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Episode 44: Rhinestone featuring Shelly Walston
43 Plays2 months ago
Returning guest Shelly Walston has brought a surprise for Chris and Greg: the 1984 film Rhinestone starring Dolly Parton and Sly Stallone. Never heard of this Romantic Comedy Musical? There are many good reasons for that which will all be discussed. The film certainly inspires lots of lively discussion, largely about Sylvester Stallone and his choices. It’s full of good conversation, information and laughter. Be sure to tune in.
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Transcript
Introduction and Host Banter
00:00:40
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast. The only podcast that's brave enough to ask the question, if this movie is so bad, why do you like it so much?
00:00:54
Speaker
We're your hosts. My name is Chris Anderson. And with me, as always, i have the Nick to my Barnett, Mr. Greg Bossy.
00:01:05
Speaker
Greg, how are you doing today? I'm doing all right. How are you? oh I'm hanging in there. I'm hanging it in there. I feel very strange to be called Sly Stallone in this particular situation.
00:01:18
Speaker
But I will take it. no No, for me, it's more like Nick and Barnett at the beginning of the movie. you know just Fast friends. i think I think it's mostly the reference of like, you're like Sly Stallone in this movie. It's like, that's not a nice thing to say about someone. No, no, it's true.
00:01:35
Speaker
ah We do not, unfortunately, have the Jake to my Nick Anna here tonight.
Guest Introduction: Shelly Walston
00:01:40
Speaker
But we do have a returning guest, at the latest member of the Two-Timers Club.
00:01:46
Speaker
But don't tell her wife. It's Shelly Walston. Hello! Hello! How are you doing, Shelly? It's great to see you. um i am doing really, really well. um I do want to just go ahead and say that...
00:02:04
Speaker
I forgot a lot about this movie. Turns out, turns out. You know what? I'm trying to do the same myself. week We all had a few
Movie of the Week: Rhinestone
00:02:15
Speaker
surprises. I would say, uh, when we sat down to watch rhinestone, uh, our movie this week is rhinestone listeners. And if you haven't seen rhinestone, here's just a short summary to hold in your mind of the feature length film rhinestone.
00:02:51
Speaker
But the one thing she didn't bet on was love.
00:02:58
Speaker
Sure. I mean, you never bet on love. Wait, you always bet on love? I always bet on love. I don't know. I guess she wasn't betting on falling in love. i Yeah, that's fair.
00:03:11
Speaker
That's fair. that That could have used a punch up. I'll take the note. It's fine. There's some rewrites later. It's cool. Yeah, I'll fix it all in post. I'm really good at post and I love doing it.
00:03:24
Speaker
Shelly, you chose rhinestone this week. What drove you to pick rhinestone? I remember it came up in our discussion on our previous episode.
Why Shelly Chose Rhinestone
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah, when we talked about The Woman in Red.
00:03:36
Speaker
I remember looking at other movies made in 1984 and realizing that Rhinestone was one of those movies. um And I just had such an initial gut reaction to how much I remembered loving the film. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:03:56
Speaker
Yeah. And what I've come to realize 45-year-old woman is that I think I was just in love with Dolly Parton.
00:04:08
Speaker
Yeah. I think you were just learning something about yourself and then just telling yourself like, I just like rhinestone. Yeah. I mean, I just like seeing Dolly Parton in low cut numbers with a century.
00:04:22
Speaker
My God. Dolly Parton in this movie. Anyway, she lets it all out. She's also um like, she's, she signs like a diamond in this.
00:04:34
Speaker
Yes. You know, like everyone else is just like sort of reprehensible and she's just Dolly Parton who we all know is fantastic. And I think that true of like the actual filming of this movie.
00:04:49
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, that makes sense to me. And from the little I read, yeah, that also makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. So do you remember how you, you first saw rhinestone, how old you would have been anything like that?
00:05:01
Speaker
So I probably would have been between, So I'm sure I saw it on the VHS tapes in my grandparents' basement. That makes perfect sense. Right. um And so I probably saw it on VHS when
Critique: Casting & Chemistry
00:05:16
Speaker
my auntie Rhonda was babysitting me.
00:05:19
Speaker
So let's say I was like eight to 10. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So like none of the alcoholism in it and none of the like,
00:05:33
Speaker
abject sliced alone behaviors in it would have been like glaring red lights to me at the time i would have just been like he's not a good guy yeah and like all the sex stuff just would have gone over your head there's nothing that's like explicit yeah yeah i mean like literally they like grab the chain above their heads and yeah Yeah. They close the door.
00:05:58
Speaker
That said, its sexuality is still reprehensible and gross. I want to make that explicitly clear about this. Oh, yes. Oh, absolutely. Freddie Hugo is quintessential sleazebag.
00:06:13
Speaker
1980s sleazebag. Yeah, I'm going to say your average pornography has better sexual politics than rhinestone. ah Greg, had you ever seen Rhinestone before? I didn't know this existed. And the honest truth is that if you hadn't told me within the context of this podcast that we were going to watch a Dolly Parton's Sylvester Stallone musical comedy romance, I would have probably said they didn't they didn't do that.
00:06:43
Speaker
Yeah.
Rhinestone's Troubled Production
00:06:44
Speaker
This movie, like the combination doesn't make sense to me. Yeah. No, they were hoping for a chocolate and peanut butter situation, but they got chocolate and a big piece of shit.
00:06:56
Speaker
Yeah, I literally tried to come up with a metaphor for how poorly these two combine together, and all I could come up with was these two go together as well as two things that don't go together well.
00:07:08
Speaker
Yeah. It's difficult to figure out what the individual flavor combination is. I think the closest I actually got was ah this movie is like a horse that has somehow rusted. Mm-hmm.
00:07:19
Speaker
Fair enough. And it's like how a horse isn't made of metal. It's like it's still got rust all over it. So I don't know what to tell you. Something's gone wrong. Something something is off and unusual. I mean, to go with like the love theme, I think it'd be like strawberries dipped in chocolate with like somehow saved sweat droplets from a gym. Like in no universe is that good combination. Yeah, I could go with that.
00:07:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's funny how much it's one person's problem. It's not that it's bad chemistry. It's that Sylvester Stallone takes a huge shit all over this movie.
00:08:02
Speaker
He ruins this movie. Spectacularly. Yes. In a way that's fascinating to watch. Oh, definitely. I, for example, to demonstrate how clearly ah he is ruining any given moment, I saw a clip of rhinestone, my only previous experience with rhinestone.
00:08:23
Speaker
And I was like, oh, that must be what that was because it was just the footage of Sly Stallone singing Drinkenstein, ah which will be our closing theme this week.
00:08:35
Speaker
Thank the Lord. I would also like to say that that's probably the best thing he does in the whole movie, in my opinion. It's so bizarre. It is very bizarre. But that was like the one moment where i was like, I feel like they're using what Sly Stallone has and putting it in this context.
00:08:52
Speaker
I don't know if that's a good idea or if it's the right thing. But of all the things that he's done, this has at least been somewhat entertaining and seems to play with his strengths as opposed to forcing his strengths in situations where they're 100% not welcome.
00:09:10
Speaker
But I also feel like it's the most low-key, sliced-alone moment in the movie. Yes. Yeah, yeah. everything up to 13. Yeah.
00:09:21
Speaker
yeah And Drinkenstein, which is probably, yeah, his best moment is when he has it dialed down to like three. I think it's because he's doing a down tempo number.
00:09:32
Speaker
Like all the other ones are like big, high energy, like cocaine country numbers. um But this one, he gets to like, he has to slow down. The music physically slows him down because for some reason he wrote himself as a motor mouth in this movie.
00:09:50
Speaker
Yes. It's like if they made this movie 10 years later, this character would have been played by Pauly Shore. Literally, this movie makes more sense as a Pauly Shore movie.
00:10:00
Speaker
Which is so crazy. But yeah, you're right. Uh, but obviously we all agree. Sly Stallone ruined what was happening in front of the camera, but I think it's doubt in my context research, he also ruined what was happening behind the camera.
Trivia and Behind-the-Scenes
00:10:19
Speaker
Yes, he did.
00:11:01
Speaker
So rhinestone came out 1984. Like Shelly mentioned earlier, ah the director eventually was Bob Clark. And, uh, the tagline is so long.
00:11:15
Speaker
I'm excited. Yeah. She's been everything, and we mean everything, that she can turn this New York Gabby into an overnight sensation.
00:11:26
Speaker
He has other things in mind, but he's never had a trainer like this one. Come on. That's not a tagline. It's a paragraph.
00:11:37
Speaker
yeah She's a little bit country. He's a little bit rock and roll. Boom. Jesus, guys, you're overthinking it. Now, the original script for rhinestone was written by Phil Eldon Robinson, who you might know from his work as writer or director on all of me.
00:11:58
Speaker
Ghost dad didn't age well, uh, sneakers or field of dreams. Oh, uh, Fox executives loved the script for rhinestone and they picked it up.
00:12:13
Speaker
They knew they wanted big stars for the lead and nobody was bigger in country music than Dolly Parton. Obviously, if you can get Dolly, you've got to put Dolly in this role. Yeah. Truth. You do like you, you could get some like a sissy space sec fake in it.
00:12:30
Speaker
Cool miners daughter sort of thing. But if you can get Dolly, you need Dolly for this. Well, and she'd just come off 1982's Best Little Full House in Texas.
00:12:42
Speaker
Yeah. Well, she was like hot to trot in film. Mm-hmm. Yeah, she she was ah ah huge box office star, and no wonder she's absolutely charming. Oh, yeah. i I described her as I settled on ah maximalist femininity.
00:13:04
Speaker
You know i mean? It's just like every... Like the giant platinum blonde hair and all this makeup and this big eyes and beautiful smile and just these breasts, each one as big as her head.
00:13:17
Speaker
And it's just like... but it all works. and And she's, and she's so smart and so sweet and so funny. And it's just like, Jesus, she's incredible.
00:13:28
Speaker
She's beautiful. I mean, she just like, she's beautiful on the inside and out. Also true. Yeah. Big fan of her, uh, reading, uh, charity, uh, where, uh, she mails children's books.
00:13:45
Speaker
To anyone who asks for them for free. Yeah, it's called the Imagination Library. That's it. That's so nice. That's incredible. It's an incredible charity. They use local volunteers.
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's great stuff. Now, ah Dolly's agent at the time was mo Mike Ovitz. And Mike Ovitz told them that if they wanted Dolly, they would have to make Sylvester Stallone the male lead.
00:14:09
Speaker
they agreed Sylvester Stallone's a big star. He's supposed to be playing a New York guy. You know, he can do a city accent. Fine.
00:14:19
Speaker
And they also allegedly implied that Stallone would be the sort of de facto director of the film. with the director that they initially hired, Don Zimmerman, acting as sort of a figurehead without his knowledge.
00:14:33
Speaker
Like, basically, yeah, they'd let Stallone sort of call the shots. And if Zimmerman complained, they'd back Stallone's play every time until he got the message. That sort of situation.
00:14:45
Speaker
So this is a good working environment going in. Oh, definitely.
Plot and Problematic Elements
00:14:50
Speaker
You can tell that Stallone has the right artistic instincts that you want him off the chain. yeah Yeah, definitely.
00:14:58
Speaker
Now at this time, Sly was in talks to star in Beverly Hills cop, which would have been very bad for him. Yeah.
00:15:09
Speaker
Over Eddie Murphy. Yeah. He was, he was the first pick before they got to Eddie. What? It's bizarre to think about. Very strange to think about. Obviously nobody could be the Beverly Hills cop except for Eddie Murphy.
00:15:24
Speaker
No. It's also weird to think about this man with the thick New York accent being from Beverly Hills. well Or does he come from New York? I can't remember how it works in that situation.
00:15:34
Speaker
He comes from Detroit in the current one, so but they could have made him. He just made it New York. All right. I so i stand corrected. But ah he he wanted to rewrite the script.
00:15:47
Speaker
After all, he was an Oscar winning screenwriter. You can understand why he would believe in himself and his his ability to rewrite a script.
00:15:55
Speaker
But the producers, I think it was Simpson and Bruckheimer, they didn't want to deal with that. So they went with Eddie Murphy instead, who is much you know younger and up and coming and just willing to play ball.
00:16:07
Speaker
Good call on their part. Yeah. And obviously if you want somebody who can improvise on the day and goof around, Eddie Murphy's your man, but he's not going to like but bringing a typewriter to set and telling other people what to say.
00:16:22
Speaker
Now, uh, this did free up Sly's schedule. ah the producers of rhinestone took this opportunity to speed up production. Uh, so they cut pre-production from five months to two and a half. Uh, Stallone also wanted to take a crack at this script.
00:16:40
Speaker
Uh, by all accounts. Now I got a lot of this from Wikipedia, I'm going to say, and this Wikipedia seems to have a much more singular voice than a lot of other Wikipedia entries. It also has a lot of citations.
00:16:53
Speaker
So it might be someone that ah a specific, someone that has an ax to grind, but that person that has their ax to grind is, you know, they've got, uh, the work to back it up.
00:17:04
Speaker
Now, the problems ah didn't end. Oh, no, and I'm sorry. Now, by all accounts, Stallone's revisions mostly served to make his character cooler, more streetwise, and also a lot more prominent.
00:17:20
Speaker
He used to, I guess, be more of like Eliza Doolittle instead of... I was say, the movie really... Because we haven't addressed this yet. I guess it's so allegedly based on the song Rhinestone Cowboy, which I went back... It's a song that I'm pretty familiar with because my dad loved Glen Campbell.
00:17:37
Speaker
and And I know the lyrics and i as I was watching, it was like, I feel like this just does not represent the song. And then I looked at the lyrics and I was like this definitely is not the song at all. And then I looked at...
00:17:51
Speaker
I think the guy who wrote it or Glenn Campbell saying like, I think that song was about, and it's like that description is nothing like this movie. so But the movie just feels like pig male and, and it's called rhinestone and that's it is what it feels like.
00:18:06
Speaker
Well, and it also sounds like based on the history of the filmmaking process, but like, it sounds like it was written to be a totally different film And then Sylvester Stallone came in and said, you know, let's make it about me.
00:18:23
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Let's not make it about the club, the rhinestone and all the comings and goings and the people that are there in some sort of Altman esque thing. And the real gem of the rhinestone being Dolly Parton or any her history and Tennessee. None of that. Nobody wants that.
00:18:40
Speaker
They want slide. Yeah. yeah They want to see him mixing it up. He'll sort of be like Crocodile Dundee. He'll be a fish out of water and he'll be this breakout character.
00:18:53
Speaker
It'll be great. And then he'll come back and he'll be a different fish out of water. then Then we got Rhinestone 2. Boom. oh No problems did not end with pre-production.
00:19:05
Speaker
Nobody told Don Zimmerman that he was director in name only. And things really came to a head when Stallone got the camera operator fired. Zimmerman really couldn't work with him after that. And three weeks into productions, Don Zimmerman was fired.
00:19:22
Speaker
So Fox brought on Bob Clark to direct, uh, Clark was also represented by Stallone's agency. ah Bob Clark had previously directed Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Black Christmas, Porky's, and a Christmas Story.
00:19:43
Speaker
interesting Interesting filmography. He's an interesting guy. i like Bob Clark. No, I generally like him too. I like Black Christmas a lot. I'm a huge Black Christmas guy. I haven't seen it. I've heard good things.
00:19:57
Speaker
i argu solid parton I wonder what Dolly Parton was thinking when he was brought on. You know? I mean. yeah Parkies. My big breasts.
00:20:07
Speaker
And this. It's going to be great. Well, you know, from what I read, everybody said that Dolly was a delight to work with. That's true. And, you know, so God bless. I'm sure it all went great.
00:20:23
Speaker
Now, all the footage that had already been shot was scrapped. They moved the shoot from Tennessee to LA and Stallone was given sole purview over the script.
00:20:37
Speaker
Bob Clark was given one week to prepare before shooting resumed with Stallone continuing to rewrite the script as the shoot progressed. Eventually the shoot finally came to a close.
00:20:49
Speaker
Bob Clark, he's a professional. You can bring him in. He'll shoot your movie. Now, all said and done, it cost Fox $28 million, dollars and it took in $21 million dollars at the box office.
00:21:02
Speaker
Wow. With $5 million dollars of the budget going to Sylvester Stallone. His payday on this $5 million. dollars Unfortunate. Yeah, to come in and destroy this movie.
00:21:15
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Now, other musical films of 1984. You got Purple you got purple rain Yeah.
00:21:26
Speaker
Shelly, I know you're a Prince gal. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and I didn't see Purple Rain until I was in high school, college. so yeah, it doesn't even come close. Not even, not even in the same universe.
00:21:41
Speaker
e Yeah. So I'm sad for 10 year old Shelly that she didn't get to see Purple Rain sooner. Nah, well, you, maybe you wouldn't have been ready. Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:52
Speaker
Then got Streets of Fire. Have you guys watched Streets of Fire? well I've heard. I've met Streets of Fire guys, but I have not dived into it yet. Maybe I'll get that up on the Plex server.
00:22:07
Speaker
You got Songwriter starring Chris Christopherson and Willie Wilson. and That sounds intriguing. Yeah. You got Give My Regards to Broad Street.
00:22:19
Speaker
which is kind of like a Beatles movie, but if it only had Paul McCartney and Ringo in it. Okay. Okay. Footloose. You got Footloose this year. That's a classic.
00:22:30
Speaker
Yeah. You got Francis Ford Coppola's The Cotton Club. Okay. Ooh, yes. And you've got as some of the first big hip hop musicals. You got Beat Street.
00:22:44
Speaker
You got Body Rock. You have Breakin' and you have Breakin' 2, Electric Boogaloo. All 1984. Wow, they came out in the same year? Yeah, yeah. They turned those around pretty quick.
00:22:56
Speaker
All right. It shows. Okay. Well, with that, do you guys want to talk about the plot of rhinestone?
00:23:06
Speaker
yes yes me All right. Let's check out this plot. buker
00:23:30
Speaker
Plot bumper, listen to me.
Opening Scene Analysis
00:23:34
Speaker
I'm gonna give you the plot summary. Come on, baby. Here's the synopsis.
00:23:43
Speaker
Plot bumper, plot bumper.
00:23:57
Speaker
So we open on a shot of Lady Liberty and the New York City skyline as Miss Dolly Parton sings about how New York sucks and she wants to go back to Tennessee.
00:24:09
Speaker
Kind of a weird vibe to start the movie off, but that's what they do. She's performing at the premier country and western venue in New York City, The Rhinestone. The rhinestone is run by Mr. Freddy Hugo, or F.U., as his monogram regularly reminds us.
00:24:28
Speaker
Classy stuff. So classy. Very classy. ah And he routinely sexually harasses his customers and employees. I'd also like to point out that someone's like, are you having a good night? And he says, it's always a good night when you're rich, kid.
00:24:46
Speaker
Yeah. Great entrance line for him. Yep.
00:24:50
Speaker
Now, we also meet Dolly, who is playing Jake, his main attraction. She's a real Dolly Parton type, positively overflowing with maximalist femininity and Southern charm.
00:25:06
Speaker
So what did you guys think of Freddy? we get We covered Dolly. What did you think of Freddy and his propensity for? ah Sexual harassment. Yeah, just the flagrant sexual harassment. Yeah.
00:25:18
Speaker
Yeah. I really loved in a love hate way in a mostly hating it way. His terrible pickup lines.
00:25:30
Speaker
That's fair. I mean, they're just so atrocious and so like just dripping with terrible, terrible madness. Like, I don't mean that in like, in general, I just mean like,
00:25:46
Speaker
Ugh, he's so slimy. I had written one down, but I didn't. so They took him too far. They took him too far.
00:25:57
Speaker
It made it unpleasant. He is reprehensible. I feel like the actor is having fun with it. Yeah, it's not his fault.
00:26:08
Speaker
Which I appreciate. But I would appreciate more if I didn't have to watch the character.
00:26:18
Speaker
I've seen him pop up on law and order. If you want to see him in some other stuff. Sure. Maybe. um
00:26:27
Speaker
It's, it's, it's just, there's so many choices in this movie that it's just like, i don't, I don't know what you were trying to go for. Were you trying to make something dislikable?
00:26:38
Speaker
Was that the intent? Well, and I think, I mean, if that's the case, they nailed it because like, yeah, the moment he pulls up in his, rolls royce with the top down and is like grabbing everyone's butt well you know what he never actually touches anyone okay which i think was the only okay thing about him yeah yeah he never actually touches anyone but he he just feels so tonally jarring do you know what i mean yeah
00:27:11
Speaker
I mean, the movie is tonally jarring. Yeah. I guess he is of a piece in that every man except for Noah in this movie is a massive piece of shit. Oh, yeah absolutely. Noah is ah ah Dolly's father, I'm assuming.
00:27:27
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Played by Richard Farnsworth. you see him He is... I actually wrote, father is great. I liked him a lot. He yeah doesn't seem to... Him and Dolly...
00:27:41
Speaker
almost stand out in this movie where it's just like they're in a different movie than literally everyone. Like the thing about this villain, it's like you want to love to hate a villain, but you just hate him.
00:27:54
Speaker
Yeah. And I don't love it. i just, i just literally dislike him. yeah Every time he's on screen, it made me feel so uncomfortable. Like I knew was going to be like, when is he going to get off screen?
00:28:05
Speaker
And Sylvester Stallone would come on screen. I'd be like, when is he going to get off screen? When is it just going to be Dolly Parton on screen? buts amazing Don't you think that like, okay, so they clearly establish in the first 27 seconds that poor Dolly is stuck in this situation um for another two years at least.
00:28:26
Speaker
And it sucks. But I think the believability of that, that she would have gotten herself stuck in this five year situation is so slim. Yeah.
00:28:39
Speaker
Considering the rest of her like understanding of humanity and her quick wittedness to be like, like when Sylvester Stallone's dad is being also a creep, oh she tells him that like his hot breath is messing up her makeup. Like,
00:28:57
Speaker
She is so quick to say things. And then I'm supposed to believe that she thought Freddie was going to be her way into stardom. Also, like the premise of the movie is that the most talented, charismatic person in the entire picture like is like opening for acts that no one has ever heard of before.
00:29:22
Speaker
It's like, even if he had her, she is the headliner. She does not open up for what she's going to open. Like you, if you've stayed in this contract, he's clearly an idiot to not just have her be the headliner running the show every night, making them money hand over fist because she shines out like a diamond. Like it is crazy how much she is actually charismatic.
00:29:46
Speaker
and nobody else everyone else makes you want to look away like it doesn doesn't make any sense that she'd be like i'm stuck in this contract opening for assholes it's like no you you are dolly parton you would be as successful as dolly parton would be she stands out in this movie as much as like any movie star if you put them in a movie with normal people she's like that level above everyone else in the movie exactly And it's, yeah, it is so bizarre that he is actively looking to replace her.
00:30:15
Speaker
yeah Well, I can find, so i can find the next hit. It's like, it's like, no, you hold onto this person and you give them everything you can because they are your rocket to space. Well, and also the idea that I'm supposed to believe Freddy Yugo knows anything about country.
00:30:34
Speaker
No, I don't think you are. The movie demonstrates that he doesn't know anything about, the like, very quickly. Very quickly. Like, the part where he's like, here's the next, and everyone's just like, the next country in singing and singing, like, repeating his words because he's used them so many times, and he's been absolutely, fundamentally wrong every time.
00:30:55
Speaker
But with Dolly Parton, he got it right. It's like, no, someone else swoops in and gets her. It's just like, this guy's an idiot. I'm going to give you 16 times what he can give you. In, in you'll be Dolly Parton.
00:31:06
Speaker
Yeah. It's insane. So there is only one thing that Freddie wants other than sex with Jake. He wants to sign another country act to be an artist in residence at the club.
00:31:18
Speaker
Now there's two challenges here. One is that ah the rhinestone is a very tough crowd. And the other problem is that pretty much anyone is going to be a step down from Dolly Parton. That's great. i was saying ah So he brings on his newest act, Elgart, a man in black type, but it's also has a gold embroidered Eagle on his cowboy shirt.
00:31:42
Speaker
Yeah. ah but he has a big scar on his face and he almost pulls it off with this song. The day my baby died. Yeah. Until it's revealed that his baby died, getting her head squished by a tractor.
00:31:57
Speaker
Also, ah got a question earlier in the stuff. Like I went back and listen to the lyric and he, I think, does he say that the woman took a poop in the field and then got caught in a tractor?
00:32:12
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Because why is that poop part in there? Because it's true. Well, it's just weird because it's just like, here's a joke about a song that you think is going well. Then it goes off when he starts talking about poop. And then it really goes off when he starts explaining how she was massively eviscerated by the tractor in song format.
00:32:30
Speaker
But it's like, why include the poop? Just go right to the actual joke. Because he's an honest artist. Yeah. I guess his wife did take a poop. on a field before she was ripped apart by a tractor, as he's crying there and everyone is laughing at him, and he says, this really happened.
00:32:48
Speaker
And I wrote, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about him, because I don't know what the movie wants me to think about him. He's very confusing. Apparently this was the only song that was not written by Dolly Parton. This was written by the original screenwriter.
00:33:01
Speaker
So this is probably closer to the original tone that the movie was supposed to have. Oh, weird. I thought this was funny. This made me laugh. I didn't necessarily think it was unfunny. It was just perplexing. It was strange.
00:33:15
Speaker
It was very strange. It made it seem like the movie was going to more madcap. Yes. Now, ah Jake busts on Freddie for hiring such a boob and insists that she could turn just about anybody into a country singer in only two weeks.
00:33:33
Speaker
Now, I think that part of this premise really points to another one of the central problems that we haven't addressed yet in Rhinestone, which is its complete lack of authenticity.
00:33:45
Speaker
yeah There's no respect for country music. Oh, no. At no point when she's like trying to teach him about country music, does she say anything like you got to sing from your heart.
00:33:57
Speaker
It's about your feelings. It's about singing something true. And said, she's like, you got to mix your peas up with your potatoes. And you got to figure out how to walk. yeah Yeah. Yeah. Walk like you got jock itch.
00:34:09
Speaker
It looks like he's he looks like he's got jock itch. Yeah. Oh, That's country. So who is this movie for then? don't know. It's not country fans.
00:34:20
Speaker
But like, she is so committed to the authenticity of it that she spends, i mean, because they go by bus. Yeah. So she spends at least three days of her two weeks getting there and back.
00:34:35
Speaker
like she's to the authenticity. I hadn't really even thought about that. Maybe they took the bus from the airport. Oh, okay. Okay. could be who knows i think i think that's another very large problem with the film is that it at no point did it make me feel any kind of way about country music and maybe part like obviously i have no disrespect for dolly parton songs i think i want to save a lot of the music discussion for we have a i just did a whole separate segment for that but i feel like
00:35:10
Speaker
her songs were great, but ah they sort of were either that sort of pop country that was in vogue at the eighties or a little bit of some more soulful acoustic country. And they were either one or the other.
00:35:23
Speaker
And neither of those are exactly my, the, a country that I've incorporated into my tastes yet. I was not a country kid. or out Did you guys grow up with the country?
00:35:34
Speaker
Heck yes. Uh, it was played all the time and I really bothered me, but it was a lot of the like way down yonder on the Chattahoochee stuff, which is, I like, I have come to grow to understand why people like, like Johnny Cash and things. And I can understand the value of that now, but at the time it all just got lumped into this. Like I'm down drinking my beer with my girl kind of music that I just don't want to hear ever.
00:36:02
Speaker
Fair enough. I, yeah, I mean, I was raised on old country, like all, all the old country, um, at my grandparents' house, they had all of the cassette tapes and records and like, it's all we listened to. My dad listened to KFDI, which was the local radio station, um, nonstop. And they only played old country And, you know, and then my mom was a big fan of the newer country, like Vince Gill and George Strait and Randy Travis kind of vibes. So none of the like way down yonder on the Chattahoochee stuff.
00:36:40
Speaker
Right. But yeah, I also grew up with that too. So yeah. Yeah. and I've been trying to to get into outlaw country because that seems like that's some pretty cool stuff.
00:36:54
Speaker
But also, I'm too old to get into new things sometimes. That's not true. That's not true. Sometimes a little bit. Yeah.
00:37:05
Speaker
But okay. Okay. Okay. Back to the movie. Jake and Freddy, they make a bet. We haven't even introduced Sylvester Stallone And we're 40 minutes into the show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:15
Speaker
There's just, it, it evokes a very strong response. that It does. It does. ah Jake and Freddie
Plot Setup: The Bet
00:37:22
Speaker
make a bet. If Jake can make somebody a country singer, Jake gets out of her contract, but if she loses, he gets to have sex with her.
00:37:30
Speaker
This is gross. Yeah. They do pretty quickly find a guy at first. There was a hobo. There's a crazy guy. She says, no, ask me a normal guy. Nick, played by Sylvester Stallone, pulls up right in front of them with a trio of Japanese tourists that he's been bantering with while driving like a maniac.
00:37:47
Speaker
If that sounds funny to you, don't worry. It's not. Nick takes off and Jake tracks him down at his cab company's garage and brings him back to the club to see if she could talk him into joining up for this bet.
00:38:04
Speaker
They head over to Freddie's apartment, which is in Trump Tower. Yeah. course. This was a subtle signal that Freddie was a rich asshole 41 years ago.
00:38:17
Speaker
Yeah. 41 years ago. Yeah. Yep. And Nick agrees that if Freddie will spring for a new cab, he'll sign up.
00:38:29
Speaker
Great. Now, ah Nick and Jake, they hang out for a little bit. They go back to Nick's place. He lives above a funeral parlor um that his family owns.
00:38:42
Speaker
He performs tutti frutti on an organ at his family's funeral parlor. And his performance is rough. So bad. It's very long, too. It goes on a long time.
00:38:55
Speaker
He's basically screaming. Yep. And he does, like, the whole song. And listeners, if you want to hear Sly Stallone scream a lot of songs, this is the movie for you. I'm glad I could help narrow that down for people.
00:39:10
Speaker
yeah I think it's very hard to make singing badly funny. And it's harder to do the longer you go. i agree that part sentence.
00:39:23
Speaker
Every, every time he sings badly, ah it goes on as long as one of the good songs for some reason. Yeah. No one ever cuts him off. I'm going to tell you that reason why right now, Chris, tell me he directed it.
00:39:40
Speaker
Well, yeah. I mean, he wanted gee so he walked over Bob Clark. Yeah. Heck yes, I do. He wanted himself to be the big, the big moment. Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:51
Speaker
yeah yeah And i as I was writing down this plot summary today, it occurred to me who could have possibly pulled this off. Who could have made Rhinestone a good movie?
00:40:02
Speaker
I have a suggestion. Who's that? Bruce Willis. Okay.
00:40:09
Speaker
I think if you had a young, moonlighting era of Bruce Willis in this role, I think he could have pulled it off. And he has a good singing voice because you remember Hudson Hawk?
00:40:20
Speaker
Yes. And and his ah his album, The Return of Bruno. Yes. I mean, that is song. He at least has the ability to sing, Sylvester Stallone, from as far as I can tell, does not.
00:40:35
Speaker
He's also funny. Yes. Sylvester Stallone is not funny in this movie. want to make that very clear. He also has, Bruce Willis also has range. He's not just turned up every single second.
00:40:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. you know and he's And he's more naturally charming. Yeah. And he's said definitely a better motor mouth. Sylvester Stallone is a terrible motor mouth. I have no idea what he was thinking.
00:41:01
Speaker
Now, ah as I say, Stallone's approach to musical comedy is all wrong. Jake realizes that she's going to have to do a complete teardown on this. So they hop a bus to her hometown of Leapers Fork, Tennessee.
00:41:16
Speaker
That's where we spend act two of the movie. It's a very small rural community. Nick meets some locals, including Jake's daddy, Noah, played by Richard Farnsworth. Very likable.
00:41:28
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yes. Noah and his band, the Wild Possum Band, perform on his porch to give Nick a taste of what real country music should sound like.
00:41:41
Speaker
Nick agrees to give it a shot and starts screaming devil in a blue dress tunelessly at the top of his lungs. Well, i yeah I think he was also randomly strumming a a guitar.
00:41:54
Speaker
Sure. Open chords, yeah. Yeah. Noah suggests he tries something simpler. ah So Nick screams Old MacDonald tunelessly at the top of his lungs.
00:42:08
Speaker
I don't know how many times they feel the need to demonstrate that this guy can't sing, but we've gotten the point at this point. Oh, yeah. and They're just beating a dead horse with that point.
00:42:19
Speaker
It's genuinely like makes you feel misophonic. Do you know what i mean? It's just like, it's like nails on a chalkboard at some point. her Now, after this, we get some more country and Western training with him riding a cow and chopping some wood and stepping in some horse shit.
00:42:38
Speaker
And I felt really bad for the cow. Yeah. I mean, Sylvester Stallone, he's shorter than you think. He's probably put the cow. but But it's also like clearly like a small cow. It's true. It's like, eh, maybe don't do that.
00:42:52
Speaker
Yeah. Now, uh, that night Jake tries to teach Nick some culinary customs, such as mixing your peas with your potatoes and dipping your biscuits in gravy.
00:43:05
Speaker
I'm sorry, Chris, sopping the gravy up. yeah mis it It's not dipping. It's sopping up. Okay. I like just a little dip, but then that yeah I'm still nervous for her. I was under the impression that she was saying that you should do what my father did at the end of the meal, which was take a piece of bread and literally clean your plate with it and then eat it.
00:43:26
Speaker
could that That's what I thought. I grew up in a rural community. That's what I felt like she was referring to. Mm-hmm. Well, she ah basically just starts annoying the shit out of Jake for no real reason. I don't know why they're like, we should make Dolly Parton the unlikable one.
00:43:45
Speaker
We should make her kind of a shrew. I think that's a smart play. That'll work out. ah Now, They fight about Jake being too much of a taskmaster before Nick yells, color Nicholas gone.
00:44:01
Speaker
And ah he storms off to the local watering hole, the cut and slice. Now, uh, the good news is Barnett kale is there and he's being played by Tim Thomerson.
00:44:13
Speaker
I love to see Tim Thomerson. Yeah. I was like, I had to stop He was like, who is this guy? I was like, Oh, he's trancers. Okay, cool. Yeah. That's trancers baby. That's Jack death.
00:44:23
Speaker
Yeah. Who I think might've also, when I was looking at, I think he played someone called Jack death and evil bong. And I was just like, this is interesting. I feel like things are coming full circle for our podcasts in a strange way.
00:44:36
Speaker
I wouldn't be surprised if at some point trancers and evil bong had a crossover. They're both full moon pictures. That makes sense. And they made a lot of evil bongs. and Okay.
00:44:47
Speaker
Evil bong one is not good. I have no intention of watching the series. If it is in fact a series. ah Shelly, ah I think other Tim Thomerson movies, did you ever see Who's Harry Crumb?
00:44:59
Speaker
Yes, I was just looking it up. Oh, that's a great movie. I remember enjoying it anyway. It's so good. It's so good. It's a John Candy yeah super fabulous.
00:45:11
Speaker
I'm going to say that the only bummers in it are when John Candy goes undercover as different races. Oh. Other than that, Okay. It's been a while since I've seen it and don't recall that section of the film.
00:45:25
Speaker
It does happen, I think, at least twice. Oh, God. Which is at least twice too many. Yeah, definitely. if you i'm If I'm going to recommend a ah ah John Candy movie from that era, I'm going to recommend Delirious.
00:45:41
Speaker
I love Delirious. And honestly, I think I was thinking of Delirious when we were talking about this. Ah, fair enough. Who's Harry Crumb? He's a detective. Yeah. Yeah. I remember I have the post. He's like in suction cups outside a window for some reason.
00:45:54
Speaker
Yeah. It's like they were trying to make Fletch into like a John Candy movie. That's interesting. Interesting. Yeah. Now, uh, so Tim Thomerson, uh, becomes fast friends after, uh, Barnett learns that Nick is from New York and he asked him, what is it like to do heroin?
00:46:18
Speaker
Which was, i think, the funniest line of the movie. It was a good one. I wouldn't be surprised if Tim Thomerson came up with that line. He was a stand-up comedian before he was an actor. What's interesting to me about this line, though, is I feel like this whole movie, one of the motifs is people shouting stereotypes at each other.
00:46:38
Speaker
oh yeah. Oh, yeah. And like this is a scene where it kind of works because it's like, the joke is that we're stereotyping each other. But like the rest of the movie is just like, well, you just like this stereotype. it's like, well, you're just this stereotype.
00:46:51
Speaker
And it's just like, okay. Yeah. At least with what is it like to do heroin? They sort of took it to a funny extreme. Yeah, exactly.
00:47:01
Speaker
Instead of being like, I bet you have a cow. And it's an odd for it's clearly like an odd form of platonic flirtation. You know mean? like, we're friends, right? You do heroin. You're from New York. It's like, yeah, you're from the country. You like to eat cow shit. And then we laugh and then we move on.
00:47:16
Speaker
Well, and he also, Barnett Cale just keeps scooting closer and closer and yeah yeah closer to ah Nick. And yeah, it gets kind of awkwardly uncomfortable.
00:47:28
Speaker
And then they just laugh it off. I was watching this movie with my wife, Mallory, and she asked, is Barnett Cale the inspiration for baby Billy of the Righteous Gemstones?
00:47:40
Speaker
And I think that is just a perfect assessment. Yep. Yep. Interesting theory. Put it on the board. Okay. I, I, I can't imagine that, uh, those guys have not seen rhinestone.
00:47:54
Speaker
but Now, uh, the two of them, they drink the night away and Nick wakes up face down in the mud in the duck pen at Noah's farm. Uh, when he tells Jake, uh, he was hanging out with Barnett.
00:48:06
Speaker
We learned that Jake and Barnett used to be a couple and Jake is still carrying some resentment about It ended poorly. Yeah. Uh, still Nick and Jake agree that they need to bury the hatchet and try again, despite Jake acting like quote baby Hitler, unquote. Yeah. that was and Not the vibe. but No.
00:48:29
Speaker
Again, it's just this like weird. It's just like, how can we like, you'd like offensive kind of funny stuff. It's just like, just don't. Yeah. Yeah. So we smash cut to Nick wearing a nudie stute that has for some reason been fast tuned with raccoon tails and he's performing the song Drinkenstein.
00:48:50
Speaker
yeah He both looks and sounds incredibly stupid. Yeah. And I can't believe what they did to that beautiful nudie suit. ah Right. What a waste upsetting.
00:49:03
Speaker
Now, that night, Jake and Nick, they go dancing at the cut and slice. Jake's decolletage is hypnotic in this. a I really have... I wish that I could talk about this without sounding creepy.
00:49:22
Speaker
But you trust me, you'll be feeling creepy too when you see it. She compliments Nick on his growth in terms of becoming a country western star. But Barnett is there, and after Barnett unsuccessfully tries to cut in on the dancing, he sucker punches Nick in the jaw.
00:49:40
Speaker
So Nick and Jake leave, and they head home for some flirty rehearsing. For some reason, this is our second week in a row when we're having flirty rehearsing.
00:49:53
Speaker
Check out last week's get over it with special guest Julie setting. right Flirty rehearsing is fun. I like that as a premise for a scene in a, in a romance.
00:50:08
Speaker
I guess, most you know, they they're their most authentic selves. And then they're in Tennessee. So, course, Lyce Delone is as close to country as he's going to get.
00:50:20
Speaker
And she's not being so pushy and dramatic and blah, blah, blah. But at the same time, I don't understand why. Well, I understand why Sly Stallone is attracted to Dolly Parton.
00:50:34
Speaker
I don't know why Dolly Parton would be attracted to Sly Stallone. No. No, there's no reason. Pause, pause. If she's attracted to guys like Barnett Kale.
00:50:45
Speaker
Fair enough. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah. They were engaged. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. That is true. She does. If she has a flaw, it's that ah she sees everyone through rose colored glasses.
00:50:58
Speaker
Now, ah the next night is Nick's debut.
Character Development: Nick & Jake
00:51:03
Speaker
All the hard work I assume that he has been doing, but we have not seen has finally paid off for a guy that wrote Rocky.
00:51:12
Speaker
I don't know how he doesn't know how to do a training arc in a script. It makes no sense. That's fair. Now, ah Jake warms up the crowd before inviting Nick on stage.
00:51:25
Speaker
ah He fends off some heckling from Barnett before joining Jake in a rousing honky-tonk duet. The crowd loves it, and they both take turns such sucker-punching Barnett before returning to the stage for another duet.
00:51:44
Speaker
boy, if you want to hear a Dolly Parton song, occasionally interrupted by Sylvester Stallone, this has got to be your favorite part of the movie. I really, ah I really appreciated that they turned up her vocals in this scene.
00:51:59
Speaker
Like they just, they were like Sylvester Stallone whisper. Yeah. Holly, give it to us. Yeah. Turn him way down in the mix. here Now ah that night, Noah tries to give Nick the nudie suit.
00:52:14
Speaker
Nick refuses the gift, but does fuck his daughter. So there you go. Boo. couple. Boo. Yeah. Then we're back in New York.
00:52:27
Speaker
Nick introduces Jake to his big Italian American family for some fucking reason. We've got more plot happening. Yeah. I don't know why we're not just going straight to the big finale. This movie's already an hour and a half.
00:52:41
Speaker
I think it's because it follows a classic romantic comedy arc and they need to have a couple's problem so that they can get back together in the end. They already did that. No, but this is a new couple's problem. They don't need to.
00:52:54
Speaker
yeah but this is the new couple's problem because it's at the Italian dinner that he says, I'm going to be a singer. I am a singer. I'm a performer. And she's like, no, you're not. This is one song. And he's like, oh, this is just for one night.
00:53:10
Speaker
And she responds, no, it's for one song. Yeah, it's true. I don't know why all of a sudden they made Jake so unsupportive. It was a really weird turn for a character who has been written very inconsistently.
00:53:26
Speaker
ah Dolly Parton, obviously, Her goodness shines through, but the character as written is crazy pants. Yeah. Now they end up having a big fight in front of all these Italian people because Jake says Nick will never actually be so a successful country music singer.
00:53:47
Speaker
Uh, something that has been a dream of his for at least four days. Yes. So, uh, they split up and soon Jake is back at Trump tower trying to get Freddie to call off the bet.
Climactic Rescue Scene
00:54:01
Speaker
Freddie correctly explains that this is not how bets work but before using a remote control to lock her in his apartment. Very gross. Very disturbing.
00:54:12
Speaker
Very wrong. Nick realizes that Jake is not at the club, so he steals the rhinestones spoke horse and rides to her rescue. Got a question very quickly.
00:54:25
Speaker
This horse entering the building made me think, uh is did true lies lift this from this movie i i don't i don't probably not but just watching it i was just like this just really feels like i'm watching that scene in true lies like the camera work and the way it works like maybe did he see and be like i could do that better that's not a bad idea because it's not a bad idea necessarily And I also love that the doormen at Trump Towers are like, wait, you can't bring him. And they're like, oh, he's going up to Freddy's.
00:54:57
Speaker
So, okay. That explains it. Horse in the lobby. Yeah. He runs that country Western bar. They're always bringing horses into lobbies. Nothing's too weird.
00:55:09
Speaker
I just got to go back to the bodega. Now, ah let's see. Jake doesn't actually need rescuing. She is able to punch her way out of the situation.
00:55:23
Speaker
she throws She throws a mean punch, Jake. ah So they ride back to the rhinestone. Nick has his debut solo performance.
00:55:35
Speaker
but it gets off to a rocky start. Ooh. o Ooh. Thank you. but then he gets the idea to incorporate his own personal style into the ah authentic country that he learned from Jake.
Conclusion: Performance and Bet Resolution
00:55:51
Speaker
Part of this involves him saying, let me hear all the horny women say, yeah. Yeah. very weird thing to be happening at this point in the film.
00:56:05
Speaker
And then he sings the latest worst song you've ever heard. And then the crowd loves it. And Freddie admits that he has lost the bet. And then we get ah big closing duet. and They probably kiss. I don't know.
00:56:20
Speaker
They do. The end. ah Blessedly, the film winds down. Final thoughts. Five star rating. Where'd you guys land?
00:56:31
Speaker
I just want to say the one thing I wrote was so happy to see credits.
00:56:36
Speaker
Yeah. I'll so i'll start. I'm going to give it a two. I think it is certainly interesting. I am happy that I have seen it.
00:56:47
Speaker
I feel like this is kind of like Gotti, where it's like, I feel better... the The act of having seen this is the is is more fun than the act of seeing this, if that makes sense.
00:57:01
Speaker
Yes. If you like just strange curiosities in film and have a strong stomach for reprehensible things that are put on film, there is some entertainment value in here. You just have to really look at it as a way to watch Sly Stallone tear apart a film production.
00:57:21
Speaker
not as an actual way to watch a film.
00:57:25
Speaker
Yeah, i I gave this one three stars. I thought of it as a perfectly fun musical comedy that had been ruined by the acts of one man for no clear reason. Sure. um At the end, when he was on stage, he was wearing this sort of black cowboy outfit with a bunch of rhinestones all over it.
00:57:44
Speaker
And it very much reminded me of the apple. And that's when I began to suspect that there was a cocaine involved in this movie at some point. Sure. That I, that, you know, that would check out. I feel like.
00:57:56
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I didn't see anybody mention it, but you know, just this feels like a cocaine fueled film to some extent. even I would have been a one star experience for me. If not for Dolly Parton, she alone brought it up two stars all by herself.
00:58:12
Speaker
But as ah film, experience it's It's bizarre and singular, but perhaps not fun. Shelley, where did you land?
00:58:23
Speaker
ah So I'm going to say somewhere between a two and a half and a three. Okay. Right after we finished watching this movie, i just turned to Mallory and said, I'm sorry we had to watch that.
00:58:34
Speaker
um It's not at all what i remember other than Dolly. ah But I think the thing that I liked the most about is... is her one-liners, they just had so much punch.
00:58:50
Speaker
And I want to believe in my heart of hearts that she wrote them and not Sylvester Stallone. um Because I did read somewhere that there was so much ad-libbing in the final production of this film. And like she tells him when they're on stage and he's in that rhinestone getup, she says, ah I need you to stop wearing pants where I can see your pulse.
00:59:13
Speaker
Mm-hmm. through and thought, damn Dolly. Yes, Dolly. Yeah. yeah So i I gave this somewhere between, I'm going to just land on, can I just, 2.75. Absolutely. Sure. I think it's a movie that now that I have seen again, i could go another 25 years or deep into my years of dementia.
00:59:38
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And, and be fine without seeing it again. This is certainly a film that really, if it needs to be seen, it's only one time. Yeah. If it, if it needs to be seen.
00:59:51
Speaker
I'm going to say I, I could watch it again, but it would have to be someone else's idea. I am not going to suggest if, if yeah if I'm at the party and they're like, how about we watch ride? So like, Oh yeah, that's weird.
01:00:03
Speaker
But, you know, it it's a movie you can goof around with. You can find fun. Yeah, yeah. feel like this movie would lend itself really well to, like, a drinking game.
01:00:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This is a group watch. Yeah. I said that it's got the charisma of a car crash or a traffic accident. and it feel like that's kind of like And I like that's kind of a gross statement. Like, I'm not saying people should look at traffic accidents.
01:00:27
Speaker
But there is something that is very interesting about this movie. From that angle, just being like, this isn't good, but it's just weird to see this thing that can happen in Hollywood for some reason.
01:00:40
Speaker
But this, I mean, and the thing that's gonna, that gives it that extra 0.25 and really should give it a whole extra point is Dolly Parton's songwriting. I mean, some of these songs are just so, i know you have them in two different categories, Chris, but some of are just so singable.
Soundtrack Discussion
01:00:58
Speaker
Well, let's talk about the music. Let's talk about it in the segment called, ah it's not a score, but it's the score segment.
01:01:25
Speaker
Let's talk about the score, score, score. This movie's got a great score, score, score.
01:01:36
Speaker
Time to talk about the score, score, score.
01:01:53
Speaker
So ah the rhinestone soundtrack album was released June 18th, 1984. It spawned four singles, two of which charted one Tennessee homesick blues, our opening number.
01:02:08
Speaker
And two, God won't get you, which was my, I think my favorite from the, it featured the incredible lyric. um Wondering if God doesn't love us when we're cheating.
01:02:21
Speaker
God don't love us when we're cheating. like, God damn, that's, that's heavy. ah The only song that Parton did not write is the day my baby died. The, the gag song from the beginning, which was written by the original screenwriter, Phil Alden Robinson.
01:02:38
Speaker
The raw, the soundtrack also won rhinestone. It's only Razzie among seven Razzie nominations. One also worst song for drinkenstein.
01:02:49
Speaker
And worst actor. you know he He was nominated. he did not win. who do Do we know who won? I don't. On my Wikipedia page, it says he did win.
01:03:04
Speaker
Okay, I could be wrong. sure Listeners, we report, you decide. We're just, we're air both sides of the debate. That's what we always say. That's All right. so here's here's a track list and any song you remember, let's stop and talk about.
01:03:18
Speaker
Tennessee Homesick Blues, our opening number. How'd you feel about that one? Oh, I love it. I love it. Tennessee Homesick Blues. Yeah. I mean, I just love the up and down of it.
01:03:30
Speaker
i Yeah. Yeah. yeah I did think it was really funny to start off with like these sort of glamorous shots, like New York city nightlife and the first third being like, New York sucks. And I hate it.
01:03:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. yeah Just once again, putting this film in a ah weird tonal space, very weird. Next track. We got too much water, which was the song sung by the old possum band.
01:03:56
Speaker
I love that song. I wrote down too much water is great. really love that one. Agreed. i don't think that was Richard Farnsworth's actual voice. Didn't sound anything like him, but I love the song.
01:04:10
Speaker
No, it's a great song. Then we got the day my baby died. and The only one, the gag song. Then one emotion after another. You guys remember one emotion after It's just one emotion after the other.
01:04:24
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. they remember enjoying that one. Yeah. That sounds like a bit of a bop. Then you got going back to heaven.
01:04:34
Speaker
<unk> recall I know that's one of the ones that charted, but I didn't, or it didn't chart, but it was one of the releases. Yeah. All right. ah What a heartache. Anybody remember what a heartache?
01:04:50
Speaker
So at some point I was, had a hard time keeping track of the music because one slide becomes more involved in it into just so much to pay attention to that. The music kind of fell away from my brain.
01:05:03
Speaker
And I also think it was really probably, it was not well the way this was done, but it was woven into those montages. Yes. but The one of them, of him riding the horse and the one of him.
01:05:18
Speaker
like getting gussied up and the one of him walking down the lane and like all of these other things. I think you lost some of the songs. And if you're looking at the track list, what a heartache is four and a half minute over almost five minutes long.
01:05:35
Speaker
And I couldn't tell you what it is. Yeah. yeah And I think part of it is going back to the same thing I said about the apple comparing it to Aladdin where the apple had like 16 songs on the soundtrack and you know you walk away you remember maybe four or five off the top of your head and Aladdin had seven songs and two of them were reprises so there were just five original songs there was this has got 14 like it's just a lot to ask an audience and to have them all be impactful and memorable yeah yeah
01:06:10
Speaker
ah But and up next, you got Stay Out My Bedroom, which I think. Okay. I recall that one being alright. It's the first song that they do a duet to. Yeah. Yeah.
01:06:21
Speaker
Then Woke Up In Love. Yep. That's the second song they do to the duet to. Yeah. Yep. Then yet God Won't Get You. i wonder if God loves us when we're cheating.
01:06:35
Speaker
uh then drinkenstein you gotta have drinkenstein on the soundtrack album i gotta see if i can find this one on vinyl definitely sweet loving friends that was the duet they sang after they knocked out barnett and i love that song like i yeah i love that song i remember it like when we sat down to watch this movie, I was like, Oh, that's this sweet.
01:07:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Where that she's just doing all those ups and downs that I just love. Yeah. If she was seeing it, on the runs almost anyone else that you could find. I would once again, challenge her to find anyone off the street and turn them into a country music star in two weeks.
01:07:16
Speaker
I think she could do a better job next time around. Yeah. Uh, then got waltz me to heaven. Sounds good. Butterflies and be there. Anybody remember those three?
01:07:28
Speaker
No. Yeah. Be there is also kind of a whispery one and it's like, I'll be there. Yeah. Okay. Is that the one she sings quietly to herself in the room?
01:07:40
Speaker
Yeah, there are like two or three of those, and those were all nice. Those were nice, but I remember them being relatively short. Yeah. Like little song snippets, but I remember thinking like, there's a lot of nice emotion in those.
01:07:51
Speaker
So the thing that I thought was really spectacular about the music in this movie is that Dolly Parton employed a bunch of her family to do this. If you look at the credits, the cut and slice band is almost all Parton people.
01:08:09
Speaker
Yeah, and then, Greg, your favorite song, The Too Much Water, that was actually performed by Randy Parton. Oh, wow. And then the song Going Back to Heaven was Stella Parton, and then Waltz Me to Heaven was Floyd Parton.
01:08:24
Speaker
So, like, she's got the Parton family making royalties off of something that she put together. I think that's no so dolly. That's just so dolly.
01:08:35
Speaker
Absolutely. That's so Dolly. but Are you guys ready to play a game? Oh, yeah. right. Really quick. I'm going to try pausing this for a second. All right.
01:08:46
Speaker
We're going to play a little bit of ah where did they shoot these feature length movie films? Okay.
01:09:03
Speaker
Did they shoot these movies? Where did they shoot these feature films? That's what we need to guess.
01:09:16
Speaker
That's the segment, baby. That's the segment, sugar.
01:09:32
Speaker
Cancel locations, baby. Cancel locations, sugar. Cancel locations.
Interactive Game Segment
01:09:42
Speaker
Of these teacher-bank movie films.
01:09:48
Speaker
Sugar. Honey. All right, so we're going to be talking about the films of director Bob Clark, who worked his career pretty much entirely in both U.S. and Canada.
01:10:03
Speaker
So this is just, I want you to tell me if it was shot in U.S. or Canada. I'm going to read you the title and a description. And this will be a buzz-in game.
01:10:13
Speaker
You'll buzz in by saying your own name. Please wait until I have read the entire description. Everybody ready? Yes. Yes. All right. Question number one from the hip after conning his way into a partnership at his firm, a first year lawyer gets stuck with a murder case. He just can't win from the hip.
01:10:40
Speaker
Shelly. I'm going to say Canada. No, I'm sorry. Greg gets the point. That's the U.S. Yes. I'm the board. That's called Vancouver Vibes.
01:10:51
Speaker
That young lawyer, Judd Nelson. How about that? Question number two. Dead of night. A young soldier killed in the Vietnam war inexplicably shows up at his family home on the night of his death.
01:11:11
Speaker
Dead of night. Greg? Greg. Canada? You got it Greg. That's two points.
01:11:22
Speaker
It's all right. It's all right. Hang in there, Shelly. We've got a lot of game left. Okay, good. Question number three. Murder by decree. Sherlock Holmes investigates the murders committed by Jack the Ripper and discovers a conspiracy to protect the killer.
01:11:42
Speaker
Murder by decree. Shelly. I'm going to say Canada. That has to be Canada. Correct. Shelly, you're on the board. Quick aside. Does everybody know that they just recently figured out who Jack the Ripper is?
01:11:58
Speaker
What? Sherlock Holmes already knew. but No, really, in actuality, they have ah blood on a scarf of one of the victims, and they matched it with one of the suspects. And now it's just like, yep, that's our dude. We figured out who Jack the Ripper is.
01:12:11
Speaker
I couldn't tell you offhand. but Listeners, you can Google that or whichever search engine you prefer. Go to a DuckDuckGo. Check out number four.
01:12:23
Speaker
I remember when they used Bing in ah the movie Get Out. And I was like, is Bing the next thing? Should I be using Bing? I've tried Bing. It's okay.
01:12:35
Speaker
They paid you to use it, didn't they? A little bit. Yeah, I did. I did. I did use it to. They did pay me to use it. Yes. And then I stopped that. So. Question number four.
01:12:47
Speaker
The karate dog. who who An LAPD computer expert investigates the murder of an old man in Chinatown.
01:12:58
Speaker
The only witness, a dog named Chocho that can speak English and do karate. He's voiced by Chevy Chase. Greg? The karate, Greg.
01:13:09
Speaker
ah The United States. Correct. Yes. I was hoping it was just a cheap production that was actually set in L.A. The villain is John Voight. I've got to see Karate Dog.
01:13:20
Speaker
Wait, ah John Voight is also in Baby Geniuses that was directed, or Baby Geniuses 2 at least. They've worked together quite a Yeah, I was going to say, Bob Clark and John Voight, hand in hand.
01:13:31
Speaker
Yeah. Question number five. She-Man, a story of fixation. A soldier is forced to take estrogen and wear lingerie when he's blackmailed by a violent transvestite.
01:13:48
Speaker
She-Man, a story of fixation. Shelly. I'm going to say Canada. That's in the U.S. of This was back in his Florida days.
01:13:59
Speaker
Okay, that makes sense. That tracks.
01:14:03
Speaker
Greg gets the point, but yeah all right yeah, yeah. Florida. They make some weird movies in Florida. That's upsetting. Question number six, loose cannons, ah an unconventional cop gets a new by the book partner, but that by the book partner, he has disassociative identity disorder, loose cannons, Greg, Greg, uh, this is Canada.
01:14:30
Speaker
No, I'm sorry. This one the U S Shelly. That's the point. I've seen it as well and really thought that it was definitely a Canadian production. I'm sad. I got that point.
01:14:41
Speaker
it yeah That was, uh, you're just thinking that because of Dan Aykroyd. yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Question number seven. porkies in 1954 a group of high school students try to help their buddy lose his virginity but they run afoul of a sleazy nightclub owner and his redneck sheriff brother porky shelly shelly shelly that has to be canada it is canada canada substituting as florida fascinating
01:15:17
Speaker
ah so i think it's all tied up oh nice I'm probably wrong because that was question number seven and that's impossible, but who knows? Let's run with it.
01:15:29
Speaker
Question number eight, my summer story, a sequel to a Christmas story that takes place in the summer. My summer story, Greg, Greg, Canada.
01:15:44
Speaker
Oh, I'm sorry, Greg. That was the U S okay. Now I think it's now I think it's tied up actually. Okay. i think Okay. So question number nine, it's this one's for all the marbles.
01:15:55
Speaker
Yes. Hands on buzzers. Okay.
01:16:00
Speaker
Super babies, baby geniuses to a group of smart talking toddlers find themselves at the center of a media moguls experiment to crack the code to baby talk and must race against time for the sake of babies everywhere.
01:16:18
Speaker
Shelly, Shelly, Canada. You've got it, Shelley. You're taking on the Also, Baby Geniuses 2, highly recommended.
01:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, I got it. I got to get some of these up on the the Plex server. I got to track some of these down. Listeners, we have a Plex server. It's got all the movies on it and other weird stuff. I would find it. It's great. You guys ready to hit up the Batty Awards?
01:16:43
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. Yes.
01:16:53
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:17:03
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:17:09
Speaker
Congratulations to all the nominees.
01:17:17
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. Congratulations to you, listener. You're almost done listening to the show. Who wants to go first? I would love to.
01:17:28
Speaker
o Take it away, Shelly. Yes. I knew from the moment that her first outfit sparkled. that my Batty Award had to go to Dolly's costume designer.
01:17:42
Speaker
Now, the costumes in this movie were done by like some other person, but Dolly's wardrobe, o Dolly's wardrobe, and she gets her own credit here, Theodora Van Runkle.
01:17:57
Speaker
o Yes, Theodora Van Runkle, who also costumed Troop Beverly Hills and Bullet, and bullet oh And the original Thomas Crown Affair.
01:18:11
Speaker
Wow. Yes. Every single outfit I thought was just stunning. ah And, you know, i I went back and forth between Theodora Van Runkle and like Dolly Parton actually doing waist training.
01:18:28
Speaker
i couldn't decide which really got the Batty Award, but I'm going to go with Theodora Van Runkle. Like she... Just every single outfit was just a delight. The yellow suit she wears when they're in Tennessee and they do their little duet up on the stage.
01:18:47
Speaker
Great. Yep. Blue over off the shoulder, straight across the top number that she goes dancing with Sylvester Stallone in at the cut and slice.
01:18:58
Speaker
The final dress she wears was, That one just... And even when she's in her jeans and her boots. Like the fact that her boots come up over the jeans. Yep.
01:19:12
Speaker
Like in the original skinny jean. And it's just so perfect and so dolly and just... Yes.
01:19:22
Speaker
You didn't shout out one of my favorite outfits that you did. umm The, the, the, like one that seemed to be an entirely made out of blue bandana. Oh yes. I know.
01:19:32
Speaker
Like it, she looks like a sexy blue bandana mascot. Yes. That's the one where he's learning how to walk. Yeah. no No, this is no, they're still in New York.
01:19:44
Speaker
That's the one that she wears to the cab company. Oh, okay. Yeah. oh Yeah. With all the rhinestones and the matching hat. yeah Yeah. That she wears like a graduation cap. Like some people wear their graduation caps, you know, on the back of their head instead of on top of their head.
01:20:03
Speaker
That's how she's wearing a cowboy hat. Yeah, like it's a fascinator, but she's wearing a cowboy hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a good outfit. ah Greg, do you have a batting award? I sure do.
01:20:14
Speaker
ah It's from my favorite line in the film. It's one of Dolly's one-liners, and it is a line that I hope to use one day in real life, so I'm looking for a scenario in which I can do this. So Freddie like hits on her propositions or something, and her response is to say, Freddie, there are two kinds of people in this world, and you ain't one of them.
01:20:36
Speaker
And then she walks away. And I just was just like, that's so good. That's such a good line. Yeah. Love that line.
01:20:48
Speaker
Well, my baddie award was also costume related, but mine went to best t-shirt collection. And that goes to Nick. He had a lot of really
Costume Discussion
01:20:58
Speaker
cool t-shirts. He did have some interesting t-shirts. I will give him that.
01:21:01
Speaker
ah He had like this one that had the skeleton on the front and the back of the skeleton on the back. And this cool like sleeveless graphic number that had some sort of text that I couldn't read going down in another one that looked like the taxi price sticker.
01:21:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I also really liked the pink one that had like a camera strap. Oh, yeah. Actual camera drawing on it, like right around his waist area.
01:21:28
Speaker
Yeah, it was like a tuxedo shirt, but instead of a tuxedo, it was like a tourist covered with cameras. It was a great tourist t-shirt. yeah And I'm going to assume that those were picked out by the men's costume designer, Ron Heilman.
01:21:42
Speaker
But there was a lot in the costume department. Stallone did not get his own guy the way that Dolly got Theodora Van Runkle. and Not that he deserved it.
01:21:52
Speaker
No, not even at all. But he did get some pretty sweet t-shirts, so he did all right in the end. And you've done all right in the end, listeners, because it's the end and you're doing all right.
Guest Farewell & Podcast Reflection
01:22:03
Speaker
Shelley, thank you so much for joining us this week. It's so great to see you. Thank you for picking such a fun movie. Thank you for having me. And I'm sorry. i do want to apologize for making you watch it.
01:22:16
Speaker
But I'm also not sorry because now you've done it. Yeah. Good job. Talking about it has been very illuminating and entertaining in a way that the movie, listening to this podcast is definitely better than watching that movie.
01:22:33
Speaker
And just a little short of the runtime. So you can come out a winner if you just listen here. yeah Yeah. Yeah. I gave the movie three stars. I'm giving this one a solid five.
01:22:44
Speaker
Yeah. And listeners, you should give us five stars too. Am I right? 100%. Absolutely. Your phone's in your hand.
01:22:57
Speaker
Leave a comment. Leave a follow. Share it to your timeline. or you know what? Call your best friend and say, Bestie, I love you.
01:23:09
Speaker
And that's why I'm telling you about Rhinestone, not the movie, the podcast episode.
01:23:17
Speaker
I want a t-shirt now that says, episode, whatever number this rhinestone, the podcast episode and five stars and five stars.
01:23:27
Speaker
Yeah. Shelly, I'm going to work that out. I love this.
01:23:33
Speaker
We'll catch you next time.
Next Episode Teaser
01:23:35
Speaker
Listener. Oh, and next week we will be talking about cool as ice with Julie's partner, Tyrese, who I think is also as a last name setting, but I did not get that confirmed.
01:23:49
Speaker
Tune in to find out Tyrese's last name and what we think of the movie Cool as Ice. And until next time, be good.
Musical Outro
01:23:59
Speaker
Goodbye.
01:24:00
Speaker
Good night.
01:24:16
Speaker
But wiser you created a monster. Oh, God. And they call him Drickin' Stein.
01:24:36
Speaker
And the shine of Dr. Bud is a pint of monster blood. And it does a...
01:25:03
Speaker
Yeah. Triggenstein. I'm Triggenstein. I'm Triggenstein. Son, I can't tell you how good you look in that suit.