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The Productivity of Pause
66 Plays7 days ago
Episode Overview:
In a world that glorifies hustle, have we forgotten how to rest? In this episode, we dive into the lost art of reclaiming downtime—how to slow down, unplug, and give ourselves permission to just be. We’ll explore why stillness isn’t laziness, how guilt-free rest can actually make us more productive, and the small ways we can start embracing quiet moments in our everyday lives.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode:
✅ Why we feel guilty about resting—and how to unlearn it
✅ The science behind why downtime fuels creativity and mental health
✅ Simple ways to reclaim moments of stillness in your day
✅ Personal stories of burnout and the lessons learned from slowing down
✅ A challenge: One small way you can reclaim your downtime today
Recommended
Transcript
Busyness as a Status Symbol
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome back to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am Krista Jones with my co-host Tom Murrell in the studio today. And we want to talk about in a world where busyness is a badge of honor, where empty space in our day needs to be filled.
00:00:23
Speaker
Are we getting it all wrong? What if the real flex isn't how much we can cram into our schedules, but how well we protect the space in between?
Reclaiming Rest and Doing Nothing
00:00:32
Speaker
Today, we're going to talk about the lost art of reclaiming our downtime, learning to rest without guilt, to exist without an agenda, and to let our minds wander without needing a destination.
00:00:47
Speaker
Because maybe, just maybe, Tom, the best version of ourselves Isn't the one that's running on fumes. It's the one that's just doing nothing, right? Right.
00:00:59
Speaker
Which you and know nothing about. so when you're... Actually, I know a little bit more about it than I probably should. And welcome, Tom. Tom and I both have nasally voices today. We do not get sick at the same time, but...
00:01:12
Speaker
We're sick together in this space. we a weley You know what it is? It's because it's finally warming up outside. it's It's that temperature change. Whenever that happens, the nasal cavities start to... Which make us sound so much better when when we're on the air.
00:01:26
Speaker
um But yeah actually, just this past week was the 35th, 36th anniversary of the of the movie Office space. Do you
Contrasting Productive and Restful Pastimes
00:01:38
Speaker
remember that movie? i remember office space. We were little wee young lads the time.
00:01:42
Speaker
So at that, at at one point in the, in the movie, the guy stays home to do nothing at work. And they're like, Hey, how was your weekend? He's like, um, it was great.
00:01:53
Speaker
He's like, what did you do? Nothing. And it was everything I hoped it would be. yeah So when you're talking about resting, that's what I think about that mentality, not the, Hey, I had a restful weekend because we went to the movies and we went to the mall and we did this and we did that and we did this and I got some stuff done around the house.
Redefining Rest from Laziness to Necessity
00:02:09
Speaker
That's not, that's not the rest I think that we're talking about today. Right? Well, I think so. But I also think that people are going to listen to this and go, come on guys. Like I can't rest. You know, there's people out there that have two jobs, single income, you know, single mom, single dads,
00:02:26
Speaker
you know, ah college kids, we remember where. So I think that people also have this misconception that rest has to mean that you take an entire day off and you do absolutely nothing, right? Like I think people have this physical perception of rest. And they equate the word rest with lazy. Yes. And that's one of those things that's like, no no, no, no, that's not we're talking about. We're talking about being lazy. We're talking about resting.
00:02:55
Speaker
Right. like ah Like a baseball pitcher has to rest in between pitches, in in between times when they pitch. Right. um You know, ah a musician has to rest in between sets because it takes physical – they're not being lazy by sitting and resting their voice.
00:03:11
Speaker
their They're recharging. And that's really, I think, the whole point behind rest in general physically – is to recharge, is to is to
Productivity through Rest Allegories
00:03:21
Speaker
reset yourself. Yeah.
00:03:22
Speaker
You know, there's a, there's ah ah a, um, uh, an allegory, right. of Two, two guys who were woodchoppers, right. They're, they're lumberjacks and, every day at lunch, uh, they all, they both start at the same time.
00:03:34
Speaker
And every day at lunch, the one guy leaves for an hour and the other guy works through lunch. And at the end of the day, he comes in at after stern an hour and comes back and then he finishes chopping the wood. And at, at the end of the day,
00:03:50
Speaker
They're both chopping the same amount of wood. And the guy says, how is this possible? I'm working an extra hour. You're off disappearing. I don't even know what you're doing. What are you doing for that hour?
00:04:02
Speaker
Sharpening my ax. Yeah. So it seems like he's not working, but what he's doing is he's taking a break to reset himself so that he can go back to work and and be even sharper than he was before, literally
Physical Rest - Marathon Training Insights
00:04:19
Speaker
and figuratively.
00:04:19
Speaker
So let's talk about physical first, right? Because rest means a ah lot of different things, but physically it reminds me of Team Sparrow. So for those of you that don't know, this is all kind of ah come together because i I have a charity here in the Hudson Valley of New York and we feed people that are facing a cancer diagnosis.
00:04:41
Speaker
So, you know, we have to recharge quite often. But one of the things that we do is this destination run every year. And when I first started training people to do a half marathon, right, because a half marathon is no joke.
00:04:54
Speaker
You can choose other mileage, but 13 miles, 13 miles. It is a, it is a lot of miles. I started doing runs first before I brought it back to start training.
00:05:06
Speaker
And what I noticed is I used to train myself to try to get to these 13 miles without stopping. And I would always get to mile 9, 10 if you're a runner or if you know you you do any type of sports, you know this wall they talk about. It's a real thing. yeah I would hit this wall. I would break down crying. I would lose 15 minutes. Yeah.
00:05:21
Speaker
it You know, I would just sit on the ground. Right. So what we do at Sparrows Nest is I noticed that if we do interval running where you run for two minutes, three minutes, you walk for a minute, we were running just as fast and finishing in the same exact amount of time as people that were not taking breaks because physically...
Mental Rest and Cognitive Recharge
00:05:44
Speaker
You need to stop so that you can grow, so that you can get stronger, so that you can get a second wind, so that you can finish what you're trying to do. Exactly. And it's not in when in those cases, it's not about finishing first.
00:05:58
Speaker
It's the accomplishment of it. just Just making it. So really there, the rest is necessary to to to be able to finish it. i've I've run the same way I've run. i've i know it doesn't look like it, but I've run a few marathons. And I will tell you that without resting, meaning taking breaks during during the the run itself, um it can be it's a it's a hard thing to do to run it all the way straight through the guys who do it, do it in two hours and 20 minutes. the The ladies who do it, do it in a little bit longer than that.
00:06:28
Speaker
And good on them. I'm not physically trained for that. So the best training that we can do, because we're not professional athletes. We're not. Again, i well, I used to be, but that was a different that was a different life. No, um I wanted to be a professional athlete. But to your point, you're right, is is taking those breaks in between, it recharges so that you can go another two minutes.
00:06:54
Speaker
Right. and and that's And that's, you know, with anything, right? When you're in the gym, you hear that all the time. You're not supposed to be working out seven days a week. You're supposed to be working out two or three. You're supposed to give it a rest day because that's when your muscles grow, right? And then you go back into it. Even with dieting and all that stuff, they say, you know, if you're on this regimented diet, give yourself a day because your body needs to reset and you got to kind of train it, you know, to to to give yourself a break.
00:07:17
Speaker
So this physical rest, I think you and I do well. I think we're good on that part. But there's a lot of other resting yeah that you and I may not do as well. We kind of have have talked about this in the past.
00:07:29
Speaker
Tom, I don't know. We've been friends for, what would you say, like 20 years? It's almost 20 years, yeah. Yeah, so we follow each other and we kind of live the same life. So I want to talk about other resting because, of course, physical is important.
00:07:42
Speaker
But if you don't rest in the other ways you need to rest, then the physical is really not going to matter. Mental rest I want to talk to you about. Okay, Mental fatigue, right? And how you need it in order to recharge just your cognitive function. Yeah. Oh, 100%. If you've ever done, like back in the day, the the the old college all-nighter, we're going to pull an all-nighter. Yeah.
00:08:07
Speaker
It's... No. No. I did that one time and I learned my lesson from it. I'm better off getting three or four hours of rest and then coming back to it rather than going to zero empty in the tank completely.
00:08:21
Speaker
Cause then there is no getting up from that. True. Yeah,
Biblical Lessons on Mental Recharge
00:08:24
Speaker
that's true. And you know, it's interesting. i think of the biblical story where Jesus was out and and and he was about to preach to all of these people. And as apostle said, you know, there's,
00:08:34
Speaker
hundreds of people that are that are out there and they can't wait for for you to come out here and for you to you know preach the gospel. And he said, I'm going to rest. yeah And I thought that that was so interesting. like Because he knew...
00:08:50
Speaker
that he could not be good for anyone else if he didn't first mentally recharge himself. And I just think in this world, you know, just, well, you know, being a parent, yeah ah being on demand at your job, like mentally you are throwing things left and right every single day. And it's hard to, because we think of like resting in that sense, like I said earlier about ah it being ah correlated with being lazy, that if you're not being productive, that it's lazy somehow. And my my I hear this all the time with my wife when I tell her, listen, just sit and do nothing.
00:09:26
Speaker
And she sits for about three minutes and then she has to stand up to rearrange something or she's got to dust something or she's got to wipe something. And she's, she, she feels like not because it needs to be done, but she feels like if she's sitting around that somehow she's not being productive.
00:09:42
Speaker
Because it's right, the societal pressure to be productive. yeah You can't possibly be doing everything you need to do. And you can't possibly be the best you can be.
00:09:53
Speaker
And you cannot possibly um be living your best life if you are not busy 24 hours a day. that that that That's kind of what we see. so like So she used to work in a restaurant and they used to say, if you can if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean.
00:10:06
Speaker
So when the rib when the restaurant was slow, you didn't sit around, you had to do something. So it kind of comes from that kind of mentality too, is like there's always something to do, always something to But when there's always something to do, you never get that opportunity to rest either physically or
Digital Overload and Social Rest
00:10:22
Speaker
mentally.
00:10:22
Speaker
And to your point earlier about, you know, us so I don't know if we suffer from it or not, or if we enjoy it or not, but the, the ADD that we have, that we live with, um, kind of prevents us from doing that in some ways, yeah because for us, the relaxation or the, or the resting always involves some sort of like, Hey, I'm going to be on my tablet or I'm going to be on my phone or I'm going to be watching something or I'm going to be, ah but I'm, I'm relaxing. I'm chilling. I'm not doing anything except I'm still, my mind is still chugging along.
00:10:56
Speaker
So you bring up a good point because that's, that's the social rest, right? So, so we think that by taking a break, you know, on the weekend and doing nothing that being on our tablet is doing nothing, but and The social interactions actually are emotionally, we're then emotionally invested. We are physically invested. Our heart rate's going up or reading something political on one of these, you know, ah so, so that's, that that's cheating. That is not resting. it's just it's just mindless sitting it's not it's not true rest in that sense resting i think i when i think of resting myself um socially or or ah like emotionally or mentally like that is like taking the dog out for a walk like that to me is is is rest because
00:11:53
Speaker
I try not to have a podcast playing. I, I'm like a podcast junkie, which is crazy. Cause I'm on a podcast. yeah So I'm a podcast junkie and everywhere I go, I have, I seem to have to have it on.
00:12:07
Speaker
And I don't know if it's, I don't know what the, what reason is for it, but I feel like there's a, I have a compulsion to always have it on. So I find though that the times when I,
00:12:19
Speaker
don't have it on when there's just silence, when you just hear yourself in your own thoughts, that's true restfulness for me, not just emotionally, but mentally and, and physically, even if I'm doing something while I'm doing it, like walking the dog or taking a walk myself something,
00:12:38
Speaker
or driving or something else like that. You know, that's, I, that's when I find when there's, when there's no noise, there's no, so I'm just free flow thinking, you know, just whatever comes to mind, that's what's out there.
00:12:52
Speaker
It's amazing what comes into your head when you're, When you've got nothing else to fill it with Right. Does that sound weird when I it like that? A lot of stuff, right? Things that you need to work on, things that you need to do. Like it, it is really interesting. I like the point that you said, you know, you go outside because I want to talk about that because Tom and I joke, you know, that, you know, we have ADD and we've just never been diagnosed and we totally do. We totally do.
00:13:15
Speaker
And we're, we're not making light of it at all. There's a lot of clutter sometimes that goes in our mind, but I want to talk about clutter yeah because you said you go outside.
Decluttered Spaces for Mental Rest
00:13:22
Speaker
Yeah. I need to go outside as well. I'm telling you this. I have learned that when I want to do nothing, it needs to be in a decluttered space. So if you're listening right now, something that I would encourage you to do that you are in control of is look around your office, look around your home.
00:13:41
Speaker
Yeah. If you have clutter anywhere, you need to get rid of that because you think that you're doing nothing and mentally that you're really, you know, just ah being, but you're not because that speaks louder than you can imagine. It's just subconscious. So you don't know it. So for instance, on Mondays here, I cook all day.
00:14:01
Speaker
I'm out um in the kitchen for like 12 hours. So my staff is in and out of my office leaving paperwork on my desk. I get tons of emails or sticky notes from people that called.
00:14:13
Speaker
The first thing I do when I get in on a Tuesday is I take everything completely off the desk and I put it below it. Completely. If I do not have time to clean that immediately, i get it completely off my desk, figure out what my priorities are. And then I start putting it back up on my desk and getting rid of it.
00:14:33
Speaker
It is a big deal for me. If my house is cluttered, if my desk is cluttered, I am an absolute, I am just in a frantic state and I can not mentally rest. So there's a thing that I've, that I use for that purpose. Cause I typically will, when I, when I've got something like that, um, you know, things to do or the mail comes in or, or I'm, I've got something from work that I, that I'm bringing home or something.
00:15:01
Speaker
ah don't put it down, put it away. Right. Take care of it right then. That's interesting. We have two totally different ways to handle it. because Well, because if I don't, then it sits on the counter.
00:15:13
Speaker
And then it's something that later on I have to deal with again. And then i and then that, like you said, that that that clutter creates the question in your head of, well, where does it go? When did I put it there? or Do I need it now? Mm-hmm. Is it something that Kelly needs? Is it something that the boys need? I don't even know what this is. Do I have to deal with this?
00:15:30
Speaker
And then ah now my brain is going, it's going faster and faster with that clutter, but it's one, one piece and then two pieces and then 10 pieces before you know it, the whole table is covered and you don't have, you know, you you don't have that freedom, that free space in your head, even because of the physical space, the physical space is a representative, a representation almost of what you're, what is going on in your brain. Right. So I use this, this system, which I think you you've seen over here. I'm not going to say what it is because you know, they're not, they're not a sponsor, they're not a sponsor but they should be.
00:16:02
Speaker
So I use this system that, you know, has all this the different color coded calendars and task. And so I will take everything that is on my desk and I will put it in my task list and then I will slowly, it really works well for me.
00:16:17
Speaker
i will get it up and then I will be able to, check it's so satisfying to check it off. yeah I have noticed with eighty d that for me, as I check it off and I watch that list go down, i feel so much less stressed.
00:16:32
Speaker
But like you, i immediately have to identify what has to get done, Or else I'll spiral. yeah And then, you know, you're just not getting that that that rest that you need. There is um a social influencer that says, if you don't touch it, use it in 60 days.
00:16:50
Speaker
That's what she says. I think it's 60. Some say 30. um Get rid of it. Yeah. Don't just leave Which is so hard. But get rid of it. And in my life, I'm trying to do that because I want to be the
Minimalism for Creativity and Restfulness
00:17:02
Speaker
simple person. I want to live in a little tiny house.
00:17:05
Speaker
Like i I feel that for me, that would be so peaceful yeah because I couldn't take anything with me. And like ah living and at at the bare minimalist, I think is also, it helps you rest.
00:17:18
Speaker
But that, and that goes back to this point about this rest is it's, uh, you can take measures ahead of time uh, Give yourself an environment that is more restful.
00:17:29
Speaker
And one of those ways is, like you said, is to declutter. When you have all this stuff in your house, you're constantly, it creates stress. I'm just as guilty that our house is very cluttered. We have three kids. um My wife loves reading. So we have books, bookshelves and bookcases set up all throughout the house. She's got a learning center set up for the boys and this and that, whatever. 90% of the time, 95% of the time, it's and it goes untouched, completely untouched. Sure.
00:17:57
Speaker
I'm not that it's easy to get rid of those things because it's not always, I don't always have permission to be able to do those things. It is not. But what if you donated those things so it also made you feel good to other people that could not afford those things? that percent That's helpful too. So, you know, part of the benefits of of resting is also that it will enhance creativity and honestly, it will make you more productive spiritually.
00:18:23
Speaker
when you take that time to rest. Because you're thinking about this, you're thinking about other things rather than the clutter that's in your house. So it kind of a prevent, again, kind of a preventative measure, because I don't think that we're going to be talking to today about decluttering your house and that's a whole other, maybe, maybe you should write that down. That's another episode we should It really is. But like a preventative measure to help you be able to be more restful and to be more relaxed in general at home, to to be able to to rest at home is to have a decluttered situation. Like you said at work, like we were talking off off mic here about lunches, right?
00:18:59
Speaker
Like there's guys that I work with at lunch where where and don't work with them at lunch. Yeah. I mean, you even take lunch? Because I don't even think I'd take a lunch, but go ahead. Well, and some people don't take lunches. You're right, because they just work through it. Which is not good.
00:19:13
Speaker
But in the middle of the day, you're sitting there at your desk, you're answering emails while you're while you're just shoveling the food into your mouth. You don't get a chance to just take your eyes away from the screen.
00:19:24
Speaker
and don't know if you've been in those situations where literally you've been on a screen, you've been on Zoom calls, you've been on... This thing, you've done that analysis all day long, staring at a screen. And then by the end of the day, you you feel like you've got like Vaseline in your eyeballs. hundred percent. Like I can't, I can't, how am I, now i got to drive home for 20 minutes? Well, that's the thing. How's possible?
00:19:42
Speaker
There's a direct correlation with your eyesight and the screen time that we're on. There's a direct correlation between carpal tunnel syndrome, you know, and using your computer and typing all the time. There's a lot of physical ailments when you don't give your body rest.
Lunch Breaks and Being Present
00:19:55
Speaker
So, all right. So even just taking your lunch away from your desk. 100%. We have a lunch we have a ah break room right next door to my to my where my office is at at the might might but the place I work.
00:20:08
Speaker
And they ah there are some people that are discouraged when they see people eating lunch in there. You're like, ah, yeah, just, they're just lazy being one of them. Yeah. Eating lunch in here. They're going know it's cause we've got to, we've got to break ourselves from the computer, from all the work and all the stacks of stuff.
00:20:33
Speaker
for twenty I'm not saying for three hours. We're not talking about a European lunch. We're talking like... like a by the way, though, they do live longer, and that is part of it. They do. They do have a siesta. They eat a little bit of food, and then they come back.
00:20:45
Speaker
Yeah, but they have weird accents, so, you know, it's all I'm kidding. kidding. um But they but but but honestly, the reason they do that is because you get a break from it completely. You refresh and then you're able to come back with it with a fresh set eyes, a fresh set of ears, a fresh perspective. Maybe something you experienced at lunch reminds you of something else because now you're decluttered. You've decluttered your brain. All you're thinking about is eating food.
00:21:10
Speaker
You brought up a good point too about the people that, you know, are working through it and then they're mad at you for taking it. I think too, you know, as a boss, I've learned have to lead by example.
00:21:23
Speaker
Yeah. I'll work all day and all night, but I have to force myself sometimes to take that break because then my employees feel like, oh gosh, I shouldn't take a break. She doesn't take a break. Right? Yeah.
00:21:34
Speaker
A hundred percent. yeah So that is something that we have to be cognizant of too. I think, you know, if you are a leader, you're leading by example, as much as you're like, I really can. but Even if you just take 20, 30 minutes and, you know, the tro of your sandwiches yeah the troops need to see that it's okay to take a break because you don't want them to be working through the lunch necessarily.
00:21:55
Speaker
I mean, there's times when, hey, listen, we have to today because of X, Y, or Z. But for the most part, you you do want them to be able to do that. But but seeing that seeing you do it gives them permission to be able to do it. And it's illegal not to let them take a lunch break. There's lots of things that are, you know. Yeah,
Setting Boundaries for Downtime
00:22:13
Speaker
I know. But all right. All right. So you and I talk about all this stuff. And honestly, Tom and I can really talk up a really good game.
00:22:21
Speaker
But we got to talk about practical yeah strategies so that we can reclaim our downtime. Right. So ah we, we talk about this on many of our, our of our, of of our ah podcasts, but this is so important. This is a theme that I think works in everything in your life and it is setting boundaries. Yes, absolutely.
00:22:41
Speaker
We have to set boundaries so we get this downtime. so what does that look like for you, Tom? So for me, it's um it's you the the boundary parts that I create are around youth athletics.
00:22:56
Speaker
Okay. So when the kids have a baseball game, I'm sorry. I'm not answering emails. I can't take a phone call right now. Uh-oh. You have taken mine. My kid's on the field.
00:23:07
Speaker
Yeah. We're playing a baseball game. We're, we got practice. I'm sorry. Can't be at this. I can't do that. I'm not there. This is what I'm committed to doing. And that's because it's as much as it is for my kids.
00:23:21
Speaker
It's also for me. Like, you know, I've, you know, few years back, traumatic thing happened, very life-changing thing. The thing that saved me mentally and emotionally was being able to go to a baseball field and coach kids and be there with kids and be there with other grownups and and just being aware around this thing that I love a lot.
00:23:43
Speaker
And that, so that boundary is for me in terms of like rest, even though I'm not resting physically, going to basketball practice and coaching up the kids and running drills and having fun and high-fiving, that to me, that's mental rest.
00:24:03
Speaker
You know, and that is a really good boundary to set because you do see parents a lot of time that are still working as their child's playing basketball and they miss the shot. yeah You know, like that is a great time to have that boundary because, you know, that is important. And that's something that your kids need to see. You are paying attention yeah to things that they are doing other than, you know, your work life and and everything else that you have going on.
00:24:25
Speaker
So I think that's a great boundary. For me, it is 7 p.m. I am off my phone 7 Oh, that's why i don't... To hear from me afterwards. I mean, I do i do talk to Tom after 7 p.m.
00:24:39
Speaker
But unless it's a recipient, you know, one of our cancer patients that needs something or if I really have to get on and off quick, um I really try for 7 o'clock. So I put do not st disturb, but except for, you know, you can have your emergency contacts where they get through and anybody can get through and they call twice. yeah But um I put that from 7 5.
00:25:02
Speaker
That's incredible. That's my boundary. That's really great. And that, how do how do you feel because of that? Do you, do you feel like you're missing out on anything? Cause for me, that's the first thing I would be like, is it at 705? I'm like, is somebody going to call me?
00:25:16
Speaker
Cause it's still early enough where people are awake, but like, a hundred percent but so how do you deal with that? You got to think about that too. Like, Listen, people can call you just to talk your friends and stuff at seven o'clock at night, but you know what?
00:25:27
Speaker
You have to have boundaries for work and stuff. Nobody should be calling you at seven o'clock at night. If you work at nine to five, they should not. That is your job description. You are getting what you can done in that job, unless you have something else worked out. Right?
00:25:40
Speaker
So, um, I felt really, um, restless. It's hard. It's, it's still hard. And when I get out of the habit and I take a few calls, then I have to reprogram my mind again. So I try as often as I can to be in that place. And weirdly for me, even vacations, we started going to the Bahamas on vacation, which is so completely, you know why?
00:26:04
Speaker
Because when I originally started going, yeah I was not going to pay, you know, $9.99 per minute for a phone call. yeah It forced me not to answer that phone because of the international charges. yeah Like whatever it takes. Christian was like, do we need to go to Tahiti? Let's go.
00:26:18
Speaker
But, you know, when you know yeah that that is a problem for you, you've got to figure out how to set these boundaries so you don't do it. And like you said, go for a walk.
00:26:29
Speaker
Go outside. It's about to be beautiful weather out here. You know, we're we're ah recording this. You know, it'll be running in March. It's going to be nice weather. Like go outside, do something else.
00:26:40
Speaker
But leave your phone. oh gosh. Yeah. Can I tell you how many times I've left my phone in in the other, just in the other room while I'm watching TV with the boys or while we're playing Uno or while we're doing something and The first half hour, I will tell you what it is. no i I feel like I'm on withdrawal. Like I'm sweating.
00:27:04
Speaker
I got a headache going on. I'm like shaking a little bit. But after that, you're like, where is my phone? Do I, I didn't even realize i didn't even need it.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah. you know So like when you're saying like shut it off at at seven o'clock or, or set that boundary, I would really struggle with that. Yeah. That would almost create more clutter or anxiety because now I'm thinking about it all the time. So you know I'm,
00:27:29
Speaker
I'm interested to hear about that. It's an addiction. So like any addiction, you have to get over it. Kids face this. We face this. And if we don't want our kids to be on the phone, you know, I keep saying, my gosh, I
Daily Rituals to Combat Digital Addiction
00:27:40
Speaker
can't be on the phone. So then you have to create rituals. You talked about the walks. That's great.
00:27:44
Speaker
um Meditation, which does not work for me at all, because if it's silent enough in my mind, I'm like, oh, I got an itch here. And then I'm like, I spiral with that. So I don't do well with that. You know what I do well with?
00:27:55
Speaker
Music. Can I tell you, I'm in the exact same way. When I'm listening to music, I it go i go into a trance. Yes. But when I'm doing nothing, when I'm when i'm trying to meditate, yeah I start thinking about all this other things and it's not relaxing for me. No, because i think you and I, because our brains are kind of wired the same, right? It's that ADD that it's all.
00:28:18
Speaker
So for us, we have to shut that off. So having silence doesn't shut that off. No. But having something in the background, like I'll listen to worship music if I'm, you know, feeling, you know, something's going on in myself and I'm not feeling good or I have a ritual every morning when I come and it's just something light that's in the background.
00:28:34
Speaker
um And that helps me to just feel relaxed. whatever that is for you, you you've got to create a ritual, something where, you know, every day,
00:28:46
Speaker
And you should try, they say, for a half hour. Even if that means you build up to a Tom, like maybe you start with 10 minutes without the phone and then 15. Like, you know, I'm not kidding. It's already giving me anxiety. But I 100% agree. Because I do see that behavior in my own kids.
00:29:03
Speaker
Yeah. you know, when i'm when they're like, the minute they wake up in the morning, i will you know, they're they're still in their beds. The lights are still out. But I walk in there at 730 and they're awake and they're watching their tablet. I'm like, guys, what are we But then i realized.
00:29:18
Speaker
That's what we're doing. That's exactly what I do. hundred percent. good And what really is like, so what if you miss that phone call from work? It's not even the phone call from work. I'm just checking my email. want to be on Candy Crush. I check out i check out email. I check my i check yeah ESPN. like I didn't just watch the games until 1 o'clock in because I couldn't get to sleep.
00:29:36
Speaker
i'm I'm checking Facebook. because who whoot Maybe somebody liked something that I put on at 2.30 in the morning. Maybe they liked it at 2.30 in the morning, and I didn't i even didn't miss it. I can't wait until 8 o'clock or 9 o'clock. got to see it then.
00:29:51
Speaker
It is a digital detox that we all need for our social inner mental when we talk about rest. We are too overcharged. Absolutely. 100%. I totally agree with that. And can I, so another ah example of what we can do here to kind of, ah and don't I don't know if it falls into the category of boundary. Because I know you got like a list there that's like all organized and stuff. But yeah.
00:30:18
Speaker
and so So one thing that I ah find works is um having my car be clean. Does that make sense? Like the inside of my car. like That's your space. That's like your house. That's like your your your your car. yeah Not just that, but that's a space where I know that I can go. I can i can leave the house. i can go in there.
00:30:42
Speaker
i can leave my phone at home. um or I can leave it unplugged or put it away or something like that, but I can get in the car and there's not clutter in there. There's not extra garbage in there.
00:30:54
Speaker
um And I can just drive. So that's a technique. You talked about walking. You can drive. You can listen to music. it yeah yeah I mean, everybody's different. with the But with the car specifically, right have the car be, the even if it's just the two front seats, have that space be decluttered. Have that space be I'm not saying clean, like vacuumed and all that polished up, but don't leave things on the front seat.
00:31:21
Speaker
Don't leave things in the in the cup holders yeah and stuff like that. Just keep that area. I do anyway. And maybe that's i have different driving habits than other people do. But like my wife I can't do that with my wife's car.
00:31:33
Speaker
She has a minivan. There's DVDs all over the place. Every, every nook and cranny has a bag of Skittles. That's either half eaten or, or has, is there's, there's, there's fruit snacks in the, in the cup holder. French fries from McDonald's from two years ago. Exactly. i get it. For some reason still having a minivan as well. Yeah. So, and so that space to me, that's, I can't, that's not a restful place for It's a stressful place for me.
00:31:59
Speaker
So I get into my car though, and there's nothing in there. I don't have anything on the front seat. I'm good to go. i can, I can relax there. I can actually clear my brain there. Let's talk about that though, because you do bring up a good point about, you know, the kids and the Minivian and all that stuff.
Teaching Restful Habits to Children
00:32:15
Speaker
Us as parents too, it would be helpful for us to say, whatever you come in the car with, you leave the car with, right? Because the national park, Right. Because they are also yep but facing all of this clutter in their lives too. So us not only doing it for ourselves, but saying to the children, ah we're not putting up with Your shoes are not going all over. They need to be right outside the door. They need to be.
00:32:38
Speaker
And right. And, and, and I know you laugh because listen, I'm laughing. yeah like i I'm seeing it in my head already, but it doesn't work. yeah I know. I know it's hard. It's hard to stay on it and it takes some practice, but You have to protect process, that's why. For them, we need coping mechanisms for them too so that they can feel decluttered and they can get the rest that they need. So i can I have an ADD moment for a second here? I mean, we have this entire episode, so go ahead.
00:33:03
Speaker
Do you have one of those spots in your house where like everything lands? Like a junk drawer? Not a junk drawer, but like a physical, like my parents used to have this. It was...
00:33:15
Speaker
Like your mudroom? They had an exercise bike. Oh, no. In their bedroom. No. And now everything that didn't have a spot ended up on that exercise bike. Our, so when you walk into our of our house, we it's in the back.
00:33:31
Speaker
The front door is up in the front. that's the only The only person that knocks on the front door is the neighborhood kids and anybody who's trying to sell us something. Yeah. So the back door where we walk in. Right. Excuse me.
00:33:44
Speaker
So you walk in, the very first thing there is our dining room table. Okay. And there's a chair right on the corner. That chair, now because there's only five of us, it's six chairs. You have to take a picture today.
00:33:55
Speaker
I will. that That chair has shopping bags, Kelly's baseball bag. And I say baseball bag because when we do sports stuff, if you if your pay but if you're a sports parent of any kind and you have an outdoor sport, yeah this bag has...
00:34:11
Speaker
Notepads, pencils. Yeah. It has um snack bags. and Put it in your trunk. It has everything. get it in your trunk. Get it out of there. Yes. But there's, there's shopping bags. There's her, her bag.
00:34:23
Speaker
ah Sometimes the kids will put like their wet jackets. and be hung up on the do you eat Do you eat in this dining room with that chair in there? Tom, I feel like I now need to help you. We got to get that chair out. But here's the other that happens. We got to get the chair out because now your your dining space, whether you know it or not, is not even a, I can enjoy my dinner.
00:34:47
Speaker
it's But it hits you the second you walk in the door. 100%. So now 100%. Clutter in your face. and it's And now when the chair is full,
00:34:59
Speaker
the space on the table. No, no, no. Tom, Tom, listen to me. I was going to give everybody else homework, but I'm going to give you the homework. So here's what we're going to do. We do also have a Facebook page that we really haven't. Oh, I'm not posting a picture of this on my Facebook page.
00:35:15
Speaker
you so are You are. You're going to post it. Kelly will kill Well, whatever. Nobody's going to know. Nobody knows you. I haven't put your face up yet. So listen, we are going to, this is going to be like the Tom experiment. We're going to have you. Yes.
00:35:27
Speaker
I need a before and after. And that is what we're going to start because we really got to start using this Facebook page. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to show that you have made improvements, but this is for the listeners. No, do not we have to do it as well. We cannot, we have to take our own advice. We have to take the bull by the horns. We have to do this. And then we have to wrap this up, but,
00:35:47
Speaker
so So here's what I'm going to say. I'm going to encourage everybody to try to find some rest in their in in their day. I think, you know, we could start with five minutes each because we don't want to make this a 30-minute thing. You're going to fail.
00:35:59
Speaker
And we're talking about true rest, like what we're talking about. Not rest like, oh, I'm sitting relaxing and watching Breaking Bad. Because by the way, that's not... Oh, that's PTSD. That's not a relaxing show at all. That and The Handmaid's Tale. I can't watch either of them, but go ahead. But like...
00:36:13
Speaker
Clearing your mind, clearing your space, yeah clearing, clearing yourself of the clutter around you. Yeah. So you can really rest. Right. And enjoy yourself and and refresh yourself. That's the whole point of it is to, is to reset.
00:36:29
Speaker
Yeah. You can't do that if you're doing stuff. Yes. So we're just asking you for a few minutes, let go of the guilt and that because you have to do this to recharge. Oh, you have to. yeah Yeah, So we're asking you just to give yourself five minutes a day and figure out what that is for you, right?
00:36:42
Speaker
And just give yourself five and like anything else, yogurt, any of those things. Yogurt. Did I say yogurt? Yogurt. Yogurt, yes. Yogurt, like yoga. Or any of the things that you do, it it does require practice in order for you to be able to go longer and longer. And eventually you can detox from some of these things so that you can recharge and be a better you for
Rest for Personal Well-being
00:37:02
Speaker
everybody in your life. And that's the biggest part of it is that you have to do this.
00:37:05
Speaker
You're not doing this necessarily for you. You're doing this for the people around you. Cause if you, if you're not your best, you it's like the, on the airplanes, you know, when the oxygen masks come down, yeah the moms all want to put it on the kids first. Don't do that. Can't do that. You got to put it on yourself. If you don't save yourself, bingo. And that's what this rest is all about is really being the best you that you can be. Absolutely. So what's going to happen is Tom is going to give us a before and after picture.
00:37:33
Speaker
Yes, you are Tom. oh He might be in the doghouse, but that is Kelly, I didn't, it was, this it wasn't part of my plan. I need that commitment from you. Yes. I commit to doing it. Okay. and I love that.
00:37:46
Speaker
So what if reclaiming your downtime is not laziness, but necessary? What if it's not wasted time, but the key to showing up as your best self?
00:37:57
Speaker
The world's going to keep spinning. The to-do lists are really, they're honestly never going to disappear. But you, you need to pause. Go ahead. Take a long walk, as Tom said. Sit in silence. Listen worship music as I would.
00:38:12
Speaker
Stare out the window, but you need to reclaim your space, reclaim your breath. And in doing so, you need to reclaim you. Until next time, be kind to yourself.
00:38:23
Speaker
and each other.