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Episode 38: Canada's Worst Driver Season 9
37 Plays3 months ago
Chris and Anna sit down for the first ever Your Favorite Bad Reality Competition Show Special! We're talking about one of the greatest seasons of television ever made, Canada's Worst Driver Season 9. It's an obsession around the Andersen household and a long time comfort watch, so we're excited to share our thoughts with you guys! If you liked this change of subject matter, let us know and we'll make more and, if not, we're back to regular programming next week!
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Transcript
Introduction and Host Setup
00:00:40
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello and welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast. The only podcast that's brave enough to ask the question, if this reality competition show is so bad, why do you like it so much?
00:00:56
Speaker
We're your hosts. My name is Chris Anderson. And with me, as always, I have my wonderful wife, the Philippe to my Andrew.
00:01:10
Speaker
andnna Hello. Look where you want to go. see, this is exactly why you're a Philippe. Now, listeners, you might notice that we're not talking about a movie this week. We wanted to
Introducing Canada's Worst Driver Season 9
00:01:23
Speaker
take some time off around the holidays, but me being paranoid about scheduling made sure that we were going to be filling in episodes. And we thought that one quick filler we could do without Greg, with just me and the missus, is talking about our favorite reality competition show Canada's worst driver, specifically Canada's worst driver season nine. Uh, and Canada's worst driver ever. Yes. Uh, and it is, uh, uh, an all-time classic and you know, so we're going to be a little bit more casual. You know, it is just the two of us, but you'll get that married couple intimacy that we know you listeners crave.
00:02:07
Speaker
and ah And if you like listening to us talk about a reality competition show, let us know. Maybe it'll be something we'll work into the schedule again. Yeah, we watch
Overview and Personal Connection
00:02:17
Speaker
a lot of them. It's true. And we've got a whole segment about all the ones that we have seen coming up in the show.
00:02:24
Speaker
ah just to give you an overview of our ah bona fides. But before we get to the macro, let's start on the micro and then split the difference when I give you a short summary of Canada's worst driver season nine, if you haven't seen it. And if you want to see it, it's all on YouTube. You can watch it all for free. Thank you, YouTube bootleggers. But for right now, here's your short summary.
00:02:58
Speaker
Nine of the worst drivers in Canada are brought to an abandoned airport where they undergo a
00:03:15
Speaker
That's right. I did not of course mention though Anna did this is an all-stars season. This is a season nine of Canada's worst driver and this is how they are determining who is the worst driver ever by bringing back the greatest worst drivers of previous seasons.
00:03:33
Speaker
now ah I believe if I remember correctly, I was the one who first discovered Canada's worst driver in the family. hu I found it when it was briefly on Netflix, they had seasons eight and nine on Netflix, I think because they were the only two that had been released at that point. And they were the only two that had been filmed in HD.
00:03:55
Speaker
So Netflix took a flyer on him and I saw that title and instantly was overwhelmed with interest. Fell in love pretty quickly. And then thank God I found more episodes on YouTube. It became a big comfort watch during the pandemic. I think we've seen every season. We've seen every season and we've seen most of them multiple times, except for the two hated seasons, which I'll talk about later.
00:04:26
Speaker
But now do you remember how I introduced you to Canada's first driver, my dove? Um, no, no. Yeah. It was when it was on Netflix and, and I watched it with you and yeah. And we've been watching ever since probably for like eight or nine years. Um, I think, and yeah, I've just watched a lot of it and it's, and, um,
00:04:54
Speaker
I'm sure you'll get into the context of this, but I will say right off that like it's made me a better driver. Oh, for sure. There are definitely lessons that I have pulled from watching every season of Canada's worst driver multiple times that I've brought with me, uh, into my everyday life, you know, uh, front end swing. I'm a lot more conscious of now. Uh, I'm a lot more, I fortunately, uh, don't have too many, you know, quick thinking driving incidents. I don't need to do too many sudden lane changes. So I haven't had to bring those skills over. I'm much better with my shoulder checks.
00:05:32
Speaker
yeah so So another great reason to check out Canada's first driver listeners is it will improve your driving. That's our guarantee. Now, ah
History and Impact of the Show
00:05:49
Speaker
with our personal context out of the way, I might as well just play that context bumper and get into my research. Ooh, I'm excited for that.
00:05:59
Speaker
Did I cut you off, my dev? No. Okay, I'm sorry.
00:06:44
Speaker
So Canada's worst driver ever, AKA Canada's worst driver season nine um was eight episodes and they originally aired ah beginning on October 28th and ending December 16th on 2013. And so it looks like it aired on Monday nights to put it into context. I didn't get the time slot. Now Canada's worst driver was the single most successful show ever produced by the Discovery Channel Canada.
00:07:13
Speaker
yeah Yeah, it ran for 115 episodes across 14 seasons. It is by far the most successful of the worst driver franchise, which produced worst driver series in 18 countries, including Brazil, Poland, and Finland. I can only imagine how bad Brazil's worst drivers are. I feel like that is a bad driving rep. I don't know if it's earned, but I bet they go crazy.
00:07:44
Speaker
It even surpassed the first country ah to ever have a worst driver, television universe, Britain's worst driver. um I think we watched a couple of Britain's worst drivers, I recall, and did not get into them. No, I think, I think because it's because the, because it was more, it was, it wasn't educational.
00:08:10
Speaker
No, it was just like, look at these people drive badly. But, you know, I think one of the big joys of of Canada's worst driver is you get to see them get trained on something and you get to see them become confident in what they've learned. And then you get to see them completely fail at doing it anyway. And it's so funny every time.
00:08:33
Speaker
They're like, all right, you got this. I got it. And then they just drive straight into a styrofoam wall. It's a winning formula 100% every time.
00:08:47
Speaker
And Canada figured it out and Britain didn't, which sort of makes sense. ah Britain's worst driver ah was directed. The first season of Britain's worst driver was directed by producer Guy O'Sullivan.
00:09:03
Speaker
and Guy O'Sullivan ended up being the producer of Canada's first driver. So I think he learned some lessons, but then when he got to reboot it and do it his own way, and he didn't quite get it right on season one, but I'll talk about season one later, hopefully. I mean, definitely. I decided to talk about. Now,
00:09:25
Speaker
ah Yeah. He became the head honcho of Canada's worst driver. Uh, when it began production back in 2005, 20 years ago. Wow. Same year as supernatural. Wow. A great year for TV.
00:09:43
Speaker
Uh, I know which one I liked better, but, and I think you might've come around. I know I could much more easily get you to start watching Canada's worst driver again than to do a supernatural rewatch.
Challenges of Show's Continuation
00:09:55
Speaker
And you, you know, stall of Canada's worst group. 20, 25 might be time. yeah Yeah. I could be talked into it. Listeners, if you want us to do a Patreon where we recap supernatural, uh, that's going to, you're going to have to shell out genuine cash. That's going to be like a $10 a month situation, but it's on the table now. Uh,
00:10:19
Speaker
ah His production company made every episode of Canada's First Driver, as well as its excellent sister series, Canada's Worst Handyman. Yeah. ah strong recommend. Uh, but they also made MasterChef Canada, Storage Wars Canada, and the great Canadian baking ship. So these guys, they were just importing formats for them all over and like just doing their best to emulate a house style that someone else had created. But Canada's worst driver is the only one that really sort of sprung forth or evolved into something new and distinct, I think.
00:10:55
Speaker
Now, uh,
Show Format and Contestant Dynamics
00:10:56
Speaker
Canada's worst driver probably could have continued going indefinitely, but unfortunately, uh, Guy O'Sullivan passed away in 2017 at just 49 years old. Oh, wow. Yeah. RIP to a real one. I, uh, a guy that really, I, I clearly enjoyed his work immensely. It's a shame. Uh, now the other defining voice of the show is host Andrew Young husband.
00:11:24
Speaker
Young husband was born in Canberra, Australia in 1970, but moved to St. John Newfoundland by the age of seven. This gives young husband one of the most interesting accents you can find on basic cable. It sounds so distinct. It sounds like he's trying to make fun of a new fee. Like I don't quite, it's it's very strange, but it's also not, um, uh,
00:11:56
Speaker
Oh, I mean, you know what I mean? He's like, he has a hosting job. He clearly doesn't have a, uh, non-mainstream accent, if that makes sense. No, it and it's certainly, it's never, you know, difficult to decipher or anything. It's, it's not opaque. I think it it almost to me would strike me as like,
00:12:18
Speaker
if you had a Jeff Foxworthy hosting this show in America, but then you found out Jeff Foxworthy was raised in England briefly. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you're like, well, what? Uh, it just, it, it sounds very interesting and distinct and, and he's also clearly playing like a character. Like he's, he's, uh, he's got a hosting persona, uh, that's, that's elevated, you know? Uh, but let's see. but but but but but Now, Andrew Young Husband was drawn to comedy from a young age. ah He was in a comedy troupe in high school inspired by the new fee sketch comedy show CODCO, which aired in Canada following kids in the hall. There was like the new fee equivalent of kids in the hall. Now, ah Andrew's a comedic voice perfectly matched the tone that Guy O'Sullivan was building for Canada's first his driver.
00:13:16
Speaker
While Britain's worst driver had ah mostly a look at these freaks air about it, since CWD was being created for discovery, it was going to have to have a more educational premise. That's how they were going to justify it on that channel. Uh, now the drivers on Canada's worst driver are not just going to be laughed at. They were also going to be instructed.
00:13:39
Speaker
Young husband as host would often be exasperated, dumbfounded, and frustrated with the contestants, but always because he cared. Uh, Andrew would try his best every episode to help the drivers improve or convince them that they need to quit before they killed someone. Yeah. ah But he was able to keep the show, uh, lighthearted, but sincere. You know what I mean? Like you could see him being a great, uh, sports coach for children.
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah. You want him on the little league for sure. I think another important part is the tone of the show. Never lets you forget that the bad driving on display could result in at best hundreds of Canadian dollars and fines, damages and insurance rate increases. And at worst, someone's death. So it always keeps you kind of grounded with that in the background.
00:14:35
Speaker
But it's good at reminding you of the the actual stakes of driving, which has become something that's very automatic and something that many people, not me, but you um do almost every day. And um that is actually just insanely dangerous. It's insane that we drive, that anybody does it. Driving is like statistically the most dangerous thing you will do on any given day. yeah you ah You are way more likely to die while you are in your car than like pretty much anything else that you're doing. Unless you're working on a roof or in a factory, you know this is it.
00:15:23
Speaker
Now the format of the show is fairly simple. Every season, roughly eight contestants and their nominators, friends or family that submitted their name to the show will hand it to the so-called drivers rehabilitation center.
00:15:40
Speaker
where they will receive a driver's ed followed by two to three driving challenges per episode, mostly featuring spectacular failures involving driving into styrofoam blocks, large styrofoam sculptures, driving into a lot of styrofoam. Yeah. Yeah. And this is, as he said, um, it takes place at a abandoned airport.
00:16:03
Speaker
So they're driving mostly down runways, ah you know, these straightaways, but sometimes so if they're they'll veer off into the fields surrounding runways.
00:16:17
Speaker
and They do most of ah the filming at the, or most of the seasons end up taking place at this abandoned airport. But previous ones, well I think one took place on a military base. One took place on an abandoned prison. ah You know, so they seem to be looking for any place that just has large asphalt infrastructure and that no one is currently using. And that's perfect for Canada's infrastructure.
00:16:46
Speaker
But eventually they really found their home. I think it did help that they would have ah hangers at this air force base or not air force base, ah airport, because they did mention in ah a little like intro back from a commercial, they'll have like interstitials. And they did mention in an interstitial that ah they use something like 17,000 cubic feet of styrofoam in this season.
00:17:15
Speaker
And by the end, a lot of this styrofoam is looking really jagged. They're using some old blocks.
00:17:21
Speaker
But basically they'll use the styrofoam to like build barricades that they need to drive around. you know Just set up a miniature obstacle course that defines whatever task it is that they need to be doing. Now, a panel of judges will then choose who has ever done the best in that episode.
00:17:41
Speaker
And that person will then graduate. Unlike any other reality show I've ever seen, the goal on Canada's worst driver is to be eliminated as quickly as possible. Yes. At the finale, the last driver standing is named Canada's worst driver and has given a trophy made from scrap car parts. The only prize is public shame, uh, which gives Canada's worst driver such an interesting tone again. And so, um, and it, I think it adds to the sort of geniality of the show that like the only, and it does keep people motivated to do better. You know, and like if there was a cash prize, you could see people trying to throw the match
00:18:32
Speaker
you know, or if this was something that led to some sort of fame and glory, you could see people faking their way onto TV. I think that's one reason why you couldn't do this show
In-depth Analysis of Season 9
00:18:41
Speaker
in America is that people would try to be bad drivers because people just want to be on TV.
00:18:50
Speaker
So you really do need to public shame them and they they do here. Always with love, but also definitely with like the message you should quit driving. If you are this bad, you shouldn't drive.
00:19:04
Speaker
People who win are frequently very upset. Generally, yes. Now you might wonder who on earth would sign up for this situation. Uh, mostly it's people who describe their driving as quote, not that bad end quote, who are hoping to convince their nominator that they should stop bugging them about being a bad driver. It's people that want to prove that they aren't as bad as their friends and families say they are.
00:19:33
Speaker
So they tend to be overconfident.
00:19:37
Speaker
No, because they are that bad. The other thing about them is that they are always incredibly bad.
00:19:47
Speaker
Uh, now the cast of contestants is always a strength of Canada's first driver. And a big part of that is building sort of and an ensemble cast to fill stock roles that reoccur more or less every season in some variation or another.
00:20:05
Speaker
These characters include the old person, uh, such as, uh, Henrietta or father Giles from season four. There was once a priest nominated for being Kansas driver. The old person tends to be a slowpoke, but not always every now and then you'll get the daredevil old person.
00:20:24
Speaker
Uh, then you get the, the speed demons slash road rager. Those can be two different characters or they can be merged into one. Uh, good examples are Scott from season six. Uh, they tend to normally be from Alberta. Yeah. Something about the bird of beef. Uh, and, and also often young men. Yeah. interestingly They're either young men or women with leather jackets and bleach blonde hair.
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, who's thought that ah shithead kid who's on with his mom? Oh, ah was it Colin? No. He was in season two and he was kicked off. Colin was the one who Cam Woolley called the cops on. And Scott was the one whose friend, whose friend canceled their shared insurance policy and he couldn't get one on his own so he couldn't drive anymore. But there was that blonde kid who came with his mom. yes He was so mean to her. Yeah, he was in season two. Okay.
00:21:39
Speaker
I mean, if you want to Google it while I continue to read stereotypes, but he was, he was kicked. He was with the first person to get kicked off a season of Canada's worst driver. He was not a graduate of the rehabilitation program. They made that very clear.
00:21:53
Speaker
ah The next type they have normally is the foreigner, ah someone who learned to drive in a foreign country and is now living in Canada. They tend to introduce them with very racially insensitive musical cues. Yeah, that's not great. It's the the main thing that I would say has not aged well from Canada's subscriber. I'd say everything else is pretty much fine. Yeah.
00:22:19
Speaker
In there, you've got Shelby D'Souza, who's in this season. You've got ah Flora, the classic bad driving Asian lady, classic stereotype that you hear about. And arguably, you could even include the Hoffman Brothers, Shmuel and Shalom. I would say yeah fill that niche.
00:22:41
Speaker
Uh, you also got your next stereotype, the pretty lady. There's always a pretty lady, uh, either Cheney or Margarita. And they're, they're never my type, but they're always pretty ladies. I'll give them that. Uh, there's also an inexperienced teen. Uh, the person that's overwhelmed with anxiety, the person that just does not care.
00:23:06
Speaker
Uh, and most importantly, the most important archetype that you need for every season of Canada's worst driver is the character that we like to call brain problems. Yep. Now, the thing about Canada's worst driver season nine is that it's oops, all brain problems. It sure is, baby.
00:23:29
Speaker
Everybody is, I'm going to say at least half of the cast are just straight up diagnosable. Just like links like yeah. Yeah. And the other ones you need might need to stretch a little bit. It might take you a second to realize what's going on, but pretty much everybody is a brain problems. And I can't wait to tell you all about them, but first just to put a thing in its place, as you know, I like to do.
00:23:55
Speaker
Other reality competition
Comparison with Other Reality Shows
00:23:57
Speaker
shows of the year 2005. Oh, okay. Food network star. Oh, okay. Yeah. That one had some good yeah we watch network store. The one with Damaris. That was a good season. Artie. She was a winner on there. Hell's kitchen. Oh, wow. Still Eric. That one's still Aaron, babe.
00:24:21
Speaker
Yeah, that's a classic. And, uh, I remember reading somebody, uh, describing it in the AV club as the worst show that they have seen every episode of. And to this day I'm in that same boat. Yeah. So you think you can dance, never got into those, uh, dancing with the stars. Same thing. Never that interested in dancing competitions.
00:24:49
Speaker
And last but not least, the ultimate fighter.
00:24:56
Speaker
Okay, not familiar with that one. That was the one where people all lived in a house and trained together and whoever did best got a UFC contract. I think some famous fighters came up through that system. Like I want to say maybe Rashad Evans. If Ethan was here, he'd be yelling. Yeah, it's fucking. Spider Malone came for you. I wouldn't recognize at the names if you knew him. No, no, probably not.
00:25:28
Speaker
so With that, that comes to the end of my context research. Who's ready to get into the meat, the plot of Canada's worst driver season nine. I'm interested to to see what you came up with for this. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We'll see.
Plot Setup and Contestant Analysis
00:26:29
Speaker
So rather than covering every little thing that happens, like I normally like to in these, uh, I'm going to try and go as big picture as I can while still feeling like a completist. So they brought back all stars from the previous eight seasons.
00:26:49
Speaker
Yes. Uh, we, while we do like to say it's oops, all brain problems, it's actually more like 75% brain problems. Uh, here is a list of your contestants from least to most interesting. Oh, sorry. May I just so mention emphasize here that when we say brain problems, like this it this is not derogatory. No, not that we have brain problems having brain problems.
00:27:18
Speaker
It's just that their problems, their brain problems, specifically make them worse drivers to the point that they are dangerous. It is not judgmental, it is just factual. Descriptive, yes. Yes. So ah first, our least interesting contestant, Chris Ferguson. Chris Ferguson was Canada's worst driver in season one and seems to be ah completely devoid of personality.
00:27:46
Speaker
he serves two narrative functions here. First is to remind us of the early days of season one when Canada's first driver was still sort of half formed. It was, and secondly,
00:27:59
Speaker
He demonstrates that a bad driver can improve. He has vastly improved back in season one. He had only had his license for like eight months. If I remember right now, he's had it for eight years. So he's just driving around like normal. Uh, but he does let you know that you can improve. And I think that's important to, to demonstrate to people so that when they see everyone else here and they realize that they haven't improved since they were on campus. Right. Right.
00:28:27
Speaker
that That most people do improve their driving simply with practice, but these props these people have not. Practice has not helped.
00:28:39
Speaker
No. And ah just to briefly touch on Canada's worst drivers, season one, it is sort of a proto season. It was the only one that was set in winter because I really wanted to focus on winter driving, which makes sense as a driving instruction, but it makes everything look very gray and and wet and unpleasant.
00:29:02
Speaker
So in season two, if it's all sunshine, everything's green and they, you know, they brightened up the set decorations. It became a lot less ominous and foreboding and a much more fun show. So I recommend starting on season two. Yeah. Season one is for the the real heads. But, you know, you don't need to watch our next least interesting Or I guess, no, our next most interesting. No, the next contestant I'm talking about in terms of interesting, up a ladder of interesting, sweetie. Are you right? I understand. um I'm with you. Okay. Okay. So we have next Henrietta Galent. She was Canada's worst driver season two. She was an old person archetype sub genre standoffish.
00:29:56
Speaker
Uh, she gave up on the final challenge of her season and subsequently has largely given up on driving. Yeah. The narrative function that Henrietta serves is to demonstrate that if you are as bad at driving as these people, quitting is a good idea and you can do it and your life could be fine. Yeah. That it's, it's actually fine not to drive, which is a really important message for, because Canada You know, a lot of Canada, like a lot of the United States is, is very car oriented. And, you know, you'll, you'll tell yourself, I need to keep driving. I need to keep driving. Um, but, but sometimes, but sometimes it's fine not to. Yeah. If, if you need help, you can ask for help. You know, hopefully you're in a position where you can get it.
00:30:52
Speaker
but it's okay to at least ask. It's definitely better than driving into a tree and dying. Now, uh, the next up the rung on the interesting ladder is Shirley Sampson. Shirley is an old person archetype sub genre adorable. Yeah. Uh, she was named worst driver in season seven, uh, mostly for coming to a dead stop on an on ramp to the highway during a final challenge. You don't want to do that.
00:31:22
Speaker
Now since then, Shelly has taken driving lessons and studied up and greatly improved, even if she still has room to grow. That's another very important narrative function.
00:31:36
Speaker
she She says proudly, I went down to my provincial office and I got the book from the man and I studied every rule of the road. And she's so proud of herself and she's a much better driver and it's really cute and wonderful. Yes, she she's wonderful. Yeah, and she and she and whenever she does well, Andrew will give her a big hug and they're really happy.
00:32:01
Speaker
And she's got her granddaughter there, Janice. And she's always, I did it, Janice. I did it. She's wonderful. Uh, up next on the ladder. And this is when we're getting into the real meat of them. Cause I'm already up to Shelby D'Souza. All right. Shelby is just a delightful man. He's a ah cartoon turtle wearing a red backpack.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yeah, he ah he played the befuddled foreigner type, ah taking worst driver in season three, he almost didn't get it. But then the guy that was named worst driver said, I'm giving up driving. And so they're like, Oh, well, then I guess Shelby is technically Canada's worst driver.
00:32:48
Speaker
Shelby is a very sweet man with the effect of a shy 10 year old boy. Uh, to such an extent that in season three, he did teach Shelby how to ride a bicycle in a more heartwarming sequence. Andrew. Yeah. Andrew taught Shelby how to ride a bicycle. It was very adorable. And I can't tell how much of his affect his brain problems because his brother Elric is his denominator and his brother Elric is nothing like shell brother. Elric is fine.
00:33:23
Speaker
Yeah, I don't understand. Uh, up next, we've got an all timer. We have Angela Markham Tung Meany, Markan Tung Meany, Angela Marking Tung Meany, Angelina, Angelina Marking Tung Meany. How did I mess up Angelina when I,
00:33:48
Speaker
It's called, you try it. M-A-R-C-A-N-T-O-G-N-I-N-I. Markantollini. Markantollini. Angelina Markantollini. Oh, like Mark Antony. Okay. but And she is a mess.
00:34:11
Speaker
Yeah. God bless her. God bless Angelina. She is going through it. ah Angelina would initially appear to be in the ditzy woman archetype and for this season's purposes, fills the role of the ditzy woman archetype, but she also has severe anxiety that she needs to self-medicate with alcohol. And this plants her squarely in brain problems.
00:34:41
Speaker
And on top of that, she is also just a very bad driver. And she does yeah the re she does not focus. Well, I mean, she doesn't focus because like they get really real in this season about like ah the, uh, the shortcomings of the Canadian healthcare system.
00:35:06
Speaker
Um, which psychiatric care is like, uh, kind of like it is here, but you know, like dental care, like it's a separate thing and it's like.
00:35:17
Speaker
really hard to get so she's
Episode Breakdown and Finale
00:35:20
Speaker
on a been on a wait list for two years to try and get in to see a psychiatrist to get she sentence all that she knows that she knows that she needs. And yeah, it's rough. you yeah She said the psychiatrist in her town like retired and now she's on the last for the one in the next town over. And That's all she can do. And so she is a wreck.
00:35:51
Speaker
but also I think when she was Medicaid, she was probably not a great driver. And I also wanted to mention the reason why she technically fits into the ditzy lady, pretty lady quadrangle is because she does get called out for driving in wedge heels. You need flat soled shoes, everybody. You can't be driving in these wedge heels. You don't have the right pedal control in them. It's better to drive barefoot. It's technically legal.
00:36:21
Speaker
Barefoot is legal. Yeah. Up next on the ladder, we've got Kevin Simmons, who along with his nominator, who along with his nominator, Lenny, offer up some rare, non glamorous gay couple representation. So I'll give them that. It's very cool to see just two schlubby dudes who love each other.
00:36:47
Speaker
And like they're both bald and they're poorly dressed. And they're just like, anyway. Kevin has very bad vibes. That's important to know. So whenever I'm being mean about Kevin, it's because he has bad vibes.
00:37:04
Speaker
ah Kevin only has one functioning eye, his other eye is made of glass. And while I'm sure that there are ways that he can address how this impacts his ability to drive, he doesn't do them.
00:37:16
Speaker
Right. He can't drive for shit. And, uh... Yeah. He's... he's shown using a CB radio while he's driving in his character introduction. So he's also just like not fucking paying attention. He's just like breaker breaker. Keep an eye out for them. Cojax with the Kodak. And then he's grins at himself like I like like from the movie. Whatever dude. Anyway, he can't drive for shit, ah but he does promise to give up his license and sell his car if he loses.
00:37:54
Speaker
this season of Candace Worst Driver. If he gets named Candace Worst Driver ever, he promises he will give up his license. Now we're in the top three. My top three most interesting. How are you feeling about my rating so far? Well, no, we'll get it when we're done. We'll get it when we're done. Now in the top three, we first have Dale Pitten and her amazing brain.
00:38:20
Speaker
God. Of all the brain problems on Canada's worst driver, Dale has to have the most brain problems. ah andderi are one point here he is yeah Andrew describes her at one point as having ah the memory of a goldfish. ah Nothing that is said to her at any point ever seems like she is the ultimate example of what I was saying at the top of the show of being like, we've taught you how to do this. Do you have it? I've got it.
00:38:53
Speaker
What am I supposed to do every single time? Uh, she has an amazing and beautiful brain that retains nothing. That is my final mood on her. Up next, we've got in the number two slot, Sly Grosjean. If I'm pronouncing that correctly. Sly. Sly. Sly like the wind.
00:39:23
Speaker
la o s j e a n yeah pro on gro jean Yeah, depending on how much pride he takes in his French heritage, I guess. ah He is the next member of the top three. He is a big dude. And he has a real problem with eating while driving. And he also has nonverbal learning disorder.
00:39:47
Speaker
which basically makes it impossible for him to learn how to drive. I don't know too much about it, but it seems to have made it functionally impossible for him to learn how to drive. Yeah. It's really, it, it God, I feel bad for him feel for him. I really feel for him. Uh, but, uh, you, when they, when they, you know, read out the symptoms, the symptoms are, are stuff like, like he can't, he, his brain is not able to process things.
00:40:17
Speaker
in ways that you need to drive. One of which, a big one is reversing. Like he can't, he can't, you know, slip around what he's doing the way. And, you know, and I, you know, I i feel for him cause I have like a little bit of that in that, yeah you know, if I find my way somewhere, cause I'm bad with directions. If I find my way somewhere in my car,
00:40:45
Speaker
I can't, I will have to look up the directions on the way home. Uh, cause I can't just flip them and do the opposite. My brain won't do that. Yeah. Him looking in a rear view mirror was sort of like me trying to look at a magic eye picture. It's just like, it just doesn't happen. You know, it just does not compute in his brain. He's like something out of an Oliver Sacks book is genuinely just neurologically incapable of doing this. Yeah, yeah. Now, at the top of the ladder, the king of shit mountain. The last but by no means least is Michael Telford. Michael is an all time dude. Yeah, Michael is clearly on the spectrum somewhere in the Asperger's area.
00:41:41
Speaker
And he is the type of guy who you would see at a local science fiction convention in the nineties. They just don't make dudes like Michael anymore, except I guess up north of the border. Right. He's he's got this big droopy must. He looks he looks kind of like me if I was a foot taller and add an extra like 200 pounds. And I quoted the blue lantern when I got stressed out.
00:42:08
Speaker
And if you're going to play it, I am. If you're going to play it, don't don't do it right now. Oh, OK, because that's is it in the quiz? Yeah, yeah, it's in the quiz later. OK, listeners, stick around because you are going to hear Michael give the oath of the Blue Lantern. Now. So what did you think of that order? Was that about where you would land? OK, yeah.
00:42:37
Speaker
Yeah. I'm glad you also have that same affection that I do for Michael. Like he seems like someone that would hang out would have been one of your dad's friends. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. That he would have played war games with, uh, online. Yeah. Yeah. He's got big war gamer vibes. Yeah. Uh, now those are the contestants, but we also have our judges panel composed of ex-cop Cam Woolley.
00:43:07
Speaker
High-speed driving instructor, Philippe Letourneau, therapist, Shamala Kirou, and normal driving instructor, Tim Danter. Now, I think this is the second season where they've assembled this panel, and ah they were the panel that they used for the rest of Canada's first driver. This is your dream team of panels. yeah Uh, Cam Woolley is of course, uh, famously an ex-cop, the only good type of cop. Thank you for quitting Cam Woolley. And, uh, Philippe Letourneau is French Canadian and, uh, always is saying his catchphrase, look where you want to go.
00:43:54
Speaker
Yeah, he was not looking where he wanted to go. That was his problem. He's great. Shamela Kirou, possibly the least interesting member of the panel or job is mainly to like see someone drive through a wall and say, look at how stressed out he is. That's impact of his drive. I do. I like I like the idea of her role. Yeah. Yeah. I like that they are at least a Giving giving lip service to the idea that that your mental state has a lot to do with how well you drive yeah and just is not least skills You know, she does obviously they're not real therapy sessions because there's a camera there so they're not confidential but you know, she does at least talk to people about You know
00:44:47
Speaker
how you know how How do you feel when you drive? What kind of anxiety? Where does it come from? Because there are not on this season, but on some seasons there are people who weren't bad drivers until they were in a terrible accident. And there's one guy who became a bad driver because he was badly injured in an accident. And there are a couple of, I can think of a couple of women who become very, very anxious drivers yeah after being in accidents. And it's it it's it's just, i I love seeing the, you know, you were saying that the casting is real strength of the show and yeah, they're pulling these people, um and you know, showing that there are lots and of different reasons to be a bad driver and lots of different ways to be a bad driver.
00:45:42
Speaker
Yeah. And no one is saying that you're a bad person because you're a bad driver, but you might be a bad person if you're choosing to drive, knowing you're a bad driver, you know, that there is some sort of culpability. Once you get to that stage, you need to change something. Now, uh,
00:46:07
Speaker
Now that we know all of our characters, I've just got, for every episode, I've got some little notes I've written down each challenge and who leaves. Okay. So we can bang through the season, hopefully pretty quick. Episode one, we've got our drive to rehab. They start in Thorold, Ontario, and they drive to the Dunville airport.
00:46:29
Speaker
During this drive to the rehab center is the traditional first challenge of every season. And you always get to see them ah with little bits of ah intro B roll of them driving around their hometowns doing little introductions, being like, Oh, here's where I drove into that bollard.
00:46:48
Speaker
Oh, that's where I skidded off the road when I saw a moose. And, uh, we do, important to note here is that, uh, Angelina is too hungover to drive. And also Chris does not have a nominator. No one is willing to say that he's Canada's worst driver because he drives perfectly normal now.
00:47:10
Speaker
After that, we get our assessment challenge, which is composed of three small segments. You need to reverse through a curvy row of stacked car rims, just barely wider than the vehicle you're driving. Uh, then you get the turnaround where you need to stop going in reverse and go forward, but you do it within a little maze made of K rails. And then you drive a 40 kilometer per hour slalom driving between foam figures.
00:47:39
Speaker
yeah This is also the show that taught me the relationship between kilometers and miles. Yes, we did rapidly pick up that it's somewhere around three-fifths. If you say something like that, you're going to be close enough.
00:47:56
Speaker
Or at least that's what I've been... Two-thirds. Two-thirds, three-fifths. Yeah, around there. If you're in that region, you're good. Uh, they instantly decide to graduate both Chris because he drives fine now and Henrietta because she does not drive. Boom. We've immediately eliminated our two least interesting cast members. This season is running lean and mean.
00:48:20
Speaker
Episode two, we've got the riding the rails challenge. Fortunately, it's not about them taking the train. It's about driving a Suzuki Samurai up a little ah two sets of elevated rails. So you need to drive forward on the rail and then you need to reverse on the rail. So it's just making sure that you can drive in a straight line.
00:48:43
Speaker
And also know where your wheels are because you can't drive off the edge. If you do, you'll clip. So you got to know that your left foot goes right behind the wheel when you push it up against that dead pedal. That's another thing I learned from Canada's first driver. They also have a mini, uh, roadsides challenge. I always wish that they would spend more time in the road signs challenge because it's really funny to me.
00:49:08
Speaker
especially Dale, who gives the most mind blowing answer to this. I've ever seen in that the Tim Danter holds up a beige sign with a white question mark on it. This is a sign that means tourist information ahead. You might not know that intuitively, but you, if someone told you that and you saw it by the road, you'd be like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You would definitely not say what Dale said.
00:49:34
Speaker
She presumed that that question mark was actually a map of a road that the dot at the bottom of the question mark was the place that you were going. So not only did it start with your destination at the bottom center, like no map I've ever seen in my life. She assumed that a question mark was a road. She does not understand basic semiotics of Dale's amazing brain.
00:50:06
Speaker
If anyone out there has the outtakes of Dale's road sign quiz, please email them to us. After that, we've got crazy eights where they do ah two simultaneous cars will be doing a reverse figure eight in Suzuki sidekicks. Don't particularly remember that one. You just get to see people get frustrated and not reverse. Well, then after that, we get the shoulder check challenge, which is always a classic. They drive towards a brick wall of ah made out of styrofoam.
00:50:42
Speaker
And then they'll have to look over their shoulder to see a sign to show which side they should drive to. A lot of people just end up driving straight into that wall.
00:50:54
Speaker
They lift sides. Yeah. It's supposed to simulate looking over your shoulder when you're changing lanes on a highway and it's disturbing how poorly they do it.
00:51:05
Speaker
Uh, but Shirley does well. Surely as our third graduate, our three least interesting characters, boom, right off the show. Now we're cooking. Now we've all got all killer, no filler left with e Shelby, Angelina, Kevin, Michael, uh, Sly and Dale.
00:51:27
Speaker
So in episode three, we've got the figure eight limo challenge. The need to to drive a limousine in a figure eight, possibly in reverse. I can't remember. Uh, important to note there. Sly timed out. Yeah. They must've been going in reverse because Sly timed out. He did not understand what he was seeing in his mirrors. And it took so long that the sun went down and everybody left.
00:51:53
Speaker
Then we've got Swerve and Avoid, another great one for crashing things into a brick styrofoam wall. And then we've got the classic that we you get every season of Candace Worst Driver, the Water Tank Challenge. The Water Tank Challenge is where they put a large, I think I want to say 120 liter tank. It varies by season. um Actually, I think if I end up using this there like
00:52:24
Speaker
in the quiz well Somewhere around there. A very large tank of water. Oh, I did. I did, but I didn't write down the answer.
00:52:36
Speaker
yeah Well, I probably got it right. oh Yeah. Uh, but yeah, and they need to drive a short course, avoiding obstacles, going up and down little bumps and trying to, the, the tank of water has tubes that run down it and into the interior of the car. So you will get drenched if this water spills and it's all about pedal control. And it's a great way of visualizing this very abstract challenge of like how you need to be soft on your pedals.
00:53:08
Speaker
and to avoid, you know, sudden stops and starts because every sudden stop and start causes the water to slosh around and yet soaked and everybody gets soaked and then they freak out and then they have even worse pedal control. They get even more wet. It's classic. It's ah this season. Oh, I shouldn't tell you. I won't tell you because it's part of the quiz, but I'll write it down so that I know the answer.
00:53:37
Speaker
Now, ah Shelby this season, this episode, he was doing all right, but then he backed over a foam person and ran him over. And on top of that, when he drove off of the styrofoam person, the car dropped and the water tank cracked and he broke the water tank. So he would have graduated this episode, but that didn't quite happen. On to episode four.
00:54:04
Speaker
First, we've got the three-point turn. We're back in the Suzuki Samurai on this tiny little island. They need to make a three-point turn in this little circular bit of land surrounded by a moat. Dale just drives straight into the moat.
00:54:23
Speaker
Some of them do okay at this one, some of them don't. Some people seem to do better than you think they would. Michael is doing pretty decent here and there. Kevin's doing not bad here and there.
00:54:35
Speaker
But they also continue to have spectacular failures, especially in the trailer challenge where they need to back a trailer into a parking spot. Nobody can ever fucking do that. I couldn't do it. This one. was not I have been on, uh, on vacations with, with my parents. Well, and actually like moving, you know, with a U-Haul trailer. Um, and, and.
00:55:05
Speaker
It's difficult. A lot of, you know, one person getting out and hollering at the driver, which they weren't allowed to do in this challenge. No, that there's no shame in that game. That's a much better way to do this. and Yeah. and on your Uh, now, and then they have to do the eye of the needle challenge where basically they need to drive a slalom course, but underneath little arches styrofoam arches that are just barely wider than the car. One interesting fact, they almost always clip on the passenger side because the driver always placed themselves in the middle of the arch, always killing their passenger.
00:55:46
Speaker
Yep. Uh, now Angelina has been especially stressed out this episode and she's revealed that she has not been getting any anxiety medication and she agrees that she probably needs to go to rehab. So Angelina gets sent to rehab. She's very sad about it though. She really wishes she could have a drink. Hopefully she's doing better now. Uh, this is the last we ever see of her.
00:56:11
Speaker
The other person that leaves this episode, thankfully, is a big Michaels nominator, Yolanda. ah Yolanda is swapped out for her husband, Eric, who was actually Michael's friend. Yolanda was basically cussing Michael out and screaming. He was so obvious. The relationship was so much.
00:56:36
Speaker
You know, you're my friend. guys yeah Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly. You're welcome in my house because you play Warhammer with Eric and that's it.
00:56:52
Speaker
But yeah, good news for Michael. Eric is that Eric wasn't there at the beginning of the season because he was sick, but they reached out to him. He's better. So he came in. Episode five, we've got the trough. We're back in our Suzuki samurai. This time you need to drive it in a trough made out of K rails without driving up over the sides. It's a know where your wheels are thing. People always do bad at it. It's really funny. Yeah. Then we get one of the all time classic visual games. We've got car hockey.
00:57:21
Speaker
I mean, it's Canada. So, uh, this is where they need to push a shopping cart. That's been done up like a giant hockey puck with a car and they need to push it into a goal. Andrew does it on his first try. Nobody else can do it. They all get 10 goes. Everybody fails. They go to sudden death. Kevin does it. Who knew? Then they get the longest reversing challenge ever.
00:57:50
Speaker
This is where they need to reverse a car for a mile in a straight line between, uh, you know, assorted obstacles, but the obstacles are pretty much the same thing because they're just defining the edges of the road. So it's either K rails or other cars or steel rims, and they do it for about a kilometer or mile or something, a great distance farther than you would ever need to reverse. Right. And, uh, Kevin, while backing up, he hits a couple of things.
00:58:20
Speaker
But he's like, man, this car is so cool. Cause it's a Pontiac Trans Am Firebird. It's got a big firebird on the hood. It's sick as hell. And he's like, Oh, I love these cars. Can I, can I drive it forward back, back to the other end before I start my second try or, you know, but you know, whatever back to the other end. And Andrew's like, okay, you can do it, but here are the rules. You can only go 40 kilometers per hour. And if you hit anything, you have to stop.
00:58:47
Speaker
And then he drives 60 kilometers an hour. He knocks a side view mirror off, knocks over several rims, gets out and says, well, I think I'd call that a pass.
00:59:00
Speaker
He's terrible. He's so annoying. He's a bad driver. He's a very bad driver. And also this is an episode where Kevin wrote not one, but two letters to the judges panel.
00:59:13
Speaker
At the beginning, he wrote one thing I know in the past, I have not taken credit or taken responsibility for my bad driving. And I promise that will change. And then he doesn't do that. And then in the episode, he writes another letter that's like, well, I promise I'm going to change and please do not make me Canada's first driver because I don't want to give up my license.
00:59:40
Speaker
He's just, he sucks. Lenny can do so much better. This is the real frustrating part. Yeah. Episode six. Oh yeah. Nobody graduates that episode. Sorry, everybody. Episode six. They do the reverse flick. This is one of their high speed driving maneuvers. Uh, they have to fly back in a reverse and then throw their e-brake and whip around cool stunt driving stuff. Uh, then you've got the school bus parallel park.
01:00:11
Speaker
Nobody's good at parallel parking the school bus. Shelby comes closest. Shelby gets what he calls a European pass because he just nearly touches the car behind him. And then the icy corner challenge, which is always the only throwback to winter driving. Uh, they do some sort of artificial icy corner. Uh, and this is the one that can we'll, he takes most seriously. This is like, this is the one real drivers have to face every day here in Canada. you You're absolutely right. Can we leave this one is important. 100% people should know what it is. You guys who haven't seen the show, don't realize that's such a good cam only impersonation. Oh, thank you, sweetie.
01:00:53
Speaker
Uh, but good news this episode, we do get a graduate and it's Shelby. Hooray. Our sweet little boys ready for middle school. Episode seven, they'd learn the handbrake J turn, which is very much like, uh, the one 80 reverse flick, except you start off going forwards.
01:01:16
Speaker
Then they have to do the cross, which is basically navigating your car to park in four sections that are defined by K rail and the shape of a a plus sign. It just takes a lot of patience and doing a lot of what they call S turns. I also learned what S turns are. Yeah. Um, then they have to do the limousine slalom.
01:01:39
Speaker
limousine slalom is basically driving a limousine weaving in between foam figures of people. You have to do it at something like 50 kilometers per hour, 40 kilometers per hour, somewhere around there. Everybody goes flying everywhere. Everybody oversteers. You never need to turn more than a quarter turn when you're going at those kinds of speeds. And if you try it, especially with limousine, that big fat butts going to swing out in front of you, you're gonna they it's a great spectacular challenge. Lots of fun.
01:02:10
Speaker
Uh, then we get the real drama of the episode, possibly the craziest thing that ever happened on canvas first driver. They come back for judging. Dale has disappeared. They find out she took a taxicab to drive to her home, which was coincidentally just an hour's drive away. I can't imagine how much you paid that taxicab.
01:02:40
Speaker
When she got home, she realized she didn't have her keys. So she tried to punch through the glass of like the little glass beside her front door. And when she did that, she sliced open a tendon in her hand and they brought her back to ask her about it. And she seemed like she had basically become joker fight at this point.
01:03:08
Speaker
She was completely. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to put in to say that's what she said happened. It's true. I mean, it seems as likely as anything. Do you have an alternate theory? No, I mean.
01:03:28
Speaker
You know, there is the possibility that I'm not saying that I don't, that was not a very official looking bandage, I will say. No, but maybe she's on a wait list for a better bandage. Yeah. Yeah. That could be, yeah. I don't know. Mostly I just, uh, uh, she really seems to have gone into a fugue state. Yeah. And then they, they sort of ask her like, when you've been driving,
01:03:58
Speaker
What are you thinking about? And she's often says like, you know, I just completely for a couple of seconds, I was just completely, I wasn't there. And they begin like pressing her on that. And then she starts talking about like how we all live in our own subjective reality. as so And you can tell.
01:04:14
Speaker
And you can't tell how much of it is her just like being over it and tired of being embarrassed on this television show. And how much of it is her just genuinely like becoming black pilled like, so you know, her eyeballs are going to roll back in her head and she's going to start levitating. Uh, but they agree that, uh, she can no longer continue in this contest because she cannot safely drive with this massive injury on her hand.
01:04:43
Speaker
She couldn't safely drive before, but you know. So it's on to the final episode, episode eight. We've got our final three, Kevin, Sly, and Michael. It had to be.
01:05:00
Speaker
First, we've got our reverse gauntlet, where they need to reverse their way through a slalom, then through a narrowed path, turn around, back through the path, back through a slalom, and they need to do that within a minute. The only one that passes this is Kevin. It's important to note. Then we've got the mega challenge.
01:05:26
Speaker
An annual challenge that's on the show every year. It's always great. You get to see your three worst drivers get one more shot at every single thing that they've learned. Except for, you know, parallel parking a bus, you know, almost one thing from every episode, a long series of challenges.
01:05:44
Speaker
So, you know, they go through the rims, the narrow thing of rims, and then they reverse through the K rails and then the slalom and an icy corner and an eye of the needle. They do all these things and a ah reverse 180 flick. And, uh, Kevin does best here as well. He, uh, passes them all except the icy corner, which really came bully is right to point out. That's the most important one.
01:06:13
Speaker
Now, uh, then from there, they got the final challenge, what they could, the actual most important test to pretty much everybody is driving through the roads of Hamilton. Uh,
01:06:27
Speaker
They drive for about 40 minutes, a 40 minute drive through Hamilton. They have to go on the highway. They need to. And Andrew rides with them and he reads them written instruction. He'll be like, left turn on Spadina is so the iconic one. But I think Spadina was a different town, I think. But yeah, and. ah Michael and Sly both do relatively well. Michael, uh, spaces out on a couple of red lights, which you don't like to see. But other than that, he did fine. Sly passed with flying colors, impossibly. And Kevin got them nearly killed like four times. yeah we were It's terrifying to watch.
01:07:16
Speaker
Yeah, like he's making left turns from like the right most lane in front of other cars that are like almost side swipe them. He's pulling into the wrong side of ah the yellow line when they're taking turns onto new streets. And eventually Andrew like hasn't pull over. It's like, listen, you've got to, we can't keep doing this.
01:07:43
Speaker
And he Kevin calls Lenny and Lenny's like, I don't want you to give up. You know, Lenny's trying to be supportive, although he really should be supporting him to choose to not drive. But Lenny's like, give it give it one more shot.
01:08:02
Speaker
And that's when Kevin gets in there and he almost drives into a straight up head on collision. And Kevin's like, no. Uh, Andrew's like, no, no, pull over. This is done. This is done. This is over. This is done. I am not driving, letting you drive me in a car anymore. And that is how Kevin gets named Canada's worst driver ever, even though they bring Dale back momentarily. Like maybe it should be Dale.
01:08:26
Speaker
But they give it to Kevin because he's that bad. He's worse than the woman that went into a psychotic fugue in order to avoid confronting how bad a driver she is.
01:08:40
Speaker
And then they
Show's Impact and Ratings
01:08:41
Speaker
make Kevin burn up his license in a road flare. And he's very pissed off about it. Yeah. And then in the like the little post script, we find out that he has not driven, but he has bought a new car.
01:08:58
Speaker
Good for you, Kevin. I haven't bought a new car in fucking six years, but I guess you deserve it. And that's Canada's worst driver, season nine. Woo! Five star rating. Where do you land, my dove? I didn't realize I was going to have to give a five star rating. um I mean, I'll give this four stars. The only reason it wouldn't be ah five stars is just because it's a lot of time and not everybody likes reality shows. That's fair. You know what I mean? But yeah it's it's great. Like I said, it's both made me a better driver and ah makes me laugh.
01:09:44
Speaker
I'm going to give it five stars. I think this is a perfect comfort watch. It makes me laugh. I'm emotionally engaged. There's lots of spectacle. Uh, if you need something to unwind at the end of the day with a little giggle, I can't recommend enough going to YouTube and throwing on Canada's worst driver season nine with that. Do you guys want to get into the final act of the show listeners and wife? Yes.
01:10:14
Speaker
All right, well then, I think it's time for our first segment and that segment is talking about TV. TV. We talk TV. You talk some TV.
01:10:47
Speaker
Now I realize we've been talking about TV this entire episode, so but, um, I did mention at the top of the show that Anna and I are huge reality competition show fans. I find it to be a wonderful genre in that it is both genuinely, uh, uh,
01:11:06
Speaker
informational, it's a great way to learn about something while being emotionally invested in in it. you know I always say, if you give me anything where there's four contestants, three rounds, $10,000, whatever they're doing, I'm up for it. let me This is a great way for me to learn. but How do you feel about the genre in my heart?
01:11:28
Speaker
um Yeah, same. ah ah I like starting out, ah starting out not knowing enough about something often, you know um, to have an opinion, but to have, because of, because of reality competition shows, I know a little bit about so many, mostly, mostly I would say crafts in the wider
01:11:59
Speaker
Um, as in arts and crafts, you know what I mean? Like so many little like human endeavors that I've learned about via watching, uh, people, uh, do somewhat deranged challenges, um, focusing on them. Yeah. I mean, if you want to know all of those deranged human endeavors, we have learned about via the form of reality competition shows.
01:12:29
Speaker
That is what the segment is. I have created a list of every human endeavor and feel free to stop me at any point if you want to call me out and I will figure out what the title of that show is ah because they are all real shows. We have learned about all these things. I've broken the broken them up into several genres of human endeavor.
01:12:47
Speaker
And keep in mind that for ah maybe about a quarter of these, you can find a variation where it's being done with amateurs, variation where it's being yeah professionals versus amateurs and a variation where it's being done with children. So first up, we've got our food genre, very big genre. I would say the Food Network built its entire fortune on reality competition television shows and the genre pretty much launched out of Food Network.
01:13:16
Speaker
So you've got cooking, baking, sushi making, cake decorating, pumpkin carving, chocolate sculpting, making tiny food, being a waiter, renovating a restaurant,
01:13:34
Speaker
bootlegging, bartending slash mixology, charcuterie board making, table setting, butchering, food truck ownership, and cooking show hosting. Yep. Can you think of anything I'm missing? I think that was pretty comprehensive. If you do, just say so. I'll move on to fashion.
01:14:00
Speaker
a small but powerful genre, obviously with, ah you know, Heidi Klum, their project runway being one of the pillars of the genre along with America's top model, but I put that in our physical challenges category. Fashion, we've got fashion design, sewing, styling, hair styling, tattooing, jewelry design, body painting,
01:14:30
Speaker
dog grooming and makeup. Yep. All right. Now then we've got arts and performing arts. This is, there are a lot of these, obviously they translate well to television. So you've got singing, dancing, standup comedy, drag, horror drag, generalized talent, high art,
01:14:59
Speaker
Portrait painting, landscape painting, pottery, crafting, woodworking, chainsaw carving, taxidermy, stage magic, miniature building, holiday decorating, gift wrapping, knife making, gunsmithing, making web comics, special effects makeup, filmmaking, action movie acting, horror movie acting,
01:15:29
Speaker
slime, flower arranging, roller skate dancing, Lego, wrapping, glassblowing, metalworking, and balloon art. All of those are great. The art category always really translates well. i Yeah. Yeah. And I would almost put tattooing in there. That was one where I struggled between fashion and art and I could easily fit in there. And obviously I would just consider fashion a subset of art, but it's so, there are so many in it that I thought it was his own sub genre. Up next, we've got physical challenges.
01:16:07
Speaker
Obviously we've got survival, fitness, weight loss, obstacle course, obstacle course in a haunted house.
01:16:18
Speaker
obstacle course versus a hamster on a smaller version of the same obstacle course that is human versus hamster and you should watch that show it's so good it's so good sarah squirm come on our show and then we've got uh obstacle course with a dog obstacle course in a haunted house versus a pack of dogs
01:16:44
Speaker
Modeling, underwear modeling, obstacle course in a car, marksmanship, ultimate fighting, boxing, jousting, professional wrestling. All right. And last but not least, I've got miscellaneous. Once again, a very powerful category.
01:17:05
Speaker
Living in a house, social media, building a Rube Goldberg machine, flipping a house, generalized business, handiwork, cowboy stuff, building a bridge across a lake, playing the video game The Sims and Steampunk. Fantastic. Did you say, um, shooting? Oh, uh, marksmanship.
01:17:35
Speaker
Marsmanship, yeah. And fishing? Oh
Quiz Segment and Closing Remarks
01:17:39
Speaker
no, I didn't say fishing. Yeah, I forgot about Top Hooker. How can I forget Top Hooker? The first challenge in all of Top Hooker is the first fishermen, the first anglers were animals. You will have to jump into this pool and catch goldfish in your mouth.
01:18:00
Speaker
It's incredible. All of the fishermen are so mad. This is not what, what the fuck. I'm going to go home if I don't do this. God damn. Yeah. They, they, they are not happy to be doing that. Uh, yeah. So yeah, those are all real and they all exist with that. Yeah.
01:18:23
Speaker
I believe my wife has at my request created the game this week. yeah And since I will be the only contestant, it is the Canada's worst driver, hardest quiz ever.
01:19:07
Speaker
All right. Um, I tried to weigh these a little, give these some point values. There are 145 possible points. You are not going to get all of them. I'm just going to tell you that right now. It's fine. It's really hard. Okay. Okay. Question one. Okay. How many liters of water are used in the water tank challenge in season nine? 100 liters. Yes.
01:19:36
Speaker
All right. All right. I'm on the board. You're on the board. Okay. All right. The first one's the hardest. How many cubic feet of foam were used in season nine? You mentioned it earlier. Was it 1700? That's close. 17,500? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give it. I'll give it to you because 17,000 is close enough. It's another 10 points.
01:20:05
Speaker
Okay. For five points each. Okay. um Possible 10 points. Name the two challenges used in every season. Okay. Two challenges every season.
01:20:18
Speaker
um
01:20:22
Speaker
Eye of the needle. Yes. And.
01:20:32
Speaker
No. Uh, uh, assessment challenge. That probably doesn't count. Uh, nope. Water tank challenge. Oh yeah. That one is a classic. All right. So I'm at 25. Okay. I've got, I'm keeping track. Uh, what season features the first contestant from Newfoundland. Ooh. Okay. Um,
01:20:58
Speaker
That was, I want to say was Savannah. And God, her boyfriend was great. He was a real great nominator.
01:21:10
Speaker
She would have been season 10. She's a 10. Well done. Yeah. Here's Santana. Santana. Yeah. Yeah. And her, her, her best friend, Jim Bob, they were wonderful. He was an all time dude. Yeah.
01:21:32
Speaker
All right. So starting in season six, after they had gotten a lot of complaints about destroying beautiful vintage cars in previous seasons, they started buying a new sports car each season that they would have appear in. They'd use it in one challenge every episode. Yeah. and You get to see it get wrecked over the course of the season. Yeah. Yeah. So for five points each.
01:22:01
Speaker
45 possible points. Okay. Uh, try to name these cars. I will tell you that, um, in three seasons, in six seasons, that well, there there's two cars that are used three times. Okay. So, so if you guess, if you guess that you get credit for all the seasons.
01:22:27
Speaker
Okay. You know, I'm not going to be a hard as, so you want me to just, uh, give you a list of like, what, like five, six cars? Uh, yeah. Okay. Uh, well, I know there's a Mustang. Yes. And there are actually three Mustangs. So that's 15 points. Uh, I know there's a Camaro. There are three Camaros. Okay. That's another 15 points.
01:22:55
Speaker
All right. I know that for one season, there was a Buick, but I can't remember the model.
01:23:06
Speaker
It must have been an earlier, must have been an earlier. um Oh, no, it was a Cadillac. I was confused. All right. Yeah. My next guest will be catalog. So I get one more guess. One more guess. Yeah. And I'll just give you Cadillac because it's a Cadillac CTS-V and no one's gonna remember that unless they're a car person. And we're not. There two cars left. They're both the same make, but not the same model. All right, we've been seeing a lot of Chevys.
01:23:50
Speaker
Are they, are they Fords? No, the Mustang is a Ford. Oh, you're right. Okay. Um, I, I'm going to give up on this one for the sake of. Okay. Season seven, uh, Dodge Challenger RT season 11, Dodge Charger LX.
01:24:12
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So you're at 70 points. You're doing great. Okay. Now, uh, name a judge not featured in season nine for five points each. There are 50 possible points. Okay. Okay. There was the insurance adjuster. Agiman. His last name was Agiman. Yes. Yes. Marcus Agiman. Marcus Agiman. Okay.
01:24:41
Speaker
Um, uh, there was, uh, Kio Viti. Yes. The high-speed driving instructor. What was her first name? Julia. Juliana. Juliana. Okay. Got it. All right. I'm doing better than I thought it was. Okay. There was that guy with the gray hair that was like kind of harsh. That was the regular driving instructor. Uh, but I, I, I think I'm out of names. I think that's all I got. Okay. Okay. That's.
01:25:11
Speaker
That's not bad, ah though. um Honestly, the only others that you that ring a bell with me are Peter Mellor is the guy you're thinking of. yeah um And the other one, Luis again, Bora was one of the one of the therapists. But ah OK, you got 10 points on that. So that's 80 points. And now for 10 points, recite the Blue Lantern Oath.
01:25:40
Speaker
Oh, no, I don't have it. i And I definitely don't have it as good as the man himself. Oh, okay. Well, let's hear Michael. In Fairfield days, in raging nights, the strong hearts fall, our souls ignite. But all seems lost in the war of light. Look to the stars, for hope burns bright. okay All will be well.
01:26:11
Speaker
Spectacular. Well, you got 80 out of 145 possible points. I think that's pretty good. What is that? Like, uh, uh, eight out of 14 four sevenths. That's like a D minus. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. kiss do as ever I'm happy with it. exactly You did great.
01:26:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I think I did pretty good. You ready for the final segment of the show, my heart? Ready to give us 20 awards? I sure am. Yeah.
01:27:06
Speaker
Congratulations to all the nominees!
01:27:14
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. Commiserations to poor Kevin, Canada's worst driver ever. Would you like to give out your Baddie Award first or should I, Margaret? Sure. I will give mine to beautiful downtown Hamilton, Ontario. It's always nice to always nice to see it on a ah beautiful day. And I know that so friend i the friend have who lives in Hamilton, that it's very funny that that Hamilton has any glamour to me. I know. It's like the streets are famous. Yes. Anytime they, they turned down by that bus depot, it's like they're turning under the great white way. My bad. Award goes to the best nominator and it's gotta be Fred. Oh yeah.
01:28:07
Speaker
Fred nominated Sly. Fred has the patience of a a bodhisattva this sitting next to this his brother-in-law, not even his brother, his sisters, or his his wife's brother, and just being like, okay, here we go, Sly.
01:28:28
Speaker
Now you didn't get it this time, buddy. i can This is why I wanted you to come here, my man, because this is how you drive. And he's, and he's just, any times, and he's got these great eyebrows and it's great glasses, this shock of gray hair. He's just the perfect straight man to sly just to be sitting next to him the whole time. He's like, hmm. Yeah. Here we go.
01:28:59
Speaker
Shout out to you, Fred. You win the Batty Award, hands down, best nominator in all of Canada's First Driver. And you are our best listener. Listener if you checked out this episode. Yeah, you made it all the way to the end. God, that's incredible. Thank you so much. Thank you for checking out the show. Thank you for talking about Canada's First Driver with me, sweetie. It was a lot of fun. Sure. I had a good time.
01:29:25
Speaker
Good. And ah listeners, if this is the kind of thing you want to hear us do some more, just ah you can shoot us an email at a favorite bad movie pond at gmail dot.com. And you can also check the show description for our link tree, where you can find our Instagram and our blue sky, and our YouTube, and ah come back next week when we'll be talking about, I believe all monsters attack Yes. Yes, with Aaron Finnegan, you don't want to miss it. And until next time, be good at driving. Goodbye. Goodbye.
01:30:42
Speaker
Good job sweetie, I love you.