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EP 88: Losing Our Cool
1.8k Plays3 months ago
In this week’s episode of Mom Group Chat, we’re talking about something we know too well lately: losing our cool. Between toddler tantrums, one-year-old chaos, zero alone time, and the mental load of everything, it feels like our patience is always teetering on the edge.
We open up about the real moments when we snap—those hot, messy seconds we wish we could rewind—and the deep mom guilt that follows. We also talk about what we’re learning when it comes to repairing with our kids (because yes, even moms need to apologize), and how important it is to offer ourselves the same grace we so easily give to others.
This season of motherhood is beautiful… and brutally hard. If you’ve ever yelled, cried in the bathroom, or thought “I’m the worst mom,” this episode is your reminder that you’re not alone. We’re in it too, and we’re hugging you through your headphones.
In this episode, we get into:
- Why our tempers feel shorter than ever
- How toddler boundary-pushing is breaking us down
- The guilt that comes after we lose it—and what we do next
- The power of apologizing to our kids
- Why this season feels so uniquely hard (and how we’re surviving it)
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Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Mom Group Chat Podcast
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? I'm Whitney Williams and I'm here with my best friend, Candice. And this is the mom group chat podcast. Good morning. I'm with my wilderness friend, Candice. Donally.
00:00:28
Speaker
I just said I look like I live in the Pacific Northwest. I have, um which, by the way, I've never been there, so I don't actually know. And my accent went Southern on it, and you literally said Pacific Northwest, so I'm sorry. I did.
Whitney's Belly Button Surgery Humor
00:00:43
Speaker
i was just thinking like Patagonia girl is like what I'm thinking, like with my brown shirt and my green mug and my no makeup well it's giving natural
00:00:56
Speaker
patagonia girl is kind of cute though i mean you are patagonia girl thank you um i'm also not into patagonia but oh my god hold on uh do you ever get a work text that makes your ah heart rate spike that's what just happened Yeah, I used to. And it would, my heart would go in my butthole.
00:01:17
Speaker
It's like certain people. Yeah. Well, I know it's someone that I like owe things to and I'm like, Oh, I haven't done that yet. And then I got a text from them. I'm like, Oh, they're asking where it's at.
00:01:29
Speaker
For but it wasn't even this was my belly button surgery bill. um I didn't pay it. I didn't pay it while we were there. And so then they sent me an email um to pay it. And so I like pulled it up.
00:01:44
Speaker
It was, you know, astronomical, but we had some money saved in our HCA to pay it. Right. I put that towards it. And then it was like, you can't make another payment for 24 hours. So I just let it sit.
00:01:56
Speaker
And yeah. Then they would call. Like, it would be like an 1-800 number. And I was like, ignore. And then it'd be like, this is Williamson County Hospital. And I was like, oh, shit. I need to pay that. And then I couldn't find my bill. And then i it became this whole, like, thing. It was a big to-do in your brain. yeah And then I was like, collections is calling me.
00:02:16
Speaker
Like, my... Now my credit score is down the tubes and I was like panicking. And then I finally paid it yesterday. It's been two months since I had that surgery. Like that's not even that crazy. People take months, years to pay medical bills sometimes.
00:02:32
Speaker
Yeah. I like chalked it up to the, I tried to pay it all at once, one time, and then it didn't work out. So yeah, it's not your fault. I paid the rest of it bill yesterday. Yeah.
00:02:45
Speaker
We got a bill recently, like when we moved into this new house and I'm like, how do you have our new address already? I haven't changed that, but somehow you found us. um We got a bill for Alice's emergency room visit.
00:02:59
Speaker
oh
00:03:01
Speaker
Well, I mean, hit the deductible early. That's what I'm thinking now that I've paid off this belly button. I'm like... All right. Like, am I going to the derm? Am I going to do all kinds of stuff? Sure.
00:03:17
Speaker
You know? You saying that now now that I've paid off this belly button is so funny. It's like you bought a new belly button. Hernia sounds so harsh. I'm like, I didn't have one. I didn't have that. Just belly button surgery. just got belly button surgery. um So it's all better now. I'm like, yeah wow I can't believe I did that earlier this year. It's kind of like...
00:03:38
Speaker
It's just so wild. Your recovery was so different than my husband's. Like, I don't know if I ever explicitly talked about Vincent's recovery on here, but he was such a fucking baby. I'm sorry, Vincent, if you're listening to this, Vinny, whatever.
00:03:53
Speaker
I know when I call him Vincent, sometimes people are like, who's that? I'm like, sorry, Vinny. It's his proper name. Yeah. But, oh my God, he was such a baby.
00:04:04
Speaker
I feel like I didn't really get to dive into that because his recovery was like right when Shannon passed away. And so we didn't like. Good timing. Great.
00:04:16
Speaker
I wasn't able to like fully tell you guys how annoying he was, you know? So I'm going to do it right now. yeahp but oh my god he would he didn't do anything for like the longest time and he was such a baby like and even now to this day he will sometimes be like will you look at my hernia scar does it look funny to you i'm like get the fuck away from me you're like you're good goodbye mine was like not bad and i think ours were in different places yeah so they were
00:04:49
Speaker
Yeah.
Mothers' Struggles and Lack of Sympathy
00:04:50
Speaker
It's just like, even as a mom though, it's like, no one feels sorry for me anymore. You know, I'm like, it's so true. It's so annoying. I'm like someone baby me.
00:05:00
Speaker
No, I, Whitney, I'm so happy we're having this conversation. i this is something I have tried to express to Vinny and my mom, honestly, in the past like year, I've been like, no one feels bad for me. Like, and I'm not talking about like,
00:05:19
Speaker
big life things like the flood or I know a lot of people feel bad for me about the flood. I'm talking about like if I get sick or if I am like having ah an issue like a medical issue, life issue, work issue. I feel like no one has sympathy for me as a mom now.
00:05:35
Speaker
No, it's, I feel like you're literally that, that guy in the locker room that gets a spank on the butt they're like, get out on the field. Like you're still playing. Literally.
00:05:46
Speaker
like bule up Like who cares? It's like, I just wish someone would be like, can I get you anything? Yeah. go Why don't you go lay down for a little bit? I've got everything. It'd be so nice, but I mean, i do like on the flip side, if Chris does that, like, I'm not going to baby him. Like I have no more fucks left to give.
00:06:07
Speaker
And I think that's how they feel too. I still baby Vincent sometimes. And I, and it's, and well, I do it like, here's my intention behind it.
00:06:18
Speaker
My intention behind being really sympathetic and, and like being like, why don't you go lay down if you're not feeling well, is that in hopes of when it's my turn that he will return that to me.
00:06:31
Speaker
But news, flash, it never happens that way. What's that movie? It's from, ah it's Dakota Fanning and Brittany. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uptown girls. News, flash, he's not gonna.
00:06:47
Speaker
Yeah. I love that movie. no that Literally, i say that all the time. I'm like, news flash. Speaking of, I'm changing the subject real
Nostalgic Music and TikTok Memories
00:06:58
Speaker
quick. um That song, it's like, okay, you know, there's like this thing on TikTok where it's like top 10 songs that were in like a show or movie that didn't have to go like that hard. But then it's like, okay, whatever. That song Molly Smiles in Uptown Girls.
00:07:13
Speaker
I love that song when they're all in the ballet with the guitars. Yeah. It's so cute. Wow. I want to watch that movie. Whenever I first got an iPod, um like in high school, i like scoured looking for that song because I wanted it and I couldn't freaking find it. It was like probably just part of the soundtrack. But yeah, you know, songs were kind of hard to find back then.
00:07:36
Speaker
I know. Yeah. You had to really be a digger in order to find it. I found this um also on TikTok. I found this girl who like creates vibey playlists like on Spotify.
00:07:51
Speaker
And one of them she made yesterday or I saw it yesterday and I saved it to my Spotify and I was listening to it this morning and oh my God, it is so good. It's the she was like, are you looking for a playlist that sounds like going to the grocery store with your mom? mom in the fall of the early 2000s and it's so spot on it is so spot on it's like true nostalgic like everyday radio guys ah it's like let me pull it up because I just saved it like if I had to think of that not I don't know my I don't know if my mom like
00:08:29
Speaker
She wasn't that into music. The only stuff they listened to was like Love Shack and like 60s, 70s. Like they just never listened to the radio.
00:08:40
Speaker
It's bizarre. My mom was definitely like a pop girly and listened to like, you know, whatever. So, like, here's some examples of what's on this. Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer.
00:08:51
Speaker
i Don't Want to Wait by Paula Cole. That's the Way It Is by Celine Dion. White Flag by Dido. Mr. Jones by The Crown and Crows.
00:09:02
Speaker
ah Meet Virginia by Train. You know what i mean? Like, good – Like that's funny. Yeah. It's, it's a good playlist. Like if I think of like me growing up with radio on, it's definitely like old country.
00:09:17
Speaker
Cause that was so popular here, which is why I hate Allison. Oh, Allison Krauss. Yeah. But you like her, right? That's bluegrass.
00:09:27
Speaker
I like, I do like her. She's, um, I don't know how to know you, willing to show that song. I don't know what that song Okay. Anyway, it is a banger.
00:09:41
Speaker
And that is the only, like, one of the only country songs, I guess, bluegrass songs I like. But, yeah, I think that um country was shoved in my throat so young that can't do it.
00:09:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I just want to circle go back and say the number one song on that TikTok list was Scotty Doesn't Know. Oh. okay that song funny that song is so good and also like does hit different like it was like a culture in a movie reset and it's like yeah matt damon wow totally so funny and everyone knows it and it's a euro trip and it's like such a random movie
00:10:25
Speaker
R.I.P. Michelle. loved that movie. Yeah. i I loved that movie. Me too. It was so good. was so quotable. Uh-huh. These are movies I haven't seen in a while.
00:10:40
Speaker
Yeah. Euro Trip and Road Trip. I loved. Like that humor. ah hu I loved Rat Race. Did you ever like that? Did you like that movie? Explain it. Maybe. um There was like basically a million dollars that all these people were like racing after.
00:10:57
Speaker
it was like Mr. Bean. that's like, yeah, that's this was your gateway drug to reality TV. Like. Well, yeah, but it was a movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, reality TV wasn't a thing yet. Right. It was. Real world was They, like, kind of spun it as a reality. Yeah, yeah. TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:19
Speaker
Oh, my God. That movie was so funny. But Mr. Bean participated by himself. He did. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, I do know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. But I don't think I've
Parenting Challenges and Dilemmas
00:11:28
Speaker
watched. I know what it is, but I can't. my God.
00:11:31
Speaker
It's one of those things that I don't know if it would hit the same thing. like now, you know, I feel like I would maybe, i would maybe think it's so stupid now, but when I was little, it was so funny.
00:11:43
Speaker
There's that family, there's a family that's one, like also chasing after it's like mom and dad and two kids. And they're like, obviously it's a race. So it's like, they're in this van. They're like, do you remember this? No, they're they are like, you know, road tripping to like the place, whatever.
00:12:03
Speaker
And one of the kids has to use the bathroom, like has to poop. And the dad's like, we're not pulling over. Like that we have got to keep going. And so he's like, stick your boot, stick your ass out the window and shit into a bag.
00:12:16
Speaker
And he's like, I can't. And he's like, well, then you got to hold it. And he's like, I can't hold I'm prairie dog. And like, Oh, as a kid you know, I thought that was so funny. And that became like something my brothers and I like said. Prairie Dog. And I'm i'm sure if we said that in public, my mom would be like, yeah, Prairie Dog was big.
00:12:40
Speaker
Oh, oh, yeah. I got to tell you guys about what happened at the grocery store on Sunday.
00:12:48
Speaker
Honestly, I also need advice about what to do in these situations. So this is like a gen ah like ah general plea for help, honestly. So Alice is just chattier than ever, and she's like learning things that I just don't even know like where she gets these words from or like what is happening.
00:13:08
Speaker
But we were at the grocery store and we walked past this teenage boy who had very bad acne. Okay. And I do need to say, I do not think he heard her.
00:13:23
Speaker
Yeah. Which makes it a little better, but still like not okay. Okay. So, um, Like, she definitely, like, stared at him, and then he you know, we walked we were walking opposite ways, so we walked past each other, and when we were pretty far away, Alice said, Mom, why did that boy have mold all over his face?
00:13:47
Speaker
God. God. What? Like, what? Okay, first of all, tell me you've been through a hurricane without telling me you've been through a hurricane.
00:13:57
Speaker
The only... way I feel like she knows about mold is like the fact that we've talked about the mold in our old house. Like, or maybe she saw it on the wall. She's definitely seen.
00:14:10
Speaker
so I need, she's never both her and Evie have never stepped back foot back our old house because it was genuine, genuinely unsafe for them to be there. It was so, it got moldy so fast, but she has definitely seen pictures in my camera roll.
00:14:26
Speaker
of like the moldy walls and like just the mold in the house. And I think probably at some point she's asked like, what is that? And I'm like, that's our old house. Like it got water in it.
00:14:37
Speaker
It's moldy. I, maybe I said it had mold. I don't remember saying that necessarily, but somehow she associated this man's face with mold.
00:14:48
Speaker
And I was simply mortified. i was like, what the heck do I even say? I ended up just going with like, I think I said like, we don't comment on people's appearance, like, or we don't need to say that.
00:15:05
Speaker
We don't comment on people's appearance. Like, why is it always at the grocery too? Like, It's my kids doing the same. Graydon. I told you. I'm like, yeah. Graydon called the bad boy Frankenstein, which was mortifying because he heard.
00:15:21
Speaker
And really, I know he was commenting on his height. Like, I think. Oh, okay. But what a way to go. Like, you couldn't say giraffe.
00:15:33
Speaker
I don't know. Frankenstein. He also, if he sees an older woman, he says, look, a grandma. And I'm like, please don't call anyone a grandma. Like,
00:15:46
Speaker
It's all very innocent, but yeah, I'm just like, oh i yeah it's here's here's what's hard is that I think other moms would know that it's innocent and that they know that kids say the craziest things and they don't mean anything by it and all that.
00:16:01
Speaker
But a teenage boy and teenagers in general, they are so sensitive. If I were a teenager with acne and someone said that about me, I would pass away. I would be so upset.
00:16:14
Speaker
um me too. i I would die. yeah i don't know. yeah I think you did the right thing by just like saying that. And also, here's the thing is I wanted to let her know that it was not okay.
00:16:26
Speaker
But I didn't want to dwell on it too much because sometimes if you like make a bigger deal about things, I know she's going to do it again or say something like that again just to like have the whole deal, you know? yeah So I tried to like correct it quick and then move on, you know?
00:16:43
Speaker
But Jesus. Yep. I'm sorry. I mean, we're going through the same thing. i think it's just like, oh my God, they just don't stop talking. Like – Oh my gosh. She never shuts up.
00:16:56
Speaker
Never. never shuts up. Oh my god. I'm like, this is not normal. Y'all talk so much. Did you ever see that reel I sent you of that fish who's like, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like my child at 5am. That's literally.
00:17:14
Speaker
oh I know. That's literally my child. Which is what we're talking about today. Which can I like also like I want to make an LOL.
00:17:26
Speaker
Because we i was voice noting Candace that I just had a hard morning. And i was thinking in my head when like our we had the babies and like we did so many like appreciation episodes and like oh like let's think of the good let's talk about a warm and fuzzy and now we're just like I just want to complain.
00:17:48
Speaker
I just want to complain about everything. And I just want to say sorry, but that's just the phase we're in. Yeah. No, it really solidarity out there, please.
00:18:00
Speaker
Yeah. Honestly, the only thing that makes this stage of three-year-olds and one-year-olds better is knowing that other people are also struggling and in the thick of it with me. And do not get me wrong. like I want to make a huge disclaimer here. There are so many amazing things about this age and about this phase of life.
00:18:22
Speaker
And I don't know about you, but I feel like Instagram is really like trying to fight with me these days, like up in my face with all these videos in the like, you're going to miss this realm. And don't get me wrong. I know, guys, I know that one day I'm going to look back in my car, my backseat of my car, and I'm going to wish my kids were there.
00:18:46
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Like that's like i the content I'm consistently being. I think I saw that one to that woman. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like. Don't get me wrong. Like, I get the point of that content. And I do think, like, it did make me think for a second, you know, whatever.
00:19:04
Speaker
But it's also, like, sometimes making me feel really bad. yeah A lot of my, i don't know, a lot of my um Instagrams like that, too.
00:19:15
Speaker
like It's like, it's making me feel bad. They're only in this phase for so long. Yeah. Yada, yada. Yeah. It's like making me feel shitty about like being excited to drop my kid off at daycare.
00:19:27
Speaker
Like, I'm sorry, but I am excited. i am. But don't know. guess like the only, oh I don't know. and want to say like the only, i don't want to say it. I was going to say, maybe you can cut this. I don't know.
00:19:42
Speaker
Difference I'm seeing. It's like the stay at home moms, yeah. don't seem as bothered and they like to like romanticize everything and then it's the working moms that we're all like i don't know overwhelmed yeah no I think that's a solid point and I think and don't get me wrong I think stay-at-home moms obviously get overwhelmed too like for sure but I think there's some like
00:20:09
Speaker
resistance or like, I don't know, between like needing to step into a whole nother like phase of yourself in the same hour of like feeling overwhelmed and like having – I don't know. Like for me, I think it's like, ah I think it's like, I have daycare as that crutch and just knowing that I have it, like, I don't know, maybe sometimes I lean on it too much. Like it's a mental thing where if I, I don't know if I know it's a Saturday or Sunday and I know I have them all day, like my mindset's a little bit different and I'm not as short because I'm like, well, I have them all day and it's this and that. But then on Mondays, it's like, let's get out the door. Like I want to,
00:20:54
Speaker
I'm ready to be alone and I'm just like rushed. And I'm like, maybe it's just knowing that the end is in sight and about to be alone. I don't know.
00:21:06
Speaker
Dude, I don't know. i think, I don't know. I feel like that was like a little controversial for me to say. Like, I don't know the other side. Like I'm not a stay at home mom. Like, yeah, it just feels that way sometimes from what I'm seeing on Instagram. Yeah.
00:21:21
Speaker
Yeah, totally. And I wish – like this is one of those moments, obviously. I wish Shannon were here to like give the stay-at-home mom perspective. But like are they seeking relief as much as we are? Yeah.
00:21:33
Speaker
that's like That's my question. Yeah.
Chaotic Morning Routines with Toddlers
00:21:36
Speaker
Because I am constantly seeking help and relief and like the moment where I can – like get my other things on my to-do list done. That's what it is for me. It's like, I know I have all these other things that I need to do that like are on my to-do list, et cetera. And I'm not able to do them until like I have,
00:22:00
Speaker
relief, you know? Yeah. I don't know. But I was telling Candice, so was just one of those. I going recap your morning for us. One of those mornings where they slept in a little bit, 6.30 for me, which is so good.
00:22:17
Speaker
um So that was great. But then it was just like mass chaos this morning. I don't know about anyone else with toddlers, but It is you're wrestling a crocodile just to get them dressed like I'm bribing bribe bribe bribe. You don't get your breakfast until you put this on. You don't do did it. But Margo right now like she nothing like she doesn't understand.
00:22:42
Speaker
So she's kind of like the harder one to get dressed. Anyway, ah get that done. um hand them the water they dump water all over the floor they um get it all she gets it all over her outfit and then she's like whining because she's all wet and I'm like sorry toots like it'll dry then Chris was working like a night shift last night and i like shut the door they managed to open the door and go in there and wake him up While in there, they drop Was pissed?
00:23:13
Speaker
I don't think so. I was like, are they in here? And he was like, I think so. I was like, I'm sorry. um But while in there, Graydon removes a grate from the floor and drops a bar down the grate.
00:23:24
Speaker
Like, it was a day ah deep grate where i I tried to reach my hand in it and got disgusting. so i was like, Chris, you're going to have to get this. And he's like, I'll do it later. i was like, well, the heat's on, so let's get the bar out of the grate, bro.
00:23:39
Speaker
Yeah, like cook it. Yeah, I don't want a mushed up, like it was Nutri-Grain granola situation. um Meanwhile, I give Margo a muffin, which my fault.
00:23:51
Speaker
Like I said, I need to strap her the fuck in anytime I feed her into a high chair. And I didn't. I handed her a mini like banana muffin from Publix. She gets on the couch, crumbles it in her hands, spits it out.
00:24:04
Speaker
And I just screamed. Just screamed. I was like, why is this so hard? What am I doing wrong that's making this so hard? And I don't know. I think also in my mindset thinking, okay, Chris worked night shift. It was really an all on call one. So in my head, I thought Chris is going to take them to daycare in the morning.
00:24:28
Speaker
I'm going to have this like leisure morning. I'm going to do it. And it got flipped around. And so then it was just me solo. And so then I was already, I was already mad, not at him, but just like the situation. And then for it to just be so busy. I was like,
00:24:44
Speaker
I just want to scream. ah Totally. It's that thing of like when your expectation doesn't meet what actually happens. That's when like my – I'm the same way. That's when my fuse is so short.
00:24:58
Speaker
Like, I've so – And that's what it was. I had a short fuse and I was not nice and I was rushing um and I was just not in a ah great mom this morning.
00:25:13
Speaker
Yeah. Listen, you were a great mom. You are a great mom. And I had like very similar outbursts this morning. So we Again, same like just trying to get them dressed to get out the door. Evie's in daycare now. We'll talk about that and on another episode, I'm sure.
00:25:32
Speaker
And um so I'm getting Evie dressed. I'm getting Alice dressed. I'm getting everyone together. And Alice finds the saline that I use to like suck Evie's nose with. And she's uncaps it and is just holding it, squirting it into the carpet. Just and I lost it. I was like, what are you doing? Like, why are you doing that?
00:25:54
Speaker
And I sent this to in a voice note this morning, but um that she's just in this phase where she has to touch everything. That cracked me up. I'm sorry. It's just like, stop it.
00:26:06
Speaker
She, over the weekend, I had got out milk to give Evie and I had it uncapped on the counter, getting the bottle together. She had to like reach up on the counter, which by the way, them getting taller is really not going to work for me because she could reach everything. Now,
00:26:22
Speaker
And I'm like, what are we going to do? But she reached up on the counter, had to touch the milk carton. She knocked it over all over the floor, all over our rug. So not our – Not the new one. No, it's like a runner. Not the scallop. No, no, no.
00:26:36
Speaker
In the kitchen. It can be washed. But I washed it and it still smelled like milk after actually. But that's a different thing. But I was just like, why Why did you feel the need to touch that? You never used to do this.
00:26:48
Speaker
Like she never used to have to touch everything. And it is. It's the same, that same thought that you just said of like, what am I doing wrong? Like, why is this so hard? Is everyone else having this hard of a morning? I'm like, and I don't know. i I get up before the kids. So it's not that it's not like, oh, I can fix this by like preparing everything better. Like I'm prepared master. i am up at five something every day. Like it's not that I'm just like, I don't know.
00:27:20
Speaker
what this chaos is or like, do I need to put them to bed in their outfits? Like, can I skip, can I skip a step? That's what I want to do. I need to skip one little step to make my life easier, but Woo! We are in a crazy phase. Also, like, the siblings are sibling-ing. Oh, yeah.
00:27:41
Speaker
It's already happening over here, too. They used to They have to have the same stuff. Oh, They have the same breakfast, the same snack. They used to be so sweet to each other, and it is smack down, drag out. We are fighting over everything and everyone. Like, Margo got in my lap this morning. We're, like, having a pleasant moment. This was a pleasant moment.
00:28:03
Speaker
Then great. I started bouncing her a little bit like <unk> playing and then Graydon. I want to do that. And so then i was just like, come on, Graydon, please. Please don't do this. So then they're fighting over me.
00:28:17
Speaker
I'm just like, can we not for one second just stop? I know.
Reflecting on Parenting Methods
00:28:24
Speaker
i feel you. I literally on the drive home from daycare was thinking, do I need to go to like stress management or like, I was like, I need some coping mechanisms, which I think we've talked about before. Like I like was very postpartum or agey.
00:28:42
Speaker
I'm not like that extreme, but it's more like, wow, it gets to a point where I burst, where I'm just like, what are you doing? Like you said, yeah I'm like, whoa, I need someone to give me some steps. Like, do I need a breathing technique? Do I, I mean, I do walk away. They find me because they can now, yeah you know? i have a tendency to like beat myself up a little bit about the, like how I could have, like it could have been better. and old like you Like, well, no, not even that. Like I'm talking about how I could have prevented it from happening. Like for example, for that saline.
00:29:19
Speaker
Like I did leave that on the floor because I, for some reason, Evie is like freaking out about me putting her on like the changing pad on her table. She hates it. And she already freaks out about the no sucker. So I've just been doing it on the floor. Like I hold her on the floor.
00:29:34
Speaker
So I left the saline on the floor. And I'm like, if I hadn't left the saline on the floor, that wouldn't be happening. Like that's on me. That's a lot of us too. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:45
Speaker
But like, I also am like, like I, it's this internal battle of being like you, that's your fault. Like it's not Alice's fault. It's your fault. You should have put that away back in the basket on the thing when, you know, when you used it.
00:29:58
Speaker
But then I'm also like, even when I was sucking her nose, like in that moment, that moment was chaotic too. Like I can't beat myself up that I'm not perfect all the time. So yeah.
00:30:09
Speaker
so Yeah, it's just like a never-ending battle in my brain of being like, you should do better. And then it's like, go easy on yourself. Like, you can't be perfect all the time.
00:30:22
Speaker
And then I'm like, am I crazy?
00:30:26
Speaker
Am I okay? Me. i'm i literally drove home. I'm like, God, am I a psycho? Like, oh my God, I'm just...
00:30:39
Speaker
I don't know. It's just some days are really hard. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. Three-year-olds are really hard, y'all. And really, if I separate them, it's nice.
00:30:53
Speaker
like Okay. So, yeah. So, last night – I was going to say this earlier. Last night, Vinny went out to dinner with a family member of ours and took Alice. He was like, I'll take one of them. And Evie had her first day at daycare, and I wasn't sure how she napped. So, I was like, I'll keep Evie because I think she needs to go to bed, like, on time, you know? Mm-hmm.
00:31:12
Speaker
And so I stayed home and I just had Evie and I did dinner and bath and bedtime with Evie. And we had the most pleasant evening. Like the, so nice. Like she ate better.
00:31:24
Speaker
She, the bath was more chill getting dressed for nighttime. when She drank her medicine perfectly because she's on amoxicillin for her fourth year infection. That's a whole nother episode, but, um,
00:31:37
Speaker
So it was like so pleasant. And then I put her to bed and I took a shower and I got into a brand new loungewear set and I ate dinner by myself. And I was like, I am living the dream.
00:31:51
Speaker
That self-care right there. That sounds honestly awesome. And what I was going to say earlier when I thought of this in my brain was like, sometimes I feel like the cure for this overwhelm and this stress is...
00:32:05
Speaker
alone time and it's like and I know it wasn't full alone time I still had Evie but that I had a good hour and a half two hours by myself last night while they were still at dinner and like they ran some errands after and I was like wow this is fixing me honestly but then this morning I still outburst on my children yeah It's not the cure.
00:32:26
Speaker
i know. I mean, I think, yeah, once they're separated, like, um you know, Chris went into work last night and it was just, I put Margo to bed and then it was just me and Graydon. Oh my God, we had the sweetest little time, kind of like you said. And like, he was cracking me up. And then Chris always puts him to bed. Graydon just...
00:32:46
Speaker
is obsessed. I know that it's like an an anomaly um that Graydon loves his daddy and wants him to put him to bed every night, but he does. um So I got to, which I cherish so much because he never lets me.
00:32:59
Speaker
Yeah. And oh my God, we had the sweetest little conversations and I was like, oh, I never get to do this. And like, really cherish the time I have with him and those sweet little moments. So i was just like, this was so pleasant. And he always says, you're so silly, mommy.
00:33:17
Speaker
It's so funny. That's so sweet. Isn't it crazy also how they can flip it and say something that will like totally change your mood. And you're like, and that's actually those are the moments where i'm like, I'm psycho because I can switch so quickly to being like, you are driving me absolutely nuts.
00:33:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh. And then she'll say something where I'm like, Oh my God, you're the sweetest little angel i've ever met. And then I'll look at her and I'm like, I would do anything for you. I will never yell at you.
00:33:51
Speaker
And then I'm like, I'm, mentally unwell i mean that's what i did when we got in the car i immediately sat down like after i got them both in i buckled in i opened the garage and i looked back in the mirror and i said graden margo i said i'm so sorry that i got on to you and yelled at you this morning and he goes that's okay mommy like you can he said you can still play with us was like oh thank you graden i was like i am so sorry said I said was a little overwhelmed and he's like, you're okay. And i was just like, okay, haven't damaged him yet.
Apologizing to Children and Teaching Forgiveness
00:34:25
Speaker
Well, I think what's most important in all of this is exactly that apologizing and, and having ah ah true moment with your kids where you can be like, I'm so sorry that I acted that way.
00:34:39
Speaker
Cause I do that all the time. if I, yell or raise my voice or just lose my cool, which is a lot these days. I feel like I'm always, I'll always sit down with Alice and I'll be like, Alice, I'm so sorry that I reacted that way. Mommy was overwhelmed and stressed and I was having a bad moment, but I'm so sorry.
00:35:02
Speaker
And she's always like, it's okay. Yeah. And then it's like she moves on so quickly. and I think that's what's more important than like not losing your cool. I mean, obviously in an ideal world, I'd love to not lose my cool as much, but like,
00:35:18
Speaker
I have a three-year-old. Also, did your parents you lose their cool when you were little? that's um feel like we had the same like thoughts this morning.
00:35:28
Speaker
I literally think that's why I'm really sensitive because I never got yelled at. like I was pretty good growing up. and so If anyone's like mad at me or whatever, like it really hurts my feelings because I was always like a do-gooder.
00:35:45
Speaker
And I'm like, i don't remember my parents ever acting the way I'm acting. and Okay, we have different other experiences. It bothers me. i I mean, I was definitely a do-gooder in, like, school and stuff. And I wasn't a bad kid at home by any means.
00:36:04
Speaker
i But my mom and dad raised their voice at us all the time. And was all my mom would snap all the time. my God. So not all the time. That sounds bad. But she would raise her voice often.
00:36:17
Speaker
um was also... ah like alone you know it wasn't like it wasn't like your mom had three within yeah a couple of years it was just we're all two years apart so it was like she had three under five like i think it was your like family circumstances she was probably like shut the fuck up for me it was like i was quiet because i had no one to talk to like i wasn't creating havoc because what was i gonna do the tv was my bff bro like i told you all that And i mean, my siblings were so much older than me. It's like, we just didn't play, you know? Yeah.
00:36:58
Speaker
So it was, that's why I was like so quiet, so mild growing up. I don't know. I was just never got yelled at, never spanked, nothing.
00:37:10
Speaker
Yeah. I wasn't really spanked, honestly. i mean, my mom would reach back and like smack us in the car, like on the leg or like something like that. But I was never spanked, truly.
00:37:23
Speaker
it was threatened sometimes, but it was never – I don't think I was ever really spanked. But my mom definitely like snapped and lost her cool a couple times. But she showed us also so much love otherwise that it was never, ever a question of like – oh, she hates us or she's like, it was never that way. And so that gives me some reassurance as a mom now to be like, as long as 90% of the time i am showing them that I am safe and loving and like whatever. The truth is like, they do have to learn
00:38:01
Speaker
like that some things are not okay. And sometimes my reaction is like part of them learning that and maybe gentle parenting people would like disagree with me on that. And like, I don't know.
00:38:12
Speaker
and Well, that's a conversation for another day, but I just, it's like, ah it's just where I'm at right now. And i do my best every day to try and keep my cool and to be chill about it. And there's definitely things I could do differently But I'm just doing my best.
00:38:30
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah. I feel like yeah I gentle parent up into a certain point where I'm like, yeah, my, my last straw is great. And I've said it once.
00:38:41
Speaker
I'm not going to say it again. Either do this or we're going to be in some big trouble, you know? Yeah. And I'm just like, I tell them I don't want to be mad.
00:38:52
Speaker
Anyway, sorry I'm sorry. just. It's okay. Yeah. rainbows and butterflies and compromise a really really really good mom you you should know that we're good moms we are it's just hard this phase y'all is hard okay i have a question for you would you rather have a newborn three-year-old i think someone asked this to me recently
00:39:24
Speaker
And I was like, ooh, this is like actually the first time where I'm like, oh. Yeah.
00:39:33
Speaker
My answer is a newborn. Well, you always pick newborn. I want a potato on my chest. That's what I want. Oh, it's so hard.
00:39:48
Speaker
don't know.
00:39:51
Speaker
They're neck and neck for me. That's so crazy. that's Because, you know, Olivia's son, Vaughn, is about to turn three, too. And we all were like, have fun.
00:40:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:07
Speaker
It was like the day he turned three. alice says Alice is not even three yet. She'll be three in a couple weeks. and She's mature. She's always been a little bit ahead.
00:40:18
Speaker
And it started probably like two months ago. I can already tell like with having Margot, like the maturity in a girl. It's so different. is insane. It happens sooner.
00:40:30
Speaker
I'm like, wow, you were so put together, my girl. and But you're also very naughty and we're in the discipline phase. Her crumbling that muffin. I mean. oh ah that is so annoying. know that feeling.
00:40:44
Speaker
and like also she can like do no wrong. Like, I'm sorry I feel that way sometimes. But like that. And I just was so mad. those Those muffins, Evie specifically crumbles. Like she'll take one bite and she likes it. She wants more. And then immediately she's like, and I'm like, what are you doing? And then she'll yell at like not yell at me, but she'll be like, ah, like she wants another. i'm like, you just crumbled the one you have.
00:41:14
Speaker
12 muffins is $8 now. You can't be crumbling. Not in this economy. Oh my God. Honestly, eat that muffin I buy them for me because I like them so much. They're so good. I'll take one to go like to eat on the way to daycare. like I'm like, here's y'all's breakfast. And then I take a little muffin.
00:41:30
Speaker
But sometimes Margo asks for one. And I'm like, and she'll be like, meh, meh, you know, until she gets one. And I'm like, okay, she actually wants it. She wants it. And then she does the squish thing. I'm like, what oh it it sends me into a rage I totally understand oh gosh like I said so strap her the fuck in why am I letting her run around with a crumbly muffin I don't know it's it's my own doing one thing I want to touch on before we wrap this up is just about weekends like tell what joke about now
00:42:03
Speaker
What?
Missing Pre-Parenthood Freedom and Fun
00:42:04
Speaker
That the weekends are there are... Instead of Sunday scaries, it's Friday scaries. No, I literally have Friday scaries. And I feel like this is going to sound so dramatic, you guys, but I feel as though I am grieving weekends. Like I am grieving over what weekends used to be.
00:42:24
Speaker
yeah For me, i miss fun. I miss freedom. I miss peace and solace because, yes, of course, I don't have my kids, you know, Monday through Friday, like whatever.
00:42:40
Speaker
But I'm getting bombarded with work stuff then. So it's like I don't ever have peace and solace or fun. I know. i Weekends are really hard. The morning stretch is nuts. And the only way that I feel normal is if we have something to do. Like this past weekend, um we had like the St. Patrick's Day party. And so like that was so fun.
00:43:06
Speaker
It's like I need something like that planned every weekend for me to feel okay. Yeah. If I don't have plans... I'm not well. I'm not well.
00:43:17
Speaker
And one little swim class isn't enough. Like, okay, we got out of the house for an hour. Like, oh, I need some, I need, we need stuff to do. I know.
00:43:28
Speaker
You know, actually, that's a great like question for the audience. Like how, how are we feeling the mornings on the weekends? Um, um Like, for example, I just saw in our in a my, like, you know, South Tampa mom's Facebook group, whatever, that one street all got together and everyone on the street is having a garage sale. It's like a neighborhood-wide garage sale. And it's from 8 to 11. And they called it a sip and see.
00:43:54
Speaker
And so they're going to serve, like, coffee and mimosas and stuff, I think. Or maybe it's bring your own. I don't know. They called it a sip and which I thought was cute. And they, like, created a cute little banner and whatever.
00:44:05
Speaker
And I said to Vinny, I was like, we're going to go to that on Saturday. Do I need anything? That sounds fun. Not really. But to put them in a stroller and to walk through and look at things. And if we find some cheap toys that they, maybe we can pick one out. We might some stuff for real. I know.
00:44:22
Speaker
That's what, because we do still, obviously we just moved into this house. There's art we need. There's like, um we need some side tables and like random furniture.
00:44:32
Speaker
furniture of stuff i'm like honestly we might find some good stuff my god and i feel like that's a good way fill so anyways that's like you can meet a lot of your neighbors Yeah.
00:44:44
Speaker
Yeah. So we're going to do that on Saturday. Okay. I'm really f freaking jealous. We're actually going to Key West um yeah until next week. So I feel like this weekend will be like, I don't know, just putting shit together.
00:45:02
Speaker
don't know. You know, and that's all I have. I haven't even thought about it because I just got back from Florida. I'm here this week and then I'm going back to Florida. So. Yeah. Okay. Wait, before we get off, how is like the traveling going now that you're back to like a position where you're, you have to travel a little bit more.
00:45:22
Speaker
are you liking it? Is it hard? Yeah. Like, is Chris good with it? Like, how are you feeling about it? It's been good just because like, I, I can make it my own schedule. And like, whenever I used to travel, I lived in Rhode Island. And so i was having to connect everywhere. And it was like, it just felt like,
00:45:42
Speaker
like longer. I was, I would have to be gone for three days to like make it work. And now I can do like a day trip. Like I had that meeting in Jacksonville and I like got there at 10 o'clock at night on Wednesday and I left at 6am on Friday. Like I was barely gone.
00:45:57
Speaker
And so it's just like easier when you fly out of Nashville and can go to these meetings and be there just for a day if you have to. So it's, it's worked out really well so far.
00:46:10
Speaker
It's been good. Nice. Well, that's good. It's going to be it's going to be hard whenever i have to go out west, which is where a lot of stuff happens, like Boise, here I come type thing. So, yeah.
00:46:23
Speaker
who So, we'll see. i haven't had to do that yet, but I'm sure it's coming. It's getting warmer, so. People be building houses, girl. Yeah.
00:46:34
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that's exciting. I need to come to Tampa. I've been curious about that. Please. I need to come to Tampa. build a house just to get you to come here. I'm going to just work with Vinny and.
00:46:46
Speaker
Perfect. Yeah. I'm going to tag along. I'll be your assistant. Cool.
00:46:55
Speaker
ah Well, this was so nice. Thank you for letting us vent. We literally had no plan when we sat down um at this microphone. We were just like, we just need to talk about how we both lost our cool.
00:47:06
Speaker
And ah we're going to do our best to not lose our cool, but also like we're doing our best. Okay. Yeah. And so are you, listener. Yeah. Sorry if y'all don't have toddlers yet and you have like the sweet, sweet potato babies that are sleeping. Like this is not a saying like buckle up. It's just like, wow, we are in a busy phase and yeah, we, we need each other to like talk through this stuff.
00:47:31
Speaker
And yeah, it's the only thing that like, like truly the only thing that makes me feel seen is hearing other moms of three-year-olds be like, yeah, it's really fucking hard. So this is me validating you And our listeners, it's really freaking hard.
00:47:47
Speaker
Yeah. But I love you. I love you so much. Thanks for being my son. Also talking to you is going to, it's going to change my day always. Every time, every time when you're like, Hey, we could push this. was like, no, I need you.
00:48:00
Speaker
You're my antidote. It's
00:48:05
Speaker
I need this. All right. please I love you. Love you Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there.
00:48:21
Speaker
All right. Gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.