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Create a Family Routine and Rhythms {Episode 243}
412 Plays1 year ago
Does everything feel chaotic? Do you need a new family routine or morning routine? How about a night routine for your family? In this episode we discuss how to create a kid schedule, family schedule and how to incorporate rhythms into your life.
Be sure to check out Bonnie's coaching here.
Mentioned in this episode:
Episode 79: Smooth Home Management Part 1 (Systems, Routines & Schedules)
Episode 83: Smooth Home Management Part 2 (Organization)
Episode 172: Home Essentials (Our Favorite Things)
Episode 91: Guest Ashley Buffa
Episode 237: Teaching Kids to do Chores
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos.
Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion.
Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience, these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
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Transcript
Introduction to Episode 243
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey there, welcome to episode 243 of Outnumbered the Podcast. We are talking all about routines and rhythms in this episode, how to create a family routine and rhythm. So if everything's feeling chaotic in your life, this episode's for you. We're going to talk about daily, weekly, and seasonal routines, the benefits of routines for kids and parents, how to create a routine,
00:00:23
Speaker
and specific places that you can add in routines, morning, weekly, seasonal, that kind of thing. And then examples of our own daily and weekly routines and rhythms that we share with you guys. So let's get started on talking about routines.
Meet the Hosts: Audrey and Bonnie
00:00:43
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
00:01:07
Speaker
Hey, everybody. We're glad to talk to you again this week. And we are focusing on another, it's not an official series, but here we are again, talking about how to manage our homes. We've done episodes in the past about systems, routines, and schedules. That was Smooth Home Management Part 1. And Smooth Home Management Part 2, we talked all about organization. And then in Episode 172, we talked about our favorite home essentials, like stuff we use to keep our houses and homes
00:01:37
Speaker
running smoothly that we can't live without. So you can go check out those episodes. We'll link them in the show notes
Understanding Routines and Rhythms
00:01:44
Speaker
too. But today we're going to specifically talk about how we use routines and rhythms to manage and calm our households.
00:01:53
Speaker
Yes, and I love that you're separating schedules from routines and rhythms. We're going to talk a little bit more about that. But I did want to say, just as a bit of a humorous moment, is that kids, as we know, really like routines. Now,
00:02:10
Speaker
Now, this can sometimes be mistaken for rigidity. Now, kids really love spontaneity, but the reason they love spontaneity is because of the routine. So remember how we talked about before, especially with teens, that kids really crave boundaries? Well, that's why they like routines, is because and schedules, because it tells their little brains what to expect. Their little brains have so much different stimulus and crazy things coming.
00:02:33
Speaker
The problem is, once you create, I don't know if it's a problem, but it's just kind of funny. Once you create a routine or a schedule, your kid is like live or die by that routine or schedule, right? But it's this time now. Remember, it's this time, especially if it's something they're looking forward to. Now, if it's piano practice time and they're trying to always get out of it, then maybe not. But this is always kind of my funny tongue-in-cheek warning for new parents. It's like, don't schedule anything.
00:02:58
Speaker
unless you are ready to hear about it for three weeks and you're ready to just like lay down your life instead of letting go of the schedule because those kids are so funny like that. But I think it's really telling about their little brains just how important it is for them to know what to expect and what kind of behavior will be expected of them next, right? Is it gonna be playtime next? Is it gonna be school time next? Is it gonna be bath time next? Especially those younger years, but it's just always so funny to me when we try to change things up. The kids are like, wait, what?
00:03:26
Speaker
What? What? Unless you're saying, hey, let's blow off school and go to the amusement park, obviously. That's fun. I know. But we've always had pizza on Thursday night. Why aren't we having pizza on Thursday night? I know. I know. You're like, oh, settle down. You're going to be OK. We're just going to have something else. Nobody's going to die. Promise. OK. So first of all, we want to talk a little bit about the difference between routine, rhythm, and basically chaos.
00:03:54
Speaker
So that's what we're going to define first here because we're going to use these words in this episode. So like a routine is like a daily thing or a weekly thing that happens. It's kind of connected to time or processes. And then a rhythm is more like a seasonal thing.
00:04:11
Speaker
Like for example, you kind of get into, one way we use it is we kind of get into a homeschooling rhythm or during the school year, it kind of has a rhythm. We get up, we go to school and then we, you know, come home and we do this other thing. That's kind of like a rhythm or seasonally. In the summer, our summers are at a slower rhythm or they're more relaxed. So.
00:04:29
Speaker
Rhythm is kind of like the atmosphere of things and the routines are like the daily hook to a schedule things that we put in place and both of these we use to keep our households calm and our kids calm and things that like running more smoothly without a lot of chaos and interruption because we found when we don't have any routine or when we're switching from like
00:04:52
Speaker
homeschool rhythm to summer rhythm or summer rhythm to homeschool rhythm, there's a lot of chaos and that like kids, you know, that interruption, it kind of throws them off. But when there's no routine or no rhythm, then there's definitely a lot of chaos because it's confusing to kids.
00:05:10
Speaker
Yeah, you know, as you're explaining the difference between this, I'm thinking a lot about like the orbits of planets.
The Balance Between Structure and Spontaneity
00:05:15
Speaker
Stick with me to see if this makes any sense. But, you know, there's a daily orbit and there's a monthly orbit and there's a yearly orbit, you know, the way the earth and the sun and everything rotates around.
00:05:25
Speaker
And that's kind of how we have to manage our home. Sometimes we'll get stuck in like this daily routine or rhythm of this is what has to happen over and over and over. And we neglect kind of the larger big picture type of things. And then the things, in order to execute a specific kind of life, it's not just the daily habits. You have to have that big picture thinking that's going to help us decide what daily habits we want, right? You have to have all these different levels.
00:05:49
Speaker
So I thought that was an interesting analogy, just kind of, okay, what is going to be this yearly schedule or this daily schedule? But what is going to be maybe our monthly routine or maybe our yearly rhythm of all these different aspects of our life?
00:06:02
Speaker
Yeah, that's right. I like that way of explaining it like a big picture thing because we can get really stuck in the routine and okay, we get up and we do this and then at 9 o'clock we do this and at 11 o'clock on Thursdays this happens and we can lose picture, kind of like a bigger picture like of the rhythm.
00:06:21
Speaker
But this, like what we're going to talk through today is kind of how we implement those bigger ideals that we want our family to abide by. So like we've talked about like our family's vision and that kind of stuff. Well, if you want to implement a bigger vision, you can't get stuck in the daily routine. You've got to keep in mind, you know, the the bigger picture. And so that's like what a rhythm is. Like, yes, we do this, but we have
00:06:48
Speaker
in mind this bigger rhythm that we want to kind of be marching to. Yes. And I would say that I think this is kind of lacking a lot in our modern life these days. Everybody thinks, well, we got to do this extracurricular like so-and-so is doing. We have to do this thing like the Joneses are doing. We have to just scramble, scramble, hustle, hustle. Never actually stopping to think, why are we doing this? Is this in keeping with our family's values? Is this in keeping with our long-term vision? So that's such a great reminder. And like I mentioned,
00:07:17
Speaker
In all of this, we still have to remember to be spontaneous. It's kind of like having dessert, right? When you have dessert, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, you feel sick to your stomach and it's not enjoyable anymore. But when you have dessert once a week, it's this wonderful treat. That's what spontaneity is, is when you have this structure, it brings a little bit of a treat to your normal
00:07:39
Speaker
your normal routine and that balance, you know, you get a little bit too much spontaneous, you know, like during the summertime, everybody's cranky and whiny and nobody knows what to expect, but too much structure, everybody's also cranky and whiny and bored with everything that's going on. So I love looking at spontaneity like the dessert of our life and it just helps everyone appreciate the routines more because you get to throw them all out sometimes.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yes. I love it too. Finding the balance between the routine and the spontaneity, like just throwing everything off and everybody walked under the river and you know, soak their feet in the river for a couple hours and then come back and everybody's like refreshed and ready to go again. Okay. So we talk, we're going to talk about daily routines, kind of weekly routines and things that have kind of like a bigger space of time than like a day or a week.
00:08:27
Speaker
And then we're going to talk about seasonal rhythms. And so we're going to include all these today.
Benefits of Routines for Families
00:08:32
Speaker
And maybe you can be thinking about what works for your family and what would be a good way to implement some of these things in your house. If you're looking to just calm some of the chaos, this would be a good place to start.
00:08:45
Speaker
Yes, and a side note here is our ancestors were much better at this than we are because now we have this manufactured life where everything is always the same. Thanks to heating and cooling, we're never uncomfortable. We never even feel the seasons, right? Many of us live in places where there aren't a lot of seasons. Thanks to the grocery store, we don't really follow a harvest calendar.
00:09:07
Speaker
Um, there's just so much manufactured in our life that we don't necessarily follow the seasons of the earth, which are a really natural way of getting into some sort of rhythm. Like usually summertime was when, um, you know, whatever you, you did the harvest and you, the kids were out of school or whatever. And then fall time was.
00:09:24
Speaker
the canning and the preserving and then, you know, et cetera, et cetera, the spring cleaning and everything. And too many of us have just kind of created this like sterile life where we don't have those rhythms anymore. So I think it's really powerful to create those. But first off, talking about those daily routines, this is where we create the really useful habits. Have you ever noticed that during summertime, especially if you have kids in school and they're out, you stop exercising, you stop reading scripture, you stop all your good habits,
00:09:51
Speaker
because you don't have those daily routines or it's just kind of all thrown off because of vacations and everything. So if you want to create daily habits for yourself or your children, these daily routines are the perfect place to do it. And you just work them in. You can think all day long, well, I don't have time to exercise, but you get to create that routine and just say, hey, kids, this is exercise time because I need it and you need it or whatever. You're going to sit here and do something while I go on a walk. Creating that for your own sanity is so useful.
00:10:20
Speaker
Yes. Okay. So let's talk about the benefits of routines. We're going to talk about them for kids and for us. So the benefits of routine for kids is it makes them feel safe. They know what to expect. They love routines. It's like,
00:10:34
Speaker
Safety, like shelter protection for them, is what a routine is for a kid. It makes them feel like they belong. They are familiar with the routine, and they know what to expect. And they're part of this group that has this same shared experience that always does this certain thing on Friday. And my kids love to talk about, oh, I bet since we live in the country, they're like, oh, I bet city kids don't get to do this or don't get to do that.
00:11:01
Speaker
Well, it's fine, but that's them illustrating their shared experience, their feeling of belonging. It is a way to build and strengthen relationships, routines. Like in the morning, we get up and we have a Bible study together. That is building our relationship. Or dad always puts the kids to bed at night. Well, that is his building and strengthening his relationship.
00:11:22
Speaker
Um, skills and responsibilities are built by kids when they have routines. So like learning how to, we've done a couple episodes on chores, you know, learning how these, these chore skills and the responsibility, like, um, one thing that we have a lot at our house is animal chores. Well, that's part of the routine. Every morning we get up.
00:11:39
Speaker
and we go take care of the animals, that's a responsibility thing that comes. I know I've mentioned many times that when we had COVID the first time and we were really sick, my teenage son was like flat out on the couch and he would still roll himself off the couch, go out and milk the cow and come back in and then flat on the couch the rest of the day. Why? Not because I told him to. I would have went and milked the cow for him. It was because it was his responsibility and he was doing that that had been worked in. That was a habit for him.
00:12:07
Speaker
And then health, like you can work into, and you should work into, your kids brushing their teeth every morning. That's a great health one. Or taking their vitamins or, you know, doing whatever health things. And then wellbeing, like safety stuff. All of these things are benefits that kids can gain through routines.
00:12:27
Speaker
Yes, and just think of the life skills that they are learning when they understand how a routine works and how to develop those habits in themselves. Now, I mean, even if your son doesn't have a cow when he moves out, he's going to expect some sort of obligation from himself, putting dinner or breakfast dishes in the dishwasher or going for a walk or feeding the dog or whatever it is in his life. He's already used to that and I love that and I think too often
00:12:52
Speaker
modern day parents try to remove all these obligations from their kids. So I just want them to be kids. But they're missing out on like so many things like you say, this sense of belonging, this sense of being a part of something bigger than them. When my kids pitch in, they know dinner dishes don't get done without you. We need you. You're not
00:13:11
Speaker
expendable, right? We need you as a part of this family and part of this organization. I think that's really useful for a kid's sense of sense of self. And then, of course, we know the importance of routines for parents. It lowers our stress. We don't have to constantly be reinventing the wheel. We don't have to guess what we're doing next, but we know it builds our own confidence in running a household because I don't know about you guys, but I didn't take any household running classes when I was a kid. I mean, way back in the day, people took HOMEC, but I think that was even before my time. I don't remember any HOMEC classes.
00:13:40
Speaker
It can build just a sense of pride in our home and how we run things and knowing exactly how things are supposed to work. It allows us to have more free time. Audrey and I are constantly being asked, how do you manage to this or that or this or that with all those kids?
00:13:55
Speaker
because we create a system and a routine that allows us to do the things that we enjoy. Otherwise, we would be bombarded by kids' requests all day long and be filling up water cups when we'd rather be sewing or doing something fun. So we work our free time in there. And then there's less disputes and arguments with our family members because they know what to expect. We know what to expect. My kids know you can cry about it, but this is when mom exercises, so I'm not going to be available. Bye. And so helpful for mom.
00:14:22
Speaker
Yes. Those are such good benefits that I love. I know Bonnie and I are like type A list, you know, routine makers and list checkers and all, but it's because they help us be able to manage our homes so well. And we've experienced chaos and we don't like it very much. So we keep those routines in place. Okay. So let's talk about creating routines.
Creating Effective Routines
00:14:44
Speaker
Okay. One thing that helps me when I'm creating a routine to help kind of pull my thoughts out of the, oh, I'm going to create this routine and everybody's going to fight me and they're going to hate it. And I kind of don't want to do it too, but it needs time. Okay. Like the negative spaces that you get into. Think about it from a management perspective. Okay. If this was a business.
00:15:03
Speaker
How would you plan it? What would need to be done? Our friend Ashley Bufa created SOPs, Standard Operating Procedures for Moms for Homes. So think about it in that way. What needs to be done? We've talked about it in our recent episode on chores. You know, how to clean a toilet. That's like a standard procedure that you go through.
00:15:24
Speaker
And it's a routine. And then think about how about if you were creating the routine for somebody else to execute. So a friend came to you and they said, hey, I've got this home or this schedule or this system or these set of inputs that I'm working with, and I don't know how to make it all work.
00:15:42
Speaker
Can you help me set up a routine? That'd be really fun. Like really. So think about how you would set it up for somebody else. So kind of these thoughts help me remove myself, like one step from it being my job and my responsibility. And then I have to enforce it and I have to implement it and all these things. And it just helps me think about it from a healthier perspective of kind of a bigger picture of what needs to be done.
00:16:08
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. What our job is, remember we've talked about this before, is our job as moms is unique. We are literally training ourselves to be useless. Is that how to say it? We're training our kids to not need us, right? Working ourselves out of a job. We're working ourselves out of a job. That's how they say it. So we are going to teach them how to do these routines eventually on their own. That's the whole point. And so teaching them how to do something without mom is so, so useful.
00:16:38
Speaker
without mom's constant supervision. Because again, for those of you who are type A, you're like, this is how you clean a toilet. Now I'm going to sit here and watch you and
00:16:47
Speaker
find the nook and cranny that you forgot. And no, it doesn't mean we don't follow up on chores and tasks and how they're fulfilling their obligations, but we have to let go at some point in order for them to learn. And this is what routines can help us do is, this is your job, or this is your assignment, or this is what you should be doing right now. Go and do. Come back and report to me. Let me know how it went. I'll check if necessary, right? We want to give them the opportunity, the independence to do, live their life on their own, right?
00:17:15
Speaker
Hey friends, are you struggling in your parenting journey? Did you know that you could schedule a free coaching call with me, Bonnie? Life coaching is how we manage our thoughts, our emotions, our actions, and it can actually help every aspect of our life, including parenting, other relationships, goals, and so much more. So what I can teach you is how to relinquish control of the things that you can't change in your life, so important, and how to be more intentional and approach the things that you can change.
00:17:42
Speaker
Life coaching has helped me learn how to manage my brain and gain the self-confidence I needed to be a better wife and mother. I became empowered when I started listening to life coaching podcasts and it really changed me from a person who was pretty negative into a positive focused person.
00:18:01
Speaker
Yes, exactly. It has changed so much for me too, which is why I decided to become a certified life coach and is one of my favorite ways to help other moms gain more peace and joy in their life, something that all of us want. And I also want to show you how it works with a free session. So check the show notes for a link to my calendar. We'll see you then.
00:18:19
Speaker
So a good routine has three main characteristics. It has to be well planned. So you can just start with a rough idea in your head, but we do recommend planning well ahead of time so that you know exactly where everything goes. It needs to be consistent, obviously. Spontaneity is great until it is happening more often than the routine and then it's not spontaneity, it's just chaos, right? It needs to be consistent. So maybe you have a routine Monday through Fridays, Saturdays you do something fun or
00:18:47
Speaker
Monday through Thursdays, and Friday is something funner. Most of the time it needs to be the routine that you've set in place. And predictable, of course, the kids have to know what is coming. If it's too complicated, the kids will mutiny. Say, we don't want to do this, it's too complicated. Also, if it's too rigid. So again, for those of you who are like, yes, a routine, and you think in your head a routine is a minute by minute schedule,
00:19:09
Speaker
not so much. Maybe more of a block schedule or more of an idea of we want to do this first and then this next. Anything that is too rigid will have everybody pulling their hair out in no time. Yeah, that's right. And the last thing to think about when you're creating or planning a routine is keep in mind those rhythms and those big picture things that you want your family to be and to look
00:19:33
Speaker
to look like. So, um, for, for example, in one of our routines, one thing that we like to do is present a nice, I'm not going to say facade, but kind of to the neighbors, but everything's not chaos. So like at the end of the day or the end of animal chores, everybody walks around and they pick up five things that are laying around in the yard. Or if something's broken, we throw it away or we fix it. Like that's just kind of a value that our family wants to have and to show to the world. So we,
00:20:02
Speaker
Work that in to our routine. Okay, if you don't know where to start on a routine or you have a hole to fill or you have some system that's not working, there are tons of online resources. You do not have to start from scratch. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. There's something out there that somebody started. There's apps.
00:20:21
Speaker
There's courses, there's programs, there's whatever. You find it, you know, printables. You can take something that's out there and then tweak it to make it work for your home and family. Don't get overwhelmed by the creating planning stage. You can do it and somebody's already done it for you or most of the way for you. Oh, yes. I'm glad you mentioned that. There are countless mom bloggers out there. Just Google home and family systems and be prepared to be overwhelmed. Then just pick one. Yes. Don't look through them all. And they're all really good. You just have to tweak it a little bit to work for your family.
00:20:50
Speaker
Yes, exactly. If you have a specific need like your homeschooling family or you're a family with teens and toddlers, maybe type that in as well. See if you can find something that's already kind of catered to your phase of life.
00:21:01
Speaker
Okay, so here are some of our routines that we suggest adding in.
Examples of Routines in Daily Life
00:21:07
Speaker
Daily routines, right? So that might look like a morning routine. So for us, it looks like, you know, self care, brushing teeth, breakfast, getting dressed, a bedtime routine, all that in reverse, right? You eat and then brush teeth and then PJs, mealtime routine. So that could look like who sets the table, who, you know, who's getting dinner together, at what time do you eat, that sort of thing.
00:21:26
Speaker
Laundry routines, who's in charge, where does it go when it's done, who puts it away. Again, cleaning, we were always mentioning chores, other animal care, yard care, etc.
00:21:38
Speaker
Yes. It's funny how you have to teach kids that the bedtime routine goes backward from the morning routine. They're like, now can I have a bedtime snack? No, you burst your teeth. It's the same thing, but I'm hungry, but reversed. Okay. So some weekly routines that you can start thinking about and adding, like cleaning that happens on a weekly basis. Obviously you don't need to wash your windows every day. Well, okay. Some windows may need washed every day if you're particular about it.
00:22:05
Speaker
Wait, wait, wait. I have to interrupt and tell you guys a really funny story right now. We went to an Airbnb this last weekend, and it was pristine. It was a gorgeous place, like one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to. And there was a tall floor-to-ceiling window, and my baby walked over it and leaned forward with her finger out. And then when it hit glass, went, ah, startled. I think she'd never seen a window that clean before in her life. She thought she could go outside.
00:22:32
Speaker
I'm watching this unfold and I'm going, I know exactly what you're thinking. Is there a barrier there? Because I don't see any streaks. We've never in our life had a mirror window that clean for more than about 30 seconds. I know. Your baby's like a bird that would fly into the window.
00:22:50
Speaker
It's too clean. I'm falling right into it. Okay, continue. That is so sweet. Yeah, but anyway, there's some cleaning, you know, dusting the baseboards or whatever your thing is that you don't need to do every day, but you've got to remember to work it in on a weekly basis. Shopping, you know, grocery shopping, this isn't Europe, sorry, refrigerators are big enough to hold a week's worth of groceries, errands, events, you know, kid classes.
00:23:14
Speaker
Okay, extracurricular activities for kids, your religious things that happen on a weekly basis. We have an episode about how to create routines for arriving on time, which is a sticking point for a big family. Maybe there's animal chores or yard chores or any outside things that need done on a weekly basis. You don't have to clean the litter box or the chicken pan every day, but that does need done on a semi-weekly basis or something like that.
00:23:44
Speaker
Yes, so we have our daily routines, our weekly routines. Now we're just going to talk for a little bit about these rhythms that we keep mentioning.
Managing School and Seasonal Rhythms
00:23:50
Speaker
So a few that are easy to identify are a school rhythm, right? So right now we're kind of back into the school swing of things. People are, you know, have their schedules to get their kids to school or to do their schooling at home. When is lunchtime? When their school?
00:24:06
Speaker
One is the extracurricular stuff. And then of course, conversely, the summer rhythm. There is this rhythm that's maybe a little bit less pressured, a little bit more relaxing and enjoyable. Maybe there's some vacations worked in there. And there's a feeling to it, right? That back-to-school time is kind of full of anticipation and some excitement and freshly sharpened pencils. And then the summer routine comes, or rather that rhythm comes, and you feel a little bit of a relaxation and kind of like, aha, we got another year under our belt.
00:24:36
Speaker
So kind of pay attention to that to some of those rhythms and what they feel like for you Another one that we identified was a spiritual rhythm So if we want to identify and adopt specific daily habits in our routine We need to make sure we have a rhythm for those outside of that like we're talking about the big picture, right? So what is your spiritual rhythm look like? Does it look the same every week? Is there a different thing that you do or think or feel monthly? What about quarterly are there?
00:25:01
Speaker
you know, specific meetings for your religion or just specific goals and things that you're trying to achieve on a spiritual basis that you can adopt for your family and then can implement those daily habits to match it.
00:25:17
Speaker
Yeah, this can even include like things that work into the daily routine, but like are a bigger picture thing.
Tackling Clothing Management in Large Families
00:25:24
Speaker
Like when somebody's praying, you have quiet time. Like it's respect for prayer, like that kind of thing. That's kind of a rhythm or an atmosphere that we bring to our house. Okay, so more rhythms is clothing management. That's a big one for large families. Like, I know, I know. It's so hard. Have we done an episode on this? If we do, I don't think we have. I think we need one. I think I need it.
00:25:47
Speaker
Yeah, me too. Yes, so like clothing management, like so that your kids always have the right size clothes that fit. Okay, so telling on myself before I was a mom, I always said I would never have when I had boys, I would never be the kind of mom whose boys wore pants that were too short for them. And then you tall person more married a taller person.
00:26:12
Speaker
and had five boys who grow. I know my boys are always in pants that's too short and it's kind of because I don't have a good clothing management system but also they wake up in the morning and clothes that fit yesterday are too short. You're wearing shorts in the winter son, I don't care.
00:26:33
Speaker
I know it. I did recently start measuring my kids on a bi-monthly basis for sewing because I actually accidentally sewed them wrong things, wrong size things a couple of times. And that is so disheartening to me when I take all this effort to sew something and then it's too short or something. Hopefully you have a kid just under them that can wear it. That's usually what happens at our house. I know, always. But it won't happen forever, is it? I know. But I was always like, OK, every month, every two months, I'm going to re-measure my kids.
00:27:02
Speaker
I can now look back and see how much my boys are growing on a monthly basis. Oh my goodness. Okay. I bet. Yeah. Speaking of measuring kids for clothes that you're sewing, I cannot tell you how many times I snuck into a sleeping kid's room and either tried to measure them laying down or grabbed a shirt or pants of theirs that fit and went in and tried to replicate a pattern.
00:27:26
Speaker
I've done that. I'm always sewing when they're asleep, or at least in the early years, I wasn't so funny. I actually just did that the other day. Yeah, that's how good. Shoot, what's your waste? Don't wake up. I know. That's how good my system's working, right? Another system is for maintenance, right? You know, a common one is like auto maintenance, your oil changes, right? Like that's a rhythm. It comes up in the spring, we do this. And if you live somewhere where you have to add
00:27:55
Speaker
antifreeze to your windshield washer fluid or whatever it is like that's a that's a rhythm that's a seasonal thing seasonal cleaning you did mention season cleaning like in harvest and we do grow a lot of our food and go buy those season seasonal things and like the rhythm is in the fall we start school later than everyone else because we don't start in August because we're in
00:28:16
Speaker
the throws of harvesting and preserving everything. And that's just a rhythm thing for us. That's something we do. One of our big picture things is we live a close to self-sustaining lifestyle. So we grow and preserve a lot of our own food because it's part of the ethos of what our family is and what we do. And that means it's a rhythm for us. So it does involve fall harvest and preserving. So those are some areas that we also add in rhythm.
00:28:43
Speaker
Yeah, I love it. And you might even have more. So jot them down, right? Ask yourself what is constantly kind of a thorn in your side that you're thinking, I need to think bigger picture on this. And clothing management is always one for us. I need to think bigger about this. Okay, so we're going to give you a few examples now of our daily routine so you can kind of see how it works for us.
The Typical School Day Routine
00:29:02
Speaker
So I'll just give you a school one because I'm kind of looking at our old one and seeing if it's still going to fit for us this year. It's we wake up. I usually run out to, well, either run down to my office to do some
00:29:13
Speaker
some devotion for myself or I run out to a class at the gym and then come back and read some scripture and then I get kids up and going. We have our morning getting ready breakfast and then we do a little bit of a family school time where we will also do a devotion for kids, learn something that mom wants them to learn, they kind of do some independent work, lunchtime, afternoon is play or finishing school while I do my work, evening, dinner time and then some family time and hanging out with dad.
00:29:41
Speaker
An example of our daily routine, like our school routine sounds much similar to that. And I'm going to be looking at ours soon, but we're in the middle of the harvesting right now. So, okay. And some ways that we incorporate or what weekly routines look like for us is Monday on a typical week, Sunday is our day of worship. And we start the week off on the right foot because that's part of our bigger rhythm thing with spiritual worship. And then Monday through Thursday, we do schoolwork.
00:30:06
Speaker
And Friday is kind of our more easy day where we finish up, we run errands, in the summer we have swimming lessons, we have a trip to the library. It's kind of a more fun day. My husband and I usually go on a date night on Friday night and the kids really look forward to that because they get to be babysat by their older siblings and they spoil them like crazy and let them do all sorts of things mom and dad wouldn't let them do.
00:30:29
Speaker
And then Saturday is a day where we work on things around the home and things that don't get done the rest of the week. Personally, on Saturdays, I pay extra attention to cleaning the upstairs because we mostly clean the downstairs during the week. So that's just kind of like an example of what a weekly routine looks like.
00:30:49
Speaker
Yes, I love that. One thing I've noticed in my weekly routine as well is there are some things that try to creep into every day like kids' extracurriculars or et cetera, that sort of thing, sometimes entertainment. And by allocating those to just one or two days a week, it really helps make my life a lot easier. We're only going to do dance or soccer or whatever, lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays. So find a team that does it those days because I can't be running year-round every day.
00:31:15
Speaker
You know, feel free to set up a standard for what you expect in your week. Yeah. And another thing I forgot to mention on weekly routines is exercise. I don't exercise on a daily basis, but I know that on, you know, Monday and Tuesday and Friday mornings, I go to the gym with my daughter. And so I have little extra things that I do and don't do that day because I know it's an exercise day. That kind of thing gets worked into a weekly routine.
00:31:42
Speaker
Yes, I love that. And exercise is something that is great for you every single day, but you might choose not to go do something really intense every single day. That can totally be a weekly routine. I love that. You know, routines in general have brought so much calm to our lives, and not just because we're those type A control freak type of parents.
The Peace Routines Bring to the Resistant
00:32:00
Speaker
In fact, I would even argue that those who resist routines might find a lot more
00:32:06
Speaker
calm and peace in them than they anticipate because they push against them so much, right? If you have a natural spontaneous personality, you might push against routines a little bit, but try them out. Again, they don't have to be minute to minute scheduled, but just kind of a rough idea of what's going to happen on a daily, weekly basis, on a quarterly or a seasonal basis can bring so much peace to your mind, especially when things start to feel overwhelming and you think you don't have enough time in a day to accomplish everything.
00:32:32
Speaker
But I love my routine and I definitely swing back and forth on a pendulum. Sometimes it's a lot more rigid than it probably should be and sometimes it's a little bit more relaxed. But that's one reason that homeschooling has been such a blessing for us because I really can schedule our routines based on how we're all feeling. We need a little bit of a break. We do that. We need to kind of hit things hard because we've been slacking off. We can do that, right? But it brings so much peace and calm to our life and I love them.
00:32:59
Speaker
Oh, I so totally agree. Routines have kind of been my salvation on days when I just don't know what to do or I don't feel like doing anything. Well, there's the routine and I'll just do the routine and get started with that. And it's kind of like you've referred to it like running our homes, our large families is like a freight train, right? Once you get it moving, it just kind of is self-perpetuating, self-propelling, whatever. It keeps going.
00:33:24
Speaker
It keeps on going by itself. And if you can just get up and do the first thing on the routine, you know, get up and pray is the first thing on my routine. Well, that helps me get going on the routine. Well, I've done that, so now I might as well get up and brush my teeth, right? You know, the next thing. And it helps kids too. And then one thing that I love to notice about routines is kids get so comfortable and they feel so safe in them that they start enforcing the routine themselves. And they'll be like, no, no, remember, after dinner, first we have to empty the dishwasher before we go out and play.
00:33:53
Speaker
and that kind of thing. So it's things that make kids feel safe and help us keep our homes running smoothly. It is honestly the correct answer to the question that everybody asks us, how do you get so much done with a large family with so much responsibility? It's because we have routines and systems and organizations, all this stuff in place.
00:34:14
Speaker
Yes. And two other things I've noticed is it helps us perpetuate those habits that are hard to get into because once they become the routine, you just get up and pray every day. You don't think about it anymore. You just get up and go to the gym on Tuesdays because you don't think about it anymore. It's been worked into your routine. You don't give your body the chance to opt out because that's just part of the routine.
The Necessity of Personal Time for Moms
00:34:34
Speaker
And then finally, like we mentioned before, the time for yourself as a mom, please, please, please work that into your routine.
00:34:40
Speaker
We recommend doing it every day, but even if that feels indulgent to you, at least once or twice a week. Schedule in mom's time to sit and read a book, mom's time to take a bath and ignore the children, mom's time to hang out with friends, whatever it is, that's what a routine can give you. It can give you permission to sit down and do something for yourself.
00:34:59
Speaker
And you know what's a really cool thing is to see your adult children start to work routines into their lives. And some of them are same as yours and you like, yes, I helped work that good habit into them. And some of them are different and you're like, oh, hey, that's really cool. Maybe we should be doing that too.
Conclusion: Smoothing Chaos with Routines
00:35:16
Speaker
Well, we hope something in this episode that we've shared with you today has helped you guys see ways that you can bring more calm
00:35:24
Speaker
into the chaos in your home if you're experiencing that. And we encourage you just to try something, try a little thing and see like identify. We talked about in one of our previous episodes, identifying a pain point and working using a routine to kind of smooth out that pain point. And that is still the way to go today. So we hope something has helped you today. That's it for this week. I'm Audrey. I'm Bonnie and we're outnumbered.
00:35:51
Speaker
Thanks for listening, friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode.
00:36:15
Speaker
Give me just a second. I've been doing so much computer work pattern drafting and I stare, like stare to scream so long and my brain just starts to trickle out. And you're using the math side. You don't have any words now. I literally cannot think of the word for one activity. What does a kid do? Extracurricular? Extracurricular? Yeah. Oh my gosh.
00:36:38
Speaker
You need a nap or a book and a cup of tea or something. So much. Because one of our big picture family things is that we live a close to self-sustainable. Is that even the word? Oh my goodness. I think so. Self-sustaining. Yes. Self-sustaining. Yeah. I think sustainable is something else. Well, we live.