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Curbing Your Stinkin' Thinkin'
119 Plays2 months ago
In this episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite, I’m joined by my good friend and radio buddy, Tom Morel, as we tackle a topic that resonates with so many of us: those sneaky, negative thought patterns—what I like to call “stinkin’ thinkin’.”
Together, Tom and I share funny, relatable stories about the times we’ve had to reframe our thoughts (spoiler: there’s some good laughter involved and a few a-ha moments for me) and dig into the science behind why our brains are wired to focus on the negative.
We’ll explore common mental fallacies, like black-and-white thinking, and discuss how recognizing and challenging these patterns can lead to a more positive and productive mindset.
This episode is packed with laughs, insights, practical tools, and plenty of inspiration to help you retrain your thoughts and take back control of your mental landscape. So grab your coffee, settle in, and let’s get started!
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Transcript
Introduction and Theme Setting
00:00:08
Speaker
back to Exhausted Sparrows Unites. I am Krista Jones, your host, talking about all things authentic, giving ourselves grace, getting through the day without negative thoughts. And I'm here with my good friend Tom Morell. He and I go way back to the radio days. We'll be talking about that. And we're going to tackle something that we all face. Actually, we probably all face it daily.
Reframing Negative Thinking Patterns
00:00:35
Speaker
and its negative thoughts and patterns, or as I like to call it, stinking thinking. This episode is all about reframing the way that we think, challenging those inner critics, meaning, aka ourselves, and finding healthier, more productive ways to navigate through life's challenges.
00:00:56
Speaker
So I am here with, ah as I said, my good friend, Tom, who brought his own coffee today with snicker and egg nog in the mix. Yeah, instead of creamer. Good morning, by the way. Good morning. Instead of creamer, I put egg nog in it. I got you. Because it's that season, right? It is the season we are recording this podcast between Christmas and New Year's because, I don't know, Tom and I just, we like working.
00:01:21
Speaker
There's a very small window that you can have eggnog, by the way, where that's acceptable. Oh, and and this you have egg nog yeah like if you have eggnog like January, in like February or March, you're just crazy. That's just crazy. I know he's drinking eggnog in March. I feel maybe I'm drinking it in February for Valentine's Day. I could make it go. No, I could see that. How about maybe no hard no for July? Oh, absolutely not. No, no, no. You're you're a wacko if you're.
00:01:47
Speaker
If you're if you're drinking eggnog in July, but it's the season so yeah, it went in Rome right whenever yeah and Rome wasn't built in a day So you should do it for like a month, but they could have done it faster if they had eggnog either way so Tom and I go way back to radio station days where Tom was taking and editing everything that I said on every single commercial that I ever did in the our heart radio world. and and and And I was on air and we became good friends, good buddies. And we ah we just recently on this... um wonderful journey that we're on here at Sparrow's Nest. We recently did a gala together and I'm like, oh my gosh, Tom, we we have so much fun together. I'm like, just come in the podcast. Maybe you'll be one of the new co-hosts. Wouldn't that be great? And I said, that sounds like a brilliant idea.
00:02:38
Speaker
because I feel you banter back and forth so easily. you You've got lots of great stories about me. so I have a few stories. not not yeah I don't know how many we can say here, but that's okay. Right. But I said to Tom, I go, all right, Tom, what do you want to talk about? Because that's kind of what I do with with my guest. I don't really, I don't want to tell you what to talk about. I want you to tell me what you think we should
Understanding 'Stinking Thinking'
00:03:00
Speaker
talk about. And you said the stinky thinkies.
00:03:03
Speaker
Is that what you call them? I called it the stinking thinking. Yes. My friend. I don't call it that. That was your words. But yes, it's the same same kind of concept as the negative self talk or like finding yourself in situations where you're stressed out. Yeah. Because of some sort of unmet expectation. Right. Like you go into a situation thinking A is going to happen. But in fact, B happens and it throws off your whole vibe. It does. We've had that right. The the the quote unquote bad hair day. Right. Where the first thing you wake up, your hair isn't sitting right. And now it ruins everything else the rest of the day. Right. I laugh because Tom doesn't have a ton of hair. and No, but I have bad hair days. Right. Guys have bad hair days. right know they They don't happen as often, but you know but it's all but it's not always a bad hair day. That's the that's the the stereotype, you know the the prototypical thing. But you know it could be that you stub your toe, or your alarm is not going off at the right time, right or the dog wants to go out 20 minutes before the alarm goes off, and you know whatever it is. And then that kind of reframes your entire day in a negative way. so So here's something really interesting that I read.
00:04:12
Speaker
We have about 60,000 thoughts a day. Oh my God. And 80% of them are negative. So okay to kiss so the first thing, 60,000 thoughts. That's exhausting to think about that.
00:04:27
Speaker
I feel like I have more than that as an A.D. dear. If that's if that's a word. Can I be honest with you? you That's probably right. I probably i because I agree. I'm the same boat because I think of if you're like me, every scenario that happens in in life, I think about I replay it in my head like ah like the 53 scenarios like that. Christian is a football coach. Right. Situation. That's my husband. For those of you that don't know. Yes.
00:04:53
Speaker
So, so Christian is a football coach. His whole life is about watching film game film, right? And all he does is he watches the same play over and over again so he can see what the left tackle is doing, what the right tackle is doing and what the one I replay every situation in my head that's happened or hasn't happened yet in my head, probably about a thousand times, which is how you eventually get to 60,000. Yes, that's probably where yeah by noon. Yeah.
00:05:18
Speaker
in a day and I think the problem is right like we can categorize these thoughts like we have the the catastrophe thoughts like everything is now because you've stubbed your toe you've had a bad hair day it's gonna be awful now everything is based on that toe being stubbed yeah everything is based on that we can have the all-or-nothing experience where we see it as black and white which also is the toe thing because the toe happened yeah Nothing else could possibly go right. Nothing else can go right today because that happened. Yeah, of course. But what's interesting with the 80% you said, right? 80% of those thoughts. So I um i did some life coach assistance. I got some assistance from a life coach a few years back um with a particularly traumatic event that happened in my life. And I was kind of looking for some direction in life. And
00:06:03
Speaker
one of the things that we tackled was this negative self talk. Right. And so one of the things that she helped me with was identifying that voice in your head as someone other than yourself. So I named that voice in my head. Nothing.
00:06:21
Speaker
is Mike, actually. Yeah, Mike. And part of the exercise was I personified who that voice was, what that person looked like, what that person sounded like, what they smelled like, what they ah just everything about that. So it's a separate person from myself. And through the process of this um this life coaching, i I finally arrived at the destination that I was supposed to, which is that The negative self talk like that is actually meant to protect you.
Survival Instincts and Social Media Impact
00:06:57
Speaker
It's not meant to degrade you. It's not meant to put you down. It's meant to protect you. And here's what I mean by that, right? You're in a situation where, let's say you apply for a job, right? And your first negative thought is, what are you doing, Tom?
00:07:15
Speaker
You're not, you you're not even qualified for this job. The job's too far away. You're going to have to get, you're going to have to change. You got to get a whole new wardrobe, right? Oh yeah. Because you got a new job. You got to get a whole new wardrobe. You can't wear jeans and a t-shirt. Traumatizing. Right. And then, and then there's, there's going to be new people. You don't even like new people. You don't even like the people you're around. like normal Right? But all this negative self talk, what are those things? What's the core message in those things, right? Is protecting you from this change that could be bad for you, right? That could that could potentially not be great for you.
00:07:55
Speaker
But this is a real this is a real thing because it was for sure was useful in prehistoric times right because we had to, way back then, not you and I particularly, but you know great, great, great, great, great grandfathers, we had to pay close attention to threats like predators and plants and weather and all of this stuff. So our brain had to prioritize danger and it had to then turn around because it was at times a life or death. Oh, definitely. Yeah, it kind of is a fight or fight. Absolutely. Yeah. But I feel we we take it to areas that aren't always helpful, but sometimes can be degrading. Is this where Mike came came into play? I want to know a little bit more about Mike.
00:08:38
Speaker
So so Mike, ah Mike was the one who was telling me that I wasn't ah smart enough or I wasn't handsome enough or I wasn't. um um I don't know why those two things came out. first I wasn't smart enough. handsome enough all lot I good looking. and a no just I wasn't tall enough or I was too fat or I was too this or I was too emotional or what whatever those things are, right? those that Like you said, the fight or flight. And what I was able to do was reframe that negative thought into, well, what's the motivation? Why does this person, why does Mike, why does Mike want to put me down?
00:09:17
Speaker
Mike is me, right? Right. Essentially, at the end of the day, Mike is me. But why am I putting myself down? What motivation do I have for that? So there's always a like, when there's when you know, they they're always talk about with murders. There's a there's a motive, right? Well, what's the motive here?
00:09:34
Speaker
So I really had to do some digging and think like, well, if I was acting that way towards somebody, if I was telling them, Hey, Krista, don't don't take this new job. Don't do this new thing because here's X, Y and Z reasons why you're probably going to fail at it. Well, that that's the key right there because you're probably going to fail at it. I'm trying to avoid failure. I'm trying to avoid that negative part.
00:10:02
Speaker
But let's take a look at what you just said because you would never talk to a friend like that. You would never say to a friend that was going to get a job. You would never talk so degrading to them and say, not why would you do that? Why would you? that That's awful. You shouldn't do that. You're fat in that outfit. like you would Not necessarily, but but in some situations you might ah the attempt might be to save. Like if you're really honest with somebody, right? Obviously, with you know, with friends, you want to be um supportive, but you want to be ah honest to like if my friend said, hey, listen, I'm going to try out for the and NBA.
00:10:37
Speaker
Listen, Chris, you're your you're five foot six and you weigh 250 pounds. I don't think the and NBA is for you, right? i I'm trying to protect him from embarrassment or failure, right? Not that I think that he's a bad person or that he's not this or whatever. It's it's that I'm trying to protect from that.
00:11:01
Speaker
So that's how I've always kind of looked at my own negative self-talk is there's a little bit of truth to it, right? There's a little, there's an element of truth to it. Cause otherwise, I mean, it just doesn't come from, from whole cloth. It's gotta come from somewhere. Maybe I am out of shape, right? But if I'm, if that's something like going to the and NBA is part of my goal in life, then what do I need to do to, to get there? Sure. What do I need to do to, to ah reassure Mike?
00:11:31
Speaker
that this is something I can do. That's part of like that. That's where I think that's where I think 80 percent of those negative self-thoughts is not degrading. Those things are meant to protect us. It's like
Christmas Letters and Authenticity
00:11:44
Speaker
the like you said way back in the day and when when we were kids, right?
00:11:49
Speaker
And we said, hey, mom, dad, we want to do XYZ. You know, we talked about great broadcasting radio. When I was in high school, I told my parents that I wanted to be a radio DJ and they were like, you don't want to do that.
00:12:04
Speaker
And I was like, no, this is my dream. This is what I want to do with my life. This is my passion. No, you don't want to do that. You want to because think about this and think about this and think about it. Right. And they would give me all of the reasons why not to do that. And it wasn't because they didn't want me to be a radio DJ. It's because they didn't want me to be dirt poor. I mean, because they didn't want me to fail at something that they didn't think that I would be able to do. But And it's not that that's a, I'm not saying it's a positive thing. I'm not saying that it's not, but their motive behind it. And if you understand the motive behind somebody's speech, right? Behind what they're so, what they're actually trying to say, you can understand it better and reframe it in your own mind better. well But let's talk about our own mind because there's not a lot of us that are confident.
00:12:58
Speaker
that's good That's true. I can agree. So when you say there's a little something in there that is feeding these negative thoughts, I mean, I think we can really drill it down to we don't have the confidence. I mean, the whole of course yeah point of the podcast right is that we are seeing these filtered lives on social media. We are getting that Christmas card. Oh, please don't send me that Christmas card.
00:13:20
Speaker
with what your family did all year long. yeah You know, when I am just trying to survive and take a shower, you know, and I think if we drill it down, none of us have that confidence somewhere in us. We just don't think.
00:13:38
Speaker
that we can do things. Part of it is absolutely a protection thing. we We don't want to get hurt. We don't want to be rejected. We don't want to be put in these awkward situations where it's not going to turn out the way we want it. But we also have to reframe what we think about ourselves. Down in the core, that is the problem, how we feel about ourselves that seeps into every area of our life. So now let's go to that Christmas card. Oh, that Christmas card. Because here's what I do, right? I get the Christmas card. It's the one from, you know, whatever online company that prints them out. And there's this perfect, absolutely pristine photograph on the front where they're all wearing matching clothes. I'm okay with that. And the dog is sitting and looking directly at camera. And the background is perfectly like faded out. And it's just as,
00:14:25
Speaker
They all had to go to Kohl's to find the matching pajamas set or whatever they had, right? But dad set the extra large, he's actually a 2XL, but they didn't have 2XL, so he had to order it, right? But then by the time he ordered it and got it at the store, right it was the wrong color, right? So then he's got to return it again. All of these things, those all play all those scenarios play in my head in the background. When I see that card, I don't go, wow, this is perfect.
00:14:55
Speaker
I go, I can't imagine all of the things that had to go wrong in order for this to turn out 100% right. I love that you look at it that way. Because if I don't, what happens? ah Yeah. you i wrote My picture's not perfect. I didn't have the card and my cat and I waited too long and I don't have the. ah But I'm not even talking about that card. I probably should have said I'm talking about the card where you get the letter.
00:15:23
Speaker
Oh, the letter of their whole life, the whole life story from everything that happened that year. So can I reframe that to you for you? Yes. So I only had one family member who would send like a like a recap of the year. It was like a two page typed out on. It was very cheesy.
00:15:42
Speaker
But i i I remember it nostalgically now and I'll tell you why in a second. It was this ah like bordered paper, you know, you you like back in the day. Yes, we did. We had that really nice stationery. It was bordered with something. But it was like ultra cheesy Christmas hokey. It's all we had. And you'd print it out on the on the computer and you know, it's signed at the end, you know, hope you have a great holiday, blah, blah, blah. But it was telling you like,
00:16:06
Speaker
Oh, Jimmy got an A plus in science and Sally got a trophy in swimming class, whatever. Okay. The only person I ever got those from was my dad's uncle, George and Auntie Anne. Uncle George. Uncle George and Auntie Anne. My dad's name is George. Yeah. It is. Go ahead. And they're fantastic people, but they were fantastic people because they're no longer with us. So now when I don't get those, Oh, Tom, you're making me feel bad. Well, no, I'm saying, but that's like, yeah, you don't realize how awesome it is until it's not there. Yeah. ah You know what, though? Uncle George can send the card, but I want you to put some real life things in there. Well, there were some real life things in there. Yeah. Like, well, and spent a week in the hospital with a goiter. And then two months later, Uncle George had some acid reflux. All right. All right. And I'm like, OK, I don't need those things, but But those are the kind of cards I want. I want your real life. if you Listen, if you're gonna give me a card, that's fair I just want your real life. And listen, some years are better than other years. Some years you are gonna have Jimmy making an all A's and you know everything's gonna go right. And some years it's it's not gonna go right. But let's be consistent. If we're gonna be honest, let's have a card that is honest. which
The Cake Analogy and Perspective Shifts
00:17:24
Speaker
is all part of this this this whole negative thing, right? I mean, I understand what you're saying that, yes, you think negatively in order to protect yourself. So we've we sometimes yeah we've we've got to go deep, deep, deep. Yeah, that's deep, deep. But, you know, the whole part of that is I was just reading because I knew that you wanted to do this today. And there's this guy, Aaron Beck. He's back in the 60s. And he kind of developed this whole like cognitive thinking triangle that he called the three C's.
00:17:52
Speaker
And the C's are catch it, check it, change it. So what I thought was really interesting as I was reading this was even the even the very beginning, catch it. Like if all of a sudden you are Twitter-pated, why? yeah Why all of a sudden have you gone off the deep end? What was the thought that put you there? You got to catch the thought yes as soon as it happens. yeah or catch someone's else come someone else's thought or youre you like yeah you like you said about the Christmas card. My first thought isn't, oh wow, this is perfect and this is way more than ah yeah that I could ever do with this situation. My first thought is I'm gonna catch that thought and go,
00:18:31
Speaker
It's nice. The card's beautiful, but I can't imagine how much trouble they went to to have to try to get that. See, that's a nice way to think. Makes it real. That's a nice way to think too. I'm going to start thinking differently now. Well, that but and that's the thing is you have to start thinking differently.
00:18:47
Speaker
I'm not putting that on you like personally, but like ah you like you when we when I walked in here, you have no idea what mood I'm in. You have no idea what my demeanor is going to be today, right? And yeah I had the same with you. All I can do is control what I think or how I feel or how I do things. Absolutely. So in those situations, i can I'm choosing to think, hey,
00:19:11
Speaker
look at how much trouble they went through to make this card because there's no way they just walked up to this this barn in the middle of the woods and were like you know what let's take camera somebody get a camera we all happen to be wearing the exact same pajamas so weird in the middle the dog is nicely groomed suddenly right and we're just here and we're chilling let's just take it you know what let's just take a picture Nobody know that doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. There's a lot of planning that goes into that. So we have to catch the thoughts, right? yeah Immediately. So one of the first things to do is you catch whatever this negative thought is that you've got going on because you can't change it if you don't notice it.
00:19:49
Speaker
So can I share it? Because I i think this is where I want to share this attitude, right? Oh, yeah. So about reframing. And I use this all the time, every time, even with people in the car. Right. So we've all been in that situation where you drive in the car and there's this guy in front of you, this gal in front of you, and they're doing way lower than the speed limit. They obviously don't know where they're going. And all you want to do is get to fill in the blank and you have all this anger This anonymous anger, by the way, because if you saw this person in the street, you would never say a word to them about how angry you are. But because you're in a car, you're isolated, you can yell and shout and they can't hear you. um You feel the need to express that. So that's where road rage comes from, is because I'm expecting that person to drive in front of me the same speed and with the same ah breadth of knowledge of the road as I do. Right.
00:20:41
Speaker
So there's a road around here, um excuse me, that is quite windy. And I used to commute on this road all the time. Five days a week, six days a week. I'm commuting on this road back and forth each way, sometimes twice a day. I know the road like the back of my hand. We all have a road like that, right? Where we drive a little bit faster than we probably should on the road because I know the road.
00:21:07
Speaker
And I know where the turns are and I know where I can slow down and where the speedways are and all that stuff. Right. So I drive on this road every single day. And one day there's this person in front of me. I don't know who the person is, but they're driving the car and they're doing, let's say, 25 miles an hour in a 45 mile an hour zone, 20 miles an hour is that's a big difference in driving. But I got so angry at this person.
00:21:34
Speaker
You don't know what you're doing. Get off the road. Pull up. Come on. I'm trying to get someplace. Right. So the very next week it happens to be my sister-in-law's birthday was was happening and they had a big huge soiree for her. Right. Three tier cake. The whole thing. Guess whose job it is to go get the cake. It's my job. And I got to go all the way. I got to commute now on this road with the cake.
00:22:00
Speaker
three tier cake, together we all pooled our money together as a $250, $300 cake. Come hell or high water, I gotta get this to the party. In one piece. In one piece. Unscathed. And I have to drive on this road, the aforementioned windy road that I know like the back of my hand. But I can't do 45 because I've got a cake in the front seat.
00:22:25
Speaker
So I've got the box in one hand, right? I've got the hand, you know this you know the the move. I know the move. Left hand's got the steering wheel at 11 or noon, right? And I got the box kind of in the front on the on the right hand side, right in front of me. And you can beep if you want.
00:22:43
Speaker
You can pull around me. You can do all that stuff. I'm not driving more than 25 miles an hour on this road where it says 45 because I got a cake in the front seat. So you can flip me off. You can yell at me all you want. Come around me. I'm not doing anything.
Aaron Beck's Method to Address Negativity
00:22:59
Speaker
And in that moment, I realized, holy crap, that guy last week, he probably had a cake on the front seat. Could have had a cake. So.
00:23:08
Speaker
could have been afraid to drive on a windy road that you knew well. He didn't know at all. No, no, no. He definitely had a cake on the front seat because there's no way. No, no, no. Otherwise, otherwise this whole thing blows up. Oh, okay. So it's a cake. Whatever it needs to be for you. So there was a cake on his front seat. He had a cake on the front seat. So every time I drive on that road or any road for that matter, if I'm driving on the arterial through Poughkeepsie, which is most of it is straight away.
00:23:31
Speaker
And there's a guy doing 25 in the middle lane. And all you want to do is get around this guy. He probably has a cake in the front seat every single time. I, I, Krista, as honest as I'm sitting here, I say that to myself yeah every time there's a dude or a gal or whatever in front of me, yeah driving in a car, a way too slow.
00:23:52
Speaker
He's probably got a cake on the front seat and he's probably going to a party somewhere and he's the guy. And I don't listen. Bro code. I can't. I can't destroy this guy's party by blowing up his spot behind him. He'll park in a horn and make him drive faster. Making him nervous. In the front seat. He's got a cake and I think- Who the hell am I? got If he's got a cake in the front seat, who am I? Who am I to rush him along? Guy's got a cake in the front seat. In your three, four minute story, you just covered all the C's before I could even get to them because you caught it.
00:24:24
Speaker
Right. Yeah. You caught the mistake that you made. You then checked it. How hopeful was the thought? And then you changed it because something happened to you because I've been that guy. I've been that guy with a cake in the front seat. And and how did I feel? So a lot of this is how would I feel if I was in that scenario? How would I feel if I was the other person? Right. Right. So like you said, with the with the going back to the Christmas card. Right.
00:24:51
Speaker
I've made a Christmas card like that. And I know the stress that I had to go through to get everybody's pajamas ready and the the cat ready and the dog ready and everybody's looking. And we took 85 shots of it. I know the stress it takes. So why would I assume that they got lucky somehow and didn't have to do that? And I'm some queer and kind of jerk that had to do it 80 times. No, of course not. We all had to do the same thing. I love it. Yeah. Because I've been in that situation. I've done i've done that. And if you've not been in that situation,
00:25:21
Speaker
take a half second, turn off turn off the radio, right? But just put yourself in their in their shoes from for a minute. sure And just go, well, what if I had to do that? what ah Why would I be driving 20 miles an hour lower than the speed limit? Oh, maybe because I've got precious cargo.
00:25:40
Speaker
Maybe because I've got a kid who's throwing up in the backseat. Maybe because I've got a pot of chili that I'm trying to transport. Maybe I'm or or you know what? Maybe I don't know where I'm going. Right. And I don't want to wreck my car on a back road, some country back road. So.
00:25:55
Speaker
So we just have to flip the script, right? So basically once you have negative thoughts, yeah the best thing that we can do is flip the script, whether the negative thoughts are about ourselves, whether it's about a situation. And I noticed, especially with myself, the more that I do it, the more positive that I feel. Not every situation is a positive situation. No, no, no, certainly not. Certainly, even if you can neutralize the thought, Right. And just underthought. Yeah. Just understanding it. The motivation. But you like, again, it still stresses me out that I'm not going to get to my place on time because the guy is doing 20 miles less in front of me. But the thought of me being three minutes later than I was supposed to, because I now I'm driving 20 miles an hour faster or slower, I should say. Those three minutes are worth me being able to sleep at night going. Guy had probably had a cake. Probably had a really great cake at the front seat. So you know this is so so here's what I do with it. i If you know somebody slows me down, I just always say to myself, I reframe it too. It's really interesting to see the cake. I love that analogy. I reframe it and say, I wasn't supposed to get to that place at that time. Something happened maybe that I was supposed to miss. yeah You know what I mean? like yeah I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there. That's a little more morbid than than the cake thing.
00:27:15
Speaker
No, but what I mean is, you know, maybe I would have, you know, gotten to work a couple of minutes early, which would have thrown my day a little differently. And then I wouldn't have seen a recipient that needed me here at Sparrow's nest or I would have never taken the call in the car or I would have whatever it is. I try to look at it differently, too. Like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Exactly. Yeah. And I can't control what's going on outside. I just have to kind of go with the flow, which is a phrase my wife hates to hear. Go with the flow. She hates that phrase. Go with the flow. Because she's always got these really rigid expectations of everything. And she's the one that if the coffee machine doesn't make her coffee right in the morning, the whole day is ruined.
00:28:01
Speaker
And I keep trying to tell her to reframe and it's it's a challenge. it's it's It's hard to do. I'm not saying this is easy. By no means is this easy to do. You kind of have to train to train yourself to do this. But like you said, I think the more that you do it and the more you realize like the positive that does come with the feeling that you get from it, when you go,
00:28:21
Speaker
Oh yeah, I think I probably did have a cake on the front seat. It makes it that much easier the next time to go. Yeah, guys have got a cake on the front seat. I'm not even sweating it. Yeah. I'm not even sweating it.
00:28:33
Speaker
And who wants to ruin your day from the beginning? I mean, listen, this podcast, um the reason I chose this name is because for those of you that tune in and aren't really sure what this is all about and why the name, we have a charity here. It's called Sparrow's Nest. We're in the Hudson Valley in New York. We feed families that are facing a cancer diagnosis.
00:28:52
Speaker
And you know at the end of the day, for me too, like I think to myself, the fact that that guy got in front of me you know on a windy road or I stubbed my toe this morning or my coffee you know tastes like poo, things could be so much worse. I mean, I'm dealing with cancer patients. We feed them here at the charity. That's what we do so that we can get these families to feel a little bit of normalcy. And day in and day out, I do that all the time. I'm like, is this really something, Krista, worth getting yourself so upset
Power Statements and Podcast Growth
00:29:21
Speaker
over? like just reframe it. Some people don't have that luxury yeah fighting sickness, being diagnosed. to like they're you know They're more limited in in in being able to pull these positive things that you and I can't. We just can continue going about our day. So we got to think of that too.
00:29:40
Speaker
So there was a, again, going back to the life coaching thing, there's the at least argument, right? Where, yeah, something's going bad, but at least I didn't this, or at least it is into that, right? And you can't, you can't see this, the listener, but I was, like I was kind of smiling to myself because I'm thinking about an analogy for that. Like when we were in grade school and the kids would bully you or you would say something like mean about your mom or whatever, right?
00:30:11
Speaker
the comeback was always, Oh yeah, well at least I don't. Right. And you do that to relieve the, the tension of that moment. It's not, it makes it not as bad. So in our lives, again, the same kind of thing, you could say, at least I don't this, or at least it I don't have that. Right. Where to your point about the, you know, dealing with, you know, the, the working with the families that are dealing with cancer and whatnot,
00:30:40
Speaker
Yeah, this guy's driving slow in front of me, but at at least I don't have to rush to a hospital right now, or at least I don't have to. I don't have to deal with, you know, whatever illness that, ah ah you know, and though the family, I'm blessed to not have to to worry about that.
00:30:58
Speaker
And they're they're they're called power statements, right? They're power statements, they're there for you to... And and it changes everything. It completely reframes everything a hundred percent just by using them. Yeah. And there's there's little phrases like that that you can use um that are helpful in that in that sense. yeah know i I like the cake thing. yeah I like the cake thing too.
00:31:19
Speaker
There was ah my so on occasion, I'll have to commute to our Middletown location, the place I work at. yeah And I drive with my boss and he's a very aggressive driver, very aggressive driver. And anytime he starts yelling and cursing about what whatever guys in the I always tell him, guy probably has a cake in the front seat. It's guy probably has a cake in front seat.
00:31:41
Speaker
It probably has a cake in the front seat. It probably has a cake in the front seat. That's why you can't drive faster. It does. And you know, you were actually my number one supporter weeks ago. Tom and I, Tom, you know, helps me around spares and us doing all great things to make sure that our families get fed. And a few weeks ago, he goes, all right, Christa, listen.
00:32:02
Speaker
You work for iHeartRadio. Like this is, they're going to pick this up. They're going to pick the podcast up. This is such a great story. He's so cute. He's so cute. So I don't know if Tom knows the outcome of this. So he got off the phone with me and immediately, because both of us have been on iHeartRadio for years and years, he immediately went to one of his contacts and he's like, Hey, this girl now has a charity, but she used to do a morning show, you know, one of your stations and like, just, you know, just, just talk to her. So this wonderful woman emailed me.
00:32:32
Speaker
and we went back and forth, and she says, at one point of this email. Oh, I know this, yeah. You do know this story, because I think, well, she's adorable. She goes, all right, so listen, yeah. I mean, it sounds like, you know, it could be something that eventually could be picked up, and, you know, how many ah downloads do you get? How many followers do you have? You know, when you get around that 300,000, hold on, a month range, a month.
00:32:58
Speaker
Not even a lifetime. yeah i mean like I'm at like five thousand um in seven weeks. You know, she said, you know, and I immediately like I could have taken that as rejection. I couldn't. But I giggled and I immediately wrote her back and I said, I think I'm at one percent of that. But this is such a great goal. And we're going to get there next year. Absolutely. I remember seeing that. Yeah. Because I would have thought the same thing. Like I said, that I'm like, oh, that's my number. Because we're here with our little podcast. We have three, five thousand total downloads. And she's like, yeah, we usually we usually take them in when they're at three hundred thousand a month. So a month. Don't forget the month. If you're at that range, you know, give us. Yeah. And maybe maybe then we'll talk to you about it. Yes. And it could have been very it could have been very ah
00:33:46
Speaker
It could have put you in a bad mode or down. Not at all. Put you down. And you know what else too? A hundred percent. She probably laughed at the way I responded. She's probably going to remember me when we hit 300,000 downloads a
Defense Mechanisms and Positivity Challenge
00:33:58
Speaker
month. She's going to be like, Oh yeah, Krista, what a good sport she was. You're finally at 300,000. That's great.
00:34:04
Speaker
So yeah, negative nullies, stinkin' thinkin', all of that is really something we can control, and that's what we should feel good about. And it doesn't make you a bad person if you think those things. Those things, everybody has those. And again, they're they're defense mechanisms. Like you said, 80% of our thoughts, it's a defense mechanism. it's It's to protect us against some sort of other negative thing. It's our umbrella, right? Yeah. So it's okay to have those thoughts.
00:34:30
Speaker
But you can't let those thoughts control you or control the way that you behave towards other situations. Listen, if you want to be negative all the time, that's totally that's up to you. But if you have in your mind, in your heart, that you want to be more positive, if you want to get more out of things, if you want to enjoy things more,
00:34:52
Speaker
yeah you gotta change it up, you gotta do something different. yeah And the way to do that different is with these little reframing opportunities. The guy's got a cake in the front seat. Hey, at least I don't have blah, blah, blah. At least I'm not dealing with yada, yada, right? So it's, it's what were the three C's you said?
00:35:11
Speaker
You have to, first of all, do something. I have it written down. Sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I thought you had it there. You have to catch it. Right. Catch it. Yeah. And then after you catch it, you have to do other stuff with it. Like you have to check it. Check it. Yes. Yeah. That was the second. Right. So how helpful is that thought to you? And really you can talk yourself down. Yeah. Right. A lot of us get anxiety over it.
00:35:34
Speaker
So you really just got to go, all right, what is really going to happen? Is this really going to happen because this has happened? And then, right. And then you can change it. Yes. Make it a healthier thought. It could be a neutral thought. It doesn't have to be a, well, life is great. Life may not be great for you, but make it make it a more neutral thought.
00:35:49
Speaker
everything that happens to you is an opportunity to change the scenario or change the narrative of it. Yeah, 100%. I'm so glad that you came in today, Tom. So am I. I'm glad, too. It has been such a great day with you. You know, I was stressing this. You were? Yeah. Well, guess what? But I had a cake in the front seat, so it's all good.
00:36:10
Speaker
ah Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for listening to us today and those sneaky negative thoughts. We're talking about flipping them around on their heads and reminding ourselves that not every thought that we have deserves our belief of the thought.
00:36:26
Speaker
Remember, thoughts aren't facts. They're just stories that your brain's telling you, and you've got the power to rewrite those. I'm challenging you this week when you catch yourself in that spiral of stinking thinking. Just pause. Ask yourself, is this helping me? Or is it holding me back? And if it's the latter, you need to reframe it. Thank you so much for hanging out with me and Tom today on Exhausted Sparrows Unite. Remember, it's not about getting it perfect.
00:36:55
Speaker
It's about getting it better.