Transcript
Speaker: I don't give a fuck about your fucking son.
Speaker: I don't give a fuck about your fucking son.
Speaker: That is a song I came up with yesterday while I was in the shower.
Speaker: And don't worry what it's about.
Speaker: I think you get the gist.
Speaker: Welcome back to Dirty Briefs, everybody.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: It has been almost five months since I have smoked weed, since I have kissed the rainbow clouds of THC, since I have floated on a magic carpet of dope.
Speaker: I miss it.
Speaker: I really do.
Speaker: But thank you, Snoop Dogg, for joining me in my quest for weed sobriety for the time being.
Speaker: Are you ready for the next episode?
Speaker: Because I am Snoop Dogg and Hoop Doop are coming at you drug free.
Speaker: Ba-bam.
Speaker: Now,
Speaker: In this almost five months, obviously I've had some clarity because my head is not all fogged up with the devil's grass.
Speaker: I've realized I need to take a step back.
Speaker: From comedy.
Speaker: And that doesn't mean I'm quitting comedy.
Speaker: That doesn't even mean I'm stopping comedy.
Speaker: It just means that I need to take a step back from doing the road.
Speaker: Because it takes a lot out of me.
Speaker: I'm constantly getting frustrated from my lack of sales.
Speaker: I'm traveling to these places and having lackluster experiences.
Speaker: And when I have good shows on the road.
Speaker: I'm energized.
Speaker: I am fueled.
Speaker: There is gasoline being poured on my fire.
Speaker: And I just feel like I am absolutely going to burn with the entire world in the most positive way.
Speaker: Well, those experiences have been few and far between lately.
Speaker: And instead, I've just been getting depleted out there.
Speaker: And I'm putting so much into these shows for what tends to be a somewhat minimal return.
Speaker: And that's difficult.
Speaker: It takes a lot out of it because I can't not put my heart into every single performance.
Speaker: So even if there's only 17 people in a giant movie theater, I am performing as if there are 9,000 people in a giant arena.
Speaker: I guess that would be a mid-sized arena, but you get the idea of what I'm saying.
Speaker: I just, I'm sending out all these emails and they're not coming back, which does a number on my self-worth, my self-image.
Speaker: I feel unnoticed.
Speaker: I feel not considered.
Speaker: I've always said comedy, it's, success in comedy is like chewing your way through a brick wall.
Speaker: It hurts.
Speaker: It is a long, slow process.
Speaker: But sometimes you just make a little bit more of a dent or you break through and you begin to see the other side and you have this feeling of just luster that just resonates through you.
Speaker: Well, my teeth hurt.
Speaker: which is making my brain hurt.
Speaker: So instead of chewing my way through the wall, I'm just going to kiss it for a while.
Speaker: I'm going to lick the wall.
Speaker: And what do you know?
Speaker: The schnozberries taste like schnozberries.
Speaker: I need to step back.
Speaker: I need to relinquish control and focus on other things.
Speaker: And my wife is the one who told me that she goes, I think you just need a little bit of a break.
Speaker: And I,
Speaker: I realized she's right.
Speaker: I don't know how to do that.
Speaker: I don't actually comprehend how to turn my brain off from constantly thinking about how to be more productive, how to put myself out there, how to keep beating down the door of success.
Speaker: But that's what it is.
Speaker: It's not quitting.
Speaker: it's realigning.
Speaker: I have to maintain my desire for my goals and for what I want to achieve, but I can't force success.
Speaker: I need to, I need to attract and not chase.
Speaker: And that way when things do happen, it won't feel so desperate.
Speaker: I won't be like, thank God I got this club to get back to me so I can actually pay my bills this month.
Speaker: I am not going to have to go work a job in construction.
Speaker: That's never going to be an option for me.
Speaker: I'm not good with my hands at all.
Speaker: They're little girl hands.
Speaker: You can see them.
Speaker: They're not strong, but that's what I need to do.
Speaker: Stepping back is about letting go to make room for something else.
Speaker: And sure enough,
Speaker: When I made this decision a couple of weeks ago, I immediately got hit up by my manager to get a new commercial agent because somebody had asked about me and I realized, well, okay, there's an opportunity in that.
Speaker: I've had my same agent for 15 years.
Speaker: They've been great, but I haven't been auditioning at all because I think I'm an afterthought.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Somebody else wants to come after me.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: I feel seen.
Speaker: I'm doing a new volunteer opportunity so I can focus not so much on myself, but look toward other people as well.
Speaker: And that's where all of this is starting to come together is I'm still doing shows.
Speaker: I have projects in the works.
Speaker: I'm just not spending every day ripping my hair off, tearing apart my skin, trying to figure out what should I be doing?
Speaker: Sometimes nothing.
Speaker: Sometimes I can just sit and read a book.
Speaker: I just read I'm Glad My Mom Died in two days because I had the time and it was such a good book.
Speaker: Jeanette McCurdy, if you haven't read it, really good stuff.
Speaker: And that was enjoyable.
Speaker: I'm doing some online work that's bringing in some money just so I can at least feel that satisfaction of doing it.
Speaker: And again, this isn't quitting anything.
Speaker: This is just me taking my head out of the engine and just giving myself room to breathe.
Speaker: I need to take gratitude in what I've already accomplished.
Speaker: Be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life.
Speaker: Be proud of myself.
Speaker: I need to exercise patience.
Speaker: And then I can sit back and watch the opportunities roll in.
Speaker: Not every single audition is going to feel like, God, if I don't get this one, then what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker: Because sometimes that happens.
Speaker: I've been doing comedy for almost 15 years.
Speaker: That's a long time.
Speaker: A long time.
Speaker: And when I started, sometimes I think I should be further along, but when I started, I didn't have a goal in all this.
Speaker: All I wanted to do was walk on stage and be a silly fuck and make people laugh.
Speaker: Well, goal accomplished.
Speaker: I do that every time I hit the stage.
Speaker: And I'm becoming something that I never intended to become.
Speaker: I used to just be this party animal that would just throw caution to the wind and do whatever I wanted and stay up all night, work the next day, come up with new jokes, get back on stage.
Speaker: But I didn't have any clear goals.
Speaker: I was just having fun.
Speaker: And now, if I really want to make this...
Speaker: a sustainable lifestyle, I need to realign and put things together in a way that is going to continually build to different levels of success, to bring more people in to my life, towards me, to be a magnet.
Speaker: That's what I need to be.
Speaker: And I think it's going to happen.
Speaker: I know it's going to happen.
Speaker: But trying to just say, hey, I don't need to send 20 emails to comedy clubs today, not get anything back, and start feeling like a stupid piece of shit, which happens.
Speaker: And I hate to call myself such a negative name, but that's what happens.
Speaker: My own self-worth starts to dwindle away when things don't happen that I feel I deserve.
Speaker: So instead...
Speaker: Let's slow down a little bit.
Speaker: Let's really think about what we want moving forward and specific ways we are going to achieve it.
Speaker: And I'm sure this applies directly to your life in some way.
Speaker: You might not be an artist, a comedian, an entertainer.
Speaker: But there's probably something that you're holding on to, a piece of your identity that if you let go of, who knows what will open up inside of your heart, inside of your mind, inside of your pelvis, if that's where you're trying to open something up.
Speaker: It's so easy to get frustrated by everything.
Speaker: The world tries to do that to us.
Speaker: Constant beratement from news and social media.
Speaker: There's just so much negativity everywhere.
Speaker: And to stay positive all the time, that is work.
Speaker: You know how much work that is.
Speaker: And sometimes I just, I feel a depressive wave coming on.
Speaker: So you know what I do?
Speaker: I feel it.
Speaker: I don't try to ignore it and try to say I'm better than this because I'm not.
Speaker: Things are going to get to me, especially with all of the recovery that I've had to do these past year and a half.
Speaker: Everything that I've had to face head on and stare in the face, it took a lot out of me.
Speaker: And I need to give myself the grace to say, hey, you're doing a really good job, even if you don't have everything.
Speaker: You can't compare yourself to other people.
Speaker: Comparison is the thief of joy.
Speaker: Compare and despair.
Speaker: Jealousy gets you nowhere.
Speaker: Gets you nowhere.
Speaker: So do what makes you happy.
Speaker: What are you going to do today?
Speaker: that is going to bring you joy because it is a choice.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: You can focus your joy inwardly and no one can take that away from you.
Speaker: You can sit and take a deep breath and you can smile as big as you want, which you deserve.
Speaker: You truly do deserve that for yourself.
Speaker: I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker: I'm just going to stop forcing what hasn't been working.
Speaker: When you continually try to beat down a door and it's not opening, step back from the house and realize that window is cracked open.
Speaker: And I bet I can squeeze my way through that, even if it might not be as comfortable as the door.
Speaker: But my hands hurt from knocking on this thing so ferociously.
Speaker: So I'm going to try to find a way to crawl through a window.
Speaker: And when I do that, something tells me that front door is going to magically open.
Speaker: Clarity.
Speaker: I really miss weed sometimes.
Speaker: There are times, God, I'm just around it and I just want to smoke it.
Speaker: Like when I'm at a concert or when I'm just like at Donna set and everyone puffs up a joint, I'm like, Oh, I want to do that too.
Speaker: But instead I'm just living in my feelings.
Speaker: Woo.
Speaker: You ever do that?
Speaker: You ever just macro dose reality?
Speaker: Woo.
Speaker: It's his own drug.
Speaker: It is its own drug.
Speaker: And Snoop Dogg is about to learn that too.
Speaker: I don't know how far he is into his journey, but man, breaking that habit, it's tough.
Speaker: But habits aren't good.
Speaker: Change is healthy.
Speaker: So let's focus on that.
Speaker: And please remember, I'm taping a special January 12th in Bridgeport, Connecticut, and I would love to see you there.
Speaker: Or if you live in Los Angeles, January 7th, I am running that hour at the Hollywood Improv.
Speaker: Tickets are available now.
Speaker: Or...
Speaker: January 10th at McGoobie's in Baltimore.
Speaker: I will also be running it.
Speaker: And that's my last run through before the actual taping.
Speaker: So come to one of those shows when I am showcasing this hour of everything that I have built in the past year and a half, because I am stoked on that.
Speaker: And I need to remain stoked on that.
Speaker: That way, when I finally get to that taping, I will absolutely kill it in a high stakes performance.
Speaker: Thanks for being here, everybody.
Speaker: I love you so much.
Speaker: Have a beautiful day.
Speaker: And remember to take a deep breath, smile, and focus your joy.
