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Got Lazy Kids? 5 Strategies for Success {Episode 217}
551 Plays2 years ago
Worried about what to do about those lazy kids? Bonnie and Audrey have got you covered with 5 super important tips for working on laziness.
1. Your mindset
2. Setting the example
3. Motivation
4. Rewards
5. Natural Consequences
More of the "Got Kids?" episodes:
Kids with impulse control issues
Mentioned in this episode:
Episode 2: Kids and Chores
Article on types of motivation
About Outnumbered the Podcast:
Two moms, parenting a combined total of 19 kids and finding joy in the chaos. Join Audrey and Bonnie as they share real parenting tips for real people through humor, advice and compassion. Whether it's tackling how to teach kids to work or discussing where to turn when you're all out of patience, these two experienced moms are here to offer authentic tips for raising children joyfully.
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to episode 217. We've got another in our Got Kids episodes, and today we're talking about what to do about those kids who are lazy. We've got five areas we're going to talk to you about, our own mindset, number two, setting an example, number three, motivation, number four, rewards, and number five, consequences. So let's dive in.
Perspectives from Experienced Moms
00:00:28
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
00:00:53
Speaker
Okay everybody, are you ready for another one in our Got Kids series? And this series is kind of dedicated to all the moms out there with kids who aren't perfect angels all the time. So like every mom. Yeah, like I'm so sorry your kids are not perfect, but we decided to make this series for you guys. Yes. We'll try to link some of the back ones in the show notes. I'm sure we'll refer to some of them through this episode.
00:01:18
Speaker
kids that whine and kids with bad habits. But today's episode is dedicated all to kids who are lazy. Do you have one of those?
Understanding Laziness in Children
00:01:27
Speaker
Yeah. Well, in families the size of ours, generally we have a couple of each of these kids with certain traits, right?
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And we're going to talk about what we mean by this laziness and how our own mindset plays into this. But to get started, I want to share a funny thing that one of my kids said recently. It doesn't really pertain to laziness, but it is a little funny about them fighting. One of them said something rude to the other one, to my son, and my son reciprocated in some way. I don't know if he yelled or hit or whatever.
00:01:57
Speaker
And so when we intervened, we said, when somebody says something mean to you, you cannot react in that way. And he says, totally ludicrous, right? What am I supposed to do? Just walk away? And we all just burst into laughter. We're like, yes, that's exactly what you're supposed to do. Just walk away. And we giggle all the time now. So anytime there's a fight, what are you supposed to do? Just walk away? Yes. Just walk away.
00:02:24
Speaker
So I guess I probably want to fit more on our kids that argue or tattle or something, but I just hadn't showed that one yet. So I thought you'd appreciate it. Oh my goodness. Yes. Just walk away. Okay. So sometimes you have a kid who is lazy or doesn't seem to do the same amount of work or isn't willing to do the same amount of work.
00:02:43
Speaker
as the other kids. So this is what we're going to be talking about in today's episode. Okay, so let's be honest. For Audrey and I, because we have such large families, we've seen a lot, and especially as we get more experience, these kind of kids kind of learn to fly under the radar and we can miss some of these behaviors and start to
00:03:00
Speaker
forget or not even notice that, oh, kid number three and seven actually tend to just disappear when it's time to do chores, right? So this is something that we struggle with as well, even though we've been doing this for a while, simply because of the amount of chaos, right? And the amount of people to keep track of. Right. You say, hey, everybody go in the living room and clean it up. And like, you know, one of them just sort of goes in there and leans against the wall. And you're like, yeah, unless you're in there observing. Yeah.
00:03:28
Speaker
it is incumbent on us to help them work on this laziness before it becomes a habit that makes them less productive, less hireable, less desirable, less helpful as an adult. So like we get the opportunity to help them with this little tendency while they are young. Yeah. And you guys know we like to organize things. So we are going to talk about five specific ways to help a child work on what we see as a weakness because we really do want to raise children who are contributing members of society who know how to work hard and take care of themselves.
00:03:58
Speaker
Yes. Okay. Start with number one. Okay.
Mindset and Perception of Laziness
00:04:01
Speaker
Turn around to look at yourself. We have to start with our own mind, our own mental work. There are different work ethics in the world. And this child might have other strengths that require them to rest or to spend more time in thought before they get started in motion. Or maybe they can spend, you know, think harder and then they work smarter because they've done thought work ahead and it's not just scurrying around.
00:04:27
Speaker
you know, doing things. So let's take a pause here and check out what we're thinking in our own mind. Like, are we setting labels out there ahead of time that kind of sets up our kids to fail before they've even started? Because we've labeled them as lazy. Yes, exactly. And in fact, we name the episode this, like, Got Lazy Kids, or we have a couple other kid episodes like this, because that's how we all tend to fall back on labeling our children. But what we're trying to say here is, you might want to just
00:04:57
Speaker
check in with that and ask yourself, do I really want to look at this child like this? Is this helping him? Is this helping me? And Audrey and I noticed that we are a very specific type of personality. We're very type A perfectionist, get-or-done type of people. And so because of that, we'll see someone who does not operate like we do and think laziness.
00:05:19
Speaker
when really they're just a different personality type or they're motivated by different things, right? In fact, the kids in my family who value play more than work, which side-to-side note is not me, they are harder for me to understand because their motivation is very different, but it doesn't make them less valuable than me. And in our current society and country, we really value productivity. And so it's very easy for us to see kids that are not extremely productive and think there's something wrong with them. And that's not true.
00:05:46
Speaker
Yes, yes. You know, be in this, you know, type A, check the boxes, like write it down so I can check it off. I sure can get a lot done. Like I can really get a lot done in a day, but can I sit down and relax and enjoy time, downtime? I had trouble with that. Like actually, I was sharing with my husband the other night, I just finished this big sewing project I was working on and I'm like,
00:06:11
Speaker
And what do I do now? He's like, well, just sit down and relax. I'm like, but I can't, but I have to do something. So there are downsides to this hugely productive personality as well. So we're just wanting here to work on our own mindset just because, you know, we're go, go, go all the time. Doesn't mean that's the best way to be.
00:06:31
Speaker
In fact, we should also include links, Audrey, to a couple of our personality type episodes so that if you are struggling to really understand a child that you see as just lazy and unproductive, maybe you just need to understand his Enneagram type or whatever it is that motivates that child. I keep saying he, maybe you can tell that one of my children that I think is lazy is a male, or she either way, right? That can be very helpful to understand where your child is coming from.
Leading by Example: Parents' Role
00:06:57
Speaker
Okay, so number two, after we've taken a look at our own mindset and worked on our own thoughts about this child, we need to be the one to set the example. Another one of those frustrating thoughts, right? Oh, I have to be the first one that shows what hard work looks like. Now, most of us as moms,
00:07:13
Speaker
don't have a problem with this, right? We're just working all day long. There's always things to be done. There's always laundry. There's always dishes. There's always something that we should be working on. But just ask yourself, what do you do when there's work to be done? Especially if it's work that you do not want to do. So this happens to me, for example, with yard work. Yard work is not fun for me, and it's generally not my responsibility, but sometimes we'll have the whole family out there working, and I hate it.
00:07:36
Speaker
I look for excuses to go get a water. I look for excuses to go take a baby in to change. It is not my favorite. And so I have to ask myself if I'm requiring my children to fill up a wheelbarrow with dirt and drive it across the yard. What am I doing? Am I showing up the way I should to be a good example for that?
00:07:52
Speaker
Yes, we teach our kids so much by our example, more probably even than by our words. For me, it's cleaning up things that are like squeamish, like puke and things, you know, those kind of messes. I'm like,
00:08:09
Speaker
Who can I assign this to? My husband. Not that I assign him tasks. I'm like, honey, I will do almost anything if you'll clean up the pew. Please go to the pew. I know. You know what? That is something that we exemplify for our children, my example. I notice if I'm sitting down to relax, if I'm scrolling on my phone,
00:08:29
Speaker
My kids aren't going to go empty the dishwasher. Why? Why would they? I'm not enforcing it. I'm not reminding them. I'm not working myself. But if I'm cleaning up, if I'm working, they're going to be right there beside me. They're going to join me. So that is just setting an example that we have to do. Which is difficult sometimes, especially if you have a lot of children, because when do you get to relax? If no one's working, if you're not working,
00:08:51
Speaker
Then, hey, how come I always have to be working to just motivate anybody? But that's really the truth of the matter. The other thing that I've noticed with myself as a mom of a large family is that we've had to learn how to delegate and to assign tasks to children because without everyone pitching in in our large families, everything just goes to pot. Everything falls apart, right?
00:09:13
Speaker
What I've noticed is sometimes I start delegating simply because I don't want to do it, not because I'm trying to teach them something. So I've noticed my own laziness creeping in because I have so many helpers that I'd rather go do something else instead of doing this one task that was probably technically mine or should have been mine, but I asked somebody else. So just pay attention to how your brain is operating and where it's finding ways to get out of work if you are trying to set a good example for your kids.
00:09:39
Speaker
And that's just kind of a hazard of being a mom to little children for a long time as we kind of risk burnout. You know, for 20 years of having babies, you're like, oh, doesn't anybody else want to change that diaper? But yeah, that example yells loud and clear, right?
00:09:55
Speaker
All right, guys, we're through the hard stuff.
Motivating Children Effectively
00:09:57
Speaker
One and two. Now we get to go on to number three and we get to start working on the kids instead of working on ourselves. The easy part. No, but yeah. Okay. So number three is motivation. This is what comes from behind like the gentle push to get them started, to keep them going. Um, motivation. So this is where before they've done the work, before they've done the job, we just talk about work because that's like, there's so many chores to be done.
00:10:24
Speaker
But we talk about the benefits of doing whatever job or whatever work they're supposed to be doing. Not only the benefits of doing that job, but the benefits of doing a job, like accomplishing things. Yeah, yeah, totally. And there are so many different ways to make it more enjoyable. So we have a whole list of ideas. I'm just going to list off for you guys. The first one is setting goals, right? Like, oh, let's try to get the spring cleaning done by Saturday. Maybe we can have a reward or something.
00:10:53
Speaker
encouraging them along the way, along with you. So I tend to go into like task master mode when it's time to do chores and no one likes to just get barked at all day long. But to be encouraging and, oh, wow, you did such a good job sweeping. OK, let's move into this next room can be so much more motivating, right, than just being yelled at all the time. You can change the atmosphere to make it fun. I have a couple of kids that if you turn on music, there's not much they won't do because it's a party all of a sudden. Right. Whereas me, I'm like, turn it all off. We need to focus.
00:11:22
Speaker
I can't stand that noise. I can't stand it. Turn the noise off. Yeah. I'm a real ball of laughs. Let me tell you when it's work time. So just make it fun if possible. If there's any way to make it a game or lighten the mood a little bit.
00:11:34
Speaker
And then if you tend to be a control freak, again, like we sometimes are, try to back off and just let them have a chance to work in their own way, their own type of work, their own time if necessary. So I have a couple of kids that are actually really great workers, but they don't do things on my timeline and they don't do things the way I would have done. And sometimes in my mind, I think it's harder the way they're doing it, but that's how
00:11:56
Speaker
it works for them. And I need to just back off, right? If it gets done, it's going to get done. It doesn't have to be exactly the way and the time that I specify, right? And then just remember, not everyone is motivated the same way you are. And sometimes if they want to dance party while they're cleaning, I have to just go somewhere else and do something else because all I see is kids
00:12:14
Speaker
screwing around, dancing, I don't see them working, but they get it done. It just maybe takes a little bit longer and it's way more fun, so I don't know why I just don't let them. But yeah, you probably already know what motivates each child. See if you can insert some of that into short time.
00:12:28
Speaker
So we're gonna link an article in the show notes that talks about the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. But here, okay, so intrinsic motivation, just real quickly, is doing an activity for its inherent enjoyment. Like for us moms, that kind of is like something that we enjoy doing, like exercise, let's say. We enjoy that because it's got, you know, maybe we really like yoga. For our kids, that would be like dancing as they're doing the chores, right?
00:12:57
Speaker
The extrinsic refers to doing an activity, but not for its inherent enjoyment, but instead for a separate outcome. So this would be like, we have to clean out the chicken shed and who would really enjoy that? But the separate outcome that we're going to enjoy is the clean eggs, right? And the nice smelling place and seeing how happy our chickens are and that kind of thing. So then this article that I links, it talks about, um,
00:13:25
Speaker
when to use which of those motivations and how they work and which one is more sustainable, longer lasting. But basically just a quick summary for you guys is you really have to use both. Like some jobs, there is not really much in extrinsic motivation is all there is in the job. Like who would enjoy cleaning the chicken chin? I'm, there might be somebody out there. I don't know. But try to use, like try to use both where possible.
00:13:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And if you think about any job that your child will have, there will need to be a balance of both, hopefully, right? Unless it's like total horrible slave labor and they're just doing it for the paycheck, right? There will need to be some satisfaction that they gain from the job and then there will need to be a paycheck where they get compensated for their time and effort. So if you think about it like that around the home, it could be a lot easier to help motivate your kids. And what I've noticed is they don't always
00:14:15
Speaker
clue into that intrinsic motivation in the younger years. So sometimes we will do a big job and then we will stand back and allow them to enjoy it. So we did this with my girl's bedroom the other day. I have five girls in one bedroom. And as you can imagine, it's a disaster 99% of the time. And so we had a Saturday where we just cleaned everything out and got rid of a bunch of stuff and organized. And every time I went into that room for the rest of the week, I made a comment like, doesn't it feel so good to live in a place that is
00:14:40
Speaker
tidy and where your things are put away, you know where everything is. Doesn't it feel good to not have to rummage through piles of things? And anyway, so I think that is hopefully going to help them to just feel that satisfaction, you know?
00:14:53
Speaker
I know. People trying to help people with that intrinsic motivation are like, do you realize that raking leaves burns 25 calories an hour or whatever, 250 calories an hour? Yes. Well, when you mentioned the exercise thing, think about when you really enjoy exercise versus when you're just exercising to try to lose weight. Big difference, right? The extrinsic only lasts so long. Yeah, but when you really enjoy it, you get both. You get both.
00:15:22
Speaker
All right, number four, rewards.
The Role of Rewards and Consequences
00:15:24
Speaker
So talking about extrinsic motivation, these come after a job is done, right? So a child has a chore, they're done, they get a sticker chart, they get a treat, they get a date with dad, whatever it is. That's the positive reinforcement that comes after a job.
00:15:39
Speaker
Yes. So when you're thinking about rewards, it's super important to find out what their love language is so that you can reward them in the way that's most meaningful to them or their personality type or their way of their communication style. You have to cue into who your child is. If you always reward them with chocolate and then you find out when they're an adult that they hate chocolate, it was like, okay, hang on.
00:16:03
Speaker
Oh, I just want to share a little example here. I have one kid that was more, let's call him laid back, than the others when it came to chores and things. And I couldn't figure out what his motivator was, his reward was. And I try, you know,
00:16:18
Speaker
all these different gift rewards or you can go spend time with dad reward. Finally, I figured out his love language must be words of affirmation. I would just say to him, I've really noticed how good you're doing on animal chores. I checked your chores this morning and wow, I'm really impressed at how responsible
00:16:39
Speaker
you are getting on these tours. And like this, this, this praise is like, he's like flourished under this praise and I'm not giving him anything. I'm not, you know, hugging him. That would be touch, you know, any of these other types. It's just the words that are really motivating to him. And once I figured that out, it's like, okay, okay. Now I can really connect with this kid. Yeah. Honestly, I, I feel like I need a note in my phone to keep track of all my children's love languages and what really motivates them. If I think about it, I can. But in the heat of the moment, somebody's you just think,
00:17:09
Speaker
You know, what do you want, a cookie? Whatever it's going to take, let me give you the thing that's going to motivate you. But yeah, sometimes it's as simple as, wow, good job, buddy. That was amazing. And sometimes it's just being delighted, right? So I have a couple of times, this has happened, where one of my older children, who I often see as L-A-Z-Y, they're not listening. I don't know why it's spelled. We always spell it. Is always,
00:17:38
Speaker
tends to have a hard time doing his work but multiple times he has been the one to motivate the other kids to help clean up the house to surprise me and so I'll walk in the house and the house will be all cleaned up and sparkling and I will just be so surprised and delighted and
00:17:53
Speaker
And that is what he loves. He doesn't want to do it for the sticker. He doesn't want to do it for the pray, for whatever other reason, but he wants to surprise me and he wants to see my face light up. And I'm like, oh, brother, I will be surprised any day of the week. If you want to do this, just don't tell me ahead of time. You can do it any day, of course. Of course, then it's not as exciting to them.
00:18:12
Speaker
It can also be something simple. I mentioned a sticker chart. We actually recently started a reward system for the piano, practicing the piano. I will say right now, neither of us is a big proponent of these complicated reward systems because our brains just can't handle them. But we did have to have something because my kids were just not motivated to do piano when I was tired of fighting them. So every half an hour practice, they put a rock in a jar. And when the jar is filled up, we take them to eat somewhere. And sometimes they just go get a hamburger somewhere and it's wherever they want to pick.
00:18:40
Speaker
And it ends up being like every two and a half weeks or so of practicing every single day. So it's not too much of a hardship, you know. But that has worked really well for us. But again, before you make a system, maybe touch base with the kid and say, what is it that you want? Like, how can I help make this a fun thing for you? What should we try? See what motivates them first.
00:19:00
Speaker
You're totally right about it. It has to be sustainable for mom. You set up this big complicated system and then you're like, I'm not doing that again. Yeah, you don't have the time. Yeah, I can see my kids are so good at figuring out ways to work around the system. They'd be like, bring in a jar size rock and they'd be like,
00:19:20
Speaker
We got the jar full. Well, I do have specific rocks that they're allowed to use, and we have noticed there is one child who likes to pilfer some rocks for other people's jars, so we're trying to decide how to solve that problem. Oh, boy. Oh, my goodness, rock jar. That's great. I don't know. Yep. Okay. And the last thing we want to talk about is, of course, consequences. This is recommended if
00:19:43
Speaker
all four of those previous things that you have tried, all those methods aren't working for you. Then you may have to bring in some consequences. Yes. And remember, consequences do not have to be punishment. So often in our family, when we say consequences, that's what my kids hear. They hear punishment. But a consequence is simply the occurrence that happens after they do not do their job. So sometimes it can be something as simple as watching the other children get their reward
00:20:10
Speaker
without them enjoying it, right? Because they didn't do what they were supposed to do. But I love whenever possible, I love allowing my children to experience the natural consequences of their actions. So for example, my children, many of them really struggle with putting their shoes away when they walk in the house. We take our shoes off when they walk in.
00:20:26
Speaker
And oftentimes they just fling them all over the house. So a natural consequence would be when it's time to leave, they can't find their shoes. Now, very often this is more frustrating to me than it is to them. So sometimes I will collect the shoes and put them in a place where they have to come to me and either pay for them or do a job or something to get them back, because that is the natural consequence of not caring for your things. You cannot find them when it's time to use them. So basically I'm saying avoid protecting your children from those natural consequences if your sanity could stand it, because that is how they learn. That's how adults learn, right? That's how children learn as well.
00:20:58
Speaker
Yes, that is so true. And sometimes the work, if you've been doing a good job on number three, motivating your kids, right? And teaching them, like using some of that intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, sometimes the work not getting done and the lack of internal satisfaction is a consequence in itself. Like you can talk to them about, okay, so you talking to your girls about the, you know, the bedroom.
00:21:20
Speaker
You know, in a month after and it's dirty again, you're like, wow, doesn't, do you remember how good it felt when our room was clean? And do you feel that same way when you walk into this room again? Like that is, that is a consequence in itself.
00:21:34
Speaker
I think I, in one of our previous episodes, referred to my kid's room bedrooms as their Petri dish, literally. So then there was like, we're going to get company. And I was like, well, we can't have companies stay in your bedroom because your bedroom is disgusting. And that's a consequence. I would never put anybody in this room. I don't have time to clean it up.
00:22:01
Speaker
Yeah, it's interesting that you say that because one of my children that generally doesn't seem to care much about the state of that room, after we cleaned it out maybe about a month later, it started to get a little messy again and I found her up there for probably two hours going through things and reorganizing and making sure that it went back to that neutral state of cleanliness and tidiness. I know she could tell. She could feel the difference when the mess started to encroach.
00:22:26
Speaker
Sometimes we just have to make them aware of that. Like, hey, step back, look for a second. And so I tend to do that quite often when it comes to the home in general, especially the living area that we all enjoy. Like, hey, look at the shoes. Whose shoes are out? Yours, yours, yours. Do you feel how it just kind of that mess makes your stress level raise a little bit? Do you see how it's a little bit harder to relax when those things are strewn about? You don't know where to find them when it's time to leave?
00:22:50
Speaker
Just kind of communicate these things that are very obvious to you, but might not be to a seven-year-old that, hey, you know, when we run out the door, you're really frustrated. I always talk about shoes. That's the deal. And maybe it's, you know, hats or gloves if you live in a cold place. But do you know how frustrating that is? How do you think we can solve that problem? Oh, yeah, maybe putting our shoes away. Anyway, just communicating that with them so they make the connection.
00:23:11
Speaker
Yes. We have a whole episode about kids and chores. And so if you want to know what is reasonable to expect from kids at what age, just go listen to that episode. It's really helpful. Um, cause you know, you could be expecting too much out of your three year old. Maybe they just don't understand. Like I often start
00:23:28
Speaker
on this, you know, idea of, of working and laziness by, um, you know, a kid will come in and they'll like shed behind them their coat, their shoes, their socks, other layers. And I'll say, stop, stop, turn around, look behind you. Like just the awareness thing. Okay. So like, Oh, like,
00:23:47
Speaker
Look, there's a coat and shoes and socks. And like, I felt, you know, if I was a, if I was a dog, I could track you by your smell because I, whatever, because, you know, like just bring some of this awareness. Do you guys realize how much? And then, um, another thing is with these consequences, just like with the rewards and the reward system, make it something that you're willing.
00:24:12
Speaker
to reinforce. Don't give out a consequence that you're never going to back up. You guys are going to stay in their rooms for the rest of your life. Okay, not happening. Yeah, we've all been there and done that. I know, I know. If you don't clean up this room, we are never going to grandma's again.
00:24:30
Speaker
Yeah. Or even we're not going to grandma's next week. Will you be able to enforce that? Right. You know when it comes to it? I have a handful of memories as a child of my parents standing firm with a consequence that me as an adult thinks that had been a real pain for them to stand firm on. And how powerful it was to me that I remember that as a child because they thought it through before
00:24:52
Speaker
saying it out loud and were able to stand through. And that is very tricky. I remember even seeing a reality show once about a large family and they did the same thing. They said, if you do not, it was a modesty thing or something. If you do not change your outfit, we're not going to go to this activity and the girl wouldn't do it. And so the mom stayed behind, which is hard. That's a hardship to have to follow through with some of these consequences sometimes. But in the end,
00:25:13
Speaker
All we're doing is trying to teach children to be responsible for their own actions and to be aware of their circumstances. So one thing I've noticed as a final thought here I wanted to share is that I'm not perfect either. I leave my shoes out quite often. In fact, I'm just going to turn around and go pick up another kid in five minutes. Why am I going to put them away in the basket when I'm just going to slip them right back on?
00:25:31
Speaker
But our kids watch that and they do the same thing. But what I've noticed is that the buckle stops with me, right? I'm the one that will end up picking everything up. And so I often don't acknowledge that my mess is just like theirs, only I get irritated at theirs because I'm the one picking it up. Does that make sense? So again, back to the example thing and also just back to being aware that if they don't see the consequence, if they're not
00:25:54
Speaker
in the end, required to clean that up, you're just making yourself crazy. You're just walking around the house going, oh, these lazy slobs and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and getting upset. And meanwhile, they're just happy go lucky in the next room after checking all their stuff on the floor, right? So requiring them to be responsible for themselves is so powerful.
Teaching Responsibility through Chores
00:26:11
Speaker
Even at age two or three, like, oh, nope, that's not where our shoes go. Pick them up, bring them to mom. See, we put them in this basket.
00:26:17
Speaker
And then as your kids get older, like I'll be the first to admit my kids are not perfect. I kind of wish they were a lot harder workers than they are, but they are so much better than they could have been if I had not required chores from an early age and required them to commit to contributing to the household because I want them to grow up to be husbands and wives and roommates and friends that know how to care for themselves.
00:26:37
Speaker
Yes, that is so true. We also don't give our kids the option of pitching in and helping, contributing. Not options. Oftentimes, yeah. Oftentimes I have said to my kids, you don't have an option about doing X, fill in the blank of whatever they're supposed to be doing, but you do get to choose your attitude while you're working on it. And so that will make what you have to do easier or harder, the attitude that you're choosing. So throw in a little mental work for them.
00:27:06
Speaker
as well because in a family this size and everything that we're doing here, work is not optional. Everybody has to pitch in. I hope that these methods that we've shared, these five ways have helped you guys.
00:27:24
Speaker
motivate you a little bit to try something new with one of your kids if you've noticed a little bit of tendency toward slacking off. Yeah. Yeah. One final thing I wanted to say was that in addition to choosing the attitude, you will eventually, if you haven't already, come up against a child who will throw out the, you can't make me phrase, right? Which is absolutely true. They will always have their agency and you can't physically force them to do something they don't want to.
00:27:48
Speaker
But that is where these consequences, unfortunately, do have to come in sometimes. And that is also just life. Like, oh, I can do it happily. I can do it grumpily. I can not do it and have a consequence. Those are the only options, right? And eventually they choose what works best for
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
00:28:03
Speaker
them. And sometimes it might be the consequence for a long time. And you're beating your head against the wall thinking, why? We just not choose to do it. But that is how they're going to learn that lesson. We all get to learn our lessons our own way, right? Just to be patient with how they learn it.
00:28:18
Speaker
Well, that's it for this episode, you guys. We hope it was helpful to you and that you found something that you can use in your everyday life. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. And we're Outnumbered. Thanks for listening, friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.
00:28:46
Speaker
to them or their personality type or their quality