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Personalizing Executive Function Solutions | The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast with Bryan Goodman
23 Plays1 day ago
🎧 Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom Podcast!
In this episode, host Laura Ollinger sits down with Coach Bryan Goodman, a seasoned educator turned life coach and future licensed therapist, to explore how parents can strengthen communication, set clear expectations, and help their teens develop executive functioning skills that last a lifetime.
💡 In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why allowing your teen to fail builds resilience and confidence
- How to improve communication and align family expectations
- What executive functioning really means (and why it matters)
- How mindfulness helps teens with ADHD and emotional regulation
- Simple strategies to support your teen’s growth — without burnout
👨👦 About Coach Bryan:
Bryan Goodman, also known as Coach Bryan, spent 20 years teaching middle and high school students before founding ImPACTful Mentoring in 2021. He now works with families to strengthen relationships, improve communication, and build emotional resilience. Bryan has conducted graduate research on mindfulness-based interventions for ADHD and is completing his Master’s in School Counseling. Above all, he’s proud to be a devoted husband and father to two sons, ages 17 and 20.
🌐 Connect with Coach Bryan:
Website: impactfulmentoring.com
Instagram: @impactfulmentoring
Facebook: ImPACTful Mentoring
YouTube: @impactfulmentoring
LinkedIn: Bryan Goodman
💬 Follow Positively Healthy Coaching:
Facebook: Positively Healthy Coaching
Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
🎙️ Subscribe to the Positively Healthy Mom Podcast for more inspiring conversations on positive parenting, emotional wellbeing, and building strong family connections.
#PositivelyHealthyMom #PositivelyHealthyCoaching #ParentingPodcast #MindfulParenting #ExecutiveFunction #ParentCoach #ADHDParenting #ParentingTeens #FamilyWellbeing #CoachBryanGoodman #ImpactfulMentoring
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Positively Healthy Mom' Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast, where positive parenting meets well-being.
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello, everyone. Welcome to today's episode of the Positively Healthy Mom. I'm your host, Laura Olinger, teen and parent well-being coach.
Introduction to Coach Brian Goodman and His Work
00:00:19
Speaker
And I'm super excited to introduce someone who is in my industry, does very similar work to me. So it's going to be, I think, an awesome conversation. So he he's Coach Brian to his students and his clients, but he's Brian Goodman in Maryland.
00:00:33
Speaker
um He's got two
Brian's Career Transition from Teaching to Counseling
00:00:34
Speaker
sons. He has a really cool story about how he got into this profession and what he's doing and his master's degree and and all sorts of um work that he's doing. So Brian, tell us a little bit about yourself and and how you got into this.
Focus on Executive Functioning and Parent-Teen Relationships
00:00:48
Speaker
Absolutely. i was a teacher for a long time, roughly 20 years, when you know like other parents and teachers, I noticed a shift in 2021 after COVID. And um I started taking a whole bunch of courses online just to kind of better myself and really just match with my students who are struggling with their social emotional learning. And by 2022, I returned to school full time to be a school counselor.
00:01:17
Speaker
and that shifted at some point to to be a licensed therapist as well. And because i I just felt, you know, that offered me ah some flexibility and really, really that clinical experience that I thought was going to be really awesome for my like clients, but also for myself.
00:01:33
Speaker
me And so what is your, um what is the typical client that you have or kind of like the number one issue that you address? You
Approach to Personalized Client Motivation
00:01:42
Speaker
know, the number one issue that I address is is executive functioning and relationships with parents kind of like along the way. But really, um that executive functioning piece is to my typical clients come to me with that from the from the get-go. And then we kind of dive into, you know, limiting beliefs and communication along the way, typically.
00:02:04
Speaker
you And so how do you, you know, what is your approach or philosophy to helping with the executive function struggles? Well, ah you know it's from my standpoint, I am an adult living with ADHD. And so you know i experience from a different ah different angle you know what my clients are experiencing as teens and young adults.
00:02:26
Speaker
And so my approach from that from that side is really to kind of get to know them and really kind of look at what most of them are coming with some level of procrastination and you know kind of looking at that from you know You have control over these choices. It's not just about time management. It's about task prioritization um and really looking at what's motivating them. So there's not any one specific thing that is going to be like, hey, this is going to work for every client.
00:02:54
Speaker
And so from my angle, it's really getting to know my
Parent Involvement and Building Client Relationships
00:02:57
Speaker
clients. um So some of my clients have been with me for a while now, and they're kind of going – like a maintenance plans to a certain extent as they are working through, you know, really fine tuning senior years and and things like that. So it really gets me excited though.
00:03:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And I would love to hear more about how you get the parents involved and how you work with them. Absolutely. So my typical, the typical way that I, I gain clients is through parents, right? You know, it's not typical that a teenager is going to say, Hey, I need your help. I need your help. Right.
00:03:29
Speaker
But so, you know, typically I meet with a parent and then, you know, we kind of talk about ah an overview of, you know, what, what kinds of things I work on. And then I meet with the student, ah you know, student and the parent, and then just the the team to see if there's a good match, and then we all talk together. And this typically, this is a free consultation for me that takes um almost an hour, um but at the same time, it it builds that relationship with the parent and the kid at the
Managing Expectations and Communication Challenges
00:03:57
Speaker
same time. And so that way, there's not a pressure for me to to sell them on any one point, except that as soon as they leave, I'm going to send them an email, say, hey,
00:04:06
Speaker
Already, these are what I can see you know you could you know gain some help on, um and then you know let's get started. Some of the clients, I meet with their parents as well. And um I meet with them you know as a group or even just the parents.
00:04:21
Speaker
um In those sessions, it's really about expectations. um I find a lot of times that, you know, the expectations that we have of ourselves, you know, are certainly, you know, they're built on variety things, but they're, I think they're, they're inevitably skewed because we are the center of our universes.
00:04:40
Speaker
And it's just, it's just makes it very hard sometimes communicate and, Drilling down that to parents where, hey, you know, going to school now and being 14, 15, 16 years old is not what it was when we were that same age. um And that can be tough.
00:04:58
Speaker
So when you talk about expectations, are you um kind of saying that the parents have their set of expectations and the teenagers kind of have their own beliefs about how things can't should be for their lives? And so that's where you're saying there's conflict or can you kind of explain a little more?
00:05:16
Speaker
Absolutely. I think there's, it's not just conflict. It's almost like, you know, miscommunication, you know, it's, it's, um, you know, right now there are kids, I mean, I'm sure, ah you know, you can't be living on the rock and having a teen at this point where, you know, there's this argument about six, seven and getting on, you know, parents nerves. Right.
00:05:34
Speaker
And so like, just by saying that, you know, a kid knows sometimes my parents going to get angry with me because they don't understand what it even means. Right. So like, That's just like, you know, hey, that's a kid trying to get under the skin.
00:05:46
Speaker
So that's um like a minor thing that can blow up into something bigger. And that's why I say it's miscommunication. and And oftentimes it's misunderstandings about what is the intent.
00:05:59
Speaker
I was working with a family over a year ago, and what the mom was making as suggestions, it came out in our family session that they wanted suggestions. That's what she wanted her kid to do.
00:06:12
Speaker
There was no ifs, ands, or buts when it came down to it. When the when we met as a family, that was it. And so she didn't say that. These are all things that she had suggested. As it turns out, that was an SAT t course, right? We suggested that I take one, right?
00:06:26
Speaker
And so, you know, why didn't just come out and say, I need to take one I need you sign up. And so it's like, what are we doing? We're were trying to protect ourselves from, you know, from something, from our kids saying no or from our kid not liking us or whatever it is.
00:06:40
Speaker
um You know, those expectations are just critical. Yeah. Yeah.
The Role of Clear Communication in Family Dynamics
00:06:45
Speaker
That makes so much sense. And just being really clear about what it is that you're actually yeah wanting and communicating and and kind of explaining like, you know, this isn't optional. This is something you need to do. So, right. Is that kind of like the, the gist of that?
00:06:58
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, even as simple as like taking out the trash or asking seven-year-old to pack his lunch, you know, well, the you know, seven-year-old packing her lunch, if they don't know how, if they don't know what your expectations are,
00:07:12
Speaker
It's kind of like they're going to go off of what they think, you know, and sometimes that's not always correct. You know, it's not, you know, it's like a curfew for a, you know, 17 year old kid.
00:07:23
Speaker
Hey, if I tell you I'm going to be home, you know, you know tell me you're going to be home by 1130. And I say, OK, that's good. Well, does that mean that's my curfew? Right? Because I told you when I was going to be home.
00:07:34
Speaker
Right? And you expected me to be home by 1130, but you never told me I had to be home. So, like, spelling those kinds of things out, like, it just, it's the nuances that, like, you know, you don't want, as a parent, them to be kind of a attacked and addressed. So, just, just so hard sometimes. Yeah.
00:07:51
Speaker
it's question Yeah, yeah, I just laugh because, you know, i mentioned that I have four teenagers and sometimes I forget to tell somebody something because there's four of them. And I don't remember then I'm telling somebody something twice.
Building Resilience Through Allowing Failure
00:08:04
Speaker
And then somebody gets mad because they're like, Mom, you didn't tell me and I'm like, Oh, sorry, like, I realized it's on me like it was me that didn't make sure I got all four of them, you know, and I'm like, and I you know, it's just we're busy. And sometimes sense it doesn't, don't close the loop on certain conversations.
00:08:18
Speaker
Sure, but I mean, at the same time, you know, you could be telling your, you know, 17-year-old something different and you're telling your 14-year-old, but the the the way that you want it to be kind of carried out is exactly the same.
00:08:31
Speaker
um And that's the challenge, you know. It's not just about speaking the same language. It's about, hey, like, you know, making sure the intent of our message is really received and understood.
00:08:44
Speaker
what would be, like, how do you... um
00:08:49
Speaker
I love to give like practical tools to the parents just so that like there's literally something that they're like, aha, I'm going to do this today. Like what would be some things that like literally somebody could start doing today?
00:09:03
Speaker
This is very hard for parents. And that is allowing your kid to fail.
00:09:11
Speaker
I mean, I hate to start with something that seems so negative, but that is so tough. And you know my research at the graduate level is really it's strong and in the in the fact that right now, power our you know our teens are having a hard time with resilience in a different way, right?
00:09:31
Speaker
Because all of their answers are it at their fingertips via their digital device.
Supporting Children in Developing Executive Functioning Skills
00:09:36
Speaker
And so building that, hey, the delayed ratification that they may get or even delayed answers that they may get, it's so hard.
00:09:44
Speaker
But yet if we teach them how to fail and it's okay to do that, then we also teach them how to pick themselves up. You know, and and and that that looks different for for different families.
00:09:58
Speaker
But it always in my mind, it always typically looks like, hey, let's let's admit that failure is OK and let's pick up the pieces together. Could be as a family, could be as a parent, you know, kid duo.
00:10:09
Speaker
um And then, you know, you're kind of as a parent watching them pick up the same pieces and then shifting over to, hey, you got this and I believe in you and I believe that you have this because that's really what's gonna build, you know, our our future, excuse me, our future leadership, you know, and in in terms of the kids, right?
00:10:30
Speaker
It's not about delegating, it's ah really truly about believing in the fact that kids can do it. we expect hopefully that they know what's best for them, but yet somehow seemingly we doubt that because we, you know, are helicoptering and we're getting too close oftentimes. And when it comes executive functioning, that is really, really something that, that I work with parents about is that level of support and kind of, you know, scaling that back as the, the, the weeks and the months go on.
00:11:02
Speaker
um depend yeah And that doesn't depend on the age. That just depends on the level of support at that moment. Right, right. I learned, I did some, and I got a master's degree as well. And in that time, I learned about the term called scaffolding.
00:11:17
Speaker
to And I'm sure you're familiar with it. And for just the average person out there, they, you know, you think of scaffolding on a building. It's just like that. where We're there to, we want to challenge them, but we don't want to make it um too easy or too hard. And so it's just about finding the right balance of how much we're supporting them versus where maybe it's not enough support, right? Maybe a kid is totally failing and totally just don't doesn't know how to succeed. And so they do need some help and they do need that support. So talk to me about that. Like, how do you find the right balance in a family?
00:11:48
Speaker
You know, certainly that, it it again, i have to, as a coach and even as a future, you know, counselor and therapist, I have to figure out that sometimes I got to check my own, you know, beliefs and my own goals at the door.
00:12:03
Speaker
um My own values kind of, they shouldn't come into play when supporting families. And sometimes that's tough, right? So really the the first step is kind of imagining what,
00:12:15
Speaker
their family has been kind of built on. um I'm working with a a um a high schooler, trying to be general. He has both ADHD and ASD.
00:12:28
Speaker
And he is his parents are roughly 45 and 50 years older than he is. So his parents are little bit older, different generation.
00:12:38
Speaker
And so thinking about that balance there um can be tough. So scaffolding for them, um I created with them a plan of attack to kind of have mom scale back her support.
00:12:52
Speaker
And so that's where the family coaching comes into play. um Certainly, you know, working with all three all three of them, and he's only child, so working with the parents and the and the son, you know, making sure that they're on the same page when it comes to the support that is necessary, but also the support that the kid wants. Because not all kids want support, even though parents want to provide that support.
00:13:15
Speaker
And so making sure that there's a balance there, that can be tough. And sometimes for me as a parent myself, um I come in and be like, hey, I know like this word failure is failure is an option. Like, I hate to say that. Right.
00:13:30
Speaker
But that's where that scaffolding comes in. You know, if we're going to pick up those pieces,
Mindfulness and Executive Functioning
00:13:34
Speaker
let's not identify just the pieces that need be picked up, but how we are going to do that. You know, and so for many families, for me, I lay that process out um and it looks different.
00:13:45
Speaker
It clearly looks different, but it's really getting to know them um unquestionably. Yeah, for sure, for sure. um And then I would love to hear more, you mentioned um that you do research on mindfulness, which is such a, i love I love that. So how do you bring that into your work and how do you use it and how does that help kids with executive function challenges?
00:14:04
Speaker
So you know executive functioning challenges when it comes to to thinking, you know you have all of these things just firing at you at the same time, you know and you're not really sure what to kind of give attention to you sometimes. And so you may act impulsively or you may not act at all, which is not necessarily common, but um you may have delayed reactions. So mindfulness is really not just let me clear my mind and not think at all.
00:14:33
Speaker
Um, it's not, it's in my meditation, for example, is in my mind is like under mindfulness. Mindfulness is above that. it's a way to manage stress and same as meditation. But when I think of mindfulness, I think of alignment.
00:14:47
Speaker
I think of your thoughts, your actions and your intent. All three of those are aligned. You get there in any number of ways. Um,
00:14:58
Speaker
with to see me With my my students at you know at the schools I work in, you know one of the first things I like to do is, and I like to do the 5-4-3-2-1 method where you know using their senses, they begin to ground them.
00:15:12
Speaker
We go from there typically to breathing. And then for me, um I go from that to what I call thought analysis, which is, you know what are the facts of the situation? do you have control over?
00:15:25
Speaker
And how what's the plan for for your action? And so mindfulness for me is kind of using those tools to be grounded, but also not clearing your mind, right? Thoughts are gonna come in.
00:15:37
Speaker
We can't always control the thoughts that we come in that come in, but we can control what we do with them. If by some chance, our executive functioning is such where it's hard for us to control, that's where mindfulness you know can begin to help.
00:15:52
Speaker
It takes practice. um you know In my research about with mindfulness, um with children, it's best actually you practice as a family. Because that way it's not just modeled, it's you're doing it together. It's something fun, right? And if you're a five or six-year-old kid and you're trying to learn these skills and your your parents, for good reason, are not ready to medicate, right?
00:16:18
Speaker
Mindfulness is something as a family that can truly help. It's not always, let's get our daughter who is really kind of struggling, which we think is executive functioning, ADHD perhaps, right?
00:16:30
Speaker
Let's get her really, really busy so that that doesn't even come out, right? When in reality, it's going to come out and in different settings, in different ways. And so working as a family um but is a really good way to to start that process.
00:16:44
Speaker
And truly, you know, using mindfulness to treat um things like ADHD can very, very much help. The trouble is, is that our students, you know, they get to where they're stressed.
00:16:55
Speaker
And if they haven't learned those skills, then that makes it really, really hard. And that's where you you out got to want your skills when you're feeling great, when you're doing well, when you're practicing, when when when you're doing well, you know?
00:17:08
Speaker
Right. it's just breathing. So, okay, say you have a kid who has homework to do, but they end up cleaning their room or, you know, getting on their phone or doing the thing they're not supposed to do, right?
00:17:23
Speaker
Is that, and I know you said, like, let's say they already know the skill of mindfulness, but is that when you say something like, hey, let's do a mindfulness exercise so that then you can get on track? Is like that when you would use it? Or can you explain that more?
00:17:37
Speaker
You know, that's a great great point. One of the things that, and as you're saying this, one of the things I'm doing with my clients in the upcoming weeks is um is actually a ah vision board. um And so they're gonna create a vision board and then below that, it's gonna have some short-term goals.
00:17:53
Speaker
And so, you know, the vision board traditionally is like long-term goals. And so I like to add, you know, short-term goals. So it's in their room or wherever they're gonna do a homework. And so it links the two together.
00:18:05
Speaker
In the sense of, of you know, why do they do, why do they clean and, you know, do something else except, but you know, even doing scrolling, right? Instead of doing their their homework, um the good thing is that when they see me, if they haven't done their homework, because I was teacher for a long time, I often will stop and be like, hey, look.
00:18:27
Speaker
What can I provide you with support academically like right now before we even move on? So at that point, I don't always jump to mindfulness. It does depend on why perhaps they did the other thing first.
00:18:42
Speaker
You know, it could be anxiety based and be like, all right, let's then, you know, think about that. Let's recognize that. Let's recognize that this is going on. You have this worry, you have this concern, and then let's move on.
00:18:55
Speaker
um And so it, again, when I say it depends, it's, it really, it is but depending on ah the team for sure.
Final Advice and Conclusion
00:19:03
Speaker
okay Cool. um So anything else, this has been such a great conversation. I love talking to somebody who, you know, works with family. So I see, I see a lot of these things too.
00:19:13
Speaker
um What are there any any last tips that you can give to the listeners today? You know, I would say this, I would say be patient. um You know, and and that goes not just with our teens, but with ourselves, right?
00:19:28
Speaker
um When I when i you know say that i'm I'm world's greatest dad, it's not necessarily a reflection of how I feel ah about myself. It's the reflection of the job that I feel that I've done with my sons.
00:19:42
Speaker
And so, you know, they're 17 and 20 now, and I feel as though they are really successful. And that's a reflection of the work that I've done as a father, as a husband, you know, and and those kinds of things.
00:19:55
Speaker
And so, you know, parents, I would recommend the same. Be patient with yourself, be patient with your team. But along those same lines, you know, failure is an option in some senses, right?
00:20:06
Speaker
And so it's not really a tip, I guess, like that's actionable. But again, just be patient. You know, don't have to rush it. Life is still up there.
00:20:17
Speaker
It gets long, hopefully. Well, I like that. I like that. I think that's great because yeah, they'll, they'll get there. I just, well you know, yeah, on their own, on their own timeframe, I guess. and And it's so important to have to give ourselves some grace because, you know, life is stressful enough. The last thing we need is to kind of be, and you know, hard on ourselves or beating ourselves up for something that it's not perfect yet.
00:20:38
Speaker
Right. Like we don't use perfect in, in, in our language, but um just that it's a process it's unfolding, it's evolving and and it's the process that really is where the growth is. Absolutely.
00:20:49
Speaker
Growth is key. No question. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, Brian, where can people find you? So if people can find me, you know, online at impactfulmentoring.com.
00:21:00
Speaker
um I'm also on, you know, all of the other things like Facebook and Instagram, things like that. So yeah, thanks so much. Appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you. We'll add those links in the show and um have a great day. Thank you.
00:21:14
Speaker
Thank you as well.