Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 23: Dwarf Battle Royale | Boys 2 Men
117 Plays3 years ago
In todays episode, the boys talk about sports, for a bit. Things go off the rails real quick though. Spoiler alert, Noah might get eaten by a midget with a crossbow. Shoutout to cool group(iykyk)
We would like to personally thank the sponsor of todays episode: Audible
Check out Audible and use the link http://www.audibletrial.com/Boys2MenPodcast to get a 30 day trial including 1 credit(2 credits if you are an Amazon Prime Member).
If you think the Midget Battle Royale game sounds like a good idea, then consider donating:
https://venmo.com/code?user_id=3124550581616640837
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/boys2men/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/boys2men/support
Recommended
Transcript
Parody and Stage Names
00:00:07
Speaker
Who is that it's something something cool group because all the girls are hanging out I mean last they check you may have a penis. Yeah Finally admitted it. Let's go
00:00:25
Speaker
Yeah Yeah, that was just the context you wanted that Yeah
00:00:40
Speaker
every time every time jacob took his pants off he's like what is this thing what is it why is it here first of all you're just saying like you did that in front of you like yeah i was about to say like i don't ever remember taking my pants off explicitly no no i would i would have gone blind
00:01:48
Speaker
What are the names of those people in the fake version of the podcast?
00:01:55
Speaker
Oh yeah, hold on, let me make him give me a second. Oh yeah, there was like Blaze. There's one guy who said it was Blaze. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm Blaze. That wasn't his real name. He like, aimed up with like a stage name. He was trying to be cool. Are you kidding me? This n*** has a stage name? Really?
00:02:23
Speaker
They take our podcast name and they have stage names and one of his plays You kidding? Yes, you do not hear him say like let's call him plays I remember that
Sports Preferences and Histories
00:02:50
Speaker
Excuse me, I am Emperor Maximus
00:02:54
Speaker
I'm fair, Maximus. Maximus? It's like butters from South Park when he becomes that supervillain. I forget what his name was. The supervillain that used topperware on his body. Or is he the guy with the blender on his hand?
00:03:21
Speaker
No, he just says tinfoil. I remember from the Fractured But Whole, there was a supervillain that had a blender on his head, or Tupperware or something. You mean the Fractured But Whole? Professor Chaos. Professor Chaos. Professor Chaos. Professor Chaos. I'm shivering in my boots here.
00:03:49
Speaker
Anyways, today we're talking about sports, what we like about sports, maybe what sports we've played in the past and so on and so forth. And we're not making fun of any other podcast.
00:04:02
Speaker
May or May not have the same name. Actually, I haven't looked up, but I don't think they exist anymore. Yeah, they don't. We bully them out of existence. Catholic culture is alive and well today. 2020, baby. Let's go. Next up is Amber Heard.
00:04:22
Speaker
Um, yeah, no, we're coming for you next. You start a bug. Hide your kids. Hide your wife. So I would like to start off with posing the question of your favorite sport.
Humor in Dwarf Wrestling
00:04:37
Speaker
What is it more personal? I talked like that. Well, I mean, if you don't want to go first, I'll
00:04:49
Speaker
with probably some common ground i'll say football is my favorite sport because it is and it's clearly the most entertaining of all of them i don't i i would have to disagree with that okay i mean you're right curling is i was gonna talk about uh dwarf wrestling
00:05:22
Speaker
I Heard him say that really quietly when I first posed the question. I was like that. I just hear that, right? I Just chose to kind of just like maybe I don't know if no one like you're hearing things Yeah, or like if no one regretted saying that cuz he was kind of like dwarf wrestling
00:05:53
Speaker
It's like the boss rush, you know, like three dwarves against me and
00:06:07
Speaker
It's like Dark Souls. I get a giant foam pool noodle and I get to whack it around. I'd love to see that. Maybe, hey, maybe I'll make it a thing in a movie or something. I will make a movie to facilitate that idea, that concept. Do you like one of those like those like real life movies that's based on like a
00:06:35
Speaker
dude who did that thing. Like make it like a biography. Yeah, make it like a bio.
Surviving Against Dwarves: Game Strategies
00:06:45
Speaker
Yeah, like a biopic of the Dark Souls. Did you guys know that in right outside of anthem in New River, there was a place really close to anthem that that had dwarf wrestling every Friday night.
00:06:59
Speaker
What? Yeah. I've lived in Anthem for like 18 years. There were dwarves? There were dwarves in Anthem? How did I not know that? I don't know, because you didn't care enough. Obviously. That wasn't your first choice. Yeah, I didn't go on. Yeah, I didn't go hunting out for it. Yeah. Here you are. Here you are. What? Wait, what was that? I called out the dwarves. You little dwarves.
00:07:31
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Okay. Who would win? Who'd win me and like, I don't know, two other people against 12 dwarves. Depends on what two people because I feel like that's it. I feel like it's kinda like the more, the more you
00:07:49
Speaker
i don't know how do you how do you balance dwarf it depends okay do we give him a gun no no that's his hands there's like i feel like i could punt a dwarf pretty hard all right they would overwhelm you it's just the question of will the students win the students will just climb on the teacher it's like oh yeah it's like an e-walk in yeah no no but he put his back up so the he has cavalry
00:08:16
Speaker
The problem with a dwarf when you're fighting them is that they're so tightly packed and condensed that it's gonna be hard to get some, like, I don't think the problem is moving them or like, you know, like, how do I put it?
00:08:30
Speaker
dwarves are not fast jacob you can easily i didn't know that's not what i'm saying is okay hear me out what i'm saying is like maybe like a blunt like maybe like punch something wouldn't be like too hard i think it's all good give him a hammer so you you take a bunch of people like i don't know like 10 people and then you get like 40 dwarves and you put them on a forest at night and you just see who can survive until morning
00:08:57
Speaker
Are they going up against each other, or is it just... I don't know, yeah. That sounds like a good game. I think that would be such a dope game. Isn't there a Star Wars, like, battle... Ewok hunt? Yeah, the Ewok hunt, where it's just like, it's you versus a bunch of tiny Ewoks in the forest. The Viet Cong orbit Star Wars. Basically. It's just flavored Viet Cong. Yeah, the midgets are in the trees.
00:09:27
Speaker
Midget on the midgets of talking but the Ewoks are hunting you I Don't know it's like if I'm at full health probably right now. I'd probably be screwed, but if I was Healthy you know I have I have a swollen toe. I have a torn hamstring I'm still recovering from coded. I probably wouldn't survive the night if I was like I
00:09:57
Speaker
I don't know. You'd be the first to go. If I was in my prime or something like that. Not because you die, but because we choose to eat you first. Thank you. Why would you eat me? We only have to survive one night. I'm sorry Jacob.
00:10:16
Speaker
it's a list of like 40 people to eat like from night one to night 40 and just because I happen people we'd never even met we're like Jacob or sorry you're gonna have to go but sorry the game was rigged from the start I feel like
00:10:35
Speaker
I feel like if I was- You can't do much. You said you're disabled. You have a torn ligament, right? And you have the parking pass for most parking lots. It's not as torn. I would consider it like straight or half. Not as torn? Was that like half torn? It means it's healing. Yeah, it's not- Half ripped in half. It's not like the back of my leg was like purple when it happened, you know, like most hamstring tears.
00:11:02
Speaker
but I can still walk and stuff like sprinting would be a problem though and climbing. Okay. Yeah. So no, you wouldn't provide much use there. All right. Let's assume, let's assume we're all healthy and
Sports Culture: Soccer, Tennis, Swimming
00:11:16
Speaker
fine. Right. Okay. I definitely would. I say I would survive. Let me, let me just put some out there. If Jacob, Jacob's leg, if Jacob's leg is the issue, we can just rip it off and eat that. He'll still be alive. We'll just eat the dwarf, another dwarf, the leg.
00:11:32
Speaker
So of the four of us, of the four of us, who is not surviving the night at full strength against 40 dwarves.
00:11:48
Speaker
So I'm thinking about right where Connor Ephraim and I our friend Ephraim he's been a guest on the show if you don't remember we were we were climbing and Connor had struggle climbing onto things because he's literally like so tall that he like can't reach
00:12:10
Speaker
his leg up onto stuff because there's so much leg that he has to move. So much leg. Like I remember we sat there for like... Little slanky, little slanky leg. Yeah, we spent there for like three minutes just like watching Connor trying to get his dangling leg on top of the wall. 30 minutes. That is a little bit of an exaggeration. I didn't say 30 minutes, I said three. Oh, okay. I heard T. Yeah, that was a difficult little leap for me. Yeah.
00:12:37
Speaker
I don't know I think that also I'm I don't think climbing really is the issue when you're dealing with people that are half the height of a coffee table So I mean, yeah, but we're in the tree. They're in the trees, you know, okay Trees are way easier to climb than Smooth buildings. Yeah straight up
00:13:01
Speaker
In order to figure out who would lose we need to figure out what is the what is the lose condition? Yeah, is it being tapped by that is it being killed by them? What's the what's the losing? Well are they trying to eat us or are they just trying to like I don't know they're trying to Beat you up. I don't know I think it's either
00:13:25
Speaker
So wait are we each having our own separate night with each with 40 dwarves No, no, no, we're together together. They can't stop us Yeah, I feel like I feel like their pride their main target would be Noah just because of how much like meat he has on him and
00:13:46
Speaker
compared to the rest of the world. I'm the main supplier of sustenance. Yeah, so I feel like they would go, like, you know, let's think about it, right? Well, okay, I feel like they would discriminate, try to kill him because he's the tallest. They're like, he's on our side, let's kill him. Yeah. Maybe they would see Jacob as an ally. Yeah, they would. That's, that's gonna go over there. Wait, what? I feel like Ayush could just blend in with the truth. Ayush doesn't even have a taller than me. No, no, no, Ayush doesn't even have a taller than me.
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah Okay, you know that you got have you guys ever seen the hungry yeah, yeah Just like you you just lay face down on the dirt
00:14:30
Speaker
Yeah, okay. I'm the mud shiver. Should I remove the hair on my legs? This is a genuine question. What? What? So I was thinking it was getting better. Is this for the game? No, no. No, no, no. This is for personal pleasure. Because I'm going to have to get massages on my legs to help it heal and stuff like that. And I know that massages are like, it helps if there's no hair and stuff like that. And also, I mean, if you want to get rid of the balls on your body too, I guess you might as well do that at the same time.
00:15:02
Speaker
There are also lots of athletes, like in sports. That's different. They're playing a professional sport. Right, but I'm also in it. You're just shaving your legs. No, I consider myself somewhat athletic. You're not doing it for the sport, though. You're not doing it for the sport. Jacob, I do want to say that I shaved a portion of my leg. You had to get like...
00:15:29
Speaker
like kinesiology tape, you know what I mean? Just to keep my masculinity, I'd like to keep my hair on my leg, you know what I mean?
00:15:39
Speaker
Yeah. So you just, you just took off. I don't know. I was going to, I was going to shave my legs for soccer senior year. I was going to do a lot of things that I ended up not doing for a multitude of reasons, mostly being money. The other one being like not even focused on soccer when soccer was happening. But like, I guess a lot of soccer players do like shave their legs or like wax your legs or whatever. That makes sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's also like, because for pain, because like the socks are kind of uncomfortable with hair.
00:16:08
Speaker
And I can agree with that, like my hair always gets caught on my socks when I'm playing soccer or like even on my pants sometimes when I'm working. That kind of hurts, you know? So I was just thinking like... Well, if you're playing soccer, apparently everything hurts. Speaking of which, I need... we are on the topic of sports. Yes, we are. I just want to... I just want to quickly claim that
00:16:33
Speaker
If you play soccer, you are not a professional and you dive. I hate you. Um, you are a disgrace to the sport. You clearly don't have a love for the sport and have nothing but a desire to win in any means necessary, even if that means disgracing the sport you were playing. And you're probably not a cool person outside of the sport as well. So with that being said,
00:17:01
Speaker
Bro, soccer to me is just like gay people yelling at other gay people, figuring out who's calling each other a more gay person.
00:17:14
Speaker
It's so sad. The only clips some people watch with soccer is like literally the ones where like someone blatantly dies and like there was this one right that went around like quite recently like a month ago where these two guys like were pushing each other and one puts his hand on the other one's neck and then there's a cut and the guys on him like on a stretcher holding his neck. That is so true.
00:17:39
Speaker
Yeah, and I'm like, come on, like, it's just a disgrace to the sport, you know, like, I get it, diving's a new thing or whatever, especially with the new rules, like, even more so now than before, it's kind of sad. Like, if you get touched, you're gonna go down in the box. But I don't know. I just feel like, comparatively, some people find soccer more boring to watch, which I understand. But
00:18:03
Speaker
know, I still watch super boring 00 draws and still find some enjoyment and then out
Stereotypes in Soccer
00:18:09
Speaker
of it. But yeah, I just don't, I don't like the fact that especially in America, soccer is just seen as a bunch of like, pussy gay dudes being gay on each other, you know, nothing wrong with being gay, but like, yeah, just like the fact that they just like,
00:18:30
Speaker
Get touched by a rock and like drop to the floor is just ridiculous, right? I mean it sort of happened more in basketball too from what I've seen because I just watched like clips of it But i've seen like more and more like apparently the refs in basketball are really soft and stuff like that They've got the softer. Yes. That's true. Yeah, i've heard that especially like a celebrity athlete will um
00:18:58
Speaker
you'll definitely get a lot like of pampering and stuff like that yeah yeah like it's ridiculous i saw this one clip where this one dude asked for another guy to get like a second technical which is like which means i think it's a second technical i don't know which means like ejection and then the rest like yeah okay and then he just ejects the dude and i'm just like come on dude that's kind of ridiculous like i don't know
00:19:25
Speaker
Anyways, Connor, I hate you for one. Connor just sent a photo in the group chat of poll, which sport will have the highest percentage of gay players? And the cover photo is the US national meds team. No, it's an MLS soccer team, which is- And then you look at the actual facts, the graph I sent a chart. I like how only 500 people voted.
00:20:07
Speaker
The side on the first picture the recent fan post and one of them is nuns the greatest female UFC competitor
00:20:18
Speaker
also on a side tangent because I'm still enamored with this idea of the
AI-Generated Survival Scenario
00:20:23
Speaker
dwarf. Yeah, sorry, sorry. I just really wanted to get diving tricks. No, I get it. I entered a custom scenario into an AI bot. Like Hunger Games AI? A storyteller. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm a survivor in the forest at night. I'm being hunted by dwarfs until morning. I'm with my three other friends. We enter into the cave to hide out from them. Suddenly.
00:20:46
Speaker
A loud noise is heard, and then silence. We were all terrified that it could be the end for us. You, come running towards the path, screaming, run, run. And I was like, I went deeper into the cave, hiding behind some rocks. And suddenly, I heard something coming from above me, and then another sound, like a giant foot crashing through the rock wall on my left. I look at the cause of the noise. I see a humanoid figure covered in black mud, wearing some sort of fur. I yell, oh, it worked.
00:21:16
Speaker
I let out a yell as I see a dwarf covered in mud and holding a crossbow. He aims it at you and fires, hitting you right in the heart. You let down a yell and then fall to the ground. Wait, wait, do we give a crossbow though? Yeah, what? Should we give a crossbow? No, I feel like we should give him a bow. Yeah, they're just animals in the wild. We don't give a lion a gun.
00:21:40
Speaker
I feel like they should have permitted something like that. I just realized it's not even... I'm still thinking of like the walkies or whatever. No, it's just a bunch of midgets and trees. No, no, no. Here's the thing, right? Just climb a tree with no midgets on it and then you win. They can't climb a tree. But what if they climb up the tree? Take them off.
00:22:01
Speaker
I feel like Doris would have a harder time climbing up trees. Yeah. Yeah. So like how would they get there in the first place? Like we just have to get like an hour head start. No, no, they spawn on the tree. They theoretically spawn on the tree. Okay. They spawn on, they land on the tree. Do they get aircrafted? It's the opposite of a Battle Royale. They get dropped in. We're on the ground. We need to see like... Yeah. Okay. No, no. We need to, we need to...
00:22:27
Speaker
play some sort of game like this in real life. We need to get a bunch of people together to play. I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be dwarves because I don't know where I'd round out 40 dwarves. Just put on Facebook just like looking for 40 dwarves.
00:22:44
Speaker
Yeah, on Craig's list. I'm searching for 40 able-bodied dwarves willing to hunt me down in the forest. That's an oxymoron. You just put dwarf and able-bodied in the same option. Oh my god. No, that's the whole point of them being a dwarf, is that they're not. They are physically inebriated.
00:23:14
Speaker
He said it. They are. Have you seen them try to run? Have you seen dwarf hurdles or whatever they're called? What is this sport? Do we just get a dwarf themed sports system? Yeah, I mean, they're pretty good at what I've seen. I mean, I've seen dwarves play tennis, and it's not fun to watch. Look at them.
00:23:42
Speaker
You can't tell me, like, musically, they are... This man is superior! You're a little less active than the average human body. We're not making fun of dwarves. Hold up. We're not making fun of dwarves. I think they're really funny. I just made the idea. That's an insult. I'd love to be called funny.
00:24:12
Speaker
I mean, okay. Moving on. So my favorite sport is soccer, in case you couldn't tell. Nice. Is taller better? The common perception among those who don't follow the hurdles closely is that taller hurdles make for better hurdles, hurdlers. While this is true to an extent, there are exceptions. While it's easier to teach a hurdler, a taller hurdler to three-step into the sprint hurdles,
00:24:39
Speaker
Blah blah blah hurtling is easier if you're taller and it is possible to to be small Okay, this is talking about the the five ten to six foot range.
Godzilla vs. King Kong: Who Wins?
00:24:56
Speaker
Yeah, so so we eat from the range from me to Noah and
00:25:02
Speaker
that's me okay okay hear me out guys but we don't know it's not gonna be dwarves because we're not gonna find 40 dwarves willing to hunt us down actually we have to do just go to one of these track meets full of dwarves
00:25:17
Speaker
and then ask them just put up like posters to be willing to spend a night in a forest hunting down cover yourself and hunt me down in the middle of the night in a forest are you accountable or are you going to I'm sure we could find are you willing to eat my flesh
00:25:39
Speaker
You see, I feel like the adrenaline and tension of being eaten alive would help us heighten our sense of survival. Because we know we'll die if we get caught. Well, I mean, not necessarily guaranteed death if we get caught. I wonder how long it would potentially get away.
00:26:06
Speaker
Well, it depends on what we give them. I feel like we're still not. They're still pretty buffed. What do you guys think about bolas? Is bolas enough? That it would be. I don't know if they'd be able to use them to their full capacity. I mean, are you going to give them something to shoot them with? Like a cannon? Bolas?
00:26:25
Speaker
Yeah, but like you can also They also put them in cannons if I recall. Yeah, it's gonna walk around the cannon. No, we're not giving them cannons We're giving their hunting bolas, you know, they're just gonna try like get stuck on our seat Which they do have the advantage for in that situation What I'm gonna tower like the classic long and far I feel like will be their weakness. They can't really do that. Doesn't seem
00:26:50
Speaker
Yeah, but I think if, you know, if they, what if they like, they tried hard enough, they probably could. Exactly. I think we should, I think we should, the four of us, uh, go into a forest and have like four or five or six or seven people.
00:27:11
Speaker
Uh, try to hunt this down like I've been wanting to go camping with the homies for a while Like I just went to Flagstaff with some homies this weekend and it was fun but like I don't know camping like camping and getting like a Like a good grill go and make some hot dogs would seem pretty cool to me Honestly, maybe like, you know, that'd be fun
00:27:30
Speaker
It is. I usually use gets the vaccine. Are you sure you let it go out once you get the vaccine? Ladies and gentlemen, we are getting some some progress since instead of me just saying I use when are you allowed outside and I don't know the recurring line. It's changed. 2021 has changed. It's changed, guys. It's crazy. I've already had COVID in 2021 and I usually is going to get the vaccination. Right. Right. Yeah, I'm not one of those weirdos.
00:27:59
Speaker
Right. So anyways, Aish is going to get the vaccine. And does that mean your parents will let you go out and stuff now? Well, like I need to get both doses, but you'll be allowed to like hang out with friends and stuff. Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, I don't know if like, like a lot of people, I think it's like a small group, maybe like a small group. All right. All right. So let's, I can, I can start doing larger ones if it's like everyone's vaccinated.
00:28:29
Speaker
What if I already had COVID therefore? That's not fair to us at all. That is not how that works, Jacob. What do you mean that's not fair to us at all? Didn't you have a comment? No, I never had it. Oh, OK. Wait, what is not fair? How's it not fair? Well, I usually would only be able to hang out in large groups if he mandated that everyone got vaccinated. Yes, and by the time I get vaccinated, so can you guys.
00:28:58
Speaker
And if you're one of those weirdos, then I don't think we can be friends anymore. No, I'm kidding. You can make your own life decisions. So yeah, we should go camping after we watch all 4,000 movies that we've planned on watching. Yes. Only a year's worth of movies in a row. Oh my god, dude.
00:29:29
Speaker
Okay, who do you think is going to win Godzilla or King Kong? Kong. No, okay. It's not actually how it's going to be. They're obviously going to team up and fight a bigger, badder dude. No, no. But in an actual fight, King Kong would win. I have heard from the dude who made the movie, he said that one's going to die. Oh, okay. Well, it's going to be Godzilla.
00:29:52
Speaker
Who's gonna die? Did he tell you? Did he tell you? Like, he was like, hey, I'll let you know. No, I read. That's kind of a spoiler. I was just scrolling, you know, the news. Oh, so you don't know him personally. It was like, no, I don't know him personally. If I did, I would have... No, this isn't like Batman v Superman, okay? This isn't like a chunky comic book, okay? Like, one's gonna die. I hope it's like... One's gonna die for when they both fight the bigger, badder monster.
00:30:21
Speaker
Oh, you think they're gonna do that? This is a juke out? It's gonna be Mothra if it does happen. Wait, did a Mothra already happen? Yeah, Mothra died, like, just for a second one. Zilla's gonna be like, Mothra, and Kong's gonna be like, why'd you say that name? Why'd you say that name? Mothra. I gotta believe myself. Anyways, sports. My favorite sport is tennis.
00:30:49
Speaker
I've been playing it for an extremely long time. That's cool next
00:30:57
Speaker
Okay, I used to. I mean, you played tennis, but like, you watch it all? Oh yeah, I watch it all the time. You do. You prefer men's tennis or women's tennis. They make some weird noises, man. I just want to say, they make some weird noises. It's grunts. I want to say, personally, I don't grunt as often. Oh, you do grunt? I do grunt here and there. When I'm like in a serious match, like back when I was actually playing. It helps, I feel. I feel like I can understand. It does. It's hard for us.
00:31:26
Speaker
Yeah, the women, I watch both women's and men's tennis and wheelchair tennis, which is insane. I'm going to, if you haven't seen wheelchair tennis, you are missing out. I don't understand how they can play that. Watch a, like a clip of wheelchair tennis. It is high intensity. Okay. Um, why is a wheelchair teenage girl a common thing? I think that's just you, Jacob. I think that's your search history.
00:31:55
Speaker
no it's not what is now okay um anyways yeah i've played tennis for a very very very long time all right um you watch cricket as well how does that work oh yeah i mean watching it because it doesn't seem like
00:32:18
Speaker
Cricket is a pretty linear sport. I honestly, personally, I can't just sit there and watch cricket for a long period of time. My dad can. He can, because he's been watching for a while. So there's three different types of cricket. There's one that's more fast-paced that happens quicker. There's a medium pace, and there's a much longer one that lasts at least a day, maybe two days.
00:32:49
Speaker
I mean, I honestly don't even know to explain it. I feel like if you watch it and I am there, I can explain it to you. It's much easier there. If I'm just like talking to you. So like when you say they last for two days, do they take breaks and stuff like that? Oh yeah, they take breaks. They have lunch, dinner. They have tea breaks.
00:33:15
Speaker
they move fast in this wheelchair tennis they do they're allowed to bounces they're allowed to bounce yeah they can't reach it but it's I don't know
00:33:31
Speaker
How do they move that fast? Exactly. I know. I can't. Is there someone pushing them like behind them? Or is it like the electronic? They have like specialty like athletic. Yeah. They have, they have like, uh, they have, um, the curved athletic wheelchairs where the wheels are like, it's like a gamer chair, but it's a wheelchair. Have like their wheels, like at an angle. Yeah. Help with cornering. Well, yeah, that's how wheelchairs usually are. The wheels are slanted.
00:34:00
Speaker
No, but these are like drastically scented. Yeah. Yo, this dude fell off his wheelchair and kept playing. Yeah. It's high intensity. It's so cool. I love watching wheelchair tennis. I've watched blind soccer a couple of times. It's really weird. Blind soccer. Yeah. It's a thing. Um, wow. Yeah. They like, they like, uh,
00:34:30
Speaker
They have people help them out and like they have people at, they have like people at every post. So they like bang on the post to tell you where the goal is so that when you have the ball, you can like imagine where the goal is at and you can shoot at it. It's pretty cool. That is pretty cool actually. This is yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah.
00:34:56
Speaker
But yeah, I played, I like tennis. My favorite sport is tennis.
Tennis and Table Tennis Preferences
00:35:05
Speaker
Would you ever play table tennis? I know there's a pretty big difference. I love tennis. Like would you try to play like in terms, not just like recreationally? I'm pretty good at table tennis. If you're good at tennis, you're good at table tennis, you're good at badminton, you're good at
00:35:24
Speaker
pickleball pickleball it's a it's a basic concept that you get you get like a lot of sports why does pickleball seem easier than tennis to me like it always has because the sweet spot is bigger also like it's a smaller field or court or whatever and and like a tennis racket usually like most of the time you have to hit the ball also I'm pretty sure when we play we don't play with like the actual rule set we kind of just
00:35:52
Speaker
You say that like we played it we make we do we mix screeching noises and yelling. Oh, yeah No, we intentionally make those tennis noises except we do it at about 5,000 decibels louder. We just go like Are you just gonna love going back over the house? Yeah But yeah
00:36:22
Speaker
It's interesting. I agree though. Ever since I started playing football, I didn't do much with soccer. But when I started playing football, I'd kind of like laugh at people who make weird noises when I'm accelerating and stuff like that. But then I started to do it myself, you know? There was this guy on the football team who would literally go like, oh, and he started running. Like he was a car or something. Like when he was accelerating.
00:36:50
Speaker
But yeah, it's interesting. Especially when you first take off and stuff like that, you breathe really weirdly. Or you go like, you know? Sure. I don't know if anyone can agree with him. No, no. I know that I saw this video of Usain Bolt who made some really weird noises when he was running. Really?
00:37:15
Speaker
Yeah, he was like doing the Olympics or something and he would make just like really weird noises. Like what? Yeah, he made like like it's like grunting noises. I would say like maybe it's like a race car, like changing gears. I guess that's the sound. I don't know. He's like, you know what I mean?
00:37:44
Speaker
Yeah, that's, you know, that's lightning. Yeah. No, I know you, I know you swam. Yeah, I did swim. Yeah. Uh, swimming is a sport.
00:38:12
Speaker
that requires a lot of everything. You need to be a little bit of everything. You need to be long. You need to be fast. Why were you like, you have to be fast. You have to be long. Long in all the places. The longer you are, the faster you get to where you're going. You know that little thing that sticks out of the surfboard? Yeah.
00:38:41
Speaker
You know, when you're swimming, the fin. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, you know, your legs and your arms are occupied. So you need your own fin and you use a certain, uh, part of your body as a fin. Yeah. That's why we were speedos is so, yeah. So we, we, we all have little magazines that we take with us and we'll look at them before our race.
00:39:08
Speaker
so you know we uh it grows and boom we have that that stabilizing fin anyway swimming yeah what about stabilization uh swimming is swimming is hard it's yeah that's about it all right i mean it's that's not a particularly interesting sport you just swim
00:39:36
Speaker
I don't, you just swim really fast from one end of the pool, do a flip at the, at the end, then go back for however, I don't know, for your 50 free or your hundred free, you just go back four times. Um, for 200, you go eight times. It's just back and forth and back and forth, unless you have an Olympic pool and then it's back and forth because an Olympic pool is 50 meters long as opposed to the normal 25 meter long pool.
00:40:10
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's okay, you know what? It's not I don't I don't think it's fun to watch. I enjoy doing it. I enjoy racing It's a bit of an adrenaline rush Have any eyes pay golf Yeah, I play golf with my family golf is fun. I like I've never played like 18 whole golf. Oh You're one of those nine holders
00:40:35
Speaker
no we just we play uh coyote gulf oh where where can you do that in arizona it's not in arizona oh okay i was like yeah there's nothing like that there's something what do you mean we literally are surrounded by desert yeah but like you can't you you can't be on that place on most of the property because it's like
00:41:01
Speaker
Like once they're like wide and open where you're not going to hit a golf ball into like the street or like into a car or into a person's head. Fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. Golf is fun. I enjoy it. It is. I like playing top golf too. It's fun. Or mini golf. Now I've only gone mini golfing like once or twice. Top golf is like the arcade version of golf. Yeah.
00:41:28
Speaker
Yeah, I like tough golf, but I don't like That it it I feel like it's a little repetitive you get bored of it a little bit. Yeah, that's true It's a lot more fun if you do it with friends, you know, yeah, yeah Anyways
00:41:49
Speaker
Welcome to my podcast. And today we're talking about measure battle royale. I forgot about that. Hey, why haven't they made that in fortnight?
00:42:01
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah epic games if you're definitely watching I want midgets skin Yeah, if you can add a stupid banana in your game, you can add a bigger midget latinas No, but that would be so overpowered because you're you're you're like your hitbox
00:42:23
Speaker
Imagine the gorilla warfare that would go on. So it's a midget. It's a midget on a unicycle. So the hitbox is the same. Okay. Why unicycle? Listen, bro. It's just the first thing I thought of. Okay. What if they were on skills? What if it was a midget on skills? You'd be like a normal person.
00:42:52
Speaker
Yeah, but like if you really think about our legs like everything Yeah, are you shot as one of the most like stupid things? What do you mean okay if you rethinking about it you are nothing but like torso arms and a head
00:43:14
Speaker
Everything underneath the belt is just like add-on accessories.
Critiquing Sports Commentators
00:43:18
Speaker
What about the arms? I said the arms are a part of you. Torso arms in your head. Do you really need the arms though? Like, you could just be a torso in the head. I mean, I don't think you could get far with just torso and arms. I mean, you probably couldn't get far with no legs either, so I mean... Yeah, that's why you need legs. And the arms just do normal stuff that arms do.
00:43:43
Speaker
Alright, my brain is melting, so can we please... Yeah, let's go back to sports. Simple things are. Back to the irregularly scheduled segment. You know what I was thinking about the other day? I was thinking about how sports commentators... How stupid their job is.
00:44:03
Speaker
Like most of them, like I was watching, I was watching Shaq and a bunch of other idiots sitting around talking to basketball. You know, like that stupid show that happens while, uh, Shaq and idiot. No, no, no. I'm talking about, I'm talking about, I'm saying Shaq and the other. Oh, but you said other, which is other meaning. No, I said that's why I separated Shaq from the idiots.
00:44:25
Speaker
I think of Shaq. Oh my god. Listen, listen. I sleep next to Shaq every night, OK? He's there drinking his water, looking at me with his piercing eyes, and a little bit of, like, sparkle of red in his eyes. So I think I have a deep connection to him. Anyways, I'm just saying, I feel like their jobs are kind of dumb, because most of them are, like, retired players. So they know what the game.
00:44:54
Speaker
And they're just sitting there getting paid to talk about the game. No, I'm just saying like... No, I'm just saying the entire thing is stupid. Like why commentate a game? That you are like, we're already watching it. Why do we need more people talking about it who are also watching? Because some people who don't know the game that well, I guess. Also for analysis purposes.
00:45:20
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, you do need people that know the sport to commentate. It's not just anyone can walk up in there. Yeah. That's why it's really common for former athletes to usually comment.
00:45:30
Speaker
Yeah, because they know about the sport. I would say most sports are pretty basic to understand what's going on at one time. Yeah, but they add specificity so that they can give predictions and just more insight than the average fan. They can also explain what's going on. They're basically getting paid to talk about the sport. Yeah, exactly. But we're also paying to watch the sport. If you think about it, we're paying to watch big men follow little balls around a big court.
00:46:02
Speaker
Yeah, dude. And we pay to applaud. And they're being paid millions, right? But it's mostly because they're used as a source of entertainment more than anything. Yeah. Not because of the concept of it. The concept is relevant. The concept is simple for the sake. Because they're a monkey brain. Yeah, so that everyone can understand it. And so the people who are the best at that are the best entertainers. Anyone can sing. It's just that some are better than others, you know?
00:46:32
Speaker
Okay, fair enough. I guess we'll, we'll stick to that. What? I mean, do you disagree? Yeah. Anyone can. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that really, you can call like an oven fire cooking, like it's not really cooking. Yeah. That's why I'm saying that the best of the best are the ones who like get paid the most, you know, because you're not watching Gordon Ramsey yell at some child, something aren't you?
00:47:03
Speaker
Oh wait, no. What the hell, you are. You are. What's that? Yeah, nevermind. That's exactly the point. You're not watching, you're not watching mine. Where Ramsey is getting paid to yell at children. You're not watching my mom screaming at my little brother to get the pain out of the, out of the...
00:47:18
Speaker
a pan drawer because I don't know. You have a pan drawer? Yeah. It's pretty cool. It's not a drawer. It's not a drawer. Yeah. A pan portal. I don't know what they're called, dude. What are they called again? The things that you, like, open the cabinet. OK. We're vibing up here. We are. I have a pan cabinet as well. Give a pancake?
00:47:49
Speaker
Oh my god. I have pancake batter. I still haven't finished it from Christmas. Not like it's dry. I mean the one that your mom gave you? Yeah, the banana caramel flavored.
00:48:04
Speaker
I honestly, where would you make that in your dorm? Okay, now we're going to get off topic. Now I go ahead. I was just going to say, so refs love them. It depends on the sport. Yeah. Yeah. Let's, let's talk about each sports for us individually.
00:48:23
Speaker
Let's start with basketball. They're god awful. They're god awful. They're the softest rest I've ever seen in my entire life. Literally, they see the clip of a ref getting touched on accident and he texts the dude and it's a second text so he gets ejected from the game.
00:48:41
Speaker
Yeah. Like I don't understand basketball that much. And I'm like, not the biggest fan of it, but I like seeing clips and stuff like that of just, you know, athleticism. And it's just like, it's stupid, like some of the rest. It is. I've lost basketball for almost my entire life. And I got to say,
00:48:59
Speaker
They're simping for every player. It's so dumb. Most of the time, if LeBron gets touched, that guy is gone. His career is over right there. He could be some random guy who just joined a team, and he could graze shoulders with LeBron, and the ref will call him out, and he'll just be done for. He won't even get a chance. He'll just get destroyed. The ref's like, oh my gosh.
00:49:24
Speaker
that that that and it's like brains explodes yeah basketball refs are the worst yeah i agree 100 football football refs should all be eliminated okay
00:49:45
Speaker
with all the new world order execute order 66 all basketball referees must die yeah just take him out on the street french revolution sound behead oh my god i guess all right yep we we down with the bourgeoisie all right yeah football yeah not not as bad as football as basketball refs but still pretty bad
00:50:18
Speaker
Um, I feel like they also baby some players too mostly quarterbacks. I know they're supposed to but sometimes it's a little Yeah, but like it's it's kind of like okay because that's a part of the game But same time like yeah, I do agree. They will baby some people. Oh, but too much Sorry, what was that
00:50:42
Speaker
Oh, not us. Yeah, ever since the roughing the passer, you know. Well, there's roughing the passer and then there's the other one. What's it called again? There's two of them. One of them's like a roughing the passer and then the other one's like getting in the way of the passer or something like that. No, that's for punting, nevermind. Not bad. Because there's like a, in punting, if you like,
00:51:11
Speaker
run into the kickers standing or kicking leg it's a five-yard penalty but if you run into his uh like planting leg which is the leg he keeps on the ground that's like a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down yeah aren't both of those though roughing the kicker no one of them's they're considered different things i think i know this because i was a kicker uh well uh not just a kicker but nevertheless
00:51:41
Speaker
So you're going to commentate for football because you know, I don't know, I don't know that well. Is there commentators for, um, for the games that you guys played in high school? No. Okay. Cause there was some, uh, for tennis is so, it's so cringy. It is very cringy. There were sometimes like not on film, but like over the intercom because, uh,
00:52:07
Speaker
We would like set something up. It wasn't, we didn't even play on our own field. We played on a different school's field and like they would set up this giant, not giant. It was like a decent sized platform. And then they would put mics on it and stuff like that for film and for audio. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
00:52:25
Speaker
Yeah, they'll usually put like commentators for like in tennis when I was playing they had people who would sit in the stands But like the very front and that's the dumbest thing. I like the dumbest idea because you can hear them Yeah, so like I'll make a call and the commenters like so Um, uh brown kid over there made a call. I'm not sure if that's in or out. I would say it's I'm like, shut up Who are you? Why are you talking?
00:52:52
Speaker
I don't know. Sometimes the commentators are pretty cool though. Like I wish we had at the high school we went to, we go to a 1A school, which is a very small school, not very well-funded school. So we don't have, you know, the luxury other schools have. I mean, it's true. We don't have our own stadium. We don't have like
00:53:15
Speaker
You know, good sports stuff as much as we do school stuff. That's changing now. They try their best. They try their... Not really. Must be real here. They don't really care. Especially for the soccer. They literally did not care about the soccer team. Must be real here. It was all volunteer. No, it wasn't. It was all about the basketball team, dude. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. We had a pretty good basketball team. I mean, yeah. We had a pretty good soccer team.
00:53:43
Speaker
Nonetheless, uh, they got new jerseys though, which is pretty cool. But anyways, I don't know. I feel like the commentator stuff is pretty cool because like, especially if you hear about yourself on the commentary, like, uh, there is this one game we were playing against Sedona and I had scored the lone goal of the game so far. It was in the first half and you're just like walking off the, uh, the field and you hear the announcer go like the, like, uh,
00:54:09
Speaker
The moment of the game so far is Jacob Isaiah's one goal and you just feel like a professional just walking off the field and you're like, ah, that's me. Ah, you know.
00:54:19
Speaker
But at the same time, they'll also talk trash about you. Like in football, I remember I made this really bad error and they were just like terrible error from number 27. I'm just like, I was ready to cry, bro. Like I gave up like an 80 yard throw and I was like, I was about to like, I came off the field, like about to burst in tears because it's the playoff game. And they were just like, really bad mistake from this kid.
00:54:49
Speaker
So it's got its pros and cons and it also gets in your head too because they'll like try to get in your head. They'll be like, this team's like, they'll say your record. Like back when the soccer team was bad, they'll be like, this team sucks really badly. Like, Oh my God, I can't believe why they're still playing. Yeah, that's true. That's true.
00:55:12
Speaker
I hate how I mean obviously it's still funding but I hate how like once she like so you go from high school and you watch like college sports and they take it's such a big deal yeah for these colleges that like these guys don't say anything bad like I'm pretty sure they'll pay these guys just like not say anything bad because these kids are like I don't know they don't play the players are you talking about
00:55:37
Speaker
What do you mean? They don't pay college players. No, not the players, the commentators. Oh, OK. Yeah. Like just like the levels that goes up in like, I don't know, prestige, like you got high school and you got college and you just go like straight to professional. I mean, some of the some of the high school games have like national television and stuff like that. Only like the ones in like Texas or whatever, like we didn't have one.
00:56:06
Speaker
No, definitely not.
00:56:11
Speaker
Yeah. We'd be we'd be lucky if we got a bus ride somewhere, dude. Ouch. It's true. It's true. It's true. I remember how big a deal it was. People were like, oh gosh, the bus is here. And everyone would have like their pillows. Like, yeah. It's not even like a good bus. It's like the bus we took to like school, a normal field trip. Yeah. Just like a normal school bus, you know? Yeah.
00:56:39
Speaker
I feel high school, which is a lot of fun, though. Someone took a dump in a water bottle. In a water bottle? Interesting. Hey. Oh, I have a story, actually. All right, story time. Oh, yeah, go for it. All right, we got two stories. All right, so there's this kid in my club tennis team who also played basketball. And he was playing for his school and stuff, so they're going upstate.
00:57:06
Speaker
Payson, like some are really far. Payson's not far, nevermind. It's some are pretty far from where we live. And they played the stuff, and also like the adrenaline stuff, you're not thinking about bodily stuff, right? It's like the pressure's on, you're not really thinking about it.
00:57:25
Speaker
like you know you you have to the game you play and stuff afterwards then everything sets in like then you gotta pee then you gotta take a dump and this kid he had to take a dump and they they're like in the middle of nowhere they can't just stop so this kid whips out a plastic marble oh man shoves it up
00:57:48
Speaker
Yo, he didn't go into the bathroom or anything. He just did this on the seat, pulls his pants down, turns. I think it's one of those weird busts that don't have a toilet. That's why he had to. And it was nighttime, so I guess he can camouflage. I mean, no one could see him while he's doing it.
00:58:16
Speaker
Yeah, I don't, I don't know what happened afterward with the bottle, but yeah, that's, that's what happened. It was, it was a prep school, uh, one of our, like in, in our, I dunno, what is it called? It wasn't from our school. It wasn't from our school, but it's from like great hearts, like, you know, the system of schools. So it's still kind of cheap. It's not like Glendale or Scottsdale where they got like iPads, but it's like one of those smaller ones like ours.
00:58:42
Speaker
Right. I hope Great Hearts doesn't come after me for saying this, but there was this one time where, because it was very common for the football and the volleyball teams to share a bus since we were both really small teams and obviously the school didn't have enough money for separate buses, they would split us.
00:59:01
Speaker
But I remember there was this one time where like they were talking to us on the bus and they're like, nobody gets off this bus until we figure out what happened. And we're like, what the heck is going on? It's like 11 at night. We're all super tired. And then they let us off the bus eventually. And we realized that one of the volleyball players had alcohol in like a water bottle on the trip. And they were like drinking on the bus.
00:59:26
Speaker
Yeah, I think the bad thing is that they somehow got caught. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How are you? Like, Oh, hey, look at my water. It smells so delicious. How do you do that? Yeah. But yeah, there was a whole investigation or whatever.
00:59:52
Speaker
It wasn't anyone in the football team because the football team were a bunch of goody two shoes. That's cap. What happened? What happened to, uh, no clue that person don't know who was either. Really? Yeah. I think it was like a freshman or a sophomore. And how did they know? I don't know who it was. Unless somebody was like, ha ha. I'm drunk. They probably smelled it from the bottle, dude.
01:00:19
Speaker
Dude, it's a tiny bus, right? You're going to smell it. Okay. Okay.
01:00:26
Speaker
Have you ever been on a bus after like a game? It smells like you can smell everything. No, it doesn't smell like alcohol. It smells like sweat. You'll smell sweat, right? So as long as you notice anything that isn't sweat, you're going to be like, what is this? What is this aroma? It smells like victory. I'm not calling teachers out like a hollux or whatever, but I'm sure an adult knows what alcohol smells like. Yeah, but I don't know if.
01:00:57
Speaker
It's that, you know, pungent of a smell to notice in a, you know, the bus is kind of big. Bro, I don't know how they figured it out, right? All I know is that they figured it out and that they called it. I'm just the messenger. I mean, guys.
01:01:15
Speaker
I don't want to be mean, but our teachers are not the brightest in terms of catching people doing stuff that's not supposed to be done. That is very true. That is very true. I'm just saying, like we've done some stuff that's not A-OK and they did not notice. Just saying. There'd be kids who'd like take batteries out of their calculator
01:01:37
Speaker
And they would steal steel wool from the chemistry class and they would start setting paper on fire. Oh, yeah.
High School Sports Stories
01:01:45
Speaker
It was in math class. Oh, great. Okay. It was in junior year and I just want to say our math class, like the way our teacher set up, it's pretty open. You can easily see.
01:01:57
Speaker
and our teacher just did not notice it they're sitting in the back of the class in my back i mean like a couple feet away from the teacher and they're just sitting there shaving steel wool onto like the desk and like there's smoke rising from the desk well i mean that teacher must be really oblivious because i literally used to like flirt with a girl that entire class you know
01:02:38
Speaker
Hey, I'm gonna get so much hate for that
01:02:43
Speaker
I don't, I wonder if she, if she still listens to this podcast. I don't care, bro. I really don't care at this point. I do not get a single. This is on the record. Sure. Okay. What are they going to do about it? Yeah.
01:03:10
Speaker
okay stop okay okay do it be my guest i mean when is she coming in the summer yeah all right yeah you can prepare something in that time prepare something yeah get the legal team together she just she comes down from the plane like hi guys yeah sorry you're getting sued now
01:03:44
Speaker
No, you're there in the airport you pick her up you take her to the lawyer and then you do it You're like, all right. This is my lawyer just driver on bug just driver to like Yeah Oh my gosh, yeah put on that orange outfit
01:04:08
Speaker
Okay. Okay. What were we talking about again? Refs.
Soccer Bathroom Breaks and Chants
01:04:13
Speaker
Refs. Oh my God. Yeah, we're talking about refs. How about soccer refs? We're talking about football. How about soccer refs? They're very controversial. Referees. I mean, like sometimes they're good. Sometimes they're really bad. The thing that's more in controversy right now in terms of refereeing is VAR. It's like a,
01:04:34
Speaker
video assistant referees you know how like they do that for football and stuff like that they'll have like you'll be able to actually look back at the thing well they're starting that now in soccer which is a little bit different because the game like it's it's not a play by play game like it stops very or it just keeps going and it can keep going for the entire game without stopping yeah so it's only when the ball goes out of play that it's like
01:04:59
Speaker
that it's allowed to be reviewed and stuff like that. So literally you will, like a foul could happen in a box and the ref won't see it. And then they'll like counter-attack and score at the other side and the goal will count, right? And then VAR will come into the ref, says like, please check this. And then they'll take that goal away and award a penalty on the other side of the field. That happened like five minutes beforehand, right? So it's just like really confusing and like,
01:05:27
Speaker
There's so many rules that because of the fact that there's cameras now like you can be offside by literally like
01:05:33
Speaker
a fraction of a millimeter and you'll be called offside, like a toenail will get you offside now, which is ridiculous in my opinion, but that's the way the game is now. It's kind of sad. The thing that it ruins the most is the fluidity of the game because soccer is a lot about fluidity and the team that's more fluid is usually the better team.
01:05:58
Speaker
Yeah team with the most the most I gotta pee yeah, yeah Did you have to do what did you have to do that? I have a question for you Jacob. Yeah, shoot
01:06:22
Speaker
So I was reading somewhere that if a soccer does have to go to the bathroom, that they'll just do it. On the field. Yeah. On the field. They will? Yeah, usually you just, if you have to go pee, you just take a knee and you just. Isn't that like an advantage for the guy? Because I feel like they should make him the forward so that he'll just go for the ball and no one wants to go near him because he smells like pee, pee, poo, poo. Yeah, but then he'd be offside, so. I know.
01:06:52
Speaker
Okay, so hear me out. You just... You just pee all over the place. You just don't understand it. You just look at somebody while you pee. Yeah, but then you get arrested for public indecency because they're just working. But you can do it already. There's nothing wrong with doing it apparently. The reason that you take a knee is so that people can't see.
01:07:17
Speaker
okay but you know you take your knee and then you no no no take it just strike a power pose and then just like nod your head whip it out and just start pissing no no no no inside but stick a power pose keep your hands on your hips and just thrust forward while you do it yo what is wrong with you dog
01:07:40
Speaker
Yeah, I know all like you just why would you do it on this you love it to the side and it's just like trickling down your leg Like the game's still going on you're just like No
01:08:07
Speaker
if you have to do a number two you're allowed to leave the field there's a certain touch line you have to leave it on a certain part of the field though but i hope you know that no it's actually the opposite middle line is only for stairs no i don't know it's on the touch line so you literally
01:08:28
Speaker
So you can poo. Wait, no, no, no, no. You can poo on the middle line if you're a sub. No, no, no, no. I don't know what not being a dom has to do with that. But yeah, only the pathetic kids who don't want to dominate can pee in the middle line. Yep. Right. So if you have to go number two, I hope you can leave the field and come back.
01:08:57
Speaker
You have to do that for taking your shoes off or like putting your shoe back on or like any, or if you're hurt and you need a breather or something like that. But the thing is that if you come back from taking a poo, the more humiliating thing is that there's literally a soccer chant like that. The other pretty much like that. He's taking a.
01:09:20
Speaker
He's taking it and then they'll say the person's name. He went for a shit and they will sing that for the rest of the game. I've never known this. Is this like secret, like arcane knowledge? Yeah. Why do I know this? Why do you know this? Because I have literally like, I have so much soccer embedded in my brain, bro. It's not even funny.
01:09:56
Speaker
you know you know what sucks about refs is that they don't know the rules and you know where you can put a rule book
Challenges for Tennis Referees
01:10:21
Speaker
They are the leading provider of spoken word entertainment and audiobooks, ranging from bestsellers to celebrity memoirs, news, business and self-development.
01:10:32
Speaker
Every month, members get one free credit to take any title, plus two Audible Originals from a monthly selection, and access to daily news digests such as the Wall Street Journal, New York Times of Titles, podcasts, guided wellness programs, A-list comedies, and exclusive Audible Originals to choose from.
01:10:52
Speaker
All of which can be downloaded and listened to offline via the free Audible app. Check out Audible by clicking the link in the podcast description or by going to www.audibletrial.com slash voice demand podcast to get a 30 day trial, which includes one credit to if you're an Amazon Prime member.
01:11:22
Speaker
I would say I would say that tennis reps are like really strict they hate
01:11:32
Speaker
So like most of the time, you know, the guy who sits in a chair, like really high up in tennis matches, he's a he's a ref. And there's going to be a bunch of line judges around the court and then like a bunch of cameras. It's really strict because the ball is it lands on a flat surface. So it's really hard to see. And people like the player can just make it up and say it's out, even though it's like, you know, in.
01:11:56
Speaker
yeah basically so refs are really strict but they get abused so much it's it's kind of sad okay okay not like that verbally they get verbally physically like intimidated and abused and it's
01:12:12
Speaker
Is there a statistic of refs with that? Basically, the players will take their rack and start shaking in their face like they're about to hit him. And they'll start cursing at them. And just match where a guy threw a water bottle at them.
01:12:28
Speaker
And then he got disqualified. But you usually, you're supposed to respect the refs, even though you want to punch their guts and rip their head off. Because like, I don't know. This is why you want a professional tennis player. Because he would literally leave the ref. That's like 20% to 30% of it, yeah.
Personal Sports Anecdotes
01:12:52
Speaker
It get on your nerves all the time. They're so stupid. They're blind.
01:12:58
Speaker
Bro, have you ever talked back to the refs?
01:13:02
Speaker
No. Never. I'm not gonna lie. I'd like to keep my rank. I don't know. You can talk to the refs in the soccer. You just have to be polite about it, you know? No, you can't even say anything against or towards the ref, like what they say is it. Yeah. You can't make them change the call, but you can ask them for stuff like, hey, can you watch this guy who's doing high boot? And they'll be like, yeah, sure.
01:13:29
Speaker
Like in in professional matches like on TV and stuff they'll have a thing called Hawkeye that the
01:13:35
Speaker
Um, ref can use, yeah, not, not Jeremy. I mean, like the, the cam to, to check where the ball bounced. If it like to serve it, if they call the serve out and the player says, can you check that? But like the matches I played, they're like low key. So that's kind of like two line judges and a ref and the line judge will base it off of where they think it hit, which is why. Yeah. It's crazy and professional. You're not allowed to ask the ref to use the AR.
01:14:03
Speaker
soccer which is kind of stupid besides the point because like VAR is only allowed to be used in certain times or like in certain situations but I don't know when I talked to the referee I felt I was pretty uh pretty nice in in my high school days sometimes I'd get mad like they make a call and I'd stand up and just be like that is so wrong and I just keep walking but
01:14:29
Speaker
When you start saying something against it, then you realize that something bad's going to happen. You're just like, yeah. Yeah. I don't want to get a yellow for arguing against the ref. Yeah, exactly. This one time, though, I slide tackled a guy. And I'm not going to lie, the bottom of my foot did catch him, which could be a red card. But he was completely faking it. He was like, ah, look, his studs caught me right. And they was like,
01:14:57
Speaker
we were playing on our artificial grass and I have like special cleats for that. And they don't even have studs. They're just like, it's just like tennis shoes basically, but with a little bit more grip. And I showed the ref the bottom of my shoes. I'm like, I don't have studs in the ref just with the name. You know, looked at the other guy who's like, get off the field. And he made me get off the field for like five minutes. Yeah. He would, he probably would have given me red if he did instead. Cause I, uh,
01:15:26
Speaker
It was against the run of play, which means they had the ball. And I literally just came flying at the dude with my studs on. They were passing it back. Like, I have a clip of it. It's like just me sprinting at this dude. And I literally like both of my feet are in the air. I look like karate. It's like that thing from SpongeBob where the guy's like, I'm going to kill you. And he puts the spike cleats on it. He just steps on it. Yeah.
01:15:57
Speaker
Oh, that's nice. I was known for my slide tackling because even, even if I didn't make it, I certainly would try to slide tackle whenever I could. It was kind of, it was kind of stupid sometimes like legit. It'd be like completely unnecessary. And I'd just be like, slide tackle. And then I would just fling my body at it and it worked half the time, but, uh,
01:16:23
Speaker
Sometimes it's really embarrassing. Like I just go back and watch a clip to see if I can get some highlights. And it's just literally just me like two feet away from the ball sticking my legs out. I'm just like, great. I wish I could slide tackle people. Bro, slide tackling was so much fun, especially if you did it right. Like a hard crunching slide tackle where you get the ball follow through and get the guy and he falls over. Beautiful. My favorite.
01:16:50
Speaker
Because you can do that you can you can hit the guys long as you get the ball first just not with Malicious intent, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I feel that I feel that so I would just like Any time that you get guy would take a loose touch I'd be like it is sliding time Yeah, it's like executing
01:17:14
Speaker
What other sports have a wanky refs? What? Swin doesn't have any refs.
Humorous Take on Referees
01:17:23
Speaker
Can you do anything underwater? I guess they do, but it's just like, kick the guy. What? No way. You can stab people. No, I think it's painful.
01:17:42
Speaker
They can't see anything unless you can't go into anybody else's lane. All right. I'm sure we'll do another sports episode because there's a lot to talk about in sports. There is. But for the meantime, thank you for your time. Please continue to watch sports and stay safe.
01:18:10
Speaker
and hate refs. Yeah, just hate refs. Just burn them with Molotovs. All right, I gotta bounce. Please, I didn't mean that. I am not legally responsible for any refs that get killed with Molotovs because we clearly have a very strong influence on what people do in the outside world. So yeah, have a good one. Bye. I love you.