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How to Make Friends as an Adult {Episode 244}
345 Plays1 year ago
Are you trying to figure out how to make friends as an adult? In this episode, Bonnie and Audrey talk to their younger selves about how to make mom friends. They discuss making friends online, how meet new friends in your area, find mom groups, and their top 5 guidelines for making and keeping friendships.
Mentioned in this episode:
Episode 112: Making Mom Friends
This episode is brought to you by Project Run and Play. Visit their sewing site here. And get their sewing patterns (including free ones!) here.
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos.
Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion.
Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience, these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
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Transcript
Introduction & Hosts' Background
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to Outnumbered the Podcast. You are listening to episode 244, what I would tell a younger me about making friends. You guys, having friends as a mom is really tricky sometimes, but it is so crucial that we have someone who understands us and understands some of the chaos that we are living in. So today we are gonna give you five tips, things that we would have told our younger selves about making friends and keeping them and making sure that these positive people are in our lives to help us feel a little bit more sane as we wrangle all our beautiful children. So let's dive in.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
The Importance of Mom Friendships
00:00:59
Speaker
Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast. Today we are talking about making friends, but specifically what we would tell our younger selves about how to make friends as moms, because whether we admit it or not, we all need friends for sure. And yet as busy moms, it's extra tricky, right? We don't have lots of time to just sit around waiting for our friends to call us and then to go do fun things. We're busy.
00:01:22
Speaker
Yes, and I want to do a timeout here and say thank you to everybody who's listening to this podcast, who has contacted us, who has become our friends through the process of this. I did not know that there would be so many of you that would be such sweet friends.
00:01:37
Speaker
to us and so thank you guys for becoming our friends. That means a lot. Yeah for sure and honestly Audrey and my relationship as well like there's lots of negative that can be said for the internet and for social media but I've made so many wonderful friends and and mom mentors and great people to look up to so if you are in need of a friend there's always the internet right. I did want to share something funny though about about friends. A while ago I was talking to a friend about
00:02:05
Speaker
her baby or something and I was doing the baby talk thing to the baby, right? Like, oh, who's a big baby? Are you so cute? You know, whatever. And it just hit me like, what if that's how we introduce ourselves to people was how we introduce ourselves to babies. Like, hi, aren't you the cutest little thing? Bonnie, do you want to be friends? Oh, look at you. That's an adorable smile. Don't you have a little dimple? I love it. I love it.
Five Lessons for Making Friends
00:02:30
Speaker
I think that would be how not to make friends, Bonnie.
00:02:33
Speaker
Yeah, but it's just so funny. You just shift it to a baby and that's totally socially appropriate. Yeah. So here's your first tip on making friends. Don't talk to them like you would a toddler. Don't. I don't know if that's normally something someone might do, but if you're tempted, don't do it. How funny is that? We are idiots when we talk to kids, but it's so cute. They're so cute. We can't help it.
00:02:55
Speaker
I know, I know. So we did do an episode about the importance of making friends back in episode 112. And that is a great companion episode to this one. I went back and looked at this one before we started recording and we shared so many nice things. So go listen to that one too.
00:03:14
Speaker
Yes, we just love talking about things from this perspective. We have this whole series of what I would tell a younger me because we really do think that as we age, we get more wisdom, right? I'm sure all of you listening think that's true too, whether you're 25 or 55, you look back at your younger self and you just think, oh, you sweet thing, you didn't know anything, right?
00:03:34
Speaker
Not only help others to hear this but also help us foster more compassion for our current selves because there will come a time when I will look back at me today and think oh that young thing she didn't know anything and so I just this is kind of a fun activity for anyone listening to is if you're struggling and
00:03:49
Speaker
with compassion for yourself these days and you're constantly berating yourself for your mistakes, try looking back at yourself from your future self. This is a fun activity just to realize you're doing the best you can today. We also did the best we could to make friends back in our 20s and 30s and today we're going to talk a little bit about what we would tell those younger selves.
Reviving Old Friendships
00:04:08
Speaker
Yes, I remember feeling so much awkwardness about making friends and then beating myself up for feeling awkward and like, who would want to be friends with an awkward person? Just try to be natural about it.
00:04:18
Speaker
Yeah, and the more you try to be natural, the more awkward you are. I know, I know. So today we have five main lessons that we wish we could share with our younger selves about friends, making friends as a busy, harried mom.
00:04:33
Speaker
Yes, so the number one lesson is before worrying about making new friends, are there maybe any old friendships that you could rekindle? So we very often just kind of move quickly through life and transition to new stages and forget the people we left behind. When I start thinking, sometimes it's fun to think about who would come to your funeral. I'm not trying to be morbid, but you know, you just wonder like who would care enough.
00:04:55
Speaker
You should be thinking about all the relationships you've had and all the different phases of life. And it's a wonderful thing to think about. So many wonderful people that have come and touched our lives. So sometimes when we get stressed out about making new friends, it can be a relief to just think, you know, maybe I just need to reach out to someone who already has some history with me. It's definitely a lot less work than making a new one.
00:05:14
Speaker
Yeah, I think this one is one that my right now self needs to remember because I kind of have this thing where I somehow let a friendship go or just naturally ends and I'm like, oh, and I'm like mourning it, but never doing anything to make it fresh again.
Diverse Friendships & Effort
00:05:34
Speaker
It's not a secret that it can be hard and uncomfortable to put ourself out there and make new friends. But let's think about those old friends because we already did all the work.
00:05:44
Speaker
to have those friends and we might just need to reach back out to them. I love seeing, so this summer we went out back to near where I grew up, close enough that there were some people that I grew up with there. And I loved reconnecting with some of those people. And both of us commented like,
00:06:02
Speaker
Like, why did we ever stop communicating? Why did we let this friendship go? And then how sweet it was that we could just fall right back where we pick up, right where we left off. And that was so sweet. So yeah, my today self needs to hear this too. I know I've mentioned on the podcast multiple times before about the group of college girlfriends that I have that we get together.
00:06:23
Speaker
About every year and a half or so, and I'm so grateful to whatever it was that got us finally You know reconnecting because there were several years where we you know would toss emails back and forth but not a lot of of seeing each other or Communicating and now there really is no excuse we have FaceTime and Skype and zoom and Marco Polo and texts We can be in touch with anybody even if they're on the other side of the world and so maintaining those relationships There's just there's no excuse for not maintaining them even if they're long long distance
00:06:55
Speaker
Okay, good one. Number one, let's move on to number two. You don't have to have lots in common. It helps, but we sometimes spend way too much time trying to find somebody who's just like us and gets along with their husband and our kids are about the same age as them. We all get along and just stop. It's too much effort. It's not going to work. Especially if you're like Audrey or I and you have way too many children and live weird lives. Nobody's going to match up to you. It's okay.
00:07:21
Speaker
I know. I feel like some people we can be friends with because they have kids the age of our older kids. And then some people, it's like they have kids the age of our younger kids. And it's kind of this dichotomy. There's not very many people who have monstrous sized families like we do. Well, and I'm glad you brought that up because I think for many years, I use that as an excuse. I would say, well, I have friends that only have teenagers. They don't want to hang out with us because we have little babies. And I have friends with little babies. They don't want to hang out with us because we're busy with teenage things. And then I finally was like, wait a minute, stop.
00:07:50
Speaker
you have something in common with all these people. Why can't you make a relationship anywhere? You totally can. You don't have to have lives that are exactly the same. In fact, that is where the zest for life comes, right? My friendships where we're the most different are some of the funnest because they bring perspectives that I never would have considered because I'm here being busy, a busy mom in my suburban home.
00:08:10
Speaker
and my other friend brings a perspective from a big city as a single girl or whatever, and I can learn so much more from them, right? So again, totally great when everybody matches up and it's a friendship made in heaven, but that's kind of a tall order. So instead, what I like to do is try to find someone who,
00:08:27
Speaker
who matches up to me, right? Someone who I like being a part of her life. It doesn't have to be the same as me, very often opposites attract, right? Someone who's fun to talk to, who another important thing is someone who's available when you're available. I mean, you can always mark a polo whenever or something, but it's helpful when they have a little bit of free time at the same time as you, so you can actually make that relationship flourish.
00:08:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That is, that is one of the few things that really matter is are they available when you are? And then like you just mentioned Marco Polo or, you know, these online version versions of communicating that we have.
00:09:00
Speaker
They don't even have to be available at the same time. It makes us so easy as moms because we can do it after we put our kids to bed or whatever. Here's another thing that matters. Do you have things to talk about? Do you have things in common? Do you make each other laugh? Do you feel filled up after interacting with this friend? One of my best friends right now is a lady who's almost 90.
00:09:25
Speaker
It's like there's so many things that we don't have in common, age, kids, family, blah, blah, blah. But those things that I just mentioned, availability, things to talk about, make each other laugh, fill each other up, those are there and it's one of the sweetest friendships ever.
00:09:43
Speaker
Oh yes, I love that. Do you fill each other up? Do you have a good time together, right? I have a sister-in-law who, we actually joke about this a lot because I love her and we have so much fun when we hang out, but we have almost nothing in common besides being married to the same family. I mean, we do have a lot of the same values, but as far as preferences, like the movies I like, she doesn't like, the songs I like, she doesn't like, the food I like, she doesn't like. Finding some place to eat together is comical sometimes. I don't want your grilled cheese. I don't want your fancy weird thing.
00:10:13
Speaker
But we have become such good friends because we were just kind of put in each other's orbit. I wonder if we ever would have taken the time to get to know each other enough to become great friends if we hadn't been put in each other's place in the same family, right? So that's just kind of a challenge. It's like you don't have to have hardly anything in common with someone to love them. So give them a chance.
00:10:34
Speaker
Okay, so number three tip is that I would tell my younger self that friendship is a two-way street. So I have noticed that as my life has gotten busier, I have very often expected my friends to come my way more, but I don't make as much time for them, which is kind of selfish. I didn't really realize I was doing that until I stepped back and took a look at it.
00:10:54
Speaker
Yeah, this is another reason it helps to find somebody who wants or has available the same amount of time to dedicate as a friendship to a friendship as you do. I have to admit with my 90 year old friend that I mentioned that she has way more time to dedicate to the friendship than I do right now. And she's so sweet about not getting frustrated that
00:11:17
Speaker
I have something to do or I'm busy. She always is respectful of, oh, is this okay time to call or that kind of thing? But maybe some questions, is she always busy when you call? Do you feel like you're a last priority? Do you need somebody willing to offer more time and energy to the friendship? I do remember a friendship and it took me
00:11:40
Speaker
a staggering amount of time to realize that I was the one always reaching out. I was the one always trying to make plans, always trying to get something together. And the friend never had time for me. I think maybe she was trying nicely to tell me to bug off by not being available or something. But just tell my younger self, pay attention. How much of a two-way street is it?
00:12:02
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And of course, this doesn't mean that you can't be friends with somebody who has vastly more or less time than you. Like, for example, you and your 90-year-old friend. It does mean, though, that you have to both be willing to come the other person's way a little bit. So what I want to say here is don't shy away from conversations about this. Sometimes we women do not like confrontation. We don't want to talk about anything that's kind of hard.
00:12:23
Speaker
But this can be a great way to grow the relationship. In fact, recently, I had a conversation like this with my sister-in-law because she has recently sent her youngest off to school, so she has vastly more time during the day than I do. And it's just true that not everyone's life grows or shrinks at the same pace, right? And I have had to distance myself from friends and family that now have more time. And it's sad sometimes, but I was able to have a conversation and say, I'm sorry that I'm not as available anymore. I still love you. I still want to hang out with you whenever I can.
00:12:52
Speaker
And she's found other friends that have more time to be there for her. So it is a great way to ensure that your friend knows that you still love them and that you still do value time together, but it might just have to adjust a little bit as life adjusts. Oh, that is so good. I know that I have also been on the end where I haven't returned to somebody's calls or it's been very one-sided the other way. And I just like, well, you missed that one up, right?
Community & Regular Meetups
00:13:21
Speaker
This episode is brought to you by Project Run & Play. Do you enjoy sewing or do you want to learn how? Project Run & Play is the place to go for sewing inspiration, tutorials, ideas, and fun. Yes, Project Run & Play is a sewing community that focuses on the collaboration of sewing challenges, and it's actually where Audrey and I met, I think. Run by four sewing experts, one of whom is Audrey. Project Run & Play focuses on helping people learn and continue to sew.
00:13:48
Speaker
It is where we met, wasn't that fun? So fun. Whether it's participating in a sewing challenge or learning to sew using their many patterns and tutorials, this welcoming community has room for you. There's always something going on to inspire you to build your sewing skills. Head over to the Project Run & Play shop for the best, most comprehensive sewing patterns, and there's even some free ones available. And be sure to make the Project Run & Play site your go-to source for tutorials, challenges, and inspiration.
00:14:19
Speaker
Okay, so number four, here's a tip. If it's not on the calendar, it's not going to happen. There's an author, John Acuff, and he says he always schedules his next dinner, coffee, lunch date at the end of the previous one. Genius, right? Otherwise you always say we should get together and never do. We're in currently
00:14:40
Speaker
in the midst of our annual religious convention. And I always feel kind of bad going into it because I know there's people there who I will see. And last year we both said, oh, let's get together this year. And it hasn't happened. And like, okay, well, let's just make an appointment. Let's make a plan before we even leave.
00:15:01
Speaker
Yes, and if you're the person to do this, people would be so grateful for it, right? And they just don't have it in them to do it. The other thing it will do is if you push for getting a date on the calendar, it will weed out the people that don't really want to do it. Because it's very easy to say, we should get together. But when it comes to nailing down a date, maybe they're not as interested. And that's OK, too. If they hem and haw and can't find a date, OK, you don't have to hold on to the guilt of not getting together with them. Because it sounds like they were just kind of doing lip service. But the ones that really do will pull out their calendar and pick a time with you.
00:15:31
Speaker
But yeah, when I heard John Acuff say that, before they even leave the date they plan the next one, I thought, mind blown, brilliant. I have a friend who is the best example of this. Thanks to her, we have created a monthly dinner date with a handful of friends that we have done almost every single month for four years now because she insists that we get a date on the calendar. Sometimes I'm like, oh, okay.
00:15:54
Speaker
I'll get my calendar. I don't know. We're going to be busy. It's just easier to put off. But I value the friendships. And so I pull out my calendar, and we put it on there. And thank goodness, because we have this history of some great times together. But yeah, it's only thanks to the person who actually made it happen. That's right. Definitely. I would say to my younger self, don't feel like you're being pushy, because everybody's going to be so grateful that you made it happen. Just think of yourself as being
00:16:21
Speaker
coordinator and not the pushy person. Just reframe it. Think of it differently because it's such a good idea. Just make it happen. You're coordinating things, not pushing things on other people. Like you said, if they don't want it to happen, they will find some excuse to get out of it.
00:16:37
Speaker
And on that note, I have another friend too who is very, very, very social, very much an extrovert. And very often she has kind of lamented that she's the only one who ever makes any plans, right? People are like, we should get together. And she's like, okay, let's do lunch on this date. And sometimes it makes her frustrated because it would be really nice if someone else would plan things. But finally she realized, you know what though, I value the friendships and the time way more than I value
00:17:02
Speaker
the relaxation of not planning it. So I will be the planner. And she just stepped into that. I am the planner. If things are going to happen, it's up to me. So if I am not in the mood to plan, then things aren't going to happen. And that's OK. So instead of fighting against that reality, nobody plans but me. She just says, I'm the planner. If things are going to happen, it's next to me. So I love that attitude. OK, so something we did say in our previous episode, episode 112 about making mom friends, was that find a friend.
00:17:30
Speaker
in a circle that you're already doing something, right? So if you're a gardener, go to a gardening club. Like if you're already doing that, do that with a friend. If you're going to a park with your kids, find a mom who has kids and go to the park together. Like you can find friendships among what you're always doing. So you know that your kids are gonna have this class at this time at the library. So you have this amount of time free or whatever. We'll plan something for another person who would also have that time free.
00:17:59
Speaker
and work it into something that you're already doing. We shared that tip and I was like, oh yeah, that's a really good tip. Yeah, and especially for those of us that do have less free time than maybe some people, it makes you not feel, I don't know, sometimes I feel guilty taking too much social time during the week because there's always something to be done. I should be prepping dinner. I should be putting a kid down. I should be working on my business, whatever. But if it's something I have to do anyway, going to the grocery store, you could go grocery shopping with your best friend. Hey, I'll meet you at 7 p.m.
00:18:29
Speaker
When dinner's done, we'll go grocery shopping together and get a little treat at the end and celebrate. It would be so fun. Might as well, right?
Letting Go of Friendships
00:18:37
Speaker
Okay, so number five, fifth tip. What I would tell a younger me is that sometimes it's okay to let go. As we've mentioned, sometimes life shifts, things change, and friendships that you've had, sometimes for a long time, just don't work out anymore.
00:18:52
Speaker
And there can be some grief surrounding this, but it's also okay to let it go. You don't have to make it mean anything about you. You don't have to make it mean that you're not friendship worthy or that you did something wrong. It can just be time to move on.
00:19:06
Speaker
Yeah, sometimes this is sad and sometimes it's just the right time to let somebody else go and to let someone new in. Like the time that you were spending with this other person or trying to work on this relationship that just wasn't working out is time that you could then let someone else in or spend with someone else.
00:19:24
Speaker
Um, it's something that I often think about from like a cleaning perspective of my house, because I think it was Joanna Gaines that said, everything that you let go of makes space for something new to come into your life. And I was like, Oh, you know, that kind of applies to friendship too.
00:19:42
Speaker
Yes, and you can arrive at this point thanks to a conversation. Maybe you have a conversation with a friend and you guys kind of decide to go your separate ways or just not see each other as often. Or you could just be the mature adult that decides it's time to move on, right? It's not always necessary to tell the other person is what I'm saying. Unless they keep asking to hang out and you could just say, you know, I just don't have a ton of time or maybe we can just keep in touch via text or something. But for the most part, it's easy to just kind of
00:20:12
Speaker
shift into a new face and you don't always have to have a hard conversation about it. Okay. Here's maybe a few signs that it's time to let the friendship go. If you are dreading getting together with them, if your conversation always devolves into whining or gossiping and you don't feel better after hanging out with them, um, that like those icky feelings, like who wants to spend time having those icky feelings, right?
00:20:41
Speaker
It's something that you don't have to do. Or you feel like judged or condemned or degraded or something by a friend. That is definitely some friendships that you can let go for sure. You don't have to have those in your life. You're a busy mom.
00:20:59
Speaker
Yeah, and that doesn't mean that every friendship you have has to be sunshine and rainbows and, you know, bring you nothing but joy. Sometimes I choose to have friendships that are kind of hard because I want to be there for that person or I know that that person needs a friend or I want to work on my patience. You know, sometimes there are kids of mine that I don't really want to be friends with.
00:21:19
Speaker
but they live in my house and I'm stuck with them and so I work on that. Obviously I'm joking but there are some people that I just I want to be there for because they're a neighbor where they're a you know someone that I know is struggling but be sure that you also have friendships in your life that come very easy even if it's just one where you don't have to think too hard or work too hard and it doesn't require a lot of you emotionally to hang out it actually fills you up instead of depleting you that's really important.
00:21:47
Speaker
Yeah, we did link an article in that previous episode about the benefits of having friends and it's really worth it. Okay, so here's another thing that's kind of interesting to address or to tell our younger friends about, to tell our younger selves about.
Friendship Boundaries & Benefits
00:22:02
Speaker
And we know that there's young moms that listen to these episodes because you've come up to us and told us that or reached out to us. So we have been asked the question and we want to talk to our younger selves about
00:22:14
Speaker
What about friendships with the opposite sex? Yes, no, why? Are you going to make me answer that first? Okay. Yeah. You know, this is a tricky thing. And I think we have a couple of marriage episodes that talk about this, at least one. I believe that when you get married, you create a cohesive unit. And if you want a friendship that could potentially
00:22:41
Speaker
cause harm to that unit is what I'm going to say, then I think it needs to be a unit decision. It needs to be a decision between you and your husband. So my husband and I actually have some pretty specific rules, I don't know if you want to call them rules, guidelines for what we do and don't do with the opposite sex. We don't get in cars one-on-one with the opposite sex. We don't go to dinner or lunch one-on-one with the opposite sex. That's not a big deal for me because I don't have a lot of guy friends. I have some friends back from, you know, high school or college that I'll chat with here and there. By chat with, I mean like that.
00:23:09
Speaker
Just comment on each other's pages. We don't really chat privately. But it's a little bit harder for my husband. He manages a team at work. Sometimes he needs to have conversations with people who are of the opposite sex. A work conversation in a work environment is one thing, but going out to dinner is another thing. So I really don't know that there's a hard and fast rule for this, but it does have to be something that you're really conscious of and that you probably make a decision with your husband in regards to so that everyone feels comfortable about that. I don't know. Is that a good answer, Audrey?
00:23:39
Speaker
That's a great answer and because you mentioned those previous episodes, I know people can go back and look for our marriage episodes as well, but that is the guiding principle of our marriage as well.
00:23:52
Speaker
I have come to the point where I don't feel comfortable having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex unless they are a friend with my husband as well. And then like, we will talk with them or we will go out to dinner with them. And it's often couples, you know, they, they get married and were married. And so then like you can be good friends with them, but it is not a friendship outside of me and my husband's.
00:24:16
Speaker
Unit. Does that make sense? Is that the word I want? Yes. Oh, I love that you said that, too, because I'm thinking of some couples that we hang out with who I value the relationship with the husband as much as I do the wife. I love them. They're wonderful people. We have great conversations. But I would never call them up and say, hey, you and I should go out to lunch. That feels a little awkward to me. But we'll get together as couples and have a great time. And maybe he'll talk to the wife for a while, and I'll talk to the husband. But there is safety in.
00:24:44
Speaker
Making it a unilateral decision together and in ensuring that you are together when you're spending time with this person Yeah, and again it it's not a matter of because I'm looking to do anything untoward It's just a matter of protecting myself from temptation
00:25:01
Speaker
Yeah, and respect for your spouse too. I really, really appreciate that my husband is the same in his work, in his work situations. Like he won't travel with a female if it's by himself. He will, he'll always like get a separate rental car or whatever, whatever it takes so that he is just like out of respect to me. And I really, really appreciate that. And I want to, I always try to have the same respect for him too. And this does include
00:25:29
Speaker
online friendships for me as well, because so many relationships have been ruined because of seemingly innocent reconnecting with an old friend. And I just, I just want to go there. Like you said, you know, avoid the temptation out of respect for my spouse. Yeah. I have two kinds of guidelines that could be helpful.
00:25:52
Speaker
you might want to ask yourself, okay, is what's happening right now in this relationship? Is this something that my husband would be okay with? Right? And maybe it is. And if it is, then the second guideline is, is this something that could be misconstrued by a third party? So let's say your husband's like, yeah, I'm fine with you going out to lunch with this male coworker, but a neighbor walks by and sees you having lunch with a male coworker. Could that be misconstrued as infidelity? Could it be misconstrued as an inappropriate relationship with somebody outside of your marriage? I don't want any of that. I don't want any gossip going on. I don't want anybody thinking that maybe they saw me doing something. No, thank you.
00:26:22
Speaker
I'm just going to stay far away from those situations. That is so good. It brings to mind, and one time I read this article about this salacious rumor is out there that Prince William is having an affair with a woman because one time they were seen at a restaurant together.
00:26:43
Speaker
I'm like, well, but it is Prince William and he does live in a fishbowl. And if he was having an affair, would he take a woman to a public restaurant? It was probably like his executive assistant or something, some business relationship. But yes, it's that easy. And granted, most of us do not have the tabloids chasing us around and trying to just catch any bit of gossip. But all it takes is one misplaced rumor to destroy lives, really. And so I want to stay far away from that for sure.
00:27:08
Speaker
Yeah definitely like you've got your kids watching you and what kind of relationships do you want them to be having with other people when they're getting ready to get married and have their own relationships. It's awesome to be a good example for them and yeah I love everything you said about that.
Friendships as Self-Care
00:27:27
Speaker
All right, quick final thoughts, you guys. Friends matter. They really do. And this is one area of mom life that I just don't think we've taken time and attention for. I actually think I actually took more time and attention for it when my kids were younger because I did have a little bit more free time. I wasn't running around quite so much. I didn't have the businesses I do now.
00:27:44
Speaker
I purposely make time for this. I make time to go out with couples with my husband. I make time to go out with girlfriends because without it, I feel really, really alone. And again, online friendships can be wonderful as well, but there is something about being in the presence of a friend and getting a hug and being able to open up your heart to somebody who really loves and trusts you. And that is another thing to be said for those older friendships is sometimes, I mean, nothing really can substitute for time.
00:28:10
Speaker
And if you have someone who really knows you, it could be really worthwhile to rekindle those friendships and get together even once every other year to meet up with somebody who really loves you and sees you for who you are.
00:28:21
Speaker
Yes, I agree with that. I have started looking at maintaining friendships as part of my self-care because as you guys have listened to this podcast, Bonnie and I are very dedicated and insistent that you guys take time for self-care. It is part of self-care to have a friend that you can have friend and friends that you can
00:28:43
Speaker
um, interact with in a way that makes you feel cared for. And that is so important. So I do see it as part of my self-care routine connecting with friends. And then it doesn't seem so selfish that way that you're, you know, you're taking time away from your kids and your sweet family.
00:29:00
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. I need this kid so that I have the energy to deal with you. All right, that's our episode on what I would tell a younger me about making friends. Go out there, make friends, hang out with them, and do not feel guilty for it for one second, friends. All right, we'll talk to you next week. I'm Bonnie. I'm Audrey, and we're outnumbered. Thanks for listening, friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.
00:29:33
Speaker
Okay. Time out Bonnie here. Um, what if we talk about, tell our younger friends, younger moms about friends, friendships with the opposite sex? Yes or no. And why? Okay. Yeah, let's do it. Can you do that one off the cuff? Sure. Let's do it. Okay.