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Lessons and Gifts from My Toughest Year: Solo Episode of 2023 Wrapped | EP 18
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It's that time of the year to reflect and celebrate so join me in this solo episode of a review of my toughest year yet to hear about challenges I faced, lessons I learned and the gifts I received from these experiences.
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Transcript
Introduction to Unfiltered Femme Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to the Unfiltered Femme podcast. Your new world to get the lowdown on all things pleasure, sexuality, the mysterious female body, dating, relationships and everything you need to know to step into your most unfiltered, unapologetic, empowered and turned on self.
00:00:20
Speaker
The Unfiltered Femme podcast is all about breaking down those walls and celebrating what it means to be an unfiltered feminine being. I hope you're ready for a wild ride. Let's dive right in.
Lessons and Challenges of 2023
00:00:34
Speaker
Welcome back to The Unfiltered Firm. I am very excited and maybe a little bit apprehensive to dive into this episode all around my lessons learned in 2023. I asked you on Instagram if you wanted me to do a solo app all around the gifts, shall we say, that have come out of this year for me personally. And the vote was yes, you want to hear.
00:00:59
Speaker
I really believe that you're going to resonate with if not all at least some of these lessons and hopefully you can maybe see an alternate perspective to some of the challenges or hardships that you have experienced this year because this year has been the year of the shake-up.
00:01:18
Speaker
So many people, like a crazy amount of people have been experiencing hardships, challenges, relationship challenges. The number of relationship breakdowns that have happened this year is fucking wild. Personally, I have so many of my dearest, most close friends who have experienced
00:01:39
Speaker
either almost breaking up, breaking up, leaving really long nine, 10 plus year relationships, or having some kind of breakdown. In some cases that's brought those people closer together, but still it has been nothing short of just insanely painful.
00:01:55
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And also, a lot of people have been experiencing challenges around money.
Outlook and Hopes for 2024
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People that you would never have expected have experienced crazy challenges around money and really had to strip back, evaluate, consider, explore other options. There's been a theme. There has been this running theme. And this year was, in my perspective, the year of the shake-up and the year of the shattering. And I'm going to explain my experience of the year of the shattering.
00:02:25
Speaker
But for my take, I believe that next year is all about alignment. Next year, 2024 is the year of alignment and the year of reaping the rewards of your hard work. All of those seeds that you planted this year, all of the challenges that you have been faced with next year is the year. That's not to say that there's not going to be challenges because that's just life. We live in a world of duality. There's going to be ups and downs. There's going to be darkness and lightness. But I believe that next year is
00:02:55
Speaker
going to be more ease, more flow, magic, miracles, manifestations and multiple orgasms. That is my motto for 2024. But if you did not embrace the challenges of this year, and if you did not go all in to grab everything with two hands and be like, this is the wild ride I'm on, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go on it, I'm gonna embrace it, I'm gonna heal, I'm gonna take responsibility.
00:03:22
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If you avoided or you numbed out or you were just like, I'm not ready to go there for the healing. I'm not ready to face these things. I.
00:03:30
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would rather be in victim and I'd rather blame and complain, then don't expect to reap the rewards next year. That's just the way it works. And I'm not shaming you for that. Maybe you weren't ready. And I know this is very common in terms of relationships. Sometimes we're not ready to do that work and to face a reality. And it's easier to avoid and deny and lie to ourselves than to accept and face the reality of the situation that is in
Personal Breakdowns and Business Realizations
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front of us.
00:03:54
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I totally understand that and I've been there. So there's no judgment, everything in your right time. But with that said, for the people that have been through the fucking shit, the trials and tribulations of 2023, trust me, next series is going to be so juicy, so delicious, so abundant in all of the ways. I truly believe that because that's the way the world works. That's the way the universe work. There are laws of the universe. And when you fucking go all in onto your own healing, clearing your own shit,
00:04:24
Speaker
You will be rewarded. You're a good person. You're doing the work. So that's how it's going to happen. So I'll share from my experience and then I have a full long list to go through around the lessons and the gifts. Truly, I can see the gift in everything that I've experienced this year. And
00:04:43
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Literally when I've explained to my closest friends all of the details around what my experience was this year. And it's not appropriate or relevant for me to share that with everybody. Just those few close friends who are in my inner circle. It sounds like a made up movie, like genuinely it sounds like some script writer was just like, let's write the most crazy script ever. That's so unbelievable. That was my life for the last few months, the last six months really.
00:05:14
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It's been a very spiritual experience and I'm going to get into that. But with that, I kind of person I am, I just grab things and I'm like, okay, this is happening for a reason. I trust. I'm just going to go all into this. So I made healing my full-time job since July, since June, in fact.
00:05:33
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Since June, I fully embrace it. Now, if you told me in June that I would be doing this depth and level of healing for six months, I would have been like, no, thanks. Like I'm not into it. I'm not okay with that. But I've just not had a choice. And the reason why I've not had a choice is because I have a business. I'm self-employed. And when you're self-employed and your business is a business like what I have, being a coach,
00:05:54
Speaker
It is dependent right now the way that my business has been structured and this is a lesson that has come out of it for me. My business is very dependent on me and it is or it has been too dependent on my emotional state and that was that's a blessing and a curse. It's a curse obviously because when I was just fucked like emotionally
00:06:14
Speaker
mentally, physically, my nervous system was absolutely shattered and destroyed. I could not work. And luckily I was able to take a couple of months off and it was totally fine. But obviously then kind of starting back from scratch is what it felt like. That was really challenging. So.
00:06:31
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Big lesson for me, like preempting getting to lessons here, but big lesson for me was changing the structure of my business so that it's not solely dependent on me. And that looks like just purely having a one-to-one coaching business is not going to serve me moving forward. And it's not what I desire anymore because it's too tied to me and my physical and emotional state and shit can hit the fan and that is completely out of your control. And that has been a big lesson for me is that I can't have things in life fully dependent on me. I've got to have systems, processes, team.
00:07:00
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structure, business structure, everything to support me versus me supporting the structure. So the year of the shattering and healing has been my full-time job. I literally didn't have a choice because I knew that this was an imitation for me to go deeper. And I really said at the start of 2023, this is going to be my fucking year. I set such big goals, crushing it. January was a fucking insane month.
00:07:27
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I had such a good, even first quarter of this year was so good and then she hit the fan. And I know it's been for my higher good. I deeply believe that. I was like, I'm going to go big. And the universe was like, right, bitch, if you want to go there, you have got to go deeper. And that is exactly.
00:07:48
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what I did. So I am saying this is a year of the shattering and I'm going to, you probably, if you listened to all my shit, you're going to be like, you keep going on about this. But the June retreat, I went on the sacred sexuality retreat. You might've heard this part of the story when I've talked about this with my friend Jenna on her podcast and on my podcast. If you haven't, I really recommend you going back. I think one of the first episodes was talking about this sacred sexuality retreat that I went on and it
00:08:13
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fully changed me, like fully changed me as a human being changed the true luxury of my life. It was crazy. But in that retreat experience on the night one, I said, are we going around in a circle? What is your intention for this retreat? And I was like, the word that's coming up for me is shatter. I don't know why that word is coming up, but it feels like the pieces need to fall apart. So I could intentionally put myself or my life back together.
Learning Surrender and Trust
00:08:43
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choosing every single piece of the puzzle rather than just like giving what I like putting the pieces together that I was given and literally by the end of the week it made sense because I was shattered into a million pieces and was reborn and my whole nervous system was just completely fried which turned out to be a very good thing of how I overcame that but
00:09:03
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At the end, I was laughing jokes on me because I didn't realize what I was setting myself up for. And now I'm at the end of the year and I'm six months down the road from that. I'm like, even bigger jokes on me because I didn't realize that that retreat, that my whole life was going to shatter into a million pieces and I was going to have to put them back together. But now I'm grateful for it. So this year, the year of the shattering. So really trusting so deeply and surrendering. This was a big thing for me.
00:09:28
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I have learnt to fully trust. I trust myself immensely. I wouldn't have got through this year without the self-trust I have. And it's also deepened my trust in my connection to my spirituality, in the universe. Use whatever term you want. Maybe that doesn't align with you and that's okay. But you do have to have some level of trust. If you don't trust yourself and you don't trust the path that you're on, then you fucked. Life is going to be really freaking difficult for you if you don't have a level of trust.
00:09:57
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You're going to be living in more fear and maybe even more this fight or flight mode because you're constantly in this reactive mode. So I just trust so deeply because I'm seeing time and time again, I've been forced into a state of surrender. We love to control as human beings. It makes us feel good thinking that we're in control. We are not in control. We see this time and time again. We can control how we react or respond. We can control how we wake up, how we go to sleep, how we
00:10:26
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manage our energy, who we spend our time around, the people that we let into our life, how we spend our money, what are we doing to nourish ourselves or not. We can control many things around ourself. We cannot control other people. We cannot control the world. And we have to get to this place of surrender of I can control what I can control. And the rest is meant to be, and it will be whatever it is meant to be.
00:10:55
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And so for me, I already have learned this lesson of surrender so many times. The big awakening for me was back in 2019, 2020, when I went on my spiritual awakening and sexual awakening journey. And I really was like, I think I'm getting this surrender thing. And it's a lifelong journey because you find deeper states of surrender. And this year for me was finding an even deeper state of surrender, where I literally am just like, I don't know. Like I.
00:11:25
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And this is another piece detached from what is coming. So I have a very clear vision of what I want for my life. I have a clear why. I know how I want to feel. I know the things I want, like the kind of relationship I want, the kind of family I want, the kind of business I want, how I want to be feeling moving through my day to day. I know and have very.
00:11:49
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clear clarity on those pieces, but how I'm going to get there, when I'm going to get there, I don't know. And I frankly don't really care because I know it's going to be way better than I could even imagine. I trust that so deeply. And that is exciting to me. So now I feel like I'm in a game of life and I feel like I am
00:12:12
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getting to play the game and just see, oh, what is going to come
Enhancing Positivity and Openness
00:12:15
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next? Who's going to be put in my life? What am I going to experience? How magical does it get to be? How amazing does it get to be? Because I'm not controlling and I'm not attached because I have had everything in life, everything that I've ever wanted. I have had that and it was all shattered into a million pieces. So I deeply trust that it's not because I'm not worthy. It's not because I don't deserve that. It's because there's something better.
00:12:38
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on its way and I just have to trust and surrender that it is coming. So now, literally, something that I do...
00:12:47
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We've heard this all, romanticize life. Here's my thing that I recommend. I recommend that we actually dramatize life. And I don't mean in a way of creating drama, but here's what I do. When I am moving about through life and especially now I'm traveling, I'm here at my parents. I was just in London with friends. I listen to music all the time. Music has been such a savior for me. And I have so many different playlists. Making playlists is a love language for me.
00:13:11
Speaker
Fucking love it. I make playlists for different vibes. So depending on how I'm feeling, and I really allow myself to choose a playlist that's going to tap into that energy that I'm dying to feel in that moment or in that day, when I'm going through the apple, I have a soundtrack to life. So I have my teenage dreams playlist playlist, which I created a couple of weeks ago. And sometimes I'm listening to that and I'm imagining myself as I'm walking through the apple and I'm playing the game of life. I'm listening to the song. I'm like imagining that I'm on some reality TV show.
00:13:42
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No, I don't actually want to be on that, but I'm imagining like that you're watching The Hills or Laguna Beach or whatever from back in the early 2000s. And I'm imagining that I'm like walking down the airport and I maybe I'm about to run into the love of my life or I'm a baby about to meet somebody who could want to be my next client or whatever it is. I let my imagination run wild of the possibilities of the things that I could experience.
00:14:07
Speaker
Do I experience them? Mostly, no. I did not meet some random sexy man in the airport, but I could. I'm open to it, if it's meant to be, but I'm not trying to control it, but I'm letting my mind play with the possibilities, play the game of life of, ooh, what could happen any moment?
00:14:25
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I could run into the sexiest man alive and he could fall in love with me and he could be like pursuing me and he could get me upgraded to first class and then we could have this like magical dream conversation and fall in love with the airplane.
00:14:41
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I am that level of Dalulu and I think that is the level of Dalulu we have to be. And it's not to screw ourselves over and to get attached to it, but it's just playing with the fantasy of what could happen. And fantasies are very good. Fantasies are very encouraged. And in terms of sexual and sexuality, this is something that I encourage my women in my world, my clients to play with. It's super powerful.
00:15:05
Speaker
but also in other areas of life. So play the game of life, put your headphones on, choose a soundtrack to your life, choose your theme song. And as you're walking down the street, walking your dogs, or as you're going to get your cup of coffee, play with that possibility of, ooh, what is going to happen today? What am I open to receive? Universe, show me how good it gets to be. Show me something fun.
00:15:27
Speaker
and release the attachment. If it doesn't happen, you're like, oh, universe, maybe place someone in my way in the coffee shop. And then you go to the coffee shop and nothing happens. Don't be like, fuck you. Don't be pissed off because again, too much attachment, too much control, but can you play the game of life? So pressing so deeply, being in full surrender and releasing the how I know with certainty.
00:15:53
Speaker
There is not a single doubt in my mind that everything I desire, I will achieve, receive and live in this lifetime. But I don't know if that's going to be next year or in two years or in five years or in 10 years. And I do not care. I do not mind because I know what I deserve and I know what I desire and I know what I'm worthy of because I've done the fucking
Addressing Relational Patterns and Inner Beliefs
00:16:15
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work. And I have that trust within myself and I'll know I'll take the actions to create that in my life.
00:16:21
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Let's use relationships as an example. I think this is a tricky, one of the most tricky areas for people. A lot of people, there's no good men, there's no good women, all women are crazy, all men are, all they want is sex, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. I hear this all the time, especially from friends.
00:16:37
Speaker
A lot of conversation in the last few days for me has been around relationships, dating, sex, alien sex, all of the things. I fucking love this conversation. And I'm hearing this time and time again, the same complaints from people. There's two parts here. One, your beliefs determine your reality. So whatever you believe, you're going to create that reality.
00:16:55
Speaker
Two, a lot of people haven't done the work on themselves to work through their relational patterns and wounds and attachment issues that they are living these inner child wounds and unconscious patterns to recreate the same shit.
00:17:10
Speaker
over and over again. So they're meeting the same kind of guy. They're experiencing the same situation. Like maybe they're meeting a guy. It's amazing. It's everything they dream, but he keeps on cheating or the same situation comes up with different men. That's an invitation for you to look into yourself and say, why am I attracting this kind of man? I'm not choosing or controlling him to cheat on me. But if there is a pattern of more than one, two or three relationships where this has been the outcome,
00:17:37
Speaker
You have to take responsibility and say, I need to look into myself to see, is there a part of me that believes that I can't have love and sex in a relationship? Is there a part of me that believes that, or has been shown that
00:17:51
Speaker
This is what love is. Is there a part of me that believes that this is all I'm worthy of, that I'm not worthy of the love that I desire? Go with him. And when you do that work on yourself and in every cell of your body, cause you can mentally know, but there has to be an embodied, no, you have to do the somatic and emotional and embodied work to reprogram your body.
00:18:11
Speaker
so that it is singing from the same song sheet. So your mind and your body are on the same page of, yes, I am worthy and I feel it in every cell of my body. So when you can come to that point and feel like, yeah, I know that it's happening, you can release that control because you're like, I know it's going to happen. Don't have to control it. But so many people struggle in the realm of relationships that I just don't know if it's going to happen.
00:18:38
Speaker
I'm worried I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. What if I never meet the guy? So many people have these fears. And for me, I don't have that fear in terms of relationships. I know with certainty, I'm going to have the most incredible and amazing mind blowing relationship because those are what I've had in the past and those are relationships I've created and I've done the work and I continue to be a student. I fucking study a shit. I obviously it's the work I'm doing, but the reason why it's the work that I'm doing is because I'm so fascinated by human behavior.
00:19:08
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by the way that we show up, by the things that we unconsciously want, the way that we're programmed, the way that our mind works, the way that our hormones and chemicals work, that influence the way that we show up and the things that we're attracted to, and the way that we can lie to ourselves or deny things. This fascinates me. So now I'm back being a fucking student around dating, around relationships, binging all the books, all of the information, because I want to learn more for myself.
00:19:35
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And I want to be able to share that with my clients and on the podcast and share with more people. But if that's you, become a student, whatever area of your life you're struggling in, becoming a student of that. Because if you're not doing the work in that area, if you're, if you've been single for a while, I'm totally going over the tangent here in relationships, but if you've been single for a while and you're like frustrated, what are you doing differently that you were doing a month ago? What are you doing differently that you were doing a year ago? If you're not doing anything differently, then don't expect different results. That is a definition of insanity.
00:20:06
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doing the same thing and expecting different results. So how can you become a student? If you want book recommendations, I will give them to you. I have read so many relationship books and now they're even more out and I'm binging all of them. So I can give you recommendations or you can work with me and I will help guide you through this so that you can do this reprogramming work to actually attract the relationship that you want, because it's an area of life that I'm actually very good in. It's the area of life that is always excelling, obviously not this year, but still
00:20:36
Speaker
The way that I've navigated this has been fucking epic and I'm going to toot my own horn there because I'm actually really good at relationships. So yes, this is why I do this work. Let's get back to the list. Another lesson that I've learned is the absolute number one thing. The number one connection that we have is to our intuition. It is the most important connection in life. We have relationships to everything. We have relationship to ourself, to money, to other people, to our parents, to our siblings, to our family.
00:21:06
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to our work and to our intuition. And when you are dialed into that, that will never steer you wrong. And this is what I say to people all the time. And this is something that's really helped me. People are like, how do I know if I'm making the right decision? How do I know that I'm not going to regret this? And here's my advice to you. Make the decision from an embodied place. So don't make a decision purely
00:21:34
Speaker
from your mind. Don't make a decision purely from logic because that could be your ego, that could be your limiting thoughts, that could be fear coming up. When you are connected to your body and when you are connected to your intuition, decisions become more of a feeling, but more of an embodied experience. So you can start to tune into what
00:21:54
Speaker
a yes in your body feels like a full body yes or a fuck yes. You can start to feel as you're making a decision, this opening, this expansion, this excitement, this subtle sensation in your body of yes, this feels like a yes. My body feels like it's saying yes. Same thing with a no. You can feel in your body a no, a contraction, a shrinking,
00:22:17
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your posture might want to shrink up and you might start to feel yourself making small. An example of this, I was talking with my mum earlier about a decision regarding my ex and she was saying, oh, you don't have to do this. And I was like, I know.
00:22:33
Speaker
I'm not going to show what this is, but I was like, I know I don't have to, but I've sat with this. I've talked about it. I felt into it. And even talking to you now, the thought of doing X, which would be probably what most people would do. I was like, it feels wrong in my body. It's a fuck no. If I feel this shrinking, this contraction, this just like big fuck no in my body. When I connect with the other option, which is maybe going against the grain of what people typically would do.
00:23:03
Speaker
I was like, that feels more aligned. It feels more expansive. It feels like my heart says, yes, it feels like the right thing to do. And it feels like the best for both of us. So I, even as I'm sharing this now, I can feel that's the right decision and that sometimes these decisions go against what other people might think. But I trust that decision and maybe in 10 years time I'll look back or five years or whatever and be like, wow.
00:23:28
Speaker
I can't believe I did that or I can't believe that's the path that I chose or whatever it is, but I trust the decision I made in this moment. And I will never doubt an empowered decision that I've made because I have to trust that version of myself that I made the best choice with what information I had and with the
00:23:47
Speaker
knowledge, the embodied wisdom and knowledge that I have. So same thing, let's use tattoos as an example. So sometimes I'll talk to people about tattoos and they'll be like, oh, I just don't know because what if I change my mind down the line? Or what if I am older and I regret it? And valid concern. And also I don't see things that way because for me,
00:24:07
Speaker
the way that I got tattoos. I think I have 11 tattoos. I get them at a pivotal moment in my life. I get them almost as inked permanent souvenirs on my body that symbolize an experience, a transformation, a moment, usually a retreat or something that I've experienced that has been a pivotal moment in my life. So every
00:24:26
Speaker
tattoo to me is so meaningful and it reminds me of that past version of myself that I'm so proud of. So even if I get to 70 or 80 years old and I look and I go, I wouldn't choose this tattoo now, or did I really need to get this? I will also look back at that ink on my skin with love knowing that younger version of Steph chose this and it was a fuck yes. And so I love it because I love that version of me and I trust that decision that she made.
00:24:55
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And this is what we have and what we're living with. And that perspective, I just know that's why I don't have regrets. I don't believe in regrets. They do not serve us. I think it's a self punishment strategy that we use. Can we look back and say, I would make a different decision now. Yeah, but you made the best decision that you could with what you had. And maybe it wasn't the right one and didn't serve you. But when you look back at yourself with love and compassion and figure of yourself, that's where the empowerment comes. So.
00:25:25
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connection to our intuition. If you feel like you're like, I don't know if I have connection to my intuition, how do I know? Then you don't. You'll know if you have it. And I can help you with that. If you are desiring to explore that.
00:25:40
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And if you want a whole episode of that, also let me know. There is a lot there, but it starts with slowing down. It starts with connecting with your body as everything does. It's actually not that difficult. We overcomplicate so much as humans, so much. And life is actually
Finding Happiness in Simplicity
00:25:55
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simple. And this comes to another point. We truly don't need that much to make us happy. We have overcomplicated so much. And this is definitely something that I have realized this year.
00:26:10
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is I still want all the things. I still want millions of dollars. I still want a massive house. I still want the G-Wagon and the sexy partner and my dogs. And I like material things too. I like the bougie clothes, the bougie shoes. Like I do have a number of Christian Louboutin shoes that I splashed out on that were like $2,000.
00:26:38
Speaker
fucking love those things, but I don't need them. They don't actually make me happy. I bought those. So I actually bought a really bougie pair of Christian Louboutin boots for my 30th birthday. This is the way I live my life. I do things in a meaningful way. I really wanted these pair of boots. I went and tried them on. I was like, yeah, it's them. So for my 30th birthday, which was, was that 2021 or 2022?
00:27:01
Speaker
2022, yep, in 2022. So I went in, tried them on, fell in love, took photos, took videos, made a vision board, set myself a goal in my business. I was like, I'm going to hit this goal by the time I'm 30. So I think I had a month. And I was like, and when I hit this goal, I'm going in to Christian Louboutin.
00:27:17
Speaker
And I am going to buy these boots and I'm going to, they're going to give me the fucking champagne experience, which they did because they love me there. And I did, I reached the goal of my business. I went in and I bought those boots and it was, I think the most expensive purchase that I have bought myself for myself, but I was so proud of myself. And every time I wear those boots, because they're fucking badass, every time I wear them, it reminds me of.
00:27:41
Speaker
that version of me that set a goal that treated myself that was like fuck yes and i look back now and i think was it the wisest decision at that time to purchase those boots probably not actually because i wasn't maybe as on top of the financial pieces as i am now it maybe wasn't the smartest move and i could have done things differently
00:28:06
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But I don't regret it in any way. I don't do regrets and I am grateful and love those boots so much and I will have them for a very long time. So there's an example of me looking back being like, haha, younger staff, like year and a half, almost two years ago, I'm like, that was cute. That was maybe impulsive, but not really impulsive because I thought about it and I fell into it and just a fuck yes in my body. So I don't regret it, even though probably wouldn't make the same decision now based on
00:28:34
Speaker
place I was in, but out of myself. So we truly don't need that much to make us happy. Those boots are not going to be the foundation for my happiness. They can help me feel a certain way. They can help me embodying the highest version of myself by wearing those boots and symbolizing the success of my business and wealth and that experience, that luxury, which I love, but that's not going to be the foundation for my happiness. And I really, the lesson I've experienced is
00:29:04
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I can be happy without anything. And I say this with a grain of salt because I do live in a really beautiful apartment in Toronto. I'm very fortunate to have a business that supports me to live by myself. No roommates, just me, my two roommates at my doggos, Lilo and Bo, the best little buddies. There are, obviously that does contribute. I have a safe home. I have a peaceful home and I'm very grateful for that. But outside of that,
00:29:30
Speaker
It's me and my dogs. And I've been living very simply. Like I have been starting life again. So I've been focusing on myself, on my practices, on working out. If you listen to the healing heartbreak episode or things I've been doing, but I haven't been doing anything crazy. I haven't really been traveling. I say that, but to me.
00:29:48
Speaker
Traveling every few months is still not really traveling. So maybe you can all that one because that's probably traveling for a lot of people, but I was very focused on my routine. Waking up really early, diving into my practice at four or 5am every morning.
00:30:03
Speaker
working out, eating really healthy, nourishing myself. Like I've, I'm so well nourished, nutritionally, emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. And I haven't been, I've been socializing a bit, but it's not been like the main focus of my life. Like I really have been so focused on myself and pouring everything into me and my dogs do make me very happy. Like I'm very grateful for them.
00:30:26
Speaker
They have made me so happy, but there's not been other people in my life. Like I am, I am single. I live by myself. I spend a lot of time by myself, which I fucking love. I am a little bit of a hermit. I'm definitely an ambivert because I get very energized by people and love that socialization by fucking love my alone time.
00:30:44
Speaker
Oh, it fills me up so much. It is so good. I can be too much of a hermit at times, but there's no one else in my life that has been contributing to my happiness. Of course, I have my amazing friends and family who I'm super grateful for, but literally just like living more simply, not really going out that much.
00:31:00
Speaker
I don't really drink at all, maybe like a couple of drinks a month. It's just been me. And listening to music has brought me so much joy and happiness. Hanging out with my dogs brought me so much joy and happiness. And I've just really seen that. I haven't been shopping. I haven't been like, it's been such a hermit pullback hibernation focusing myself that the external things have not really been existing and
00:31:23
Speaker
I've just been like, wow, like I'm genuinely, I can say this now. I genuinely feel happy. I'm not necessarily like overjoyed ecstatic at this point, but I feel that coming. I do feel that coming. The last probably three months I've been saying I was content and felt peace. I was not happy. I was content.
00:31:42
Speaker
But now I feel happy. I genuinely feel happy. I'm just super grateful for that because it really is coming back to the basics and finding pleasure in everything that we do. So I find pleasure from the dog walks, my morning cup of cacao, literally something that makes me the happiest is getting up really early and doing my morning practice.
00:32:01
Speaker
I genuinely get so much from that. That's my favorite part. I am one of those weirdos. Like I literally can't wait to go to sleep at night because I'm so excited to get up in the morning and do my morning practice. Even whatever I have on after that doesn't really matter. If I get that one to two hours, sometimes it's half an hour. Sometimes it's two hours to myself. Oh, it fills me up so much. So it really is the simple things. It is being present.
00:32:26
Speaker
It is watching the trees blowing in the wind. It is looking and feeling the sunshine on your face on that cold winter stay. It is even, I can find happiness or aliveness and joy now from the cold air thrashing my face. I will say if it's below minus, it upsets me a bit and I have to really work on reframing. So I'm like, oh, it's painful. But if we're talking like zero to five degrees and you feel that cold breeze
00:32:52
Speaker
especially in Toronto, if I go on a walk, sometimes it's really windy, especially down by the lake. And I used to be like, I hate the cold. I hate the cold. I hate the cold. Being cold is just a mindset that I've shifted.
00:33:01
Speaker
Cause I used to be that, that person that was like, eh, I don't like it. But now I'm like, I'm alive. And especially when you've been through so much pain and so much struggle, it's the small things like feeling the cold air or the icy water on your skin. That's just, I'm here. I'm alive and finding joy in those moments. Oh, I have goosebumps. There's nothing better.
00:33:26
Speaker
It's really what it's about. We don't need that much to make us happy. And also I have a song that I listen to every morning that helps me. I have a lot of tracks and I have a whole playlist actually, a silent morning playlist, which is music, but it's with talking. So it's people sharing wisdom like Alan Watts or people like that. And I find that really powerful.
Questioning Habits and Life Direction
00:33:47
Speaker
Some mornings I really need that to listen and program my mind and just remind me. So that's been really helpful as well.
00:33:54
Speaker
So sometimes you just need a time out. Like I said, I couldn't work pretty much from June, hosted a retreat, attended a retreat, then I was fucked and I literally couldn't work. So the June retreat was a whole spiritual experience. And I will share one day.
00:34:18
Speaker
Maybe at the start of next year, the spiritual pieces of my story, because it really is mind-blowing how the signs that I was getting, it was in the synchronicities, it was beyond anything I've ever experienced. And that helped strengthen the trust and the support that I feel and my connection. But in June.
00:34:38
Speaker
After the retreat experience, I was basically reborn, nervous system was fucked, healing trauma, like experiencing, I experienced a few sort of mild panic attacks around that time. And it was really painful and not nice, but at the same time, such a gift now.
00:34:56
Speaker
And also I will share that the way my experience at the sacred sexuality retreat was so intense, but I'm so grateful for it now because it has made me such a better retreat host and leader and facilitator because at the retreat that hosts in October, there are a few people who are having really intense trauma releases. And I was like, I'm good. I've got them. I know exactly what to do. And not just because I've studied this and I understand the theory and I have done a lot of
00:35:24
Speaker
Trauma informed certifications and read a lot of books and been taught how to navigate these things I have already had that before but now I have the embodied experience of what it's like when you have trauma coming up or trauma release.
00:35:38
Speaker
And you're literally in fight or flight, like full on panic mode. Can't regulate yourself. Just like crying. I know what that feels like. So it was really empowering at the October retreat. I knew exactly what they were thinking, what they were feeling, what they were experiencing and how to get them out of that and how to support their body and healing that. And I'm so grateful for that. And that's why my retreat is fucking epic because I have been destroyed at retreats in the best way. And if contributed so much to my growth and healing, and I just love to guide other people there.
00:36:08
Speaker
in a very safe, secure way. It's very important. So I took this time out. And yeah, I can't wait to tell the story one day. But my nervous system was totally fried. And after that retreat, I spent seven days in bed. I couldn't get out. I could barely eat. I just felt so shit. But what is the word I'm looking for here? I felt down. I felt dissatisfied. I felt, there's a word, deflated. What's that word where it's just,
00:36:36
Speaker
I guess numb, but just deflated, defeated. And I felt really, yeah, dissatisfied, really dissatisfied in questioning. And this was the time, so it was June into July where I was questioning everything. So there's more to the story here, but the experience from the retreats for me
00:36:58
Speaker
I was like, what the fuck is the point? I was like, what's the point of any of this? I've been working so hard. I've been telling myself I'm not going to hustle in business, but I still have had seasons where I have been working really hard and not living and locking myself in my office and just working. I was like, what the fuck is the point of any of this? I'm not living the way I want to be living. I want to be living an extraordinary life. And I haven't been creating that for myself. And that's on me.
00:37:22
Speaker
And I don't even know what the point of any of this is. I don't know if I want to be doing this. I don't know where I want to be living. I was like, I don't want to be living in Toronto anymore. I'm done with it. Like I felt dissatisfied with every single area of life and was like, I just need to figure this out. This is fucking annoying. But I knew I had to surrender because the more I was like getting frustrated at that questioning, the more it persisted. So I surrendered and was like, I can't force myself. Like I literally had zero motivation to do anything.
00:37:51
Speaker
Like I literally did not leave the house for six days. My apartment, like living in a condo, did not leave the house for six days. Could barely eat was literally I binge watched, I think all seasons of the Kardashians and binge watched bridge eternal. I don't know something. There was like a bunch of shows that I just binge and was like, wow, low point of life that I'm binge watching the Kardashians. Look, nothing against them.
00:38:15
Speaker
And I sometimes like to watch it, but I haven't watched that in years because just not really my vibe anymore. But I watched freaking every episode. And yeah, it was really painful. And I was just fucking exhausted. Like I could not sleep enough, but I was questioning everything and it was like, wow, this feels just frustrating. But I always say to people, question everything. You have to be questioning your thoughts, your decisions, your response, your reaction, your behavior, your habits.
00:38:46
Speaker
When we are doing things in routine, we're not really living. We're just living in this robotic state and we have to question everything. And I've been doing that for years, but not on the level that I was forced to question everything at this stage of life. So I was really like, what do I want? And this is where a lot of insight came from me, from my business and things I wanted.
00:39:04
Speaker
I just had to embrace it. I was like, I can't force it because I know the more I force, the longer this is going to be. I know that I just have to surrender. This isn't going to last forever. And I know when I go through periods of lack of motivation and I just give into it, I'm like, cool, this is temporary. I know that I'll come out the other side with even more fire and clarity and drive. I just didn't realize it was going to take me six months because realistically, like I'm only now just feeling excited again about business and excited about next year and like ready to go.
00:39:33
Speaker
ready to go. I'm on fire. And actually, one of my good friends yesterday said, when I saw her, I haven't seen her since July. And I was like, oh, broken in July a little bit. And there was like no life in my eyes. And my therapist even said that when she met me in June, she was like, you're basically dying. There was no life in you whatsoever. And now the fire is back. The life is back. The just the
00:39:56
Speaker
Yeah, the fire, the aliveness, like my personality, my essence, like everything has been lit back up. And I'm so grateful for that because yeah, I look back at videos and photos of me from that time and I'm like, oh gosh, I do not look good. That's the stage of life. Our body, our eyes, our skin is always telling a story based on how we are and how our nervous system is. And we can see into that. So July,
00:40:18
Speaker
i had a lot of anxiety and i read a lot of books i read 16 books in that time and i just had to surrender to it august i was trying to figure out next steps in life and what the fuck i was going to be doing but august for me was the hardest month of my life and i was living in survival mode i was so
00:40:37
Speaker
stressed out of my mind and it was living purely in fight or flight. My core still must've been so high. My skin was awful, but I had obligations. I had clients. I had to show up. So proud of myself for sticking through that.
00:40:49
Speaker
And what's my next point here? With that, this year, the surrender, like June was the questioning. July was the reading books and trying to enjoy life. August was figuring out the pieces of like, where am I living? Am I leaving Toronto? Am I going to stay here? What are my next moves? What do I want? And I was like, I need simplicity. I need routine, I need structure, and I need to give myself stability. And I am in action mode to sort this out.
00:41:16
Speaker
And then September came and it was like, okay, now we're healing. Now we're regulating the nervous system. Now we're moving out of this. October and November, I thought we're going to be amazing. I was like, everything is good. Everything is awesome. Everything's going to be great, but no deeper healing ensued. Let's come back to lessons learned from this classic me. I'm like, I have points I'm going to share, but then I just never know where it's going to go, which is just the beauty of doing this thing.
Finding and Expressing Personal Voice
00:41:40
Speaker
So.
00:41:40
Speaker
Let me know if you're resonating with this so far, if this is making sense, if this is helpful. So some gifts that have come out of this year, really, I have found my voice in such.
00:41:51
Speaker
a deeper way. And that's something that I worked on so much because I used to want to be invisible. I used to never speak up. I used to be really shy. I'd never used to share how I felt. I never used to express my opinions or perspectives. I kept that in and I obviously had to really overcome that to do the work that I do today and have the business I have today. But this year has been such
00:42:14
Speaker
a deeper level of that. And I'm so grateful. Like now it's truly no fucks given and not in the fuck you kind of way, but I guess, but it's just, I know me. I know my truth. I know my essence. I know what I want to express. And I'm going to share that. And if people don't like, that's okay. You don't have to listen to my podcast. You don't have to follow me on Instagram. You can mute my stories if I'm offending you.
00:42:33
Speaker
Because you don't like my content. That's okay. I'm so okay with that. So full permission to do that. If that is you, or if you're triggered by something I share, there's always an invitation for you to look deeper within yourself and explore your own healing. But I found my voice more than ever. And this was really in July where I had the clarity of now's the time to start a podcast. I've known for a while, maybe a year or two that I wanted to have a podcast, but I never felt the time was right. I never felt that fuck yes to do it.
00:42:59
Speaker
And with something like this, you have to feel that burning desire and drive to do it. Otherwise you're not going to be consistent and it's just going to be a waste of time. And so in July, I was like, I'm ready to do this. I'm ready to share and show up in this way. I know this is.
00:43:13
Speaker
part of my next step of my journey. I don't know what it's going to look like, I don't know what's going to come out of it, but I'm really excited and it feels really right. And I found my voice as well in just every area of life. I just don't help out with anybody. I am pretty direct, can be a little bit blunt, always communicating with love and
00:43:33
Speaker
I say always, of course, sometimes things can come out wrong, but I always will own my ship, cannot leave things unsaid. And that's in every area of life. And that is really powerful because I'm not going to sit back and shy away and hide and not share how I'm feeling.
00:43:48
Speaker
If there's something I want, I'm going to say it. I'm going to go for it. I'm going to put it out there because I'm no longer afraid of rejection or of what other people think. With that said, of course, there is always going to be a part of me because we're humans that do worry what other people think and have these fears. But I'm not going to let that control me anymore because I feel so solid in myself and in what I want. So that's a huge piece that's come out of this. It's like really owning who I am and my voice. And I'm excited because I have these really big goals and dreams. And I know that I had to step into this in such a new way.
00:44:18
Speaker
for me to get to that level and I can't be shying away. And yeah, I'm just ready. I'm ready. And something that I shared, I was chatting with a friend yesterday. She was like, I just, I'm at this point of no fucks left to give. And I was like, giving no fucks is really good. And then I was like, I feel like I'm in entering this era for 2024.
00:44:39
Speaker
of being so unhinged, so unfiltered and giving zero fucks that I'm really freaking excited because life is about to become so fun. And I really want this for all women because we care too much and we've been put in these boxes for too long to be the good girl, to be quiet.
00:44:56
Speaker
to stay small, to look pretty, to look neat and tidy, and no more. We don't need to do that. When we are embodied in our sensuality and our sexuality and confident and know who we are and don't give a fuck and don't need anyone else's approval, life gets sexier, richer, wealthier, hotter, more wild, more amazing. And I want this for everyone. Okay, a couple more things before I close out of the things that I learned.
00:45:24
Speaker
I truly learned how to befriend my emotions and part of me, as I'm saying this, I'm like,
00:45:33
Speaker
I should, part of me is shudding myself. Like I should have already known that. And I did because I do a lot of work around guiding people to befriend their emotions and meet them with loving presence and sit with them and feel them. And that's work that I've been doing for years. And I'm a very deep feeler. I can really feel things and it can be painful. I think though, where I struggled up until this year was to truly allow myself to express them in an unfiltered way.
Pleasure in Painful Experiences
00:46:01
Speaker
So I think because of my programming experiences from younger years where it maybe didn't feel safe in my little young body to express my emotions and to be seen in my emotions, there was still a part of myself that held back that didn't want to be seen crying or didn't want to be seen really messy or emotional or like ugly.
00:46:18
Speaker
in that way because sometimes when we're crying it's not necessarily the most like beautiful thing to look out watch ourselves doing but this year was the year of fully expressing my emotions and now I'm just so connected with it and I think it is so beautiful and I'm so grateful for it
00:46:39
Speaker
I'm best friends with my emotions, even the painful ones, even the sticky ones. And I don't use words, bad or negative emotions. Yes. There are stickier emotions or emotions that are lower vibrational, have a lower frequency, but we need to feel all of them and they're not bad to feel. And we have to be in them.
00:46:56
Speaker
The more we avoid, the worse it is, the more they live in our body. So I think all emotions are really beautiful. All emotions are necessary. And for me, not only allowing myself to feel them, but to allow myself to express them through movement, through breath, through sound, through shaking, through any somatic experience that they want, through different shapes in my body.
00:47:20
Speaker
has been one of the most powerful practices that I have. And I can really deeply feel now when I need to process and express my emotions. Usually I start scrolling, I start avoiding, I won't even journal. And this could be like my avoidance is maybe half an hour or like a couple hours maximum of a day before I'm like, okay, I've got to dive into it. I've got to express them because it's no longer scary to me. I know how good I feel afterwards, but obviously it's not necessarily pleasurable in the moment though it can be. And that brings me to the next point.
00:47:49
Speaker
Finding pleasure in pain. So a lot of people are driven by pain and that is our motivator versus pleasure. And something that I have found really powerful this year, I'm grateful for the work that I've done around sacred sexuality is that we can meet ourselves when we're in pain, we can still find pleasure. And we don't have to, we don't have to alchemize our pain through pleasure, though we have the choice. We don't have to be all one. So we don't have to say, I'm going through heartbreak.
00:48:16
Speaker
and sometimes we can think or the narrative can be life so hard, life so tough, life so painful and I'm healing and therefore I'm in this cocoon right now of pain and I can't feel pleasure in that or I can't find the joy in that and actually I have even more deepened my practice around pleasure, around self pleasure, around sexuality through the pain and through the heartbreak and it's been super powerful because it's been allowing me to find those moments of
00:48:44
Speaker
pleasure and find those moments that light me up and fill me up and turn me on and fill up my cup to really nourish me because pleasure is very nourishing. And I'm very grateful for that. And I'm very proud of myself for that because I wouldn't have been able to do that without the work that I've done. And I probably wouldn't have even experienced the stuff that I've experienced this year without doing this work and having the tools that I have. And that doesn't mean that
00:49:13
Speaker
I could have avoided this. I just think that would have been a different path for me, but I'm on the right path for me. I'm on the path of alignment. And I know that next year for me is really going to be so aligned and so exciting. And I already have insights around decisions I've made and things that I want and the path that I'm going to take that I would never have chosen had I still been living the life that I was living up until this year.
00:49:37
Speaker
So it's all perfect. It's all amazing. I'm really grateful. I really just, I'm so happy with myself and just love myself more than ever. And I'm going to be honest, there were months this year where I actually genuinely struggled with that. I have done so much work on myself. Like I really love growth. I really want to be the best version of myself. And that means I love feedback from other people too, because if I have ever offended somebody or I'm saying something that's not coming out in the right way, or I've made somebody feel
00:50:05
Speaker
in a certain way, I want to know that. I want to have that information so that I can have a different perspective and learn from that and truly show up as my best self because I want to have a positive impact on everyone I meet. I want to leave people feeling better than when I first met them or first found them or first interacted with them. That's my genuine desire.
00:50:23
Speaker
to be that way. And I just love growth. I love it so much. I love growing, evolving and becoming the best version of myself. And with that, I have found through the sexuality work, found such a deep level of love for myself. But this year, having the layers of inner wounding around my inner child and a teenager really coming up, I had some self-hatred come up and I had some massive levels of unworthiness coming up.
00:50:50
Speaker
and doubting myself and questioning myself. And that was really challenging for me because those are not thoughts or feelings I've experienced in a very long time, but they were living in my body. And so I'm grateful that they came up and I'm grateful that I was able to work with them and heal them. And now I have stepped into an even deeper level of self-love and self-acceptance. And for that, I'm super proud of myself. So well done Steph, pound the back to myself. Okay, couple more points here.
Seeking Support and Building Community
00:51:17
Speaker
Biggest gift for me this year has been in asking for support for what I need, even when I have felt like a burden on other people. When you're going through heartbreak or you're going through a massive challenge in your life or you're going through this struggle, you start to feel a little bit like a broken record. And I don't mean this in this victimology way of poor me.
00:51:41
Speaker
Life is so hard, but when you're going through such a big life transition, it can take months or even years to work through that, to navigate that, to heal that. And that's just your reality. And it's really important to have the support of people in your life, but it's on you to ask that support. It's on you to say, hey, I need this today. Can you support me? Can I call you? Can I send you a voicemail to find those people?
00:52:05
Speaker
And I've always been pretty good at that or in recent years I've been really good at that, but this year has shown me and made me strengthen that even more to say, Hey, I'm struggling with this. Can you hold space for me? And that's exactly the way that I do it. So that helps to ensure that I'm not dumping on somebody who doesn't have the capacity. The person supporting needs to be open and have that capacity.
00:52:26
Speaker
and consent to this but that's been really powerful for me and it has been hard because when you are calling people and you're bawling your eyes out and you're crying you're hysterical multiple times over and you're sending voice notes and you're sharing how you're feeling and it's like intense it starts to feel like am i being too much and that's some of the programming that we have around women am i too much are my emotions too much
00:52:49
Speaker
Is this going to negatively impact somebody else? Am I a burden? But actually such a gift for me is the friendships that I have. Oh my God. I could literally cry. The women I have in my life are so amazing. I'm in love with these women as my friends because they're so amazing and so strong and the women who've been supporting me.
00:53:11
Speaker
this year or I'm just so grateful so grateful and I do want to touch on this because this has definitely happened for me is when you're going through challenge you see who your real friends are like you truly find out and discover who are the people that are really there for me because I had friends who I maybe wasn't
00:53:31
Speaker
the closest with before. There are a few friends who I wasn't that close with up until this year and the experiences and challenges of this year have made them like my best friends in the entire world. The women that I go to who know everything about me, who I can share anything with. And there were people who were the closest people in my life, my absolute best friends who are no longer in my life because they didn't show up for me in the way that I needed.
00:53:55
Speaker
And it like piles on that level of heartbreak when you have to lose those friends. But when I was going through the fucking shit, like I had people being like, I would literally fly to the other side of the world to beat with you right now if I could. Like I want to be there. I want to hug you. I want to hold you. I just want to support you.
00:54:10
Speaker
And then there were other people who were like not reaching out to me, who I was surprised at. If I'm going through it, it's not my responsibility to be reaching out to maintain friendships because there's no fucking capacity for that. If you are my true friend, you're going to be reaching out and hey, how can I support you? And I'm so grateful to those friends who did that and who I've maintained and deepened those connections with. I'm just in awe of it. And all of these women have come into my life in the last few years.
00:54:40
Speaker
And I'm so, so grateful. Find your people, ask for the support. And that is hard because they're the women who showed me that support. And then I've then they've created that safe container for me to be able to message and text and say, Hey, can you help me in this moment? I, we could really use the support and I encourage the women in my life to do the same to me. You let me know when you need support and I will be there.
00:55:03
Speaker
And so finding that connection and having, I have a few friends who I literally send podcasts to, like we'll send five, 10, 15, 20 minute voice notes to each other. I fucking love it because my voice has just been so unlocked. I love voice notes so much. They're super fun. So asking for support, super challenging, but practice this, especially the season that we're in, it's really important because we're not meant to walk this life alone. We are meant to go through life as a village. We're meant to have our people, to have our crew.
00:55:33
Speaker
And be able to lean on those people and you can always find new people. That doesn't mean ditch all your friends, but the people who are going to be the closest people to you in your life, you might not have even met yet. And that again is exciting. If you want to call on those friendships, set that intention and be like,
00:55:49
Speaker
as you're walking down the street or as you're getting on the tube or as you are going to a party or to dinner, be like, I might meet my best, my new best friend tonight. Like how exciting is that? Next piece before we close this out, I have realized this year that I was holding myself back in really allowing myself to dream, which might surprise you because I already feel like
00:56:14
Speaker
I own my bigness and I own my dreams and I own the things that I want, but I'm just living in a different realm to old version of stuff. Like I have realized that I have such big, massive dreams and I'm ready to achieve
Pursuing Big Dreams Independently
00:56:28
Speaker
them. And this year has been the gift to show me that these are the things that I want and I don't need anybody else. And I'm meant to go after these things on my own. And that doesn't mean that there won't be other people to support me or to come on that journey.
00:56:42
Speaker
but they're mine. They're my dreams and they're my desires. And so here's an example of a couple that I'll share with you. So I shared in the, I think in the heartbreak episode that I have a desire to write books. That has been something which I never in a million years would have thought, but I have this really strong desire to write books and I'm planning to write my first book in 2024, which I'm super excited about.
00:57:05
Speaker
And I see myself writing these books, fiction books, romance novels, maybe like a little bit of smart in there that are themed around
00:57:16
Speaker
empowering educational experiences that are going to leave you not only feeling good, not only having a great book that you've read, but also feeling like you've learned something. And my big dream is that they will then be turned into movies or shows on Netflix or some kind of form of entertainment. But again, the theme is accurate depictions of reality in terms of relationships, sexuality, sex, intimacy.
00:57:41
Speaker
And navigating the challenges that, so that's a big one. Didn't have this dream a year ago, but now I'm like, it's going to happen with certainty. I know it's going to happen. So mark my words, big dream. You might be like, she's crazy. The Dalulu girls are the ones that, the ones that achieve the dreams. You've got to have the dreams and be like, I know it's going to happen. That is how we create the reality. We take the actions that we need to be taking to create that reality.
00:58:07
Speaker
Another one, which I've had this for a while, but again, I just have even more clarity. I really want to build a retreat center in Costa Rica and help other
00:58:16
Speaker
coaches and facilitators to plan retreats and host retreats because I just know with my every cell in my body that retreats are a big part of my why, like they're a big part of what I'm meant to be doing in all the ways. I'd love to guest expert in other people's retreats. I would love to have collaborations, maybe host retreats with other people as well as doing my own retreats. And then the goal is to have this incredible retreat center in Costa Rica.
00:58:41
Speaker
And I have a really big vision around that as well. So super excited for that. But I'm like, when will it be in 2025? Will it be in 2030? I don't know. It doesn't matter because I know it's going to happen and I'm going to make it happen. And I know that it's meant for me. So I'm super excited. So the last piece, which I'm really grateful for is I have stepped into
00:59:01
Speaker
my power in such a big way because of everything that I've gone through this year. I've connected with my inner mystic. I feel connected to myself as a medicine woman, as a spiritual teacher, as a coach, as a breath worker, as a
Empowerment and Gratitude from 2023 Lessons
00:59:15
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healer. And I'm not saying this in some kind of like egotistical hierarchical way.
00:59:20
Speaker
probably didn't say that word correctly but I believe all of us have that power within us and I'm not special but I've done the work to embrace and step into that and everybody can do that you could do that too if you desire if that feels aligned if you want to go on that path you have those capabilities and skills as well I've just really allowed them to come through and myself to connect with them and
00:59:41
Speaker
I'm going to share with you something that was really helpful for me in the June retreat that I was hosting. We had a shaman there who was facilitating a guest ceremony and he was there on the last day and I was guiding and I was facilitating. I was doing breath work and I was guiding the final meditation and I was like almost sobbing and just I feel so
01:00:03
Speaker
overwhelmed and in awe at the end of a retreat where I'm like wow these people are fucking powerful and this work is amazing and I have grown so much and I have received the same if not more from hosting a retreat as the people experiencing it and it's just
01:00:20
Speaker
They're amazing. And anyway, and afterwards the shaman, who's like a friend now came up to me and said, he was like, wow, it was so cool to see that you don't need any medicine. We have all of these plants, we have plant medicine, ayahuasca, mushrooms, rapay, all of these different things, but you don't need that because when you're doing this work, you are the medicine.
01:00:42
Speaker
And I was like, wow, he's right. Like I am the medicine. And again, this isn't that I have something that other people need. It's that I am the medicine and I can help you find and connect with your own in a medicine. And that is my medicine.
01:00:57
Speaker
that I'm giving you something but it's not really giving you anything at all. It's just shining the light that you take the steps and the path to connect with your own inner medicine because we have everything that we need within us already.
01:01:14
Speaker
It's just about having the right support and tools to connect with that. But there's nothing that I have that you don't already have. I have perhaps more years of study and of healing and of embodied experience than you currently, but you can discover all of that within yourself. Does this make sense? This is something that I say to people all the time. I used to say this a lot more around my work.
01:01:41
Speaker
You don't need me and I'm not here to change your world. I am not going to change your life. You're going to change your own life because I don't have that power to do that. I don't have the power to change your life only you do. So even I am very conscious around saying the words, you changed my life or this person changed my life. Or this retreat changed my life. And when I say things, and I know I said that earlier in this episode, which you won't hear me saying these things very often. When I'm saying that retreat changed my life,
01:02:12
Speaker
That retreat facilitated something that my body allowed me to experience. And ultimately I changed my own life by investing in that retreat, by going there, by being open to the experience, by allowing my body to feel safe enough to do that level of healing. And then the integration afterwards, I changed my own life. Not that retreat, that retreat was just the facilitation.
01:02:35
Speaker
into me changing my own life. And so that's what I mean about the medicine and being the medicine. And I think that's really powerful. Don't tell people that they change your life. And if they are in integrity, they're not going to be like, yeah, bitch, I changed your life. They're going to be like, no, if they actually understand these things that I will never take someone's power away by saying, I changed your life. I just provided the support and the gateway, but you're doing the work. Like you are the people doing the work. And I say this to clients all the time who are like,
01:03:05
Speaker
Oh my God, I'm so grateful. Like you changed me so much. I'm like, you did the work because there are many clients that I've had in the past who have invested the money. Not many, but a couple come to mind from years ago who invested and then felt this sense of entitlement to getting the results, but weren't willing to do the work. We see this all the time. People who buy a book and then expect that their life is going to change, but they're not willing to actually confront their own shit. They're not entitled to anything. I'm not entitled to anything and neither are you.
01:03:33
Speaker
The people who are the ones living the crazy lives and experiencing these insane, amazing, miraculous things are the ones who are courageous enough to own their shit, to do the work and to change their own life by taking full responsibility for everything.
01:03:48
Speaker
in their life and saying that I'm the one that's going to change this. These are the lessons I've learned in 2023. These are the fucking gifts wrapped up in a nice, beautiful bow. And I'm so grateful for every single one. And it's also fun to be doing this podcast from my childhood bedroom in my parents' house. And it's very synchronistic because in July I was here and that was where the healing went really deep where I was reading all these books, where I was lying in bed, really unmotivated for a week.
01:04:16
Speaker
doing nothing, finding my childhood journals, finding these things I used to write about and my insecurities and
01:04:24
Speaker
victimology and different experiences I didn't remember. And now to be recording this podcast here about the lessons learned, I'm like, wow, this has been such a whirlwind of a year, but I'm so grateful. And my invitation to you is see what pieces you resonated with this, write them down. Journal out your own experiences from this year, but find the gifts. Can you go through every month of this year?
01:04:47
Speaker
and see what were the challenges and what was the gift from that experience. And that's the way to look at life is that every experience is a gift. Every person that comes into our life is either going to teach us a lesson or we're going to gain something from an experience, even when it's shit and it's not what we would choose. There is always so much to be gained and to be learned. So I would love to hear from you. What are your lessons? What have been your gifts from this year? Share them with me. I would love to see you, to honor you, to witness you, to celebrate you.
01:05:17
Speaker
And let's fucking have the most epic 2024, the year of alignment. If you have not dealt with your shit, if you've been avoiding and numbing, now is the time, now is the invitation for you to go into that, to confront it and to take the pieces that you want to take with you into 2024. So that means reflecting on where you're at and what you've been putting up with and what you've been settling for. 2024 can be the most amazing year of your life.
01:05:44
Speaker
if you choose it to be that and I know that you can. And if you want support in this, there are many ways that you can dive into my world. I have Sex Queen kicking off in February, Sacred Sexuality Journey. I have a few spots for the Wild and Free Retreat left January 2024. If you are ready, if you are ready to step into your most authentic self to own your voice,
01:06:04
Speaker
to reclaim your pleasure, your sensuality, your power. And if you especially be going through a life transition, career, relationship, work, maybe moving locations or have a desire to start something big and really follow your dreams, then Wild and Free Retreat is going to be where it's at for you to ensure you have the guidance, the support and the connection to yourself, to your intuition, to really create the fucking life that you are desiring. Let me know what you want info on. I'll put everything in the show notes too.
01:06:29
Speaker
And lastly, if you are enjoying my podcast, I would so appreciate if you left me a review. So you can do that on Spotify and Apple. On Spotify, it's leaving me a five-star review if you love this. And then on Apple, you can actually write a review as well as a rating, which I really appreciate for you to do because it really does help so much and it means so much to me as well. So Christmas gift from you to me. Thank you very much. And if you have feedback on this episode or any episodes,
01:06:56
Speaker
I love when you send me a message and let me know because obviously with podcasts, you're like putting shit out all the time and you don't really know what people are feeling or experiencing. So it really does mean a lot to hear your feedback and to know when it's landed and when something has resonated with you. So thank you. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your 2023 or whenever you're listening to this and let's make 2024 the most magical, ecstatic, pleasurable and incredible year yet.