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Episode 40: Medieval Simulator Pt.1(ft.Ephraim) | Boys 2 Men
741 Plays2 years ago
Hello everyone and all, welcome to the official Boys 2 Men Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Do not fret, this will not be replacing our regularly scheduled program. We will release these cuncurrently just to spice up the content.
For some context, this campaign follows Ayush, Noah, Jacob, and Ephraim along with Conor who is the DM. We hope you all enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed making it.
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Transcript
Zencastr Promotion
00:00:00
Speaker
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Speaker
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D&D Campaign Kick-off with Connor
00:01:41
Speaker
Welcome. We would like to introduce you to the game of Dungeons and Dragons with the Boys to Men podcast. D&D podcast now. Get used to it. Insert horn medieval music. Just be like a side piece for the podcast. Yeah. This is a side quest for us, you know. We're doing the main mission. Bless you. Thank you. We're playing D&D.
00:02:08
Speaker
Yes, I Connor will be the dungeon master for this campaign. Um, I do not have much experience with this role, but you know, I will try and hopefully it goes somewhat smoothly and entertaining enough that people will still want to listen to it. So I would do my best to make it fun. And I'll try to, you know, not be a hard ass that much or, you know, at all.
Roles and Creative Storytelling in D&D
00:02:36
Speaker
Yeah, for us to die. Yeah, as the role of the dungeon master, I tell the story why I don't actually know it's the character story, but I set up the scenery that the characters can do whatever they want. And I basically give results as to what each character does. And I give details and descriptions as to where they are and what they're doing. Wait, do you have the same dice as me, Ephraim?
00:03:06
Speaker
I think it's a different color. Yeah, it is a different color, but I think they're the same. Anyways, yeah, it's a collaborative storytelling game, medieval theme. If you're into that sort of stuff, you'll probably like this offshoot of our podcast. So yeah, we all have characters. Hopefully. Our character first.
Character Introductions: Quirky Personalities
00:03:37
Speaker
What'd you say? Who's introducing? Anyone. I guess I'll go first. So I created this character. He's from here. Oh yeah, he's from here. He's our guest. Back in town. Our resident guest.
00:03:55
Speaker
I created this character like 20 minutes ago in about two minutes. It's fine. I decided that he's going to be a monk. His name is Caillou. No references to anything at all, of course. That's pretty much it, actually. He gets, he easily gets mad and screams, Diatty, whenever he's not happy.
00:04:25
Speaker
So you want to explain what a monk is for the uninitiated? Well, a monk is basically a class of. Somewhat religious, but more spiritual fighters that they use these things called key points. I think it's QUI. Uh, it's ZHI VHI. I don't know. These, these things called key points in order to.
00:04:52
Speaker
perform certain actions and do them better than a normal person could. Or depending on what subclass you go with, you can do cool things like throw fireballs and stuff. But yeah, they're basically just weird fighters. Basically what you'd imagine a monk would be. Yeah. Any relation to outside characters is purely coincidental.
00:05:25
Speaker
I've never played with a monk like at all. Me neither. I'm going to have to, you're going to have to be patient with me while I kind of figure out how they work. Honestly, monks are just way better fighters. That's what I'm saying. For the uninitiated fighter is a different class.
00:05:47
Speaker
And it's basically just hit thing with stick a lot. A lot of times. A lot of times. Depending on how far you go, you can hit like eight times compared to the one time that other characters can. Yeah. Um, I guess I'll go next. Uh, so my character is little goblin. His name's a whoosh. Uh, he's a cleric.
00:06:14
Speaker
So he's basically like a religious spell casting guy. You know, he's kind of a televangelist basically. So he'll go around places and he spreads the word, our lord and savior. And he's just a funny guy. He's also a compulsive liar. So that'll be interesting.
00:06:44
Speaker
who who is his lord and savior uh his lord and savior no let me let me uh i don't even remember isn't he like the god of lies or something good trickery the agonist of trickery something like that uh female loki okay i'll yeah basically
00:07:08
Speaker
Uh, yeah, TVA Loki from the show, Loki, from the show, Loki, Loki has it's Loki. Loki has it's Loki. All right. When I go to you, Jacob, what's your character like? So.
00:07:41
Speaker
He doesn't have a name yet. That's the one thing I don't have for him. No, come on. He doesn't have a name. Sorry, that's that's. It doesn't have a name, Kenan. Like, that's his name. That's Fernando. Suey. Maybe he's on a quest to find his name like that, if you want. But the thing is, we're just going to immediately give you a name. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to be like retard. Come over.
00:08:17
Speaker
So he is a charlatan. That's his background. That's crazy. What is he?
00:08:43
Speaker
He is a, he is a half elf bard. So he's like half human half elf. You don't know what an elf is. It's like a tall human that lives longer and it's got pointy ears. That's. And likes trees. We're talking, yeah, we're talking. Legolas. And then he's a bard, which basically just means like. He's cool.
00:09:14
Speaker
Right? Well, they use a form of performance to cast spells and do their powers stuff. So did you decide on how you want him to perform his actions, whether it be through music or telling bad jokes or acting or painting? He is a jokester. A jokey wokey.
00:09:46
Speaker
But he's also cracked at playing the harmonica. OK, that's OK. So he has a harmonica with him. Yeah, but he's like a jokester.
00:09:58
Speaker
No. Should I get one? Should I get one? No, I'll get one. I just thought it'd be funny if you did that whenever you cast a spell just to layer into the harmonica. I feel like playing single modes. Oh, so he's known for his excessive joke telling, flirting, and really good at using the harmonica. That's him.
00:10:27
Speaker
Thank you. So would you rather him cast spells with his jokes or his harmonica? That's only the harmonica. Or is it like a jokey harmonica? A jokey harmonica. That's actually a spell.
00:10:52
Speaker
Yeah, insulting word or something. So I didn't take that spell, obviously, because it's just power word kill. Yeah, something like that. So you're telling me, Connor, that he's either men are either good at the harmonica or can tell good jokes. There is no both.
00:11:12
Speaker
No, but you can't use it. You can't use that as your spell casting. Oh, no, no, no. He only spell cast with the harmonica, but he's also like on the side. He's good at telling jokes. On the side. He's a comedian. So he's like Seinfeld, but he plays the harmonica. Yeah. A harmonica playing Seinfeld. Think of him as like a stand-up comedian. Or maybe more Dave Chappelle.
00:11:42
Speaker
Yeah, I was thinking David Chappelle. Nice.
00:11:49
Speaker
Are you who are you? Yeah, so my guy's name is Walter Black. No reference to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a family man. He's a warlock. He's a minotaur. He's a burglar. Pretty clumsy burglar. But yeah, that's that's fine. That's how he makes living.
00:12:17
Speaker
Yeah, he's a warlock and his sugar daddy is Cthulhu. It just works out, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's my guy Walter Black. The warlocks are basically like, they're like clerics, but instead of like being religious, they're just more like in a blood pact with their deity.
00:12:47
Speaker
So, um, yeah, I usually just care to do be making sense. Yeah. Do you have a backstory as to how, uh, you came in contact with Cthulhu? Um, yeah. So, uh, yeah, like I said, my guy's, uh, he's a pretty, he's a really good burglar. You know, I mean, Manatar really, really good at what he does. He doesn't really, he doesn't really find anything. So he's more like a.
00:13:14
Speaker
I don't even know what it's called. He just goes into people's houses. Oh, you steal things too? No, you don't steal things.
00:13:20
Speaker
Oh no, he's a burglar, but he's not really good at the burgling part. He's more like the break and enter type thing, but he doesn't take anything. He didn't go into people's houses. Yeah. Doesn't really take anything. He's not really... He uses the police. Yeah. Yeah. And one day he goes into someone's house and they are like a Cthulhu shrine. And he's like, dang, man, I gotta do anything for the fam. So he makes that girl blood pack with the tentacle daddy. What's his name? David Jones.
00:13:51
Speaker
at the shrine in the house that he's burgling yeah he just he just goes he stays in the house that he's burgling and just yeah it's the first thing that he finds he's been burgling houses his entire life
00:14:04
Speaker
Yeah. Pretty funny. He's like, he's like, I'll give you these powers. He's like, dope. Anything for the fam. I'm just, I'm caught in the fact that he's just like chilling in someone else's house that he broke into and he's just doing this. Well, I guess there's a Cthulhu like statue in there. So maybe it's like, maybe isn't for a half house. Yeah, maybe, maybe it's like, yeah. Starts talking to him. You know what I mean? There's like voices.
00:14:34
Speaker
He's like, come on. We're here. I am reaching. He literally, he goes into the house and his voice is like, how we've been reaching out about your car. If your car warrants it. It's like our, what's a car. Your wagon's extended. Your chair. Extended warranty.
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah, that's that's Walter black very nice. Mm-hmm. It's his hair black He's uh, yeah, he's blacks like me That sounds so wrong what he's black like me You're more of a long I think on the on the color palette wheel mocha chino. Yeah. Yeah something like that like
00:15:30
Speaker
So we just want to hop into it? I guess.
Setting the Scene: Oakhurst in Eberron
00:15:34
Speaker
I mean, we could. Do you have any characters to introduce, Connor? Well, I mean, yes, I will at some point. I will definitely have some characters to introduce. You're on a deserted planet. You want to introduce the world or maybe some history.
00:15:57
Speaker
um yeah i'm not sure how long that could take though but i mean we can certainly just even if we just get into some role plans yeah i'll try to get some descriptions out of the way pretty quickly so you guys can kind of hop in with whatever time we have left let's say
00:16:22
Speaker
Actually, well, I don't really know how to introduce it because I don't know why you guys are where you're going to be at. Well, uh, we can, I mean, well, cause like, I mean, I could just do the whole, you all just happen to be there. But I mean, if you guys have a specific reason to come to a small town, that's kind of, do any of us know each other? Do we want to know each other?
00:16:52
Speaker
I'm going to leave everything up to you going to your characters. I won't tell you. So my guy definitely would just be at a small town, just like. Yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty out of the way of most major cities. So you could be like on the run and then you run into this area. I, I know that a whoosh whoosh is definitely just going around doing his, his televangelizing stick. And so he's trying to, he's trying to get some money. He's trying to con some people.
00:17:22
Speaker
you know, as one does, as any good cleric does. Of course, of course. I feel like Walter Black would just be like, yo, Cathila told me to come here. So, you know, I'm here. Gotta make them sacrifices. The weekly daily sacrifices.
00:17:41
Speaker
Yeah, comes to the daily challenge. Yes. How you has magical cancer. So he came to this town for a little specialist visit. It's a cancer. He has an undetermined amount of time left to live between three days. And does he know the cause of an eternity? Got a magical black coma.
00:18:12
Speaker
He's got magical eyes No, he doesn't know the cause yet Okay, so right now I can yes so basically You're gonna start out in a very small town And it's kind of out of the way of mainland well not mainland you're on mainland but it's out of the way of most major cities and
00:18:41
Speaker
So for you guys, I feel like Ayush would have a good time coming up with a reason to be here. I'm not sure about Caive. All right. I've decided on my guy's name. Oh, OK, good. I should know what to call him. Aaron. Aaron? A-A-R-O-N. A-A-R-P. A-A-R-P. OK, A-A, Ron. Whatever you say.
00:19:13
Speaker
Okay, you know what? I'll just make the place and then you guys will just talk about what you're doing there basically. And then I'll try to guide from there and figure out where you all can end up so that you become a party, a team. A clan.
00:19:41
Speaker
So let's see, we're going to play in a land called Eberron. It's a pretty, you know, we give it kind of a North American landscape, you know, a lot of diversity there in this specific area that you're going to be within. It's very plany. So, you know, you can think of like, you know, Midwest central of the United States kind of area, very flat.
00:20:10
Speaker
Minecraft fields. Yeah, yeah, not too much terrible terrain to trek around. So that's going to be kind of the scenery you're going to be seeing. And then throughout most of the trails outside of this town, though, are going to be like kind of some dense forests. So, you know, part of
00:20:37
Speaker
Part of this area is very plany and then other parts of it are going to be very, very forestry and, you know, very lots, lots of trees and nature and stuff of that matter. Pretty wild, you know, untamed, big untamed. So are we at the frontier in this town? You're far from your microphone. Are we on the edge of the frontier in this town?
00:21:05
Speaker
edge of the frontier. What do you mean by like space? Final frontier? I mean, like the American frontier, like the wilderness. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Get a grasp on what exactly we're
00:21:30
Speaker
um okay so right now it's um kind of it's in the later half of the summer so you know it's it's it's a nice heat where you're at here you know it's it's a it's a lively summer it's not really like a kill you kind of summer and you know whether whether this this place this area has you know it's very um
00:21:57
Speaker
very seasonal. It has all the seasons whenever it hits, unlike where we live currently in the real life. So you can tell basically what kind of time of year it is just based on looking outside. So this specific small town within this land called Eberron is called Oakhurst.
00:22:19
Speaker
And it's just a very up and coming town. It has a small residential section that kind of leads into the main strip filled with, you know, the main shops and the tavern and the inn and, you know, all the whatnot, like the commercial district, basically. That's really all that this town is. It's just a commercial district and then lining up from it is just a small residential section where most of the residents like to stay.
00:22:50
Speaker
Um, so that, that is pretty, uh, yeah. So the, so the people in this town are mostly made up of humans. There are a few halflings and a few dwarves, but it is mostly human. Okay. So yeah, that, that is where we are at right now.
00:23:25
Speaker
Um, I don't know. Well, what's it like, what specific locations are in this town? Well, I don't know where you guys's characters are even. So is there like, uh, is there like, uh, okay. Okay. So, so, okay. So yeah, I'll tell you what kind of places they're in this town. And then we can see.
00:23:49
Speaker
Where you guys might be so Let's see there's we have let's see. What do I want to tell you first? Okay, so there's there's a there's just a very general general store Okay, like it's about the general general store Yes, it is called the general general store
00:24:15
Speaker
Was it good? Because the owner of this shop, uh, was, yeah, he was general. He used to be in the army. And, um, he just decided to set up his retirement fund in a general store. And that is what he is doing right now. Selling just very basic wares, um, nothing too great that all saved right now. It just on, it's very, it appears very basic.
00:24:44
Speaker
Very basic. Very basic. There is also a shrine there where clergy and priests tend to hang out, services among that, such as healing and where the religious aspect of the town dwells, which could be interesting. Let's see. There's a blacksmith.
00:25:14
Speaker
Um, so he, you know, the dwarven owned blacksmith. Is there like a town square? A town square. Um, Oh, I mean, you could call it a square, but it's just one road that is like, it's like main street, basically with all these shops in line on it. So it's like, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I understand.
00:25:47
Speaker
So yeah, just a regular blacksmith called Dwarven Smithing Co. Run by this mom and pop shop of a dwarf and his son whose names they don't know yet. One of their names is, nevermind, I don't know their names yet. And then
00:26:14
Speaker
There is also a tavern slash inn keep where, you know, you walk in and it's the floor levels, the tavern, and then you can rent rooms upstairs for the inn if you choose to do so. The barkeep is another dwarf, but the whole building itself is owned by a human man.
00:26:40
Speaker
And that is basically the main. It's not all the buildings, but it's the main key ones that most of the people seem to delve in whenever they're out and about in town. Well, I think whoosh would be going over to the little clergy area.
00:27:08
Speaker
to
A Whoosh and Walter's Town Explorations
00:27:09
Speaker
basically scope out the competition. So that's where that's where I'm going to be. Y'all can figure out where you want to go. Is there a bar? The tavern, yes. I'm going there. OK. I mean, I'm also going to go into that clergy area because, you know,
00:27:34
Speaker
I still don't like other religions. I'm there to kill someone. So yeah, I'm also scoping there. You're hoboing it up right off the bat. OK. He says, OK, Caillou.
00:27:58
Speaker
Um, I think I saw a random minotaur walking around in this town. So I, I'm going to sneak up and follow him. Try it without him seeing me, hopefully. Okay. Um, I mean, if we want to start gameplay, we can.
00:28:25
Speaker
I'm down. I can just I can just kind of still leave it up to just descriptions unless you guys kind of want to do some actual gameplay. Get into it. Let's get into the. And OK, you want it, you want the risk of failing? Yes. All right. Well, then I come back to your guys' story later. I want to start with Jacob first. Oh.
00:28:47
Speaker
Okay. He goes, you want to run the risk of failing? Yes. No, it's not. No, I just, I wanted to, uh, I wanted to take care of the one before the three. So, okay. Yeah. What can I say? Um, all right, Jacob. So you walk into.
00:29:15
Speaker
You walk into this tavern. There is some pretty jovial music playing. Right, right. So Jacob asked if there was a woman in this bar. There are women in this bar, but there is one that catches your eye. She's sitting at the actual bar with the barkeep. And she is a tall, slender human female with red hair. I approached the bar.
00:29:46
Speaker
I sit next to her. I saw Connor arrange something and I'm worried. I saw him move some papers on his desk or something. I don't know. I don't know what's going on there. I don't know if I like it. You're sitting next to this woman? Okay, so she's drinking from what appears to be
00:30:15
Speaker
You know, a wine glass filled with white wine. And she doesn't even give you a second glance. She seems very focused on just looking off into the distance. And the bartender comes up to you and asks, Hey, Lottie, what would you like to drink tonight? I'll have what she's having. A tall glass of her. OK, so. So you thought her.
00:30:45
Speaker
So everyone starts, well, yeah, I guess I can tell everyone what kind of money they have regardless. Everyone starts out with 50 gold pieces, 57 pieces. 50 gold pieces? Yes. And 50 gold pieces. We're going to get wrong. Economy is interesting in this world. The economy is in shambles. Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:16
Speaker
So you ask the barkeep, you'll have what she's having. And he says, all right, yes. Finest white wine in the old video. Brood fresh daily. That will be five silver pieces. I'll have silver, do I? You do. You have 50 silver pieces. Oh, 50 of each? Yes, you have 50 gold silver. That's good to know. But I didn't hear you say silver. Oh, sorry. 10 copper is equal to one silver and 10 silver is equal to one gold.
00:31:46
Speaker
I'm pretty sure that's how that works. I think so. I think so. A silver's like a dime. A copper's like a penny and a gold is like a dollar because it's worth a lot more than that. How much copper do you have? Fifty. Fifty of each. Just right down. Fifty of each. Come on, Aiju, get with the program. Sorry, Aiju. Got to start handing out programs, bro. And an Electrum is like two...
00:32:15
Speaker
It's like 50 silver. 5 silver, sorry. What? I think. Electron, yeah. And then platinum is... 10 gold. Yeah, 10 gold.
00:32:38
Speaker
So the bartender tells you... I hand him the silver. I hand him the silver. It's like, ah, good choice. Coming right up. And you see him grab a wine glass, you know, pops open the cork of a wine bottle, gives you fresh white wine, bro. That was a solid noise, dude. And then he sets it right in front of you. Anything else, you just ask me. Thank you, sir. I just...
00:33:08
Speaker
I start drinking. I scootch my chair a little closer to the woman. To the woman. Okay. Beats the shit out of me. Make... Make a constitution check. Just make a straight dexterity check, actually. Just make a dexterity check.
00:33:38
Speaker
Uh, what is that? What do I roll? Uh, straight up your dexterity modifier. Oh yeah. Just the one with all the different sides on it. Plus whatever your dexterity is. No, 20. The, the, the, the most. I don't have a knife. I'm just doing it on the computer. Oh, okay. Okay. 20.
00:34:08
Speaker
I should have had this up with my bed. One dice of a d20. All right. I got 16 plus my modifier of dexterity is one. So 17. Oh, wow. Okay. So you just very casually right next to this young lady, a little closer. Um,
00:34:34
Speaker
She notices, but you don't do it in an awkward sense. She then looks over at you and kind of just looks you up and down, and then just goes back to looking at her drink. Rejected. Very good start. Thank you. Yeah, so far you've just scooted next to her, looked at her,
00:35:02
Speaker
and then she looked at you that required a dexterity check so i'm scared of what comes next because you can just you can like talk to people it's a free action all right i i begin speaking to the woman and i start off with uh well what about the drinks more interesting than me
00:35:32
Speaker
she she looks at you um she kind of gives you a smile that gives you a sense of um she hasn't heard that one before and she uh she appreciates a new kind of talk and not just uh someone coming up and uh saying some better appearance and uh and she uh she kind of most and then opens her mouth and says
00:36:00
Speaker
It's not the drink that's interesting. I just have a lot on my mind today. I accept my hand out for a handshake and I go, do tell Aaron. Nice to meet you. Okay.
Tavern Tales: Personal Stories and Town History
00:36:17
Speaker
She shakes her hand. Um, she
00:36:25
Speaker
She accepts your handshake request, she shakes her hand, she says, my name is Jay. Nice to meet you, A.A. Ron. Yeah. Did you get A.A. Ron? Have you met my brother, Cobb? I'm not too open with strangers, I just think I should let you know right off the bat. But I appreciate your gentlemanliness towards me so far. How do you spell Jay? Is it J-A-Y?
00:36:57
Speaker
Yes, yes, J-A-Y. For sure, for sure. Actually, no, J-A-I. Yeah, this is a fantasy spell. Yeah, yeah, you gotta do everything a little. Yeah, yeah. J-A-E-I. How about that? No. With an ax and a marker. J-A-I. There's my character finding her. My OC, don't steal. This is difficult because my character knows how to flirt, but I don't.
00:37:26
Speaker
Which is why these are going to be funny interactions. I go, why is that? And don't worry about me. I'm just I'm just someone from out of town. Right. Well, you know how it goes. Family trouble and whatnot. You know, mostly my father. I'm afraid he's gone very ill.
00:37:55
Speaker
No, not daddy issues. She likes her dad. No. Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Oh, go ahead. And most of the doctors in the city, they just do not know what to do with him, and they're not very hopeful about the time he has left. I'm very sorry to hear about that. I lost both of my parents at a very young age, so I sort of understand what you're going through.
00:38:26
Speaker
Oh, I'm sure that was very difficult for you. I can't even imagine losing one. I don't know. Noah, help me out here. Bruh. Help me out here, bruh. And then the woman looks at the barkeep and then looks back at you and says, can I buy you a drink?
00:38:54
Speaker
I doubt my wine, put it on the table and go, certainly, as long as I can buy yours. You're just trading.
00:39:09
Speaker
She seems very perplexed at that offer because that's not usually how this interaction comes about, especially if both of the drinks are the same and they cost the same. But, you know, she she kind of just awkwardly laughs it off and then and then says, I play it off as a joke.
00:39:39
Speaker
How do you play it off as a joke? Deception check. Let me do a deception check. Let me roll a deception check right now. Well, what do you say? Probably charisma. No, I mean, maybe. Let me roll. Let me just roll it, bro. Let me just roll it. I mean, I guess, but you're going to have to actually say something and not just be like, my dice says all. Hey, can I roll first? Or should no wait.
00:40:10
Speaker
Should I roll first? You have to try to say it first. Yeah. I'll just like smile and be like, I guess that joke didn't land. Okay. Let me roll. Let me roll. Yeah. Just roll. Yeah. Just roll a persuasion check. How much is that D 20?
00:40:32
Speaker
yes yes yes whenever i say check it usually means d20 unless i tell you otherwise just default is 20 18 plus something is that with your is that 18 weight and persuasion plus six geez
00:40:51
Speaker
Okay, so Jacob's rolling all the high rolls right off the bat, guys. So you guys are going to be left with nothing. That's not how luck works, but I appreciate that. Yeah, my rolls affected their rolls. Bro, I'm wasting all luck. This is a base luck roll. I'm wasting the communal luck on flirting with a woman at a bar, which is exactly what my character would do. So like, this is perfect. I'm fine with this.
00:41:20
Speaker
There's a roll pool. You can only roll so many twenties. Yeah. Um, she, she kind of gives a more comforting laugh and says, Oh, okay. Good. Good thing. It seems like you've done this before clearly. And then she buys you another white wine. And you buy her another white wine. 20 minutes.
00:41:45
Speaker
Yeah, she looks at the dwarf, she says, Braumrich, give him another white wine, please. What's his name? Braumrich? Yeah, Braumrich is the dwarf's name. Bro, that's such a cool name. And then he's like, aye, laddie, of course, on you, I'm assuming, to which he says, yes, put it on my tab. He says, aye, you're a very, very sweet woman. And then he, from the same bottle he opened for you, he just pours you another glass and hands it to you.
00:42:18
Speaker
I begin to drink. Um, okay. So you, you're down, you're down the wine. You're now two glasses of wine and you'll a slight effect of being tipsy. Nice. I'm about to get robbed. I'm about to get robbed bro. Look at Connor's face. Look at Connor's face. Okay. Yeah.
00:42:45
Speaker
Is there anything else you'd like to do in this bar? There's plenty of people at the tables. There's still this coming next to you. There's the barkeep you can have conversation with. Is there an inn at this tavern? Yes, yes. There's stairs in the back that lead up into the inn area. You just have to ask the barkeep and he will provide you services for a room.
00:43:14
Speaker
So while the barkeep is still there, I motion him over and I go, so tell me a little bit about this town. I'm new here. This is my first night here. Oh, right. An inventor? An adventurer, are we? I guess you could say that. Okay. We've had a few of those here and now. Most of them don't come back. I can't exactly say why, but I think we both understand what I'm trying to say here.
00:43:42
Speaker
This town specifically, it's had its problems in the past, but we're a very communal people, and we like to get along with each other. However, there is some things that an adventurer like yourself should know about this place. There are certain times of the year where things don't seem quite normal, not in the sense that, you know,
00:44:12
Speaker
There's a mystical current on this land or anything, no, but every year on the same day, the Samar Solstice, there's this tribe of goblins that seem to come out of nowhere, and they offer us this red ruby apple that claims to heal any wounds and any illnesses that
00:44:37
Speaker
could ever be inflicted upon one person. All that it takes is a single bite to be cured. And they sell it to us by the quarters. Quarter of an apple. Each quarter is 50 gold pieces each. So they basically rob us blind for the only medicine you can really get in town. That's not to even mention what they do in the winter. In the winter they come by with this very white and pale blue apple.
00:45:05
Speaker
And they claim that it actually does the opposite effect, that it hurts whoever eats it. So very, very bad people, you know, they sell these to them and they get their hands on this apple. And, you know, around the winter solstice area, our livestock usually starts to plummet because competition seems to go a little too far with the farmers, if you know what I mean.
00:45:33
Speaker
So it's unfortunate that things of this nature happen. But other than that, we're a perfectly normal town. We drink our ale like everyone else. We work hard and then we go to sleep and provide for our families. Just for context, around what time of the year is it right now?
00:45:56
Speaker
This is probably maybe a week after that summer solstice that he brought up. So a week before these tribe of goblins came to this town and sold the town this red apple. And they do this every year on the same day. On the same day, obviously. Yes. So I turn and look to the lady and I ask her, why didn't you buy a quarter of an apple for your father? Well, as Braumrich
00:46:26
Speaker
mentioned. They sell the apple for a pretty penny. Our family does not have much of that. I really wish I could do something, but they don't just give it away. No one really gives it away because it is very valuable.
00:46:49
Speaker
I mean she just bought him like two glasses of really nice red wine for like ten gold pieces. Two? She bought him one. She bought me one. It's five silver pieces. It's five silvers. I kinda wanna call her out. That's kinda... So I come to this bar now and drink my sorrows away. I see. And where's your father at?
00:47:21
Speaker
Where is he? Oh, he's at the general doctor practitioner, right? Still down the main road at the very end. He's staying with them because he cannot provide for myself and my younger brother. Is it just you two or do you have a mother? My mother is out on a little errand of her own. I do not know when she's going to come back, but
00:47:51
Speaker
promises that she will make everything better. I do not have a form of communication with her though, unfortunately. It's an interesting game. Ephraim does. Which Brooke, um, looks back at you and interjects into the conversation and he says, I, I forgot to ask, are you one of those magic wielders? Yeah. What do you mean by that?
00:48:20
Speaker
Do you delve in any form of the mystic arts? Would it be an issue if I did? Well, we certainly haven't had a good experience with people who have. Why is that? Well, there was this man. I don't quite exactly
00:48:49
Speaker
remember his name, something human-like. But our town... Thank you. Is this the bar music? Our town cast him out quite a few years ago. And he did some very dangerous experiments with the Fae, the
00:49:18
Speaker
plant life in the surrounding area. He hurt a few people. He tortured a few people. He was not good for business, so to speak. We cast him out of our town. He caused a little too much of Arrakis, but the good people in the town. Interesting. And as a result, the whole town does not like magic casters anymore.
00:49:50
Speaker
That seems to be the common opinion. We do not wish to continue with anything that isn't physical that we can see, because as we've come to know, it only hurts us. Turn to the lady and ask her, what if I tried using magic on your father? She will not want to kill me. How do I know? You have two healing spells.
00:50:20
Speaker
How do I know that? Well, your healing spells, I don't think they heal illnesses. One heals wounds, one heals... Oh no, let me check. Very interesting. I mean, you can certainly try in character, but out of character, I don't think that's how they work, but I mean... You cannot cure cancer with cure wounds. That's true.
00:50:49
Speaker
So the lady, so Jay, she says, um, how do I know that you're true to your word and you won't just, you won't just kill him outright with your outlandish and wild magic? Well, I can't guarantee that I'll heal him, but certainly I won't have any intention of hurting your father, especially after getting to know you and you buying me a drink.
00:51:17
Speaker
I've only known you for five minutes. I don't think I can trust you yet to really believe you. I understand. I lightly... Can you get it for me? I lightly tap on the table next to the girl and I'll say, I'll win your trust one day. And then I go to the back of the tavern. Well, no, first I ask the...
00:51:48
Speaker
a tavern keeper for an inn, or for a place to stay. Okay, so Jacob, you asked the barkeep about place to stay? Okay, so Hilary says, ah yes of course, we have many rooms available for rent, you can do one night for
00:52:10
Speaker
fee of one gold piece, or you can do a bundle of three nights for two gold pieces. And I can get the owner over here. He could set you up with the room. Hey, Toth, come over here. We have someone who would like to rent a room. And then as a tall slender human male approaches the bar, walks up to you and says, oh, hello. My barkeep friend here has informed me that you'd be interested in a place here.
00:52:41
Speaker
Yes, I would be interested in purchasing your bundle. Bundle, okay. So, our bundle, so far right now, what we're doing is three knights for two gold pieces. Yes, I'd be interested. Okay, I'll just have you... Oh, here's... If you could give me...
00:53:06
Speaker
the money, then I can give you the key to the room. I had him two gold pieces. All right, your room is room number two upstairs. Whenever you feel like it, it's yours. It's available. Make yourself at home here. Come down to the bar whenever you want to for drinks. Brockmere is open 24 seven. Well, thank you very much. And I head up to my room. So that was his name, not Brockmere.
00:53:37
Speaker
All right. I feel like I gained a decent bit of information from that. The apple part is interesting. So. So I don't want it in her bluff, but it seems that's kind of against my guy's character. What he doesn't like. Well, it's interesting because she's spending so much money drinking, but she could have like saved up that money to buy the apple. You know, I feel like.
00:54:05
Speaker
Especially if she's buying drinks for other people that are five silver pieces. Like the two drinks she just spent is the gold piece right there. Maybe so. Maybe. Yeah. So she's not buying those damn frappuccinos from Starbucks. Honestly, bro. Bro. So near at the edge of the main street,
00:54:32
Speaker
is a small cathedral-style building, which can only be described as a shrine in and of itself is the building, but also within it is also a shrine toward some deity. Within it, there are just various clergy members and just a few people kneeling and praying.
00:55:01
Speaker
toward the front, or I guess where the altar would be in this building. Okay, so I'm, I was just going to go in and he kind of spots out the clergy and he beelines it for him.
00:55:29
Speaker
can you tell me about the the how many clergy members are there here um I'd say about four just maintaining three of them maintaining the place you know cleaning the altar whatnot and then there seems to be one main priestess or who seems to be the head of
00:55:56
Speaker
These guys, she has different robes on in comparison, gives people a little more garnish on her. Can I do a religion check to figure out what religion it is? Of course, yeah. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, six. Jacob,
Deceptive Plans Unraveled
00:56:22
Speaker
take all the good rolls. What can I say?
00:56:25
Speaker
A six. So at this altar you see in a kind of a mosaic style painting an outline of a goddess. Do I see any like identifying symbols like made me like a wave or like like a like a wind stream or something like that? Like something that could give me like a
00:56:55
Speaker
rough outline hmm there or am i just because i did roll a six so yeah yeah okay no okay well i guess i mean i i can tell you what it looks like but i i mean i don't have to yeah so yeah so behind her
00:57:22
Speaker
You see, she just has a very yellow and white mixed glowing aura behind her. And that's about the detail. Sun, life, light, something like that. Yeah, so I'm going to walk up or Wush is going to walk up to the head priestess lady.
00:57:53
Speaker
I wish walks up to her and and he's gonna He's wearing a he's wearing a little cloak right now and he's kind of lit it up No, not like an acolyte but he I mean he looks like a traveler who's been traveling And he plasters on a smile and he's like
00:58:23
Speaker
Mm. I don't miss. How are you doing this fine day? The woman in front of you is a female gnome. And she is wearing... Okay, so we're kind of all the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys, there's no, you know, inequality. I thought I was like, looking straight. No, no, no. No, she, so far she seems to be one of the only gnomes you've encountered in this city, which is nice for you.
00:58:52
Speaker
Yeah. But yeah, she's wearing these kind of green and gold ornamental robes with the same color pattern that her other clergy members are wearing, but hers is more ornate. It has more details in her designs, very floral kind of, so to put it. She looks at you and she gives a very, very warm smile and says, wow, hello there.
00:59:22
Speaker
obvious traveler. I have not seen you here at all. Would you mind telling me what it is you're doing here? What purpose you may find seeking our holy one? Yes, yes. See, I am a pilgrim. I have found myself on a religious journey. My name is knock and
00:59:51
Speaker
I have been called, I feel, to this place. And I don't show exactly why that is. And I was wondering if you could tell me who you serve. Do you want me to roll a deception check? Maybe, yeah, probably. OK, so that's a nat one.
01:00:16
Speaker
I'm not using the E20 anymore. Jacob, check out the rules, what can I say? To feel like getting women. I got some valuable information. You did. You did get some information. Not from the women though. Maybe you did from women. Maybe you got something from the women. Maybe the women is important. I think I know.
01:00:46
Speaker
Oh yeah, so you rolled an out one on your deception check. She instantly, after you speak these words, her smile fades and her eyes, you're like right into your eyes. And she responds with, why is your instinct to lie to me right off the bat? We're all family here.
01:01:16
Speaker
There's no need for distrust. Please, tell me the truth. You're right. I'm sorry. You see, I'm in a bit of trouble right now. I've been... Let's just say... Bamboozled. On the run! Not for anything of my own! Her eyes widen.
01:01:44
Speaker
Not for my own fault, of course. I'm a very simple man. I deal a simple, honest trade. I'm a woodworker, but I have been in a little bit of a... bit of a spot of trouble with these loan sharks. You see, recently it's been so dry
01:02:14
Speaker
that it's been really hard, easy to, you know, catch fire. And as a woodworker, it's really hard for things not to catch on fire. And I had recently borrowed a decent chunk of money for materials to make a large order. And it all burnt up
01:02:44
Speaker
And now I can either pay the loan sharks back, nor give what the customer asked me to make. And I've been on the run because they've sent brutish, what are they called? You know, what's the word for people that
01:03:09
Speaker
Dead collectors, that's cool. Collection agents. I cannot figure out... People that collect dead, where do those people go? There are those people that go around collecting things. They're after your death. Oh yes, but I could not run from dead collectors. Wow. That is quite a story. Wow.
01:03:39
Speaker
Although I did ask you to share, and I'm glad you shared as much as you did. You see, here, this town, we believe in life, regardless of that's first, second, third chances at it. Which is why we pray to the goddess behind us, Sharonlar, who is a goddess of healing.
01:04:10
Speaker
How do you spell that? C-S-H-A-R-I-N-D-L-A-R. I love how literally Connor mentions any new day when we all just take like a five second pause. Yes, we here believe that, you know,
01:04:40
Speaker
All things can be done through healing. Whether it's physical, mental, spiritual. Madam, but in my case, I don't think I can be saved for I have not the money or the ability to pay back.
01:05:09
Speaker
My debt. At first I thought you were talking about tithing. To which I was going to be like, oh you can't tithe? Oh. What? You said I don't have the money. And I thought you were going to talk about tithing. Oh no. And I was going to have her just shut you down and dismiss you immediately if you couldn't tithe.
01:05:40
Speaker
all things are possible through sharinlar. You just need patience, my friend. Yes. How? And, you know, keeping away from crime can sometimes help as well. Well, it wasn't exactly a crime. The only kind- We don't need to get into the details of the- I was shot burned down. Right. But I can get a sense that
01:06:11
Speaker
The way you go about collecting your own debts is not necessarily, uh, pure. Why would you think that? Because you lied to me right off the bat when we first met. Oh yeah, but like, what if you were working with them? I could not know that. That is a good point. However, I would place more trust in the places of deity and worship if I were you.
01:06:48
Speaker
So from what I remember I use I mean Walter Black and Caillou are also in this area Walter Black attempting to follow him without being seen Okay, I'll just give you that because He has no reason to look for you
01:07:11
Speaker
or look out for a person that looks like you, you're pretty basic. Besides being bald. Which I'm sure a lot of people have hair problems in this. Yeah, it's pretty common. Pretty common thing, yeah. Well, I mean, my guy, he's there to kill. And who else but that high priestess? So, you know...
01:07:40
Speaker
Scott in the place. I've been as chill as possible. The priestess gives out her hand and says, my name is Corky. Wait, what? My name is- I thought you would argue her name. Oh, no, you had, you gave me the sugar later. Yes. Yes. That was the name of the goddess. Her name is Corky. Like Corky?
01:08:05
Speaker
No. No, like if you're a spell, the dog breed Corgi, but with a K instead of a G. Oh, okay, Corgi. Well, thank you, Corgi. And I take her hand out of like Claspet Weekly, like a little babe. And she puts a hand on your shoulder. It will all work out. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them very much.
01:08:33
Speaker
And here comes Walter Black. Yeah. Giant Minotaur Bandist. Yeah, so like, I mean, I'm yeah, I'll enter the chapel. Is it? Yeah, it's basically a cathedral with a shrine in it. Yeah. So you know, cathedral or like a fully like, is it
01:09:00
Speaker
Like is it where it's just like the bunch of pillars, but like, like, uh, like the Parthenon. Or it's not big by any means, but it's a cathedral style kind of snow building. So we're thinking like Catholic. Um, yeah. Gothic kind of Gothic architecture. Standout-ish compared to the rest of the town's buildings.
01:09:28
Speaker
All right. Yeah. So like enters the building. Yeah. And I'm keeping my eye out on that. A high priestess. Tell me it's her. I do. I have my old way. What do I have? I got I got a crossbow, but it's it's concealed in my. Oh, so you're not making your intent clear. I'm not going to kill her right away. No, no, no. I can't have civilians see this. Make a big scene.
01:10:00
Speaker
So I'm just keeping an eye on what she's doing, where she's going, when she's alone. Kind of staying in the back, you know what I mean? Just keeping an eye on what she's doing. I'm guessing she's got sermons and different songs and rituals to do. I don't know. You know, I'm just- And after walks up to you as you just stand in this back, not really doing anything and says,
Walter's Cathedral Inquiry
01:10:27
Speaker
Hello, big friends, can I help you with anything? No, I'm just here to visit. I'm a visitor. I love the buildings. Well, it's all open space, so please feel free to make yourself home here. Yes, yes. Do you know by any chance when the cathedral closes, I just want to know?
01:10:56
Speaker
Well, we keep our doors unlocked all day, every day. It doesn't technically have a closing period, but most people leave the building, as far as the clergymen go, at around sunset time. You know, after dark, it's not maintained, if that's what you're asking. And I'm guessing... Those are always open to anyone who wishes to be in here. And I'm guessing the... A homeless shelter.
01:11:28
Speaker
How has it not become a homeless shelter? Because everyone in this town works. So there are no homeless? No, there's not many homeless people here. Well, not that you've seen so far. Not like bombs on the street. Yeah, so I'm guessing the clergy, they live in the town, yes, with houses and families and stuff.
01:12:00
Speaker
That is a very specific and interesting question to ask, but I mean, I don't know the exact locations of every single clergyman's living space, but there are some that live in this town, some commute from far away neighboring towns if they need to do a sermon here. The high priestess I know for sure
01:12:29
Speaker
lives in this town. I don't know exactly where because I don't stalk her and I don't have many events with her at her homestead. Yes, stalking is weird, yes. Thank you so much, Mr. Man, small man. Ah, yes. The name is Joshua. Yes, thank you, Joshua. Give Hov out to Shay Kanweth.
01:12:59
Speaker
Oh, I think your hands are hands, but your feet are hooves. Oh, okay. I guess my giant, giant hand. Yeah. And his, his hand in your hand kind of just feels like a finger to you. Like if you were to shoot a finger of one of your kind. Yeah. So I guess I'll just, I'll just stay until, uh, the, until the clergy leave, which is a high priestess. Yeah.
01:13:31
Speaker
Okay. Uh, Caillou is nearby. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just sitting in the corner watching. Okay. Um, yeah. Whoosh. Whoosh sees this, uh, from afar, just kind of out of the corner of his eyes. I don't really pay attention to that much, but, um,
01:14:04
Speaker
Yeah, but I wish she notices. Had we finished our conversation, or had I finished my conversation with Porky? Yeah, she goes back to doing her duties that she has to finish up for the day. Real quick, I'm going to do like a sweep of the whole place, trying to find out where the tile box is.
01:14:35
Speaker
Um, but like not going for it. I'm just looking. Okay. So yeah, you can make a perception check if you wish. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I, I switched dice. So I got an perception. Where's perception? Uh, 14, uh, 14 total. Yeah. Okay. Um, so.
01:15:05
Speaker
Oh, there he is. So you see, there's a kind of in the front area near the doors, there's a there's a box kind of has a slit in it, which you can only assume is for donations. And then also you can see an usher
01:15:32
Speaker
walk towards you know what appears to be towards a door into the back room area in there like on the side of the wall where the altar is there's a door and he holds kind of a box it's kind of like a metal or metal with wood box you just kind of walk side into there and it's open face or it's open so you can see that there's a clinking of some coins within that
01:16:01
Speaker
OK, he takes it out of the pack. I, yeah, I noticed this and then whoosh heads on back down to where he sees Walter Black. And whoosh kind of like sidles up after, you know, walking around the cathedral for a little bit and he walks up to Walter Black and
01:16:31
Speaker
He says, hmm, hello there, good sir. How are you today? On this fine day. Yeah, yes, I'm doing pretty well. How about, how about you, small man? Um, I need a bit of a pickle. Um, and I was wondering if I could talk to you outside. Um, is it, uh, is it urgent? Um,
01:17:00
Speaker
well this could be worth your while all right i guess uh i guess we'll save our time and we'll go yes yes let's let's let's go okay um i guess we walk outside out of the um far enough to be out of the uh earshot of anyone in the cathedral or anyone in town
01:17:28
Speaker
Okay. Sorry, I was messing around and seeing what... Okay. Oh, so you walk outside, you said? Actually... Would you like to go to the bar to discuss things? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um... W-w-w-what time? What time is it? Of day? Heh heh. Um... The sun is probably just touching the horizon at this point.
01:17:54
Speaker
OK. All right. All right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we can go for a little bit. I got to. Oh, why would some other business done? Yes, that's very kind of you. Yes, of course. Let's go to the the tavern for a little bit. Can you what do you do? Are you still following? Yes. The silent observer silently following behind. Do we do we see him or do we see
01:18:24
Speaker
Like, no. You do not notice him. I gave him automatic stealth. Okay, so you just have cloaking abilities. Apparently. I didn't want him to have to roll for that. Okay. Yes, we walk into the Tavern. It's pretty populated in there, right? Yeah, it's a little more populated compared to when Jacob was in there. Okay, so is it pretty loud, would you say?
01:18:54
Speaker
Yeah, the music seems definitely a little more jovial, you know. Most of the tables are full. However, a lot of the bar seats are still pretty open. Okay. So, yeah, I'm gonna go up to the barkeep. Oh, you are cheapest of beers. Like,
01:19:21
Speaker
Like the, like the shit that like comes out of like the cheapest Dos Equis shit that you get. Like we're talking Bud Light. Um, you know, you should make me a straight up charisma check.
01:19:51
Speaker
A charisma check, okay. So that is a 16. Okay. Total? 16 total? Yep, 16 total. All right. So the dwarf, Romryk, he looks at you, he kind of looks you up and down.
01:20:14
Speaker
Okay, so yes, the the dwarven barkeep, Braumrik. He looks you up and down. He kind of gives you somewhat of a glare, but he doesn't look like he hates you just yet. After you finish that small spiel you gave him about cheap liquor, he says to you, are you with those people? Are you a part of that tribe?
01:20:44
Speaker
Now, I don't know exactly what you're talking about, but I have been privy to much racism in my time. Please don't be... I'm not kidding. What are you talking about? The goblins, they come here twice a year. Are you with them? Well, this is the first time I've ever been here in this part of...
01:21:13
Speaker
Eberron? We're in Eberron, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, in this part of Eberron, I have never been anywhere but down for the South. He really keeps his eyes on you and then says, right, you can stay here. You can
01:21:43
Speaker
Give us your patronage, but I will keep an eye on you." And he just kind of, you know... As Emily Barkeep should for all his patrons. Don't want anyone to get super rowdy. You see him walk down to like this very edge of the corner of the bar
01:22:08
Speaker
behind the, where he keeps all the drinks. And then he picks up, he picks up this hose that's connected to a barrel that you can see doesn't get used very often. And he kind of sprays it into a small pint and he hands it to you. Uh, he says, uh, one silver piece each. Okay.
01:22:36
Speaker
I hand him the silver piece. One and two. And then another one gives it to you. And then as he turns around. No, I'm kidding. And as he turns around to get another, to get the barrel, I, I, I, I steal his coin for no ticket. Um. Yeah, I just, so you, I grabbed the two pints.
01:23:06
Speaker
I turn around, walk over and find a table with with Walter Black. There is one open table left, which sits for. OK, it's a circle and table. OK, nice. Is it wooden? Yes, it is wooden chairs. There's things in this bar. Yeah, most things are made of wood. Yes, most things are made of wood here. Dang it.
01:23:34
Speaker
So I, I, I give one of the points to Walter and, and wish, which is like, sir, let me get your name. Um, names, uh, Walter. Yes. Walter. Yes. My name's knock. Knock. Like, um, like would you do to a door?
01:24:03
Speaker
Yes. You see, most goblin names are based on Ottoman piers or phonetic sound based words. Very, very interesting. So a history lesson for the day. Oh, thank you. Yes, yes. So the family name, did your
01:24:31
Speaker
Is that the given name? Great, great, great, great grandmother was named Knock. Oh, very nice. Very nice. You see, I overheard a little bit of your conversation with the steward at the temple. And then I kind of like lower my voice down a whisper. And I was wondering, and you could be honest with me,
01:25:02
Speaker
What your plans were after the temple was no longer staff for the night? I'm just a visitor. I wanted to know when the temple closed. I don't look like I'm out of, you know, not from around here. No harm done here.
01:25:33
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes. So you're not from around here? No, no, I am a passer buyer. A passer buyer? Yes. Now, Walter, are you telling me the truth? Yes, yes, of course. I am Walter. I never lie. Say, Walter, have you ever had a history of, well,
01:26:03
Speaker
What do you do for work? I am a nomad. I always move. I get money from those who are nice. No work, just exploring the beautiful land of...
01:26:30
Speaker
of this land known as Eberron. Very beautiful. Yes. Can I do a perception check or like... Oh, that'd be an insight. Insight check. I mean, I... Will we do a contest or like... Well, actually, I mean, I guess he's not being... Yeah.
01:26:57
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Okay. So it would be Noah's insight versus Ayush's deception, if that's how you want. Okay. Yeah. So Ayush, you're going to roll deception. All right.
01:27:16
Speaker
And then 20 dice? Yeah, 20. No, not 20 dice, the d20. No, the 20-sided die. Yes, yeah. Yeah, I wrote 20 dice. I got 105. Okay. I got a 17. Including adding your deception modifier? I got a 21. That's plus four, that's a 21. Enrolling dice?
01:27:46
Speaker
Yeah. Dang. Yeah, you beat me. Okay. I don't even need better. It plays out as such. Okay. Well, you see, I need to help with something. And I was wondering, you being a traveler and all, and needing, I'll be needing coin for food and travel fair.
01:28:16
Speaker
if you would like to help me. What kind of help would that be? You see, I have a beef with the church there. Beef, as in not... Sorry, that was probably really racist for the Minotaur. I mean... I have...
01:28:46
Speaker
a gripe with me that would actually be like a really good joke back in the day oh man I have a gripe with the church and I want to make sure that those people are not only
01:29:15
Speaker
able to inflict their will monetarily on this town, if you know what I'm saying. Okay, I see. You want to, um, rob this church? You don't have to use crosswords! We're not doing anything like that. I'm simply using what I like to call the five-finger discount.