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How to Be Your Own Best Lover, Date & Fall in Love with Yourself - Solo Epsiode | EP 20
84 Plays1 year ago
Ready to become your own best lover and fall in love with yourself?
Join me in this episode as explore what it means to date yourself, what most people get wrong about self-love, navigating solitude and finding fulfillment within.
In this episode you’ll hear:
- How to navigate Valentine’s Day
- Why you need to schedule Love Appointments
- My own journey of being single my first V day
- Self Pleasure ideas
- 10 solo date ideas
- Why it’s important to date yourself
- How I practice dating myself
- How o become your own best lover
- The journey to falling deeply in love with yourself
If you feel like you’ve lost your sense of self and connection to your sensuality and sexuality, then it’s time to enter the season of YOU where you date yourself and become your own best lover!
Join Sex Queen, my signature 12 week sacred sxuality group program where you reclaim your pleasure, your power, the connection to your pssy and your femininity.
You’ll come home to your body, fall in love with yourself, own your s*xual expression and reconnect with your sensuality.
We kick off the next round of Sex Queen on 25th February 2024 and you can join today and save 50% off by using the code QUEEN50 - this is my Valentine’s gift to you so join by 14th February before the code expires. Lock in your spot here and send me a message on Instagram with any questions you have.
If you want to be kept in the loop about future rounds of Sex Queen, make sure you join the free waitlist here.
Connect with Steph on Instagram.
Connect with Steph on TikTok.
Don’t forget to leave a review about the podcast and then tag me on Instagram to receive a special gift from me as a thank you!
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Transcript
Introduction & Podcast Theme
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to the Unfiltered Femme podcast. Your new world to get the lowdown on all things pleasure, sexuality, the mysterious female body, dating, relationships, and everything you need to know to step into your most unfiltered, unapologetic, empowered, and turned on self.
00:00:20
Speaker
The Unfiltered Femme podcast is all about breaking down those walls and celebrating what it means to be an unfiltered feminine being. I hope you're ready for a wild ride. Let's dive right in.
Topic Introduction: Self-Love
00:00:32
Speaker
Welcome back to the Unfiltered Femme podcast. We are talking today all about dating yourself.
00:00:40
Speaker
how you can become your own best lover and how you can fall deeply in love with yourself. This is something that I wish for every human being on the planet is to truly, truly love themselves. And I don't mean the surface level.
00:00:55
Speaker
Self love of i run myself and i love myself and i tell myself affirmations to try and convince myself that i love me i'm talking about the deeply embodied unconditional love for self that one can have.
00:01:11
Speaker
when they explore the depths of themselves, when they explore their shadows and their darkness and go into the shit and the things that they have been avoiding for a lifetime. To heal, to uncover, to bring to the light, to alchemise and where they meet all of the parts of themselves.
00:01:34
Speaker
Even the messy, the ugly, the painful parts, and they find peace and acceptance and start to wake up knowing who they are, accepting who they are, deciding on who they want to become, remembering who they are meant to be, and truly falling in love with that version of themselves, that true, authentic version of themselves.
Deep Self-Love Exploration
00:01:59
Speaker
where you wake up and you think to yourself, I fucking love me. I am fucking awesome. I love myself. Where you surprise yourself in a moment by responding in a certain way or holding a boundary or doing something epic. And you're like, fuck, I am awesome. I fucking love myself. I'm talking about that level of passion and love for yourself that truly can only be
00:02:25
Speaker
uncovered when you are willing to get deep with yourself, when you're willing to get really vulnerable, really intimate and go into the pain and go into the trauma in some cases, not to relive it, not to re-traumatize yourself, but to heal and to release that from your body because your body is holding onto it, whether your conscious mind is aware of it or not. So let's talk about it.
00:02:51
Speaker
I believe that most self love work is fluffy and just not very productive because it's working only with the level of the mind. And we have to get deep within the level of the body into the somatic layers, into the emotion and doing nervous system work to deeply heal and reprogram ourselves and to find this love. And from the work that I do.
Empowerment Through Sexuality
00:03:21
Speaker
with women specifically, women truly fall in love with themselves when they reclaim their sexuality, when they reclaim the connection to their body, when they reclaim the connection to their pussy, when they reclaim their pleasure and discover that it always was for them, that their body is theirs, that they're not a piece of meat, they're not a dress size, their pleasure isn't for anybody else, it's not for a man,
00:03:47
Speaker
They're not there purely to serve. They're there to have their own desires met and to explore themselves and to give themselves everything that they've ever wanted because they're worthy and they deserve that. And when a woman heals her relationship with her sexuality, when she reclaims her sensuality, that is where she starts to fall in love with herself because she reclaims her power. She steps into her power and owns herself.
00:04:13
Speaker
And discovers that, wow, I can actually meet all of my own needs. I don't have to be codependent seeking all of these things from somebody else or from something external. I can meet my own needs first and everything else is desire-based from this point.
00:04:29
Speaker
When you show up in the world meeting your own needs, filling up your own cup, being turned on by yourself, reclaiming your turn on and your pleasure, and being so comfortable and confident in your sexuality and who you are, you show up differently. The way that you are experienced by the people, the energy that you radiate is just different.
00:04:50
Speaker
And of course, what you attract into your life is going to be different. The results that you create, the things that you achieve, it is a different level and layer that you're operating from because you're tapped into your sexual energy and your sexual energy is the most powerful energy that we have access to. And there's a reason why it's been suppressed for so long because women who are connected with their sexual energy are fucking powerful and have the power to radically transform the shape of the planet and of humanity.
00:05:20
Speaker
So let's dial
Open Conversations on Relationships
00:05:22
Speaker
it back. There's my little soapbox speech. It's work that cannot be avoided. It has to be done. And why would you not want to do it? Because it's scary, because it's uncomfortable, because it is confronting. And yeah, you're going to have to deal with some things that you maybe don't want to deal with. But on the other side of reclaiming your sexuality is just fucking epicness, complete juiciness, pleasure.
00:05:47
Speaker
Amazingness. Don't you want to live in a world where you can talk openly about sex, where you can have fun with everything that you do, where you're so comfortable in your body that you don't have to worry about that critical voice coming in telling you that you're not enough, or that you have to hide your body in a certain way, or that you can't say this thing, or to try and avoid that conversation because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Trust me, as a woman who is once very sexually repressed,
00:06:13
Speaker
had a very low libido, disconnected from my body, disconnected from my pussy, so uncomfortable in my own skin. Always wanting to change my body, always criticising myself, always judging myself.
00:06:27
Speaker
going from that to just being in love with myself truly and owning my sexuality and reclaiming that it's for me. And if I share myself in my true expression, that's me doing that for me. That's not me doing that for validation or to try and prove anything to anybody. I don't need to do it.
00:06:44
Speaker
It's a desire to show myself in my embodied nature of who I am. And trust me, it is so much more fun. There's so much more ease. There's so much more joy and pleasure that I experience now, having gone through that journey. I used to spend so much mental energy just trying to avoid conversations and
00:07:07
Speaker
not have to talk about self-pleasure or sex with other people because I'm like, I don't want to talk about this. This is too awkward. Now I'm like, I love to talk about sex because it's really fun. And the conversations that is opened me up to with other people, I'm just that permission slip for people. I will always turn the conversation back around to sex and people want to talk about sex. Let me tell you, everybody is, it's a big fucking relief when you open the conversation and you give people
00:07:33
Speaker
permission to talk about sex, about relationships, about struggles, about grief, about pain, about emotions, all of the stuff that most humans are avoiding. It is such a relief when somebody opens up the door for another person to share how they're feeling or to share what they're experiencing.
00:07:51
Speaker
Not enough people are talking about relationships, not enough talking, people are talking about their sex life. And we need to change that because so many people feel so isolated and so alone. When this is one of the biggest parts of human life is relationships, relational dynamics is sex and pleasure and these complicated intimacy challenges that arise inevitably when two humans are navigating life together.
00:08:22
Speaker
And the challenges that come with that, everybody experiences challenges in this realm, but people aren't talking about it. And I've spoken to hundreds and hundreds of women and countless number of men as well. Obviously I work a lot more with women.
00:08:39
Speaker
But I have a lot of conversations with men as well. And we just have to talk about it more. There's no one size fits all when it comes to relationships. And I think there's so much judgment and such a rule book from society that we have taken on and adopted and conditioned or been conditioned into believing that has to be a certain way. And that can bring up a lot of shame in people.
00:09:02
Speaker
talk about relationships, talk about sexuality, explore your own sexuality, and you'll have more pleasure and more fun and more joy.
Introducing the Sex Queen Program
00:09:10
Speaker
And it's just amazing. So I'm going to note that reason why we're, or I'm doing one of this podcast episode today is, or two reasons. One, I'm recording this in February. It is the month of love. And obviously I'm talking about this from the lens of self-love.
00:09:26
Speaker
With that, I'm also kicking off the third round of my signature group program, Sex Queen, which is 12 weeks of sacred sexuality, where you will reclaim the connection to your pussy, to your pleasure, to your power, to your femininity. You'll step into who you're always meant to be. You will heal your sexual shame, declaring sexual stories that you have, releasing trauma from your body.
00:09:52
Speaker
releasing emotions that are living internally inside of you so that you can experience more pleasure in your life and you will embody and connect with your inner sex queen and that energy. It is the most profound journey. This is how you fall in love with yourself. And there's no coincidence that we're kicking this off in February when it's a month of love.
00:10:11
Speaker
Whether you're single, whether you're going through heartbreak, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're married, it doesn't matter. You are all welcome in sex queen and every woman needs this journey and this experience. Even if you feel like you are relatively tapped in with yourself sexually.
00:10:27
Speaker
If you have not yet embarked on a journey of really intentionally going deep with your own sexuality, practicing with really deeply connecting with your pussy, exploring different tools and ones, yoni de-armoring, yoni egg, womb healing, to name a few.
00:10:45
Speaker
of the practices that will be doing exploring different archetypes to come home to who you really are reconnect with your sensuality then it's for you so i'll add some details to the show notes you can message me if you have questions but i'm really excited to kick off this journey and it's really a gift to yourself so you can start prioritizing you.
Valentine's Day Reflections
00:11:06
Speaker
all of the women that I work with, I hear time and time again that they've lost the connection with themselves because they've been putting other people first for so long. They've lost connection with themselves sexually, with their sensuality, and we can start to reclaim that. Let's
00:11:22
Speaker
Do it together in Sex Queen. Let me support you. So I am going to touch on Valentine's Day for a moment. And regardless of when you're listening to this, it doesn't matter. Valentine's Day, a couple of things. First of all, it's just a day. It's a made up day that is a commercialized holiday. And really, we got to be focusing on loving ourselves and connecting with ourselves and our loved ones.
00:11:43
Speaker
As a regular practice, we shouldn't be just doing this on one day. However you feel around Valentine's Day, I just want to acknowledge, is totally valid. This can be a sore point for people if they're single, if they're recently going through heartbreak, or if you're in a relationship and it's not where you desire it to be.
00:11:58
Speaker
This day can be quite triggering. So however you feel is welcome, is valid. And I invite you to notice, how do you feel about this day? Are you like fucking single? Fucking single. Everyone's got partners and I'm just over here. I'm going to be single forever.
00:12:15
Speaker
interesting insights if that arises or maybe you feel like I'm in this relationship and I want security and I want to move forward and I don't have that security that I'm desiring and that my partner is not really seeing me and acknowledging my needs. Again, just get really curious on how you are feeling about it.
00:12:35
Speaker
that it's going to give you some room for insights and growth so that you can then take the action based on what you desire. So let's talk about Valentine's and as you may know or not, depends how much you follow my content, this will be my first Valentine's Day that I've been single in 12 years, something like that. Surprisingly for me this
00:13:01
Speaker
I'll share openly. Valentine's Day does not bring up any emotions particularly around me. Maybe on the day I'll feel something, who knows, and I will give myself the space to
00:13:15
Speaker
process, if anything does arise, completely, totally could. I can never predict these things, but as of right now, going into it, I feel okay with it because I have got a few things that I'm focusing on. So right now I'm really focusing on a deep connection with other women. That is a big intention for me for 2024 is collaboration, is connection, is community.
00:13:37
Speaker
and just deepening the support of sisters that I have of amazing women friendships. And already that is unfolding for me in this year. I honestly have the best friendships and connections with women that I have ever had. I'm so fucking grateful. Most of them have come from retreats. The ones around the world have typically come from retreats or coaching programs.
00:13:57
Speaker
or I've known for years. People locally in Toronto has been more of a recent thing and building up more community here. So I am focusing on that. So on Valentine's Day, I am going to, a friend is hosting a Galentine's evening. So I am going to go to that. If I wasn't doing that, I would be having an intentional evening dating myself, which we're going to talk about dating, dating ourselves.
00:14:22
Speaker
And I personally love alone time. I am a little bit of a hermit. So I am good at dating myself. I can set myself a beautiful, romantic, sensual evening. And I would be doing that regardless of my plans. So.
00:14:38
Speaker
Focus on connection and men or women, like whatever you are, you need friends who are the same. So women need women and men need to be around groups of men. I really believe that is so powerful for men. So if you are a woman and you have a partner, encourage them to connect and be around other men as well, but really pour into yourself. So pour into your friends and.
00:15:04
Speaker
Build up the connections of people that can support you. And by the way, if you are a woman desiring deeper connection with women, come into my world because you probably will find some new best friends amongst my group containers and retreats, especially retreats. That is why you are going to deeply connect with people, but also insect screen deep connections form by the nature of the work that we're doing and how intimate we are getting with each other. It's really a space, a safe space to share things that you have not typically shared with other people. I have to admit something.
00:15:33
Speaker
I just paused this podcast recording. Usually I just do it all in one sitting, obviously, but as soon as I'm getting back into the pod after a little January break, I didn't want to cook. So I did some pizza and pause the podcast recording to eat the pizza.
00:15:50
Speaker
and it was probably the most disappointing pizza i've ever had my entire life and my jaw hurts i'm chewing oh
Practices for Self-Love
00:15:57
Speaker
my gosh what a disappointing date night okay should have stuck with what i know lesson learned uh let's get back into the real content here of a failed date night but it's okay because
00:16:11
Speaker
The dogs enjoyed some of the crusts. We will learn for next time. Nothing beats my own homemade pizzas, which I used to have a pizza oven and I can make a freaking mean pizza. I make the dough. I haven't done it for two years, but used to do it all the time. So good. I perfected the dough and my favorite pizza is white base mushrooms, truffle oil.
00:16:36
Speaker
So good. All right. This podcast episode is not about pizzas, but here we go. Something else to focus on, which is to date yourself, to become your own best lover, to fall in love with yourself, is to schedule love appointments with yourself. If you're in a relationship, I really encourage you to have relationship check-ins.
00:16:57
Speaker
with one another at least once a month, ideally every week, but at least once a month, if not, and or a quarterly check-in, like a deeper relationship check-in of where are we at? How are we feeling? How can we support each other more? How can we love each other more? What do we have going on?
00:17:13
Speaker
Where is the relationship going? What goals are we working towards? Where do we want to feel and be and experience and other bucket list things either sexually or travel wise or common goals that you want to work towards. Really encourage that. I also encourage scheduling, love appointments, intimacy appointments, sex appointments, whatever you want to call it with your partner, because it gets to be really fun and really sexy. And you can be more intentional about having a time in the calendar and
00:17:41
Speaker
having a different theme or intention, having the other person, having each person plan that ceremony or session or appointment that week. It is really fun because it can help you to spice up your intimacy, your connection, your sex life. And it doesn't have to be a sex appointment. It could be, we are gonna connect and ask each other really deep questions and maybe have a makeup session if that feels good. It doesn't have to lead to sex.
00:18:12
Speaker
Anyway, I really encourage that in relationship to, as well as if you have spontaneous sex, great. Some people have really busy lives and struggle to prioritize it, in which case I definitely even more recommend scheduling love appointments.
00:18:26
Speaker
That's for another episode. If you have questions, reach out to me. And then we have love appointments for yourself. So whether you're single in a relationship, I recommend doing this. This is where you're going to have an intentional session with yourself to romance yourself, to love on yourself, to pleasure yourself, or whatever you feel like doing in that moment. Put it in the calendar, schedule it out. I love to do sexy Sundays. That is why we do my sex queen calls on Sundays and you get to decide what you're going to do. Are you going to do.
00:18:55
Speaker
long sensual breathbook session are you gonna have a bath but rather than just have a bath are you gonna create really sensual setting with lots of candles mood lighting incense
00:19:11
Speaker
bubbles to journal in the bath or do a pleasure practice in the bath or whatever it is and then give yourself a massage, a self-massage, whatever you desire. Or you could have a really long, beautiful self-pleasure practice where you grab your favourite oil, maybe you start with a breast massage, you warm up your body.
00:19:31
Speaker
You massage different parts of your body. You allow your body to turn on. And remember for a woman, it can take between 20 and 40 minutes for a woman to become really aroused and be ready for any form of penetration. So that can give you an indicator of how long you could be spending in a pleasure session with yourself is a long time. And how full you'll feel afterwards is just, oh, so good, so juicy. But this is, again,
00:19:58
Speaker
Light candles create a beautiful sensual romantic scene. The more that you slow down, the more that you give yourself and give your body time to warm up, the more deep and expansive and satisfying your orgasms are going to be. And that goes for you in pleasure with yourself and also with a partner. The imitation is the more that you
00:20:20
Speaker
practices with yourself, the more you'll get to know yourself. You'll become a master of your own body. You'll know exactly what you need, what you like, what you desire, and have more confidence to take that into partnership with another person. So I highly recommend scheduling a love appointment. So if you have Valentine's Day free or you have a Saturday evening or a Sunday evening or a Friday or whatever, and you've got no plans or cancel your plans and do this instead, it's really powerful. Highly recommend.
00:20:48
Speaker
And treat and date yourself. Show yourself love with small gestures. What is a love language of yours? Is it words of affirmation? That is one for me. I love to receive cards. I love to receive messages, notes. I love verbal.
00:21:07
Speaker
Affirmations to also have a praise kink. I love words in all forms, though. I know that I really, when I'm in a relationship, small things like a hidden note, like a post-it note or a random card or a random really thoughtful out of the blue.
00:21:25
Speaker
in the, during the day or whatever text message mean so much to me when it's thought out. That is really important to me. So what I do for myself is I have sticky notes around my place of reminders to myself. You are fucking amazing. And don't you ever forget it. I have notes of what are you grateful for? So that reminds me to.
00:21:44
Speaker
tap into gratitude every time I go in the bathroom. I have my goals on post-it notes. I have things all over the place. Or I also schedule emails to send to myself at different points throughout the year. So you can do this for three months, six months, or a year. I'll write out a massive email just like, hey, I love you. Don't forget this. Whatever. I can't think of why I actually write them in this moment, but it's basically a beautiful letter to myself that I'm sending my future self that I will receive in
00:22:12
Speaker
a period of time. I love those things so much so I'm not waiting for another person to give them to me. I give them to myself and I encourage you to do the same. If you love physical touch then touch yourself. Do not be depriving yourself of touch. Also, invitation to
00:22:34
Speaker
explore touch in a platonic way with friends. Do you have friends that you can cuddle with in a non-sexual way or that you can do arm tickles or back tickles or whatever it is, or maybe go and get a massage or some other form of bodywork to receive that touch. Stop waiting for somebody else to give you what you desire. Stop waiting for external people and things to fill up.
00:23:01
Speaker
your needs, that is your responsibility to meet your own needs first. And there are so many ways that you can do that. So dating yourself, what does this look like? What does this look like? Really finding the things that you would love to happen in a relationship and then do them for yourself. And again, whether you're in a relationship or not.
00:23:19
Speaker
doesn't matter. You still need to be dating yourself when you're in a long-term relationship so that you stay connected with your sense of independence.
Maintaining Independence in Relationships
00:23:30
Speaker
When you've been in a long-term relationship, it's so easy to become codependent on another person. It's just natural to do that. So be very intentional. Do things up by yourself. Take yourself out on a solo dinner day or a solo brunch or
00:23:44
Speaker
Have a beautiful at-home spa day. Make sure that you are treating yourself like the queen that you are. And that is the energy that you will be emulating and that is what you will receive in the world.
00:23:58
Speaker
What are you gonna do to date yourself? Think about it, journal about it, and put something in the calendar for the next seven days to love on you. So as I've said, it's really important to date yourself, to fill up your own cup and meet your own needs. This is where so many people are going wrong in relationship and in dating as well. If you are going out in the dating world from a place of, I need another person for pleasure, I need,
00:24:25
Speaker
sex, I need to be taken out for dinners, I need a relationship to make me feel worthy, to make me feel whole, to make me feel loved and you don't fully love on yourself, then
00:24:38
Speaker
the energy is going to be radiating from you. And that's not the energy that you want to be putting out there. When you're in your freaking bad-ass, clean, walking energy and you are approaching dating from that space where it's like, it's not I'm hyper independent. I don't need anybody. It's I am so full and so in love with myself that I don't need anybody else that I am choosing. And I will choose somebody that is at the same level as me.
00:25:06
Speaker
from a place of desire because I want that person. I don't need that person. That's a very empowering place to enter a relationship from and very different from codependency, which a lot of people
00:25:19
Speaker
are in that dynamic and I've been there. So it's okay. There's no shame around that whatsoever. And often it is the inner children in relationships with one another.
Creative Solo Dating Ideas
00:25:30
Speaker
I'm going to give you 10 ideas to date yourself. And depending on the spice level, you get to decide what you want to do. So let's go into 10 day ideas to solo date yourself.
00:25:44
Speaker
Treat yourself to some lingerie and take some sexy photos of yourself. I highly encourage this. If you don't have anyone to send sexy photos to, do not send them, take them for yourself or send them to your friends. Me and my friends do this. We will take photos and be like,
00:26:01
Speaker
Here's a butt picture. Here's a picture of me in my lingerie and having women that freaking hype you up is so fun. And by the way, if you don't feel comfortable doing this, then join sex queen is the first thing that I will say. But second of all, find women that can support you at that level. Having these kinds of friendships is so empowering and actually was talking to a friend.
00:26:22
Speaker
I was at her house. I was taking a sexy picture of myself in her bedroom. And I was like, do you want to see the picture I took in your mirror? And she was like, yeah. And then she was like, I don't really, I've never taken sexy pics of myself because I've never had anyone to send them to. Like it just was never came up for her. And I was like, uh, take them for yourself. She was like, I've never thought about that. So that is her challenge. And your challenge is to take hot pictures of yourself just for you. You got to turn yourself on your sexualities for you. Your body is for you. So buy some new lingerie.
00:26:53
Speaker
Be your own lover, take sexy pictures of yourself, move in the mirror, dance, flow, vibe, and have fun. Second one is a bit more PG. It's having an at-home spa evening, candles, lights, music, create a spa scene and give yourself whatever treatment you desire. Give yourself a sensual massage, grab an oil, strip off your clothes. Again, making sure you're engaging the senses is key with all of these. Okay.
00:27:22
Speaker
lights, music, smells, tastes, sights of beauty.
00:27:32
Speaker
It is all important. So give yourself essential massage. You can start your feet, you can start your arms, you can start massaging around your womb, your belly, your breasts, your yoni, whatever, and all of it. Just make sure that you're using a yoni friendly oil, AKA something that's not perfume that doesn't have essential oils if you are putting it down there so it doesn't disrupt.
00:27:56
Speaker
the pH, you want to be careful with what you're using and make sure all natural products as well. I can give you some recommendations if you desire. In fact, I will tell you my favorite oils.
00:28:07
Speaker
Is province apothecary. I think that's how you say it. They have a blend. They have two different ones. One is called a lover's oil and one is a sex oil. And they are my favorite. The lover's oil is my favorite for a breast massage and the sex oil I love for intimacy, for self pleasure.
00:28:27
Speaker
The only thing is make sure that if you're using this with a partner, you cannot use oils or oil-based lube with condoms. So FYI, hopefully you know that. But I love these oils so much. They're beautiful. And the Lovers Oil has a really beautiful scent, which is great for a breast massage, which if you are like, what the fuck is a breast massage and why would I do that? Join sex queen slash ask me and I can happily share more details on this and I'll probably do a podcast on it as well.
00:28:54
Speaker
Cook yourself a delicious three course dinner. So this is something that I admittedly have to get better at. I did this the other day. It wasn't three course dinner, but I did properly cooked myself. Okay. I'm going to tell you, I cook salmon for the first time in my life and it was so good. I did the whole thing. I have always had a man to cook salmon for me. So I have not been eating salmon for the last, I don't know, eight months, nine months. So I'm not eating it maybe.
00:29:19
Speaker
apart from when I went home and my mum cooked it for me. But that was a big moment. I texted in my family group chat. Oh my God. I just cooked salmon for the first time. It was so easy and so delicious. And that felt really good. I had a whole date with myself and it was very happy. It felt very fulfilling to me. So cook yourself a three course dinner. Again, candles, set the vibe, romantic central music. If you need playlists, let me know. I love to make playlists. It's a love language of mine.
00:29:49
Speaker
It lights me up, it turns me on, and I have playlists for every kind of vibe. So do that for yourself. You don't need anybody else. And oftentimes we just can't be bothered to cook and nourish ourselves properly, but I encourage you to do that as a fun dating yourself activity. Take yourself out on a movie date. Pick your favorite movie or one that is coming out and go on a movie date. Get yourself the popcorn, the drinks, whatever you desire and have fun.
00:30:17
Speaker
Go on a solo lunch or dinner date to a new restaurant or cafe, ideally restaurant. I feel like a cafe is too easy. Look, if that's your vibe, go for it. I think going out on a dinner day or a lunch date by yourself, I feel like that's like romance vibes and I highly encourage it.
00:30:38
Speaker
where you're not going to necessarily have your headphones in, sit there disconnected. If that is your comfort level, fine, but really see if you can treat this as if it's a date with someone else where you're really present. Maybe you do have your book. That's fine.
00:30:54
Speaker
But you're really present, you're really connected, you're really there and engaged with yourself. You're not trying to numb yourself by scrolling on your phone or listening to music, pretending that you're not alone because you feel lonely. If you feel loneliness, that's okay. That's part of the journey of life. You're going to feel that sometimes. So go on a solo.
00:31:13
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Date with yourself. Number seven of ideas to date yourself. Have a long self pleasure session. So I already told you about this one. And if you're like, I don't know what I would do in a long self pleasure session, all I can say is join sex screen. You will be guided in some delicious self pleasure sessions by me and get to know yourself on a whole other way, exploring different
00:31:39
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sensations and textures and pressures and toys and maybe exploring different types of orgasms as well. How about you give yourself a nice juicy cervical orgasm? That sounds pretty good to me. They are wonderful and delicious. Number eight, have an at-home dance party. I love to do this, especially on a Saturday night. To be honest, I do this all the time, regardless of the day and the time of day.
00:32:04
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but create a vibe. I am the queen of vibes. I have LED candles. I have real candles everywhere. I have the LED candles from my retreat that I now just have in my place. I have my galaxy light. I have my sunset light.
00:32:19
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Everything. Number nine, for a solo day idea, buy a new sex toy and explore solo with it. I really encourage everybody, especially all women to explore with toys, explore with different temperatures and textures and sensation and do it by yourself first. It's going to give you the confidence to take it in with a partner. That's not to say to not do it with a partner as well, but I'm talking about things like the Cervic Serpent or a
00:32:48
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an obsidian wand or these really beautiful sacred sexuality tools I highly encourage. Also, vibrators are great if that's your thing. There are many amazing ones out there, but play with it with yourself first. Have fun, explore. If you feel shame or guilt or that it's wrong or dirty or bad to self pleasure or to explore with sex toys, there's just insight there that there is some shame to heal and some work to do. And again, this is what we do in Sex Queen if you want to join.
00:33:18
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Number 10, journal about what is your dream romantic evening? What is your most dreamy date that you could go on? Journal about that and then create that for yourself. Now, obviously, if your dreamy romantic evening involves walks along the moonlit beach and you don't live anywhere on the beach, you're going to have to figure out a compromise to doing that. But journal about what your dream partnership romantic date would be and then create that with yourself.
00:33:48
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And those are the 10 date ideas. This is how you date yourself. It's starting to prioritize you. So I want to ask you to reflect.
00:33:59
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How often do you currently date yourself? Every week, every month, not very often at all, or literally never? What is the answer to that question? And then why? Why do you date yourself weekly? Why do you date yourself never? Think about that and get really curious. And how often do you want to start dating yourself? It is so important to fill your own cup.
00:34:23
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to meet your own needs, to be your own best lover if you want to have the most exquisite sex,
00:34:31
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If you want to explore mind blowing orgasms, if you want to become multi orgasmic, if you want to be having like multiple orgasms in a session and hours long orgasms, this is how it starts. It's not up to your partner or the partner that you're either with or desiring or craving. It's not up to them to master your body. It is up to you.
00:34:54
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So if you're not experiencing pleasure or you're currently experiencing pain or you have no libido or sexual desire and you just feel like sex isn't for me or I'm not that sexual or it's just not a priority for me or sex is painful. Again, just getting curious with yourself around why that is. Has that always been the case? Does that feel true to you? Do you enjoy sex with your partner? Are you able to orgasm by yourself? Are you able to orgasm with your partner?
00:35:24
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has the sex changed with yourself or with partners, get really curious about your current dynamic with sex.
Insights from Personal Experiences
00:35:32
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And again, there's just going to be so many insights there. You can totally transform your relationship to sex. If you don't desire sex, the question to ask yourself is the sex that you're having good. If it's not, if it feels like a chore, if it feels like it's really all about your partner,
00:35:48
Speaker
Then that is going to have a massive impact in your sexual desire because why would you desire shit sex? Obviously you wouldn't. There are also other things to note that hormonal birth control can be a massive killer of libido and really disconnect you from your body. Different medications can also have an impact.
00:36:05
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There are many factors that affect libido and I'm going to do an entire podcast episode around libido, around the sexual desire, around the different desire types that people can have. And we'll dive into that into a whole episode. But for now, I'm going to leave this with you to journal about dating yourself, about becoming your own best lover and becoming your own dream person. So become the lover that you desire. If you want to.
00:36:33
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Transform your relationship to have epic love, epic sex, epic intimacy. Become the version of you that has that. Become the dream partner. Are you currently being the dream partner or are you nitpicking? Whether that's yourself or your partner. Are you trying to control, criticize, judge, shame to get what you want in life and intimacy in relationship? What does your dream partnership look like? Whether you're in relationship or whether you're creating a relationship.
00:37:04
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Consider what that is and then become that version of you. And this is how it starts. Be your own best lover and you will attract slash create the most incredible loving relationship.
00:37:15
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that you desire. So let me know how you get on. I would love to hear how you embark on this journey of dating yourself, of becoming your own best lover so that you can fall in love with yourself. Trust me. If you do all of these things that I have shared and focus on being your own best lover, reclaiming your sexuality, reclaiming the connection to your body, you will fall in love with yourself. That is a byproduct of doing this work. It's not a journey that you have to specifically go on. It's just something that will unfold and this connection will happen and you'll find
00:37:45
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deep unconditional love for yourself and life changes from that moment. Let me tell you. So enjoy. I would love to hear your solo day ideas. And if you have other ones that you come up with, send me a DM. Let me know. I love to chat about these things and.
00:38:02
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The invitation is there for you to join sex queen. This is the third round that we are going to be kicking off on the 25th of February. If you want to join, I'll put the details below. There is a special early bird offer happening right now, depending on when you're listening to this. So all of this will be linked below and reach out to me with any questions that you have. I am excited for you to embark on this journey, whether you do that with me in sex queen or solo.
00:38:32
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I hope that you do it because it is the best journey that you can go on, date yourself, become your own best lover and fall in love with yourself. Hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.