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Episode 45: Cool as Ice featuring Tyrice Nock
48 Plays1 month ago
Chris and Greg welcome Tyrice Nock to the podcast and he’s brought a childhood favorite, Cool As Ice (1991). It’s a film about Vanilla Ice finding love in small-town America with plenty of musical numbers and some serious cinematography. A movie for the Vanilla Ice fan and small boy that exists inside us all. Tune in and then regress to childhood with the crew when we watch it this Thursday on the discord.
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Transcript
Introduction and Theme
00:00:16
Speaker
It's bad to be bad. It's bad to be bad.
00:00:28
Speaker
that you would, if you could. And you know that you should.
Meet the Hosts and Guest
00:00:40
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome. your favorite bad movie podcast the only podcast that's brave enough to ask the question if this movie's so bad why do you like it so much we are your hosts my name is chris anderson and with me as always i have the johnny to my nick mr greg bossy how are you greg hello i'm doing all right glad to be here talking about this particular film Yes, this particular film this week was a great watch, I want to say.
00:01:16
Speaker
And the man that brought it to us is, of
Why 'Cool As Ice'?
00:01:19
Speaker
course, Mr. Tyrese Knott. Welcome to the show, Tyrese. How are you? I am fantastic. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for coming and thank you for choosing Cool As ice i I am. Thank you for for ah going through the process of watching this ah ah for my sake.
00:01:39
Speaker
I'm sorry I put you through this, but I appreciate it. You've nothing to apologize for. Trust me, this is far from the toughest watch we've ever had. Oh, yes. And this has been on my list.
00:01:51
Speaker
uh, since the moment that I will discuss when I give my personal context. So I was happy to see it. All right. So ah before we tell our own personal tales of the tape, here's just a short summary of cool as ice to hold in your mind for any listeners who have not seen. And obviously I should mention that the star of the film is vanilla ice.
00:02:10
Speaker
I think that's very important to know. And if you don't know that now you do, uh, but here's a short summary of the plot.
00:02:25
Speaker
An itinerant rapper named Johnny rolls into a small town and falls for the girl next door. But a dark secret from her father's past threatens their young love.
00:02:40
Speaker
Fair to say? i think so. Yeah, sounds good. And he is sort of a ronin of rappers, I would say. Okay. You know, just wandering, masterless, like Kane from Kung Fu.
00:02:54
Speaker
Yeah. Now, Tyrese. Yes. What drove you to choose cool as ice? Because you were not one of our hammers and horrors. You were one of the ones that had it pretty much right, ready to go when I asked. And that's always a good sign in my book.
00:03:10
Speaker
OK, so do you do you want me to give my like history with it or just why I chose it in general? If you could weave the two of those together in a beautiful tale, that's what I would love more than anything. absolutely can. So this movie has a special place in my life. ah This is one of my all time favorite movies way back when, right when I was just the when I was just a little kid growing up.
00:03:35
Speaker
My family used to go to the video store and we would ah rent movies. It was me, my brother and sister. I was the youngest. And every week we'd rotate for who got to pick the movie for the kids.
00:03:45
Speaker
My brother would pick, my sister would pick. And it never came back around to me because I was the youngest. So I never got to pick the movie. So one week, finally, i got the chance to pick a movie. And it was my choice to decide which movie we were going to spend the weekend watching.
Plot and Character Insights
00:04:00
Speaker
And I picked Cool as Ice. And I ruined everyone's weekend. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I watched it so many times. And i had started working on a project of my own where I was doing lots of research and into Cool as Ice. So I'd had been watching it like...
00:04:16
Speaker
over and over and over again. and I um have just been dying for an opportunity to talk about it. So, well, it's a rich text. I'm excited for you to be able to to talk about of that base of knowledge.
00:04:28
Speaker
Do you remember about how old you would have been at that time? I don't want to dox your age. Oh gosh. Oh, I don't mind you doxing my age at all. I must have been, um this was sometime elementary school, like early elementary school, basically at the age where um I still thought Vanilla Ice was cool.
00:04:47
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Whatever age, that is acceptable. I think in retrospect, elementary school kids are like the perfect audience for Vanilla Ice. yeah And I mean, I think the movie even knows that because like the person who's the most enamored with ice is the like grade school boy. Exactly. He's the viewpoint character for this movie for sure. Oh yeah. he is the audience surrogate.
00:05:13
Speaker
ah Now, Greg, do you remember your your personal history with Cool as Ice? So my personal history with Vanilla Ice as a person was that like when he came out, my brother was like super into the song, so I was, of course, super into the song.
00:05:29
Speaker
ah i feel like I can't remember when I knew that this movie existed. like I don't remember if it was during the time that it came out or if it was afterward.
00:05:41
Speaker
But it's like it's always sort of been in my brain somehow is what it feels like. You know what I mean? And the only personal history I have with it, the movie itself, is that I was going – I went over to your apartment, I think, when Anna was living there with you.
00:05:58
Speaker
And you were watching it in preparation of something else or just to watch it. But I was just there for a moment. And I saw Vanilla Ice – flirt with a woman via motorcycle while she was riding a horse.
00:06:12
Speaker
Yeah. And I was just like, what is this? And you were like, it's cool as ice. And i was like, that's vanilla ice. you're like, yeah. And was like, I got to see this. This is not what I expected out of the vanilla ice film. Cool as ice.
00:06:25
Speaker
So understandable. I've been waiting, but also, you know, it hasn't been too high on the list, which was a mistake of mine. Yeah, i think i think it's yeah i think it's a
Vanilla Ice: Music to Movies
00:06:36
Speaker
rich text. I think it's a rewarding text.
00:06:39
Speaker
Oh, um remember I remember as a boy, i was probably about nine or ten years old when Ice Ice Baby sort of took America by storm.
00:06:51
Speaker
And I think, obviously, at the time, I would have loved it. ah You know, But I didn't really think that much about and it's weird how vanilla eyes had that sort of cultural tale of, because he was sort of almost instantly a joke in, in the larger public consciousness that he sort of shifted into that seamlessly. And he was that in the published consciousness much longer than he was an actual musical performer.
00:07:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. yeah And I remember at the video store, we got ah free CDs sometimes like promo CDs.
00:07:30
Speaker
And one of them was Vanilla Ice's Nu Metal album. And I snatched that up and it had the Nu Metal cover of Ice Ice Baby on it, which was like the the only thing that you would want to listen to on the entire album.
00:07:43
Speaker
Everything else. It's like, I couldn't even imagine caring about anything else on there. but ah And i mean ah this was one that we got on DVD at the as a bootleg at the store.
00:07:55
Speaker
It was only available at bootlegs at that time. So that's wow how it came into my possession. I would have probably got it on clearance as ah when we were closing up shop. And I remember thinking that it was...
00:08:12
Speaker
Strange. it It sort of washed over me. I don't think I came to it ready to pay attention. And I think the context research that I did sort of made me focus up a little bit more.
00:08:24
Speaker
ah So if you guys are are ready, I can talk about ah context. I absolutely love that.
00:09:11
Speaker
So Cool as Ice came out in 1991, the director David Kellogg, and the tagline, when a girl has a heart of stone, there's only one way to melt it.
00:09:24
Speaker
Just add ice. Very long and confusing and maybe con confused. and You know what? But I like its confidence. I like it just add ice. They knew they knew to end strong.
00:09:42
Speaker
They just didn't quite know how to get there. I mean, I feel like if there's one thing that you can say that this production has is its confidence.
Film's Reception and Market Context
00:09:52
Speaker
Yes.
00:09:52
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. And I think. All right. what Come up with your tagline for Cool as Ice right now. Top of your head. God, ah man. um The first thing that came to mind when you said that was, um ah oh, gosh, hot like fire.
00:10:11
Speaker
Cool like ice. Vanilla ice. Yes. this Yeah, that's that's definitely better than this. Yeah, that's all I got. Yeah, I would I would say. ah Recipe for this summer's hottest movie, just add ice.
00:10:29
Speaker
Oh, yeah. ice cold. Yes. I mean, it there are a lot of ways that it could they could have punched this in the room, I think. You needed another pass.
00:10:41
Speaker
So there is a recently a, I believe a two disc edition of cool as ice came out with like a lot of making of bonus features on it.
00:10:52
Speaker
My library didn't have it and I was not going to buy that. So there is more information out there, ah but I sort of came at my context research as talking about sort of three monumental figures in this film.
00:11:08
Speaker
I'm going to say in the shaping of the movie, the first one is obviously Rob Van Winkle.
00:11:14
Speaker
Rob Van Winkle was born on Halloween in 1967. Ever since he was a little boy, he knew what he wanted to be. He wanted to be a motocross rider.
00:11:28
Speaker
By the age of 18, he had won three championships,
Opening Scenes and Character Dynamics
00:11:31
Speaker
but then he broke his ankle. While he was recuperating, he decided to work on his break dancing. That makes no sense to me, but apparently that's what he I thinking the exact same thing.
00:11:43
Speaker
Okay. Maybe he was doing a lot of popping and locking while was sitting down. Maybe there's something about the break dancing that helped his recovery. Yeah, maybe like a physical therapy.
00:11:54
Speaker
ah So he began breaking and beatboxing as a street performer. And being the only white guy in his crew, the other guys started calling him Vanilla. His signature move was called the ice.
00:12:08
Speaker
And so he was soon called vanilla ice. He paid his dues on the local rap scene and put out his debut album, hooked on Ichiban records, which put out the single play that funky music, which had ice ice baby as a B side.
00:12:29
Speaker
When DJ in Houston flipped that over to the B side, it instantly became a smash hit sensation. This got Rob onto a bigger record label, which re-released Hook, on ah hooked under the title to the extreme and vanilla ice became a global phenomenon.
00:12:50
Speaker
ah His was the first hip hop single to reach number one on the billboard pop charts ever. wow He had a doll. He was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze.
00:13:02
Speaker
ah He was dating Madonna and appeared in her book, Sex. That's crazy. He was 23 years old and he had $18 million dollars in record sales.
00:13:13
Speaker
He was on top of the world. So what do you guys... think about vanilla ice how do you remember thinking about vanilla ice at the time let's let's talk vanilla let's well um i i did think of something that i was i was trying so hard not to interrupt because ah thought of a much better tagline okay okay oh yeah ice ice movie brilliant yeah yeah yeah no that sells it right there um yeah but yeah as far as vanilla ice the the person um
00:13:45
Speaker
Back then, i thought he was just like, I don't know. I had never really seen anything like it because, i mean, I had never, hadn't seen much at all, period. um But just with the the movie, like with the the bright motorcycles and like the flashy clothes and like the dancing, like it was just, it was just made for like a ah kid with ADHD. Like it was just so many things happening at the same time. And I just loved it. I absolutely loved it.
00:14:11
Speaker
um I did learn more about him as a person. And um he yeah apparently is like a cool dude. Like it just him a as a human being. He's like ah he's a cool guy. Yeah.
00:14:24
Speaker
But ah yeah, he's like I would be his friend if I if I knew him personally. Yeah, he seems by and large to be a guy that was in a very strange circumstance. Absolutely. You know what mean? yeah Yeah.
00:14:43
Speaker
to be the coolest thing of something that like two weeks later was going to be the least cool thing. You know what I mean? Just this immediate reversal of fortune in his life.
00:14:54
Speaker
To have gangster rap just show up and completely eat his lunch. Well, OK, that makes a lot of sense now. It's also I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:15:06
Speaker
Well, I was going to say it's also really funny because like, you know, I'm i'm also a big fan of music and like, you you know, hip hop is one of those music genres that like the culture of it is so like of the moment.
00:15:18
Speaker
So what's cool now is like uncool in like two years because it's so driven by younger, um younger audiences. So, yeah, right.
00:15:29
Speaker
Some of the stuff that he was doing was cool then, but like even back then he wasn't cool. So it's like not only is it outdated now, but it was like it's like extra uncool now. So it's he was cool you're right. He was cool for like five minutes and then it just like immediately passed him by, which is unfortunate, but hilarious now. Yeah.
00:15:48
Speaker
He just completely zigged when he should have zagged. Yes. Like it was I watch for part of my research. i I rewatched eight mile. And it's really interesting to think of these as two movies that are both like yeah based around the stage persona of a white rapper who's the only white rapper that's like working in the world at this time. yeah Other than the beastie boys who never count for some reason. And then, you know, they're like, but they're such different films, you know, other, yeah and you would think being so having such a superficial aim. And so like directly being inspired by the, their stage persona is, you know,
00:16:34
Speaker
it's It was interesting just to look at them in that light and see how different they could be. It was interesting to watch this and think about how talented Vanilla Ice was. Like, he was
Climactic Resolutions
00:16:45
Speaker
definitely a very good dancer.
00:16:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. And I want to say he was maybe a better rapper than he was a lyricist. His delivery was strong, even if his lyrics were very like on the nose.
00:16:58
Speaker
That's fair. That's fair. And I think um if I recall correctly, I think he wrote Ice Ice Baby when he he said he was like 16 years old, 16, 17 years old. Yeah. So like and, you know, it's one of those things where I think that he kind of.
00:17:12
Speaker
ah caught lightning in a bottle and then you know record labels were like oh we could really sell this let's push you farther than you're actually ready to go but let's just squeeze yeah every last dollar out of you that we can and
Final Thoughts and Ratings
00:17:26
Speaker
he was like really young in his early 20s and he was like all right yeah let's do it I don't know any better To be fair, it probably went about as well as you could expect it to go for Vanilla Ice, I want to say.
00:17:37
Speaker
Sure. I'm not staying up crying about Vanilla Ice. He made a shit ton of money and off of one single that was mostly... Most of a charm came from being, you know, sampling Queen.
00:17:49
Speaker
yeah Yeah. So I'm not going to say, like... He he deserved more, but ah he's also still very, very wealthy. Yeah, he's still doing fine. Yeah, I'm sure he had his struggles and his problems that and but that's so why, you know, now ah the next step for Rob Van Winkle.
00:18:11
Speaker
was a movie. ah Kind of like what we saw with the Spice Girls do back in our episode with Spice World. ah But instead of drawing inspirations from Beatles movie,
Movie Lines Game and Quiz
00:18:20
Speaker
this was going to be drawing from Elvis movies.
00:18:24
Speaker
Now, Ice, as a guy who loved co-opting black music, loved Elvis. And so he was instantly on board when they told him it was an Elvis movie. So they would need a director.
00:18:35
Speaker
And this is my second big influence on the film. Obviously, our director, David Kellogg. yeah Back in the 90s, a lot of directors would practice their craft making music videos.
00:18:46
Speaker
We got a lot of directors out of that ecosystem. Guys like David Fincher and Michelle Gondry and Spike Jones all came up through the music video system. David Kellogg had directed videos for such stars as Patti LaBelle, Heavy D, and En Vogue.
00:19:04
Speaker
En Vogue. I don't know why I said it like I was French. That's okay. ah But I don't remember any of those videos. But maybe maybe I wouldn't. I don't know.
00:19:15
Speaker
I don't remember a lot of R&B videos from the late 80s. That wasn't one that I was tuned into at the time. But he had never directed a feature-length film before Cool as Ice.
00:19:29
Speaker
And he would only ever direct one more, Inspector Gadget. Oh, gosh. Yeah. The only other directorial experience he had before Cool as Ice was directing videos for Playboy.
00:19:43
Speaker
He directed 12 videos for Playboy, all in all, including the Playboy video Playmate calendar for 1988, 1989, 1990, and 1991. you get it, I'm sure. nineteen ninety and nineteen ninety one wow nice work if you can get it i'm sure
00:20:00
Speaker
Now, the other talent that I wanted to talk about here, who I think was a major impact on the film, is the cinematographer. That cinematographer is Janusz Kaminski. Are you guys familiar with Janusz Kaminski?
00:20:14
Speaker
and No, I am. But admittedly, only because I was like researching this as well. And when I was like, I looked into him, I was like, you've got to be kidding me. Yes. So, yeah. but Greg, here's here's the deal. Here's what I've got down for Janusz. OK, let me know if I leave anything out, Tyrese, that you want to mention. But Janusz Kaminski is one of the most celebrated cinematographers of his generation.
00:20:38
Speaker
ah He is a frequent collaborator of Steven Spielberg. They began working with each other two years after Cool as Ice. Their first collaboration won him the Best Cinematography Oscar for Schindler's List.
00:20:51
Speaker
He would win again in 1998 for Saving Private Ryan, and he has racked up five additional nominations. Holy crap. Ha ha ha ha! That's why Cool as Ice looks surprisingly good. i was going to say, it explains some things, actually.
00:21:11
Speaker
ah Yes. indeed It really helps the film make more sense, I think. ah Now, despite having this up-and-coming talent behind the camera, Cool as Ice failed to connect with audiences, possibly due to Vanilla Ice's massive overexposure at that point.
00:21:27
Speaker
And it failed to recoup its meager $6 million dollar budget, $1 million dollars of that budget going directly to Vanilla Ice.
00:21:37
Speaker
Other romantic comedies of 1991. That was the genre I went with for this. I think that's your best bet with this one, oddly enough. ah So you got Defending Your Life, Albert Brooks.
00:21:52
Speaker
No, don't remember that. It's Where He's Dead and with Meryl Streep and they're in the afterlife and they it's great. It's great. OK. Doc Hollywood, Michael J. Fox.
00:22:05
Speaker
I remember that. One of those movies that you would not expect it to have full frontal nudity. And that was the one that very much had the, Oh yeah. Song in it. If I remember correctly. Yes. Different scenes. I think. Thank God. Yeah. ah He said, she said with Kevin Bacon. Okay.
00:22:26
Speaker
The marrying man, which I think is ah Neil Simon movie. And something called career opportunities. I feel like this was not the best year for romantic comedy.
00:22:39
Speaker
No, no. I didn't hear a lot of home runs in that list.
00:22:44
Speaker
It's surprising that this didn't like recoup. it's There wasn't a lot of competition when this was in theaters, though. Yeah. The market was not saturated. No. They should have leaned more into the romantic comedy in the advertising, less into the vanilla ice.
00:23:00
Speaker
They probably would have played better. People should have been showing up and be like, Vanilla Ice is in this movie? That would be incredible. Vanilla Ice is in the movie Cool as Ice? That's weird.
00:23:11
Speaker
That must be why they called it that. Hmm. Hindsight. Well, uh, do you guys want to talk about the plot of cool as ice?
00:23:23
Speaker
Yeah, it's, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty wild. I think, uh,
00:23:45
Speaker
Plot bumper, listen to me. I'm gonna give you the plot summary. Come on, baby. Here's the synopsis.
00:23:57
Speaker
Plot bumper, plot bumper.
00:24:06
Speaker
So the very first thing that we see in giant green and orange block letters filling up the entire screen, two words, Vanilla Ice.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah. We know what's up. We know where we're at. This is Vanilla Ice's Cool as Ice. We hear Vanilla Ice rapping the titular song ah with backup vocals by supermodel Naomi Campbell, who has the voice of a supermodel.
00:24:37
Speaker
they're wrapping in some sort of abandoned warehouse with a bright, flashy strobe light. Epilepsy warning for any audience members. ah Oh, and i will be playing ah the titular song as our closing song this episode, so you can hear Naomi Campbell trying to do her best CNC Music Factory and not quite pulling it off.
00:25:02
Speaker
ah I also want to point out that this... um this sequence and I feel like a lot of the movie has what I call like dystopian lighting, ah which is like, very like almost like film noir kind of lighting, except that there's more like kind of spotlight esque effects.
00:25:20
Speaker
I think it's not like light through the, what's that? I think you're talking about Janusz Kaminski's trademark pools of light. You can see that a lot in his work with Spielberg is especially, I want to say Amistad.
00:25:33
Speaker
You can see that a lot in there, a lot of natural light. It's, It's very interesting, but it feels very weird for this movie. Yes. Like very much more in like intense and severe. Those aren't quite the word like brutalist kind of is what I mean.
00:25:50
Speaker
Like it's it's just interesting that this is the lighting that we're using for this. Yeah. And the vast majority of this picture. You know i was going to say I think he's the definition of overqualified for a job.
00:26:01
Speaker
think Yeah. yeah So, yeah, I'm sorry. That's all wanted say. No, I think you would almost imagine the lighting would be something a little bit more candy colored.
00:26:12
Speaker
Yes. But I think maybe maybe that style hadn't developed as much at the time. Kaminsky uses a lot of like very wide angles, and he does a lot of fast motion and a lot of slow motion. He's pulling off a lot of tricks, a very liberated camera.
00:26:29
Speaker
um But they were a little less... ah ah flashy with the lighting. It was much more ah sort of hazy and gauzy. That's what I'm looking for.
00:26:43
Speaker
Vanilla Ice is playing a character named Johnny. And I'll tell you, it's perfect casting because this character is indistinguishable from Vanilla Ice. I can't imagine anyone else playing Johnny.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:57
Speaker
Johnny and his three friends, Jazz, Princess, and Sir D, leave the club, but not before Johnny gets a phone number from a hot blonde named Monique. The crew then rides out on their motorbikes, looking for adventure.
00:27:13
Speaker
Johnny soon spots a beautiful young lady riding a beautiful young horse. he chases her down and hops the fence on his motorbike and lands the bike right in front of her, which spooks the horse into tossing her off.
00:27:29
Speaker
She's understandably mad that he almost got her killed, but he thinks that she's hot and that's their initial dynamic. I think also in a way you kind of sense that she too thinks that he's hot despite all of this somehow.
00:27:44
Speaker
Really? Well, he is, I think, supposed to be objectively hot, I think. Yeah, I mean, I get that. But I mean, like, there's a lot of scenes in this where it's just like you watch what's happening and you see her be like, this is terrible.
00:27:58
Speaker
And then kind of like soften and smile a little bit. And it's just like, I don't understand that entirely. But okay. yeah it Yeah, it sounds like you did a lot of what I did when I watched this. And the word that kept popping up into my head is why?
00:28:13
Speaker
Like, yeah why were they at this warehouse? Where were they coming from? Where are you going? Why does this girl find this guy hot who nearly killed her while she was on her horse?
00:28:24
Speaker
like You almost died. And you're like, almost died. But oh, my gosh, this guy is so attractive. Like, what? I think the one thing that you really need to keep in mind with cool as ice is that it is made for vanilla ice fans.
00:28:40
Speaker
yeah yeah Right. So all those questions are are like, it's because it's vanilla ice and he is the coolest dude on the planet. I want guys want to be him Gals want to be with him.
00:28:55
Speaker
It's, this is the guy. yeah, and
00:29:01
Speaker
The problem was there's no one on earth that thinks that anymore. If anyone thought it. Right. So it's a movie that's made for no one. So, it but you have to judge it.
00:29:14
Speaker
If you, you know how like Ebert is like, i judge a movie on its own terms, right? Like, yes, I don't like slasher movies, but this is a good slasher movie. So I'm giving it thumbs up because slasher movie fans will like it.
00:29:25
Speaker
This movie is only made for Vanell Ice fans. Yeah. But if I want to judge it on its own terms, then I have to say it's a success because I'm sure Vanell Ice fan would love this movie. That is a great point.
00:29:37
Speaker
yeah it's It's I am living proof. Yeah. Cause I am a vanilla ice fan. i love it. I had to walk myself into like understanding what it was. I was appreciating about this movie. And I think that eventually is what it is.
00:29:55
Speaker
um So ah she punches him in the stomach and then rides off. So the crew keeps driving through a random small town. ah freaking out all the locals with their crazy hip hop ways.
00:30:09
Speaker
And then jazz jazz's bike breaks down. Luckily they're right by an incredibly odd house that appears to be owned by two lunatics named Roscoe and may.
00:30:22
Speaker
What'd you guys think of Roscoe and may? So I have to say that immediately when I saw Roscoe, I was like, well, first off, I was like, these two are great. ah yeah But also, I saw Roscoe and I was like, I know this man.
00:30:36
Speaker
i know this actor for some reason. I've seen this guy in something. And I looked at his IMDb and I kept looking and I kept looking and I was like, do not recognize any of this. And then I found it.
00:30:47
Speaker
It's a movie called Sunny Boy. Do either of you know Sunny Boy? You've mentioned Sunny Boy to me in passing before. Well, this is what I'm going to say to you right now.
00:30:58
Speaker
Whatever I say to you Right after what I'm about to say, understand that it is not a recommendation in any way, shape or form. Here's what I have to say.
00:31:09
Speaker
You should see Sonny Boy. You should see Sonny Boy. Now, that is not a recommendation that you see Sonny Boy. It is weird and probably problematic. yeah It is one of the strangest things I've like. When you see that, you don't forget that film.
00:31:25
Speaker
And so that's why this man was burned into my skull. And so it's very weird to see him in this context where he's just like, I'm just a happy go lucky. It's like you're not that very strange man in that very strange film anymore. You're this moderately strange man in a perhaps normal film. I don't know.
00:31:43
Speaker
is this Now, is that Sonny with an O or a U? With an O. Okay. um Do you know where I know May from? Please.
00:31:54
Speaker
ah She was the voice of Miss Miller, the chipmunk's babysitter in The Chipmunk Adventure, the 80s animated feature-length cartoon. That's a great film.
00:32:05
Speaker
It is great. I watched it this weekend. Um...
00:32:11
Speaker
What did you think of Roscoe and May, Tyrese? I was, um, I was just, i was, did they showed up at the perfect time. yeah And my my my initial thought when I first saw them was, wow, they're both so convenient because then their characters are so weird.
00:32:32
Speaker
And like as they're rolling through the town, they're getting so many looks from people and they're getting so many like so much judgment from everyone where it's like, oh my gosh, these guys are weird. And then they pull up to a house that's so weird, they have to stop and go, wow, those people are weirder than us.
00:32:48
Speaker
So it makes sense that... like They, you know, they weren't judged because they found someone like more of an outcast than they were. So I thought they were cool. I thought it was perfect.
00:33:00
Speaker
Yeah, it was great that they had that outsider solidarity. Yes. Now, ah Roscoe says he can fix Jazz's bike and May invites the crew into the house to hang out.
00:33:13
Speaker
Jazz makes himself a peanut butter, anchovy, pickle, pineapple and mustard sandwich. This is sort of how we know that this is actually a kid's movie. Yeah. this This is a movie for 12 and unders.
00:33:27
Speaker
Now. Also, that room that they're in is crazy. Yes. It's a very 90s room. it's like then It's like a room you would see in a perfume ad. Yeah.
00:33:38
Speaker
I saw a lot of people online comparing it to Pee Wee's Playhouse. Roscoe and May's Place. See, I was thinking Beetlejuice for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. ah The same thing.
00:33:50
Speaker
Yeah, it's very like overly art directed. yeah But obviously it's not as inspired as any of these designs. It's just like, oh, they have eight globes. Yeah. this Also, the room that they're in when he's eating the sandwich has just like text all over the walls.
00:34:05
Speaker
Yeah, just as like a newspaper. yeah And it's just it's just like it feels like it's a studio space and not a home. Like it's something you set up for like an art project. There's a lot of graphic design that uses text in this. Yeah.
00:34:21
Speaker
One part I will definitely be mentioning later. Now, ah Johnny is practicing dancing outside when he sees the girl from the horse incident getting a ride home from her boyfriend, Nick, who clearly sucks.
00:34:34
Speaker
It turns out her house is just across the street from Roscoe and Mays. So that's convenient for the movie. Mm hmm. Johnny walks over and he introduces himself and he learns that our love interest is named Kathy, but he shall call her cat from henceforth.
00:34:51
Speaker
Say, mmm, cat. That was pretty good. That was a pretty good impression. Thank you. That was spot on. I feel like Vanilla Ice is doing an impression of himself in this movie. Yeah.
00:35:05
Speaker
It's really fun. ah Like, he's really just cranking it up to 11. He's like, yeah, I'm the coolest.
00:35:13
Speaker
ah Now, but but but but but he also picks her pocket and steals her organizer before ah scampering off.
00:35:25
Speaker
He rejoins his crew just as Kathy joins up with her parents and little brother Tommy to watch a TV news story about how Kathy is a great teen with a bright future.
00:35:37
Speaker
Yeah. High school senior. Our love interest is a high school senior. Yeah. So what did you guys think of our female lead, Kathy Minter?
00:35:49
Speaker
I like her. I thought she was great. um ah Yeah. I did feel weird when they said that she was a high school senior. Yeah. Because I was like, wait a minute. Hold on.
00:36:00
Speaker
Well, how old is how old is Johnny? Yeah. But I thought she did a great job in her acting in particular. I thought she was really, really good.
00:36:13
Speaker
Yeah. I think she... was very grounding for the movie. Like, obviously you couldn't have Johnny and another, like a female version of Johnny. mean, that would just be too much.
00:36:27
Speaker
Oh, they should have did a sequel with that. that would have been perfect. Yeah. should Do a sequel to this movie. That would be great. Yeah. They need to get Ron Van Winkle or whatever his actual name is to be back in the out of retirement.
00:36:42
Speaker
He's cooler than Ike. He's back with a brand new invention. That was brilliant. Oh, Greg, congratulations. That's the zing of the day.
00:36:55
Speaker
Oh, I would like to say that I did look up when ah Vanilla Ice was born when she said that she was a senior because I was like, how old is this guy? And I was like, OK, that's a little gross. And then later we get introduced to her boyfriend. And I was like, how old is that guy?
00:37:10
Speaker
I was like, oh, he's basically the same age as Vanilla Ice. I was like, well, how old is she? And she, I think, is actually in real life slightly older than Vanilla Ice by like a year or two.
00:37:22
Speaker
So it's one of these movies where it is weird when they say it, that she's a high school senior, but also their ages. It's one of these weird movies where it's just like, what age is anyone in this movie?
00:37:36
Speaker
yeah And also, why did you have to make her a high school senior? Why couldn't she just be like... a good adult who is being featured on a local news? Like, why did she have to be a senior in high school, especially since they're all but she has to be living at home?
00:37:51
Speaker
And I think, I think vanilla ice is supposed to read like under 21 in this. o that is not. So that's, and that's where it gets weird because it's like, he's actually in his mid twenties, but so she, so she's definitely not a 17 or 18 year old.
00:38:09
Speaker
it it just gets weird. It all gets weird. Yeah, I think they're both supposed to be playing people of relative. They definitely don't have like a maturity disparity between the two of them. oh It's not like I look at Johnny and he's like, he's grooming her.
00:38:24
Speaker
you know Right. ah Now, both these groups are not the only two groups that are watching the local news story about this good team.
00:38:36
Speaker
It's also being watched by the Mafia. ah when the reporter as dad, what he thinks of his good daughter, ah mafioso recognizes him.
00:38:48
Speaker
now Kathy back at the house. Kathy notices that her black book is missing while her little brother clearly is playing super Mario brothers three. They never show the screen, but you can 100% tell from the sound effects.
00:39:02
Speaker
And Anna asked me like, can you tell what that is? We get super Mario brothers. yeah yeah That is super Mario brothers three. Um, Kathy correctly assumes that Johnny stole the little black book.
00:39:15
Speaker
Back of the shop, Jazz's bike has been completely disassembled by Roscoe and May. The crew is going to have to stick around for a little while. ah Meanwhile, Johnny decides that this is a sign that he should go hit on Kathy some more.
00:39:30
Speaker
So he pits on his coolest leather jacket, the coolest leather jacket that anyone has ever seen, and he heads over. This is the text that is embroidered on the outside of this leather jacket.
00:39:43
Speaker
All of these words are embroidered in bright white on this black jacket. Danger. Deep. Down by law. Freeze. Hype.
00:39:54
Speaker
Ice. Lust. Ah, yeah. Rolling. Sex me up. Yep, yep. A question mark. Dope.
00:40:06
Speaker
And j k I think you just did wow every single ad lib from his debut album. Yeah. Wow.
00:40:16
Speaker
I'm could be his next hype man. I think. Yeah. ah Now Kathy is not there at the house, ah but Tommy and mom are, and Tommy is instantly entranced by the sight of Johnny.
00:40:29
Speaker
And this, his brief encounter with Johnny, was going to say, has completely altered the course of Tommy's life forever. Absolutely. Tommy is 100% going to Tommy is probably the origin story. That should have been eight miles.
00:40:45
Speaker
Because he is headed straight in that trajectory. Now, ah Tommy tells Johnny that Kathy is out with her boyfriend at the local teen spot, the sugar shack.
00:41:01
Speaker
So ah Johnny turns around to leave and he asks some mobsters who are parked outside the house if they know where the sugar shack is. And dad sees Johnny talking to the mobsters. As you can see, this is all overly complicated.
00:41:13
Speaker
That's why this is taking so long. Very much so. yeah cause I'm only halfway through. Ice and his crew roll up to the Sugar Shack, where there's a very corny rock band, and they're doing a down-tempo cover of Sly and the Family Stones.
00:41:27
Speaker
Thank you for letting me be mice elf again. ah I wish I could have isolated just this, because that's the type of thing that I love to put on our closing themes.
00:41:38
Speaker
I thought it was all right, honestly. ah thought it was all right, actually. I think the crowd wasn't digging it. Yeah, I definitely know. No, I'd buy the album, but yeah, yeah I wouldn't book them for my next teen dance.
00:41:53
Speaker
No. Kathy's boyfriend, though, he loved it. Oh, yeah. God bless. yeah I mean, he he's he's a ah two guitar, one bass, one drum kind of guy.
00:42:05
Speaker
yeah that's You got that. And he's a happy camper.
00:42:11
Speaker
Meanwhile, the mobsters, they go to the house and they tell dad that he has 24 hours to get them the half a million dollars that he owes them for some reason.
00:42:25
Speaker
Back at the sugar shack, Vanilla Ice dances and raps and all the assembled teens go crazy for his wild ways. Despite the fact that this is almost definitely the worst song in the entire movie.
00:42:39
Speaker
That was my opinion. What did you guys think of ah Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself, Baby? I thought it was ah pretty bad. you know Yeah. I thought it was pretty bad.
00:42:55
Speaker
i i think it was probably ah the least inspired choice. And I don't know why they did the whole song. You definitely could have gotten this effect in like a minute.
00:43:07
Speaker
I feel like this was the point in the movie where I was just like, I feel like Vanilla Ice is a better dancer than a rapper. Yes. But once again, have to remember that this is a movie for Vanilla Ice fans. Right.
00:43:21
Speaker
All the Vanilla Ice fans in the audience would have been up out of their seats being like, yes, finally, Vanilla Ice. And we get the whole song. And he can just be himself.
00:43:32
Speaker
And he can be himself again. Wonderful. ah Now, he also ah dances and dry humps Kathy in the middle of the dance floor. And she's not not into it.
00:43:45
Speaker
It's really explicit, too. I mean, it's like very, ah very heavily pantomimed. Yeah. Like this is some very graphic grinding and thrusting.
00:43:57
Speaker
He is moving those hips like a wild man. She does tell him that she wants to organize her back or she's calling the cops, but in a sort of a flirty way. Now, Nick sees all this going on and he's incensed.
00:44:12
Speaker
ah He drags her outside and calls her a slut and she storms off. It's Nick really sucks. And I feel like they took him like two degrees too far in this scene.
00:44:23
Speaker
It was not fun. This. Yeah. Yeah. yeah I was like, he is he going to slap her? What the fuck is going on? Yeah. Well, then he when he pulls her outside, he doesn't just like he he like pulls her outside and he's like, you're you're such a so I'm talking to you.
00:44:37
Speaker
And then he's like, you know what? I'll forgive you. Just kiss me. Like, wait. Yeah. Yeah. Real creep. yeah Yeah, he's super gross. They could have just made him a corny loser in, I think, the movie. Well, he also does need to get his ass kicked by Vanilla Ice so that we can see how cool it is when Vanilla Ice fights people. but
00:44:59
Speaker
So she storms off, and on the way home, she almost gets snatched up by the mobsters, but Johnny rides up on his bike and whisks her off. You ask her who that was, and she's like, some jerks, probably.
00:45:12
Speaker
She's very nonchalant. I also feel like was really interesting choice on her part to walk in the middle of the street, but maybe it's one of those small towns that doesn't have sidewalks, but it was weird. People in Wichita do that anyway, and there are sidewalks, and even when there are sidewalks, they walk in the street.
00:45:28
Speaker
It drives me fucking crazy. It's interesting. It's a very interesting choice. Yeah, like it's right there. that's and the city owns that. Down the middle, it's like you're doubling your chances of getting hit by a car. Like, choose one side or the other at least.
00:45:43
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Now, ah back at the Sugar Shack, Nick and some other townies are vandalizing s Sir D's bike with baseball bats.
00:45:55
Speaker
So Ice disarms them and beats them all up single-handedly. And he also breaks Nick's nose. He's very good. He's a great fighter because he came up from the streets.
00:46:08
Speaker
yeah I will say some of the best fight choreography I've ever seen in a film. That's a lot. we yeah One of my favorite ones is when you like trap the arm in your armpit and then you're like...
00:46:21
Speaker
Then the guy is just helpless while you have his arm just in a headlock somehow. And then you like punch him in the throat. i wonder if he, when this came out, if he bragged about doing his own stunts, because it's like, we can tell, we know. Yeah. was going say, it's pretty obvious that he did his own stunts. Yes. Well, he did use his ah BMX riding background to do his own stunts for a lot of the motorcycle stuff.
00:46:45
Speaker
That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently they had hired on a motorcycle stunt man who was technically less experienced than he was. According to him. Hmm. Uh, this might be a Steven Seagal situation, but I can't tell.
00:46:59
Speaker
Now, uh, the next morning Kathy wakes up with vanilla ice in her bed, putting a piece of ice in her mouth, which is very disturbing. It's very disturbing.
00:47:09
Speaker
And possibly a metaphor. ah ah He gives her back her organizer and she gives back his license, which he stole. I didn't mention earlier because we got a lot going on. She also gives back Monique's phone number and she's like, who's Monique? And he's like, i don't care about Monique.
00:47:27
Speaker
And then she threatens to strip nude in front of him. But then Tommy busts in the bedroom and ruins everything. it's It's so weird to me. It's just like, you think I wouldn't undress in front of you? It's like, yeah, do it. It's like, all right, I will undress in front It's like, wait, how does this happen?
00:47:44
Speaker
This is classic pickup artist move. He's negging her into taking her clothes off. Yeah. Well, also having just woken up in bed and shoving a piece of ice in her mouth. She's into all of it for some reason.
00:47:58
Speaker
Again, i asked myself that that question why again. And one of the questions that I asked was, so he snuck into her room, got into her bed, and it's like, okay, she woke up and wasn't freaked out by a strange man being in her bed. Cool. All right. I'll suspend my – whatever. I'll believe that. Yeah.
00:48:14
Speaker
Yeah. How did he know which room was hers? He's never been in this house before. and think Johnny's a peeping Tom. Yeah, he definitely checked every window. Oh, yeah. yeah be right You don't know the layout of this home. How did you know which one is hers?
00:48:28
Speaker
Yeah. You want it to be on the ground floor. If not, you're going like a ladder or a tree. Yes. Yeah. yeah Maybe he just got a look at it. Or maybe he came in through the kitchen and that's where he got the ice. He's like, I'll save that for later. I guess he he had to get the ice from somewhere because you can't just like carry that around in your pocket.
00:48:46
Speaker
Yeah. By the nature of what it is. You literally can't. Yeah.
00:48:52
Speaker
Maybe he did. He's like, I got to hurry before this becomes water. this He's going to think you've pissed my pants if I don't get there soon.
00:49:01
Speaker
Uh, so she and Johnny, they ride out to an under construction subdivision. It's a classic date space. Yeah. They spend the afternoon chasing each other around laughing and giggling while sex rap plays on the soundtrack.
00:49:16
Speaker
Yeah. In a construction site where they are on a date. Yeah. ah They spray each other with a hose. They head out to a field and learn to ride a horse. She, they head out to the salt flats and she learns to ride a motorbike.
00:49:30
Speaker
And then after the date, he drops her off and she gives him a promise ring. was sort of hard to tell in the closeup who was giving the ring to who. I think Vanilla Ice has very feminine hands.
00:49:42
Speaker
Okay. Dad tells Johnny to stay away, ah but he has also failed to notice that the mobsters are still parked outside of his house, just two houses down.
00:49:54
Speaker
Yeah. It's just really for the whole movie. They're just parked there. Yeah. And also the mobsters have not noticed that this 24 hour deadline is pretty much passed up. Uh, that never actually comes up again.
00:50:07
Speaker
The 24 hour deadline thing. Not important. i hadn't thought about that. Actually. Yeah. Neither did they. No, the movie is still moving. You're you're just buying it in the moment.
00:50:17
Speaker
Yeah. Also, before we get too far away, I can't say for sure, like when a movie has gone over budget, but when you have like a love scene montage and a construction site, I feel like maybe you couldn't pay for better locations.
00:50:34
Speaker
That's probably and more accurate than I would like to admit. I mean, honestly, if they had just done the field and the salt flat and left out the construction site, the problem is they had to set up its checkoffs construction. Yeah, it is.
00:50:48
Speaker
It is. So all your suspicions, they're making you like really internalize like construction site, construction site. So you really remember construction site later when it pays off.
00:50:59
Speaker
yeah Brilliant filming. This is great. This is a fantastic. ah Now, let's see. Oh, yeah. ah Dad sits Kathy down and explains that he is an ex-cop in witness protection after testifying against his partner before she was born.
00:51:20
Speaker
I got to ask you guys. Yes. Do you think he was lying to her? About the being ah like a super secret having a double life?
00:51:31
Speaker
No, I mean about, first of all, if he's a witness protection, he should still be able to call witness protection and be like, hey, somebody is here threatening to kill my family.
00:51:42
Speaker
Yeah. not you don't Not only that, but if I've never been in in witness protection, but if I was, I probably wouldn't go on the local news publicly. Yeah. And you can see him like you can see him try to obscure his face.
00:51:56
Speaker
But also, if it were me, I'd be like, actually, I don't want to be on camera. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure the news is used to that. And also why, if he was testifying against his crooked partner, why are these mobsters like you owe us a half a million dollars? Yeah.
00:52:10
Speaker
I think he was actually just a criminal that ran away. Well, I could see that. That makes a lot more sense. I could see that, but also his wife who seems to be very superfluous to the whole thing. And yes, from the little bit that I know of, or doesn't seem like the sort of person who would marry a criminal.
00:52:32
Speaker
She knows all about it. Like, she's like, you should tell her we need to tell her like, she's ah been aware of this the whole time. Yes. I feel like that makes it slightly more credible that he might have been police officer, but also,
00:52:50
Speaker
I don't buy it. If that's your question, it's like, ultimately, I don't buy that he was a police officer. He doesn't strike. It's Michael Gross, who is the father and family ties. Yes.
00:53:01
Speaker
ah And so it's just weird to picture that guy being like, I was a police officer and I have to stand up to some very mean gentlemen. It's just like, you don't strike me.
00:53:13
Speaker
Maybe he has tripling gambling debt and that would make more your um some loan sharks. And yeah, I was going to say that he probably was one of those like accountants that works for the mob. That would make sense. That would make sense.
00:53:33
Speaker
I like that too. I definitely don't believe what he tells his dog, but the film expects me to. ah He tells her to stay away from Johnny because he saw Johnny talking to the mobsters the other day.
00:53:46
Speaker
So the next time she runs into him, she gives him the cold shoulder. So Johnny mopes for a little while. And then Jazz's bike is finally fixed.
00:53:57
Speaker
So the crew is going to leave town. He gives Tommy ah ride on his bike and then drops him off at home just in time for Tommy to get kidnapped by the mobsters. And it's so crazy to me that this feels like um that Godzilla movie we watched where it's just like, and now there's also a kidnapping.
00:54:15
Speaker
to be yeah It's just like an act-free little whoopsie. complication. Yep. So funny story. Our child has been kidnapped. It's ha ha. Yeah.
00:54:28
Speaker
We'll resolve that very quickly. But I really don't want to bother those guys that witness protection with this. Yeah. We can handle it. Yeah. We got this. Now, a dad tries to blame the kidnapping on Johnny, but Kathy doesn't buy it.
00:54:44
Speaker
ah She brings the cassette tape of Tommy reading the ransom note to Johnny and plays it for him. And Johnny's like, you hear that noise in the background? construction sound noises from the construction zone where I kissed you.
00:55:02
Speaker
And so they're off. ah He and the crew ride out there and they find the mobsters and drive their motorcycles straight through the drywall of a half-built house and rescue Tommy.
00:55:15
Speaker
It's great. Hooray. They bring him home. Dad finally respects Vanilla Ice, looks him in his eye and says, Thank you.
00:55:27
Speaker
ah Which I would hate to have to look Johnny and this era. Johnny. Yeah. His costumes in this movie. We barely even touched on his costume. Yeah.
00:55:39
Speaker
They have included ah overalls that are Beetlejuice striped and have. Oh yeah. Printed on the back flap. Okay. Yeah. There is a ah neon orange cap with a metal plate with three holes in it that form the Brainiac logo.
00:56:00
Speaker
I enjoyed that one. He's got those circular welder style sunglasses. Oh, at one point he wears one of those knit caps, but he wears it like reservoir tip style. it's It's funny that you're you're pointing out his wardrobe changes because this brings up another question that i had that was that went unanswered is where is he getting these wardrobe changes? It's true. That's a good point.
00:56:25
Speaker
Where's he coming from? Yeah. He does not have like huge saddlebags on that bike. Yeah. they They just got like what we thought was going to be like a, like an hour distraction in a town. And now they're on what day three there.
00:56:38
Speaker
Yeah. And he has so many cool clothes. Maybe they're just available in the local stores. I'm going to say we saw literally every outfit he owns. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that we've seen also literally every possession he owns because he is just an itinerant rapper.
00:56:56
Speaker
Yeah. It is very interesting that it's like my friend's motorcycle is stuck here. Well, we all have motorcycles. We're just going to literally stay here until yeah it's fixed.
00:57:07
Speaker
We have nowhere else to go or to be. Right. No, we stuck together. Except for when Johnny's doing his own thing. Well, course.
00:57:16
Speaker
So Kat jumps on the back of Johnny's bike. Johnny jumps the bike over Nick's Corvette for good measure. And then we get a closing number and our credits roll.
00:57:29
Speaker
We finished Cool as Ice. Beautiful. So everybody, give me your your final thoughts, your five-star rating. Where did you land on Cool as Ice? Greg, why don't you start? So... um the I'm going to say that really enjoyed this.
00:57:44
Speaker
really enjoyed watching it. It's one of those movies that I am one of those people, as we've been discussing, I ask like i look at things i'm just like, why is this happening now? There's so many wonderful opportunities to just be like, why are we doing this?
00:57:57
Speaker
What is going on? What was the thought behind this ah But yeah, it's a very vibes based like it's just like it's all about ice and he's great. And if you're into that, then you're going to love this. If not, it might fly over your head, which is incredible to watch.
00:58:12
Speaker
ah The age thing is very problematic, but at the same time, ah doesn't. it feels less problematic than it should be for some reason. And I can't figure out why it may be. So like, I want to give this four stars because I enjoyed it, but I don't know if I should, i guess is what I'm saying. ah You know what? I'll help you out, Greg. I gave it four stars. Okay.
00:58:39
Speaker
I think that this is the best possible vanilla ice movie. Okay. And to do to judge it on its own measure, you know, i think it has to be regarded as a success.
00:58:53
Speaker
And I think if if you can watch it with that in mind, I think you can find a lot to enjoy and appreciate here. I think obviously there's a lot of very silly stuff going on.
00:59:05
Speaker
Oh, yeah. ah But I think it it all... makes for a great little popcorn movie. 90 something minutes. You can't complain. Tyrese out of five stars. Where did you land on cool as ice?
00:59:20
Speaker
I'm going to have to give this I would have given it a four as well. But the cinematography pushed it over the edge for me and I'll give it a solid five because go okay I, you know, I can't judge this movie objectively.
00:59:34
Speaker
Like objectively, it's a it's a pretty bad movie. But because of what it means to me and maybe because I've watched this movie and so many times back to back to back, I'm probably creating meaning where there isn't any.
00:59:50
Speaker
um But there's so many things about this movie that that don't make sense and that shouldn't things that shouldn't happen. Like one of which is this whole thing with the ransom. It's like they asked for you know half a million dollars, but they have no way of it.
01:00:08
Speaker
They have no way of receiving that. So even if the parents want to pay that money. They have no way of getting it to them because they've hidden themselves in a construction site. No one has any cell phones.
01:00:19
Speaker
what Are they going to just do a money? or like what How are they going to get this money to them? yeah There's so many things about this movie that don't make sense. But I think the over overarching theme of the movie is Johnny says at one point during the construction site scene, he says you know something like, if you ain't living for yourself, then you ain't living.
01:00:40
Speaker
So it's this message of be true to yourself. And even though things may not make sense, stop trying to make things make sense and just go with what feels right.
01:00:51
Speaker
um Because even the whole romance between Johnny and Kathy does not make sense. It should never happen. But it feels right now to them. So I give it a five because of the message that I read into saying, like, just go with your heart and and and what feels right, even if it doesn't seem to make sense. Like you can jump a motorcycle over a fence like you can defy the force of physics. It doesn't matter.
01:01:14
Speaker
So that's a beautiful message for movie. so far i think and that's a beautiful message for Yeah, I would also just like to say that ah it says something about this movie that it is one that someone can watch over and over again and add their own meaning to it. You know what I mean?
01:01:32
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it it can't just be that you've given yourself Stockholm Syndrome. No. No. would never. As a closed captioner who had to watch things constantly over and over again, I can attest that that doesn't happen.
01:01:48
Speaker
Definitely. now How could it? Well, it's clear that we all really enjoyed Cool as Ice, but there's some people who didn't like it as much as us. What? We're going to check in with them in the review review.
01:02:02
Speaker
ah
01:02:50
Speaker
So I went to IMDB.com, the internet movie database. You guys familiar with the website? Never heard of it. Fantastic resource for film buffs.
01:03:02
Speaker
Uh, but they also, they have user reviews on there and they get a little bit goofy. I basically found like three types of reviews under cool as ice.
01:03:13
Speaker
The first were, uh, sarcastic 10 out of 10 reviews. They're all very mean spirited and they, none of them were funny at all. yeah Then there were most of your middle of the road reviews that were like,
01:03:28
Speaker
I like this movie because I like vanilla ice when I was a kid and I watch it and it reminds me of being a kid and liking vanilla ice. It's like fine. Absolutely. And then, ah you just get the people who watch school as ice and they hated it.
01:03:43
Speaker
Those are the guys that I picked. So, uh, here we go. First one. i just don't get it. No rating by Chow Yun 45.
01:03:56
Speaker
How the hell could any filmmaker make a film so bad? It's baffling. But then again, it was directed by the guy who destroyed the live version of Inspector Gadget.
01:04:09
Speaker
He had really high hopes for Inspector Gadget. You can also see he did not get much work for a long, long time after this film. Vanilla struggles with every painful word that he mutters. That's not true.
01:04:22
Speaker
He was cool as ice in this movie. listen His delivery was so natural. ah I enjoyed the film a lot more when Mr. Ice was off screen.
01:04:34
Speaker
Every time I saw his stupid head with his ridiculous jackets, I felt like breaking the TV. What makes it worse is the filmmakers actually thought that the public would actually go and see this movie.
01:04:46
Speaker
However, no one did, and by the time it was released, Mr. Ice's music career was over, and this movie bombed. It deserved more than that. It should be banned.
01:04:59
Speaker
Wow. Real hater. Yeah. I don't know what he was expecting. It's also weird to say it should be banned. It's like, I don't know if it needs to be banned.
01:05:12
Speaker
No, come on. i yeah I'm going to make a like a really deep cut joke here that ah people probably won't get if they haven't spent hours upon hours researching this movie like I have.
01:05:23
Speaker
Sure. ah So, excuse me. What was that review written by Suge Knight? Okay, that's my joke.
01:05:31
Speaker
Now, review number two. I am doing this review because I lost a bet. One out of ten by Jet Set 971.
01:05:42
Speaker
I want to get something straight. I am only reviewing this movie because I lost a bet with a friend and I said that if I lost, I would torture myself by thinking and writing about an experience.
01:05:55
Speaker
I so wish I could forget as you guessed it, seeing cool as ice or as I like to call it fool on ice. just Wow.
01:06:08
Speaker
Damn. Oh God. Oh, I don't even know where to begin. This whole movie is a never-ending nightmare. Come on. I would rather play naked Twister with each one of the Golden Girls, even the dead ones.
01:06:25
Speaker
yeah I would rather gargle peanut butter. I would rather set my hair on fire and put it out with a sledgehammer. I would... Well, you get the picture.
01:06:38
Speaker
Thanks, Jet Set. The plot of the movie, if we had to call it that, i actually, I would call it a plot. I talked about it quite a bit. Consists of our hero, Vanilla Ice, and his posse of wannabe baddies.
01:06:52
Speaker
didn't see them as wanting to be bad. They seemed like quite nice people. Yeah, they were yeah they they yeah they I don't think they were wannabe anything. They were pretty legit. with They were pretty sure about what they wanted to be, and they succeeded.
01:07:03
Speaker
They mostly just wanted to ride around on their motorcycles and be left alone. Yeah. ah Now, they're strolling into a hick town and having a little fender bender. Nope, didn't happen. And so they, i can't do this.
01:07:16
Speaker
Thinking about this movie makes my stomach churn and my head implode. Look, let me just sum it up real quick. Plot equals excrement.
01:07:28
Speaker
Script equals more excrement. Direction equals major excrement. Acting equals all the excrement that had ever existed in the world.
01:07:39
Speaker
damn Thank God Vanilla Ice's film career went the way of his music career. One hit and that's it. I don't think it really had a hit per se. What were the producers thinking?
01:07:53
Speaker
On what planet did someone think this movie was worth making? Why? Excuse me, I need to go take and aspirin and drink heavily. Next time I will bet more carefully.
01:08:06
Speaker
Real drama queen. I also feel like they really didn't think about the movie at all. No, no, I don't think you actually engaged it. I think you need to watch Cool as Ice again, Jet Set 971. Fender Bender? There was no Fender Bender.
01:08:18
Speaker
yeah No, the bike broke down. Right. He didn't watch the movie. He slash her, whoever. they They didn't watch the movie. No. Yeah. that you well The vanilla Ice Slander must end today. I will not stand for this.
01:08:32
Speaker
you No. Agreed. We need to start. We owe the truth to ourselves. people Yes. Yes. Last one, last one. What did you do?
01:08:43
Speaker
Will Jesus make it stop? One out of ten by Jesse Gehrig. Float on! Are we machines made of flesh? Are we one single organism floating through the darkness of space?
01:08:57
Speaker
Truth is a golden statue standing upon clay feet. At Truth's heart, there is only one belief. We believe, and therefore it makes it true. Is this a vanilla ice movie?
01:09:09
Speaker
Yes. Did someone write it? Yes. And that author was paid in earth monies. Why do we struggle? Why do we suffer? I throw words out into the ether of space time.
01:09:22
Speaker
And do those words fall or rise? What words can describe this movie? What words do you need to understand this movie? Can such words exist? Does Vanilla sing a song in this movie?
01:09:36
Speaker
Sing should be in quest quotations, as Ice has zero talent. The answer is yes. Have I been drinking as I write this? ah Again, yes. Pabst Blue Ribbon.
01:09:48
Speaker
Hey, man, you want to see a real crap movie? May I recommend Cool as Ice? Someday this world will end.
01:10:00
Speaker
I'm into that review, in all honesty. I like that one quite a bit. Yeah, I feel like at least this person put some thought and heart into the review. They had some skin the game.
01:10:10
Speaker
Yeah. I would just urge them to think about how art is something that makes you feel something. And it really seems like Cool as Ice made you feel something.
01:10:22
Speaker
which Are you guys ready to play a game? ah Oh, I'm sorry so ready. No, you're good. I'm ready. I'm ready. Yes, let's do it. All right. Then... It's time to play a brand new game, listeners.
01:10:34
Speaker
o And we're going to be playing These Words Are Lines.
01:10:57
Speaker
when you said those words you said
01:11:24
Speaker
They are not mine. These words. They are mine.
01:11:37
Speaker
From the film.
01:11:46
Speaker
That's right. We're playing these words are lines. Uh, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to, give you ah character's name and I'm going to read a line or several lines of dialogue from the film. And I want you to fill in the blanks from this film.
01:12:02
Speaker
Yes. From this film. Okay.
01:12:06
Speaker
From the film, Dr. no and no No, I didn't know if this was like from various films. These are lines. or This makes sense to me now. No, no. Yes. Dialogue from this one. Because Johnny had a lot of great dialogue. Most of these lines are going to be Johnny's.
01:12:20
Speaker
Sure. So this is going to a buzz in game. So buzz in by saying your name. And if you don't get it, your opponent will have the chance to steal. ooh Everybody understand? Any questions? No, but if I lose this, I'm going to be very upset with myself because all of my time spent watching this will be for naught.
01:12:35
Speaker
Yes. i feel you're going to have a distinct advantage. You might have an advantage here. We'll see how this goes. We'll see how it plays out. Greg, I hope that maybe there's some lag is that'll give you a buzz in the face. Hey, I never hope to win, only to participate, and I'm sure I'll do that much.
01:12:51
Speaker
All right, question number one. Johnny, drop that blank. Please wait until I finish reading the question. Oh, no, I'm so excited.
01:13:05
Speaker
Johnny, this they're going to get harder. I started with an easy one. Drop that blank and get with the blank. Tyrese. Tyrese?
01:13:16
Speaker
Drop that zero and get with the hero. Correct. Tyrese is on the board. All right. She genuinely excited to hear you answer all of these.
01:13:30
Speaker
Question number two. My personal favorite line from the film, if I had to choose one. Johnny, I'm going to go cross the street and blank a blank. Tyrese.
01:13:41
Speaker
Tyrese. I'm going to go across the street and shling a schlong. Yeah. I wrote that one down. I wrote to shling a schlong.
01:13:53
Speaker
he would that Yeah, he was going to shling a schlong.
01:13:58
Speaker
Okay, this one is not Johnny. This is Tommy.
01:14:03
Speaker
As soon as you're done blanking blank.
01:14:08
Speaker
Tyrese. Tyrese. I think he says, as soon as you're done doing sex. Oh, was I close?
01:14:19
Speaker
You were very close. I'll give you that. drag can you Can you read me the the line again with the blanks? As soon as you're done blanking blank. Playing sex?
01:14:32
Speaker
Can I do a double steal? you can You can get it for your honor, but you won't get the point. This is just for pride. Okay. As soon as you're done making sex. Correct. It was making sex.
01:14:48
Speaker
All right. This one is an exchange between Johnny and Kathy. Johnny. What's it like? it's Kathy. What do you mean? What's it like?
01:15:00
Speaker
Johnny. You know, having blank and all that stuff. ah Blank. All that stuff, yo. Greg? Tyrese.
01:15:11
Speaker
Oh, Greg. Was it a family? ah family? All right. No, I'm sorry. Tyrese? Parents. And the second blank?
01:15:25
Speaker
oh Oh, gosh. It's like having parents and, you know, feel like the second one was family.
01:15:35
Speaker
Oh, sorry. The line was, you know, having parents and all that stuff. A brother, all that stuff. Yo, there's no idea what it's like to have any sort of relation.
01:15:48
Speaker
Yeah. The answer was right in front of me the whole time because she does have a brother. I'm so disappointed in myself. It's okay. You've done very well. Right. Thank you. Thank you. You still got a solid lead two to nothing.
01:15:59
Speaker
Question number five. All right. I'll give you a little bit of context. This is back at the, uh, back at the motorcycle repair shop, back at Roscoe and Mays. And Johnny says, can you put it back together with blank?
01:16:17
Speaker
Oh, Tyrese. Tyrese. Can you put it back together with love? No, no. Good guess. Oh,
01:16:30
Speaker
No idea. So is this is this the scene where he where they tell them that it's going to take a long time and they're like we got to get out of here right now. And he's like, sometimes in order to put things together, you got to take them apart.
01:16:42
Speaker
was that the Probably. Yeah. what is it Because Johnny responds, can you put it back together with quickness? oh Oh, yes. Yes. Wow, I think I need to watch this movie about 10 more times. I'm disappointed in myself.
01:16:55
Speaker
I mean, you could just just study up on the IMDB quotes page. Rich text. It's hard to get it all in just 10 to 20 passes. You know what I mean? Yes.
01:17:08
Speaker
right. Question number six. Johnny.
01:17:13
Speaker
Yeah, blank. ah Sorry. Yeah, blank tried to play baseball with my homeboy's bike. Oh.
01:17:25
Speaker
Oh, I remember the scene. Blank tried to play baseball with my homeboy's bike. Tyrese. Tyrese. Buddy?
01:17:37
Speaker
No, I'm sorry, Greg. do you have a guess? No.
01:17:42
Speaker
That was a whack head. Whack head. Tried to play baseball with ha homeboys bike. The frustrating thing about this is when you say it, every line, I can hear it and see it.
01:17:53
Speaker
not know exactly I can tell you what was happening in the scene and all the lines around it. All right. Okay. I'll try and give you some more context if I can remember this one. ah So this is Johnny just coming back from cat's place to meet up with the crew again, back at man Roscoe's and princess,
01:18:11
Speaker
Where were you, Johnny? Chilling with cat. You know, the chick who blanks a blank. Tyrese. Tyrese. Chilling with cat. You know, the chick that rides the horse.
01:18:25
Speaker
Very close. Very close.
01:18:30
Speaker
Greg. yeah The fact that it's not that is befuddling to me. I remember i remember this. I remember this. I remember. Okay. All right. I will give you a second bite of the apple.
01:18:42
Speaker
It's just just for pride or points. I don't care. You know, the chick that drives a horse. Yes. Drives a horse. Yes. I'm going to give you that one. Yeah. I'll take it. No, you deserve it.
01:18:54
Speaker
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. right. Question number eight.
01:19:00
Speaker
Johnny. Looky, looky in cats, blank, blank. Tyrese. Tyrese. Looky, looky in cats, black bookie.
01:19:11
Speaker
Correct. And then he does some beatboxing. goes, it's really weird. Yeah. He has a very specific style of beatboxing. Yeah. All right. Last question.
01:19:23
Speaker
ah This is ah Johnny. Once again, returning to the garage. to find Mae dancing and Mae says, yo homie, how am I doing?
01:19:34
Speaker
And Johnny responds, blank. Greg? Greg. Fresh? No, good guess, but no. I don't even know. I was just so distracted about how spot on your impression was.
01:19:48
Speaker
It was pretty good. Thank again. I don't know the answer to that one. Johnny says that she is doing slamming. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Batty Awards and Humorous Highlights
01:20:00
Speaker
But congratulations, Tyrese. You still took on the W in a very hard game. Very well thought. Yeah. So with that, I think it's just time for the Batty Awards.
01:20:18
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:20:29
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:20:35
Speaker
Congratulations to all the nominees.
01:20:43
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. I'm very excited for this week's Batty Awards because Greg and I were talking before and we both suspect that there's about a 20% chance that we are giving out the same Batty Award.
01:20:56
Speaker
I'm very excited to find out. I've been waiting with bated breath this entire episode. Okay. Do you want to go first or should I? Sure. Tyrese. No, let's have Tyrese go. I want to go second or third because I want to hear like kind of get the one of you guys first and then I'll... That's That's fair.
01:21:13
Speaker
So I'll go ahead. I'm going to give this to the weirdest Chekhov that we've had so far, which is the Chekhov's construction site. Okay. Because like, because it's just really weird because it's just like you you watch a machine pound the ground like a metal plate several times. And I was just like, is this like a sexual metaphor?
01:21:34
Speaker
Like, what are we also were taking the date to the construction site? This is weird. And the entire time, it's just like, this is weird. Why are we in a construction site? And yeah, it's because they're going to take a little boy hostage later.
01:21:48
Speaker
And you got to have that classic, wait, rewind the tape moment. And they've got it. So Chekhov's construction site, perhaps one of our largest Chekhov's, I would say.
01:21:59
Speaker
i would agree. ah Tyrese, what's your batty award? So I mine is kind of kind of a conspiracy theory. o i i think that Mr. and Mrs. Winslow, they want both of their kids to get kidnapped and be lost forever because when Mr. Winslow finds out well when when he believes that um Johnny is responsible for kidnapping his son.
01:22:25
Speaker
Johnny shows up to the house like five minutes later and Mr. Winslow doesn't say a word about it. He's just like, I thought I told you to stay away from here. And like right there, you should have asked him for information on your son. yeah So then Johnny walks away and he walks back to his home.
01:22:39
Speaker
And then later on in the film, cat She's like, know, Johnny wouldn't do this. So she runs out of the home across the street to where Johnny to where Johnny is saying, because we've established that he's staying across the street and her their parents don't stop her from leaving and running to the house of the person who they believe kidnapped their son and maybe harming him.
01:23:00
Speaker
So, like, they're putting no effort into protecting their children. and basically letting them run into the hands of kidnappers slash murderers. So I think that they didn't want to find their son.
01:23:11
Speaker
um I think they wanted their son and their daughter dead so they could start a new life. So, yeah, I like the first time. No, I think that this is a solid theory. Yeah. And then Johnny brought him back and brought the son back. And I was like, oh, thanks a lot, Johnny. I guess we got to try again now.
01:23:28
Speaker
So now we'll have to explain this to our neighbors. Exactly. Well, Greg, I have exciting news. You and I did not have the same bad. Okay. I'm very excited to see what yours is then.
01:23:40
Speaker
Mine was favorite forced perspective shot. And that was the perspective of the giant salt shaker that looked like a regular salt shaker in the foreground.
01:23:51
Speaker
That's that kind of camera trickery that only a skilled hand, like a Janusz Kaminski could pull off. Yeah. Yeah. It's used for one shot in that same ah montage where that ah jazz makes the big crazy sandwich.
01:24:06
Speaker
And it was a great little visual gag. And it's great to see an old trick pulled off. Well, yeah. Yeah. So congratulations to all the winners of our Batty Awards.
01:24:17
Speaker
Janusz Kaminski, you are not only a two-time Academy Award winner. You also have won a Batty Award. Good for you, sir. I will say this, though. in In all the negative reviews that you read, no one, and I mean no one, criticized the lighting in this movie. So he can hang his hat on that as well.
01:24:36
Speaker
Yes. I think... the the camera department can go home very happy after a long day's work on Cool as Ice. And you, Lister, can go home happy after a long day's pleasure of listening to this episode of your favorite bad movie podcast.
01:24:55
Speaker
God, I almost stuck the landing on there and I screwed it up. Tyrese, thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. It's been so great to talk to you. So great to get to know you. Do you have anything that you want to plug?
01:25:06
Speaker
um Yes, actually. um I'm not sure when this is going to um when this is going to drop. ah But I am mid to late March. Okay, perfect. um I am working on the launch of a podcast of my own.
01:25:21
Speaker
um It is called, what's a relaunch, it's called Misinterpreting Movies. And i do um I do film breakdowns, but I purposely get the point wrong, and I but analyze the film as if what I'm saying is correct.
01:25:36
Speaker
Okay. I like this a lot. that's Yeah. um By the time this drops, I should have that available. And actually, the first episode is going to be about Cool as Ice. So it's going to be a lot of the stuff that we talked about today, but also a lot of stuff that actually doesn't isn't real in the film. I just kind of made it up.
01:25:56
Speaker
So um that's called ah Misinterpreting Movies. It's going to be on YouTube and all streaming services wherever you get your podcasts. So um that's the thing that I want to plug. It should be available right now.
01:26:08
Speaker
All right. That's sick as hell. Definitely go check that out listeners. Yeah. And, uh, but before you navigate away from our page, give us the five stars. Do it.
01:26:19
Speaker
Yes. It's
Closing and Community Engagement
01:26:21
Speaker
right there. It's right by your thumb and click a follower, subscribe, or share us to the timelines of your assorted social media mediums media.
01:26:30
Speaker
And, uh, or just tell your best friend about the show And come back next week when we're going to have Andy Rocco on the show. And we're going to be talking about a Sinbad movie. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I have it written down. It's the Sinbad movie that has Lou Ferrigno in it.
01:26:49
Speaker
That much This exciting. This is exciting. Yes. Listeners, get ready. Drum roll, please. I don't have one on the soundboard. Sinbad and the Seven Seas starring Lou Ferrigno. So you don't want to miss that.
01:27:02
Speaker
And ah yeah, you can find us on social media. We're on blue sky. We're on Instagram. We also now have a Plex server up where you can watch all of our movies ah that we have covered. Maybe.
01:27:19
Speaker
Maybe you can. Maybe that's illegal. I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. And ah if you want to get in on that or if you want to join us in our discord, ah you can shoot me an email at favoritebadmoviepod at gmail.com.
01:27:33
Speaker
And in our Discord, we're showing movies once a month. Last month, we done Mr. No Legs. We haven't done it at the point of this recording, but I'm sure it was a huge hit.
01:27:45
Speaker
And you should join us this month for whatever we're doing. Come hop in the Discord. ah And i think I have run out of things to say. So until next time, be good.
01:27:58
Speaker
Goodbye. Have a good night. Or day.
01:29:09
Speaker
Pops is the one. Ready for fun.