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Teens and Technology with Brooke Romney {Episode 257}
319 Plays1 year ago
Are you worried about how to help your teens handle technology? Has your teen encountered something terrible online? In this episode, Bonnie and Audrey chat with Brooke Romney all about teens and technology. They discuss everything from the good to the horrible, and how to help your teen navigate it all. If you have teens, or you will have them, please listen to this episode!
Mentioned in this episode:
Modern Manners for Teens and all Brooke Romney's books
Protect Young Eyes on Instagram
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos.
Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion.
Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience, these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
Join us:
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Transcript
Introduction to Brooke Romney
00:00:00
Speaker
You're listening to episode 257 of Outnumber the Podcast with guest Brooke Romney. We are so excited to invite Brooke on the podcast today. She is an author and an influencer, and she talks all about teens, especially teens and technology. So we're going to dive into that today, how to best approach it with our teens, how to make them know that they are still good people, even if they encounter stuff that is not great online, and how to make sure that we have trust within our relationships with our teens. Heads up, this might be an earbud episode as we do talk about a couple of sensitive topics, but let's dive in with Brooke.
00:00:36
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
00:01:02
Speaker
Hello friends. Welcome back to our number the podcast. We're thrilled to have another guest episode. We've been having some amazing guests lately and we're super excited for another one. We are welcoming Brooke Romney to the show.
Motivation Behind Teen Parenting Focus
00:01:11
Speaker
She is a writer who talks about so many amazing intentional things, especially for moms of older kids. So we're going to dive into it. Welcome Brooke. Thank you so much for having me. I can't wait to get started.
00:01:21
Speaker
Okay, so let's start with an introduction. Tell us more about your work and why you do what you are doing. I started my work mostly focusing on teens and parenting teens because when I had my first child enter those teenage years, what I found was there was a plethora of information and community for parents of younger children. And then my oldest became 12, 13, 14,
00:01:47
Speaker
And there was no support. There was no support online. There was no support from friends because everyone was keeping everything private because it involved kids that could care and understood. And it mattered. And I felt really alone. And as I was going through things, I actually had my first three kids in three and a half years. So I had a 14-year-old. I had a 12-year-old. I had an 11-year-old. And I was just in this very intense phase.
00:02:12
Speaker
with no one to talk to and no one to really turn to just for even advice or even just like the good old, yeah, we're in that same stage. This is tough moment. And so I started sharing what I could while keeping the privacy of my boys intact, more sharing it from my point of view, asking questions online, sharing things we'd gone through, sharing mistakes I'd made, sharing a few wins here and there.
00:02:37
Speaker
And I found that parents were really hungry for a place to connect over teenagers. Okay. We love that because we talk about teenagers all the time and we love our teenagers and we don't get that a lot online. Everybody just has really mean things to say about teens and we think that they are phenomenal. So we're so glad that you're here and you're in good company. So tell us about your family. So you have those three kids. Any others?
00:03:00
Speaker
Just those three boys? Yeah, so then I have one more. And right now, my boys are now 21, 18, 17, and 12. So it's been a few years since I kind of had that moment. And I've been like really involved in the tween and teen parenting community ever since. So that's my family now. Okay, so fun. Is your fourth a boy too? Yes, all boys.
00:03:22
Speaker
Oh, awesome. She knows she gets it.
Managing Technology Use Among Teens
00:03:26
Speaker
Okay, so one of the things that we love talking about in regards to teens is technology, of course, because as you get into teen, the teen years that becomes, you know, such a fun, interesting learning curve. So let's talk about tech for just a second today. You've had conversations like this on Instagram before, right? Tell us where you are when it comes to technology and your teens.
00:03:49
Speaker
So I think the best advice that I can give people and that worked best for us, my oldest was a little bit in that wild west of technology. There were no, there was no screen time. There were no controls. There were no third party apps. If you gave your child a phone, you were giving them access to everything that came with the phone.
00:04:06
Speaker
I think a lot of parents in my stage learned a lot of hard lessons about what does and doesn't work and what is too soon. Because of those experiences with my oldest, I've adopted more of a delayed response to a slower response to technology. So not a never response, but a slower technology response. So introducing them first to
00:04:32
Speaker
a dumb phone is what we call in our house. So it's a smartphone that has no internet, no capabilities for social media, with a lot of parental insight, a lot of, okay, when you're texting, let me read over that text. Do you realize that what you just said could be construed as pretty unkind? Boy, you're getting 300 group text messages. Is this a time where you might want to mute that? Do you need to read all 300 of those? Things like that. So giving them a chance,
00:05:01
Speaker
to kind of have a partner in learning how to use technology. And then, you know, as you feel that time is right, they're mature enough, they're getting it, they're understanding that nothing online is private. You know, they've learned some of those lessons, maybe introducing social media in a small way, in a way that you can, you know, have a little oversight, whether that's opening up screen time when you're together, showing them how to use an app, showing them how to make an algorithm work for them instead of work against them,
00:05:31
Speaker
Helping them see what happens when, you know, that our eyeballs are attracted to things that are shocking. And that tells the algorithm you like shocking things. So I'm going to keep showing you shocking things. Helping them understand that technology and the internet does not care about them. They do not have their best interest in mind. So we have to really be on both the offense and the defense when it comes to our technology use.
Impact of Technology on Real-Life Interactions
00:05:54
Speaker
And then always keeping that open conversation about what is technology, the use of technology taking away from your life. Do you feel like, you know, you are on it so much that you're not connecting in real life? Are you on it so much that you're not able to get your homework done? Are you on it so much that you're not able to pursue interests you used to enjoy? Really being keenly aware of that as a parent, what technology, how it's being used by our teens,
00:06:21
Speaker
and then always letting them know that I'm on their side. I'm on their side in creating a successful whole life, and sometimes that means them coming to me and saying, you know, I thought I was ready for this app, or I thought I could handle having the whole world at my fingertips with the internet open, and I'm not ready yet, or I need a little oversight. Knowing that that doesn't mean I'm gonna say, oh, what were you doing? I can't believe this. This is so embarrassing. I'm taking your phone for the rest of your life, you know?
00:06:48
Speaker
It just means, okay, we're learning. You're calling yourself out. You need a little help. That's what the two years are for, and that's what parents are for. Okay. Those are such good points. So many, so many things there, and we want to dive in deeper to some of those. But first, I wanted to say that we have found
00:07:03
Speaker
that formula pretty successful for ourselves too. Of course, with my oldest being 25 as well, like phones kind of didn't come into their life at a young age, or at least them not needing them. But we have found that I'm pretty successful too. In fact, because we homeschool and my kids are never really away from me, they don't get a phone until they're driving, or their own personal phone until they're driving, which is their first time away from mom and dad. And they might need to
00:07:32
Speaker
you know, let us know where they are. And then we do things like, you know, put, um, not like they, they call it like tracking mom and dad are tracking us, but it's like, Hey, you get a flat tire. We want to know and be able to see right where you are and come help you. Or, you know, what if the worst happens and you get stolen or your phone gets stolen, let's see where it is, that kind of thing. Um, and then, so be below the age of driving, all our kids just share a common phone and it's called the kid's phone. And it's one of those dumb phones and mom and dad have access to it at all times. And we have,
00:08:02
Speaker
lots of rules regarding phones, but all screens. You have to tell us what you're gonna be doing on it and how long you're gonna do it and what is your plan for when you're done. And then when they do start having a phone, one thing that we do is we put that screen time app right as the background or the wallpaper on the main screen. And then we talk about it and we say, okay, so this week your average was say two hours a day on a screen. And I understand some of that was for school work time, but what,
00:08:31
Speaker
would you do over again if you had two hours every day? Because you were saying how you feel like you never have time for XYZ anymore. So let's talk about this. I love that. I love the idea of putting that screen time up on the home screen. I think we can all live in ignorant bliss.
00:08:47
Speaker
That would be so condemning to me. My kids would just be on my case mercilessly. I'm like, look, I'm paying bills. I'm calling doctors. I'm listening to scripture. You just leave me alone, all right? I think that's a really valid conversation for them to have because as you become an adult, so much of your life does. It's really great that you can be waiting
00:09:09
Speaker
for your kids at soccer practice and pay your bills and respond to a work email. That's a gift of a smartphone. But I love having that accountability right there on the home screen for them to say, what could I do with that time? And sometimes their answer might be, nothing. I was using that time really well. It was for school. I was communicating with friends. I was watching this cool educational thing on YouTube that I really enjoy. And I was spending 30 minutes
00:09:36
Speaker
just kind of zoning out which we all need and that's okay too. Those are great things for them to be using their phone for, but I love having it there so they can keep track too. Okay, so I want to ask you about one of those aspects that you talked about earlier. So what do you see as the biggest hurdle that parents have in dealing with regards to kids and technology? What are parents struggling with the most?
00:10:04
Speaker
I think it's a little bit twofold.
Balancing Safety and Inclusion
00:10:07
Speaker
I think the first the first thing is they don't want their kid to be left out and they don't want their kid to be the weird one and I think a lot of times we all go back to our middle school selves and kind of think
00:10:20
Speaker
But what if my kids didn't have to be strange and didn't have to be left out and didn't have to be the one that was different? I would have liked that. I would have liked that as a middle schooler. So I think parents struggle with that a little bit, kids being left out. And I've talked on that point a little bit about they might be left out. And I think that's true. If they don't have a phone and someone has to contact their mom to hang out,
00:10:47
Speaker
there's a chance that they won't be invited to hang out. But on the same vein, they're also going to be left out of a lot of garbage that they would be exposed to online. So you might be left out of a hangout, but you also might be left out of a porn site and you might be left out of a group chat, but you also might be left out of group bullying. And so really understanding that they might be left out and that is hard, but I think
00:11:16
Speaker
there's worse things than being left out. And I think a lot of those things exist on a cell phone given to a child who is not ready for what they are being given.
00:11:27
Speaker
That's such an excellent point. I think I saw an Instagram post where you shared that and it was just such a great reminder that basically to ask ourselves what is the purpose of the rules and the restrictions that we give our children? Is it to make sure that they're popular? No, of course not, right? Is it to make sure they have an easy life? Well, not necessarily, right? That there are so many different factors that weigh into the decisions we make for our kids.
00:11:52
Speaker
And then it should be a conversation with them, but ultimately we're the ones that know better. We're the ones that have the more mature brain and are able to see the long haul and realize the dangers that can come with too much unrestricted access to the internet. But before I get onto my next question, let me hear the second part of your answer. I want to hear that. So the second part is I think parents just don't know how to do it.
00:12:15
Speaker
they don't know how to explain it. And they don't really want to because some parents are, it's just easier. It's easier to have a family who doesn't need so much and you give families phones and no one needs hardly anything at all. And so I think that sometimes like in their heart, they want to be engaged. They want to find ways for their family to connect. But at the end of the day, if you've been working a lot of hours or if your kids are difficult or things like that, sometimes it just seems like the easier thing is to not have the arguments
00:12:45
Speaker
to not have the boundaries, you know, to not have to deal with all that and just say, here's the phone, keep yourself entertained. I'm going to go do my own thing. And so I don't think anybody starts with that, but I think for a lot of people in the moment and life is hard and there's a lot going on and sometimes it's just the easier option than kind of fighting the good fight.
00:13:08
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I can definitely relate to that, especially as you become a more experienced mom, the things that you would have never let your first two children do. Now, all of a sudden, your last couple, you're like, yeah, whatever. Give me a minute of quiet, right? But that kind of leads me to what I was going to ask next, which was, why do so many of us struggle? I'm in a lot of these parenting Facebook groups and parenting in a tech world or helping parents navigate the cell phone thing.
00:13:34
Speaker
And so many parents see posts that come up saying, oh, I found out that my kid was into this. I found out that they were exposed to this. I found bullying, et cetera. And there are still parents coming up saying, well, I just don't know if it's going to be a problem for my kid, right? So you mentioned this already. Like you think some of it is just that it's difficult or you don't know where to start or you don't want your kid to be left out. But are there any other reasons why a parent might
00:13:57
Speaker
really want to be more intentional and have that slower paced approach to technology, but they just struggle with it with enforcing that? Yeah, I think that there are, I think there are adults who buy into the idea that our teens have a lot of self control. And if I just give them freedom, then they can make good decisions. And, you know, this is a great way to parent and, and I believe in some of that, I think that we have to give
00:14:26
Speaker
some freedom to make mistakes and to do things different. But I also think that it can be something that is a road that you often don't want to go down. I will say that there are, I know there are teens that have done a great job at this. I know there are teens who have gotten cell phones early, who have worked on their self-discipline and who have been able to do it successfully. I will not argue with a parent that says their child was able to do that. I think there are outliers in this cell phone conversation that we're having.
00:14:57
Speaker
But I also think that most kids, I think about myself and I am 44 and I am well educated. I've had a lot of experience with cell phones and research and I know the good and the bad. And I know, you know, the optimal amount of time and almost every single day I still struggle to get off my cell phone. It's still hard for me as an adult with a fully developed brain, knowing all I know,
00:15:25
Speaker
There are days when I am embarrassed about how long I've been on Instagram not working but scrolling. There are days when I know I should be connecting with my family and my phone is out and I am just sort of numb to what is going on. If that is happening to me, the chances that your 15-year-old boy is more disciplined and his eyes are more open
00:15:51
Speaker
And I'm somebody who has trained my algorithm and I barely see anything that's garbage. I barely see things that are shocking anymore at all on my phone. To think that a 15-year-old boy has more self-discipline than I do and has a bigger desire to do right things and good things than I do is not very logical to me. So sometimes I think parents being hopeful, maybe you miss the idea that
00:16:20
Speaker
This isn't about not trusting your kids. This is about not trusting the internet. And we all understand what that means, even as adults, that we cannot just give ourselves to our technology or we will be completely taken under by it.
00:16:35
Speaker
Oh, that is such a good response. I've heard myself say that multiple times. It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust the internet. I don't trust Satan, actually. I say that a lot. Totally. And I think that that brings up a good point. And that is that when we have these conversations with our kids, it's so essential that we ensure they know it's us against them. Like it's us and our teens against the world, not me against my teen. And I think we have to be really cautious to not, you know, when we're doing checks, when we're doing screen time conversations, instead of like, well, let me see what you've been up to, we just say,
00:17:05
Speaker
What have you struggled with? Can I take a look? Can I see? Oh, I get that. I've struggled with that as well, or your dad has struggled with that as well. How can we give you tools to help in the future?
Discussing Tech Issues as a Team
00:17:15
Speaker
You see how insidious this is. It's so tempting, and that there's nothing wrong with you for falling prey to whatever, lascivious images or gossip or whatever it is, because the world is out to get you. Let's work on it together.
00:17:31
Speaker
I love that. That's something that I absolutely preach that the sooner that our kids realize we're on their side in helping them create a successful, a faithful, loving life, the more willing they might be to bring us onto their team and to not see our rules as things that will work against them, but things that are working for them. Yeah. I had just had that conversation with some of my younger kids the other day that I wasn't ready to explain to them the exact
00:18:01
Speaker
nature of the evil that's out there. So I just used the word evil. I said, look, there's evil in the world and it's trained to get in. One way that it's trained to get into our house is through this right here. This is a door for evil. I'm holding up my phone for those of you not watching on YouTube. This is a door and evil wants to come in through this door and we're not going to let it. That's why you're not allowed to have a device because you're not strong enough to hold out against evil yet. I think that's a great way. It's my job to protect you.
00:18:30
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's a great way to explain it and especially to younger kids who might not be ready for the full explanation or for you to outline every single thing that's going on online. I think it's a great way to make it simple. Yeah.
00:18:43
Speaker
And then they grew up a little bit and they get to a point where whatever it is for your house rules where they have their own personal device. So let's talk for a minute or two about how to ensure our kids come to us and they feel comfortable or safe talking to us about stuff that they find online. Not only bad stuff, but good stuff. How do we keep an open conversation with our kids about what comes in through that personal device?
00:19:12
Speaker
Well, let's talk about the good stuff first because that's always more fun. But I think being excited and being interested in what they bring to you. Having four boys has been interesting because
00:19:26
Speaker
Everything they like is not everything I like. And everything they think is funny or cool is not what I think is funny or cool. And I remember in the beginning really wanting to just kind of like drive that home like, that's not funny. That's not cool. Why do you like that? And I think if that is the way we're going to approach them when they show us things they're excited about, they're going to stop showing us things they're excited about. I think that really hurts the relationship. If you think about yourself,
00:19:53
Speaker
and you show something to a friend that you think is darling and they're like, oh, I don't really like that. Or you share a piece of music that you're like, oh, you've got to listen to this new artist. Oh, it's not really my style of music. That is no longer going to be the friend that you're going to share new things with. So really being cognizant of looking for ways to connect over the things they're sharing. Laughing even when you don't want to. Watching them play a video game that you think is just kind of silly, but you understand that
00:20:19
Speaker
They're excited about it. Enjoying a song that they like, even if it's not your music style. Praising them for discovering new music, or it looks like you conquered that level, or show me more funny memes that you found. Helping them understand that you're someone that's interested in what they're interested in, just for the sake of connection. If we're going to move into things that are not okay,
00:20:46
Speaker
One of the things that I just love the phrase, don't freak out. And sometimes it takes a lot. But if they come to you with something that they're struggling with or something they've seen, I love the account Protect Young Eyes. And one of the things that he likes to preach about is he says that reminding them that it's not their fault that they've seen something. This is not your fault. Like the internet should be safer for kids.
00:21:14
Speaker
We should have controls that keep things out. How can I work with you to make sure that you don't see these things again? And you did the right thing. You did the right thing by coming to me and showing me what you've seen. Let's work together to make sure that this doesn't happen again or very often or that you know what to do when it happens again because it most likely will. I think that's really important that they don't feel shamed because of what has come to them. For those who are seeking it out,
00:21:43
Speaker
and who might have a problem. I'm sitting on TikTok watching these girls with eating disorders because I don't know why, but I can't stop. I can't stop watching the fact that they're eating 400 calories a day and it is getting into my head. Or a girl who is struggling and watching girls who in porn or things like that, I think it's really important to be empathetic right away and say, I am so sorry that this is what you're going through.
00:22:13
Speaker
How can I help? What can we do together? When is it a problem? Talking about what the triggers are. I think most kids don't want to watch porn. I think most kids don't want to watch somebody throwing up their food. Those are not things that are actually gratifying to the soul or to the spirit. And so saying, what are your triggers? Well, it seems like I watch this when I'm in the bathroom.
00:22:38
Speaker
Awesome. Let's leave our phones out of the bathroom or I watch this late at night. Okay. So let's put our phones to bed at 10 and let's do it in my room. I watch it in my car because I know nobody's going to come. Ooh. Okay. That one's a little trickier.
00:22:55
Speaker
What prompts you to watch that? Are you having a bad day? Could you call me? If you're feeling like you're tempted to watch something you don't want to see, why don't you just call me? And I'm just going to talk to you. Let's fix that trigger. I think assuming that most of our kids don't want to be in a place that is so dark, as helpful as parents, and then working with them to get out of that place in whatever way we can.
00:23:19
Speaker
Yes, thank you for that. I hadn't really considered how important it was to, number one, validate the good stuff that they're finding online, right? Very often I am tempted to just be like, is that all you're doing all day? Just being on memes on your phone. Have you finished your schoolwork?
00:23:36
Speaker
But then when it comes to the negative stuff too, one thing that's come up with me a lot is to remind them that the world preys on these triggers that are actually very often God given, right? Like a sexual desire is God given and it is perverted in this way by the world and that is a game changer when they realize there's nothing wrong with me. I've just stumbled across something that is not appropriate for my age and development and
00:24:04
Speaker
I've had a reaction from it. So that has been really eye opening for me. And I love what you said too, is that this isn't right that you stumbled across it. I'm so sorry, right? To feel that compassion for them and say, I wish I could protect you better. I wish the internet had better restrictions. I just really, really love that because what it does is it puts them back into this neutral place of there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not broken. I am a good person, but there's a lot of evil we need to protect ourselves against. Right. And I love that you brought up. That's another thing that I didn't mention, but I absolutely
00:24:34
Speaker
love what you said about what you tell them when they've stumbled across something like that is that this is totally normal. If you're a boy and you see a naked girl, that's going to turn you on. Of course that is because it's a God given sexual desire, but it's just not appropriate right now and it's not in the right place and it's not at the right time and it's not with the right person. Talking to them about, there was a study, I think it was called something like the butterfly effect, but
00:25:03
Speaker
Butterflies are absolutely beautiful, right? And as soon as they started creating fake butterflies, the males no longer wanted to mate with the absolutely beautiful, gorgeous butterflies that were natural because they saw something bigger and brighter and unreal.
00:25:19
Speaker
And that's what they were now attracted to. And so just helping them understand, like, we want you to have these desires for real people at the right time. We want you to understand what's real in this world and not be attracted to, you know, what's fake and video edited and enhanced and, you know, loving who you are and who other people are for who they were created to be instead of something that's not real.
00:25:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So you talked about the not reacting, right? You talked about having these conversations, making sure they feel, they understand that there's nothing wrong with them. Is there anything else that we can do to maintain that safe space, like so that we're continually being that safe person they can open up to? Yeah. I think just helping them manage those difficult times, like I said, and then helping them feel connected. I think a lot of people feel vulnerable.
00:26:12
Speaker
when they don't have connection. And so doing what we can to help them feel connected to family, to us, to friends, to siblings, to aunts and uncles, having more people in their life that they can turn to and that they can feel good about, I think that sometimes can help them be less interested in going to those dark places where they're all alone.
00:26:37
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good advice right there. So we know that most of us in the audience listening is right now in the area of time where we've got a teen or younger, even children that we're trying to protect from the dangers that are on the internet. And then we know that there's going to be some point in time where it's not really our place anymore to monitor.
00:27:00
Speaker
their phones or help them navigate this kind of stuff. They reach the adult years. So what about that space in between? How do we strike a balance between it's our responsibility to protect them and watch for danger and really it's on us to help them navigate what they go through to adulthood where we set them free.
00:27:20
Speaker
Because I have one adult child that just got married and his wife told me that they show each other their screen time at the end of the week. And I just thought that was so sweet. These newlyweds are comparing screen time, but they're starting their relationship. They're married life helping each other navigate this thing that they know. Not that either one of them have a problem with it, but they're just so open. So that's the kind of
00:27:45
Speaker
I would like to get, you know, my little children too, that they have a healthy relationship with a device and technology. So what advice can you give to our listeners to get from where it's totally on us to it's totally on them? Wow. I'm just really impressed by your son and his wife. That's really, that's amazing to hear. And I think there's really good things happening with this next generation.
00:28:10
Speaker
of kids when it comes to openness and being aware and asking for help and accountability, I'm really encouraged by a lot of things that are happening. I know sometimes it's a lot of doom and gloom, but I think this openness is something that we can really celebrate.
00:28:29
Speaker
I really think so too. I see tons of good coming in this next generation. I'm really excited to see them. Yeah, I do. And I think a lot of it does come from some really hard experiences, which is something worth remembering as parents is that a lot of these hard experiences are what create more open, vulnerable, willing, and hardworking adults.
Creating a Learning Environment at Home
00:28:50
Speaker
When we talk about that space in between, I think that's a difficult question because I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer depending on your child, but I do feel like it's important as parents to have a little training ground in our home before we let them loose. Sometimes, maybe they feel like a little bit of a victory if you make it through graduation, your child never has a smartphone, and I can see some wisdom in that for different families, but I also think that
00:29:20
Speaker
while they're in your home, helping them understand more than an all or nothing mentality because they will need to have a cell phone pretty much to function in an adult world. So having constant open conversations about the way you're using it. So when you have a day where you're like, wow, I just really got sucked in to Instagram today, it looks like I might need to change my screen time. Like I hit ignore seven times today.
00:29:50
Speaker
I think I could be better tomorrow, letting them know times where you've seen something online and thought, wow, I really thought that I trained this algorithm and making sure they know how to train the algorithm, what that means, how you can actually have a feed that's very uplifting and encouraging and valuable if you do the work, but that you still need to put some restrictions on time. Sometimes too much is too much.
00:30:15
Speaker
having conversations in your home about what is fake and what is real when it comes to news and what they're seeing online. One of the things that is discouraging is the fact that young kids think that everything they see is real online, that that person actually threw a Frisbee, you know, 474 miles through 12 hoops and there was no editing, you know, helping them understand what is real and what is not so that they're better media consumers. I think having, you know,
00:30:44
Speaker
having them get on social media and having conversations. What did you see today? What did you not like that you saw today? What does it look like you need to change when it comes to your algorithm or what you're seeing on social media? I wrote some books for teens, Modern Manners for Teens, and one of the most important manners in there is that nothing online is private. And helping them understand from the time they have a digital footprint that
00:31:13
Speaker
whatever they put online can either elevate them or ruin them. And I think that's really important, especially as our kids become adults and their decisions are now adult decisions with adult consequences.
00:31:26
Speaker
Yes, that is so fascinating and such a great reminder that families are the place where we're supposed to be making mistakes, right? We're supposed to be trying things out and doing it wrong, which sometimes us moms were like, why? Why didn't we just do things right the first time? But that is how we develop our patience and our love for these imperfect humans as we are imperfect as well. But what a great reminder that the safest place they can make these mistakes is right here, right now.
00:31:50
Speaker
right? The best place is with a loving parent to put their arm around them and say, it's still okay. You're still okay. You're still a good person. We're here together. We're going to work on this together rather than in a college dorm room by themselves never having encountered this before. Now all of a sudden there's guilt and shame and they don't know how to deal with it. So a great reminder that sometimes we have to put our own comfort aside in order to allow our kids to go through these hard things. And that is something that
00:32:16
Speaker
I remind myself of all the time as a mom. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be hard because if it's not hard now, it's going to be hard later. I would much rather have them go through as much hard now with me as possible, even though it's hard. How many times can I say hard? Well, that's so interesting. I just remember an experience that a mom told me. She said she didn't want one of her children to have a boyfriend in high school.
00:32:41
Speaker
It was really hard for her. And then there was this breakup and it was very difficult. And she was like, oh, I just wish my daughter didn't have a boyfriend in high school. And then her second daughter came and she didn't have a boyfriend in high school. And she was away at college, far away. And she had her first boyfriend out, you know, not in the home. And she went through her first breakup, not in the home. And the mom said for the first time, she realized that it was kind of a gift to be able to walk that first daughter
00:33:10
Speaker
through a boyfriend, through a breakup, and through those hard times while she was in her home. And we don't have necessarily all the control over boyfriends and girlfriends and things like that. But it did remind me of what you said when it comes to making mistakes. And it's a learning lab. The home is a learning lab. We're trying to figure things out. What would we do with a breakup? What would we do if we made a mistake online? What would we do if someone screen shot and sent something? We sent to them in private to extra people
00:33:40
Speaker
You know, how can we find solutions and how can we be okay even when hard things happen? Okay, Brooke, thank you so much. We really, really value you taking the time to share this information with our audience today. I know that they're really going to want to learn more about you and about this topic because it's something I think all of us parents are struggling with. So can you tell our audience where they can find you? I would love to. I am really active on Instagram at Brooke Romney Rights.
00:34:09
Speaker
there is an incredible community of really supportive parents who are really encouraging each other to find solutions and feel less alone. And I think parents would really love joining with us there. Yes. And then tell us about your book. You said you just wrote a book called Modern Manners for Teens. Tell us just a little bit about that. So I actually have two volumes. It's called 52 Modern Manners for Teens. And I just came out with one for kids. And these are really simple manners that give your family
00:34:37
Speaker
conversation starters. So it actually sits up on a table. It's like a, like a flip book. So it has a manner so you can have common language. It tells you a little bit about why that matter is important and then how to live that manner on the back. And they've been really instrumental for families who want to have, you know, some value-based conversation. I think manner, like well-mannered kids, these are more like social and emotional manners, but I think kids who kind of understand that are,
00:35:06
Speaker
successful, kind, aware, and I think that's what we want for all of our kids. Yes, absolutely. Thanks so much. We're going to include a link to that and a link to Brooke's Instagram in the show notes. But Brooke, thank you so much for taking time to be with us today and sharing your insights. We just love our teens and are so excited for the good and the bad that they get to go through because it's all part of life. So thanks so much for joining us. Thank you so much, you guys.
00:35:31
Speaker
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