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Ad Hocly Queer
58 Plays1 year ago
Today’s episode is an ad hoc recording out of time of previous episodes but enjoyable nonetheless. Join us as we take a nostalgic trip into a previously unaired archive episode! Dive into discussions on Joe Biden, the peace process, and the ever-delightful politics of chicken fillet rolls from Gay’s Spar.
Enjoy folks!
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Transcript
Introduction and Technical Issues
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello folks and welcome to the podcast. So just an FYI on this episode today. This was recorded some months ago and it's been released today because of technical difficulties this week recording our podcast, which was all my fault. Always double check the wifi when you're on the road. However, we hope you enjoyed this step back in time.
Topics Overview: Politics and Culture
00:00:23
Speaker
This episode is, we talked about Joe Biden, the peace process, the politics of a chicken fillet roll from gay spar, no less.
00:00:30
Speaker
So thank you as always for listening and we will be back in action with a brand new episode soon. So until then take care. Happy listening. Hello there. I'm very welcome to Plainly Queer, the Plainly Queer podcast. I said Plainly Queer twice there, but just to reiterate for Plainly Queer. Do you know what you're listening to people? You're listening to the Plainly Queer podcast. Was there any doubt?
00:00:54
Speaker
I think them clicking on the link saying you're playing in career podcasts would do that. This is so weird though. I suppose I'll just state the obvious. This is the first time we met in person. Yeah. And we're actually sitting across from each other. I could kick her right now. Please don't.
00:01:09
Speaker
But
Live Recording and Host Dynamics
00:01:10
Speaker
yeah, so we're coming to you live-ish, probably not by the time you hear this, but from Inside Matters on Capel Street. It's mad, I can't even, I go from looking at the microphone to back to the microphone. But yes, we're coming live from Inside Matters on Capel Street. A great service for the LGBTQI plus community, queer community here in Dublin, queer farming therapy.
00:01:34
Speaker
And not just in Dublin because we have a lot of therapists that work online. Of course. And so if you are in the Balabakka beyond wondering, can I access anybody who would understand? That's about my birth certificate. Yeah. You also have access to the therapist here. So yeah, it's a great service. And yeah, it's a great little tribe that's here.
00:01:57
Speaker
We do thank Anne-Marie and Dil for allowing us to use the space to record the podcast. And yeah, so we're face to face. I'll try and get over the... How does it feel being face to face with me? Am I what you expected? You're very intimidating. Thank you. Really?
00:02:16
Speaker
I couldn't give a shit. No, I'm joking. No, of course it's the different dynamic because we went from online to kind of framing someone just their head. Yeah. And then it's like even kind of. I'm a whole person, yeah. Yeah, you get the whole burst and have a sense of that person. You had told me you're a height and I was like, oh Jesus, you are a reading tool, like six foot two. And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But then when I saw you, I was like, oh yeah, you really are. Yeah, constantly banging my head off and everything.
00:02:44
Speaker
But yeah, it's strange. But I think you still get to say an essence of the person. Yeah. And I think for me as well, I've never recorded a podcast like when you heard this is the first time I've done anything like this. Yeah. So even I think it's weirder that I've been in this space with a microphone recording this with another person because I got my focus, my focus. How do I have to sit a certain way? Do I have to be like, we spent about 15 minutes trying to set up the fucking microphone.
00:03:15
Speaker
My microphone is sexist, it wasn't picking, it wasn't picking ball up at all. My voice is too deep, so I need to go up a note or two. Yes, no, we're coming to frame it from inside Madison Cable Street, first time we're coming face to face. So we said we'd ad-lib this episode, and that caused you great anxiety, I think.
00:03:33
Speaker
I feel like you've just sprung that on me today. So like, I'm like, what are we going to talk about? What is the ad lib? What
Biden's Visit to Ireland
00:03:40
Speaker
are we ad libbing about? Well, we're going to talk about what's going on in the world right now, because we are here right now, face to face. And I suppose it's, yeah, we're like, what date is it? I don't even know what date it is. I actually don't either. I think it's the 14th. Yes, it's the 14th of April. It's the 14th of April. And I suppose the big elephant in the room is Joe Biden.
00:04:02
Speaker
Oh yeah, Joe was here. Yeah, Joe was here. President Joe Biden. He's gone down the country today, actually. He's in Mayo. I think he's visiting the relatives. He's visiting the Babbie Back and Beyond. Yeah. It's on his birthday. Yeah, so the place is shut down. It's really annoying because I was stuck in traffic for like 40 minutes trying to get out of the airport. Oh, right. Yeah, to the airport. Yeah.
00:04:24
Speaker
he was getting a helicopter to go. Ah okay I was like yeah. So he had clothes on in their space and he was coming in in his motor cage and stuff like this. It's just it's great to see it when you're not being kind of put out by it. It's amazing we are like at times the center of like the political world in terms of we are a small little country but we pack a punch in terms of like every American president. Now America has gone down in my estimation in the last few years in terms of its
00:04:52
Speaker
political powers or just power generally the word of. Respect. I know you say power, do you mean influence? Influence, sorry, yeah, that's a better word. But also my respect has gone down. Every president does want to come to Ireland and kiss the brownie sonar, have a baby shoved in their arms, which he did. He had a baby shoved in his arms this week. I think he went in with daddy. That's right. He got a chicken fillet roll.
00:05:17
Speaker
Well I saw this, I saw this headline he was, they took over, his secret service took over in Delhi because he was going to be getting food. Meha and Martin brought him into a deli and on the thing was Joe gets a chicken fillet. I was like, did he really? I hope he did because he's a freaking amazing.
00:05:34
Speaker
The traditional Irish steak chicken fillet roll. Anybody that's listening that's not from Ireland, the chicken fillet roll is basically like, I guess, I, well, this is what I get in my chicken fillet roll is like the, the breaded chicken that's been fried. Was it done in the oven or fried? Oh yeah, I think initially it's fried. I like the spicy one.
00:05:53
Speaker
I think it's on the oven though. Yeah and then you chop that up cold salt and cheese and the cold sauce go first, the chicken, the hot chicken has to go on, the cheese has to go on top of that. There's some contention about this also. Yes. That's not a traditional ingredient. Are you doing the lettuce and onion and all that sort of stuff? No.
00:06:11
Speaker
A chicken
Irish Cuisine: The Chicken Fillet Roll
00:06:12
Speaker
fillet roll, right? Where you can get it for $2.99 and the chicken fillet roll is chicken fillets on the baguette, leches, tomato and mayo. Nope. That's it. And if you want anything else, the price is going to jump by three euros. Right. You have to go with those basic ingredients. Chicken fillet roll. That's not my chicken fillet roll.
00:06:30
Speaker
I don't know. Well, see, there's me being plainly queer. I've been too gay-spar, but not in the falling out shows. Well, you're plainly queer, but you need to dress yourself in plain chicken vinero. I know. I don't like tomatoes and stuff. They get everything wet.
00:06:44
Speaker
They have to be done in a certain way. I actually learned the perfect way to cut a tomato. I was doing it wrong for years, I swear. I was in a relationship with a person from Latin America and we were making lots of guacamole, lots of salsa, and they made the perfect salsa. You scoop all the good bounce.
00:07:04
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense. You get rid of all the goop and then you're left with just the hard red bits. And you just chop those up really finely. And that's really nice. You're not supposed to eat the goop. People have been doing it wrong for years. You're supposed to get rid of the goop. Do you ever remember getting the corned beef sandwiches with the chopped onion and the tomato? But like you'd go on a picnic somewhere. Who gave you that? My parents, they gave you that.
00:07:32
Speaker
But you'd get there and like the tomato would have all the breads soggy and you're like, please don't make me eat! Or if you got it for school lunch, any of you would have moisture and the bread would just be... And you're like, I'm not touching that. Then you go back to it and you find it at the bottom of your bag three days later.
00:07:50
Speaker
growing this little, you'd go through something at the bottom of your skill bag. We'd go out, oh, liver. Did you ever get liver as a child? No. Take that back. I am having deja vu that we had this discussion about liver on this podcast before. No, maybe we didn't. No, I don't think so. I just hate liver, the texture of it. Or kidneys. That's steak and kidney. But we always have steak and mushroom pie. And every now and then they try and fool us and I'm like, it's a completely different texture.
00:08:17
Speaker
I think if it's in a pie and it's covered in gravy, I'm OK with it. Nope. Yeah, I don't know. I can't cope. It's like carrots. I can't stand carrots. Really? I don't like carrots. But if they're disguised or if they're mushy onto it, a little bit of honey with them, I'm OK with them. Yeah, just on their own now. Yeah. You do realise we were talking about the presidential visit, like the US presidential visit, and here we are. This is what we're talking about in ad-libbing. Ad-libbing is going to end up browsing. And you were scared of this?
00:08:48
Speaker
Why? Where were your fears? Okay, Joe Biden is here, leaving this evening. But yeah, traffic mayhem, there's a lot of this, and he got his chicken fillet roll yesterday. Apparently, queer trivia, and not apparently, I heard you on the news, the owners of the deadly are a gay couple.
00:09:07
Speaker
Oh, nice. Yeah. Go there. I did not know that. Yeah, they mentioned that in the news. So, let's not get it all in. I suppose when they were scouting all these local businesses. Oh, I'd say everything was chosen. There's the line.
00:09:23
Speaker
There's the local business with the gay couple go for it. We're going to hop all over that. But I'd say there has to be like a political motivation for picking these places. But even you were watching like the West Wing or all those programs. Yeah. Like, did you ever watch a V?
00:09:40
Speaker
Yes. Loved it. Loved it. Which is the way they schedule all these businesses to see what's going to get the most publicity and what's going to like pull up the musical heartstrings or something like this. So yeah, I just found that really interesting. Yeah. I'd love to know who the scheduler was. Was it like an Irish person here or was it like an American person with them?
00:09:58
Speaker
I'd say they have like a joint team of people that kind of liaise with each other and coordinate, because there was a lot of people there. Like a lot of people were just walking around. And poor Mihaly-Mar and didn't get a look at. Like he was standing there and no one wants to shake his hand. I think he got a few pity shakes. Oh, I didn't see that. But yeah, when you're standing next, it's kind of recognizable, I suppose. Yeah.
00:10:20
Speaker
We know him, we're like, oh, we've seen you. We want to talk to Joe. I saw him out at Miggletty Higgins and the dog. I'm sorry, did you say Michael T Higgins? Miggletty. I just heard Miggletty Higgins. Michael T Higgins.
00:10:40
Speaker
Do you not call him like, I very rarely call him Michael D. I call him Miggle D. Okay, I'm sure he's looked at terminally during it. But he has like Miggle, he has merch. Isn't he your ideal guest? Yes he. Pretty sure he's not going to come on now, you call him Miggle D.
00:10:55
Speaker
But Megalie has March. Megalie has tea cozies. March! He has tea cozies and like stuff that goes on the top of pens. I've seen them. The gaggle box had tea cozies. Yeah. So it's a thing. Megalie Higgins is a thing. I'm not just randomly saying that.
00:11:11
Speaker
No, but is the pronounced Miggledy Higgins? It's Michael D Higgins. Obviously. But people call him Miggledy Higgins. OK, maybe not people who want to maybe invite him as a guest on their podcast. Miggledy, if you're listening, listen or sound, we think your sound. We'd love to talk to you about you signing in the marriage referendum. We'd love to talk to you about the politics that you have seen in terms of queer Ireland. That's what I'd love if you would come up.
00:11:37
Speaker
OK, let's backtrack, though. Yeah. Let's go back to where we were today. Let's go back to the moment. Yes. We always have to bring ourselves back here to one of the six people. Look, it's the ADHD. I'm not diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure it is. I'm like, we're going to go. I'm sorry, are you just shaming me? I know what my issue is. I know where I am going to go around the world in the 80 days without an agenda. I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back. My gosh, bitch.
00:12:08
Speaker
Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't hear going to be gone today. I don't see whether all this was about. And I think it's great that he's here. But even watching him, I just felt like he's old. Like he's, when you compare him to Obama, there's no charisma. There's
US Politics: Biden and Harris
00:12:28
Speaker
a sense of
00:12:29
Speaker
I know he's done, obviously he's had a great, he's done amazing things. But I don't know if he has enough charisma to carry it. I don't know if it's just his legacy is carrying it now. He's, I think he's gone to announce, I think for four more years. So you're kind of like, I wish he'd, he'd step aside and he'd come along. Yeah. Well, that's another thing. I haven't heard Sykner sound to her since she came into office. I think that's because I think, right.
00:12:58
Speaker
she I think she's in a precarious position and I and I and I don't so on one hand I reckon she could outshine him in like just with her baby finger she is so accomplished she knows exactly what she's talking about she's just holding back yeah and I and I think that's politically motivated like she cannot he can't outshine the president and also as well she is going to run I'd say
00:13:23
Speaker
But given the contentious, the way things are at the moment, the fact that she would be after Obama, as soon as Obama was in, every racist crawled out from every rock they were ever under. And she would be like, that's what it would become about. So I think she is poisoning herself like that. Hopefully probably in a few more cycles, she'll go for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting question. Were you a Hillary supporter?
00:13:50
Speaker
over Trump, yes, but I was a Hillary supporter, yeah. But now, do I think the dynasty of Hillary, I think Hillary deserved it in terms of, I would say I politically am very left, probably a little bit conservative, but very to the left of that.
00:14:08
Speaker
However, she's straight down the line conservative, not as in Republican conservative, but like left, I'm far left here than she would be. I'd like her to be much more radical in her choices, but she is a safe bet. Now, do I think that's always good, but do I think compared to what they had to choose from, I think it was an excellent choice. But anyway, it's neither here nor there.
00:14:31
Speaker
Yeah, no, I just thought that I got a little bit of a Hillary look about you. Yeah. What about you? Towards the end when I was finding out about her. Yeah. And I was kind of like, yeah, I don't think she was right. I don't think either of them were right. No, I think we needed new blood. It's yes. It's like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ocasio-Cortez. She is a rising star. Watch her. She will be president one day.
00:14:58
Speaker
If you ever watch her, I watched her. I fell in love with her actually one of the days. She is, she's a Democrat and I fell in love with her and have been following her ever since when I saw her eating popcorn on the floor while putting together Ikea furniture, talking about Puerto Rico and how it should go for independence from America. And I was like, I just, I'm like, you're gorgeous. You can put flat pack furniture together.
00:15:27
Speaker
never heard of her i'll just give her a look such a yeah she's sober anyway back to the point back to the point yeah you got into that first thought i was going to come in and say back to the point and which yeah so why visit well let's put aside the american presidency we're here in ireland and 25 years of peace got north i don't think how this outlet one is kind of political just really is yeah and i'm not i'm like i am political but i'm very reserved in my
00:15:56
Speaker
I don't know enough about it to be able to talk about it. No, you're a social politician. What you want to talk about, but you can't put it out in the public domain because it would be fair. So that's the perfect political response there. So you're doing well. So no, 25 years of peace. 1998, it doesn't seem like out of my junior cert in 1999, I think. And I'm trying, I've tried to remember. What do you mean? Am I older than you? Oh no, I'm younger than you.
00:16:24
Speaker
Not by much, not kind of. I think that was 1989 or 1999, or sorry, the junior start. I want to say 1997. Oh, maybe I was 1997 then. Did I do it in 1997? It doesn't matter. We did it in around that fight. I remember cheating at my mocks. Did you? I did. I was too straight and I said I would have like cried. No, yeah, I totally cheated. They kind of encouraged us. I think I cheated maybe. You might start mocks as well.
00:16:49
Speaker
Listen, it's just what I had to do to get through. But yeah, no, sorry. What are we talking about? 25 years of peace, as I'm cheating at my leaving first. I think he's retroactively flunking his leading search. He's mindful of references that only Irish people will get. We're assuming that anybody other than Irish, we're assuming anybody's listening to this though. Of course.
00:17:17
Speaker
Hi, mom. Thanks, friends. My mother doesn't even have a smartphone. She's not really one type of book. Back to the point. Peace. Peace. Give peace a chance. I'm trying to, like, it was signed in 1998. What were you aware of? This is what I wanted to talk about today. Like, I kind of had a sense we had to talk with this. And I was kind of like,
00:17:43
Speaker
I can't ever remember being too affected by what was going on up north, even though this is such a small island, and I was literally less than an hour and a half drive away.
Ireland's Peace Process and History
00:17:57
Speaker
And I have no sense, I think, of how bad it was. I remember a little bit the Oma Vine. And when someone says, oh, the piece first, the Good Friday agreed in 1998,
00:18:09
Speaker
1998 was also the year that the UK hosts the Urvish and Diana International won the Urvish. And that's like, it's mad to think that. Like it was not long ago. And like you're really flying the gate flag there that.
00:18:24
Speaker
listen and hopefully my deep voice was correct. I'm trying to think yeah I don't know I think yeah at home especially like the news would have been on but we would have been sheltered from a lot of us it wouldn't have been anything that would have been worried wouldn't have been talked about in front of us. I don't think it came down the south much though.
00:18:45
Speaker
What do you mean? Maybe more the border counties, as in danger. I never felt unsafe as a result of it. I knew it was happening up there, which I think is actually really bad in terms of like
00:19:01
Speaker
I know I was talking to somebody and there's the sentiment of being abandoned, the South abandoning people. And I didn't really get that until like later in life, going, well, we kind of just got on with things. It wasn't our problem. And it's like, that's kind of... But wasn't ostriches sticking their head in the sand? Yeah. Yeah. Now, of course not individuals, but as a kind of collective society. And another thing, actually, that really
00:19:26
Speaker
brought it home for me is like we knew well we knew about it and obviously as we were growing up we knew more about it and I would have learned more about it just from me actively reading about it and trying to understand what it was because the peace agreement I didn't really understand at the time I knew it was a great thing I know that my parents and my parents generation were genuinely happy in celebrating it and this was and so that's how I knew it was but I wasn't politically involved or anything
00:19:55
Speaker
However, as I got older and started to read about it, I go, Oh God, actually that reading was important. Like that actually brought a lot of peace. But when I was in Australia, I, there was this Australian man, he, they used to do these. You were in Australia and you came across an Australian man. Yeah. Wow. What are the chances? I know.
00:20:15
Speaker
Anyway, so he had a catamaran and where we were staying they used to do midnight races or when the sun was going out. And so they'd get like the local backpackers and you'd like anybody that needed a crew that you'd hop on a boat and do the thing. They found like the hills have eyes.
00:20:34
Speaker
I know. I'm just like, actually, what I think about it now could have been murdered. Yeah. We just hopped on any random boat. Anyway, this guy was like, so where are you from? And the friend that I was with, she was from the UK. And I said, I was from Ireland or whatever. And would you like to visit the usual chitchat and go, have you ever been a blabber? And he goes, no, I'd never go. And I was like,
00:20:56
Speaker
And he goes, because there's bombs everywhere. I was like, what? What are you talking about? Genuinely going, are you, like, it's Ireland I'm talking about. And he goes, yeah, like, the Northern Ireland, like, they're always setting off bombs and they're always, I was like, what have you heard? And he was like, well, like, that was what we always heard in the news. And I was like, when was the last time you heard that?
00:21:18
Speaker
But any time Ireland was reported in the news over there was to say that there was a bomb, there was a bomb threat, there was the North in the upset. And that's all they knew. That's all this man knew. Obviously, he did not be on it. But- But sure, regular news isn't going to pull that far. That's what I mean. Only bad news would go halfway around the world. But that's what our reputation was. Now, I don't believe that's everywhere. Well, that's a bunch of drunkards. Yeah.
00:21:42
Speaker
but i found that really interesting so yeah that to me gave an outside look the outside looking in going oh my god that's actually how did they come across that how did they see that because that's how it was being reported did you ever read the book across barricades no
00:22:00
Speaker
I remember reading this book when I was younger called Across the Barricades and it was about was it a Protestant boy and a Catholic girl or a Catholic girl and a Protestant boy up the north?
00:22:17
Speaker
in the troubles and they fell in love and they kind of had their life together and it was it was really cross the barricades because of the difference, there were just backgrounds but I remember reading that book and it was brilliant and then there was a second book where they moved in together there may have been a third book where they had a baby okay so yeah cross the barricades and let's get the author and yeah it was kind of like a teenagey book yeah and that was kind of like explaining yeah I kind of got a sense of it that way yeah
00:22:44
Speaker
Like in general, no, like that's, it's about life, really trying to unawareize of it. Great that it happens. And I think when Biden was up there a couple of days ago, I think it really brought home.
00:22:58
Speaker
And it was nice the way they did it. They focused on the Ulster University, and the young people, and these entrepreneurs, and actually how far the kind of provinces come to our college province. I don't know. Ulster? Ulster. Maybe it's a county. No. It's a province. Of course. Next episode is learning geography.
00:23:23
Speaker
this we got, let's teach Paul. Yeah, so sorry, the province, the Alfred's Club, in relation to their speed, so much like advancements in technology, infrastructure, like investments by companies. Yeah, they're sure I can, the youth will pull it up, pull it around. Yeah, like with storms and everything, not them.
00:23:45
Speaker
Now, I'm not going to get too political. I actually don't know, like, as in, I don't know enough about it. And this is where we come into, we actually need to learn more on this topic. Yeah. You were supposed to be all up in your politics. You're supposed to school me. I told you we would do political episode, but I had to do the research for it. That's the whole point. Well, then you're falsely selling yourself with someone. We are playing me. So then we have to go and learn about it in order to educate ourselves. That's the whole point of this. No, I'm street smart. I don't need to educate myself.
00:24:14
Speaker
Oh, that'll work out. That's why we have the rise of Trump and shit like that. Is it? Yeah, because Facebook told me I've done my research. I don't like I kind of many years ago, well, not many years, but three years ago, I came off social media and I just had the kind of professional stuff on it. But yeah, I don't read fake news. Yeah. Now, do you read the national media?
00:24:40
Speaker
I was about to say the flip of Sally Bassana if I don't read any news. Some of the national media I swear to god you're like oh my god if you could be any more transparent in where your leanings lie but anyway. Yeah I just kind of go by word of mouth really I know I do read the news obviously I read like national media and international media with international news coverage but yeah I wouldn't be all about to take news or anything like
Social Media and Digital Detox
00:25:07
Speaker
that. How did you find getting off social media? I'd love to get over it.
00:25:10
Speaker
I'd love to get off. The big thing for me was I wanted to keep all my photos. So Facebook couldn't be discriminated to do this thing where you download all your data. So I downloaded all my data and deleted them. And it was fine. There was a withdrawal period.
00:25:25
Speaker
And like that, I have the two professional accounts now that I attempt to manage. But as a result, I'm there. I don't have a clue. Like you were kind of like to me, oh, yeah, you have to get on this now. You have to like this and share this and re-tweet and rehash and re-share. I haven't got a clue to the thought of this. I was like, no resistance. No, I do have to learn again. No, but
00:25:49
Speaker
It is like a drug. It's kind of like, what do I look at in the morning? I don't want to consume it, but I do want to use it. You want to utilize it for your benefits. Yeah. Like I use it for business. Now I do have a personal account that I share, like stuff that's personal and travel with friends and stuff like that. I'm actually really bad on that one, but I do use it then because I'm like, oh, I'll just see what everybody else is doing. And then like two hours have gone by and I'm like, I'm wasting my life.
00:26:19
Speaker
I did it last year, not the year before. I downloaded TikTok because people were talking about TikTok. Oh my God. I went to the toilet and I was watching TikTok. I downloaded the app TikTok. I was like, everyone's all about it, so I'll give it a shot. I was on that toilet 45 years ago. I had not moved off that toilet. I moved anything. Right.
00:26:44
Speaker
Oh my god. Moving on. TikTok is lethal. But yeah, it knows what she wants to see. I know. Like all these videos that these top-less firemen and all this sort of stuff come up. And then rugby players and all this sort of stuff come up. I was like, how does it know I want to look at this?
00:27:03
Speaker
It's crazy. You have to give the Chinese that. They deserve to know our secrets because we're literally giving it to them. Take it. But I had to delete TikTok. It gets to the stage where you fall into a laptop. TikTok is a treat for me, but I have it on my laptop and it's only when I know I'm done. I don't have to do anything else. Do you bring your laptop to the toilet? No, I do not.
00:27:28
Speaker
That's not where I would consume it. So that was, yes, TikTok, blah blah blah, there was something else. Downloaded my data from Instagram and Facebook. There is a reason I said that. I put it on my external hard drive.
00:27:42
Speaker
Oh, that's the drive. The drive that now I can't access. So all my photos are honest. I'm kind of like, is it worth paying $500? Any techie people that are listening, because we do have listeners now, we're going to convince ourselves that we're not just talking into the ether. But anybody that's techie, how would somebody go about that? How do you do that? How do you prepare? No, my mother's no good at computers. She doesn't even have a smartphone. No. She's the only one listening. I wouldn't mind she'd be the last person here, I think.
00:28:10
Speaker
Yeah. Sorry, go on. Yes. How do we recover that for you? Yeah. I think I'll just leave it in my bag and maybe in a couple of years I'll just slowly say it five times worse. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You're kind of like asking then, are memories enough? Like what do we need? And that is the thing then about deleting social media.
00:28:31
Speaker
It's all gone. Does it mean anything if it wasn't on Facebook? If you haven't checked in anywhere, have I still been there? And it's this whole walked reality thing. If you haven't shown a picture of your food, did you really eat it? Exactly. I don't use it for that. I consume it in terms of whatever they're showing up to me, but I do my best to try and limit it. I only have Instagram on my phone. Do get into heated arguments.
00:29:00
Speaker
No, I don't, I don't get involved in that at all. I'm like, sometimes somebody, actually on the Plainly Queer, when we were doing one of the... Do you remember that? Yeah.
00:29:10
Speaker
I want to do a Facebook talk. No, we're not using Facebook. Now, we had to put up a Facebook because we were doing an advertising. So we were doing the planning queer conversations where we were holding a monthly conversation and we wanted to advertise it. But in order to advertise it on Instagram, we had to have a Facebook page. So that's how that came about.
00:29:32
Speaker
And when we advertised it, we got like awful comments on Facebook from people like, oh, this is gross. Why is this showing up? It shouldn't, it shouldn't be. So I was thinking about my reaction to it. And I was like.
00:29:45
Speaker
It really pisses me off. And I really shouldn't say that. I shouldn't say that it pisses me off because that's like fuel to the fire. And I was like, I was going to be like, how dare you get off our page and whatever and blah, blah, blah. Like there were some, I can't remember what it was, but it was really like every trope under the sun sort of thing.
00:30:03
Speaker
It made me want to retreat. It made me want to take it down. It made me want to go back to safety and not be vulnerable. Because if you make yourself vulnerable, people are going to attack you. That was my fear with it. And I remember the notification came in the middle of the night. Oh, Jesus, right. Did you see it? Like in the middle of the night? Oh, I was on different times though. So I was kind of there first. I had to wait for you to wake up. Maybe I took down, but I just woke out. But I remember that.
00:30:33
Speaker
But yeah, I'm just like, as a rule, I don't respond. I just, your comment is deleted and you're blocked. Are we censoring then? If you are spreading hate on my page, our page, we get to block you. That's true. But then if we're putting ourselves out there, are we... You don't get to debate somebody's existence.
00:31:00
Speaker
That's true. You don't get to say what we post or don't post. It's our page. You don't have to be on our page. But then do we have to be, I suppose, I'm just trying to put out the alternative perspective. Do we then have to defend the post? Do we then have to just block them to leave them? Yeah.
00:31:19
Speaker
Because I can't talk to you. Well, do you think there's anything wrong in what we're doing? No, of course not. Do they think there's anything wrong or what we're doing? Yes. Where is that driven at all? I don't know. Homophobia. Hate. Homophobia. Yeah. So not absolutely not. A ways go, live in your own little bubble there. I'm not joining you. Yeah, that's the thing about putting yourself there, Gerardo. Become exposed, don't you?
00:31:45
Speaker
Yeah. It is a hard one. It's a hard call. And I think that was so minor. Can you imagine like Dylan Mulvaney? No. She did. So she came out as trans and she did. So it's from day one of girlhood and went up right up to day 365. And she's still continuing obviously. And she has got like dogs abuse and even people of, Oh, what's, what's her name? The Kardashian. Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner.
00:32:15
Speaker
even came for her and was like she's an absolute disgrace because Budweiser supported her and did an advertisement for her. Collaboration if you want to say. So like she's getting it from all angles so you can imagine like that was one post and we were like oh god like I felt like going oh my god how like what do we do why do we respond? Yeah I don't know that's why I'm kind of like... We're not gonna get that. No we're not important enough. No. We're not special enough. Yes.
00:32:44
Speaker
If somebody is listening to this and they are going to troll us and getting this far, our answer to you is you're going to be blocked. Your thing is going to be deleted. As a believer of you. Before we block you, just share us with about 100 people, please. Yeah. We don't care if you listen to us and hate us as long as you listen to us. Yeah. Yeah. But just keep your head to yourself. But still listen.
00:33:07
Speaker
Get the viewers here folks. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so we've gone a nice journey there. Yeah, like Joe Biden a little bit of chicken fillet rolls. The politics of chicken fillet rolls. The correct way to cut and consume a tomato, liver, kidneys, all that. Peace process. 25 years of peace, long may it last. Oh, you were kind of like as well.
00:33:32
Speaker
I think it'll take many generations for that lasting piece to be very stable, for all that hate, and for all that, I hate you, you hate me, we're never gonna meet. I think for all that hate to dissolve... That's dialogue, that's dialogue, that's dialogue. I think it's going to take many generations for the trauma that is being held by... Generation after generation. Generation after generation, for that to be slowly let go.
00:33:59
Speaker
And I think actually we know more about trauma now and how to heal it and how it affects in terms of like, there's complex PTSD that's happening up there. And well,
Trauma and Northern Ireland's Past
00:34:09
Speaker
should I say complex PTS, I don't like the disorder. It is an absolute natural reaction to be on alert all the time, frightened and thinking that I have to respond to every slight because my life depends on it. That's what has been inherited. But I think we're better as a society.
00:34:30
Speaker
You learn more about it, you become more aware of its effect, how it affected the previous generation, you then learn how it is affecting you, and then you make changes so that when you have kids, you try not to pass on the same. But do you believe as a trauma therapist that
00:34:48
Speaker
What you've just said, that takes generations. But it's not just one generation and doing, it is a continuous process. So the science is there for it. But you have to think Northern Ireland has the highest PTS rates in all of Europe.
00:35:11
Speaker
And that's a statistic that holds today. That's not something back in the 80s. Is that because what happened up north in The Troubles was in modern times, as opposed to something like World War I and World War II, which were a little bit further in the past? What do you mean by that now?
00:35:32
Speaker
Well, you were saying more than Ireland, people have the highest ratio of PTS. Yeah. So why don't people in France have it? Because they were saying, why don't people in Poland? That's sorry what I was trying to say. Possibly. I don't know, but also as well, that's a really complicated answer I'm going to say to you there. And I don't know what the full answer is. One of them is we don't do mental health well.
00:35:57
Speaker
The other is we are only now getting to grips with what the trauma was.
00:36:03
Speaker
We know, and also there was a lot of silencing up to North. You could not talk about it. You could not talk about if you had a loved one go missing. There was whispers about, well, why do they go missing? There was all of this backhanded stuff that really silenced pain, really silenced people that they didn't have anywhere to go with it. Even in the political process of the peace process, there was a lot of harm done even with that. And there's still continuations of it.
00:36:31
Speaker
not in the greater grander sense of the war, the troubles that were happening. It's still happening today that there are segregation societies and there still are people that have to be careful of what they say. So there's still continuation.
00:36:46
Speaker
Well, I'm very conscious of what I say now because I can't follow that off. It's like, you can even hear it in your voice. You're so kind of attached to it and passionate about it and like, whereas I'm sitting here going, oh my God, I'm sorry.
00:37:02
Speaker
Well, no, no, no. Hold on a second. I'm not going to speak because I'll say something wrong. No, let's put this in context. I did a postgrads in UCC and Wave Trauma Center, which is up the north, Trauma Studies. And a lot of that was based around stories around the troubles, the
00:37:19
Speaker
people who were missing. Anything like that, I did a lot of research on. So I have a better knowledge base, if you want to say, about how trauma has affected. I'm not an expert in it. I don't know it all. I'm not trying to say I know it all, but I do know something about it. You come across quite knowledgeable value, to be honest, and you come across quite
00:37:39
Speaker
capable of sitting with us and talking through some frameworks. But regardless of the situation, trauma is still trauma. When you get a lot of individuals together and into a society that are traumatized, you just see it on a bigger scale.
00:37:56
Speaker
It's trauma is still trauma, no matter how you put it in, whether it's a hurricane, whether it's war, whether it's a mass casualty, car crash or something like that. You still have a lot of the same processes. So once you understand the basics, you can extrapolate. Okay.
00:38:16
Speaker
Okay. Let's move off this. We're talking about the peace process. Yeah. The peace process as it stands, it is getting better. We are, I think on the right path. Well, that's easy for me to say down south. That's easy for me to say as somebody who's not directly affected by it. There's more work to be done.
00:38:44
Speaker
But it is good to see that it's still front and centre in a lot of people's minds. It was nice to recognise it this week. It was nice to kind of see how far it's come.
00:38:57
Speaker
And it seems to have a bit more awareness of it, I think, is what I'm coming away with it. And it was great to see all those young people up north, like in university, obviously in the wars and the future, basically. It was great to see the future. Yeah. I just want to remind you, actually, now that you say that, is a lot of the time you talk about
00:39:18
Speaker
the bad stuff. We talk about the North in terms of the troubles or the missing or what's couched in those terms. I'm thinking about the same can be said for queer people. It's always couched in like the awful stories are like when they came out, they were kicked out of their family or when they came out, you know, they were beaten up because they were too queer and there's queer joy. There is joy in Belfast. There is, as you say, the youth entrepreneurship, there is the growth
00:39:48
Speaker
Why are you looking at me like that? Sorry, I've had great joy at Belfast. I've had multiple occasions of great joy at Belfast. It's a great city. I love Belfast. I first kissed in Derry when I finally realized it was definitely good. You kissed a Derry girl. Yeah. Well, she kissed me.
00:40:07
Speaker
Of course. I went to Florence and the Machine at a concert up there in the wild in Belfast. Got such a good place. Kremlin's a great spot up there. It's a great city. It's a developing city and I do like Belfast. But we do trip up there and do an episode from there.
00:40:28
Speaker
No, any excuse. We can expense it, right? Yeah. Why aren't you talking about Istanbul as well, in Barcelona now? Yeah. And yes, I'm sure with our three listeners, we can like... Yeah, we'd be able to do all this. Yeah, it would be. I have to incorporate now. Yeah, we'd have to get a big corporate sponsor. Yeah. We have a sponsor. The Gay News magazine or something. Do they... I don't think... I think people put advertising. Yeah, I know. I still don't think that's what works.
00:40:57
Speaker
But yes, I suppose, okay, okay, let's bring it back. Here we are. Yes. And how are you feeling having, oh, this is a great way to segue into like the new second thing on the Softenbench. Yes. So it's like the queer check-in.
Weekly Personal Updates
00:41:13
Speaker
Yes. Where we just check into each other, how we have been this week, what's going on this week. How have I been this week? So come on, I had to frame it down. We've made it. I don't know if that's the question. Chloe.
00:41:27
Speaker
How have you been this past week? Well, Paul, thank you for asking. How have I been this week? This week has been OK.
00:41:37
Speaker
been doing this week actually now that i think about it i've just been working and seeing clients and yeah that's pretty much it but i'm doing good yeah totally you're gonna have to spice things up a bit i know i'm very dull this is a problem with this segment this is not gonna fly on a podcast i mean with this segment when i'm in ireland i do nothing i'm like going to seeing people or or i i have a headache again and i'm not doing anything so like
00:42:04
Speaker
Yeah, I was stood up the weekend, actually. Were you? Yes, you stood me up. Oh, that's right. It was me. Yes. I did stand him up. We were supposed to meet on Saturday.
00:42:14
Speaker
Sunday. It was Easter Sunday, actually. Was it Easter Sunday? Yeah. And I remember actually getting the message. I told the other students fine. But then I was like, God, I never have a weekend off. And this one weekend I have off. I had a plan. Now I don't have a plan. So I have to do something. I had to do something. I scrambled and text whoever was available. And it's kind of like drinks.
00:42:36
Speaker
Just anything just to kind of make use of the time because I had like a hard year for free weekends. Yeah. So, and then I always felt like I probably should have planned ahead a bit more because Easter Sunday everyone's busy.
00:42:50
Speaker
Yeah. I never, I never think about mystery. Actually, it's not, it's a kind of a long day for me. It was like a non thing. Yeah. The reason why I cancelled on it was because I poisoned myself. So one of the things I was doing kind of this week was painting in my office. And I was putting the stuff to take off the paint, like a paint stripper-y thing. You'd make it into spirits. Something like that. But it's a particular one that like helps it melt off the yolks.
00:43:14
Speaker
And I had it, I poured it into a container to have it there. And I was like, you have to do two rounds of it. So I put it down underneath something so I wouldn't step on it.
00:43:33
Speaker
and what did I do I forgot about it and then I was like I actually feel like sick like I feel like nauseous from the headache and it wasn't until like it was a day and a half later because I couldn't smell at this stage my sciences were so swollen I couldn't smell anything and they're like there's a really strong smell of like you know what it's called turpentine
00:43:54
Speaker
There we go. I was suddenly poisoning myself and had such a headache, such a disgusting, I felt lost. And so I poisoned myself. That's why I couldn't go. If you have the grace, you just loved it. Yeah. And I'm still coming out of that. Like the headache still hasn't actually left. So maybe I've done brain damage.
00:44:15
Speaker
I, something's coming up for me, yes, disaster DIY. I know we kind of clicked on this before, because I was telling how I got this sealant to kind of, mice were getting in somewhere. So I had to like be all butch and stuff and get this filler from woodies and fill in the crack in the cement and the roof. And I thought I was filling it in, but it all went everywhere and all over my hands. And of course I didn't realize that gloves are provided for a reason.
00:44:42
Speaker
And I was literally peeling this stuff. Now I knew pretty quick that, oh my God. This is really sticking. This is going to stick to my skin. So I ran back to Woody's and I remember saying, I need to get something like to take this stuff off. And he was like, oh, is that such and such? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, that's going to be on your hand for two weeks. You're literally going to be scraping that off with, what are those things for your foot? A pedi stone or something? Oh, I literally had to scrape it down. I literally had to file it down on my skin for two weeks.
00:45:11
Speaker
I'd say they're a red. I've sworn to myself, never again. And I've since found a nice handyman that will do all these little things for me because I cannot. I cannot do DIY, I'm sorry. Well, I love doing DIY. Well, obviously, you're poisoning yourself. I know. I just need to be like smarter. Not going very well. Yeah.
00:45:28
Speaker
Oh my god. And I still haven't painted those windowsills, by the way. That, like, yeah. That'll have to be in other days. Of the to-do lists. Yeah. Of the to-do lists. And the paint, you've seen the paint. It's not the colour. It looks dark. It looks black. It does. It looks black. On the, when I'm on video calls now, because I painted it and felt terrible.
00:45:50
Speaker
because you it kind of says oh i'm feeling a bit lower than that and i was like have you painted your room to reflect your mood yeah it's terrible well that's the corner now i'm gonna get something right for the wall that i can show over it but i'm not doing it again oh yeah we tried that
00:46:11
Speaker
So yes, that's how I'm doing. I'm headachee all week. I'm DIY'd out and ready for whatever's next. Yeah. How are you all? How was your week? Yeah, my week is good. I'm going through a stage where I feel boring. Like I feel like I'm just living boring life things. Middle-aged. Middle-aged. Midlife crisis coming on. I love midlife crisis. Or I think I'm in the middle of it. I'm in the myths of a show they say.
00:46:38
Speaker
Yeah, but I have a sense lately that I'm just living a boring life, like going through the motions of being boring, but just doing normal things. We're
Episode Reflections and Sign-off
00:46:49
Speaker
not having distractions from the fact that this is a bit mundane.
00:46:53
Speaker
I like that I wanted to, I was saying, I want to like escape next week at four days free. I was like, Oh, I'm going to go to Gran Canaria. I'm going to go to like Spain or somewhere like this. And then I'm kind of like, Oh, but then the bins need to be put out. And. It's such a chore to organize things. Yeah. And then I'll have to like, I could like clean the shower, clean the, like all this sort of stuff. And then I should probably like visit my parents at some stage this entry. But yeah, so I'm kind of like weighing up.
00:47:23
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. Where do you get the balance of that? Like that's really hard. It's like having this spontaneity, doing the fun crack stuff. And then I have stuff that I think it's an age thing for me though. I think it is becoming an age thing where I don't know if I have the energy to go away just for two or three nights. Yeah. I think maybe I need a longer period of time. Yeah. You need a day either side. Yeah. I really do this kind of. Yeah. So we'll see. We'll see what happens.
00:47:51
Speaker
Yeah. But yeah, so that's how I'm feeling. But otherwise grateful and pretty kind of good. I'm thrilled to be here with you. I'm thrilled that we're actually in person. It was lovely. Yeah. And I think I have a podcast pose. This thing. Yeah, with my hand and my chin and like this on the couch. So dirty. Yeah.
00:48:14
Speaker
Whereas I'm just sitting in the chair like my therapist, Sal, going, hmm, hmm, hmm. That's true, actually. You're a pooped politician, Sal. Yes, OK. So what are we doing? How did you think that you and your Adlib episode, how did you think that went today? Now, was that what you were looking for?
00:48:30
Speaker
Yeah, that was really good, actually, I thought. Who am I to ever think could have been absolute slice? So this is a thing with us, like we get together, we talk and talk and talk. There's no problem with us, like there's not a gap that we can't fit. I always feel like at the end of us, I'm kind of like, God, yeah, I've been accomplished because like 50 minutes an hour, I've talked for like an hour. That's pretty good. Yeah.
00:48:53
Speaker
But then it could be Tokyo, Dr. Joyce. Well, everything that we've listened back to, so we're now blowing smoke up our old holes here, but everything that we've listened back to hasn't sounded terrible. So I'm going to go with that's a win. My sister seems like the first one. Yeah. Oh, we need to get her. Yeah. Well, we have a fan. She says she's too busy to listen to this.
00:49:12
Speaker
I sent her another two, and she was kind of like, well, I've got three kids. I have a baby, like so. I'll see if I can formulate anything. I think they have to be easy. Yeah, because we sent the two of us. Once I have the magic, it's actually. We should have testers. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, I think that went well. I think whenever we get to the end, it goes as well. Yeah. And I always into pee. OK. So that's where we're going to end. We're going to pee. And I hope you have a good. Not together.
00:49:41
Speaker
They are gender-neutral toilets. We have gender-neutral toilets here, so it could happen. I hope ye all have a great week. Ye? Yeah, our listeners. Ye. Ye. Yeah, I like ye. Okay. I'm a ye person. Do you not like ye? You're also a sloan person. You also say sloan. Yes, I do like sloan. Yeah. So yes, I will say sloan and hope you have a good week. Sloan ye.
00:50:10
Speaker
We will talk to you soon. Thank you so much everyone. Bye.