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00:00:01
You Are Enough: Let Go of What Was, Embrace What’s Coming
53 Plays6 months ago
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I revisit the heart of this podcast—letting go of what you thought life should look like and embracing the wild mess of it all. It’s a reminder that even when things don’t go as planned, they can still work out—just in a different, sometimes unexpected way. And that’s okay!
This episode is for anyone who’s felt pressured by expectations or struggled with the “shoulds” of life. I talk about finding peace in the mess, trusting that life always works out even when we can’t see how. I share how I’ve come to terms with my relationships with my mom and sister, realizing they may not be what I envisioned, but they’re still meaningful.
I also reflect on the guilt I felt leaving Utah, thinking I was breaking some unspoken Mormon rule about family loyalty. But I’ve learned that following my own path doesn’t mean loving my family any less.
This episode is here to remind you embrace the delusion and remember that you are enough just as you are, and your life is your own. "Can't get over it, can't go around it... Guess I'm going through it."
Alexa, play "Going Through It" (unreleased) by Duke Jones
Stay Connected
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@utahgirlinnash
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatherdyann
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@utahgirlinnash
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Wandering the Wild Mess'
00:00:01
Heather Morgan
Can't get over it. Can't get around it. Guess I'm going through it. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy that you're here.
00:00:19
Heather Morgan
All right. I started off with these lyrics I heard. They were written or they were performed by a Duke Jones, which I cannot find the song anywhere. But I feel like those lyrics can't get through it. Can't go around it or can't get over it. Can't get around it. Guess I'm going through it. It just really embodies a lot about everything that I started this podcast for is letting go of what you thought.
Embracing the Chaos of Life
00:00:48
Heather Morgan
your life should look like and just embracing the mass of what it is and going through it, right? Just going through it. And I want to really talk in this episode about that because the more I connect with people that I meet and they'll ask oftentimes if it comes up, Oh, you have a podcast? What's it about? And really,
00:01:13
Heather Morgan
for me, it's about just that is letting go of what we expected our life to be because do you don't want there's not a single person that I meet that is like, Oh, what are you talking about? My life is exactly what I thought it was going to be like, like, this is exactly what I imagined to happen every single last thing, just how I thought it would. Everything just worked out exactly the way I thought.
00:01:40
Heather Morgan
It's universal that it doesn't go that way for all of us. So when you think about it, it's wild that we're even in a place where we're so disappointed when life doesn't go exactly how we planned. Because do we even know anyone that that's the case?
00:01:58
Heather Morgan
And even in this world of is social media that's very unrealistic about life, that's not what's happening behind closed doors for anyone, let's be real.
Social Media vs. Reality
00:02:11
Heather Morgan
It's just not how life is supposed to be. And don't get me wrong, I believe in like,
00:02:17
Heather Morgan
finding the fun and the good and the happiness and the positive and everything. But that doesn't mean you can plan out every last detail and it always goes accordingly. Because there's just so many factors that are out of our control. And I think if anyone could ever take anything from this podcast and my mission and what I want to provide, it's just that feeling of knowing you're not alone in all of this where you're like, why isn't it working out for me exactly what I thought it should? Because am I failing? Am I behind? Am I not doing enough? You're enough just the way you are. And I think sometimes it takes a lot of sitting with not feeling good enough to work through the realization that you were always enough.
00:03:13
Heather Morgan
You were always enough. But your mind had these expectations placed in it that it had to be a certain way for you to be enough.
00:03:26
Heather Morgan
And it doesn't, it doesn't. So welcome to the truth. It doesn't have to be like that. And it's just so nice to kind of circle back to that. So I wanted to, the reason why this is coming up, I had just got, I've just got back from Utah.
Personal Growth and Change
00:03:43
Heather Morgan
I had a great trip right before the holidays and you know, every time I'm there,
00:03:52
Heather Morgan
I know I don't belong there, but I see so many things because I lived there my whole life that I'm like, Oh, I remember that and I like remember the girl that I was and it's not me at all anymore. And so I think that that is always like such a refreshing place to, to really just kind of like smack you in the face and be like, look, we evolve.
00:04:16
Heather Morgan
So it's okay to change. So we're changing our life's going to change things we thought would be there forever or not going to be there anymore. And like, that's just kind of how it rolls and it's okay. So interestingly enough, during, if you've listened, if you've been listening along from the beginning, you recall that right after my divorce, I had a messy encounter at the Morgan wall and concert in salt Lake. Uh, and I kind of like,
00:04:47
Heather Morgan
had a little outing with someone that I went to high school with. And I saw a person again when I was in town and we were just talking because he's also been divorced.
00:04:59
Heather Morgan
And he's, um, I mean, his circumstances were different, but he saw me real messy. Like that was the beginning of the messy me that just was like, what am I doing with my life? And I know anyone getting out of like a long-term serious relationship, you're like, who am I now? Like I've literally been like this person's partner this whole time. So what do I do with myself? And you just kind of feel lost.
00:06:25
Heather Morgan
There's still days, you know, mostly you're grieving your old life a little bit, but honestly, like I'm so very grateful for my life now that I'm never like, Oh, I wish I'd never got divorced.
Life’s Unexpected Paths
00:06:37
Heather Morgan
I don't think that anymore or at all. I'm very glad for that.
00:06:43
Heather Morgan
And not in a way like I'm happy to be divorced and I don't care about his feelings, but just in that I'm okay that that was my journey. And I think that's the point in our lives when we get there with anything that comes to us and happens in our life where we can go I'm letting go of what I thought my life should look like. And I'm just embracing what it is. I'm letting go of thinking that I was just going to be married forever or that I'd never get divorced. Like that didn't happen. I'm letting go of what I thought should happen. And I'm embracing what is.
00:07:21
Heather Morgan
And that's really, I think the most peaceful place that you can go to. And the cool thing about it that I realized as I'm thinking about it and work and talking to other people, because a lot of people that I talk to when I tell him about my podcast are like, yeah, like me, I thought, like I talked to a guy at the airport and he was telling me how, you know, he just had a daughter and like him and his wife if had only been, they'd been dating three or four years and then they got married and had a daughter and he didn't really have his dad around.
00:07:58
Heather Morgan
growing up. So he said, I never really pictured what it would look like to be a dad because I didn't have a dad. So I didn't really know what a dad supposed to do. And I was like, Hmm, that's interesting. And so as we're like talking it out, it's like he kind of didn't even have
00:08:18
Heather Morgan
I don't know, like any kind of measurement to say like what it should be. I guess if you're just there, that was good enough. And I realized that like everyone based on our experiences growing up, we have different things that we just can or can't visualize for ourselves about our lives. And so it makes it like a different challenge or journey. But just because you couldn't didn't really know what it looked like to be a dad doesn't mean you shouldn't be one.
00:08:49
Heather Morgan
Right. And I think that's like a lot of things in our life. Just because we don't know what it will be like doesn't mean we shouldn't try for it. Doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. And that's exactly what happens when we stay the same because we're fearful of the unknown. Like if you would have said, well, I don't know what dads do, so I can never be a dad. So life would be different.
00:09:18
Heather Morgan
And I know that's like extreme, but that's like anything in life. When we stay in places and we're like, well, I can't leave. I don't know what it would look like on the other side of this.
00:09:28
Heather Morgan
I think the best things that have ever come from anything I've ever done has been at the end of the day, I'm like, I'm just going to give it a shot. And we're just going to see how it it works. And that's always where it comes to the best place in our lives.
00:09:45
Heather Morgan
is when we just throw it out there and see what happens. But we like let go of the expectation that it's supposed to be perfect.
Family Dynamics and Acceptance
00:09:54
Heather Morgan
The holidays reminds me of that again, because I mentioned that when I was younger, I wanted to like make our house look a certain way for my little sister because I felt like that's what it had to look like for Christmas to be great.
00:10:10
Heather Morgan
And now I think about it where I'm really not even celebrating Christmas, but I'm like, that's really probably not even what she would remember, is how perfectly I hung the stockings. But I wanted it to look like a movie for her, but that's really not what mattered. It was just the moments, like enjoying our family. It wasn't really about that.
00:10:38
Heather Morgan
Speaking of family, I know this time can be hard in those situations, depending on where you are at with your family. And not having my dad always kind of just, you know, I'm getting a lot more used to it now since it's been so long. But even seeing my mom when I went back, I realized that As much as I love her and I think she's the greatest, kindest person, the relationship that we have isn't as close as what I had with my father. And so sometimes that can be or and and not just as close as I am with my father. like
00:11:16
Heather Morgan
I see that there's other and women in my life and they have better relationships with their mothers. not I mean, so comparison, of course, is the thief of joy. But in my head, I'm like, gosh, I wish we maybe had that dialogue where we could be a little bit closer, less surface level. But that's just not our relationship. And that's nothing wrong with her, with me. It's just it is what it is.
00:11:46
Heather Morgan
And if I was just to hold on to like, oh, great, why don't I have this really close relationship with my mom? I don't know what it would change.
00:11:55
Heather Morgan
in my life or how it would benefit me to think that way. So I want to remind you when we're doing those things in our life, and maybe you can stop yourself when you're thinking, well, gosh, I really wish this would have been this way, whether it's the holiday, whether it's your relationship with your family or your partner or what you wish anyone in your life would do or say. Like what is wanting it to be different really change?
00:12:21
Heather Morgan
It's not different. That's what it is. We're letting go of what we thought it should be and we're just being all right with what it is. I think that's the gift that keeps on giving because when we think that way, then we're just in a better place.
00:12:40
Heather Morgan
I think there was something and I've seen Mel Robbins, if you listen to her, I know she said let them and that's a big theme. And I'm very much into this like detached space where I just kind of let things come and go in my life as they need to and try not to really hold on to anything because I'm at a place where I understand that anything can leave at any time. And I have to find happiness in just me.
00:13:10
Heather Morgan
And so I think when we allow people to just be what they are in your life, you just let them, let them show you who they are and accept it or don't, but either way, they still are.
00:13:24
Heather Morgan
And with my mother, that's the piece that I have to come with when I speak to her, I love her so much, but I also
00:13:34
Heather Morgan
realize that the relationship that I could make up in my head that would seem like that's the ideal mother-daughter relationship that I should want and have is not really our truth. And that's okay. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be like I made it up in my head.
00:13:58
Heather Morgan
And the same goes with my sister, lover to death, kindest person. Are we super close? No. No, we're not. And that's okay too. I felt for a long time that like, gosh, maybe I, you know, me and my sister and mom, like that's just a sign of like a good healthy family as if they're super close.
00:14:24
Heather Morgan
But I love and respect my mom and sister as I know they do me. And I don't think our relationship has to look a certain way for it to be a good one.
00:14:36
Heather Morgan
And so if you're feeling that sort of way with your family around this holiday, like I don't want you to feel alone. Cause even the people that have seemingly all together, like,
00:14:49
Heather Morgan
We don't. I'm not saying I look like I have it all together, but I'm saying when we do, I mean, there's just pieces of it. Some people get held different cards, right? Delt different cards. and We've talked about this before. And it's really just how you kind of see it. It's it's a winning or a losing hand and it's your perspective and either way you're right.
00:15:10
Heather Morgan
And so that's been a big one, this trip for me to just full circle realize that this is just what it is. This is what it looks like for me for the holidays with my friends and family. And I'm okay with it. There's not a right way to do any of this. There's not a right way to do life outside of doing it authentically the way that you want to do it that makes you feel good.
00:15:40
Heather Morgan
as the human you are. And whatever that means for you is what it should look like. And then we take the pressure off of trying to get this external validation or show the world that, look, this looks exactly how it should, so I'm doing it right. It's just not that. I think we just have to figure out where we get the most joy.
00:16:09
Heather Morgan
We like discover what lights us up and then we do those things. And it doesn't have to be exactly how it should look for everyone else. I wonder sometimes too, now that I'm saying this, like I don't know when I speak to people I know there's a difference probably because of how I grew up. This like whole idea of like the family thing, especially growing up Mormon. like you just The families are just supposed to be so close. Or they're so you're told. And again, we're we talk. we're We're close. I don't know. Maybe I don't know what close means. Maybe close means talking every day. I can tell you that's not gonna be me. I'm not gonna be a talking on the phone to my mom and sister every day. That's not us.
00:16:57
Heather Morgan
by some metrics, maybe that's what it's supposed to look like. There's literally women I talk to that talk to their moms like all the time. Now me and my dad, I was like that. Me and my mom? No.
00:17:10
Heather Morgan
And I feel like maybe there's this guilt and shame associated with it because like I said, growing up, Mormon, you're like, oh, I'm supposed to be a little bit more like super close with
Living Authentically
00:17:21
Heather Morgan
my family. And that's what a good daughter does. And that was even hard for me to move because of that. There was a guilt that I shouldn't leave the state of Utah, which I am also reminded when I go back home that like, Utahns don't leave Utah. They don't usually move.
00:17:38
Heather Morgan
And if they do, they come back and be close to their families. And it makes me feel like some like outlier of like, what am I doing? You're like black sheep. You're leaving the family. Like it's crazy how many like triggers come up about how I thought my life should be by following the way that I was taught.
00:18:01
Heather Morgan
But as I work through each of them, I just realized that those are just made up in my head based on things I was told before I even understood what ah life even looked like or what I was doing with anything. I didn't know yet. I was just figuring it out and you get kind of like told like, this is what it's going to look like. And you're like, okay, all right.
00:18:25
Heather Morgan
And then you get older and you're like, no, I don't really like that. I don't really want to do that. But then, and maybe you don't do that. Like I didn't, I still moved, but then there's this like, uh, guilt that comes through where you're like, I'm a bad daughter. I'm not a good family person. I'm not. And it's like, why, why would I like, I am a good daughter and I love my family. It just doesn't look exactly like I thought it should be.
00:18:55
Heather Morgan
And that's okay. That's okay. So here I go just admitting the truth. you know I'm like a divorced woman who didn't stay married and now left the home state of where her whole family is. So like doing all of the polar opposite things of what I ever thought that I should do. But it's not that serious.
00:19:24
Heather Morgan
because it's just where I'm at. And I know that we can do more good in the world when we're just happy with our lives. And like, I would like to think everyone wants to do good in the world. I know maybe that's not like top priority for every single person. Maybe they're just trying, you're just trying to get through the day and I get that.
00:19:42
Heather Morgan
because we all have different journeys and we all have different gifts and no one's journey is the same. And and that's why we can't judge other people's journeys because we don't understand because it's not where we are.
00:19:57
Heather Morgan
It's like we're trying to read a map to go somewhere on a trail that we're not on. Like we're not on that path. So of course we're not going to understand. We didn't see the same things on the way up.
00:20:10
Heather Morgan
And when we let go of trying to like fit the mold in the sense that fitting in where someone else is on this different path and we're like, we got to do these things too. That has been probably my biggest joy taker a aware. Is that a word? Is trying to do that.
00:20:30
Heather Morgan
So if we can just let go of what we thought our life should look like and embrace the wild mess of what it is, I promise we can find all of the happiest moments in our life. All of them. And the really cool thing that I love about all of this is that even though
00:20:54
Heather Morgan
a lot of things. i'm I'm learning so much. I think I'm most excited that I just get to make up my life as I go. And like just embrace the uncertainties of everything. Like it's just I just have so much gratitude I guess for the journey.
00:21:12
Heather Morgan
I can just look at my life and go, wow, like I really, it's really just a fun place that I never like thought I would be here or doing any of this. And we, we joked when I saw my friend from back home and we were talking about how I was like, don't fall in love with me and move into Tennessee. Like that girl was a bad ass. Like that. I just decided that like, I don't even know. And then I really did it.
00:21:40
Heather Morgan
Like we're capable of so many cool things that we're just like deciding just be decisive and don't care. And I think that was the best part about looking back at my mess is that I was just so delusional in my mess that I was just like making stuff up and then I was just rolling with it.
00:21:56
Heather Morgan
And I just want to reflect back and be, I loved reflecting back and us talking about it and being like, wow, that was like cool. Like that was like, you're like, look at you like doing that. And it's like, yeah, who was that messy girl? That was me. And I feel like in life, like the best things we ever do is when we're just like, yeah,
Supportive Relationships
00:22:17
Heather Morgan
I'm doing that. And you just roll with it.
00:22:20
Heather Morgan
Like you stop second guessing yourself, overthinking it, overcomplicating it, trying to tell yourself like what's not going to work, what's going to work, nothing. You just go with it. And I think back to that point in time in my life when I was saying that, and I had told like my friends and family, and like I'm actually legit so stoked that like none of them were like, well, how are you gonna do that? like I did not have one Debbie Downer trying to change my mind. Everyone was like, this girl is a mess. Sure, sure. Moved to Tennessee. like No one even like came at me. They were just like, whatever. like I don't know if she's really gonna do it.
00:22:58
Heather Morgan
but she's saying it. So we'll just go with it. Cause she's losing her mind and she's crying all the time. So whatever, just let her be. And like, when Morgan wall high school guys, like, I still can't believe like when you said that, then you really did it. Like it was, I was so proud of you.
00:23:18
Heather Morgan
And like, i I remember I thanked him for not, not that he would try to stop me. Like we were anything that serious, but like, I'm glad that it didn't work that way because I was messy enough to like probably be in a head space where I could have stayed if I would have been swayed at all. And so we talked about that too, how just like grateful I was that like that wasn't it. And I realized in talking to him, this is the really cool thing about when like,
00:23:49
Heather Morgan
people, healed people can talk together, right? Like healed after their divorce. Cause he was like, I just, I wanted you, like, I wasn't like, I want you to do what you want to do to be like happy. And when you're dealing with people in your life that aren't trying to like push you all down a path for their own gain,
00:24:12
Heather Morgan
They're just like, yeah, it would have been great to have you around. But like, I wasn't going to stop you. I wanted you to be happy. And that's what you wanted to do.
00:24:20
Heather Morgan
I was really. Probably one of my favorite things is sitting and talking to like. A grown man just knowing that is just such a ah strength. And I'm not saying they all don't know that I'm just saying it's just such a cool
00:24:38
Heather Morgan
just looking back at how much growth that person has had, not that they were like super, you know, but it was just such a change in both of us to kind of sit down and talk like that. And I loved it. And I love when you can look at your life and things are happening. And then and you go back and you're like, Oh my gosh, it all worked out even better than I could have imagined.
Finding Peace in Unpredictability
00:25:06
Heather Morgan
And then, you know, whatever's ahead is going to be great and work out too, but you're just going to like let go of the how and when and you're just going to roll with the motions of enjoying the now of it all.
00:25:20
Heather Morgan
I hope you realize that it all works out for you. And when you let go of what you think your life should be and just embrace the wild mess of it,
00:25:33
Heather Morgan
for what it is, you will find your happiness and peace. It will come. Things will continue to be get better. It's truly this too shall pass. In the moment I know we talked about this, me and Morgan Wallen, high school guy, like when you're in it, you're like, how am I getting through it? But you will. You will every time. And so the reason I even started this podcast is because I didn't know how I was gonna get through it.
00:26:03
Heather Morgan
but now that I am, it's like the sky's the limit and I just cannot wait to share even more people's stories with you on how it all works out so that you're like, yeah, same mindset, it all works out.
00:26:19
Heather Morgan
Because we all have things that stress us out or make our life feel heavy sometimes. But if we can truly get into a place where we believe that it all works out and we let go of those expectations and what we thought, it's such a freeing place. We don't have to distract from life because we just enjoy it.
00:26:43
Heather Morgan
I know you're going to get there if you're not already. If you're listening, you might not be. It's all right. Obviously, no judgment. That's why you're here because I want to get you there. And that's what I want your gift for me to be, is to know you're enough just the way you are. Everything you've did got everything you've done up to this point's got you to the place that you are now, and you're only getting better. You're not getting worse. that's not that We're not doing that. If you're listening to this podcast, it's impossible. Listers of this podcast only get better, so you're already in the right place. I love that for you.
00:27:22
Heather Morgan
So I'm excited about the new year to come. I hope you are too. And maybe what we start forward thinking is that we are going to let go of what we thought our life should look like and just find all the joy in what it is right now. I hope you have the best holiday and thank you so much for listening.
Closing and Gratitude
00:27:47
Heather Morgan
You are my gift.
00:27:50
Heather Morgan
Thanks for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.