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International House of Pug Cakes
144 Plays2 years ago
My two pugs were adopted from Mexico and Korea. Before they were rescued, they had already each lived through absolute insanity. These are the totally real, not at all fabricated, definitely true, no way imagined tales of how my pugs were rescued.
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Transcript
Introduction to Carlton and Kimchi
00:00:01
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In the internet podcast system, Dirty Briefs is represented by two separate yet equally important pugs.
00:00:07
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Carlton, a silly energetic burst of love, and Kimchi, the embodiment of beauty and zen.
00:00:13
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These are their stories.
00:00:15
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Ba-bum!
Carlton's Origin: The Cartel Mansion
00:00:17
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In 2013, Carlton was born into the family of one of the richest drug cartels in Tijuana, Mexico.
00:00:25
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The 16-room mansion was already a zoo of animalia.
00:00:30
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Being that this family had their pockets in every Mexican government agency, they were able to buy exotic animals from all over the world.
00:00:38
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Their estate included 15 horses, eight emus, five Komodo dragons, a giraffe, and three zebras, which many people in the neighborhood speculated were just horses that were painted daily with black and white stripes.
00:00:54
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No one could prove this or would go after it,
00:00:56
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But the local paint shop was constantly filling orders for not just gallons, but entire drums of paint that were being shipped directly to the estate.
00:01:06
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People also heard rumors of a rhinoceros that roamed the farmlands, but surveillance videos have claimed it was simply one of the fatter horses with bad skin and a carrot glued to his forehead.
00:01:18
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Still.
00:01:19
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Being that the family was known for beheading anyone that crossed them, no one spoke up about this obvious abnormality.
00:01:28
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Now, along with these animals, they also had a vast collection of flat-faced dogs, Boston Terriers, bulldogs of both the French and English variety, and of course, pugs.
The Energetic Pup: Carlton's Early Days
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The eldest son and heir to the entire fortune, Juan Pablo, had an obsession with breeding these dogs.
00:01:46
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A hound or a German shepherd, typical cartel dogs, could smell intruders and be trained to fight.
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But Juan Pablo did.
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didn't need soldiers.
00:01:57
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He had plenty of those.
00:01:58
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He needed sleepers.
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Working day and night in his lab, he mixed and matched all sorts of lethargic dog combinations in hopes to create a dog that would rest for 23 hours a day.
00:02:12
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He needed a calming presence, the antithesis of most of the coke-riddled humans he dealt with on a daily basis.
00:02:21
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With all of the chaos in his life, he needed peace.
00:02:25
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And who better to give him that than a dog who wanted nothing more than full-time slumber?
00:02:32
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In November 2013, one of these pugs gave birth to a batch of seven adorable pugs.
00:02:39
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Now, if you have ever seen a baby pug, you understand the definition of cute.
00:02:43
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Their bobbleheads are bigger than the rest of their body.
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Adorable.
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Their eyes are bulging out of their skulls.
00:02:50
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Juan Pablo seemed very pleased with this new litter.
00:02:54
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Certain he had cracked the formula to create the perfect resting buddy, wrinkled sacks of potatoes that would lay around in the hot sun, not causing any trouble.
Carlton's Escape and Adventure
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But,
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One of them seemed different.
00:03:08
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While the others came out and immediately laid down beside their mother for milk, one of them charged out in a full sprint.
00:03:16
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Blind from birth and out of control, it began storming the nursery with furious energy.
00:03:22
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Unsure on its new pause, it careened in whatever direction its head leaned in, leading its way out of the birthing barn and into the lab next door.
00:03:35
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With no control whatsoever, it began knocking over beakers and formulas that had been precariously placed all over the countertops.
00:03:43
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Slipping in all of the liquids that were now strewn across the floor, it hit one puddle that sent him careening straight toward a blowtorch which immediately fell onto its side on the floor.
00:03:57
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Although the blowtorch wasn't burning, it was turned on and ready for use.
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And all it took...
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was one tiny spark from the pilot light to ignite the entire lab.
00:04:09
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Feeling the heat and realizing the danger, the pug hot-footed it straight out of the lab, which was now completely engulfed in flames.
00:04:18
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Looking for safety, the pug nestled itself under some large burlap sacks it found outside.
00:04:24
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What it didn't know, of course...
00:04:27
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was this was a stockpile of cocaine.
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Hundreds of kilos that had not yet been shipped out.
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One sniff was all it took.
00:04:39
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A tiny sprinkle of booger sugar went directly into its nose, immediately circulating throughout his baby bloodstream, forever energizing him with the speed of a thousand pugs.
A New Life in Los Angeles
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Like a cannon that has just exploded, he shot off into the night away from the estate.
00:05:00
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No one knows what happened next.
00:05:03
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He was found six weeks later, roaming the streets of Tijuana, slurping up shots that spilled off of the outdoor bars.
00:05:11
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It was there that he was scooped up by a rescue service who then shipped him off to Los Angeles.
00:05:18
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When he was only 10 weeks old, we adopted him from a former Playboy playmate who had fostered him.
00:05:25
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And now, 10 years later, he still...
00:05:30
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Snuggles in our arms, curls up next to us, barks out the window in a constant search for more coke.
00:05:40
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Now, that's Carlton.
00:05:43
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But that's only one of our pugs because we have another
Kimchi's Journey from Korea
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one.
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And this one we got from Korea.
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This is her story.
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Open scene.
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A puppy mill in Korea.
00:05:57
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Hundreds of tiny cages are squeezed into a small corridor.
00:06:02
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Stacked three and four high with multiple dogs in each cage, there's barely room to breathe, breathe, let alone live with any degree of normalcy.
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Long, uncut nails scratch at empty bowls of food.
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Constant barking and whimpers resonate throughout the hallway.
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Human presence is seldom, at best, as these animals are shown only the most basic amenities.
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Many of them struggle to stay alive, lingering onto any hope that one day they might be rescued.
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Suddenly, one of the doors to a cage bursts open.
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A five-year-old pug saunters through the grated entry.
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Her stomach hangs low from being overbred, barely floating above the ground beneath.
00:06:44
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Someone...
00:06:45
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accidentally left her bolt unlocked.
00:06:48
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And she knows she only has one opportunity to escape.
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It's the chance she's been waiting for since she first realized her life would be spent in captivity.
00:06:57
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Sunshine is as foreign a concept as the ocean.
00:07:01
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Her only knowledge of the world is inside the cold sterility of this tiled prison.
00:07:07
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So she goes for it, using all four of her stumpy little legs to carry her to a freedom that may or may not exist.
00:07:14
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Along the way, she unhitches as many latches as she can.
00:07:18
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She doesn't have much time, but she knows that she must do all she can to save the others.
00:07:24
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Our little Harriet Pugman.
00:07:27
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Thoughts of her babies fill her wrinkled little head, each one being stripped from her the moment they were old enough to be on their own.
00:07:35
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She was used.
00:07:37
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nothing more than a pin cushion to pump out baby pugs that would be sold into slavery as well.
00:07:44
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It pained her with every fiber of her being.
00:07:47
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But alas, this is the life she was born into.
00:07:51
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But this is her moment, and she isn't going to let it slip away without a fight.
00:07:55
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She barrels toward a door that she has never been on the other side of.
00:07:59
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Of course, she's dreamed of this moment, but even in her greatest visions, she could never know the life that awaited her on the other side.
00:08:08
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She was close.
00:08:09
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Herself and 40 other pugs were now hobbling toward the massive entry.
00:08:13
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The smell of victory and grass and God knows what else was awaiting her on the other side.
00:08:18
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If only she could make it through!
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Enter.
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Kill shelter assassin.
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He stands, collars and leashes in hand, blocking the doorway.
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A maniacal laugh escapes his tiny yet sturdy frame.
00:08:39
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Only on my goal.
00:08:41
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Not today.
00:08:43
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He laughs again, shutting the door.
00:08:47
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The gorgeous, fearless pug turns to the others.
00:08:51
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So close, she whispers.
00:08:54
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The disappointment is thick in the air.
00:08:56
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But suddenly, without warning, the door bursts open.
00:09:01
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A horde of ninjas wearing fawn-colored furry suits burst through the entryway.
00:09:06
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The assassin attempts to pull his knife, but it's too late.
00:09:10
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The ninjas, faster than the bullet train that took them there, have overpowered him.
00:09:15
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Using his own leashes, they hogtie him, shove him into one of the tiny cages, and close the gate.
00:09:22
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The whimpers of the animals turn into cries of happiness as all of them are released.
00:09:28
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Life breathes through them again.
00:09:31
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The ninja opens the door where they not only see the outside world, but a plane waiting for them.
00:09:38
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Stunning kittens are their flight attendants, showering them with unlimited wet food and toys, so new they still have the squeakers in them.
00:09:47
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They are Los Angeles bound, ready to begin their new life.
00:09:52
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Not as slaves, but as princes and princesses who will be adorned with love and admiration for the rest of their days.
The Power of Imaginative Backstories
00:10:04
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Maybe that's not exactly how Carlton and Kim Chi got here, but that's my story that I like to tell because I don't know what happens to a rescue before they come into your life.
00:10:20
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Sometimes you get a little bit of a story, but other times you don't.
00:10:23
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And I think the best thing you can do is come up with your own, something fun,
00:10:31
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something silly, something that gives them a larger than life presence because that's what they bring to you every single day.
00:10:44
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What do your dogs mean to you?
00:10:47
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Look at them and think of a backstory that completes everything that you see when you look at them.
Acknowledgments and Gratitude
00:10:57
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Thank you very much to Pug Nation here in Los Angeles and Pug Rescue of Korea for bringing these tiny little beautiful first acts into my life.
00:11:09
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They have forever changed me and made me a better person.
00:11:14
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And I hope your animals do the same for you.
00:11:18
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I'll see you next week.