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2026? I Hardly 2025-er! (Year End Retrospective Special!)
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In this very special episode of Friendless, join host James Avramenko in a look back on the year that was 2025. He reflects on the highs and lows of the past year. James opens up about his medical leave, mental health, and the complexities of dealing with burnout. He discusses guest highlights, including interviews with Dean Spade and Dust Kwaine, and shares his thoughts on the current state of friendship in culture. James also provides recommendations for books, movies, and music that defined his year and announces exciting new plans for 2026, including monthly live episodes with local authors. Tune in for an honest and insightful look back at 2025 and a glimpse into what's coming next.
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Books Mentioned:
Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin
Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma - Claire Dederer
Penance - Eliza Clark
Ten Bridges I’ve Burnt: A Memoir in Verse - Brontez Purnell
The Children of Jocasta - Natalie Haynes
The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper - Hallie Rubenhold
Follow me on StoryGraph: https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/javramenko
Movies Mentioned:
Sinners
Final Destination: Bloodlines
One Battle After Another
Eddington
28 Years Later
Follow me on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/anaveragemango/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Episode Overview
00:00:08
Speaker
Well, hey there, sweet peas. Welcome back to Friendless. I'm your long lost host, James Avramenko. And this week we're doing a very special 2025 retrospective episode. We're going to be looking back on the year that was the highs, the lows, the liminal in-betweens, all the funny, awkward moments that we still have yet to figure out. We're going to look at guest highlights, the current mental state of the host. the current state of friendship in culture. I'm going to give a roundup of my favorite books, movies, music of the year, and then we're going to cap it off with an exciting announcement of what's coming down the pipeline for 2026. So it's time to lean back, get comfy, set your volume at a reasonable level, and let's get into it.
00:00:48
Speaker
2025 is officially in the can. Congratulations, everybody. We made
James's Medical Leave and Mental Health
00:00:53
Speaker
it. I thought I would, you know, kick things off with a little bit of an update ah for for listeners who might be wondering where I've been. um You know, I realize I kind of just like dropped off the face of the earth there for a little bit. But realistically, I kind of needed to.
00:01:07
Speaker
I have been on a extended medical leave since about mid-September. was on the cusp of a pretty monumental... We'll call it a menti bee at work and my day job. And my doctor said, hey, maybe you should take a little breather. So but that's what I did. um And in doing so and kind of stepping back from my work, I also felt the need to step back from from kind of everything and just sort of let myself breathe and let myself recharge.
00:01:39
Speaker
I try to avoid sort of ah stock terms as much as I can, so I tend to try to avoid things like burnout or whatever, but the truth the matter is I don't think I can really talk about it without talking about that. The thing is that i in in my... personal experience, I feel like the word is, I wouldn't say misused so much as misunderstood and and more so about sort of not only the factors that come to bear to exacerbate it, but also the factors on sort of how we get out of it. Because the truth of the matter is that um
00:02:15
Speaker
I don't see a sort of a roadmap. It's not a puzzle to be solved. And there isn't really like, oh, you're feeling this, just do this and this and this, and then you're okay. Because, you know, there's sort of no way to, ah ah I guess the words sort of tangibly ah rebuild energy levels ah when you are surrounded by
Critique on Self-Sufficiency and Work Culture
00:02:44
Speaker
capitalism. hu
00:02:45
Speaker
I put out a TikTok recently that talked very briefly about this idea of like, there's no way to self-soothe your way out of poverty. And and I'm really... stuck on that idea. and And, you know, I just see it everywhere. You know, part of my part of my day job was to to do career development and seeing all these young kids with with all the skills and all the talent and all the ability who just wanted an opportunity. And and if they got it, they would just work themselves to death and and and for nothing, for no return, for no benefit. And and that that lie that has been passed on to us about, you know, just make yourself irreplaceable. There's there's no such thing anymore. And and so ah regrettably, I'm starting the episode on a soapbox. um But I just, you know, I have hit a a point of feeling like it's futile. um or at least i was in that place in september i was feeling like there was no amount of work i could do there was no amount of effort i could put in that would uh be noticed or recognized or or uh valued in any capacity um and i was uh looking for
00:04:02
Speaker
oh, we'll call it a variety of escape
Avoiding Burnout and Modeling Behavior
00:04:05
Speaker
routes. um Some more permanent than others. um So i I got some help. I took my my breather. I'm still on the break um for the foreseeable future, but I am also at a place where, you know, I need to be doing something creative. I need to be expressing myself. And this is the... arena to do that so i'm back and uh i'm really excited to be doing so um and like look i'm sorry to just gloss over that part and and not really provide any concrete uh uh what do you call it uh constructive but you know uh steps of what we could do and also i don't mean to gloss over what could
00:04:50
Speaker
likely be heard as pretty heavy uh admissions um but i just i just uh i want you to know i'm okay i'm safe everything's okay um and and also um you know when it comes to this idea of of sort of where does burnout begin um i think the simple act of um gratitude really uh needs to be um pushed more and not gratitude for the job, but gratitude from the job. That's where I'm coming from these days. And I don't really want to spend more time on that than I need to. But because, you know, how do you get shitheads to be thankful for the people that they're exploiting?
00:05:33
Speaker
I don't know. And I don't feel like bashing my head against that brick wall ah ah but anytime soon or or for for much more time let's say um but it said you know uh i want to talk about the show because uh i've been reflecting on it and um i just had an absolutely incredible year even though it for me felt like it kind of might have ended with a little bit of a wet fart the the the year itself was absolutely monumental
00:06:07
Speaker
I had just some absolutely incredible interviews.
2025 Highlights and Meaningful Work
00:06:11
Speaker
I listened back through the season and was just constantly blown away by the the sheer magic of of the batch of guests that I got on.
00:06:21
Speaker
You know, kicking things off with a guest like Dean Spade, who I still, you know, months later after talking, am just like vibrating from not only the excitement and the the honor but um just the wisdom that came out of that episode um what a a monumental perspective um that he brings to to the work that he's doing and how in important uh the work that he does is um if you haven't yet please you know, listen to the episode, but more than that, buy a copy of Love in a Fucked Up World. He's got a brand new updated version of Mutual Aid coming out shortly. Make sure you buy it directly from him so that the funds go directly to the people who are doing the work and just, you know, keep showing up. I think often about what he talked about, about, um you know,
00:07:19
Speaker
There aren't more or less hours in the day for us than there were for people who have done every single thing in the past. No matter what it is, we've all been working with the same amount of time. And and this this idea of showing up, but more so, I think it bleeds into this idea of accountability and not letting yourself off the hook.
00:07:42
Speaker
That doesn't mean flagellate yourself. That doesn't mean overexert yourself and burn yourself out. What it means to me is this idea of if there is something that you want to do, find ways to do it within your bandwidth, you know? um And don't wait for someone else to do it for you.
00:08:03
Speaker
That was actually kind of echoed a little bit in a separate guest with Dust Quinn, where we talked about, you know, i asked them um some of my sort of tentpole boilerplate questions, and I continue to be so struck by the way that they answered because they sort of technically didn't. And I love that so much because...
00:08:24
Speaker
What they did instead was was point out that these these I was asking for a prescription for something that doesn't have a one size fits all answer.
00:08:38
Speaker
um And instead, it's about what works for you. um And so, you know, it it was a nice reminder of actually something that I try really hard to do with the show, but just every once for a while need a reminder of, which is, you know, this isn't a self-help. This isn't, you know, Mel Robbins huckster shit. This isn't like, if you do this, you'll be rich or whatever the fuck, right? Like this is this is the brain and there isn't one answer to it. and And something that, you know, I know I respond much more strongly to And I try to embody in in my behavior going forward is is this idea of modeling behavior, showing rather than telling, which I think gets really showcased in my episodes with, you know, guests like Lee, guests like Gavin, guests like Tessa, you know, these these guests who are dear friends of mine who we're not sitting down and talking about, you know, how is it that we are good friends? We're just showing what a good friendship sounds like.
00:09:41
Speaker
I feel like these episodes really remind me that you can't really tell anyone what to do. And I think that this is one of the great sort of failings of the internet is is we get on our little soapboxes and we tell everybody else what to do, but we don't necessarily do it ourselves. And I think that that's, you know, but that's been part of the course for human nature, you know, human history. I just think it's very um predominant and very visible today online. is this idea of you know rules for thee, not for me.
00:10:13
Speaker
um and And I think the way that we can truly, if if your objective is to um you know change people's behavior, the way you do that is by changing your own and showing that there's this other way. You don't tell them to do it. You just you you do it for yourself. And then if somebody asks, then you say, well, this is the way I do it. I don't know. Try it out.
00:10:38
Speaker
And I think that that's one of the biggest sort of themes that I'm proudest of from this batch of interviews is this way of sort of modeling um the way I'm living my life. And it might not necessarily work for for ah other people. Hey, it doesn't always work for me, you know, um but it's it's what I got right now.
00:11:01
Speaker
And and rather than sitting down and walking people through it, I'm trying my best to just show this is this is how I ask questions. This is how I listen. This is how I show up, whatever it might be. Right.
00:11:12
Speaker
In listening back to some of the kind of more kind of hidden gems, I guess, you know, some of the episodes that I'm extremely proud of, but feel like didn't necessarily get the attention they deserved.
Personal Growth and Accountability
00:11:23
Speaker
Guests like Zazu Payne, Nicole Thompson, Florence Romano.
00:11:27
Speaker
These were episodes that talked about a few different things in in a variety of angles, but really, For me, parts that really stood out was this idea of how do we choose meaning? um and And so many of these guests were so brave in sharing stories of their own personal fuck-ups, you know? What did they learn from ineffective choices? And how did they adjust in order to develop a more authentic connection going forward? And that is such a deep value for me these days is this idea of accountability, you know, and not just playing the victim, not just saying it's somebody else's fault, why everything is wrong with my life. um Yes, people do harm. And also, um you know, you play a part within the the narrative, within the structure. That doesn't mean you asked for it. That doesn't mean, you know, whatever. What it means is there are situations where you have um ownership and it's far more beneficial for you to accept that ownership and work with it rather than try and sort of shirk the responsibilities onto somebody else.
00:12:35
Speaker
it kind of it's It's like this idea that you know where we all are as a society is not the responsibility ah of one or two or three people. It's every single person who lives within that society. We all bear a level of responsibility for the state of the world today.
00:12:54
Speaker
Yes, some people bear a greater responsibility in certain facets, but that doesn't exonerate us from our own responsibility. um and And I've started thinking of it like, you know, the old game is finding a scapegoat.
00:13:09
Speaker
Right. Whether it's whether it's, you know, a minority, whether it's, ah but ah you know, the rich, the poor, the the gay, whatever, whoever it is to blame. Right. Whether it's just, you know, my coworker, my boss, my sister, my who whoever, you know, finding a scapegoat and hitting the fault on them. So that's the old game.
00:13:32
Speaker
And to me, the new game, the game I want to play, the game I want to be a part of is asking what part did I play and how can I adjust that going forward? Not only for my own benefit, which it will have, but also for the people around me. We are seeing that the need for authentic community is more dire than ever before. We are segmented, we are isolated, we are algorithmatized, and we are not seeing the real world. And we only do that by first asking, how is it we're behaving and how can we go forward?
00:14:11
Speaker
It's sort of like, is it self versus community or self and community? But I just realized I have inadvertently slipped right into the hypocrisy of saying, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just, you know, but I'm just just trying to wax philosophical here, people. OK.
00:14:27
Speaker
And you know what? On that note, I'm actually going shift over to a little bit more of a personal reflection of sort of how 2025 went for me, as some of the the improvements, some of the reoccurring struggles, and some of the practices and tools that that really stuck and really
Therapy and Lifestyle Changes
00:14:45
Speaker
helped.
00:14:45
Speaker
For me, the biggest game changer was completing my DBT group therapy. um I have never had a more radical eye-opening experience than that, uh, program. I don't think I could be more grateful to, um, the Vancouver health, but what's called Vancouver coastal health, uh, program. And, uh, the, the people who led, um, led that program as well as, uh, the people who attended it with me, that group was incredible. And I just remain so, so grateful for it. Um, and those tools have been such a radical transformation of how I show up for myself, how I show up for my community, for the people around me, to the point where I'm actually planning on finally making good on my long-threatened DBT mini-season on the show. That's going to be coming out starting in February. I'm going to be breaking down... You know, it's not going to be one of those, like, just ah sterile step-by-steps. It's more about...
00:15:49
Speaker
storytelling lived experience with sort of like what could I have done with the tools type things so that's going coming down the pipeline I could not be more excited about that another big shift was that this year I finally ah went vegan and I couldn't be prouder of it but my My partner who I've been dating ah going on almost a year now um finally convinced me of it, and I just could not be more relieved to have finally taken the plunge. You know, I think people have ah a misconception of what vegan food means. You know, vegan isn't just like all you can eat is kale. um You know, Oreos are vegan.
00:16:30
Speaker
You know, Sour Patch Kids are vegan, right? um um You know, nachos. Anyway, whatever. um um You know, I just, it really, for me, it got to the point where I could no longer justify participating in the meat industry if I was also actively messaging for, you know, the humane treatment of human life. I felt I had to expand that to the humane treatment of all life. And I just, I, I, it's one of my more hardliner, and I know I'm sounding like a little bit of a vegan born again here, but you know, I just, I can't,
00:17:11
Speaker
ah square those pegs where if somebody is messaging for you know the humane treatment somewhere but they're also eating cheeseburgers it's just those things don't jive for me anymore and and that dietary shift has had a real um energy awakening for me um Of course, you know, the other side is that there is a struggle with diet shifts as well as, you know, my continued sobriety. I hit two years sober and, you know, I will always be very vocal about the importance of sobriety and the importance of these dietary choices and also acknowledging that they are incredibly isolating and incredibly lonely. you know, tell somebody you're a sober vegan and watch their eyes glaze over while also somehow simultaneously seeing their like shoulders, then their hackles perk up as if like they both want nothing to do with you, but they can't wait to fight you for some unknown reason. Yeah.
00:18:10
Speaker
But I also feel like these are both really good examples of things that um have a lot of short-term pain for long-term gain. You know, um i i you know look, I'm always going to say, get sober if you want to in whatever capacity you want. But I also, you know, I don't personally really believe in those kind of like...
00:18:34
Speaker
October type things or dry November or whatever it might be, because for me, the real benefits of sobriety didn't really kick in for like six or seven months, you know. um And so yeah to me, it's like you really have to commit to the bit to actually see any of the the benefits because it's really fucking hard. And, um um you know, as as is point, I've been trying to quit vaping for the last couple of months and not having the same results, that's for sure. ah But but, you know, to to to truly dedicate yourself self to something like that. is extremely difficult and extremely painful. But you will eventually, or at least I have eventually, come out the other side and found the people that I needed, not the people I thought I needed.
Friendship Trends for 2026
00:19:26
Speaker
Now, I guess I can kind of use that as a little bit of a segue into, I don't want to spend a ton of time because, you know, this is kind of a useless segment I just thought would be kind of funny. But I thought I would kind of like open up the the rumination floodgates of and sort of ask myself, like, what does friendship look like in 2025 going into 2026? And I think that that is one of those questions that can't possibly have one singular answer. but um But I have been noticing certain trends that I wanted to kind of highlight and amplify because I think that they are really beneficial and really effective choices that I know I've been...
00:20:04
Speaker
practicing in my own life and I think we'll be gaining some traction as as the as time goes on. So one of the big focuses for me this year was this idea of effective communication. um You know, we all have different wants and different needs and we can all show up with different varieties of skill and, you know, ability and and bandwidth and all the rest. um So what I've tried to do is really kind of interrogate what are the ways that I value people showing up? How do I feel connected? How do I feel loved? How do I yada, yada, yada? What I then do is I try to do that for others, but I don't do it quietly. I don't do it in that kind of like, maybe it'll pick up on that, you know, um, basically what I do is, um, I, I try to model it and then I try to call it out from there. Um, so it's this idea of like, for me, a value is, uh, uh, contact is, is reaching out, is checking in, is, is
00:21:11
Speaker
planning stuff these kinds of things um and you know i don't always take the landing on that but that's that's a value mind that i work towards um so what i will do is i will um i'll basically i'll plan something i'll i'll reach out i'll say hey but how you been do you want to do this yada yada um But then during that hangout, I'll say, hey, you know, this is a way that I really value connection. Is it something that you can possibly reciprocate? And and i and I try really hard to not frame it around a need.
00:21:46
Speaker
um I think we often mistake wants with needs. I think that is just the nature of a consumerist society that makes us think we need needs.
00:21:56
Speaker
a new iPad every year or, you know, that another pair of pants or another pair shoes or whatever it might be when we want it, we don't necessarily need it. So, so I try to frame it with as little pressure as possible and as little shame as possible. And as you know, and just saying like, yeah, these are the things I respond to. you If you can, awesome. If you can't, let's find a balance. You know, if somebody can't show up for you, that doesn't mean they're an evil, you know, malignant vindictive person. It just means they can't show up that way. Right.
00:22:24
Speaker
Building out from that is this sort of idea of what have I been observing online? What are the conversations I've been seeing in social media? And and truthfully, I've been a lot less active online this year than in previous years. I started to really kind of realize that.
00:22:40
Speaker
You know, the one of the core values of this show is kind of inherently anti-social media. um You know, I don't have some kind of polished media plan, and i likely never will. That's just kind of not what the show is about. But what I do observe is is these conversations around authenticity, as we talk about connection, but also there's there's this, you know, you've probably heard it bandied around this idea of the loneliness epidemic. and I think that this ties into what I'm trying to scratch at is this idea of people are lonely for a myriad of reasons, ah some socially imposed, some it personally imposed. and And I think a big part of it is. sitting around waiting for other people to call. um you know Myself, I'm ADHD amongst a myriad of other ah ransom note letters, as I've said before. um ah
00:23:40
Speaker
and And so I don't have object permanence. So I have to really actively work towards remembering that other people exist. And i have I want to offer that same grace to others. You know, if I haven't seen somebody in a while, they probably just forgot I existed because I hang out with a lot of nerd version people. So, you know, I'm trying to give that grace. I think another element of this kind of loneliness thing is this idea of we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. And, you know, you see this most clearly in in these men. This is a tired old trope, but, you know, the nice guy. You know, the the person who who sees themselves as the main character and who thinks that they deserve a thing because they've bought into the narrative of of whatever it might be. But then the moment it doesn't go their way, they dysregulate and they snap and they go really, really intense. And and there's, you know, a much deeper conversation to be had here. i think at the at the surface level, though, it's this idea of expecting others to do the work for them. and not actually investigate themselves. um you know becauses To me, I read these conversations, I see these you know screenshots of texts and yada yada and interactions with these strangers and and and the first reaction almost all the time is, well, you're you're lying to yourself first um because it's, how do put it? Let me frame it like this. The easiest way to not connect to somebody is try to pretend to be the thing you think they want and not just be who you are.
00:25:18
Speaker
And when the masquerade inevitably crumbles because you're pretending to be someone you're not, um that then leads you into like ah emotional dysregulation and you end up using...
00:25:31
Speaker
anger which can be a very helpful emotion in certain situations but in that situation you end up using it in the improper way you transfer your frustration of yourself and your lies onto this other person and you start blaming them and then suddenly you're calling you know women you've never met all kinds of names on the internet.
00:25:52
Speaker
And I recognize, look, that is an extremely reductive, and I i worry that it might be sounding like I'm overly sympathizing um with people who very well could be very dangerous and very well could be causing true, genuine harm. um I think that's a piece of what I'm trying to push towards, though, is, you know,
00:26:19
Speaker
The women being attacked don't owe this person understanding. I think that socially speaking, though, we collectively owe everyone some level of understanding. um Ostracizing somebody, exiling somebody is fast track to radicalizing them. um And instead, I think that a much more effective tactic is to ah get to the bottom of where is this dysregulation coming from? What is behind this anger? Why is it that you you feel compelled to to lie and to mask and to pretend and and on on so on and so forth? you know What fantasies have you bought into that aren't being fulfilled?
00:27:04
Speaker
I'm rambling here, um but but um i just I'm endlessly fascinated by this stuff and I think I could kind of pontificate on it for a while, but I won't ah um take up too much more time on the thought, mostly because I derailed myself um and kind of lost my train of thought there.
00:27:23
Speaker
I guess really what it boils down to for me is this idea of I think a lot of the issues we are ah kind of collectively examining, I think we're coming at it from the incorrect angles. And we're coming at it with these intention to separate this intention to fight this intention to push away and push back. When, um, the, for me, the more effective choice is, collectivism, right? Is, is about, okay, how do we, uh, adjust your behavior so that you don't have to be exiled?
00:28:01
Speaker
Um, How do we make sure that that type of behavior isn't acceptable, but you are not banished? Instead, you have the opportunity to to learn and to shift and to grow and to try something new and stay part of the group.
00:28:15
Speaker
Because I think that's where so much of this fear and anxiety comes from is if if you fuck up, then you're out in the cold, right? And the lone wolf dies, you know, despite what all the right-wing memes want to brag about being the lone wolf. The lone wolf dies.
00:28:30
Speaker
Always. um Just like the lone human, you know, we are a we are a tribal, we are a communal monkey, and so we are terrified of being alone.
00:28:41
Speaker
And I think that it is ah part of our personal sort of social responsibility to to try and strengthen that communal bond. um Like, yeah, sure, there are some people who who are more difficult to work with than others. But But theoretically speaking, philosophically speaking, I think that it behooves us to work towards that. um ah But again, that's not on the individual. It's not up to you to fix some other person. It's about collective action, group behavior, um you know, getting people together, collect, you know, not in some kind of like shame session, but in in sort of like how do we um group communicate? I'm bouncing all over the place. Give me a second. I'm going to take a breath.
00:29:32
Speaker
but I guess one of the big positive shifts that I've witnessed that I really want to you know highlight and and encourage ah further engagement with is this idea of getting back to seeing people in person.
The Importance of In-Person Connections
00:29:48
Speaker
We, for years, have... um really at least i know i have really indulged the remote world um and it's an easier commute for work uh it's simpler to just text somebody a meme and these are all really beneficial tools they're beneficial steps but they're not the full picture they're they're they're corner pieces of the puzzle you know and i think the real body of work is showing up in person getting that like skin on skin getting that like close human proximity um and just seeing your friends in real life consistently What consistency means can be anybody's answer, but, you know, not just texting all the time and staying in your little hovel. um
00:30:40
Speaker
I talk often about this idea of there is a big difference between comfort and safety. um Comfort is... a bit of a charade it's it's a bit of a lie it's a it makes you think you're safe when in fact you're just stagnating you know nothing grows in comfort um but it still is safe just because there's pressure on you doesn't mean you're unsafe and i think recognizing the difference between what is comfortable and what is safe is going to be really beneficial
00:31:12
Speaker
And I think I'm seeing more and more people lean into that. You know, it's not always comfortable to have to go outside and see people. It's you know, it's it's a pain in the ass. You know, I live on the other side of the city from most of my friends and nobody's coming out here. Right. So, you know, like, yeah, it sucks. And also it's part of my value system to see people and it's beneficial for me to see people. So I'm going to make it happen.
00:31:35
Speaker
And I think whatever form that takes for you is really important to recognize and to foster is this idea of Whatever it might look like for you, make sure you are mindfully putting in the time and the effort to see people in person. It's it's been a huge help for me. And I think it'll, you know, I know it's it's kind of a bit of a stock, but it's like, come on, like it's the best. ah Great transition, James. ah Speaking of helpful things, I want to talk about the real fun, the real fun and potatoes of 2025.
Book Club and Reading Achievements
00:32:10
Speaker
And that was the the best books that I read this year.
00:32:15
Speaker
And the fun thing is this ties directly into a huge piece of my friend group and, and, and, uh, uh, another kind of, i guess you could call it tactic or behavior or whatever that I implemented this year and really, uh,
00:32:32
Speaker
collectively like the group we all made sure happened consistently and that was we created a book club at the uh the start of of the year it was first it was just uh three of us and then it grew to four and grew to five and by the end of the year there's six of us um and and we made a real point at least once a month we picked a book we read the book we met we talked about it And it became such a foundational element of my year.
00:33:02
Speaker
I can't recommend starting a book club highly enough. Not only does it give you the motivation to read, but also, you know, it's it's a reason to hang. and And it's not just like, it's not just homework, right?
00:33:15
Speaker
Because something that you find when, you know, look, I'm a voracious reader. I'm going to get to it. ah How many books I read this year. Yeah. But so often I'm reading in a vacuum. I read a book, I put it down, i don't ever talk about it, I don't ever think about it again. But with a book club, it encourages you to to engage not only with with what the book meant to you, but to listen to how other people responded to it, what kind of connections they yeah kind of built out of their engagement with the book.
00:33:49
Speaker
and it And it teaches you not only how to, you know, read on a deeper level, but it also teaches you about your friends. You get to hear about, oh, this, you know, this book sparked this memory or or, you know, I didn't like this because or whatever it might be. And so it it fosters this really healthy conversation and you get to you get to learn so much more about the people in your life. And it's an absolute blast.
00:34:16
Speaker
even moments of of disagreement end up being a type of connection because, you know, it gets to show each other that there are there are safe boundaries here, that we we don't have to agree on everything in order to still love each other. And to remember that, you know, conversation,
00:34:37
Speaker
Isn't a fight. I think, you know, another another little tangent. I think we mistake conversation with debate and and far too often we get into conversation with people and we slip into this mindset of I have to win. i have to fight this person with my words. And it's like, no, no, no. You could just listen and who cares if you disagree? um You know, it comes back to that that quote I love.
00:35:03
Speaker
Do you want to be right or do you want to be righteous? You know, you don't have to fight everybody all the time. ah You know, sometimes you can just go huh and then move on. But a quick rundown of some of my personal favorite books this year. So I read a grand total of 86 books this year. Jesus Christ. And that's actually one of my lower years.
00:35:27
Speaker
um Some of the highlights, some of these were read in book club, some of them just by myself, but some of my favorites of the year were Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin. The Five by Hayley Rubenholdt.
00:35:41
Speaker
The Children of Jocasta by Natalie Haynes. I ah love, love, love everything Natalie Haynes writes. Shout out all my Greek myth nerds. Woo!
00:35:53
Speaker
Ten Bridges I've Burnt by Brontes Purnell. Holy... book and ah penance by aliza or eliza clark uh that one is actually especially interesting if you've ever read columbine by dave cullen um it uh penance is a really interesting kind of fictionalized commentary on um true crime and narrative uh non-fiction and and the like uh really really fascinating book I'm never really sure like how exactly to sort of like talk about ah books on on here. I don't want to like just expound on it the way I do on you know everything else. um
00:36:37
Speaker
But... i I feel like all the books, even though they're dealing with radically different subject matter, you know, The Five is about an investigation into the the real biographical lives of the the five canonical Jack the Ripper victims.
00:36:53
Speaker
um Whereas, ah you know, Giovanni's Room is about ah repressed hay man in 1950s Paris. Children of Jocasta is, you know, a retelling of of the the Oedipus legend.
00:37:07
Speaker
Myth? Legend? is it Is there a difference? i don't know. But funny enough, all the books that resonated the most with me, all these listed included, were were the ones that did the thing that I was talking about earlier, which is taking a fresh perspective on things that you might think are cut and dry or simple or you already know the story or or whatever it might be.
00:37:29
Speaker
And ironically, this comes at the exact same time where just earlier today I was thinking about how I'm exhausted by historical hot takes. I'm exhausted by people being like, so-and-so actually was a piece of shit because he this. And it's like, who's this benefiting? You know, like, what who cares?
00:37:47
Speaker
what You know, learn the history. Yes. Study the history, yes. But sort of scoring brownie points, especially kind of like moral or or these kind of like holier-than-thou pot shots at historical figures, like I just, I don't see the benefit of it.
00:38:06
Speaker
but But that's beside the point. What was I saying? You should read more. Read books. Books are great. LeVar Burton, wherever you are, i love you with both feet planted on the ground. Yeah.
00:38:20
Speaker
Oh, oh, one last recommendation. Monsters by Claire Diederer. i probably am saying that wrong. Another perspective of how do we engage with, you know, artists ah who have done horrible things? How do we engage with their art?
00:38:36
Speaker
Fascinating exploration of that. It came out a couple of years ago. I finally got around to it earlier this year. And holy shit, what a read. i'm going to put I'll put ah all the book titles in the show notes for for the episode. So if you're if you didn't catch all the names, I will put a list of them in there. But but yeah, fascinating stuff. Go read a book, you big nerd.
00:39:01
Speaker
um A couple movie highlights and funny enough, again, this links, we're actually planning in 2026, we're going to be expanding our book club into also being a
Favorite Movies and Future Plans
00:39:10
Speaker
movie club. So some of the books we read in the coming year will have had movie adaptations. and I'm also high key pushing for what if we read a movie novelization or two? Because movie novelizations are my favorite thing in the entire world.
00:39:27
Speaker
I know i am mentally ill. It's fine. But but so we're going to be doing kind of ah a pairing of, you know, the book and the movie and yada, yada. So I swear this all fits. I'm not just shoehorning this in.
00:39:38
Speaker
But OK, let's do ah top five in no particular order of movies that came out this year that I liked. No one's got to go to Sinners. That movie ruled. There was so much.
00:39:51
Speaker
ah spit play in that movie god damn uh final destination bloodlines that movie fucking ripped the first 15 minutes were the best it's like the best buster keaton if everything went wrong scenario uh loved it is it buster keaton is that who i'm thinking of think I actually mean Rube Goldberg but I think Buster Keaton did a thing anyway it doesn't matter check it out it's a ton of fun 28 years later hell yes um I didn't think any movie would be better than Eddington um that movie was a
00:40:29
Speaker
fucking masterpiece and I absolutely loved it and did not think the movie like the movies could be topped and then one battle after another came out and I went oh yeah okay there it is you know as they say on one of my favorite movie podcasts movies are so back baby ah this This year, I actually i got one of those Cineplex, I don't know what they're called, passes. you know i get a free movie a month for some exorbitant a amount of money.
00:40:56
Speaker
It would probably be cheaper if I just went bought a ticket, but but it reminds me to go to the movies, and I've been having a real good time. So so there's there's a few recommendations. Again, I'm not going to go much deeper into that. I just I like media.
00:41:11
Speaker
I love ah love I love love me those performing arts or creative arts. Anyway, God, I'm tired. OK, I got to wrap this up soon.
Plans for 2026 and Creative Projects
00:41:20
Speaker
2026 that's where we're going next right i did the i did the calculations right ah oh my god i'm getting fucking loopy here okay so a couple really exciting things are coming down the pipeline i mentioned earlier i'm going to be doing a number of mini seasons uh revolving around kind of a deeper exploration of specific topics the first one is going to be about dbt skills um that's going to be starting in February there will still be the continued interviews of a variety of guests but the big one and the one that I just I'm just so so excited about um i am going to be collaborating with the book warehouse on Maine to be doing a monthly live episode in the store with local authors. We recorded our first kind of like pilot episode um actually back in October with Genki Ferguson and that episode is actually going to be coming out next week. So you'll be able to kind of get a little bit of a taste of more to come. Genki's amazing. It was such a blast chatting with him. But shout out Debbie at the book warehouse. Because this is essentially her brainchild. I was in there one day, we got chatting and she just threw out, you know, yeah would you ever want to record a podcast here? And I was like, fuck yeah, I would. ah So we're making it happen. um So so yeah, once a month. will be and it'll be recorded live so you'll be able to watch it right as it's being recorded and it'll be local authors we won't be just talking about their books but we'll be talking about a a myriad of other kind of elements around the themes that those books explore things around anger management themes around unhoused the the drug crisis and around you know community care mutual aid all these kinds of good things. So I am just, I'm vibrating. I'm so excited to be, I'm so excited to be doing that, to be partnering with Book Warehouse and to be getting that project underway.
00:43:24
Speaker
i know i get excited about these things. I tend to over promise and under deliver on these things, but the Book Warehouse one, i I truly know is going to be something special.
Conclusion and New Year Wishes
00:43:37
Speaker
I am trying to push myself a little bit more to be doing a little bit more expanded work, you know, on my sub stack and these kinds of things. How that pans out, I've yet to truly decide, but you can be sure that I will at the very least talk about trying to do something. So be sure to tune in for that.
00:43:57
Speaker
But that is kind of going to be it for me. So, yeah, we're back. Friendless is so back, baby. So, yeah, 2025, I hardly knew you.
00:44:10
Speaker
And I wish you well. 2026, bring it on, baby. Let's see what you got. um i'm I'm so excited to to get back in into the swing of things and and see what...
00:44:25
Speaker
what I can do with this ridiculous little pet project of mine. Thank you so much. If you are listening to this, that means you have listened through to the, of this entire episode and I am so grateful and impressed. And, uh,
00:44:40
Speaker
ah I hope I i haven't you know scared you off from listening to more because I'm going to be back. um um Check the show notes for links to my socials and the books and the movies and all that fun stuff. for more information about the project at book warehouse, all that stuff in the show notes. While you're there, be sure to sign up for the sub stack. It is free. It is fun. There is content coming down the pipeline. I swear. I know I say that every week, but this time it's different. I promise.
00:45:15
Speaker
But yeah, that is i am talked out. i am hitting a manic overload. So I'm going to stop talking. Have yourself a wonderful week. Have yourself a very safe New Year's. And I hope to catch back here next week. But hey, I'm not going to worry about that right now. And neither should you, because that is then.
00:45:37
Speaker
And this is now. So for now, I'll just say I love you. And I wish you well. Fun and safety, sweet peas.