to switching it up and still going out of it like even when like the things that were actually making it directly hard ended you know like other things trickled from like the change like you're going through some hard to get over it you probably got to like temporarily go through some harder just to get over it in the first place like say for example like
00:39:52
Speaker
you're addicted to drinking alcohol, and then you stop drinking alcohol. That first week, it's gonna be hell. But then after that, you might feel great. Whereas it's like the same thing with like, I had a bunch of shit going on, and then I switched locations, and then it's like, great, now I gotta like, re like, make a life over here. But then like, once I did that, like, okay, now I'm like a happier person. Now I'm like a freer person. Now I got like a new perspective on shit. Like now it kind of unravels. It's definitely not overnight or in a week or whatever, you know?
00:40:22
Speaker
When you were going through your breakup, I had a lot of respect on how well you weathered the storm. I think a lot of us weathered the storm, but me personally, I tend to second-guess myself, but you seemed solid. For the people listening who might not have all the information,
00:40:44
Speaker
Brad went through a breakup and he had to like, he was a camp, we were camp counselors and you had to be in front of kids like every day with a smile on your face. And you did it the whole summer. And that was, I had a lot of respect for you for that. Yeah. It was a good place to be. It was, it's like a mix. I think I've said this before, but like,
00:41:03
Speaker
It was good cause I didn't get to like sit and mope about it. I had to just wake up and go to work and it was a 24, six hour camp. So like you're there all week pretty much. And I got dumped on my one off day and like two a.m. So like coming into the next day hot. And then, but I came in the next day just like chilling. Like I really woke up and like it hadn't even dawned on me yet. I was like, Oh, whatever. Like gotta go work. Like, let me just meet all these new parents that are dropping off their kids and trusting their kids with me.
00:41:30
Speaker
be good real quick so that they trust their good hands which they are of course and then like
00:41:36
Speaker
And then get through the day and get through all that intro stuff. And then that night I was like, yo, boys, just so you know, like to the staff, I was like, just so you know, I just got dumped last night. So we seen me down, just pick me up, slap me or whatever. And everyone was like, oh, sheesh, I didn't even notice, whatever. But, and then so I never, like, all I was saying, like, I never really got to like sit and cry about it, which good or bad. I never cried about it like a couple of times, but
00:42:01
Speaker
I think I would have been more hurt by it in the moment if I didn't have camp to just go to work, give it a good morning, kids. I had to be this outgoing, and I was also leading the whole unit. I was in charge of a bunch of counselors and kids, so I had to be good, influence everybody, good role model, or whatever. Leader can't sell weakness type shit, so I was like, damn, let me lock in, but then night would come or
00:42:31
Speaker
the off day or whenever I would usually text her. The first night I'm being like, damn, this is when I text her by my day. I got no one to text her by my day. Damn, that hurts. But then I just never got to sit and ponder.
00:42:47
Speaker
why this, why that. I was just doing things for the most part, which I think is good, but I think I kind of overdid things and I didn't even have a choice because my boss probably wouldn't give me a week off. He did when I didn't want him, but he wouldn't give me a week off. For that, I don't think, I wouldn't think at least. I never asked, so I can't say, but I wouldn't have wanted anyway because you just come back and mope. But I think I didn't really
00:43:14
Speaker
Heal if you will during camp at all and I think I didn't really have time to like grieve the process it at all Yeah, like I had to do all that after kind of like a few months after life got even crazier so like and I got the thing like as I was like damn I feel this does others should happen. I was like, oh god I feel this way more now like goddamn I got to deal with this like so I was always I think like it I think it might have lasted longer because I never even like I
00:43:43
Speaker
dealt with it you know yeah but because i think the beauty of going through it at camp is like it's distraction is kind of what you need when you're going through it and you were distracted 24 sex exactly uh like i could only think about it like right before bed and i'd be like oh i forgot
00:43:59
Speaker
And at camp, you were like too tired to even like... I don't know, give that much of a... Like my head would hit the pillow and I was gone, no matter what, which is not the case in normal life. No, it isn't at all. I could do that any time of day there too. Like, it would be awesome. Did you, um... Do you think it was easier to grieve after because it wasn't so recent?
00:44:30
Speaker
I don't know, that's the only time I ever got hurt by a woman. Emotional. But I don't think... So I can't compare it to the other, you know? Yeah, I know. I think like... I think it was better for me though, personally, because I don't want to have... I think there's a nice saying on like, it's like, free time is the devil's playground or something like that, because...
00:44:59
Speaker
You got nothing going on. So you just kind of like do the wrong things kind of like, or react the wrong way. Like if I wasn't at camp when that happened, I might've like hopped in my car and well, I'm not, no, whatever. Like I could, I could have done, I could have like chosen other ways to cope, you know, but I might by force choice was to like, go be the best version of myself every day. Cause that's what the kids and my staff needs to see. So like, that's a good thing. I think.
00:45:29
Speaker
but it's also a hard thing to just do every day. But it wasn't like I felt, I wasn't faking it. I was truly being me. It was just like, I just somehow tuned out my sadness, I guess. And I really wasn't that sad in the moment. I guess I was just so distracted. But I think when I went back to school was when I was more sad because I was living in the same
00:45:51
Speaker
apartment that I lived in with her, but now by myself, from just seeing ghosts. I'm like, God damn, I used to be in love in this apartment. Now I'm just me. Yeah. So like that was tough, I'd say. But yeah, I remember you told me you were like, you're like, this is a really good sandwich. Normally I would have text her about it. And that is like, it's the small. It's the little things, man. I don't even remember that, but that's exactly right, dude. I got no one to text about this sandwich. What is this? It's probably something wide over half.
00:46:22
Speaker
and she was banging, I bet. Yeah, it was. It'd be those things, but it's like whatever that do. Because then you look back and you're like, okay. Like you said, I would never down talk her like afterwards because this is not pee, but like you look baggy, but okay. Like I was probably blind at times. I was probably like in love with like not like even knowing like what
00:46:46
Speaker
I think sometimes you just kind of oversee things because you're in love, obviously. So after I was single and I could look back at times and things, I could be like, I don't know. I would not like someone to tweet that situation like that today, or I would not want my girl to be like this to that today, or do this, or do that. I'm not going to say any specifics because I ain't Pete, but you know what I mean? That's just the general thing of it. And I heard, I remember,
00:47:16
Speaker
There was this dude, good dude in Tampa. He does like pop up shops at the school and we used to always go shop with him. And I went to him like shortly after we broke up and he was like, oh, I ran into blank. Like she said, told me you guys broke up, but I like nothing good things to say about you. I was like, Oh, good. Cause if she's over, you know, like at least I know it's like, there really ain't no bad, whatever it was and wasn't like, and like her mom called my mom to cry about like her breaking up with me because her mom doesn't understand it to me.
00:47:47
Speaker
win because it's like not a competition, but it's like, I don't feel like I am a detrimental fuck up and fumble at anything. I just feel like was my turn no longer my turn.
00:48:01
Speaker
I got to learn moving on. And it means something that she had that much respect for you. And I've like you were talking about like love can be blinding. I am not great at like boundaries in general and like setting them. And when I was in my first relationship, there was like none. Like I was just so happy that it was like she got to punch me in the face. I'd be like, I love you doing it. That's about funny.
00:48:31
Speaker
Yeah, that was probably me for like the first three months, dude. That's the honeymoon. No, that's classic. That's why I think it's so crucial to set boundaries there because you're going to need them later. Yeah. And no hitting. I don't like when you hit me. Some dudes like to like get hit during sex. I'm pretty sure I've heard like through the great line of women just like saying things they've experienced and like that should just show crazy to me. Like what?
00:48:59
Speaker
You said something, this is, I don't even know what this podcast is. I think if I had to slap a label, it would be somewhat mental health. And you said winners, or you said leaders can't show weakness. And a part of me is like, yeah. And a part of me is like, that's the problem.
Leadership, Vulnerability, and Personal Fulfillment
00:49:17
Speaker
I know, it really is. Because men in this world, my dad is impersonating a monkey outside the window.
00:49:27
Speaker
We watched Inside Out and the dad in the movie is like, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. So yeah, my dad is just monkeying around. What was I, what was I talking about?
00:49:37
Speaker
Like the leadership note not showing weakness I was the problem because then like the disciples don't see the human aspect of the man type dude I I don't know you said you listen to a little bit of the first episode I probably lost my train of thought 12 times and I just But I'm not losing it and I'm happy you're here to remind I always do that too, dude
00:49:59
Speaker
But men, it's like guys in this world, I don't want to say like men are the forced leaders, but like that's kind of the way. Yeah. It's like that, that is the social norm. And that's like no disc to women, bro. That's just historically. That's the way it was set up. Yeah, that's the way it was set up. And like, even the way things are today, like, like, at least my experience, I've worked at like
00:50:27
Speaker
four places, the biggest boss, five places, biggest boss was always a man. It's just my experience. I can only speak from my goddamn experience. But like, that's not great women that do bad ass shit and are in positions of power. Like, absolutely there are. But you're right. And it's also like, I think of it like, dude, like if there's a war, who's getting drafted? Us? So,
00:50:47
Speaker
Give us an extra 30 cents while we're here. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. A woman is ready to get paid 100%. I'm not here to get to make any money against that. But I think there is some truth to like the men are the fourth leader. There definitely is. And like, it's tough to like figure out because especially when like changing times where like it's okay for men to talk about their problems now, whereas it wasn't.
00:51:15
Speaker
And like being a strong leader, I think it doesn't mean showing no weakness. But I think it means like showing your people that like, you're not going to let like you can't you can't fuck up the business because of your emotions, I guess. And that's tough. But that really is life like that's not it's like a
00:51:33
Speaker
Oh, it's hard for men to balance that like it is but that is also just life like any successful business or I'm just talking business because like that's what I've worked in but I'm just like any like empire or company or you know mission like the goal has to be strong enough and like the work has to be good enough and like hard enough work. But like there was something crisp I have to say.
00:51:57
Speaker
We're talking about balancing, like showing weakness and actually like showing how you react to shit. So like if you're the leader and your whole team knows you're going through it, but you still show up and work hard. Like that is good standard for like the leader, I think, but at the same time, if after work.
00:52:19
Speaker
you like get a drink and like open up with your coworkers about your personal life and like what's going on like that's also good leadership because they're seeing like okay like he's still you're not then you don't look at him like a robot you look at him like oh okay this is exactly how I would like want to talk about it if I was going through it except
00:52:38
Speaker
Like, I didn't think he would ever get like this because when I see him at work, he's so sharp. But when I see him, you know, he actually, he's going through something and he does cope with it. He does have to deal with it. He does think about it. He just shoots and divvies up when he has to. And that unfortunately is just life. Like if you're running an important job and sometimes you're running a personal life, like you got to just push that down until the job's over.
00:53:02
Speaker
And I'm getting big on like, there's no one right way to do things. It's just doing something that you want to do, do something that works for you. And because I was thinking like, say something bad, like you're struggling with something like, like you said, you got to like take care of what needs to be like, you got to do what you got to do. But I think maybe you could like have other people in your life that you talk about it with or after the fact, you could be like,
00:53:30
Speaker
I know I seemed like all good during that, but like that shit wasn't easy. Yeah, that helps. The only thing I really believe is like talking about it because I think. You think no one understands, but when you hear someone else has gone through something similar and they got through it and it's like I don't think I need to explain like how relatability and how like other people going through the same thing like helps, but it's just it really does.
00:54:00
Speaker
And there's not like, yeah, there's not one, like you could talk about it with your coworkers or you could just talk about it with your family. And it's just the only thing I really am passionate about is talk about it. So when you keep it in, shit gets funky.
00:54:15
Speaker
Oh my god, it gets so funky on the inside, your stomach starts huddling. And we were talking about like the men or the force leaders of the world, and at least speaking for myself, like there's pros and cons, but I don't like love it either. Like I wish women were more, and I respect the women who are like going out and saying like, nah, I am a leader. Watch this. And they do it. There are lots of them. Oh yeah.
00:54:40
Speaker
But I do, I am being the force leader of the world like there's pros and there's some cons to it too. It's nice sometimes being in charge but sometimes you don't want to be in charge. I know but like someone's got to make this decision anyway the end of the day so like yeah whether you're in charge or not but yeah I agree it has its good and its bads.
00:55:04
Speaker
And if I'm, I'm a big balance. My mom always said when I was younger, the key to life is balance and it drove me nuts. It would make me irrationally angry, but now it's like my mantra. So I think.
00:55:21
Speaker
I think we ought to get some more balance, but pros and cons to everything. Oh no, Peter. My last job, the boss man, like the biggest boss man of the whole like area was at like a company monthly meeting thing was saying how I was talking about they want balance in life. Well, he like did the math. I don't know, just a week divided by three and hours. I don't know the number, but he's like, well, here's balance. That's much time towards work. This one's time towards
00:55:45
Speaker
personal and this much time towards rest. He's like, so this is balance. Balance means it's all equal. I'm not going to sit in there thinking like, boy, hell no. Because if you put like a thousand bricks and a thousand feathers and say it's a thousand of each, ain't the same balance. Like I shouldn't be saying he's a good guy. I do respect that guy. I know it's respect to that guy. But like, um,
00:56:09
Speaker
point being like if you're doing the same amount of work as you are like personal like brother that is not a good balance like you need more personal and you can go hard at work while you're at work like that's why I'm so like at first I like my job because I was thinking it kind of like caters to who I am as a person in my business but now I'm like and let me do something that
00:56:29
Speaker
I can just do it. I guess I'm good at it. I still have the attitude for it, but I don't want my life to also reflect my work, whether that was how my old job was. I like that I can just work and then life and exchange whenever I'd like and do both. And I can do more life if I do good work. You know what I mean? You don't need to do the same amount of work as life if
00:56:52
Speaker
if you're mad good at work or whatever. Like that's the end goal obviously. So I just, I was, I remember him saying that and being like, what are we just a bunch of sheep in this room? Just hearing that all numbers are equals, like three numbers are the same numbers. So that's a balance. Like, but if you get the same amount of sleep as you do work, that's probably not good either. Honestly, I don't know. And maybe it, I forgot to say, I just think it was like, cause the math,
00:57:18
Speaker
You know, you have 24 a day times seven divided by three. There's like 56 of each. So, 46 divided by five. That's like five 11 hour days work. Like, what are we talking about here? That is not balance. That is sadness. Like, that is just like... Math and math, Inca. Yeah, that's balance. Like, if you number it out, yes, that's balance. Like I said, a thousand books out of the feathers don't wear to someone, but how you doing?
00:57:45
Speaker
Question I had on my mind earlier was, and I don't know, it brought it up, but I want to talk about it. Do you believe life is a game? I mean, I don't think you're playing a win, but I do think it's a game. So then you kind of are playing to win. I mean, winning is obviously a perspective, but like,
00:58:08
Speaker
Yeah, I think the winning is different for everyone, but you are humans want the same like needs like my boss was saying like winning is somewhat like I'm pretty sure winning for 98% of the world would mean
00:58:21
Speaker
enough money to handle their needs. Like that's a part of winning is having some bread. And then like another part is, you know, another huge part is like having people that care for you in your life and whatever. And so that's 90% of people would say they want a family. And I, you know, I'm just like, and then it'd be these weird one, two percenters that don't all line up with everything because they're different and cool and edgy and losers. But like the, the general winning is like, you want enough money to handle your life and you want people to enjoy it. Like that's one, like,
00:58:50
Speaker
I don't care where you come from or what your goals are, how much money you want. If you can make enough where you can provide for your family and live like that, and you still get to enjoy yourself and do things you like to do like you've won. But, and I don't know about like, game though, because I don't think you're like, you're not versing anyone now. Like, that's the thing. Like, game yourself, I believe. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, exactly. It's only your issue, obviously. Because like, everybody got different paths and like different bubbles and
00:59:18
Speaker
That's some song I like, I don't know which one, but he said, I've seen like, oh no, I remember, I've seen Ball is Rise and Fall, that's why I'm ambitious to Herbo. But, meaning you've seen Ball is Rise and Fall. I've seen people when I was a kid that did show, I knew kids in high school that sold a lot of things and they made a lot of money and you'd think, damn, those kids are doing great, but they're just 16 years old, they're doing great for 16 years old. Fast forward, whatever, eight years or something,
00:59:46
Speaker
now some of those kids ain't doing shit and they don't make any money, they don't do anything, or they went to jail or whatever. And like, so like, you're not like, asking about his rather far like, and even like, like, like, Diddy, not a baller, but like, living when I was living like one minus the whatever example, but y'all get my point like, anyone who's done really well in life, a lot of those people have like crashed and crumbled. So just because it's like,
01:00:14
Speaker
Like you want to do rid of what we want, like sustain it. And you don't want to like mix it up in the bullshit and like lose yourself. Like that's another part of winning is like not losing yourself in the process. You can change for the better, but you can't like throw away like your day one values, I think it's bad looks.
01:00:32
Speaker
Another random question popped in my head and I was thinking, I was like, I don't know what, I was kind of thinking about like how I wanted to structure the
Rap Music's Influence and Wisdom
01:00:41
Speaker
podcast. And at one point I was like thinking of questions for you. And one that came up was what role does rap music play in your life? Man, I'm trying to remember feeling like that, but like,
01:00:53
Speaker
I mean, I wouldn't say, that's like a crazy question because people would take it as like, oh, I'm this white kid and rap music playing his life. Like he thinks he's fucking him. Like I do think I'm him actually. So yes, but like second off, but I'm humble with it, but second off, like, um, what a play. I mean, my parents put me on to like rock and roll when I was a kid and I would fuck with it, but I wasn't ever like attached to it.
01:01:19
Speaker
And then I literally heard Lil Wayne's voice on Down by J. Sean. Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down? He spat this. Down like he posted me zinging down. I said, oh my God. He was tweaking. I was like, yeah, this is amazing. And I remember like on my iPod touch at the time, like going on the Apple store and listening through the lyrics in my mind to Donald the song and make sure it was appropriate and all that stuff.
01:01:42
Speaker
And then I just slowly got into it, and I said what it means, and then I just got back into it over the years. But I wouldn't say I'm like, there's insufferable rap fans where you can't even, I'm not like that. I can talk music very knowledgeably, but I'm not gonna play a song and be like, dude, this boy right here, that shit is so annoying. The music, let people just enjoy it, whatever. But to me, it's just kinda like,
01:02:07
Speaker
What we were talking about earlier, I was telling my parents when I was a kid, because they were always like, why are you listening to this rah-rah? You don't do any of that. And I was like, yeah, but, but. I was like, these are people that I was talking about all the hell they went through and all the shit they went through. I loved 50 Cent as a kid. I loved Lil Wayne as a kid. I loved Eminem as a kid. That boy went through hell. I loved, like, mm-mm. I liked Drake and Liza. He didn't even go through hell, I don't think.
01:02:34
Speaker
I've gone two park more in middle school and he had a lot of struggle to talk about. So many rappers just talk about how hard their life kind of was and how they got to where they were at. And that's the message in rap to me is people are just talking about the shit they've been through and where they're at and how they deal with things now versus then. And so if I'm not going to work, I like to listen to
01:02:57
Speaker
a rapper's first mixtape. Or if I'm about to go do something important work-wise, I'm going to listen to The Come Up by J Cole. I'm going to listen to Good Kim as City of Section 80 by Kendrick. Or Get Richard, I Try Not To Fit. I want to hear their first shit where they were so hungry, because that's new currently. And then once I'm rich and lit, I'll go listen to them.
01:03:23
Speaker
Oh, 2014 for whatever. I'm not even on my phone call. But like, you know what I mean? I always know what I made in music. Like I'll put on that.
01:03:31
Speaker
I'll put on some glamorous future that makes me feel like I've made it. But even now, I'll still listen to grinding future, because that's just the grind. It's just the only music, I think, that I hear other songs I know talk about, like the struggles and things like that. But it's like, to me, I was always a kid looking at it. These are people that had it so much harder than me that made it so big, and I've done so well. You're building a pod, mom. I'm doing something.
01:04:02
Speaker
Mom, I'm literally, I can't do this right. And I think for me, it's kind of like how you used it. Like there's, I think the difference between rap and other genres is like, there's wisdom in it because like you said, it's like talking about not only the stuff they've gone through, which I think most music does, but rap specifically, it talks a lot about like how they got through it. And like, like you did, and it's kind of like what I do for like mantras and like sayings too, but like,
01:04:31
Speaker
I'll go through something and I'll like, a music lyric will like pop into my head that will give me like clarity on how to handle the situation. Yep. Same. And I think that's why I love it. And it is like, like you said, like white kid, like maybe rap wasn't designed for white kids or like, but I think. Designed. Everybody needs wisdom. Yeah. And I do like, it's good to hear. Like I always felt like, like I kind of,
01:05:00
Speaker
understood like the rest of the world a little better than like the kid in class next to me in third grade and hand over public schools because they didn't listen to get rich or die trying yet. They didn't know what the fuck goes on in New York. And that didn't make me like superior, but I did feel like life is not like this for everyone. I think a lot of kids thought like this is life for everyone for a long time.
01:05:28
Speaker
And a lot of kids I know now didn't start listening to rap until high school or something. A lot of kids didn't start until then. So their first impression is Lil Baby and Gunna and whatever. And fine guys love Gunna personally. And Gunna actually did a great job of expressing his own stuff now too after everything that happened to him.
01:05:49
Speaker
Before that, he was mostly just dripping and drowning and fucking and saucing and swerving and like just life, like life that I could never, that is not real to me at all right now. But then I listened to a gift and a curse album. I'm like, okay, I've been through this, I've been through that, I've been related to this. But I think a lot of those people don't listen to it.
01:06:08
Speaker
they listen to it more like, they're gonna have like a melody playlist where the purpose is not to feel, like I don't, every song I listen to isn't like, I wanna feel their pain. Like I have like a feel good playlist, you know what I mean? Like I got different reasons, but that's like my fundamental, like why I got into it was like, and like what I realized as I got into it, like, damn, like when you listen to these people, like they had crazy lives and like they've just made it and like done really well now. And like sure they made it like fucked up in the past and whatever, but like,
01:06:36
Speaker
now they're doing great. 50 Cent is literally one of my biggest inspirations in life because he's just a goat at everything and he grew up so unfortunate and is now just the man of one of the most, I think,
01:06:52
Speaker
boss people that ever like 100% in America, you know, like he's just a beast. And I read his book, dude, and it is. Yeah, dude, he's like that man is a machine. He operates his life like he is a machine. I know. And he's truly something unreal. And like, I admire it more, I think, because I listened to him when I was younger, too. So I'm like, I heard like his hunger and like I understood, like I didn't understand, but I like get like, you know,
01:07:21
Speaker
the then verse now at least for him and like that to me is dope and if you like listen like there's no like you can't like gather how they got there by just like reading about it like best way to like learn about like someone like that is like listen to what the fuck they wrote down and recorded idiot like yeah like
01:07:38
Speaker
telling you that. That's why I love Nipsey also too, because he was so give out game to his fans. He would rap about his own stuff, but he would also be giving advice out in his music all the time. And then people like Mack who were way different problems. I can't relate to those, neither really. I never was on drugs.
01:07:58
Speaker
Still I can relate to like the, you feeling alone and you feeling like you need some help. And it's like, you don't know what, like, there's this some message in all of it. And I'll grant it, not every rapper has a good message, but there's like not every like actor walking, you know, not any anyone does, but like, it gets so stigma and it gets so like, like my friends in law would like sit on me for some reason, they'd be like, well, how you listen to that? Like you don't have any, like you were not, they'd be like, you were not this or that. And I'd be like, oh, like,
01:08:27
Speaker
You're not a fucking rock star, pussy. You know, storm the guitar and sell out shows. So just because I don't kill people doesn't mean the song I'm listening to can't describe that or whatever. You know, just like random things like that. I think people are so like critical of like other. I remember the kid who said, I disagree with this so hard. He said that he was talking about like two siblings he knew and how like one is so much different than the other and like how like one acts like so like,
01:08:58
Speaker
basically acts more like me. Or it's like more like, I don't even know, this made it like whatever he said, two kids from the same house, one's like a straight edge and one's like a rebel. He's like, how, like the rebels just like doing it because I'm like, dude, that's so cap. Like me and my older brother are so different. We grew up the same house. But like, I got into like rapping second grade and I got in, I started hanging out with like, I made like my best friends and like,
01:09:25
Speaker
the beginning of middle school. I already knew those were my best friends still. So our experiences in life were different. I was running around with my best buddies doing stupid shit when I was 11. So obviously I wanted to have a different experience, a different outlook on what things are, what fun is, what's right, what's wrong, because I was out creating my own, not creating my own, but experiencing it and doing it and learning from it.
01:09:52
Speaker
he wasn't really doing that at the time or whatever. And we're just so different in general. Every, there's such a bullshit point. I was like, well, how can you say like, then like every fucking person in the world would just be like, have like, like be the same as everyone in their neighborhood. You know what I mean? Doesn't make any sense at all. Yeah, I, it's really interesting. And sort of similarities if you go up with someone, you know, but sort of think that like they can't be radically different and think that like that's,
01:10:22
Speaker
Normal like to think that's not possible is insane. But yeah, go ahead I Was like and what you think
01:10:33
Speaker
I'm just very in the process of thinking, but like, what is the difference then? Like what makes people different? Is it just like the things they stumble upon or is it like the things they're drawn to? Cause like I, I discovered like the gym in my life will never be the same, but I could like, what if that was running? Could that have been running? You know what I'm getting at? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:57
Speaker
And it's like, like people like what they like, but it like, I wonder like, say your brother discovered rap when he was younger, how different would it be? It's just interesting. Well, I don't think he would have, I don't think he liked it as much as the thing too. Like he knew about it cause I would be listening to it. So like I'd play it in the car.
01:11:16
Speaker
on the way to a game or whatever, like he still got to here and he, he like, he always like, he likes some of it. He likes Wayne. He likes kind of like, he likes some of the guys that I play that are just like good musicians, period. And like, you know, he'd like yay and all that, but he's not gonna like go out and look for it. So I think that's a good point you make. Cause I don't know, like,
01:11:35
Speaker
Cause like I, I got into it and like really liked it. And I met my friends and really liked them. He could have gotten, he could have heard the same song on the radio when it's been like, Oh, this versus all right. And then gone about his day. Or I could, or he could have met like the same kids I met and been like, Oh, I like this kid. And then never speak to him again. Like, whereas I was like, Oh, I like these guys. I'm going to like hit them up tomorrow. Oh, I'm going to like see him in school. I'm going to like ask to hang out after school or like,
01:12:02
Speaker
I'm gonna like, oh, like we're best by that. We should like plan like a sleepover this weekend and go ding dong ditch the neighborhood. Like, like random little things like that that I like, I think I just naturally, and even as like a kid, like I was always like, I liked doing bad things. So like, it's just not even bad, but it's like, you know, not the rule.
01:12:25
Speaker
Even when I was low kid, I would get in trouble for like breaking low rules even in like preschool.
Personality, Camp Experiences, and Podcasting Journey
01:12:29
Speaker
Like, so I don't know like where he started. Like I got in a fight in pre-k preschool, not even pre-k yet. And the kid got expelled. Yeah. He bit me in the arm and I punched him and he got kicked out and I didn't because he started it and my teachers were real. But, um, I don't know how that shit really go. Cause like part of it is you're not. You're what?
01:12:55
Speaker
Like, I think now you're wired. Yeah, exactly. Like, which, which not even come from, like, not to know that you can tell what the difference would have been, but like, you know, I think there's definitely some Nate nature there, but then nurture plays a role as well. And I think like, I think it's like a balance of those two.
01:13:17
Speaker
Yeah, it obviously is, but it is interesting. Because I think for my older brother and I, I think nature probably played a greater role, which is interesting because I've always been on the nurture side of things, but now I'm thinking about it. We grew up very similar. I just was a dickhead and he wasn't.
01:13:36
Speaker
And there was no like, this happened to me as a kid and not him. I mean, my dad like screamed at him when he was a kid one time, which did like traumatize him. Like he was horrified and my dad like yells loud. So maybe that made him a quieter kid fucked as that is. And I needed to just put the family business out there. But I mean, you know, we keep it in real, but like that is possible. I know it did like affect him somewhat for a while. Like he didn't love it, but I don't think
01:14:03
Speaker
And I never went through that, but I got yelled at too, and I just would not care as much. So there's definitely just like some weird, like, I was born raw, like, I don't know, like, I think we, I'm also like most like, like I'm nothing, I'm really nothing that similar to my mom or dad. I'm very similar to my grandfather on my mom's side. So I find that interesting too is like,
01:14:26
Speaker
He was the same way. He got in trouble as a kid. He would always be doing stuff, but he was always very entrepreneurial and always good with people and he owned his own business one day and did very well.
01:14:38
Speaker
He was a baller. I watched him throw hands with his best friend at his house party he would throw every year over the fire pit. They were like mid 70s, literally throwing hands over a fire pit. That's some shit I would do. The things like that, and he was still a great guy, but he did things like my dad and mom would never do.
01:15:02
Speaker
whatever. He had been arrested. He owned a business. He just got in a bunch of little trouble as a kid. He pulled over multiple times like the same cop and whatever. He just had a more eventful life, but that took my life. I just have more eventful
01:15:19
Speaker
things to like reflect on, but I'm still just like gonna try to be like a fan of man. It's like my mom, dad or anyone else's most of the time. But I'm, I think it's interesting because like, my nature is him, but I was nurtured by my parents, but I'm still most like him.
01:15:36
Speaker
Do you remember the exercise we did at camp? I think it was in staff training where it was like you were either like one of four types and I was a questioner and you were a rebel and I think that explains us pretty well. Like I couldn't be like... Yeah, that does explain us pretty well. It fits us so well.
01:16:00
Speaker
through life, I've come to understand that I'm just like, for whatever reason, like I'm always asking questions, I'm always analyzing. And maybe that's why I'm doing this. Because this way I can just like ask people questions, which I already naturally do analyze on the fly. And if people find it entertaining, then boom. And one more
01:16:20
Speaker
I think I'm just going to let, like originally I was like, I'm going to make force people to talk about the worst shit they've ever been through. But like that, that's why you got to make it natural. You want to let them like open up now. Like I wouldn't have you, if you asked them before the call, like, Hey, do you mind going into like your family problems? I probably would have been like, eh, I probably would have been like sure. Honestly, I told you like I'm down cause that's just me. But like I say that, but I could still like withhold things. Like once we start speaking, you know, but like I'm just like comfortable talking about it. Like, so.
01:16:50
Speaker
It's like the same thing will happen on like Jovog and like people will say things that they've never said before because like the conversation just gets them so comfortable that they're just like... And that's why another thing I'm big on is like force nothing and forcing you to be like talk about the first shit you've ever been through would be so wack. And that's just gonna like turn people off of actually doing it whereas like asking them about it and like what it made of them and how it whatever what they learned like that'll get them to like naturally open up more.
01:17:17
Speaker
And my brother, one thing he said, I think it's pretty like, huh? Let me tell you about my brother though. Let me tell you about my brother, man. He said something and it's so true. Like I, I don't, I'm still figuring out what this podcast is, but I mean, like, I think it's, I'm just going to let it be what it is. Like we just started yapping and I had a good time and I like one thing he said, which really excites me is like.
01:17:45
Speaker
When you do something, like the more you do something, the better you get at it. And this is like, I thought this went great. And this is like the first one with another guest. And if I only get better, man, I. You'll be gross. Curtains for y'all suckers. Yeah. Don't let the kid get momentum. That's right. Yeah, dude. And like, I think it's cool to like do some folks local because like people know you and know, I think it's just harder for some people to even like me, like just like.
01:18:15
Speaker
Even you being one of my best friends. When you post an episode, but it's just you for an hour and a half or two, I'm like fire. I bet he's talking heat. But it's just less like, people want to hear conversation. I agree. That's the best form of conversation. And when I was talking, when I was doing the solo episodes, I was taking upwards of five second pauses in between my thoughts.
01:18:37
Speaker
and i had people listening they're like that can't happen man like you can't be a podcaster that doesn't talk for like 10 seconds consistently yeah no people would just swipe out dude yeah the attention span is goldfish i know i know it really is it's nuts and that's no like fault on them that's just like the way we came up yeah that's the way it is right now yeah we grew up on the phone so this is how it goes
01:19:03
Speaker
Would you like to live in a world where there was, this'll be the last question. Would you like to live in a world where they're like pre-phoned?
Technology's Impact on Relationships and Society
01:19:13
Speaker
Yeah, I'd love to. But I think I like living in phone world for shit like this. Like, yeah, it's cool as hell. Yeah, it's pretty dope. But I would have enjoyed pre-phoned as to like, cause I think that was like peak human being. Pre-phoned? Yeah. I think humanity.
01:19:34
Speaker
And I don't know, this is off no basis or, or even research for that matter. But like, I think if we all did not grow up with instant, but absolutely. I firmly believe we'd all be better people if we didn't go up with phones in our pockets, because like the ability that we were talking about earlier with like cheating and like, you can just see a hot woman everywhere. You can just like, that you can get like jealous of what like other people are doing. Cause you would like check your phone and
01:20:02
Speaker
friends are hanging out, they invite you, now you feel a way, like, you would never even have freaking known they were together without the phone, you let all those pussy sad thoughts go. But like, having a phone, but it's the good things, like, I can keep in touch with a lot of, you know, people and whatnot. And that's obviously like, I think that's, that's awesome. And that also can make us better people in a sense, because like, we're, or in some way, because we're like, so able to, you know, keep relationships intact, that would have fallen out, that maybe keep us like, better people are good for us, you know. But like,
01:20:32
Speaker
So I would have liked to, but I think like I'm, I like living in this era, but I, but it's sort of to say, cause like back then dude, I went home and I live in local area. Like back then you just lived local. Like you knew the man who ran the coffee shop, you knew the mailman, you knew the fricking like.
01:20:51
Speaker
the bagel guy, the pizza guy, you knew like Jeff up the road, you know, Tom from down the street, you know, Clarice and her four boys, like, you just knew everyone. I feel like, I guess my grandma would say at least a shoe on the pod and like, get her on and you don't want that. No, I would be honestly good generational episode, but
01:21:13
Speaker
She can talk for days, but like... And I do fantasize about how like familiar they were with each other. And I think... Yeah, dude, exactly, bro. And I was saying about like love earlier, like there's a pure love, I think, when you're kind of just with the people, you're with the people, not like looking and searching and what's out there that you don't have, because then it makes you like constantly unfulfilled. And I think, dude, I had a lot to say about this, but like,
01:21:45
Speaker
I think there's a learning curve with all this technology that was like drug, cause same thing that's happening with AI right now. I don't want to get an AI, but like we were flooded with technology and like, like you were saying, we just grew up with it and there is like a learned curve, but I do have faith that hopefully we'll figure it out. No, me too. I just do think that I think what I think would be dope doing and like what I hope is like, all right.
01:22:10
Speaker
age, people, our generation. I actually don't even know what generation you want. I don't care. Are we Z? I think so. I like Z, so I say Z. Z stuff. I'll take Z. But like, we're in this whatever age group for me and whatever the hell like our generation.
01:22:29
Speaker
We grew up so in the technology because it was coming out as we were growing up. So like, there was no dodging it, like new birthday, new technology every time. Like when were adults and raising kids? Now, like you said,
01:22:44
Speaker
you know, AIS side because that's a whole another worm can but like you like we I'm hoping I would love if we can fucking realize that maybe we shouldn't give like sixth graders like full access to the world in their pocket like maybe like maybe like maybe get them a phone to like
01:23:03
Speaker
make plans with their friends and call me a fisherman. Like I had a slide phone until eighth grade, which in my town was like living in the sewer. Like, which is insane. I remember, I remember I was getting this girl's number, but I'll never forget scarred me at a football game. And I pulled on my phone and I had a little piece of masking tape on the phone too, cause like the, the keyboard was coming off and it was signing phone. And all her friends were like, no way, that's your phone, oh my God. Like, come on in my shit. In front of everybody, I was like,
01:23:32
Speaker
still got the number, but I was just sick because I just remember being like, wow. That's what I mean when I said listening to rap as a kid might have given me better insight. Because to me, I didn't give a shit about no phone, but to them, that's a laughable offense.
01:23:48
Speaker
new fucking scumbags. You guys are so rich and spoiled and out of touch. That's insane. Nowhere else in the world besides Andover, it was actually Andover, so fuck them too. But regardless,
01:24:03
Speaker
you're not going to clown someone, but having a phone. So I would love, and so I lose, I don't think we'll actually be able to pull it off because of the people like that, that group of girls there. Unless they all meet. They'll die off though. Yeah, they'll die off hopefully. But I mean, like what I want is like, when we have kids do it, like understanding the balance of it and like giving the right amount because we all got over flooded and there was no way for our parents to know how
01:24:29
Speaker
crazy it was going to become. But like, we know, we all fucking know. So like, do you want your kid to grow up with the attention pan of a squirrel? No, then don't fucking get them. Then like, don't let them download TikTok or Instagram for it until eighth grade. He'll be like me, he'll be just fine. But like, I just think, and I don't think it's like the worst thing in the world I had as a kid, because the other thing is you don't want to have your kid like, or as a kid, you just don't want to be like missing out. Like, I remember I got Instagram,
01:24:56
Speaker
I had like an iPod and a sliding phone. I would use the iPod for my social media and whatever and text on the slide. And like, I only, I remember like getting Instagram in elementary school because like go at a question on my class hat. It's always like, boom, get an Instagram today. It's probably same reason I got, probably same reason I got Snapchat, like back in the day, like the artist got it because like other people were doing it and you want, I wanted to be like,
01:25:21
Speaker
with my friend, I want to miss out on what was, you know, I was just a kid trying to stay in touch with the people and what was going on. I also was new to my town at the time. Like I moved when I was eight. So I was like, Oh, this how like we, this how like people keep in touch. I didn't know about any of that stuff in law. I knew about it all in Annabelle, like first year. I don't know if that's because that's when it dropped, but it's because Annabelle was that much wealthier. Probably both. But like,
01:25:43
Speaker
Her figuring a lot of shit out right now. I loved my slide phone so much. I still remember, I had this blue case. I still remember the girl. Dude, I was in love with her. I don't care what you tell me. I didn't even know her that well, but I was in love with her and my phone would vibrate and it would be like the best feeling in the world. And also my slide phone, like it was indestructible. I used to like, end it to my friends.
01:26:09
Speaker
Throw my phone at that wall, and they would, and it wouldn't break. That's why I had masking tape on my phone, because I dropped it a million times in the case, like, the numbers that were tapped, like, just started peeling off. Just put some tape over the two. And, dude, that amount of, like, phone and that amount of technology, that was it. Phones are good for, like, texting other people. That's the beauty of it. And I guess, like, phone call and FaceTime is good. Shit was pretty good when it was just slide phone.
01:26:39
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Oh, God, it was. These people grew up too fast, clowning on the slide phone. I never even got to have one. Their first phone was an iPhone. Like, that's crazy. Your first phone was an iPhone. Like, if anyone listening to that's you, I know you're, like, 20 years old because...
01:26:54
Speaker
that's your generation right there you guys wouldn't even get slide phones you just got iphones because y'all missed out if you're listening you didn't have a slide phone you missed out you might be one of those girls that are laughing at slide phones but i hope you know i'm laughing at you because you don't know what it's like to have a slide phone it was amazing you really don't you really have no clue you think you're all cool with your instagram and your snapchat but all those things
01:27:19
Speaker
ruining you. Ruining you.
01:27:41
Speaker
We play sports sometimes, we'd like hang out like downtown spots. Like so much of the time was us just walking around with no purpose. And like so much fun came from that. Like that is like childhood for me. It was like those years. And if, and we still had phones, but like it's probably, it's so different though. Cause we had phones where we were still kids. Like now that's not even how it goes. Like you don't, kids don't do that. Kids still somewhat do that, but
01:28:08
Speaker
not nearly as much or to the level at least I can just speak for like my own little brothers like they don't they're not nearly as like outside as I was as a kid I know they I don't even think kids go like downtown anymore when I was in it was also like the slide phone era where it was like going downtown like that's what you did and that was shit it was like awesome it was like everyone's just mobbing downtown and we're gonna we're gonna someone might fight someone might like you don't know but if someone might get their first kiss someone might it's gonna happen
01:28:37
Speaker
Y'all might get invited to the hangout after. One of the boys might be able to have people over. You want to be there if you can. It was a game every Friday, dude.
Social Behavior, Anonymity, and Authenticity
01:28:49
Speaker
Truly boy and dude I I also fan it like used to like just hang out with your neighbors And now it's like people don't even know their neighbors. I know I love all my neighbors. We grew up my clothes and sometimes dude I like I'll be on a bus or I'll be like in the living room with my family and anytime anyone's just like everyone's on their phone It's like if we didn't have these we'd probably be like talking right now. Yeah, I know dude I
01:29:15
Speaker
I always said it all the time, like my old woman, it should be like four of us in the living room on our couch, on our phones. And I'd be like, it's so good bonding with you fucking guys. Like, cause like, you're all just sitting there. Like you said, like, bro, like we'd be like talking about something like, not to say you might not be talking about something I'm pointing on the phone either, but like you're probably not. I see your thumb going up and down. You're just scrolling buddy. And it's like in, in one, it's not in one ear. It's kind of is it's in one ear out the other. Like you're not even like,
01:29:44
Speaker
Oh yeah. Dude, I like like 20 Twitter posts a day. I couldn't remember anything I liked yesterday. Cause I see some great stuff and some of it I'm like, wow, that's really insightful. Like, forget it. Like, yeah. Instantly or whatever it may be. Like, even like a video, I'll watch it, but it's a great message. And like people are, phones make it impossible to be bored if you don't want to be. And it's like that is, boredom has a purpose. It's good. Yeah. Boredom makes it do stuff. I,
01:30:14
Speaker
I'm kind of I like I'm a weird guy I experienced like I noticed this and I experimented with it I was going to the airport recently like two weeks ago I'm going to the airport and normally I'd like I was on a train and normally like I'd just be on my phone but I put my phone in my backpack I zipped it I was just like
01:30:32
Speaker
VODOG the train and for like a minute or two I was bored and then I just like I was happy I just felt more joy and like I was like there's a guy next to me I was like stop man he's like stop I'm like I never would have done that if I was on my phone and then
01:30:50
Speaker
I don't know if it's just the phone or like but like phones like create fear like normally I'd be like I don't know if that guy wants to talk to me so maybe I won't say what's up but I was like I don't care anymore like what's up dude I would bark at you if I wanted to I don't care yeah and then like if you don't like me like I don't care either because what are you gonna do like record me on your like no phones here buddy like we don't play that shit and I
01:31:20
Speaker
No one does that anymore. It makes it feel like what other people think of you matter so much more. Especially when it's like a stranger on a bus. I'm never going to see that guy again. I can bark at him and it will not matter. I know. It could literally hit at him.
01:31:44
Speaker
Pretend to be a snake. And it would be like the weirdest thing he ever saw. You might not even think about it again because you knew you were just faking it. I know, literally, dude. I remember when I went to my main house one time, you've been there and I bought some of my buddies up and there was some island party by coincidence that day. We were just driving around at night to see the island and they hadn't all seen it before. We were driving around.
01:32:08
Speaker
And we see this bar just jumping and they were like, Oh my God, this is awesome. Cause like, none of these people are real. Like we can be whoever we want tonight. Cause we're on an island in the bum fuck. And like, once we're gone, we're gone. No one will see us and we'll probably never be back. And I was like, that is true for y'all. Unfortunately, I'm about to run into my fucking.
01:32:32
Speaker
And then they do some crazy shit and you have to deal with them. They almost started the fight. They haven't been up since. They probably never will be again because I don't bring up misbehaviors to the sacred land.
01:32:47
Speaker
It's like visiting your buddy. Like when I come to visit you in Denver, like that's going to be me. Like this might trickle down to West one day, but it won't get back to me. But even like, that's also the beauty of living in a city. Like if you left in New York, every person that walked by, you could buy a room. Yeah, I know. Literally, dude.
01:33:11
Speaker
You could constantly reinvent yourself and just be whoever you want to be. And people would just buy what you are when they meet you.
01:33:18
Speaker
And the truth is you can always do that. It's just, you think you can't. It's a little different when you're in high school and you gotta see the same people every day, but once you have a job, it's like you choose for the most part, besides who you see at work, but those are coworkers. There's so many other arenas in life where you can just be whoever you want and it doesn't matter what other people think of you. I probably never would have started this podcast in high school. I was terrified of what other people thought of me in high school, but I'm like,
01:33:47
Speaker
I don't, like, I don't, if I never wanted to see them again, I never have to. Yeah, that's the way. Like, I just went to a bar the night before Thanksgiving to celebrate. Yeah, me too. I saw some kids from high school and it was, like, great. But I used to, like, hate seeing people from high school because it's just, like... Yeah. You were, it's, I hate being in that, like, bubble where it's, like... Like, things back, like, when you were in the bubble, exactly. Yeah. Like, people say that, like, I saw some funny stuff. It was, like,
01:34:17
Speaker
Oh, are you not going out on like the night before Thanksgiving in your town? Like, oh, what do you just have? Like so many enemies, bro. Like no one fucking cares about you, bro. Like you're not important, bro. Like no one remembers you, bro. And I'm like, that has to like, would you not have friends? It's ironic. And my high school reunion was last night and I didn't go, but I was just, I was just tired, bro. And like, I already went out like the night before Thanksgiving, which was basically a high school reunion itself. Yeah. And like,
01:34:44
Speaker
I'm not against seeing everyone, like other people too, but I wasn't gonna like, I was really tired and I wasn't gonna like, God, I gotta go. I did not have to go. I can still see. It was only the five year. No one's shit yet, really, anyway. Kids from the time they were pulling up in a fucking Bentley with my local shopping piece on my side. Then I'll be you with you all. Regardless, I'm just not, I was saying,
01:35:11
Speaker
But no one cares who you were, what you were. Truly, no one gives a shit. And the night before, I think it's getting around to so many kids. I say kids like I'm Dana White, bro. They're all the same age as me. But like I said, I'm a kid earlier, so spare. But it's around to so many people. And they're all... People that I hardly spoke to or that I spoke a lot to, all the same. Like, yo, what's up? And that whole, like, yo, hey, how are you, bullshit? It's timing, sorry.
01:35:40
Speaker
It's not even like that with everyone. Some people were just like, hey, yo, good to see you. And then that was all we said. But I appreciate it. The guy was like, oh. Yeah. Dude, I did the same exact thing. I dapped up a kid and just kept walking. It was like, it's good to see him. Yeah, same, dude. Same. Some kid I saw, we never spoke in high school. We had one class together, but we were just civil. But we never said a word, I don't think. But besides me, you got the homework. Something like that, potentially. But nothing special.
01:36:08
Speaker
And I was like, yo, what's up, man? How you been? Good, good. You? Yeah, well, I'll be easy. Happy Thanksgiving. I'll see you later. Boom. And that was it. But I was like, fire. Like, good kid. Glad he's well. Like, that doesn't mean the world to me. I didn't need to see him. My life wouldn't have changed, but it's like, just nice to fucking see folks and like those high school people. Like you said, like there are different people now too. Like if I met someone from high school and they brought up like someone from high school and like bad taste, I would just look at them like,
01:36:37
Speaker
like crazy. Can I just be like, you're reading a shit on stuff that happened that long ago. Same way if someone's going around like glowing what they did in high school, it's like, what are you fucking like? Have you been in AA sense? Like you have accomplished nothing since like that's, you're still living off that one. Golly, like,
01:36:56
Speaker
I know and caring about if anyone's listening that's in high school, I prompt like gliding like caring about what other people think and especially caring about popularity and like trying to be cool is like the worst thing I ever did. It's like it matters 0% and I promise like once you start like just being yourself and I know that sounds corny, but I mean like not being afraid to like share the things you like or talk about how you truly feel and that sounds
01:37:27
Speaker
I don't know. You know how it sounds. You're listening, but like you are so much happier. You're exponentially happier. It's like, it's everything. And like the people you think that are like close in high school that are cool. Like I swear to God, like 50% of them won't be friends in four years. And you think like some people are like a group of girls that you're trying to impress or a group of guys, whoever you are, like,
01:37:53
Speaker
Half of them are going to fall out. I swear to you. They are not going to be best friends forever and their opinions will not always match or be the same. Right now, people just pick up and think the same way because they feel at home by doing that. But you got to go after what you genuinely want. If there's a shorty that's not in your circle,
01:38:12
Speaker
and you don't think your friends or her or your girlfriends would like it, like just go, fuck it. They don't matter. They genuinely, most of them do not matter and most of them you really won't see again after. And like, if they have anything to say about you, they're gonna respect more like you went and tried shit than like you were always timid and never did shit.
01:38:31
Speaker
And there's, oh, I think in every high school, maybe not like the massive ones, but there's like one cool or multiple cool like circles, but it's like, I promise you the only like, and like you idolize these people. It's like, they are no different than you. And the only thing that's different is that they are like just being themselves and you're trying to be like them. Yeah, swear.
01:38:56
Speaker
And as soon as you start just being yourself, like that's what is actually, I don't know if it's actually cool, but that's what actually matters. I can add this so fast because I was like, like in high school, I wasn't, I was never like the man, but I was always like, like I was cool pretty much damn near it. Like if you had a point on me, it had to be on you, had to be, but no, I'm kidding. Like I said, I was somewhat of a dickhead at times, but like,
01:39:21
Speaker
Oh, no, I was pretty good with almost everyone. And I was always like me with everyone, too. Like it wasn't like you like I think I was blessed to be like. I'm like to my heart, but I was like naturally cool. I was just like me and not made like that made people fuck with me. But I wasn't like. And I agree. And I think the coolness is literally just you weren't trying to be someone else. Like that's one of the things when your gifts, I think, is like you just don't give a shit. You're just yourself. And that is what is cool.
01:39:51
Speaker
It's like confidence. Yeah. No, that is like the coolest thing. It's not like being like me is cool. Like being yourself is cool. And I was cool because I was me, but that's because I am me. Like you cannot try and copy how I do it. That's going to be devastating. Dummy. Bradley Drake, Kesla. But I, dude, I and I, when I did care a lot about what people thought, it's because I wanted like everyone to like me. And here's the thing.
01:40:20
Speaker
You, no matter what you do, some people won't like you. So there is zero point in trying and you will be millions, a million times happier if you're just yourself. And I'd rather at this point in my life, I've added people respect me and like me. I'm gone. You ain't got to like me, but you must see that I'm grinding and I'm putting it away again. That's a good man. Like you like, but because people can like you, well,
01:40:50
Speaker
What am I about to say? I'm about to be expecting like meaning- When I hop in, I think I know what you're getting at. Yeah, yeah I go. There's a chance the rapper bar, it's like, I'm not no nice guy, I'm just a good guy. Type shit.
01:41:01
Speaker
And that's like, I think you're, I don't think you'll be offended by this. You're not the nicest guy, but you're a hell of a, like you're a good guy. That's a good way to put it in a lot. And I think the only reason people aren't like nice, it's like, cause you're, you're faking it. Like, I guess some people are like nice, but it's like being afraid to hurt other people's feelings is no way to live is what I'm trying to say essentially. Like I'll ruin somebody's day.
01:41:30
Speaker
and because I'm under the belief that like if what I say ruins your day like I'm helping you like truly I'm building your character you needed to hear this if it really ruined your day you're a saint man if little old me can like ruin your day with some words bro like goddamn grow up because you know like I don't know unless I mean a lot to you and I let you down and that's a whole different thing
01:41:56
Speaker
You don't fucking know me. So people listen to some of them probably know me, but that's if I hope we get like some text of like, yo, it isn't the U.S. That shit was fired. That would make me happy. Did I think some kids at camp would like geek over this? It's like, I agree. This would be like this is like to them like.
01:42:18
Speaker
Like Thug and Future album type thing for me. Like, exactly. Yeah, exactly. If they made music. Yeah. If they never broke up, they won't anymore. I know there's going to be some kids where it's like a real conversation between Brad and Wes and we can listen in. It's like, we're not cooler than you at all. I promise you.
01:42:37
Speaker
Yeah, no, neither of us. Although we are both pretty nice and I'm told. But like, the reason Wes and I are like, like, cool on our own skin is like you said, like, we're just both us and we've accepted like, how we move and how we are. And like, Wes is the same way. Like, good guy, not a nice guy. I've seen him say some very hurtful things. I might have seen him make people cry. But like,
01:42:58
Speaker
But he's a good guy though. I've truly seen Wes piss off an entire house of people I was in and it was just because he was just giving shit back that he was getting and people got upset. A nice guy would have been super polite. I'm a guest. Oh, you can bitch at me all you want and I will just suck your dick after because I am a guest. But a good guy,
01:43:23
Speaker
They're not thinking like that. They're thinking like, it's not good or bad. If I give them shit back, it's fair. So here you go. You know, like, I think, I think I've always been a good guy, but I've gotten caught up being trying to be a nice guy and I'm done. I'm getting better. Just never like not giving a shit because it's like last name. My friend's out of friends giving total. No, I ain't going because I wasn't feeling like going and like some of them, I feel like we're not even that close right now. So I'm just not like,
01:43:54
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to just be a nice guy and fucking go to show love when I want to be there. What's good is doing like what you believe in it. That's what's good. And if you did go like for them, you wouldn't have been like when I do things for other people, I'm not in like a good mood and I'm not like I'm not a benefit. I don't want to go if I didn't want to go because then I know I'm showing up as like a lazier, less like excited to be there me. But I do. I've heard just saying I don't know where it's from or what it
01:44:23
Speaker
what it exactly goes like, but it's like, if you ever like really feel like doing something and then like the time comes to do it and you all of a sudden don't want to do it, like you got to go do it because like you really did want to
Fear, Gratitude, and Meaningful Conversations
01:44:35
Speaker
do it. Like Sammy and you said like tomorrow we're going out to Boston and like we were hyped to do it. We haven't been together in a minute. We got like whatever, everything lined up to a T and then the day comes and I'm just like, oh, it's not really feeling anymore. Like that's like,
01:44:52
Speaker
might be extreme, but that's like the devil. Like you wanted to go. Yeah. And it might be, it's probably oftentimes like fear or something. Yeah, exactly. One of my favorite quotes of my old boss was like, fear is the most selfish emotion because
01:45:08
Speaker
It really is. Like, if you're scared to do it, you're scared to do it because of how it's going to affect you or how, like, you'll feel after. He never heard that. Yeah, it's a bar. He would put on a conic of, like, work, so he would say, like, well, you don't want to, like, reach out to that person because you're scared that, like, they'll say no. When you're scared that you'll be hurt by them saying no, you're not scared that they'll say no for them. But if you don't call them,
01:45:33
Speaker
or whatever and they like need what we do and you never reached out and then two months go by and they need it and you were never reached out because you were scared like you you screwed them over because you were scared like fear being selfish and i was right it's a good point
01:45:48
Speaker
There's also probably people who are like, oh, Brad and West did a podcast. Like, what do they think they have interesting to talk about? And fuck them. Like, it does. It doesn't matter. Like, I won't ever see those people. I won't. Like, I don't have to talk to them. I don't have to see them ever. And it's like me and Brad know we can have a good convo. So we're going to have a good convo. And look what we did. We had a good convo. Oh, my God. We're coming up on like two hours. I didn't even notice. Is that really been that long? Damn near. Yeah.
01:46:17
Speaker
I know, we definitely, we caught a groove and we just, some happens. We've rolled, yeah. No line. It's probably good to keep it under though, because attention span, you know. Yeah.
01:46:28
Speaker
The kids will see the time and be like, three and a half hours. I'm not watching the Godfather. And yeah, I'm down. We should stay on and talk about tonight for two seconds, but thank you for coming on, Brad. Hell of a first guess. We caught a groove and we never looked back. And if you're listening on Spotify, um, follow, give it five stars.
01:46:56
Speaker
I love doing this and I'd like to keep going. And if you listen, yeah, that's what I want to say more than anything. If you have listened to this whole thing, I thank you and I love you because you're allowing me to do something where it's like, I love doing this. I love talking to Brad Kessler and I appreciate you, Brad. I appreciate everyone listening. Peace. Ditto. You don't want to talk about tonight though? No, I'm just going to stop recording. Oh, type type.