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Still Plainly Queer
63 Plays1 year ago
In our final episode, we're wrapping up the first season of the Plainly Queer Podcast, taking a moment to reflect on the enlightening journey we've shared together. We'll revisit pivotal discussions on sexuality, gender, mental health, and activism, sharing insights and key takeaways from our guests, listeners, and personal experiences.
A heartfelt thank you to our listeners for your support and invaluable feedback; stay tuned as we tease possible plans for season two! We're eager to continue these important conversations, challenging exclusion and fostering a space of understanding and inclusivity.
We remain plainly queer, and we wear it with pride. Join us in celebrating the end of a successful season, and here's to many more conversations to come!
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Transcript
Season Finale Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello lovely listeners and welcome to the final episode of this season of the Plainly Queer Podcast. I'm your host Clodham Gra alongside Paula Byrne. We're bringing you a special episode to wrap up this season. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, we've learned a lot, we've laughed a lot, we have reflected as we've explored the diverse and vibrant tapestry of queer life and culture in Ireland and beyond.
Reflecting on Identity and Self-Perception
00:00:23
Speaker
We've had an incredible opportunity to delve into a myriad of experiences, stories, and engage with some inspiring individuals from our community, each sharing their own unique perspective and insights. Today, we're not just bidding farewell to this season. We're looking back on the moments from powerful conversations and the lessons that have left us with a lasting imprint. As we reflect on the myriad of topics we've covered, we'll also be revisiting a very central question.
Identity: 'Plainly Queer' or 'Bad Gays'?
00:00:51
Speaker
Are we still plain queer or are we still bad gays? We ponder on how our perceptions and definitions have evolved, whether we've uncovered more layers of our identities or found comfort in the simplicity of being plainly queer. So Paul, tell me, do you still feel like we're bad gays? I'm just in awe of that opening monologue, I think. Isn't chat GPT just amazing?
00:01:21
Speaker
It's fabulous. It's my best friend. There was such AI has just elevated itself. No, that was a very good monologue. Thank you. Thank you for that. By the way, you always dig me on this, right? When I put into any of the AIs or whatever, I put it in going, this is what I want to say. Now, my words will not be as eloquent as AI. That is for sure. But the elements of my
00:01:49
Speaker
character and what I want to say are all there. If it wasn't true, I wouldn't be seeing it. So just, you can put yourself back in your AI box there. Yes, no, thank you for the introduction. It was very nice. I was going to say something. I think it was, how are we going to emotionally regulate now that this is over?
Emotional Detachment and Podcasting
00:02:08
Speaker
I feel like, how do we exist without it? No, to be fair. The weekly therapy sessions. The weekly therapy sessions are bi-weekly. But I think
00:02:18
Speaker
I think we have kind of slowly started to, I think, detach from it. I think that process has been happening now for a few months, where we're kind of like, it's drifting a little further and further away. And so it's not like this band-aid where you ripple off and it's gone. There's kind of, yeah, I feel like it's been slowly, kind of naturally taking a more distant, we can look at it from afar and go, that was a nice piece of work. That was a good piece of work.
00:02:49
Speaker
I think I've learned as well that when we started we didn't know what it was going to be like. We said okay let's do it for six months.
Podcast Beginnings and Growth
00:02:55
Speaker
How it started was we were going to have conversations with people, conversations with ourselves and see where it starts. I don't think we when we first had the conversation around going let's put something together that we thought it would turn into this.
00:03:08
Speaker
and I've certainly enjoyed it, I've certainly learned a lot and I think going away now reflecting again on what season one was like and what I have liked, what I've disliked, what I'd like to change and coming back then with the same plainly queer approach going there's stuff I still love now, there's stuff I want to know and want to learn and will be continuing to learn. So that's where I feel it's at and I think it's the right time to take a break.
00:03:38
Speaker
I'm really looking forward to our special guests that we have on this evening as well.
Humor and Identity: Beyoncé as a Guest
00:03:43
Speaker
I mean, Beyonce, how did we, I think she just must have listened to the show and was like, their final episode, I just have to go on and like- When her people got in touch, yeah. That's what it was. That's, listen, yeah. Did you know that we were that big and did you know that we were that delusional? Kind of the sense I was that delusional, I guess.
00:04:08
Speaker
No, no special guests. Special guests are ourselves. That's it, yeah. I'm not prepared. I put my hands up, I came into this and I said I'm not being prepared. This rambling BS is what you're getting as a result, but you are structured, you have notes, you had an amazing monologue entry, so yes, come on. Well, I want to ask you, do you think we're more or less plainly queer? What is plainly queer? What is queer?
00:04:38
Speaker
What is anything? Why did we start this? Why did we start this? I think it was kind of like... We thought we were about gays. Yeah, I still think I'm a bad gay. I think... Do you? Yeah, but I think I've reframed it now that I'm just... I'm just me. Like, that kind of way, and... I'm still gay? No! I'm... I'm heterosexual. Do you know what? I'm gonna put it out there. I'm heterosexual now. Ta-da! Yes! That was the agenda the whole time. Play me queer.
00:05:09
Speaker
No, seriously. Do you think you've learnt more about the queer community from these conversations?
Finding Voice in the Queer Community
00:05:17
Speaker
Do you think we've added to the conversation or we've just two people rambling and feeling the same with their invoice? I tell you what, I think I have come to the realisation that I haven't learned, I kind of knew it was there, but what I've done is engaged in the conversations
00:05:36
Speaker
and felt like I have a voice that's relevant in the conversations. So I suppose whereas before we talked about being in the suburbs and on the outside and maybe not in the kind of the kind of center of gay existence or queer existence, I actually feel like I have a place there now and I have a voice there now and my voice is kind of relevant. Do you know that kind of way? So you said you lived in the gayborhood before and now what you're saying is you now keep an apartment in town.
00:06:03
Speaker
Yeah, the suburbs. So I lived in the suburbs. And now I keep a little studio apartment. Do you remember the first episode on language? Yes. I think that for me
00:06:21
Speaker
just it reaffirmed so much in terms of we're talking about how the importance of language in terms of how it gives expression to experience the representation allows connection to our experience and further puts language on us so when we see it in podcasts we listen to it on podcasts or we see it in our tv shows or we see it represented even
00:06:46
Speaker
in walking down the street and in queer people holding hands, as simple as that. Being able to put a language on my internal experience I think is so vital and we've come a long way because I was reading, re-reading actually, Panti, Blissus, Rory, Rory's book, what's the name of it? What's the name of the book? Woman in the Making and
00:07:12
Speaker
She was talking about the progression they've seen growing up in Ireland and where they kind of finished off just before the marriage referendum went through. And when I was reading it, I was reflecting back on they didn't have representation when they were growing up in their hometown. They didn't have even the language on TV to represent what they did have was the derogatory. And I think that was really important to me of going, OK, keep talking about it, keep
00:07:42
Speaker
giving experiences, putting language on experiences so others when they see it will know it. I thought that was, that for me was important. I knew it was, but I'd really reaffirmed it. No, most definitely.
Polarization and Democracy Threats
00:07:56
Speaker
I think, yeah, just that sentence you said there, language giving kind of, this was meaning to experience. That's, yeah, it is true. And then I'm kind of like, I'm kind of struck how kind of repressive things are getting again though.
00:08:12
Speaker
and how polarised kind of voices are becoming in relation to kind of things in the world. Like everything's getting to extremes now and people are like taking extreme positions in relation to things. And it feels like the middle ground or whatever ground you can meet on is like falling. Like, you know, just kind of just giving way and all that's going to be left is this massive crevasse between these
00:08:41
Speaker
polarised sites. It's not actually speaks to the episode we had where we're talking about the 10 steps to Janet. Do you remember that with Chris? That was a brilliant episode. Yeah.
00:08:52
Speaker
Chris Sheridan came on and very eloquently spoke on many topics about being queer and trans and non-binary experience. And I think that was one of the, again, one thing I learned was I would never in my right mind have said that what's happening in the world at the moment to the queer community was anywhere near genocide. But when you're talking about the polarization, there's 10 steps to genocide and polarization is one of those steps.
00:09:22
Speaker
And if you can put things in the bracket, so it's heterosexual versus homosexual or trans or non-trans or anything like that, or gay or straight, you have people fighting against one another. And I think what you're talking about is even in the left and the right or the Democrat and Republican or whatever it is, if you can have people fighting against that, as you say, the middle ground gets really hard to stay in. That's what people want because they want to. In the way that Chris was talking about it,
00:09:52
Speaker
They were talking about democracy being rightly attacked in those moments. And again, one of those profound conversations where I'm like, I did not see that. I did not. I just didn't know to be able to look at it that way. And I wouldn't, I wouldn't have thought to even look at it from that point of view. And, and in that episode, if you go back to it, I can't remember which, which, which episode it was, what number, but if you go back to it, there is a link to, uh, um,
00:10:21
Speaker
And it's a very good article that lists it out. So don't take our word first. And if you want to challenge us, go ahead, right ahead. You're absolutely right. Go check it out. But the data is there first and it's hard to deny. So that's really interesting for me. That's another something I learned from. So how do you counter that though? How do you, how do you fight against? Yeah. What was it? This? Have conversations, keep talking, keep showing up.
00:10:50
Speaker
But we're only on one side of that divide. Yeah, and listen, you can get quite apathetic about it and not fight, not talk, not what's the point. Season two, bring on the homophobes. Bring on the transphobes. We're going to talk to folks.
00:11:09
Speaker
If we keep talking, if we don't try, if we go, what is the point in don't talk and slink back into the closet or whatever, then they win. But you put somebody who hates queer people, hates anything got to do with anything got to do with queer. And you sit them beside somebody and they have the chats and they realize they like the same sports teams or they like the same magazines or the music or whatever, the differences.
00:11:35
Speaker
that they have get fewer and fewer and fewer and they realize I actually like that person the thing that I hate the thing that I thought I hated I actually really like and queer people need to keep showing up and I'm not saying this is a call to action or anything like that but we do need to if you have the energy if you have the capacity and you have a voice and have an ability to even have one conversation have the conversation
00:12:01
Speaker
And actually in Panti's book, she talked about, or they talked about how they got really annoyed. There was before, was it before the marriage referendum, but it was before something else. It was the Marriage Equality Act, actually. It was before they were going to do just not the constitution, but it was just under the law. You could marry, but it was like a partnership. What's the one pre-wet marriage?
00:12:30
Speaker
something like that yeah gosh there you go more plainly queer for me but they were so pissed off yeah they were so pissed off and rightly so because there was a protest arranged and about 200 people showed up at this protest and what they were saying was would you ever get up off your back sides and protest and they were talking about the younger queer generation it's like but it's not my problem i don't want to get married because that's not the point under the law you're being treated
Queer History and Representation
00:12:58
Speaker
differently
00:12:59
Speaker
And it's like now the same thing going under the law, not everybody is treated differently. Do I have to wait until it's my doorstep that it's me that's being oppressed? Because that's who they're coming for. They're coming for anybody who's not in the binary, in the box and in the societal. This is the way it has to be because that's the way it's always been.
00:13:19
Speaker
and to keep having these conversations. So hopefully the next generation will listen, not just queer people. The allies need to get up off their backsides here too. We have been there for you when you're on strike for work, when you're on strike and the nurses and the doctors and all that sort of stuff, we are there for you. So like get off your backsides and help us. And even if it's just as simple as if there's an issue that you know is happening,
00:13:47
Speaker
Find out who your local representative is, who your local TD is, an email, pick up the phone, or if they're in your town, drop into their office and go, what do you think about this, whatever situation? Ask them what their position on it is. And if their position is different from yours, tell them that. Because they're speaking into an echo chamber otherwise. So take up a position and talk about it. I'm off my high horse now.
00:14:16
Speaker
It's okay, William Wallace, it's all good. Yeah. They can, well, I don't know, I'm not going to do the Mel Gibson William Wallace Brave Heart speech. It's like, they'll never take off freedom. Isn't that it? And they won't. They'll just drive it underground. They've never been able to. And that goes back to, let's talk about queer history. There's another episode. It has been there since the dawn of time queer people have existed.
00:14:44
Speaker
Literally, I think we did go back to the dawn of time and start there. Yeah. There is any historical, one of the oldest historical records of queer people go back to Mesopotamia, I think was one of the earliest times. What was one of your favourite things to research or to look up or to discuss? Religion and history, queer religion and history. I have a religious history I love.
00:15:14
Speaker
and how it evolved and the truth of it rather than the narrative that you're handed down from the churches and going back to the Roman times and how the invention of marriage was put through because they needed soldiers and the only way that they could encourage people to have more kids was to institute marriage between a man and a woman and encourage them to procreate like mad so they'd have future armies to conquer future places. It's really
00:15:44
Speaker
It's simple and disgusting and yes, a lot complicated, but yeah, that was one of the most interesting and most infuriating things that I've ever felt. And you got to share it vocally with tens of nines of people. Yeah. And listen, here's a good question. How was your anger? Because that came up quite a lot through the season. How was my anger? That's a very good question, actually. Oh, I don't know. I think I'm in that kind of cycle of oppression where I'm in the fatigue stage.
00:16:14
Speaker
And I think maybe that's like this, this kind of season one thing has been an actual cycle of fucking oppression where you kind of go through all these realizations and then at the end you're like, what's the point? Is it ever going to change? And then you're kind of like so deflated and defeated, but I don't think that's just queer life. I think that's just life in general at the moment with your life.
00:16:37
Speaker
Yeah, there is a change of seasons at the moment. So coming into the L, seasonal effectiveness to sorter territory. But I do love autumn though. Sweater weather. Sweater weather. Sweater weather. Sweater weather. Some sweater weather. Even here, I put on a jersey. I don't know if to put on a jersey and I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. I love this. I love September. But yeah, sorry. The question from you was, am I less angry?
00:17:04
Speaker
No, I said how was your anger, not less angry, how was your anger? You were righteous in your anger. Maybe because I framed it as how less is my anger, I think my anger is less, but maybe I'm just experiencing it less because of what is happening. What were you angry with? I was angry
00:17:27
Speaker
listening to all the stories of people who were struggling as a result of not being able to be themselves. I was angry because I was doing a lot of research into situations in the past where people were murdered, executed, kind of in relation to the kind of transphobic, biphobic kind of stuff that's going on in the greater society that was all angering me. So I think because I was in it,
00:17:57
Speaker
And I think when you're in us and you're disgusting us, it makes you angry and it brings up a lot of things. I think like that because I've come out of it a bit now, it's still there. But yeah, I think it's like a bit of a sleeping dragon at the moment. I think... Do you feel like it emboldens you? I feel like it's in there if I need us, you know that kind of way? Like you can call on us if you need us. Like a superpower!
Empowerment through Anger
00:18:24
Speaker
Yeah, I think...
00:18:26
Speaker
has it emboldened me? It's definitely done something to me. What that is, I do not know. And then you kind of like wonder, crap, am I a bit numb to it now? It was so present at the time and I felt it so kind of vividly at the time. And now it's a little bit, a little less, a little more numb. And I'm kind of like, what does that mean? Does that mean I've kind of gone back to like,
00:18:54
Speaker
bad gay territory or kind of like what kind of way it's like have I gone back into the shadows or gone back into the closet kind of thing where I'm just in denial of everything
00:19:05
Speaker
Yeah, isn't that something that it's like, okay, I'm not feeling angry, so am I a bad gay because we should feel angry all the time with the injustice that's gone around. And that's awful. I think one of the things I said earlier was about if you can advocate for somebody or if you have the energy to fight or to speak to your representative or send the email or do whatever it is or challenge that conversation between a friend.
00:19:31
Speaker
But sometimes it can be so hard being the queer person in the room because you're the representative and you have to be careful of how you say things or you're the one that should challenge everything. And you're like, some people are like, there are days you're just tired. I don't want to be the article of going, I'm the queer person in your life. So yes, you come to me with your queer questions and try to understand the allies, pick up a book, pick up the internet, Google it, do the work yourself.
00:20:01
Speaker
I don't think because you're not feeling gay means you're a bad gay. It means you can't be in contact with it all the time. It's okay to step off from it. For your mental health, you need to step off from it. Do you mean it's okay to not feel angry? Yeah, as in... Sorry, but I heard, I think what you said was, it's okay if you're not feeling gay, it doesn't make you a bad gay. Oh no, I thought I said angry.
00:20:29
Speaker
When I was trying to frame that in my head, does that make sense? I think sometimes, more speaking too as well, is that life sometimes overtakes that. Yes, there's all that. Be queer is not all there is. Exactly. And I think that's what's happening to me. It's like, okay, yes, I'm gay and I'm queer and like, yay, I'm here, my pom-poms, I'm ready to go. And then I'm kind of like,
00:20:58
Speaker
But other things like life things have come to fruition that like my queer self is perfectly safe and fine within and not having to explain itself, but it's not playing a big part in it. That kind of way. I'm me within that kind of space and whatever like that, but it's just not a big deal. Yeah. I think sometimes, like you say, being gay isn't like everything.
00:21:29
Speaker
isn't all of you there are other aspects. Yeah I think that there's I think you it reminds me of something else that kind of that's been percolating since that conversation and I think it was with Chris again where they spoke about rejection and I hadn't considered I knew rejection was there because there's the potential when you're letting people in as we called it not coming out you're letting people into your life
00:21:55
Speaker
you have a potential for rejection, very real, very honest, very heartbreaking rejection from family and friends that they'll go, no, I don't want you wrong for
Rejection and Emotional Toll on Queer Individuals
00:22:04
Speaker
doing this. I don't want you around me. And that really, really hurts. But as living as a queer person, you almost face that
00:22:15
Speaker
sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, sometimes monthly, depending on what your circumstances are. So if I walk into a new situation, brand new situation, I have to consider, do I say whether I'm straight or not? No, they're like a straight person doesn't have to consider that walking into a room. But if you do decide I want to disclose this and I want to let somebody in on this, I am
00:22:40
Speaker
weighing up the cost of going, well, is this going to be your rejection or is there going to be exceptions or we're going to see this? So queer people live with rejection a lot more than I, I don't think I had a fringe like that. I knew you kind of, you're coming out for the rest of your life sort of thing, which is just draining. But coming out for the rest of your life means I have to weigh up the pros and cons of going, is this person place?
00:23:06
Speaker
or whatever the situation is going to reject me for that. I have to do a cost-benefit analysis. And I don't think we appreciate that.
00:23:16
Speaker
as much because, again, it's framed through the hetero world. There's not a rejection automatically when they're born, when they start to realize, will I be accepted in my school? Will I be accepted in my work? Will I be accepted in my friends? Will I be accepted in my family? All of those questions go through their mind, and that doesn't stop once they come out. Every room they walk into, if it becomes part of the conversation, so does the possibility of rejection.
00:23:46
Speaker
That's just my thoughts. There are some pretty kind of valid thoughts. What's your next prompt? Do you think about rejection? Rejection came up a couple of times for me in the last while, actually, and just the idea of what it is and how we react to it and why we take rejection so bad. But I think it's just a lifetime striving to
00:24:15
Speaker
want to be loved and want to be accepted and wanting to just feel like a sense of belonging, that rejection just hurts. It just, you're constantly, if you think about it, like probably for myself when I was growing up, it was in constant fear of rejection. So of course you're going to want it. It's like you need it to survive. You need like, so I think you just associate that feeling with not being good enough. You just associate rejection to
00:24:45
Speaker
Basically, yeah, not belonging. The society has told us the minute we realise what language is and how queer people's spaces are talked about. It's not neutral when we talk about queer spaces.
00:25:01
Speaker
It's changed quite a lot, but queer, gay, trans, anything like that, especially trans at the moment, if you're a kid growing up trans and you're listening to anything that's going on in the world, either in here, the UK or America, the world is telling them, it might not be okay that you're trans. There's something not okay.
00:25:26
Speaker
And that is hard because you're growing up in a society, in a world that is potentially going to reject you. So that's your basis. So where do you build yourself up upon that? And I think you are very lucky if your family of origin or your caregivers or the people around you can understand that and help bolster you against that going, that isn't out there problem. That is not a you problem. That is a societal failing.
00:25:55
Speaker
I only hope that we are moving towards that. But that's today. If we go back 20, 30 years, being gay was not a good thing. Being gay meant you were never going to be happy. If you came out to your family and even if they were happy and didn't care, they were like, they were sad for you. You're not going to have the kids. You're not going to have the marriage. You're not going to have it as easy as everybody else. That was the culture you grew up in. You grew up in this expected rejection.
00:26:25
Speaker
So the way they talk about generational trauma, it would be like really when you think about it, if you take the queer community, what is our generational trauma and you think about it, it's like kind of... It's shame and rejection.
Generational Trauma in the Queer Community
00:26:41
Speaker
I think that's why you have to keep talking. I think that's why you have to keep
00:26:47
Speaker
recognizing even as queer people, we are plainly queer, we have loads to learn. There's still stuff we don't know about our own community and can learn and make it safer for people to have conversations, providing a space for those people to have the conversations that know more than we do, not speaking on their behalf. I think that's how we can offer an alternative. I don't, yeah, it's hard. I don't know whether it's good enough
00:27:18
Speaker
What was your favorite episode? Oh, good question. I think the Irish history one. The two Marys. I loved. Yeah, the two Marys. So anyone that missed that episode, that was your introduction. So you can tell them that. No, it was just that was the story of kind of like the legalization of homosexuality and the kind of
00:27:46
Speaker
recognition of kind of I suppose the story of gay rights in Ireland and how kind of Senator David Norris was heavily involved and then I suppose those people that we didn't realize were so heavily involved in relation to ex-president Mary McElise and ex-president Mary Robinson. So that was just kind of a chuckle in relation to the two of them being involved and
00:28:07
Speaker
if we could get them on the podcasts and then what if they hated each other and what if this is his whole drama. The housewives of Arus and Ucturon. The desperate housewives of Arus and Ucturon. Now in its fifth season.
00:28:20
Speaker
Yeah, for anyone who didn't listen, who hasn't listened to that episode. So when Senator David Norris was taking that case to the Hyde Court, he had legal advice. And it was both, as we call them, the two Marys, Mary Robinson and Mary MacLeese, who were the advisors to that case. I just loved that. I loved that, especially as a girl growing up in Ireland, looking at these, again, representations, seeing it,
00:28:45
Speaker
and knowing that it existed, everything else up to that and probably, yeah, and since it's been all meant.
Irish Queer History: Robinson & McAleese
00:28:51
Speaker
So having that as a young kid, I, like Mary Robertson was, when I was that young and she got, I was like, oh my God, she's amazing. And then I suppose coming into adulthood and doing this podcast and then realizing she was a legend even way back when, you know what I mean? That for me really, I loved that, I loved that.
00:29:12
Speaker
And I just found it funny when the Desperate Housewives of Harrison and Doron came up. I was like, Oh my God, could you imagine? Yeah. So that was, what about you? Did you contact them? No, but I did look up. So I could contact, I have a way of contacting Mary Robinson. I don't have a contact for Mary McLeish. So anybody who listened that has contacts, please pass them our way because we'd love to have them on. Can you imagine?
00:29:41
Speaker
For me, I think it was the episode where we had Silva Nieves on. Nieves, yeah. Yeah, that was a really informative episode. I loved that. The talk about kind of like that shame and like cycles of oppression and all that sort of stuff. And then even kind of touching on things like compulsive sexual behaviours and like just totally humanising all that and de-shaming. And it was, yeah, I thought that was a really
00:30:10
Speaker
invigorating space. Yeah. And I think as well, from that episode, one of the things I didn't really consider, and again, as I opened up my eyes, so there's there's young people coming out earlier and earlier, and we think, great, fantastic, isn't it? It is really, we've moved on so much, they don't need to be in the closet, per se, right? But as he pointed out, that means they're subjected to a lot more oppression.
00:30:36
Speaker
There's a lot more homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, whatever it is in the queerness. They are subjected from that from a much younger age. And I didn't consider that before. I'm like, it's a double-edged sword. Yes, come out. Be yourself. 100%. But they are now out. They are now out. And that was something I was like, oh, that's coffee.
00:31:03
Speaker
because I just, when I think of young people and them coming out, I think it's so precious. I think it's so important. It's total honesty. We just want to celebrate it. Oh, God, yeah. But then it must be so difficult in a school environment or a playground environment or like, could you imagine how strong and brave and courageous you would have to be to come out at like 13 or like 14. Celebrate it. Yeah. But like how, yeah, I just, to have that bravery must
00:31:34
Speaker
be like, ah, yeah, and to experience that. But like he said, like it's then opening yourself up to all those things. Yeah. And again, you just hope that there's somebody, all they need is that one person to keep telling them that society is wrong because of the cultural beliefs. It's not you that's wrong. I think though there can only be positive long term effects when someone is that authentic and honest about themselves in spite of all the resistance they could face.
00:32:01
Speaker
Like to go through your teenage years and like that kind of key development stage, just being totally honest with who you are.
Coming Out Challenges for Young People
00:32:09
Speaker
Oh my God. Can you imagine? Amazing. Yeah. I think there's a bit of a fondness that we can look back on it and kind of go, Oh my God, I wish I could have done that. I wish I could have just been myself and unapologetically and all of that sort of stuff. But I fear, not fear, that's the wrong words. I don't, I just, I,
00:32:29
Speaker
would have such compassion and love for that little person and go it is not going to be easy at times but you're going to be okay it does get better and you coming out now is only going to
00:32:44
Speaker
make it easier to be yourself, continuing to do that, continuing to, and knowing that just because I'm feeling this way now at 13, when you're 15, that will change. When you're 19, that will change. When you're 25, you might be completely different again. And that's the point of it. And I think as young kids, you can really hold on to, this is who I am. This is definitely who I am. And that is great to have that sense of yourself for sure, but know that it's going to change.
00:33:13
Speaker
Mmm.
00:33:15
Speaker
You're on fire. Actually, that was a great episode too. That was a great episode too. And when Dill and Anne-Marie from Insect Matters came on and they spoke about that authenticness and the connection that children have naturally to that and their experience as parents, as queer parents, as a polyamory family, and just their, they were leading, I feel, their leaders in that, in that they are
00:33:44
Speaker
so authentically themselves, so willing to have the hard conversations. And they keep showing up not only as individuals for themselves, but they keep showing up for those in their family that they love. And that for me, that is inspiring. Who is your inspiration? Like who in the world do you admire? Like as a queer inspiration,
00:34:14
Speaker
Anyone. They don't have to be queer. Gosh, I don't know. I don't know. This just came into my head. Who do you admire? Do you have one? I'm trying to think as you say that. I like that. I think from an Irish perspective, there's so many names that you can lift out. And I think I'm so grateful. And I really mean... What am I trying to say?
00:34:43
Speaker
I'm so grateful for those that have gone before and that have fought and what it has more and more inspired me to do is take the baton because it can't be on all those five same voices to speak up for the queer community in Ireland. There needs to be more but also there needs to be more straight allies doing it.
00:35:04
Speaker
But I think at the moment, and it changes probably a few months ago was probably, what's her name? Oh my God, I can't think of her name now.
Changing IVF Laws in Ireland
00:35:14
Speaker
That's terrible. But she and her partner had two kids and they had IVF, they're actually pregnant with their third. And they had to go abroad for the IVF implantation process and they're not recognized legally. Yeah, I think.
00:35:32
Speaker
I can't put it in the notes. I can't remember my apologies to her if she ever listens to this. But that was really inspiring. So their campaign to change the law of IVF in Ireland because in Ireland presently and homosexual couples are not legally recognized as both parents. So her, even though the way they've done it, so even though her partner's egg is implanted in her womb,
00:36:02
Speaker
her partner is legally a stranger to that child. They cannot be put down as the legal parent. And I just found that her honesty in talking about her sharing quite emotional, private process of going through the IVF and all of that that entails going, will it take? This is, it goes their last egg. And the process itself is so emotionally demanding because hormone treatments are naturally demanding. Can you imagine that strain?
00:36:32
Speaker
I just think that she was an inspiration at the time. Then it changes to Panti and Lori knowing what they did because they've been so, they have helped Ireland and the queer community so much, one just by their existence and being unapologetically who they are. But they have consistently and eloquently stated what it is like to be queer in Ireland.
00:36:59
Speaker
They have fought for all queer rights, not just their own. And they've done it in a way that is entertaining. They've done it in a way that is broadening the minds of everybody, not just the queer community. And they have been a catalyst for change in so many
Contributors to Queer Rights Movement
00:37:17
Speaker
ways. So their Nobel call speech in relation to what happened with OGE when they were threatened with being sued, there were so many more
00:37:27
Speaker
that have helped along the way. We've mentioned Senator David Norris. They were way back when, and this was all, they were one of the founders of this movement in Ireland. So it changes all the time, but probably Panty at the moment and Rory is right up there. So that is a long-winded answer to your question. That's okay. What about you? Beyonce.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yes, she's done so much for the queer community. I admire her so much. Yeah, there's, you do, I suppose, admire. What is that word even when you think about it? What's the context of it? I think I do appreciate everything those people have, like all those people have done that you've just listed. Yeah. There is so much to be kind of grateful for, that others have done for the kind of collective whole.
00:38:24
Speaker
like being taken those kind of brave steps to kind of like elevate kind of who we are, what we are. And push forward. Yeah, why we shouldn't have to define or kind of justify our existence. Yeah, there is a lot to be thankful for. And I think, again, it just shows the importance we do have to take about them. They can't be the only ones that keep fighting on our behalf.
00:38:54
Speaker
It's our fight, too. Oh, no. It's happening. Annie's back, folks. I'm so chills there. Oh, I'm zen. Come on. Slap my double. Come on.
00:39:08
Speaker
Speaking of Zen and not being stressed and not being angry, in our last episode, we interviewed basically you who are saying about how stress interferes with sexual function.
Stress and Sexual Function
00:39:21
Speaker
And that's something that's been on my mind since having that conversation. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about sex, baby. But seriously, it's so amazing. It's Beyonce here, yes? Oh, I just got word. She's in the green room. She's in the green room.
00:39:37
Speaker
just preparing herself. We've got her demand mess. She has her fruit bowl and her 12 puppies. Red M&Ms. Sorry, yes, sexual function. The most basic of going stressed puts you into fight or flight. And just from that function alone, trying to get into me with somebody, of course, it's going to affect it. I was like, that was so basic. Of course I knew that. But until you actually named it, I was like, oh, yeah.
00:40:07
Speaker
That really, I don't, that's not talked about enough. That's not, we're not educated on that. You're just supposed to be up for it anytime, anywhere, any place. Yeah. You're not hard. Why are you not hard? Why are you not performing for me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You have a headache again. Yeah. Life. Life is fucking difficult. Life is stressful. Life is, there's so many expectations on people. There's like,
00:40:37
Speaker
There's so many of us, me included, people pleasing, doing so much for others and neglecting ourselves. And in doing that, we get frustrated and we get angry at ourselves for not prioritizing ourselves, but prioritizing others. But then to maintain relationships, you have to prioritize others and sacrifice aspects of yourself. So it's kind of a catch-22 and trying to get a perfect balance is nearly near impossible.
00:41:03
Speaker
That sounds exhausting, like even just as you're saying that, it's exhausting. Yeah, I felt like it was a bit like that speech from Barbie that America for Hour was done in relation to... Oh yeah, I still haven't watched that!
00:41:13
Speaker
You're a disgrace of a human being. I know, I know. I'm constantly getting that, like, recommending things all the time. I just have to tell people, I watch the same things over and over again. I cannot deal with the stress of life, so I cocoon myself in the things that I've watched a million times. I know exactly what's going to happen. I know exactly how long I'm going to be sad for or happy for, depending on the episode I want to watch. So that's how I mind my mental health. I love the way, like, what is it, 12 episodes later, we're still fucked.
00:41:47
Speaker
I'm going to rehab. Bye. Me and Lindsay Lohan would be best buddies by the end of this. We'll be stress free and then to be able to have loads of sex after that. So that'll be sex education in season two.
00:42:07
Speaker
I think it's been a good season. I do. It's been a good season. It's been the only season. It's a season to start all of the seasons. So we're only getting started. The season to end all seasons. No, we haven't had our best yet. The best is yet to come. The best is yet to come. I feel pressure to form now. And that is causing me stress.
00:42:36
Speaker
I might not be able to live up to your performance expectations. That's why you have therapy in between now and next year. Okay, I'll sort of ask. But yeah, listen, folks, we've really enjoyed it. We hope you've enjoyed it. I have. Speak for yourself. From I. Don't speak we, speak I.
00:42:55
Speaker
I have enjoyed it. Have you not? Are you about to let me know how things are now and that you're like, actually, I quit. This was crap. I cannot believe I've done this so far with you. No, it's just a good way of kind of communicating in general to speak from I and not we because you don't actually know another person's perspective really. Thanks for that. Yeah, you're absolutely right though.
Season Reflection and Personal Growth
00:43:18
Speaker
Just a little nugget of wisdom there. I have really enjoyed
00:43:23
Speaker
this and this season. I do hope season two we can continue and even get better, get better in our sound quality, get better in our quality in general and but yeah no just to reflect again so much I have learned so many amazing conversations that I really enjoyed that I probably wouldn't have got the chance and not in such a short space of time to have had we not set this up so I am grateful.
00:43:53
Speaker
I'm also very grateful. I do, I think looking back, I really appreciate you and the conversations we've had together. Really appreciated the guests that came on and gave us their time and just, I really enjoyed the exploration. I think it really was an exploration and I felt like it was a journey. And I don't know if I have looped back to where I started or if I've gone forward. That kind of way, I don't know if I've kind of
00:44:23
Speaker
gone in the entrance door, done a loop and came back out the same door, or if I've kind of explored and gone through to another door on the other side. So yeah, but I really thoroughly enjoyed it. It was, yeah, it had its ups and its downs, its audio issues, its connection issues, its maintaining social media issues. It's like all this sort of stuff, but it was just such an amazing
00:44:52
Speaker
just learning experience. I mean it didn't matter if we had eight listeners or eight million listeners maybe next season but yeah I really thoroughly enjoyed it and yeah I think like I say my tagline was like zero percent production value but it was a hundred percent heart.
00:45:13
Speaker
But I definitely think so too. And echoing what you said, I want to thank you as well, because you've kept me on my toes. You kept me researching and asking questions and you asked some very good questions that make me think. So I appreciate you for showing up and challenging me and just being your lovely self, basically. So, yeah, we're having a love in there. Love in. Hey, I'm heterosexual now, so Europe first. Oh, gosh. No, thank you. But now.
00:45:43
Speaker
No need to look disgusting. I love you. I love you, but not that bad. I have a headache. I have performance anxiety. It was a perfect day sexually together. That's true. I was going to say something, but I forgot what it was. Oh, never mind. It's obviously you can save it for season two.
00:46:07
Speaker
the excitement of it. Right, folks? Thank you again. And we will see you next year for season two of the Playmaker podcast. Take care. Thank you so much, everyone. Bye.