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00:00:01
35 Plays11 months ago
How did the ReShoot crew enjoy the Madam Web movie? Trick question! We did not. Listen to us recap our torture for the next hour and a half.
We do not, nor do we claim to, own the rights to this film in any way, shape, or form.
TW: death, murder, spiders, surveillance, hospital stuff
Recommended
Transcript
Critique of Movie Elements
00:00:01
Speaker
The plot? Whack. Whack. The dialogue? Whack. The characters? Whack. Great. Wait. the The asynchronous dialogue from the main villain? No, that was actually great though. That was funny. Shit. Alright, it's Reishu, baby. Let's go. Theme song!
Reshoot Podcast's Mission
00:00:36
Speaker
Hello everyone, welcome to Reshoot, now it's your guide to good or film. Where we take movies that we like, dislike, somewhere between, and we just make them objectively better. Objectively better. Yeah, and it isn't that hard to make this movie objectively better. Oh, this was a dumpster fire. Like, if me if you just gave me free reign to make a movie, I could probably make one better than this.
00:01:00
Speaker
If you gave a thousand monkeys, a thousand typewriters, and put them in a room in a thousand for a thousand years, I feel like they could easily write a script better than that. They get the first chapter of Shakespeare for the Bible. Statistically, they would write yeah yeah shmps some Shakespeare works or something else to kill a mockingbird.
00:01:20
Speaker
But anyways, who cares about Madam Web?
Discussion on 'Blow-Up'
00:01:22
Speaker
I need to get my question, my query answered from the last episode. ah Ed, I challenged you to watch my least favorite movie of all time. Ed, what did you think of Blow Up?
00:01:33
Speaker
blow up nineteen sixty six give me the I think it's a UK based film, UK film, whatever. In London. ah The director is ah Michelangelo Antonioni. He's an Italian director, but yeah, it takes place in the UK.
00:01:51
Speaker
Yeah. Um, so blow up. It's about now or just under, we'll just round it up to two hours. Um, the first half of the movie has nothing to do with the second half of the movie. It is the the the first half of the movie. Isn't even a movie. It's only the second half that is kind of a movie. Um, yeah, it's really bad.
00:02:19
Speaker
yeah ah It's also very ah misogynistic just like across the board Like even for its time misogynistic so here's the thing but you you get kind of full frontal That's not those misogyny though I know, but there it was it was during a rapey, rapey, very rapey... It's not even rapey, it's a rape scene. It is a rape scene. But they were, like, that's the thing, they were laughing about it later. Because they were high, because he gave them weed. To make it easier to rape them. Wait, when did he give them weed? He gave them a joint. I don't remember that, but oh my god, he'd fucking rape them. Yeah. But also... Trigger warnings, by the way.
00:03:03
Speaker
ah So the director, michael Michelangelo Antonioni, he's known it for his Italian films. This is one of two films he directed English. He's known for being a very staunch feminist. Like the film's themes are often like feminism and women's rights. Man, one whiff of that London air, man. I'll tell you why. Yeah, he he just got called a wanker once, and then he'd be like, okay. Bet. Bet.
00:03:34
Speaker
All right, so this week we fixed... Oh, real quick, real quick. um Although blow up was really bad, I do not think it was as bad as Madam Web.
Confusion with 'Madam Web'
00:03:46
Speaker
that's it edges out just slightly because i believe that the director was trying to convey some kind of like there yeah there's artistic stuff in the movie it is like that doesn't make a movie objectively better no no but like it's cohesive and it is some ways nice to look at and in in either and the thing is it it doesn't it doesn't bring shit up like randomly throughout the film like it it is still just like a cohesive plot even though the plot is kind of garbage it's still cohesive okay which madam web is not yeah
00:04:24
Speaker
all right so madam and web you've all i as sure assume that 90 we're full spoiler podcast we're not going to do a plot summary just because we we love you lovely audience we're not going to torture you with the horrible plot i assume if you've read just pause this read the wikipedia plot synopsis oh hey welcome back let's go watch the movie yeah It's on Netflix. Dude, it's... I would get lost trying to plot, summarize this. Yeah, this movie's a mess. Ridiculous. So, uh, what year did this start? I am, this is our, and you asked really nicely to go for it. Yes, because my phone's about to die. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. So, oh, we changed our names. Uh, Hector. Ruthie. Ed. No joke this time. So, I'm going to give a little note here.
00:05:17
Speaker
I did know a little bit of the movie's original plot. I know there was some pre-visual footage that got revealed. There was supposed to be a fight between Ezekiel and Tom Holland, Spider-Man. It was supposed to be Time Travel as the hint, the guess. Supposedly it was Ezekiel time traveling to kill Mary Parker, and then Madam Web would have to get the girl's helps to help her save Mary. This was what, I found a few sources. The first one that I could find, the one I'll just kind of give it to, is a Redditor named justafanboy1010.
Speculative Plot Details
00:05:47
Speaker
didn't want to plagiarize. um Okay, so I'll start with my likes. The minor time travel slash deja vu was actually kind of a cool thing. I haven't seen it done like that before. Because usually it's like a it's like you know what's going on. But I like how they live with the confusion for everyone. That was cool.
00:06:08
Speaker
Yeah, yeah it had a it had a Groundhog's Day feel, the original movie, and that was like half interesting. It was just Superhero Terminator. yeah but yeah um The girls, the three girls who were playing the future Spider Ladies really did try to act. I will give them points.
00:06:29
Speaker
Also, I really like the bad ADR for Ezekiel. There were points where in the beginning, if you focus on his mouth, he would talk, you would but his mouth would not be moving, and they just blurry him just a little to try to make sure you don't see him, or not focus on him. It was hilarious.
Questioning Madam Web's Origins
00:06:45
Speaker
My dislikes, everything else. Do you guys know that Madame Webb doesn't even have a comic book? Wow.
00:06:55
Speaker
it's It's just she's just known as madam web as far as I get let me check. I'm gonna check now She doesn't have like a madam web comic which she's always been like ah a side character to a different superhero comic Spider-man. Yeah. Yeah, she just helped me who just helped spider-man. Is it isn't isn't she like? Oh, she's a mutant.
00:07:14
Speaker
yeah excuse me Okay. She lives in her own little dimension. Oh, actually, she comes from Salem, Oregon, I guess. Fun fact. Yeah, I found that. I saw that. So like, okay.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah, she just never loses her powers for some reason. She survived every fucking mutant eradication. I mean, if she can see the future, she can probably just be like a spider and hide herself away. You'd say that, but considering one of the more popular mutant extension events was Scarlet Witch saying, no more mutants. That was just pure luck. She just keeps surviving like a cockroach.
00:07:51
Speaker
um Wait, Scarlet Witch at one point just made it so there were no more mutants. Uh, she killed not she erased 80. I want to say 80% of the the mutant population from having powers because she made her own world due to her kids dying. Oh, WandaVision. OK, got it. No, WandaVision was based off it loosely. Yeah. Yeah. got it Yeah. No, it's it's where it's it's darker in the other one.
00:08:21
Speaker
Yeah, Scarlet Witch is broken, but yeah. So here's my fixes. I'm going to take a little bit from the beginning. I don't know the actual plot. So here we go. This all takes place in one day within the hospital. Cassandra Webb's a nurse. She's a nurse or a doctor.
00:08:47
Speaker
She's always been able to see the future briefly and then she gets a vision of three girls with powers and one man who looks like he's one man in a wheelchair who's trying to kill Mary Parker a Mary Parker. Does she have like a specific specialty? Let me does she have a specific specialty as like a doctor or a nurse? Is she like a OB kind or like a labor and delivery nurse? Good question.
00:09:12
Speaker
I didn't think of it through. well I'll say um ill just say O-C-I-N, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, just say I see you, or like emergency room. Because she can see things that are wrong. Okay, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Like she can see the future of like, oh, this is the patient that's going to come wheeling in right here. I know exactly what to do.
00:09:32
Speaker
Yes, so she has a pretty good- I can see the future! I can see the future! So yeah,
Exploration of Spider Powers
00:09:38
Speaker
that's a good idea. So the girls came from a field trip where they all got bitten by spiders, and unlike Peter, they have health insurance. So they go in. They go in, and they're getting checked out by a doctor.
00:09:54
Speaker
I like to think that's the reason Peter never went to a doctor. He just didn't have fucking health insurance. Yeah, that tracks. So each each girl has a different specialty, because I wanted to separate them if they're having powers, right? They have the same power, so you got to make them all different. So Anya has, does anyone know who Kane is? The speed Peter Parker clone? No. click Kane's the edgy one. yeah His whole thing is he has a mark of Kane where he will grip someone by the face, and then he leaves a corrosive handprint.
00:10:30
Speaker
So kind of like Ezekiel's powers. Kind of like Ezekiel's but it's acid not venom. ah peter ah Peter mimicked it once when he got really angry in a really dark fight and he just used his spider sticking powers on someone's face and then just pulled. Yikes. Yeah. You're telling me this guy scars people's faces with acid? He's a spiderman too. He just has a weird ability for some, I think due to the cloning process.
00:10:57
Speaker
There's a lot of cool Spider-Man clones. I'm curious how the new... It wasn't splashing, it just comes out of his hand as he sticks to them. Yeah, no, it's corrosive. I assume it's acid. I don't know as much about Kane, I just know the ability. So, Julia or Sydney Sweeney...
00:11:17
Speaker
uh Mayday for context Mayday there's a universe where Peter Parker and Mary Jane have a daughter named Mayday and the way the spider powers work when it comes to sticking the walls it's they just manipulate the electromagnetic field around their hands and feet and stuff
00:11:32
Speaker
It's not actually, it's not low clingers like it is in the, uh, in the Sam Raimi films. yeah So in Mayday, she hadn't, when Mayday, that's the name of the daughter, when she started being spider girl, she can, instead of sticking to stuff, she can also repulse stuff away.
00:11:53
Speaker
So ah kind of telekinetic. Kind of, she just pushes things really hard. But she has to have hands on it.
00:12:01
Speaker
I haven't seen it. I should see it. um Luckily, we have a podcast for watching really mid or bad movies. You can watch Push and Jumper. ah Hey. I actually like we did Jumper.
00:12:16
Speaker
We did Jumper? We did Jumper like a year and a half ago, dude. Oh, Jesus. Okay, anyways. We need to finish up with Push. Madi, this is one, so this is the embarrassing thing. I'm going to completely embarrass myself here. So there was a time during Spiderverse where people were making their own spider sonas on, like, online. And I had an idea for one, but I can't draw for shit. So what I thought is, uh, Madi,
00:12:40
Speaker
What the original idea was, if I could make him special, he'd grow extra arms organ and have organic wetting, right? Yes? Isn't is't that her power in the original movie? She's got the additional spider legs that c come out of her back. Those are like mechanical though. They are? They're mechanical.
00:13:00
Speaker
Oh, it looks like they were like they look like it. Yeah, but because you'regi yeah, years ago I came up with an idea for spider sono which was like when we cool if spider like a spider could like roll the extra arms like man spider and but then they have like but only for like a little bit and then they like lose their powers for a few hours just so it's not like OP. I think having six arms would be OP. p I mean, if you're if they're just as strong and you have extra strength now plus extra webbing
00:13:31
Speaker
I feel like it could be. This is a world where you have Scarlet Witch. Comic book powers. Anyway, it's almost like superheroes are all across the board. Anyway, so those are their powers. I'm just jumping ahead a little bit. We have the villain is not Ezekiel, who is actually not even a villain in the actual comics. He just shows up to help Peter like once. Um,
00:13:58
Speaker
The villain is, if you've seen the 90s animated show, you'll know exactly who I'm talking about, Alistair Smythe, who was in a wheelchair and built spider slayers, which are like giant robots that were, I think, made by, or commissioned by J. Jonas Jameson to basically be either or capture or kill Spider-Man. I'm going full-term- He can do that on a He knows, and he's pretty rich, but yeah.
00:14:23
Speaker
it It's comic books. It's the 60s era comic books when this is happening. Okay, okay. Yeah, 60s with their socialism and their and whatnot. Yeah, it was just fun. Those godless commies.
00:14:37
Speaker
So I'm going full terminator here. There's robots going back in time to kill the target. So Webb sees what's going on through her future vision. She's like, hey, girls,
00:14:51
Speaker
I have powers, you have powers. Like, no, we don't. Debris happens. Web, Madam Web does the cool thing where she blocks the she the blocks of debris because she can see the future like in the movie. And the girls are like, OK, yeah, OK, we have powers. Cool, cool, cool. um So they're all learning to fight. She's teaching them while they're fighting through the hospital. But Maddie and Anya fucking hate each other because Maddie used to bully Anya like hard.
00:15:19
Speaker
Then they start fighting. I know, I know, it's cliche, but like, it's anything's better than what we got. ah It ends with, the fight ends with a Maddie punches Anya hard, and then Anya, trying to grab onto anything, hits Maddie with a weak mark of pain. A cane, sorry. So as Maddie yells in pain, Julia, who's trying to grab a piece of wall, rips it off and then sends it flying right at Anya. So Anya and Maddie both have ah Anya and Maddie, yes, both have scars in their faces, just to kind of show like a little... okay I think, I can't remember why I wrote that down. I think the idea was like they both hurt each other. Let's just let it, you know, we're even now. that That is teenager rules. It is teenager rules, yeah. So Webb gets angry and yells at all of them, which and the girls just fucking leave. They're like, fuck it, you save Mary and this baby by himself fire yourself.
00:16:17
Speaker
And then later on, Webb, because she has, she's able to get her way through the hospital a little bit. She doesn't have as much powers though. And then she just yells for the girls. The girls are like, they talk it out more. And they're like, that was kind of weird to leave someone like that who just got blinded. I'll say she got blind halfway through the film. It's like, I just, it's weird to leave a blind lady in the middle of a hospital like that. And they just go back right on time.
00:16:45
Speaker
and Alistair has been studying all the spider ladies and then he creates this hospital uses a bunch of hospital equipment to create exoskeleton that doesn't just let
Conflicts on 'Fantastic Four' Set
00:16:57
Speaker
him walk again because he kind of used the wheelchair to get in without suspicion because Newt's gonna look suspiciously in early 2000s at a guy in a wheelchair no one would but then they he gets kind of so like mimics kind of spider powers because we need a big we need a fight scene it wouldn't be fun without it So the three girls fight him along with Madam Webb just saving Mary right as she's giving birth. It's a happy ending. Anya's like, oh, guys, I need to go. I'm running late for a date with my boyfriend, Peter. And Mary's like, I know how to name my kid. And like, Fant Four Stick. And that's the end. That's all I got. It wasn't very fun. It was just Fant Four Stick. Yeah, because at the end of the Fantastic Four reboot, it's like,
00:17:44
Speaker
Man, we're a pretty fantastic team. And then Mr. Vanessa's like, what? Say that again. It's pretty fantastic. And then he's like, guys, I have the name. Yes. And then the third act. I want to call ourselves Van Forstik. It's so bad. I'm like, no, I just want to end it that cheesy. It's fantastic.
00:17:58
Speaker
yeah it's sort of interesting my You know Miles Teller like had really beef with like the director and everybody in that film. feel he's a huge asshole like the full allegedly He's a huge asshole. Allegedly, but I'm just saying what I heard is that there was some beef between Miles and like the director and other people in the movie.
00:18:19
Speaker
And if you watched Frank Ford's stick, there's a certain part where you can tell that the beef had it peaked because Miles Teller hams up some lines. yeah
00:18:32
Speaker
Fun fact about that movie. Supposedly the director kind of stopped showing up halfway through and he trashed the hotel room. And he's on a bender.
00:18:43
Speaker
huh Did he go on a bender? He and his wife went on a bender, supposedly, yeah. That's what I'm reading. This was the first, so just back when I was in my superhero phase, that was the first movie in my big superhero phase where I just skipped. Like, I'd watch anything. Yeah, can confirm. What were we gonna say, hon? It's funny, because, like, you were you had told me a little bit of your fixes and I knew, like, the the like overtures, the big stuff, but there's a lot of little details where I did something kind of similar. Oh, nice. Yeah. Did you also have Alistair Smythe? No, I have no idea. And just full on mimic Terminator with. ah No, I do have superheroes. I do have the Terminator mimicking part. Yeah, that I mean, that's it's it it's art. There's only like a few good movies you can riff off for this kind of thing. Ed, do you want to go next? Am I wrong in thinking that I usually go last? You're either middle or last, yeah.
00:19:40
Speaker
Yeah, I was gonna say you go first because you don't usually go first anymore But then Hector wanted to go because I have my batteries dying. Oh my yeah, I'll go. I'll go. You know it It's it Movie is fucking hard. Um my my mistake was I tried to keep part of the film intact while I was thinking about my fixes and then I scrapped it all and I don't have a lot so I'm gonna wing it a little bit and Fuck it. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. I'll just, I'll just, you know, story. It's okay. I haven't technically finished all of my fixes yet. So I'm kind of in the same boat. I've got like all my like character fixes and my like location fixes, but like specific bits. Yeah. What I liked about the movie. Okay. There were like
00:20:36
Speaker
two jokes that kind of landed with me and I don't even remember what they were. i okay and attempt is made And then the other thing that I kind of liked about the movie was ah when ah when Cassandra first goes into the water in the car and she like dies and she has the vision of like the web, that was pretty cool.
00:21:04
Speaker
And what was pretty cool about that is that they actually had like a full script for this because that they had the S from PepsiCo in in the vision there, which played a much smaller role than it should have as it being in the vision there. But, you know, still it was there.
00:21:25
Speaker
All right, and now my dislikes. Okay, I don't know who to blame here. ah Ezekiel's acting and line delivery was pretty bad. And I don't know if I want to, if I want to, ah what are you guys glaring to each other about?
00:21:46
Speaker
I'm not glaring at him. So every when we were watching the movie, every time Ezekiel opened his mouth, Hector and needed to pause to lean over to me and say, every line of his was dubbed over. It's really, really obvious when you start noticing it.
00:22:02
Speaker
But yeah. I kept laughing and pausing because I go back and I'm like, wait, wait, how bad is it? Because I like seeing bad stuff like this. I'm like, well, no, no, no. And after the 10th time, I told him I can't I can't pause and rewind on this movie so many times. This is an hour. Like two hours. That was two. We spent a half hour on the pauses and winding back, I swear.
00:22:25
Speaker
I got excited. Okay. i've never i so It's rare to see a movie this technically bad yes with this high of a budget. ah So, okay. Yeah. So maybe maybe it's because everything was dubbed over, but again, I don't know who to blame. I don't know if it's the actor. I don't know if it's the, the writing because the lines themselves were kind of, if I was a professional actor, I would struggle to see these lines.
00:22:51
Speaker
I think that when it's the director, when the Dakota Johnson shit on the movie, she was saying that it was not the movie she signed up for. I wouldn't be surprised if they like reshot half the fucking movie. Yeah. Because supposedly they were trying to get the timeline right. So that could be Andrew Garfield or Tom Holland's Peter actually Tom Holland because of the flat dub.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yeah, the art that was shown so like didn they replace in but he wouldn't be ah he'd be it wouldn't line up with the time. He'd be already an adult. Yeah, they got the math wrong. They got the math wrong. What did they get the math wrong? Because Peter Parker is is 20 in 2023 in the MCU 2023. No, but they did the five years movie. He's like, oh, that's right. He's lived out for five years.
00:23:46
Speaker
So they did the math wrong, either they did the math wrong and it was too late, or they were like, we can't get Tom to commit to this. we going They have just bumped it up to 2006 and didn't have to change anything. Because like, they there was there's nothing.
00:24:03
Speaker
I think I know, but they they could have literally, literally, literally see just, you know, they could have just said instead of 2003, they're going to said 2006 or something like that. Or the math would be closer to the middle. A lot more sense with their theme of ah being tracked because that's when like my space was becoming a thing of Facebook or.
00:24:26
Speaker
And the and NSA shit what like when did when did Snowden leave 2008? ah snow stars and it was so closer to twenty ten you guys only is closer are twenty ten okay Okay, okay But I will say this They could just do what I said to do in Morbius and just make up there a brand new spider-man Or fuck just do any other character. This isn't Peter Parker. You got Ben Ray Lee You got Kane you got I don't care about a lot of others but just too many spiders, but like Spider-man more they're they're doing They're doing Ben Rayleigh for that show,
Criticism of Sony's Spider-Man Management
00:24:58
Speaker
by the way. the the Nick Cage live action one. The emo one from Across the Spider-Verse with the blue vest hoodie. Yeah, that's Ben. Yeah, yeah. and Edward Snowden, ah it was around 2014 because that's when Citizen 4 dropped and that was the documentary that that was filmed right as Edward Snowden dropped every night. But cant can't you look up when he whistle blew?
00:25:24
Speaker
it would be It would have been around 2014. It would have been around 2014. Probably 2013. Yeah, it it it was just a mess of a timeline. Yeah, anyways. And they didn't give a shit. What was that? It was in my dislikes, right? Oh yeah, every line of his was kind of fucking bad. I don't know who to blame. Next. Yeah, it was in 2013.
00:25:44
Speaker
Okay, then okay, so yeah, they should have moved out the timeline by quite a few years for sure. At least when they had cell phones. So they had cell phones, because then they could be tracked anyways, composing myself. So I don't scream. Do you need me to pause so you can scream? No. Um, so in the very beginning, when the when the when the spider people take
00:26:10
Speaker
whatever mom to the healing pool and then the spider bites her and then she dies. oh Like how did do the spider should have bitten Cassandra? Cause that's what heals her, her like neurological thing. They say that they say that later in the movie, Cassandra explains that or Cassandra finds out that she will have this, the neurological disorder that she canonically has in the comic books.
00:26:39
Speaker
that makes her blind and wheelchair ridden, and Cassandra's mom was looking for that spider to find a cure for her daughter. The spider bites the mom and then cures the daughter, but the bite happened like three seconds before Cassandra was born. The venom wouldn't have gotten there. Also, it makes more sense that for the spider to bite Cassandra and her, get her little spidey sense, her gig of spidey sense power from that, but you know, whatever.
00:27:08
Speaker
And then my two biggest fucking complaints about this movie. All right. Yeah. All right. I only remember one currently. We'll see if I remember the second one, but they're the same exact thing. All right. So later on in the movie, when ah Cassandra, like Oh, in the in the in the healing waters, when she goes back to whatever the fucking South American country they were in, and the guy pushes her soul into the and into the water, she sees her mom talking to that doctor telling her that Cassandra has this neurological ah disorder, right?
00:27:53
Speaker
without it ever being mentioned at all in any point of the movie, she just kind of says that she hates her mom at in that scene. No, no, she mentions it one other time. She mentioned it one other time when she's with the cat. Well, no, no, she mentions it with the cat, but she also it it's implied in the baby shower scene because it's supposed to there's the game, the stupid game that they play where it's like, write a cute memory with you and your mom and she's a blank
Cassandra's Mother's Subplot Confusion
00:28:23
Speaker
sheet.
00:28:23
Speaker
because she did yeah oh Yeah, because my mom was dead. Yeah, but she didn't mention that she hated her. She just mentioned that her mom was dead. The way that Dakota delivered the line was pretty like venomous. Like, oh, she just died in the Amazon and left me.
00:28:38
Speaker
it did It was full of attempt, but Okay, still still it wasn't clear enough to me Maybe whatever and it it probably wasn't clear enough to a lot of people or or some people just Like yeah, shes she's dead. She has no connection to her. It can be that she yeah She just like talks to talks about her mom just like that because she has no connection to her mom never knew her I don't know that I don't know if that's how I took it, but I just didn't I didn't I It didn't clip for me that that was a thing. So for me, watching the movie, it's just like out of fucking nowhere. She says, I hated you.
00:29:18
Speaker
And then it's resolved in the same fucking scene. That's what it seemed like. It's like, oh, this plot point is brought up of, oh, Cassandra hates her mom and then instant resolution in the same fucking scene. This happened earlier in the movie, too, with something else. But I don't remember what it was.
00:29:40
Speaker
I don't remember, but it it happened twice. Where something, something that was not brought up at all gets brought up and resolved in the same scene. Where I'm like, what was the point of that scene then? You don't get it, Ed. There's no growth here. Nothing. What the fuck? You can't see it. You're too blind. I'm literally blind. Oh, okay.
00:30:11
Speaker
Next. Oh, God, I just thought of it and I forgot it. I was, because I was thinking- Is it still in the same vein of like- No, no, no, it's something different. Oh, oh, I remember now. In the beginning of the movie, when ah Cassie and Ben Parker are eating the little Chinese takeout in their little break room,
00:30:40
Speaker
The dialogue they have is what might wash it with my roommate Levi. He explained it as like he hates when people don't show what kind of characters they are but they talk about the kind of character they are because that's what they do in that scene.
00:30:59
Speaker
they're They're talking kind of weirdly because they're just talking about how they are as a person. Like Cassie, for example, says, we hate family stuff kind of stuff like that instead of more. I guess I was a little bit natural, but still like they talk about what their characters are about instead of, you know, through actions, through showing they kind of expo dump how their characters think.
00:31:29
Speaker
Yeah, which is yeah terrible I don't expect anything better from live-action Sony films. I'm gonna be honest with you So he sucks when he just needs to sell their spider-man right Peter Disney. Just get no no I want spider me one last fighter-verse one last-verse Yeah They can have they can have the last spider-verse because they didn't finish the fucking movie but ah they can have that and then they just just get their big like fifth 50 plus million IP sell to Disney and make your own IP. It's not like Disney isn't good for it. Yeah, it's not like Disney's gonna overpay for the Spider-Man IP, right? What I don't get is Sony has so many video games.
00:32:18
Speaker
that yeah but people i and video game sony's gonna fuck that shit up also blood burn their They're doing uncharted already like they can't fuck it up any work Sony owns bloodborne. Yes, that's why they don't have a bloodborne too. It's because Sony owns the right to bloodborne
00:32:36
Speaker
oh Even Miyazaki, he keeps getting asked about Bloodborne, so he finally brought it up. He's like, oh no, I want one. I wanted the Bloodborne too. And he said it's one of his babies. It's one of his babies. He was very proud of that one. He said it was like top three. It was one of the closer versions he's gotten to his dream game.
Sony and Bloodborne Sequel Prospects
00:32:52
Speaker
Yeah, I bet his top three are like Elden Ring, obviously, is number one. And I would think Dark Souls 3 and then Bloodborne. Was there human souls on there too?
00:33:01
Speaker
Demon's Souls was his, but it was ah that was a whole different mess. it wasn't like he he what He was brought into a failing project and he just made it. and he just Oh, I thought it was in his top three, that's why. No, no, no, it was Elden Ring and Bloodborne for sure. I don't know what his lead is. It's Dark Souls 1 or 3.
00:33:19
Speaker
i Don't think it's I think it's more one three was more out of obligation just because how much money it made First those two he wasn't involved in as much it was a hot mess He was weirdly involved with Sekiro, but he wasn't the combat director. He let someone else handle that and not game i so sorry sorry anyways Anyways, yeah anyways Sony owning stuff anyways Yeah, talking about how the characters are yeah yeah Stupid shit. I hated it. Every second of it. The dialogue is just bad ever. See, you said the thing about Ezekiel, but Ezekiel, if it was just him, then I would say it's the actor, but it's the fact that every character at least once has a really stupid line, but they actually say. Yeah.
00:34:11
Speaker
yeah
00:34:14
Speaker
No, we know how to save her nap too, you guys. I just did CPR training that day for work. And I was just watching and I'm like- Oh my God, that's right. The CPR scene. Oh. Like, where did you get the dummy? Where did she get the dummy? It was like some contraption she made with pillows and shit. Anyways, that reminds me, another thing, just one scene that I liked a lot.
00:34:42
Speaker
right okay hold up like i need to look up can i mention while he's looking up i mentioned the scene i didn't like that i just remembered or that one that i like but for the wrong reason okay you know when she rips off the license plates of the taxi oh oh yeah and then she's the number is still up on the sign like yeah Yeah, and she doesn't, is is she it doesn't show what she does with the license plate. She just takes them up, puts them on the ground and leaves them there. Apparently, uh, another she comes back from Brazil. She's still using the stolen taxi. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so.
00:35:20
Speaker
but it another scene that I liked yeah was they just say the amazon amazon in in in Dakota or in Madam Web's vision of the girls in the in the cafe right in the diner when when when Ezekiel comes in with his with his Spider-Man suit and he runs into Sydney Sweeney aka Julia and And she fucking demolishes her, breaks her neck on that fucking like stool right next to him. That was the most brutal scene in the movie. It was so goddamn jarring how brutal it looked. I'm just like grabbing her, just goo goo.
00:36:06
Speaker
Especially for a PG-13 movie, too. It was insane. I wonder if they keep trying to make an R cut and then just they get told no, because Craving the Hunter is going to be R. Was it Morbius R? No, Morbius is PG-13. Yeah, Morbius is PG-13. No, but. So kind of bat radar. Yeah. So dumb. I can't believe they cut out the line. The three others, they said echolocation. They did, but they really.
00:36:35
Speaker
But then they're like, wait, Americans are stupid, bat radar. The stupid part is, is also with this movie, is they cut out the best line in the movie, which was in the trailer, which is, you know, and my mom was researching spiders in the Amazon when she died.
Missing Scenes from Trailers
00:36:49
Speaker
I'm like, why did you take that line out? It was so mean. It was so meanable. Yeah, Disney needs to honestly stop ah releasing trailers that don't that don't share scenes in the movie. It's honestly annoying now. Disney? Disney.
00:37:05
Speaker
This is a Sony film.
00:37:09
Speaker
Disney. Oh, you're just going on a different rant. Okay. Well, I yeah, but you also forgot, but still like Disney started it, Disney started it, especially with a Rogue One. That's when it was really fucking prevalent. They had like six scenes in the trailer that weren't in the movie.
00:37:28
Speaker
No, sadly, everything we saw on Madame Web happened. They just cut out one line. Yeah. Yeah. They they they did the same thing with they did the same thing with Morbius. He's like, Who are you? I'm Venom. Dr. Morbius at your service. Like keep the stupid line in. Just keep. We know what these movies are. The only good ones you guys got is Venom. Yeah, Venom. OK, the second one was kind of bad, though. I haven't seen it. It's bad. And it should have been rated R because carnage, you know. No, I agree with you on that one.
00:37:55
Speaker
Carnage serial killer, like, together. I am Carnage. Anyways, let's get to completely rewriting this entire fucking movie. i So, I will keep the... ah What do they call it? Las Arráñas. Las Arráñas? Spider shit.
00:38:26
Speaker
Cure thing, whatever, alright. And i will i will have I will have the spider bite Cassandra instead. It's like, oh she's cured, look, you were right. Cassandra mommy, and then she's like, I was right. It dies.
00:38:44
Speaker
Or or like like like oblivion characters die. Then pay with your blush! Yeah, just the the yeah the oh and that the instant like very violent ragdoll And then we'll skip ahead to 2000 and I don't know eight something like that and where she's a little bit older where she's like, you know, 34 35 because madam web is supposed to be old she's supposed to be an old lady and
00:39:19
Speaker
Oh my god, she's 35. She's basically a mummy. Oh god. Basically a mummy. Am I right? I don't know any women above. How old are you? I'm 30. Ew, I'm so old, dude. I'm almost 31. I'm like three months old? Ew, gross. Get out of here, geezer. I know, right? You know, I- Go play pickleball with the rest of the- I think, uh, Ryan, Ryan Reynolds birthday is like the 23rd or 23rd. So I'm like one day away from him. Let's cut that out. So people won't be weird. I, uh, my birthday one day off from John Green. So, Oh, and i have shared birthday I know I share a birthday with it with some celebrity, but I forget. I have a, I share a birthday with the next president. Oh, no, it's not sick.
00:40:15
Speaker
oh bush no Bush Which one W ah huh W yeah nice W h is also kind of bad, but W wasn't really president it was dick Cheney anyways um So I will keep that I guess thing and the Ezekiel bullshit and whatever um But Fuck the ladies, fuck the girls. Sorry, Sydney Sweeney. You're like the heartthrob right now for teenage boys. But you're you're out. Didn't make the cut. eight It's just... Ruthless. Yeah, you're not in the movie. True. It's just matt it's just Dakota Johnson versus Tahar Rahim. Ezekiel. That means we have to listen to a lot more Dakota Johnson, please.
00:41:15
Speaker
She's fine. I've never seen her in any good role. She's in Suspiria. What? Was she the main geek lady? She's Susie, yeah. No. She's also in Peanut Butter Falcon, which is pretty good, maybe. I haven't seen Peanut Butter Falcon. My dad's seen Peanut Butter Falcon. I haven't seen Peanut Butter Falcon. It's pretty good.
00:41:42
Speaker
So she is the lead. She's the lead. She's Susie. God, they're looking at it right now. I take it back. I take it back. I thought it was one of the euphorias. Yeah, Dakota Johnson's good. She just got tied up. Her agent sucks and put her in Fifty Shades movies. Luckily, she dropped her agent right after this movie. I wonder why. I wonder why. So yeah, the movie will be Madam Webb versus Ezekiel Sims.
00:42:11
Speaker
And since we're moving this to like 2008, 2010 kind of shit, and NSA was kind of brought up in that, it's gonna be about that. She can be a paramedic, it's fine. Or, you know, maybe she's not a paramedic. Maybe she works for the NSA, right?
00:42:35
Speaker
Okay, I can see what you're where you're going with this. And she can like use her little hunch thing to kind of keep on people they're tracking even better, would even even though it's probably insane racial profiling. um And she notices that. We'll give her something.
00:42:54
Speaker
why like domestic terrorists exist. Yeah, she's like, she keeps pointing out all these people and not all of them are brown. And maybe I don't know, maybe she gets reprimanded for it because she's not looking at all the other brown people. Yeah. Yeah. She's not looking at all the brown people. And that's where she gets written up.
00:43:14
Speaker
um
00:43:16
Speaker
And we'll say that Cassandra and Ezekiel have been on a couple dates. Right. right? Ezekiel doesn't know that he killed Cassandra's mom. Cassandra also doesn't know. They've just been on a couple dates because Ezekiel is looking to get the NSA access. Wait, how old is he? That's a little weird. Well, he says his age, he's aging down a little bit. His aging is slowing, isn't he? Yeah, no, it's implied that his aging is slowing because he looks like... Because he looks like
00:43:54
Speaker
when he's supposed to be about 60 or 50 something but he looks he looks like 40 maybe um and and at this point like we'll we'll also age him down a little bit in the beginning we'll make him look like more of like a 18 19 year old guy instead of like ah he looks like he's 30 wait he's not Cassandra's father is he No. oh like they both didn' realize realize it okay they know like No. He's just the 18 through 18, 17, 19 year old guide for Cassandra's mom. And so he's, he's about 17 years older than Cassandra. Okay. Okay. Okay. So she's like 35 and he's like 45 or something like that or 40. I just want it to be safe here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah
00:44:54
Speaker
Well, yeah, we can also age him down a little bit. So he's only like 15 years old. Doesn't matter. what Once you get there, it doesn't matter. Yeah. was it basically yeah yeah youre you' You're as good as a six year old. Um, ankle deep. Um,
00:45:15
Speaker
Oh, I'm sold. Um, you really are. Yeah.
00:45:22
Speaker
So yeah, he wants the NSA access, right? So then he does, the he does the same thing that he does to the and NSA girl in the movie where he tries, where he poisons her, but it doesn't work in Cassandra. And then Cassandra thinks it's hot that he's choking him.
00:45:42
Speaker
That he's choking her. We'll put a little bit of Fifty Shades Freed in there. Oh my.
00:45:52
Speaker
She pulls out a whip. No, and then that's that's when that's when Ezekiel realizes. Oh, shit, this is the baby. As he's choking her out. ah Because the poison didn't work. Oh, or he already realizes later after she leaves, he's like, why didn't my poison work? Is is it off? is it Is it not working anymore? And there's like, oh, my God. There's only one explanation.
00:46:22
Speaker
because it still works because I killed this fucking person that I pulled from the side just to test it um because he needs to be a little bit detestable a little bit more detestable and then uh
00:46:37
Speaker
we'll say that that like Ezekiel still got a hold of her and NSA card and then she gets fired from the and NSA and then she just uses she starts using her madam web powers to be one step ahead of whatever the fuck his goals are I don't know what what he's looking for in this version because the girls don't exist could it just be that he's looking for Mary and mystery dad, Peter's dad, Parker. Richard. Richard. Oh, Mary and Richard Parker, because the vision is about Peter killing him all. Yeah. yeah you person in the movie potentially Potentially. Yeah. Oh, that was the original version of the movie. He time traveled back in time.
00:47:24
Speaker
oh Yeah, no, no, he's looking for yeah, he has visions of Mary and Richard Parker killing him cause Because cuz Mary and Richard they're they're uh, they're like spies aren't they in the comics They're shield agents, but because shield is owned by Disney. They can't mention She they were scientists in the ultimate universe Which is what Ed and I comics and that's what Ed and I were old enough to read back then that was a popular one. So I It's a friend of ours used to have some comics. We read a few of them. OK, so we'll just we'll just make so Peter Parker in the future kill. ah
00:48:03
Speaker
OK, kills him. Yeah, because and and this will be like an altar thing where like if his ego stayed alive, Peter Parker would be kind of bad. And Cassandra can see that it's like, wait, hold up. If I let him kill him, that's bad. Cause then Peter Parker will start killing instead of, and then she can see the altered universe of letting Ezekiel die or her getting involved in Ezekiel's death before Peter Parker is born. And then she she can see that Peter is much more, uh, morally.
00:48:37
Speaker
good and doesn't kill people and holds back pulls all of his punches basically because that's what he does um yeah and we'll we we can have this movie play out and like kind of like step by step Cassandra just slowly like setting the pieces with her powers of just like causing Ezekiel's death down the line But she but since he is trying to kill Mary and Richard Parker or Mary Parker at least Yeah, I don't know she can do stuff right she can do stuff, right? madam web Yeah, she doesn't really the only power that she has is the future since that's the whole thing you can and the astral projections oh yeah yeah i just get the actual protection give me a second ah I know she just uses her astral projection powers to
00:49:28
Speaker
defeat Ezekiel at some point and ah she loses her eyesight because uh shenanigans shenanigans maybe maybe Ezekiel develops a ate an anti-venom and then shoots her with it and then it makes her genetic disorder come back And she was blind from that instead of, you know, firework hitting her. Yeah, that'd be sick, actually. Yeah. Just counteract the venom that is actually like that is keeping her not ah crippled from the neurological disorder. Yeah. And he shoots her with that little dart and then she uses astral projections to kill him.
00:50:15
Speaker
And then she slowly deteriorates. And then there she becomes Spider X-Man, or Spider Professor X, basically, because that's what she is. Apparently, ah yeah. Yeah, and then we can have a little cameo of the of the three Spider Ladies at the end.
00:50:33
Speaker
where she just she's just sitting there and like watching them in the future sense of like oh I can meet this super spider team and then she's like spider web trials Xavier she's more like a I this is the nerd comic nerd name and coming out she's the closest thing to like a Nick Fury something the Avengers Yeah, but she can just be she can just be in her apartment just like kind of like Looking through the web. You can have a cool scene of her like crawling through the webs and like looking at all these futures that she can Make it better and all that and then watching Peter Parker and then you can have Tom Holland new cameo in there You know and andrew garfield better movie and I winged it. Yeah, nice. Yeah no he did good job So
00:51:22
Speaker
Fuck this movie. Ruthie, it's your turn. It is my turn! What I liked about Madam Webb. Uh, the park's- the first- uh, sorry. First of all, Parks and Rec references. I absolutely choose to believe that the part for Cassandra was written for Aubrey Plaza, and then you also have Ben playing, uh,
00:51:46
Speaker
the guy uh uncle ben parker yeah ben wyatt in parks and rec is playing ben parker i don't know um did i just hit a dream? Aubrey Plaza is madam web yeah would have been so good it would have been so good i hate it especially with how much of a especially with the how much of an asshole cassandra was in the beginning of the movie well and Aubrey Plaza she injects so much like automatic personality and Cassandra is written really bad she's an older lady in the comics i want an older lady playing a lead it'd be fun she's in her 40s in the comic she's older yeah in the comics she's like 50s 60s all right next like genuine like this time i swear i liked the reverse Cassandra trope do either of you guys know the original mythology behind the name Cassandra you tell i know it but you can
00:52:46
Speaker
ah Yes, like me about my D and&D character Cassandra in Greek mythology was blessed by the gods to have perfect accurate predictions of the future However, she was also cursed that her predictions would never be Listened to so she would tell people exactly what would happen, but no one could believe her No one trusted her. Okay It's like the boy that cried wolf, except she never cried wolf. People just assumed that she did. But it's not what my D and&D character does. No, here's the detective. Yeah. But it is just a really cool name, too, to be fair. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. So you're expecting that Cassandra, she's the main character. She's not going to be able to see the future correctly or she's going to see the future, but nobody's going to believe her. But no.
00:53:43
Speaker
Who was the character who misread the future? It was the bad guy. I don't know. it's a I liked it. I thought it was very interesting. It was the one good thing in the script, I will say. um And there is a concept that was buried deep within the script.
00:54:04
Speaker
deep in the bullshit but I do find it interesting this idea of being chased by a person with superhuman abilities and yeah that would be terrifying but because like I was saying like Cassandra's got two powers and she doesn't really control them she only does the astral project projection like twice it's not like brightburn
00:54:24
Speaker
It's the- Yeah, but he's like a kid. Yeah, but he kills everyone. He does kill everybody, yeah. Ed, we should do Brightburn. We should do Brightburn. No, you you would hate it. Okay. It's very- You making can try, but it's very bloody. Yeah, I imagine. I don't remember being especially gory. Just violent.
00:54:45
Speaker
All right, my dislikes. ah Number one, the dialogue doesn't sound like people. Nobody talks like that in real life. Good God. I don't know, it was so clunky. And everybody has that line, so has that has a line in that I can't remember now, but like, so I know Taekwondo. Yeah, there's some really bad lines. Yeah, that's the worst one of them all in my opinion. I know Taekwondo. It never comes up. She never hit someone. Yeah.
00:55:17
Speaker
no one says she gets tecon do done on her and gets her neck broken in the most brutal possible or was insane yeah
00:55:27
Speaker
There was something about having Cass' mom being in the Amazon that bothered me. um and in a similar vein having Cassandra be ah injected by the Aranya venom it feels like not quite white savior trope but like some kind of offshoot of it where it's like these people revere it and that's their culture and then this random baby appears and they inject her with the baby that with the spider venom and then they just ship her off to New York and she gets to do all the cool shit and Why were they all gone too? That part didn't make sense to me. Yeah. Yeah? Like they can hide. I don't get why they were gone. And like the the one dude that did survive, he's like in modern clothes, but then like 30 years ago, there was a lot of them and they were dressed in other stuff. I don't know. There's a lot of weird stuff with the Iranians. Yeah. I also don't like it because it just demystifies. It just, it kind of ruins the magic and luck of like Peter getting bit. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:28
Speaker
Hondo, 100%. The plot is a goddamn mess. breaks This is the one that bothered me probably the most as we were watching it. yeah And it didn't help that it would it was only when Hector was like rewinding, but the villain exposits at people. Just, he talks in paragraphs and he's explaining his motivation because God forbid Anybody but figure out what the fuck he's trying to do because he makes no sense
00:57:02
Speaker
but everybody treats it like it's normal. It's the inverted Cassandra. He's the inverted Cassandra, but like, he's like, he wakes up in a sweat and he's got his booty call next to him, or not even a booty call. She's like a one night stand and he's, she's like, oh, hey, is everything okay? And he's like, yeah, I just watched myself die again in my dream. I've been dreaming of it every night and there's three girls that are going to murder me in the future and I've memorized their faces and I'm going to kill them someday before they kill me. And she's like, cool.
00:57:32
Speaker
Can I do the voice? I was able to do the voice. It was like, yes, I'm gonna wake up in the future and all these women are these women are gonna come and kill me. They can all crawl on the wall. She's like, that's nice. Yeah, it was the whole thing.
00:57:46
Speaker
Thank you, I could do the voice. Yeah, she's kind of a bad example cause she is, I think she, yeah, she's like NSA or TSA or whatever the fuck, she's CIA. I don't know, but like multiple times he will say this to people who are not employees of his, who are not CIA, and or he'll say it in public. And I feel like New Yorkers, like they'll kind of let something slide, but there's some crazy shit. Somebody would do a double tape, but nobody did the double take. It's New York.
00:58:16
Speaker
I don't know. It's New York. I'm gonna consult some New Yorkers. We know a few. I know a couple.
00:58:24
Speaker
um Why is Cassandra a paramedic other than the flat fact that the plot needs it? Just, she doesn't care about people. She doesn't- That's pretty common. and but Not like that, but like as someone who works in the profession. No, but the thing is like a lot of paramedics, they start caring about people, right? But Cassandra, she gives no indication of like caregiver burnout or like paramedic burnout. Clearly she's not in it for the money. She's a fucking paramedic. She, you do have to kind of separate yourself or else you can never get the job done. Yes, but like,
00:59:02
Speaker
A little much of an ass- no, it was more ass-holy, I got what you were saying, but like, for the most part, I kinda was like, it's fine. If they just lower down by like, a degree, would've been perfectly acceptable, I think. Or if they gave some kind of inv- in, uh, like, the implication that they're giving with her character is she's never had somebody in her life care about her, so she doesn't care about anybody else back. Which makes me wonder why she became a paramedic.
00:59:26
Speaker
Cause the person that you and I know who wants to be a paramedic says that they want to give back to their community. You know? Like that makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. Why the fuck is she a paramedic? I don't know. And in fact, this kind of leads me into my overarching. She took CPR and someone's like, man, you're really good at this. And she just ran with it. She could have just been a CPR instructor then. I don't know.
00:59:55
Speaker
Don't poke holes in my joke. Anywho, that complaint kind of feeds into the bigger thing of so much of this plot just feels strung together because the plot demanded it rather than there's a story unfolding on the screen. Like there's a certain degree of acceptable and the plot demands it's that a movie gets and it's fine and it's acceptable. But once you hit like that 50% of your plot,
01:00:23
Speaker
being because the plot demands it, it gets old. You know what I mean?
01:00:30
Speaker
So here are my fixes. They're not in order. Like I was saying earlier, they're more like character fixes, and then we're going to try and get some plot out of it. That's not even just getting the characters would be enough. I'm going to get rid of the Amazon bit. The Amazon bit didn't happen. I didn't jive with it. There are no Aranya people. Why?
01:00:51
Speaker
everything's gonna be in New York. Why the fuck does she need to go to Brazil or the Amazon to just figure out her powers? No. We don't need it. Brazil's connected to the Amazon, right? Yes. Okay, phew. I just want, because I was like... Brazil has like...
01:01:06
Speaker
them the most like geography of the amazon but that's what i thought but i'm really the only country that has the amazon okay amazon has a lot of countries uh inside of it yeah that's why i was like of like argentina chile yeah i know that but i was just like for some reason i think in brazil i'm like oh shit i'm really bad at geography no your brazil is right when i think amazon and brazil they're kind of synonymous but not really and yeah yeah i just want to make sure i'm like wait shim i'm not being race shit right now right okay if few
01:01:36
Speaker
So instead of going all the way to the Amazon, how does Constance get into this situation? Constance, after finding out that her daughter has a neurological condition, she does what she can to become a secretary or research assistant for a New York based research company doing testing on spiders and their venom for medical treatments.
01:02:03
Speaker
not quite to the point of radioactive spiders yet. Ezekiel is the second highest ranking researcher at the facility. He re usurps the leader of the project in an incident, may or may not have been orchestrated by himself,
01:02:22
Speaker
and After Ezekiel takes over, he begins to perform experiments on his fellow researchers and other staff on the DL. Constance is one of the casualties. She survives just long long enough to give birth to her daughter, but no one knows how she died. But as a part of her benefits package, Constance's only living relative, the baby, gets free medical care for life.
01:02:46
Speaker
So Ezekiel can keep tabs on Cassandra and how she's kind of growing up and again, kind of continuing this research on spider venom, the results of spider venom. Cassandra, as a result result of Ezekiel's experiments, has had her powers since birth, but because no one's explained it to her, she kind of just treats it like it's normal.
01:03:10
Speaker
ah Cassandra is not a paramedic, she's a school nurse. She thought about the whole pandemic paramedic thing, but it doesn't pay well, and there's always emergencies, and she doesn't like people. Being a school nurse is super easy. Nine times out of ten, it's a tummy ache, and when it isn't, Cassandra's always got her sixth sense that she knows to trust to know what's actually going on. See what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. About yours and mine being. Yeah, yeah.
01:03:33
Speaker
Uh, that way she's an easy in as to why all the girls know her. She's the school nurse. And then they can kind of be familiar with the way that she sometimes says things that are out of pocket, but it always comes true. Okay. Now Ezekiel. Ezekiel is a proto spider man. Now he doesn't have the radioactive spider. So his powers are actually temporary. Like let's say the last 10 minutes to an hour, give or take.
01:04:02
Speaker
No, no, I'm just imagining him like having to constantly put like makeup over spider bites and just like Oh, I was just imagining he's like injecting himself like with his wrench Oh, I thought you have an actual app like a whole ass spider just get on him like get bit just Put it back in the cage. Just be like ah and just like a fucking he's just carries jars of jars of spiders with them like I'll explain what I mean. So Ezekiel has to eject himself the spider venom when he wants to have access to his powers and different venoms do different things. He can't have multiple venoms at the same time. So he can have a spider climbing venom or he can have like a poison you with my touch venom, but he can't do it at the same time.
01:04:43
Speaker
I love and hate this. I hate that the name's Venom because all I'm thinking about is the fucking symbiote right now. Spider Juice. I'm just gonna say Spider Juice now. Just say Spider Juice, thank you. Yeah. So he has to do different spider juicing at different points for different powers. Don't do drugs, kids. Don't do drugs. So how does he know... Oh, yeah. So different Venoms do different things and not all the Venoms are beneficial. Okay. So how does he know which Venom will be good to use and for what situation? Human test subjects.
01:05:14
Speaker
Yes, Constance was one of those one such test subject. Ezekiel uses her blood to ah have access to spider sense. And I don't know, maybe he could have a deal worked out with the cops to use criminals as test subjects a la Spiderhead. I don't know, I thought of that one right before we were recorded and I threw that in there. Nice, you didn't even see the movie. I watched your episode.
01:05:36
Speaker
uh so what's his motivation power he's using his superpowers for wrong reasons by night and by day he's a famous pharma ceo known for his philanthropy pharma ceo big pharma coming down yeah oh man it really is spider head
01:05:55
Speaker
But yeah, the idea is like ah he's using the spider venom, yes for medicine, but he's a lot of it is just so he can live out like a power trap fantasy and be above people and be like, you know, an early superhero in this world that has super people.
01:06:14
Speaker
All right, the girls. All three girls have a very similar connection to Ezekiel as Cassandra, slightly different. I was trying to go for a little bit more variety. Anya's mother ah was also an unsuspecting test subject. However, when Anya was young, very sick, her mother couldn't afford childcare, so she brought her daughter to work. Anya was bitten by one of the spiders without anyone knowing.
01:06:39
Speaker
And hers was permanent. And hers was... It's permanent but dormant. I'll get to that in a second. Okay. Maddie Franklin's parents worked for Ezekiel's company. They knew about Ezekiel's experiments and they still know to this day. I think Maddie's mom tried some of the venom just to see what would happen but it like skipped a generation. So she didn't get it her daughter did. She didn't get it her daughter did.
01:07:02
Speaker
Julia Cornwall's bio mom was a patient used ah that was using the experimental medicine that was produced by Ezekiel's company. she's She got a bad batch that wasn't fully like powered out. And now the mom needs it needs the same medicine to survive. And again, the the powers jumped to Julia.
01:07:25
Speaker
I'm gonna say similar to the original movie, the girls' powers haven't activated because they needed a near-death experience to activate it. I don't know, bullshit. I mean, i had that kind of makes sense. Sometimes jeans don't activate in until the right condition, so. Yeah. Not as bullshit as you say it is. And for just for grins and giggles, ah Cassandra knows Ben because they used to date, but it kind of just fills it up. Now they're just friends.
01:07:54
Speaker
That's the kind of vibe I had durationally, to be honest. They kind of had like a we used to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm just taking my head cannon from the movie and I'm flipping the switch and making it cannon manually.
01:08:10
Speaker
the The vibe that I would want for this movie is the the vibe that was in the subway scene of like, oh shit, there's a superhuman person that's after us. And Cassandra is being flagged as the villain because everybody knows Ezekiel. Proto Spider-Man is the good guy because he stops the bad guys. wait Wait, so Ezekiel's already a proto Spider-Man? Proto Spider-Man.
01:08:33
Speaker
Yeah. I think he's familiar to the cops, but maybe not to like people. Okay, I misunderstood for some reason with your thing earlier. I don't have my notes written down at this point, so I'm kind of just verbalizing the ideas. Yeah, I think the plot is still very similar where like he, instead of he's worried that these girls are actively going to kill him, it's these girls are liabilities to my machinations if they tell their story.
01:09:03
Speaker
I'm ruined. Can I? but Can I give you a fun idea? What? J. Jonah Jameson 100% trusts in Ezekiel as a hero. And then at the end, he's like, I'm never trusting a superhero again. And that's how he why he doesn't like Spider-Man. This guy's just a poser. He's not the real Spider-Man. Spider-Man. He needs a real younger. We need a younger J. Jonah Jameson. But can it be played by anybody other than
01:09:33
Speaker
uh why am i blanking uh jk simmons yeah can it be no no it has to be i don't want him to deep fake him to make him look younger no no no you gotta to have someone young but they can like just give him like peach fuzz yeah like he's just fresh a fresh newspaper that no one really trusts yet you know But yeah, what i what I want for the movie is ah you can switch the final fight scene to instead of being the firework factory that blows up, it's the research facility.
01:10:11
Speaker
um Cassandra already understands her powers. The girls, they'll probably get them like two thirds of the way and they'll start to get their powers.
01:10:23
Speaker
Oh, I forgot to write down Mary Parker. Mary Parker has started working at Ezekiel's company, but she hasn't been experimented on yet. That's a red herring I wanted to throw in there. Okay, that's a fun idea. They're just waiting for it. Yeah, like you're waiting for it. But like, Ezekiel's about to do it and he gets distracted because like Cassandra shows up for a checkup. Yeah, yeah. I hate that trope, but okay. What?
01:10:49
Speaker
We're like, you're like expecting this to happen and then they get distracted. But you know that Peter doesn't get his his powers from that moment. So you're like, wait, let their fucking with the cat up. Haha. You got me. Because like, let's be honest, these movies do not.
01:11:09
Speaker
really and i mean like can they don't respect spider-man they really not since uh ramey i'd argue i like andrew garfield but that was because he's a good actor not as much the writing yeah he's also a good egg he's a good egg i i'm still correct i still feel that i'm correct and saying that toby mcguire was the best peter parker andrew garfield was the best spider-man and tom holland's good for both yeah you for that
01:11:41
Speaker
He's still more more Peter Parker than he is spider-man I would argue he's a more spider-man than Peter He has he's he's good at white cracks. He's pretty good at the white cracks and the jokes I'd argue I don't remember many Toby having many wise cracks. No, but he's he's the best Peter Parker. But that era of superhu superhero movies, it wasn't big into the wise crack kind of comic book vibe. They were trying to be their own thing. Yeah, no, I think Raimi was also, he was taking inspiration from the Silver Age, so it makes sense.
01:12:21
Speaker
It was all kind of soap opera at times, so he he got he he he got the mission down. But a lot of superhero movies of like the early 2000s, they took that route of like being soap opera drama, but we don't want to lean into the comics. We'll kind of make fun of the comics for being nerdy. Dude, you can say X-Men, it's fine. It's been tested for.
01:12:40
Speaker
Fantastic Four did not respect the source material. I thought it did a better job. It did a better job, but let's be real. Like the only thing they messed up was Dr. Doom. That's because they didn't want to do all the weird history behind them. I don't... I hate that so fucking much. No, I'm going to go on my rant. I'm going to go on my rant. Okay, one, it could have been the wrong actors. Hold up. Ruthie, are you done with your fixes?
01:13:06
Speaker
I guess I can't like think of any like individual scenes I would pin. No, it's fine. You got a good idea for a story. Yeah Yeah, that's what I usually do. I usually just do good idea for story. No, no real like Specific can I give you a behind the scenes thing that I was thinking of for Julia's backstory for her powers I was kind of fucked up and I decided against sure. Yeah possible Julia's dad was paying Ezekiel, he was trying to poison his ex-wife, and ah she didn't die.
01:13:44
Speaker
With the spider venom like they thought they were giving her a bad batch, but it was superhero juice. Mm-hmm. There we go done that That's funny. Yeah, I thought that was fucked up and I'm like, maybe a little too much Can I go my Robert Downey Jr thing? Okay. God damn it. This is the worst thing. This is the aura Boris It's eating its own tail like I'm gonna be in an episode of smash trivia where I talk about this soon for the Deadpool 3 review we got really off topic a lot of topic but like Jesus fucking Christ. It's an all-roar student's own tale. we We can find a cool new actor, you know? We can... We can do a Roma actor, or if not, we can get like fucking Killian Murphy, you know? Like...
01:14:22
Speaker
Killing but Murphy would have been a real... Yeah, you need someone with like... Okay. bravaton Gravitas. Gravitas. Someone said it on Tumblr perfectly. You need a Shakespearean-styled actor to pull it off, because someone said it perfectly. Doom's whole thing... um some I saw someone sending me from like Tumblr, Twitter, but I can't remember where it was now, but it was like... His whole thing is, he is an 11. Like, out of 10, Doom is an 11. But his major flaw is that he thinks he's a 12.
01:14:51
Speaker
so
01:14:53
Speaker
and doesn't Doesn't he get a scar and then he thinks his his whole life is ruined because his perfect face is scarred now It wasn't just a small scar. It was like some irreversible like It's perma fucked up it' perma fucked up except except on occasion where it does get fixed but then it always goes that's why he that's why he sears that metal mask on his face Yes But that's the thing, like, we could have gotten something really cool. He's a cool villain. Michael Fassbender would have also been a good doctor. I have my issues with Michael Fassbender. I know. he I honestly think Robert Downey Jr. can pull it off. i don't You know who we needed? Johnny Depp.
01:15:29
Speaker
Ew, no. He would have been so flamboyant about it. It'd be cool to see him. No, no, no. He plays Jack. He doesn't do anything good anymore. His movie, he was in cons and he was the worst part of the movie that he was in that in the cons film festival last year. Mads Mickelson, I know he was already technically in Marvel. Please, Mads Mickelson could have been it. But he could have been a really good. He was a popular fan cast. Wait, Mads has already been, oh, he was the villain in Doctor Strange.
01:15:59
Speaker
But we could have gotten it, so I don't like it. Also, I know you i know Robert Downey is just a good actor. Here's the thing. He plays smarmy smart guy in everything since fucking so it's fucking Iron Man. Except for Dr. Doolittle where he was just smart guy, wasn't he like not smarmy?
01:16:18
Speaker
I don't know. i haven't No one saw Dr. Doolittle. No, you did. You told me you watched it. No, I saw five scenes of it online. oh i didn't see I saw a scene where a dragon farts on his face. But um not exaggerating. I think it was a dragon. You played an asshole in Oppenheimer.
01:16:33
Speaker
But he played a smart asshole, just not as smart as Oppenheimer was, but he played a smart... political no he yeah he did He did outsmart Oppenheimer. He was more politically savvy, yeah. he's political Politically savvy. so army But like, you need someone who can sell... I want someone who can sell me on the like...
01:16:55
Speaker
doom tragic man who like wants to do right but believes that he's the only way I think I think down he can just do it because he did play like the early early Iron Man was like cocky as fuck so yeah but that's basically him playing the same role no i'm I'm with Hector thank you but yeah I just I don't I get what you mean I just don't have faith anymore also like He walked out, he took off his mask, and then he did the Iron Man pose immediately. And I'm like, oh no. No, yeah, no. I think Marvel's just like- No one likes this. They're just sniffing their own farts. The Marvel Studios subreddit even has been making fun of this casting. They're like, we don't have faith in it. Like, you know how bad it is for those fanboys to turn shit to ban and ship like that? Oh man, especially after Deadpool 3 came out. Oh, I don't think it's a good idea. I genuinely...
01:17:49
Speaker
think it's gonna be the it's going to potentially I mean I could be eating my words in a few years like I'm not above that but like Jesus Christ I don't have faith he doesn't play smart smart smart smart pants and zodiac was that this was that before Iron Man ah Yeah, yeah so Iron Man. All right, let's see trop thank it's like ah Tropic Thunder. People were making jokes that they should have cast him as Kang When you said Shakespearean my first thought was what's his face Andre he's dead though. I know he's dead.
01:18:29
Speaker
Andre is my other thought was you know who's classically trained in Julian Dennis from It's Always Sunny Philadelphia. Wait, what about Sterling K. Brown is dr. Doom? He's yeah avatas yeah he could do it You know, you're you're kind of right other than Tropic Thunder he does just play like smarties.
Evolution of Jack Sparrow
01:18:48
Speaker
Yeah, exactly He's very good at it. He's good at it. Oh, I did see odd even due date even due date He's kind of like a Tony Stark Cause he's, I think what happened, it's the same thing that happened to Johnny Depp. He played Captain Jack Sparrow and now every role involves him being a little bit of Captain Jack Sparrow since. Yeah. So that's what I'm speaking of to Johnny Devon, Jack Sparrow, um, Disney kind of messed up.
01:19:17
Speaker
because Jack Sparrow in the first Pirates is a completely different character than the the next five movies. Jack Sparrow
Grading Movies and 'Blow Up'
01:19:25
Speaker
in the first one is act like he's my favorite kind of goofy hero, which is like what what what I loved what they did with Trigon Stampede.
01:19:37
Speaker
where Vash is goofy but when shit needs to get done they get very serious and are very competent well the thing is the scoopiness is a is a facade to make everyone not look at him and then he does his plans anyway oh yeah uh disney's just forking they're just uh forcing it for the money so they're gonna bastardize the character and in the first part it's he's like goofy but like he's competent and he gets things done in the in the next movies he's goofy and then gets things done just because he's lucky basically no one of them in the third one there was this particular scene where he escapes and he was like he was doing the same thing i think three was the closest we got to him being back to one but i'd i'd rather yeah but yeah
01:20:30
Speaker
ah What grades for the movie? Grades. I give it like a D minus. F. D minus. Oh, by the way, the difference between this and Blow Up. So this one is F. Blow Up is F plus. Because it's pretty to look at. Or wait, is it because of the mimes? I would give it an F plus for the mimes. No, because I know that the director was trying to do something better. He just fucked up.
01:21:01
Speaker
And the mimes was a weird thing. I don't know what to think of it Yeah, I also don't know what what the director was trying to tell me but yeah Media you have been watching or ah sorry continuous um I was just making fun of them blow up and like just go take pictures of people in the park with or without their consent You might stop a murder odds are you probably will not? Here's the thing. Did the murder even happen? Yeah. Yes, cuz he found the body. Oh But it wasn't their net later. Yeah, because she probably moved the body. She was able to move that body? Probably. There's ways. um It's been many years since I've seen that hot dumpster fire, but wasn't she like sleeping with another man? The two of them definitely could have moved the body. She wasn't sleeping with another man.
Review of 'Deadpool 3'
01:21:52
Speaker
i saw deadpool 3 other media after saw deadpool 3 i saw blow up it was pretty good actually it was pretty good like i'm gonna give a little kind of a little bit yeah well spoilers oh it's not as good as the other two but like the good shit really hits hard and also like i'm going with one thing i yeah i you told me uh all right But yeah, it was sad. I like the, uh, the action scenes are really good. I feel like the Deadpool have a lot of Marvel stuff. They have the best scenes. I don't know. It's like they got the good. They got the good action. They did an old, they, they, I'm not going to say that, but they did a little long fight scene that I liked anyway.
01:22:41
Speaker
Fuck the final boss of the Elden Ring DLC. Did he finally beat it? No, I haven't I haven't had attempts since the last time your shit I don't I can't think of anything Well, you guys are going on a trip. We are going on a trip and I'm probably gonna watch movies on the plane I don't know what I'm gonna watch. I'm trying to watch
01:23:07
Speaker
it's what they It's what the movie has it's what they have playing though You can also download you can also like download and watch Netflix movies offline on shift not i' reling in my laptop your phone on your phone technically watch around web again um yes why don't i look get adam we again You can download scavengers rain and watch that entire series did you watch it i don't want to Did I watch it? No. I have not seen it yet. No. Currently
Debate on Phone Games
01:23:42
Speaker
I'm watching Overlord and Black Mirror. Okay. Instead of what I'm watching. Why Samurai?
01:23:50
Speaker
This is what I want my father-in-law to watch, and if it's on the plane, I'm gonna, like, not bully him, but I'm going to... I'm gonna bully i'm goingnna bully my father-in-law to watch these movies. ah First of all, Point Break, the 92 version. nice He hasn't seen it. He hasn't seen it! Are you kidding me? It's his kind of movie. It's his movie! Joe Dirt. Very funny. He hasn't seen it. Fucking Joe Dirt.
01:24:16
Speaker
i want hector to watch this hector to watch i saw that movie so long ago hector made a joke with his mom in the car and i wanted to like spoil one of the funniest jokes to me oh i have one more uh thing okay i beat near replicant oh yeah you did i beat every ending there's five you actually got to the ending of d uh not just d e oh you got e i got e i got e i got it at the same night i got d i got e since it was really quick um to do but uh yeah it was it was good and now i'm getting into like the deep dive of the lore when i don't have the brain space for it and like ends up the now defunct for a phone game near reincarnation is technically near three no one told me that and now i can't play it so i have to fight away to get all the lore
01:25:09
Speaker
Wait, why you can't where can't you play that? it's gone oh It's gone. It's gone from this play story. It was like a limb it was like up for like a year. My old phone couldn't run it. So I didn't i was like, eh, and then I forgot about it because I got busy. And I don't like phone games.
01:25:21
Speaker
You really don't like phone games? I really don't like phone games. Kingdom Hearts! There's two games that are relevant to the series. Like very relevant. I just didn't play them. I couldn't do it. I hate phone games. And you missed out on two of the keyblades because you didn't finish the phone game. Yes! I did miss two of the keyblades because I didn't miss out on the phone games. Hector, real quick. Hmm?
Recommendation of 'Black Summer'
01:25:44
Speaker
Have you ever seen Black Summer? Black Summer? It's a show on Netflix.
01:25:51
Speaker
It's a zombie show. Probably the best zombie show I've ever seen, zombie anything I've ever seen in my life. You should watch Black Summer. It's really good. There's almost no dialogue in the entire show. Sorry, what? We were talking about Robert Downey Jr.
01:26:05
Speaker
um Smart, less so, but smarming, yes. In Judge, he ah he's not quite as much of the stereotypical Tony Stark ass. In Judge? Okay.
01:26:20
Speaker
He's like an asshole, but he's not like wicked smart. He also wrote the damn movie. Yeah. So it's a really good movie. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying it's probably the only way he's allowed to now because he's been fucking typecast. So,
Travel Plans and Movie Choices
01:26:34
Speaker
Hector, I want you to download the entire first season or first like five episodes of Black Summer and watch them on the flight. No. At least the first three. It's a late night flight. I'm not going to do it.
01:26:48
Speaker
at best I will go best to watch a little bit of something now i'll go to sleep yeah we're li slightly So what's the first episode then it's a two it's two flights right? Yeah, it's two flights. I think we touched down in Miami and then we you know Okay
01:27:07
Speaker
yeah Miami not Atlanta or tech or like Houston no atlanta we're so portland to atlanta and then atlanta yeah to san ju we um on the trips to Puerto Rico. I've never stopped in Miami. It's always been like One time we stopped in like Denver and then went to New York and then to Puerto Rico but other to other times as usually Houston or Atlanta When we went last time, it was Portland to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and then Florida there. too Oh, you went to Fort Lauderdale straight. Wow. Yeah. And we had to run d the perimeter of the entire goddamn airport to make to our plane and talk because they changed the gate last minute. Oh, yeah. Yep. They did that to me too. Yeah. Oh, okay. We could just end the episode.
01:27:56
Speaker
And it's your choice for the next film Ed. Blow up, i'm just kidding. Now Hector has to watch it. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm not choosing blow up. I need to look at the, I'm not quite sure.
01:28:15
Speaker
um I mean like the the thing to do would be Deadpool. That would be a thing to do. But is Deadpool worth fixing? i hear that it's a good move what you say Is that like the thing to do it would be but like it's it's good Yeah, okay. There's there's not much to fix. So what we can do What we can do Ed is we can find an X-Men film Find an X-Men film they're fixable and definitely fixable
01:28:50
Speaker
cause like Deadpool's actually
X-Men Film Series Discussion
01:28:51
Speaker
good. We're gonna have- We could do Dark Phoenix. I haven't seen Dark Phoenix. That means we have to watch ah the other ones in the prequel but and reboot saga.
01:29:04
Speaker
ah so the ones in reboot saga There's Days of Future Past. First class is first, then Days of Future Past, then Apocalypse, and then Dark Phoenix. Dark Phoenix, yeah. We haven't seen Apocalypse or Dark Phoenix. We can do Apocalypse.
01:29:19
Speaker
And then go to Dark Phoenix next. Ooh, I've seen Apocalypse. A double feature. Apocalypse is also Oscar Isaac, who ah who begged his agent for the role, poor bastard. Poor bastard. Because he loves he loves Apocalypse. Dude's in a big Axman fan. There's hundreds. There's millions of us. There's dozens of us. There's hundreds of us in this case. ah Let's do X-Men Apocalypse. Hell yeah yeah. Can I come over to your place to use your Disney Plus? We don't have any.
01:29:50
Speaker
ahzon hulu might on hulu You can also probably rent it on Prime Yeah Also, I don't have these any plus anymore. I was mooching off my brother and he canceled it lama ah get that lamon Yeah, and Like his his roommates or the people people that he knew his friends were also mooching off of him so they got kicked off also and
01:30:15
Speaker
Alright, yeah, everyone. Thank you for watching. yeah Join us next time for X-Men Apocalypse featuring Oscar Isaac as a big angry blue man. We love to see it. Yeah. Bye. Goodbye.
01:30:32
Speaker
Wow, it's me doing this credit stuff. That's interesting. Well, today's film was Madame Web, directed by S.J. Clarkson, written by Matsuzama, Burke Sharpless, Claire Parker, and S.J. Clarkson. The character of Madame Web was created by Denny O'Neill and John Romita Jr. And finally, cinematography by Mauro Fiore.
01:31:07
Speaker
Go show some love on their various social media accounts. They made a movie, which is more than we can say here. And I am not looking forward to watching X-Men Apocalypse again, but here we are.