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EP 83: Gender Differences
1.7k Plays4 months ago
Is raising boys really that different from raising girls? In this episode of Mom Group Chat, we’re diving into the joys, challenges, and unique experiences of raising kids of different genders. We explore how boys and girls differ in their emotional expression, behavior, and social expectations—and where they are surprisingly similar.
We also tackle the big question: How do we, as parents, ensure that we’re raising confident, kind, and emotionally intelligent children, regardless of gender?
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Transcript
Introduction to Hosts
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up, moms? I'm Whitney Williams, and I'm here with my best friend, Candice, and we're the Mom Group Chat Podcast.
00:00:21
Speaker
Hello. Gailie.
Fashion and Shopping Discussion
00:00:23
Speaker
thought of you today when I put on this crew neck because you're a crew neck girl, and I found this New York crew neck at TJ Maxx from one of my many
00:00:36
Speaker
ah walkthroughs of TJ Maxx I talked about in the last episode. And it's just, you know, when you find the perfect size, it's like the perfect weight for Florida specifically. It's like very light. It's the perfect size.
00:00:51
Speaker
It's like the crew neck that I want to be in all the time, you know? A crew neck hates to see me coming, Candice. Like, yeah you can't keep me away from them. Like, it is the best gift. Like, I know of people when people are like, oh, well, you have a ton. I'm like, no, I want i want more.
00:01:08
Speaker
Like, I collect them. I i swear to God, have 20. Do you have the bar, crew neck? What that? Like the brand, the bar, you know, the ones that do you know that brand?
00:01:20
Speaker
No, I am. I mostly like stick with the like comfort colors. good okay and i feel like if you saw it, you would know. Hold on. I love it a crew neck that has a loose bottom.
00:01:34
Speaker
I don't want it to hug my legs. If it's hugging my legs, I'm not wearing it as much. um But yeah, I'm not a pest. This is definitely your type of... That's my type.
00:01:47
Speaker
That's my type. That's my type. um Yeah. like i am I love them. And I specifically love them with shorts. Like... oh They're, um, they are not cheap. They're $68, but I guess like for a good credit, that's not that bad.
00:02:05
Speaker
Anyways, I've been eyeing those. I'm like, I think I want to finally bite the bullet and get a, the bar sweatshirt. I feel like I'm shocked. You don't know that it's an influencer. I don't know. I feel like it's like an influencer thing.
00:02:18
Speaker
um there is it's a at lululemon i don't know what it is is it called like a scuba cloud oh yeah what is that it feels well so good i'm like i know it wouldn't look good on me whatever it was like a crop top sweatshirt and i was like i don't even care it felt so good in my hands i was like put it on me immediately Okay, so I'm about to, when we move into this house, when we move into this house, I'm about to go ham Sammy at Lululemon. I'm not really a Lululemon girl.
00:02:53
Speaker
i have one pair of Lululemon Aligns and one sports bra, and that's literally all I own. I don't own anything Lululemon. I don't either. I like to be honest. I, I'm not like a set girl. I love their leggings. They're great. Um, but I don't have like the tops, the bras. I don't have any of that top.
00:03:14
Speaker
Well, I want to be that girl. I do, ah but it's just, I've never had the budget, but I have a new, and a new, uh, development in my life.
00:03:25
Speaker
And that is, Well, first of all, I have over $300 of Lululemon gift cards alone from the past two Christmases. And then my friend Steven, the one I was telling you about who we went to his house, him and Jack's house for Grammys.
00:03:40
Speaker
Steven is now director of operations at the Lululemon here in Tampa, the one, the big one. And he was like, it's like 45% or like 40%.
00:03:50
Speaker
Please, like, I know, like, you have lots of friends with connections, but, like, this one I want a little piece of. No, no, here's what we should do. We should make a joint cart and, like, add whatever we want to it. And then we'll place a big order and just split the, like, whatever you pay for whatever you get. You know what i mean? Yeah, I want, okay, it is called the scuba material. Candice, when you go try it on, you're going to die.
00:04:15
Speaker
You're going to know immediately. You're going to be like, this was so good. I feel like for some reason, i think I've mentioned this on here. We go to the mall a
Family Outings and Parenting Stories
00:04:24
Speaker
lot, actually, with the girls. It's just a great place to like let them play. They like to walk around and see things.
00:04:30
Speaker
It's a time filler for us. We're not that far from it. It's not that hard to get there. So the mall has just become a place that we go. and But every time I, especially like our mall, it's funny. Like, I feel like no one goes to the mall anymore, but our mall is at a lot of upgrades recently. The new Zara store opened. It is insane. it is so big. And I'm like, ooh, I would love to like do some shopping in there.
00:04:55
Speaker
And then Lululemon is so nice and big. I also learned from Steven now that he's director of, it's like in the top 10 highest performing stores in the country. The one in Tampa? Uh-huh. Oh, wow. That's shocking to me, but okay.
00:05:09
Speaker
Well, when all you wear is like a bra and biker shorts, then yeah, I mean, I'm sure because it's always warm there. It's perfect weather.
00:05:19
Speaker
Yeah. Also, speaking of the matching set thing, now I'm just like divulging all sorts of Things I shouldn't be saying. But um no one loves a matching workout bra on a leggings set like my husband.
00:05:35
Speaker
Oh. Like yesterday i wore a matching. And you thought it was hot? Like literally this color pink. Uh-huh. With just a strappy bra and leggings. And I went on a walk.
00:05:46
Speaker
And i he came home and we had sexy time last night because he liked my outfit so much. And when I tell you... my man will never have sexy time at night okay he is tired that was so crazy and it's all because of a freaking matching workout set the power of a good outfit though like is there more of a confidence boost like if chris was like wow you look really good in that i'd be like hell yeah yeah yeah for real uh chris if you're listening let me know if you like my oversized crew neck
00:06:21
Speaker
I need to switch it up. Maybe that's the that's the issue here. No, I really, I know this is like part of my groundhog revolution coming up that's incoming. It's like, A, I'm going to like start groundhogging for real. i'm going to eat better. I'm going to exercise.
00:06:37
Speaker
But I also want like ah like a redo of my whole wardrobe and closet. Like I've been needing that honestly, since we flooded, I lost. So like a lot of my clothes, but I don't, I haven't had anywhere to put anything. So I haven't bought other than this crew neck at TJ Maxx.
00:06:56
Speaker
You're coming into a good time. Spring. yeah i mean, we talked about that. Spring is like when things pop off and all the cute new stuff, like even like little kids clothes, like getting spammed like crazy for all like the beachy attire for a little boys and girls. And I'm like, oh!
00:07:12
Speaker
I love it. yeah um So fun. No, I'm excited too. I found at TJ Maxx. Oh my God. I really need to like reign it in with the TJ Maxx.
00:07:24
Speaker
This was all purchased at the same time, but I found matching like Tommy Bahama um for the girls. They're like, it's like, what is the color it's like like green seafoam um yeah and they're like those terry cloth cover-ups that cut you off from the pool and i found those matching in both their size i was like oh i have to get this you have to it's it's such good prices i know it was they were literally like nine dollars each i was like I know, man. Like it's, it's insane. The prices there are so good.
00:08:03
Speaker
Um, God, I was going to say something else. Like there's so many thoughts swimming through my head about most shopping. I can't, I can't remember. We're changing subjects so quick. i'm like, Whoa, sorry. It's fine.
00:08:16
Speaker
Um, gosh, I, um, I don't remember. Okay. That's fine. um i feel Oh, oh i remember
Health Journeys and Community Interaction
00:08:24
Speaker
I remember. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.
00:08:27
Speaker
it's um It was the groundhog thing reminded me. I have an update on my weight loss journey of groundhogging. I'm a full month in and I have lost nine pounds of...
00:08:41
Speaker
Oh yeah. She's going to see her, so her shadow. So soon you guys in six more weeks, the groundhog said, I got six more weeks to hide and then I can pop out and reveal myself.
00:08:55
Speaker
but We went to a friends, like um we went to a gathering with friends on Friday. And one of my friends was like talking about the podcast. She's not even mom. And she listens, which I'm like, wow, what a supportive queen. But she was like,
00:09:08
Speaker
I'm a listener. I'm a groundhog. See? and And I was like, and then everyone was like, what? I'm like, I can't even go there to explain to you. the If you're a groundhog, you know. that's it. A groundhog, Ian. So many people like that, which tickles me so much because Candice is against it. It's And I'm like loving that but everyone's like, we're the groundhogs. I'm like, aha, I knew it would stick.
00:09:34
Speaker
It's just one of those things that like, I just never thought our listeners would be called the groundhoggians or the groundhogs. Like I just, it just wasn't in the cards. Yeah.
00:09:45
Speaker
If we were like cool and trendy, we would just be like chat. Like what up chat? Chatters. Chatters.
Modern Slang and Ski Trip Plans
00:09:52
Speaker
Chatterboxes. You know, teachers say that middle schoolers say instead of like being like, what up fam? Or like, what up guys? It's what up chat.
00:10:00
Speaker
Oh, really? Mm hmm. So if we were trendy. Have you seen the parents reading brain rot trend? No. On Instagram?
00:10:12
Speaker
It's like where kids make, like older kids, make a list of like brain rot words that are like commonly used slang words, but I guess they're calling them brain rot words.
00:10:25
Speaker
And... The kids will usually I've seen it in a couple of ways, but most of the time they like are holding water in their mouth and their their parents are reading off this list of brain rot and the kids are laughing and trying not to spit out their like water. But some of these words I'm like, I need a lesson. i don't know what any of it means.
00:10:45
Speaker
I mean, some of them I do from TikTok. but Yeah, that's what I'm saying. like it That shit keeps me young. And I'm like, it's my news. It's my newspaper. Facebook is my newspaper. TikTok is the news for me. it like keeps me up to date keeps me in the know.
00:11:03
Speaker
If I didn't have it, I'd just be like, I don't know what you're talking about half the time. so Yeah. Yeah. um Before we transition into today's topic, I want to hear about your upcoming ski trip and when you leave and just like tell us about it.
00:11:21
Speaker
Yeah. So we are going skiing in Breckenridge and we have and we're going with another couple. And we both have decided to bring our son. So just Graydon and his very, very best friend, Jack, we're going to go skiing. And Graydon's almost three and a half. And so we're like, I think it's time that we can start trying to teach him how to ski. So we're going to put him in lessons for two days, which...
00:11:48
Speaker
It's terrifying. Like I know there's going to be tears involved because when I was little, which I don't think I started skiing until I was like five. And I remember crying and being upset, mostly because I don't know if I've told this story, but I got left.
00:12:05
Speaker
I was in a group of kids and we were skiing, like going through trails. um I must have been pretty good at this point. I don't know. But I got left behind. I had fallen and the teacher left me and I was lost.
00:12:20
Speaker
I know. it was traumatic to the point where i remember this and i just sat there and cried like you know i was like throwing myself a pity party i didn't try and get up and catch up with the group it was like how dare you leave me type situation and some like i feel like my did your parents like want to sue what the fuck happened no please this was the ninety s Um, but get up, brush, y brush it get gi ah up and we know what you're doing.
00:12:49
Speaker
So ah an adult found me and took me to the group and like, I'm sure the ski instructor was probably like a college student, you know, like they're probably like, Oh shit. Like, sorry, I lost you there.
00:13:00
Speaker
you know? yeah, I caught up and I just like stared at them like, yeah, you lost me. my God. That is so. Anyway, are you nervous that that's going to happen with, I mean, great. So young that can't happen yet. and No, no, no. They will stay in the little, I think what they're going to do is like learn the pizza, learn how to get on that. Um, uh, uh,
00:13:21
Speaker
I don't know. You sit on that little lift. Yeah, the lift stick thing. And um he'll learn or I think they might have the magic carpet, to be honest, which he'll he'll love. So I think that's all they're going to do is practice that. And he'll do that in the morning.
00:13:35
Speaker
We'll all meet up for lunch in a pre, obviously. So the adults will have ski time in the morning. And then I think we're going to do like little activities in the afternoon, like one afternoon, go explore Breckenridge, do some like beer hopping, and then we might go like tubing another day.
00:13:53
Speaker
um and yeah okay i Fun. I've only skied once, obviously, with Whitney. um But are you nervous about the gear with him? like I feel like sometimes I can barely get Alice to put her shoes on here, like let alone ski gear and ski boots. like i Are you nervous about that at all?
00:14:12
Speaker
The shoes will be... a task because it's uncomfortable even as an adult like yeah walking them I think the trick maybe they'll they have advice or something but it's probably going to be like putting it on last minute and really it doesn't feel good until you have your skis on so that is going to be interesting um he will throw a fit But I cannot wait for the recap of this.
00:14:40
Speaker
I want to hear. I can't wait to hear everything because, you know, like we have opportunities to go to Lake Tahoe in the future. And I'm not going to lie. The thought of the girls like being skiers like makes me nervous.
00:14:56
Speaker
More so, like, I think it's just my own, like, I just don't want to deal with it. That's, like, selfish of me. Well, it's also, like, you you don't have the hang of it yet. Like, if you, like, yeah started skiing, you'd probably see it differently. Like, I want that to be the one thing that us four do as a family. Like, yeah I don't care about anything else. Like, I don't want us to be, like,
00:15:21
Speaker
ski behind the boat people. i don't want to be a beach people. I want us to be like, we go skiing every year family. Like that's the one thing that I want us to do.
00:15:33
Speaker
Totally. Because Chris and I love it so much. I'm like, you're, you're, I'm not going to force them into sports and this and that, but you will ski. So period.
00:15:44
Speaker
um And it'll be so fun. Like I grew up with my whole family doing it and it was like highlights of my year. I loved it. So you're right. You just got to get past the struggle point, which I feel like I've, again, me only going once. Like I never got past the struggle point.
00:16:01
Speaker
you know And when you learn young, there's not far to fall. like It's not terrible. You just fall on your little butt. Yeah. We'll see. We'll see if I ever get back on the slopes again. i mean, I'm sure I will, but I'm going to need lessons again.
00:16:17
Speaker
And I feel like the older I get, the weaker my knees That's the one thing I'm worried about because I hadn't skied in probably... two years now and the times that had skied before I had been doing like orange theory. So I had a little bit of like strength training and I'm like, damn, I haven't like done anything other than like walking.
00:16:36
Speaker
so i'm like, Oh my God, I don't want to like blow my knee out. no is this foreshadowing please don't do that we're not manifesting that we're not like oh i hope that my my knees hold you need to do some like mobility you know that when you sit on the ground and do like mobility exercises no i should i need to start like really stretching and yeah for a week i feel like at this point like mobility may be better than um Yeah. Well, because if you do like squats, then you're going to be sore. Yeah.
00:17:08
Speaker
And mobility is like it keeps your joints like nice and loosey goosey to where if you do tweak a little like it's not. Yeah. not going to like rip something, you know. Yeah. I don't want to rip.
00:17:21
Speaker
right Anyway, I'm so excited. um I'll have an update on the next episode of the trip. Who's keeping Go-Go Girl? My mom and dad. really swirly time. i know know. And like this is the first time my mom's kept like one of them.
00:17:38
Speaker
In so long, obviously. like Almost two years now. yeah And she's going be like, this is so fucking easy. it is so easy when you have one I know. Like my mom, you know, like today, Alice is a Gigi. So my mom just has Evie.
00:17:52
Speaker
And my mom is always like, oh, these are my good days. These are free days. I know when it was just me this past weekend with Margot, was like, oh my God, I complained when I only had one. But yeah.
00:18:06
Speaker
I will say it is... i don't know. It's like give and take. When you have two, like they kind of entertain each other a lot. And when you have one, you have to entertain a little bit. Totally. it's a give and take situation.
00:18:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well... um I can't wait to hear the update from that and to hear how Graydon liked it.
Parenting Boys vs Girls: Insights and Challenges
00:18:29
Speaker
And then Graydon, if he takes to it and likes it, like whenever you do take Margo, I feel like it's easier for siblings to fall in line. Like, okay, what?
00:18:38
Speaker
grayden's doing this like i'm gonna i felt was like yeah i felt pressure growing up i'm like well this is like what we do so i have to do it and i like cried and cried and cried until i finally got it and then i was like okay damn this was fun i'm glad they like pushed me into it so yeah totally fun amazing all right well shall we get into the the meat and potatoes of this episode uh-huh oh yeah I'm really excited about this episode because like in my little prep and research for this, it kind of almost like changed my mind about some things or like, Oh, I love that. Made me, made me see things from a different perspective. So we wanted to kind of chat about like gender differences and like raising boys versus girls, like behavior differences between boys and girls and
00:19:32
Speaker
And I feel like when I when I had pitched this episode, or we started talking about this episode, I feel like I had a clear thought of like, oh, well, girls are different than boys, or like, I don't know, I feel like it was it was more segregated in my brain of like, truly girls versus boys.
00:19:54
Speaker
And in my like prep and research for this episode, like something that became very apparent in like everything I read is that not everything. And this is like true with everything in kids, like dealing with kids, but like there truly is not just like one universal experience.
00:20:15
Speaker
Like, And that there, when you're navigating like gender normalcy with kids, like it's just not black and white, like, and it's not, it's like a balance between like navigating like both universal experiences and those like unique to each child, you know?
00:20:38
Speaker
Um, so yeah, I don't know. I thought we'd start by maybe just talking about like our experiences with different genders and the things we've like observed just in our own lives.
00:20:52
Speaker
And like, obviously I only have girls, but like in my observation of like play as we've watched our kids play, and then I can read you some of the things that I like found in my research.
00:21:04
Speaker
I love this topic um because I even think like gender disappointment falls into this category, which we've touched on before, but I would love to like touch more on that because I think yeah a lot of people are scared to talk about gender disappointment and like the stigmas that fall if you only have just girls or you only have just boys and you're put in this box of like, well, are you going to have another and hope you get the other gender? It's just like,
00:21:33
Speaker
There's so much unnecessary pressure and i don't know. It's just like so more apparent now that like a lot of girls in my group are having either their second child after Margo's age or their third.
00:21:47
Speaker
And everyone's starting to find out genders and stuff. And the topic has been brought up a lot again A lot of them are having the same gender and being disappointed or i just had like this vision of what I thought my life would be. And um it's just been so very interesting ah to like think back on that time we were having our second. and Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:12
Speaker
I mean, so real. ah Yeah. I've been honest on here about I was definitely a little disappointed when I found out Evie was a girl just because I didn't love being pregnant the first time. And I was like, to me, having another girl was like, oh, I'm going have to do this again.
00:22:32
Speaker
i also just was so certain that it was a boy and it like, i don't know. why I was so certain I just was. And, um, and now that she's here and yeah I love her so much, I'm like, I cannot imagine another world where without two girlies, like I love it so much.
00:22:53
Speaker
Like to the point where if I have a third and it was another girl, like I truly don't think I would be disappointed. Like yeah I love it so much. But that being said, like, I am wondering like, oh, but am I missing out on something if I don't have a boy? Like there is that special like mother son bond that I see and that people tell me about constantly.
00:23:21
Speaker
And I think that's why if we do have a third, like, I don't know if I've said this on here, but I really do think I want to do a surprise. Yeah. Like find out when I give birth. I just think that would be so amazing. And like, I think, I think that if I were to find out before and tell everyone and talk about it, it just opens the door for so many opinions.
00:23:45
Speaker
um Whereas like if she's or he's already here, like you can't, Yeah, like they're here. They're healthy. Like, you know, what do you what can you say?
00:23:57
Speaker
so ah lot of people is very real. And I think it's totally fine. Like, it's totally okay to feel that way. And I promise that it will all shed as soon as they're here and you meet them, you know.
00:24:10
Speaker
It does all shed. And um I mean, i think if I had had another boy, do I think I would have tried for a girl? Probably. I mean, just it is how it is. like And i didn't I don't know if I felt any certain way. And I don't think I realized how much I did want both until I found i so i read the gender that she was a girl. And then it was like, okay, am so happy to do that. But I mean, who's to say? i don't know. I also didn't love being pregnant and I obviously have a horrible time postpartum. yeah
00:24:50
Speaker
Being in my like depression era was not fun, you know, and not well. um i i think I just am such a routine person. And when my routine's all fudged up, I'm not well. So yeah.
00:25:04
Speaker
I don't know. It's just been very interesting that the topic has resurfaced and it's so valid to feel those feelings. But I don't know. And I think it comes with a lot of stigma, which is like why I'm glad we're having this discussion today. like why you feel like you have to have one of each or why everyone puts that pressure on you or yeah.
00:25:25
Speaker
Oh, just, just boys or just girls. And then everyone's like, I'm a boy mama. And everyone makes fun of the boy mamas for saying that, but it's like, who cares? Yeah. Let them have their thing. Yeah.
00:25:37
Speaker
Same. And same with a girl mom. Like people are always like, i mean, it's, you know, both sides of the coin all the time. i think, Where a lot of the stigmas lie is like inside of what people think like boys behavior is and girl behavior is or like boys are only loud and aggressive and and ah very physical and girls are soft and manipulative and sassy. Like that's kind of like the two. Mm
00:26:14
Speaker
most common things I see or hear about whenever, you know, like, and the truth is like, kids are all unique and run the gamut of their behavior and how they present in this world too. Like,
00:26:31
Speaker
I don't know. i think it's not after like reading all about gender the past like day or so like i just don't feel like it's fair enough to like put everyone in one gender bucket like all boys are this and all girls are this like that's just not how it works.
00:26:52
Speaker
I know. I just I feel with Graydon, don't know if it was just eye opening because I was the last of my family. And I've talked about this before that I didn't really grow up around children and to. hmm.
00:27:07
Speaker
have a boy first and for him to be all boy so wild so loud stomping around throwing toys just like being a destructive child like I was so like thrown off by it i was like this freaking normal like this kid is crazy and then like you go to your house and compare to Alex she's like playing with her dolls and Graydon stomping on them and then like oh my god my kid is crazy all I'm like dying for is a well-behaved like all I want is for people to be like we love Graydon he is so fun and when people are like oh he's crazy it like crushes me to my soul I'm like
00:27:50
Speaker
no and yeah it's just the way he is like and then meanwhile margo is definitely like more mild but she's rough too and i think it's from having a brother like totally she him on like crazy it's so funny It's I think also like nurture has a lot to do with it. Like what your family dynamics are like, like, like my older brother is very shy, very reserved.
00:28:20
Speaker
He was very quiet growing up. And if anything, like I was the loud one. I was the aggressive one, you know? And yeah,
00:28:31
Speaker
so like You know, we didn't necessarily fall into those like norms of like, you know, he was loud and aggressive or like whatever. And I think, you know, Rob came along and Rob is gay and copied everything I did and like was 100% more more like one of the girls than, you know, Ryan was. So, and I genuinely believe that he was like born that way. Like he he has been that way his whole life.
00:29:02
Speaker
Always. i mean, it's, it's just like everyone's unique. It doesn't matter like boy versus girl. Yeah. I just like chalk it up that I'm like, okay, he's going to be popular because he's so crazy and fun. Totally. And I just keep telling myself that. And it wasn't until...
00:29:23
Speaker
other other um like boys his age that i could witness and see them doing the same thing and the mother's looking at me like boys right and i'm like thank god it's not just me yeah because i really had a hard time with it like thinking i just have a crazy child but he just is what he is he's honestly calmed down as he's gotten older and i'm like yeah It was just his age this whole time. yeah And I had no idea because I'm a first time mom.
00:29:55
Speaker
Yeah. And I think what I've read is that the way to like foster. healthy self-esteem and healthy confidence in kids is to celebrate these like outstanding uh like what's the word um characteristics like if he's loud being like wow you're so imaginative that you can roar like a dinosaur like that you know what i mean And it's like reframing instead of being like, God, you're so loud.
00:30:31
Speaker
Or like, can you quiet down? Which like, don't get me wrong. We have all set. Do you know how many times I've told Alice to can it? Okay. Like so many times. Yeah. But I'm also trying to like foster these things that like are going to build her confidence and build a great relationship with who she is as a person because all of these unique things like are why I love her and why we, why you love Graydon. And I don't know. It's such an interesting topic. And I know that there's also like so much more with gender that we could go into like
00:31:10
Speaker
gender fluidity and all that. I don't know that I'm like educated enough to like dive into that today, but i think it's something we could maybe explore with a expert in the future.
00:31:22
Speaker
um i will say like something I've noticed just from Margo being, she's almost one and a half, like at the end of the month, she'll be one and a half.
00:31:32
Speaker
And And I've noticed that she has like been able to like grasp onto things quicker, like mentally than he did.
00:31:43
Speaker
Like he has always kind of had a hard time listening. And I, we would have to like repeat ourselves, like, don't do that. Don't do that. Like I could tell Margo one time and she like understands and stops doing something. And I'm just like,
00:31:59
Speaker
It's kind of weird how, like, mentally, like, a girl kind of grasps onto something like that where he's willing to push boundaries a little. Yeah. So do you... This is a good segue into, like, some of the research behind different aspects.
00:32:14
Speaker
Do you want to dive into that? Yeah. what research has found between how girls show up and how boys show up. so developmentally, um specifically language and socio-emotional skills, research indicates that young girls often outperform boys in language and socio-emotional development during early childhood.
00:32:37
Speaker
Studies show that girls tend to express positive emotions more frequently as they age, while boys may exhibit more externalizing behaviors in early childhood. which can shift during adolescence. So boys are just more like external. That's the only way they know how to like express things in the beginning.
00:32:57
Speaker
And then when it comes to education, it says girls generally perform better in school across various levels and are more likely to attend college compared to boys. This trend has raised concern about the need for increased support for boys in educational settings, which I think is a really interesting topic and something we can...
00:33:17
Speaker
definitely talk about. I'm intrigued by that because why are there more male CEOs than women? Yeah, that's so well, you know, they say like I think we're going to see a shift in that in the next 10 to 15 years that there's going to be a lot more.
00:33:32
Speaker
Well, hold on. Now we're getting into a whole other topic, but women are forced out of the workplace to be mothers because they have to pause their careers and their child care is so expensive. I mean, that's like a whole other rabbit hole we could go down.
00:33:49
Speaker
Um, so social skills, girls are often rated higher in social skills from kindergarten through sixth grade, while boys show more variability like they can be more all over the spectrum.
00:34:04
Speaker
um I know I do see like as a trend um like we definitely are way more social creatures like I think of like Vinny has like a good best friend but like Chris really doesn't go out with the guys a ton like he doesn't.
00:34:22
Speaker
Maybe because of Nashville is so spread out. Like if we lived closer to Josh and Cassie, we would probably see them a ton, but they're so far away. yeah Okay. ah Parental influences and societal expectations.
00:34:38
Speaker
Yeah. From a young age, children become aware of societal expectations for boys and girls, which can influence their behavior and self-perception. Parents may unconsciously treat children differently based on gender, such as encouraging certain activities or behaviors, which can reinforce traditional gender roles.
00:34:58
Speaker
Interesting. Okay. Challenges and joys. ah Parents often find that girls may be more sensitive and responsive to emotional nuances, which can be both rewarding and challenging and guiding their emotional development.
00:35:13
Speaker
Boys might engage in more physical play and exhibit behaviors that test boundaries. Literally what were saying. Literally. Presenting unique challenges and opportunities for parents to channel their energy positively.
Toddler Management and Sleep Challenges
00:35:32
Speaker
yeah i just can't believe alice is like about to enter three and i feel like we've been three for like 500 years i'm not gonna lie three is really rearing its head you guys like whitney witnessed it in fact editing that episode was wild the screams i heard i don't know what is going on with her she's like in a place Well, it was past her nap time.
00:35:58
Speaker
She was tired. Yeah, she was tired. That's been that that's been a hard transition that I'm not going to lie, has had me a little nervous for next school year. i don't know if I want to go on that tangent right now, but you know she's in a half-day program, and she is having issues currently with the transition to nap time after we come home from school.
00:36:19
Speaker
I think part of it is that we're at my mom's still and it's like that transition. I'm hopeful that once we are out of here and she will transition to nap at our house, like it will be better.
00:36:32
Speaker
here um But I'm not going to lie. It's been hard. She screams. She bangs on the door. She's climbing out of her crib. It's like a whole new person. I'm like, who are you? What did you do with my sweet baby girl?
00:36:46
Speaker
no no, no. The sleep thing is so scary. um Yeah, that's hard. Does she um when does she get out of school? I don't know. 1230.
00:36:58
Speaker
Wow. And they don't keep them to nap there. That's hard. That is such an odd time to that's That's hard. Yeah. Well, typically she comes home, like we're home by one and she goes straight down for a nap.
00:37:12
Speaker
That's like how it's been in the past. And it's always worked out, honestly, because she'll sleep from like one to three thirty most of the time. And then by three thirty, I'm trying my best to like wrap up work and like whatever. Yeah.
00:37:26
Speaker
But she's been pushing nap and pushing nap and fighting it every time we get home from school. And I already enrolled her for next year, five days, but it's still only till 1230.
00:37:37
Speaker
And now I'm like, I'm scared. You know, Graydon, this is what happened right when she was turning three. This is when this all happened. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it was from her being overtired.
00:37:51
Speaker
um Like her probably doing the wake up early thing. She was she's being overtired. um And I'll tell you a little remedy after this because I don't want anyone to come after me. But won't.
00:38:06
Speaker
Okay. um But um anyway, she... It sounds like she's... Because I thought, oh, she doesn't want to nap anymore. Or Graydon didn't. And i tried that, and that was not the case. I like literally went to the pediatrician, and he was like, no, they literally should...
00:38:23
Speaker
typically keep napping up until four ish. And, um, he said, it sounds to me like he is overtired, like him waking up in the night, him waking up super early and like, yeah, I've been, I've, we've also been toying with the idea of, um, pushing back her bedtime. She still goes to bed around seven 30. Does that when grading goes to bed? Yeah.
00:38:49
Speaker
He's closer like 8.15. Okay. ah okay but He naps at 12, though. Yeah.
00:38:57
Speaker
He naps from like 12 to 1.30 or 2. Yeah. yeah Damn. Okay. I don't know. we gotta do so We got to shift something here. so That is so weird that this is all happening at the same time. Maybe it's just some weird like.
00:39:12
Speaker
Oh. Yeah. I don't know, man. But anyways, it's just... See? Boys, girls, they're all doing the same crazy shit, honestly. Yeah, and then she'll be like, I'm scared. And you're like, no!
00:39:28
Speaker
That part sucks, too. Yeah. I thought it would be interesting to talk about any like fears we have for this specific gender. I feel like there's a lot of...
00:39:40
Speaker
I don't know, like societal things that have happened in the past 10 to 15 years that like you know shifts in the way that we talk to girls and shifts in the way boys like should show up in this world. you know And i don't know. i think I'm super conscious of how I talk to the girls, how the girls hear me talk about myself.
00:40:09
Speaker
um I don't know. Do you have any like fears or things you're just like aware of as you're raising both a boy and a girl? I haven't been able to like tell anything with Margot yet just because she's so little, but with Raiden, it's so funny. like I'm not thinking like super far ahead, but like he had his first like girl experience um recently. like It was Sabrina Carpenter.
00:40:38
Speaker
It was ah when we were watching the Grammys. and I mean, I get it he stopped in his tracks and like stared at the TV mouth open and like didn't move. And Chris and I were looking at each other like, oh my god, is this a moment for him? like An eye-opening like girl moment? Yeah.
00:40:55
Speaker
And so he's kind of been like starting to get interested in girls. Interesting. And like we went to dinner the other night and he like went up to a table full of girls.
00:41:06
Speaker
And I like went or went over there and I was like, come on, Gray. And he goes, what, mom? I'm just talking to the girls. Like... I'm like, you're too young for this. um But i like, I haven't been too worried of how he's going to treat a woman just because of who his dad is. Like, totally. Totally.
00:41:28
Speaker
I like envision him being like Chris and I think he's going to be fine. Like he's going to be, i just pray. i mean, he has a little bit of me in him, so we'll see. But I just like think of Chris and how sweet he was and how like,
00:41:45
Speaker
in love we were and how well he treated me and all I can think is like I just know he will do the same for someone else and how sweet he I don't know he always got voted like nicest guy in in high school so I'm like I just hope Graydon mirrors that a little bit with I don't know a little bit of me and him so I'm just I'm not too worried even though I don't know he might be a completely different human than Chris so No, i think I think the fact that you're even how Chris treats you
00:42:20
Speaker
like how chris like treats you is awareness enough if that makes sense you know yeah i think that he can see that we like live in a happy household like chris hugs and kisses me goodbye every day like gives me a hug the second he gets home like as long as he's seeing like how he's treating me and it's all positive like i think we're gonna be okay Totally. And that's really positive for Margo, too.
00:42:50
Speaker
Yes, it's true. That's something I'm super aware of because Vinny definitely like has a temper sometimes or like can pop he can plop-wolf. See, I'm the temper. I'm the popper.
00:43:02
Speaker
And I'm always like, okay, like they, I don't ever want my girls to think like a man could pop off at them. So that's something I'm not going to lie. That's something I have to remind Vinny about all the time, all the time. I'm like, literally the way that you talk to me and the way you treat me, you are teaching the girls. Like that's how men can talk to them.
00:43:26
Speaker
And that's a lot of responsibility for a dad. It really is. It really puts things in perspective. He's probably ah he's like, oh, shit. Like, I don't even think about it or mean to do that, you know? Yeah. No, he he definitely is. And he'll tell me all the time, like, thank you for reminding me. Like, I need to hear that.
00:43:43
Speaker
And then at the same time, like, I'm reminding myself constantly of, like, what I accept like from him or what I accept from the world as like how it, how the world treats me and how I show up in it.
00:44:00
Speaker
Like I am showing my girls like, what that looks like. I, how I talk to myself is something I'm super aware of. yeah Like I'm, I really try to not make any comments about my body in front of Alice or the girls.
Gender Stereotypes and Societal Influences
00:44:18
Speaker
Um, and I try my best to like also extend that to my mom and my in-laws and the with other women in my family, but my God, that's hard.
00:44:28
Speaker
Yeah. Why are the boomers so obsessed with talking about their weight and it is like it is kind of crazy how obsessed i mean okay we are obsessed too but like about ourselves only they look outwardly at others my god and i always commenting on other people's bodies i am so siloed in on myself like I'm like, how did you even notice that person or think to like care about yeah that?
00:44:58
Speaker
just like, totally. I am so like not focused about what's going on around me. And i don't care to make a comment that this person shouldn't have been wearing and a bathing suit, a two piece bikini. Like, I don't care.
00:45:14
Speaker
Yeah. No, I'm the same It's so crazy to me. Yeah. I'm the same way. But I think, you know, this also ties back to like our unsolicited opinions episode, like with gender specifically. Like,
00:45:29
Speaker
I feel like I wish we would all just stop making these blanketed statements about how specific gender toddlers are like showing up in the world. Like, oh, he's a crazy boy. Like, like, guess what? Alice body slams Evie sometimes too. Okay. Like it's w WWE in that crib when I put her in there, like for real. Yeah.
00:45:52
Speaker
So i don't know. i just I and I really try to be conscious of that, like while I'm on the playground. And if like Graydon comes up and like roars and Alice says, I'm like, wow, look, he's a dinosaur. How cool.
00:46:07
Speaker
Because truly you are teaching them how to show up to other people yeah that situation. And like if you can celebrate the differences like. That's amazing.
00:46:18
Speaker
Yeah, that is so um nice of you to say because that is how Green greets people. And a lot of little kids are like, whoa, this kid's a lot.
00:46:29
Speaker
And it's just he's like and then he runs off like, ah you know, he's just crazy. um But yeah, parents are cool. It's like a sigh of relief. And you're like, yeah, okay thank God. Like, yeah.
00:46:42
Speaker
I don't know. It just is what it is. And they're getting older and it's kind of crazy that we are navigating all this as a first time parent.
00:46:53
Speaker
Like, I don't know. Something that I also hate, this is just like a random, I guess, girl mom thing. Although you might hear it too, like as a thing with both, like I get a lot of just wait until they're preteens.
00:47:10
Speaker
Like both my girls for the most part are pretty sweet. And like, you know, they're like, Oh, well, you know, girls are easy now, but they're so hard when they hit puberty. I'm like,
00:47:23
Speaker
Okay. Like, thanks. Yeah. We have some time. Yeah. And also i was a girl who went through puberty and like my mom and i didn't like eat each other alive. We were fine and I was fine. So feel like, um, yeah.
Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement
00:47:42
Speaker
Yeah. I have same. I feel like, yeah, we might've butted heads, but it wasn't, I never hated my mom ever. Me either. But this was fun. It was fun. i Like, I feel like I learn things every day about, I don't know, like parenting and ah like gender so specifically is something I feel like I'm really interested in. I want to learn more about. So if you have read a book about like,
00:48:11
Speaker
gender or like parenting specific genders, like raising girls, raising boys. If you have books or podcasts on that, like, please send them my way. I feel like that's a topic, even just doing the research for today's episode, like I feel really intrigued by it and I want to learn more. and Agreed. And I just love Candice's comment, like give grace to the people that have the wild and crazy kids, like I feel like we already are aware and um it's just so nice to feel like some other parent be like, I see you and you're good, you know? Yeah, totally.
00:48:51
Speaker
Thank you to all the parents out there that are so nice and welcoming to our wild boys and girls. To your dinosaur children. Yeah, my dinosaur boy.
00:49:02
Speaker
All right. Love you guys. Love you Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there.
00:49:16
Speaker
All right. Gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.