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10 Ways to Protect Your Kids {Episode 258}
252 Plays11 months ago
We know there is evil out there and it wants to get our kids. In this episode Bonnie & Audrey share 10 practical ways you can protect your kids TODAY. Probably the most important episode we've ever recorded.
Mentioned in this episode:
Episode 12: Mothering with Intention
Episode 27: Mother's Intuition
Episode 209: Evil-Proofing our kids
Episode 228: Blessings of a Large Family
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos.
Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion.
Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience, these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
Join Us:
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Outnumbered the Podcast'
00:00:06
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
Protecting Children from Evil
00:00:31
Speaker
OK, everybody, we're back and we have an episode for you that we are really, really glad to be sharing with you today, considering the state of the world and everything that's going on. And so we do want to let you know that you might want to use earbuds for this episode. And today we're going to be talking about how to protect your kids from every and any form of evil that's out there.
00:00:56
Speaker
Yes, we have a couple of companion episodes for this one as well. We have one called Mother's Intuition, which is a great one. And we love talking about how important Mother's Intuition is. That's linked in the show notes as well as one called Evilproofing Your Kids. So go listen to those in companion to this one. But, you know, we just live in a day and age where there's so much
00:01:13
Speaker
achiness out there. And frankly, my whole life, I've always heard news stories that are shocking and appalling and horrifying. But as parents, it takes it to a whole other level, right? Knowing that you are responsible for these sweet, innocent little children and that there's so much bad stuff out there. So we're going to talk about how to make sure that we can do the best we can to protect them from that.
Reassurance and Support for Parents
00:01:34
Speaker
Okay. We know that there's evil out there. I know it. You know it. Everybody knows it. And we also
00:01:41
Speaker
probably are aware, should be aware that it wants to get our kids. And it's this evil is aiming at
00:01:49
Speaker
The younger, the better, for the purposes of defilement and indoctrination. And the younger it can get to our kids when their minds are still pure and fresh and don't have strong beliefs or disbeliefs or values, any of that, then this evil can jump in there and indoctrinate our kids. But one thing we want to share with you today is that you do not have to be afraid. We have so much that we can do to protect our kids.
00:02:17
Speaker
Okay, here is a caveat before we get started. If your child has already been abused or harmed in some way or even just groomed, this episode is in no way intended as condemnation. Please don't take it that way. We live in a really tricky world right now and some of the most amazing, incredible protective mothers I've ever met have had kids
00:02:37
Speaker
fall into a really bad situation. And so please don't let this give you any guilt if this has been your experience. This is only to serve as knowledge for the future to help us all moving forward to protect our kids as much as possible.
Believing and Supporting Children's Disclosures
00:02:50
Speaker
Okay, and one other caveat we want to add right here at the beginning is if your child comes to you with any hard to believe story of anything from an incident that made them feel funny to abuse, your job is to believe them. You're the person that they felt safe telling. And so please believe your child. If they come to you with any story that's fantastic or hard to believe or any about somebody that you don't believe could ever
00:03:19
Speaker
just time out and believe your kid that you need to come from a place of belief with your kids. So those two caveats to start us out with. Yes. Yes, exactly.
Community Responsibility and Legal Obligations
00:03:30
Speaker
Okay. So we are going to dive into 10 practical ways that we can protect our kids today. And I would also add not just our kids, right? You know, as a community, we're all responsible for the kids in the community. And sometimes we see things that makes us, you know,
00:03:44
Speaker
sets off some warning bells. And if that happens for a neighbor kid or a cousin or someone else, I hope that we'll all do what we can to get to the bottom of a situation, make sure that we can protect all the kids that we see and are part of our circle of influence. That is an excellent point because the state that I live in, and I know many other states are like this as well,
00:04:03
Speaker
We are a mandatory reporting state. So every person, not just doctors or teachers or ministers or whatever, but every single person is a mandatory reporter. So we can help kids, not just our own. Shouldn't we all be? Who is turning a blind eye to something that does not look right? Of course we should all be. That's just our responsibility as good people, I think.
Educating Parents on Potential Dangers
00:04:24
Speaker
All right, so step number one, educate yourself. You guys, this is the step I don't like the most because I don't want to know about the garbage that's going on in there. I purposely turn off the news. I purposely keep my mind clear from evil influences because I don't want to be bogged down by that. However, if we are ignorant, we cannot protect our children because we don't know what's out there. So I'm not talking diving into every salacious story that you come across on the internet. But if somebody says, hey, have you heard that this kind of thing is going on? You know, people have been known to,
00:04:54
Speaker
you know, grab a kid in a bathroom and traffic them. Have you heard, you know, open up your mind to the possibility of what is happening, especially in your area so that you can be safe. Again, not to keep yourself, you know, miserable and scared all the time. That's not the purpose. The purpose is just to be aware. Right. And we have some resources that we can recommend to you. There's a book called The Gift of Fear, and I think everybody needs to read this book. It's about trusting
00:05:19
Speaker
trusting yourself and your fear and your intuition, why you have fear, why it's given to you and how to use it in your advantage. Okay, so there is a sexual predator registry for every zip code. Go check it out and see who's in
Balancing Awareness and Anxiety
00:05:34
Speaker
your zip code, who's near you. Talk to other parents, talk to your neighbors, talk to friends, talk to people about it. And if you have to be the one to introduce this icky topic, just remember it's for the safety of your and other people's kids.
00:05:50
Speaker
Yeah, and I think there's a really big difference between being educated and informed and safe and being a worry wart who never sleeps at night because she just allows herself to sit and stew on all the things that could happen. We all know that that's no way to live, right? That was kind of how I was with my first kid. I just kept thinking of all the things that could happen. I remember pushing him in a stroller on a bridge just thinking, if I tripped, he could just
00:06:15
Speaker
go off the bridge like every worst case scenario is running through my mind. But with experience, I am able to tone that down a little bit, but I still want that important piece of that fear or concern to be there somewhere in the back of my mind so that I'm always cautious, so that I'm always doing everything I can to keep myself, or I'm sorry, my kids safe.
Parental Responsibility and Oversight
00:06:35
Speaker
And the fact of the matter is, I don't know any parent that would purposely put their child at risk.
00:06:40
Speaker
But again, that just comes back to the education, right? If we're not aware of what's risky to them in today's day and age, then we can't keep them safe, right?
00:06:48
Speaker
Okay, one tip here is to interview parents who had kids in the class your kid is going into or who is going to be coaching your kid. So anytime your kid moves into a new grade or a new organization or something, if at all possible, talk to the parents of the kids who went before. Just kind of get a feel for the person, get a feel for how trustworthy they are and whether or not you feel comfortable in that scenario. It can't hurt my help. Okay, here's the second thing we want to talk to you about.
00:07:18
Speaker
assume responsibility. You are responsible for protecting your kids. Don't turn them over to anybody and just trust that they'll be safe. Know where they are, who they're with, where they're at, what they're doing. It's part of being involved in your kid's life. We have an
00:07:37
Speaker
our kids call it an ankle bracelet or a tracking device on on their phones because we know where they are and that they're safe and they think it's you know to you know track them that we don't trust them and all that it's a joke it's obviously a joke in our family and they appreciate that we want to keep them safe because we are sitting in the place of responsibility with our own kids.
00:08:01
Speaker
Yes, that's a good one. And I think that line wouldn't have been necessary for me in my first 10 years of parenting. But after a while, you get kind of lax and like, eh, whatever, just go hang out with a friend. But just, yeah, obviously, it depends on your comfort level. You can decide what's appropriate. You can go to, I don't know, you can go to these two friends' houses if you go anywhere else you tell me, or curfews, whatever else. But obviously, the closer we can keep tabs on our kids, the quicker we will know if something has gone wrong.
00:08:29
Speaker
And frankly, my kids give me false alarm panic attacks all the time. Like, wait a minute. Why weren't you at that person's house? You said you were in a bit. Oh, of course they just forgot to tell me they went to a different friend's house. But the fact of the matter is we know that the buck stops with us. It has to be our responsibility.
Limiting Access to Children
00:08:44
Speaker
We can't shift the responsibility of keeping our kids safe to anyone else, even though sometimes we want to. Sometimes we're like, well, they're at school. They've got to be safe, right? Well, they're at church. They're fine. But the fact of the matter is abuse and harm happens in those places all the time.
00:08:58
Speaker
that fine line between being a helicopter parent and just being totally checked out that you don't care, right? We've got to figure that out. Okay. Yes, this is so true. Nobody loves your kids as much as you do. And also nobody is going to be answering for how they protected your kids on a judgment day. They're your kids. You are going to literally be standing before your creator and answering
00:09:23
Speaker
how you did on protecting your kids. And so it's the love and it's the obligation that should move us to protect our kid. It's our job.
00:09:32
Speaker
Yeah, so number three is where we get to talk about who has access to our kids. So grandparents, do they get dropped off at grandparents' houses? Are grandparents allowed to pick them up and take them places? What babysitters do you use and what's the vetting process for them? Do you have a trial period? Do you have to know them for a certain period of time? Background check, whatever. What about neighbors? How long do you have to know the neighbors? Are they allowed in the house? Are they allowed with one parent, with both parents?
00:09:56
Speaker
What about your friends or the kids' friends? What if you haven't met the parents? There's so many things to think about. And largely for us, it's a case by case basis, right? Depending on the situation, depending on how I feel about it, and depending on my experience with the people.
Developing Mother's Intuition
00:10:10
Speaker
Yeah. I think the key here is that what you said, how you feel about it. And we're going to jump into that in just a second. But for us, it's both a timeline period. Like if I've just met you once or twice, I'm sorry, but my kids aren't going to hang out with you or whatever. It has to like, we have to get to know you. And then it also is so dependent on how I feel about that person.
00:10:33
Speaker
And sometimes like I can't say why I feel a certain way and it's just like, sorry, mommy doesn't feel comfortable with you going there or whatever. And so the access is limited. But that is such a good question to ask. Who gets access to your kids and why? Yeah. And you brought up an important point and that is the reasoning behind.
00:10:57
Speaker
This is us giving you permission to not have a reason. It's okay. You don't have to have a reason. And it's so annoying when your kids are like, but why, but why, but why? We haven't allowed sleepovers for a million years and it's still, but why? Because I said no. We're pretty rational parents and we love to explain things to kids, but especially the younger ages, it's like, we just don't do that or we just don't allow that or I'm just not comfortable with that.
00:11:20
Speaker
Um, and with the older ages, you can explain a little bit more. Um, but in the end, it has to come down to your judgment call because again, like Audrey said, you are the one responsible. You are the one that will be held accountable for your kid's safety. So it's okay to not have a reason. That's, it's going to be super annoying to your kids, but you're allowed that.
00:11:37
Speaker
Okay, I think we should talk about our mother's intuition right now. This is like number four on the list. These really aren't in any order. It's just all things you can do to protect your kids. But I don't, I think if we go any farther without talking about mother's intuition, we're just gonna fall flat on our faces. Because your mother's intuition is your most powerful weapon. It is a gift you have been given when you birthed your first child. It is a gift that you got from God. It, mother's intuition, so powerful.
00:12:06
Speaker
Yes, and it's a beautiful thing. Like we said before, it's not perfect, right? But if you haven't yet listened to our episode on it, please go do that. We dive in deep about just how important it is. We just can't stress enough how important it is and how really quite magical it is, right?
Prayer and Spousal Involvement
00:12:21
Speaker
There's very often no reason that we should know that something is wrong and yet something is. And so really,
00:12:27
Speaker
Using that as, like you said, a tool, a weapon, a gift as much as possible and learning to hone it and really listen into it is going to be one of your greatest assets. Yeah. I want to share a couple of things from that episode because I think they are so important and I just want to bring them to your mind again, but definitely go listen to that whole episode. But there are ways, if you feel like you don't have very strong mother's intuition, there are ways to build it.
00:12:52
Speaker
So you can go and get on YouTube and start studying body language, the study of body language, like what it means when a person, you know, rubs their nose or touches their right ear. And, you know, that kind of thing so that you have something helping you besides just the way that you feel about something. So that's a great place to start.
00:13:12
Speaker
And then what if we don't regularly feel our mother's intuition, how to fix that? Well, I found that if I'm all strung out, if I'm not practicing self care, if I'm not emotionally healthy, if I'm not spiritually aware, then my intuition, my mother's intuition also suffers. It's like literally like this sixth sense thing. I mean, really go listen to the episode Bonnie and I shared some actual
00:13:33
Speaker
episodes that we had with Mother's Intuition and how cool it was. But for me, it means that I have to spend a lot of time just being quiet and in prayer and reading things that promote spiritual or mental health, avoiding toxic relationships. Because in a toxic relationship, you spend a lot of time rationalizing things that your brain is telling you about another person, like, well, no, right? And then I have to do a lot of showing love to others.
00:14:00
Speaker
And then the biggest way to build your mother's intuition is you have to listen to it and act on it if you want it to continue to talk to you. If you ignore it, it kind of goes away a little bit. You have to have the strength to do something different and not do what everybody else is doing. So like, go listen. Another really good episode is episode 12 on mothering with intention.
00:14:19
Speaker
Yes. So many good tips there. I will for sure echo that one about listening to it. And sometimes it feels crazy, you guys. We think, I don't know why I'm doing this. It doesn't make any sense. I don't have any reason for it. And that's how your intuition works. There is no reason, there's no backup. Very often if I find myself arguing with myself, like I have a thought to do something that I go, why would I want to do that? I realize, oh,
00:14:42
Speaker
I think God's trying to tell me something here because that thought didn't come from me. Here I am arguing with it. I think I need to listen. And this comes with experience and with practice, but it is such an amazing tool. Okay. One last thing I want to say about how to build your mother's intuition is attachment parenting. You have to spend time with your kids for your intuition to tell you things about your kids. That's just kind of like a no-brainer, but I think it does also need to be said.
00:15:08
Speaker
Well, that's a good reminder, actually. I was just at the zoo with my kids today, and nobody outside of our family would have known anything was wrong, but I could tell my eight-year-old something was just not right with her. And she was just having a good time walking along, acting like any other normal kid, but she's not normally like that. She's not normally very mellow. She's usually very energetic and very... Anyway, and just knowing that that wasn't her, and I could tell I think she was coming down with something. So, yeah, just to know what is normal for your kid, what is not normal, can be really helpful for sure.
00:15:39
Speaker
Okay, moving on to number five. There's a higher power that is on our side. And this goes hand in hand with mother's intuition because I don't believe that we come up with the intuition on our own. I believe it's given to us. But we can ask God to protect our children. In fact, we are required to, right? We can't do it all on our own. It's impossible. And this is one of my, probably the greatest tool for me in making sure that I'm a good parent is asking God for help.
00:16:00
Speaker
Yes, because he's so much more powerful than we are in protecting our kids. I do this definitely. I pray every day, at least once a day, for each of my children by name, like I say their name before God. And just think of them and spend time lifting them up before God, like turning them over to him. Like, help me to be a good steward over these children that you have given me. And that's just something that I believe in is going to help protect my kids.
00:16:28
Speaker
And that is not a small amount of time when you have this many children. It's a bit of a sacrifice. Yeah, and we also want to remind all of us that God is more powerful than any other force, any other evil, anything else we'll encounter on this world. And He loves our kids more than we do, right? He is the perfect parent. We are not. And so to have His power on our side, like,
Complementary Roles in Child Protection
00:16:50
Speaker
nothing can come against us. And it doesn't mean we'll never encounter evil, but it does mean that we will get through it and we will have his help, which is the best way to do it.
00:17:00
Speaker
Okay, the next thing we wanna tell you about protecting your kids, number six, is you and your spouse are a mother-father team. We have a spouse to help us. We're not doing this all by ourselves. Just as a mother is designed with intuition, a father is designed to protect. Men get that instinct when they have kids and when they have a wife. So how our team works, my husband and I, is usually I'll have an intuition about something.
00:17:30
Speaker
dummy me to kind of fight it for a little while and then i'll bring it up to my husband and he'll be like oh let's go research that or let's ask around or let's like then he'll talk to me about what he's feeling from a protective standpoint and so then we kind of work together and he'll go research or look up something or or we'll figure things out together as a team like it's not us by ourselves definitely our spouse is
00:17:52
Speaker
is there helping us protect our kids? And the protect part really comes in handy when we have husbands with testosterone. Yeah, that's such a great point. And for me personally, my spouse is my first sounding board, right? When something feels off, I'll sit down with him and just say, hey, have you noticed this? Is she acting a little bit strange? Has she said anything like this to you? What do you think is going on? We have had one or two scenarios where some
00:18:20
Speaker
sketchy stuff has gone down and we've sat down and talked about it first together to get on the same page and say, are you concerned about this? Does this look like something's wrong? What should we do about it? Yes, and call them old-fashioned, but there's a reason that we have traditional mother-father roles in the family. It's because the women are the best at nurturing and the men are the best at protecting, and we need to allow them to do that job and not take it all on ourself. That's really important.
00:18:47
Speaker
This is basically just your reminder that you are not alone in this big job, that you have a spouse and to let him do his job too.
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah, men are designed to protect, and they're very good at it. Up until just recently, it's been men who fight wars, like protecting our country, right? Protecting our homes, protecting our lands. And I think that I just want to take a little moment here to encourage us mothers, moms, wives, to thank our husbands for their protection and never discourage it. Never, when our husband comes to us, and they're being protective, and we think, oh, he's just being overprotective. She can wear this, or she can do that, or she can go there.
00:19:25
Speaker
Let's just pause and thank our husbands for being so protective because it could very well save one of your kids someday.
Selective Trust and Household Rules
00:19:35
Speaker
Yeah, that's a really good point, actually. My husband has some slightly different standards in what the kids are allowed to wear than I do. And it used to bug me. I used to just think, oh gosh, what does it matter? And then I thought, wait a minute. But if he has a concern about it, and he knows how to protect our family, and he also knows how men's minds work, I'm just going to let him go with this. I'm going to defer to him here. So obviously, every relationship is different. But for sure, what a great reminder.
00:20:04
Speaker
I know it's so funny. My husband will bring things up and I'll be like, what on earth? And he'll be like, no, this is how the male brain works. And this is what a male sees when they see that. And I'm like, oh, well, now I can't unsee it. And I'm like, oh, geez, I don't want to be in your head. OK, so moving on to number seven, trust no one except your spouse. I know that sounds harsh, but
00:20:31
Speaker
There is a difference between loving people and trusting them. So as Christians, sometimes we forget and we think that loving our neighbor means that we have to intrinsically trust them. And that's just not the case. And the world we live in today, trust has to be earned. It has to be earned. It can't just be given out willingly because there are so many wolves in sheep clothing.
00:20:50
Speaker
So many people that would have you think they are one person and they are the complete opposite. So this isn't you not being a good Christian. This is just a safe practice to make sure that someone is a safe person before you allow them with your children.
00:21:04
Speaker
I'm so glad you brought that up because it is so common for people to use our Christianity as a stick to beat us with, isn't it? Like, oh, you're not a good Christian because you're not doing this. Not that they're practicing Christianity or an expert in it, but they know that we have this conscience and that we're trying to do the right thing and a good thing. And so they'll use that to beat us with over the head. Like you're not a good person because you're not, and then they fill in their standard.
00:21:31
Speaker
And because we are trying to be good Christians, we're like, oh man, am I really like, are they right? So yeah, I 100% agree here. Love others, yes. Pray for others, yes. Be kind to others, yes. Trust them alone with my kids, no. Sorry, never.
00:21:51
Speaker
Yeah, and you bring up a good point that within a faith community, unfortunately, I think there are some people that specifically prey on those communities because they know that they tend to be trustworthy. They tend to maybe allow access to people sooner than they should or something like that. But I have way too many friends who have ended up in relationships with people they thought they could trust because they shared a faith tradition or they came across as this good Christian person. But you still have to go through the same.
00:22:20
Speaker
the same rules and tips that we're giving you here just because someone is a believer doesn't make them trustworthy. And along with believing your children when they come to you and say something, I would recommend you also believe other victims in the community because there are a lot of women whose voices are not getting heard because the mens are too loud. And I'm not saying it can't happen the other way around, but
00:22:41
Speaker
In my experience, it's the women that are silenced and called crazy, and the men continue to abuse and harm people because no one is listening to the victim. So pay attention, keep your eyes open, and protect yourself and your children this way. You're absolutely right. It's a really hard thing to say. It's a really hard thing to acknowledge. But again, going back to that first thing that we talked about, educating yourself and thinking about the hard things,
00:23:05
Speaker
if you have a bunch of people who are literally trying to be like sheep because they were encouraged to and be gentle and be kind, they're prey. Sheep are prey. And you're right, the wolves are going to come in and go after other wolves. No, they're going to go after the sheep. So you're right. They're
00:23:23
Speaker
I think it would be safe to say that the more sheep-like people are, the more they're like prey. And so if you think there's not wolves, if you think there's not, I'm using this analogy and I hope you're getting it, that if you're trying to be gentle and kind, there is going to be an evil force preying on that.
00:23:44
Speaker
Okay, so the next thing we want to talk about is established house rules.
Educating Children on Safety
00:23:48
Speaker
What are your rules? And you can use kind of like the rule as a bad guy, right? Like, oh, nope, sorry, we have this rule, we don't have sleepovers. Sorry, it's just our rule. And then the rule is the bad guy, not you, if you need a proxy bad guy. I wish we didn't have that rule, guys. Sorry, that's just the way it is at our house.
00:24:07
Speaker
Don't know who set that one. Sorry. So we don't have any sleepovers unless it's like our whole family staying at another family's house. That's like parents there. In fact, that's basically our house rule is that my kids go nowhere without a parent until they are able to protect and defend themselves and that level of protection and defense that we are actively training our kids in.
00:24:34
Speaker
It's to the point where I kind of actually feel sorry for anyone who would try to attack one of my kids. Good luck, buddy. Oh, you deserve it. And then our other house rules, nobody's alone with my kids, not in my house, not outside of my house. It's just not appropriate.
00:24:52
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I love that. Yeah, ours are similar. Friends don't come in the house without a parent there. Kids just, and you know, barring evil doing, kids are just mischievous when parents are not around. They just do stupid stuff. And so let's just protect everyone and make sure that a parent always has to be.
00:25:11
Speaker
The other thing that we're going to talk about in just a second, but just ensuring your kids are on your side with the rules, right? That they're defending them and that they are upholding them. We'll talk about educating our kids in a second. But when you get your kids on your side and it's not an us versus them thing, then they are your eyes and ears as well. And when something doesn't feel right to them, they can come back and tell you.
Addressing Sibling Abuse
00:25:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's absolutely right. That's the ninth thing we want to talk to you about, is educating your kids in an age-appropriate way, right? Sometimes it's hard to teach our kids about these hard and scary topics. It is hard. Not just sometimes. It is hard. But it's better they begin to know as it's age-appropriate than not know.
00:25:51
Speaker
Like, um, you know, our, our kids in our house, our kids aren't out in the world a lot because they're homeschooled and, you know, lots of things that keep them out in the world. So, so we were able to keep them maybe more innocent longer than possible, but not ignorant for sure.
00:26:10
Speaker
Yes, one of my favorite tools for teaching kids about people that would harm them is to use the term tricky people because we've had conversations where we'll say, well, there are people out there that would harm you, but in their mind, that's never going to be their uncle. That's never going to be their neighbor that they see all the time, right? That's not a bad guy. That's the neighbor. But even neighbors, even family members can be tricky people sometimes, and sometimes they want to do things that make you feel uncomfortable.
00:26:35
Speaker
and that's never okay. And you're always safe and always in the right to come talk to mom and dad when you feel like something is kind of tricky, especially when it comes to keeping secrets or anything that makes them feel uncomfortable at all. I love that. That phrase helps with a lot of those tricky situations.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yep, talk to your kids about the sanctity of their own body. Your body is special. Your body is precious. Nobody gets to touch it. Nobody gets to do anything to you without your permission. And then just start gently to teach them about the sanctity of their own body. Another thing I love to teach my kids is how to trust their own instincts. I was having a conversation with one of my kids the other day and they were talking about,
00:27:19
Speaker
Um, they said, mom, that guy, he kind of makes me like, he makes me feel funny and he does this and that. And like, I just kind of really don't like him. And I said, and that's okay. That's something in your brain talking to you and that's okay. Listen to that. You still have to be kind. You still have to interact in a polite manner, but, but listen, because your brain and your body is trying to tell you something. I love to teach my kids about protecting themselves, trusting their instincts.
00:27:46
Speaker
Yeah, and what a great lesson to teach them early on. What we're trying to teach you guys and learn ourselves is to trust their own instincts and if they could learn that early on, what a boon that will be to them. The other thing I want to say here is remind your children that if slash when something does happen to them that makes them uncomfortable, that it's never their fault.
00:28:03
Speaker
Because that is a huge one from what I understand with victims, especially of sexual abuse, is that there is guilt because they know something is going on that's not right. And because they're a part of it, they feel like they're somehow guilty. And obviously, the predator, the groomer tends to capitalize on this and tell them, don't tell anyone you're going to get in trouble kind of a thing. So make sure your kids know over and over and over that no matter what they tell you,
00:28:29
Speaker
they will not be in trouble for it, that this is important to protect the family. You need to be out there with your eyes and ears open and letting us know what happens, even if you're a part of it. Okay, number 10, last tip, sibling interactions. So sadly and heartbreakingly, there is abuse that happens from peers and from siblings. And this can be a very difficult and heartbreaking scenario to navigate and can make you really, really, really suspicious of your own kids, which is not our intent. Kids,
00:28:56
Speaker
come out of the womb innocent and precious and perfect, but the world messes us up really early on, especially if there's any early trauma or exposure to those tricky people. So it is something to be aware of, but hopefully we don't lose sleep over it. Hopefully we just pay attention, especially if there's been some exposure to something, and then we do the best we can to protect all our kids. It's really hard to say and to talk about this and to think about this, but it's true.
00:29:26
Speaker
And the opposite is true too. Kids, especially in a large family, they can become warriors, protectors of each other. They can be a force for good. We have episodes on sibling rivalry and the blessings of a large family where we talk about how amazing it is to have a large family and have this team that's working together and for each other. And it doesn't mean just because you have a large family or you have more than one kid that there's going to be something terrible that happens. It doesn't.
00:29:55
Speaker
but it happens sometimes in the world. And so it's one of those things you have to be aware of. Yes, for
Conclusion and Encouragement
00:30:03
Speaker
sure. And unfortunately, this whole episode is full of those things that we just don't want to think about, we don't want to talk about, but it's the world we live in and much rather be sitting here with our eyes wide open and protecting our kids than the other way, with just our heads in the sand, right?
00:30:18
Speaker
And along this line, we talk to our children regularly about how we treat each other. I mean, every single day we're talking about, we don't push, we don't hit, we don't this, we don't that. But you can make it a natural extension with, when we're talking about the sanctity of bodies, that includes siblings. So I'll just give you kind of a silly example. I love my little toddler buns and sometimes I go around and pinch them. And I thought, you know what? That is not a good habit to get into because I want my kids to know that their bodies are sacred. Nobody's allowed to come tap their buns like mom.
00:30:47
Speaker
Like mom does because they're cute. So just to make sure that they're aware that they can say, I don't like that. Don't do that to me. And that I will be respectful of that and that their siblings will as well. Yes, that is such a good point. If we teach them to respect themselves and each other, then only good can come out of that.
00:31:06
Speaker
So my final thoughts here guys, this is really hard episode to share. In fact, it's another one that Bonnie and I put off for a long time recording. But we finally decided it was more important for you to have
00:31:19
Speaker
the information and the things that we know about how to protect your kids than to go through the personal discomfort of us sharing this episode. We just want to thank you for listening and encourage you to do everything that you can to protect your kids and other kids. It is possible to
00:31:40
Speaker
raise children without them being abused or harmed in any way. And we want your kids and you to be able to work as hard as you can to protect your kids and every other child as well so that there can be less evil in the world and more good.
00:31:57
Speaker
Yes, it is possible. Thank you for that reminder, Audrey. I think that's so important because sometimes we just kind of feel apathetic like, gosh, so many horrible things are going to happen to my kids. How do I even stop it, right? The final thing I wanted to share is it's a good reminder that in a large family or if you have any gaps in your family, you know, more than a couple of years between kids,
00:32:13
Speaker
It can be very easy to forget to continue this education with your children. So we kind of have like two or three little mini families within our large families. And now my kind of second half of kids, I'm realizing we haven't had half as many of these discussions as we had with the older kids because it was fresh on my mind as a young mom. And now I'm thinking, well, everybody knows that already. I'm like, well, my two and four year old don't know that because they were not around 10 years ago and we had these conversations. So just to remember to keep them fresh. You might even want to schedule it.
00:32:39
Speaker
twice a year, you sit down and have a little family night and you do a fun game and you do some exciting things together. You jump on the trampoline and then you have also a serious discussion and you end with a treat. So it's something fun and memorable for them, but they are regularly reminded of what to do if they ever feel uncomfortable or someone tries to touch them or do things that make them raise their hackles, make them feel like something is not quite right. So there's the reminder to not forget about your younger ones.
00:33:04
Speaker
All right, everybody, that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for listening and letting us share this with you. We really wish for the best for you and for your children. That's it for this week. I'm Audrey. I'm Bonnie, and we're outnumbered.