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2 - Choosing a Date
59 Plays1 year ago
Check the Jewish calendar first, THEN settle on your date.
I know that almost nobody finds a rabbi as the first thing on their planning list.That’s fine, I just want to give you the info you need so you have the best shot at finding a rabbi to officiate your ceremony if that’s something you desire.
What I do NOT want is for you to be really excited about your Jewish wedding, and really wanting to find a rabbi for your date, then finding out that you've planned a wedding for...oh no! Rosh HaShanah?
So, pull out your calendars, and let's talk Jewish Holidays to Avoid in 2024.
As promised, here are the dates I mentioned during the show:
Purim - Saturday 3/23
Passover- Starts M 4/22 and ends Tues 4/30 (avoid Saturday before)
The Omer until Lag baOmer (33rd) or until Rosh Chodesh Sivan (44th-ish)
Shavuot - June 11-13
17th of Tammuz - July 24
Tisha B’Av - M-T 8/12-13
Selichot - Sat 9/28
Rosh HaShanah - W-F 10/2-4, The Saturday after this is almost a sure no
Yom Kippur - F-S 10/11-12
Sukkot - W-W 10/16-23
Shimini Atzeret/Simchat Torah W 10/23-25
Chanukah - Christmas through 2 January
Work with me! www.yourohiorabbi.com
Find me on Instagram @yourohiorabbi
Send your questions to [email protected]
Remember - There is always more learning to do!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Your Jewish Wedding'
00:00:02
Speaker
Are you planning a Jewish or interfaith wedding? Are you lost on where to even begin planning the ceremony, let alone finding a rabbi to help you?
00:00:13
Speaker
Well, it doesn't matter whether one of you is Jewish or you're both Jewish. You deserve a guide. So take a deep breath. I promise it will all be okay. Welcome to Your Jewish Wedding with Rabbi Lian. Here, I can be everyone's rabbi. Yours too. My guests and I will share everything we know to help make your Jewish or interfaith wedding full of tradition and perfectly yours.
Sharing Joyous Wedding Experiences
00:00:58
Speaker
Hi everyone, welcome back to your Jewish wedding with Rabbi Leanne. Gosh, don't you love that mazel tov and cheering when the glass breaks?
00:01:05
Speaker
I have to tell you, I just received the photo gallery of a wedding that I officiated probably a couple months ago now. Yes, almost exactly two months ago now. And the photographs just brought back so many memories of how joyful and colorful and sweet and happy it was. And it makes me that much more excited to be talking about Jewish weddings.
00:01:30
Speaker
Thank you, doctors, you know who you are, for sending me that gallery. And of course, the incredible photographer, Benjamin Dirks from Dirks Works Photography here in Columbus, Ohio, super pro.
Setting Dates and Rabbi Availability
00:01:47
Speaker
So I know that in the last episode, we talked a lot about whether or not you actually need a rabbi for your Jewish wedding.
00:01:58
Speaker
So if since that conversation, you have spoken with your fiance, your intended, your beloved, and you've decided that finding a rabbi is something that you'd like to do for your interfaith wedding ceremony or your Jewish wedding ceremony. I hate to be a buzzkill here because I know that planning your ceremony is so exciting and you want to go to the venues and you want to talk to the caterers and you want to taste cake.
00:02:26
Speaker
I mean, gosh, I don't remember a ton about planning my own wedding, but the thing I was 100% the most excited to do was go cake tasting. And it just brought me so much joy and excitement. So here's the buzzkill part. Before you go looking for a rabbi, the best thing you can do right now to guarantee that you're going to be able to work with
00:02:53
Speaker
your pick of rabbis that you find on Instagram or across the internet. You've got to settle on a date. Okay. I know. I know. It makes me sound really fussy and old and just, it's a bummer, but
00:03:09
Speaker
I know that nobody finds a rabbi as the first thing on their list of things to plan, right? I do have actually the same bride who sent me a photo gallery today. She called me about a year and a half before her wedding because she had done her research and read, I think it was actually on the Union for Reform Judaism's website, that
00:03:30
Speaker
Uh, the best thing to do would be to pick a date and then contact a rabbi because it was really difficult to get a rabbi. And that was some top notch research. I have to say, I'm so impressed with her because that was exactly right. I probably should have interviewed her for this episode, maybe next time, but I just want to give you the info you need so that you have the best shot at finding that rabbi.
00:03:53
Speaker
So I don't want you to get really excited about your Jewish wedding. And, you know, imagine this, you have spoken with your fiance and whether your fiance is Jewish or not, you both agree that you really want a super Jewish wedding and everything's beautiful. So you get all excited about the whole thing. And then all of a sudden you realize that you have scheduled your wedding
00:04:23
Speaker
on Rosh Hashanah, or on Tisha B'av, or on some day that works really well for you and works really well for your family, but absolutely is not going to work for pretty much any rabbi. Or you've booked a date that works like it seems like it would work in almost any circumstance, but the one rabbi you're picking
00:04:49
Speaker
that you want to contact, she's not available on that day because there's something else going on. She's got a family vacation or something else. So by the way, this ask a rabbi before you schedule a date thing, this goes for Catholic or Orthodox priests too.
00:05:10
Speaker
because especially in the Catholic or Orthodox Church, Orthodox Greek Church, Orthodox Coptic Church, any of those super old churches, they've got like a lot of feast days, other celebrations, maybe festivals that are happening in their church that most people don't really have on their radars. You know they're really obscure. And so check with that priest, check with the rabbi before you settle on a date, okay? I promise.
00:05:37
Speaker
So shout out to my Catholic priest buddies, by the way, I think it's called God Cast. They had an episode on Catholic weddings and they literally begged couples to check with their priest before they set a date. Or the couple might not actually even be able to get married in that church or with that priest and it would be just a big bummer. So all that said, Jews have a lot of holidays, like a lot, a lot, a lot of holidays. The good news is most of those holidays do not fall in late spring or summer.
00:06:08
Speaker
which is big wedding season. Well, except for one, and it's kind of obscure whether or not rabbis will officiate on those days, but we'll get there, okay?
Optimal Seasons for Jewish Weddings
00:06:19
Speaker
The tough news is that a lot of the Jewish holidays do fall in early autumn, which I feel like is the second biggest wedding season. You know, I never understood, just as an aside, you know, why is wedding season summer and late summer?
00:06:34
Speaker
I personally, I am absolutely miserable. In the summertime, I'm always sweating. And when I tell you that my air conditioning is blasting all summer, I feel bad about it environment-wise, but guys, I cannot handle the heat. I don't know how all you brides and grooms put on suits and dresses and makeup and you get the hair done. And then you go outside and shvitz for like two hours taking your pictures.
00:07:00
Speaker
Anyway, I do think that autumn should be wedding season, even if it's difficult for Jewish holiday wise. Okay, let's get back on track. So we have a lot of holidays. If you are planning a wedding for 2024 and you are thinking about having a Jewish wedding and you're thinking about maybe having a rabbi, I want you to get out your pen and paper or your note-taking app or your beautiful wedding planning binder that I'm sure you've already started.
00:07:30
Speaker
and get ready to write down some stuff. Get out your Google calendar or your iCal. Also put all these dates on as if you're even thinking about finding a rabbi, just cross these off. Okay. I'm going to give you a list of dates. So this isn't all the Jewish holidays and some of them are non-holidays. They're technically not holidays that you can't officiate on, but we'll talk about that more in depth as we go through them. Okay.
00:07:59
Speaker
So the first one that we're going to come up against in 2024. Oh, my list here confused me a little bit. I had to do so much fact checking for this because I wanted to make sure that we got everything right and that all the dates were right. So if I mess anything up, please correct me. Nobody's right 100% of the time. So the first holiday that I would really caution against scheduling on
00:08:29
Speaker
and especially this one because it's a Saturday, is Purim. Okay, Purim is the holiday, and it's like people know it as the Jewish drinking holiday. It's the holiday that celebrates the events of the Book of Esther.
00:08:43
Speaker
There is usually a huge synagogue celebration that goes along with it. A lot of people, Jewish people even, do not attend that. In American synagogues, it's kind of honestly become more of a thing for kids because it involves dressing up in costumes and lots of candy and noise making in synagogue when you're not normally allowed to yell in synagogue.
00:09:05
Speaker
It is okay to have a wedding on Purim, and actually, I think it might be really fun to have a Purim wedding. If you're a couple that's very into Jewish holidays and you grew up loving Purim, it might be really fun, but you've got to be aware that the rabbi of yours, especially if the rabbi you grew up with or the rabbi you're picking is affiliated with a synagogue, and she's responsible for programming duties or anything at that synagogue, she is going to be busy.
00:09:34
Speaker
on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024. Okay. That's the first one. Write that down. March 23rd, 2024. It's a Saturday, which makes this, I can almost guarantee you a no. Now, if you call somebody like me, I'm not affiliated with a synagogue. I probably would make it work.
00:09:54
Speaker
You know, I would do some observance of Purim the night before and we would make it work and it would be okay. But especially if you're looking at synagogue rabbis, I can almost guarantee you that's going to be a no. Even guys, when Purim falls in the middle of the week, so if you're planning on getting married in 2025 or years beyond, even if Purim falls on say a Wednesday, the preparations for that celebration at the synagogue, especially if the rabbi has kids,
00:10:23
Speaker
if she's involved in leading any part of the, there's like a celebratory skit that goes along with Purim. If she's involved in any of that, she's going to be absolutely wiped out and she will probably protect her self, her sanity by saying, you know what, I can't officiate a wedding probably on the weekend before or the weekend after. So the first big holiday of 2024 that is going to be really tricky to schedule a wedding during or near
Religious Holidays and Wedding Restrictions
00:10:54
Speaker
is Passover. Jews have three big holidays. And when I say big, I mean they're big in importance biblically. They're also long. They're seven or eight days long. In America, for non-Orthodox Jews, the only one of those three holidays that takes up a ton of time and promotes or poses a pretty big obstacle for rabbis is Passover.
00:11:24
Speaker
It's really tricky because there are two giant dinners at the beginning of it that require a lot of energy and attention from rabbis because they also have religious services attached called the Seder. And eating is tricky because we are not, most of us are not eating bread or grain related products during the entire seven or eight days of the holiday, depending on how you observe. It's also another completely exhausting holiday.
00:11:52
Speaker
Passover this coming year, 2024, starts on April 22nd. It ends on Tuesday, April 30th. So of course there will be a weekend in there. Even though it's not technically a holiday where work is prohibited on that day of the holiday, it is Jewish custom to not have any weddings during the entire stretch of a holiday, even if it's seven or eight days long.
00:12:18
Speaker
There's a concept called, ein mehr bim simcha be simcha. That means we don't combine joy with joy. So quick Bible lesson here. The Torah commands us to be joyful on these holidays. Passover, Shavuot, Sukkot.
00:12:42
Speaker
because of that word simcha, joy, in the Torah, and the fact that a wedding ceremony is also considered a simcha, a joyous event. The rabbis who wrote up the Jewish laws and who debated them for centuries really just had this vibe that you shouldn't have a wedding during a joyous period, during a long holiday, because we might forget that we're supposed to be celebrating that holiday.
00:13:08
Speaker
Now, when I say argued, I mean argued. There were lots of dissenters and lots of reasons and lots of exceptions. So I personally, if circumstances allow, would officiate a wedding in the middle of a seven or eight day long holiday. But it really depends. So I will give you an example of that a little bit later on, Sue Cote. Honestly, it depends on my personal schedule because
00:13:36
Speaker
You know, I really want to encourage wedding couples to remember that the rabbi officiating your wedding is a person as well. A lot of times she has a family of her own as well. And celebrating Jewish holidays with a family involves a lot of work on the front end and also sometimes on the back end. So if she's going to be exhausted from the first night of Seder,
00:13:59
Speaker
she's probably not going to agree to do your wedding the next day. And that's just kind of how it goes, unfortunately. So anyway, block off those days, Monday, April 22nd through Tuesday, April 30th, and then go ahead the, the weekend before. So the 20th and the 21st don't have a wedding on those dates either because it's just a very full time of preparation and
00:14:28
Speaker
I probably wouldn't even officiate your wedding on that day. It would take me a lot of arranging and juggling, and yeah, I'm just not sure if I would even do that. So if I wouldn't, probably most rabbis wouldn't, to be honest. Okay, so I said Passover goes through the 30th, but especially if the two of you are Jewish and you are going to look for a conservative rabbi or an orthodox rabbi.
00:14:53
Speaker
to officiate your wedding. You've got to be aware of something called the Omer. The Omer is the period of 49 days between Passover and the next big holiday, which is Shavuot. During that time, it's sort of like it's a cultural mourning period based on some really bad stuff that went down for the Jews during that period. So I'll just leave it there.
00:15:22
Speaker
It's a Sephardic custom. So Sephardic Jews are Jews that come from Spain, Africa, Morocco, that area of the world. It's their custom that they don't generally have weddings until Laghba Omer, which is the 33rd day of the Omer. So out of 49 days, the 33rd day of that period,
00:15:44
Speaker
they don't do anything exciting, basically, until the 33rd day of the Omer. So on Saturday, May 25th,
00:15:56
Speaker
is Logba Omer and that's traditionally actually a day where very observant Jews like party on the 33rd. There's a big bonfire in a lot of communities and it's lots of fun. This year in 2024, guys, it is on Saturday, May 25th. Great night to have a wedding. Recommend it. But until then, a lot of conservative and Orthodox rabbis will not do your wedding between
00:16:20
Speaker
the beginning of Passover, which again is April 22nd, and Logba Omer, the 33rd day of the Omer, which is Saturday, May 25th. Okay. In some communities, they won't even do a wedding starting on the 33rd day of the Omer. They wait all the way until the beginning of the month of Sivan, which is about the 44th day of the Omer. Okay, so here, wait, let's find out. Let's find out when the beginning of Sivan is.
00:16:51
Speaker
in 2024 as well. So Rosh Chodesh Sivan, that is going to be the first weekend of June, basically. So a lot of Orthodox or conservative rabbis will not even officiate your wedding in 2024 between April 22nd and June
00:17:15
Speaker
Seventh or eighth and I know it's like it's kind of a bummer because that's like what six weeks. It's a long time. Okay It's just the way those communities have formed their customs and it's kind of the way they operate a rabbi who has been Or deemed and lived in those communities is just gonna have the instinct that he or she just does not want to officiate a wedding during that time Okay, so write it down if you're looking for an Orthodox or conservative rabbi to officiate your wedding don't plan it between
00:17:44
Speaker
mid to end April and June 7th in 2024. Okay. I know it's a big stretch. It's a big stretch and it's a beautiful time for weddings. It's kind of a bummer, but it is what it is. That's why you're listening to this podcast, right? Okay. Now at the end of the Omer, at the end of those 49 days from the end of Passover is
00:18:10
Speaker
Shavuot, when the Jewish people received the Torah in the wilderness of Sinai, there are two days that absolutely cannot officiate on those days, June 11th and 13th. It is a big deal though. Three big holidays referenced in the Torah. And you got to do it, especially if you're a conservative Orthodox, but even most Reformed Jews, they're going to be like, listen, I have to respect Shavuot. I can't officiate on that day. And that is June 11th through 13th in 2024.
00:18:41
Speaker
Now you've got the back half of June and the beginning of July to have your wedding. Enjoy yourself. It's going to be beautiful, even though it'll be Hanshvitzi. I don't know why you people do it, but you know, if you call me, I'll be there. And almost any conservative Orthodox rabbi will also be there. The next big day that is going to trip us up here is the 17th of Tammuz. Tammuz is a Hebrew month.
00:19:05
Speaker
in the American Gregorian calendar that day is July 24th, 2024. That begins a period of three weeks of mourning for the destruction of the temple. That it's going to be really hard to find any rabbi, but especially a conservative Orthodox rabbi to officiate a wedding during those days. Now, again, I probably would, it sort of depends, but
00:19:33
Speaker
And a lot of rabbis probably would for their own reasons, and that would be something you could speak with them about. But if you want a sherbet for a rabbi, just don't plan a wedding starting on July 24th, and then all the way through Tisha Ba'av, which is, I hate to say it's a holiday, but I guess it is. It's a holiday that commemorates the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem. So that is on August 12th and 13th in 2024.
Recommended Wedding Periods
00:20:00
Speaker
So mark that out between July 24th and August 13th. Don't schedule a wedding then. If you're looking for a rabbi. Again, you know, you guys can always call the rabbi first and ask if there's any days that she is blocking off because of holidays or whatever. She'll give you the rundown. You might discover she's fine doing a wedding during those three weeks of mourning, but a lot of rabbis will not be.
00:20:28
Speaker
Okay, now from the middle of August next year in 2024, you guys are good. Tisha Báv is over on August 13th. So that means from the middle of August, you guys can party hard all the way through the end of September. So I remember I told you that there's this whole big block of Jewish holidays in the autumn. Next year, they're kind of really late. So that's really nice for people planning weddings in the early autumn.
00:20:59
Speaker
On Saturday, September 28th, 2024, okay, mark this down, it's something called Slicot. Slicot is a prayer service that comes right before Rosh Hashanah, which we'll talk about in a second. Most Jews don't observe it, but if you have, I mean, a lot of Jews do, okay? It's a thing in the synagogue, you go, you do these prayers, you get spiritually ready for the Jewish new year and atonement of sins and all that good stuff that's gonna come up that we'll talk about in a second.
00:21:29
Speaker
A rabbi who is affiliated with a synagogue will be busy that night. September 28th, 2024. Mark it off. She won't be there. Like, I could probably come. But again, case by case basis, we have to wait and see. So, and remember, I told you guys what's coming right after Suleich Haute is Rosh Hashanah.
00:21:52
Speaker
Rosh Hashanah in 2024 is, can I, guys, it's late. This is really nice for weddings in 2024. Rosh Hashanah is on October 2nd. It starts the night of October 2nd. It goes through October 4th at sundown. And so that's Wednesday through Friday. Great news. You might be saying like, oh, okay, well I can plan a wedding on October 5th then. No.
00:22:19
Speaker
because the High Holidays, which begins basically with Slichot, but really begins with Rosh Hashanah, especially for synagogue rabbis, it is the annual Super Bowl marathon giant event of the whole year. Rabbis start preparing for it months in advance. They have mirrors about it sometimes in the months leading up to it. It's a lot of stress. And after leading services for two days straight,
00:22:45
Speaker
especially if you have conservative Orthodox rabbi, those services are longer than reform services. They go for two days, reform services go for one. I can almost guarantee you, your conservative Orthodox rabbi will not be officiating your wedding on Saturday, October 5th, 2024. So mark that off also. And because Yom Kippur falls 10 days after Rosh Hashanah every single year in 2024,
00:23:14
Speaker
It is on a Friday and Saturday on October 11th and 12th. So that's going to be a no also. And even though, listen, Yom Kippur is a big deal, okay? Yom Kippur, the world stops. You don't eat. You don't take a shower. All you do
00:23:33
Speaker
is go to synagogue and sometimes take a nap and get excited to eat when the sun goes down. Yom Kippur, there are a lot of holidays that I will officiate on. We're going to talk about one next year. Yom Kippur,
00:23:48
Speaker
is an absolute no. It's a day of, it's not morning, but it's solemnity. It's introspection. It's atoning for all the sins of the past year and you can't have a wedding on Yom Kippur. You just can't. So mark it off on your calendars right now. Brides and grooms in 2024. Don't schedule a wedding for October 11th or 12th and
00:24:11
Speaker
actually 13th for the same reason I talked about with the day after Rosh Hashanah, your rabbi is going to be wiped out, exhausted, overwhelmed, 11th, 12th, and 13th. Do not schedule a wedding on those days if you want a rabbi to officiate. I said it. I'm sorry. That is what it is.
00:24:30
Speaker
At least Yom Kippur is kind of like an easy one, right? Because I feel like on secular calendars, like Gregorian calendars, there's not very many Jewish holidays on there, but Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are almost always on there. Sometimes Passover too, and also Hanukkah, even though Hanukkah is whatever. Okay, once again, let's get back on track.
00:24:51
Speaker
And we're back, okay. The next big holiday, the third of the giant holidays, the big festivals, the big hagim mentioned in the Torah, they absolutely gotta do, very important, is Sukkot, okay? Now Sukkot is the holiday that
00:25:08
Speaker
Everybody loves to make fun of in popular culture because it seems kind of silly. So if you're as old as I am or maybe a little younger and you enjoyed watching 30 Rock, there's a whole bit where one of the guys is asking for Jewish holidays off and his boss, they had a fight, and his boss at the end says he can only have one Jewish holiday off and it's the one with the huts.
00:25:33
Speaker
And yes, that's very funny. We do build huts in the backyard or on the porch or in a communal space. Sukkot, there's like a literal hut or tent in people's backyards. They decorate it. They sit out there for all their meals. Some people sleep out there, put their TVs out there. It's to remember when we lived in tents in the desert and, you know, after we left the land of Egypt and it's a whole big thing. It is eight days long.
00:26:00
Speaker
The first two days are considered to be days when you don't do anything. All you do is eat and go to synagogue and sit in your sukkah, sit in your hut. So if you want, again, if you want a conservative Orthodox rabbi to officiate your wedding, do not plan a wedding, probably at all, during the entire week of Sukkot. In 2024, Sukkot goes from October 16th through October 23rd. That's a Wednesday to a Wednesday.
00:26:30
Speaker
And then the day after that is Schminiautzer and Simchatora, they are basically
00:26:37
Speaker
add extra days onto the end of Sukkot. So you're looking at blocking off Brides and Grooms in 2024, October 16th through 25th. Don't have a wedding on those days because especially if you want a conservative or Orthodox rabbi, a rabbi who's involved with the synagogue, he or she is gonna be completely exhausted from Sukkot, setting up the thing, taking down the thing, all the decorations, all the little kids, preschool programs that happen in the sukkah. There's usually like a brotherhood steak dinner
00:27:03
Speaker
And then, you know, the sisterhood has like margaritas in the sucka. Gosh, what do they call it? I mean, there's always some pizza in the hut. There's like international hut of pancakes, all the things that synagogues do to involve people. It's a, it's like a kind of a fun time. They have their hot outside. They're exhausted. Okay. They're not going to be doing your wedding. Even if a rabbi is not affiliated with a synagogue.
00:27:29
Speaker
If she's a conservative or orthodox rabbi, hey, that old concept of, that we talked about a little earlier, in mervin simcha ba simcha, we don't mix two joyful occasions together. Sukkot in the Torah, there are so many commandments, you've gotta be joyful. You gotta sit in the hut, you have to be joyful. And that word simcha,
00:27:49
Speaker
again, makes a lot of rabbis, you know, in the past and now really wary of having mixing two simchas, two joyful occasions together because we might get distracted from one and it goes both ways, right? You might get distracted from Sukkot because you're so excited about your wedding or people might like pass on your wedding or not be excited for your wedding because it's Sukkot and they're doing their thing elsewhere. You're putting people in a really difficult situation that way, right? Okay, all that said,
00:28:17
Speaker
Story time. I got married during Sukkot. So I didn't get married on the first or second day of Sukkot, which are considered to be days where you can't do any work, you can't do anything besides go to synagogue and eat. Or during the last two days, which are the same thing. It was during the fourth day of Sukkot, which is the intermediary days of the holiday, the ones in the middle.
00:28:40
Speaker
They were called Cholhamu'ed, Muad'im, the middle days. And according to some customs, you can have a wedding on those days. We had a rabbi, she was a Reform rabbi, but she was very serious about Jewish laws and she really wanted to consider them. We did convince her to officiate our wedding in the middle of Sukkot, God bless her, because it's such a nice memory and we love having a wedding anniversary during Sukkot.
00:29:06
Speaker
Now I did get a call from a bride. Oh gosh, when did she call me? Months and months ago, she was really diligent about it. She was very excited about her autumn wedding, her autumn 2023 wedding. She planned it, beautiful location, beautiful part of the country. I'm so excited to travel there. Well, that's a spoiler. Turns out it is on the very first day of Sukkot. So she messaged me and I looked at the calendar and I was like,
00:29:36
Speaker
the first day of Sukkot 2, I don't know.
00:29:41
Speaker
I thought to myself like, okay, but what would be my personal reason for not officiating this wedding? Okay. Because it's one of the holidays where you can't do work. So you've heard about Jews on Shabbat, Jews on holidays. There's no driving. There's no writing. There's no cooking. There's no, any of that stuff that constitutes work. And I'm like, I can't drive. And it's kind of a, it's a little bit of a drive. I can't drive to this wedding on the first day of Sukkot. Like, what is that? And then I thought to myself, you know, Rabbi Leanne,
00:30:10
Speaker
you drive on Shabbat, like all the time. You know, it's not something that I observed to not drive on Shabbat in holidays. So it just didn't really sit right with me to say to somebody, oh, no, sorry, I can't officiate on that holiday because it would involve driving when it just, I mean, just the height of hypocrisy. And also,
00:30:34
Speaker
I just didn't really mind that much. My anniversary is not till the fourth day of Sukkot, and my husband and I aren't big anniversary people anyway. We don't really get too worked up over it. We don't really celebrate it. We're homebodies. We like to be at home. Maybe we'll order in dinner, but that's about it. Even so, that's three days later. And then also, we have a Sukkot custom, one solid Sukkot custom, and that is during the Shabbat of Sukkot,
00:31:02
Speaker
and the first night of Sukkot. So sometimes there's two Shabbats during Sukkot. This year it just happens that there's two Shabbats during Sukkot. It's also the first night of Sukkot as Shabbat. We have a big open house dinner for all of our kids' friends. So we might have 12, 15, 20 teenagers in our Sukkah having Shabbat dinner. I can't miss that. And it requires a lot of work for me.
00:31:32
Speaker
to set up. Remember I said, raising a family Jewishly or in pretty much any religion requires a lot of work. A lot of times that work is cooking and cleaning. In this case, it's also like setting up the sukkah, decorating it. There's lots of light situations. Think, you know, your dad getting frustrated at the lights for the Christmas tree. Same thing, just for a hut in the backyard, okay? Anyway, once again, I digress. Let's get back on topic. So I said to this bride,
00:32:01
Speaker
I would be thrilled and honored to officiate your wedding on the first day of Sukkot at this location. However, because of our family's customs and my responsibility to fulfill those customs for my family, especially for my children, I can't come to your rehearsal dinner.
00:32:22
Speaker
If that's okay with you, then I'll officiate your wedding. Thankfully, they said, you know what Rabbi Lian, it's gonna be fine. Chag sameach, which means happy holiday. Happy Sukkot, enjoy yourself. And we are just so excited that you'll be here on the wedding day. And that was that. And it's actually kind of cool guys, when you do have a wedding on a big holiday, rabbis love nothing more than finding connections between like two Jewish events that aren't exactly related, right? So if you have a wedding,
00:32:51
Speaker
And you have Sukkot at the same time. It's just begging for a rabbi to like talk about and explain to people. And we really geek out and it's a lot of fun. So, you know, there's, there are upsides and I guess downsides. However, this is another one. I'm going to say it. I sound like a broken record. If you want a conservative or Orthodox rabbi to officiate your wedding, he or she will not be officiating that wedding between October 16th and October 25th, 2024.
December Weddings and Considerations
00:33:19
Speaker
So write it down. Okay. Fine.
00:33:23
Speaker
Now, brides and grooms. If you love Christmas, if you love winter time, if you love saving money, schedule your wedding during December. I will tell you something about, I don't know if it's all Jews, but I feel like it must be. When December comes and I see everyone panicking about the Christmas party and the decorations,
00:33:52
Speaker
and getting the lights up and buying presents for everybody and hosting the party. I feel a little smug. Okay. And it's not because I don't love Christian people. It's not because I don't love Christmas.
00:34:10
Speaker
But I don't have to worry about any of that. And I love not worrying about stuff. I love not having to participate in the cultural spending, decorating, planning melee that is Christmas. And it seems like the entire month of December. If you two would like to opt out of all that craziness,
00:34:34
Speaker
And you'd like a discount on pretty much everything weddings. I think, guys, if you plan a wedding in December, you are gonna feel all those vibes. You're gonna be gloating a little bit that you are just opting out of the Christmas rush that year and planning a wedding. And you are just gonna probably save a lot of money. I think people do big discounts at that time.
00:35:02
Speaker
I don't know, maybe not. Maybe they're booking for Christmas parties. I don't know, venues. Is any venue owner or event planner listening to this? Tell me if I'm wrong. Tell me if you are indeed booked up during Christmas and there are no discounts in December, okay? All right, anyway, rewind. Gosh, that's the fourth time this podcast. I hope you guys are still with me. Thank you for your patience. Anyway, the month of December,
00:35:26
Speaker
is the Jewish holiday that when you think about what are the Jewish holidays that you know, almost the first thing that comes to almost any American's mind is Hanukkah. Adam Sandler has a song about it. It's the Jewish holiday that usually happens during Christmas. So we put out dreidels next to our little Christmas trees and we feel really inclusive. Hanukkah, without getting too nerdy, it's a post-biblical holiday.
00:35:55
Speaker
It commemorates a very post-biblical event and it's not that big of a deal. Like of all these holidays, just because, okay, even Purim, Purim is also like a post-biblical holiday. It's like a historical holiday. The book of Esther, guys, that Purim celebrates doesn't even mention the name of God, okay?
00:36:21
Speaker
But because of the synagogue, Purim involvement that I explained, your rabbis are going to be exhausted at Purim. Usually there's not big stuff for Hanukkah happening. Like sometimes the synagogue will have like a latke dinner, but usually that's taken care of by the congregants. I think mostly, even if there's a candle lighting thing, the Hanukkah candle lighting, if you've ever been to one, takes like five minutes.
00:36:45
Speaker
It's another reason, you know, like I really think Jewish people must feel smug during December because we've got this holiday. It's just lighting candles, guys. And sometimes frying some stuff. And it takes a few minutes and the wow factor is just huge. Okay, the wow factor of Hanukkah. If you want to have a Hanukkah wedding, like let's go. I will lean into that so hard. However, you may find that a lot of rabbis are not available.
00:37:15
Speaker
during that Christmas break time, which in our school district this year, I don't think that they go on Christmas break till like the 22nd of December. But if there's a Christmas break, you know, a lot of rabbis, especially if they have families, are going to be taking advantage of everybody else celebrating Christmas. And maybe that's when they go on their family vacation. Maybe Hanukkah is a really big deal at their synagogue, or maybe it's a really big custom in their family.
00:37:40
Speaker
to have a lot to do on Hanukkah. In our house, I will say, in our house, I get kind of excited about the fifth night of Hanukkah. And if you want more information about them, just ask me. But it's never a thing where I would cancel an event because of it. So Hanukkah this year in 2024, this coming year, goes through, it actually starts on Christmas. So it is Christmakah official. Christmakah official in 2024,
00:38:07
Speaker
There's nothing better. I know. Very exciting. There's nothing better than that. Chris McGarr, Thanksgiving. Anyway, in the year 2024, Christmas is the first, also the first day of Hanukkah. And then Hanukkah also goes right through New Year's. It ends on the 2nd of January. So if I were you, I probably wouldn't. If you're hoping to get a rabbi, you know, just kind of avoid all those dates. Really the best thing to do. Now I will say this. When?
00:38:36
Speaker
A couple does this. Rabbis just feel like, I mean, they get all the prizes winning so big. I can't even tell you all the prizes. When a couple approaches a rabbi and says, we're considering these three dates.
00:38:59
Speaker
One of them's maybe a little bit better, but if you can't make it to any of them, could you please tell us now? Because we really want you to be there or we really want to make sure we have a rabbi and we like your vibe or we want to do our best to find a rabbi. One bride just did that for me.
00:39:15
Speaker
in the last month. And I met her at a different wedding. So I know her. This is not as creepy as it sounds, but I just cannot wait to see her again in person and just give her a squeeze and tell her, thank you. How considerate. And it shows that she's so excited about having a rabbi in that Jewish element to her wedding that she took that much care and consideration. Gosh, I love you. Okay.
Flexibility in Scheduling
00:39:38
Speaker
So let's go back to the beginning.
00:39:41
Speaker
Picking a date for your Jewish wedding is not just about not scheduling it on a Jewish holiday. First of all, all the Jewish holidays aren't even on the Gregorian calendar. If you Google a list of Jewish holidays, you're going to see a big long list and you won't know what any of it means. So I hope that this episode helped you guys understand a little bit better all the holidays that you really super duper need to avoid in 2024, all the dates because they are Jewish holidays if you want to find a rabbi.
00:40:11
Speaker
You know, it worked out this year that I was able to officiate the wedding on the first day of Sukkot. But in another year, you know, who knows, maybe I had already volunteered to do something at the synagogue or maybe my kids were planning a big bash for that evening. Even if your wedding is the day before Sukkot, maybe I can't be there because I've got to be getting my house ready for our family's customs for that holiday. So just really,
00:40:39
Speaker
My recommendation would be to do what my superstar bride that I just mentioned did. Thank you, thank you so much. Give me a few dates and say, hey, are any of these terrible? But if you really want a rabbi, just avoid the dates that I said. You know what, I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna put them all in the show notes. And it's just gonna be my little chicken scratch notes here. But if you have guys, okay, if you have any questions,
00:41:07
Speaker
about the nature of hag of those holidays that you're not supposed to do any work on, about any of these holidays, if maybe a different day would be okay, I wanna be really clear, okay? I am a rabbi, I'm not all rabbis, okay? So my policies and my leniency and the things I'm willing to do are just gonna be different from any other rabbi. You know, not that we're all on island,
00:41:37
Speaker
On Yom Kippur, like I said, we're all an island. On Tisha Ba'av, we're pretty much all an island. Nobody's going to be officiating your wedding on the day of the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem. We're just not. But all these other things, you've got to ask your individual rabbi. Now please, do not go to the rabbi of your conservative synagogue and say,
00:42:01
Speaker
I heard on your Jewish wedding podcast with Rabbi Leanne that this date was actually not a holiday and you can officiate. So please don't do that because every rabbi has her own boundaries, her own personal restrictions, her own events going on. And to bring peace and happiness to this world, I really believe one of the things that all humans must strive for is respecting one another's boundaries. Okay.
00:42:30
Speaker
your rabbi is a human too. She has her reasons for doing things. And if you call her to officiate on one of the days that is not on this little list that I'm putting in the show notes, don't hate her. Okay. You know, everybody has something going on. And just because I might do a wedding on a certain day does not mean that every rabbi or even any other rabbi will. Okay. So that said,
00:42:55
Speaker
If you have any questions, please, please, please do not hesitate to ask me. Email your Jewish wedding podcast, all one word, at gmail.com to send me your question. At the beginning of the next show, I'm going to answer it.
00:43:09
Speaker
Okay. Now guys, I know you all are here saying, Rabbi Leon, we have sat through this whole podcast on days to not schedule your wedding. And the only thing we came here wondering about was whether or not we can have a wedding on Saturday. Cause we've heard that you can't have a wedding on Saturday, that it's against Jewish law.
00:43:33
Speaker
Why didn't you talk about Saturday's Rabbi Leanne? Well, because it's complicated. Okay. And I am going to do a whole other episode about Saturday weddings in the next episode. So if you have any particular questions, any specific questions about Saturday weddings, Saturday Jewish weddings, please, please email me your Jewish wedding podcast at gmail.com.
00:43:57
Speaker
your specific questions and I will make absolutely sure I answer that question in the next podcast. So it's been wonderful having you here today. Thank you for going through this journey of the Jewish year, the Jewish calendar and when to schedule weddings and when not to. And I will see you next time.
00:44:36
Speaker
Well everyone, I have had the best time being your rabbi for this episode. I'm so glad you joined me for another little bit of insight into planning your perfect Jewish or interfaith wedding. Until you can smash that glass on your big day, you might as well smash that subscribe button for this podcast. I don't want you to miss a single thing.
00:44:59
Speaker
Remember, you can always find me, Rabbi Lian, on Instagram, at, at YourOhioRabbi. All one word for even more tips, tricks, recommendations, and wisdom on Jewish weddings. If you want to work with me on your wedding, you'll find all the info you need at YourOhioRabbi.com.
00:45:23
Speaker
Until next time, remember, you deserve the perfect wedding for you. Don't settle for anything less.