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The Scary Part of Cancer (It's Not What You Think It Is)
103 Plays2 years ago
Dying is easy. Living is hard. Once the cancer is out of you, how do you move forward with your life? The pressure is on to make surviving worthwhile. Now its time to figure it out. And that is more terrifying than some extra cells could ever be.
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Find Alex:
Website: https://www.hoopercomedy.com/
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https://www.facebook.com/alex.hooper.334/
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Transcript
Halloween and Cancer: Not as Scary as Expected
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome back to Dirty Briefs.
00:00:07
Speaker
It is October and it's almost Halloween, which means it's spooky season.
00:00:14
Speaker
And that's why this episode is about the scariest thing of all, cancer.
The Real Challenge: Returning to Normal Life
00:00:20
Speaker
But not really cancer.
00:00:23
Speaker
Because honestly, cancer wasn't that scary.
00:00:26
Speaker
At least not for me.
00:00:28
Speaker
I was delirious.
00:00:29
Speaker
I was basically retired.
00:00:31
Speaker
I was playing tennis, doing comedy, meditating, laying down all day, watching movies.
00:00:38
Speaker
Cancer wasn't that bad.
00:00:43
Speaker
The hard part, the scary part, is knowing that I would have to get back to my life and to all of my work when it was all over.
Low Attendance and Emotional Impact of Comedy
00:00:53
Speaker
This past weekend, I was, well, it's a couple weeks ago now that you're hearing this, but I was in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and first time I'd ever been there, excited to be there, and I was told that there'd be a good amount of people at this show that
00:01:11
Speaker
40 to 60 minimum.
00:01:13
Speaker
And I thought, okay, I can work with that.
00:01:15
Speaker
I'm working on a door deal, which means I get paid based on the amount of people that are there.
00:01:21
Speaker
Then when push came to shove and the show started, nobody was coming in the venue and it ended up being nine people, nine.
00:01:36
Speaker
And that's hard, very difficult.
00:01:38
Speaker
Okay.
00:01:39
Speaker
I put on a good show because I had to.
00:01:42
Speaker
I let it out of me on the back backstage.
00:01:46
Speaker
I was literally going, do not take it out on them.
00:01:49
Speaker
This is not their fault.
00:01:50
Speaker
Just get it out of you now.
00:01:51
Speaker
Get it out of you now and go fucking perform for these few people.
00:01:57
Speaker
So I did.
00:01:59
Speaker
But that feeling of failure stuck with me.
Post-Cancer Identity and Resilience
00:02:05
Speaker
I couldn't just let it out.
00:02:07
Speaker
I had a gig in Fargo, North Dakota the next night, and I did everything I could to put on a great show again, and I did, and my numbers were better.
00:02:16
Speaker
The day was much better, so I didn't end the weekend of gigs on a low note, but still, there was that negativity swirling around inside of me.
00:02:30
Speaker
And part of me can't stop thinking about how I knew this was coming.
00:02:36
Speaker
Almost a year ago, I wrote a blog post with this title, The Scary Part of Cancer.
00:02:43
Speaker
It's not what I thought it would be.
00:02:45
Speaker
Because dying is easy.
00:02:49
Speaker
But living is the hard part.
Financial Struggles and Club Pressures
00:02:53
Speaker
All I had to do when I had cancer is survive and heal.
00:02:58
Speaker
People were there for me to take care of me.
00:03:01
Speaker
But now I need to figure out
00:03:05
Speaker
who I am on the other side of it and how to make cancer work for me.
00:03:10
Speaker
Because I said I was going to do that.
00:03:13
Speaker
I said, watch this, everybody.
00:03:16
Speaker
Cancer is going to rue the day it entered this body and mind because my positive attitude is going to make me shine brighter than the sun.
00:03:29
Speaker
It is going to prove my resilience.
00:03:32
Speaker
And in many ways it has.
00:03:34
Speaker
But when I have a gig like I just did in Sioux Falls where nobody shows up, where I lose money, and then I'm looking at other ticket sales coming up, and I have club managers saying, hey, we're going to cancel this show if people don't start buying tickets.
Content Creation vs. Audience Engagement
00:03:50
Speaker
And I'm promoting.
00:03:52
Speaker
I'm running ads.
00:03:53
Speaker
I'm asking friends to reach out to people in these cities.
00:03:57
Speaker
I'm trying to do anything I can.
00:04:00
Speaker
to get people out to these shows and to not live in this place of resentment where I feel like I'm allergic to certain levels of success.
00:04:12
Speaker
I'm so prolific right now in the amount of work that I am doing.
00:04:16
Speaker
I am writing blogs.
00:04:18
Speaker
I have this weekly podcast.
00:04:20
Speaker
I am releasing clips.
00:04:21
Speaker
I'm doing daily lollipops.
00:04:22
Speaker
I'm performing all the time.
00:04:25
Speaker
I am doing, I'm going on podcasts, all of these things.
00:04:30
Speaker
but I'm not seeing results.
00:04:32
Speaker
People aren't following me.
00:04:34
Speaker
People aren't sharing as much as I hope they would be.
Comedian Journey: Beyond Cancer
00:04:37
Speaker
I don't know if what I'm doing is actually speaking to people.
00:04:42
Speaker
And I know if you're listening to this, you're one of the chosen few.
00:04:46
Speaker
Okay.
00:04:46
Speaker
This is not to say, woe is me in any way, but I'm just being vulnerable.
00:04:51
Speaker
And I'm telling you, the reality has set in that cancer's over.
Career Reflections and Self-Doubt
00:04:58
Speaker
And while I'm still living and processing the results of all of that horrific period, now I need to turn things around and really start being the person, the comedian that I know I am meant to be.
00:05:17
Speaker
I filmed that Comedy Central set back in April and it was released in August.
00:05:22
Speaker
And I was so excited about that.
00:05:24
Speaker
It looks great.
00:05:24
Speaker
I'm proud of it.
00:05:26
Speaker
It is one of the least watched episodes they've had in two years.
00:05:33
Speaker
I can't explain why.
00:05:36
Speaker
I could theorize, sure, but what's the point?
00:05:39
Speaker
I did an episode of The Honeydew, a podcast I was so excited to be a part of.
00:05:44
Speaker
It's one of my favorite podcasts.
00:05:45
Speaker
And again, one of the least watched episodes he's ever had.
00:05:53
Speaker
Why?
00:05:54
Speaker
Is it me?
00:05:56
Speaker
Because you start to have this doubt creep in.
00:05:59
Speaker
Your self-image begins to wear and tear.
00:06:03
Speaker
Because eventually you start to think when one bad thing happens, it's a downward spiral.
00:06:08
Speaker
And it leads you to all of these other thoughts.
00:06:09
Speaker
You go, wow, why did nobody come to see me in Sioux Falls?
00:06:13
Speaker
Why has nobody ever really picked me as their opener to go on the road?
00:06:16
Speaker
Why do I never showcase for this?
00:06:18
Speaker
Why have I never booked a voiceover audition?
Overcoming Setbacks and Creating Opportunities
00:06:20
Speaker
Why is everything a struggle?
00:06:23
Speaker
Is that just how it is for most people?
00:06:25
Speaker
But we don't see that because social media only shows us the greatest parts of ourselves unless we get nitty gritty and we share what reality actually is.
00:06:37
Speaker
I'm in it.
00:06:42
Speaker
It is my time to figure this out.
00:06:44
Speaker
And man, I'm working hard.
00:06:45
Speaker
I am really trying.
00:06:48
Speaker
I'm focusing on the positives.
00:06:51
Speaker
I'm filming a special January 12th in Bridgeport, Connecticut.
00:06:56
Speaker
I know that's going to be a great step for my career, something I need for myself.
00:07:01
Speaker
I'm...
00:07:02
Speaker
working on another big project that I'm not going to talk about yet.
00:07:05
Speaker
And these are things you need to create art for yourself because there is something inside of you that needs to come out.
00:07:11
Speaker
You can't worry about results.
00:07:12
Speaker
However, this is my profession.
00:07:17
Speaker
This is how I make money.
00:07:19
Speaker
So when I go on the road and I don't sell any tickets, I can't pay rent.
00:07:26
Speaker
And that's scary.
00:07:28
Speaker
Watching a bank account dwindle.
00:07:29
Speaker
Now you have to operate from a place of abundance.
00:07:32
Speaker
You have to believe that things are going to turn around, planting seeds all of the time.
00:07:39
Speaker
And some of them
Promoting Upcoming Shows and Ticket Urgency
00:07:40
Speaker
are going to sprout.
00:07:40
Speaker
Of course they are.
00:07:43
Speaker
You just have to wonder when.
00:07:46
Speaker
It's pretty scary.
00:07:49
Speaker
And cancer was almost like a relief.
00:07:53
Speaker
It was a break for me.
00:07:57
Speaker
But now that I'm out of it, I really need to figure all of this out.
00:08:03
Speaker
I need to keep trying different things.
00:08:07
Speaker
Constantly promoting myself takes a lot out of me.
00:08:10
Speaker
It's hard, but it's part of my job.
00:08:13
Speaker
And I have little self-care things that I do for myself on a daily basis.
00:08:18
Speaker
But life can't just be all meditate, breath work, slack line, tennis, run up a mountain.
00:08:26
Speaker
You need some wins.
00:08:30
Speaker
And I know the wins are coming because I'm creating opportunities for myself because that's what you have to do.
00:08:38
Speaker
So if you're here and you're listening to this and you know someone in Orlando or Tampa, I'm sending my shows this week.
00:08:43
Speaker
I'm in Orlando on Wednesday, October 18th, and I'm in Tampa for six shows, October 19th through the 22nd.
00:08:51
Speaker
If you're in the Bay Area, I'll be in Alameda Comedy Club November 3rd and 4th.
00:08:58
Speaker
And there's more to come.
00:08:59
Speaker
Brea, California.
00:09:00
Speaker
Yes, first time headlining the Brea Improv, November 19th.
00:09:07
Speaker
I don't wanna cancel these shows because I'm not selling tickets.
00:09:10
Speaker
I gotta figure out how to sell tickets.
00:09:11
Speaker
I gotta make these Facebook ads work.
00:09:13
Speaker
I gotta make something happen.
Hope for the Future and Listener Appreciation
00:09:17
Speaker
Cause I'm not gonna quit.
00:09:19
Speaker
I'm gonna be delusional and keep telling myself it's gonna happen.
00:09:27
Speaker
Maybe it's not a delusion.
00:09:29
Speaker
Maybe this is all part of the journey and the universe is telling me to keep
00:09:35
Speaker
making things and releasing them and not giving a fuck.
00:09:43
Speaker
I will be rewarded for everything that I do and everything that I've gone through, the way I handled it.
00:09:51
Speaker
I will be rewarded.
00:09:55
Speaker
And when that day comes, I'll be laughing my ass off with all of you in a sold out show.
00:10:06
Speaker
I can't wait.
00:10:09
Speaker
I love you so much.
00:10:11
Speaker
And I sincerely thank you for being here and being a part of this podcast.
00:10:18
Speaker
I mean it.
00:10:19
Speaker
Have a wonderful, magical day.