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00:00:01
I Almost Killed My Father-in-Law
209 Plays2 years ago
As he floated further out to sea, I began to lose sight of him. I am trying everything to get this jet-ski started while continually screaming for him at the top of my lungs. We both feared the worst.
A fun adventure on a waverunner quickly falls into an afternoon of pure terror in the middle of the ocean. We really should have done more research...
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Transcript
Jet Ski Adventure Begins
00:00:01
Speaker
As I swim, as hard as I can toward the jet ski, I can hear my father-in-law in the distance shouting, help, help.
00:00:12
Speaker
I climb aboard the jet ski and look around.
00:00:16
Speaker
Only I can't see him.
00:00:18
Speaker
I'm yelling out, Art, where are you?
00:00:24
Speaker
Don't you love when a story starts in the middle?
Planning the Special Day
00:00:29
Speaker
Hi, everybody.
00:00:30
Speaker
It's Alex Hooper.
00:00:31
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of Dirty Briefs.
00:00:35
Speaker
And boy, do I have a fun one for you today.
00:00:40
Speaker
Because it's not every week that your father-in-law visits Los Angeles.
00:00:48
Speaker
Now,
00:00:49
Speaker
I have known my father-in-law for many, many years.
00:00:52
Speaker
My wife and I have been together a long time, but we only got married in April of 2022.
00:00:57
Speaker
And that was the last time I actually saw my father-in-law.
00:01:00
Speaker
He doesn't visit Los Angeles all that often.
00:01:03
Speaker
So we wanted to do something special and he had it in his mind that he wanted to ride a jet ski.
00:01:12
Speaker
And I thought, sure, why not?
Hesitation and Contrast
00:01:15
Speaker
Now, I'll tell you this.
00:01:16
Speaker
I've always had my hesitations about riding a jet ski in Los Angeles, mainly because there's not a bay or a lake with calm water.
00:01:28
Speaker
When you ride a wave runner, you are going out into the ocean where all of the elements are crashing in on you, literally.
00:01:40
Speaker
Doesn't exactly make for a comfortable ride.
00:01:43
Speaker
The last time I was on a wave runner, it was in San Diego in Mission Bay, which is a huge, docile bed of water that is perfect for shooting out at 50 miles per hour and taking some gnarly waves.
00:01:59
Speaker
But the Pacific Ocean?
00:02:03
Speaker
Unpredictable.
Art's Enthusiasm Overcomes Risks
00:02:05
Speaker
Needless to say, my father-in-law, Art, very much wanted to go jet skiing with me.
00:02:12
Speaker
Now, he had spent the day before watching the HBO series 100 Foot Wave.
00:02:18
Speaker
He binged the series.
00:02:20
Speaker
So he understood what we were getting into.
00:02:23
Speaker
Because obviously, we're having 70 and 80 footers come out in the Pacific Ocean all of the time near Los Angeles.
00:02:33
Speaker
Either way, he was excited.
00:02:35
Speaker
I was excited.
00:02:36
Speaker
I was excited to go on a jet ski with him.
00:02:39
Speaker
And because he admitted to me that he'd never ridden one, he said, is it okay if you drive and I ride on the back and we just get one ski?
00:02:48
Speaker
And I thought, sure.
00:02:49
Speaker
What better way to bond with my father-in-law than to have him pelvis to pelvis against me, hugging me from behind me?
00:03:02
Speaker
We've never been closer.
00:03:04
Speaker
We've never been tighter.
00:03:07
Speaker
Now, he didn't ever had a son either.
00:03:08
Speaker
He had three daughters.
00:03:10
Speaker
So it's exciting that I want to do these things with him.
00:03:15
Speaker
And I was
Challenging Ocean Conditions
00:03:16
Speaker
excited.
00:03:16
Speaker
Now, when we finally got out into the jet ski rental at Marina Del Rey Harbor,
00:03:23
Speaker
It was already 2.30 in the afternoon.
00:03:25
Speaker
And weather was fine, not great.
00:03:29
Speaker
Conditions weren't ideal.
00:03:31
Speaker
And around 3 p.m., that's when the wind really starts picking up toward the beaches.
00:03:38
Speaker
So we get out of the harbor.
00:03:40
Speaker
He's on my back.
00:03:41
Speaker
You know, we went through the little test and all that other stuff.
00:03:44
Speaker
They say, have you ever ridden a jet ski?
00:03:45
Speaker
We say, yes.
00:03:46
Speaker
How far away do you stay from the pier?
00:03:48
Speaker
500 yards.
00:03:49
Speaker
How far away from other vessels?
00:03:50
Speaker
50 yards.
00:03:51
Speaker
We nail that test.
00:03:53
Speaker
We get on the jet ski.
00:03:55
Speaker
We are ready to go.
00:03:57
Speaker
We're cruising out in the harbor for five miles per hour.
00:04:01
Speaker
That's the speed limit because like I said, we aced the test.
00:04:05
Speaker
And finally, we get out there into the open ocean.
00:04:09
Speaker
And I'm realizing these waters are choppy.
00:04:13
Speaker
This is not going to be smooth sailing at all.
00:04:15
Speaker
Even getting up to 15, 20 miles an hour was difficult.
Fall into the Ocean
00:04:20
Speaker
But at the time we were hitting 20, we were going boof, boof.
00:04:25
Speaker
And when someone is hanging on to you from the back like this and gripping you, you're doing your best to steer, but you have limited range of motion and the waves are trying to knock you in every single direction at the same time.
00:04:42
Speaker
Everything's going fine.
00:04:43
Speaker
We're not going that fast.
00:04:45
Speaker
We're kind of just like taking it in stride.
00:04:47
Speaker
We're going out toward the pier, toward the middle of the ocean.
00:04:50
Speaker
We're seeing the sun setting in the distance.
00:04:52
Speaker
It's absolutely beautiful.
00:04:54
Speaker
Just glistening off of that water.
00:04:59
Speaker
Now we got yelled at by a rescue boat at one point as coast guard came and said, Hey, you're a little too close to shore.
00:05:04
Speaker
I thought I was for far enough away.
00:05:08
Speaker
Like I didn't think there was a problem at all.
00:05:11
Speaker
And they said, no, you got to get way further out.
00:05:12
Speaker
So we start going further out into the ocean pretty far at this point, probably a quarter of a mile.
00:05:18
Speaker
And at this point,
00:05:20
Speaker
I turn around and I'm like, Art, I'm going to gun this thing.
00:05:23
Speaker
Let's try to open it up to at least get to 25, 30 miles per hour.
00:05:28
Speaker
Hold on tight.
00:05:30
Speaker
He holds on and we start hitting it.
00:05:35
Speaker
And we are cruising.
00:05:37
Speaker
But out of nowhere, a wave that was about –
00:05:41
Speaker
a foot bigger than most of the other ones that are coming in just came straight for us.
00:05:47
Speaker
And we go off of
Struggling for Safety
00:05:49
Speaker
it.
00:05:49
Speaker
Art starts falling backwards.
00:05:52
Speaker
I'm doing my best to hold on to the wave runner handles, but because he's holding onto me and his momentum is taking him this way.
00:06:00
Speaker
I also start going that way.
00:06:02
Speaker
And we both tumble backwards off to the left, off the jet skate.
00:06:08
Speaker
Now, we end up in the water.
00:06:11
Speaker
We're wearing life jackets and wetsuits.
00:06:12
Speaker
But he's still gripping me, like giving me this giant hug from behind.
00:06:16
Speaker
I was like, Art, you got to let go.
00:06:18
Speaker
I got to go after the ski.
00:06:20
Speaker
I got to get it.
00:06:22
Speaker
So I start swimming.
00:06:25
Speaker
As hard as I can.
00:06:26
Speaker
The current is going the other direction.
00:06:29
Speaker
And I'm just doing everything I can to just get to this jet ski, which is now about 25 yards away from me, but floating ever further.
00:06:38
Speaker
So I need to put all of my power behind this thing.
00:06:43
Speaker
I reached the jet ski.
00:06:45
Speaker
I hear Art just going, come on, help.
00:06:49
Speaker
And I'm like, Art, you got to swim over here.
00:06:52
Speaker
I realized he can't do that.
00:06:54
Speaker
So I go, okay, I'll turn the jet ski on.
00:06:57
Speaker
I'll go get him.
00:07:00
Speaker
There's a lanyard that you wear that attaches to the ski.
00:07:05
Speaker
And I thought it went into a hole on the jet ski, like a normal key.
00:07:11
Speaker
Does not.
00:07:12
Speaker
So I am desperately searching for how to turn this thing on thinking, did I lose a piece?
00:07:17
Speaker
Did it break?
00:07:18
Speaker
What is happening?
00:07:20
Speaker
Meanwhile, I can hear my father-in-law going, help, come on, come on.
00:07:27
Speaker
I'm freaking out internally.
00:07:28
Speaker
He's freaking out.
00:07:30
Speaker
And I noticed that he keeps getting further and further away from me.
00:07:33
Speaker
And I keep screaming his name.
00:07:34
Speaker
I keep yelling, Art, Art, listen to my voice.
00:07:39
Speaker
Listen.
00:07:42
Speaker
I am trying my best to stay calm, but all I'm thinking about is, oh my God,
00:07:48
Speaker
anything could happen right now.
00:07:50
Speaker
I look around, there are no other boats and I know, okay, I got to turn this thing on.
00:07:55
Speaker
Now at one point I look out and I do not see him anymore.
00:07:59
Speaker
I don't hear him.
00:08:00
Speaker
I don't see him.
00:08:01
Speaker
And I'm
Calm Under Pressure
00:08:02
Speaker
screaming, Art, where are you?
00:08:05
Speaker
Listen to me.
00:08:05
Speaker
Speak from the diaphragm, Alex.
00:08:07
Speaker
Use your theater training.
00:08:10
Speaker
Art, listen to me.
00:08:14
Speaker
I'm waving my arms.
00:08:16
Speaker
No one is around.
00:08:17
Speaker
I'm realizing, do I jump off the ski and go in and try to find him out in the ocean?
00:08:24
Speaker
No, I know that's not the move because then we don't have a ski and we're both floating out in the ocean.
00:08:28
Speaker
That is not the move.
00:08:29
Speaker
I got to figure this thing out.
00:08:31
Speaker
I keep trying every single angle.
00:08:33
Speaker
There is no radio in this thing.
00:08:35
Speaker
There's nothing at all to communicate.
00:08:38
Speaker
We did not bring our phones with us.
00:08:40
Speaker
So,
00:08:41
Speaker
I need to problem solve right now.
00:08:44
Speaker
You need to stay calm in this situation and you need to figure it out before a shark takes out your dad's legs.
Successful Rescue
00:08:53
Speaker
Finally, I realized there's this little knob on top of one of the handles and you have to put the clip like a clothes pin around the knob.
00:09:03
Speaker
And that is the power source.
00:09:05
Speaker
Now,
00:09:06
Speaker
A lot of you are thinking, why didn't you know that?
00:09:09
Speaker
I should have.
00:09:10
Speaker
I probably should have asked more questions when they gave us a jet ski.
00:09:14
Speaker
They probably should have told us conditions are pretty shitty out there right now.
00:09:17
Speaker
You might want to reconsider this.
00:09:20
Speaker
But they didn't tell us that, and I didn't ask enough questions.
00:09:25
Speaker
There's no fault here.
00:09:26
Speaker
Well, maybe a little bit on me, maybe a little bit on them.
00:09:29
Speaker
But either way, seems kind of equal to me.
00:09:31
Speaker
I turn it on and my rescue mission truly starts.
00:09:35
Speaker
I start going out toward the ocean.
00:09:37
Speaker
I'm like, Art, where are you?
00:09:40
Speaker
Make a sound.
00:09:41
Speaker
I cannot see him anywhere.
00:09:43
Speaker
I'm thinking, oh my God.
00:09:45
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:09:45
Speaker
I know he had his life jacket on.
00:09:46
Speaker
I know he was going to be okay.
00:09:48
Speaker
Now I just need to find him.
00:09:50
Speaker
He is at this point about a hundred yards further away from me.
00:09:55
Speaker
And I finally catch him.
00:09:57
Speaker
I see him.
00:09:58
Speaker
I slow this jet ski down.
00:09:59
Speaker
He looks so relieved to see me.
00:10:01
Speaker
He starts climbing on the back, but in his effort to climb on, it tilts the ski over, which then knocks me back into the water.
00:10:11
Speaker
I swim around and I go, let me get on this thing first and then I will help you up, which I do.
00:10:16
Speaker
I get on there.
00:10:18
Speaker
It's a struggle.
00:10:19
Speaker
It's not easy.
00:10:20
Speaker
I grab his hand, get his foot up there, and I pull him on there, at which point he is just out of breath.
Reflecting on the Experience
00:10:28
Speaker
And I'm just, I started laughing uncontrollably.
00:10:32
Speaker
I just, that was what came out of my mouth.
00:10:34
Speaker
He was laughing a little bit too.
00:10:37
Speaker
He get back on.
00:10:37
Speaker
He's like, we got to go back.
00:10:38
Speaker
And I was like, yeah, we got to go back.
00:10:40
Speaker
And then we gave each other a big hug out there.
00:10:44
Speaker
Thankful that we made it through.
00:10:49
Speaker
And he goes, we don't tell anybody about this, right?
00:10:51
Speaker
I was like, Art, we tell everybody about this.
00:10:56
Speaker
We have dinner with my wife, her sisters, and their mom, your ex, in an hour.
00:11:02
Speaker
We're definitely telling them this story.
00:11:04
Speaker
This is going to be the most exciting thing that's happened.
00:11:08
Speaker
And I realized basically what we did is we paid $200 for one of the hardest escape rooms in Los Angeles.
00:11:19
Speaker
You're floating out in the open ocean.
00:11:21
Speaker
Your father-in-law is drifting out to sea and you can't figure out how to turn on the wave runner that you rented.
00:11:30
Speaker
$200 well spent.
00:11:32
Speaker
Because I'll tell you this, both of our adrenaline was flying.
00:11:37
Speaker
We were just all lit up, totally energized, but also exhausted from this experience.
00:11:46
Speaker
We both had different kinds of terrors.
00:11:49
Speaker
His terror was, oh my gosh, I might not make it through this.
00:11:53
Speaker
He even told us, he said, I started contemplating my funeral and how it would be.
00:11:57
Speaker
Would my girls be partying and celebrating my life or would it be a somber affair?
00:12:02
Speaker
I was thinking, holy shit, I lost my dad last year and now I'm going to have to go back to the shore and explain to my wife and her sisters that their father-in-law, that their father drowned.
00:12:18
Speaker
In the Pacific Ocean.
00:12:20
Speaker
Because we were careless with a jet ski.
Deepening Relationship
00:12:23
Speaker
No thanks.
00:12:25
Speaker
Horrible thought.
00:12:26
Speaker
For both of us.
00:12:28
Speaker
We're coming back into shore.
00:12:31
Speaker
He gives me a big hug.
00:12:32
Speaker
And he says what's that Shakespeare thing.
00:12:34
Speaker
All's well that ends well.
00:12:35
Speaker
And I was like man.
00:12:37
Speaker
I'm really glad you're as chill about this.
00:12:40
Speaker
As you are.
00:12:40
Speaker
Because you could have punched me in the face.
00:12:43
Speaker
You could have been furious.
00:12:45
Speaker
I even said, I was like, Art, I've never thought I was good enough for your daughter.
00:12:49
Speaker
I appreciate that you have accepted me in your life and I'm going to do everything I can to give her the greatest life possible that she could ever conceive.
00:12:59
Speaker
I started just really breaking down.
00:13:01
Speaker
I was that emotional.
00:13:03
Speaker
I'd never been this close before.
00:13:06
Speaker
We've known each other for over 15 years, but we've spent very little time together.
00:13:12
Speaker
And suddenly to have an experience like this, where we've never been closer, where death was literally looming in the distance, bobbing amongst the waves.
00:13:25
Speaker
That was our moment where we truly bonded as a father-in-law, son-in-law.
00:13:34
Speaker
Really funny.
00:13:36
Speaker
He got back to Los Angeles the next day and he texted me when he arrived in Cleveland or when he left Los Angeles, he arrived back in Cleveland.
00:13:43
Speaker
He said every day at 3.45 PM, I'm going to text you.
00:13:48
Speaker
Where are you?
Concluding Lessons and Promotion
00:13:50
Speaker
Where are you?
00:13:53
Speaker
And I think that's how, you know, this was a worthwhile experience.
00:14:00
Speaker
So next time, if you go jet skiing, what did we learn?
00:14:04
Speaker
Ask more questions and definitely get the wetsuit.
00:14:11
Speaker
Guys, I want to thank you all for being here.
00:14:15
Speaker
I went a little viral last week with one of my Instagram clips and it gave me a ton of new followers.
00:14:19
Speaker
And thank you so much for being a part of that.
00:14:22
Speaker
If you want to follow me there, it's at Hooper Hair Puff.
00:14:26
Speaker
And of course, Hooper Comedy.com has all my upcoming tour dates.
00:14:30
Speaker
And coming up is the Brea Improv, everybody.
00:14:34
Speaker
My first time headlining it November 19th.
00:14:37
Speaker
That is the next big one.
00:14:39
Speaker
Oh, and of course, Perfect Dose at the Comedy Store on tomorrow, actually.
00:14:44
Speaker
Well, this is, it's going to be Tuesday, November 7th.
00:14:49
Speaker
So, I didn't kill my father-in-law, but man, did I come close.
00:14:54
Speaker
Woo!
00:14:55
Speaker
What an adventure.
00:14:57
Speaker
I'll see you next week.