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Episode 32: The Lords of Magick featuring Matt Finnegan
41 Plays4 months ago
Chris, Anna, and Greg are joined by the original mad lad, Matt "Finny" Finnegan to talk about the lost and rediscovered time travel fantasy adventure, The Lords of Magick. Shot on BetaCam and starring a stage magician that never acted before again, The Lords of Magick is pure uncut, capital B "Bad Movie". Tune in, you don't want to miss it!
https://youtube.com/@therealbobcouch?si=4skInB6JA-MlaWD_
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:00:40
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast. The only podcast that's brave enough to ask the question, if this movie's so bad, why do you like it so much?
00:00:55
Speaker
We're your hosts. My name is Chris Anderson. And with me, as always, I have the Ellen to my Tommy, my wonderful wife, Anna. Hello. And of course the show would not be complete without the Ulrich to my Michael. Greg Bossy. Greg, how are you? Hello. I'm glad to be Ulrich. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, out of the...
00:01:21
Speaker
I'll say though, I live, I got the girl. That's true. But still, I feel like an Ulrich. It makes sense. What about me? who Who am I, though, to you? That's what I'm really wondering. Obviously, you are the Merlin to my Salatin, really our special guest, Mr. Mad Finnegan. Welcome back, Mr. Mad Finnegan. Wow. Hello. Thank you for having me. am i am i the ah How many other guests have returned? Am I the first returner?
00:01:48
Speaker
No, we've had ah Preston came back to talk about the world's greatest sinner and Stefa returned for Joe versus the volcano. Oh, check those out for those who have entered the two time club. Yeah, that's right. So I'm the third two timer. You're the the elite three. That bodes well for being the first three timer. The best things come in threes. You know what I mean? It's true. It's true. I've always said that.
Film Selection: 'The Lords of Magic'
00:02:20
Speaker
You chose this week's movie. I did. Well, the guest always chooses the movie, right? Well, sometimes they need some help. And sometimes obviously I like to make that premise clear for new listeners.
00:02:31
Speaker
One time I chose the movie because ah special guest Al Bates had promised himself that he would not watch any movie they had seen before this year. And so he just had me choose one and I chose Ghoulies 3 and he hated it. and this day Well, here got god he got himself, you know what I mean? they can you lay that He laid that trap for himself.
00:02:54
Speaker
It's true. It's called The Risk for a Reason. And you chose The Lords of Magic from 1989. Mm-hmm. It's a great year for film. It's true. There was that there was that one, and I think maybe that 30 Nina Jones movie. yeah Well, oh don't worry about it. ah that You got it. You got it. Our context section.
Plot Summary and Viewing Experience
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah, last time I did this, I learned that Chris is, he's a hyper preparer. He's hyper prepared. There's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely not. this is not a This is not a complaint. This is not a criticism. No, no, no. i it it makes It gives me confidence. it It feels like I've got a foundation I can build on though.
00:03:39
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Listeners, if you haven't seen The Lords of Magic, and you need a short summary, and the odds are good you have not seen it. This was a fairly obscure film, I'm going to say. But here's a little short summary to hold in your mind as we go through the episode.
00:03:57
Speaker
These tunes.
00:04:00
Speaker
Michael and Ulrich are not just Merlinite white wizards, they're also brothers. And they must travel one thousand years into the future to rescue Princess Luna from the evil Sorcerer Salatin.
00:04:17
Speaker
Fair to say. And that's yeah that's that's that. Yeah, that's that. And OK, it is Salatin with a T. Yes. Yes. D. Yeah, it is named after the Turkish emperor.
00:04:32
Speaker
Saladin Saladin Saladin something. Yeah, I mostly know him from civilization six. Yeah yeah ah i'm goingnna you I hate you now. That's the worst part of civilization is all this when the enemies just decide they hate you I mean when the other countries the other countries decide they hate you out of nowhere Well, they never do that to me. I get along really well with everybody when I play Civilization. Well, we'll see. um I'm great. Now, ah how did you come across Lords of Magic? What's your history with Lords of Magic? Yeah, I was really excited to bring this movie to to you ah to you, to all three of you. ah I caught this at in Spain in ah in a film festival called Citrus. Okay. It's a film festival that happens every year and I've gone
00:05:16
Speaker
has it gone maybe four times now? wow And it's like a couple weeks long. It's generally a horror themed kind of nerdy film festival, but it's got more, it's got more than that. It's just kind of its focus. And they also have a lot of old movies. They have a lot of like trash movies, B movies and C movies and in this case a D yeah or an F plus. um yeah So, and it was, I think this was kind of a new discovery because I was in a um ah screening of this and people, it didn't seem like anyone had seen it. No one was, everyone was just like shocked and loving, loving it. It was kind of like a real celebratory atmosphere.
00:05:53
Speaker
um There's a lot of shouting, a lot of whooping, a lot of hollering. This would be a good one for a crowd, for sure. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And it was nice because it was in Spain, and so people were shouting out jokes. um But since they weren't in English, I didn't have to evaluate if they were good or bad jokes. I was just I was having a good time. Yeah, it was like MSQ 3K without understanding what they're actually saying. Yeah, but you could just go with the vibe of the crowd. If it was all the crowd thought it landed, then yeah, we're all having a great time.
00:06:19
Speaker
Exactly. and And yeah, this movie had some trailers before it when I saw it as well, kind of this VHS vibe that they were doing. And one of those movies was called Sunnyboy. Oh, yes. And I showed that to Greg. Greg and I watched that. That was wild. That's an interesting movie. Very interesting. So I'm putting that on. Yeah. You guys go out, go and just check out Sunnyboy and just Google it. You don't even know. Yeah. David Carradine, if you need help, he's in it. OK. Probably enough. OK. Yeah. He probably only did one movie called Sunnyboy.
00:06:53
Speaker
It was enough to pepper your search, to help specify when you're searching, is all I meant. So Greg, Anna, have either of you guys seen this one before? Never heard of it. Never heard of it at all.
00:07:07
Speaker
And all, all three of us, we watched it all on YouTube, which I think really impacted all of our viewing experiences because this transfer was not great. Not terrible. Yeah. Was he was the version you saw mad any better?
00:07:24
Speaker
Uh, the version I saw was better. Yes. Um, I don't know ah exactly where to get it. If it, if it was actually published, it might be one of these kind of like i i was just read it on VHS at some point. I don't know how large a run it got, but there were VHS prints of it.
00:07:39
Speaker
OK, I get the impression that there's like a what I saw might have been a restored and I use big quotes, a restored version of something new, something new that a group has put out, but I have not figured out where that is. And I foolishly didn't talk to the people after the the showing. I should have asked them. Yeah, I fucked up guys. Ah, like tears in the rain. That's right. I will say the YouTube version also has like a trailer in front of it. It gave it a real like VHS feel I watched this on a Sunday morning and I was just yeah like, yeah, this feels right. Like I've just popped something in the VCR. I'm having popcorn for breakfast and I don't really care about anything right now. And it just feels perfect. And I think that the quality because.
00:08:26
Speaker
Well, there there were a number of quality issues and separate, different levels. There was, I mean, the version I saw was definitely, don't get the wrong impression. The version I saw was terrible. I mean, it was terrible, yeah terrible movie. Like, of of course, it's a, there's no like high, there's no Blu-ray for this, this thing. You know what I mean? Unfortunately. And they, but the YouTube that what's on YouTube, you can go and just find it. Um, that version was, yeah, the dubbing especially is really, really bad. Um, you could, but a lot, some of the dialogue, you you could, some of the dialogue was like, um, you couldn't really understand it.
00:08:56
Speaker
No, I had a lot of trouble understanding what was being said. And it definitely looked like this was not a first generation copy that there was a lot of generational loss that gave the images almost a painterly quality.
Behind the Scenes: Cast and Crew
00:09:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it wasn't entirely bad for the experience, no ah but it did make it harder to engage with, uh,
00:09:22
Speaker
With our personal context out of the way, do you guys want to talk about my context research that I've got, what I found out about this movie? Yeah, I'm fascinated. Yeah, I am desperate to know more. Yeah, i'm I kind of ah figured that you wouldn't come up with much. I figured this would be like a, at best, maybe you'd find a blurb or something. So I'm very excited. I've been looking forward to this. Well, listeners, panel members, look forward no longer.
00:09:52
Speaker
It's time for the context section of the show.
00:10:35
Speaker
So the Lords of Magic came out 1989, director David Marsh ah with the tagline, brothers in arms, partners in adventure, o which hey feels both true and uninspiring. it says a yeah it's it's yeah it says ah It says a lot, but it really doesn't say anything.
00:10:57
Speaker
When brothers are friends, their adventure does happen. Is that you or is that, did you add that? That one's me. Okay. So initially, I was not able to find a lot of information about Lords of Magic. It's the only film made by David Marsh. ah He had no biography on IMDB, no Wikipedia page. It's a shame.
00:11:20
Speaker
I did find his personal page, uh, he, or his business page. He currently works as a wedding videographer in Hawaii and his company, Kauai video productions. I want to apologize for that pronunciation. Marsh is going to be furious with you. K A U A I video productions.
00:11:41
Speaker
Uh, page. What's you mean like his geocities? Like, what do you mean his personal page? The the page for his business. Like it's Wikipedia. No, the, his business has a web or the po is his website. Got it. Got it. Not personal. It's professional. That's a, that's a professional. It also had a little, it had like a Q and a with him. He is the business. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a Mars production. Always, always was always with me. Yeah. Now, uh, star Jarrett Parker.
00:12:11
Speaker
ah He never appeared in another movie. ah He was a Juilliard trained actor and spent most of his professional career as a stage magician. ah We're going to talk a little bit more about that during our brand new news segment, Talkin' TV. We sure are. Yes. I'm excited. Bumperheads, get excited. This episode has two new bumpers.
00:12:38
Speaker
It's also no surprise that like a good magician can make a good film because, you know, it's magic. Either way, it's magic. move Yeah, cinema is a type of magic. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The ah other star of the film, Marc Gautier, who played Ulrich, only has one other screen credit. In 2019, he had a small role in a micro budget movie called Mary and the Mob. It had about $15,000. So it was made for one tenth of the budget of the Lords of Magic.
00:13:08
Speaker
about 30 years later. That was the only other thing you ever did. Wow. Wait, are you kidding me? I didn't. Okay. yeah i mean I mean, I'm intrigued to find out what the actual budget of Lords of Magic. It was, well, you will find out. But you just said one 10th of the budget and I'm just like, yeah what? I'm shocked. Now I couldn't really find anything else about Marc Gautier. So I thought for sure that this was all I was going to find, but then
00:13:35
Speaker
I found a short essay about the film written by screenwriter Sherman Hirsch on a blog called Plan 9 Crunch. Shout out, Plan 9 Crunch. Interesting. when is it what what When was it written? It was written, I want to say 2014, somewhere around then. Okay. Okay. Now, ah Sherman Hirsch began his career in Cleveland, where he taught film at a local junior college.
00:14:05
Speaker
He moved to California at the age of 34, where he initially paid the bills, writing scripts for pornos under a pen name. We've all been there. Yeah. yeah ah He eventually teamed up with David Marsh, who wanted to make something for the cable TV market. This was the booming market for small budget filmmakers. Right. He told Hirsch he wanted something he could make for $120,000 and shoot in about two weeks.
00:14:32
Speaker
They spit bald ideas back and forth before deciding to do a fantasy movie. I don't know why you'd want to do a fantasy movie on a limited budget. You got to get all these sets. You got to get all these costumes. You got to get all these special effects. If you've got the vision.
00:14:47
Speaker
They thought it would sell. ah ah It was a hot genre at the time for the cable market. Johnny Carson once famously quipped on the Tonight Show that HBO stands for Hey, Beastmasters on.
00:15:05
Speaker
He also famously said, oh, we should make a movie about magic. It should be a magic movie, right? Yeah. Johnny was, he had his finger on the pulse when he said that. Let me tell you. yeah definitely fresh and Now they did realize that fantasy can be kind of expensive, ah but they figured out they could save some money by sending it in the present as opposed to most sort of swords and sorcery films at the time. Right.
00:15:33
Speaker
like a beastmaster 2 kind of scenario it's not like they invented this you know yeah beastmaster 2 came out after this oh Oh, shit, maybe they invented this. Maybe they invented this. So they would send their heroes a thousand years forward in time, which is why the script's original title was The Thousand Year Quest. That's a much worse title. I was going to say that's kind of good. It's kind of evocative. I don't know. That's that's just me. No. All right. I think it works better for prose than for film. Yeah. A short story called The Thousand Year Quest sounds much better.
00:16:08
Speaker
Yeah, that's that's absolutely right. Now, Hirsch wrote the first draft of the script while he was serving jury duty in L.A. County. Great time to be doing that. Yeah. ah He got most of his magic system from a reprint of the Anthology of Sorcery, Magic and Witchcraft, a French book that came out in the 1920s. OK. You think he just kind of looked up from writing and was just like guilty and then went back to writing? He said it was a civil trial and they ended up ah paying out to the the plaintiff for a couple of million dollars. He's like, we all got tired of it and we agreed that they should just get the money.
00:16:46
Speaker
How about that? yeah and he got I think he had a lot of writing done too. if I mean it was a productive time. no absolutely yeah That's interesting because actually because in a lot of states jurors actually are not allowed to take notes so you're not allowed to have like No, he said he wrote it in his head.
00:17:07
Speaker
ok ok that you could absolutely do yeah Like you, I assumed yeah i assumed he was just has a notepad. Like how you're supposed to take notes. Yeah, but instead but he he runs the risk of someone catching what he's writing and it's just a script about a couple of horny brothers. yeah yeah
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah, there's a woman on there testifying about how a medication made her child go blind. And he's like, interior warehouse, the wizards cast a magical spell. no ah He's grinning ear to ear. He's loving it.
Production Challenges
00:17:43
Speaker
ah Let's see, the movie was shot on beta cam, which is what gives it its distinctive look. Oh, wow. It would explain a lot. It looks like a camcorder. That was that's the first impression you get like, oh, this is just a guy in a camcorder.
00:17:55
Speaker
No, it looks really bad. This was a large format video that was mostly used for studio television during the eighties, maybe a little bit of on location news or like a local car dealership commercial, it's that type of camera. And it gives it that kind of- It's not quite consumer, but it's down there. It's close to consumer level. It's consumer in a way. What's that? Yeah. It's prosumer. Prosumer. Well, I think part of it is that the equipment that you need to actually use it or put it in any place useful, that part, like the editing and the tape base, that's all really,
00:18:34
Speaker
pretty expensive. So I don't think any, you know, ah consumers will be shooting on this format. It's mostly just for like TV stations, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Back when they still had like local news everywhere. Cheaper production. I want to make a prediction before you continue because i i you might address it. um I predict that he uses used an Amiga for part of the editing for the special effects. Did you know did you get into that?
00:19:00
Speaker
ah No, unfortunately he did not have very much information about post-production. OK, OK. But I do recognize a lot of those effects as something you could do on a there was a card for the Amiga Amiga computer called the video toaster. OK, that sounds familiar. Yeah. And you could do effects like that for cheap. So but unfortunately, yeah, why don't we just we should have tried to try to have him on the have him on the podcast. You know, I believe he's that. Oh, fuck. We could still get him on shit. We could have tried to get at Marsh. He probably we probably could have got Marsh, if I'm honest.
00:19:33
Speaker
Well, necromancy is, is illegal anyway, but and that's true. yeah So well we'll get into that. Now, uh, other cost cutting measures that he talked about, uh, a lot of the extras were, uh, local historical recreationists ah and who could bring their own costumes. Uh, they also fair rent fair type of people. Basically they can just come. Yeah. They're like, yeah. Uh, now, uh, despite these costs cutting measures, uh,
00:20:04
Speaker
such as cheap cameras, no name actors, but and no sets. ah This two week shoot that cost $120,000 ended up taking closer to six months and cost closer to a half a million dollars.
00:20:19
Speaker
According to her. Yeah, this is this is news for me. Yeah, yeah this is not what I'd expect. But there's no way they made that money back. But I will say, I mean, we'll we'll obviously get into this, too. But I can actually see where the money went because there was so many effects in this movie. There were so many set up, so many crazy things that you must. It was like a work of real passion. I feel like some of these special effects. I could see why it took a lot of time. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:50
Speaker
other fantasy films of 1989. I'm excited. All right, you got Eric the Viking. Oh, brother. Okay. Tim Robbins, directed by the guy from Monty Python. Sure. Oh, yeah. Gilliam.
00:21:06
Speaker
No, not Gilliam. The other, no, Terry, the other Terry. There's like four guys, like the other one, the other one, the other one. Terry Jones? Yeah, Terry Jones directed it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Terry Brooks, I don't know what that is. Well, I think he directed The Holy Grail. I think he did that as well. No, that was Gilliam. I think Gilliam took over, but it was started out with Jones. That could be. Something like that, yeah.
00:21:31
Speaker
You've also got Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2. Okay. The sequel. Yeah. Sinbad of the Seven Seas. I believe starring Lou Ferrigno. They did Sinbad movies past 1960? They did one in 1989. Okay. Teen Witch. Oh, good. Okay. I i adore Teen Witch. Have you guys done Teen Witch on this show? No. No, if you want to come back for Teen Witch, we'd love to have you. Absolutely.
00:22:01
Speaker
Will Monsters. Oh, okay. Warlock. Warlock sounds familiar. I don't know why. Starring Julian Sand and Richard E. Grant. R.I.P. I mean R.I.P. Julian Sands. Yeah.
00:22:17
Speaker
Richard E. Grant doing still doing it. Long live Richard E. Grant. He's doing all right. He's doing all right. I remember, if he was in the newest Star Wars movie, right? either That sounds right, but I haven't seen that before. There was a video of him before Star Wars came out, the newest one, and it was him gushing about it. And he ended up crying because he was so proud of the work they did. And I was like, this is going to be quite a movie. And he was like really crying over it. And I saw the movie and I was, I don't know, it didn't match up. It didn't match up. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes that happens.
00:22:46
Speaker
Alright, and the last bit of context, the three fantasy animated films, you got the BFG, Kiki's Delivery Service, and The Little Mermaid. Okay. Nice. Those are some serious that ok yeah there's some serious credits at the end there. I mean, the BFG, isn't that... I thought that was like a newish movie that Spielberg made. There was ah another version that was made in 1989 that was cell animation.
00:23:10
Speaker
Is it the same story? Yeah, they're both the Roald Dahl stories. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Is it the same? Is it the same story? That's my assumption. I haven't watched, I don't think either. Is the newest Alice in Wonderland? Is it the same story as yours? Is that based on the Lewis Carroll? Is this the Sherlock Holmes that I'm familiar with or is this a new one? This is a different character where he's a chef.
00:23:38
Speaker
For some reason I thought I heard he was a chef in this one and he looks different. I just be i must be crossing wires. but Let's get into the plot, shall we? Yeah. Please. Please.
00:24:30
Speaker
We open with a little bit of narration and an onscreen text in the form of a painting of a scroll. They couldn't even get an actual scroll. All right. Wow. Not to come out swinging on Lords of Magic, but the very first image they show you is like, this is cheap and bad.
Critiques of Film Elements
00:24:53
Speaker
They're not hiding it. Yeah, but it's there. They did it. and This was made by local television. That's the vibe. But it was made. It's true. They did it. i I can't take that away from them. Exactly.
00:25:06
Speaker
ah The narration is detailing a magic system. Obviously the first thing that you want to hear in a movie, right? Uh, none of it particularly matters to the plot and it is a horrible way to start a movie. Hey guy. It does mention that there's an evil wizard named Salatin that needs to marry a princess in order to rule the world. Yeah. Boom. We've got our stakes.
00:25:32
Speaker
Then we see a shadowy figure stalking the halls of a castle that appears to be made out of plywood, fair to say. You have to suspend your disbelief, Chris, if you've not watched a movie before. what Yeah, of course it wasn't real. A pedant could see the strings.
00:25:50
Speaker
ah I'm just saying, listen the eagle-eyed listeners out there might catch that these sets appear to be made by a local high school.
00:26:04
Speaker
The shadowy figure stalks this plywood castle, killing guards with magical spells that ah look like they're made with an Amiga video toaster. Yeah. And then kidnaps the princess. These two characters relearn our Salatin and princess Luna. I really liked the effects in this movie. I thought they were all really fun. They're, they're a good time. Yeah. think we gonna put um It's even It's funny. I liked them. I liked them in this movie. And at the same time, they reminded me so much of, um, what magic looks like in Marvel movies and in Marvel movies, I hate it. I mean, and and yeah it's basically I, I suppose because if you have, if you have actual money,
00:26:59
Speaker
for effects, then you can do something more than blue and red lightning shooting at each other. But when that's all you got, it actually, yeah, the effects were were weirdly a high point.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah, they were and it felt like they put real effort into the effects more than I would expect based on the effort level in the rest of the aspects of the movie. And they edit the effects in such a way that it works with the effects that they have as opposed to trying to like.
00:27:32
Speaker
show, cause I think like a lot of early people when they're making things like, look at these effects. It's like the effects aren't that great. You might've wanted to like play to their strengths. And I feel like they do play to their strengths with these. They temper themselves a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. yeah And they are yeah smartly done. And they add as a surreal quality. The one that really sticks with me the most was the skull that suddenly had eyes. Yes. Chroma keyed over it. That was pretty strange. And it was rotating too.
00:27:59
Speaker
Yeah, it almost looked like something out of Peewee's Playhouse. Yeah. very Yeah. But I think that was fun. I think to to address Anna's point about like, why don't why do I not like this this type of thing in Marvel movies? I think the difference is in this movie, the effects are are more discreet. They just do one thing at a time. They're like, here's a spell. Flash. There's there's that spell. There it is. In Marvel movies, there's the spell. And then there's 50 other things happening visually and and audio.
00:28:30
Speaker
There's just too much going on. and Yeah, and they're all in like slow motion and the cameras rotating and there're you there's a sight gag in the background. It's like, can we just chill out a little bit? Yeah, music's blasting. It's just like, here's 50 awesome things. Whereas this movie is like, here's one awesome thing. You can just enjoy that.
00:28:46
Speaker
Yeah. Look, a spell. you ah We then get some ah credits with ah some strangely off kerning. I don't think I've ever seen credits with bad kerning in them before. Okay, okay. That's a good catch. It was it was bad kerning, yeah.
00:29:05
Speaker
Yeah, i'll I'll put that up on the socials when the media when the episode goes up. Then we finally get to meet our heroes, Michael Redglen and Ulrich Redglen. Michael is the younger brother, ah bookish, and Ulrich is more headstrong and cocksure. They're both wizards. Yep. And they're heading out to the local tavern as Ulrich is looking to get both him and his brother laid.
00:29:35
Speaker
Yes. It starts out with kind of a sexual side quests. Uh, is it his brother's like 18th birthday or something too? Is that what's going on? I think he was just like, we're going out tonight, bro. You've been studying too much. You got to cut loose. I thought there was like an implication that the younger brother has never, uh, had sex, but yeah, I think he is a virgin. It may have been that sounds familiar. He's certainly not a smooth talker. No.
00:30:03
Speaker
And ah this film has a strange air of sexuality, I want to say. That feels very out of place. it doesn veryex Yeah, Very strange. Overt.
00:30:18
Speaker
I think in part because it looks so cheap that it's hard not to feel like everyone's being exploited. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right. Like it it feels tawdry. By everyone you mean, though it's just like whatever, whatever local female actors they could afford that would also allow themselves to be a little exploited. It was like. I mean.
00:30:40
Speaker
They all yeah had like a plot point of this which I'm sure will come up later Basically necessitates exposing women's breasts to make the story go forward which is not what you typically see in a fantasy film No Especially on a sort of light fantasy comedy. It just seemed like an odd tone for the film that very for the most part felt kind of like a medieval England episode of American gladiators.
00:31:08
Speaker
it just They had such a weird look and vibe. But American gladiators is consistent. They don't, they don't bring, there's no, there's no, there's not like horniness randomly strewn throughout an American gladiators episode. No, that's what I'm saying. that To throw horniness on top of that feels untoward. Yeah, absolutely. And I believe there is actually a British version of American gladiators that I've watched. ah British gladiators. I think they're called British knights and they're knights instead of gladiators.
00:31:39
Speaker
But anyway, Michael strikes out when he tries to woo alas by offering to use his magic to restore her maiden head. Yeah, I can't believe this was said. I had to like Google that and be like, that is what I think it is. yeah It's like, yeah, it definitely is.
00:31:58
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely felt like I was reading that. When did this become porkies? It's just an odd talent. And she get that way. She gets to experience losing it again. It's ladies love that. They love they love that experience. It's pleasant. She wants the the virtue for her wedding night. Otherwise she'll be at anyway, ah he consoles himself by joining his brother in a body tavern song, which was taught to them by the historical reenactors.
00:32:24
Speaker
of that ah Yeah, they had a fun afternoon. I bet for the crew that was in that local historical reenactment group, I bet they love this movie. Like, yeah, it's me and the guy. Yeah. Uh, until they saw it. and Well, I don't like the parts that I'm not in, but look at this. I like the sex stuff.
00:32:44
Speaker
i'm in part too yeah ah Then, the boys get arrested by the Kings guard. They're brought before the King who accuses them of necromancy after a guy comes and testifies against them that they brought him back to life. or yeahs mental accus He's just an accuser. He's just a vicious accuser. Yeah. I mean, they didn't bring him back to life. but They did admit that. Yeah. They're like, we found you dead by the side of the road and we felt bad. We weren't the ones that killed you.
00:33:17
Speaker
But we didn't bring you back to life because you were dead. OK, so yeah, some of the some of the the dialogue still eludes me. ah The first time I saw it was it was in Spanish. It was dubbed in Spanish. So there and there was no subtitles. OK, kind of leaning over to my Spanish friend and be like, what's going on? And he's like, oh, he's the king. And like, OK, I got it.
00:33:35
Speaker
You couldn't tell he was the king? That part seems pretty evil. Yeah. ah No, just to give you an example. Who was the guy on the throne with the crown? What was that crown? yeah What is that signal? Who's that one? Yeah. But yeah, just but by the end, it didn't matter. I understood completely what was going on. But on the second watch, which was yesterday, ah some of this dialogue was so hard to, like, literally ah and decipher. It was just the audio quality so bad. Yeah. Now, ah let's see. Yeah, they're brought before the king.
00:34:04
Speaker
who, uh, then he, he sends them to death by the necromancy is illegal necromancy is a crime in this country. that's right But they, they offer him anything. They will, they will grant him any wish that he desires in exchange for, uh, letting them live. And he says, wait a second. Maybe he could help me with this daughter kidnapping problem that I've been having. yeah My daughter was kidnapped by an evil wizard. Is it, you guys do wizard stuff. Maybe you could do it.
00:34:33
Speaker
And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem no problem we got absolutely who's the guy yeah,
00:34:48
Speaker
you know on me ah yeah oh i you guess bad you guy and i salatin is actually they they say that he's more powerful than merlin they say that yeah which it's hard to believe based on what we see later but yeah The boys also say that he's even more powerful than their father, a character that is only mentioned in that context and never again. Yeah. That's true. No, no. At the end, Salatin mentions, uh, therefore he said you'll die just like your father or something. He like them. Yeah. So he's mentioned twice. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Very briefly. So fuck you. No, it's fine.
00:35:24
Speaker
Now, ah the boys agree and they begin just sort of wandering around, hoping to find something that will point them in the right direction. This is pretty much their strategy for the entire movie. Yeah. And it works. Yeah. You know, they count on their luck. Let a smile be your umbrella. Let's do this. You get out there, you roll the dice. Now, Ulrich gets the idea to use a corpse hanging from a nearby tree as a conduit to speak to old gods.
00:35:52
Speaker
This is a cool idea that yeah didn was not pulled off well. What do you mean? Well, first of all, they were doing it sort of in the middle of the day. Like it wasn't particularly ominous. I feel like the guy that was hanging from the tree, he was like all wrapped up in rope. It looked cool. It was one of the cooler looking ideas that they had. But they went across them like at that point, you would rather they wait until evening. They got shit to do. They're on. They have a quest.
00:36:18
Speaker
You know, you've got a good point. This is just when it happened. This is based on a true story. When happened, yeah. Now, ah the corpse tells them that they aren't actually brothers. They're step-brothers. Yeah. But didn't it didn't really phase them.
00:36:41
Speaker
What a twist. It looked like you were typing a lot of things to get that. No, I forgot to pre- I have to preload the buttons on the steam deck a little bit. I got to prime them a couple times. Prime the old sound pump, you know. Yeah, yeah. You got to get the electricity moving. But they were not, yeah, they didn't phase them to, I mean, the corpse, you know, the corpse really thought this is going to rattle their cages, but they were, they know how they feel about each other.
00:37:06
Speaker
Yeah. Ulrich said he already knew and Michael was kind of like, Oh, whatever. And this sort of becomes a plot point. Kind of. yeah Sort of. Anyway, the corpse also says they need to go 20 and a one half furlongs west to the altar of skulls. There they'll find South. Uh, so then they walk and they talk. There's a lot of walk and talk and they eventually get to the cave where they find the altar of skulls.
00:37:34
Speaker
and the catholic Very quick, I mean, they see cave and they go into the cave and the altar is right there. Yeah, it's a very big cave. Yeah, there's no protecting it. There's no, it's just it's just there. You just round a corner and there it is. Well, you know, who's there protecting it is the all seeing eyes of Salatin because his eyes, his face appears above the idol, ah above the altar.
00:37:59
Speaker
And it tells them that if they want to find him, they'll have to search for 1000 years. Now, this is the first time that we really get to hear Salatin's voice. And in terms of voice acting, he's doing a lot of great, crazy stuff. yeah In terms of being able to understand what he is saying, he was the absolute worst. Yeah. Oh yeah. But if't that wasn't totally on him. that's That's the fault of the production. You know what I mean? 100%. There's a room and tone in this. This was not well recorded. yeah In addition to the generational loss.
00:38:38
Speaker
Now, uh, the brothers, they aren't quite sure what to make of Salatin's 1000 years comment. He means that literally. Yeah. But they're like, but we're not immortal. How could we possibly search for him that long, my brother? Stepbrother. And, uh, they do use a lot of the and thou in this very stilted, uh, like old English stuff. It was very bizarre. Not expecting that.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah, they're not doing accents. No, no, no, they have American accents. It's weird here. The endow from it like from Americans. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I could call any of the the endow for the rest of my podcast. Even if I tried, it wouldn't just be too distracting.
00:39:28
Speaker
I liked it personally. I like it. I like it when ah they they you commit to something, even if it's a obviously a mistake. It's true. I admire it. I'm glad that they saw that on the page and they're like, well, that's what's up. We can do it as written. Let's go. Yeah. yeah see ah So they cast a spell to ask Merlin for help.
Plot Developments: Time Travel Twist
00:39:50
Speaker
Merlin says, and then really I would have done this sooner if that was on the table, but, uh, he explains to them that, uh, what Saladin meant is that he's hiding 1000 years in the future, the far flung future of 1988. He says he can send them forward in time and even offer magical aid to one of them. Not both. Merlin, come on. Merlin can only do so much. Yeah. He's not made of magic.
00:40:20
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, the well is finite. Uh, the other one is out of luck. So they agree that Michael is the junior wizard should get the help from Merlin and then Merlin magics them forward through time using special effects that look approximately like the opening credits of sliders. Yeah. was thinking the exact same thing yeah yeah They find themselves in Hollywood, La La Land,
00:40:50
Speaker
You play, he's queuing something up. There it is. There's cars, skyscrapers, what beautiful girls. So I got to say, I didn't like read a plot synopsis of this. I just saw Lords of Magic. I know who Matt Finnegan is. I was like, this would be a good time. So when this happened, I was like, wait a minute. What? Like this was complete.
00:41:17
Speaker
Like I said, we're going to Los Angeles. I'm very happy about that because that was my experience, too. Yeah, and i wrote I wrote Christ. Wait, in L.A.? It took minutes, 20 minutes of Thee and Thine ah before we get to them still speaking Thee and Thine, but on the mean streets of Hollywood. Yeah.
00:41:41
Speaker
Yeah, I was really surprised that in this time travel movie, the time travel movie came at the end of the second page of my summary. We're two fifths through the film by my count. There's a lot of there is a lot of setup that doesn't isn't really necessary. No, no, no, we're gonna use another pass. They should have spent another week in deliberations. They find themselves in a There's skyscraper, lots of people. Look at all of these castles. Are these people kings? One of the brothers asks. And when you think about it, that says a lot about society. It sure does. It says that we're all kings in a way. In know in our own way.
00:42:21
Speaker
And behold these metal beasts, it's got that kind of vibe. It's fantastic. I thought you were literally quoting it. because No, they they never said behold these metal beasts, unfortunately. But they easily could have. Yes. ah the Now a pair of cops try to arrest them because they look like a couple of freaks walking around and one of them clearly has a sword.
00:42:44
Speaker
But Michael teleports them out of the cop car and the entire assembled crowd who had just been watching in silence as they were beaten and arrested by police now applauds that they have somehow Teleported out of the cop car really a moment It is a great moment. I love that moment. That's one of my favorites because for a number of reasons, the first of which is like when they got arrested and put into the car, there was like, you know, this feeling ah ah of, oh, God, now we have to go through the drudgery of like, you know, dealing with a scene in them and then in the police station and like, yeah.
00:43:16
Speaker
We're going to have to go through that hole, rig them a roll. And instead, they just teleported out of the car and a really nice kind of camera movement. It's like, oh, we're actually over here. Not a big deal. And so that the whole cop encounter was just nothing. It was like a blip. It didn't didn't contribute to any of the plot. And it felt like a real commentary on police officers in a strange way, like just like we're going to take a moment, show some police brutality and then just move on. It's true. This movie says a lot about society.
00:43:43
Speaker
It does. And I wonder if that theatricality of appearing within the crowd was the idea of the actor that played Michael, the stage magician, because that's a classic stage magician move. Yeah, yeah. To be like, and now we're back here.
00:43:55
Speaker
is Michael, the the young the older one or the younger one? are The younger brother is the one that was a stage magician. And his experience as a stage magician was part of why he got this part. ah Because he could do the sort of theatrical hand gestures yeah for casting spells. yeah Whenever you say Michael, i think yeah I think of the older one because he looks like... I keep thinking of him as Michael McDonald. So when you say Michael, I keep thinking you're referring to him. Alright, I kept not thinking of him as Bob Seger. That works too, yeah. Either one. Now...
00:44:25
Speaker
They then stumble upon a black box theater that's doing your production of The Princess and the Pea for what appears to be an assembled group of trunks.
00:44:36
Speaker
Mm hmm. Curtain call. They jump the actress that played the princess thinking that must be the princess. Everyone was calling your princess. They saw the word the name of the play and they and it has the word princess in it. And they're like, I guess this is is this is where the princess is. Yeah. This is how Salatin taunts us.
00:44:55
Speaker
and Uh, yeah. So they grabbed this woman off the street and start ripping her shirt off to take a look to see if she has a birthmark on her titty. I forgot to mention that earlier on when they were meeting with the King, the King lifts up his shirt and he's like, she's got a birthmark on her titty. It runs in the family. Just like this one. I thought it was like above the breast. I don't think it was like actually on. Well, I mean, it is above, it was above the nipple, but it's still on the breast.
00:45:22
Speaker
Yeah, it was closer to the armpit. they They tend to be like just sort of yanking shirts down. I don't think that's what I don't really understand about their method, their methodology. They assault multiple people and pull down their shirts to see if they have a birthmark. Right. But why not just they could just lower the shirt a little bit and like why rip the shirt off? But then you wouldn't expose breasts for the film.
00:45:43
Speaker
OK, so you I didn't see any exposed breasts. Were there exposed? No, you didn't really see. one You didn't think it was the best in this film. Yeah, it's a really strange like it's a strange concept because it seems like part of the plot again is like we have to expose breasts.
00:45:58
Speaker
But then also they don't really expose any breasts, but they do the act of ripping the clothes. They just literally assault multiple women. They just walk up and start ripping down their shirts. it's really that that And that's what's so strange. because they're not Yeah, like, aside from that that, when they do that, they're generally civil people yeah who, you know, obey the rules of discourse, social so you know society. But and for some reason, that one action they yeah They, for some reason they think this is the only way to do it. We're going to have to just rip their clothes off. And it's totally fine to not speak to them to just run up there and run up and they tear their shirt off. It's so strange. yeah it i it It feels like it was written by a 10 year old and in this regard. Yeah. Yeah. Once again, I think we needed another week of deliberations. yeah yes Now they keep walking around.
00:46:50
Speaker
Hoping that the figure's something out. Classic Michael and Ulrich. A lot of moseying. They do a lot of moseying in this movie. Definitely a lot of moseying. And this time they get jumped by a street gang. They get random encounter table. Yeah. ah One of many. One of like a multiple.
00:47:06
Speaker
Right. That's pretty much our strategy is to hope to roll princess on the random encounter table. Yeah. One out of a hundred. They clown on these guys using their magic powers, basically like making them look like chimps.
00:47:21
Speaker
wishing they had never attacked the Lords of Magic. Uh, but then for some reason, the tide of battle turns against them. These, these guys, they keep on getting up and they're out for blood and Michael and Ulrich don't want to kill them. And they end up sort of getting cornered somehow. I thought the action in this movie all felt very rudderless. Sure. Oh, completely incomprehensible.
00:47:46
Speaker
Yeah. Like I feel like the, the individual fight choreography felt very sort of like theatrical, but not particularly bad, possibly what our Juilliard trained boy was bringing to the table. But also like it it had no rhythm. It didn't, it was, it just felt like things happening. It was like watching. There was no, like, there was no narrative to the, to the action.
00:48:12
Speaker
Yeah. It was sort of like when you're watching like a big battle scene and you have the main characters fighting and then you cut to the bunch of other people just doing things. It felt like it was all just other people doing things. Yeah. Yeah. there's no b there's no an a There was no A and B thread. There was just B thread. Yeah. There was no rising or lowering action. Yeah. no and No narration. A lot of it was like in really wide shots.
00:48:35
Speaker
It was just very strange. It was amateurs. I'm going to be honest. Yeah. You know what it reminded me of? Batman, the television series. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And it's a lot of goofy jokes too. It's another example of the mixed tones in this movie where you would have humor mixed in with drama, mixed in with action, mixed in with a horniness somehow all happening at once. And it's strange.
00:49:04
Speaker
A lot of ideas. But I will say the action is bit it's better than I would expect from this movie. like I think there's more of it and it's better than I would expect, even even though it was bad. I feel like it speaks to this movie is competently made. It just doesn't know what it's doing, if that makes sense.
00:49:23
Speaker
Like I feel like they know how to make people flip ah on a stage and make a stage fight look real. They just don't know what purpose it serves or how to have that convey meaning or weight. So it's just like, look, they fought. It's like they did. It's better at the technique than the art. Yes, that's a good way. Yeah.
00:49:43
Speaker
It's kind of like that ah song by that Italian guy that just uses English phonemes. Oh yeah. I think it should make sense. That's what I'll edit in for our closing credits. Okay, good.
00:49:55
Speaker
no no but do no monday but a do but do but it but right that guy yeah listeners get excited for like that right now but over number but but Now, Michael and Ulrich, they want to teleport out of this fight scene.
00:50:09
Speaker
ah but they have forgotten that ah the end of the incantation. Luckily, in a nearby apartment, an onlooker named Tommy hears them incanting and rushes to his bookshelf where he has a grimoire with the very spell they need. He's like, oh yeah, he's just like, this sounds like magic. Some guy, you and magic out there. I know that magic.
00:50:33
Speaker
Uh, he yells out the last line of the incantation and then they teleport up to Tommy's apartment. Specifically, they teleport into his bedroom where they instantly start ripping off his girlfriend's shirt to check to see if she has a birthmark on her titty. It only makes sense. Yeah. How else are you going to find out? Maybe any woman is the princess. we should exactly We should just do it for like, let's just get it done. Start ripping.
00:51:01
Speaker
Now, all of them gather around the kitchen table and the boys tell Tommy and Ellen, what's up. Tommy has an interest in magic. That's why he had the groom war. So, uh, he's down to help out, but Ellen is not. Uh, they head out to Tommy's car, presumably for more aimless wandering, but this time they get to be in a car. So that'll be better. Yeah. faster Yeah. they'll They'll get to nowhere a lot quicker. Hurry up and wait. Unfortunately.
00:51:31
Speaker
on routes to the car, a nearby car comes to life and attacks them. They escape it and Tommy gets the license plate and he gets his friend who is a sergeant on the police force to run the plates for him. And they find out that the car belongs to one Salvatore Tino. That's Salatin.
00:51:57
Speaker
Wait, so he he's registered? Yeah, yes. There was a line Chris said, and it's really important is that Salatin taunts us like Salatin is trying to let them know where he is located so that they might.
00:52:13
Speaker
That is a huge thing, because it's like, why are all these convenient things happening? It's like, because Salatin wants them to find those so they can find him. Never does Salatin just go to them or be like, I'm here until later, obviously. But like, it's very funny to me that it's like, I'm going to keep giving you clues as to my location because I want you to know where I'm not going to tell you where I am.
00:52:36
Speaker
But I'm going to taunt you with my location. He likes to play the game. He enjoys the game. Yeah. But I think um my question about the car is more fundamental than that, because in the movie, you know, it's clear that the car gets possessed by the spirit of Salatin. Like it didn't they don't it's empty. The car is empty. There's no driver, but it starts. it's it's It's kind of a.
00:52:57
Speaker
What's the Stephen King Christine scenario kind of chasing him and the car. But I'm just surprised. What I'm surprised about is that the car is registered under his name. Like he legally has that legal his name. Then it would be registered to Salatin. It's registered to Salvatore Tino. And I think what Salatin did was he altered the records magically to lead this clue to talk. Absolutely dead. to To the future and he's like, what are license plates?
00:53:31
Speaker
ah well yeah I could work with that. He got an encyclopedia Britannica to look up like. Yeah, he can't. In the last one thousand years. And I embed my clues. He cast him divine bureaucracy. Yes. Yeah. It's a high level spill and it kind of got him up to speed with how how how that how the whole thing works. The DMV. Yeah. It's like it's like the heraldry on a horse.
00:54:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's like that for a car.
00:54:07
Speaker
So they head to Salvatore's house where a Tommy finds a hidden passage that leads to Salatin's secret lair. He finds it after a mummy rises up and shoots laser beams out of his eyes at him and he falls backwards through a hidden bookshelf. And they're in this like spooky kind of mansion. And I gotta say the setup for the spooky mansion, they drive up to it and they walk across a, a yard that's kind of filled with smoke, kind of really spooky scenario. Um,
00:54:36
Speaker
I thought it looked pretty good, honestly, that whole setup. It was a nice ah atmospheric, you know, mist-filled yard they go up. And then the the mansion looks very spooky. I'm just, so again, I'm just surprised they were able to do what they did with what they were doing. it No, they didn't mess up every single thing. No. ah The inside of the house did look like Paul Lynn's Halloween special. Yeah, it didn't look good.
00:55:01
Speaker
Now, uh, in this secret passage, they find both princess Luna and Salatin and they're in some sort of magical stasis situation. Uh, they check the princess's titty and it is her. They've got it. This time now they don't need to do that anymore. Thank God, but they will still keep doing it just to be sure. What if there's two princesses from me, Lord?
00:55:27
Speaker
Now, uh, Salatin also wakes up, unfortunately. There's a rest cycle or something, right? Salatin and the princess were both kind of in like sleeping or in magic sleep or something special magic. Okay. Yeah. But they were like standing up and floating. Yeah. Which probably is not the best way to sleep. and bad for the back Yeah. Now there's some magical battling and the gang escapes.
00:55:56
Speaker
On the way back to the hideout at Tommy's house, ah they get waylaid by that same street gang, except this time they're a bunch of ghouls. what level ah yeah Yeah. Well, I think they've, they've died and Salatin has brought them back as evil undead. And they have more weapons. They have more medieval weapons. This time they have a ball and chain, which they didn't have the first time. Oh yeah. yeah yeah like and And one of them has a jousting lance, which he uses on the back of a motorcycle. Yeah. Really cool.
00:56:25
Speaker
And also Tommy stabs one in the stomach and the guy rips his guts out and then falls to the ground. Yeah. It was like an injection of gore. Yeah. None of the of the rest of this movie has gore on that level. And this guy looking down at his guts oh my ah and the guts are kind of spilling out.
00:56:40
Speaker
I think that added to the sexuality now that I think about it is probably how they're trying to make this movie for adults. They're trying to make this more like Conan, even though it looks like it's Power Rangers. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, like what we were saying, they didn't quite know what they wanted. Yeah, and they didn't quite achieve what they were going for.
00:57:04
Speaker
They leave the princess at the apartment in assault circle and Alan is there to keep an eye on her. They decide they should split up at this point. Let's split the party. Tommy and Michael, they're going to go to the library. That's right. After a long dry spell, we've got a Lord have mercy situation. Oh, Lord have mercy.
00:57:30
Speaker
ah woman they went to the dan Yeah, I think it's probably been at least 10 episodes. There was a time when at least 50% of ours had a Lord to have mercy in it. Yeah. Now, Ulrich, he's gonna go downtown and wander about aimlessly.
00:57:52
Speaker
Tommy and Michael, uh, they get past a very unhelpful librarian with a little bit of Michael's magic. And, uh, then they go to Tommy's college's secret magic books room. Turns out one of the books there was written by Michael, allegedly 500 years after he died. I don't know how he knows when he died, but he says, Oh, that would be 500 years after I died. I mean, knowing when you died was a scary area.
00:58:22
Speaker
He knows when he's likely to die. Uh, I do like to that. He's like, well, don't you see, this means it works. I mean, I don't know how, but it works. Cause I wrote this after the thing I wrote about him dying. So this is going to work. Yeah. he's like where We've, we've, we've clearly succeeded in our quest because I w I live to write this. So problem solved. Big confidence booster. Huge confidence booster.
00:58:45
Speaker
Uh, then the librarian, uh, turns into some sort of evil dead, like zombie or possessed situation and attacks them. And, uh, Saladin also sends them some sort of riddle. I don't remember what it was. And the, the librarian in, in, in ghoul form, like also had like a tongue, like a snake tongue. Oh yeah. Yeah. So just note that.
00:59:11
Speaker
Meanwhile, Ulrich's wandering gets interrupted when he gets bored and decides that he should have sex with a prostitute. Yeah. This is a very strange thing for a protagonist of a film to do. Yeah. It was a really unpleasant scene. It's extremely unpleasant. It's only the first of a few unpleasant scenes too. I don't want to shame sex workers or clients, but this doesn't seem like it's great depiction.
00:59:38
Speaker
I also like, he's just like, I should have sex with that prostitute. Actually, I shouldn't have sex with that prostitute. I have things to do. And then Sullivan's like, you should have sex with that prostitute. And he's like, I should have sex with that prostitute. Well, at first, I was just like, I'm glad we're getting out of this. And I was like, no, no, we're going back in. Again, it's the taunting.
00:59:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's he he was horny and he saw um I don't even know if the first woman was a prostitute. It was just ah just a hot babe. I thought maybe it was. But who knows? ah But he was like, oh, I'm interested. And it he's like, no, I'm in the middle of something. And and then Saladin's like, actually, you should. And that that's by man I think that's like a spell called suggestion or something. You know, I think he does have power. They have they have definitely already established that Saladin can make people. Yeah.
01:00:25
Speaker
things like He's compelled people to turn on the radio and switch it to a channel where he's like, I'm gonna find you and fight you. I'm not gonna tell you where I am. I'm gonna send you more clues, but I will find you and fight you. Yeah. Or shall I say, you'll find me after you follow my clue, my series of thoughts and clues. Yeah. But I think it is still weird to be to have that first distraction, that first moment of like, check out that ass. Like, if I'm really busy, even if it's not saving the world or fighting an evil, you know, sorcerer, I'm generally not going to notice even the hottest babe. I'm in the middle of something. You know, if I'm in the middle of something, it's like you're not like you're not Ulrich.
01:01:05
Speaker
just It's just weird, it's just weird. If you have something on your mind, generally you're not noticing these things. Pretty out of place. I yeah couldn't agree with you less, Matt. So for you, if you're in the middle of something, you're more easily distracted. ah i very i I don't know. Maybe I have ADD. I'm very easily distracted. Now, ah he decides he should wash up before he has sex with her. And then Saladin appears in the mirror behind him and tempts him with a position in his new world order. And surprisingly,
01:01:42
Speaker
Yeah, he's like, what if, what if after I had sex with the princess, you could have sex with the princess? And, oh Rick, and Alex's like, hmm, what if?
01:01:58
Speaker
ah Then ah he strips down to just what appears to be the panties that Sigourney Weaver was wearing in Alien. They're very small. They're tied on the side. yeah're wear Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Arrow appropriate, I feel like. OK, no, but that's not that's not how they did drawers. That's that's not so just under weird improvised diaper. No, like underpants used to be they were they were like the legs of pants.
01:02:34
Speaker
Yeah. and But you'd wear two of them. OK, you just wear two pairs of pants. Because making making a crotch out of fabric is actually advanced. Yeah, like advanced sewing technology. It makes so for a long time. Yeah. You would you just wear leggings. You'd be wearing like two leggings, but they'd be open at the crotch. OK. Yeah. OK. That'd be a strong look for me.
01:03:02
Speaker
yeah would it would be trouble for anyone yeah I mean, it's true. If you asked me to sew a crotch, I would be like, I don't know where to start. No, I so i could do maybe the legs, but after that, I'm out. Yeah.
01:03:15
Speaker
Now, uh, Ulrich kills the prostitute and says, my name is Salatin, which was also pretty confusing. yeah And then he goes to the park and he makes two random people have sex with each other. Yeah. He spreads. It's like a sex bubble. He's walking around. He's got like a sex aura, which again, it's like a debuff, an AOE debuff, you know, that's on we out from Salatin. Salatin. Now, uh, meanwhile, Tommy explains to Michael what a train is.
01:03:44
Speaker
And the two of them walked over to a local fortune teller. i love Hold on. I love that that shot of them walking on the train tracks. And it's just him in mid conversation explaining what trains are and what they're used for. is This is how we transport goods and services between towns. He's like, oh, interesting. It's just a nice little, oh, great. And again, mosey, you know, there's kind of casually walking. yeah It's a hangout movie. It's kind of like slacker. ah So see, a medieval slacker with time travel.
01:04:14
Speaker
Uh, now they're heading over to visit a fortune teller named Esmeralda. Who who has her little, her shop set up just on the and then the railroad tracks. Yeah. I mean, she's on the wrong side of the tracks. Uh,
01:04:32
Speaker
ah I can't remember if she tells them anything useful, but I don't think she does. I don't think she does, no. I don't know what the point of that is. I'm trying to use your Krishna ball, it doesn't work, so he does something to make it work, and then Saladin's like, I made you do that. Come and find me. Yeah, here's another clue. Good luck. I'm taunting you with clues again. I could tell you where I am, but I want you to find me in person.
01:04:54
Speaker
What I don't get to do is I move to a place and then I write a clue to the next place. So before you take, I keep on going. I just have to take the time to think of the clue. I get off. This is the only way I can get off anymore.
01:05:10
Speaker
the
01:05:13
Speaker
Ulrich goes back to Tommy's apartment and he absconds with Princess Lunar and brings her to Saladin. Michael tries to contact Ulrich with his mind, but it's blocked the same way that Salatin's mind is blocked to him. So we can't do it. So Tommy says, well, why don't you just try calling him on the phone? And so they do that. And he calls Ulrich at a bar. Your summary is really, it's in it's it's it's in threads at this point. there's it's like So they do it.
01:05:44
Speaker
I was running out of gas at this point. You give a shit.
01:05:51
Speaker
So Ulrich says they should meet for battle at Marsh Electronics, named after director Marsh. I love this. it It's just like we're going to do a final showdown at Marsh Electronics. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. I love it. Sure. Down at the down at the industrial park. Marsh Electronics, just like the research library for some reason, has a medieval style room inside of it for some reason.
01:06:15
Speaker
So, uh, Tommy and Michael, they go to Marshall electronics. We see Salatin sent a guy we've never seen before to hell. His name is Morgan. Michael challenges Salatin to a wizard duel. Salatin declares, I shall prove that I am the greatest sorcerer of all time, but not the greatest
Climactic Battle and Resolution
01:06:39
Speaker
wizard. Michael retorts.
01:06:42
Speaker
Which is just like... Yeah, I don't really get it. Why did we just fucking move on with our lives? We need to add, like, sorcerers are different from what... and I don't need that. It's too much lore. It's not appropriate it's for this. Let's wrap it up. Exactly. Yeah, we're telling a story here. We don't need to introduce that at the final battle. Like, also, sorcerers and wizards are different. It's different shades of the same thing.
01:07:03
Speaker
My powers are infernal! Now, the wizard's duel goes on for a while. Ulrich and Tommy get involved at different points. He goes on zombies. By the way, he means a while. When he says a while, it's a long, it's a long closer. Yeah. A lot of cat, a lot of spells, a lot of zaps. There's magic missiles, there's polymorphing into different animals. A lot of blinks, a lot of lightning bolt, screaming skull or whatever that's called.
01:07:31
Speaker
Yeah, lots of great stuff. Definitely. There is is also a moment where Salatin just holds up his cape and runs towards Mike. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. He just runs at them. I'm out of spell slots. I think that's actually how you cast the spell fear. That's why Michael ran away. he Yeah, that makes sense.
01:07:55
Speaker
that's That's the verbal and somatic component is raising your arms and running and somewhere yell yelling. I like it. Now, ah eventually Ulrich comes around to his senses, but then he gets killed. tommy and that's it oh Tommy finally awakens his latent magical abilities and he and Michael team up to defeat Salatin.
01:08:20
Speaker
are They give each other a hug and say goodbye. Michael needs to go back to his own time along with the princess and his brother's corpse. And you'd think this would be the end of the movie. God, you would hope.
01:08:33
Speaker
God, you would hope, but no. Then they go back in time and there's a little funeral for Ulrich, and then they need to go talk to the king. Well, you think he's going to ask for the princess's hand in marriage since he's given any wish, but. Yes, one wish. and But instead he says, can I use necromancy to raise my brother from the dead? And the king's like,
01:08:55
Speaker
Let me think about it. And then he says, okay. And also now you're a Duke and you can marry my daughter. And he's like, yes, let's go get married and fuck. And she's like, what about your brother? He can keep. he that's so He'll keep is the last line of the movie, his brother in the ground. And then we get a composite shot of the King's castle.
01:09:23
Speaker
a lightning bolt striking the moat and a cutout of Salatin rising from the moat. Yes. And then the end, no question mark. So I got to tell you that made me gasp when it happened. I was like,
01:09:40
Speaker
Uh, it looks like the Terry Gilliam style animation where it's like, Oh, my cardboard cut out. Oh, but like it's so it is so weird and cheap. And I just was just shocked. It's not animated in that. I mean, it's animated in that it moves. It's like a teen.
01:10:00
Speaker
Yeah, and it stops and then the whole thing is a cut out the whole thing is like yeah but still and then there's a still of If you told me that they did this by having a picture of that castle and then cutting a slit and then taping a picture of Salton to a popsicle stick and pushing it up to slits I would believe you. I assume that that would be how to do it. I'm true i'm almost uncertain. I'm almost certain that this was done digitally. Yeah, I think it was actually done. digital I think it was done on, like I said, an Amiga and you could you could do stuff like that on on that for for I think it was pretty cheap at the time, too. But in my brain, that's how I see it is just someone on. Yeah, I just think, yeah, but do it slower next time.
01:10:42
Speaker
Do it again, do it slower. And completely unnecessary. yeah Absolutely 100% unnecessary. The boy's going to have to fight Salatin again? ah who no but I'm confused. or you don't You don't like this? You guys don't like this? Well, let's talk about it. Let's do some final thoughts. and i would love to see um elton I'd love to see him come back again for another adventure. I would too. I gave this one four stars. And I'll tell you why. I wrote it down.
01:11:12
Speaker
I need to find it in my notebook. Good. I'm getting there. Here we are. You're flipping a lot of pages. All right. All right. I take a lot of notes.
Mixed Reviews and Film's Charm
01:11:20
Speaker
It's a beautiful slop, this movie. There are large chunks where the dialogue is completely indecipherable. That's the only reason why I knocked it down from five. Other than that, I think this is a delightfully bizarre film. Uh,
01:11:37
Speaker
But yeah, large chunks of it are difficult to pay attention to, because you cannot understand what anyone is saying. If someone has a clean print of Lords of Magic, please reach out because I desperately want to see it. What about you guys? Where did you wind up?
01:11:54
Speaker
Well, it's interesting because for some of those same reasons, I would settle on, I settled on ah two. okay I ah did not care for it very much, although like there were still things I liked. Like I said, I actually did like the effects and ah there's some Yeah, there's so some isolated things i'll that I liked, but ah I think I mostly couldn't get over the the tit thing. Yeah, it was weirdly unnecessary. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it happened so often. Yeah. What about you, Greg? Where did you wind up? So I'm torn between a three and a half and a four. I think I'm going to go three and a half in the end. It's enjoyable. It's really good, but it does have the like, yeah, the the constantly ripping down shirts, the
01:12:46
Speaker
The level of horniness is ah sometimes off putting the tonal shifts are a little strange, but it is like also that's enjoyable for a certain crowd. This like jarring juxtaposition of things and just watching people do something they shouldn't do is entertaining in some level. ah It's a good time. It's certainly highly recommended. ah Watch it if you can find it in this sounds like your thing, because if it is, you're going to like it.
01:13:14
Speaker
And what about you Finnegan? Where did you wind up on five stars? Didn't care for it. No, um, I, I'm, I'm between four and a five. I think i I probably would have to give it a five if I'm going to be perfectly honest, because I watched it. Um, I've watched it how many times? Okay. So I watched it at the film festival and the next day I watched it again. Cause I wanted to show a friend of mine. Uh, I wanted to show it to him and he he he couldn't make the showing. So I showed it. So I watched it again then. I loved it the second time, even more.
01:13:43
Speaker
thinking, oh, this might be a slog to watch it again. but might be This might be, you know, not the most pleasant thing, but it was great. And then I watched it again re ah recently, yesterday, and I loved it even more the third time. So I think that's that's this the ah i think that's a good sign for a bad movie where you Because there's a lot of bad movies that are just unwatchable. But if you can watch one three times in a month, I mean, it's a pretty good sign. I think mutual friend of ours, ah Mark, watched it with me last night and he said, it's so amateur that you have to respect it.
01:14:16
Speaker
Yeah, I think I think that is exactly how I feel about this movie. I feel like it is the best example of ah of that, of whatever it is. Right. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it's ah it's almost like a cost like a a um cosplay group or a larping group made a movie like we're going to make a movie, dude. And usually, you know, I would be like, it's never going to happen. Or maybe you'll do one scene, but they did an entire movie like they actually did it. Yeah. Yeah.
01:14:44
Speaker
i mean so yeah so i think based on what it is i have an enormous respect for it i think but i do think there are some unfortunate things most of the unfortunate um aspects of it are from the writing i don't know the horniness is so it is extremely offputting i don't get and um doesn't really and I don't actually have a problem watching it because I ah can separate myself from it yeah so long ago. that i don't I mean, there whatever. like But ah it is it is really strange and it does give you a real real window. I think Chris, one of your you're ah marks of a good bad movie maker,
01:15:25
Speaker
Is someone who you watch their movie and you can see into their insane brain. Yeah, like like Tommy Wiseau, right? It's the ultimate example you can see in into his insane brain when you watch his movies and I felt like that was the horniness certainly Yeah. That revealed a lot about who was behind the camera. Yeah, exactly. Um, but yeah, it was it such a, it was such a gem and such a fine cause I saw it in this random showing at a film festival. So, um, and, and I felt really lucky doing that as well. Uh, I don't know if I would have encountered this thing otherwise. So you'd put this at a, at a fiver then? I think at a five. Yep. All right. Lots of, I love a split panel, lots of opinions. We've run the gamut from two and a half to five.
New Segment: TV Show Discussions
01:16:11
Speaker
Now it's time to move on to the third act of the show. And we've got that brand new segment, I promised. We're talking about TV. TV. We talk TV. You talk some TV.
01:16:43
Speaker
Perfect. Yeah. Thank you. All right. Well, as Chris said, at the top of the top of the podcast, Jared Parker is a real music, a real musician rather. Um, since the early 2000s, he's had a double act with his partner in business and in life. Uh, Roger Ramon, who is a Juilliard trained pianist.
01:17:13
Speaker
And they do kind of they do kind of like piano-themed tricks, really, you know, playing to both their strengths. Together, they have appeared on four TV shows.
01:17:28
Speaker
Um, they started back in 2012. They were on America's Got Talent. They made it all the way to the quarter finals. I did. I saw, um, an illusion where, you know, Raja sat at a little tiny piano and plays the beginning of Fur Elise. And then I put him in a big, you know, a big magic box and spin it around. And then the reveal like there was a 20 piece orchestra jammed inside that box.
01:17:57
Speaker
playing their instruments, it was very impressive. essential um ah They did their performance on the show, did get them a slot at the live show in Vegas. So they did get a job, um even though they didn't you know win. um They also appeared on the CW still running show, Masters of Illusion.
01:18:27
Speaker
okay which has been running since 2014. They were in the first episode and they've actually been on in 13 episodes with the most recent one being in 2020.
01:18:40
Speaker
Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. these these ah that's They're pro prolific. They're extremely prolific. Yeah. Yeah. They've been working. um They were also in April 2016, they appeared on Shark Tank, oh looking for 750K to help finance a Vegas show. um And for the, they did for the sharks, they like put a lady in a thing made of flash paper and set it on fire and then she reappeared inside a water filled clear a clear water filled acrylic piano.
01:19:20
Speaker
Oh good I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping I was hoping So that's three of the shows. However, the one most appropriate for the movie um was sci-fi's reality competition, Wizard Wars. They competed on that and that is kind of a fun set up. um They had two teams of two ah and they were each given they had to
01:20:13
Speaker
like makeup and illusion on the fly that had to feature three specific props. So there was a set of luggage, a red cape and a bunny rabbit, a live ah live rabbit. Um, and they did, um, they did a thing that involved like supposedly firing the bunny out of an improvised cannon, but it was safely inside like the third of three nested um suitcases. And then, you know, they lift out the bunny and it's fine. And it's got a lady from the audiences watch tied to it. You know, one of those tricks where you it's just really. a yeah
01:20:58
Speaker
really yeah i I really don't know how those kinds of tricks are accomplished. don't they they don't and They did this on like a reality competition show. ah so a reality competition show yeah um and then But unfortunately, the husband and wife team they were competing against, I think they did a better trick. I feel like they did a ah good misdirect that involved like the set of luggage ah falling on a crate that supposedly contained the husband and that was just it was a good it was a very good moment for the trick. So Jared and Roger were eliminated they did not go on to the second act of Wizard Wars wherein they would have gone up against the panel of the pre-existing panel of Wizards which was
01:21:47
Speaker
half pen and teller and then two other people, I think, no pen and teller were judges. They were judges, but there was, yeah, there was a, ah a panel of like, you know, magic ringers that they would have had to go up again. And it would have been like a serious, yeah they're like the iron chefs. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I should watch this show. This is interesting. yeah I'll tell you the problem with the show as a concept. Go ahead.
01:22:13
Speaker
and and I are both big reality competition show fans. Yes. And i so I feel like I can talk about this relatively knowledge. Please. One of the delights of the reality competition show part of the ah one of the acts of the competition show is after they know what the challenge is, you get to watch them work on the challenge. yeah assume they've got to see them present Yeah. Well, the problem is you can't really see them work on this because then they would be revealing how the magic trick works. So you just get footage of them like brainstorming and be like, what can we do with luggage?
01:22:48
Speaker
This is really frustrating because I thought when you described the show, I thought that's exactly what I would be in for as an audience member. I'd be able to watch them construct a trick. I thought that was the whole idea. And you're saying, no, you just watch them think about it. And then it comes to them doing it. Oh, that's so annoying. That's so annoying. That's not great. That's not that great. I've totally turned off. I was really excited about the show. Now I'm turned off.
01:23:12
Speaker
understandable. But Jared was great on it. He seems like a very sweet man. He's got, he's, he's on Instagram doing, uh, like slate of hand videos under a series he called up like magic. Okay. Okay. And he's still, he's still teamed up with, uh, with his, uh, his husband. Nice. Yeah. Yeah.
01:23:38
Speaker
Well, thanks. That's my presentation. That was a great bit of
Trivia Game Fun
01:23:43
Speaker
talking TV. Are you guys ready for a brand new game with a brand new bumper? Yes. Yes. All right. We're going to play a little bit of guess the title.
01:24:38
Speaker
It's so creepy hearing, it's so creepy hearing multiple Chris's. There's like the breathy Chris. Yeah, Anna's in the mix. yes Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was all Chris. Okay. I'm less disturbed.
01:24:52
Speaker
of So ah yes, we're going to play a little guess the title. The one leg of the stool that I didn't talk about in context is co-producer Ralph E Portillo.
01:25:06
Speaker
who I believe was brought on later in the film to bring in that additional money. That's how that ah budget ballooned up to that half million that was quoted. And it's all on the screen. ah He is also one of the few people in this film that went on to do other things. ah He continued as a producer and also worked as a director. ah Later in his career, he worked a lot with WWE films. Okay. Okay.
01:25:34
Speaker
But that's that's he did a lot of stuff before that and he's still working to this day. And so ah what I'm going to do is I'm going to read you the plot of one of his films and I'm going to read you three possible titles. And I want you to tell me which one is the actual title. And we're going to take turns this time around. All right. OK, so, Greg, you're up first. Let's do it.
01:26:00
Speaker
A group of teens drive out to a remote lakeside house, despite warnings from locals that the house is cursed. Is that ghost Lake nightmare Lake or fever Lake fever Lake. You're correct. Greg's on the border. It sounded right to me too.
01:26:26
Speaker
but Well, you you you can be on your own personal board. and that right I would have gotten that right. This one's for you, Anna. An editor at a romance publisher starts receiving threatening letters from a psychopathic killer and must join up with her hip flatmates to expose the bad guy. oh Is that letters from my killer?
01:26:54
Speaker
Target of seduction or night heat? Uh, letters from my killer. oh Sorry, that was target of seduction. ah and It was definitely British. You can tell it's British. Because of the flatmates. Exactly. I think just whoever wrote that synopsis was British. I think it was actually American. Could be either way. Well, we'll never know.
01:27:21
Speaker
You talk a lot of game about other people's questions, Finnegan. Let's see how you handle your own. Younger brother Mitch is having all kinds of problems competing with his older brother, Sean, over a girl that just moved in next door. Is that one called brotherly love? Big brother trouble or two for one? oh Um, brotherly love.
01:27:53
Speaker
Fuck. Sorry, that was Big Brother Trouble. That was the only one I was like, it's definitely not Big Brother Trouble. Very tight. All right, so Greg is still in the lead with one. Question number four. Back to Greg. Yeah. A sexy undercover agent investigates a Playboy counterfeiter and a sadistic henchman down Mexico Way. Is that Naked Border?
01:28:22
Speaker
Naked desire or naked lies? Wait, a Playboy counterfeiter? Yeah, he is a counterfeiter that is a playboy. He is not counterfeiting. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. I'm going to be made that clarification. Could you give me the three titles again? I make playboys. That's what I do. I spell it P L A I. It's totally legal that way. They're much worse, but my goals are almost as good. Your choices are naked border.
01:28:55
Speaker
Naked desire or naked lies? Naked desire.
01:29:02
Speaker
I'm sorry, that was naked lies. ah Damn it. Fuck. and up Back to you, your chance to tie it up. I can't lose the true life story. of The true life story of legendary basketball coach Don Meyer, as played by Judge Reinhold. Good.
01:29:23
Speaker
Is that called my many sons this born to ball or life in the paint? My many sons. You are correct. Incredible. I wish I had come up with the title of my many sons for that movie by getting me that's life in the paint. Is it that what it was? Third one? Yeah. Yeah.
01:29:52
Speaker
All right. Your turn, Finnegan. You can play catch it. It's tough. You need this one to stay alive. um Question number six, Nelson and Nicole go on the hunt for the culprit or culprits vandalizing their school. Is that undercover kids, kid cops, or the latch key detectives?
01:30:24
Speaker
come on Can you, can I have them again, please? Absolutely. Undercover kids, kid cops, or the latchkey detectives. The latchkey detective sounds like something you would come up to in order to annoy me. So I'm going to cross that off the list. Let's do undercover kids. Correct. You're on the board.
01:30:49
Speaker
It's all tied up. um time I really intellectualized it, but it worked out. All right. Here we go. Greg, you're up. Okay. A group of kids discover a friendly ghost named Carolyn haunting a nearby forest and try to come up with a plan to capture her. jeez Okay. Yeah. what What's why? ah You'll have to check out either the ghost club,
01:31:16
Speaker
The Poulter gang or that darn ghost? The Poulter gang, even if it's not correct, it's still very good.
01:31:27
Speaker
I'm sorry it was the ghost club, but thank you for your compliments on the Poulter gang. Of course, Poulter gang was Chris's. I mean, sometimes I vote with my heart. Yeah. Sometimes I vote with my heart. All right, Anna, your chance to take it on home. All right. Question number eight.
01:31:45
Speaker
The ratings of a radio sex talk show are dropping, but after a listener is murdered, the sexy hosts finds her popularity rising. Is that talk naked, bear deception, or night waves?
01:32:05
Speaker
Uh, bear deception. You've got to get the worst title. It is the worst title. Nightwaves is a great title. Nightwaves. Really well done. Let's start a band called Nightwaves. Yeah. I love it. All right, Finnegan, your chance to tie it up. Last question of the round, of the entire game. While working as an EMT, Jake Carter finds himself caught up protecting a person of interest from a biker gang ruthlessly hunting them down.
01:32:39
Speaker
is that the Marine Five front lines, the Marine Five War and Peace, or the Marine Five Battleground. And just for clarification, the movie is not called, it's not about five Marines. It's the fifth in the Marine franchise. Okay. Okay. It's Marine Five and then one of those three. Yeah. Can you go over the three again, please?
01:33:04
Speaker
Marine five front lines. The Marine five war and peace. The Marine five battleground. The Marine five battleground. He's got it. Hey, it's tied.
01:33:23
Speaker
That time i I went in my gut that time and it worked out. Sometimes you use your head, sometimes you use your gut. It's true. And I think we're all going to be using a little bit of both of those when we present our Batty Awards.
Conclusion and Farewell
01:34:04
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. Congratulations to you, listener. You've made it to the Batty Awards. Who wants to start? I can start. Yes, Greg.
01:34:17
Speaker
All right, so my Batty Award goes to ah Saladin's signature move, the Reverse Punch, where he um just sticks his fist out and then uses his magic to pull you forward so fast that he literally bursts through your body. ah You only see it twice.
01:34:35
Speaker
The first time I had to rewind and watch it again because I was like, what actually happened there? They cut to they cut up to something, but they kind of did it close up to something, but can't actually really see it all that well. I was like, oh, he just punched through that dude, by which I mean that guy just went on top of his hand so hard that he punched through him. And then he nearly does it a second time near the end because it's like, oh, he's doing a signature move. And then it doesn't work. Poor Saladin Saladin.
01:35:04
Speaker
Well, a fantastic award for a fantastic move. it is yeah It's surprising he doesn't use that more. You think? Yeah. but I mean, maybe it's one of those, you know, you can only use it once every 24 hours type of spells. It's true. He needs to re-memorize it. Yeah. Finnegan, do you have a Mandy award?
01:35:21
Speaker
Yeah, I've been working on one, Chris. OK, I'm glad to hear it. There's a lot of great spells in this movie. Most of the spells I find to be legit. When we were watching this, when I was watching this last night with my friend, I said the spells in this thing are real. I mean, the spells in this thing are like from D&D, or they're from some codex, right? Like some game that like, because they all seem like they're uh believable in this world right and but but there's a couple that aren't including the restore maidenhead i don't know that yeah that's i don't know what player's handbook that's in in dnd uh but the one i enjoyed the most was when they went to the library and they're like you can't enter without without being a member
01:36:06
Speaker
And they gave him like a packet of forms and he's like, Oh, I don't want to fill these out. And then he cast a spell to fill out the, all the paperwork. And it was kind of like, I don't know what you would call that spell. Would you like document completion, something like sure bureaucracy? That'd probably be some form of cantrip, I'm sure.
01:36:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I think that's the bureaucracy, perform bureaucracy. Uh, um, I think that my Betty award would be that's the most useful spell. All right. How about you, Anna? Do you have a Betty award? Oh, I do. I do. And it's really, um, it also takes place at the library.
01:36:48
Speaker
When um Michael gets them into the restricted section, he does it um not by you know bashing the lock or even by, he doesn't have a spell to unlock it. He flatters the lock. He tells it he tells it that it's what that it's a very strong lock. Yeah, but it's also a very like a very clever lock and and um And it's done its job for a long time or something, right? Like ah yeah, and I really liked that part. That was the part that felt
01:37:22
Speaker
felt the most fantasy to me. yeah Yeah. That felt to me like a D and&D, like in a D and&D session, a GM would be like, I'd be like, Oh, I'm going to cast pick lock or whatever. Like, okay, fine. But you have to make this check. Now give me a little monologue, you know, give me like a speech check or whatever. See if you can talk this lock into opening.
01:37:41
Speaker
Yeah. And he also says, like, locks are very vain. And I was like, that's really great, actually. I forgot about that moment. That's a really beautiful moment. Yeah, it felt very like 80s fantasy, like very like Phil Folio or even like Douglas Adams. Like it had that sort of like, yeah, but I thought that was a nice touch.
01:38:01
Speaker
My Maddie Award goes for best name I've seen in an opening credit for a while. So good. And I both said it out loud at the same time. Dolores Nascar. Yes. Yeah. That's so Yes. Nascar played Esmeralda and what a delight to see her name pop up on that screen.
01:38:21
Speaker
I, I was, um, I noticed that too, but it went by quickly and I thought I couldn't have been, I couldn't have seen that right. Like, and it was also bad, bad quality. So I was like, was that actually NASCAR? And it was, it was Dolores NASCAR. Congratulations to you, Dolores NASCAR. And congratulations to you listener. You've made it to the end of the episode. You're such a good listener.
01:38:43
Speaker
Matt Finnegan, thank you so much for coming in this week. It was great to see you. Oh, my pleasure. A great movie. Do you have anything that you're plugging these days? Oh, geez. Um, no, not really. No. Um, I, yeah, I mean, not really. I'm not doing a lot. Uh, I do have a YouTube channel, same one as before. It's a called Bob couches couch. And I upload stuff from movies like this. Um, uh, recently it's really fun. Anytime Finnegan puts a clip on there, I know I'm checking it out. You should check it out. You guys, I'll put a link in the notes. Listeners.
01:39:19
Speaker
If you want something else to check out, you should check out next week. We'll have special guest, Michael Darling, and we'll be talking about Miami connection. Other things that you should do is that you should listen to me plug right now. Have you thought about giving us five stars? Have you thought about giving us a rating? You got your phone in your hand. You should do it. If not you, then who? That's the real question.
01:39:47
Speaker
And you should tell a friend, check out your favorite bad movie podcast. They're going to ask you what you did over the weekend and you're going to say, ah, I don't know. Oh, what did I do? Tell them you, uh, tell them about the podcast. If not you who, uh, you can also follow us on social media. There are links to that in the, uh, show notes too, uh, in the description and, uh, yeah, I'll take you to our link tree.
01:40:13
Speaker
and ah guess that's ah about it until next time be good by one night brezing cold in as tonight's hugh old you the
01:40:39
Speaker
uh, I guess that's about it until next time. Be good. Goodbye.