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00:00:01
Does trying to fit in make you happy?
29 Plays8 months ago
No. Fitting in doesn't make you cool, it makes you invisible.
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Transcript
Introduction and Philosophical Question
00:00:01
Speaker
what's going on, everybody? And welcome back to Philosophony, the show with hot questions and an even hotter host. And the
00:00:13
Speaker
a ah thought we're starting with today is, do you want to fit in ah do you want to stand out?
00:00:22
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Slash, do you want to fit in ah do you want to be outstanding?
00:00:29
Speaker
And we've...
Importance of Being Oneself
00:00:31
Speaker
The very first guest I had on this podcast was Brad Kessler. And we talked about the coolest thing you can do is to be yourself. So that's number one.
00:00:42
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And that kind of translates to like, so pretty, I assume that almost everyone in some sense is trying to fit in, including me. I like, i want to fit in so bad, but like,
00:00:58
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what do you get out of it? Because people think like fitting in is going to make you cool, but fitting makes you invisible.
00:01:12
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And I think one of the hardest things you can do in this life is to have the courage to stand out. Have the courage to share your light with the world. Be the unique little snowflake that you really are.
00:01:26
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And all this shit sounds so dumb, but like it's true.
Critique of the American Dream
00:01:31
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as i And then I look at like most people, like the the American dream that everyone's chasing, which in reality these days is like you're divorced from your wife, you have a job you hate, and fuck that.
00:01:47
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but i and i I'm going to keep it a buck. I think...
00:01:56
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Like, that dream was a bit of an in and inception. Like, that dream was placed in your head because they want, like, the people at the top want you to just want the average life.
00:02:08
Speaker
Like, if you ask most people today, it's like, oh, I just want a job that pays money so I can have a family. Like, and maybe that's good for you, but, like...
00:02:21
Speaker
I don't know, man. Like, why not shoot for the fucking stars?
Pursuing Dreams vs. Mediocrity
00:02:25
Speaker
Like, you want to be a family man or do you want to be like fucking Elon Musk? Do you want to be like Neil Armstrong, LeBron James?
00:02:35
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Like, how how did they convince us to shoot for like the fucking, the like, that should not like, you know what I mean? what I mean? Yeah.
00:02:49
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Like, I... and There's no problem with, like, having job. Maybe there is. to be honest, like...
00:03:00
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Like, why not shoot for the stars? If you don't make it, fine. But at least you fucking, like, tried. Like, I... Like, when you were a little kid, did you imagine yourself, like, working and finance?
00:03:17
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And these days, people tell you, like, grow up.
00:03:21
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which is basically telling you like you're not capable of achieving your dream.
00:03:29
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And I'm not saying you have to like, like try to be in the NBA or try to be like famous, but I think you should at least to try to do something you love.
00:03:45
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And there are some people that love like,
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computer science or like if you love business that much, then why why don't you try to be like fucking Elon Musk, not fucking Joe Schmo, who's up for a promotion in six years.
00:04:08
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Because I think a lot and that's like fitting into like the nice family man with the job that pays the bills. Like that's fitting in. That's why I'm talking about all this stuff.
Jim Carrey's Father's Story
00:04:20
Speaker
And Jim Carrey told a story that his dad probably could have been a comedian, but he wanted to play it safe and be like an accountant so he could pay the bills and have a nice family.
00:04:32
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And then when Jim was a kid, his dad got fired and the whole family was homeless. And the message of that story is like, you can fail and what you don't want to do.
00:04:44
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So you might as well take a shot at what you do want to do. And another thing is like the man doing something you love, you're so much more likely to become successful because it's like the man who likes to walk will walk farther than the man who was walking somewhere.
00:05:02
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And I've said pretty much all, probably all of this on previous episodes, but maybe it's not that complicated. Maybe it's just scary.
00:05:19
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And it is. It's terrifying.
Personal Motivation and Dream Pursuit
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And maybe it's hard.
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And this podcast is kind of me like going for it. You know what mean? This is like kind of my dream.
00:05:49
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And like, even if this never blows up, like at least I fucking took a shot, in know what I mean?
00:05:58
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And the re, I don't know if it's the reason I wanted to do this, but one of the reasons is because today I just, I just went for a run.
Consistency and Fear of Standing Out
00:06:09
Speaker
And when I'm running, I i put in like these motivation core videos on YouTube and all of them are saying the same exact thing.
00:06:19
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And I've listened to probably, oh man,
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maybe let's call it like a probably over a hundred hours of these like motivation core of like Jordan Peterson, Theo Vaughn, Chris Williamson, Alex, I don't know his name, builder, bodybuilder guy.
00:06:41
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And like Joe Rogan, David Goggins. And they're all saying the same exact thing. It's like,
00:06:51
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It's not that complicated. It's pretty simple. You just got to like fucking go for it and be consistent for like five, ten years.
00:07:04
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And you got to like give it your all. And most people are just too scared to do that.
00:07:14
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And it's terrifying, especially in a world where everyone wants to fit in. You're going to fucking stand out if you try something.
00:07:26
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If you give it a shot.
00:07:33
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If you take the risk of like sharing your gift with the world. And I think everybody has a gift. but a
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but not a lot of sharing going on.
00:07:48
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And I think this is my gift. I don't know, but I like doing it. And I just got to the point where I was like, fuck it. You know what i mean?
00:07:58
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And my, my bucket bar is pretty low compared to most people's for some reason,
00:08:06
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but I'm just looking around and I'm like,
00:08:12
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It takes so much work to like live life and to do something that you're not passionate about. It's just pretty unfathomable for me. I know some people have like things on the side and that's great.
Creating Content for Self vs. Others
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I don't know.
00:08:36
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I have good friends. I have a lot of good friends.
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I have a good family. Supportive family.
00:08:45
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But...
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was another thing I wanted to talk about.
00:08:53
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I've been lying.
00:08:58
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I've been lying. I tell this, I tell you guys that like I do this for you guys. I don't.
00:09:07
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I truly don't. I do it for me.
00:09:14
Speaker
And every title of these videos
00:09:19
Speaker
and everything I say in these videos, it's something I need to hear. Because it's easier said than done. Like, probably a month or two ago, I made a video. It's like, you work too damn hard to watch the same show over and over again.
00:09:36
Speaker
Guess what I'm doing on the phone? Like, I've been watching, I'm watching How I Met Your Mother for like the what, eighth time?
00:09:48
Speaker
It's a great show, but like,
00:09:54
Speaker
you've seen it seven times, my my boy. And it's a comfort show for me. But like,
00:10:06
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Come on, man. Like, I um make these videos because I need to hear this stuff.
Refocusing Personal Goals
00:10:12
Speaker
And I think there's other people saying it, but, like, i don't know. I like doing it.
00:10:17
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And think more people need to say it because people aren't listening. At least a lot of people aren't.
00:10:29
Speaker
And another thing is I – it's time to lock in again.
00:10:35
Speaker
I haven't, I keep saying it's like I haven't exercised in a month, but that month was December and now it's fucking March 20. Oh my God. It is March 25th. So more accurately, I've barely exercised for the past four months.
00:10:58
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And my mental is a little shaky right now. There might be a correlation.
00:11:11
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And another thing when I'm going on a run, that thing in my ears all the time, it's like maybe you're supposed to be sad and depressed and anxious because you're living so far below your potential.
00:11:22
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And I am. For the last four months, I mean, it's been ah weird time in the world, but like been a bump.
00:11:33
Speaker
And there was there was a two-year period where I didn't miss a day in the gym. It's like, oh, I don't feel like doing it today? Good. That's when it matters the most. And it's true.
00:11:45
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You can't count on motivation. And I've just been like, oh, I haven't been motivated for the past four months.
00:11:54
Speaker
That's honestly, that should be your motivation. As soon as I got on my run, i was like, your motivation should be, aren't you fucking tired of living like a bum?
00:12:06
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Like, aren't you tired of like feeling like a loser? Like if you hate your life, motherfucker, do something about it.
00:12:20
Speaker
And life is hard. Maybe it's supposed to be hard. Ever think about that?
00:12:28
Speaker
But, and for a while, for the past four months especially, I've just been like, bouncing around the cosmos, drifting around the cosmos is probably a better term.
00:12:47
Speaker
And a part of is... is
00:12:52
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my frame of mind, and I think there's been a lapse in my frame of mind. And I had this conversation with my, my boy a couple of weeks ago.
00:13:04
Speaker
And it's like, it's the trap of like, I'll be happy when, and it's like, I'll be happy when I'm not fat.
00:13:18
Speaker
And then you get to the point where you're not fat and you're like oh, I'm still not happy.
00:13:24
Speaker
And I took that and I was like, and also a little Buddhism I've been reading about. And Buddhism says like, all suffering is caused by like desire.
Buddhism and Desire
00:13:37
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So like you shouldn't want anything. And I've, bro, I've been trying to just like not want anything for the past four months and it is,
00:13:49
Speaker
It is like no way to live.
00:13:54
Speaker
like I haven't had any like goals for the past four months. I haven't been like working towards anything.
00:14:08
Speaker
And I don't think that's the answer. i For the four months, it has certainly not been the answer.
00:14:17
Speaker
I think it's about like, and I just signed up for a half marathon because I'm like, I'd like be going for a run. and I'm like, dude, why? Like, why? What am I doing this for? And I didn't really have a good answer.
00:14:29
Speaker
But now I have an answer. It's you paid $150 to run and you committed to do a half marathon. And I think I'd feel pretty good if I ran 13 miles. I ran like eight or nine before. but This is like an official race. I'm going to have to like lock in for the next eight weeks. And I think it's good for me.
00:14:48
Speaker
This morning I woke up, I was like, why the hell did I sign up for that? and told my like I hadn't even told anyone I'd signed up for it. And they were like, that's awesome. I was like, no, no, it's not. like I'm wasting my money. I just want to stay in bed. and it's like
00:15:04
Speaker
But you need you need to fucking put your sights on something. You need to aim at something if you're going to go anywhere.
00:15:16
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And I think the Buddhist idea was like, not that you shouldn't try to do anything. That is not the answer. I tried it. It's not the answer. It did not work. It's about like being okay if you fail. It's the concept of attachment.
00:15:31
Speaker
It's like, I'm going to try to run a half marathon and say I fail, say I get hurt during the race. ah it's I should be like, okay, if I fail.
00:15:43
Speaker
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't. want anything because I've just been kind of like going through the motions for the past four months and I I feel empty
00:16:01
Speaker
I feel like what what am I doing and the answer is nothing I'm doing nothing and maybe this is all some mental contraption that it's like if I never try anything I'll never fail
00:16:18
Speaker
But you're going to fail.
Failure, Persistence, and Resilience
00:16:21
Speaker
You're going to fail. You're going to flop.
00:16:27
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It's inevitable.
00:16:32
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It's what matters. What happens when you do fail. If you get back up. And that's what. like All this is just fucking recycled garbage. I've seen like from fucking Rocky. But it's it's true.
00:16:45
Speaker
And I'm locking in again. Harder than ever before.
00:16:53
Speaker
Because for the past four months, I've been... There's been something inside me building. And I'm not kidding. And I'm just... I'm fucking pissed, I'll be honest.
00:17:04
Speaker
I'm just like...
00:17:07
Speaker
and't I'm pissed at myself. I'm pissed at the world. I'm just fucking angry. And it's like, what are you going to do with that anger? are you going to sit there and be angry or are you going to put it into something and be great?
00:17:27
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And I'm locking in like never before.
00:17:31
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And I've locked before pretty hard for a pretty long time. But I'm locking in and I don't know if I'm ever unlocking.
00:17:39
Speaker
For at least a long, for a while, I'm done drinking. going start exercising again. i'm fucking...
00:17:50
Speaker
They don't know me, son. drinking kombucha.
00:17:56
Speaker
I'm drinking kombucha.
Self-View and World Perception
00:17:58
Speaker
but but
00:18:02
Speaker
But i'm I'm out for blood. And another thing is, it's like damn true. It's like how you feel about yourself is kind of how you feel about the world. And I've been trying and I tried the whole journaling therapy approach. And not that there's not a lot of good there, but like.
00:18:24
Speaker
I've been feeling like I'm a bum, so maybe that's why I feel like.
00:18:30
Speaker
The world isn't so great. And it's it's a weird time. I think we can all agree on that. It's a strange time to be a lot, particularly in America right now.
00:18:44
Speaker
But like, I've been being a bum.
00:18:48
Speaker
And it's I've it's I've proven it to myself, at least ah maybe you got to prove it to yourself and see. But it's like how you feel about yourself is how you feel about the world. Like if I'm always finding something wrong with myself, I'm always going to be looking for something wrong with the world and something wrong with relationships and something something wrong with other people and something wrong with the show i'm watching.
00:19:14
Speaker
But if I wake up every morning and I like exercise and I'm feeling good, and I'm going to be like, feel a little bit better about everything around me. And that's everything.
00:19:24
Speaker
And also, maybe I'll wrap on this. I want to talk about momentum.
Momentum and Future Success
00:19:33
Speaker
My whole life changed when I met a girl about, damn, about like three, three and a half years ago. And then I got into the gym and I started working hard and I started to see results. I started to look better. I started to feel better. And then I took that into the classroom. I started to work hard in school for the first time in my life.
00:19:56
Speaker
I started to feel even better about myself. And then I had a girl I liked. i had i was working out. i was feeling good about myself. I was trying hard in school, feeling good. And then I was feeling great.
00:20:09
Speaker
And I got no momentum right now. I've been drifting for four months. But i um start I started today. I already started. I just ran three miles.
00:20:22
Speaker
And I wish I was running the full marathon. To be honest, i kind of feel like a pussy for doing the half one. But apparently it's dangerous to train. I can't train for a whole marathon in eight weeks. So I'll do it next year.
00:20:34
Speaker
Mark my words.
00:20:38
Speaker
But I'm... i mean Before I got a little kick from Momentum, the universe was like, here's a fine-ass girl. But today is like, I'm doing this for me.
00:20:53
Speaker
And I don't know if I'm ever unlocking. Because I'm done trying to fit in I'm having the courage to stand out on the pod socially. Because you got to stand out to be outstanding.
00:21:09
Speaker
but first You got to drink kombucha to be outstanding.
00:21:19
Speaker
And the idea of that, like, I might have to do this podcast for five, ten years before it blows.
Podcasting Journey and Challenges
00:21:30
Speaker
That doesn't excite me. But... think I'm willing to do it because I like doing this.
00:21:39
Speaker
And also, I'm taking it week by week, baby. You never know. This shit could blow. Probably not on this episode, but maybe the next one. And that's like you have to fail in order to get better.
00:21:53
Speaker
All of this is recycled garbage. Not garbage. It's all recycled like wisdom from other people. But it's like the only way to get better is to fail. And you like take working out, like lifting weights. If you don't like do as much as you do, that muscle is not going to grow.
00:22:08
Speaker
And if you don't fail, you will not grow. And I am ready to fail again.
00:22:18
Speaker
i Because not trying any if you don't try anything, you're not going to do anything. If you don't go for anything, going to go anywhere. And I'm done with feeling stuck.
00:22:36
Speaker
Time to lock in again.
00:22:39
Speaker
I'll see you next week.