Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
I'm the kind of guy who quotes Ghandi - Episode 4
17 Plays1 year ago
I talk about my doubts about this podcast and go from there
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, hello.
Podcasting Doubts and Affirmations
00:00:08
Speaker
It is currently 10, 17 p.m. at night. And I don't think I'm gonna record a full podcast. Because I really ought to go to bed and I am tired. But I wanted to say something.
00:00:35
Speaker
Because I felt the doubt creeping in as it often does.
Struggles with Self-Doubt
00:00:42
Speaker
You see, I really want to keep doing this podcast because I love it. There's a part of me that thinks I'm not good enough to have a podcast.
00:01:00
Speaker
And it's not easy to grab the mic and say that because it's the thing I'm most ashamed of in the world. And I was watching a podcast with Matthew McConaughey.
00:01:29
Speaker
And I was like, that's the kind of guy that has a podcast. Not a guy like me. Matthew McConaughey goes on podcasts because he says things like, all right, all right, all right.
00:01:56
Speaker
and I say things like maybe I'm not good enough but maybe that's maybe that's my angle maybe that's my niche maybe that's why I make it I really feel like this thing has potential and if
00:02:25
Speaker
It doesn't pan out. It's because I give up. And it's not like I want to give up.
Honesty in Communication
00:02:40
Speaker
It's because I'm scared that I'll be able to keep going. It's because I'm scared I'll run out of things to say. I don't know where I heard this.
00:02:55
Speaker
But it happened when someone in my life was worried about having saying the right thing or felt like they didn't have anything interesting to say. And I don't remember where I heard it, but I heard telling the truth is always interesting.
00:03:24
Speaker
being honest is always interesting. And I don't know why that's true, but I feel it in my bones that it is true.
Beliefs and Perceptions
00:03:50
Speaker
And maybe it's because
00:03:58
Speaker
this life just feels like a battle against fear because you don't tell the truth when you're worried about some nonsense and it's usually not true
00:04:15
Speaker
Usually you're attempting to read people's minds. And when, for some reason or another, whenever you attempt to read, ow, oh my god, there's something wrong with my leg. But it seems, whenever you try to read minds, it's like, they don't like me because, blank.
00:04:45
Speaker
Most of the time it seems that's what it is. And once again, proving the power of what you believe. Like it's never, that person must think I'm great because blank. It's always, it's always, it's always thinking the worst.
00:05:19
Speaker
out of fear and I think where we're at a lot of people let fear win and I get it
00:05:52
Speaker
because bad things happen and it's easy to get caught up in it. And it's easy to get scared, especially when, like I was saying earlier, like fear comes up when you care.
00:06:24
Speaker
Like when you find out something you care about is in jeopardy, that's when fear kicks in. But also like I said earlier, fear and excitement come from the same place.
00:06:50
Speaker
when something, when you don't know how something's going to turn out. And I think people think they, they think what if it doesn't, what if it doesn't work out? What if the thing I care about,
00:07:22
Speaker
gets sick, dies, breaks. If you find out a family member is sick, it's like, what if they're not okay? And you think that because you care and you think that because you want to plan. I believe that you think that because you want to plan for the worst because you want the best. But it may be a mistake.
00:07:55
Speaker
Because you can't plan for every what if. Trust me, I've tried. And it's just not sustainable. Because the what ifs are endless. What if a plane fell out of the sky and crashed into my room right now? Should I plan for that?
00:08:31
Speaker
What if a UFO comes down and an alien gets two pieces of corn and he throws them and they miss? Then my roommate catches them and uses them to kill me. Should I plan for that? What if Muhammed Ali, I think he's dead.
00:09:01
Speaker
rest in peace what if Muhammad Ali wakes up from the dead comes into my room and he goes to punch me in the face he says Wes I can't do this I'm not gonna do this then he calls Mike Tyson to do it and he punches me in the face and I die should I plan for that and that's why I'd
00:09:31
Speaker
I had a friend of mine say something that stuck with me.
Stoicism's Peaceful Approach
00:09:37
Speaker
I think it's safe to say it changed my life. Um, I won't get into the whole example, but I was worried it really seemed like something bad was going to happen. Something that I really did not want to happen. And he said, Hey man,
00:10:01
Speaker
Don't trip till it's official. And it ended up not happening. And I was, before I knew it wasn't going to happen, I was freaking out. I was distraught. I used to get distraught a lot. And I was like, my world is ending. I was convinced the world was going to stop spinning.
00:10:29
Speaker
But even if that bad thing were to happen, every bad thing that has happened to me, or I'll rephrase, everything I didn't want to happen to me that happened, the world kept spinning. I have made it through all my struggles, and if you're listening to this, so have you.
00:10:58
Speaker
And there's a quote, I pretty much got a quote for everything. It's, I'm probably going to misquote it and I'm not going to look it up because I don't want to. It says, I've known a great struggle of no, maybe I'll look it up because I'm a good guy.
00:11:24
Speaker
This is the elevator music while I lock it up.
00:11:47
Speaker
All right, quote time. My, my, my, my, quote time. This quote is brought to you by Mark Twain. And the quote is, I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.
00:12:10
Speaker
for you little dummies that don't understand that basic quote should be ashamed of yourself now for those of you that don't understand the quote by my brother Mark Twain it's I am an old man and have known a great many troubles most of which never happened and that is saying
00:12:38
Speaker
You can't, most of the things we worry about never end up happening. And I believe that there is enough things that do happen to worry about. And worrying about things that haven't happened yet is just how you drive yourself cuckoo. So feel free to do it. But if you don't want to,
00:13:09
Speaker
Just remember, don't trip till it's official. Or the quote by Brother Twain, I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.
00:13:54
Speaker
and that really I have mentioned it a couple of times I believe but I don't think I've gotten into it but money many of this I've gained a lot of peace from stoicism and stoicism is
00:14:22
Speaker
only worrying about the things you can control. And if you can control something, you can do something about it. But if not, worrying gets you nowhere. And that is easier said than done, but I promise you that with reminders, it gets a little easier. And it can save you from tripping about things that aren't official.
00:14:57
Speaker
and this relates to another thing I've heard I've read a lot of books, I've watched a lot of podcasts and I have a terrible memory so I can't tell you where the things I'm saying come from but maybe you could look them up and maybe it doesn't matter but I also found a lot of peace in
00:15:25
Speaker
Letting future Wes handle future Wes problems.
Inspiration from Future Self
00:15:30
Speaker
I have faith in future Wes to deal with problems as they arise. And that way you can stop worrying about what ifs.
00:15:55
Speaker
but you know and this is once again easier said than done but I'm getting better at it and I've gotten a lot better at it and it certainly doesn't help that present Wes is a pretty capable guy and I think future Wes is
00:16:25
Speaker
only gonna get better Future Wes is my idol I don't believe in idols anymore because I think everyone has their pros and cons but my idol is Wes in five years that guy's gonna be great and I'll tell you why
00:16:55
Speaker
Less than five years is my idol because Matthew McConaughey's idol is Matthew McConaughey in five years. All right, all right, all right. And that's the thing. You can't try to be other people, but you can certainly take parts you like. And that's kind of how I put myself. That's kind of how I have put myself back together.
00:17:25
Speaker
All these, it seems like I have a quote for everything. I didn't come up with any of this for the most part. I came up with some stuff. I have original thoughts, but most of what I even say on here is recycled.
Normalizing Men's Vulnerability
00:17:42
Speaker
And that's because I, I'm taking all the help I can get. Life's not always easy.
00:17:56
Speaker
and I don't want to do it alone. There's nothing wrong with accepting help whether that be from someone on a podcast in a book or if it's one of your friends saying I'm worried about you. I was just watching a show and
00:18:23
Speaker
Two characters said to another like, hey, we're worried about you. And he said something that most people say when they hear that. They say, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. Especially men. And I think that's kind of my angle on this podcast.
00:18:53
Speaker
A man who is open about his mental health struggles. And open with his normal life struggles. Because in today's world, when a man tells you he's struggling, if that happens, which in my experience is very rare,
00:19:19
Speaker
Most people, most men won't say, won't tell you they're struggling. They tell you they're fine. And it's because in our world it's perceived as weakness. But as I've said before, it takes a whole lot of strength to be vulnerable in a world where being vulnerable is perceived as weak.
00:19:54
Speaker
I'm gonna say that again, it takes a whole lot of strength to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt in a world where you know that being vulnerable is perceived as weak. I know we live in a patriarchal world and what a lot of people don't know, and I have empathy for my sisters out there who in a lot of ways aren't equal.
00:20:27
Speaker
But one thing I think needs to be said and will help us level the playing field is acknowledging that putting another group down, in this case men putting women down, it hurts men too. And I hope you all realize that. Men go through a lot just like women go through a lot
00:20:59
Speaker
But men feel like they have to do it alone and they can't tell anybody about it. And that sucks. There's literally like, there's just an SNL skit about that. It's like calling your dad and you're like, Hey dad, how you doing? Like I miss you. And he literally like speaks in analogies because he can't be vulnerable because he doesn't want to be perceived as weak, especially to his son.
00:21:35
Speaker
Like a son or a daughter could call their dad and be like, hey, I miss you. And they'll be like, my car is far from you and I'm sure they miss you. And that's their kind of way of being vulnerable without being vulnerable. And that is sad.
00:21:58
Speaker
Gender norms on both ends just prevent, they limit people. They put us in boxes and just preventing us, prevent us from being ourselves and pretending. I've spent a lot of time pretending to be someone else, trying to be the person that everyone else wants me to be. And it's exhausting. And this is a part of that.
00:22:30
Speaker
I didn't even know why before I got into grad school but like especially for men with anxiety and that is what I am it makes it so much harder because
00:22:52
Speaker
I feel like men aren't allowed to have emotions. I feel like it's perceived as weakness, especially ones like fear and anxiety is fear. And that fear gets a whole of a lot worse when you don't allow yourself to be scared. And I still feel weird even saying this. I don't want people to know that I feel this way, but I do.
00:23:24
Speaker
And I think, like I've met, I met a guy this summer who's going through it. And I was like, Hey man, have you thought about therapy? Have you thought about like medication? And he was like, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I just feel like I have to go through this on my own without any help.
00:23:51
Speaker
Cause that's what a strong, a big strong man would do. I fuck that dude. Other there's other people in your life who love you and want to help you. And I'm not blaming the men who feel like this way. It's just cause it's the world we live in.
00:24:19
Speaker
And there's a Gandhi quote. I'm just like, I'm the kind of guy who can just quote Gandhi casually. And here's the quote. It's his most basic quote. It's, be the change you want to see in the world. And that's what I'm trying to do.
Strength in Vulnerability
00:24:40
Speaker
I'm being vulnerable and I hate being vulnerable.
00:24:49
Speaker
But I dream of a world where men can be vulnerable without, and they can talk about the things that they struggle with without being perceived as weak. Because problems become a lot harder when you take them on alone.
00:25:19
Speaker
Teamwork makes the dream work, baby. And that's why the men's suicide rate is so much higher than women's. And this isn't even women's fault. It's everybody's. It's not everybody's fault, but it's everybody's responsibility to change. But all I can do is my part.
00:25:47
Speaker
and hope that others do the same. And that's just one example of focusing on what I can control. One thing I love about doing this podcast is I can just be radically honest
00:26:19
Speaker
which I'm trying to do more of in my normal life. And that radical honesty. And this is like me being radically honest and putting it out for anyone who wants to hear to hear it. And in some ways it's easier because I'm not even, there's no one else in the room with me right now.
00:26:46
Speaker
And that's just, I don't know. Like, I don't think there's a lot of people who would do this. Be radically honest and put it out for anyone who wants to hear it, to hear it. It takes guts. It takes some nuts. It takes some kahunas. And I'm proud of myself for that.
00:27:11
Speaker
something about it just like it doesn't feel like anyone's going to hear this right now and then I can just boop click put it on the internet
00:27:24
Speaker
And see, I'm someone who is impulsive, and I'm not gonna say I struggle with impulsivity, but I definitely could. But that is a pro of impulsivity. I do not have a hard time pulling the trigger, sending a risky text, doing something, and just being like, oh, it's done.
00:27:50
Speaker
And I think I got this from not being able to handle uncomfortable emotions. And so I just do something where I don't have to deal with it anymore. And there is some value to do it.
00:28:07
Speaker
One day I called up Mr. Nike and I was like, hey, you want a slogan? And he was like, yes, please. I was like, all right, fine. And I said, just do it. And he said, what? And I hung up the phone. But the value of just do it.
00:28:37
Speaker
is you stop thinking about it and like that applies especially to like indecisiveness or challenging fear and once you make a decision you can just start dealing with it and just like that's like most of the time there is no right decision
00:29:07
Speaker
There's only like the decision you think is right. And that's the best you can do. You can't, you'll never know what the right decision is before you make it. Some are easier than others, but still you never know. And that uncertainty is scary.
Decisiveness and Heroism
00:29:30
Speaker
But you can't do anything about that uncertainty. All you can do is make a decision and ride with it. Another saying I think I already said, but it's like, don't worry about making the right decision. Make the decision right. And normally, that means normally it's, even if you make the wrong decision, it's never too late to make things right.
00:30:09
Speaker
I didn't think I was gonna do a whole podcast right now. What even is a whole podcast? Shit man, I don't know. I was, I like kinda doing like an hour. I'm about 30 in exactly. There was one thing, at least one thing else I wanted to talk about. And I'll share it with you.
00:30:43
Speaker
So I was just talking about like challenging fear. That's one of the main themes on the podcast. And fear, fear is the joker. Fear is what makes you Batman.
00:31:07
Speaker
If you're listening, please do not tell anyone I'm Batman. I'm trying to keep that on the low ski. Preesh. But fear is what makes you Batman. And what I mean by that is fear is what you're battling. Fear is what's holding you back. Fear is what can control you. Or you can fight it.
00:31:37
Speaker
And who would, it's kind of like who would the Batman be without a guy to battle? Just a guy whose parents died? Lame. Well, I think the Joker might have killed Batman's parents. And honestly, that works even better for my analogy. Fear has done a lot to you. Fear has probably
00:32:07
Speaker
Controlled you in ways you do not want to be controlled. It keeps you from doing the things you want to do. It makes you think people hate you when they don't. There was a time in my life where I thought fear had ruined my life. But without fear, I don't know who I would be.
00:32:39
Speaker
without fear I would have nothing to battle and who wants to watch a Batman movie where he has no opponent who wants to watch a fight where he has no opponent or she or they I'm wildly woke progressive and inclusive who wants to watch a movie where the hero
00:33:11
Speaker
doesn't have someone like the movie starts, the hero's just like having a great time. And then the movie, he just continues having a great time for like an hour and a half. You wouldn't want to watch that. And that is another thing. When things that you didn't want to happen happen to you,
00:33:40
Speaker
You can either see yourself as a victim, or you can see yourself as the hero. And this is what the thing that you didn't want to happen to you that happens to you, that is your battle.
00:34:03
Speaker
And the way most people think, they may be like, yeah, that's kind of a helpful way to look at things, but it is truly, I don't think it's any less valid than seeing yourself as a victim. I truly don't. The victim mentality is like, oh,
00:34:32
Speaker
Why are these things happening to me? I'm so unlucky. Like what would your life be like if, if you never had to deal with anything? You just, and I don't really know where this is going, but we can go through it together. So say you born.
Appreciating Life's Highs and Lows
00:35:02
Speaker
Handsome person or beautiful person you grow up You get like You get every person you ever like likes you back Everything you want you get You get
00:35:28
Speaker
Everyone loves you. No one ever dislikes you. You get your dream job. It sounds like kind of nice, but that's just not the way this universe is set up because in life, in this life, I don't think you really appreciate the highs without the lows.
00:36:02
Speaker
And another thing is everybody has problems. It doesn't matter if on paper your life is good. It matters what your life really is and things that people really didn't want to happen have happened to all of us.
00:36:27
Speaker
And all you know is what you know. So like the worst thing that's happened to me is the maximum bad I know. And the worst thing that's happened to you is the maximum bad you know. So I don't really, I spent a large portion of my life like invalidating my problems because I don't have to worry about
00:36:57
Speaker
food on the table or a roof over my head, but that doesn't mean I haven't dealt with things. It doesn't mean you haven't dealt with things if you're in a similar situation. And maybe some people go through more than others, but I don't know how much that matters.
00:37:31
Speaker
and I want to go back to you can't really you can't really enjoy the highs without the lows like say
00:38:03
Speaker
Say you start school, first test, you ace it. Second test, you ace it. Third test, you ace it. Fourth test, you ace it. Fifth test, you ace it. Sixth test, you're like, you ace it. Does that really mean anything to you anymore?
00:38:32
Speaker
Now let me give you a different scenario. You start school, first test, F. You failed. You feel awful. You're worried about being dumb.
00:38:53
Speaker
You think everyone's smarter than you, and you don't know if you'll ever pass a test. Second test, you study harder. F. The things you're worried about are coming true. You might be just dumb. You're worried you might just be dumb, that everyone else is smarter than you. But you try studying in a different way.
00:39:23
Speaker
And you get a C. And that's C. It's not an A, but I'll tell you something. Compared to an F is what you were getting. You didn't know if you were ever going to pass a test and you did it.
00:39:44
Speaker
And if you figured out how to get a better grade, maybe you can do it again. Next test, you get a B. All that hard work paid off. It's not as easy for you. It's not as easy for you as it is for someone else, but you didn't let that matter. You got a fucking B. A good grade. Next test, you work real hard.
00:40:14
Speaker
You work harder than you ever had in your life. You get an F. Cause that's sometimes how life works. But you're saying, Hey, this one, this one didn't go the way I thought. I thought I had it figured out, but hey,
00:40:42
Speaker
I was onto something before. Let me try again. And you work your ass off. And you get an A. Doesn't that mean a hell of a lot more to you than if you just always got A's? And that's...
00:41:10
Speaker
that says something about expectations. And it says something about tolerance. And one tolerance is like,
00:41:38
Speaker
Tolerance and expectations are why, like, maybe you were happy about that first day, but by the third day, you're like, meh. And that's, I think we're a little bit gratefulness comes in. Maybe you get that A and you look around and you saw that person who got an F and you should be like, dang,
00:42:08
Speaker
I'm blessed that I do not have to work that hard and this comes easy to me. And that's how you let that A still mean something to you. And you should appreciate that A and you should feel blessed that school comes easy to you because I think how life works is if school comes easy to you, maybe you suck at sports.
00:42:36
Speaker
And that same kid who was getting F's is catching TD's left and right. Swishing. Every shot he makes on the basketball court he makes. Every slap shot he goes top right corner where mom hides the peanut butter. Every stone thing he slides and curling.
00:43:00
Speaker
It just slides into that bullseye and it stays there and it never leaves. Every dart he throws hits the bullseye. And I'm not talking like an actual bullseye, like when you play darts, the middle of the board is called a bullseye,
Purpose and Fulfillment
00:43:20
Speaker
you idiot. But if something comes easy to you, you should be grateful.
00:43:27
Speaker
And you should know that other parts will not come easy to you. And that's because everybody has they struggles that they deal with. And that's OK. And honestly, it's. It's a good thing, because what if we were all. Perfect, like what? What would that look like?
00:44:01
Speaker
And us being good at different things is what allows us to help each other. And helping each other makes us happy, and it makes things easier for us.
00:44:19
Speaker
And helping people, I think that's what it's all about. If someone were to say, hey Wes, what's it all about? Say, listen boy, stop asking me that question. But it's about helping people. And helping people, I don't know. It makes you feel good and it makes the other person feel good. Everybody wins.
00:45:05
Speaker
And the next thing I'm going to talk about is about living scared. There's a couple of things I could talk about.
00:45:37
Speaker
This kind of ties in, I don't know where this will go, but things being easy does not make you happy. And that's where it's like a lot of people in this life are chasing after a bag, chasing after a lot of money because then they might not have to work as much or they can buy the things they want, but
00:46:07
Speaker
It doesn't make you happy. It's proven that money doesn't make you happy and things don't make you happy. And just like convenience, it feels good in the moment, but I think you just get used to it.
00:46:37
Speaker
Like say you really have to drive far to work, like two hours, it's killing you. Drives you, it makes your day, it adds four hours to your day, every single day. But if it's too like, say it's to a job you love, where you feel like you're making a difference, you're helping people, and that makes you feel great about yourself, and you're making a difference.
00:47:06
Speaker
And then you get a job offer for a job 10 minutes away. And you take it. And on that first day, you're like, you drive that 10 minutes and you're like, man, I used to have to drive 100, not 100, an hour and 50 minutes more. But not today. I got an hour and 50 extra minutes of sleep.
00:47:35
Speaker
and you get to the job and you're good at it maybe you're good at it, maybe you're not but maybe it's sold out maybe it even pays more money but you're not helping people say you're a lawyer and you went from defending a little guy
00:48:06
Speaker
And you were saving people's lives. But now you just went to work for the richy rich. Who are in the wrong, but you're, you are a great lawyer and you got the job. And so now your job is defending the bad guy, but you're making a boatload of money. And Hey, your commute shorter. So you make your money.
00:48:37
Speaker
You go home. It only takes you 10 minutes. Nice, dude. And you watch TV. And your wife asks, hey, how was work? You're like, hey, I don't really want to talk about it. But you buy yourself a nice dinner. You watch some TV and you go to bed.
00:49:06
Speaker
And you do that for like a month. And you used to wake up and be like, I help people, but now you wake up. And you can't say that anymore. And even though your drive is only 10 minutes, you are not excited to go.
00:49:36
Speaker
And then you're there for eight hours a day. And you hate it.
Career Choices and Gratitude
00:49:42
Speaker
You feel like you sold out. You feel like you were making the world a better place and now you're making it a worse place. And you drive home 10 minutes. But honestly, you wish it was a little longer because you just need some time to think. You get home.
00:50:04
Speaker
you no longer talk to your wife. Because you stop talking about work and then you stop talking about everything. Now you haven't made love in four months. And you order your food, but you feel guilty eating it because you've been eating expensive food for a while and it made you fat.
00:50:37
Speaker
and you're looking at Netflix and you're looking for something new to watch but you've watched it all and that just kind of makes you sad because what kind of person has enough time to watch all the Netflix and you think on back to when you had that two-hour commute
00:51:09
Speaker
and you wish you knew how good you had it. I don't really know. I think I had kind of a point on that. But it was, guys, that wasn't a true story. I made it up. But I think it had a point. And I don't know, I'm a little tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed.
00:51:40
Speaker
Because I just wanted to talk out and I got carried away, which is in hindsight, I think it's a good thing. Because I have something that I can do when I'm feeling doubtful, fearful, or stressed. And if you are listening, I'd like to thank you for listening.
00:52:10
Speaker
genuinely from the bottom of my heart and I know it doesn't even have to be this episode but if I ever say something where it's like man I think I know something that would like to hear this please send this to a friend because I'd love for this to grow and that's the only way I know for this to blow
00:52:44
Speaker
But even if you don't, I love you. And I thank you for listening. And thank you for doing your part to make this grow. I appreciate it. And it's not all about growing. I'm just happy if anything I said helped you. And I'm rambling now, so I'm gonna call it. But I love you. Thank you for listening. And good night. Stay classy, San Diego.