Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Rose, Thorn, Bud from Q1: Money, Men & Sex Edition with Jenna Miller | EP27
141 Plays1 year ago
In this episode I'm joined be fellow Sex Coach, Jenna Miller for her third time on the podcast to dive into our Q1 recap
Expect total oversharing in this conversation as we cover:
- Rose, Thorn, Bud in business, sex & intimacy, personal life and self pleasure
- Overcoming trauma to deepen sexual experiences
- Our own dating life and date stories
- How to train your body in self pleasure for more orgasms
- Our own sexual desires and intention for the summer
- Prompts for your own rose, thorn, bud review
- A hilarious and totally unfiltered conversation
LINKS:
- Join Becoming Her, my free 5 day challenge for the women ready to embrace her radiant rebirth and step into your bold, empowered self to receive the desires you’ve been dreaming about.
- Book an Elevate Your Love coaching call with me. For you if you’re ready to unleash your relationship potential and create a relationship transformation roadmap so you can finally get the love, sex and intimacy you want.
- Join the Wild & Free Retreat Waitlist to get the details about my next retreat in Costa Rica.
FOLLOW:
IG: @iamstephmorris
Website: https://stephmorris.co/
Share this episode and tag me @iamstephmorris on Instagram to spread the word! Don’t forget to leave a review on Apple and Spotify, then send me an email to hello@stephmorris.co & I’ll send you a custom Unfiltered Femme Embodied Meditation (screenshot your review and attach to the email you send).
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to the Unfiltered Femme podcast. Your new world to get the lowdown on all things pleasure, sexuality, the mysterious female body, dating, relationships and everything you need to know to step into your most unfiltered, unapologetic, empowered and turned on self.
00:00:22
Speaker
I'm Steph Morris, a love, sex and intimacy coach and along with some incredibly fabulous guests, I'm here to spill the tea on those topics that are typically hush hush. The juicy things that you want to know all about that have maybe been a little bit too shy to talk about.
00:00:39
Speaker
Think of me as your fearless guide and partner in crime, creating a space for the unfiltered, the raw, the authentic chats where nothing is off limits and there's no such thing as too much. The Unfiltered Femme podcast is all about breaking down those walls and celebrating what it means to be an unfiltered, feminine being.
00:00:58
Speaker
I hope you're ready for a wild ride. Let's dive right in. Welcome back to the Unfiltered Firm podcast.
Unfiltered Conversations with Jenna Miller
00:01:07
Speaker
Today we are going truly unfiltered and we are going to be having a juicy, spicy, who knows where conversation this is going to lead into. I am joined today by my beautiful friend, Jenna Miller, who is here
00:01:22
Speaker
For the third time on the podcast to have a conversation, we're going to be reviewing Q1. This is going to become a quarterly thing that we do, but we're not doing this in a boring way. Of course, we are going to be doing this as two sex coaches who are besties and have truly unfiltered conversations. We're doing this as a way for fun for ourselves, but also to help inspire you of maybe a way that you want to review each quarter of the year.
00:01:47
Speaker
And to just have one of these unfiltered fun conversations about sex, intimacy, pleasure. Who knows what else is going to come up. So Jenna, welcome to the pod for round three. How are you?
00:01:58
Speaker
I'm so excited to be back. Thank you for having me. And yeah, I'm so excited. I feel like I don't spend enough time reflecting on the quarters of the year. I think I need to be a bit more intentional about that. So I'm so grateful for you creating this space for us. And like I always say to you, and I'm sure I've said this on the podcast in our other chats, but our voice notes to each other are absolutely incredible, hilarious, juicy, expansive. And I feel like
00:02:26
Speaker
This episode could be just a little peek into what happens in our private chat, which I'm just, I'm so happy for other people to get to be a fly on the wall. Seriously, even just yesterday, I'm dying and the voice knows us. Yesterday, basically we were talking about queefing of sex and sounds coming out and I just needed some, I needed to be like calmed down about this situation I was creating in my head.
00:02:53
Speaker
after a recent sexual experience with someone that I was just making up stories as we all do and Jenna calmed me down and was like laughing. I hear you. I see you. And also no. Yeah. Anyway, we won't get into more of that.
00:03:09
Speaker
Or maybe we will, but I truly am so grateful for our friendship and our dynamic. And I wish every woman to have this kind of experience. And I think that's, I'm going to speak for you as well, but correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like that's why we're both so passionate about the work that we do as sex coaches, working with women in intimacy and relationships around pleasure.
Reflecting with Rose Thorn Bud Approach
00:03:30
Speaker
And all of the typically taboo topics to be that safe space and that sacred container for women to explore and start to have these conversations where it's like, Hey, we can talk about queefing. We can talk about pegging. We can talk about orgasms. We can talk about all of the things that we don't.
00:03:49
Speaker
necessarily have that permission to talk about with the people that we grew up around or the people that we work with. Hopefully that's changing and we're going to start this here. And the last two podcasts that Jenna and I did together, I had so many people messaging and saying that they really loved our candid conversations and this is truly our dynamic. So let's dive in to, to this episode.
00:04:12
Speaker
So I'm going to share an overview of what we're going to do. And I recommend you grabbing out your notebook or a journal if you have, or notes on your phone, cause I feel like this is going to be a fun way for
Steph and Jenna's Business Journeys
00:04:22
Speaker
us to reflect. And I'm the same. I can be a little bit sometimes resist doing things like reviewing and planning, which are very essential things, especially when you have a business, you've got to be doing these kinds of things, but it's not always fun to do. Sometimes it is fun when you're in it and you're reflecting and you're like, whoa, look how far I've come or.
00:04:39
Speaker
I've actually grown more than I thought I've got better results than I realize. So the way we're going to do this is taking this rose thorn bud approach. So the rose is the highlight, the success, or a win. Something positive that happened. The thorn is a challenge that you experienced, something that you could use some support with. And then the bud is really that opportunity. The bud is what is going to be blossoming. So it's something that you're looking forward to.
00:05:06
Speaker
either knowing or experiencing or something that you are sort of committing to working on or an intention that you have. So this Rose Thornbud approach, you've probably heard of it, maybe you use it, can be a great way to even reflect each day with yourself or with your partner or with a friend to really celebrate yourself, to notice why there's something that needs to be cleared or just acknowledging a challenge and then
00:05:28
Speaker
speaking into the opportunities and the intentions that you have. So we're going to take Rose Thornbud approach into four different areas. We're going to talk about business, personal life, sex, slash intimacy, slash relationships as one category, and then pleasure. And pleasure, of course, can include self pleasure.
00:05:46
Speaker
And, but also pleasure in life as a whole. So let's see where this takes us. So we'll start with it's on paper. It seems like the most boring, but it's not business. So let's do Rose Thorne bud for business. Do you want to pick us off? Yeah, sure. Okay. So the Rose is, I am obsessed with my practice, like what I'm doing with clients, these in-person sessions, the
00:06:14
Speaker
online sessions, like everything is just feeling super in alignment. I would say I resonate with the word Dharma and your life's mission, the reason you came to this planet, the thing that you're supposed to do. And I do feel like the work I'm doing right now just feels so in alignment, in alignment with my true soul. So that feels like it fuels me. It expands my heart. I just feel incredible about that. So with that,
00:06:40
Speaker
My thorn has been my background isn't in marketing or business. So I love what I'm doing and the testimonials I'm getting from the clients that I do have are so great. And I'm just struggling to get my message to more people, to show people that I exist, to share this work and this art with more people.
00:07:00
Speaker
And I keep getting into a punching match with meta. So I am like, I think my pics may be too spicy, but I want to share the embodiment of a woman who is owning her sexuality. And something's got to change because the meta situation is not working on Instagram and the socials. So
00:07:19
Speaker
That's been the thorn of the crunchy piece the part where I'm like, yeah, I love this I want to keep doing this But where do I find the clients and where do I find my people? And where do I find the people who really are actually looking for me as well that would say is the thorn piece I also in q1 lost my job So I was doing a side job while I was building my business which was creating a lot of spaciousness for me to just be in my art and focus on my sessions and
00:07:45
Speaker
and not put so much pressure on myself financially. But I found myself in this past quarter, I had lost my part time job due to them amalgamating roles in the company. And that kind of put me in a hard place where I was like, okay, so what do I find that's now in better alignment? What do I find that's going to support me in my business and expansion? And that was confronting, but also
00:08:10
Speaker
It was a beautiful inner knowing of, yeah, that was time for that chapter to close and that container to close. It was my last straw that was linking me to Toronto still. That felt like a really beautiful completion, but then also created a little bit of turbulence. And the bud, the opportunity, right?
00:08:29
Speaker
What is the opportunity here? I feel excited about what's next for me, what I'm going to do in addition to sex coaching while I'm still building this practice. That's going to be really fun and complements it. Just before we hit record, Steph and I were talking about her other passions in life. She is a guide at othership. She is a Pilates instructor. There are so many beautiful other layers to her expression and her art in the world.
00:08:54
Speaker
And I really feel excited to go on this journey to find what that means for me. And I feel really expanded by my inner circle and them just embodying different layers of who they can be and what space they can take up in the world. So yeah, that's business. I love this. Thank you for sharing all of that. And I think it's so common. I hear this and see this and have experiences myself when you're so passionate about your craft and the service or the offering that you provide.
00:09:22
Speaker
that I think the piece that most people in business don't so much is the marketing. And then we also have it on the flip side. And I think it's definitely better being that way. Like you are so good at what you do. You are so skilled. You're such an amazing space holder and just truly embody your own sensuality and sexuality and create these amazing spaces. You're so
00:09:43
Speaker
Articular and beautifully spoken in what you're sharing. And it's better to be that way than to be the other way where there's people who are not so good at their craft, but they're really fucking good marketers and they can make a lot of money and they can blow up. And then it suddenly grew too fast, didn't have the structure. And actually they're just really good marketers and they're not so good at their.
00:10:04
Speaker
So I'm definitely celebrating that for you because you truly are skilled and amazing.
Personal Growth and Vision Alignment
00:10:10
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you for seeing that in me. Yeah, I feel...
00:10:14
Speaker
It's a slow burn. And I feel this arousal and this excitement with the foreplay of this business being really new to me. I have been doing coaching since 2020, but I did my full coaching certificate last year. And now I'm really starting from a fresh slate coming back into this work. And so I'm like, yeah, let's tease. Let's play. Let's build this baby and really nurture her to grow into this beautiful,
00:10:39
Speaker
being in the world. So yeah, that's that. What about you? I love that. Yeah, I'll go into mine. And also something I want to say, which has really been interesting for me in my journey when I started coaching, really, I went and started this journey in 2020. Around that time, we were obviously in the COVID lockdown situation, the narrative that I was buying into at that time, which was the narrative that was perpetuated in the coaching industry was
00:11:04
Speaker
The quick fix, quick money make, you can blow up your business really quickly. You could be making multi six figures ASAP. And that mentality was really harmful for me. I bought into that and I chose to follow that path. And I think I needed to have that blind faith in some ways, but it definitely, I made some financial decisions that I wouldn't make now. And I think.
00:11:28
Speaker
It made me be a bit too short sighted versus really playing the long game. And I think this is an important way to view any area of life is if you're doing anything for the short term and short term one year, two years, then really question, are you doing it for the right reasons? Sometimes there are short term things that it's a stepping stone to the next thing, but especially when it comes to business.
00:11:48
Speaker
I am now playing the long game. I'm like, this is my life. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I have such clarity on my vision and my desire to impact
00:12:00
Speaker
Hopefully one day, millions, but really looking at the thousands, like large scale thousands, tens of thousands. That's my goal for the next few years. And so going into my Rose Thornbird for my business, I think the Rose is really having that clarity and allowing myself to dream big and to dream bigger than I was allowing myself before.
00:12:21
Speaker
going through my separation and divorce and having everything shatter into a million pieces. It made me really question everything, question who I was, what I wanted, like what's the point in any of it. I really went through months and months of despair, of really this like dark cloud looming over me. I was like, it's all meaningless, it's all pointless. And what I've really been striving for doesn't mean anything because these things can be taken away and then what are you left with?
00:12:51
Speaker
And for me, I really hunkered down on my vision and was like, I know why I'm doing the work that I'm doing. And it's because I truly believe that the planet can change when people have access to the work that we're doing and connected with themselves and owning their sexuality and going into their shadows and all of these pieces. So my highlight, my celebration is allowing myself to dream bigger than I ever have before and really feeling this embodied worthiness of
00:13:18
Speaker
I can fucking do this. I am so worthy of these big goals and dreams I have for my life and it's not from this ego place of I want to become known so that I can make all of this money and be this really rich woman who is on a pedestal. That's actually gross to me and I actually care less about the money now than I ever have in my life and I feel like that's
00:13:42
Speaker
having had to go through financial challenges and struggles which came from suddenly being single and not being financially prepared for that after being married and also being self-employed and living in a very expensive city.
00:13:58
Speaker
To summarize, I'm celebrating the connection to my vision and feeling really strong about the direction of my business and playing the long game. Like a podcast is a long game. It's not a quick fix. You're not suddenly going to blow up in two months. I'm like, I want to be doing this for the next five years. And I'm committed to this and group experiences and retreats are really my passion. And I have fully made that decision that I'm no longer actively selling
00:14:26
Speaker
one-to-one coaching, I'm really focusing on large scale so that I can have more people coming into my spaces. So that feels really good because that's been scary because one-to-one coaching has been the way that I have made most of my money in my business over the last few years and done really well with that. And then to say, I no longer want to do that, even though I'm like, Oh, I could make a lot of money doing that. That's a scary decision, but it's in full alignment with me. And I've got to follow that other.
00:14:52
Speaker
highlights here for me are being open to new opportunities. So in the last few months, I have been training as a Lagree instructor, so reformer Pilates, and I'm officially going to be teaching as of next week, which is wild and amazing and scary and exciting, but something I never thought about. And then also I'm officially training to be a guide at other ships, so working
00:15:13
Speaker
Guiding people through sauna and ice bath experiences, breath work, vocal turning, all of the things. And again, that's really exciting because I've been working online from home since 2015, which is crazy. That's almost 10 years. I've been fully
00:15:30
Speaker
self-sufficient in my business, like full-time in my business for two years. And now here I am going back to a job, but it's contract-based. But I'm like, if you told me two years ago, I would have seen this as a failure. And now I see it as such a huge success because it's really aligned with me and just building more security and stability are really a big focus for me. So that's to summarize the highlights. And I'm just super excited for what's going to unfold because I want to have impact on a large scale and being in these spaces working
00:15:59
Speaker
with companies that I feel aligned with feels really good to me. And I get to meet and interact with more people and hopefully just create really meaningful relationships. The thorn for me has definitely been.
00:16:10
Speaker
pace at which life has been unfolded. So I naively thought that as soon as January hit that I was going to be like on a high 2023 is behind me. Everything's going to be amazing. And truthfully, the first three months of this year were really fucking hard for me and I was not expecting it. I was not prepared in any way for how I was feeling for the challenges that I was experiencing.
00:16:34
Speaker
for the emotions that were still coming up. There was just so much that was unexpected. And this does relate, this is personal, but also related to business that when you're self-employed and you're fully responsible for your income and you're going through really hard shit, it just makes it so challenging. And I feel like I've only just got my creativity back after almost a year. So that was the challenge was trying to show up, trying to be consistent when I just was still struggling in many ways and like,
00:17:02
Speaker
When is the end point? When do I get to feel the ease? I've been waiting for this true glow up phase. And we were just chatting about this before we start recording.
Navigating Challenges and Opportunities
00:17:11
Speaker
I've been waiting for the glow up post breakup that everybody enters into where you have the opportunities and you're like,
00:17:17
Speaker
feeling so good and everyone's like, you're amazing. And that breakup was the best thing for you. And you're like, yes, I'm loving life. And it was all worth it. And I've been waiting for that. I'd have been waiting for that for three months because truthfully I thought I'd be in it. And now I feel like I've just ended that phase. And I'm so fucking excited because I'm like, life is unfolding in such an amazing way in all areas. And I know that this next phase is going to be very lucrative for me, but not in the way
00:17:48
Speaker
that I've seen it in the past. I feel like I'm going to be making a lot more money again, which is amazing. I'm super grateful, but I'll be managing it very differently versus before I was a little bit more materialistic, like I'm going to go on shopping sprees. I'm going to do that. And now I'm like, long game. I'm working towards my vision for my future that I no longer have a partner in that I'm fully responsible for, which is exciting, but also scary. And again, these kind of done business and personal here. So yeah, the.
00:18:13
Speaker
The bud for me is just being so open to what is going to unfold for me with these new opportunities and with having clarity in my business and little sprinkle of something that's coming as I'm going to be starting a membership, which is going to be a low ticket membership. But this aligns with my goal of having impact in sharing the tools that I know with people on a larger scale. That's really fucking important to me. And I would rather have to sell more to more people, bring more people in, which of course,
00:18:41
Speaker
On paper, it's like, it's easier to sell high ticket to less people, but that's no longer aligned with me. I want to sell low ticket to more people because that truly feels good. So I'm really excited for this second quarter to bring my membership to life, which has been something I've been planning and working towards for a while. So yeah, I'm super excited for that and to just see what.
00:19:00
Speaker
and faults, end of monologue. I love that. I think what we were both alluding to in both of our shares, one, I just want to say I'm just so excited for you. I feel like I'm just witnessing in real time all of the glow up happening for you and the reclamation of the parts of you that maybe fell away in the last year or longer.
00:19:21
Speaker
and just stepping into truly that unapologetic, unfiltered, bold, confident, brilliant version of you. And I'm just celebrating the fuck out of that. So amazing. But what I wanted to say to business, so anyone else who's maybe listening to this who was in business,
00:19:38
Speaker
I think both of us were alluding to a really heart centered, holistic version of business. And we're talking about marketing versus being really good at your craft, but not so good at marketing versus being really good at marketing and not so good at your craft. And also having your needs met by different avenues. So I think there's that parallel too to relationships, right?
00:20:00
Speaker
to have really healthy relationship with your primary partner or your husband, your lover, your core person, you need to have nourishment in other areas of your life. You can't have all of your needs met by one human that's not fair to your person. So I think also when we're talking about other avenues of income, which is just smart in this economy, we have rode a roller coaster ride since the beginning of 2020 when
00:20:27
Speaker
when the pandemic hit, I think everyone realized, okay, we need to prepare for impact in different ways. And especially as entrepreneurs, there's that added level of bumping up against survival that I think
00:20:39
Speaker
maybe a lot of us were naive to especially probably our generation who was just trying business for the first time and maybe seeing success fast which you were talking about that sort of short game and yeah I think there's that cool analogy of let's have our needs met by more places and have more nourishment in more places and that be monetarily maybe that even be just mental health wise to get out of the house and
00:21:01
Speaker
go to do an ice bath or go out of the house and teach a class or whatever that is. And I think that is really beautiful and inspiring. I love that you shared this and I do think it's a very important point because I in recent times have been thinking to myself, in some ways I wish that I was still working a nine to five because my life would have been easier the last nine months had I had that consistency of income every single month.
00:21:28
Speaker
get up, go to a job, and you just have to show up. And whether you do your job really well, or you do it like, okay, you're still getting paid the same amount. And there is that part of me that's been longing, oh, if only, but then deep down, that's not truly what I desire. But then obviously, there's examples like you had a part-time job you were let go of. There are so many people that I know who are risking or in that phase of being at risk of
00:21:51
Speaker
being made redundant. That's really fucking scary. And I think that's even scarier if you are working a job where you're dependent on someone else and you are at that risk. I would really encourage everybody to make sure that they are focusing on building skills because you have to in this economy, like nothing is certain. Being a business owner is not certain. It's a lot of uncertainty, but also being an employee is no longer the path of certainty.
00:22:18
Speaker
And I think that's scary when you just have skills focused on that one area. The more that you can diversify and create, put your fingers in different pies without street, without spreading yourself to film, but really saying, Hey, and that's what I've been doing is I'm going to go into this industry. I'm going to do this. I'm going to make myself invaluable so that I can slot into different areas. Should that need arise. I think that's really smart. And I would encourage people to get themselves uncomfortable, learn new skills. It's going to make you grow as a person.
00:22:48
Speaker
and just create that security for yourself because anything can happen at any stage. And especially with the economy, we don't know how things are going to unfold. And this isn't to be fear mongering, but it's just to be like preventative and be smart and make sure that you're in control of that part of your life as much as you possibly can in this unpredictable world.
00:23:06
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think there's a time for love and light and manifestation and then there's a time for reality and just being grounded in the here and now of like looking around and seeing what are we experiencing in this present moment. I love that duality and I think there's magic in both and I think some souls really truly aren't meant to be like when you're when your body and your being is calling you towards a certain path, maybe that entrepreneurship, maybe that's your craft, maybe that's something
00:23:31
Speaker
a business, you're meant to open a sandwich shop. If you're being really called to that and it's that scratch, it's gonna need to get scratched. And it can lead to those feelings of depression or sadness or loss if you don't. I think you're also not a true entrepreneur if you've not thought about quitting, burning the whole thing down and getting a nine to five. I think that is such a, yeah, it's a carrot dangling in front of so many folks.
00:23:59
Speaker
Oh my God. A hundred percent. Cause it is, we leave the jobs because we have this dream and it's like freedom. And then you're like, I work more and I never switch off. And that's part of, I love it so much. I would never change it. But yeah, of course there are times where you're like.
00:24:16
Speaker
Could I? Would I? And then I always come back to, no, my soul chose this path and I'm super grateful for it. And it just means that we get to grow more, so yeah. Choose your own heart, right? It's all that has shadow and light. Yeah, 100%. Let's dive into personal life now, Rose Thornbud.
00:24:36
Speaker
Yeah. You want to go first for this one? So I'll, okay. I'll share. I feel like I touched on this a little bit, but I'll kick it off first and we'll pass the baton back to you. And I said that in a really American way, which I'm cringing out because we would say baton. Anyway, for me, the win is that I truly feel like I've just closed the door on a 12 month
00:25:00
Speaker
cycle, which is in, we're in Q2 now. So this is more recent, but I feel like I've really healed so much of myself and I'm coming more into my true nature more than ever. And I thought I'd done so much work on myself and was like, I feel so authentic. And I think that's always evolving and growing for me to summarize the way I'm feeling now is.
00:25:23
Speaker
I am a Pisces, but I have Leo Moon, Leo rising. And I feel like the more and more I evolve, the more I'm stepping into that Leo nature of, look at me. This is me. I love attention. I love being loud. I love to pop myself out there. But still there is that like Pisces, like.
00:25:40
Speaker
part of me and it's just that conditioning that I have of sometimes don't look at me I don't want to be too loud and too bold but anyway that feels like my Leo part and fiery side of myself feels like my true nature and I'm just celebrating that's coming out more and it feels really good and I will share one other piece the other day I woke up with a little bit of anxiety
00:26:01
Speaker
And I celebrated feeling that anxious feeling because it made me realize that I hadn't had anxiety for months. Truly. If I think back to January, every single day I was waking up with intense, crippling anxiety, with fear.
00:26:17
Speaker
just freaking out I had so much going on I was in so much stress and in survival mode truthfully in January and waking up the other day it's only when something comes back a little bit that you appreciate what that's not there when you have a sore throat and you're like oh my god I'm just gonna appreciate not having a sore throat so much but day to day we're not thinking wow I'm so grateful to have a non sore throat
00:26:41
Speaker
So that piece of anxiety, I was like, oh my God, I don't have anxiety every day anymore. I'm not living in fear anymore. And that was such a huge celebration that I really feel like I'm in this glow up phase. So that's personal life. My relationships are thriving more than ever. My friendships are evolving, new people coming into my life. I'm feeling so good. I'm feeling like I'm the fittest and strongest that I've ever been. And I feel like I'm still
00:27:09
Speaker
growing in that path, like becoming fitter and stronger. And that feels really, really good after COVID, where I was like not working out and put on a bunch of weight and just was not feeling good and like my true self in my body. So I'm celebrating that so much. A thorn for me, I think was in the personal
00:27:27
Speaker
develop like personal life area. I think I was in chaos a lot. When you are still experiencing chaos internally, that can be reflected in your outer world. And for Q1, I was struggling a bit with staying on top of cleaning and laundry and my place just kept becoming a bit of a disaster. And that felt really shit.
00:27:44
Speaker
And I didn't clean my bathroom for a month and it was disgusting. And I kept every phone call with my mum kept saying, have you tackled your bathroom sink yet? And I was like, not yet, mum. She's like, have you cleaned your toilet? I'm like, no, not yet. She's like, have you cleaned out the hair from the bath sink? And I'm like, I'm scared. And she's like, Steph, get a fucking grip. Just do it. So anyway, I did do it, but that's just a signal. Sometimes life just gets a little bit hectic and those things do slip. But for me, I was like this,
00:28:11
Speaker
is a reflection of internal and now the bathroom is sparkling clean so I'm celebrating that and I'm really committed to being more on top of those pieces like having the outer world a reflection of the woman that I am and the woman that I'm becoming in every area of life and that's living in neatness and tidiness and cleanliness like true space where it's like
00:28:36
Speaker
This feels like the version of me that has it all. This feels like the right version of me. So that's my fawn. So leaving the messy, chaotic pieces of me beside and...
00:28:48
Speaker
but is the opportunity for me is slowing down. And I was just messaging with a friend earlier and she was like, yeah, I would say that you are a late person. You are one of those people that's typically not for important things, but I would say that you are regularly like behind schedule or behind the time that you say you're going to be. And I was like, a hundred percent. It's really interesting to me that I have full awareness around this. I've been an early person my whole life.
00:29:16
Speaker
until I went through the split. It's almost, I think I've spoken about this a little bit before on my Instagram, but it's almost there's no more stress in my life. So my unconscious is trying to create some form of stress because I'm not used to living a life of complete ease in every area.
Exploring Relationship Dynamics and Personal Freedom
00:29:32
Speaker
I've always on reflection had some form of stress.
00:29:37
Speaker
for the last few years in my life and your body gets used to that, it becomes familiar and it starts to feel safe. So for me, I don't identify as a late person. It's never the way I've been in my life. My mum is a very early person and I took that on until about eight, nine months ago. So my opportunity is really wanting to slow down and to create space and put time in my calendar if I'm going to allow
00:30:00
Speaker
at least 10 to 15 minutes extra to get to my workout class or to get to my jobs so that I can just be present and enjoy the walk there or enjoy having a moment to just sit and ground before I go into this next task rather than just rushing around and creating that adrenaline and cortisol in my body that doesn't feel good, but my body knows as safe and familiar. I will say, just to make this clear, I'm not late for things like work, clients,
00:30:27
Speaker
group calls like anything like that I'm not late to but things like meeting up with friends saying I'm going to be somewhere a certain time I'm even late to dates things like that I have had a bit of a habit and so we shifting that so that's definitely something that I want to work out and I think it's something that's small but I think it's going to have a really big impact and again just helping me fully embody the woman that I say I am the woman of integrity and that's
00:30:55
Speaker
I want to show up places and just be like, you're always so grounded and calm versus me rushing there and sweating and then being in that kind of frazzled energy, which can be radiated off me. So yeah, that's me. Yeah, I love that. Thank you for giving it to us, the goods. I think that the awareness is so beautiful to be aware of. And I think that relationship too with your friend where she was like, yeah, you aren't always on time to our commitments or whatever.
00:31:20
Speaker
It is so beautiful to have friends who can share when that maybe feels some type of way for them and to just see you in your fullest expression and magic of what you could be if you could arrive grounded and whole and ready. And I love the awareness of creating chaos in your life because everything else has been fairly stable and then being so used to that chaotic feeling. So I think that's such an interesting thing to explore and I want to see
00:31:46
Speaker
if there is any pockets of that in my life. Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. And this winter I...
00:31:55
Speaker
survived so well. I killed it. This is the first winter I remember not feeling like such dread. And when I wake up in the mornings, my baseline is sadness. So I actually wake up in a fairly like sad sort of melancholy state. And then my morning routine is a flex to embody different emotions and to see what else I can pull into the palette to energize the day. And I've just been noticing way less of that
00:32:22
Speaker
feeling like taking over and swallowing me whole. I just feel like that is a massive celebration, my mental health just feeling way more manageable and
00:32:33
Speaker
I understand myself enough of my needs to be able to support myself. That's one thing. Yes. Can I ask you a question on that? Yeah. So I know that you've shared very early memories of sadness and panic attacks, I believe, and different experiences. How much do you think your 10-year relationship played into that feeling and like perpetuated that way of being?
00:33:00
Speaker
Yeah, my partner was a very, my previous partner, the one that Steph was mentioning that I dated for 10 years, we were together and live together. He had he struggled with his mental health as well, but it didn't present in a way, or it wasn't communicated like the way that I'm open about my mental health. So it
00:33:18
Speaker
showed up in frustration or different coping mechanisms and so I actually think I took on a lot of his stress and his anxiety and I think I digested that and it was just a lot to float two boats.
00:33:31
Speaker
Working on just my own boat right now and it feels so fucking good. That's, yeah, I'm celebrating you so much. And I was just curious as to noticing that shift. This is obviously the first winter that you were not with him. So I'm celebrating you and this is amazing that you felt.
00:33:48
Speaker
Yeah. And different things being in alignment too, right? Like when I was living with him, I was living in a city that I shouldn't have been living in and the container was wrong and things were out of alignment. And I think I knew for a while that I was in the wrong relationship and those things that create such dis-ease and uncomfortable emotions and the sadness and the anxiety. So yeah, I think letting that
00:34:11
Speaker
transform has been really healing and helpful. So that's the major one for first major win. And the other one is I've been working out my new man and he's been teaching me how to gym and go to the gym and what to do and get comfortable in a commercial gym.
00:34:27
Speaker
Yeah, I've always been fairly sporty, like I was a skier my whole life and a dancer. And through after university, basically until last this coming year, I just didn't prioritize it. I didn't work on my strength. I didn't really care about my body enough to make that a priority. And this year has been a real step in the direction of like, I want to feel good. And I want to feel like, too, I want to be have better endurance during sex.
00:34:57
Speaker
So yeah, I'm like working out now and I'm going multiple times a week and it just feels so good to honor myself in that way. And I do work from home and so leaving the house to go to the gym each day is just like such a pleasure. And I'm finding such joy in that. Yeah, I'm like looking at my booty growing and shaving and my strength and the other day I was running and I got like into a runner's high state and I was like, wow, this is like really special and really cool. So just feeling the joy in that. And okay, so then
00:35:25
Speaker
my thorn would be I don't think the context of where I'm living right now is super in alignment. So I've been having a little bit of a struggle with that and to what you were mentioning about your space, like my external world is really important to my internal like peace and ease. And I am living with my parents right now and that has its
00:35:45
Speaker
beautiful benefits and I'm so grateful. I've had a soft place to land and their support through my uncoupling. But yeah, it's just at times it's a little bit crunchy and it bumps up against some stuff. Place the way I desire and to be a home maker because that does feel like a part of my personality that I love. So that's been the one personal area that I'm like waffling and chewing on. And then my bud. What is my bud? What is blossoming personal?
00:36:13
Speaker
I'm really working right now on my relationship to my productivity. I know this falls a little bit in the work category, but it also falls in the personal because I feel like my mind now has a chance to... It's similar to what you were saying about the stress, but I feel like my mind has been on such a hamster wheel for a while and I'm learning how to
00:36:36
Speaker
use rituals and practices and daily routines to support myself within feeling like I can handle more in a day and stretch myself more and feel more grounded and easeful. So that feels like this new energy is moving in and I'm excited to play with it. So yeah, that's that.
00:36:54
Speaker
Yay. I actually really resonate with that. And that's also something that I'm working on again. That's I'm stealing that as a bud because it feels true to me because I think for both of us had experienced, Oh my gosh, whatever that is looks so cozy. Like it's not the cutest for the video. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Sexy on top. And then she whips out there.
00:37:21
Speaker
What do you call it? Yeah, that's interesting because when you're going through, when you're going through a struggle, your capacity for just lifing, I feel is significantly reduced. And as humans, we can stretch our capacity, we can stretch and widen our window of tolerance, our nervous system's ability to.
00:37:41
Speaker
handle and navigate stress of daily life, the stresses of daily life. And same thing when it comes to productivity and what you can really tackle in a day. It's cool how we can stretch ourselves in that way. And that's something that I'm excited to work on again, because I feel like I used to be able to get so much done in a short space of time. And it's for, has been frustrating for me to almost find I can't get so much done in a day anymore. Like my capacity has been.
00:38:08
Speaker
limited, which is okay. I'm not shaming myself for that. It's just having the awareness that's actually life. We go through these cycles. We're not supposed to be the same for the entire life. It's going to be ups and downs. So navigating that is, is just part of life. And also I'm holding the vision for you for creating a space of your own. And I'm really excited for you to feel that unfolding for you off the back of that. I want to, I want to share something that I actually thought last night, which.
00:38:38
Speaker
not to make you jealous because obviously I live by myself. I would have loved, I would have loved if my parents lived close by, especially the last like few months to be able to have had them. But I'm super happy that you had that experience of feeling that support and that nurturing. Last night I was getting into bed and
00:38:55
Speaker
The way I fall asleep is both dogs either side of me, and I'm like tucked into the duvet. And I got into bed last night after going to have my final pee, going to sleep. And I had to crawl in, in between either side of them. Bo is on the left. He's got his head on the big pillow. And then Lilo's cut up to me and to my right. And it felt like I was having a sleepover.
00:39:17
Speaker
With my two best friends, this probably sounds so lame if anyone's not a dog owner. They're like, you're a loser. But I love my dogs so much if you don't know this. And they have truly been such a saving grace for me over this experience. I think I would have struggled far more and been in a worse mental state if I didn't have something else to nurture in that unconditional love and routine and structure.
00:39:41
Speaker
to really support me throughout the last year. But last night I was like, it does feel like I'm having a sleepover and I get to just feel this nourishment and love as I'm going to sleep. And I thought to myself,
00:39:54
Speaker
Living by yourself is actually really fucking fun. This is great. This is not something I ever aspired for in my life because I truly love being in partnership. I truly love it and I love living with somebody that I love so deeply and that is my best friend and it's so fun and amazing and I love sleeping next to someone. Truly love it.
00:40:17
Speaker
And also I'm fucking loving living by myself, knowing that this is pretty temporary in the whole span of my life.
Healing and Sexual Empowerment
00:40:25
Speaker
Whether that's another year or another two years, or I don't know how long I'm going to be living by myself. And I'm truly cherishing it. It's really cherishing this time. And I'm really seeing, I think it's opening me up to maybe different dynamics with a partner in the future around.
00:40:41
Speaker
What that's going to look like versus having this rigid take of we have to live together. We have to sleep in the same bed. We have to share the same bedroom. We have to do things the way that we've been told is the right way for a successful relationship, but actually.
00:40:57
Speaker
I'm opening my opening more and more to the idea of yeah playing with a different dynamic base and what feels good for us but really having space I think as a couple is really important and I really want to take that into the next relationship that I enter is really emphasizing the importance of that and maybe having like sleepovers by ourselves or whatever it looks like but yeah it's just it's got me curious and very much non-judgmental about the dynamics that other people are in I have
00:41:24
Speaker
a good friend who has a separate bedroom to her partner and she told me and she was like, I knew you would get it. So I was like, that's really fucking cool. And I love that for you. And she was like, yeah, so many people don't get it. And I knew you'd just be so like excited for me. I'm like, of course, like every relationship is different. So anyway, just wanted to touch on that.
00:41:41
Speaker
No, I love that. It's interesting you say that because the one of the, I remember that feeling really strongly when I had just left my last partner and I was back home with my parents and I wanted like that feeling of someone pressed up against my body of the warmth. Cause I went to bed every night for seven years like that. And so I bought a body pillow and then I would stack the other two pillows like along the other side. So I would be like hugged in like, just like how you described your dogs. And that felt really comfortable.
00:42:10
Speaker
And then it's so funny that you said that thing at the end about your friend who sleeps apart because now with my, so this year I've been like super committed to really good sleep hygiene and really working on my sleep because it's been something I've struggled with. And with my new man, we, when we are together on the weekends, we actually often sleep in separate beds because I don't sleep well with other people.
00:42:30
Speaker
And so we get into bed, we kiss, we cuddle, we do our evening check-in, have sex, if we are doing that, whatever. And then I actually leave to go sleep in a different room. And that works really well for us. And one of us comes back in in the morning to snuggle. And yeah, it's been transformative for mood and energy level and just presence in the relationship. So I love that. Yeah, we can think creatively about what serves us.
00:42:55
Speaker
Yeah, I love that so much. Let's have open conversations about this, because I know that for many people I hear of, oh, they're not sleeping in the same bedroom already. That's not looking good. And it's like, why are we, why are we,
00:43:10
Speaker
determining what a success in a relationship is. In fact, I believe that is very healthy. Previous me would have been judgmental of that for sure. And I know I have been in the past, but now I'm like, you know what? We know that space is fucking necessary in a relationship.
00:43:27
Speaker
And I think that can be really healthy, especially when with my friend in her marriage, she sent me a video and she decorated her bedroom the way she wanted it. She had like fairy lights everywhere. She had this cool material over the bed, the way that she'd always wanted as a child, but it looks so nourishing and feminine and beautiful. And she was so excited by it. And I thought, wow, that's really cool. And one day when I am in a relationship where we are gonna live together, because I do desire to live with a partner,
00:43:56
Speaker
I'm like, I am going to be open to making sure we have our own spaces that we can create our own, bring our own touch to versus us both compromising of has to be this person's way or this person's way. I think that's really important to have our own touch on different spaces in a home.
00:44:14
Speaker
saying, okay, let's get into the juicy part. The reason why people are here, Z'Hara's talking about sex. Rose thorn bad, sex and intimacy. This is going to be pretty easy for me. Do you want to go first? You're just going to be more excited. Yeah. So I have two roses that are sticking out. One is overcoming trauma and the other is about reaching orgasms. What do you think? Do you want me to share both or do you want me to? Okay. Okay. If you're open to it.
00:44:41
Speaker
Yeah, I'll go with the trauma one first and then I'll move into the fun orgasm piece. But so my past relationship, I left that in a state where I had a lot of work to do on myself and healing from that. And dating again has been a beautiful journey and I've needed to date again to trust men and to heal some things.
00:44:59
Speaker
But it was only two, I think it was a couple of weekends ago. It was this month that I was with my new guy and I hit a massive trigger. Something that happened which was fairly simple and probably happens in most partnerships was something that sent me into a true trauma response. My body was responding to what was happening and I felt sick to my stomach and I just shut down.
00:45:23
Speaker
I was basically hysterical because of it. And it brought actually back flashbacks and it was a big thing over something that was seemingly small for my partner who was receiving the other end of it. And I worked through it. I worked through it with him. I communicated really well. I took my time to go move my body and release and cry and purge what I was feeling.
00:45:45
Speaker
And then brought it back to him, okay, this is partly, you did make a mistake and this is the role you played in it. And I'm also witnessing how this has to do with my history and stuff that has nothing to do with you. We had this beautiful breakthrough conversation about where I was at and where I was out on my healing journey and what I needed from him.
00:46:06
Speaker
had that conversation and then we had the best sex that we have ever had. We've been together now having sex for seven or eight months and that night it was on point like it was present, it was devotional, it was like I can't drink enough of you up. It was like the type of sex that we've been working towards for a really long time. When you're getting to know someone sex can't sometimes always there can be sometimes a bit of hiccups and so
00:46:34
Speaker
This night just blasted, I think, both of our hearts open and I had this real release of, yeah, basically trauma that allowed for new spaciousness to come in that was so orgasmic. So that is one of the...
00:46:50
Speaker
I love it. I'm like longing for this kind of sex and connection. Hashtag goals. Yeah, it felt so good. And then the other piece of it was I've actually always struggled with orgasm and orgasm has been really hard for me to achieve in my body for many, for a couple of different reasons.
00:47:09
Speaker
And going from long-term relating with someone for almost a decade, that person knew my body really well and I grew to be able to orgasm with him pretty easily.
00:47:23
Speaker
But I knew going into dating again and having sex with new people that it was gonna be about teaching people how my body works and what doesn't work and how I like things. And I realized that I can reach orgasm really easily in self pleasure, but I can't so much in partnered play. And so I took this little experiment upon myself and I started in my self pleasure sessions starting to self pleasure in positions where I would normally be wanting to come in within sex.
00:47:50
Speaker
So the other day, how can I be like super? 100%. This is the unfiltered fam, tell it to us. Okay, the other day, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna take up some new postures here, I'm gonna try and come in different positions. But one of my things is when I feel full, so when a penis is inside of me,
00:48:08
Speaker
I'm like not used to orgasming that way because when I orgasm with myself, it's like my hand or my vibrator and it's mainly just in my clitoris. So this feeling of being full plus also a lot of clitoral stimulation was like this roadblock that I was hitting where my body wasn't familiar with that sensation. So it was almost like stopping me from reaching orgasm. So I was like, OK, I'm going to put my dildo in and I'm going to use the same method that I would do on my clit like to reach orgasm.
00:48:36
Speaker
So here I am. I've been loving doggy lately. So I'm on my knees. I'm like supporting my body with one arm. I'm rubbing my clit with the other. My ass is up in the air and I've put my dildo in my vagina. If anyone's listening to this who is family or friends, please pretend we aren't talking about this.
00:48:59
Speaker
So anyway, I had this great orgasm and I was like, okay, I just need to show my body that this feeling can be paired with the other feeling. And I rewired that connection. And obviously what happens next is I'm able to have that orgasm within partnered play with that same, recreating that same sensation. That was like a major win. And if anyone's listening to this who struggles, they can come on their own, but it has a hard time with partnered orgasms. Get creative.
00:49:27
Speaker
see where that block is, see what's happening. And that's when, too, working with step right is really helpful to illuminate to you maybe areas that you could try to support yourself.
00:49:36
Speaker
Yeah. Let's take a second for that to land. Cause I just, wow. Overshared times. I have so many things I want to say, but I was like, I'm not going to interrupt. Calm it down stuff. First of all, thank you for sharing that. I think really important information for women to know. It's also inspiring to hear another woman speak so openly about that, especially somebody who works as a sex coach and having this in mind is super powerful because we do get so stuck in our ways of doing things in one way.
00:50:02
Speaker
And that can affect our ability to reach a climax or experience pleasure in different ways. Just if you are always eating chocolate every day, your body gets used to that. And guess what? You're going to crave chocolate after every single meal because you're programming your body to receive sugar after each meal. That's why also let's tie this into the sleep hygiene.
00:50:21
Speaker
When you have routine every night, that is helpful for you because your brain knows what's coming next. So if you have your nighttime tea, your brain knows nighttime tea, dim lights equals melatonin production in the brain equals going to sleep. So your body is so smart and it's just getting to know your routine. And this is why it's good in many ways to shake up your routines so that you're not just going through life like a robot, but same thing when it comes to orgasm and sex, your body just gets used to.
00:50:51
Speaker
this one way. And so mixing it up I think is super inspiring. And now I'm inspired to do a little self pleasure doggy style. It's so fun to instance I've been what I was sharing earlier about the fitness since I've been working on my cardio health and just like being able to hold postures for longer and just feeling stronger in my arms like
00:51:12
Speaker
I am feeling more creative and that feels so exciting. Usually when I'm going to self pleasure, I'm laying on my back and I'm like tired and it's in a sleepy mode and it's getting that orgasm just to feel like nourishment, but from a very like yin state. And I was like, Oh, what would it feel like to play with the yang here? What would it feel like to take a different posture? And that was so helpful for my body. So yeah, we create these
00:51:32
Speaker
neural pathways, but also the muscle memory within our body when we're coming a lot of people to where however you learn to masturbate as a child and your patterns around that can then come into your sex life. Yeah, that's another thing of like when working with us is helpful for the stories and relationships that we have to sex. Yeah, that's that.
00:51:50
Speaker
I'll speed through the other two things. My thorn. I don't know if I really have a thorn from this past quarter. I guess struggling to orgasm and then I found the solution which was super great but for a while there was just a bit like missing the mark and that didn't feel very good. It felt like it re-brought up some stuff. Oh my body doesn't work or...
00:52:10
Speaker
this, that, and the other thing. And that was a bit crunchy. And Bud, I feel really excited about just a sexy, playful summer. I feel like I'm going to try some new things, do some new experiences, learn some new things. And that feels like just so expensive and exciting. And I know Steph and I are going to do some stuff together and some workshops and play around and just
00:52:29
Speaker
See what I don't know yet. I love it. I love it. I also want to celebrate, I don't think I mentioned this, but your share, your awareness and just the experience that can occur when you have the courage to really meet your triggers and meet your trauma with
00:52:47
Speaker
loving presence with kindness with acceptance and with curiosity what can alchemize and be transmuted to then experience the most amazing sexual experience like that is what's possible and that's such a metaphor for life when you can hold yourself in that space and invite your partner into that being super fucking vulnerable so much magic comes out of that you just have to have the courage to really go through it and it is very scary like revealing
00:53:16
Speaker
triggers and revealing trauma and past experiences and taking that responsibility, I think is very inspiring. So thank you for sharing that. Yeah, I think that was one of the big takeaways I learned from that experience too. And that bump in the road was like, I was really guarded. Like I was really guarding my heart and I wasn't really revealing and I thought I was. And so I was desiring this depth and this devotional sex, but like I wasn't even offering it. Like I wasn't even available for it. I wasn't showing up in that way. And then when I was, I didn't have the choice, but to be like so raw,
00:53:45
Speaker
That allowed him to see me in a different light and allowed the relationship to shift into a deeper depth because there was more understanding, more love, more presence, more, yeah, like the heart walls were down. So yeah, beautiful. That's such a beautiful place to be relating from. So I'm celebrating that for you. Oh, I love it.
00:54:04
Speaker
So for me, my rose in sex and intimacy, let's be honest, the last three months were pretty uneventful for me. So something that I haven't shared is that when I came out of my relationship, I started dating very soon after.
Embracing Sexual Exploration and Personal Growth
00:54:26
Speaker
It felt really...
00:54:28
Speaker
true for me that I needed to get out into the dating world to experience, to explore and to see what was out there. And I'm so grateful that I had the most incredible experience dating a really amazing man and he would have no idea how healing that
00:54:46
Speaker
experience was for me and I still think about him with love. I wasn't in love with him by any means, like not at all, but I have love for him as a human because it really was just like everything I needed and so healing for me after like the chaos of the closing of a really long and deep and painful experience that I went through, a breakdown of my marriage essentially and
00:55:12
Speaker
That was just really beautiful. And so I was exploring and had this incredible experience with this man that I think was necessary for me to not develop.
00:55:23
Speaker
resentment towards the masculine to not develop these like walls and barriers and categorizing all men into a certain way of being which just to like share I don't see my ex in that way at all like I have so much love for him and we were in a great space and have a good dynamic and our friends on good terms and all of that but still as human beings are
00:55:46
Speaker
body, our mind can create stories, we create meaning out of things. And I was very aware that could have happened had I not gone into dating right away. So anyway, that was what I did. And I was interacting with men and going out on dates and exploring and experiencing all of that and into January. So I was in a dynamic with a different guy, ended it with that amazing guy because it was no longer aligned moving forward and I didn't want to hurt him. So I was closed that out and then got into a dynamic with another guy.
00:56:16
Speaker
This is funny talking about, but yeah, basically I entered this dynamic and it was really fun. It was really hard. It was really great until it was no longer for me and no longer felt true and aligned. So I closed that out right before my retreat in January because I was like, I don't want to take this dynamic going forward. And what I will share as well, which was really interesting for me because I've been in relationships for such a long time, basically my entire twenties, I was in long-term partnership.
00:56:44
Speaker
And I hadn't had the experience, especially with this embodied awareness and experience of being super deeply in my sexual expression and connected with my sexual energy and power and womanhood of having a more casual sexual dynamic with someone. So it was really interesting to me. My body was constantly sending me cues. And this is the great thing when you're dating and relating with this connection that
00:57:08
Speaker
You don't have to analyze things in your mind. You just know when something is not feeling right, when something is no longer aligned, when you need to have a conversation. And I really appreciate that. And I'm actually finding dating and relating kind of fun, of course, as like.
00:57:23
Speaker
shit that comes up and all of the things. But with this dynamic that I was in, I noticed that when it was starting to come towards the end and I was umming and auring a little bit in my head of do I end this before going away on my retreat or part of me was like, but it's really fun and he's really sexy and hot. So do I want to the mind and the ego is keep doing it anyway. But I started to not be able to orgasm as easily. And I started to notice it felt more challenging, which isn't
00:57:49
Speaker
for me, is not something that I've typically experienced. For me, it's been relatively easy for me to orgasm with a partner overall. But I noticed because there was this lack of security and lack of real depth in the dynamic and lack of emotional safety, because when you're in that kind of dynamic, even though there's open communication, I still didn't know when it was going to end. I didn't know if he was something you were like, I don't want to see you anymore. There was not that certainty as they're just
00:58:18
Speaker
in some ways can't be in a casual dynamic, especially the one I was in. Anyway, so I just wanted to share that that was really interesting to me, like to notice that the lack of emotional safety coming up in my body and it was affecting my pleasure that I was experiencing. So that to me was like, if I'm no longer receiving this immense amount of pleasure and really enjoying and finding this a satisfying experience, why would I continue in this dynamic? So I ended that dynamic and
00:58:43
Speaker
I really needed time fully by myself. So pretty much for the last three months, I knew that I needed to not be on any apps, not be going on dates, and to just have time to myself to go into deeper level of healing. So I'm going through everything. But I think that was a thorn for me because I was missing male attention, to be honest. That interaction and that masculine presence in my life, I've had that for so long. And to not have that and to be in the void was
00:59:07
Speaker
Challenging at times at the same time. It felt really good because I've had a lot going on in my life and it was nice to just have all of my energy and attention and focus on me and not Worrying or like thinking about dating or men because it is like a full-time job like it does take up a lot of energy And resources and I think you have to be in a space where you can give that so for me It was going inward and really healing and so there's really nothing interesting else to report from the last few months apart from
00:59:34
Speaker
It was very non-sexual and for me, and I'm tying this into both here, but I even had a phase like I shared in all areas. It was just a challenging time for me in so many ways that I just lost connection as well with my self pleasure practice. And I really was not self-pleasuring much at all over those few months. So I think the thorn was doing the work that we do and sharing
01:00:00
Speaker
about sex and the power of self-pleasure and guiding clients through things and then feeling like I'm disconnected from my own self-pleasure practice can feel like a little bit sticky because it's am I being in integrity? Am I truly embodying what I'm sharing? So that was definitely a challenge for me but also it was just necessary the phase I was in and having the awareness and trusting that once I was like feeling that fire coming back in and that
01:00:26
Speaker
clarity and awakening in my sacral chakra, then it all came back to me and that's the phase. That's what I'm excited for now because I feel like that's been reawakened and I can feel that sexual aliveness is back and I'm seeing that in my creativity. My creativity is finally back and finally feeling inspired again and obviously it's all tied together. So I'm super excited for that and just to feel that blossom and
01:00:50
Speaker
But in my self-pleasure practice, I have had, I wouldn't say it wasn't self-pleasuring at all. It just was like less frequent, not as regular for sure. And I think there can be shame that comes up around that when you are sharing this work. Like, I've got to feel sexy all the time. I've got to be touching myself all the time. I've got to be having these amazing orgasms. And it's just not always going to be that way. And that's okay. And we have ebbs and flows. We're all fucking human at the end of the day. So that's fit for me. And I think I'm now
01:01:17
Speaker
just like you Jenna and we've talked about this, I'm ready for a sexy summer. I am ready to really explore more sexually, explore worlds that I don't know. There's still so much that I want to dive into and you don't know what you don't know. Like the more that you come into this world, the more that you realize there's so much deeper you can go and so much more you can evolve and experience more.
01:01:43
Speaker
sexual liberation and empowerment and i'm really excited to go on that journey this summer i have a very clear intention and i don't know what that's going to look like and i'm so so open to allow that to unfold and that's really exciting for me and i think i'm at the point where i feel like these three months were really necessary for me to pour all of that energy back in and i feel like the results in every area of life have really
01:02:08
Speaker
being a result of me pouring all back into myself. And now I'm at the phase where I feel like my next level of growth and expansion is being in a dynamic with somebody else and whatever form that may take, because we do need to have other people in our lives to reveal things to us. The trigger that you experienced that wouldn't have come up if you were not in relationship with someone else.
01:02:31
Speaker
And I think that's really beautiful and powerful and I'm ready to grow more and explore more. And I'm not seeking this continual healing journey. I really just want to be focused on living life, but also I'm excited to be in different dynamics and just have different parts of myself shown and see where I can release even more and come back to my true nature.
01:02:50
Speaker
grow and evolve as a person and become the best version of myself, which I know shows up in dynamics with other people.
Conclusion and Invitation to Share Experiences
01:02:57
Speaker
So yeah, that's what I'm excited for. I'm ready for men, money, multiple orgasms, and a sexy summer.
01:03:04
Speaker
Yes. Oh, I love that. I'm excited to explore it with you and yeah, to witness what happens next and where you go next. And I love the adventure of it all. I think what your share about being in a season where it's a lower in self pleasure and lower and outward sexual pleasure, I think I just wanted to reflect back to you that to me, your share didn't sound like it was disengaged or what was the word you use? Disconnected? Disconnected? It sounds like it was honoring it.
01:03:31
Speaker
It sounds like you were showing up to honor the season that you were in and our bodies when we're in survival mode, we're not going to be very overly sexual when we're working on other areas of our life like that is something we're not thinking about procreating when we're struggling to Yeah, right. So that's just a natural flow of it and I think for us all to be able to witness when you're just honoring the season that you're in and sourcing pleasure and
01:03:57
Speaker
morning cacao or a walk or cuddle in bed with the dogs or a dance or just holding your body or holding your breasts like whatever it is that's maybe not so overtly sexual that's still beautifully pleasure oriented and that is still a self-pleasure practice it just maybe doesn't have that sexual flavor and that palpable buzzy energy to it but it's still beautiful I just wanted to
01:04:23
Speaker
Thank you. Yeah, that's really, yeah, I really appreciate that reflection and it's so true and it was a really deep sense of honouring and I'm also excited that phase is in the past because I'm a very turned on human being. I am a very sexual person and it feels weird to me when I have
01:04:42
Speaker
low or less desire, like low libido. I'm not feeling like random spurts of turn on. I do get spontaneous desires and it makes me feel really alive as a woman. It makes me feel really powerful. And she's back bitches. She's back. Let me tell you like the last ovulation a couple of weeks ago, I was like a feral animal. I was so turned on. I was like, fuck, what am I gonna do with this sexual energy? I'm like,
01:05:12
Speaker
I need something to relieve this soap. Anyway, I'm not gonna go. Yes, I remember that well. Share the next one. We'll share the next one. Okay, next quarter recap's gonna be juicy, people.
01:05:28
Speaker
Oh shit, you guys are not gonna be able to wait for the next... It's gonna be eventful. I feel like it's going to be juicy, spicy, turned on, sexy. Yeah, it's gonna be hot. Yes.
01:05:47
Speaker
Where are we at? I've got super distracted. I think we're wrapping things up. We've did all the areas. Yeah. So is there anything else around the self pleasure? What are you most excited to explore? Is there something specifically that you're setting an intention for this next quarter around self pleasure, around sex, around intimacy that you're like, yeah, I want to try this. Maybe it's a position or a toy or.
01:06:11
Speaker
a fetish or a kink. I do think I want to continue with self-pleasuring in different postures. I think I want to just practice that energy and that body memory of being able to reach orgasm in different positions rather than just my back. That is one of my major intentions. And my other is to start exploring more intentionally some conscious kink and some BDSM dynamics as
01:06:31
Speaker
I'm realizing how much of an interest that is to me. And I'm really starting to claim my bisexuality in a way of this feels so exciting. Yesterday I dressed in a way that was like just so I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, yeah, I just feel I like girls and boys. And that felt so exciting to me. Playing with that a little, maybe inviting some a third into my partnership and just exploring what it means to
01:06:59
Speaker
Yeah, navigate queerness with less shame and guilt and bullshit on top of it. And just from a really pleasure centered space. That's what's next.
01:07:09
Speaker
I love this. I am so excited for you to see. I can't wait to hear what unfolds for you over the next few months. I am seconding that that I'm really desiring to explore more of the world of kink and BDSM and explore on a deeper level different dynamics because I'm just so excited. I'm so ready for that. It feels so true and so alive for me to
01:07:37
Speaker
enter more deeply into that world going from this almost like it's felt safe for this like sacred sexuality space into let's get into the kinky stuff. I also want to explore more Tantra with a really safe embodied deeply masculine partner and with that my intention is to have true otherworldly alien sex.
01:08:04
Speaker
which is essentially to me is like that really deeply energetic tantric, like, woo, like powerful, connected, deep, emotional, sensual, spiritual, we're in another dimension, which to me is very different from the kink and the BDSM world, but maybe you can have all of it together. I don't know because I haven't gone deep enough into that.
01:08:30
Speaker
world so that's my intention and on another note I was talking with a friend the other day one of my good friends just bought her good friend got engaged and her engagement present was a butt plug to her friend and I was like this is the fucking best so she bought herself a butt plug and she bought her friend a butt plug for engagement present I was like that is such a legendary present gift something that I want to get back into is playing with my
01:08:58
Speaker
because I haven't used that in a long time. And yeah, I'm really excited to bring that in. And I think for my own practice, I am excited to be more untamed and wild and primal in my own pleasure practice. So rather than being like,
01:09:17
Speaker
I can be pretty wild, but rather than it being like, Oh, I'm going to have a tame pleasure practice. I'm going to be like, I'm going to dress up for myself and I'm going to seduce myself and turn myself on and have this wild experience in my own self pleasure.
01:09:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited. I did this the other day. It was a full moon in Scorpio and I felt like doing some feminine body flow, which I've been maybe like a little bit disconnected from that practice for a while. And I was doing it and then I was like, Oh, I'm going to put black lingerie on. And then I was like.
01:09:49
Speaker
dancing in the mirror and I was videoing myself and I was like, this feels so good. And I'm like, I wanna do more of that because it feels so good and I'm not gonna wait to be in a dynamic with someone else to be doing that. And the way you get more comfortable showing that vulnerable side of yourself, that untamed, wild, fully self express side is by getting more and more comfortable seeing yourself in that light and seeing yourself in that way. So I'm super excited for that to just have fun and be really sexual with myself and playing in these different
01:10:18
Speaker
Yeah, and I love video I love videoing myself. It's like, yeah, yeah, it's super fun for me. So yes, gonna be doing more of that. That's me. Anything else? Yeah, more fun playful. I think to it's a beautiful container to explore something new if you are nervous, especially for anal play for
01:10:37
Speaker
People who maybe are worried about what that's going to look like or feel like, I think playing on your own in self pleasure is a beautiful way to then bring that before bringing into partnership so your body knows what to expect and then you know what to expect and you're used to a sensation or experience. But stuff is actually on my wish list as well recently so I love that we're in alignment, you, me and your friend.
01:11:00
Speaker
Of course. Obviously. Yeah, I really agree with that. I think that's absolutely the way I would encourage and I do encourage my clients and friends as well to explore is
01:11:12
Speaker
take something into your own play first. That was the way I got into butt plugs. I bought a butt plug. I was with my previous partner. I tried it by myself and then I was like, okay, I now know what to expect, how to put it in, like how turned out I need to be, like the lube, how it comes out, what it looks like when it comes out, all of the things that you just don't
01:11:33
Speaker
know when you're doing something for the first time, especially using a new toy or tool like a butt plug or a glass dildo. You don't want to be taking that into your partnership right away. Maybe some people do and feel comfortable in that dynamic, but that for me is not the way that I operate. I love to bring things into my own practice, feel comfortable and confident. I know what I'm doing here because it's important for me to master my own body first before I go into a different dynamic with someone else and take that in. Yeah. Then once I mastered the butt plug, I started to explore with it in sex and
01:12:01
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely, if you like to feel like full, you like to feel stuff full, then it's for you. But don't knock it until you've tried it, I would say. Just make sure that you use a lot of lube for butt stuff and make sure you're using like a butt plug that has like a stopper so it doesn't get sucked up in there because that could be danger. It's very much required for anything anal. Okay, people.
01:12:28
Speaker
Lube required and I stop her on the end. Listen to Dr. Janna. A flared base. Otherwise you will end up in the ER with a uncomfortable story to tell.
01:12:42
Speaker
Okay. And no, you didn't slip and end up on a cucumber. Wait, a cucumber could get sucked up there. Yeah, yeah. Whole cucumber. A piece could break off and then a bit. You would be surprised with what people come to the ER with in their asshole. Up in their colon, so.
01:13:03
Speaker
Just be safe, right? Oh my God. That's absolutely terrifying and mortifying to even think about. On the contrary, women who have vaginas and cervix and uterus, nothing can be getting sucked up in there. So you don't have to, you can put the only egg up in there or you can put.
01:13:24
Speaker
safe tools and ones, but it's not going to get lost. The worst thing is you're going to have to get a little intricate and intimate with your fingers swirling up in there to go scoop something out. But we don't have to be worried about something getting sucked up into the uterus or the ovaries. Yeah, that's just a different story.
01:13:47
Speaker
Oh my god, I love you. Okay, is there anything, final thoughts, things that you want to share, say, or have you said enough? Have you said enough? I think I've said enough. I love you. Thank you for listening to this podcast. I appreciate it. And yeah, I feel you feel expanded or excited or reflecting on your own life in a way that's making you feel excited about the next quarter.
01:14:11
Speaker
Love it. Let us know your reflections, everybody. We would love to hear. We've shared pretty openly, pretty candidly with you all. You've got to know intricate details about our sex life or non-existent sex life in my case. And you have learned things about us. So if you listen to this, let us know that you've listened to this. Unless you are like family, don't let us know. I'd rather not know.
01:14:36
Speaker
Yeah, send me a DM, send me a voice note. Me and Steph love voice notes, so sign all your reflections. I welcome them, and my inbox is open, so come cheer. Come on in. Come on in, baby!
01:14:52
Speaker
Yeah, please share with those. It really means a lot. We know you loved the last two conversations. We hope you loved this one just as much. I'll add the links to the previous two podcasts that Jenna and I did together so that you can dive into those. Because if you love this, you will absolutely love those as well. And we'll see you back here at the end of Q2 for some spicy, sexy updates. And we hope that you get some more spice and juice and wetness and aliveness in your own life. And if you don't and you're going through a period of struggle, it's OK.
01:15:22
Speaker
Just honor the season of life that you're in and we're here to support you. So we will see you again in a few months. Thanks all for being here, for listening. Hope you enjoyed this and have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye.