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The Joyful Leader | The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast with Nicole Van Valin, LMFT
24 Plays5 days ago
The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast – Featuring Nicole Van Valin, LMFT
How can moms thrive without burning out? In this inspiring episode, host Laura Ollinger sits down with Nicole Van Valin — Licensed Family Therapist, former NFL cheerleader, and author of The Joyful Leader — to explore how moms can bring strategy to their well-being and rediscover joy every day.
Nicole introduces her Ready. Set. Go. framework, helping moms:
✨ Identify their joy and resilience tools
✨ Design daily systems and boundaries that protect peace
✨ Implement micro-habits that prevent burnout
She also shares practical tools like her “Joy Menu” and “Sphere of Resilience Assessment,” showing how intentional routines and self-awareness can restore balance and fulfillment.
If you’ve ever felt stretched thin, lost in the busyness, or craving more joy — this episode is your permission to pause, refuel, and rebuild your spark.
🔗 Learn more about Nicole Van Valin:
Link to Website: http://www.keaneinsights.com/
Link to Instagram Profile/s: https://instagram.com/keaneinsights
Link to Facebook Page: https://facebook.com/keaneinsights
Link to Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NicoleVanValen
Link to LinkedIn Profile: https://linkedin.com/in/nicolevanvalen
Book: The Joyful Leader
Follow us for more support and soulful conversations:
Facebook: @positivelyhealthycoaching
Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
Linkedin: @laura-ollinger
🎧 Tune in now and learn how to recover forward — not just push through.#PositivelyHealthyMomPodcast #NicoleVanValin #TheJoyfulLeader #MomLife #MentalHealth #SelfCareForMoms #Leadership #BurnoutPrevention #JoyfulLiving
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Transcript
Introduction to Positively Healthy Mom Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast, where positive parenting meets wellbeing.
00:00:10
Speaker
Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Positively Healthy Mom. I'm your host, Laura Olinger. And today I'm so excited to introduce you to a really awesome guest.
Guest Introduction: Nicole Van Valen
00:00:19
Speaker
I can hardly wait. Her name is Nicole Van Valen.
00:00:23
Speaker
val i got it right, right? Nicole Van Valen, who she just has all sorts of like ah background. She's a therapist. She's got all these cool credentials. And so I'm going to let her take it from here so she can explain who she is, what she brings to the table.
00:00:39
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much, Laura, for having me here. i'm so excited. Yes, my name is Nicole Van Valen, not Van Halen. People call me Van Halen all the time um by accident.
Nicole's Journey and Resilience Passion
00:00:51
Speaker
But um yeah, so I am a licensed family therapist. I'm also a SHRM senior certified professional. I'm an executive and I'm all around known for being a joyful leader.
00:01:05
Speaker
And I've had about 25 years of experience in healthcare and behavioral health. And so I've taken all of that experience along with um working within a fortune seven hundred seven company.
00:01:20
Speaker
um across across departments from financial and procurement to learning and performance, learning and development to employee assistance programs. like So I've done so many different things and but and and rounded that out. And then another side of myself, which I'll talk about further, is I'm a former NFL cheerleader and NBA dancer.
00:01:44
Speaker
And while I was climbing the corporate ladder, had that as my resilience resource.
Ready, Set, Go Framework Overview
00:01:49
Speaker
So my joy in life is to help other people find their particular resilience resource through activities to help them be successful.
00:01:58
Speaker
Yes, I love that. And that's why I was excited to have you as a guest because you just bring all these unique perspectives to the conversation. And I just knew it was going to be a good, fun conversation to have. So tell us, like, how can what can we share with moms as far as kind of your messaging, your framework, you have a very cool framework that I got a chance to look at and learn about, like, how can you help moms with this?
00:02:22
Speaker
Yes. So the framework is called Ready, Set, Go. So it's really easy to remember. And it's really just helping moms figure out what is their joy powered performance that they can do because we wear so many different hats as moms, regardless of the age of your child. Like my my kids are now in college, but they're still calling me up and saying, mom, whether I'm the their counselor or their, um,
00:02:50
Speaker
therapist or their nurture, whatever it is. So we're always going to be um there for other people as a mom. And I think it's really important to figure out ways to identify how to be there for yourself and not feel guilty about it And knowing that when you take care of yourself, you're actually doing a service to everyone else around you. So the framework is, like I said, ready, set, go.
00:03:13
Speaker
So ready is basically identifying what your joys are, um what resilience looks like to you as you're parenting, as you're leading. Because as a parent, we are leaders.
Challenges in Finding Joy and Resilience
00:03:25
Speaker
We're modeling the way for our kids.
00:03:27
Speaker
and then number And then when they see you getting ready and finding your joy, that gives your kids permission to say, oh, I can find things that I like to do.
00:03:38
Speaker
i can look for ways to care for myself. So you're basically modeling the way. And then set is where you design the landscape. You design systems for yourself and your family.
00:03:49
Speaker
That could be the routines, the spaces that you hold, creating boundaries for boundaries for yourself. So I could say, you know, my bow I'll just say my boundary is when I'm working and I have a home office, yeah tell them, you know, five o'clock when I'm done, i just want to have a cup of hot chai.
00:04:10
Speaker
So that means, and I explain, that means i want to get up from my office, go quietly into the kitchen, make my tea, come back quietly to my office, and not be bothered for 15 minutes. And then I'll be good and everyone else will be good for the rest of the evening if I can have my 15 minutes.
00:04:27
Speaker
So it's it's about supporting your emotional wellbeing. And then go is when you implement these micro tools that can help you perform without burnout. So you're focused on your goal, whatever that is for yourself or your family or in your work environment moving on forward.
00:04:46
Speaker
I love that. I love it all. I love it all. I don't even know where to start. But where do you feel like people get tripped up the most? with With finding out, ah ah with taking care of themselves and alleviating burnout,
Leadership Retreat and Joy Identification
00:04:59
Speaker
you mean?
00:04:59
Speaker
in In any of the ready, set, go part, I mean, my is there one of those that is harder for people? Or is it just like, you know, tell me about your experience as far as coaching people through that model? Yeah.
00:05:11
Speaker
That's such a good question. Okay. Thank you for clarifying. So I would think that the hardest thing is the ready part. When you're, some people don't even know that they're stressed or burnt out. So that's first self-awareness of understanding that you are stressed and burnt out and what are those signs?
00:05:28
Speaker
And then two, but what do you enjoy? remember giving um a presentation at a leadership retreat and I was speaking to the CFO during the break and she couldn't even think about what she enjoyed.
00:05:42
Speaker
like She was like, oh, strategy. I love strategy. And I'm like, yeah, I like strategy too. what do you like to do outside of work that can re-energize you, re-feel you, and then you can go back into your work or home environment and you begin to um shape that environment based on the energy that you bring to it in a positive
Joy Menu and Scheduling Joy
00:06:04
Speaker
way. So I would say getting ready is the hardest thing. And then once you get ready,
00:06:09
Speaker
like you're, you feel like a new person. So you can step into any landscape and make adjustments. Yeah. So what would that look like on a, like a micro level?
00:06:20
Speaker
So I heard you talk about habits and routines and setting the environment. What does that look like? I guess what I'm saying is like on a day-to-day basis. So think of, um, most of my listeners have moms of teens and tweens.
00:06:33
Speaker
So we're in the sick of it We're not doing the little kids stuff anymore. Our kids are self-sufficient, but we are still busy because they've got activities and sports and we still have to kind of manage the family calendar, manage, you know, the home and the food and all that, but all the things, you know, like you said, we wore so many hats. It's like hard to think of something that we don't do to be honest. But, um you know, how does that play into like just daily life is what I'm asking.
00:06:55
Speaker
Oh yes. That's a wonderful question. So I this thing called the joy menu. And this is something that people can, write down the things that bring them joy. yeah It doesn't have to be something like going to Fiji or Cabo or something big.
00:07:10
Speaker
It can be but different level. So one of the simplest things that we can do is take three deep breaths. It takes three seconds and it's allowing your time yourself time to do it. You can even do it while something's going on. Like your kids could be um complaining about something or you could be in the car ride in between, you know,
00:07:32
Speaker
making them picking them up but from school to something that they're doing a sports afterwards. And taking those deep breaths that are really intentional, where you breathe all the way down to your stomach, expand it, hold it, and then you breathe out three times. You could do it with your eyes closed or open.
00:07:48
Speaker
And you would be amazed how re-energized you feel after taking three deep breaths. I gave you the the example of chai tea for myself. Other people might be coffee.
00:08:00
Speaker
Other people could be just going outside for 15 minutes and feeling the sun on your face and being in nature. Everyone has different things. And then you can um do other things that increase the time. So one of the newer things, because I'm not dancing all the time, because I'm a little older now, but some of the things that I like to do now is play golf, you know? And so that's something that takes half a day, or if you're just going to go to the driving range, that could be an hour.
00:08:29
Speaker
so figure out what that is. But the most important thing is to schedule at least 15 minutes in your day. Like I call that dessert first.
00:08:41
Speaker
Growing up, my mom used to let us eat dessert first. Oh, okay. I still kind of do it to this day. And I let my kids do it too. but I took that mentality of like, okay, we need to pre-schedule Our dessert first, whatever that is that brings us joy into our daily schedule.
00:09:00
Speaker
And that is your protected private time, but you're going to do something you enjoy, whatever that is. And if you need more than 15 minutes, like a half an hour to watch a show or, you know, take a drive, whatever that is, i challenge everyone to give yourself the gift of 15 minutes a day to do something that you enjoy.
Creating Intentional Household Cultures
00:09:23
Speaker
I love that challenge. I am definitely going to take you up on that. And I love the concept of the dessert first, because so many times we do it in that opposite direction where we just take whatever slivers of time we have left for ourselves and try to fit in something enjoyable. But yes, if we can pre-schedule that. And I love how, um to me, you know that brings in that that executive leadership part of you too, because you know in in an executive environment, it's you know There's schedules, there's meetings, there's things that you know and are a little bit more structured than maybe just um you know and a type person, where if you either work from home or you're an author or a blogger, or um maybe you don't have outside employment, but you're still the CEO of the household, right? It's like not, yeah we don't we kind of sometimes lack that structure. And so I like the idea of like creating structure. And that's something that too, um I've been kind of thinking and playing with lately is, um
00:10:17
Speaker
You mentioned just the modeling and and stuff in that. So that's something I you know think about all the time. But just like the proactive approach is something that I've been kind of just playing more into lately, because a lot of times I think when we just get overwhelmed, we become those reactive people and we kind of just get deal with the problems. And then, and then all of a sudden we're so flooded and we're so overwhelmed. And so, you know, the idea is that we can really prevent a lot of that from happening by keeping just a more even keel, a more even just kind of pace in life and just being more proactive and intentional.
00:10:50
Speaker
No matter what that is, whether it's the dessert concept, the joy concept, or um really anything else, because I liked something that you said earlier about setting the tone intentionally for
Sphere of Resilience Assessment
00:11:01
Speaker
your household. Kind of the thing I've been playing with a lot lately is just, you know, A, what is the culture that I want to be in my household? Just like an executive environment, like there's core company culture and then there's also household culture.
00:11:13
Speaker
But then like, what are the values? And I know that kids learn values No matter what, but it's like, are we being intentional with the values that we want them to learn? Because sometimes I think if we're not, they end up learning something that we're like, oh, they're kind of picking up on something that that's not the best version of me. And so therefore it trickles down.
00:11:33
Speaker
So anyway, I kind of just said a whole bunch back at you. What kind of power is awesome? Awesome what you said, Laura, because as you were speaking, I was like, oh my gosh, I had all of these flashbacks of, you know, because I i have a daughter, she's going to be 22 next month in college. And sometimes she'll say certain things. And I'm like, why did you say that?
00:11:55
Speaker
She's like, I got from you. And I'm like, oh my goodness, is that my example? So it could be positive or it could be like, oh, I need to make some changes. yeah yeah So it's kind of nice to see that you do have positive influence.
00:12:08
Speaker
with your kids, sometimes you don't see it, especially with the tweens and teens. Like I really thought my kids were aliens at that time. i thought We're best friends now. okay i So it's kind of that that awkward phase of what the relationship really looks like between a parent and child during that particular time.
00:12:27
Speaker
um and it's But it's also so rewarding when you start to see glimmers of them modeling your way in such a positive way, right? And then they also mirror things that, oh, maybe there's some things that I need to change about myself because I'm um observing particular behavior and or opening up conversations
Color-Coded Planning for Life Balance
00:12:49
Speaker
for that. ah That drives me to this other thing that your listeners will be able to have. It's like a complimentary gift.
00:12:57
Speaker
um It's called the Sphere of Resilience Assessment that I have. And it's on my website for people to have, but it's a tool that helps us understand where we are with our resilience, like where we're really strong, where we might be leaking in certain areas where there are gaps. And it's across eight, no, I think it's 10, across 10 different domains.
00:13:19
Speaker
So we can adapt our motherhood to it, our marriage, our careers. So it'll talk about financial resilience, emotional resilience, physical, like all parts of you as a holistic person.
00:13:31
Speaker
um And these are the things we need to check into so we can be, like you said, preventative and proactive. So if we have something in front of us that says, okay, these are our strengths.
00:13:43
Speaker
We want to keep doing those and modeling the way. And then here are some areas to improve. Then we know exactly what to focus on and be intentional about that. agree Yes.
00:13:55
Speaker
And, um okay, I have this. This is totally random. Yeah. idea for AI, which is like, I feel like the next level is helping with the scheduling because I just, I do, I have all these pieces of my life and they all need some attention. And so I try, I do try to prioritize, but I wish it could just do it for me and put it in my calendar. Seriously.
00:14:19
Speaker
I think there are tools like that. I have to research it. I'm kind old school, so I'm still using like my planner and I kind of like, have pens that are color coded. So like green is for my extended family. Pink is for me because I enjoy it. And then like my daughter has blue because that's her favorite but it organizes it in an agenda.
00:14:41
Speaker
You can also transfer that over to like your Google calendar whatever calendar you use. And the color coding is really nice because It helps me with my stress levels. When I was in corporate America, I realized that, and I would write anything for work in black, in the black pen.
00:15:00
Speaker
And when I looked at my agenda throughout, everything was black. Like i hardly had anything pink for myself, hardly anything um blue. i mean, purple for my husband or blue for my daughter, like green.
00:15:14
Speaker
So it was all black. And I was like, oh my goodness. No wonder I feel burnt out and stressed out is because I'm only focusing on this. and good thing I had some other outliers, but my main drive was that. And then over time, I became intentional about filling up the spaces with more pink for me or filling up more spaces with the blue for the kids and having quality time with the purple for my husband. So I started to be a little bit more intentional and holistic so that my agenda book would show me the colors.
Time Management and Joy Integration
00:15:50
Speaker
It would show me my culture that I was creating for myself.
00:15:54
Speaker
and And work is not everything. It's important, but it's not every, everything. Like we want to be present for our kids and our family um outside of work.
00:16:07
Speaker
I love, and I'm such a visual person. So I just love that concept. And not only for moms, but this is such a great kind of tool. I mean, you know, color coding is, has been around for a long time, but just the idea of like, even like the meaning that you put with the colors.
00:16:20
Speaker
And I think that I try to do that a little bit with, But like the the idea of being able to look at it visually and seeing kind of like how your life is going according to what colors like that.
00:16:30
Speaker
I haven't thought of that before. And I just love that concept. So um what I was thinking is that that is such also a beautiful tool and metaphor to share with our kids. whether it's the teenagers who are really self-sufficient with their time management or college kids with how they're balancing their time. Because I know I've been coaching a lot of college kids lately and and they can easily, easily get out of kind of balance with how they're managing their time. So any other thoughts about that or any other just like tips on how to like really achieve this balance that you're talking about?
00:17:03
Speaker
um Well, wanted to piggyback on what you said about the college kids and the time management, if I can remember what I was going to say. Yeah. That, well, this is what we were talking about. So um my son, he is in college. He just started.
00:17:19
Speaker
was a freshman. And he has straight A's. He does all of these sports activities, like everything. And we were like, how is he managing all of this?
00:17:30
Speaker
And what I realized is because of the sports and the other activities, those are his joys. He is refueled by that so that can go back into study and go to class and do those things. And he calls it locking in So he, when it's time to study, he locks in.
00:17:48
Speaker
then when it's time for sports, he locks into that. So it's, he's very intentional about what he's focusing on, on each item. And then holistically,
00:17:59
Speaker
he's able to manage all of those colors for
Family Dynamics and Individual Joy Needs
00:18:03
Speaker
himself. he who I think, thank you. It's actually helping me yeah right now because I, over the weekend, I've noticed, so my kids are a bit younger, they're high school, but um my freshman son is such a social butterfly. Like he is gone all weekend. He is with friends all weekend and spending the night and then spending the night.
00:18:25
Speaker
And I really had a big talk with him yesterday evening because I'm like, dude, it's Sunday night. You have school tomorrow. You've been gone all weekend. Like you've been doing all these things. that I'm happy he's having fun.
00:18:35
Speaker
i said, we really need to kind of like think about what are your priorities and values. And it's important to me that he goes to church and he's been skipping church and ah all these things. And so he's like, oh, you know, we had to talk about it.
00:18:47
Speaker
And it was nice. was just a, you know, a nice dialogue. But what I'm realizing now is that is his fuel, right? He is so, so, so he's fueling up for the week. And so it's literally helping me think of it in a completely different way. Instead of being upset about it, you know, he's getting his fuel. And as compared to my other kids who are more, They like to be at home more. They like to be in their own bed. They don't like to sleep out, you know, at sleepovers very much.
00:19:11
Speaker
And so that's their fuel, right? Because we have that side of it. Some of us have that side too, where that's where we get it. And so it's just important to, I guess, identify that and and come up with what your strategies are and then and then making sure we're we're getting the balance and getting the fuel. So any last kind of reflections on that part or just even more strategies on finding the joy or any other tips?
00:19:34
Speaker
So when you talked about fueling immediately, I was thinking about how different people are. Some people are introverts, meaning they get their energy from being alone and recuperating that way. And some people are extroverts where they get their energy from being around other people.
00:19:49
Speaker
And it doesn't mean introverts can't be around other people. It's just after certain amount of time, their energy is, you know, gone and they have to refuel. So everyone refuels differently.
00:19:59
Speaker
But I was thinking about when it was COVID time and being a mental health therapist, I was like, okay, Bradley the troops, who we're going to get up at 7 a.m. and do yoga. And then we're going to do that. And I had this whole plan and itinerary. I don't even like yoga, but we were doing it. And then finally, the kids are like, we don't want to do this.
00:20:17
Speaker
So everyone found their own joy. So my daughter ordered art supplies online. The boys are playing video games with their friends in different states. My husband was playing board games. I was walking the dog and being in nature and gardening.
00:20:30
Speaker
So we realized that everyone has different joys and different ways of refueling to get them to be at a peaceful place, like in their surrounding or their the culture of their home, or that it can be taken into work and then they can go and deliver on whatever goals they have. So the real big tip is to discover If you're stressed and burnt out, number one, and then trying to figure out over time, what are the things you like to do? And as things change or seasons change, you'll develop new things that bring you that sense of joy so that you can go out and do the things that that you enjoy doing and and need to do in your home and out.
Joy as an Actionable Item
00:21:14
Speaker
Okay, so normally I ask my guests what their takeaway is, but I feel like I'm having a takeaway, so I just have to share it. I almost am thinking of joy now is such an action item, more of like a verb.
00:21:26
Speaker
Like i i I didn't used to think of it that way, but now it's like there's something about it that now feels more empowering, like I have it in my control. where I can like, you like we talked about this whole time, like plan and schedule the joy. So that way I can have that. and And it doesn't have to be like, I'm left to, if I happen to come across joy today, great. it Right. But I can like seek it out intentionally. So that's, that's where, that's where I'm wrapping up for me. What about you? Any last thoughts?
00:21:55
Speaker
Yeah. So basically what you're saying, like you deserve joy and you don't have to wait till the weekend or a vacation to have the joy you deserve to recover forward. You don't have to just push your power through things to try to get to the joy. Like you can create it and infuse it into your daily life and That's kind of what my work is all about is helping moms and leaders bring strategy to their wellbeing.
00:22:21
Speaker
So you don't have to kind of like white knuckle it, push through it. This is a better way. And some of the ways that if you're the readers want to figure out more, more tools and more strategies about how, how to do that, everything, like I'm saying, everything is in my book, the joyful leader.
Resources for Joy and Resilience Integration
00:22:42
Speaker
um What I've heard from, from people that have read it is that but reads like a novel, but it's also like a textbook because it has all of the peer reviewed research in there, interviews from experts in sports and philanthropy and entertainment are all involved. So I would enjoy if people um get an opportunity to learn more about the book and they can go to my website at keeninsights.com slash book. And there's just a wealth of information there at the website that I can share with you.
00:23:19
Speaker
Okay. Well, I'm a huge reader, so I'm definitely going to get that book. i I can't wait to read it. and And we'll be sure to include the link to your website in the show notes so people can just click so easily.
00:23:30
Speaker
Well, Nicole, thank you so much. This was such a great conversation. I really enjoyed it today. Oh, thank you. this was so much fun. You brightened my day today. Thank you. Vice versa. All right. Take care. who Bye.