Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Ep. 103 – Eunuch-ly Qualified to be Persia’s Next Top Concubine w/ April Gloria
78 Plays2 years ago
This week we’re joined once again by the fabulous April Gloria (Casey’s wife), and we’re jumping back in the Word, folks! Grab a pad and pen, because we’re studying the heavenly sex offenders known as the Nephilim, and the story of Esther. I’m telling you, these Bible stories just keep getting better with distance… Follow April on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok (@_aprilgloria)!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Queen Vashti's Defiance
00:00:00
Speaker
Then Memukan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, quote, Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king, but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen's conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, quote, King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.
00:00:29
Speaker
So they're getting rid of like Yasqueen with it. This is like the precursor to the former Gilead in The Handmaid's Tale. This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the Queen's conduct will respond to all the King's nobles in the same way. There will be no disrespect and discord.
Meet the Hosts and Lighthearted Topics
00:01:10
Speaker
Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Sam. I'm Casey. And I'm April. Back again. Back again. I was excited about that. Yeah, before we get started, there's something that we wanted to promote.
00:01:27
Speaker
Uh, it's pretty new, but there's a, there's a go fund me now for Kanye to become a billionaire again. Yeah. I was set up by some fans. I should have run this by you first, but yeah, set up by some fans. Uh, and it's just, look, what's happening to him is really just doesn't seem fair. Right.
00:01:46
Speaker
And he needs a billion dollars back. So I think he got knocked down to like about 400 million. So if everyone wants to rally together, uh, and you know, donate a few bucks, I think, I think we can get him back up to a billion dollars. I don't, I don't know. I don't know what you guys think. That is so sad. I'm crying so hard right now. Yeah. We got to get him back in a position where he can make shoes that look like they were made by
00:02:15
Speaker
kindergarteners out of clay. Those shoes look ridiculous. They look like a shitty Elon Musk style spacecraft. That's something that he would send in his face. It's like what people in the A's would have imagined moon boots still look like. Yeah. It's like when you would watch bad takes on what the future would be like in 30 years and everyone has flying cars. The year 2000, we're going to be disgusting marshmallow sneakers.
00:02:44
Speaker
It's probably a movie trailer that had Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. Yeah. I'm all for it. I think so. We've been watching that show and or the Star Wars show on on Disney Plus. Oh, yeah, I haven't got I think. OK, I watched Mandalorian and then one episode of Bobo and that's where I'm at. So I got a lot to catch up on.
00:03:09
Speaker
It's it's pretty good. It took a minute. Like it took like five or six episodes for us to be like, okay, I'm interested now. But that's too many episodes. Well, you can probably if you get the synopsis, you could probably skip a couple of the middle ones. That's very offensive to the person who made it.
00:03:28
Speaker
You know, that sucks for them. Well, it's 12 episodes. That's a lot of episodes. Yeah. But it's funny when you're watching, uh, especially like Disney stuff. Cause you're like, there's, you're at a point now where like you can recognize future merchandising opportunities. You're like, Oh, I see why they put this in, you know? Yeah. Oh yeah. They spoke us on. There's this part right now that we're on where, you know, it's shot in like this space prison. That's kind of like a penal labor camp.
00:03:57
Speaker
And the ground is like electrified so that the guards wear these like special boots that like ground them out so they don't get shocked or whatever. And they immediately, like when they panned to the guards, they show these boots. And I just looked at everyone like, they're gonna sell those boots. They're for sure gonna sell those boots. We're gonna see people walking around in space prison moon boots.
00:04:25
Speaker
I think it reminds me of a long time ago. I saw an Afro Levine music video and I'm just like, why are they focusing on the Sony camera for like five seconds of this video? And I guess they like sponsored her entire video or something. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's four megapixels.
00:04:45
Speaker
Yeah, it's like with Netflix movies and shit where they're like, I guess you would see that in a lot of movies, but like Netflix, because they were like, they didn't do ads and stuff like that.
00:04:57
Speaker
Um, people would just pay to have their product placed in Netflix, original movies and stuff like that. And there were times where it was like super obvious. I feel like in stranger things, it was obvious sometimes, but I can't tell if they were just trying to like make it seventies, like more if they were really going for like pushing products like Coke or something like that. Probably even on, even
00:05:22
Speaker
on shows like meat eater like they'll be like like pan across like the yeti logo or something i'm like okay so yeti serious black coolers have you looked at the price point and on yeti coolers like any job and it makes makes me cry disgusting
00:05:42
Speaker
I'm like, I saw when that was like, you could fit like maybe 12 cans in there, maybe. It was like 300 bucks. I'm like, who the fuck needs to keep something that cold and it's worth that much to them? Dude, like we do like contest and like, if you put a Yeti thing in the contest, like in the prize pool of a contest, like we do for customers, like that's what people pick. They always pick the Yeti thing.
00:06:09
Speaker
And like one of them the other day, like the bottom tier prize, I did a, like a Yeti lunchbox and it's just like a floppy sided lunchbox that says Yeti on the front. I mean, literally like any, you know, JanSport probably makes one for 40, you know, for, I don't know, $8 or whatever. It's 80 bucks for a lunchbox. Wow.
00:06:33
Speaker
It's because there's a bunch of competitors now and like, I don't know. I guess, look, if you look at their like bigger coolers that are like $500 or something even more outrageous. It's like, maybe it is the best, but I don't think refrigeration will ever be worth that much to me.
00:06:52
Speaker
Like that's how much it costs to buy a fucking refrigerator. You don't need a personality that bad, though. Yeti is a personality. It is. Yeah, if you don't if you don't have a sticker on the back of your Jeep, then you're just nobody. Yeti is white people fubu. April, when you said, what's their name? Avril. I immediately made me remember we should have.
00:07:21
Speaker
mentioned it when Jeremiah was last on since he was adjacent to the, what's the- When we were young. When we were young, yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. I recognized most of the bands there and there were a lot of bands that are like emo, pop punk, a lot of like heavier bands and somehow beating all odds. Avril Lavigne found herself a spot right in between taking back Sunday and bring me the horizon. And I thought that was so funny.
00:07:55
Speaker
I really enjoyed Avril back in the day though. Like she was like, cause you know, it was kind of like I was, I wanted to be edgy really badly, but like I had to work around like rules and dress codes and everything. So I was like as edgy as I could be. So I kind of found a parallel in Avril. She's like, I'm in pop, but like I have a little tiny bit of, I have a tie on. Yeah.
00:08:17
Speaker
That's very interesting. She's a rocker.
00:08:25
Speaker
I clip on time to like, oh, no, it wasn't a clip on it, but she would wear like a T-shirt and then like it was like a white tank top, a tie and like those Dickey's knee length shorts. That's right. Oh, yeah. I wanted those shorts so bad when I was younger. With like a pair of at knees or whatever they're called, those wide ass sneakers. Oh, yeah. I never had those. I had I had vans. I had like the white vans and then I had the Chuck Taylors, which I still own. Not the same ones.
00:08:54
Speaker
Dicky stuff was for drywallers and angsty Christian kids. Yeah, pretty much.
The Enigma of Nephilim and Biblical Mythology
00:08:59
Speaker
Okay. Close your eyes. Okay. Here we go. Into the time machine and think back on like one particular item that you bought that gave you like.
00:09:12
Speaker
butterflies in your tum-tum because you're like, oh man, this is so cool. Like when you were trying to be edgy. Oh, hands down, it was, uh, my first studded belt. That thick ass. Yeah. It's like that ultra wide. It barely fits through your belt loops. Oh my word. I think, was mine two or three? I don't remember. I think it was three.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yeah, so I wore, I think I got that junior year in high school. Like when I went to public school in 11th grade, that's when I really started to like, slip into the edginess, so to speak.
00:09:50
Speaker
So I got the studded belt. Did anyone that you know have the buckle on the side? Oh, yeah. Oh, front. That's nice. I had a Zail belt buckle. That's right. Zail belt buckle. Wow. That's probably a collector's item now. I know. I don't know where it is. I wish I still had it. It's not funny because of who would want it. It'd be on the wall behind me if I could find that at my parents' house.
00:10:16
Speaker
that was cool and I would wear that so I didn't wear my belt to the side I would wear it like it I don't even know how to explain it it was so dumb and I was like just felt cool because I didn't see other people doing it which does turns out when you get older you realize not seeing other people do things doesn't automatically make it cool but yeah it was like the first belt loop on the side like on like the left like the first one you would come by I would like
00:10:45
Speaker
Find out I would like interlock the belt around it. So like the I can't explain this shit. It was just I can't I don't even know how to explain it. I would like need a belt and a visual. I feel like the only way I could do this if I acted like a flight attendant showing people how to buckle a seat belt. You like wrap it underneath or like wrap it behind it and then like make a little knot and go down like a part would like went over the belt.
00:11:13
Speaker
How the fuck did I do it? I'm actually going to have to try and figure out how I put my back on after we get off of this because I can't actually quite remember how I would even explain that. I'm picturing Casey, my Siri costume belt. Yeah.
00:11:28
Speaker
There we go. That sounds heavy and tedious. Oh, I should make an emo Siri mashup. Oh, okay. I remember, but also filming. I finally remember. So after you put your belt, like after you put the thing through the notch and then on the belt, there's like the extra loops to put the excess belt through.
00:11:52
Speaker
in between the buckle and those loops that my belt loop would be. And then the excess of the belt would go over my belt loop. So it was just slightly off to the side. And I wore tight black t-shirts that didn't go below my belt at the time. So it was very obvious that I was wearing belt. Yeah, exactly. So and that was before I had moves. So I was able to successfully wear tight
00:12:19
Speaker
black band shirts and that was a different time in my life. Here's a fun story. I had a friend who I'm still friends with to this day and she went to a used concert and I didn't even bother asking my parents.
00:12:36
Speaker
And so she brought me back a t-shirt from it. And it was like, I was very small when I was in high school and it was like this, like I had, I still have the shirt and it's like a little, it looks like a child's shirt kind of, but I would keep it. Well, okay. I had the, the used shirt and then I had an avenged seven fold shirt. Nice. But I had also gotten from friends who went to a concert without me. I don't know how I got them to.
00:13:04
Speaker
I don't know why they did that for me, but I don't know. Maybe they felt sorry for me. Yeah, like this poor kid. I know. And the events have been- Like an hungry and devotional right now. Oh, I know. The events have been fulfilled. One had a skull on it, so I didn't want to bring it home because I wouldn't want my mom to see it in the wash because, you know, not to embarrass her, but I had a couple of garments disappear once I put them into the wash. The garments?
00:13:32
Speaker
Garments. That's so funny. The whole like skull thing was like so off putting to a lot of Christian. We're a science family. We like science in this household. What's a skull, you know? Everyone's got one. This skull has birds flying out of its mouth. This skull has bat wings. We don't like that. Oh, yeah. That's not very sciencey. I had it through the eyes of the dead shirt that had like a skull in the middle with like
00:13:57
Speaker
It was kind of looked like wings, but the wing pattern was made of knives. And I was like, I thought that was a bad-ass shirt. And now I got to a point in my life where I'm like, I'm not going to wear skulls and knives anymore, but. Yeah, you know. It had its moment. It had its brief moment. It's true. Well, I hid that skull shirt in my locker. So I would just wear a little tank top to school and then just take the shirt out of my locker and wear it. Did you hand wash it? I don't know if I ever washed it.
00:14:27
Speaker
You would shower with it on. You're like, this will get this nice and clean. I don't know what ever happened to that shirt, actually. Just had a clothesline going in the girls' bathroom. Yeah. I had the used shirt. That one had it had like a like a human heart and like a horse, like a Roman riding a horse or something on it. So that one was fine. I still love that one. Every one of my shirts ended up being
00:14:51
Speaker
like the armpits got worn out. Maybe because I moshed so hard, you know? Maybe. Yeah, I had to like selectively go to concerts. I could only go to concerts that were at like the Quaker church or something. The Quaker, the Quaker hardcore show. Yeah, moshing was literally just as Quaker service, you'd all just start shaking violently in the middle of the circle. Would you say you were sowing your wild Quaker oats?
00:15:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah, definitely. You know, quick oats. They were quick oats. Oh, man. Okay, so we are gathered here this evening to do a Bible study. I've never had a bad experience at a Bible study.
00:15:38
Speaker
Yeah. So we challenged each other to, to, you know, bring before the group a passage that really touched our hearts. And I believe, Sam, you have one and then I have one, which April also helped me research this one. So we kind of have it together. Yeah. I have, I had some divine inspiration. I'll take all the credit for that. I mean, God takes all the credit for that. It was her idea. She did the topic idea. Oh, glory be to God.
00:16:08
Speaker
Any good idea I have is God, and any bad idea I have is mine, is my awful sin nature. And all God's people said?
00:16:17
Speaker
Oh man, you guys missed that cue. I decided to just let you hang on that one. Sam, do you want to kick us off? Okay. So this is less. Okay. So I don't know if anyone listening is familiar. I feel like it's become slightly more common and commonly known, but I did not know about this my entire childhood and I didn't learn about it until I was in college.
00:16:46
Speaker
uh, because I hang out with a bunch of Bible thumping nerds as a Bible major. And, uh, it's the whole like Nephilim thing. I thought you were going to say you found, uh, one of two verses that vaguely described something reptilian that may have been a dinosaur. Thanks to your youth pastor. Oh yeah. The behemoth, the behemoth. Yeah.
00:17:09
Speaker
Oh, is that what it was called? The Behemoth and the Leviathan are in the book of Job. Well, that's a fun one because people like Ken Ham are like, atheists say that it was probably an elephant. And you're like, they probably don't say that because the book is really old and it's clearly a story and they don't believe that it was a real thing.
00:17:34
Speaker
thing. That's my favorite is the straw manning of the creationists, particularly the more absurd ones like Ken Ham are always so quick to be like,
00:17:47
Speaker
The atheists think that it's like that they don't think that you can't you're just saying that because you know, there isn't a single person in your audience who's ever listened to someone who's an atheist speak unless it was in a debate with Ken Ham. And then, of course, it was Bill Nye. And that was ridiculous. Yeah. If one person says that, that means they all think it, though, obviously. Yeah. I was listening to I was listening to a podcast this week where they were like watching videos of people who
00:18:15
Speaker
There's videos where people just go to Disneyland and show what's in the merch stores this week or give you tips and tricks on how to make the most of your Disneyland. People have a whole career of that. That's what travel agents are for. What are you guys doing? Spending all that money going to Disney. Maybe they're monetizing. They're making money. They make killer money just making YouTube videos.
00:18:41
Speaker
about like, oh, five of the best dining options at Disney World on a Tuesday. I'm in the wrong career. Right? I know, right? But I was sitting there watching this, this podcast where they were talking about this and kind of roasted them and stuff. And I was thinking like, I wonder if these exist for the Creation Museum.
00:19:02
Speaker
And I went digging around on YouTube a little bit and I found several of them that were like, you know, Christian mom blog, YouTube channels where they went to the creation museum and then they show like footage from it and talk about tips and tricks and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:19:23
Speaker
It's I got to go. I like we have to go. Yeah, dude. I think next time instead of me coming to visit you or you coming out here to visit me, we should meet up at the Creation Museum. That's in Kentucky, right? Yep. Yeah. And it's funny because I was watching and there's a lot of the typical stuff. There's a lot of like bad animatronics and dinosaur recreations and whatnot.
00:19:50
Speaker
and then there was the whole time it's like walking you through like the seven seas of creation and uh oh i was like seven seas i forget what is Noah sailed the seven seas he was the first pirate it was one sea became seven seas the tower of bevel sea
00:20:12
Speaker
But it at some point during the walkthrough they like walk into this section that's like I don't know what it's what see it is. It's like chaos or confusion or You know, whatever, but it just is like a whole
00:20:28
Speaker
big video screen hallway that shows the horrors of living in the fallen world. So it's just like jump cuts of like the twin towers falling. And tsunami's wiping out villages and stuff. And it's like these people's like five year olds like walking through just like looking at gore, like straight up like the scene from a
00:20:57
Speaker
from a Clockwork Orange where they're holding his eyelids open and making it watch more footage. Oh my God. Just a day at the Creation Museum. We used to, okay, so speaking of Bill Nye, Bill Nye the Science Guy was my favorite show when I was younger. I thought it was Wishbone. Oh gosh, Wishbone can just jump off a cliff. I liked Wishbone. No, because Wishbone had anti-cat
00:21:25
Speaker
lines and so me and my friend Emily would
00:21:28
Speaker
We built a sculpture of Wishbone out of sand and then we stomped on it singing. That's witchcraft. You guys were involved in witchcraft. Because I was like, animals can all get along. This is so stupid and I hate this. Starting a class war, a race war with animals. I just wanted all the animals to get along and I wanted all the stupid dumb old cat jokes to die and Wishbone wouldn't let them die. So I killed Wishbone.
00:22:01
Speaker
Anyway, um, he must not be named. Uh, so what was it? Oh yeah. Yeah. So my, like we obviously were raised in a no evolution, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But so of course in Bill and I, the show, they would talk about like millions of years evolution, blah, blah, blah. And every time they mentioned it, like me or one of my siblings would just be like, are you sure?
00:22:28
Speaker
Yeah. I remember like saying stuff like that too. Like, Oh yeah, we know that's not true. You're like, you're watching a science show with a scientist who's teaching you science things and you're like seven. You're like, Oh, this guy thinks he knows stuff. It's like I don't, I don't, or I don't think it was like, cause I still really liked the show, but I was just like,
00:22:50
Speaker
Do you really know, like it wasn't like malicious or anything. I was just kind of like, I don't know if someone's listening. I'm just like a 10 year old guy like carbon dating. Is it real? Yeah, exactly.
00:23:05
Speaker
Okay, we were way off topic. I know. Nephilim. So Nephilim, I was like, I so I learned about this in college, it's just like these like, half, it's like these half angel human hybrids that
00:23:21
Speaker
are supposedly the reason that God flooded the world. And I remember when I first heard about it in college, I was like, that shit is whack. Like, note, like, whoever's saying this, like, it, it, this is like, it felt like what I learned about lizard people or something like that. Like, that's clearly insane. And, and if it was true, like, I would, I would have heard about it by now. I grew up in evangelical Christianity, like,
00:23:47
Speaker
If this was true, I would know because I know everything that's true because I grew up in the right group of people, but
00:23:54
Speaker
I heard about it from people who are on the more charismatic side too and I was like kind of getting used to that whole thing still and was like, there's no way. But then it turned out that more people knew about this than I thought because these are the kinds of conversations you would have on a dorm room at 11 o'clock at night instead of doing normal kid stuff. So it really all stems from Genesis, the book of Genesis, chapter six, verses one through four. So I'll just go ahead and read that and it says,
00:24:23
Speaker
When human beings began to increase in number on earth, and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of humans were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. Then the Lord said, My spirit will not contend with humans forever, for they are mortal, their days
00:24:42
Speaker
will be 120 years. The Nephilim were on earth in those days and also afterward when the sons of God went to the daughters of humans and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown." What the fuck? Yeah, that's wild stuff. Yeah, it's just thrown right in there. Amazing. I remember hearing about that. It's just like, did the daughters have a choice in the matter?
00:25:27
Speaker
So Neflum looked down on the Daughters of Men and said, so there are a couple other passes. So I ended up kind of doing a little bit of a, not a, I can't call it a deep dive, uh, because I didn't have, I don't know.
00:25:35
Speaker
No, that's the reoccurring theme of a lot of the Bible is you don't. You're basically a grain of sand.
00:25:50
Speaker
a deep dive would probably require like purchasing a book or two and really studying it but you know your typical internet deep dive and there's only like one other clear verse where this whole thing is referenced and then there's another one i didn't really include it in what i'm going to read just because you have to get into like
00:26:09
Speaker
It might be this because of the Hebrew word, but it didn't get translated that way. And it was more complicated than I was willing to get into for something as simple as this. But in Ezekiel 13, it's referenced again where it says, but the man who had gone up with him said, we can't, these are scouts scouting the land that the Israelites were, I don't know, trying to fix the genocide.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. So we can't attack those people. They are stronger than we are. And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, the land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there, the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim. We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.
00:27:03
Speaker
So giants, the Nephilim. So side note, a lot of the things that you see in the Hebrew Bible about like the descendants of so and so were from these people.
00:27:16
Speaker
The Canaanites were from these people. A lot of this stuff is not like real history. It's like the genealogies were usually or often had came from a place of trying to explain enmity between people. So like Cain and Abel, right? Descent. Well, I guess one killed the other. But Shemin
00:27:43
Speaker
Yeah, like descendants like Noah's kids the descendants and like this kid did something bad and he was cursed and then these descendants generations down the line are these people so that's a very common thing is to attribute like so when these stories were written and they're trying to explain why there's enmity between the Canaanites and the Israelites there it's all going to be told through story and genealogy.
00:28:07
Speaker
That's my take. That's my understanding. You'll have plenty of people who will say, it's real history. How dare you? And that's fine. So it's not going to show up on your 23andMe genealogy report? No, it probably will not. But that's a great, that would be amazing. Hey, you're part Nephilim. They don't put Nephilim on 23andMe. It fucking sucks. I would love to find out if I was part hero of old.
00:28:29
Speaker
They've got like how much caveman you are. Yeah, I was in like the 99th percentile for Neanderthal DNA or quotient or whatever. Let's be a Norway thing because I think mine was really low, but I was like 0.04 African because Sicily, I guess. God, my senator, Elizabeth Warren was like, I'm Native American. Look at you. Where's your dang grant money?
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah, I am American. I'm like the poster child for like Whitey McWhite bread. And it's just like I'm Native American. I get it. She is the worst. No, please don't. I'll say before she ran for president, I was fine with her.
00:29:21
Speaker
Uh, not my favorite, but certainly better than any alternative we'd have. And I typically lean, uh, more than liberal, uh, I guess. She's like neoliberal Ted Cruz. Like some people really try their best to create like a national brand for themselves. And they just do not have a talent for it. And Ted Cruz and Elizabeth Warren are those two people.
00:29:49
Speaker
And they just, I will not put her on the same level. I think there was, she had a lot of platforms that were like shitty Bernie light. Uh, I don't think, I think, I think she ran a terrible campaign and I think I'm glad she lost. Well, I can say I'm glad she lost, but look who we got for president. So not entirely, but, um,
00:30:11
Speaker
I think when she tried to get all tough customer with Bernie Sanders on stage, I was like, I'm done with this person. Yeah. And then she like totally, I don't know. Yeah, whatever. We don't need to go down this rabbit hole, but either way, she's a Native American is I think what we're trying to say. Yeah. You're as African as she is Native American. In the same way as I'm African. Yeah, sure. Exactly. So you're, what, like 1 16th Nephilim?
00:30:40
Speaker
I hope so. I mean, we can't, Casey and I can't be because, you know, we're not, you know, past five foot five. I'm an 18th Nephilim and it's all below the belt.
00:30:56
Speaker
world's first three legged Nephilim. Did you guys see the Noah movie with like, I think Russell Crowe is in that, right? I did. I did. So we both did. Yeah. Did we? Yeah, we did. We saw in theaters. God forgot about that movie.
00:31:18
Speaker
yeah because warring uh it look you gotta figure if you're gonna make a movie about those last six people on earth you gotta speed it up a little bit like you can only have if you're only gonna have six people and a bunch of animals fucking in your movie then you've gotta figure out how to make it more compelling
00:31:37
Speaker
The weird thing was I just I don't know. I just didn't it was weird how they spun it as like Oh, we're only saving the period heart the animal. I don't know. I forget what it was I feel like there's something weird about the yeah, so that was they took they took that from a very
00:31:55
Speaker
very Jewish interpretation. So Christians, the reason Christians are never really know any like, it was just taught, we were talking about this before we started recording, but Christians love pretending like the Old Testament is their book and they get it. But yeah, you know, the Jews have been working with that book for a couple thousand good few thousand years now. And they have their own way of reading it. So they took a very
00:32:18
Speaker
a very Jewish interpretation of it. But I totally asked because then at the end of the movie, like the antagonists are like the Nephilim, those giants that are trying to prevent them from making it out alive or something like that. So they do contest with like rock giants in it was the Nephilim. That's what they were supposed to be. I guess I don't remember that. No, because I don't remember that.
00:32:43
Speaker
All I remember was like the like I remember there's a scene where like people were just like throwing sheep around and stuff like and I'm just like what is this and then like well the scene where like all the people were on the rocks surrounded by flood and like upset and stuff I was just like oh no that kind of like oh yeah well oh that's not cool I don't like that is also represented in the diorama at the creation museum
00:33:11
Speaker
Oh, no. I saw in the video was like, there's a there's like a big scene set up with the arc and like water all around it and stuff. And a bunch of people like desperately clinging to rocks and scream. Oh, my gosh, that would have traumatized me as a child. I mean, I was kind of an easily traumatized child anyway, but that would have really that would have damaged me. I think the word you're looking for is convicted you.
00:33:38
Speaker
Yes, I have so much guilt. And so Noah heard all that. And the first thing he does when he gets off the boat is plant a vineyard and wait patiently to be able to make some wine. Gets a little drunk and then shows his kids his balls.
00:33:57
Speaker
And it's so funny that that's like, that was a, it's like the Noah God. It doesn't even really, it doesn't, I don't, I don't even recall it really saying much about the moral nature of Noah getting drunk. It was like his son walked in on him and saw him naked and the shame was on the person who saw the nakedness, which isn't actually, that's not
00:34:20
Speaker
I think that's kind of an interesting thing, too, because it's like Western culture reading that. I remember that people trying to explain that to me who didn't know, like maybe like lay people in the church or parents and it's like they don't know, they don't have any education about the culture in which that was written. They're just like, well, you know, he wasn't supposed to get drunk. And then it's like, where is this coming from? None of this is in the text. And then my buddy Phil, who we found on the podcast, was talking about how protests
00:34:46
Speaker
there are people who protest in Uganda by stripping naked because the people who see you are the ones that feel the shame like it in a I guess it wherever in his that culture uh some African cultures it's like that's still a form of protest because it's like shameful to see that I don't know it's like so but when he told me that I actually immediately thought of like oh that's interesting in regard to
00:35:12
Speaker
that story because the shame was on the person who walked in and saw somebody naked. I think that's interesting. But now we're still off from the main point here, which is Nephilim decided, hey, where are these angels? And we would like to have sex with some human ladies and
00:35:34
Speaker
I guess make a monster race that will eventually result in God flooding the earth. So what I think was also cool as I learned there, there's a bunch of extra biblical texts that we as good evangelicals never learned about. But do you guys recall learning about the book of Enoch ever?
00:35:57
Speaker
Yes, I knew it existed, but it's forbidden. And this is like one that pops up in like conspiracy theory circles, too. OK. Yeah, I guess so. I forget in which New Testament book it is, I believe Paul might quote the book of Enoch at one point. And it's he's very specifically says the book in the book of Enoch, whatever.
00:36:23
Speaker
Um, they were both written about the same time, which is, you know, the 1600s AD. The King James English, if it's good enough for Paul, it's good enough for me. That's right.
00:36:37
Speaker
So the book of Enoch, this is so cool. And now I want to read it. I'm really interested in learning more about this because I'm just going to rip the Wikipedia on this and what this is about. But ancient Hebrew apocalyptic religious text ascribed by tradition to Enoch, the great grandfather of Noah. It was probably written in like the 300s BCE, but
00:37:03
Speaker
Enoch contains unique material on the origins of demons and Nephilim, why some angels fell from heaven and an explanation of why the Genesis flood was morally necessary, and prophetic exposition of the thousand-year reign of the Messiah.
00:37:19
Speaker
Um, it's, I guess it's broken up into like three books, but there's only one group of Christians that consider it as part of their canon. And it's like the Ethiopian Orthodox church has canonized the book of Enoch. Okay. So I thought that was dope.
00:37:40
Speaker
So that's not in the, I don't know what the books of the Catholic Bible are because again, that was forbidden. But I guess I assumed that all the books that weren't in the Bible were in the Catholic Bible. I guess what? I know it's the Apocrypha. We were talking about that a little while ago. I can't remember. Catholics just put whatever in. I can't remember what level they hold that at. 10 years you're writing a verse in the Catholic Bible.
00:38:05
Speaker
So the first part of the book of Enoch is it just describes the fall of the Watchers and the angels who fathered the angel-human hybrids called the Watchers. And the remainder of the book describes Enoch's revelations and his visits to heaven in the form of travels, visions, and dreams. It's kind of like opposite day Dante.
00:38:29
Speaker
Yeah, but I think that's really cool about this story is like I think having the Nephilim concept thrown into the first book of the Bible, like I think it really shows you some of the ties, the cultural ties that there are to just like ancient mythology and how that was very much part of the culture and that it and not just the culture of that, but the world, like everything was rooted in mythology in one way or another.
00:38:59
Speaker
In Enoch, first Enoch 7-2 it says, and when the angels, the sons of heaven beheld them, they became enamored of them, saying to each other, come, let us select ourselves wives for the progeny of men and let us beget children. Oh boy.
00:39:15
Speaker
So it's like a reoccurring theme. And so the whole book, and then there's another book. So the book of Enoch, I guess, was found with the Dead Sea Scrolls around that time. And same with another book called the Book of Jubilee. The Book of Jubilees, which narrates the genesis of angels on the first day of creation in the story of how a group of fallen angels mated with mortal females giving rise to the race of giants known as the Nephilim.
00:39:43
Speaker
Like this is super like this was being written about in a number of places And it was pretty like widely believed like and mostly extra biblical but still like part of it and I don't know I think that's cool shit and I want to definitely read the book of Enoch because the way that it's like broken up it seems
00:40:07
Speaker
pretty neat but I like that there's like these stories that were written but like you know third fourth century BCE trying to explain which was only like a hundred maybe 200 years at best after like the the bible started or I should say the Torah started being canonized or not even canonized but like
00:40:31
Speaker
redacted and edited and put together as a whole. Before that, it was all just people would write bits and pieces, tell stories, but it wasn't compiled, edited, and redacted into one thing until the fifth or sixth century. So not too long after that, there's people writing all these stories about how
00:40:54
Speaker
These angels fell from grace and fathered an abominable race that God tried to destroy. It's just like shit cultures trying to cope with the existence of offensive linemen. Yeah. Oh, one of the stories is that God tried to drown them, but the Watchers were 450 feet tall.
00:41:18
Speaker
And the waters didn't get high enough to kill them. Oh boy. So that's cool. I just, it feels a little like, uh, you know, it's like the Transformers movie. Like it's a fun idea, but they just overdid it.
00:41:32
Speaker
Yeah. Oh gosh. Terrible. They shouldn't have put Shia LaBeouf in it. They made them too big and they do too many somersaults. It's very hard to follow. Yeah. Yeah. And Bumblebee just wasn't funny, guys. No. The people who thought Bumblebee was funny was just so, I felt, I was like, I know how to categorize you and your sense of humor. Me too, but I'm not going to say it.
00:41:59
Speaker
Casey thought Bumblebee was funny. Is that why he's so quiet right now? No. Oh, man. Didn't that asshole get his own movie? I think he did. Jeez. Like talks through the radio. No, thanks. I'm good. Nice. Terrible. So I think it was the second Transformers movie. My buddy and I were hanging out. We didn't have anything to do. And we went to it in Traverse City.
00:42:29
Speaker
And it was so bad, like it was so bad that I remember like looking at him like three quarters of the way through being like, this is awful. I hate this movie. But it had like two, there was two like little robots.
00:42:45
Speaker
that were supposed to be like the comic relief. Dude, they were so annoying the whole time. That never goes over well with that kind of like, it never works. Why? I'm trying to think of why. Why does it not work? They won't. It's like the jokes are too obvious. It's like pointing at them. You're like, these are the ones you're supposed to laugh at. Yeah. This is it. These are the ones. Yeah. And I hate that. Were there a lot of puns?
00:43:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah, and its parents are like, oh, they're quirky and dorky and they don't know they're making sex references. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, no, thanks. I'm all set. I think I only ever saw the first one. That's fine. I don't need more of this. No, the first one sucked too.
The Story of Esther Begins
00:43:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:35
Speaker
All right, are you ready for for for hours? I am. It might be a little less sci fi. Okay, before we jump into that, I've said this before a little bit about like, characters from the book of Judges and how like, so Noah was like the first attempt at making a movie, not from an evangelical perspective, but using stories from the Bible.
00:43:58
Speaker
I don't think I thought it had potential I thought there were some great scenes really good concepts I like what they did with it it was just so long and overly it just got played out but take this story for like how I would love to see this I think if you tried to make something like this into a movie
00:44:17
Speaker
or so there's so many stories that I'm like that would be such a badass story you would watch somebody just like like 300 right you would just watch someone like absolutely obliterate hundreds and hundreds of people on their own and just be fucking cool I would like to see more cool movies made like that I want our rated Bible movies more than anything is what I'm that's
00:44:40
Speaker
what I would, I'm hoping to see that in my lifetime. I guarantee you if we googled Nephilim movie, I bet you we can find 10 B movies made with like the Nephilim as a part of the premise. And the main character is a man with a perm, absolutely.
00:44:58
Speaker
Oh, what's his face? I'm here now. Oh, yeah. Neil Breen. Neil Breen. I was thinking of no one can think of names, apparently. Who's the comedian that was in that revelation movie we watched, Casey? Gary Busey? No. Oh, Howie Mandel. Oh, shit. What is he doing? We need to see him in more movies.
00:45:32
Speaker
Take us to church, Casey. Okay. So speaking of 300, today we're going to be talking about the story of Esther, which we were kicking around ideas earlier. I'm like, man, I'm supposed to bring a Bible story and I have an idea here and one there, but nothing that I'm like sold on yet. And April's like, what was the, like, do you remember the story of Esther? And I was like, I kept getting you confused with Ruth. I could not remember what it was.
00:45:53
Speaker
Oh yeah. Maybe. Alright. Maybe. Yeah.
00:46:00
Speaker
but like we started digging into it and it's juicy and delicious really alright so it's funny you mentioned 300 because that's kind of where our story starts it starts with King Xerxes
00:46:18
Speaker
with a big deep voice and- Yes. I almost did it. I almost was going to do an impersonation, knew that that would go horribly. You can't impersonate it because it's an unachievable voice. Yeah. Is it manipulated or is that a real voice? It's got to be.
00:46:37
Speaker
I don't remember it too well, but did you watch the underworld movies? Yeah. The first one, but the second one made me feel sick. All of them a lot of times. If I have one guilty, I guess I'll call it a guilty pleasure. I don't feel guilty about it. I love those movies. And I think it's an absolute goddamn travesty that Cape Beck and Silk gave up on one of the best
00:47:04
Speaker
stories of all time. I think the only thing I can think of because of my costume stuff, I think, is how can anybody flip around in a corset? I think that's unnatural. I think it's quite possible the first time I knew for certain that I was straight was when I watched the first underworld. Bite me, mommy.
00:47:30
Speaker
I don't know. Not anymore. I think I'm just asexual after that, but nobody wants to hear my ASMR videos. I mean, he can send you a clip of that over and over again. Can we clip that out and use it as a drop? You can listen to that while you conceive your next child. I hate me mommy. God, I hate you.
00:47:56
Speaker
So, King Xerxes, he was the king of the Persian Empire, which was big. King Xerxes was a baller. He had a lot of money, a lot of land, a lot of subjects, and he wanted to show them off.
00:48:14
Speaker
The story kind of starts out with King Xerxes throwing this big celebration to just kind of like showcase his vast amounts of wealth. He basically did this like, uh, I don't know if you'd call it a festival or what, but it lasted six months. God damn. That's a party. Feast festival. Yeah. It was basically like the world fair, but all about Xerxes and lasted for six months. I'm picturing a rave.
00:48:42
Speaker
but in robes, a lot of ecstasy being done. Yeah, made in the labs of ancient Persia.
00:48:50
Speaker
Yeah, what did they have? Yeah, something sort of, uh, you know, plant. They were going off. Flip over all the turds, find it. So at the end of this celebration, he throws this like giant feast for all of the men in his like court. I guess it was his court. It basically said like, all of the men that wanted to come were able to come to this party.
00:49:21
Speaker
Can you imagine partying for six months? No. It sounded cool for a second and now it sounds awful.
00:49:28
Speaker
I can't imagine doing that for two hours. Well, this last deal, this last big banquet thing is for seven days. Right. All the men that wanted to come could come and it was open bar and it was just people getting trashed and eating until they throw up. It sounded like it was just straight debauchery. When you say all the men who wanted to come could come, you mean
00:49:52
Speaker
Oh, the men. Exactly what you think. The present? Okay. Just put it in your mind. That's it. It was all men. The women basically had their own separate party. They got to throw a party in the royal palace for all the elders. You didn't allow them to come to the real party, so they had to have their own party. Yes.
00:50:16
Speaker
So somewhere in this. Oh, you guys can have your, you can, you want a party too? Okay. You guys want a little tea party? Okay. Have your wine night.
00:50:26
Speaker
Yeah, the men are just like drunkenly dry humping each other and the women are having like a pampered chef party in the royal palace. The men are playing Spider-Man with their friends. I know Spider-Man wasn't around yet, but conceptually it's still there. So somewhere towards the end of this seven day banquet,
00:50:51
Speaker
Xerxes, he's drunk. Banquet. Yes. He decides I want to showcase how
00:50:59
Speaker
His smoke and hot wife, I think that's what the rough translation is. Let's put it in youth pastor terms. Yeah, come in with a big youth pastor energy here. Right, so he sends out, he tells his seven sacred eunuchs, Mahuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcass. And those were all non-binary names.
00:51:29
Speaker
They had to be. I mean, that was definitely their situation. I keep thinking of that, that TikTok thing that's going around right now with the like opera singers where it's like.
00:51:45
Speaker
Isn't it funny that like, you've been talking about a number of times throughout the Bible and it's like- Yeah, it seems pretty commonplace. Yeah, it wasn't uncommon. And I feel like there was like some, there was probably some debates about it, but like, generally people were like, and this person was a eunuch and that was a choice they made. And we're like, and people were like, okay. Was it or was it a thing that they did like- And now we're still like freaking the fuck out about it too. It's like, they freaked out. They, they did a lot of fucked up stuff.
00:52:15
Speaker
Uh, in those days. Uh, and one of the one things that they didn't maybe get entirely wrong was just, they didn't freak out about people who wanted to be Unix. Yeah. Well, I, I was wondering, I'm like, is it, did they do that so that they wouldn't like assault people or something? Only the King is allowed to assault people. Okay. You know, in my court, we have to chop
00:52:39
Speaker
off your penis. It's basically like the thing that comes to the nominator that makes people untrustworthy is apparently testicles. I was going to say, it was like they chopped off the testicles, not the penis. Maybe. I feel like in situations where they removed their genitals completely, maybe not.
00:52:59
Speaker
I guess I thought it was the testicles because that's like the organ where the sperm and stuff is created. I will do an episode. I'm going to look into biblical eunuchs and biblical times. Yeah, because I know in other sources, it's like, oh, they chopped off his wiener or something. I don't know.
00:53:19
Speaker
Anyway. A rough translation there too. Yeah. Anyway. I don't think that people probably chose to be eunuchs. I think that was a choice made for them when they were very young. It's like if you want to work in the court, that must happen to you. My understanding is always they took young boys and did that to them. It's like, hey- I don't know how they would
00:53:43
Speaker
young boy, this is gonna suck, but I need a butler. The thing that sucks, dude, is when you try to Google anything about the Bible, the first 6,000 options you get are from evangelicals. They just dominate the market. Oh, yeah. So anyways, the seven royal eunuchs, including Harbona, Bigthan, carcass,
00:54:09
Speaker
We're told to go fetch the Queen. Her name was Vashti, which is a pretty cool name. And she was throwing a party with the royal women in the palace, right? So the King says, Eunuchs, go tell the Queen to get on her full-on royal duds. Get that.
00:54:32
Speaker
full scale, royalty drip going with the crown and everything. Whatever it is. And come showcase her beauty to my drunken guests. I just... Yeah, it sounds exactly like it. I think it was exactly what it sounds like. It's like a drunken guy making a request and he's like, go, go, get out here and show them how good you look.
00:55:00
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. Very uncomfortable situation. Yeah.
00:55:06
Speaker
So they go interrupt the party. All the memes of the guys yelling in girls ears. Oh, my gosh. That's the worst. You go down there. You need to go down there and show them how good you dance. You're a really good dancer. I think it's really important that everyone goes to see how good you. Oh, that just gives me not flashbacks because that's never really happened, but I can I can I can feel the feelings. Well, everybody knows that.
00:55:33
Speaker
Oh, nice. Yeah. The ones that were. Go like show off to these dudes so they can oval you. You can just stand there like a piece of meat. Just stand there and have them look at how beautiful you are. Like no, like every I don't know. They're like, oh, every girl wants to feel beautiful, but that's not the same. I bet one of those younger. Some dudes just want to hug. Oh, my gosh. Kill me. Can we.
00:56:04
Speaker
Do we keep that inside or do we explain that joke? I feel like people need to know. Well, I'll just say there's towns that I don't go to.
00:56:16
Speaker
For some reason that's a lane. That's a lane. I'm a nice guy that just wants a hug lane. And those people somehow find April and send her very compelling messages. They slide into your DMs and they're like, Hey, I live close to you. Can we meet up so I can pay for like gesture of affection?
00:56:38
Speaker
Yeah, like not even for money. You know, I like money as much as the next person, but, you know, there's limits, but there's limits. Casey, Casey will do it for you. You know, he's more of a hugger than I am. So he's like, I will hug April for 10 seconds and immediately come and hug you before Casey's going to hug you and his wiener will touch yours.
00:57:05
Speaker
Yeah, that's a guarantee. It comes with the price because it's the size of a Nephilim. So it's clearly going to you can't not be touched by it if you're going to be like you have to have three legs. That's crazy. No, that's just the Nephilim showing. Twenty three of me. Is that a Nephilim in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
00:57:25
Speaker
I got Netflix with me and it could be in you soon. Oh, yeah. Yeah, second hand hugs for money. Definitely. It's like drinking an April flavored LaCroix. I'm there, but you know, vaguely.
00:57:42
Speaker
It's prostitution light. It's barely, maybe potentially sex work, but not exactly. I think it's legal, possibly. Yeah, I don't think you could get arrested. Okay, but you said there's limits, which means there's got to be a dollar value for $1,000. I mean, just what if you threw a number out at this guy? You're like $1,000. Do you think you'd be like, I'm in? I'd be afraid because I don't want to touch somebody else's genitals.
00:58:06
Speaker
You're not. You're just hugging him. He's wearing pants. He's not Donald ducking it in the middle of a police station. There are ways.
00:58:14
Speaker
I have experienced many comic-ons, okay? Tell them the kiddo wears sweatpants. Dude, you can only show up if you wear a dance belt. You have to wear pants and you can't wear sweatpants. Yeah. No gray Walmart sweatpants, please. Dance belts and fun of a cake. A priest in the Little Mermaid situation, you know? Oh, that's terrible.
00:58:44
Speaker
That's truly an amazing thing that Disney did there.
Humor and Historical Cultural Critiques
00:58:47
Speaker
It's unparalleled, I think, in all of their other work. Do you think that that was on purpose? Oh, yeah, absolutely. They did that in all of their movies at that time. Because The Lion King is my favorite and I don't want to believe that they would put sex in The Lion King. Oh, they did. That was my favorite.
00:59:05
Speaker
They did. Now, the other one is not allowed to watch Disney movies for that. They're only allowed to watch Disney movies. What if it was SFX? Special effects. Maybe. We'll let you think that, April. That's what I believe because I was very involved in the Lion King fandom when I was like 14.
00:59:24
Speaker
You were like a furry adjacent. I had a fursona. Yeah. Especially with your childhood anxiety that you very well could have ended up in that world. I had a lot of, I will say the people that were in those forums were very nice to me, which was great because I was very shy. So it was great to have someone be like, wow, you're a cool person. You're a great Nala.
00:59:48
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I had my own character, so. You could end up in the pregnant Sonic fandom. Yeah. Why is that a thing? I don't get the pregnancy thing. What a nightmare. I don't get it.
01:00:04
Speaker
Maybe it's because I have no desire to be pregnant. I have no concept of how that would ever be a positive thing. I feel like we've mentioned this before, but if you're confused by that reference, just go Google pregnant song.
01:00:22
Speaker
Make sure you say searches on though. It's just it's an ending fan artwork of like Sonic the Hedgehog pregnant and like with this like you know beaming smile and some of them like Knuckles is like standing beside him looking proud with a hand on his belly. There's other there's other fandoms that do that too like I feel like I've seen like pregnant like Pikachu and stuff too.
01:00:49
Speaker
I don't know. I love that the internet when it started people like this is going to change the world. Everything's going to be better. And now it's where on the brink of societal collapse due to our inability to have conversations about how facts work and we draw pregnant Sonic.
01:01:15
Speaker
I'm very thankful that I ended up on the more pure side of the, quote unquote, furries, because it was just like, okay, so my claim to fame in the furry fandom was I created the longest role play scenario of all time in one of the forums that I was in.
01:01:37
Speaker
Wait a second, why? Katie's like, learning new stuff on the podcast. That's what she does when she drops a bomb on you. She goes, I thought I told you about this. When something's been floating around in my brain, I forget who I tell.
01:01:56
Speaker
No, it wasn't like anything crazy. It was just like my one of my characters that I made up was going down to the waterhole and was like in the evening and she didn't really have very many friends. And so she was going down to the waterhole and drinking. And then like the next person would be like, my character comes up and says, hey, how's it going? Blah, blah, blah. And then like all these other people would join in and like all their characters would come up and you'd kind of be like interacting with each other. But it was your your lion characters interact. OK.
01:02:24
Speaker
So that one, it turned into like a really, really long one, like role play thing, I guess. And it wasn't, and nobody, I feel like nobody believes me when I say it wasn't sexual because everyone associates furs with sexual things. But it was literally just, I was like 14 and I was homeschooled and I had no idea about anything except the Lion King and its existence. So I was just like, oh, my character is like interacting with this other person's character. How cool. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:02:53
Speaker
And I made like little friends on there and stuff that were like my age and then like, um, I don't know. It was interesting. It was fun. Like, cause I was, I didn't have like a ton of friends like at youth group and stuff. I had a couple in a couple grades below me and, but I didn't have anybody that was like into like art and stuff like I was. And so these people were all into the same things that I was. So it was interesting.
01:03:14
Speaker
Well, I hate to burst the bubble of innocence, but one of the people you were reacting with was definitely jerking off at some point. Probably. Nobody, nobody in this entire earth believes me. But whenever I started doing Patreon stuff, I didn't realize what people are doing with my pictures.
01:03:34
Speaker
It's hard to believe. I mean, it's definitely hard to believe, but I do believe you. But I believe in why other people don't. Yeah. Given the world we live in. I was just like, wow, they think I'm pretty and they just want to save my pictures to the computer because that's like what I would do. And I was like, oh, this is a pretty thing to look at, like a piece of art on the wall. This is like this figurine over here. Like, wow, that looks really nice. And then that's it. But I guess not. So.
01:04:04
Speaker
It burst my bubble. The world is a dark and scary place. Yeah, you know what? I don't know. I'm too old to be like that, but you know, it's fine. The dude's got to come out sometime. Oh, I hate it.
01:04:24
Speaker
Anyway, what's Esther doing? Yeah, what's up with Esther? Speaking of the goo's gonna come out sometime. No! Oh my word. Seven holy eunuchs or whatever go to summon the queen who's throwing her lady party at the palace, right? Probably playing like some flirty bachelorette party games like Pin the Penis on the
01:04:45
Speaker
the hunker on the man. Yeah, on the eunuch. Yeah, something along those lines. Anyways, the eunuchs are like, Hey, the king said, he wants you to get all gussied up and go down to the party so you can showcase your beauty. And the queen is like,
01:05:04
Speaker
Oh, now he wants me at the party? I thought I was supposed to have my own party. I'm entertaining guests here. I'm not interested in going to his man party so I can strut around for him. Like, no. No. Which I don't think Xerxes heard no a lot. I doubt it. No.
01:05:23
Speaker
Yeah, so anyways, the eunuchs deliver this message to King Xerxes and he was upset and also drunk, you know, not in his best.
01:05:38
Speaker
So he like is just incensed, doesn't know what to do. First time he's heard no since he like, I don't know, genocided his first race or whatever. And so he summons like his seven nobles to talk out what they're going to do about this situation. Nubbled dudes, notably. Yes.
01:06:01
Speaker
I keep thinking like 300 style like whatever when they're in the tent or whatever. Like one's probably the goat man. One's a little like big fat dude with the the cleaver hands. You know, I really don't remember this movie. Well, that sounds like Silent Hill. Yeah, one's got the mask on and the sharpened teeth underneath. Oh, I've only seen that movie once. Yeah, I think I did, too.
01:06:28
Speaker
It's a fun movie. I don't get into movies where everyone's chests are photoshopped or special effects.
01:06:37
Speaker
It's the contrasting lighting, I think, is what does that. So weird. I think they actually did. Did they Photoshop? All the chests were like the muscly chests on everyone. It's all CGI. Yeah. Weird. Except, well, yeah. What? I don't know what's better. I swear to God, dude, I'm- There's like 1,500 videos about like, oh, what's his face is- Bart Butler's workout routine or something? Yeah, how he got fit for 300.
01:07:05
Speaker
It's like, I know, I know he got fit, but I, it's like, I think the lighting kind of helped it a little bit. Well, yeah. Like the whole movie is definitely a wash and CGI. I don't think, anyway, we'll have to look it up. We don't have, we don't have, downloading images of, of Gerard Butler's chest right now. There you go. I'm like not good at finding stuff fast on the internet.
01:07:30
Speaker
So I think it would be best to read where this goes from here, because this is a fun interaction between these guys. It is. It's quite interesting. OK. So since it was customary for the king to consult experts in matters of law and justice, he spoke with the wise men who understood the times and were closest to the king. And then it names them off. I don't know why they throw all these names in here,
01:07:58
Speaker
There's seven nobles per wizard. They're wizards Harry. They said they had special access to the king and they were the highest in the kingdom.
01:08:10
Speaker
They understood the times. Yeah, they were men of learning. According to law, what must be done to Queen Vashti, he asked, she has not obeyed the command of King Xerxes, who is speaking about himself in the third terms, or in the third person, that the eunuchs have taken to her.
01:08:32
Speaker
Then Memukan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, quote, Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king, but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes, for the queen's conduct will become known to all the women. And so they will despise their husbands and say, quote, King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.
01:09:01
Speaker
So they're getting a little like Yasqueen with it. This is like the precursor to the former Gilead in The Handmaid's Tale. This very day, the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the Queen's conduct will respond to all the King's nobles in the same way. There will be no disrespect and discord.
01:09:26
Speaker
If we don't cut off our wives' fingers, all the other wives will think they can just act out. Yeah, next they're going to try to learn to read. How dare they? They're like, you're sparing the rod right now.
01:09:40
Speaker
And in doing so, you're spoiling the kingdom. It's like, yeah, hey, Xerx, you kind of look like a bit of a pussy right now. You're a tool. Step it up a bit, buddy. Like, dude, you have been publicly cucked at the highest level. Oh my gosh. You have to re-establish order before women start thinking of themselves as people.
01:10:07
Speaker
Oh, I like talking is funny because it's like if you want to be, it's like the the highest form of entertainment. But if you don't want to be, it's like the lowest form. It's it's an insult that you can throw around. It's like I love being cucks. That's what's funny is like a cuck is someone who's like voluntarily goes. I guess it's not necessarily. But there's like it's like, what do you call it? Consensual, consensual, nonconsensual, like Jerry Jr.
01:10:37
Speaker
Right. He liked being cucked. He liked being a private cuck. Yeah. You know, like the people who don't who say they don't. It's like, oh, you're a cuck because you're you're a beta. Is that a good impression of Jesse Lee? Oh, my God. Should I not do this impression of him? This person. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. That impression was not easy.
01:11:03
Speaker
I cannot hear the word amazing anymore, ever again. I feel like an impressionist, like you have to like put your tongue up into the back of your throat to block your nasal passages when you use like ends is like how that works. Yeah. I feel like that if I try to talk in a Michigan accent, which I can't do because I can't do accents. I feel like you can't, God, should I say this? I will. I feel like you can't impersonate him without sounding like you're doing an impression of someone else.
01:11:33
Speaker
mentally challenged and then like a really bad person. I don't know what I should know what the right thing to say there is, but there's not a good way to put that. I'm just saying if you try to do his impression, you sound like you're doing an impression of something else.
01:11:53
Speaker
Yeah, not not great. It's not great for public consumption. So anyway, Sam and I went back and forth on a video recently where Jesse Lee Peterson is talking to a caller. People listen to this guy talk and they call in to his show to ask his advice, which is the worst advice in the world. He's an idiot. Yeah. So this caller calls in and says, basically says like, I loved my dog.
01:12:23
Speaker
and it died, and now I'm sad. Does that make me a beta? Jesse Lee Peterson is just like, yes. It does. You're a beta cock, and you're an awesome person. He was like, you made your dog your god. And I could have sworn that he said something about if your wife died. It's like the same thing, but I don't remember. He had an ex-wife, right? He's like, I went through the same feelings
01:12:53
Speaker
I got divorced from my ex-wife. I was sad now. I don't want to walk around being sad all the time.
01:12:58
Speaker
I think life's better. I think we're supposed to live and be happy. I don't think it's right to just walk around and be sad. And Jesse Lee Pearson just like, yeah, you know, you made your dog your God and that's why you're sad. You shouldn't be sad. Like, oh my gosh, he basically was like, yeah, you're a beta. You're a beta because you are sad that your dog died and you shouldn't have feelings if you want to be a real man. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's literally like, uh,
01:13:25
Speaker
that cautionary youth group teachings of like, oh, anything that you like too much is an idol. It's like that takes you to its stupidest conclusion. If you love anything, to the point where it affects you, that's beta. I think he said stuff about like, because a dog can't love you.
01:13:49
Speaker
A dog doesn't love you. A dog's not a person. It's like, bitch, you've never owned a dog, I guess. And if you have, I feel bad for that dog. But dogs, look at you like you're the only person in their life that matters. I could debate that, but it's fine. A lot of people think that. We're not going back to fishbowl. Oh my gosh.
01:14:11
Speaker
Just because you're a cat person. I forgot to tell you that I wrote a letter to PBS asking them to switch script writers. Amazing. I had enough heart to be like, okay, it's not the animal's fault. It's not the actor's fault. It's a script writer's fault. They're the bad one.
01:14:36
Speaker
And so I wrote a letter to PBS saying, your script writer stinks. I didn't say that exact word because I was a kind child. And stinks is a swear in your household. Well, the D word and the S word were dumb and stupid for a while in our house. But I said,
01:14:54
Speaker
that I think they need a new scriptwriter because I didn't appreciate their scriptwriter writing all these really annoying things. And I think their show could be really great without it. And because it was history and I really liked history. And they sent me back a letter that was literally just a form asking for donations. To make a church move. I know. Ask it for your seed money.
01:15:22
Speaker
I know. And I'm just like, are you, what? I don't remember how old I was, like eight or so, like maybe third grade or something like that. And I'm just like, what? Why would they send this to me? Like, this is so dumb. I hate them. That's really funny. Like now we got your mailing address, asshole. I know. Like my parents are probably just like, Oh no. And now we're going to get PBS mail forever.
01:15:44
Speaker
It was the worst. I was a passive protester. It's fine. Writing letters, I drew, well, I cut out angry eyebrows and stuck them on all my stuffed animals in line, all my stuffed animals along my bed in protest. And then I think another time, I don't remember what it was about. Yeah, another time. These people support me, mom, and they're just pissed at you. My mom took a picture of it. She thought it was funny.
01:16:12
Speaker
I think there's another time where I stuck all my stuffed animals lined up on the bed and all their butts were in the air. Like just all these stuffed animal butts were in the air as a protest of something. I don't remember what it was. And that was when you learned that peaceful protests don't get shit done, right? Yeah, then I put a target.
01:16:32
Speaker
Well, I progressed to the anti-wishbone march. So where I had me and my siblings march down our stairs and I had a jar full of pennies and I was shaking it. And you're protesting wishbone in your house. Yes, my own house. You fucking had it out for that dog. New Jersey customs are strange and foreign.
01:16:55
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I was very upset and the New Jersey way to protest is to make some noise. So I made lots of noise. You are close to Philadelphia. That's true. I know. At least I didn't say anything on fire. OK. If you set the G.B.H. studios on fire, you possibly could have made an impact, though. Dude, I knew where the studio it was somewhere in I don't remember where it is now, but I remember they used to say where their studio was in Pennsylvania.
01:17:23
Speaker
And well, one of the studios was in Pennsylvania. I don't know, whatever. Anyway. You're still ruminating on this. You're like, ah, I still might do it. I don't know. It's like furiously researching Hank Kaczynski trying to figure out how to send him a mail bomb. Yeah.
01:17:40
Speaker
I'm going to send you some cat turds in a bag. So the kingdom is on the edge. What do we got left here? Vocal disaster, right? The women are close to revolt because Vashti wouldn't come to the king's party at his behest.
01:17:58
Speaker
So the wise nobles, their recommendation is, therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Medea, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also, let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she.
01:18:21
Speaker
Then when the king's edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest, from the schlubs to the puds. That's nice. The king and his nobles were pleased with this advice, so the king did as Memukan proposed.
01:18:42
Speaker
He sent dispatches to all parts of the kingdom, to each province in its own script, and to each people in their own language, proclaiming that every man should be ruler of his own household using his native tongue.
01:18:57
Speaker
That's some Gilead shit that's some under his eye praise be kind of stuff Yeah, were they were they reading this when they're writing that script they must have Angry eyebrows and he pasted them over all of his eunuchs And then put their butts in the air in protest of that which shows your empty coin purse
01:19:23
Speaker
Did they cut it off or did they just like empty the purse, you know?
King Xerxes' Regret and Esther's Rise
01:19:27
Speaker
Probably just emptied the purse. It's like when you get your dog neutered, it still has a little... I was going to say, when we got one of our cats, they were like, he's neutered. And we're like, why does he still have a ball sack? But it was empty. Just like a little floppy raisin in our other cat. His default wrestling move was to bite it.
01:19:47
Speaker
Is he like stretching out like three? He's like yanking on it with his teeth like chewing on a piece of gum out of your mouth. He would like tackle him. Milo would like tackle him like from the front, but then like kind of dive bomb and like put his like just like grab onto his test. He likes the way it felt on his front teeth. Like cock their head and get crazy eyes and open their mouth where they're like,
01:20:16
Speaker
really wind up for the nut bite oh yeah i think we got it on video somewhere oh i'd love to see that oh yeah so later when king zerksi's fury gets more excited oh yeah yeah okay we're getting into the fun stuff now we're just getting into the fun stuff so uh he wakes up from his job too why do we think that we can fit more things in than we can
01:20:41
Speaker
Yeah, episodes are usually like two and a half hours long, so we're okay. It's fine. Everything's fine. So he wakes up from his drunken stupor and remembers that he had banished Vashti, right? And it kind of sounds to me like he's having like a post drinking binge regret over what he had did. He's like, that was over the top. Can we?
01:21:10
Speaker
Can I write a royal apology? Can I get Vashti back? And they're like, it's the laws of Persia and media, which cannot be repealed, you know? Even though you're the king, you can't do it. It's the next day. They don't have phones. Nobody else knows yet. Nobody. Maybe like 10 people outside the palace have heard this, but they don't know. Yup. It's a rumor. We've sent the pigeons already.
01:21:36
Speaker
They don't have a recall button. He's like, I'm sad. And his attendants are like, I know what we can do. They said, let a search be made for beautiful young virgins for the king. Let the king appoint commissioners in every province of his realm to bring all these beautiful young women into the harem at the Citadel of Susa. Let them be placed under the care of Haggai, Haggai, the king's eunuch. What's this guy in eunuchs?
01:22:06
Speaker
who is in charge of the women and let beauty treatments be given to them, which is fascinating. I really want to know what that means in ancient terms. Me too. I don't know. I'm very interested in that. I need a beauty tutorial from like 480 BC. You know, in the 1800s, like bare knuckle boxers would like soak their hands in a horse urine to like harden their knuckles.
01:22:34
Speaker
And I think that's exactly what these women would do with their faces. Just soak their faces in it. Harden them. Yeah. They just motorboat a bowl of horse urine all day to preserve their beauty. I don't know that you would have lasted as a beautician in these times, but.
01:22:56
Speaker
Yeah, so they host this contest for Persia's next top concubine. And so the goal is to search throughout the entire Persian Empire and find all the prettiest tweens and bring them to the palace where the eunuch
01:23:19
Speaker
do like a 2000s, you know, a teen movie where they like, they take their glasses off and straighten their hair. And it's like, she's pretty now. Wow. It's not weird anymore. The Princess Diaries. The Princess Diaries was an awful movie. Maybe I just didn't like it because Shelby watched it like back to back to back. Probably. But
01:23:45
Speaker
I don't remember much about it except Emily and I used to watch it a lot, but we used to watch a lot of those movies. There was a lot of them at that point in time. Yeah.
01:24:00
Speaker
So in the Citadel of Susa, there was a Jewish guy named Mordecai. He was of the tribe of Benjamin, and he had been carried to there in exile from Jerusalem when King Nebuchadnezzar did all of his whatnot in Babylon.
01:24:19
Speaker
all of his Nebuchadnezzing. Yeah, which that's a fascinating guy. I definitely want to do a little more reading on Nebuchadnezzer because he seems he seems interesting. Yeah. So it says that he has a home school family name right there. A home school family would name their kid Nebuchadnezzer still.
01:24:42
Speaker
Wasn't he a baddie though? I don't think they would name him after a bad. Yeah, maybe because he was a bad guy. He kind of went back and forth, didn't he? Like he would kind of sober up and, you know, like praise. After he couldn't burn the dudes alive.
01:24:59
Speaker
Maybe he was like, well, I don't know. That seems like a sign, you know, one that he might pay attention to. So Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, and she was a young girl.
01:25:17
Speaker
who had been orphaned, her mom and dad had died, and he had adopted her. And she was also known as Esther. Hence the name of the book, right? I love how in a sea of names that make no sense to us, there's one that just stands out.
01:25:35
Speaker
Dan's the test of time. Esther. We have Xerxes, Nebuchadnezzar, a bunch of other names that I can't remember. And then it's just like, and Esther. Mordecai's a sweet name. Yeah. It's interesting that a lot of them have like double names too. Because like Hadassah and Esther, but then remember the the chick in the New Testament called Dorcas, but also called Tabitha.
01:26:00
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Only one of us made it. I used to want to be named Tabitha so I could be called Tabby because cats. It always goes back to cats. I had to do what I had to do.
01:26:21
Speaker
Well, anyway, it's just funny, like what your names make it like, I don't obviously that was that those all those names all made sense at that time in that place. But there's some that were like, we'll keep this. And others are gone. And Esther is still a name after all these years. Yeah, but no one's no one's called Hadassah or Dorcas. No, I mean, maybe somebody is, but I've never met them. My if we have a kid, I'm naming him Boy or Girl.
01:26:50
Speaker
They're going to be Scipio Africanus Gresseth. Oh, great. It's happening. So let it be written? What about Poppy? Poppy can be number two if we crap out another one. Well, yeah, all right. It says that Esther had a lovely figure and was beautiful. As a child. Mordecai was like,
01:27:19
Speaker
Dang, this is your shot. You could win. Persia's nest stopped concubine. Like you got the stuff, the it factor. You're the hottest tween in the land and the king is definitely going to recognize it. So he takes her to the harem and hands her over to the eunuch. I just kept thinking of that Reba song.
01:27:47
Speaker
Here's your one chance, Esther, don't let me down. Oh my gosh. You know that one? Did they play that in Massachusetts? No. See, I didn't know this until Casey educated me about it. I had no idea this existed. Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down. It was about a girl whose mom, in order to help her get out of their poverty and whatnot, bought her a fancy dress and turned her loose as a prostitute.
01:28:17
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Awesome. Yeah. Not actually familiar with that song. I don't know a lot about Reba. Casey has educated. Right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Casey's given lots of education on 90s country because I have zero exposure to it. I like 90s country. It gets to about the year like 2002 and I'm pretty done with country at that point, but anything but prior to that, I'm all for.
01:28:47
Speaker
I just like to see much of a difference. Out of the blue, I like to scream it in April's face. Yeah, that's really. I like to see that that being the biggest appeal of it for you. I like it to be like a nighttime driving situation where the car is like completely quiet and she's obviously lost in thought. And then I just like look over and I'm like, like a rhinestone cowboy. Oh my gosh. And I'm just like, what?
01:29:17
Speaker
saying to me I can't I don't need fun country music right now it there isn't any of it that I go that's fine none of it and now it's like did you just
01:29:30
Speaker
I feel like they're just ripping hip hop beats and just throwing a twang over it. It's like, what is happening? OK, so I used to really like Carrie Underwood and I was like, I wonder what Carrie Underwood is up to these days. And so I looked, it was like a couple of months ago, and I looked to see like what her songs were right now. And the only the top, like the most recent song was called Stretchy Pants or something.
01:29:57
Speaker
And it was all about how much food at Thanksgiving. And she has a stretchy pants on so she can eat as much food as she wants. And then she's rolling around on the floor because she's eating so much food at Thanksgiving.
01:30:09
Speaker
That's like, oh, no. I think that the stretchy pants joke is white people's favorite Thanksgiving joke. It's like Gen X and above. Maybe like I got to put on the stretchy pants. That or they mentioned they got to take a nap. Like, yeah. But like writing a whole song about it, it was just it wasn't a very it wasn't very well written. It wasn't very like
01:30:35
Speaker
How would you write that? Well, it's a bad premise to begin with. Jeez. I know I was I was upset about it. She released an album this year called Denim and rhinestones. Oh, no. That's the second rhinestone reference in the past 15. Oh, that's.
01:30:50
Speaker
Oh, my gosh. What are rhinestones? They're just they're like plastic fake jewels. Is that like bejeweling your jeans? Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it is. Wow. The dazzle jeans. It's they're plastic diamonds. What is that coming back? Bell bottoms are bad. It's coming to thousands. Fashion has been back for a little bit. And I know that 2010 is next time. Yeah, I guarantee it.
01:31:19
Speaker
I did a gospel album in 2021. Oh, it's got the lead off track is Jesus loves me instrumental. Stop it. No, girl. Why? No, do you guys vote for you on American Idol? Like we sent in one of our limited text messages on our sprint to help you get to this point. This is what you're doing with it. Yeah, wasting your voice. Stop it. Stop it.
01:31:48
Speaker
So Esther gets turned over to the harem to the care of Haggai, the sassiest eunuch, and he just loves her. Thinks she's great. He immediately provided her with beauty treatments and special food, which, what is that I wonder?
01:32:09
Speaker
I don't know if they were trying to like, like thicken them up or like restrict their diet. The ghetto. Yeah. Like you get like two almonds. That's it. Or you get like a full spread. It's gotta be one or the other.
01:32:26
Speaker
Yeah, it put you on that James Charles diet. Oh my gosh. So he assigned to her seven female attendants selected from the King's palace and moved her and her attendants into the best place in the harem. So clearly, Hege is kind of like putting his finger on the scale here, it sounds like. Yeah. He's like, all right, this is it. This is it.
01:32:51
Speaker
So for some reason, I don't understand the significance of this just yet. I think it comes into play further into the story, but it says that she did not reveal her nationality or family background because Mordecai forbade it. I remember that part of the story. She didn't tell that she was Jewish because they were Persian or the king was Persian.
01:33:13
Speaker
It says every day he walked back and forth near the courtyard of the harem to find out how Esther was and what was happening to her. I feel like he's a total like Britney Spears' dad. Yeah, he's like a helicopter cousin.
01:33:29
Speaker
He put her into a conservatorship super fast. Total Hollywood mom vibe, you know, just like. So basically like what they would do, this is weird. Okay. So it says, before a young woman's turn came to go into King Xerxes, she had to complete 12 months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women. 12 months. 12 months. Botox injections.
01:33:58
Speaker
Yeah, they were letting them ripen to the age of like 14.
01:34:07
Speaker
Let them pickle a little bit. Then six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. I'm guessing Xerxes had a sensitive nose. I guess. I don't know. Or else they were seeing like if whoever got pimples just got booted off immediately. And if you get a cyst, you're out.
01:34:36
Speaker
So yeah, she goes through many, many months of aromatherapy and it says, and this is how she would go to the king. Anything she wanted was given her to take with her from the harem to the king's palace. So this is basically all of the girls, they could take whatever they wanted to with them to the king's palace. I don't know what that means, but I keep thinking of like a John Wick style wall of like,
01:35:03
Speaker
dildos and whips and collars. Oh, no. Just an outfitter. Yeah. The whole like bad dragon Christmas catalog on the wall. Oh, no. Got any ovipositors? If you're not sure what that is, Google that. Google it. Enjoy. Thank me. Right after the pregnant sonic pictures,
01:35:32
Speaker
There's a lot of homework for this episode. So in the evening, she would go there and in the morning return to another part of the harem to the care of Shashgaz, the king's eunuch who was in charge of the concubines. So go in the evening, come back in the morning, get turned over to Shashgaz who would, I don't know, give him a morning after pill or I don't know. Special tea.
01:36:01
Speaker
And she would not return to the king unless he was pleased with her and summered her by name. So he basically like trial run. If he liked them, then he would let them come back. But I think we're talking about it. If this is at all based in reality, which I think it by all accounts, this this sort of thing probably is. Yeah, I'm fairly certain it is. Yeah, I have to be talking about a lot.
01:36:26
Speaker
of young women, right? Probably. Yeah, it's just not all. It sounds pretty par for the course for this time and place in with these types of rulers. Probably not, not, not, not against their weight. It was probably some of it against their will. Oh, yeah. Guaranteed over there. Yeah.
01:36:51
Speaker
Give me collagen injections against because that's what sounds great pig collagen just Stuff my lips full that shit and throw me in front of a king Just decreed that all women have to suck their husbands dicks whenever they want or they get their fucking
01:37:08
Speaker
faces chopped off or like he's just got to test them all out, just like jackhammer him for five minutes and then be like, all right, go to the concubines. I'm sleepy. Oh, my word. He's going to light them up in a row and just. Well, yeah. Poke each. Just move. Yeah, move. Move. Yeah, not feeling it. Oh, God. Oh, worse. At least it was the Persian king and not like his predecessor. What would the Assyrians?
01:37:37
Speaker
Oh my gosh. You probably didn't go back to the harem if he didn't like you, the Assyrian king. Probably not. Probably just like, lop your limbs off and throw you in the pile. I think the Assyrians were a special kind of brutal. I mean, go down in history level brutal. I don't know, were they more brutal than the Mongols though?
01:38:00
Speaker
I don't know. At some point, it gets to be like a very slim rating system. Right. Yeah, I know. When you when you get down to like most innovative form of torture, it's like, well, you guys are both pretty bad, I guess, if that's what you're fighting for. If that's the title you're fighting for is the most innovative torture. It's pretty rough. The Assyrians were.
01:38:23
Speaker
Yeah, they, for certain was, was a unique as well, but yeah. Yeah. It definitely says something about your culture when like all the surviving hieroglyphics are basically like death metal album covers. This is like a cattle decapitation EP.
01:38:48
Speaker
Oh my God. A cannibal corpse cover, album cover. Do you have to see those? Yeah. It's unsettling still when I like look through their album covers and their album art. It's like, holy shit. What are we doing? It's too much for me. I wouldn't recommend googling it if you find brutal images disturbing.
01:39:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's not really my style. I don't think like section of bands that like that is the defining characteristic of those like, yeah, like cattle decapitation and feet. What was the dying fetus? Yeah. I can't remember all the other ones. They're awful in the vein. There is one guy. It's like.
01:39:40
Speaker
It gets harder to say their names because some of them involve the C word and people don't know that. I did say, I have used it on the podcast, but that was natural. I feel weird just throwing out banning. I'm okay without it.
01:39:53
Speaker
You're talking about see you next Tuesday. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I didn't even realize that because, you know, I'm a first grader. I didn't either. I'm just kidding. That is so lame. OK, I I'm not going to pretend I don't still like getting to tell people, hey, see you next Tuesday. Oh, my gosh. Funny to me. Still, it's I'm going to write them a letter.
01:40:22
Speaker
I think we'll stick angry eyebrows on our pets. Get us to the end, Casey. Where are we? Okay, bye. When the turn came for Esther,
01:40:37
Speaker
to go to the king, she asked for nothing other than what Haggai had suggested. So Sassy Eunuch, she asks him what butt plug would be appropriate for the king, what's the best bet, he gave it to her, and that's what she took in. Green Scaly Dragon. I guess that demonstrates humility and savviness. She's using her resources.
01:41:04
Speaker
Yeah, I was like, Oh, what would you want? And the guy's like, Oh, my ego has been stroked. Yes. Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her. She was taking to King Xerxes in the royal residence in the 10th month, the month of Tebeth.
01:41:22
Speaker
in the seventh year of his reign. And it says, now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he put a crown on her head, made her queen instead of Vashti, which I'm sure really chapped her cheeks.
01:41:44
Speaker
Maybe it didn't. Maybe she was pretty dumb with the guy. Do you have any idea how happy I am to get the fuck out of here? This guy's a psychopath. I'm sure life for her after the palace was probably not fun either. True. We were just listening to a history thing about someone who was the queen of like, what? She was like an Ottoman queen or something like that.
01:42:12
Speaker
I can't remember what city it was, but it was in that time of the Vikings and stuff. She went from queen of the empire to she ended up in a convent in some rural part of Italy. Oh, I'm trying to remember who that was. I don't know why I'm stuck on the Mongolians, but heard the Mongols. Yeah, it wasn't that one. It was something in the history of those things.
01:42:37
Speaker
It was somebody in Europe, right? I don't know. Yeah. I'm not really a history guy, so. Well, here's history. So Esther becomes the queen. The king throws a big party in her name. He declares it like Esther Day National holiday. She doesn't come out and dance for him when he's drunk and he starts the whole process over again in the morning. Yeah, because she's a teenager later on.
Biblical Themes and Divine Fate
01:43:05
Speaker
Yeah.
01:43:05
Speaker
accidentally oh yeah that's right good conclusion to that so uh i think like there's a lot of really important uh biblical themes here the biggest one just like you know you you gotta be open to whatever door god opens for you yeah if it's being a sex slave then that's what god has for you i guess hey you know
01:43:33
Speaker
Slowly at the top. That's what Steve Bruce says. Yeah. I mean, he has a doctor. So that's the cowboy shape like a boot. Also, hey, good uncle and, you know, help your, your kid be a child bride.
01:43:57
Speaker
Yeah. All the best uncles are doing it. Some uncles show their nephews, playboys too early. Some uncles sell their nieces into slavery, you know? Yeah, you know? Different kinds. Different kinds of uncles out there. Uncles are just to be viewed with suspicion, I think. Yeah. Oh, I'm an uncle. You are an uncle. I take that. You are suspicious. He's going to buy his nephew some guns.
01:44:27
Speaker
Yeah. He will be armed and ignorant of all these things. You will not lock it up. You will leave it by his bedside and you will teach him how to use it. If there's ever an intruder, kind of a, uh, you know, like throw the kid in the pool and let him figure it out. Sort of instructor. All right, everybody doing business sounds like, and, uh, we will talk to you next time.
01:45:02
Speaker
you