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Episode 28: Chris is having a baby!
42 Plays6 months ago
This week Chris, a soon-to-be father, joins us for a chat. We discuss fatherhood, our childhoods, lessons learned, fears, excitement, and more!
Join the Masculinity convo on X & TikTok:
@txmpod
We are now on Discord as well. Please excuse the growing pains there.
https://discord.gg/SrUmwFcu
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Transcript
Alcohol Adventures and Cultural Impressions
00:00:32
Speaker
That is nice. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of that fucking beer. Centoria is some delicious stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did I buy that? I bought that in Istanbul airport. It was ludicrously cheap coming through the airport. The duty free section? Yes. I don't drink it that often, but dear God, it's nice. The Japanese have a talent.
00:01:03
Speaker
Yeah. and as they do yeah which I mean, it's kind of, it's kind of funny cause I mean, there's no, I mean, you know, there's very few countries, you know, I i was, it was a weird one. I was looking up when I was in France at the start of the year, I was like, whiskey? No, apparently not.
00:01:21
Speaker
you know No whiskey in France? Listen, listen. They don't make it. They don't seem to make whiskey. They make ah brandy and cognac. but And that's why they're not a superpower. Instant heartburn to me. I was going to say, I'm a little nervous about the French making whiskey. I i don't know how I feel about that. That's a weird thought. They don't. They don't. know but But saying that, I mean, you can't be that kick ass at making wine and then venture into other people's territory. That's what I'm saying. It's weird. Be weird as fuck.
00:01:50
Speaker
But the Japanese, very yeah o very very good. I have a number of glorious bottles. Dude, they make some really good stuff. Dude, come down here. Come to South Florida. We have a bunch of like your your drink all you want for X during brunch. We have this place down by the beach. It is it used to be 25, I think it's 35, maybe 40 bucks, which sounds expensive, but you get it from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
00:02:18
Speaker
And you can drink. That place would run out of alcohol. It's the Four Seasons Hotel. They have plenty of it. And literally beer, mimosas, rum punches, and... Did I say beer? Yeah, I said beer. And Bloody Mary. You can drink all that shit for six hours or whatever that is. Follow me. Six hours of you, me, Stuart, rookie, and talk. Okay, they'd run out of it. Fine. They'd run out of it. Sure. I agree. I agree.
00:02:48
Speaker
I feel like we have to go to the store, assholes. All right. Are you guys ready? Yeah, let us do it. All right.
Introduction to 'Toxic Masculinity' Podcast
00:03:01
Speaker
Hey kids, welcome to toxic masculinity with Ian and Stuart. This week we have our friend Chris with us and I feel like we're just running down the UUP fucking list. It's not amazing. Yeah. Like, like, uh, we, uh, like Pokemon, Pokemon, we got to catch them all. Yeah. hello yeah so eie Now you're coming to the States, right? Now yeah you were over there in Darlington. Now we're, we're in South Florida, so it's okay. So how are you guys doing?
00:03:31
Speaker
I'm good. You're just having a chat about lots of alcohol we can drink. Yeah. Well, I haven't seen you guys in a while and I miss you all very dearly. I miss you too. and yeah You're about to be a dad. Yeah, which is kind of part of the reason I thought it would be good to have you on. Yeah, not because we like you. Not because we like you because frankly, you're a bit of a cunt. Fair. But because you're going to be Dad and that yeah all of the impending thoughts that that brings in Do you know and that's interesting? yeah So before we get into it hmm, let's ask the first question Yeah, you ready Chris.
Evolving Views on Masculinity and Fatherhood
00:04:14
Speaker
I I am I'm ready and I've been thinking about this for a while and but but so um so it's fast short but What's masculinity mean to you sir
00:04:23
Speaker
So masculinity, um what to me, what I think about is it is kind of like traits, right? Like what someone gives off um and what the stereotype, I guess stereotype is a good word for this, but the stereotype or traditionally what a man or woman is, right? Masculine, feminine, and those traits that go along. So when I think of masculinity, I think of uh, like, like a provider or protector, um, somewhat like, like a, I don't want to say dominance, but like someone that just has, you know, um, kind of traits that look out for other people as well. Like when I think of, and that, and that also, cause again, I've been thinking about this for awhile, but that also changes a lot throughout your life because what that meant,
00:05:18
Speaker
when I was in my 20s is different than in my 30s. And now I turned 40 next year, getting into that. And as a father, it's just completely different, right? Like when you're in your 20s, you think, oh, masculine is just this machismo guy that just is suave, knows all the words to say, and and has to show off almost like ah but like a peacock.
00:05:41
Speaker
like Showing their feathers right you gotta perform for that other gender especially in your twenties right cuz that's like your wanting to to get together with somebody else so you gotta look masculine right like if that's the role that you're playing if you're trying to hit up a feminine opposite sex ah person than you typically would play that role.
00:06:03
Speaker
that does change a lot, the older you get. Because i think I think we go and get a lot of shit thrown at us in life. And and then we realize that the things that we thought were things in our 20s were all bullshit. And then when you go through your 30s, you learn a lot of that shit's bullshit. And I think that's going to happen until I die. like If I make it to a hundred, I'll be like, yeah, that's the eighties. That shit sucked, man. The nineties is weird. Yeah. That's right. I think. i mean So what you're saying is in your twenties, you're stupid as fuck. Basically. Yeah. My God. Yes. Um, I'm still, ah I'm still a dumb asshole by the way. I want to clarify that. yeah um but i'm i'm less a dumb and leftcribing as so I feel like I'm less dumber than in my twenties. Not smart, just less dumber.
00:06:51
Speaker
I think it's more like, I don't think it's so much intelligence as as wisdom. As we get older, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think we necessarily learn more, but we just learn about things in general more. And I know how to hide us. A stupid anymore and but hundred percent. Like I, I, again, going back and this is, and this, this train of thought that I'm about to say is more along the lines of, and we can get into it later if you want, but my whole brain has completely been flipped inside out upside down because, you know, like you mentioned earlier, i have my, but we have our first kid coming. Right. But like in, in our twenties, like I think about.
00:07:25
Speaker
all the dumb things I did. And I was very like, I was much into the car scene. Fast and Furious was up and thriving in the early 2000s. And I did so much- Don't tell me that's why you shave your head. You're not trying to be- For family. Vin Diesel. Dude. I'm never not going to see that now. I planned male pattern quality and said, perfect. This movie lines up with what I have.
00:07:57
Speaker
So I think about a lot of the dumb stuff I did, especially in cars. I went to a lot of car meets. I was involved in stuff that I shouldn't have been. And I remember my parents fondly, like my mom would very much be like, please be careful and say all this stuff. And as a young kid, you're like, ah, you don't, I know what I'm doing, right? Like, I know what I'm doing. You don't have to tell me this. And they always say every parent in the, since the beginning of time is like, it's not you I worry about, it's them.
00:08:25
Speaker
And I always been like, well, I'm not an idiot. I know how to take care of myself until they don't. Yeah. Right. Um, also thinking back, it's the dumbest shit, right? Like, I'm like, why did I put myself in these situations in my life? Um, but then now, yeah.
00:08:42
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, um I think probably statute of limitations and no, eyes are we good okay. Yeah. Okay. you're Probably okay to go. yeah I may have, may have dropped my car a little slightly over the speed level.
00:08:56
Speaker
it's's It's not just that, right? i I do stupid things in my car. I would jump in many other people's cars to do other stupid things in there and have them do stupid things. And I'm just a bystander you know in a turboed out Nissan Sentra that's doing 140 miles an hour. they something Something stupid like that.
00:09:15
Speaker
But then I think about that now, especially as I have a child coming and I'm like, Oh, I am going to have to have all these same conversations. And, but I understand he won't, I will. And it's that knowledge transfer that my parents are trying and I just didn't do it. Here's the thing, right?
Parenting Wisdom and Challenges
00:09:33
Speaker
Here's the thing that I'm going to fucking drop some truth shit on you right now. Hit me, hit me.
00:09:37
Speaker
I obviously, Cora is ah ah her own very different flavour of fish. So that's a thing. and But I've realised in very recent times, Zoe is my youngest, is mental.
00:09:54
Speaker
and And that's a good thing because the fact that she's mental means she's comfortable and she feels free enough to be her individual crazy self. And that's what you want. You don't want your kid being fucking terrified to do the shit they want to do. But the flip side of that is she is ah absolutely fucking mental. And my ma has told my mother, my ma for my colloquialisms, my mum has told me my mom for the Americans, and has told me ah a number of times, this is what you were like. This is what you were like. just My mum was like, I can remember the day the neighbors came over to say you were standing on the windowsill of your bedroom.
00:10:41
Speaker
And I literally have to tell Zoe all the fucking time. Get the fuck off the Wonder Song! um she's just And I just i had this impending thought of this is some fucking chickens coming home to roost right now. So see all that shit you did in your youth?
00:11:01
Speaker
I'm telling you, we'll come back to you and you'll go fuck. And I'm sure, again, this is going back to something that my parents would tell me, and i I would hear it from all my friends' parents, and I'm sure most of us have heard this, which is like,
00:11:18
Speaker
you know, wait till you have kids. That's what they would always tell me. Like when I was already getting a little bit older and I'd be like, you know, no, it's not like this. It's like this. And they would literally come back, which is the perfect like mic drop to do. I didn't realize it at the time, right? They're just mic dropping. It's a wee bit patronizing. There is a certain, there's a wee V in a patronizing there. And that be to be fair, that's, that is why we do it. But you know, um,
00:11:46
Speaker
it but yeah but you but way here but to go But to go to
Latinx Identity and Cultural Influences on Masculinity
00:11:49
Speaker
that, right? like And this is just not the same thing. And if we're going off topic, by all means, drag me back in. But I find myself doing many things that my parents did that I don't want to do. But one of the things, right, when I was younger, living in my parents' house, um I had a habit of of leaving lights on everywhere.
00:12:07
Speaker
And I'd always turn off the lights and my dad would be like, turn the lights off. You don't pay the electric bill, turn it off. My mom would be like, turn the damn lights off. I'm like, ah, whatever, not a big deal. And they would always drop the, wait till you have to pay the bill and you're going to do that. I'm like, I'm not going to care when I get older. I'll just pay the bill. And I find myself chasing after Alexa in this house, my wife, for those who don't know, uh,
00:12:31
Speaker
going like, can you please turn this light off? We have an electricity to build a peg. And I catch myself sometimes and I'm like, oh man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, fuck. It's we are some of the parts, do you know what I mean? Oh my God.
00:12:52
Speaker
So I'm curious too. one of percent um yeah So you came up in South Florida and you're do you prefer Latino or Latinx or what what do you like? What the fuck is Latinx? It is. People tried to be polite. that but Is that Elon Musk getting involved in some shit? No, that's the best' Latino or Latina without the gender portion. That's La Twitter.
00:13:14
Speaker
Yeah, let what's the difference? Uh, so the latinx thing and i i i will comment on that it's latino It's latino. Is it latino or latina? It's latino latino. We don't have we don't have that here. We just have foreigners That was that was a joke that was not uh, abject racing might be apologize, um, no look but being ah being of of or not Latin background, being Latin, right? And living in South Florida, which is basically, uh, it used to be just little Cuba. And now it's just like little Venezuela, little Columbia. It's everything now. But back in like, if you go back to the eighties, it was predominantly, uh, Cubans, right? Uh, Puerto Ricans, we all, cause I'm half Puerto Rican, half Cuban for those that don't know. Um, a lot of Puerto Ricans ended up moving up to Orlando years ago. Um, sure you guys see them there pretty often, Ian. Uh, yeah.
00:14:09
Speaker
Uh, but no, uh, when that whole thing came out, like our friends, would we just like talking like, I'm trying to understand, um, and I get the, the reasoning behind it. But realistically, if you dive deeper into it, it was mostly, uh, I was gonna say white people, mostly Caucasians coming up with that term to let Latins better feel themselves. And I'm like, Hey guys,
00:14:38
Speaker
We don't need it. We're good. Also, um if you were Latin, you'd understand that our actual ah language that we speak is all it's feminine and is gendered. It's feminine, masculine. Exactly.
00:14:53
Speaker
so exactly So French, Spanish. There's so many, many languages there like that. Yes, exactly. Yeah. In fact, one of the only ones that's not is and English. I think there's no... ah Slavic, Germanic, anything like that. I don't think there's that many gendered words. I mean, we have some in English, but it's because we steal them from other cultures. Yes. But there it's not a gendered language. Not like French or Spanish. No, no, no. It's not that kind of... But my point of asking was... Sorry, God, yeah, yeah.
00:15:25
Speaker
I was going to say my point in asking like without the joking part of it was um I was wondering how much of like some of your view of masculinity came from the culture you grew up in. Because like you said, growing up in Miami and stuff is very, very like basically Latin. You're fucking stealing my que but's go be asad question. Fuck off. off.
00:15:45
Speaker
fuck off. You can ask the Cuban side and the other one can ask the Puerto Rican side. All right. okay I'm asking both sides. Fuck off. Thank you. But yeah, yeah, I was just curious because I know from some of my other like Latin friends that like there is a heavy like kind of like old-school kind of like masculinity vibe in the culture in a lot of ways. So I was curious about your
Fatherhood Fears and Emotional Changes
00:16:05
Speaker
operation. Sorry, just kind of point to that one second. When he says Latin friends, it makes me think of like Romans. I mean, I have those too, and so we can go with that as well. but like every Ian has a friend from every part of the world.
00:16:20
Speaker
Almost as for mean most Here have a weird Latin fucking like Modo and shit and I know latino, right? Okay. Yeah Yeah, I mean even to the point that we joke about how if you're not in South, Florida And you're outside and that there's a whole other conversation. But if you're outside of South Florida, um if you speak Spanish, you're Mexican. Right. Like that's that's basically most people just you speak Spanish. Oh, you're Latin. You're Mexican. Cool. And so like South Florida is a very and there's different hot spots around the country that has a very big ah gathering of those type of people, like whether it be Colombians or Venezuelans or Cubans. Like I said, you know, eventually they kind of migrate.
00:17:07
Speaker
What doesn't your Spanish you speak Spanish you're Mexican because of into america because why you do not go are you spanish Welcome to America sir, right? Okay, if you're span if you're Latino and you live in Texas or California you're Mexican You're Mexican. A hundred percent you're Mexican. Imagine being from South Florida, or Puerto Rican, or maybe Cuban. Imagine being from Spain and going, no, you fucking cunt. We're, we're the, we're the conquering bastards. Anyway. so fucking Anyway, sorry. Back to the answer to your question, your culture and masculinity. Go.
00:17:48
Speaker
That that's a big one right so it's like south florida itself i will say is its own bubble as you guys know right it's it's very much a a certain and it's it's evolved. Almost every decade i think right like it's to the point now i'm born and raised down here i'm turning forty next to year so i've been here for forty years.
00:18:06
Speaker
Um, and it's changed so much that I don't even recognize it. Right. And ah me and my friend joke about this, like South Florida is one of the few places you can be born and raised in and they make you feel like a tourist. And that's kind of the culture here. But growing up here, um, in a very heavily, uh, Hispanic dominated, uh, surroundings, I had kind of both sides to that. So.
00:18:29
Speaker
Hispanic, traditionally, like, you know, Hispanic parents, I would say from at least Cuban side and Puerto Rican side, I can't come on everyone, but it's there's a lot of commonalities. so um It is very much the guy is you have to be.
00:18:44
Speaker
a very, uh, the word that comes to mind is like machismo, like a macho, right? You have to, you have to be this like stoic badass. There's no problems. You don't cry. You're yeah like there. You don't have emotions, right? Like that's a traditional expect Italian Americans to be that similar kind of like the Sopranos where there were men Yeah. Yeah. No, very, very similar similar kind of. Right. Yes. Yeah. And I mean, like, and and there's, there's, there's a plenty of jokes, uh, that you would see growing up. Yeah. But, um, the,
00:19:29
Speaker
The Spanish cultures, so Cuban and all the Latina cultures in Spain, and they're all, I mean, they're language, they're music, they're art. It's all passion based. So that is kind of strange that there's a weird hold that shit back and be a fucking stoic man thing. that kind of I think you get a hall pass if you're an artist. Yeah, but I mean the whole... Whoa. Dude, think about some of the dances and how like the men act in their dances too, and like in Spain even. like They're very like strong and like very like
00:20:11
Speaker
structured kind of forms that the men stand in, you know what I mean? Yeah, okay. So I don't know if it's that far out, but... Yeah, it's just something that popped into my head there. I was like, that's interesting.
00:20:23
Speaker
So dance to you because I think of dances like a lot of, a lot of people, if you just think of general dancing, dancing is very big and in, in, in Hispanic culture. Like it's also dancing, that kind of stuff. Um, which growing up, I was, I was one of the shyer ones that wouldn't dance. And then I was like 15 around there. We had to do a, uh, uh, which is like a circle dance that you it's just.
00:20:53
Speaker
You do dance and I just went, got into it and I fell into a deep hole of loving dancing. So I did like me and my buddy just did dance classes like crazy, which on the surface, like if you talk to like other people outside of that dancing is kind of like, eh, you dance. girl Like if you go 15s, you go to proms most, at least down here, you'd see a lot of the girls dancing with girls, right? The girls dance, the guys don't dance.
00:21:23
Speaker
Cause that's not fucking dancing. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, yeah's standard but no, I'm not doing that. It's like, why are you dancing? That's i'm I'm going to say some things that obviously I don't believe, but I understand the point that I'm trying to put across. Why are you dancing? That's fucking gay. And you're like, know that well, that's literally the, I'm telling you now, if you can dance, you're going to pick up ladies.
00:21:43
Speaker
Oh, this is like 100% because if you went down like, like, especially in, in, in like, hit like salsa dancing, right? And I'm just gonna go harken on salsa. There's tons of different kinds of dances, but salsa is one of the most common ones that you'll see at parties, weddings, all that stuff.
00:22:00
Speaker
When I went to classes, so we had a buddy who was an instructor, like a buddy of a buddy, it was an instructor, his older brother taught us some stuff. But then we got so into it because it was cool. Like it's fun. Uh, we went to class and there is a larger proportion of girls and guys. When you go to any party down here,
00:22:20
Speaker
you would have When I would dance with women, right so you have to learn the man's part and the girl's part because there are two different parts to it. Tons of moves. um So many women had trouble dancing with guys because they would learn the guy's part to dance with their female friends.
00:22:37
Speaker
um And so it's I remember distinctly going to ah to these classes and having to dance with women. And you have to kind of... One of the things that they tell you is that the guy takes control when you're doing like salsa dancing. So when you want a specific move to be executed, the guy is the one that initiates that, not the female. So you do these things. I remember dancing with girls where they're trying to like initiate something. I'm like, yo, that's not the role right now. Plus I can't even do the move you're trying to have me do because you're used to dancing the guy's part. So it's very...
00:23:07
Speaker
Weird dynamic there. So yeah in a Hispanic culture. It's very much like the guy is Like some of the traits I mentioned earlier about like taking the leadership in charge of the family that kind of stuff but the The weird flip side of that is I didn't really, I grew up in Hialeah, which is like the heart of Miami. Like that's little Cuba, right? That is little Cuba. Um, but I didn't grow up that way. Like my parents were very different than your traditional, uh, Hispanic parents. Um, and they are, you know, born, I think I'm on one side, like it'd be like third generation. Cause my mom was born here. My dad was also born here, but.
00:23:49
Speaker
parents were born in Cuba and Puerto Rico respectively. um But my parents were just very, very different. They were very Americanized by the time like I was around or like they had me and my sister. So I just, I didn't have all the same upbringings that a traditional Hispanic household would have, but I did all I lived in the center of little Cuba. So I had to go to all the things I went to the school where all those same people were. I went to, I worked in the same places where all those people worked. So I had to like adapt and pick up on certain things there, but I think I have a little bit of a different view of how those things work just based off of my family's upbringing of me. So with that in mind, whenever you have been lying awake in the middle of the night,
00:24:40
Speaker
happens often next to Alexa in your cold sweat now worrying thinking about your impending fatherdom here we go do you think you're gonna have some of those hyper masculine traits to your parenting style. Have you thought about that? Cause I know I thought about it prior to that. Yeah. You're like, oh I'm going to be a cool dad and all that shit. you know Can I be honest with you? Um, yeah.
00:25:19
Speaker
it it's it's very It's a terrifying thought. And the reason why it's a terrifying thought, and and I just had a conversation similar to this with with Alexa recently, i i did I went through a book. i do i love If I'm going to get into something, I like to like read about it like crazy and learn about it. like that's That's my brain. So ah when she got pregnant, i I got a book that takes you through every single month. oh Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
00:25:49
Speaker
I got a book, even though this was but all planned guys, all planned. Yeah, of course. But still, when it happens, you're like, Oh, we're having, like, you want to have a kid? Yes. Okay. ah my I'm ovulating now. Do that, that, that, that. And then a pregnancy test comes out, pause them, like, how? What? You know, that, that kind of thing. Do that. Do that. Yeah. yeah Um, and but No i did a book about pregnancy like you know the the and it was a book geared towards guys funny enough cuz most of the books you have out there are all geared towards women and but it talks about kind of some of the the juxtaposition between that and um it's interesting cuz there's a lot of
00:26:29
Speaker
a lot of facts that he stated in there that happened throughout the pregnancy. Um, I mean, to, to give you an example there, like one of the things that doesn't bother me, cause I, I kind of brushed things off, but one of the things that they mentioned in the book was how, like when you get pregnant, like a couple gets pregnant. Um, some people say my wife is pregnant. Some people say we're pregnant. Right. And a lot of guys don't do the we're pregnant thing. And,
00:26:57
Speaker
but However, you want to do it, right? But like when you're getting congratulated a lot of the attention and stuff goes towards The the female now the female or the wife is the one carrying the baby and I give her all Everything like I literally it's a weird especially in late stage pregnancy where it's I can't do anything But I see her in discomfort all the time. I hate it sos as a guy you want to fix it. You can't um But yeah, it's very it's very much so that the the book says don't get like offended or don't get you know bothered when when you're out in gatherings or seeing people that everybody directs all the attention to the mom or to like saying kind like telling the mom congratulations on being pregnant and skipping over the dad. it's And I'm like, well, I don't think that's going to happen a lot. It happened a lot.
00:27:44
Speaker
It happened. like yeah doesnt um mean kind of question The other side of it is, I mean, you're not really doing much right now. You're not really. I mean, youre you're your job's okay. we I wouldn't say he's not really doing much. I'm saying like, Ian, I don't think youve like ah you no no no and convinced you've lived with a pregnant lady. That is no bucket of fucking flies. I didn't mean it that way at all. but and and i'm not i' i'm not saying that to be a dick because i'm telling you if man had to carry babies the humans would have fuck died a long time ago what you fuck no that is the funniest thing i literally tell everybody that same statement if men were the ones that had to populate this world we would have died centuries ago like we would not be around right
00:28:27
Speaker
you but like Oh, yeah. Fuck no. We don't be like captain but like we get it. No, we get a paper cut. My arm's coming off. You get a call. No, I'm like that. It's the man called. I but i have a gold i have the flu. I know. I know. I'm i'm fully aware. I'm a fucking, ah you know, it's one of the very few uber manly traits. I definitely have is that when I cut my thumb, I have cancer and I'm dying.
00:28:54
Speaker
Yeah. No, it's a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Jokes aside. Go ahead. What are we saying? um Where were we? Where do we end off? We were talking about ah people acknowledging her and not you so much.
00:29:11
Speaker
Oh, just I forgot the tangent we went off of. But yeah, the book kind of like went through all that. And then um later on, like I now I'm going through a different book, which is the first six months, right? Like just to kind of prep myself and, you know, it learn why. Their first couple of shits are complete black and then turns yellow. me Yeah, that's work yeah it's almost like you had kids.
00:29:39
Speaker
Pure fucking horror. I have a book and for you, an Elector. i'm I'm bringing it over. i'm gonna get I'm going to get it to Jillian. She's going to bring it to you. okay um it's It's written like a Haynes manual. I don't know if you know what a Haynes manual is. I sure do.
00:29:55
Speaker
You fucking do, yeah. I do. It's written, but it is also hilarious. It's like a manual for having a baby in the first year of life, and it is fucking great. And it's quite a funny read, but also astoundingly useful. Don't lift them by the head. and youey you should you guys's not not a bowling call but yeah it's really really It's a very good book. ah So i'm I'm going to send that to you in the next couple of weeks. Can I powder my hands before lifting them or no?
00:30:32
Speaker
Fucking so good. yeah um give hand it um um' Um, I mean, i don't get me wrong. I don't want, I, I, I am not, I, I, I'm done with the having of the children and the whole thing. I'm 46.
00:30:44
Speaker
But I'm a, I'm a little jealous of your journey. Cause see that first, that first year is just golden. It's awesome. There's not a lot of sleep. like um Listen, I'm still terrified. I am. I am completely terrified, but I don't know how to explain this to to people. I am super, we,
00:31:07
Speaker
but I'm going to talk about myself right now. I am super excited. I want him here right now. Like I watch, uh, I watch videos online and I just, I will, I've never been more emotional than I have in the past six months than I have the past six years of my life. And I haven't cried as much as I have that much. I am, uh, I'm a ball of emotion and, uh, it has to be, it's a couple of things there, but probably mostly like, I dunno, it's just having this, this, uh,
00:31:37
Speaker
this child in front of you. And I just remembered why we were talking about this, because you're talking about instilling, like, man traits into the child, right? Because it we are having a boy. um i I think about this all the time. And one of my biggest fears now, ah the whole pregnancy, the fear was making sure that everything's okay, Alexa's okay, the baby's okay, and it grows, right?
00:31:59
Speaker
um Now it is and you know he's gonna be out shortly but now it is i just went to dinner with a buddy of mine the other day he has a ah three year old son right now.
00:32:12
Speaker
my brain flipped the switch and was like, Oh, wait a minute. So he's here now. So yeah, I have like the clean, the diapers, do this, this, this, but like, then that, that child becomes a person and that person, you have to instill values and teach, right? Cause like you do like as a parent, you're supposed to instill those values in there, but my brain starts going off the rocker of like, how do I not create an asshole, right? Well, like how here's the thing, right? Yes. I have this realization that you can't, you're trying to instill goodness in them and and whatever it is, but realistically, yeah you can't because they are their own person and they're their own person from a very early age.
00:33:03
Speaker
you can direct them and go, this isn't really how we deal with things and and all that. And you can kind of cajole them into a suitable way of thinking as you see it. But at the end of the day, they're going to make their own decisions.
00:33:23
Speaker
And that's the bit that is hard to deal with. Like today, I came into my kitchen and there was a few sheets of white printer paper, just to paint the scene, and a large set of kitchen scissors sitting on the island in the kitchen. And Zoe was sitting, yeah. Zoe was sitting. Wow, you're good. She was sitting eating her lunch.
00:33:49
Speaker
right And I goes, z oh yeah who who was cutting the paper here? With the the with these large scissors, she went, Cora.
00:34:05
Speaker
And I went, now, can I, now, it was a bird of mine, Cora had been next door her with her friend for the last two hours, okay? And I was like, oh man. I says, now, shall we, was,
00:34:19
Speaker
was it she because she's she's four now, right? She's starting to learn how to lie, which is a genuine thing that they have to go through and learn and all that shit. And I was like, so was it, was it cool? Says I'm not, I'm not upset. I'm not going to get angry. ah well Actually, these are really quite good cuts. They're very straight. And I'm, um I'm quite proud of whoever did this work on this paper here. And reverse these cuts.
00:34:47
Speaker
but but And i said I said, so who was cutting the paper? And she went, it was me. And I went, OK, that's fine. I said, I understand, but you should use a smaller set of scissors because you've got way tiny hands and you might hurt yourself. And daddy wants doesn't want to see you get hurt. And you can really. ah My point to that is you can only really. I can nudge them in a direction at the end of the day, they're going to do their own shit. And that is the hardest thing.
00:35:19
Speaker
to deal with as a parent that you might tell them to do something, but inside their head, they're going to go, this old guy knows fuck off. Well, you just described, you just described me and my childhood. So yeah, I do this. I'm like, yeah, fuck off. Yeah, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to do this. Yeah. But it that the the the main thing I could say is that ability to talk,
00:35:48
Speaker
that ability to to describe and talk things is the only thing you really need to kind of teach them.
Teaching Emotional Expression to Children
00:35:55
Speaker
Because if you get that, everyone else everyone everyone else is kind of gravy. Do you know what I mean? it's like if yeah like like i take I take them to the museum. I like going to the museum and I just walk around with Zoe in my arm and go, do like a painting. And she goes, yeah. I goes, tell me about that painting.
00:36:17
Speaker
and she'll describe what she's saying and she'll tell me what she's saying. And I go, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Go to the next one. But now when I go to her, well, tell me how you're feeling about that. She has a structure to describe the world around her that I know I didn't have that kind of growing up where you find it hard to go, why am I feeling?
00:36:43
Speaker
ah and to try and get those emotions out. So the ability to teach your kid how to describe their emotions or the world around them just makes your life easier. Do you know what I mean? When she goes, I'm angry because of this.
00:37:04
Speaker
And that's because we've done the work of making her talk. And that actually comes from Cora because we had to do a course because Cora has autism stuff. We did a course where they taught us all these things about how to kind of play beside your child and try and bring the words out of them and the the the engagement out of them. And because of that, we now do that to the, quote unquote, normal child. And that's a stretch.
00:37:33
Speaker
That's a really good lesson. That was very personal. I love that he knows I like it. It is a really, really good lesson. Do you know what I mean? And I think a lot of parents don't know that lesson. But teaching your kid how to describe stuff, it's not just a a small thing because when it comes to the stuff that's in their head that they are struggling with, it allows them to get it out.
00:38:02
Speaker
and it's i I will say I agree with you 100% on that. um Funny enough, I was just having this conversation with Alexa recently and it kind of kind of plays into all this about, again, but my brain's running a thousand miles a minute right now trying to figure out um the future of an unborn child at the moment. And I'm trying to plan every single aspect of his life, but um But yeah, no, I think about like I you go back to yourself growing up and kind of what you had. And like I said, my upbringing was is is a little bit different. My parents were very.
00:38:39
Speaker
um
00:38:42
Speaker
very ah dynamic and in the sense of, you know, my, my, my, they're, they're great parents. I, we have a very close relationship. I still hang out with them all the time. Um, but growing up, I remember like, I'm not a person to at least growing up, not now, I'm a little different now I've, I've learned, right? But I wasn't one to speak my feelings. I wasn't one to speak emotion. Um, you know, my, my dad was, was,
00:39:10
Speaker
My dad unintentionally was trying to teach me how to be a man in the sense of like, but like only specific traits, like only like, I remember specific, like he'd tell me, you know, if somebody bullies you or somebody pushes you in class, you push them right back, but harder. Or if they hit you, you hit them harder and you do this stuff. And like, I got a lot of that, right? So I got, and and I always got the, I will back you up.
00:39:36
Speaker
Like you don't have it, like but not that he's going to beat the shit out of this kid, but that he would back me up in the sense of like, you're not going to be in trouble if that's what happened. And I remember a lot of that.
00:39:47
Speaker
that, like, you know, the masculine side of things. um But, you know, my mom was more of the, you know, trying to talk to things. And they were both very open, like, come, you know, you can talk to me about anything you need to. But I remember not being very open and and talkative like that. And and that trait went out and it it just grew and grew and grew more to where like i'm a very social person.
00:40:17
Speaker
ah and And the person that you guys met and and know now is very different from his teens, his twenties. That person also extremely sociable, put him in the middle of a room of of people he doesn't know he will talk to people, but he's not talking emotions. He's not talking feelings. He's just talking surface level stuff. Whereas, you know, now, and and I've gone to the point where maybe I overshare sometimes too much, but like it's,
00:40:47
Speaker
there's a balance between oversharing and undersharing. And, and I was on one side of that spectrum. I jumped to the other side at one point and I'm trying to find a good balance between, you know, those two things to, to, to be able to, ah you know, express yourself in, in a way that, you know, it's not like, uh, you know, you said this a little bitch, like, no, you're not like that, right? Like I'm, well, here's the thing. I, I'm an oversharer.
00:41:16
Speaker
ah Okay. And so from what you're saying, as you've got older, you've become an oversharer. Oh yeah. how do you Do you ever feel... um The only word I have is, ah do you ever do do you ever think of...
00:41:37
Speaker
I overshared and I freak people out or like I was sometimes ah when I think, because I also, and as well as being an oversharer, I dwell on shit. So I think about the evening I've just had with the people that I've just met and I go, fuck, what did I tell them all that shit? And the other side of it is that oversharer, that's who you are.
00:42:03
Speaker
That's you not holding back. That can't really be a bad thing. Yeah, it's not. But I think it is the conditioning that you had growing up that kind of kicks in, right? It's always going to be in the back of your mind. whether No matter what days you do, don't do that. The conditioning is you shouldn't overshare. You shouldn't share the feelings that you're really feeling or the things that you want to say. You should hold it back and not freak people out.
00:42:33
Speaker
I remember... Is that the conditioning? Do you know what I mean? i think Yeah, and i and I think that conditioning comes from many places. I think that conditioning is go back to to grade school, right? Go back to, you know, being in elementary, middle school, middle all these things, right? At least in my time of going, um as ah as ah as a guy, as a man,
00:42:55
Speaker
you can't share certain things. You can't express certain things because it goes back to like, you know, oh, you're a bitch. Like why? you like and yeah And again, that's that's school schools are very much that thing. But I'm sure you guys know after you graduate school, you enter the real world, like real life. And And you have some people that are like 13th graders for the next 20 years. And like, they jesus christ they live that that's like their life. And you can fall into one of two camps where you're like, Oh, well, we don't say these certain things, right? Like, uh, you don't express feelings to your boys or emotions to your boys when you're going out, like, I fucking love you, man. Like, and, and, and.
00:43:42
Speaker
I do all that now. Like it's such an easy thing. And I, dude, I will, I will hug the fuck out of all of y'all. I will say, I love you. Like I miss you guys. Like I really do. Um, but that's not the same case when you're younger, right? Cause again, there's like this conditioning that you learn from some from school, maybe some from home, maybe. It's a strange condition. I know because what, why um maybe it's a thing you have to get, maybe it's,
00:44:11
Speaker
Maybe it's a transition you have to go through where you are nervous about saying those things so that when it gets to the point in your life that you do say those things, you know you mean it. Does that make sense? Yeah. What about like um being younger and learning to deal with things like rejection? Like you got to act like stuff doesn't bother you if you get rejected from like say a girl you like if you swing that way or Oh, no, I never acted like it didn't bother me. I was crushed. Well, I'm saying like you kind of like have to, I know you would like get crushed, but I mean, at the same time, like you're like, well, whatever, like, fuck that, because back then, like, at least when I was growing up, they would talk shit about you and laugh at you for even trying if you got rejected. 100%.
00:44:56
Speaker
ah so like i'm wondering if Some of it comes from that too like just being conditioning by the things around you and not even just your family but society as a whole but I did learn speaking to a younger friend of mine recently that like these kids like you could tell them that and if you get rejected it's like no big deal it's just like your friendship continues or whatever you want it to be just continues like nothing happened but that wasn't my experience. No, but I'm wondering if some of that kind of spawned from that kind of experience from our generations. You know what I mean? like I hundred percent think so. I remember like people would shit talk the crap about anybody if they got rejected. You know what I mean?
00:45:34
Speaker
Well, in South Florida, we are very much, and it's been like this for a long time, ah very much a club culture, right? Club, party, dancing, all that kind of stuff. So my, after graduating high school, your outings are every Thursday night, you're going to go to the spot that it's college night, right? So that's where you would go.
00:45:56
Speaker
and you'd go and you'd sit back and, and you know, whether you're with your boys and you're trying to hit on girls and stuff like that. And, you know, they're like, oh, go talk to her, go do that, whatever. And if you do that, you get rejected. You have to be the most stoic person coming back because they're going to clown you. And you're like, nah, it's no big deal. And maybe you did want to talk to her. Maybe that hurt you a lot. But you just kind of kind of put that shield on and be like, her? Nah.
00:46:23
Speaker
And maybe that kind of upbringing also adds to that. But should your boys not be like... Well, I understand. My brain is weird, right? But surely, in my head, your boys were like, dude, at least she's fucking tried. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that's because I come from weird nerd culture where we're all going, no, you speak, no, you speak to... No, you fucking speak to...
00:46:53
Speaker
tried general we're all And we're all speaking for us 46 year olds with so much. that's what i was like saying yes i mean um like It's not, it's not the same perspective we had when back then when like looking back, you'd be like, that was really stupid that we even did that. no i know absolutely my play year old yeah a very different person Oh yeah. What was that? 20, 21, 20 year olds, uh, you know, Stewart and Ian are very different people than they are now. Right? Cause you have experience. You have like, like, I don't know. It's again, back then, like I said, twenties, you're dumb. We're dumb. We're all dumb, especially boys. We're really dumb. Dumb. To be honest, boys are dumb as fuck most of the time.
00:47:32
Speaker
but don matter what it are we do stupid shit ah so i said i not starter I'm just less dumb. Yeah, in our twenties, it's like fuck. You're peacocking your whole twenties. I've learned not to try things now because I know that I'll probably end up in in ah in an ambulance. So I don't really do some of this stuff anymore. Yeah. That's very true. I'm like, Hey, look at that. we I got this great idea. Nope. Nope. It's going to be an ambulance trip. Yeah. Well, we don't have that problem. We don't have to pay for them. So we might get through an episode where i don't bring that up but whatever it's not today probably not um i'm perfectly fine talking about that every single time because it's frustrating especially now going through going
Societal Expectations and Masculinity
00:48:14
Speaker
through uh pregnancy pay yeah um money we are in a
00:48:22
Speaker
um We're in a good place where I have some decent insurance and it's taken care of all that. But the other day, this just happened. Uh, she had, we had a, Not a scare, but like a little hiccup, let's say. And she went to work and she works at the same place where she's giving birth, like and at a hospital. um And they saw her, she... Her color was a little off, her feet were a little swollen. They're like, you know what? We don't like the way this looks, like her coworkers. Like, why don't you just go down to go get checked out real quick, blah, blah, blah.
00:48:59
Speaker
She goes, okay, fine. Not a problem. So they put her there and they, they measured the, she would, her, her blood pressure was fine. Even though she has high blood pressure takes, she takes meds, but, um, there was like something off that like, we're going to monitor you for two hours. She was there for two hours. Okay. Two hours sitting. The doctor was there for five minutes. A nurse came in, did some stuff. They go, we're just going to sit here, wait, monitor you hooked up to a machine.
00:49:22
Speaker
Okay. All good. Um, I got like the email notification the other day for that. And I was on the couch and I go, let's play a guessing game. How much was that visit? Uh, do you want to guess how much a, a two hour sitting in a hospital bed that you work at? I'm going to be, I'm going to, I'm going to be reasonable. Now 15 grand. No, what? Shut up. I was thinking maybe 300 bucks.
00:49:52
Speaker
No. a I'm definitely closer. I'm definitely closer. If you're going 300, I'm definitely closer. But I mean, you're in. All you're doing is get, all you're doing is getting a monitor belt on. one you would mix Sir, this is not logical. These are, this is capitalism. Jesus. What was the cost?
00:50:17
Speaker
Ian is the closest. He didn't go over. Wait, wait a minute. He did go over, but not by much. Uh, $12,900. So fucking close.
00:50:33
Speaker
study Our healthcare. i yeah for two odd yeah and and that is know Well, the criminal part was the part that, cause you have a breakdown, your explanation of benefits shows you line items of what everything costs yeah so it was there for about five to 10 minutes max.
00:50:55
Speaker
That line item was $6,800. And I'm like, that's a very good hourly rate. How do I do that? I need to do that. Are they paying for a semester at college? Is that what that is? That doctor didn't make all that money, dude. That did not go to the doctor. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:51:14
Speaker
It's fucked up for sure. I mean, here's the thing, right? Whenever Claire was pregnant with Cora, she had gestational diabetes. And what was the other thing?
00:51:34
Speaker
There's a name for it, like lots of fucking fluid. She looked like, do you know the ball, the big fucking ah exercise ball they get for the pregnant ladies to sit on? I have one in the livery. She looked like she ate one of those. She looked like she stuck one of those up her funny and grew a baby. Pregnancy thing? Or prior to pregnancy, she had that. It was a pregnancy thing, right? oh So she had a lot, a lot of fluid going on. Is that edema?
00:51:59
Speaker
No, it's a ah fuck. I can't remember the words. We'll put it in the show. Basically how I look after drinking. Yeah. So we, during the pregnancy, I think Claire was being scanned and checked and had the straps on and the ultrasound and the whole situation every two to three weeks. Mm-hmm.
00:52:28
Speaker
for like six months. Was it like six pence you guys paid every visit or? We don't pay anything. They don't pay anything in time of service. They just walk in and leave. it's It just comes out of your, it comes out of your, it comes out of your tax wages bill. john We pay 20% and that's what covers that. I just saw an article the other day. um So that, that the fact that two hours, so essentially most trips are by two hours. So that's every fucking day. That is absolutely mental.
00:52:58
Speaker
I saw this article the other day that Sweden just passed another thing where it was that you have, when you get pregnant, you have a year and a few months of paid time off, and now you can transfer up to 90 days to grandparents. They just put this into the bill. Oh, nice. So if you have grandparents helping out, you can transfer that out.
00:53:20
Speaker
And what's husbands wasn't it to the to the uh, the uh, the partner yeah husbands Yeah, they had a grandparents too Yeah, they had a grandparents which is nice because grandpa like so if your grandparent if your mom or dad is working you can be like hey Job, here's three months. I want them to come take care of it, you know Whatever help me out or I need to go do something Whatever the case may be and then like the argument there like I I love reading comments on anything that goes on because you just see the idiocy of the world fine come They're like, yep. No, they have the highest tax rate. I go fine. Tax me to death. At least I won't die from a medical condition. You know what I mean? fuck like it's and I'm paying, we're paying all that. And we get some, okay. And we don't have that. We get a year. Beautiful. Beautiful. And men get two weeks as standard.
00:54:15
Speaker
On top of that, yeah the woman gets a year, the man gets two weeks. The man can take a lot of that year if it works out that that's more beneficial. um You can get like you know you can six each six months if you want. That's fine. You can you can play around with that.
00:54:37
Speaker
um
00:54:40
Speaker
the The fact that you just don't get anything Not really. yeah It's fucking insane. Here, you want to laugh? yeah mean so i'm just let's Let's squeeze a human through a fucking hole the size of an eyelid and fucking go back to work in two weeks. Fuck it. there's Yeah, there's maternity you leave and some some places have paternity leave. That's what I mean. We have paternity leave. paternity leave.
00:55:09
Speaker
let Let me throw this little curve ball in there where ah this is the Bizarro world slash state that I live in, Florida. um I, thankfully my job, again, they're pretty good. And so they gave me six weeks. The company that you work for? The company I work for. They gave me six weeks PTO or like paternity leave. I have six weeks. I'm going to be able to take six weeks and I am so grateful for that, that I could spend that time That is going to be the, that six weeks is going to be the greatest six weeks of your life. And that's why I, it's, it's one of those things where I feel blessed in that aspect because yes, I'm going to be exhausted, tired, all this stuff, but I don't have to focus on something else. I can just focus on this, right? Here's the thing. Here's, here's the thing. Nobody ever says, right? Please don't see that. See, when you get, see that thing, we are not sleeping.
00:56:02
Speaker
You're not sleeping because the kid's awake and you're just going to start them going, Oh, you're not going to give a fuck. Or it's like, it's literally the greatest thing in the world. Do you know what I mean? And you're awake and you're going to, and you're just looking at them and they go, yeah. And you're like,
00:56:31
Speaker
you don't give a shit children it is the weirdest thing in the world like it's like a bizarre it's like fucking it's it's like visual heroine it is mental visually well now i will convinced me visual hero
00:56:47
Speaker
it is much and this This weird bizarro world that we live in the flip side of that. Yeah, I get the father I'm getting six weeks of paid time off to spend the time on my child um Alexa was in between jobs. She started one at the beginning of the year at the hospital and Yeah, she has nothing And ah we have something called FMLA, which protects your job so that you can take time off unpaid, but still have a job to come back to. However, that requires you to have been working there for one year for that to happen. So we just had to ask really nicely, Hey,
00:57:26
Speaker
Can she take off a few months, uh, unpaid and get her job back when she gets back so she can be with her child? Thankfully they agreed to that, but I am getting paid six weeks through my job because it's not a mandate. It is a job by job thing, but the mother who has been holding the child for all this time and going through the, I don't want to call it trauma, but you know, I'm talking about labor delivery is dramatic. I mean, there's a lot going on. Um,
00:57:56
Speaker
No, you have to go back to work and do that. That's wild to me. That is so crazy. It's the greatest country in the world. That's right, baby. It's weird that even when you work at a hospital, your hospital bills are stupid high. Everywhere else gets employee discounts, but not if you work at a hospital. Can I get a discount on this Advil?
00:58:19
Speaker
Well, I'm really I just got on whatever I put in my pocket. I know it's unpaid and that's not right, but I'm really happy that she's getting some time off. Oh, yeah. Because I know plenty of people in America who had like.
00:58:32
Speaker
Nothing. Two weeks at the most. Dude, my mom. like I my parents about certain things and I am so blown back by it where like today you have to have a stroller, not a stroller, a car seat in your car before leaving the hospital. And I was talking to my mom, she's... Because they sent me a picture of me as a toddler or like two or three around there in my 1985 car seat. um It looked like a...
00:59:01
Speaker
Oh, dude, it just looked like a little lap thing you'd put on a chair to boost your chair. Right. And it's like, did you have to, did you have to have that when I was going home? She goes, no, I carried you in my arms on the way home. Like, Oh, okay.
00:59:17
Speaker
you know, it's, it's crazy how far we've come. So I feel that might've been put on the parcel shell for the fucking car. But anyway, yeah, no, for sure. If, if, if they could have strapped it to the roof rack, I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Hopefully he makes it. Um, it's, uh, it's kinda, it's kinda funny that whole thing. When you think about the past, I think I was, I can't remember. I might've been here and it was sent to, I can remember when I was a kid, maybe five or six,
00:59:44
Speaker
It was when a time when cars didn't have seat belts in the back okay yeah and my mum braked, broke, braked too much, hit the brakes, hit the brakes, something ran out, hit the brakes. And I ended up, do you know that you know the windy cogs that wind the seat back? yeah I ended up with my head stuck between two of them. Oopsies. Oopsies.
01:00:10
Speaker
There's no panic, like the panic you feel when you get your head stuck in something guys. But yeah, it's kind of funny when you think about it. I'm from the generation of a ride in the backs, in the back of a pickup truck kind of thing. No chairs, no seat belts. It's real fun. Can't do it anymore. Yeah. I'm from the generation of seven kids in the back seat. Yeah, that's fine.
01:00:34
Speaker
My uncle had the OJ Simpson Bronco. And I remember ah he lived at that time, he lived near like just little foresty, woodsy area. And him and his sister, my aunt, ah oh, you want to come ride with us? I'm like, yeah.
01:00:51
Speaker
straight up a milk cart, like a milk crate in the middle of the two seats. And they'd, yeah they'd hype me up. Now my dumbass being, I would think I was like 12 at the time. They're like, that's the captain's chair. You get to sit there. I'm like, awesome. Where's the seatbelt? He goes, no, you just hold on to the cart. That's it. like know it like Perfect.
01:01:14
Speaker
I can remember my dad taking me. and i that made That made such amazing people. Look at us now. Look at us now. I remember, my ah I used to race BMX and I remember some friends of ours had like a small Toyota and they literally had chairs that were like beach chairs kind of. Like it was like shit. It was like a hammock. It was kind of like a hammock almost. And they were made to sit in the truck bed so you could just sit in these things in the back of the truck.
01:01:41
Speaker
But it was like sitting almost like on a hammock kind of like they were just like some cloth hung between two bars, but it was literally made for you to sit on in the back of the truck. Sounds relaxing. You can't even do that. It's super comfy. I can remember my dad taking me to an old disused airport when I was about eight or nine to drive his car. He says, do you want to drive the car? I'm like, yeah, we'll go there. and Let me drive the car around the old disused airport.
01:02:11
Speaker
eight or nine. Fuck me. but thens is like Was that an amazing experience for you? it's all fuckingin was It like under 10 years old. I mean, even after 10, 11, 12, whatever, yeah your parents saying like, I remember distinctly, um, cause I,
01:02:30
Speaker
I don't know if it's a guy thing, but I love cars. Oh, I love them way more before. But like, uh, I remember being a little kid and my dad would be like, we had a 1986 Nissan Sentra stick shift and, or manual, whatever you want to call it. But, um,
01:02:45
Speaker
I remember I was so obsessed with cars where I would beg him. I go, please let me just shift the gears and I would shift the gears for him as he's driving. Sometimes I would ram it and, you know, when it should be here, that little.
01:03:02
Speaker
but i see I was like i was like the funnest thing and then i remember like i got a little bit older and he does the okay come here you can sit on my lap we're not on the streets by the way we're like in a parking lot like yeah mentioned <unk> like drive and you do like that kid thing where you just. Shove the wheel left and right in the car just going wild he's like oh don't do that you know but i was such a fun time i remember that it's.
01:03:24
Speaker
It's very much my friend, my friend's mom used to have a car that was like standard and she used to, she taught me how to shift gears when I was like, I don't know. I must've been like six and when I would mess up, she'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But then my, and my dad would put me in his lab. Like even at five and let me steer. Yeah.
01:03:45
Speaker
And my dad, my dad used to, um I don't think they make it anymore, but when ah my dad used to drink, like he'd have a beer or two, and not like every day, but once in a while. And I would always want one too, so he would get me a non-alcoholic apple beer is what it used to be called. And that's what he would give me to drink while he was drinking beer beer. You mean apple juice? No, it wasn't it was called apple beer. So it made me feel like it it didn't taste like apple juice. Okay. It's probably sparkling something or other. It's probably apple cider or something like that. Our apple cider is non-alcoholic. You guys have all your ciders. yeah it's it's It's good shit. But yeah, so and I was drinking fake beer even as a kid. Then I stopped drinking beer all together for a while.
01:04:30
Speaker
those things are like, and here we are I don't think those things happen to kids now, not this so either you know, getting taken to a weird thing and here drive the car. Fuck it. Do you know what I mean? <unk>s a hundred percent I mean, I'm definitely a lot more on cautious with Zoe because you realize in the second one, they're not as fucking breakable.
01:04:54
Speaker
um because they're not. They're actually pretty sturdy babies and not and they're pretty good at managing their shit. and Although when you first bring that thing home, it's a porcelain dog.
01:05:10
Speaker
but you I don't think that happens now with kids and I think i think that is you know ah hate the term snowflake but it it says a lot about what happens. you know The fact that we were coming when it's dark and you know, do you want to drive the car? What did you do today? Oh, we were up on a building site building in a hut. Oh, right. Nice. Good times. We were in the forest lighting fires. Oh, great. Nice. Good times. Do you know what I mean? It's just like, I caught you smoking. I'm going to make you smoking an entire pack of cigarettes. but say you know There's a whole load of things there. It's just like,
01:05:56
Speaker
That shit doesn't happen anymore. Can I, can I say a quick side story to that? Cause you are literally speaking to an exact like ex not experience, but memory I have of, of something. And I thought the same exact thing, right? So do either of you watch Cobra Kai?
01:06:13
Speaker
Yes. It's fucking phenomenal. I haven't seen the latest season. yet It's so good. it it It harpens on everything that we love about eighties movies, right? Like the TV show is like so under budgeted. It's fantastic. Um, but I remember it is, it really is. I remember, and this goes along exactly with what you're saying.
01:06:36
Speaker
There is an episode, I think it's season one, maybe two, but it's probably one where I'm watching this. And if you watch an 80s movie, you get away with way more stuff than you could now. Like now every movie, like if you do something bad, like you're in trouble, you got it. Like that's the downfall of that character. So in the show.
01:06:54
Speaker
Um, God, I can't remember his name, but the guy, the head, uh, the blonde dude that is in ahead of Cobra Kai. Um, he is, uh, Tony, Johnny, Johnny. Yes. Uh, he is outside and he's having a cigarette. If I remember correctly, he's having a cigarette.
01:07:13
Speaker
And the his the the the kid that he's training and like taking under his wing, the Blue Beetle guy, that was he was the head actor in that one, he goes and like he gives him the cigarette to smoke him, but he's in high school. I'm watching the show and like I'm like, oh, fuck.
01:07:30
Speaker
That's it. The dojo is over. Like he let an underage kid smoke a cigarette. This is it. This is his, this is, that's it. It's done. It's over. They just breezed right over that and kept on going. I'm like, Oh, so we're back in the eighties. Let's do this. and It goes along to what you were saying. It's like, yeah, it's, it's, you know, Oh, you know, rub a little bit of a little bourbon on the, on the gums. Like you can't do that. Are you crazy?
01:07:59
Speaker
Oh, well, like hey, I've said this before on here, I believe, I think, I think. Like when I had a toothache as a child, and I'm any young child, and my mom used to put ah white bread in gin and put it on the toothache. Well, I mean, for a long time, I ah couldn't drink gin because I associate it with the fucking pain.
01:08:26
Speaker
But I'm not saying it's a reason I like alcohol, but... yeah But that shit doesn't happen now. I mean, if my kid picks up a beer bottle and goes, I want to taste that.
01:08:39
Speaker
The ego fucking no. I mean, I learned but I learned that the a your child or anybody's inclination to want to drink something is dependent on that person. Some yeah there it could be things that are upbringings, but I got brought up in a my parents don't drink right out of my mom.
01:09:02
Speaker
and My dad will not touch a single spec, which is probably good for him, but he won't touch a spec of liquor. My mom only started drinking because I got her to drink with me and she's like, and she'll have one and that's it. She's all over yeah yeah whatever. So here's a question. Do you know about, um, uh, the taboo theory?
01:09:27
Speaker
Oh, here we are. Do you know what Taboo theory is? So if you made, because your parents didn't drink, they made alcohol Taboo. um percent If you make something Taboo, it makes you want to do it more.
01:09:44
Speaker
ah I agree with you 100% and that's something that I think about now. Which is another handy hint and tip. ah People scream and shout about iPads and screens. Oh, don't fucking let them fucking worry i don't give them the iPad. There's a lot of parents will give their kid an iPad and then go, right, get off the fucking iPad. We never do that. Never. I've never done it.
01:10:08
Speaker
And hands down every time our kid will go, I'm done with it, and go and do some playing or do whatever the fuck they want to do. Because we never made the iPad Taboo. So the Taboo is you're not allowed to be on that. You're only allowed that for a certain amount of time. You're ah essentially up in the dopamine that you get from using this Taboo thing. So your parents didn't drink.
01:10:32
Speaker
at all. So they made, to you, they made alcohol taboo, which is probably why well you're you're quite the booze maister. The law in America makes a taboo well you guys bought up makes it Both of you mentioned this on a recent episode, and i I'm pretty sure you say it a lot, which I agree with you a hundred percent, where you were talking about age limits on, on drinking and all that stuff. yeah If you look at anywhere else outside the US,
01:11:02
Speaker
um There's a lot more responsible drinkers outside of the US. I will say that yeah like younger drinkers because when you're 15 here, you're a allowed to drink with your parents. You're allowed a beer. Yeah. And it means you're not going off. I need to sneak away and drink beer. I'm not saying we didn't sneak away and drink beer because we did, but, but, um, we don't, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't like, Oh my God, I have to sneak in and pretend I wasn't drinking.
01:11:32
Speaker
So what was your first, what was your first drink and Ian, my first drink? Oh, I was, I was younger than 10. Uh, I probably sipped my dad's beer at about six or seven. Yeah. My, I would, my first, my first proper here, you can have a beer would have been about 14, 15.
01:11:54
Speaker
and Interesting. And it would have been like, you know, Christmas, we're at the whole family's round. You can have a beer. That's enough. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, it's not common here. My dad would let me have sips to try stuff. Did he do it in a negative way or just like, here, try it.
01:12:12
Speaker
No, he'd be like, he'd be like, here you want to try it? I'm like, sure. You give me a sip. I don't like it. yeah That's it. That's like ah's start removing the taboo element, which means you don't get a massive dopamine hit from doing something that is illicit. Like look at the, look at the French, right? The French drink an abnormal amount of fucking wine. But in, in French culture, when they're having a meal with their children,
01:12:39
Speaker
They'll give them a little red wine with a little water in it and they don't have the same binge culture, even as the UK, but definitely not ah like America, where you just go out and get fucked up and fall over. And do you know what I mean? It's just not a thing. What are you talking about? And um and frankly, Germany is the same. Do you know what I mean?
01:13:02
Speaker
germany that the yes or no in In Germany, you can buy a beer and walk around the street like it's a fucking can of Coke. Well, we do that a lot here, but it's not legal.
01:13:16
Speaker
No, it's not like, but there it's perfectly legal. perfect it is And that it means that you don't really see drunken headers everywhere. All right. Talk about, I don't see that shit. look My, my, my argument's always this and it's not like I'm not advocating for, uh, I'm
Raising Kids and Talking about Alcohol
01:13:35
Speaker
advocating for anything. I just like to find dumb bullshit and then I call it out and be like, well, fix that. That's not you know real. You can, if I feel, if you can,
01:13:46
Speaker
ah serve your country and die for your country at 18. You can join the military. Yeah, you should fuck me. Let me get fucked up. Like what is your problem? Like that is... Let me at least have a beer on yeah the day that I shoot some fucker in the face. It's really weird. It's very weird. And it's like, no, you can die, but you can't drink yet. All right? So here's a question for you, Chris.
01:14:11
Speaker
When little, um, beating me to this question, are you, when, when little Stewart or Ian, uh, when little Stewart or Ian Zavala, cause obviously you're going to pick a good name. And what's Ian Stewart's, right.
01:14:24
Speaker
i like that but some again we're still star talk about i to figure and out right So whenever they're, uh, 14 a little, ah a little, a little, a little ways down the line,
01:14:41
Speaker
Are you going to go, you can have a beer occurs late. Um, I would definitely have a conversation with them and I would definitely not make it as taboo. And I only am doing that based off. It is the bringinging it absolutely the smart thing to do because if it's, it's like anything, if you, if your kids go, it's like,
01:15:07
Speaker
Uh, knowing that teenagers have girlfriends or boyfriends and they're going to do shit. You want them to be able to tell you that something has went awry rather than going, fuck, I'm going to get in trouble. i just saw was gonna ah Well, I would, so sorry, go ahead. ian I was going to say, this is what's going to happen, Stuart. We're all going to be in the theme park one day together.
01:15:36
Speaker
One of them or both of them is going to have to go to the bathroom and leave the kid. And you and I will definitely be drunk. That's two stories. To go along those lines, I have to take... Dip the dummy. Dip the pants on fire. This is called James. And they're just... This is for you guys. You're dipping instead of my pass holder cup. You're like, yeah, this is daddy's cup. They're just dancing for that.
01:16:05
Speaker
for sure's dad's but yeah your houring all day for sure that's it man i would I would use my own ah personal experience. I don't want to, and this is not a sly on my parents, but I don't want to, I don't want him to have the same experience or way that I had. I was very much a, ah ah not sheltered,
01:16:29
Speaker
but kind of sheltered in the sense of like, don't do this, don't do that, don't do that. um And then when I turned 18, I was not the same person I am now. ah I was wild. I was so ah tabooed into everything where everything is now, I need to try all of that.
01:16:48
Speaker
And i just I just went off and my parents were like, we didn't raise you like this. I'm like, well, you kind of did by not lighted youre not doing all this other of stuff. You didn't mean it. Yeah, no, no, they didn't mean it. and right They were trying to protect me. But like the first time that I ever had beer, I remember, was I was probably 12 And we were at like a family party and it wasn't because they wanted me to have beer. It's, they're trying to instill that liquor is so bad that try this, I sip it and beer at 12 is like very, oh, and they're like, that's how all liquor tastes. Don't ever drink. Like I remember that. I'm like, okay, I guess. And then I had like booze at 19. I just fucking went off the rockers on that. So don't taste like that beer.
01:17:36
Speaker
Uh, but no, I, I don't want to, I don't want to do that. Like I, I, I, I would be like, Hey, um, let's have a conversation about this. And I would, I would be totally open my kid about that. I think openness and having that conversation.
01:17:51
Speaker
ah is very important and not tabooing things, man. I've learned in my life, tabooing stuff will only make you want it more. Don't do this means that's all I need to do. So with that in mind, like if you know that, then don't do that. Hey, I want to do this. Let's talk about that real quick. let's yeah Even if I've never experienced whatever, like there's hard drugs I haven't done, right? Like I don't know, I've never done Molly, right? And he's like, I want to do Molly.
01:18:20
Speaker
got that for you i dont yeah ily and want to see you We're sending it to the Orlando camp right now No, but what I'm saying is I'll be like, I have the conversation, but coming in and going straight off the bat. No, I think is a very detrimental thing. I hope, I hope that he is. Look, we all have a friend here. Like you were going back to something that you said earlier, we all have a shared friend and he has a relationship with his daughter that I think is amazing.
01:18:51
Speaker
Um, and I remember specifically we're on a, uh, all of us were on a FaceTime or ah a group chat once that she was at a party and she had to call her dad. Like that's amazing. Like to call, I would have never done that. I would never done that. In fact, that's me in trouble in my life many times. And if I had that relationship that I had a problem, I don't care how bad it was. I don't care if, and I'm being ah extreme right now. I don't care if you shot up fucking heroin, like.
01:19:20
Speaker
calm, if your inclination is to calm me for like, you know, guidance and help. Anything. What an amazing thing. Now I don't want him doing heroin, by the way. That's a very extreme scenario. No, no. Obviously, extremely. Yeah. But I got to say that. And you're absolutely right. That is a great thing. And we can all strive for that relationship. And that is an important kind of benchmark that everyone should really strive for. It is. But here's just to ask another question. You fuck.
01:19:50
Speaker
Fuck you. Hold on. Hold on. This has to do with what we just said. He's going to steal another question. He's going to steal another question. No, no, no. It's not a question. I just want to say, just for everyone that's listening, that one friend we're talking about that got the call from his daughter, their relationship is beyond amazing. It's so good. I love it. They actually hang out with their friends. They actually hang out because I am allowed to be a part of that when they hang out sometimes. A very close time, yes.
01:20:17
Speaker
Yes. um It is amazing to see even his son too. like They hang out kind of like friends. like He's still a father, very much acts like a father, but he's kids doorre him yeah his and their mom. and It's so fun to watch them and it's kind of refreshing to see a parent that has that kind of relationship with kids that are like in their 20s at this point. You don't see that like that it's very often, which is nice.
01:20:42
Speaker
No, like they actively ask him and even me at this point to go hang out with them. Like when they're going to bars or whatever, they're like, you guys coming? Like we're one of the kids with them, you know? That's so funny. they i just want to be in By the way, I was just like, yeah. But I mean, honestly, I just want to drop in it because their relationship is something people should strive for. Absolutely. I totally
Parenting in a Changing World
01:21:02
Speaker
agree with that. So the question I was going to ask them is ah with the impending parent situation,
01:21:12
Speaker
Is there anything as a dad you're worried about? Yeah. Oh yeah. Um, so as a dad in today, 2024, um, and having a, honestly, I could have either one, whether we're having a boy, but it could have been a boy or a girl. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm very concerned about.
01:21:43
Speaker
the world that they go into. And I, and I feel like it's probably a revolving door that all of us, our parents did, their parents did all that stuff. And I feel like it's a trope at this point, but it's like, it's scary out there, man. And I, I see things going on and I, ah ah my wife and I,
01:22:06
Speaker
jokingly do the, and I say jokingly very loosely, but jokingly do the like, hey, If we don't work out, I think I'm just going to call it quits. Like I am cool just hanging out with my buddies. If somebody comes, I'm not going to actively look out there for somebody because it is, it is it from what I can see and tell. And I'm not, I haven't been in the dating scene in almost 10 years now. Um, it is, it's very difficult and I, and it's crazy. Yeah, it is insane. I would just like to say that I am still single.
01:22:45
Speaker
um understood it's rough out there know yeah well there you go i have Almost no interest. You're a hideous human. It's understandable. Well that too. I mean, it doesn't help that I'm disgusting to look at, but I mean, I mean that, but also about a single, I would definitely, uh, what, what are we talking about?
01:23:04
Speaker
a it's ah It's super hard right now, and I just don't think that anything's going to happen any quickly. It's definitely not quickly, so I'm not in a rush. The thing that I have right now is I have peace.
01:23:21
Speaker
Nice. And that's the thing. I think that's what I'm talking about when I, when I, we jokingly say like, oh, if we're not together, I'll just probably just hang out by myself for a while. And I say that jokingly and I have been like, I don't know if you guys, I'm pretty sure I brought up before, but I've been married before I've been divorced. Like this is, you know, this is my actual true marriage right now. Right. I was in my twenties, right? Go twenties. Um, but but no i think about this all the time so you know prior to having a child i see how things are going and i'm like man fucking sucks for these kids having a kid i'm like oh my god i have to do something now to fix it for this kid um so i don't know man like i don't i don't i don't know like i i wanna to instill
01:24:09
Speaker
Like if we want to bring it back to like, again, him being ah a boy or, you know, like I want to teach him certain things and traits that are valuable. And when I say valuable, I mean like taking responsibility. um You know, there are some let's go back to masculine traits that I would want him to have. And that's like and and there's a very big distinction here, by the way, because There's masculinity and then there's toxic masculinity, right? Which is what you guys talk about. There's nothing wrong with masculinity. There's nothing wrong with femininity, right? The masculine or the toxic masculinity is the problem. And I would love to teach him values that I think are are worthwhile that
01:24:59
Speaker
he could use in his life. I want him to be, you know, have that that leadership. I want him to, to have that, you know, protector provider. And when I say provider, I don't mean like, Oh, you know, you have your side piece that lives off. No, no, no, no. Yeah. I mean provider in the same way, like Alexa and I, I love her to death. We have a very good relationship and ah we I mean like any other relationship we have our problems but we kind of have our roles and things that we do in our relationship and I think that's important in a relationship right there are roles that are taken whether they're feminine or masculine right I will tell you straight off the bat like something that I do.
01:25:40
Speaker
predominantly in this house and it's something that probably goes back to my childhood. I do dishes like crazy in this house. If you were to talk to somebody traditionally going, and Oh yeah, the the man doesn't do dishes. The man doesn't do this. The women does this. No, no, that's, I do that, but she does like all this other stuff. So we have our roles and our, our things that we do. We don't look at them and being, we don't go like, Oh, that's the guy thing. That's the girl thing.
01:26:05
Speaker
sometimes we'll go back and like do that jokingly and play with each other. And I'll get to that later when you ask your final question. But um I do want to instill some of these like, there's traits I want to instill in him. There's traits I want to instill him that I never learned as, as a child myself.
01:26:24
Speaker
How do you instill that into somebody that you'd get? Like you didn't have that instilled into yourself. I don't know. I'll figure it out. Part two. What is what what are what are the what what was one of those traits that you think you never learned that you want to teach your kid?
01:26:47
Speaker
I want to say just like,
01:26:51
Speaker
openness out the, off the gate, right? Like, but it's not just that, cause I was always told, I was always told, Hey, come tell me whatever you need to tell me. Right. But, yeah but, and I just had this conversation recently with her. And again, it's no s slide of the parents because they did the best they could when they could, but you know, I,
01:27:17
Speaker
my my my So my mother raised, but they both raised me, my father worked a lot. And we're very close right now, but growing up, it was it was very much, it was more, um you know, ran ran the the the household. It's like, oh, you know, you do as I say, not as I do.
01:27:36
Speaker
um It's it's very, you know Strict guidelines and and this this this or whatever somebody pushes you you push them back harder Like it's always certain traits of that quote masculinity that you're teaching your boy But then you'd get the flip side of but always feel free to come and talk to me whenever you need to well I'm not gonna go speak to the person that instills fear as a method of Raising me and go open my emotions to that person and and I'm not trying to make him look like a bad person He is not he did the best that he could and it wasn't anything bad, but it was very much a different time though It was very much a different time and they also like the other thing too Which like I also go back and my brain just runs circles around itself going like now that we're having a kid I'm super excited and I go oh
01:28:28
Speaker
Why did I do this earlier? Like that's should have done this earlier. Yeah. And a lot of like, I've talked to people. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't your time to do it earlier. It's your time. didn't I wasn't, and I wouldn't be the same person I am now. People are like, you wouldn't be ready the way you are ready right now. I'm like, yeah, I just wish I could be ready as I am now, but like 10 years younger. So I can like, it still stands me when I think about what age my parents were when they had me and my brother. And I'm like, what the fuck? How old are they?
01:28:55
Speaker
Well, my mom, they had my brother and my mom was 19. That's my, my parents too. I mean, there were 20 and 22 19. I was an absolute fucking glue bag. Do you know the 19? I was having my first way. a there's no way no There's no way I was looking after kids back. What the fuck? Do you know what I mean?
01:29:19
Speaker
So Chris, being down here and like due to the other podcasts, I have been lucky to have a bunch of younger generation friends, like they're kind of like siblings, like in their twenties and stuff. And I don't know how much is, well, Stuart, I think you've heard me say this before, but they seem to be way more emotionally mature at their age than we were. And things like masculinity seem to matter almost not at all to them anymore.
01:29:50
Speaker
Like the traits are still there and a part of them, but nobody focuses on masculine or feminine or any of that other shit. So it seems like the way the things you want to instill in your kid, like it seems like it's as long as the generations keep going the way they're going, like some of this stuff is just going to be there. You know what I mean?
01:30:08
Speaker
um It's not going to be like when we grew up where it's like that's for curls like that shit just doesn't seem to exist the same way anymore. But surely those those values that are instilled on that younger generation now come from their parents and the people around them? For sure. And also it's probably from talking to each other too. That's what I'm saying. They seem to be way more emotionally mature. Like I said, like we would get made fun of if we got rejected as an example, but they just don't care. They're like, we're cool. It's just not going to be that way. Cool, cool. Nobody cares. like It's not a big deal. it just which is nice you know It's super cool. like I like it. um But that's the kind of stuff I'm hearing from the generation that are like younger than us, like the 20-year-olds and 25-year-olds and stuff that I talk to, which is kind of cool to have that insight and to be able to speak to people of that generation and that they trust me enough to talk to me. know
01:31:01
Speaker
um but yeah I don't know man I think like some of the things you might be worried about might take care of themselves in the long run and I think. Since you have the things that you would like to instill like you grown to have them now. As far as as as long as you and Alexa are like modeling that to them like that you two are open with each other and like sure don't judge when something bad happens I think you guys would be more okay than you can you think right now I know you're like in panic mode because it's about to be here but.
01:31:29
Speaker
I really think you guys are going to be more okay than you think, man. It was a really interesting thing I read a wee while ago and it was um bad parents don't worry ah about being bad parents. Honestly, what you said is is there's there's a lot of comfort in that in the sense that Um, you were like, oh, younger generations now. Yeah. Yeah. That's because older generations are dying off and that's a good thing. Right. Like there is, there's, and
01:32:02
Speaker
there's values and certain things are not values, but you know, tendencies and trends or whatever. And it's okay. That evolves over time. And and we need that, right? If you were the same person we were 200 years ago, we'd be fucked. Um, so it's, it's a bit comforting to know that that's there. And what I, the only thing I hope to, to have him in is
01:32:28
Speaker
As with everything else, whether it be life, ah family, friends, politics, whatever the case may be, there's extremism to everything. There's one side of a spectrum and there's another. And the happy medium is the middle, right? And i i you know you try to hope to shoot for the middle and see where they end up on, right? If you look back at my parents, what they try to do with me, they're like, well, we're gonna make sure he doesn't drink.
01:32:58
Speaker
So we're not, you know, they didn't drink anything, but have him sip this. He's going to hate it. And then 19, I just become a lunatic. Right. Um, so, you know, you hope to get that. I think it's a very, I'm happy with a lot of the progression that has occurred in being able to speak about how you feel. like ah you know i don't i don't have I don't have teenagers as friends. Since I don't have any since i't have any kids, I don't have any like ah experience to see that. I only get to see what you see on social media, which is the cesspool of of society. right That's not reality.
01:33:38
Speaker
um But ah yeah that's that's a fantastic point you brought up by i do hope that does work in his favor and like having maybe the conversations that i think about having to have with my child and especially as a a father to his boy.
01:33:56
Speaker
Right? There's certain things. I don't know. Your brain going, I got to have this conversation and do this, this, this. That's what my dad did with me. But my conversation would be a little bit different. um But maybe those conversations aren't as difficult as I thought they would be because the times will be different. Because again, we're talking 2024.
01:34:12
Speaker
hey he's gonna be born now how what is the world look like in twenty thirty four you know what i mean like look at twenty fourteen like the world's very different than it was back then so you know hopefully we're on a trajectory of you know ah Betterness in general, and I hope so, man, because it's not, I don't need it. I don't need it. Stuart, you don't need it, Ian, you don't need it, right? It's the younger generations that need this. We um kind of, we grew up, we we learned what we needed to learn, right? I feel there's still plenty to learn through life experiences, but for the most part, we don't need that to happen, right? We need that for the the next generation that supersedes us.
01:34:59
Speaker
whether it be a child a friend a friend of a friend whatever the case may be i'm hoping it's better. Yeah i mean yeah i think just teaching i think it'd be better off focusing maybe steward or back me up but just like in general as as a wide just general idea of like parenting maybe just teaching them to think for themselves teaching them to look at different angles like.
01:35:22
Speaker
I don't think you need to worry about the minutia so much because there's so many other influences that are gonna come along in their life that like preparing them for that kind of stuff is probably gonna be more helpful long-term than panicking about little things now you know not that you are but you know you. I am up no i know ian i but i am i am okay and I probably need to hear this.
01:35:45
Speaker
So let's keep on talking. And also I think the the the thing that Stewart and our our generation is known for is like the latchkey kids and like being basically feral children.
01:35:58
Speaker
in a way worked in our favor because we had to learn the hard way to do stuff. Cause we didn't have people around going, don't do that. We're just like, what happens when I do this? You know, not her shit like that hurt. Oh, well I got this great idea. Let me just, let me just take this sled down this hill. That's full of trees. Let's see what happens. Like, am I going to die? Am I going to go to the hospital? Who the fuck knows? We're going to find out. But I mean, we had trial and error. We didn't have people like,
01:36:23
Speaker
Your mom would tell you to do no like once when you went and did it anyway and you figure it out for yourself or like. Did how many summers did we sit in our house by ourselves as way too young and she would be there doing the dumb shit that we all did. Exactly so I mean I think in a way like the thing that people mock up my our generation X for specifically for sure is kind of something that benefits us because we learn trial by fire. Yeah you know what I mean like.
01:36:49
Speaker
We can all take the correct lessons from it which is where things kinda went wrong but we all did learn from experience you know. Look, I'll take a page out of your guy's book that you have said this multiple times. And maybe this is the the the overarching theme and that I want to get to, right? ah Like you said, don't worry about all the minutia. Don't worry about all the little details, all the little things going on. Unfortunately, my brain doesn't work that way. Now, I can hold that back and not do that to like mess him up.
01:37:22
Speaker
But at the end of the day, right, I think what I want and you guys would agree with me is just don't be a dick. Don't be a dick. And it's very mighty much on par with his show. Just don't be a dick. And I want to just be a dick. If I can raise him to just not be a dick, if you're very different than me and you're not a dick, that's cool. You're just not a dick. That's all. yeah We just need a world of less dicks.
01:37:45
Speaker
Again, like I said, just just literally or figuratively. Well, that's that's a different episode. Yeah, dude, seriously, just teach them to think for themselves. Absolutely. Just stop let them try shit. Just be supportive of all that shit. Dude, just be yourself. You're fucking you're a really good dude. So don't worry so much. Just be yourself. And Alexa is awesome. Just be yourselves. i You don't know because The thing is, man, I like I know your brain too. And since you're in panic mode, like you are definitely planning minutia for like 20 years down the road. But like shit's going to be so different. Like you were saying before, like, you know, they say about best laid plans, dude. Yeah. The kid is the kid might have a knack for being pure chaos and i'll even outsmarting on a thing or two. So, you know, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of that. You know, I always think back like so Alexa and I have planned so much stuff, so much stuff. And I always think back on that Mike Tyson quote where it's like,
01:38:44
Speaker
You know, you have a plan and then Mike Tyson touches you on the face. and then everyone has playings in the face yeah and So you you said the best laid plans there, right? I do the two, you know, that what that code is. I do what I don't remember it anymore. Where it's from? No, probably not from my head now. no Okay. It's a Scottish poet, Robbie Burns. That's right.
01:39:07
Speaker
It's the best laid plans of mice and men, Afghan aglay, which means the best laid plans of mice and men often go wrong. Thank you for reminding me. It's a really good quote. It is a really good quote. I just can't remember who said it. Yeah. Robbie Burns, he wrote it so in like the 1800s, something like that. I'm going to get that stenciled on top of the crib. so
01:39:36
Speaker
And um on that happy note, I think we're approaching the question. Are you saying it's time? I think it's time. It's definitely time for me. It's fucking five to two in the morning. Not that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed this fucking experience. It's been a really good conversation. I really appreciate it, Chris. Thank you for coming on me on. No, thank you for having me, guys. I really do appreciate it.
01:40:04
Speaker
It's been really fun. And I think it's ah but it'll be a good one for people to hear. and Honestly, it's a free therapy session for me. So thank you. Right?
Humorous Reflections and Farewell
01:40:12
Speaker
Every week is a free therapy for this story. That is entirely how see it. my actual I had one of my actual therapists like yesterday, but this was free. So it's good. Nice. um So I'm going to ask the question. Chris, what is the manliest thing you've done this week?
01:40:34
Speaker
Well, I can't wait for this. Um, so I've heard, I listen to you guys and I've heard many different answers. I have heard in the mall. Um, but I, again, like I said, in the beginning of the show, I've been thinking about this question and then the first one, we got to the first one. This one's difficult for me because I had an answer and I don't think it's a real answer. So right before this show happened, I was hanging out with Alexa.
01:41:04
Speaker
Okay. And I literally, I wanted input. I go, babe, what's the manliest thing I've did in the past seven days? da I asked my wife to give me an answer. She's for my answer. Letting her drive her car. No, I'm kidding. that's the I think you already answered it. No, no.
01:41:31
Speaker
No, I wanted to see what she thought and I had to, I stopped the conversation 10 minutes in because I said that and it invoked an entire, like she started talking and I go, no, this is why I'm having this episode. We can't have this conversation now. Cause she goes, waited five to 10 minutes and I go.
01:41:49
Speaker
hey, don't worry about the answer. And she goes, and she's like, no, no, I'm thinking. I go, if it took that long, don't worry about it. I'll figure it out. and the I just want to get your input as what you think is the most manliest thing. And then she goes, her response, and it it it started the whole conversation, goes, well, you took out the trash. And I go, that's the manliest thing I've done. Yeah, because you do that. So then i then then the conversation goes, so the manly things are the things you don't do.
01:42:18
Speaker
kind of i'm like well forget it this that's a whole episode right there like i said the manliest thing you did this week is ask your wife fruit i have one i have one better and this is to me The manliest thing I did, and it goes based off of the traits that I said masculinity is, which is taking leadership and and doing all that stuff. And this is not a good answer, by the way. You're not going to like the leadership role to take the garbage out without being asked. No, that always, I get told, take it out.
01:42:54
Speaker
Uh, uh, last week or, you know, within the week, um, I, we have a little list of, uh, things you got to buy at public. So I took a screenshot and I've been doing everything I can in my power to help her out throughout the pregnancy. I don't want her going to places cause it's fucking uncomfortable. Everything is uncomfortable. So I do as much as I can. Right. And.
01:43:19
Speaker
whatever, took a picture of this thing and I go and I i grab all the items and I come home and I have all the public's bags there. And I was like, oh, um I grabbed the stuff that you needed here. She goes, oh, okay, yeah. But I've been doing like these like ah milk, iced milk things with peanut butter and stuff. I know peanut butter is on the list, but it's okay. You didn't have to get that because you didn't know which one it is.
01:43:46
Speaker
And I opened my phone and I showed her that I opened the pantry and took a picture of her leftover peanut butter that she uses and showed her, no, no, baby, I got the one you want. She looks at me and if she could have fucked me right there, she would have. to her, I was God. I was God himself. that And that to me was the most masculine thing I did was buying the right peanut butter for my wife. That's all I got. it That's a good answer. That's a quality answer. ah Well done. We can all learn from you. where we though I think we can. Probably not. That's pretty awesome. ah
01:44:33
Speaker
Holy fuck. That's pretty good. All right, Chris, thanks for hanging out, man. Hopefully we'll see you soon. yeah far yeah can Can I just plug the the show that you've had on already? I can please, how can people find you, Chris? Well, I normally hide, but, uh, you will find me on the UUP, the unofficial universal Orlando podcast. There may have been some Brits on this show that have been speaking already. Um, but yeah, come check me out over there.
01:45:04
Speaker
Okay. I love you guys to that. Well, no, I, again, I'm more of a, uh, hidden person. I don't, I'm a, I'm a millennial man. I just, I'd like to be by myself. You know, if you can't find Chris speaking from experience, any bald headed Cuban with a beard will work. but That's very true. story Yeah.
01:45:22
Speaker
Yeah. Just if you have a picture on your phone with a bald guy with a beard to me, I'm there. Yeah. Awesome. Oh man. Thanks very much. Chris. That was amazing. All right guys you guys. Thank you. Have a good week folks.