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Episode 31: Jeff gets us Testicular Cancelled
54 Plays2 months ago
This week we go over cancer, medical issues, basic masculinity traits, and more.
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@txmpod
We are now on Discord as well. Please excuse the growing pains there.
https://discord.gg/SrUmwFcu
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Transcript
Opening and Personal Preferences
00:00:17
Speaker
dandy Stewart, you got a shot ready? Jeff, are you going to do a shot of whiskey? Not right now. I'm drinking tea. I'm going to have to say the word. Fine. Be that way.
Siobhan's Podcast Journey
00:00:41
Speaker
Sláinte. Love you, dude.
00:00:49
Speaker
I think I see more of that. I really like that dumbles. It seems wrong to, I'm going to pour another little fry because it seems wrong to drink it fast.
00:01:01
Speaker
True story. Damn right. Yeah, I said to Siobhan, Jeff. Yes. ah you were You were our guest this evening. And she said to me, jf went r Jeff. i was but cail jeff the communal je i did my fucking jeff ah She went, R. Jeff.
00:01:33
Speaker
She might listen to the podcast then for a change. She has started listening, yeah. Oh, very good. Very good. She has. She started listening. She listened to the first one on the flight out to... Florida? Yeah.
Introducing 'Toxic Masculinity' Podcast
00:01:48
Speaker
And it was kind of amusing because she was going... She was like, what are you laughing at? What's money? but What part exactly? well you Was it me? What's he doing? Definitely not me. Well, yeah. Yeah. Shut up fucker. All right. You guys ready? Yeah. How do I do intros again? Oh yeah.
00:02:12
Speaker
Hey kids, welcome to Toxic Masculinity with Ian and Stewart. This week, we have Stewart's friend, Jeff. Hello. What's going on, guys? Hi. Hi, guys. How you guys doing? Good? All good. All good. Yeah, we're good. It's 11 o'clock at near, it well, nearly 11 o'clock at night here. m So yeah.
00:02:34
Speaker
And it's, yeah. I have another podcast to do after this. I got to talk about HHN. Yeah. Oh, go with that such a hard life you live. Yeah. Living in the sunshine. Got to talk to Vinay Nain. No, we got hurricane today. Hurricane today and tomorrow. Oh, really? ah Yeah. It's going up toward the pan and although it won't really hit us, but I'll get like 30 mile an hour winds and stuff like that tomorrow. Nothing crazy. All right. Okay. That's what's the name of this particular? I think this is Helene. Helene.
00:03:05
Speaker
I've never known a Helene. I don't either. Nobody? Anyone? Nope. Never known a Helene? Nope. Ian was here the first year I was here, which was kind of fun. So that was great. Yeah. It's always fun when a hurricane is the name of an ex, I find. Um, the jokes write themselves at that point. Fucking hell yeah. It's always good. All right. Shall we start, sir? I think so. Should we ask the first question? Do your thing. All right.
Defining Masculinity
00:03:35
Speaker
Jeff. Hello. What does masculinity mean to you? Before I answer this question, I'm going to tell you about Stuart, oh wait a second. So me and Stuart brought a party on Saturday. A number of people there, lots of drink was had, and Stuart grabbed me and said, what are you doing Wednesday? I said, no plans at the moment. He goes, right, you're doing the podcast. He goes, no problem.
00:03:58
Speaker
but Later on that night we had a few drinks and I said, right, Stuart, do I have to do any prep for this? Do I need to give you some notes or something they asked me? He goes, no, no, we do no prep whatsoever. All we do is we have two questions. One we ask at the start and one we ask at the end. I goes, right.
00:04:15
Speaker
waiting for the questions to come. He then fucked off and walked off and talked to someone else. So be great work I have been listening to some of your podcasts, but I haven't been listening to them all. So I listened to your podcast, I think it was your friend Jen, in the psychotherapist.
00:04:32
Speaker
from a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, yeah. Our friend John, you're a psychiatrist. Yeah, he sounds very good. So that's how I twigged what the questions would be. So um so that that was how I found out what the two questions were because my dear friend Stuart couldn't tell me in the moment I last started. But before, I just assumed i just assume at this point, everybody knows what the two questions are. But also, also like that was good marketing. So you got you listening to an episode. Yeah, exactly.
00:04:59
Speaker
So what does masculinity mean to me? Well, very baseline answer, I suppose. Masculinity means to me deep voice, um beard, broad shoulders, and posing a caveman kind of attitude, just ah a tick charge kind of attitude. That's what masculinity would mean to me. Okay. Possibly a bit sexist, but that's just the first thing that will come to my head about masculinity. Everybody has their own, it seems that everyone we've asked the question to he has their own kind of Hey, don't interrupt him while he's talking about me. Hold on. yeah um Take on the question. So yeah you although you think you're going, oh, is that sexist? I don't think it's just it's just your take on the question. So I wouldn't be worrying too much about that. And you're not yet you're not too dissimilar to what a lot of people say.
00:05:46
Speaker
So those are ah what are commonly seen as masculine traits. yeah and it's followed shoulders So we're not getting cancelled after five months in though? We've been trying for 30 episodes. I thought the last one was really going to get a shit, but it hasn't gotten the hasn't hasn't gotten does any shit yet. as a causeary one yeah that was uh kelly or my friend kelly i haven't that's not one of your guys but i will get around it because you're talking about yeah we we kind of landed in right-wing politics for a little while and fascism and all kinds of stuff so i mean um yeah that's probably gonna get us done eventually but they can't they can't they they definitely can't cancel us because i mean their whole thing at the moment is freedom of speech so they can go fuck themselves essentially sir logic oh if only things were logical like that Well, that's true. So broad shoulders, beard, take charge attitude. I mean, but... Deep voice. Deep voice.
00:06:50
Speaker
It is, Ian, not just me. Yeah, but I mean, well, I i think I have a it. Well, in my head, I think I have a voice. Exactly. yeah one One of these things you only realise once you start doing a motherfucking podcast. You have to hear yourself. You know what I mean? yet what Yeah, I sing in a very deep voice. Do you know what I mean? and Because, well, I find it easier especially now to sing in a deeper voice kind of Johnny Cash low levels. But i when I speak and hear my voice as recorded, I run up here. It's a very Northern Ireland thing. and So and those traits that you say are masculine. How do you think that they
00:07:39
Speaker
um relate to yourself then, Geoff? Well, I can't grow a beard, so i'm I'm kind of like fucked there. I don't do weights, I've got broad shoulders, but you know, I do try and keep organized and keep in control, so that kind of matters. When I say take charge, I don't mean like be a bully boy and just push away, and I just mean like being organized, knowing what to do when the situation arises.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yeah. That yeah but is a good thing. So, so one out of four. floor can make no song Do you, do you, do you, do you think people should aspire to any of that stuff? Do you think any of it's worthwhile to go after? Since some of them are up to you, you know, like at least at least two of those are under your control.
00:08:24
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, as with all things, um if it makes you happy, you aspire to whatever you want to be, I mean, so where it's a big world. I mean, as you guys have been talking about, we're there's a lot of people making up this world and we're all very different. So just whatever you want to be, whatever you aspire to, go for it if it makes you happy.
00:08:42
Speaker
I'm happy as i and i'm and um a man. I'm man. I'm happy with it. I may not have the full elements of masculinity.
Challenging Masculinity Norms
00:08:50
Speaker
I've literally assaulted myself and haven't included for myself, but I am still a man, so it's all good.
00:08:56
Speaker
ah stable para also
00:09:00
Speaker
It's interesting because you have One, I don't know, your microphone is kind of laptop microphone, so like it doesn't get the full low end. So maybe you have a deeper voice than it sounds like? I don't know, but... It really doesn't. Okay. So you got you got four things in your mind that are like kind of define masculinity immediately, like base level surface things for you, and you have one of those. So do you think that you're not masculine, since it doesn't approach those doors? If you're saying what defines masculinity, it's a very broad question. yeah for sure It's got to be different for a everyone but those are just the the top tier of things I think of. when i think of ah last I think the point Ian might be poking at there is do you think that
00:09:48
Speaker
those in your head those are the those are the top five traits of masculinity top four traits of masculinity i give him the finger there as he corrected me um Not a lot of fun traits of masculinity, but you only, in your opinion, only have one of those traits. So when you say the top traits, they're not the top traits, they're just the the first ones I was thinking of. Yeah, the first ones I would think of when you're looking talking about masculinity. Showing you.
00:10:22
Speaker
So when you do self reflection, what do you think defines you as masculinity? Like what do you think defines you as masculine when you do like any kind of self reflection based on what you have available to you and what you've chosen to do and who you are?
00:10:34
Speaker
um Wow. Now let's get deep right quick. Yeah, didn't it? Well, you gave me, you see, you opened the door because you only have one of the qualifiers that you came up with. So now I got to poke and prod and find out what the fuck's up. yeah Well, you know what I'm saying? I think I'm pretty wet. Getting in control of things. Yeah.
00:10:51
Speaker
yeah you know um
00:10:55
Speaker
Jesus, I don't know what to say here. Stumped on the first question. I don't know what this question is going to be. Now, listen, I'm confident in my am i masculine all day. I have no issue whatsoever, and I consider myself masculine. So i've even though I i still do the four things that I would first think of, I have no issue. Yeah, so what are the things you think that embody that you embody that that like ah that you know qualifies as masculine for you?
00:11:23
Speaker
apart from your organizational and can do attitude um look good deck first start like it' a but i mean i don't know i know some more exciting and do so of course a that that oh But I mean, that could be a qualifier for you, for yourself, for how you like see things. Like, there's not something I've ever thought of, to be honest with you. It's not something I've ever thought of. I can consider myself masculine. i don't ah don't I don't aspire to be anything particular in terms of masculinity. I just, I don't know, I'm a man. I consider myself a man. That's just what it is. It is a weird, because I obviously haven't asked this question to a lot of people. I've had this thought myself as well, Jeff. It's a weird question. I have to say, it's a but it's a very weird question. But it is um interesting to think about and it is because I, although a I am a man, I guess, um I have always kind of said you know that you know i have um'm not the I wouldn't be the manliest
00:12:30
Speaker
of man, it even though I have this lustrous beard, um just I think my outlook and my thought process and the way I kind of, I'm very, I would be very emotional, which would be seen as kind of not really ah manly in most circles. so and Well let me ask, you say obviously set the question. So what exactly do you expect? Because as I said, it's a very broad church, you're going there. So what's the answer going to be? So what's your answer into that question?
00:13:09
Speaker
but hospital My answer on masculinity has been and consistently is um basically it's the simplest version for me is just a confidence that you have in yourself. If you feel like, you know, if you feel like your traits are masculine and you feel like it and you live that way, then you're fucking masculine.
00:13:27
Speaker
because so the funniest thing I brought up and it's become like a joke at least to me it's kind of funny um we had a conversation with somebody in there and my I brought up what kind of is jokingly the masculinity paradox is what it was called um I think it was Chris that brought that that named it So the question is simply like this, it goes like this. If you cry and that is considered not masculine, but masculinity also could arguably include not giving a fuck what other people think, right? So it's crying then masculine, cause you're doing it without giving a fuck what other people think. Becomes like a paradox. Like you can do that with a lot of things. And the baseline is, is if you're doing it,
00:14:10
Speaker
and you don't give a fuck, that that that in and of itself is arguably masculine because you're just doing it because you want to do it. But your overriding feeling is confidence in your own masculinity. That is what masculinity is. And just being yourself. like um but like so if you feel masculine If you feel masculine and you walk around and you feel masculine, like the traits you have in Carrie make you feel masculine, however that is, internally, externally. If you're confident in that and then you just live your life that way, that's that's that's good enough for me. Because I don't think
00:14:43
Speaker
Part of the reason stuewart and i do this is because there is not a single answer there are definite traits but not everybody has every trade. And the other argument that stewart and i make a lot is that um people forget that there's a balance so even the toughest dudes ever in the world have feminine traits yeah so.
00:15:03
Speaker
I think if you feel like, ah if you feel like you're masculine internally, externally, whatever you do, and that's the way you carry yourself and you're confident in yourself, then you're fucking done. It's pretty easy answer to me. But I know when I, I know growing up that I've definitely felt like I've questioned my masculinity because I would cry at ET or movies, you know, or, um,
00:15:35
Speaker
because I'm not really, I was bullied a lot growing up and I never really fought back like I should have done because I wasn't really the fighty, punchy, kicky type of boy growing up. And it made me question my masculinity in that respect, which I guess is probably the wrong,
00:16:04
Speaker
It is definitely the wrong thought to have, because you know but those are things that you kind of go, well, holy shit. you know ah maybe i'm not Maybe I'm not manly enough because I'm not standing up and punching the bullies in the face. Do you know what I mean?
00:16:18
Speaker
yeah you and that's that's kind of and It's the questioning of it that maybe some people actually need to think about a wee bit more. Maybe. you know um Jeff, what was I have talked about stuff that's modeled to me. So just set as an example, my dad is very old school. like He's kind of a quiet dude. He just does whatever's got to get done. He backs my mom. he doesn't i've never I've seen the guy cry twice in my life in 46 years, basically.
00:16:45
Speaker
um My mom is very hippy, very like, you know, if you gotta cry, it's okay to cry, this and that. Like she never really hit things for me. They both took time to explain things to me growing up. So like a lot of it, a lot of the split in me comes from the the very opposite kind of direction. parents for So what kind of stuff was modeled to you? Like what made you you?
00:17:06
Speaker
um Well, we're going to touch on it, obviously, later on. But obviously, the big incident happened to me. Obviously, it was the cancer I had, which I'll say was a big factor in how things happened for me. So I'll say cause me one of did cause me to lose my faith, for a start, but that's another start.
Morality: Religion vs. Humanity
00:17:23
Speaker
But in terms of family,
00:17:27
Speaker
always loved, my parents loved me, of always felt appreciated, always felt loved. So I came from a really good place and like, you know, literally growing up, I have no complaints, no complaints at all. Yeah, but what was was your father like more old school or were they both like, you know, it's okay to cry? Like what what were they like for emotionally, for like modeling to you and telling you things? Probably.
00:17:51
Speaker
probably more old school, but I don't think they would have a problem if they ever did cry. Cause obviously times when you're young, you did cry. You wouldn't be like, you wouldn't be told off or like, you know, told the man up or whatever. There was nothing like that. It was just like, you know, I had a perfectly bored out of classes in normal childhood. Do you know what I mean? It's such a thing that actually exists. That kind of man up business I would have got from my older brother.
00:18:19
Speaker
More than my dad, if you know what I mean? i Yeah, I didn't get that so much, but it's just what the way my dad modeled things. Yeah. it was more It was more like just picking up on what he did and not actually what was told to me. So um so o so more religion talk. ha I like religion talk and make Stuart fun.
00:18:45
Speaker
yeah Jeff is fully aware. yeah So what I'm bored with pretty much everything is just thanks to the rest. I mean, I went Catholic school and I'm not even Catholic, so I did a stint when I was a kid. um what what what what wait What part of the church were you into before you lost your religion? Protestant Church of Ireland. just that Catholic Light. yeah yeah yeah I was a Piscopalian, also Catholic Light.
00:19:19
Speaker
So I went to Sunday School and all this jazz and could not wait to leave it. and But you know, Wes, I am solely an atheist now. I will say um part of who I am and the morals I have has come from first Christian beliefs. Yeah, for sure. yeah guess I can understand that. in ah Being a decent person, not being a dick has come from my Christian beliefs.
00:19:42
Speaker
No, I'm not. To say you're not a dick might be a champion, of little trump but it doesn't exist. It's a fur chart, that's a fur chart. But do you really think that you're Do you really think that your morals come from the religious teachings? Well, it's what's banged into your head when you're young and it's just like, you know, just be a decent person. I mean, look, I get the point you're going to say, like, if there was no religion in the world, would people just not normally be decent people and just not be rich each other? I think they would, Stuart, but we're saying that people are dicks in this world. I know but I mean I don't believe in any omnipotent God or any of that shit and I do just as the excellent Ricky Gervais says I do all of the raping and killing that I want to do which is none of it.
00:20:38
Speaker
Do you know what I mean? I don't need it. I don't need the pressure of a God to tell me not to do this shit. I don't believe that our morals come from the teachings of the Bible because if you actually read the motherfucker, it's horrendous. It is but on a fairly high level, though, just like, you know, the Ten Commandments non-stop shit. No, I just think, you know, OK, OK, yes, fair enough. I'll get that. But I believe I believe our biggest moral problem from I believe our BS morals come from just our humanity. Well, which which is true, but also like people can, and people can and do pick and choose things from the Bible and you can be a good person if you're raised Christian. You can be, steart I know Stuart, I fucking know. I know you can. I know, I know. yeah I'm just saying like you can learn things from me. I'm being purposely shitty. Yeah, of course. so But I mean, so I,
00:21:37
Speaker
I get it. I mean, you can learn good things from the book. I mean, you can learn good things from anything. And if you learn all of it and there's bad things, you can learn from the bad things too. So I like like i say I'm an atheist, but I've i'll seen no issue with Christians. I have no issue with any religion whatsoever. I mean, it gives you solace, gives you comfort, and you're not buying someone over the head with it. I have no issue with it. Some of my friends, in fact too, into civic work are essentially born-again Christians.
00:22:06
Speaker
They're the nicest people in the world and they i've got they're good crack and they're good fun and they don't drive big bang. Well i don't know I have no problems as long as you're not. like if same same Same rules apply. Play with whatever toys you want but don't fucking bring them to my house. yeah And and i have I've met very few born agains in my life.
00:22:27
Speaker
and most of them have been tedious and annoying. Oh i great, i agreed ah I know Jehovah's Witness too and she's actually she's actually very chill and cool, which is not what I expected. At first I was like, are you and allowed are you even allowed to talk to me? like is how What are the rules? I don't know the rules.
00:22:47
Speaker
But I mean, you know, some some of the stuff to come up with like, you know, about God, you know, something good happens. It's it's the Trump defense. If something good happens, God did it. If something happens, the other guy, it was Sleepy Joe. you Or or or if if God didn't do it, it's all in his plan and you just have to wear it.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah, bombing. People are murdered. Children are slain in their beds. Oh, God, God did this for a reason. There's a master plan behind it all. Yeah. Hotter horse shit. Child cancer. All of those things. Yeah, you can't do anything about that. Fuck off and suck my balls.
00:23:22
Speaker
but So I'm i'm interested, cause some people actually, when they get sick, and Jeff, ah you haven't listened to him on enough shows. I never had cancer, but I have a medical thing that I deal with and I've had a few close calls in my life. yeah So I'm just curious, like I did the same thing you did. A lot of people get drawn into it because it gives them comfort as opposed to pulling away. How did it make you lose your faith?
Jeff's Cancer Journey
00:23:47
Speaker
Well, suppose first and foremost, probably tell your listeners what the illness was I had, which, sure as we have we know, is I had cancer. So I've had, in the space of five years, I had cancer three times. So I was 16 years of age, i got diagnosed with testicular cancer. Then six months later, um after I got the treatment for the testicular cancer, which, spoiler alert, is cutting the bollock off, I then got lung cancer.
00:24:17
Speaker
And then coasting along, all was well. Four years later, I was told that during routine ultrasound, I had yet another cancer in my other bollock. So as I am, between the years 16 and 20, I had three times. So during that time, when you're getting treated for cancer,
00:24:42
Speaker
you know One of the things they were big fans of was visualization. So you get people coming in and going and it's definitely what you're saying any about how people find solace with their faith. Keep an open mind, believe that the gods on your side know this jazz. And at one stage during the second cancer, I wasn't responding to the treatment. So I had the doctor come in and Steve was telling me I needed to visualize like the chemotherapy drugs were soldiers going into my bloodstream and the cancer, I had to vegetalize all this. This is the kind of new age fucking stuff that they were constantly at the... So distraught that the whole chemo wasn't working, they were trying anything. They were saying that. So the chemo was the soldiers and I had to imagine that the cancer itself was some alien horde and the chemo was shooting it down. So that's the kind of nonsense you're dealing with. Yeah, yeah.
00:25:37
Speaker
um At this time, I am quite religious. I would ah obviously went to Sunday school. I'm still obviously very young at this time. But there does come a time when you have to think, you know, all this God does this for a reason stuff. It's like, I just could not work out why.
00:25:53
Speaker
um I had had it three times. What could possibly be the reason for that? And I will say as a caveat, having cancer three times makes it sound like I am one of the most unlucky people in the world. But on the contrary, I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world because the simple reason is cancer is the great leveler. Okay, everyone get it. It doesn't matter how intelligent you are, how witty you are, how much money you have, what your status is. If cancer's out to get you, it's going to get you.
00:26:23
Speaker
Okay? It touches us all, so no doubt Ian, no doubt Stuart, you guys have nowhere people or a worthy people family who have been touched by cancer. Okay? And you'll probably be aware that some people, I've had, so I had cancer first, I thought I wanted.
00:26:40
Speaker
Then I had a rematch six months later. I fought it and I won't. And then I had a third rematch four years later. I fought it and I won't. So I've had three fights of cancer and one each one. There's some people I know have had cancer once. They didn't get a rematch. They didn't get a chance. They didn't get a chance.
00:26:58
Speaker
I know't know people in and in the shame boat too. start Exactly. And it's absolutely shit for them. When I was getting cancer treatment in what was then David Park Hospital, ah if I came here for a few weeks, came with therapy to get out and talk amongst the patients who were there. I mean, so I literally remember on the second phase, second cycle of chemotherapy, I went out and met this young guy. He was having chemotherapy treatment.
00:27:24
Speaker
And when it came time for my third cycle of back three weeks there, he wasn't there because he died. So that's that's my more why my viewpoint is that I am very, very lucky. But in terms of religion, it was like it was it was one of the things that tiered me close to the edge. And then Stuart and I have a mutual friend, or did have a mutual friend, who basically pointed out to me about how absolutely nonsense that all was. And that was just what focused me on like Yeah, you're right. You're right. There's no reason. There's no master plan here. It's all nonsense. So that was why I just cut ties. Well, having been through what you have gone through and then getting to that pathway and going, this religious thing is all fucking nonsense. Did that.
00:28:27
Speaker
increase your stress level or reduce your stress level.
Religion and Post-Cancer Guilt
00:28:31
Speaker
What do you mean, cutting loose from religion? You mean? Yeah, no, because I mean, if you were religious while you were going through the absolute, I don't even know how the fuck you're the well-adjusted motherfucker that you are right now, mate. And I mean that.
00:28:46
Speaker
because that is some hard shit to be going through, sp at any age, but so young as well. Let's not forget though, I got my final all clear in 2001, so that's 23 years ago. And I've always said this, your illness is not a character trait, it's something that happens to you, you just move on. So that's always been my knowledge here. I think you know, Stuart from our group of friends, like we all know I've had cancer, but... Yeah.
00:29:10
Speaker
Whenever people find out, they're always surprised because they I were very early. like matt I don't really match it at all. no no no but i mean ah The kind of thing that I was asking for that question there was, um if while you were going through treatment, you were relying on God, the religion, right? Okay. And then that's taken away. Did it make you feel shit? I did this on my own. Oh God. No, I didn't. Or did I, were you like, Oh fuck, who's who, who am I going to rely on now for that assistance?
00:29:51
Speaker
Whenever I'm not into your hair, I'm just interested to see because it's an interesting... When I was having the treatment, I was full steam ahead about God and religions like, you know, please God, please help me pull me through this, blah, blah, blah, usual. What would you expect? Hopes and prayers, no utterings. It was only after the treatment, like several years later, that I finally decided to cut loose. And I'll be honest with you, there was a bit of a guilt thing involved there because it's like,
00:30:19
Speaker
I've been, you believe in God for so long, you believe in Christianity for so long and it's been part of your life for so long and then suddenly you just go right from this point onwards. I'm not saying prayers at night, I'm not saying grace before eating the meal, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that. It sounds ridiculous but those wee things that you've been doing your entire life and you just decided to stop doing it. That's kind of where the stress was. It's like, am I actually going to do this? Am I going to cut loose from religion altogether or am I not?
00:30:44
Speaker
Yeah, well, you you're rewiring your brain, like literally like literally, because every two, it takes about two weeks or something to become a habit. So if you do that, and then it becomes years and years of doing it, that's kind of why you you feel off because you're not doing stuff that you're doing all the time. So I mean, you're literally rewiring your brain by doing that kind of stuff.
00:31:03
Speaker
um Just a quick interjection just so I can vibe with Jeff a little bit and he can get to know me a little more. I have medical stuff too and I have almost died more than once. And the thing, I have been an atheist for a long time, but the thing that really nailed it home to me, I know when you get to a certain point when you're about to die, there's a chemical that releases and sends you on your fucking happy name. But I got super close to the point where my mother was in the room with me in the ER and we both thought I was gonna die. I passed out.
00:31:35
Speaker
And all I ever saw was black. There was nothing ever there. There was nothing that helped me. I mean, I was already an atheist, but at this point I'm like, there's nothing here. So like that kind of was like the state. That's like the nail in the coffin for me that night. i definitely no price like no tunnel all yeah Nothing there.
00:31:50
Speaker
you're just fucking done. And it's fine with me. And the way I describe things to people too, is so um because I've had so many close calls and because of my medical stuff, I have to let people know sometimes that I like, I have to wear a medical alert thing. Like I have to let people know sometimes the certain situations that I might need help with something.
00:32:08
Speaker
um But yeah, I kind of, I'm just like, I don't know, man, like it just kind of made me who I am. It's part of who I am. It's, it's not something I forget, but I don't lean on it. I don't really like people that lean on their illnesses or pasts like that. I think if you use it and make yourself better, it's better, but also on cap Um, I also thought about getting the death proof tattoo, but I thought that was pushing fake a little too much. but why' send The reaper a little too much with that. Well, I mean, I've known you a long time, Jeff. Um, it most definitely does not define you. yeah No, it's good. It's the way to be. You have to be that way. but you know mean about but I know people who like within minutes of making it for the first time, I've told you, you know, I saw this, I saw not, it's like they're using an excuse for this. It's like,
00:32:54
Speaker
It's part of their personality. It's part of who they are. I mean, cancer and illnesses in general, it's something that happens to you. You don't carry it on. It shouldn't be part of your personality. So once it's done, it's in history for me. I'll say no disrespect to you and I'll say you've got your medical situations and they still ongoing. Are you okay now? Oh, it's forever. I have to take medication forever. I mean, he's always a calm down. Yeah. So that's always normal. I was listening to that podcast about Jan today. I was listening to you about your, when you were six, you were like massive and you got on the drugs. Oh yeah, the corticosteroids. Which sounded like pretty tough, tough going after sex. I still take those every day.
Living with Medical Conditions
00:33:39
Speaker
So anybody that's ever had to take those, like if you ever had to take hydrocortisone or prednisone or something, you know how it makes you feel. That's my life.
00:33:47
Speaker
I'm always hungry and I'm always thirsty, like always. So um when I did lose like fat, when I cut fat back and I was like getting really into like gaining a lot of mass, I had to be like 110% on point. Like there was no slipping, otherwise it wouldn't work. I can't gain weight like nobody's business. It's kind of a pain in my ass, but o um right now it's much here i've done mask and I- Fasten this kind of interviews conversation ask no as what's your what's your what's your mental health like? And it's Alfie and you because I often I know Stewart for years So I i know what Stewart mental health is very I'm very caged. I very much have a
00:34:27
Speaker
compartmentalize a lot. I am one of those dudes that's fine no matter what. There are some people I can talk to. I am very, if if you listen to one or two other episodes, you might find that I am a little resistant to therapy, but even though I kind of openly threw myself out on the road for a couple things to try and help people. But generally, i'm i I think I'm pretty well adjusted. I mean, I have ups and downs like everybody, but I mean stuart Stewart, Stewart, she could tell you. I talk to him like every day now.
00:34:55
Speaker
o There are bad days. Like today has not been the best day in the world, but the last couple of weeks have not been awesome. But it's, I have people I can trust, event and lean on, but there's not many. Like I'm pretty tight with my shit. I don't just like throw everything out there. yeah I came to the podcast to try and help people. That's, I'm hoping. it my my trip favorite price yeah Yeah. Imagine the horror of being not being able to get that how you're feeling out there to your friends or anybody. i can't I am so m lucky to have the group of friends that I have yeah that I know that if I ring any of you at any point, I can go here. I'm not feeling good.
00:35:44
Speaker
Absolutely. Certainly ah from our side, Stuart, we've got some of the greatest friends. like Yeah, yeah, yeah. and um kind of you know that's the that's one of the my Definitely one of my reasons for having these conversations is that if some person hears it and goes, you know what, it's it is okay to actually talk about this stuff because it is another trope of masculinity that you don't want to shut up and yeah, yeah don't talk about the problems, but we'll not shut up.
00:36:11
Speaker
and So, which is why it's a bit confusing when you say you compartmentalize things. is that not Is that not you shutting things down and not talking about? Oh, it's totally me shutting things down. But I do have a few people. like there's So it's weird. I've noticed I have levels of trust with people. That's not weird. There are things that i will I will throw out here on the podcast, especially with like a psychiatrist or psychologist or somebody I don't mind talking to. there are things There are things that I will never talk about on here that have happened to me.
00:36:40
Speaker
And there are things that i that have happened to me that I don't, as as much as I love Stewart, I don't think he knows about them. There's like two or three people on the planet that know like my deepest, darkest, like traumas and shit like that. yeah It's not because I don't trust you, Stewart, it's just because it doesn't come up and I don't like talking about it.
00:36:56
Speaker
That's um ire understandable. That's no problem. Yeah, so I mean there's there's there's certain levels and then like some people I have I have many friends I know a lot of people in a lot of different kind of segments so some people know each other like so if I talk to somebody about this person they know that person so I can get better advice from them so that I just have all this weird way of networking and like I use that spider webbing thing when I talk to people But there is a very small group, including Stewart, that I talk to very openly. And that is basically the way I deal with that. And going to the gym helps me get a lot of stress and and anxiety out. It's almost like self-torture, but I actually like it. I like learning the mechanics at the gym and all that stuff. All that stuff interests me too. So as much as I'm not in shape like I used to be, I still like to go and I'm beat up and old now and injured. So um yeah. say You say you're 46?
00:37:46
Speaker
i'm forty six is my yeah i got shoulder injuries and all kinds of stuff so gems hard for me cuz i can't do it and what i'm used to. so type i'm I'm curious if are you still taking medication since i don't know i take my is um It's literally called Testo Gel, which is a testosterone cream because when I had cancer the second time, or the third time, in my second testicle, my only remaining testicle at that time, they were talking stuff about how I will cut a bit off and keep the answer. You literally have a quarter of a testicle and you can keep some testosterone. This is literally the conversation that's having some of the doctors and surgeons. A quarter of a testicle.
00:38:30
Speaker
And then when I came to examination that the the doctor who heard that goes, that was the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. It's either staying or it's going and burning mine if got cancer it counts or not. I'm sorry to tell you, it has to go. So I literally have, I've got two fakes down there, two, what do you call them, prosthesis down there. So yeah it looks normal, but there's no testosterone, natural testosterone in my system. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So I was taking tablets, rest and all tablets, which were, um, fucking awful. Just no sex drive at all with them. And then finally I got this the change that they think to stop making rest handle altogether and and this test to gel which is literally stuff.
00:39:11
Speaker
Just squirt on your palm and you rub it on your skin anywhere there's no hair and your body just naturally absorbs it. So that's yeah that's that's literally the only medication I take. So after all, having cancer three times, I think that's pretty good. Go on, to be honest with you. Yeah, I was just curious because mine is also endocrine. So I'm also endocrine, like that kind of system. So mine is I don't produce cortisol, so I don't have a stress hormone. broken So that's why I take hydrocortisone. It's a way to supplement it. And I have to do it.
00:39:38
Speaker
um roughly following like a circadian rhythm kind of dosing from my meds. So yeah, so I was curious. I figured you were on test or something. I don't know what what you were doing for gel or if you were doing like injections or what was going on, but I figured you on something. Originally wanted to give give me under local anesthetic, go back every three months and put an implant like a like a wee desk of testosterone, which releases into your system every three days. I ah had an allergic reaction to that, so oh you can do that. so yeah they For a while, for the hydrocortisone for me, they were trying to take advantage of like the insulin kind of machines that diabetics use that they just stay attached all the time. They were trying to come up with a way to do that, so I didn't have to take meds anymore, or just be but I don't think I would have done that. I wasn't really too interested in that. If they had a better way of doing it, like an implant, that'd be kind of cool. Yeah.
00:40:30
Speaker
So even even like the the arm punch things that diabetes have no fans slow release thing like that. Yeah, I'd be kind of fun Can I ask is I'm gonna ask you both a question then no fuck off get your own illness yeah So right man manner manner As a general stupid creatures. Yes and So does it affect your mental health? think it right I'm on medication that I take every day, but it's for my mental health.
00:41:09
Speaker
Right? I'm not on anything that I have to take to keep my yeah yeah yeah the cap my body and running. yeah you i you know Does that affect your one i'm kind of fuck just ask questions just fucking ask questions be blind yeah christ so does it does it does it affect your mental health to go, why am I not able to be a whole human and look after my own shit on my own. want say thats ro Does it affect, you know is it a thought process that you go through? Oh, that's a deep
Mental Health and Medication
00:41:47
Speaker
question for me. Jeff, what about you? Is that easy for you? That's easy for me, yeah. Go for it, man. I have obviously no issue with bomb liners. The options were, build some gel on the mo skin for the rest of my life or be six feet under. So, that you know, remember with Sandy how I'm lucky and I feel blessed? Yeah.
00:42:05
Speaker
my mental health is not being bothered. And that's I owe the bat. So that's matt that's my answer. That's fair enough. So my mind is similar. The deeper part is toward the end of life kind of thing. So I'm I don't know. any I don't the way the way I look at my my stuff is I've been doing my medication, my pills, especially my entire life. So 46 years is to the point where some days I might miss a dose and not even know it because I remember taking it.
00:42:31
Speaker
You know what I mean? I've never taken it like for 46 years. I remember taking it. my My issue is with my end of life. And that's because um when I was a kid, I think we talked about this, I was i was ah more or less a guinea pig for medications to try.
00:42:48
Speaker
Of all the shit they put into me, I don't know what life is going to be like at the end at the end for me. I don't know how long it's really going to be. like This is not necessarily abnormal. It's just that the deck is slightly stacked against me compared to what i you know what I could have. Yeah. And it's not a big deal. Do any of us really know? Yeah, that's my point. It's not abnormal to think this stuff. But the deck is stacked a little bit against me. But that's not even my issue. My issue is I don't want to be a hassle for somebody. Oh, absolutely. I'm 100% get that. I do not want to rely on people to just stay alive because to me that is no longer life that is just living. 100% I don't want to have to be someone that has to call people to help me do stuff. I i want to be
00:43:36
Speaker
Even if I'm in a fucking wheelchair, if I can do shit on my own, then I'll be fine. I don't want to be somebody that relies on someone and they don't want somebody to feel like they have to be around for me. I don't want someone to feel trapped. And much like you and I have talked about before, Stuart from other people asking, I don't, I don't like empathy. Like when I tell you about my stuff, I don't like people being like, aw.
00:43:55
Speaker
I'm sorry i to deal with that like fuck you man this is just my life you know it's what i know this i don't know my life to be different so i'm not asking for that if i if i have an adrenal crisis i'm in the er i don't want to like tell my friends be like oh like maybe somebody's like can i do anything for you need some food like what do you need while you're resting like i yeah like you and jeff are very similar in that respect I just don't want that shit, man. I want you don't i don't mind being a bit of sympathy and understanding, but pity, leave that at the fucking door. I mean, whenever I was getting cancer treatment, and this is annoying, but it getting chemotherapy, I always find that because you're getting chemotherapy, your mind is, I have to do this. So you're sitting there, you're getting the treatment. I have to do this. So but whatever hardships go through, losing my hair, blah, blah, blah, you just do it. It's whenever your friends and family come to visit you,
00:44:47
Speaker
and you see the effect of your appearance on them, that's what upsets me. so yes It's not apathy, it's pity. I got this because I was actually saying to the nurses and doctors, I don't want to see anybody. That's what I was going to ask. Did that make you not want to see people? Yeah, I just said I don't see anybody.
00:45:07
Speaker
This is 25 years ago, or 30 years ago, when I was getting chemotherapy, you're in hospital for a full week, then you go home for two weeks with one day to the hospital um within those those second weeks and then you're back for a full week. So it's not like I was saying to my friends and my family, I'm never going to see you. It's just whenever I'm in hospital, hooked up to a machine, pumping chemicals into me, I'm exhausted, I'm knackered. I've got half an eyebrow and I've got wispy hair.
00:45:35
Speaker
I don't want to see you. You don't want to see me. I don't want to see you. I appreciate the fact that you care about me, but I do not want to see your feet walk through the door. And it's like, oh, fuck, fuck. And you always look, you always look worse in the hospital bed with like your fucking, all the shit on it. How did your parents feel when you said that to them?
00:46:01
Speaker
My mum was a bit upset. I think my dad was a bit more pragmatic. He kind of understood. But, you know, whenever I explain the reasons, um yeah I think there are there are more onside. Listen, you're going through a lot and I i haven't the worry because I would kind of I've never been in that situation, but I could imagine that it would wind me up too, because i would be worth well want to knowing that my look is affecting yeah them would make me feel worse.
00:46:34
Speaker
I wonder, it's at me at the time, because the rest of the week you're with, Malcolm Refessions, who has seen us, has dealt with us, has seen people worse than you. They know how to approach it, they know what to say. So, whenever, their interactions with them are just like normal, like us talking here. And then you have people who have known your entire life walk in, and their face crumbles into tears when they see it, and it's like...
00:46:56
Speaker
but I really enjoy this, guys. And like and then you have to sit with them for half an hour, 45 months. And while they get their composure and you try to have a conversation, that's just like. i i i I think so the way I kind of take that, I think pity is a better word, Jeff, actually, you say that. um I think the intention behind it is very I appreciate the intention behind it. But like when I'm already struggling to just fucking be when I'm already weak and tired and dehydrated, in my case,
00:47:25
Speaker
And I'm trying, I'm struggling. Cause the last time, one time I was, I had vomited everything in my stomach down to bile. Like I was projectile vomiting bile. Like there was nothing left. I was gray, like a corpse, all this shit. Like if somebody I knew walked in and their face dropped and as hard as I'm struggling, just to like stay alive, I, you're not helping at that point. I understand. I understand your reaction, but at that point, like,
00:47:50
Speaker
Just yeah fucking call me a dick or something. like Just be an asshole for a minute. Just asshole for a minute. like Talk to me. And like I said, like if if you know I had an adrenal crisis and I'm tired, you probably know that I don't really want to cook. And if you want to send me food, I might let you. But I mean, don't be like, yo, can I come over and like help you up? with like What do you need? like Fuck off, dude. I'm very much in the school of I like to, if anyone's gone through some shit,
00:48:19
Speaker
Like, I spoke about this before whenever Claire lost her mum there. and yeah yeah I mean, the main thing I did was one, just be a bite. yeah And two, try and make her laugh. yeah yeah know meane talk high to me dude yeah yeah That's how we cope with a lot of things. I think um i think it's ah it's a very Irish based on our history, is to take the horror and take the piss out of it. Yeah, I don't know, dude. I make really bad, inappropriate jokes when things are really serious and sad and depressing. It's just the way I deal with it. It's because it's better, you know. It's way better. Yeah. It's better. Absolutely. How do you, because I know, Jeff, obviously you've, we all know that you have went through this.
Men's Health Awareness
00:49:04
Speaker
It's not what defines you, but occasionally we do take the piss.
00:49:08
Speaker
but help as well I think you do. and but ah yeah and I mean ah can't imagine being so fucking serious that you couldn't. i mean i did that shit I did that shit in the ICU when I did the P.E. I told you, Stuart. Jeff, i was in the I was in the ICU. I had i had a saddle P.E. last. that was the closest That was the last close call for me.
00:49:28
Speaker
Do you know what that is? Not really, no. The pulmonary embolism basically had a blood- Oh, wow. Right, okay. yeah And it was saddled, so it was on both both sides. So it was blocking my airway and stuff. My heart rate was through the roof. So I get these lines put in and they're like doing like the blood thinner shit, but I'm in the ICU.
00:49:46
Speaker
And every like hour or so they have to check on the lines. So they come up, I'm wide awake. Like a lot of people and I see are like kind of half out of it or stuff. Like I'm i'm sure you've been in an IC at least once in your life. You've seen what patients are like up there. But I'm very much wide awake and fine with life.
00:50:01
Speaker
They just flipped my Johnny up all the time. And I'm like, yo, I need a fucking tip cup or some shit. Like, I'm wide awake. Like, what the fuck? So the nurse I was with was the perfect ICU icu nurse. he was ah He was a former, he was a vet. He was a a nurse in the military and he had ah the best fucking sense of humor. I was like, dude, I need a fucking tip cup. So he came back with a styrofoam cup that said tip. So every time they came in, I had that shit on the table next to me. So they flipped my shit up and I pointed at it.
00:50:26
Speaker
Yeah. you got You got to make shit fun, otherwise it's so fucking depressing. Yeah, absolutely. Life's hard enough as it is, like being pool-faced about fucking everything. Yeah. The funniest thing I remember was they were doing um blood sugar tests. like They were testing my blood sugar. I hadn't eaten all day by the time I got there. It was like hour 13. I hadn't had food.
00:50:45
Speaker
and theyre So they're checking my blood sugar all the time, and I guess they do at Standard now in ICUs and hospitals. So she was checking, and the the group came in, they flipped my Johnny Cabo. I just see her look at my hand and go like this, and look to the left, and then look back at my hand. I was like, fucking hell, man. Like, I'm wide awake. Like, I'm not embarrassed. It's just fucking weird that you do that right in front of me. yeah yes Like, I'm right here. Like, you see me, right?
00:51:13
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, I try to make the hospital stays fun. I don't know. Like you're already in a shitty mood and a shitty place. So I can't... How do you feel about being in hospital? I don't like it, Jeff. I don't know how you feel. Like if I even go to visit somebody, it bothers me a little. But I've been in a hospital. I don't really mind it for the simple reason that for 10 years, I actually worked in a hospital. I worked in two hospitals. So I'm used to the smell. I'm used to the the TCP smell of it all. And there is always that lingering sense of death in some words, obviously. But yeah my attitude towards us is if you have to be there, um you're in the best place, especially I mean, I can't talk about I can't talk about in the US for you guys, Ian, but like our NHS, like work above and beyond. um For us, like, they're just absolutely fantastic. I mean, they've obviously saved my life three times and whatnot. So saved my life once.
00:52:05
Speaker
It's not top trumps. It's not saving life's top trumps, Stuart. Yeah, I'm just saying. They're amazing people. They are. That was my point. I wasn't going for fucking time. I've been lucky with a few of my doctors. But yeah, I mean, I just don't like it even though I worked in them. I worked in a surgical ICU for like a year or two too. I worked in hospitals most of my life as an adult anyway.
00:52:28
Speaker
I just, being on the patient, on the floors, if my mom's in there or something, I can only, I have to do like short stints. Like I'll i'll be there often, but short. I just, I don't know, it's too much. I spent like weeks at a time as a kid in there. And back then when I was a kid, when I was a kid, the IVs were, the IV needles were metal. So you got your arm taped to a board or your hand taped to a board so you didn't move your wrist or your elbow.
00:52:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's so good. It wasn't fun. I had a fucked up nurse back then too for a little while. My mom had to tell off like an entire department. but Yeah. So I mean, I'd be in there for like a week trying to do homework with my left hand because my right arm would be taped to a board with an IV in it. so right yeah I don't, I don't, I don't like hospitals, man. yeah i'm getting on pressing yeah So, um, I want to ask this question cause I think it's important for other men to hear Jeff. Okay. You've had this particular cancer twice. Yes. How did you find out the first time?
00:53:32
Speaker
and Well, I was an absolute dick. I I think I got. um I was walking about in outside during break in high school.
00:53:49
Speaker
Then football sorry, that's soccer ball in and So we're playing soccer ball and for whatever reason um Just the way it worked out one of the boys I was playing with ended up inadvertently. I was generally an accent kicking me between the legs He's going for the ball. I kicked me right between the legs. You got the ball just not the one he was aiming for yeah and Yeah, you know well, and the pain was excruciating. and I don't know what it is about um the pain in the genital area, but in the same way women, when they're given birth, they go,
00:54:28
Speaker
I was doing that after I got kicked in the balls. And I got dizzy, boys. It actually helped. It helped easily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm watching. Just doing Lamaze and shit. Yeah. It was genuinely really sore. And then the pain continued for about an hour. And then it subsided. I was just like a dolly for the day. I'm sure that's not the first time you've got a kick in the nuts, right?
00:54:51
Speaker
oh no twelve i jack if we but yeah so And then over the coming weeks, basically, ah my testicle decided to grow. And it was just, there was no pain. That was the weird thing. There was no pain, but it just aggressively got bigger and bigger and bigger.
00:55:11
Speaker
I'm like, I'm 16 at this point. My parents had split up, so my dad was in the house. My brother was working abroad, so I was just living in the house with my mom, which probably made it a bit more difficult to talk to. They don't want to talk to my mom like, you're drunk, it sounds like. So yeah, so it got bigger and bigger and bigger. And then eventually,
00:55:33
Speaker
um Eventually, I just said to my mom, I think I need to go to the doctor. There's something definitely wrong. And then I told her about it. And then she got annoyed with me for not having to hang about it in the first place. And she was 100% right. Do you still? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I mean, that this is not growing pains. This is like... it looked like a bowling ball and I screwed them up on stage. It was fucking ridiculous. This is part of the reason I wanted to have this conversation because I think it's important for men to hear because men are so fucking stupid that they ignore shit. Yes, absolutely. and that That's one thing I have to say. like There was no pain. The whole time I had this, there was no major pain. It was occasionally a dull ache, but there was obviously a tumor growing there and no pain.
00:56:18
Speaker
So and I'm convinced myself pain equals bad, no pain, it's fine. So that's how I just spied it to myself. Yeah. So eventually I went to the doctor and ah so he did this pencil light test where basically no there we those pencil, the bright white thin torches, the shine of the bright lights got me behind screen.
00:56:44
Speaker
grabbed a metabolic in his hand, he shined a pencil light through one side. He says, if the light can be seen through your testicle, no problems whatsoever. If the light will not travel through your testicle, you are in trouble. I was in trouble. And that day I was sent off to Beaver Park Hospital and the treatment was to begin. So it was 100% a fully fledged tumor. There was no pain attached to it whatsoever, but It was advanced and had to come out. So yeah that's when I had to go to the hospital. So how do you feel about pen flashlights? No, I'm just kidding. Don't traumatize me. Don't commit. Black flashlight. OK. So having lost one. Yes. Well, that's annoying. Whenever they took the for the first one out, they said, mate, don't worry. We're going to replace it at the same time.
00:57:41
Speaker
So you won't even notice the difference down there. I thought that's fair enough. They didn't because and they said when they cleaned it out, there was so much cancerous booze in there. They didn't want it. Yeah. So they said cancerous ooze. Well, I'm paraphrasing. Probably at least so something more similar. But so for months and months before I went back to get the prosthesis in, my screen basically looked like a potato sack with one potato in it. So very hot and tight on the other side and just That's a visual image you probably didn't need, but that's what I was thinking about for months. And just as it was due to get the the the operation they put the prosthesis in, they discovered my tumour markers were rising. So they removed the testicle, had the tumour on it, and my bloods, the tumour markers basically say the thing in your blood that tells you how serious your cancer is. Right, okay.
00:58:32
Speaker
tumor markers were plummeting, obviously because the main source of cancer had gone and then suddenly started to spike up again, spike up a again, spike up again. So I had a CT scan and that was when I discovered there was a shadow, a lesion on my lung and then it was chemotherapy time. That's how it all began. So yeah, it was fun, fun times.
00:58:58
Speaker
And just to ah just the second, were you very aware then of your nuts, were you fit? Because they tell all men to feed them for strange lumps and bumps and yes things like that. You have been very alerted to the fact that You would have been checking yourself. Was that how you found out the second time? No, no. I was saying, you're supposed to check after a warm shower when your body is completely relaxed. That's when you're supposed to check your testicles, because that's when your test was in a relaxed state. So if there's any lesions or any bumps, that's something to get checked out. I remember kids listening. My tumor, my massive tumor had no pain. So even if there's no pain involved, if you've got a lump or a bump, you need to get it checked out. Yeah.
00:59:50
Speaker
Anyway, so I've got the all clear initially from the lung cancer. So it's a second cancer. um And in the NHS, the way it works is, right, but you've got the all clear, but we're going to check it every three months for three or four years where it was. So every checkup is absolutely grand. Now, I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in destiny or at bollocks. But the final date for my final checkout, where they're going to go, you're all good. See you later.
01:00:20
Speaker
only ever come back to this, you yourself discover any problems. For whatever reason, that date was cancelled. I can't remember it was because of me or it was because of them, but the date was cancelled. So rescheduled for a month later. One day a month month later, it went and the dick gave me an ultrasound where basically they put the gel on, they scanned the area to make sure everything's okay.
01:00:42
Speaker
The guy actually scammed, he looked sick as a dog and because I'd known him for a few years. He ducked me every time. He scammed me every time. He goes, you're not going to believe this, but I think there's something there. Big surprise. It's a tumor. What I'm saying about I don't believe in destiny and I love jazz, if I had not gone, if the original maiden gone ahead, he said, we would not have found this. It was so small. It was that small. It was so small, they only found it.
01:01:10
Speaker
in the reschedule meeting. and So I would have been walking about living my life normal, would never have known until I would have got bigger and had to go back. So that's how I found out. It wasn't me checking myself. It wasn't any of that. It was literally just my follow up um follow up doctor's appointments and then to find it and then I'll see what happened. happen That's interesting. that's crazy yeah it's funny how fate like not even fate just like shit just works out sometimes like that it's weird really does but yeah so but you know yeah
01:01:44
Speaker
yeah I mean, at least you're safe now, like you're good now. And that was 23 years ago, right? You've been cancer free. Got the all clear. um I'm almost certain it was September 11th, 2001. I got my all clear. It's not the most fucked up thing you've ever heard in your life. At least you got good news that day, right? Yeah. The whole world is getting bad news. And I'm jumping for joy because I've got the all clear. um September 11th, 2001.
01:02:10
Speaker
So, yeah, so, I mean, ever since then, I've exercised regularly. I eat, right? I eat broccoli every day. Like, fucking sorry. I eat broccoli. It's a super vegetable, Stuart. Antioxidants. it's Very good for you. Good for your blood. It's really good for you. So is Kale. Kale is very good for you. I like Kale. I like broccoli. I like sprouts. I like ah all of the the green shenanigans. Green shenanigans. I wish that. I just eat some of them sometimes because they're good for me. I don't fucking like them. I like, I really like broccoli to understand broccoli. Listen, I don't like broccoli because once you put broccoli on or with anything, it just tastes like broccoli to me. i Shut the fuck up. You're not cooking. I like your breakfast. You motherfucker. I don't do it. Because you're Americans and you're fucking cuisine. as you call I don't do cuisine. I do clean food. I cook a lot of clean food on my own. That's it, dude.
01:03:01
Speaker
It's pretty broken down and bare. That's what I would do as well. I mean, I got rid of the microwave. I don't have a microwave in my house anymore because I want to eat proper food. I don't have thing mails and things like that. how do ah Because you think you would eat... I have a microwave. I don't use it for... I don't use it for mails.
01:03:20
Speaker
I have a microwave, but I don't use it very often. Even to reheat stuff, I use a stove most of the time. It's good for heat and soup. I only have a microwave because my one of my exes... We never had one of you. ...have wanted one. So I have one because of that. I use it periodically, but not often at all. I not that i use it i reheat stuff in a pan most of the time, too. Yeah, that's that's what it should be done here. That's what you're using. Well, I mean... I've been away back to fucking ye olde times, you cunt.
01:03:50
Speaker
It tastes better too, man. i don't though all it All it does is is accelerate water molecules. that's Yeah, I know. That's why it tastes... You'll microwave your eggs and then fry some eggs and tell me which ones taste better. Oh no, fried eggs taste better. but Exactly. So shut the fuck up. for me it it was made It was made for defrosting animals. That's what it was made for.
01:04:11
Speaker
It's made for popping popcorn. That's about it. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, I mean, i I don't know. I eat really clean stuff. So I don't know. So the the title of this episode is going to be Testicular Cancel. And Testicular Cancel, is that what you said? I have had one, two minutes. Testicular Cancel. Oh, I might have done it before I forget it. And Testicular Cancel, microwaving popcorn.
01:04:40
Speaker
Yeah, Jesus Christ. Don't worry, I'm not a health. Not like, I mean, the steward can confess. I drink like an absolute fiend lick. So I'm not doing a ring. No, not like a fiend, my friend. You drink like a legend. You do park runs, right? Well, not as often as I should do. But you try, do you? Do you do that for fitness or mental health? Both. Fuck running.
01:05:07
Speaker
both how i get mom talking either but i just ah just for butler lefroy nice Nice I just left the weights like four times a week. It makes my heart go fast enough. Thanks Yeah, I think exercise is very important for your mental health. I really do. It is. Even if it's just getting out and walking a about. see can Walking out kind of fun. Our friend Tom started walking. Now he like runs 5Ks and shit. He's in pretty good shape. he He's done really well. Yeah. but
01:05:40
Speaker
I think, uh, if I had a pool in my yard, I'd probably do that for cardio cardio, swimming. Yeah. I love swimming or swim in, or sometimes water walking. If I'm really tired of my shoulder, you can't swim. Can't swim. 46 years on a fucking Island.
01:06:01
Speaker
What a cunt. Jesus Christ. Alright, Jeff, we're goingnna go and we're gonna we're going to go and have lessons. That's what's gonna happen.
01:06:14
Speaker
look there's no there's no let's burn look of the oh lessons for that That's not our story out there. Holy fuck. I could teach you to swim, it's easy. Oh, fair enough.
01:06:25
Speaker
I'll hold. I have done it with both my girls. I'll hold you on your wee bum and just pick you up. I need floaties. It's got to happen. Water wings for Jeff. Jeff and his water wings.
01:06:43
Speaker
Yeah. Is it water wings made to look like two bottles of whiskey? We'd be quite happy. Be nice. Oh man. I mean, you don't have to be a health nut. I i have been, um but mostly because I was trying to get leaner and bigger. It takes a lot of fucking effort to do that. so buts it It's just a fun culture three times. I just think I also have a natural genetic propensity for it. So I'm just trying to avoid, ah just trying to do my best. Anyone else in your family?
01:07:13
Speaker
My granddad had it, I think he died a cancer, but ah my brother and my dad's side are all good, but mum's fine a lot of times, so no. It doesn't seem to be a lot of family. It's just because you you said about genetic propensity.
Exercise and Well-being
01:07:27
Speaker
But which I'll see if I've had it three times. and Yeah, no, absolutely.
01:07:30
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it doesn't hurt anybody anyway, just to like take care of your health. Even if you don't, you don't have to be fucking over the fucking moon about being healthy and shit. Just go to the fucking gym or go for a walk or something. I mean, just move. Your body's meant to move, so fucking move. Absolutely. Yeah. I generally move from the sofa to the fridge to get up here, back again. And then, yeah. Some days I wish I had more of those days. Yeah. But. It's good times. Great times.
01:07:58
Speaker
You're going to ask the last one? Yeah. This has been a really interesting and informative conversation, Jeff. Thanks for coming on. Anyone listening to this will get a lot out of it, which is why... But mostly that I don't know what makes masculinity and why I've only gotten one of the four. That's probably their main takeaway. Interesting. And that you can't swim while you live on an island. And you can't swim. I mean, that is crazy talk.
01:08:28
Speaker
But um I think it was definitely an important conversation to have. I think it was awesome. Yeah, and thank you. We really appreciate it. Now, I did say the other night, we only really have two questions and a big teeth in the rammbly question rambly fucking conversation in the middle. So the last question, he asked the first one, I asked the last one. The last question is, Jeff,
01:08:56
Speaker
Jeff. My name is Jeff. Jeff, what is the manliest thing you've done this week? On Monday, I took a thorn out of my dog's paw. That's manly enough. now That's pretty man pretty fucking manly. wait Wait, did the dog put up a fight out of like fear and pain or was it like kind of a chill thing?
01:09:21
Speaker
He was holding his paw up the whole time. He just wanted to hide, so he's fine. How is Clive now? Clive the dog is recovering very well. He saw those pigs here and he's not good. Excellent. He's going to get through this. We're going to go through this, Clive. No problem. I have a friend who is a... I know through work. She's a graphic designer.
01:09:49
Speaker
And she's a German lady. And she has a dog called Peter. which I thought was the best fucking name I've ever heard for a dog in my entire life, um until you got your dog, Jeff, and called it Clive. I was like, it's just epic. Because she was like, why? It's a very suitable name for a dog. It's Peter. His name is Peter. I'm like, well, like I guess if that's perfect. The fucking German accent with naming the dog. Yeah, Peter. And it my dog is called Peter. He looks like a Peter. I was like,
01:10:23
Speaker
Peter's a weird name for a fucking dog. Sure. Human names for dogs on the way forward, big time. Yeah, human names for dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's very good. What's the spot in Fido, shit? Well, my dog's called Daisy, but i we didn't name him. I have an old lady name for my dog. Opal. Opal. That's one of the dogs. Yeah.
01:10:46
Speaker
And so that's that's our our second podcast that we're gonna start called dog love. We would just talk about our dogs. It should actually be an RDC end because you stole my podcasting partner because we we spoke about five years ago.
01:11:01
Speaker
doing a podcast about drinking whiskies in his shed in
Humorous Recollections and Spontaneity
01:11:05
Speaker
Lurgan. We're going to get drunk and tell funny stories, which in retrospect would probably have been like, what's that phrase about the drum solos and guitar solos? They're heaven to create, it but hell to endure.
01:11:20
Speaker
We had fun making them, but there were no. yes The problem is every time we talked about it, we were drinking whiskey and then we didn't get something to hunt. I just kind of asked them in a week later, we were doing it. That's pretty much how fast it all
Closing Remarks and Gratitude
01:11:32
Speaker
went. so know we Listen, thanks for having me on, guys. and I think you are doing you're doing the the Lord's work if there is a Lord, because you know ah so it's good to talk, as they say. It is. Thanks for having me.
01:11:44
Speaker
No, thanks for coming on and being so open, man. It's cool when people do that. And I very much appreciate it because not everybody's comfortable like talking about that shit. so yes but No, absolutely. I think it's important. So thanks very much. All right, guys. All right. Goodbye, everybody. Take care. See you all next time. Bye.