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Dirty Grief
78 Plays1 year ago
How can you view death in a positive light? Grieving the loss of friends and animals is never easy, but the pain is only there because your love was inherent. For anyone going through it, this is for you.
RIP
Kimchi
Kenny Deforest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbORmRRvtJ8
Neel Nanda: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFqV-Mh4Ra8
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Transcript
Optimism for 2024
00:00:01
Speaker
It's the first episode of the year.
00:00:06
Speaker
Celebrate, everybody.
00:00:08
Speaker
You have made it through another one.
00:00:12
Speaker
2024 is upon us, and whether or not you have resolutions, you are going to make this year as magical as possible.
00:00:22
Speaker
I just know it.
00:00:23
Speaker
I know you are.
Coping with Personal Losses
00:00:24
Speaker
Thanks and welcome back to Dirty Briefs, everybody.
00:00:27
Speaker
And honestly, this episode is going to be a little tough, but I'm going to try to find the good in all of it.
Remembering Comedians Kenny DeForest and Neil Nanda
00:00:38
Speaker
The fact is, December has been a month of loss for me in many ways.
00:00:44
Speaker
Two members of our comedy community, Kenny DeForest and Neil Nanda, are both no longer with us.
00:00:51
Speaker
And anytime a comedian dies, I am affected by...
00:00:57
Speaker
very personally by it.
00:01:00
Speaker
I knew both of these people, but even when I don't know them well, there's an understanding among comedians that we just get each other.
00:01:10
Speaker
And I understand when this life is so difficult and we're connected in ways that we don't even fathom sometimes.
00:01:22
Speaker
I get there's this camaraderie
00:01:26
Speaker
Among us.
00:01:27
Speaker
Of people that are in the trenches.
00:01:29
Speaker
That have chosen to live in this way.
00:01:32
Speaker
Where we're constantly on the road.
00:01:34
Speaker
By ourselves.
00:01:36
Speaker
Saying table for one.
00:01:37
Speaker
Having an amazing show.
00:01:40
Speaker
And amongst all these people.
00:01:42
Speaker
Feeling elated.
00:01:43
Speaker
And then going back to a hotel room.
00:01:45
Speaker
And being by yourself.
00:01:47
Speaker
Being a traveling vagabond.
00:01:51
Speaker
Just going around.
00:01:53
Speaker
Spitting your musings.
00:01:55
Speaker
I get it.
00:01:57
Speaker
Kenny DeForest, hilarious comic.
00:01:59
Speaker
Please look him up if you haven't already.
00:02:02
Speaker
He had Comedy Central sets.
00:02:03
Speaker
He had sets on The Late Late Show.
00:02:07
Speaker
Just really so funny and such a genuine dude, a light in your life.
00:02:12
Speaker
He was one of those people who every time you saw him, he was happy to see you.
00:02:18
Speaker
And he just made you feel a little bit better.
00:02:20
Speaker
And then Neil Nanda...
00:02:22
Speaker
Him and I toured together for a week in 2015.
00:02:26
Speaker
We went up all the way to Northern California, all the way up to the tippity top to Humboldt County and then back down.
00:02:33
Speaker
And it was a great experience and we bonded a lot.
00:02:36
Speaker
And again, anytime I saw him, he always seemed like he was in a great mood.
00:02:41
Speaker
You can watch his stuff on Jimmy Kimmel.
00:02:43
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His Instagram is still thriving with a ton of clips.
00:02:47
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He had a Comedy Central set as well years ago.
00:02:49
Speaker
These people really met.
00:02:51
Speaker
a lot to me.
00:02:53
Speaker
And that's why it hurts when they're gone.
00:02:57
Speaker
You know, it's really, really tough.
Loss of Senior Pug Kimchi
00:03:01
Speaker
And I was dealing with both of them.
00:03:04
Speaker
And then this week, my dog died.
00:03:09
Speaker
My sweet little kimchi slipped away.
00:03:13
Speaker
And, you know, she was a senior pug.
00:03:15
Speaker
She led a beautiful life.
00:03:19
Speaker
And that one hurts differently than the other two.
00:03:24
Speaker
The other two were friends.
00:03:26
Speaker
You know, we weren't extremely close, but we were comedy close.
00:03:30
Speaker
And that is its own thing.
00:03:31
Speaker
But...
00:03:32
Speaker
I didn't cuddle on the couch with Kenny and Neil every single night.
00:03:37
Speaker
I didn't hold them and stare deeply into their eyes and watch generations of a life fly through them.
00:03:48
Speaker
I didn't hold them and sing to them.
00:03:51
Speaker
And what I've thought about a lot this week is it's good to hurt.
00:03:59
Speaker
It's good when someone is not in your life anymore and you feel it so deeply.
Understanding Deep Hurt and Love
00:04:08
Speaker
Like there's so much pain in it.
00:04:11
Speaker
But at the same time, the reason why that hurt is so deep is because the love was so deep.
00:04:17
Speaker
And the deeper the hurt, the deeper the love.
00:04:21
Speaker
And I'm going to choose to feel that hurt every single time.
00:04:27
Speaker
Because that means that I was there with them.
00:04:33
Speaker
When your heart is open, you're going to hurt.
00:04:37
Speaker
It's necessary.
00:04:38
Speaker
It's important.
00:04:40
Speaker
And I'd rather feel this way than the alternative, which is that I didn't let myself love them enough.
00:04:47
Speaker
That there was still love on the table.
00:04:50
Speaker
I want to know that I gave everything to this dog, these people.
00:04:58
Speaker
I want to know.
00:04:59
Speaker
I want to feel the pain because that means the love was real.
00:05:05
Speaker
That's what it means.
00:05:06
Speaker
And you have to feel it.
00:05:09
Speaker
You should honor them.
00:05:10
Speaker
You should write about them.
00:05:12
Speaker
You should talk about them.
00:05:13
Speaker
You shouldn't refrain from watching videos or listening to podcasts where they're speaking.
00:05:20
Speaker
You know, in your own time.
00:05:22
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Some people don't want to do this immediately.
00:05:24
Speaker
Some people need a break.
00:05:26
Speaker
But in your time, honor.
00:05:30
Speaker
The fact that they were here with you because you are so fortunate to have shared their energy.
00:05:39
Speaker
Your journey is affected by every single person you meet.
00:05:43
Speaker
And that's a positive thing in this world.
00:05:46
Speaker
And when their physical body is gone, a piece of them is still with you.
00:05:51
Speaker
The energy of everyone that I have ever had an interaction with is in me for the better.
00:06:00
Speaker
I was about to say for better or for worse, but I know it's for the better because just the fact that I got to interact with these people, that I got to call them friends, that I got to take care of this beautiful dog.
Pug's Past Lives and Calming Presence
00:06:15
Speaker
I am forever a better person.
00:06:19
Speaker
And I don't, to be honest, I don't know if I believe in reincarnation.
00:06:23
Speaker
I don't.
00:06:25
Speaker
I think when I looked at kimchi, I,
00:06:27
Speaker
that she had been around in many different forms, many different iterations.
00:06:35
Speaker
And I really feel like this was not her first time in this world because she taught me so much.
00:06:40
Speaker
There was this calming presence to her, a Zen that she just seems so comfortable in this world that she didn't need anything.
00:06:53
Speaker
She gave her love.
00:06:56
Speaker
She gave that feeling of peace.
00:07:00
Speaker
And Kenny and Neil gave me a lot of laughs, a lot of smiles, a lot of warmth.
00:07:09
Speaker
And I want to, why I say it, I don't know if I believe in reincarnation, but I know that people live on just through our memories.
Power of Memories
00:07:18
Speaker
And that can be enough.
00:07:21
Speaker
That is enough.
00:07:23
Speaker
And when they're gone, I want to know that I gave them the same parts of myself.
00:07:32
Speaker
This week, I've spent a lot of time crying.
00:07:36
Speaker
I put myself in that state.
00:07:38
Speaker
I did.
00:07:38
Speaker
It feels good.
00:07:40
Speaker
It feels good.
00:07:40
Speaker
Like I put on goodbye to you by Michelle branch and songs by Adele, like someone like you.
00:07:49
Speaker
And I just sat in my car and I just belted out tears, filling up a river with my salty discharge.
00:08:00
Speaker
And it felt good.
00:08:02
Speaker
It feels good because it means that they were here.
Expressing Love Freely
00:08:05
Speaker
It means that they meant something.
00:08:09
Speaker
And if there's one thing that I can tell you to take into this new year, it is to never be ashamed to tell people you love them all the time.
00:08:23
Speaker
Be unapologetic about how much love you have for them.
00:08:28
Speaker
Tell them, smother them with it.
00:08:32
Speaker
Just rub it all over them.
00:08:35
Speaker
Even if they're trying to be resistant to it, do it like just get it deep into their cells and massage it in there so it cannot escape.
00:08:46
Speaker
Because you never know who needs it.
00:08:49
Speaker
You never know who needs to hear how you feel.
00:08:52
Speaker
But also that feeling will resonate inside of them.
00:08:59
Speaker
Always.
00:09:01
Speaker
And I think that's one thing I can take away from this week is it is not easy to lose people or animals.
Carrying Love and Gratitude Forward
00:09:11
Speaker
But they are forever with us.
00:09:14
Speaker
And their love is
00:09:16
Speaker
will energize me moving forward.
00:09:24
Speaker
It feels weird to promote this week, but you know I have important shows coming up.
00:09:29
Speaker
So go to HooperComedy.com.
00:09:32
Speaker
But how I want to promote this week, how I want to end this specific podcast is for you to tell you that I love you,
00:09:42
Speaker
Thank you for being here and for soaking up some of my energy and to know that my energy is unlimited.
00:09:53
Speaker
And if I'm passing some on to you, I would like you to pass it on to someone else.
00:09:59
Speaker
Tell someone you love them.
00:10:01
Speaker
Give them a giant hug and hold it a little bit longer than you thought you were going to.
00:10:09
Speaker
Surround yourself with people who inspire you.
00:10:12
Speaker
who make you feel important, who make you feel connected to this planet and this universe.
00:10:19
Speaker
Those are the people that are going to carry you forward in life and in death.
00:10:26
Speaker
So tell them.
00:10:28
Speaker
I love you all so much.
00:10:31
Speaker
Let's have a really fucking good year.