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12.5 Identity, not Politics - The Situation in Israel and Your Jewish Wedding
77 Plays1 year ago
Recorded on October 17, 2023
I really thought that the situation in Israel wasn't relevant to Jewish Weddings. But as I talked to some of my couples, past and present, I learned otherwise.
Full transcript here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TrGeiZAADKmbDcyYr08lh-epocZruMpFpPXTuT8pow0/edit?usp=sharing
Don't forget - you can reach me any time at www.yourohiorabbi.com. Fill out the contact form there if you'd like to work with me on your wedding.
IG: @yourohiorabbi
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Hope to see you next time! Remember - there is ALWAYS more learning to do!
<3 Rabbi LeighAnn
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Transcript
Jewish Identity and Survival
00:00:00
Speaker
Every Jewish person is one of us. No matter how much you know, no matter who you're marrying, no matter what date your wedding is on, like in the face of all this, who cares? Who cares what's on top of your chuppah? Who cares?
00:00:15
Speaker
if your wedding's on Saturday. Nobody, right? Because that's not what matters anymore, right? There's this sense that something deep inside you, something unchangeable is part of the Jewish people and that the most important thing about the Jewish people is the only thing that matters is survival. Weddings are a symbol of life and resilience and a symbol of survival
00:00:42
Speaker
This is an episode of Your Jewish Wedding Podcast. It's not the typical one, though. I just wanted to take a moment to reflect with all of you on the situation in Israel, what's happening for the Jewish people, what may be happening in your relationship as you watch someone you love go through emotions about the situation.
00:01:04
Speaker
And to let you all know how actually I didn't think it would relate to any of the topic of Jewish weddings, but in fact, it really, really does. So thanks for being here.
00:01:16
Speaker
Well, hello, everyone. I am so glad that you are back here with me today. I wanted to have a little chat about what's going on in the world, as you can probably tell by the title of this episode. In fact, I'm not even sure if I'm going to do a regular intro because I don't want to seem lighthearted about any of this.
00:01:37
Speaker
My determination with this podcast was just to do as much education and connection as possible on the topic of Jewish weddings so that I could help Jewish couples and interfaith couples decide whether and how they wanted to have a Jewish wedding
Jewish Weddings and Heritage
00:01:53
Speaker
ceremony.
00:01:53
Speaker
I think that there's not a lot of knowledge out there and that the Jewish wedding ceremony can really help people connect to their people and to their heritage and their identity and what they hope to pass down through their family and the sort of household they hope to share with the person they're marrying.
Reactions to Israel Attacks
00:02:13
Speaker
So of course, on October 7th, when there was a brutal, reprehensible, horrible
00:02:22
Speaker
attack on Jews living in the land of Israel, the most deadly day for the Jewish people since the Holocaust. I didn't say anything about it on my Instagram page because I don't really think that it's appropriate to expect everyone to have a statement or an opinion on Israel
00:02:44
Speaker
or on any political issue or any world issue. Not that Israel is necessarily political, but we'll get into that in a second. Just because it's not my area of expertise, and it's really not about Jewish weddings, and that is what I thought until I started to receive messages from people that are part of what I love to call the Your Ohio Rabbi family.
00:03:10
Speaker
couples whose wedding I had officiated, couples who have booked me to officiate their wedding, people that I sort of talked to here and there. First of all, I was getting some messages of, hey, are you okay? Checking from a couple of my fellow wedding pros.
00:03:28
Speaker
here and there, and I just want to tell you how much I appreciate it. Interestingly, I didn't get a lot of messages from Jews, and I still haven't gotten that many.
Community Connections to Israel
00:03:39
Speaker
I think after a few days when we sort of came down from the initial shock of what had happened, Jews started sort of messaging each other like, hey, hanging in there, like really short messages, because we sort of all, even if we didn't know what we were, what we were all were,
00:03:58
Speaker
even if we didn't know what we were all going through, there's a sort of shorthand because Jews are sort of always on hyper-alert, I guess, for when the next thing is going to happen.
00:04:15
Speaker
So yes, I think after three, four, five days, the Jews started to message each other, but I was getting some messages from some of my colleagues, which I really appreciated. Those of you who know who you are,
00:04:30
Speaker
just to see how I was hanging in there. And obviously, you know, the answer was not too well. What is really interesting is that because I think a lot of people, our non-Jewish friends don't really have a grasp on what it means to be part
00:04:48
Speaker
of the generational trauma of being a Jewish person, that I think it maybe is something like, not so much not my circus, not my monkeys, but more like, you know, maybe they don't want to be insensitive by saying something that they're not sure is the right thing to say or whatever. Nobody knows what to say to Jews when their people start getting massacred again, you know?
00:05:07
Speaker
which I guess makes sense. Anyway, right, because we barely even know what to say to one another. So what I did start to realize though, as I came out of the fog of shock and trying to come to terms with information and what the future
00:05:25
Speaker
looked like and where we stood, I started to remember, now this is something that I say about every Jewish family. There is always one person in every Jewish family, like in the not so far extended circle that moves to Israel. So with every Jewish family that I meet officiating weddings, you know, one family, the groom's sister is Israeli, had moved to Israel. And another family, it was one of their great aunts.
00:05:57
Speaker
You know, we're so connected to the land of Israel that like almost every Jewish person I meet knows somebody has somebody who, you know, oftentimes came from Israel in order to attend their wedding. And I started to sort of tick off these people in my mind and
00:06:17
Speaker
started to wonder, you know, should I message these families? Of course, the answer is yes. But I think especially because we're not face to face, you're always so worried about maybe triggering something or upsetting somebody further. And so I talked to one of the families when actually they messaged me and let me know that the sister was doing okay, rattled, but doing okay where she was in Israel. Thank God, not too far south, close to Gaza.
00:06:47
Speaker
And then when I heard news, that town that I knew for sure, another one of my couple's family members, she lives in Israel, I texted them and made sure that she was okay. And then something even more interesting happened. I started to notice, you know, on social media, which I'm only on social media as Rabbi Leanne. I'm not on social media as myself.
00:07:13
Speaker
My interactions on Instagram are with couples I've worked with and other wedding pros. So all these couples, I consider part of my little family like a congregation. And what I noticed was that some of the non-Jewish members of those couples and families
00:07:37
Speaker
We're trying to process what was going on in Instagram posts and Instagram stories, trying to cobble together information, of course, as we do from social media, for better or for worse these days.
00:07:51
Speaker
but also I think trying to get a sense of how they were feeling about it, which I hate to say it, and it sounds really insensitive, and probably it was of me, to be perfectly honest, that I hadn't really thought all that much about the non-Jewish members of all of my couples. And for that, please accept my apology. If you're listening to this, I have been thinking a lot more in the last few days about
00:08:19
Speaker
your relationship to all of this. You know, I said before that as Jews, we have this generational trauma, right? So in a way, it creates this situation where we just are kind of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? And if you have attended Passover Seder with your beloved, you have heard this verse. Every year at our Passover Seder, we say, in every generation,
00:08:49
Speaker
people have risen up against us and tried to destroy us. But the Holy One, blessed be He, always makes sure that doesn't happen, basically. And it's a pretty famous line, I think, in the psyche of most Jewish people, especially if they grew up attending Seder.
00:09:06
Speaker
And what's really sad is that they know it to be true, right? Because what happened in the last generation of the Holocaust, what happened in the generation before that, pogroms in Russia. Before that, there's persecution in Czechoslovakia, Lithuania, right? Causing immigrations to the United States and some immigrations to the land of Israel. Basically since the destruction of the temple, the Jewish people have been in a constant state of trying to find the next safe place.
00:09:34
Speaker
And Jewish children grow up very aware of this. There's a sense that even though we may have felt at home in places, we have known that there's always a chance.
00:09:49
Speaker
that people would let us know that that wasn't our home anymore and that we needed to leave in one way or another. God forbid. Almost every immigrant family to the United States, which is all Jews, has some story about it also. There's a reason you leave your home country and sail on a boat across an ocean. It's a harrowing journey. You don't just do it for fun.
00:10:10
Speaker
You know, every Jewish child grows up aware of this. And if you're part of my generation, which is like elder millennial, you even grew up reading books about the Holocaust in school. I'm not sure if they, I don't think they really do that so much anymore. But regardless, I've noticed that a lot of the
00:10:28
Speaker
non-Jewish members of these couples that I work with are trying to work through this feeling that I think that they've just been hit in the face with, which is, oh, people really do kill Jews just because they're Jews. You know, peaceful families just living in their houses, not soldiers, not tanks, just people and mothers and children. And for non-Jewish people who
00:10:55
Speaker
who have never had that part of their psyche, like that of course people hate us just because we're Jews, it has been, I think, really difficult to grapple with. And if you are any of those people and you would like to come speak about your experience just digesting the news and trying to figure out
00:11:13
Speaker
what you can say, what you want to say, what you should say, and how you should speak to people about it. Go ahead and drop me a message. Okay, I don't need to tell you my email address. You can just email me at the wedding rabbi address, obviously, where we always talk.
00:11:33
Speaker
But the number one thing I want to say right now to non-Jewish people who are part of the Jewish community, if you are having trouble understanding
Non-Jewish Partners and Identity
00:11:43
Speaker
why you may be feeling
00:11:46
Speaker
outraged or numb or scared or just unbearably sad about anything that's going on. I mean, I think the obvious answer is that everyone should be feeling that way, right? We should all look at the absolute horror that Hamas released on both Israelis and Palestinians and be sick to our stomachs, right? And I think a lot of us are. But I think that you all know that because you have chosen to
00:12:17
Speaker
live your life, share your life with a Jewish person. This affects you in a different way. And you are going to feel a different way. Why? Because when you see people slandering and attacking and terrorizing people because of their identity and their ethno-religious background, their Jews,
00:12:42
Speaker
And you know that the person that you love more than anyone in the whole world is also a Jew. I think that it is only proof of how much you love that person that you would be feeling scared, anxious, maybe numb or detached, maybe just unbearably sad because you have fallen in love with this person or you have dedicated your life and your world to this person and you just cannot fathom how someone could hate him or her. And I want to just,
00:13:12
Speaker
hold that and recognize that, okay? Furthermore, there's no way you could ever imagine how somebody would want to hurt them, this person that you love. And I think, honestly, if I can be really candid here, everyone, I think that a large part of this also is whether you declared this or not, and most people who marry Jewish people don't explicitly declare this, you
00:13:39
Speaker
By marrying this person or by becoming engaged to this person, choosing to live your life with this person, you have tied yourself to the Jewish story. Jewish people are part of this Jewish narrative of constantly wandering, constantly yearning for a homeland, never belonging anywhere but to ourselves, and always being on the lookout for the next awful thing. By choosing to live your life with that person, that has become your story in a way as well.
00:14:05
Speaker
And most people are not, I think, ever faced with anything really that sort of drives that home for them. Thank God most of Jewish life in the United States of America for the past 50 years has been joyful and inclusive. And people want to hang out with Jews. They're like, oh, that's a nice religion. And they're nice people for the most part. Obviously, there's still very present anti-Semitism in American culture.
00:14:35
Speaker
And, you know, it's been pretty much normalized that you would go to school Jews, date Jews, marry Jews, whatever. And I wish that, honestly, I wish that you had never had this sort of wake up call that those people are also your people in such a terrible way, right? I would rather people come to that feeling of being a part of the Jewish people in a more loving, gentle, warm and happy environment, like really cool Passover Satyrs or like
00:15:05
Speaker
your kid's consecration ceremony when they start religious school, which is super cute. But in the year 2023, as of October 7th, that is not the reality in which we live.
00:15:17
Speaker
Now, after seeing all the terribly violent images, and I'm so sorry if you saw any of those and you were not capable of handling them, I'm very sorry for all of us. You may have seen that it doesn't stop there because right away, the reaction on the social media that you were trying to make sense of this all on, inevitably you saw a post saying they had it coming, or they deserved it, or how that makes sense,
00:15:47
Speaker
you know, good riddance. And experiencing the fact that somebody could look at such devastation to little children and peaceful communities and say, yep, you had it coming. I think that if you haven't faced the reality of this before, so if you didn't grow up Jewish or you haven't been living in the Jewish community for very long, the shock that can cause someone who loves a Jewish person, I imagine
00:16:15
Speaker
must be immeasurable. So in a way, it's actually a bit easier on Jews than people who love Jews or who have just recently entered the Jewish community by marrying a Jew or by becoming engaged to a Jew.
00:16:29
Speaker
We, we being the Jews, you know, we sort of look at those events and of course we're sad, of course we're anxious, of course we're, you know, shocked and detached. And there's a little part of our brain that says, well, we've read about this. This has happened before. So, you know, we're not shocked. And so
00:16:49
Speaker
For all of my friends who are the non-Jewish members of interfaith couples that are part of the Your Ohio Rabbi wedding family that I did not reach out to, I'm so sorry. I didn't consider this. And what I'm just starting to piece together now about the experience you must be going through. And I just want to take this opportunity, even though this is a very much drawn out expansion of a little Instagram reel I made, trying to tell you all
00:17:19
Speaker
how much I love and appreciate you, and what a special place you have in my heart for being so open and inviting to the presence of Judaism in your life, even though that's not the way you grow up and even though that's not the way you identify. I appreciate that you have wholeheartedly tied yourself into this legacy, which is sometimes scary and sometimes sad, but overall, very joyful, very lovely.
00:17:48
Speaker
overall very joyful, very loving with a focus on celebrating life. And I just want to say that from my perspective as a rabbi, watching all this happen just like all of you are, I want to assure you that the Jewish people do not delight in the loss of life. Every single innocent person
00:18:13
Speaker
who is dying in the events that are going on right now. Every single life lost breaks our hearts. There is not a single time when a decent Jew, there is not a single instance in which a decent Jew, somebody who understands Jewish law, who understands the spirit of what it means to be a Jew,
00:18:35
Speaker
is that we are a light to the nations. And there is 0.0 part of us that feels the slightest bit happy when an innocent person becomes the victim of these horrible, violent, bloodthirsty men. I'm not naming names. I don't believe that there are two sides in the way that most people are talking about it. The only two sides that I believe in are the sides of good and evil.
00:19:05
Speaker
And I also believe that innocent people dying because of stupid, vengeful men's wars is the worst thing that humans could possibly do to one another. And whatever part of my, whatever part of myself prays
00:19:26
Speaker
You know, I'm typically a person who goes to shul and go to synagogue and I sort of use it as like a chance to zone out and be with people and be with like familiar prayers and tunes. But my focus on the meanings of the prayers is not always there. I have to admit, you know, after a long week, it's synagogues about a lot of things. And most of the time it's not really about such a deep prayer. But I feel like for the last 10 days since this began,
00:19:54
Speaker
My heart has been, it's sort of like this low hum of just constant prayer. It's the strangest experience, but I'm just trying to communicate how much I am hurting over knowing the realities of what's happening. And so if you're feeling that way, you know, I want you to know that whether you're Jewish or whether you're not Jewish, it's normal and it makes sense.
00:20:19
Speaker
And if you would like somebody to chat with while you sort of walk through the reality that you're holding, especially if it's a new reality, since you just sort of grafted yourself onto the Jewish community, drop me a line. Let me know. And we'll talk a little bit. One thing that I really want to make sure that I share, though, is
00:20:41
Speaker
You know, the topic of this little short episode was meant to be a short episode is identity, not politics. And I hope that, you know, you've heard the last 20 minutes or so as a conversation about identity and what it means for Jewish people and the people who love them to be watching as all of these horrific events unfold.
Maintaining Jewish Traditions
00:21:03
Speaker
I also want to talk about how it might be affecting Jewish people who have
00:21:10
Speaker
been distanced from their Jewish identity, who have really not lived their life in any kind of Jewish mode for a long time or maybe not ever. You know, I say this all the time, but religion is not that fashionable, I think, in the United States, especially the kind of religion that takes a lot of work to maintain.
00:21:32
Speaker
I'll tell anybody who will listen, it's a lot of work to raise children within a religious tradition, especially if you're a minority, so obviously Jews count that way.
00:21:43
Speaker
Even, like, we live in an area where the two major religious minorities, I guess, are Catholics and Jews. And so we do know, I think, a disproportionate amount of Catholic people where I live. And they've got a lot of stuff going on that they really believe is kind of necessary in order to live a Catholic life, right? There's like services they got to go to, you know, Mass is like kind of a must, and there's
00:22:10
Speaker
All these holidays that I think a lot of regular American Christians would sort of look at as extra or just sort of like a date that's marked on the calendar, but it's not something you have to do anything for. There's no special food. There's no special outfits, none of that. Man, raising a family Catholic is a lot of work, just as much as raising a family Jewish is, you know.
00:22:31
Speaker
I imagine a lot of other religious minorities as well, right? At a minimum, the kids have to go to like extra special religious school, which if you've ever tried to get a kid to go to Hebrew school, you understand, or if you have memories of going to Hebrew school as a child and how much you would fight your parents on it, you know what I'm talking about. So when I say, if you really haven't been identified with the Jewish faith, maybe ever,
00:22:55
Speaker
this is not a judgment and it is not a knock on your parents, okay, at all. You know, no shaming. However, I think that if you have grown up that way or if it's been that way in your life since your bar mitzvah, you know, I have a lot of people hop onto calls with me and tell me, man, I haven't
00:23:16
Speaker
been to synagogue since my bar mitzvah. I think that when it comes time for you to really establish yourself as an adult and for a lot of people and probably every single person listening to this podcast, that means choosing the person that you will dedicate the rest of your life to, settling down, maybe buying a house, maybe starting a family, at least probably getting a dog, okay?
00:23:41
Speaker
Because your life has not been lived on Jewish mode, it probably doesn't even occur to you that you would have a Jewish wedding. For all the reasons we've talked about, you don't know a lot about it. Not even your parents probably know a lot about it. If you ask them, in theory, it might be nice for you to have a Jewish wedding, but they don't really care. They just want you to be happy, right?
00:24:01
Speaker
maybe your fiance is not Jewish, most likely your fiance is not Jewish, and you know, you just want her to be happy. And it's so much easier to not learn all this new stuff. It's so much easier to not dig around the internet for a rabbi who can travel where you are and who can work with the plans you've already made.
00:24:23
Speaker
And unfortunately, this event has come up that has forced American Jews to confront their Jewish identity. You know, a lot of the time it's like sloshing around in your stomach when you see all the reactions and the horrible things people have to say about Jews, people from probably the political party you voted for. And you may start to ask yourself on a really large scale,
00:24:52
Speaker
I know I'm Jewish, but what does that mean? And I've maybe never been to Israel. I certainly never think about Israel, certainly never think about Zionism. Why do I feel so upended by my country being thrown into chaos yet again by terrorists who want to kill us, who want to kill all of us, right? That's very clear.
00:25:20
Speaker
You know, I think especially there's been a lot of news coming out of Israel about, you know, when there's a conflict or anything that might require military involvement, the Israeli army reserves get called up. And there are so many stories out there about, you know, young men and women who were planning to have their own weddings this past weekend. And either they got married real quick and then reported back for reserve duty or they skipped the wedding altogether and reported for reserve duty. And you know,
00:25:50
Speaker
that the vast majority of those couples would have been celebrating at a Jewish wedding. And it might make you think, shouldn't I be doing that as well? You know, as you can imagine, not many Jewish people tell me about why they're not planning a Jewish wedding, right?
00:26:05
Speaker
because if they decided not to call me, I will never hear from them, obviously. I might hear from them years down the road, especially because we're in the Midwest. People in the Midwest are not rude. I'm not sure if you know this. It's not quite as intense as in the South, but people in the Midwest here tend to be pretty passive aggressive, which I'm not complaining about. I like it better than aggressive aggressive, but people really don't want to be rude. So it's possible that I've talked to Jewish people
00:26:33
Speaker
just from being out in the world who chose not to have like any kind of a Jewish wedding and they just like don't tell me because I'm a rabbi they don't want to be rude you know and especially because weddings are my business and I really believe that I can make a Jewish wedding something that every Jewish person can connect with in one way or another anyway you know this about me I get it right people don't tell me about why they're not planning a Jewish wedding but what I do know is that there are a lot of Jewish people who
00:26:57
Speaker
who don't feel like a Jewish wedding would be for them. Not only because they haven't been living life on Jewish mode, but because they don't feel Jewish enough, all the things we've talked about. They don't want to get judged by a rabbi. They don't want to have to talk about their upbringing or how much Hebrew they know or why they're not marrying a Jewish person or not believing in God or why their wedding's on Saturday. They don't want to deal with any of that, and I understand that. Okay, stay with me. Once in a while.
00:27:22
Speaker
one of these Jewish people will have a fiance that knows that some part of them finds being Jewish important, right? It's obviously something they talked about at some point, right? I'm Jewish is, you know, something that obviously before you get engaged, but probably, you know, probably pretty early in the dating process, a Jewish person will tell you that he or she is Jewish.
00:27:44
Speaker
And that fiancé, God bless him, will have a sense deep within himself that that identification must be important to the person he loves. And so some of those fiancées will push their Jewish
00:28:00
Speaker
Jewish bride or their Jewish groom to find me and to at least talk. And when that happens, we end up planning a really great Jewish or interfaith ceremony. And I actually love those couples in particular because of just the deep respect that the non-Jewish person clearly has for Jewish traditions and
00:28:23
Speaker
You know, also because I think that oftentimes he has more enthusiasm for the Jewish tradition, even though for learning things and for trying new things, even though that's not, you know, that wasn't the upbringing. So I have a future couple, you know, on the books, this wedding is in the future, sometime in the next year. And this past Friday,
00:28:48
Speaker
Six days after the massacre in Israel, I got this email in my inbox from this Jewish person whose wedding I'm officiating. God willing. Rabbi Leanne, while I'm not the most spiritual person, I am personally feeling more connected to my loved ones and to my roots after all that's been going on. And I am so glad that my fiance and I are honoring both of our traditions in our wedding ceremony.
00:29:15
Speaker
I was floored. You know, not that this person had ever been disrespectful or even unenthusiastic, but it was more of a situation I think where, you know, they wanted to make sure that there were a couple boxes checked about like, let's make sure we have some Jewish stuff in our wedding.
00:29:31
Speaker
You know, that's important to us, but maybe not the most connected or most involved. And that's fine. I'm happy to be that rabbi for people, obviously. But this person experienced something on October 7th. There was a shift that happened, obviously. And the shift was so strong that the person wanted to email the rabbi about it.
Symbolism of Weddings in Jewish Culture
00:29:52
Speaker
I think that this person had this feeling of knowing without a doubt that every Jewish person is one of us. No matter how much you know, no matter who you're marrying, no matter what date your wedding is on, like in the face of all this, who cares?
00:30:07
Speaker
Who cares what's on top of your chuppah? Who cares if your wedding's on Saturday? Nobody, right? Because that's not what matters anymore, right? There's this sense that something deep inside you, something unchangeable is part of the Jewish people, and that the most important thing about the Jewish people is something that you have learned from the time you were a small child, or from the first moment you were involved in Judaism.
00:30:31
Speaker
that the only thing that matters is survival. And I think that there's also a part of people that is very, very aware that weddings are a symbol of life and resilience and a symbol of survival. In the book of Jeremiah, did you think I would get through this talk without referencing the Bible? Because I really did. In the book of Jeremiah,
00:30:54
Speaker
After the exile, I think it's Jeremiah. I'll recorrect it in the show notes if it's not. The prophet gives the exiled people of Israel, or trudging towards Persia, I think, this pep talk. And he's like, listen, you are moving. This is your reality. Your temple's gone. Your homes are gone. Your families have been traumatized.
00:31:15
Speaker
and we are going to move somewhere new, and you need to become useful parts of the community where you move. Actually, the side note, the Jewish injunction for the importance of voting in elections comes from this part. It says, pray for the peace of the country where you live. Pray for the peace of the people of which you are a part, I think is the actual quote. I don't have it in front of me.
00:31:37
Speaker
And it goes on to say, when we get there, I want you to build a house and I want you to plan weddings for your kids. And I want you to have the holidays and I want you to celebrate and find the joy in life, even though we're not home anymore. So I think that there's that sort of sense that, you know, everything's changed.
00:32:01
Speaker
We still have Israel, thank God. We have a very strong army. But I think for the first time in many of our lifetimes, we are witnessing a real threat to that. And there's a sense or a strain of resilience that rises up in the Jewish person.
Resilience Through Identity
00:32:17
Speaker
How are we going to demonstrate that we are not going anywhere? How are we not? How are how are we going to demonstrate that we cannot be broken? There's this sense deep within us that the way that we can demonstrate that is by continuing our lives and making sure that those lives are obviously Jewish in one way or another. A lot of people are buying Jewish star necklaces. A lot of people are changing their social media profile pictures. They're making those posts on social media.
00:32:47
Speaker
Maybe they're putting a mezuzah on their home. Maybe they're lighting candles on Friday night. That was a whole thing the first week after the massacres. Jewish people everywhere were lighting candles on Friday night when they otherwise wouldn't have. If you have a wedding coming up, I can imagine that it would be impossible for you to not at least have a thought, like maybe should my wedding be a little bit more Jewish. And I want to tell you how much I understand that, how much I see you, and
00:33:17
Speaker
how much happiness that brings me in the face of all this and how much more settled I feel that I'm starting to see these reactions. Okay. Your wedding is one of the most emotional days of your life. And the goal of your wedding, I've said this before and I'll say it a million times again, is to remember who each of you are as individuals and to remind one another and all the people there why you have chosen one another.
00:33:42
Speaker
If there's any time in your life when you should be represented as the person you are, fully and completely, one of those days is on your wedding day. So even if Israel is not a huge part of your identity, even if you're barely aware of what your Jewish identity is,
00:34:01
Speaker
You know, even if you had not been living on Jewish mode for your entire life, I'm sad that all of this happened, obviously, horrified. And like I said, everything has changed. But I want you to know that it is okay to start representing and showcasing and involving the Jewish part of yourself.
00:34:21
Speaker
beginning with your wedding. If you've got a wedding planned really, really soon, and you'd like to add a couple things, go to my website, send me a contact form at yourohioRabbi.com or ourfavoriteRabbi.com, both of those work. Just tell me a little bit about your story, even if your wedding is two weeks from now, guys, okay? Let's get on the phone. I'm not inviting myself unless you want me to come officiate your wedding, in which case,
00:34:51
Speaker
as if I can, I'm happy to do so, obviously. But even if you just want to go through your ceremony with a professional officiant and say, hey, how can we add a little sprinkle of such and such as Jewish heritage into this wedding?
00:35:06
Speaker
I'm here to help you. Oh, I want to help you. Let's jump on a video call. I'll come up with some ideas along with you. We'll find some readings. We'll talk about maybe some songs that your string quartet could play. We'll, we'll go through smashing the glass and what meaning resonates with you. And I'll write up some little script pieces for whoever is officiating your wedding and
00:35:31
Speaker
Let me help you with this. This is what I do. It's what I live for. There's my Disney reference. First one on the podcast, I think. Seriously though, it's what I do and nothing would make me happier than...
00:35:46
Speaker
to welcome you into my little world of teaching people about Jewish weddings and helping them to connect to themselves just a little better by, you know, planning a Jewish component to their weddings for themselves, right? I promise you, we can find that way. There are lots of things about Jewish weddings you haven't even thought about as being Jewish you didn't even know existed, okay? This is, you know, this is my gig.
00:36:14
Speaker
and I want to help find that one thing that resonates with you if that's something that's important to you. Even if it wasn't important to you a month ago or two weeks ago, maybe it's important now and that is okay, no judgment.
00:36:29
Speaker
And whatever your hesitations were about having a Jewish wedding in the first place, let's talk about those. And I will help you work through a little bit of that. I'm not a therapist, but I have heard a lot. And I think I have said a lot of people at ease as well. And I promise you that we will find a way to include Jewish stuff in your wedding ceremony in a way that will not make you feel embarrassed or unworthy or weird.
Ongoing Support from Rabbis
00:36:52
Speaker
It will only make you feel proud of who you are, proud of your people, and proud to be Jewish.
00:36:59
Speaker
As always, thanks for giving me just a little bit of your time today and sitting here and chatting with me. I think it's probably helped me even more than it's helped you. And if you are one of my couples and I didn't contact you earlier than I did, or I still haven't contacted you at all, please remember what I tell you every time we talk that I want you to consider me your rabbi for whatever you may need. You know, our relationship
00:37:26
Speaker
did not stop at your wedding. I'm here for you. Jewish life, God willing, lasts a whole life long, and I'm here to support you through it. Okay? So you can find me at yourohioRabbi.com or ourfavoriteRabbi.com. I added
00:37:43
Speaker
URL because I don't know. Maybe some people don't know about Ohio or Ohio makes them feel like I won't come see them in Kentucky or whatever it is. Anyway, our favorite Rabbi.com, there's a contact form right there in the top menu. Send me a message. Okay. It's not a long contact form. It just asks for your name and tell me a little bit about your event, okay, or how I can help you. Please.
00:38:05
Speaker
I'm checking all the time. It just gets dropped into my inbox, okay? So I will see your message and I'll be in touch with you and we'll talk a little bit, okay? You can also find me at your Ohio rabbi on Instagram. Send me a message there if you want. Sometimes there's like a weird new sorting system for messages on Instagram. I don't fully understand yet. So sometimes things slip through, but I am keeping an eagle eye, I promise.
00:38:31
Speaker
And let's see what we can do to walk through this together. So until next time, thank you for letting me be your rabbi for this little bit of time, as sad and as heavy as it was. And remember, no matter what, there is always, always more learning to do.
00:38:48
Speaker
Thanks again for being here with me today, everyone. I know that things are changing day by day and I recorded this three days before I even got a chance to post it, but it was really important to me to talk with you all about it. So as always, feel free to reach out if you have any questions or you just want to talk about your feelings about anything. And the next time we meet, God willing, it will be a happier discussion. Take care of yourselves.