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Love At First Sight (with special guest Lee Smith)
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In this very special episode of "Friendless," host James Avramenko sits down with dear friend and special guest Lee Smith for an honest, vulnerable conversation about connection, identity, and the unexpected magic of friendship. Together, they unpack the challenges of forging community in a remote world, the unique energy of in-person gatherings, and the exhilarating (and sometimes scary) experience of bringing all your people together.
James and Lee discuss the power of vulnerability when inviting others into your life, what it means to support and witness friends through life transitions, and how personal growth can manifest in surprising ways. From reflections on midlife rediscovery and the shifting meaning of happiness, to playful confessions about Pokemon-themed parties, stickers, and the joys of childhood nostalgia, this episode explores how small gestures and authentic presence can deepen bonds.
Listeners will also hear insights on reparenting practices, the importance of building and nurturing friendship "toolkits," and the radical idea of bringing romance and intentionality into platonic relationships. Lee and James share actionable tips on staying connected (including the transformative act of making a friends list!), and discuss how celebrating one another can anchor us through life’s valleys and peaks.
If you're searching for inspiration to reconnect with your community, tools for meaningful self-reflection, or simply a joyful reminder of the power of showing up as your truest self, this episode will leave you feeling seen and supported.
Call to action: Take a moment this week to write down your friends’ names and reach out with a small note, gift, or message to let them know how much they mean to you!
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Transcript
Introduction and Preview
00:00:08
Speaker
Well, hey there, sweet peas. Welcome back to Friendless. I'm your host, James Avromenko. And this week joining me on the show is the icon, one of my best friends in the world, the one and only Lee Smith.
00:00:20
Speaker
We discuss the horrific optimism of growing older, what it feels like to experience love at first sight, and why sometimes your best self comes out in a Pokemon onesie. All that and so much more. You're going to love this one. i know I did. So lean back, get comfy, set your volume at a reasonable level, and enjoy my interview with the one and only Lee Smith here on Friendless.
Guest Introduction and Excitement
00:00:48
Speaker
All right. Well, this week I have one of my best friends in the world. Someone who has become an incredibly dear connection.
00:00:58
Speaker
It's just so important to me. And I've been so excited to get them on the show. the one, the only, the icon, Lee Smith. The icon.
00:01:09
Speaker
yeah In a very small circle. You know what? You're iconic to me and that's what matters. I know. I'm like, the small circle is you and me. Is that even a circle? it You know, it can be, you know, if we're hugging, it's a circle, you know?
00:01:25
Speaker
Oh, that's nice.
00:01:29
Speaker
How you doing
A Day in the Life of Lee
00:01:30
Speaker
today? Oh, I'm doing okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, I was a little bit nervous for this, but we chatted beforehand. I'm feeling better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:01:40
Speaker
And you're also my third meeting today. I've had a meeting heavy day. Holy shit. Like like it just casual, like coffee meetings. Yeah. Yeah. That kind of thing. So that's the theme of the day is like, I started the morning with a meeting, had a mid afternoon one, and you were my last amazing kind of just chatty meeting. Yeah. like a agenda lesson There's something really both like so nourishing and also so draining about this kind of conversation, like this sort of like, yeah you know, it's better than a phone call.
00:02:10
Speaker
but it's not as good as in person. But it's that funny thing of like, if the conversation goes one way, it's amazing. And if it goes different direction, it's just like, oh my God, I'm just staring at a screen.
00:02:22
Speaker
i want to just rake my eyes out and jump off a cliff. There's something so extra draining about the sort of video chat call, you know? Can you talk about what the other meetings were about? Were they schemes and plans or?
Career Transition and Community
00:02:34
Speaker
Yeah, a little bit. One was like, I'm kind of doing career transition stuff. So one was chatting with someone about some career questions I had, it was very casual. it was like, how do I do this if I want to do kind of my own thing? yeah You know, how do I, how do I kind of approach this?
00:02:49
Speaker
And then the other one was someone that I do board work with. And we were kind of connecting on a personal level because we're all kind of new and trying to connect and figure out what we're doing going forward for our very specific little board that we're kind of building. And actually we were talking about like, how do we connect?
00:03:07
Speaker
this group of people together in a more cohesive way and create a sense of community and team so that we're all better connected to do some hard work going forward. So yeah, it was really ah get a very nourishing, all of them. So it wasn't, you know, not like agenda meetings.
00:03:26
Speaker
Yeah. Stand-ups. Yeah. Difficult. Yeah. Oh my God. Stand-ups. This is an
Remote Work Challenges
00:03:33
Speaker
interesting question. I think so many people, I myself included in my day job and in the rest of the work, it's this idea of like, we're so fragmented and we're so separated. And even though we're all, you know, say like you take your board for an example, or the team I work with, yeah we're all working towards a common goal and yet we're all remote.
00:03:49
Speaker
So it's really isolated. And it's funny that we have to come up with these new strategies to things that were solved by just like, put people in a room. You know, like that used to be the solution is like, just put them in a room and tell them you've got this much time to do this thing.
00:04:05
Speaker
who who And of course that ended up making people go nuts, but like, yeah I just don't know if this siloing and just like parsing out tasks and then being like, email me with your update, like that doesn't feel good either. You know?
00:04:20
Speaker
No, no. Yeah. I don't know what the solution is, you know, yeah like more connection to a common Goal in general. I don't know.
00:04:31
Speaker
I don't know if want talk about like corporate work stuff. I definitely don't. that's so but Unless we want to like. bring it down. Well, yeah, right. Exactly. Well, I guess for me, my brain goes in in the direction of like, yeah, sure. It is applicable to day job type stuff, but it's also like, you know, I think it's applicable to just
In-Person Connection
00:04:50
Speaker
things in general. Like, you know, I just had a birthday, right. And, and you were there and it was magic. Magical.
00:04:55
Speaker
It was like probably a top three birthday for me, but like, It was this um really interesting moment of, you know, a lot of these people I've been technically in touch with pretty consistently throughout the year.
00:05:08
Speaker
But most of it has been, you know texting, memes, you know, Instagram stuff. It was like in person as a group. And there's just such a different energy. There's such a different connection when you're just like a bunch of people.
00:05:24
Speaker
You know, jelly sacks all just like sitting in a circle together, you know? Yeah. And I find there's something like so vulnerable about bringing together your people all together, especially when they don't know each other. And you're like, I'm going to invite these people and put them all together in a room. Like I did it recently during pride. I'm like, why am afraid to like bring these people together? But really, if I have a connection with these people,
00:05:47
Speaker
It's likely you and I bring them together, we're going to find some commonality.
Vulnerability in Friendships
00:05:50
Speaker
That's just it. Or people are going to connect or whatever. But for some reason, it feels like really vulnerable or scary to bring all of your people to together or even to ask them to show up for you, maybe.
00:06:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's that's actually the scariest part is is being like, hi, I like you. Would you like to come to my thing? You know, like that's that's horrific to me, you know?
00:06:12
Speaker
But I think the piece that is empowering and the piece that's encouraging is that like, you know, the connective tissue to all those people is you.
Personal Growth Through Celebrations
00:06:20
Speaker
And that is the thing that in one direction feels really vulnerable.
00:06:23
Speaker
But in the other direction is like, to me is like really exhilarating, really empowering. Like I leaned into that at the party of being like, you know, I'm not friends with assholes, you know, and everybody I invited, i was like, I know these are good people.
00:06:37
Speaker
And so there's got to be something they'll find together. Right. Everyone you're invited into a Pokemon themed party a park, dressed as a Pokemon. yeah I'm 46. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
00:06:48
Speaker
Yep. yeahp It's my first Pokemon costume. You nailed it. So I'm like, just that alone that you have that many people willing to show up to a public park and do like an adult themed Pokemon party, you know?
00:06:59
Speaker
yeah incredible Yeah. It's a, you know, it's a testament to them. It's a testament to the work I've put in, you know, we were talking off mic about like, you know, it was an opportunity. It was really exhilarating an opportunity for me to get to showcase all the work I've done on myself over the last couple of years and to be able to show all the pieces fitting
Emotional Journey and Sobriety
00:07:15
Speaker
together. But that was, yeah, I had a couple of real good cries at the end of the night of just like, you know, good, you know, yeah I'm one of those people now that I'm, ah you know,
00:07:23
Speaker
Since getting sober, it's you know first I was crying all the time because my nervous system was shot. And now I'm crying all the time because it feels really good to like move the energy that way through my body. yeah And it's very grounded. I love a good cry.
00:07:39
Speaker
i love a good guy cry. ah God damn. I'm lying sometimes. So I like, I'm always looking like i love a crime movie. Yeah. i know If a movie makes me cry, I'm like five stars. so Five stars. Made me bawl my eyes out. Love it. Yes.
00:07:52
Speaker
Yes. Really. Cry book. Yeah. There's nothing better than just like cheerfully flipping pages. you know I was reading this book on vacation. a little life, right? And on vacation.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. On vacation, I spent an hour in a hammock, bawling my eyes out reading this book, like a solid hour. And I was like, I feel great. I feel amazing. yeah People I'm with are like, why are you reading this book on vacation? show I'm like,
00:08:16
Speaker
This feels amazing. This is my holiday, right? Yeah. yeah I need double back. I forgot to do something at the top of the episode. We have to circle back to something before we get any further. I need to formally introduce you.
00:08:27
Speaker
but And by that, I mean, I need you to formally introduce yourself. Lee Smith, for people who may not be familiar with you, who you are, what you're about, who the fuck are you? It's a good question. I wrote it in my journal recently.
00:08:41
Speaker
I keep on asking other people because I'm like, well, I have BPD, so I don't know who I am. my God. Do I have BPD? Can
Self-Discovery and Parenting
00:08:48
Speaker
I copy yours? What are my letters? Yeah.
00:08:53
Speaker
Which letter do I carry after my name? Oh my God. That's a good one. I feel like when we answer that question, it's all like, here are the things that I do. Yeah. You know? But I don't know.
00:09:07
Speaker
This is what I love about this question is that it's like on the surface, that's what it sounds like. But most of the time people are like, who am I? Yeah, no. Yeah, he got me. He got me. No, honestly, i wrote in my thing. i was like, why has it taken me so long to figure out who I am? Like, why is that? Why has it taken me so long to figure out like, not like, you know, but like.
00:09:31
Speaker
what I like and what I need in the world and who I want to connect with. And I'm like, why has it taken me so long to figure this out? You know, but like on the surface, like what I am parent to two teenagers, teenage boys, which is insane to me. And it always shocks people.
00:09:47
Speaker
I have these two teenagers, but I do. And that takes up like a big chunk of energy of my life. yeah And I am pretty open about like not really knowing what I'm doing for parenting and kind of like fumbling my way through it. yeah I guess like I've worked in ah HR for years and now feel a little bit like, what am I doing here? Is this really what I want to do? This is what I've done. This is what I know, but why?
00:10:15
Speaker
So kind of questioning what I want to do in my career. But i think yeah kind of like focusing on it's like relationship and connection like that's kind of what I'm about like even when I think of like parenting it's like I'm not trying to mold my children into something that I think they should be i really want to allow them to be who they are and support them and that I think is like kind of core of who I am or who I want to be or who I feel like I am is like
00:10:53
Speaker
Yeah. Whether it's worth or in your life or in your relationships, which pretty much is your entire life. I see is just like a series of relationships yeah is like loving the people that you have and supporting them to, you know, like just navigate through this crazy world and life that we have.
Aging and Personal Growth
00:11:11
Speaker
And that's it. Ram Dass has this beautiful quote that he says, we're all just walking each other home. you know Oh yeah, I know that one. yeah Yeah, right? You know? yeah I think you're spot on. I think it's like it's like we are a piece of who we are is who we are in community, you know? But are you anyone? Like, who are you when you're not in relationship with other people?
00:11:30
Speaker
Well, isn't that? I mean, that's the central problem of BPD. But I wanted to circle back to something that you said about like, it took you so long. And to me, it's not... To gently push back on that is that it's like, it's not that you didn't know who you were. It's that, you know, from my perspective, at least in my experience, it's like I knew who I was then and I'm just not that person anymore.
00:11:51
Speaker
So I'm figuring out who I am now, you know? Yeah. And that constantly changes. I've really come to recognize that like the choices I made were effective for the time and then they became ineffective. So I made new ones, you know?
00:12:03
Speaker
I mean, I'm trying to get there, you know? That's the goal is trying to get there, right? Whereas sometimes it feels like I try on different things because they felt like necessary or expected or this is what you do to have a happy life, you know?
00:12:17
Speaker
I think a lot of people get there, though, at some point, usually like late 30s, early forty s You're like, OK, I've checked off all the things that are supposed to make me happy and make me fulfilled. Maybe some people are. I'm not sure. Maybe some people that work for. But a lot of people that I know, you get to that point where you're like, oh, my God, I've done all the things.
00:12:33
Speaker
I have the career I wanted. I've got the kids, the house or whatever. Whatever it is that your list is that you thought was going to, you know, and you're wrestling with. Oh, I don't feel the way I thought i would. yeah What does that mean? Well, because it's like the next thing on the list is die, you know?
00:12:49
Speaker
Yeah. It's the only thing that's certain. It's like, yeah. yeah I
00:12:57
Speaker
spend a lot of time trying to make people happy. Yeah. You know, yeah this will make, don't know. It's hard to explain. So I think maybe it's just midlife. Maybe it's just like, this is the question of midlife that people wrestle with is like, so what do I actually want?
00:13:13
Speaker
You know, halfway through maybe, hopefully. Who knows? Who knows how long you get, you know? yeah You know, this is it. That's it.
Existence and Celebrating Life
00:13:21
Speaker
This is what we have. but But I kind of feel like that's really, you know, you're somebody who I really, in a lot of ways, i really look up to because you're older enough that you act as a big inspiration and encouragement that it's like,
00:13:38
Speaker
there's life after 30, you know but know? And it's like this, like, as soon as you hit, hit 30, you're, you might as well roll over and die because you're useless to us now, you know? And yet like the best years of my life have been,
00:13:54
Speaker
you know, in my deep 30s, you know, and so I can't help it feel like it's only in a lot of ways going to get better. think it does get better. Yeah. but My stepdad told me that he's in his he's 78.
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah. And he's like, actually, every decade has gotten better. Yeah. I'm like, oh, really? Like everyone has gotten better. And I would say that, like, I would say my forties are better than my thirties and my forties have been rough.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah. But in some ways it's better. Yeah. Right. Yeah. There's and more groundedness. Like I think I've lived long enough now when say it's like, I know that the valleys are temporary.
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah. You know, so when I'm in a valley, I'm like, oh, this is a low point right now. Yeah. But it doesn't feel like it's going like this forever, you know, it's low now, but it's not going to be like that forever. Yeah.
00:14:46
Speaker
It's like that idea of birthdays, right? Like when you're a kid, a birthday is this big monumental moment because you've only had four of them or five of them, yeah you know, and the thing that as you age, the thing that actually becomes the next like kind of cyclical marker is,
00:15:01
Speaker
for lack of better way of putting it, maybe too hyperbolic a word choice, but it's traumas, you know, the first traumas, they're all big in their own subjective way, but they feel bigger and they feel longer and they feel more impactful because exactly what you described, you're like, I've never felt this before and I have no idea how to get through it. And then every time it happens again, you're like, okay, yeah, I remember this. i It sucks, but you know, but it will pass, you know, and it's like a,
00:15:27
Speaker
There's some term, I can never remember the name for it but there's some term of like the acceleration of culture and it's the idea of like they could trace from the invention of the written word to a certain point, you know, there was like X amount of words created and and then the amount of time that it took to duplicate, like to multiply that was halved the next time, you know, and then every time it multiplies and duplicates, it takes half the time to get there to the point where now we're at a stage, I mean,
00:15:55
Speaker
20 years ago, they were saying it would multiply every year at that point. And that was when I was in university. And so it's like, God knows where it's at now. But I feel like that same type of quantification is like how we encounter these kinds of life events. It's the first time you're like, oh my God, this is going to be forever. Yeah. The next time. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Because you just sort of, you figure it out, you know? Yeah.
00:16:19
Speaker
You have more tools. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Or you die. You die. So birthdays, it's like, well, one more time around the sun. Yep. Literally. And you're like, I didn't die.
00:16:33
Speaker
Right. I made it. I counted. Yep. Yep. So we're like, basically you're celebrating that you didn't die. Yes. You know? And you're gathering people around to be like, hey, you're still alive. Cool. You know, right?
00:16:47
Speaker
But also it's like so nice to celebrate somebody, right? And just be like, you know, and that's the awesome thing about birthdays. It's like, oh, you get to celebrate this person for no other reason that they didn't die. You didn't die. And I'm so happy you didn't die.
00:17:00
Speaker
and Well, I always relate it back to the other side of that too, which is that my birth was the single most impactful choice that was made on my existence. And yet I had no say in it, you know? yeah um You know, it's not like my mom and dad sat down and were like, hey, would it be cool if we like ripped you from the ether and gave you corporeal form and gave you consciousness and then made you pay taxes for the rest of your life? And like yeah had to wear fucking cotton and poly blends and and.
00:17:30
Speaker
you know, have to buy an air conditioner and ah go bald, and you know? I have no say. and Nobody asks for existence. Exactly. i think about this a lot. Right? It's like the first act is non-consensual, you know? But then the birthday comes around and it's like celebrating...
00:17:45
Speaker
this arbitrary choice that someone else made. Maybe it's a choice that you are making every year to continue to live, right? Yeah. At some point. I hate spinning it so cynically, right? Like I don't mean for it to come across as, yeah you know me, I'm a fucking, I'm a Camu baby, you know, so I'm.
00:18:02
Speaker
ah yeah exactly like to think about death a lot because i think it puts life into perspective yeah and it's the only thing that gives life meaning if we live forever um my god we do nothing we do nothing it would just be you would get bored of existence i believe you know the fact that it has an end date that we don't know when that coming also causes panic i think it causes panic and existential dread and all of those things but when you think about it's Yeah.
00:18:31
Speaker
It's wonderful. Yeah. I think it's really wonderful in
Influences of Twin Peaks
00:18:34
Speaker
a few different directions. One is that it gives us motivation. You know, we have to do something because it's like we're not going to get to at some point. Yeah. know But it also is like and again, forgive me for being morbid, but it also is like.
00:18:48
Speaker
And you will be released from this someday, you know, someday the pain. I love morbidity. I find it so soothing. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know why. And I think, you know, there's two kinds of people. Some people hate this kind of talk and hate talking about death and and thinking about it and all of that. And other people.
00:19:09
Speaker
find it comforting or? Oh yeah. I have introduced my partner who I slipped her name in accidentally the other episode ago, but I'm trying to maintain a little anonymity for her own privacy, but i have introduced them to Twin Peaks.
00:19:24
Speaker
They have finally started watching it with me. They know it's my favorite show and they were like, okay, let's go for it. We flew through the first two seasons and they're loving it. I couldn't have been happier. The reason I bring this up is that in the box set that I have, they have all these little log lady introductions to every single episode.
00:19:41
Speaker
yeah And I've watched those intros so many times throughout the years. But as I was rewatching them this time, I was realizing what a profound effect just those little intros have had on me and my personal philosophy and my outlook on life.
00:19:56
Speaker
Because they are these tiny little 30 second, one minute explorations of... the beauty and the horror all at once. There's literally one where she's like, will the pain ever end?
00:20:06
Speaker
Yes, it will, but not right now. But it's just these things like that where it's just these gorgeous little nuggets of very horrific optimism. You know, I do need to watch Twin Peaks because I know it's your favorite and I don't think I've ever seen, like ah maybe I've seen it as a child, but I don't remember any thing that i consumed yeah really besides little tidbits of it. But I feel like I should watch Twin Peaks Just because I love you so much and I want to like know you in that way. I want to be like, okay, this is about James.
00:20:35
Speaker
I'm going to watch Twin Peaks. I'm going to go here. Like it's one of those weird shows that I honestly feel like people could get to know me a little bit better if they watch Twin Peaks, even though I am yeah obviously not in it.
00:20:48
Speaker
it There's something in me from it. You have a Twin Peaks tattoo. Yeah. It's obviously core and foundational to who you are. Yeah. Yeah. ah So I think it would be a trip to watch. I'm going to put it on my to watch list, which I just started because I've just started writing things down. Hell yeah. God bless the pen.
00:21:06
Speaker
ah oh my God. I've like rediscovered the pen yeah as like a tool of liberation. oh yeah. Oh my God. i you know, I'm with you. You know, we were earlier this year, you know, we were bonding over using that Finch app and i still technically use it but Mostly just to collect gems and buy my little things. But yeah well what I fell off of was the practice of using it to write stuff down.
00:21:31
Speaker
I'm trying to find a new practice for that. Because you and I were just talking the other day about how you were organizing stuff. And I was just like, ugh, I need that. I need that so bad. i need this back in my life because it is fucking mayhem right now.
00:21:44
Speaker
You know? Honestly, sometimes I think life is just an endless series of tasks that are never ending. yeah I'm like, I have to do the tasks. I got to do the things. it's We're all Sisyphus, you know?
00:21:56
Speaker
Yeah, got to the tasks and the things. And then other times I'm like, yeah, you do the tasks and things. But that's like the survival, basic level survival, you know, survival tasks. And then it's like, where do you find those moments of joy?
00:22:10
Speaker
know, how do you? find those pieces of joy. But I'm just like trying to free up my brain space to find more joy and connection and spend time on things I want to spend time on. So it's like I need I need and I'm always like, yeah, the Finch app or like trying to find some sort of system to like put everything into, it's not just like the tasks, not like just like do laundry. It's like, yeah, connect with people that I want to connect with. Like, don't forget your friends. Don't forget that person. Cause they haven't like been in your life recently.
00:22:40
Speaker
i mean, having no object permanent. Making a list of friends. Yeah. I learned from someone. Is actually really useful. I have one and I use it all the time. You have list of friends. I have a list of friends to remind me I have friends.
00:22:54
Speaker
and i know. And also to remind me who I haven't talked to in a while and be like, oh, shit. shit weird But then you do it. You're like, actually, this is amazing. Because you look at your list. You're like, oh, you know what? I should reach out to that person. Yeah.
00:23:05
Speaker
Right? And it's also like a nice, it's and another piece of that for me is it's like very validating. If I'm ever like feeling lonely and if I'm ever ever feeling like, oh nobody likes me, i look at my friend list and I'm like, oh no. Because then I also, you know, I do that thing. I sometimes, it's not a very consistent practice, but I really do love that kind of like loving kindness style of meditation.
00:23:23
Speaker
And I really love that the practice of like, pick someone to sort of like meditate on and send them joy. And then in turn ends up feeling very good for you to sort of give love, you know?
00:23:34
Speaker
And so I'll often use that friend list to sort of meditate on and sort of be like, I'm going to, I'm going to send Lee a little love today kind of thing, you know? And, I'm recognizing that this has been an ongoing struggle for years, but thinking nice thoughts is very different from communicating nice thoughts.
00:23:48
Speaker
And so I often get roadblocked at that stage where I'm like, yeah well, I thought it. So job done. Better go back to playing video games for us the evening. Yeah. I was thinking about that earlier because some of your questions are like, what does community mean? What does friendship mean? And things like that. i'm like, what does it mean? I don't know. But that was kind of something I came, like I think is important is that,
00:24:11
Speaker
that recognition and like, what is the word? It's like celebration of the people in your life, you know, it actually feels better. It feels, I think it feels better to like give that love and recognition almost then it does to receive it. I agree. I mean, because we're receiving it, it's like confronting in a different way, you know? Yeah.
00:24:33
Speaker
It's terrifying to be loved. The whole perceived, you know, but like, how good does it feel to like, remember a friend's birthday or like anniversary or a small win that they had and like do something to recognize that, you know, that makes a difference.
00:24:51
Speaker
It's the little things that really do count too. Like if someone makes these, like if I haven't spoken to someone in two years, so And they make a big, huge, grand gesture thing. It's sort of like, okay, what is this?
00:25:04
Speaker
But like someone who's just like, hey, I was walking by a corner store and I bought a Diet Coke for you. You know what i mean? That's the kind of shit that actually know really resonates with me. You know, it's just like, I thought of you. Here's a quick little thing, you know? Yeah. It's
Relationships and Pebbling
00:25:18
Speaker
pebbling, right? it's It's a piece of why, you know, my partner and I bonded so deeply is that we both pebble, you know, we're both like, here's a tiny thing.
00:25:26
Speaker
I hope you like it. Yeah. You know? I saw this rock and I thought of you. Someone gave me a rock recently. Yes. I was out camping and it's ah my best friend's brother. So I've known him since he was a little kid and he came up to me and he gave me like a heart shaped rock that he found on the beach.
00:25:39
Speaker
And I was like, so nice. Magic. Absolute magic. but We have known each other for a long time. You know, I don't see you very often or whatever, but it's like, yeah, we've known each other for a long time. Thank you for this heart-shaped rock.
00:25:53
Speaker
It was a part of the thinking at my birthday. It's why I tried to have little prizes and I had extras so that even if, you know, there was like those core ones, if somebody, you know, a couple of people could win the little Pokeballs, but there was also stuff for other people and there were, you know, yeah everybody walked away with something, you know, because it was, that's a big piece of my life language is yeah giving stuff and just, you know, a little stuff.
00:26:13
Speaker
I mean, i also, i love a tchotchke, you know, i love trinkets. You do. I love, yeah and i love a trinket, you know, junk is what it will end up being. But for me, it's magic.
00:26:24
Speaker
So I love giving those things and I love little, little reminders, you know? I mean, I'm coming to stickers again lately. I feel like yeah it's like, It was like childlike things, you know? Yeah.
00:26:35
Speaker
like, why do we, why do we like grow out of that? Well, you know, stickers, stickers actually, it's, I love that you brought stickers up because stickers have been piece of like a kind of a reparenting practice I've been doing with myself.
Reparenting and Joy
00:26:47
Speaker
Because when I was a kid, ah loved stickers, but I never, ever took them off the sheet because once you take them off and you put them somewhere that there forever, and then what if you don't want them there and yada, yada, right? So i I was just like...
00:27:04
Speaker
riddled with anxiety around stickers and like choice paralysis. And lately I've been just getting stickers and you know, my partner makes them. And so like, we just make a batch of stickers and I just put them on fucking everything.
00:27:15
Speaker
I just put them anywhere and everywhere. Look at my water bottle. Exactly. Right. You know, makes me so happy. Oh, the joy it brings that they're just like, there's like, There's for me, there's like kind of a love in the chaos, you know?
00:27:28
Speaker
And, and yeah, stickers are the fucking best. I know. It's so weird. I it feel like I've recently rediscovered that. Did you win any at the party? I didn't, but because I had to go, I didn't get chess to finish my task. that I was working on it.
00:27:43
Speaker
which one I was trying to find three people to share their favorite place in the world. Yeah. Right. And then, you know, your friends, I can't remember their names. They were talking about Japan and their trips to Japan. And I was like, so sounds like you've been to Japan a lot. Is it, would you say it's your favorite place? No.
00:28:02
Speaker
And then she was like, well, I don't know. but You know what? I would have counted that. Honestly, you tried. That the whole point of the game is that it wasn't like to the letter nailed it so much as like, you know? I was trying to be subtle. I could have been like, hey, where's your favorite place you've ever been I'm planning some travel. Where do you think should go? Right? Yeah.
00:28:20
Speaker
I mean, why not? You know? Yeah. But... i I love that game. I think it yeah it was brilliant. and Yeah. And stickers. but Well, I have some spares. Next time I see you, I'll make sure I get you a couple extra. Oh, I would love a Pokemon sticker for one of my water bottles.
00:28:34
Speaker
Well, and there's an iconic one that my partner makes. They make a penisaur and a vulvasaur. Yeah, I saw i saw it. They're the best. I had to buy a different case for my laptop for my work trips.
00:28:50
Speaker
Because... Because I was like, yeah oh, fuck, I can't bring my laptop out at this web convention and be like, yeah, my partner drew this penis sore, know? Yeah. Well, I almost brought this water bottle into an interview with me recently, and I was like, can't bring this into work.
00:29:07
Speaker
Yeah. And yet, ah you know what? I almost want to, you know, I heard myself say it and then I heard you say it. And there's a piece of me that like wants to push back on it because it's something that I have actually really clocked recently at my job.
00:29:19
Speaker
This is not me trying to and shade anybody. i really genuinely love my work. I genuinely love where I work and the team I've got. I've spent two and a half years there mindfully carving out my place in it.
Authenticity at Work
00:29:33
Speaker
Right when I very first started, there was somebody who no longer works there, who my first day on my first Zoom call, I had put in my pronouns and very first thing this guy said to me was, oh, you're one of those pronoun people.
00:29:48
Speaker
And so i was like, okay, this is not a place of allies. I was a little bit like, uh-oh, right? I kind of love the term pronoun person, by the way. I know. I know. I was sort of because I was like, I was replaying that. I am a pronoun person. I am a pronoun person. We all are, you fucking mouth breather.
00:30:04
Speaker
But i I, yeah, I mean, and yeah, the idiocy of that statement was not lost on me, but it was just more of one of those like, okay, cool. So I need to make sure he doesn't see my painted nails. Whatever, you know, he's no longer there and good fucking riddance. But as the years have gone on, and especially I would within the last year, I've been way more actively being like, you know what?
00:30:23
Speaker
Fuck this. Why am I masking here? This is a place I spend all my day. These are people I spend all my life with. they I'm the one putting up the wall. you know I'm the one who is exhausting myself by masking and pretending to be way straighter than I am and pretending not to be who I actually am.
00:30:42
Speaker
And so I've been really leaning into like, yeah, I'm gay as fuck. And this is what I'm about. you know and like, yeah, do you see my brand new manicure? sparkles. you know and just Or whatever. The response has been baseline positive, but also it's just been such a...
00:30:56
Speaker
deeper relief and a deeper like I have more ability to connect and I have more ability to show up to work you know because I'm not i'm not channeling this energy to not be myself oh there's a part of me that's like no bring that fucking water bottle and if they're not cool with it they're lost you know right it says daddy on it well maybe you just really like your dad you know you our dad me and pops you know
00:31:25
Speaker
i My daddy issues. But you could just be like, well, that sticker's about me. Yeah, I think I struggle with that. Masking at work. You know, like...
00:31:41
Speaker
I feel like sometimes I need to put like an avatar together and send that person to work. Yeah. Yeah. That's my work yeah guy goes out into the work. I would love to not, but it's so hard.
00:31:51
Speaker
Oh, it's terrifying too. Cause it's also like, there's the, you know, again, the horrifying implications of being perceived, you know, even in my last job, I had my community over cops sticker on my laptop. Yeah. I went community over cops and I was kind of like,
00:32:06
Speaker
That does signal my politics and working in a conservative office. I struggle with i sorry I would like to get to the point where I feel like I can bring my full self to work. Yeah.
00:32:21
Speaker
I guess I've just, i think for me, it's like I've hit a point of, you know, no longer being interested in playing that game, you know, like, yeah like there's a reason why, you know, a couple of weeks ago i put out, you know, I actually rerecorded it and I kind of, I put one version of my solo episode out.
00:32:38
Speaker
And then I re-listened to it i realized i was I was missing a piece of the thought. And so I actually ended up taking it down and re-recording it. But it was all around that. you know I'd shared the idea with you, but the idea of like you know calling fascist faggots. you know and and but But the whole thinking behind it was that it's like, we are past the point of politeness.
Challenging Politeness and Injustice
00:33:01
Speaker
We're past the point of, oh, is this gonna make people uncomfortable? Because the other side is you know, actively disappearing people. The other side is actively murdering people. The other side is actively committing genocide. Like we are not at the place anymore where we should be giving a shit about people's feelings and politeness and decorum when there is slaughter and genocide and, and fascism. It's not a fascism. It isn't at the door.
00:33:33
Speaker
It's in power. yeah It's already here, yeah you know? They're the problem, not the fucking system. They are the problem. you know But you know they may hold your employment in their hands. well and then that's and And that's how they keep us in line.
00:33:45
Speaker
That's it right there. right is that They've rigged the system to keep us afraid and to keep us in line. It's like, fuck the system, but the system will fuck you back. yeah So you also need to play the game yeah a little yeah you know to get by, but how do we dismantle in these ways? It's a slow process. Exactly. That's the tightrope walk I'm trying to figure out how to walk. yeah And I'm with you 100% because it's like it's not healthy to just burn your your life down.
00:34:10
Speaker
you know it's not It's not good to just self-immolate. But at the same time too, like i just I'm fucking tired of playing their game. Okay. So...
00:34:23
Speaker
Don't have an answer. Fair. Let's shift the energy a little bit. I'm getting a little too ranty here. Do you have, did you prep any questions for me?
00:34:34
Speaker
have a question for because I've been thinking about When we first met, we think it was at my house. You came into my house and we were like, um how do we know each other? How do we know? recognize you. i I don't think we'd met before. i Honestly, I don't think we'd met.
00:34:53
Speaker
But there was like a level of recognition. yeah i want to know what you think. Like, what do you think? Why do you think that we connected so hard?
Magical Friendship Connection
00:35:00
Speaker
Yeah. Like, not meeting. Like, it was such a strong feeling for me of recognition.
00:35:07
Speaker
Yeah. That... it's hard to describe. yeah So when I say like, oh, like my best friend is James, it's like, we haven't known each other that long. yeah Have you experienced that before? no what do you think that was? And why?
00:35:23
Speaker
Yeah, no, I'm with you. So funny enough, as we're recording this, yeah that party was two years ago yesterday. I know that because I keep like This is a two-year friendiversary. Yeah, yeah.
00:35:37
Speaker
I have a five-year journal where you fill it in every day for five years, you know? And two years ago yesterday was that party. And so I was reflecting on that exact same thing last night and this morning. I was thinking about it and I'm with you. I can't think of another time where I've met somebody and it was like a lightning bolt.
00:35:55
Speaker
I know you, you know? Like, I just know you, even though... Yeah, like may have met in passing. We may have seen each other at a pride event or something, but we'd never spoken. It was just like a, you're you're you're going to be in my life for a while, you know, right? It was weird. Yeah, yeah. It was really magic. And it's something that I really treasure. You know, I've had guests in the past talk about like...
00:36:22
Speaker
In moments where life or the universe or whatever it is you want to call it, when it kind of opens up and says like, hey, notice this, you know, you take notice, you know, and it does feel like our friendship is that it was was one of those moments.
00:36:38
Speaker
you know, because of that experience we both had. So for a slight context for listeners, so that we give the whole story, like rather than us just autistically babbling about it. So two years ago, it was my birthday weekend.
00:36:50
Speaker
There was an event going on at the Bird House and all of my friends had bailed for various reasons. We'd already partied the night before. some of them were sick, whatever.
00:37:01
Speaker
Through a mutual friend, I got invited to your house because you were having a party that night. people over or something. Yeah. And I walked in, I was terrified because I didn't know anyone.
00:37:12
Speaker
I'd never met anyone. i just knew this one person who'd invited me. And I walked in the door and you were there and you were like, oh, it's you. And I was like, hi you know, it was but I had that same feeling. It was literally like I walked in, we made eyes and it was like, and you know,
00:37:32
Speaker
I don't know, without going too woo-woo, it was like a transcendent moment because it was it yeah felt like remembering, not meeting, you know? I was just talking about this the other day. I can never remember which one, whether it's Sophocles or Aristotle or Plato. It was one of the old men who diddled boys in togas.
00:37:48
Speaker
He talked about the collective unconscious and he talked about how Knowledge is actually an act of remembering, not learning, because we're all connected to this great kind of barrier of knowledge that we forget when we're born.
00:38:00
Speaker
And then our job is to remember as much as we can before we die. But then, of course, the greatest piece of knowledge that the wisest can know is that they know nothing. So it's this circular philosophy, right? But it felt like tapping into the collective unconscious moment. It felt like a remembering, not a meeting, you know, and it was really fucking magic. And it's it continues to shake me. Yeah.
00:38:20
Speaker
And you know I don't think I got your number that night. know we like. No, it took forever. I remember I think I had another party and I reached out to that mutual friend and I was like, can you invite Jane? Can you make sure? that James comes.
00:38:31
Speaker
yeah And then I cornered you when you came. And I was like, I feel this way about you. Yes, yes. I feel this really strong connection. I don't know what it is. Can I get your number? And you like, oh my God, I feel the same way.
00:38:44
Speaker
I'm so glad you accepted this invite. So I had to reach out and be like, no, this, I need to find this person again. Yeah. It really did feel like this universal, like not connected with other people. I've met other people where it's like, oh yeah, I think I, you know, but this was like,
00:39:00
Speaker
Yeah. Lightning bolt. Yeah. Is that love at first sight? I think so. that what that is? I think that's what it is. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. never thought that that existed. It really is. And especially because it was like, yeah, I mean, cause for me, I was like, who's the babe, but also I was just like, it was deeper than just that. And that's why it was a different experience. Cause it was like, yeah, I don't know. The best way I can do it is like, oh, I know you, but I have no idea how I possibly could, you know? Yeah.
00:39:27
Speaker
We didn't really know each other. I barely know you now. i know where I do feel like I know you. though I don't I guess that's little bit for sight. That's so cool. Yeah. We're living what the poets dream of writing about, you know?
00:39:39
Speaker
Oh, we should write a poem about it. I'll try. you know yeah you should. but You should try is what you should do. should I did write also in my journal that I should write really bad poetry. And I started writing a really bad poem.
00:39:50
Speaker
And I was like, I actually need to write bad poetry to release myself from the necessity of having it be anything, whatever. That's where I got to. Did I talk to you about like writing and stuff
Creative Expression Through Poetry
00:40:02
Speaker
and putting stuff out there? I need to just be...
00:40:04
Speaker
it Write badly. Yeah. Did i can I tell you about how ah Blessed Scott, Patron Saint Scott, we love Scott in this house. We love Scott. He gets me to do that sometimes. He's gotten me to do that in the past where that was an exercise where he was like, you know, if I was really jammed up with my writing or i was feeling really whatever, he'd be like, OK, write the worst poem you possibly can right now.
00:40:23
Speaker
And he'd do the same. He'd be like, I'm going to write the worst poem I can. You're going to write the worst poem you can. And then we're going to share them. And they'd always turn out great because it's like, even when you're trying to do, you know, and it's one of my favorite exercises. Whenever I'm feeling stuck, I always try to go the opposite way. Instead of being like, I need to make this better. I always go, how can I make this worse? Yeah, yeah. It's really, right? It is really fun. It's like, oh, I'm like an angsty teenager. What would I write in my poetry journal? Yes.
00:40:47
Speaker
and Give yourself permission to be like that angsty teen again. Yes. Yes. but step I mean, it's making a comeback. emo is making a comeback. So it's like, you're just ahead of the curve now, you know?
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. We've lived long enough now that stuff that I would get beat up for wearing in high school is now trendy and cool. you know yeah i mean, I have this impulse to be like, fucking kids, you know, you didn't have to. But I'm also like, no, it actually is the best.
00:41:14
Speaker
It's actually like really exciting that I'm like, yeah, that's right. Rock your Kirkland sweater and don't get beat up. I love that. Yeah. yeah I mean, even just like baggy jeans coming back. Yeah.
00:41:27
Speaker
I didn't realize how much I like loose jeans until oh i was freed of my tight- because I'm a string bean bag lady, you know, like I actually have quite a bit of body dysmorphia about it, but like I can't put on weight to save my goddamn life.
00:41:42
Speaker
I could eat and eat and eat and I'm just skin and bones. And so i thought for years it was, you know, tight pants, skinny jeans. Oh, this is great because they're my size, you know? yeah I got a pair of loose jeans.
00:41:54
Speaker
Oh, like paradise. I like jeans again because of it, you know? Yeah.
00:42:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, autistic clothing choices. I mean that, okay, so that was the other side of it. That was why I stopped for so long time because I was like, denim is the autist's enemy, you know? Totally. It feels wrong on my body, you know?
00:42:17
Speaker
but But yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell all the autists out there, get some loose jeans. Change your life. Yeah. Yeah. but perfect So I haven't hit any of the marker questions and that's totally fine. I just wanted to yap with you for an hour, but I am mindful of the time and I want to move into two kind of wrap up questions. And the first one is kind of ah existential one.
00:42:38
Speaker
And then the next is kind of a practical one. Okay. You know, the central question that I'm always posing is this idea of friendship and I want to kind of tweak it a little bit on the fly.
Intimacy in Friendships
00:42:51
Speaker
And I want to ask you sort of in your perspective, What is it about, how do I put this? It's not about being a good or a bad friend.
00:43:04
Speaker
It's about for you, what qualities right now resonate as an effective friendship or connection?
00:43:15
Speaker
Qualities resonate as an effective friendship or connection.
00:43:22
Speaker
I think it's like this mutual kind of no agenda in a friendship, you know, there's no like social agenda or anything like that. The only point is to kind of witness or be present for each other's outer world, but also inner world.
00:43:42
Speaker
Yeah. You know, and be curious about that and find to find Show a way in knowing somebody and being led into their world.
00:43:54
Speaker
i mean, that's the kind of friendships I want. Yeah. One's where you're just talking about your day and people and things like that. I want to know who you are. m You know, I feel good to share who I am, really.
00:44:05
Speaker
I know you talked with Dean Spade before, who's amazing. Sure, yeah. you know, and his like last book, How to Have Relationships or something. Yeah. He talks, this one part that he talks about, about bringing more romance, like more romance and intimacy into your friendships.
00:44:21
Speaker
Yes. Really resonates with me. Yeah. you know, so like bringing those elements that we tend to reserve for romantic love yeah and, and devalue friendships. And so it's kind of like, how do you like elevate the friendships in my life? Cause like I have, you know, one friendship i I've known since we were 11. So we've known each other for 35 years, 35 years. That's my longest relationship, you know, like not as non-family relationship, yeah you know, 35 years. And that's like, why would I,
00:44:54
Speaker
you know, have that be somewhat lesser than any romantic relationship. So it's like, how do I bring that romance in this sense of like caring for that person and doing thoughtful things for them and like, you know, going on a date and being there for each other in that way and being intimate in whatever ways. And also like being able to have that comfort, like, hey, what?
00:45:13
Speaker
We also like, yeah, we always... just have these friendships and they're just like our friends, but we never have that conversation about the relationship. Like what kind of relationship do we want to have? Like we've had that conversation. Yeah. Yeah. But you and I are weirdos. Yeah. yeah But I'm we able to do with other people too. Yeah. they're Other friends as well, where it's like, yeah, I value this connection. This is valuable to me.
00:45:34
Speaker
So I think that's important for me. Like unconditional love. Yes. Yeah. And regard and support and just like being there for someone supporting what they want to do in their life and being like, yeah.
00:45:46
Speaker
How do how do I help you get there? What can I do? How do I, even if it's just like cheering you on and like, yeah I love that idea like the witness and the validation, but that doesn't always be where you are. If you're not in relationship with somebody, exactly. I think we feel lost.
00:46:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's magic. I love that Lee. Thank you.
Witnessing and Validating Friends
00:46:05
Speaker
That's, you know, yeah. Thanks for going along with me on that, that, that kind of a side, but because I, I think, i think it's really important and I think it's really important to practice vocalizing that stuff, you know, not like just for you, I just think for everybody in general. And I think what you just did is an incredible model for for trying that. And, you know, you were saying, how do I vocalize it? And it's like, well, you just, you you you pick the words you can and you get as close as you can. i mean, that's all language is. It's, you know, horseshoes and hangernits, you know, it's close enough, you know, language is inherently imprecise. Yeah.
00:46:37
Speaker
But I think that idea of, yeah, what's really what really stuck out for me was the idea of the witness and the doing what you can, you know, but staying present and communicative, you know, and that's something I continue to, you know, I've run the show for seven going on eight years and I still am like,
00:46:53
Speaker
forgetting to do basic shit, like communicate, you know? like Right. Making shit's hard. Yeah. All I do is talk and yet somehow I say nothing, you know? Yeah. It's so interesting because, again, I have kids, right? And I think like, oh, actually, what I think is the most important thing to be successful in life is how to have healthy relationships with people, whether it's at work, your romantic relationships, your friendships, connections. Like, that's actually the most important thing. But do we give our children actual tools?
00:47:21
Speaker
Like often they're modeled unhealthy relationships. Like in the nineties, all media relationships are crazy fucked up unhealthy relationships. And you don't necessarily get modeled the inner workings of a relationship.
00:47:32
Speaker
yeah Even if it is healthy, right. You don't necessarily see how that works. Like how do you resolve conflict in a relationship? How do you express your feelings in a way that's not attacking the other person?
00:47:43
Speaker
All those skills are like, could be deliberately taught. Yes. Could be. And actually they need to be Need to be, for most people. i don Doesn't everybody need to be taught this? But it's like, up or not it's not, you don't need calculus to be successful in life for most people, but you do need those healthy relationship skills or how to communicate.
00:48:06
Speaker
to feel your feelings. Yeah. And the fact that it's a toolbox, right? It's not it's also recognizing that it's a not a one one shoe fits all. That it's like yeah it's also understanding the idea of context and the idea that you know everybody does hold a unique, you know like my needs are different from yours. And so we can figure out how we can build a connection, yeah but how but that connection is going to be different from from somebody else. you know Everybody has unique needs and you can have a toolkit or you need a toolkit to draw from and then know how to put the right tools in place, you know? Yeah.
00:48:39
Speaker
Yeah. Anyway, my plan is to go to therapy with my kids. Yeah. When they're teenagers. Yeah. Rather than wait until they are like processing their, their parent issues, you know, in their thirties and forties right now. It's like, and I think it'd be useful, you know, to kind of like navigate the teen years. So that's my thing. I do feel like therapy,
00:48:58
Speaker
when you don't quote unquote need it is probably the best time to start. You're not in crisis. Yeah. I think that's a fabulous idea. I love
Reflecting on Meaningful Connections
00:49:07
Speaker
that. I want to wrap up. I mean, as usual, we could yap for years before I get to my very last question. I just want to put it on the record for everyone to hear.
00:49:14
Speaker
Lee Smith, I love you so goddamn much. I love you from tits to tail. how I feel such gratitude that you're in my life. I'm so glad we lightning bolt loved and that I know you and I have you in my life. I feel so grateful for that. I know the last couple of years have been a journey for the both of us. You're navigating it with grace and skill and, and, uh,
00:49:37
Speaker
you know I know sometimes when you're in it, you kind of you can't see where you came from. and You can't see where you're going. So you think you're just kind of lost at sea. But but you know i know you to be, to keep that metaphor going, I know you to be an incredibly skilled navigator.
00:49:51
Speaker
And I know wherever you end up, you're going to get there with just aces. And I'm really excited to be there. i'll i'll be your little i'll be here I'll be your poop deck boy or whatever. I'll be your, where your what's it called? Cabin boy.
00:50:03
Speaker
you know Service boy. a little Yeah. If it means I don't have to make choices, I'm in. should share the picture of us at Pride. Yes. Our latest cute friendship picture. Yeah. Check the Instagram listeners. It'll be up there. Yeah. yeah The feeling is mutual, honestly. I'm so honored to be in your life.
00:50:18
Speaker
and love all the time we spend together and all of our... Chats. And you bring so much to my life. Like, honestly, you bring so much. You just expose me to so much. And I'm continuously impressed by like how much you produce and what you energy you put out into the world and like the people you connect with. And just like, yeah, my world is bigger because you're in it. That's for sure.
00:50:39
Speaker
Oh, that's a really nice thing to say. I'm going to quickly wrap this up because I'm going to burst into tears. um um Very last question. i always really like to leave listeners on a, um oh, sorry. Thank you. That was really nice.
00:50:53
Speaker
um I always like to leave listeners on a actionable step, something that they can try and do this week. So I'm wondering if you have a tip on how listeners could be a more effective friend to themselves or to their community this week.
00:51:06
Speaker
Well, obviously they should start with making a list of their friends.
00:51:13
Speaker
That's such a good tip. I love that. Decide you need to reach out to. Yeah. Reach out to them and give them some sort of acknowledgement. Yeah. What they mean to you. Yeah. oh Honestly, I think we need it more. We need to hear like why we're important to people. Also, I just finished watching Somebody Somewhere.
00:51:33
Speaker
Have you watched this show? i have not. Absolutely. You need to. Okay. I just finished watching it. It fits in with this at the end. It's like, we need to hear what we bring to people's lives.
00:51:44
Speaker
You know, we need to be reminded because we all have those dark times. So was dark thoughts, those like, what am I here for? yeah And I think we need to be reminded, you know, that, yeah. yeah You bring things that you don't even see. Yeah.
00:51:59
Speaker
But it starts with me. Okay. You know, all hail the pen. I have it in my phone right now, but I am going to put it in my pen in my new Jura because real a pen is like where it's at. Oh, there's something so magic about just the like. It connects in a different way.
00:52:16
Speaker
It really does. yeah The phone, the list, the digital is helpful for reminders, for automations. Yeah, it's helpful for on the go, that kind of thing. But to actually just sit down and tactilely, there's nothing better.
00:52:27
Speaker
It's like the difference between connecting via phone in person or actually hugging each other. Mm-hmm. You know, give your hands a hug, give your hands a hug, hold a pen, you know? Yeah. Or hug a pen, I guess. yeah Lee, I love you. do you have anywhere you would like to point listeners? Would you like them to find you somewhere? Do you want to stay anonymous? What would you prefer? I don't think I have anywhere to be found. Okay. Okay.
00:52:55
Speaker
You know, again, i don't put myself out there very much. Fair. So, you know, yeah social media presence and that kind of thing is... Not where I'm at. Fair. So going to have to find me in the world. Okay.
00:53:06
Speaker
Okay. On the drive. Yeah. Just walk along commercial drive. I'm often at McStadden Park with the dog. and I have ah I have an anxious poodle. So ah yeah. best Maybe some listener will be your next lightning bolt.
00:53:21
Speaker
Who knows? I wonder if other people have those lightning bolt moments with people, you know? I mean, I sure hope so. You know, part of me hopes we were unique and part of me hopes that it is an experience others have had because it was. It must be. Cause I'm like, oh, that's love at first sight. That's what it is. i always didn't know it. I was like, oh, it doesn't actually exist, but it does. It does.
Quirky Identity Humor
00:53:40
Speaker
It does. We're on the same wavelength or something. Yeah. We're the same level ah of autistic, you know? I have no idea what kind of diverse I am. Neuro something, you know? Neuro. I'm a neuro pronoun.
00:53:51
Speaker
One of those neuro pronoun people. Oh my God.
Announcement of Hiatus
00:54:00
Speaker
And that's it. Thank you one more time to Lee for coming on the show. What a joy yeah always is to speak with them. And I couldn't be more grateful to to not only to have had them on the show, but just to have them in my life.
00:54:15
Speaker
So ah normally this is the time when I, you know, plug my wares and and all the things. But as ah listeners have have probably come to notice, I've been falling off on stuff. I had grand plans and ah those plans fell through. Life things were starting to pile up.
00:54:36
Speaker
um And I actually am having to take a bit of a medical leave from my day job coming up. um And
00:54:50
Speaker
at the same time, I'm going to be taking a short break from the show as well to kind of recharge and recoup. um I really have some incredible things planned for October that I will be sharing soon.
00:55:07
Speaker
I'm going to be recording a live episode ah at one of my favorite places in the entire world. And I want to tell you all ah about it, but I just can't yet. So um until then, I'm going to take a break. That's going to be um at the beginning of October, October 8th, I believe it is booked.
00:55:28
Speaker
I could be off about that. because my Seroquel is kicking in, baby. But yeah, ah so no new episodes on the feed until around then.
00:55:42
Speaker
um but But until then, I really just wanted to say thank you all for continuing to listen. And I will be back soon.
00:55:54
Speaker
But hey, I'm not going to worry about that now. And neither should you, because that is then, and this is now. So for now, I'll just say I love you, and I wish you well.
00:56:06
Speaker
Fun and safety, sweet peas.