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The Wood and The Boo (with special guest Gavin Harper)
87 Plays3 days ago
This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko welcomes back one of his best friends, Gavin Harper, for an honest, heartwarming, and hilarious catch-up. Together they dive deep into the complexities of names and identity, community building, and the tough but necessary process of personal growth after life implosions. Gavin shares candid reflections on leaving a difficult job, navigating tricky workplace relationships, and embracing accountability for past actions—all while finding new joy and authenticity through connection, especially among Vancouver’s vibrant queer, autistic, and wrestling-loving communities.
The episode is packed with stories about rebuilding after hardship, the cathartic magic of local pro wrestling, and the powers of “quiet time” with friends. James and Gavin laugh about introversion, party timing misadventures, and why pro wrestling is better than Disneyland. They also tackle topics like embracing authentic selfhood, sobriety, and the challenges and triumphs of making new friends as adults.
Whether you’re looking for tips on healing, building community, or simply in need of some affirming laughs, this Friendless episode reminds us that real friendship is found in vulnerability, mutual care, and showing up for each other—whether in the wrestling ring or the living room.
Tune in for wisdom, laughter, and a reminder that you don’t always have to be entertaining to be a good friend—sometimes, you just need to be there.
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Transcript
Introduction and Catching Up
00:00:08
Speaker
Well, hey there, sweet peas. Welcome back to Friendless. I'm your host, James Avramenko. And on this week's episode, I'm catching up with one of my best friends in Vancouver, the returning Gavin Harper.
00:00:21
Speaker
We get into everything from the complexities of choosing your name to rebuilding after big life changes and the surprising magic of Boom Pro Wrestling. It's an honest, cozy and hilarious conversation about community, finding your people and just hanging out as your real self.
Relationship Dynamics and Identity
00:00:37
Speaker
So it's time to lean back, get comfy, set your volume at a reasonable level, and enjoy my interview with Gavin Harper here on Friendless.
00:00:47
Speaker
This week on Friendless, I have a returning guest, a dear friend of mine, one of my best friends Vancouver, who has been on the show before, but in a very different life situation for the both of us.
00:00:59
Speaker
Currently, it has been weeks since I've seen them in person, and it's a killing my soul a little bit. The one, yeah the only, Gavin. i oh How are you doing? I'm okay. I'm better now that we've decided on the name of how to introduce.
00:01:17
Speaker
I love it I love that. Yeah. and I have two names. But it's that silly thing, you know, as we were saying, and i want to I want to hear you give the full story, but it's like, from my side, it's not that I'm uncomfortable with either the names so much as that it's the preference for public display. Like, you know, like which do you prefer you know It makes sense when people...
00:01:37
Speaker
It mostly just makes, yeah, as I was saying before, it makes me giggle because I thought, I don't like having too many options just in general in my life. But I thought that giving people two options and they choose their favorite would be actually easy, but it has proven not to be easy.
00:01:58
Speaker
i was saying that i I've had the conversation of what name do I prefer about five or six times just this month. And it's not even really the middle of the month yet, or it's like just starting to get there.
00:02:11
Speaker
Barely. And I fully get why, but each time, It makes me laugh. And also sometimes it's with the same person. Yeah. There's one or two people in my life that will come to me and be like, so are you sure you don't prefer one? And I'm like, I'm sure right yeah i'm sure. yeah so whoever's listening, if you prefer Harper, call me Harper.
00:02:34
Speaker
If you prefer Gavin, call me Gavin. I chose Harper when I was 17, when I publicly came out, not just to my close friends. ah So it's still very deeply resonates with me. But of course as I got older, I didn't have a middle name.
00:02:48
Speaker
And I thought that it was a good opportunity to do so. And then I just started going by my middle name when I lived on the East Coast. And when I moved here, don't know what happened. i kind of referred back to Harper.
00:03:05
Speaker
Which isn't a bad thing. yeah But as you know, James, about a year, year and a half of being here, I asked a couple of close people to call me Gavin. So I have people in my life that call me Gavin only.
00:03:17
Speaker
yeah And I have friends, including my partner that go back and forth between both and my metamor, like his other partner call me back and forth. Mostly she calls me Gavin and that's really nice.
00:03:28
Speaker
I have a good mix of it all. So for those who are worried that they're calling me the wrong name, you do not have to worry. Although if you do go to my work and you ask for Gavin, it might take people a couple of seconds, but they'll eventually know who they'll be like, oh, Harper. I love the opportunity to kind of interbex. You know what i mean? Cause I find I'm in the camp of mix and match. It usually ends up being whichever name comes to me first. Often, especially when introducing you to people, it's like, we're going to roll the dice to see you which one pops into
Community Building and Life Changes
00:03:56
Speaker
my brain first.
00:03:56
Speaker
Either way, I think i've I've come to the realization that I will be asked this question. yeah If you introduce me as Gavin and Will introduces me to the same person, somebody who knows that person as Harper, I'll always have that conversation. course So that's something that I've realized, which is why I've chosen to giggle about it instead of, you know, be eye-rolly about it.
00:04:20
Speaker
Totally. Yeah. what you yeah But it is a thing of like, you know, people don't, you know, i because there's a... there's Obviously, there's multiple camps, but I feel like there's the there's the side that would fall in the, like, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to call you by the name you don't want because I don't give a shit about this.
00:04:35
Speaker
But then the people who want to honor that and want to to to respect that, you know, there is a desire to get it right, you know? And there's that tension of, like, I don't want to be seen as the fuck up.
00:04:47
Speaker
I get it. And it is that funny thing of, like, by giving options... You would think it's simplifying it, but it's actually creating like a choice paralysis for the person to be like, yeah which is the right one? They're like, wait, I get to choose yeah your name?
00:05:01
Speaker
Yeah. Whoa, that's too much power for me. I think it just makes people uncomfortable, which I think makes me double down. Big time. It definitely makes me double down. I'm like, oh it makes you uncomfortable. Which one's your favorite? Yeah.
00:05:13
Speaker
there one you really don't like? Well, then now I feel that from you, right? So, yeah, I was trying to think of like, what should we talk about? Because the thing is that it's like, honestly, we could just sit down and find a topic and just riff for an hour.
00:05:25
Speaker
But I feel like, you know, since the last time we recorded, so much has changed in both of our lives. And obviously, we've been witness to those changes in our personal life with each other.
00:05:35
Speaker
But we haven't really had a chance to like kind of chronicle that. And and and I don't know, you know, there's a piece of me that's like, I don't really want to give more airtime to shitheads. you know like I'm kind of not interested in giving any more attention to people who deserve... That's what my therapist is for. I don't need to... Exactly.
00:05:53
Speaker
But I think what I am curious about is You know, what I'm always exploring on the show and what I'm constantly kind of questioning myself in is, you know, these ideas of community building and these ideas of like, how do we rebuild in these moments where shit has to change? It's not like, oh, I want to change. It's like, no, my life has now imploded. Exactly. Right. You know, and I'm curious, you know, for you, what were the sort of first phases in the rebuild of where you're at now?
00:06:22
Speaker
And what stuck with you and what was like, oh, that's Instagram pop psychology horseshit. And I need to ignore that forever kind of thing, you know? I definitely think leaving the job that i was at it was a big one.
00:06:35
Speaker
I wasn't let go, but I did, you know, the lead up to this very intense seeming write up that I got, which genuinely was three pages.
00:06:47
Speaker
They had ah three pages. If you have to write a three-page report on a sales clerk, you know, like not trying to diminish you, but it's in a retail position. Totally.
00:06:58
Speaker
A, you're a bad manager. And B, that person shouldn't have been working there for a year prior. At this point, this is on you, Mr. Manager, you know? Yeah, that was something I processed a little bit after, you know, working there, I realized that communication should have flowed a little bit better, just didn't.
00:07:18
Speaker
yeah I also understand that this specific person who was the problem child, other than me, because, you know, reading everything, everything was true, sure which is why I didn't really fight it. My manager.
00:07:35
Speaker
It seemed like a tough spot for her to be in. You know, I always think that there were better avenues for sure, especially with communication. But when I think back, even if she would have come to me because I was still friends with this person at the time,
00:07:52
Speaker
who worked there and who got let go ah month before I ended up leaving. i don't know how ah i would have taken that because everything that I was was so wrapped up in this one person, which is how this person wanted it.
00:08:09
Speaker
I had this three page write up and it was actually kind of, it was sad of course, but it was helpful to hear it all. 30 minutes sit down.
00:08:22
Speaker
Yeah. And I think there was just something that clicked that realized how absolutely unhappy I was. Yeah. There were things away from this person that I was dissatisfied about that were more foundational in this company, and this in this like job place, that i I was out of my control for the most part.
00:08:45
Speaker
Sure. I'm not going to do that. But after all of, after she read everything, She asked if I want she told me that she didn't want this to be a finger pointing thing, but she understood because I had told her everything because she knew this person also.
00:09:02
Speaker
And she said that a lot of things make sense and she's going to think about it and we'll talk another time. So after she read everything, she looked at me and she said, everything that you told me, it's made sense.
00:09:15
Speaker
But there are other workers here that I need to take into consideration. And here are the qualms that they've had. yeah So i it was one of those things I understood.
00:09:26
Speaker
But she also said that she didn't want this to be finger pointing and she wanted to have a conversation. And if I wanted to say anything or add anything or talk about something, now would be the time.
00:09:38
Speaker
And I remember pausing and being like, I need to put my two weeks in. Yeah. Because I do not think that I can heal and also b comfortable here in the way that they would need me to be. Yeah.
00:09:57
Speaker
It was also hard knowing that I made so many people frustrated and uncomfortable my workplace when I really loved a lot of my coworkers. I've yet to reach out to some that I felt were, you know, i held very close to my heart.
00:10:13
Speaker
I go back and forth on that. But for the most part, that was hard for me. But there is something to be said about like getting that clean break, right? And just being able to delineate the before and the after and just having this clean line in the sand and then just moving past it. I go back and forth sometimes with former co-workers and people who I've liked.
00:10:32
Speaker
Because you're with them for many hours. like i I saw my co-workers more than I saw my own partner. Exactly. A lot of the time. yeah So there things my coworkers saw for me throughout the day yeah that are missed when you're talking about your day when you come home from work or when you're talking to friends outside of work.
Workplace Reflections and Personal Growth
00:10:52
Speaker
But I also I've started seeing that. i This is a bit of a woo-woo thought, but I was just having it the other day as I was falling asleep. But I was realizing that it's like, if you look at the way we sort of walk through our days and move through our lives, like it's just theater, right? Right now I'm doing the dance of recording a podcast. And earlier I'm doing the dance of cleaning my dishes and it's ephemeral and it's supposed to be ephemeral. It's not supposed to be permanent, you know?
00:11:14
Speaker
So there are these moments that you have in your day with coworkers or whoever it might be that don't need repeating because it's like trying to describe a piece of theater is, Or a piece of dance where it's like, yeah, and then the person moved their legs and it's like, well, this means weren' that's okay you just You weren't there.
00:11:30
Speaker
yeah So you don't need to repeat it. Yeah. There's a piece of me that's been really working on letting go of that need to repeat the connection instead of being like, oh, we should still be connected. and Just leaning into the joy of recognizing that we were connected and that there was something there that was nice. But we don't need it anymore.
00:11:47
Speaker
Right. I think that makes sense. I think something to add is that it it is up to the individual person to decipher whether or not something is needed yeah because of the industry that I'm in, especially in Vancouver.
00:12:03
Speaker
i come across one or two of these people because they have their own vendors. So I come across these people and, and it's proven to be a little uncomfortable for me because I haven't addressed something.
00:12:19
Speaker
Yeah. And that's usually where that lays there. i know that I was a shit and, that and I want to be owning up to it a little bit more. i also want to acknowledge that even though there was this struggle that was happening kind of behind the scenes, um,
00:12:33
Speaker
acknowledging the fact that the duality of me struggling with something fairly abusive While also I'm working next to you for eight hours and the way that I talk to you and the things that I say to you matter.
00:12:47
Speaker
Yes. And it is one of those you had to have been there, but I can only assume that they did not want to be there in that moment. I took some things away from them, but I think there were aspects of joy in those times that I maybe darkened a bit and I want to own up to that.
00:13:03
Speaker
you feel Do you feel, how do how would, do you think you would want to go about doing something like that? This is a really interesting kind of thought process for myself because I often go back and forth around these ideas of like, do I need to sort of like prostrate myself in front of people or can I take personal accountability and just try and do better going forward? You know, I think it's contextual to different situations.
00:13:28
Speaker
I'm curious how do you think you would go about reconciling it. this maybe you're going to see them around, you know, how would you personally approach something like that and kind of work through that? I think something that I have started doing is almost like an icebreaker first.
00:13:41
Speaker
h I have been avoiding certain areas. If there is like a market or something like that. And know that they're a vendor. i have vendor friends that are friends with this person and you know, I would I have two people in mind.
00:14:01
Speaker
i would just probably send them a message. I think that I would just very much own up to the fact that I know it was a while ago. We're still going to run into each other.
00:14:14
Speaker
i have been personally feeling very guilty and there were times where I'd seen you and I didn't go over because those feelings get brought up.
00:14:25
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe not necessarily me feeling guilty being the reason why I messaged them, but really wanting to clear any air yeah on my side and be like, you know, I don't know if you've thought about it. just want to let you know that the way that I interacted with you and not just you, but everybody as a group who I respected a lot, even if it did not seem like I did.
00:14:55
Speaker
sure There are times where I just didn't say anything all day. Yeah. I didn't say one word to anybody. And it wasn't even really because I was in a bad mood, but I was just so exhausted. Yeah.
00:15:08
Speaker
Running on like two hours of sleep sometimes. there's There's a mental and emotional labor to be in a space you don't want to be in. And when you don't want to be at work, but you're stuck there all day because you have to, know, there are days for me, I work remotely and there's still days for me where I'm like, I'm doing anything possible just to hang on.
00:15:25
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Because I do not want to be at my computer right now, but I have to be. But I have be. So like anything above my bare minimum is asking too much. Luckily, this person does know what happened because I went to work.
00:15:39
Speaker
I went to work the next day after there I saw you. I think it was still adrenaline. that I was still kind of running on. I had to pull them aside because this person was still texting me and I was nervous that this person was going to come to work. Although now I realize, in hindsight, that was silly because he doesn't own up to shit.
00:15:56
Speaker
I pulled him aside and I was like, here is everything. And they were like, wow, okay. But sure I do just want to acknowledge the fact that One, we're going to be seeing each other. Two, I don't want it to be weird because i really did like this specific person, even when I was grumpy Gavin, to say the very least.
00:16:17
Speaker
And, you know, doesn't have to be a big thing. If you haven't thought about it, you haven't. But I just wanted, you know, for me to kind of clear the air and I hope you're doing well, yeah whatever. It's just like, I really want it to be a no, very no pressure Yeah.
00:16:33
Speaker
No, doesn't have to answer doesn't have to do really anything doesn't have to be that we're going to be friends and hang out. But it's important to me from all the times in my past that I did not own up and I did not do the hard thing, but the necessary thing for very important things.
00:16:53
Speaker
It's important to me now in my adult life to take accountability where I feel is appropriate. And especially if i'm going to be seeing this person, I know people who know them. I really want to show that there has been growth because there has been.
00:17:09
Speaker
And there's a lot more thoughtfulness in what I'm saying. All of that. I want it to be known that I thought about everything.
00:17:20
Speaker
yeah I put it into action. Yeah. Yeah. And I just feel like that's kind of the most effective way. At least that's the way I try to do it. I went to a pride event a couple weeks back and i was terrified the whole time because of all the people I was going to cross paths with and all the people I did cross paths with and did see and got a lot of glares from and all the rest. I feel like a year before, two years before I would have had such a different reaction because for me, it was like, well, I know who I am. I know what I'm about.
00:17:47
Speaker
yeah I did try to own up for my part. It fell on deaf ears. And so at this point, it's not my problem anymore. Now I'm just going to live the life that I want to live. and And if people want to continue living back then, that's fine.
00:17:59
Speaker
That's not my choice. And I have no power over that. I think a part of that too is like... if it falls on deaf ears, then there's a part of me that thinks, you know, I don't blame you.
00:18:10
Speaker
I don't think you're wrong for that. Yeah. Nobody owes me forgiveness. No, they know that's not what you're saying. It's more just about at this point, it's not my problem anymore because it's just, yeah, at this point, like everybody's moving on. Right. yeah So I'm like, cool. You don't have to care. yeah Like, go I just wanted to do this thing.
00:18:24
Speaker
I forgot what it was like leaving that job. Yeah. I like bringing it up again. It wasn't just, I put my two weeks and that was it. There was The specific area of this company that I worked in were next to each other all day.
00:18:37
Speaker
h and we're constantly in communication. And I knew these people from like just a month and a half after I moved to Vancouver. Yeah.
00:18:48
Speaker
Up until last May, it was a hard switch to do Although definitely a blessing. Yeah. I definitely get along. with the folks that I work with at this current job a lot more in a deeper, lighthearted way than I did at my previous job because there's more people like me.
00:19:08
Speaker
This what I want to lead into is that it was like, i was realizing just now, I was like, I took us down a dark path. Let's lighten up. But it also, I think it's important to lay that foundation to recognize that it's like, you know, we both have spent the last two years rebuilding quite a bit. yeah And I think it's important to recognize that. And
Social Engagements and Timing
00:19:22
Speaker
it's important to celebrate that and to, you know, and then also to then move through it and say like,
00:19:27
Speaker
what I see you doing now, you know, like this last year where I see you going is almost like a different person in a lot of ways in the best sense of it, you know? yeah And I'm curious about, do you think it's just being around other queer autistics or is it like, what's the piece that's been bringing you the most joy lately around all this?
00:19:46
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I definitely think that that is a big one. I think because of the area I was working in, I was doing a little bit of customer service, but it was more when I was essentially the receptionist.
00:19:59
Speaker
sure And I hated that. I told my manager at one point that I was listening, I'll cover breaks and shit, but I only want to do once a week when I was doing. sometimes three days of my preferred area and two days of reception. and But sometimes it would be four if somebody called in sick or if somebody was on vacation.
00:20:17
Speaker
And I eventually was like, stop this. The reception part, I just can't do. like i There were times where people deserved ah a little bit of rudeness coming from me. I'd get in trouble every single time. Half the time I was like, well...
00:20:30
Speaker
I kind of thought I'll apologize to you and I'll recognize there could have been a different way, but like, I don't know if I fully regret it. But the other part was like when people were late or early, um have a schedule.
00:20:43
Speaker
Like you have to follow my schedule. You can't put me up there because if somebody's late, I'm gonna like, you're late. yeah And my manager would be like, you can't just like, and I'm like, well, they're late. yeah Like, I know they know that, but I want them to know that I know.
00:20:57
Speaker
yeah that When I tell you scheduling things, timing things is one of my biggest hatreds of Vancouver. This city drives me fucking nuts for it because I'm like, you told me six o'clock. So I'm there at six o'clock. Why is nobody else here? Why is everybody like, oh, well six means i show up at 830. I'm like, no, get fucked. You told me six, so I'm here at six.
00:21:16
Speaker
You and I have had this when we go out to a party. yeah just I don't know why that's not the same for me. I think my desire to not look like a complete dork overpowers.
00:21:31
Speaker
I mean, I'm, I just think you told me six. So I showed up at six. If that makes me a dork, then don't tell me six, you know, I think of the scene from Avatar last airbender in the last season where they go to Ember Island.
00:21:45
Speaker
They're invited to a party very reluctantly. And like, this is Princess Azula and Zuko and their gang. And she arrives hours before everybody else.
00:21:56
Speaker
And she was like, I heard you tell somebody that you were going to be partying from dusk to dawn. It's dusk. So we're here. Yeah. And i whenever I watch it, I giggled and I'm like, I think that's James.
00:22:10
Speaker
Yes. My course. Yes. So far. yeah yeah But did yeah because I'm like, one, that's James. And two, that's everybody else as well. But yeah I've had people in my life be like, why are you leaving now? And I'm like, well, we have to go.
00:22:22
Speaker
yeah and they are shaking their head at me and being like sit down. The lead up to it is hard but by the time we get there and parties like you know a couple more people are there I feel better because I'm like I do not want to show up first or second.
00:22:40
Speaker
That's the worst. That's the worst. There's more focus on each individual person when I'd rather be in a in a bit of a group with a lot of my safety people no and i guess for me it actually is preferable to have a smaller group but like yeah i like it when it's smaller because then it's not so like oh fuck i want to talk to all these people but i can't because i can't hold you know so it's like nice to just be like you know i i hate knowing that everybody else thinks i'm a big dork for being the first one but at the same time too i feel no shame about it because i'm like look if you wanted me to show up at eight tell me to show up at eight you know like if you want me there at six tell me at six but like
00:23:14
Speaker
Well, it's hard if you and I ever go to the birdhouse. But I'm like, yeah, but I'm old and I want to go to bed. i want to those balance. You know, if I am going to Logan's and I know everybody there, I'll show up like 30 minutes before or on time or like whatever.
00:23:28
Speaker
If I am going to a friend's place, like from work, I work with a lot of people who are younger than me. Not super significant, but there are people who are very Gen Z. I work with someone who just turned 20.
00:23:42
Speaker
Jesus Christ. I know. they were born. it' It's not as bad for me, but I'm like, there's ah almost a decade. No, that sucks hard. But I, if somebody's having a party and I know that I'm only going to know two people, I'm going to just make sure that I'm going to meet up with those two, two, three people because everybody, all the friends that I know are shitty texters.
00:24:03
Speaker
yeah So if I'm like, hey, where are you at No. But the day before, I'm like, I'm going to your place first. yeah I'm not going. Yeah. And we're showing up. See, at that point. You're running the show now. I was going to say, at that point, I'll let it go.
00:24:15
Speaker
Because my concern for time is purely if I'm deciding, for whatever reason, i have to go alone or I've decided to be brave and I'm going to go alone. You know? That's the only time when I'm like, well, you told me six, so I'm there at six.
00:24:25
Speaker
But if it's like, oh, yeah, we're meeting up somewhere else, then all my cares are gone. Because now I'm like, now you're responsible. You're daddy. yeah I'm just baby. I'm here to just go. A hundred percent. I'm like, I am no longer Papa today. I'm, I'm the wee little baby. yeah Exactly. Right. Exactly. i find I think that's something actually that I kind of miss the last two years have caused me to really contract my friend group substantially, you know, and my consistent connections are, there's so few of them now that I don't have as many chances to be like,
00:24:57
Speaker
Can I be baby? I'll let you be baby if you want to do whatever, but that means we're not showing up at nine o'clock. You can't be like, I want to be baby and then argue with me that it starts at nine.
00:25:08
Speaker
No, that's fair. That means you have to listen to me. That's valid. I can do that. But as I said, that means you have to invite me to things, you know? So this is not meant to be become a hostile subtweet. After work, I go to a friend's place. I want to be clear. This is not intended as some kind of hostile subtweet thing. Okay. I did feel attacked for a second. I'm sorry. You have to invite me to things. You have to invite me.
00:25:26
Speaker
I do even less. I work from home. I have no i have no coworkers to go out with. after I
Pro Wrestling and Community Connection
00:25:34
Speaker
it. That is a bad excuse. And I've grown to resent it.
00:25:37
Speaker
I take two buses to get to you. Well, then learn how to drive. I know how to drive. I did let my license expire for sure. It's what stops me from doing some fun things because I'm like, I have to go on a bus.
00:25:48
Speaker
Right? Yeah. If it's on a Main Street, I'll go because can walk. If it's not on Main Street, I'm like, I'm out. One thing that has developed over the last year that I'm so fucking glad has happened is...
00:26:00
Speaker
not only awakening your love for pro wrestling, but just like the group, this new group that you have graciously pulled me along into who all love pro wrestling as well.
00:26:12
Speaker
I cannot tell you in proper words, how much it actually genuinely means to me because I am somebody who I've loved pro wrestling my whole life. And when I was in Saskatoon, I had a group of people who we would always watch pay-per-views together. of my best friends of my entire life, we bonded over pro wrestling and coming here and not knowing everybody who liked it.
00:26:33
Speaker
And then hearing this rumbling about Boom, right? Having some of my university fans being like, you have to come. You're going to love it. You have to come. It took me like two years to finally show up. And then when I finally got there, it was a revelation.
00:26:46
Speaker
And the fact that you responded the same is just like, it's meant so much to me. so you know i I grew up with older brothers. Yes. One of my sisters. we all It was the ninety s Everybody liked wrestling.
00:26:59
Speaker
You know? And I grew up like, you know, Early 2000s, like mid 2000s, when obviously it was so it's still going on.
00:27:09
Speaker
yeah But I think in that time frame, there was a lot that I that i was witnessing that just like made me uncomfortable. a lot of the things that were being said, and this is just a thing that has gone on.
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah. Wrestling did, but I didn't know how to... I just felt like I couldn't compartmentalize like the things that they were saying. I knew that wrestling was. but A lot of it is acting.
00:27:34
Speaker
Yeah. But I think as a kid, obviously, I i i didn't know how to tell difference. Well, and that was... It's all real. pre Predetermined is the word I like, you know? Yeah. But but it's like...
00:27:45
Speaker
that era too, like the WWE in the two thousands was fucked. It was, it was dark it was weird and it, and it got hit with a dark. Yeah. So it was a bad, it was a bad time.
00:27:56
Speaker
You know, I played the video game with my brothers fuck yeah when they let me play their video games. I'm also coming from a place of really not a whole lot of wrestling knowledge. Yeah.
00:28:07
Speaker
And it was first talked to me by my sibling, And it was boom specifically. They didn't, I, if they did say the name, I didn't remember. yeah And I was like, I don't want go this thing. Yeah. And it wasn't until after I met Logan that she was like, you should to this thing. And I'm like, no, I'm good.
00:28:25
Speaker
Especially if the tickets are that expensive, yeah expensive. I mean, it's worth it, but like, yeah it's not like 15 bucks. not cheap So I'm like, I don't want to spend this money if I don't know if I'm going to like it. and And that was my big thing.
00:28:37
Speaker
She was really, for months, she was she was trying to get me to go. Then when the season restarted, ah month after the season restarted, mutual friend of ours was going away. He had a season pass.
00:28:48
Speaker
She was like, can Harper use your ticket? And he said, yes. So she was like, you're going, you're not even paying for a ticket, but you're going to go and you're going to really love it. And I was like, eh, I'm still not sure.
00:29:02
Speaker
And it wasn't until she showed me a handful of wrestlers that she knew that I would be like, oh, and we both know the one wrestler that I was like, hey when is it yep which worked out and what's so funny is that my friends who had been pushing to get me there they actually had purposefully not shown me any wrestlers the only one that they told me about was randy because i already knew randy from comedy and from other wrestling shows but they were like randy's gonna be there and you just gotta see who else and that whole first show if i'm remembering right i think the first show i saw was the same as the first show you saw it was the first show you went to We were on the opposite sides of the room.
00:29:38
Speaker
And every single wrestler that came out, my jaw was just dropping lower and lower. you know It was the magic of having spent the last decade or so actively going to WWE, actively going to AEW shows and paying you know double what we paid, but being in nosebleeds.
00:29:55
Speaker
And then paying 30 bucks and being beside the ring was such a moment for me. And then on top of that being like, And that Adonis is sweating on me.
00:30:06
Speaker
You know, it was a revelation. yeah know It was awesome. You know, the group that we go with on top of them individually and as a group being really wonderful. Yes. the The pro also is that they've been going for years and that the area that we usually sit in is as far as my understanding goes is their area.
00:30:27
Speaker
Yeah. It's a double kind of whammy there to be like, well, like, That's awesome. no yeah And I remember after that first show, she was like, how did you like it? And I was like, I'm going to buy another ticket.
00:30:41
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I have not missed the show. Me neither. Since. I had $5 for a week and a half, but I got one. I knew it was going to be like that. Will was a little eye-rolly at that, but it's fine.
00:30:53
Speaker
It's important. yeah It is my favorite. I tell all of my coworker, I know so many that would want to go, but are like, eh, don't know. They're always like question mark. And I'm like, Hey, bitch, you better buy a ticket because yeah a week from now they're not going to be available. And it just feels like it gets more and more popular. Yes.
00:31:09
Speaker
Something that I'm like, you better buy a ticket because I got to figure out where you're going to sit. That's just it because it's probably not going to be with us. Yeah. Or you'll be standing or you'll be like one seat behind me because I'm, I like my aisle seat. would prefer to be in the front.
00:31:21
Speaker
Yeah. But I don't care if I'm in the front. I'll be in the back, but I'm having an aisle seat. One thing that I've really, you know, I want to talk deeper about the show, but one thing I really want to highlight that I truly cherish about.
00:31:32
Speaker
the monthly boom show is that no matter what, it lets me see all the people I want to see. You know, i always get to see Logan, always get to see the crew, always get to see my university friends, you know, shout out Amitai, Cam, Kyle and Shauna and all them, you know, like, so surprised you said Logan and not Keegan.
00:31:50
Speaker
Well, my sweet love, Keegan. I deserve, you know, honestly, I almost got a little too flustered to say Keegan. What a wonderful guy. Just pure. And also like the joke that you two are boyfriend.
00:32:03
Speaker
I didn't know that's a joke and I love it. Even Kelly is like, was like, Keegan is really sad that James wasn't, James wasn't coming to society. Kelly was like, I don't think so. And he was like, what?
00:32:14
Speaker
yeah And got really sad. And she texted me and I was like, not the boyfriend's being split up. oh my love. Oh no. But, it but it is, it is, that's the thing is it's, it's this magic guarantee to see everyone. So it's like, obviously I still try to you know, I admittedly this 2025 started out strong for me in like trying to, to be really proactive with connections and proactive with friendships.
00:32:38
Speaker
And as the months have gone on, it's gotten tougher and tougher. You know, there's just been, there's been so many factors, but I have really grown to lean on things like boom to know that, No matter what, if I didn't see this month, I'm going to see you at Boom. I'm going to see you at Boom. And that helps.
00:32:53
Speaker
you know dad It's such a magic environment. right It feels like you walk in and there's this crackling excitement that and flows through everybody.
00:33:04
Speaker
I also really love that They make it so entertaining for kids and for adults. yeah And we're all having the same level of fun. yeah Obviously there could be jokes that go over kids' heads, situations that go over their heads, but it's just as exciting for both the adult and the kid. And I think you have to be very clever and, and very smart and very clear in the humor for that to be an authentic thing.
00:33:34
Speaker
It's true. We're all screaming. The kids are like wide-eyed. It's really cute to see kids having so much fun and I'm having the same level of fun. yeah yeah And it's, it's yeah. And it's this, it's wrestling.
00:33:47
Speaker
Like there was a people beating the crap out of each other essentially and like throwing them onto the ground and everybody's like, wow. But it's magic. There was an incredibly magical moment that happened a couple shows ago. Casey was challenging for the belt, and there was a little boy behind me who was so invested in just Casey's well-being. but Oh, the comment that Brady made? Was it like that one? No, no, no. It was like during the first fight. For people who don't know the lore of Boom, it was actually the match that Brady...
00:34:18
Speaker
surprise one at the end but so it was the whole match it was Casey versus Jackie and it was like just this incredible match and nobody could decide who they wanted to win but there was this little boy behind me who was just like a hundred thousand percent Casey Alvarez you know and took me over the edge because I was like I need this little boy to be happy tonight yeah I want you to get what you want right you know but because of his buy-in I bought him more and now I'm a die-hard like I'm a ride die for him you know for Casey yeah Yeah. All time favorite wrestler. He's fucking incredible.
00:34:51
Speaker
He's also just like, he's unbelievable. There is something so like transcendent in a way of like allowing yourself to kind of return back to that childlike mentality of just like, let the cares go be away. Let yourself indulge in some black and white thinking, you know, like, but at least in a safe environment, not in like a, you know, I'm just regular and I'm,
00:35:14
Speaker
everybody's a bad guy, but like literally you are supposed to see things in black and white at wrestling. You are supposed to cheer. You're supposed to boo. Let yourself indulge that you have the catharsis and then just be Dazzled by the skill that it takes to do what they do. you know i tell all of my friends that the reason that I can be calm most of the month, the two reasons, one is my Vyvanse.
00:35:37
Speaker
yeahp And two is wrestling. yeah Because it gives you a place for you to woo and boo. And it gives you an opportunity to let all of that out to obviously within reason, but like you get to let all that out and you get to aim it at a person or people.
00:35:55
Speaker
and Who wants you to do that? Who want you to do that? yeah um And it's, so it's not, you're not just like at a concept, you know, everybody should be going to, you know, um,
00:36:08
Speaker
with riots not what I'm talking about the not that word but like you know things when it when it comes to Sudan and and Palestine and things that are happening all over the world like yeah what what am I thinking of?
Sobriety and Enjoyment of Wrestling
00:36:19
Speaker
No no no it's not no yes yes yes I just mean when you when you go to a thing with a bunch of other people oh it's protests like I mean I'm not denying that there's genocides i just I'm trying to find that one word you're going to protest those things yeah yes so yeah you know, you're booing a lot of these concepts and and these people, but wrestling, this person is right in front of you. They look you in the eyes and you can boo in their face.
00:36:45
Speaker
And there's something so cathartic about that. yeah. Especially for someone like me who has had a past of having a lot of anger issues. Sure. Has had a past of being snippy.
00:36:56
Speaker
and snappy and being really frustrated easily. And it's so genuinely cathartic for me personally. I get so much. It's not just the beautiful wrestlers.
00:37:08
Speaker
Yes. Okay. It helps. All of them. Yeah. Which is another change. I don't think I would have gone as much out of wrestling, yeah even with the woo and the boo, as I would have this time two years ago. Big time. i for sure don't think so. I definitely think i would have been drinking more, which I think would have taken a lot of the fun away from a lot of people. But yeah, I got to say sober wrestling actually fucking rules. I love, yeah you know, again, this is not me. You know, I talk a a lot about my sobriety on the show and I always make sure to remind everybody like this is not a a moral judgment. This is like, and I do better for you.
00:37:42
Speaker
Well, that's just it. I'm just constantly shook every time I go to wrestling and I have so much fun sober and I never expect to. Like, even though I've been to it like a dozen shows and every time I'm still like, yeah, but it it would be more fun drunk. Right. And then I'd get there and i'm like, no, this is fucking awesome, you know, because you just get into it. right I also don't think that it is more fun drunk.
00:38:01
Speaker
Yeah. but I think there's only been one or two shows that I drank just a little too much. And it's not. Yeah. It's not more fun because, you know, you're there, yeah but there it's this hazy, like tiny screen that's around, especially like for me.
00:38:20
Speaker
I know that I've told you this before that, you know, I'll drink. But I don't, there's only a handful of people that I'm comfortable getting drunk with or like anything past a little tipsy yeah because they don't like not being in control of that because I tend to say stupid things. I tend to just not think before you say something. yeah And I don't like that feeling at all.
00:38:46
Speaker
So I then tend to stray away and push away some people when I'm drinking. And I tend to get a little bit more quiet purposely because I'm like, don't, don't, yeah don't say words because sometimes the words are stupid or they're like, I don't mean silly, like, sure. Silly, but like, it's not, it's, it's just, not thought ah it's just not, it's not fun.
00:39:14
Speaker
so the most they'll do is like Yeah, I'll get little tipsy. Sure. But i yeah if there's like a group hangout after. Totally. But even by then, like I'm tired. I've spent all my energy. I'm like, I do have to work tomorrow.
00:39:29
Speaker
Yeah. My meds are now worn off. They have now officially worn off. And i I don't know how to hold conversations all that well. That's the other part of it is that it's like, I'm technically not sober. I'm high as a kite on fucking amphetamines. You know? That's true. You know? That's true. Yeah. My ADHD is the drunk I am.
00:39:49
Speaker
it's such a relief that you love wrestling. It helps so much, you know? Yeah. I think wrestling has done wonders for me. So many things that I don't think about until I have conversations like this.
00:40:04
Speaker
I talk about it with Logan quite often, but yeah, I think that,
00:40:13
Speaker
going to wrestling and being kind of thrown into this world that so many of the people that we go with and we sit with had grown up with or had been going at least a boom for a long time. yeah i just get to experience
00:40:33
Speaker
a new world. It's the trying something new and really liking it. I think it's gotten easier for me to talk to new people. It's gotten a little easier for me to be around a group of people, like a crowd of people.
00:40:48
Speaker
I have obviously good days and bad days with that, but it feels easier. As I said before, I'm a lot more relaxed, but it's also led me to this group of friends.
00:40:59
Speaker
yeah I have been going for almost a year now and it's only been the last couple of months that I have started to say my friends, instead of I have a friend who has this group of friends. And that is also, it feels really nice.
00:41:12
Speaker
Send a message to most of them. Yeah. And either asked to hang out or... I thrive when I have a friend group. I don't necessarily think that like, cause they've all known each other for so long.
Authenticity and Personal Journey
00:41:23
Speaker
I don't necessarily think I'm like, but I'm squeezing myself in there.
00:41:26
Speaker
yeah i have no I think of myself as like a sixth man position. You know what i mean? You can call me at any time, but I understand that I am not on the roster. I'm just, I'm on the roster. I'm just not like a starter. That's where I like to be. That's had years and years. rush. I'm a no rush she with me i'm not going nowhere.
00:41:46
Speaker
So i'm still invited to things, which feels nice, you know, and it feels nice to be thought of that way. I'm closer to obviously some people as I am to others, but sure yeah, with all of these changes over the last year and a half,
00:41:59
Speaker
I don't think i would be as confident as I am now without this specific group of people. Yeah. Because they're all so different from each other. The love and care that they have for each other and this history that they have is really nice to witness.
00:42:16
Speaker
ah lot of them are different from me, but... They're all just so themselves, like nobody's really biting their tongue doing whatever. yeah i appreciate all of these qualities about them. it's helped me grow. i don't think that, I mean, they wouldn't know that that's what they've done. couple of that yeah i good chunk of them know, you know, this person that has led me to.
00:42:38
Speaker
But that's like the piece of, you know, when you show up authentically, You know, authenticity isn't about you go, you you should do what I do because what I do is authentic. yeah Authenticity is no, this is just what I'm going to do.
00:42:50
Speaker
And you can observe and be inspired or you can observe and be not, but that's. ah none of that has anything to do with me. I'm just going to show up the way I show up because that's my authenticity. I've really come to realize that it's like the most authentic people and in the moments when I show up most authentically are when I'm not trying to tell anyone else what to do or how to do. It's purely just yeah I'm just showing up because this is what I'm going to do. you know And whatever you take from it,
00:43:18
Speaker
Cool. And if you take nothing, cool. they did None of it's my problem. Right? you know Something that was telling my mom just like five minutes before I logged in here was like, I don't think I knew who my authentic self was because I grew up the youngest by a significant amount of years in a dysfunctional family.
00:43:40
Speaker
And so, you know, I was sheltered. but Maybe not necessarily from, ah you know, I knew kind of what was going on, but you know, kudos to my siblings. i have five of them. I grew up with four of them.
00:43:52
Speaker
Kudos to my siblings for, for really not allowing me to like bear witness to a lot of things, but because I'm, I was always kind of told what to do and like wherever I would go, i would have someone with me.
00:44:05
Speaker
yeah And as a kid, you follow who And you you mimic who grew up around. So that's like, that's just human nature.
00:44:17
Speaker
But I think on top of that, I was kind of told what to do. Because what else are people who are essentially like all these people who are raising each other?
00:44:27
Speaker
but You can't, you don't know what you don't know, right? So yeah they're just teaching you what they know. And then as I got older, coming out as queer, living so far away from my family. yeah I was either criticized or judged or still kind of being led by them.
00:44:45
Speaker
At first I didn't, not at first, you know, I had a very rocky relationship with my mom who never ceased to tell me her opinion. And it usually was, very conflicting of what felt right to me. Yep.
00:44:58
Speaker
So i have always been on the fence of so many things because I didn't feel confident in the decisions that I was making. So I didn't know how to be authentic. And then when I moved here, actually don't care.
00:45:10
Speaker
I was living with someone who also was doing that. There was always a criticism. There was always something that I was doing wrong. And, you know, that wears down on you so much. And I just felt like I was kept making the wrong choice and I was not being a good person.
00:45:27
Speaker
and then I met that person who led me to. like have That's how and that's how to build, you know, like that's how that works is if all you've known is that then you're going to keep looking for that. I'm going to keep doing that. yeah And so it wasn't until.
00:45:42
Speaker
a very clean break of the job that I was at and this and that person and then another break in February from the person that was living with that I had to really think about who I was, what kinds of things I actually think are important to me, how I want to show up for people and what ways I can show up for other people without a feeling wrong.
00:46:10
Speaker
Now I'm around people who still give me like the hard truth. I still have friends that are like, okay, sure, but maybe not this.
00:46:21
Speaker
And i do I think everybody needs Everybody needs that. Everybody needs that. I don't consider friends. What I consider a friend is somebody who's not going to enable me. you know yeah To me, a friend is somebody who's going to say, hold your horses. like That's way more loving to me than like, fuck yeah. I do all these bad things because it's funny and fun or because you made that choice.
00:46:38
Speaker
yeah That's called an enabler and I want none of them in my life. Exactly. Which is why sometimes my friends joke that I'm not fun to gossip with because I'm like, i don't I'm like, I don't know how to answer this. i But yeah, I think that one of the things that I was excited for about doing this, this podcast specifically was that I think I do know closer to who I am authentically.
00:47:06
Speaker
therapy also has helped with that of course but because i can stop and think and i am taking myself and my body more into consideration of what feels good and what doesn't feel good and why that's also important i never questioned why something felt off or uncomfortable to me and was like a year and a half into moving here until couple of people were like You're not just quirky, dude. You're the hard word.
00:47:34
Speaker
You're literally telling me that you bring three pairs of socks and three pairs of shoes to the beach because if you feel sand on your feet, like you want to break down and cry. yeah That's not a quirk.
00:47:46
Speaker
And I was like, sir. But I didn't ask why. And yeah, I think... Being around this new group of friends, doing these new activities like wrestling, starting a new job, making new friends at work that are a lot closer to my personality, including my manager, quite frankly.
00:48:03
Speaker
Yeah. Who I am and and how i show up isn't wrong just because someone says it's wrong. Yeah. Four or five different people are saying that's not the best way.
00:48:18
Speaker
Sure. yeah I'm better at taking feedback now. Okay. Awesome. I hear you. I'll think about it and like, I'll shift that. But just because one person who is very unhappy with their life says that the way that I am showing up is narcissistic actually if I'm just going to be verbatim yeah it doesn't and selfish it doesn't make it true like just because someone says something doesn't make it true and I think it took a long time to be able to tell myself that that I'm like maybe they're wrong yeah
00:48:52
Speaker
Maybe I'm not a bad person. Yeah. That's been my quest for the last couple of years Exactly the same drive of realizing that the reason I kept on taking in other people's opinions of me, and it would always be different and chaotic. I must be a piece of shit. I must be this. I must be that.
00:49:06
Speaker
Was because I'd never given myself the chance to actually sit down and be like, not only who are you actually, but also who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? You know? How do you, what do you want to do? Like what kinds of things make you happy? Why are you doing those things?
00:49:19
Speaker
Like what is stopping you? Yeah. from doing a B or C and working out is one of those things like going to the gym. I still care a lot about what people think of me. Sure. Especially I think it's non-binary thing. It's like a body dysmorphia as well. I've always grown up a little chunkier.
00:49:35
Speaker
It's all of these things mixed in. yeah And it gets, i got to this point where I was like, is that really going to be the thing that stops me after being out for over half my life as a queer person, almost half my life as a trans person.
00:49:47
Speaker
Yeah. on the east coast so yeah like the coast i'll kill you brunswick i was like in the military town okay so i'm like that's when i was coming out and i'm like i'm afraid of like what people are are gonna think of me even though i have those experiences yeah i grew up in high school in that area oh yeah one of the only out trans people i think i was the only out trans person in my graduating class which was small yeah So I'm like, what am I doing?
00:50:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yesterday when I walked into the gym, Will was like showing me around and then we went into the strength of the weightlifting and I was like, take me out of this area right now. I'm terrified. he was like, okay, we're going to have to go in here eventually.
00:50:28
Speaker
And when we did, i was still nervous. I was like, wish I had my sunglasses. I wish they had workout sunglasses. don't have to make eye contact with anybody. And once i started there was a point of me as something flipped that i was like oh actually i don't care don't care don't care because i have all those memories came back but it wasn't bad it was like yeah i'll just compare these two but like this time i'm not gonna you know get yelled at or something thrown at me because it's not the same moment right if that happens then i'm an adult now there's cameras everywhere there's other people that would step in so i have friends think for that obviously therapy of course but yeah
00:51:02
Speaker
I genuinely think wrestling did have to.
Reflections and Future Plans
00:51:05
Speaker
I actually do think I have to give a lot of kudos to that. yeah It's a magical art. Better than Disneyland. Take your kids to wrestling. and Spend what you would spend on a Disneyland trip at Boom Wrestling.
00:51:14
Speaker
yeah Just buy the season pass. yeah whole fam jam and then you're all good. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh, Gavin, I love you so much. You're the best. I love you, dude. You're the best. It's just so lovely to catch up with you. We're going to to see each other in person sooner. I was just about to be like, okay, so now. Yeah.
00:51:31
Speaker
Right. Exactly. Not wrestling for another month. Exactly. We don't have that excuse. Right. So we'll figure this out off mic. But before we wrap up, I want to you know, traditionally the show is exploring direct questions of community. I think what's magic about this conversation, what I really loved about this conversation was that I think it's a new direction that's been happening in the last couple of interviews, which is like evoking the actual practice of community and not just talking about it in theory. actually, just we're part of each other's community. Exactly. And instead of being like, here's a tip instead of being like, this is what community looks like.
00:52:02
Speaker
And this is and, you know, and like, go do go do that or go do the equivalent that works for you rather than these kind of like sterile pointers. But that being said, do you have something that you would recommend listeners try this week, kind of an actionable thing they could try out to be a more effective friend to themselves or community? But sort of like, what would be something that you could recommend to just sort of try out to bring a little joy into their life this week?
00:52:28
Speaker
I think the obvious answer is go wrestling. Yeah. But because, that you know, all of these wrestlers are like doing you know different things yeah for different companies.
00:52:40
Speaker
I think I would push people, especially younger people, younger than me. Yeah. to have quiet time with their friends and whatever the quiet time is. So for me, what my partner and I call quiet time and what I call when I hang with my friends is like, I want to be with you. i want to hang out with you.
00:52:59
Speaker
But it doesn't have to be one of us entertaining the other. yeah We could be, I guess. But the point is be around people, even when you're feeling just a little, not low, could be, but just like neutral, just like low energy.
00:53:14
Speaker
And the quiet time for us is Will and I will be on the couch or we'll be on the two separate couches. So it could be that we're still hanging out, but we don't, there's not a necessity to talk. There's not a necessity to share.
00:53:26
Speaker
There's not a necessity to really dig down deep yeah at all. We are just doing our own thing separately, but together, like we're hanging out together. yeah If there's reels, if there's a photo, if there's an art thing we're working on, we want to show.
00:53:41
Speaker
That's fully allowed. It's there. But I have found that i connect so well and I still feel fulfilled when I'm with my friends with just something.
00:53:54
Speaker
Nothing's really planned. We're not, we're not, we're going to do this. We're going to hang out with this person. This is what we're gonna do. doesn't have to be an activity.
Balancing Life's Demands
00:54:00
Speaker
Unstructured play. I just want come I just want to come over and just like hang out and like pet your cats and like,
00:54:07
Speaker
watch something yeah or to have something on the tv or like have something in the background yeah ah it makes me think of the times when you know it it makes me think of the times like when when we were kids and we you know i remember either i would call a friend or my friend would call and just be like hey do you want to just come hang out right you know and it's like i think coming back to that that unstructured play and that unstructured hang time you know and like it doesn't have to be productive and it doesn't have to be exciting everything or like you don't have to have so much fun i Exactly. It doesn't always have to be the best thing ever. Yeah. And I don't want, i don't want to feel like i to entertain someone and I don't want them to feel that for me either because my bucket gets filled when I'm with my friends, even if they're just like chatting away yeah or on their phone. Yeah.
00:54:49
Speaker
You know, that's fine. Just be present. Have fun. Yeah. yeah I love it. Especially younger folks because, you know, I think there's lot of pressure, you know, Gen Z. I don't know what's under Gen Z. I don't know that. Who knows? But they're also old enough. They're old enough to know better. That's what I know. Yeah, it's true.
00:55:09
Speaker
But these generations don't give a fuck, man. yeah Like the thing that's good and bad. But the thing that's changed is like. They will s there. I mean, Gen Z humor is funny and also not funny. Like it's so random, which makes it funny, but sometimes I think there's a ah lot of pressure for younger folks to be living life to the absolute fullest, yeah which I think is a really great thing to think about when you're thinking about your life.
00:55:36
Speaker
But I think that there, there should be a lot of talk of balance for younger folks who understanding that they're burnt out or Don't understand that it can be quite as simple as I want to be with you, but and can we just simply hang out? Because if you're feeling it, other people are definitely feeling it.
00:55:54
Speaker
yeah You don't have to be doing something all the time. If you want to be, that's great. yeah You don't have to. I wish I would have been told that when I was a teen, because I wasn't. yeah So I still struggle with that as an adult when I daytime have days, like I was productive today, thank you Vyvanse, but on days where even if I do take my Vyvanse and I literally just lay in bed all day, and I feel a complete garbage. And not because I laid in bed all day, but because I didn't do anything that I deemed productive. you right and my friends like you know But it's your body and brain being like, shut the fuck up, lay down. You just need to listen to it yeah a lot more. yeah a know
00:56:29
Speaker
I got up to pee and I did like four dishes and I was like, well, that's as far as I got. Proud of you? oh my God, I'm proud of you. I'm so proud you didn't pee in the bed. you know there's Totally. I haven't done that, although I think I was maybe 12 or 13.
00:56:41
Speaker
There's moments... one time when I was really, really drunk when I was 21. Yeah, there are moments in my adult life. like There were moments like last week where I'm just like... I mean, I don't do it, but there's always that intrusive thought where I'm like...
00:56:53
Speaker
I'm just going to pee. What if I just peed right now? What if I just peed right here? Yeah. i Like, i don't want to get up. I have to pee so bad, but I don't want to, you know, what if I just peed? and But then I, but then I go through the motions of like, well, then I'd have to clean it up. I'd have to get up anyway. I'd have to clean my couch. So it's like, no, it's going to be better to, you know, right. It's not going to be warm forever. yeah At some point. Right. right And at some point it's going to be stinky. Funny thing is the reason not to is never because you shouldn't.
00:57:17
Speaker
It's always like, well, because it be inconvenient. Luckily I share a bed with someone all the time. So I'm like, also yeah that probably is something that he would not. You're going to want to get his consent with that before you start doing waterworks. you know I don't have a tarp.
00:57:30
Speaker
don't have anything like that. ah oh yeah I don't practice it. Do you have anywhere that you'd like listeners to find you? Do you want followers? you want to stay mysterious? Follow me. Don't follow you. Yeah, don't follow me on Instagram. You can tag me. That's fine. But I have it on private. So if I don't know you, I'll i'll decline. Love you. But please don't follow me.
00:57:48
Speaker
Yeah. I do feel like someday we're going to have to return to our magazine idea. i was thinking about that yesterday. We're going to have to get back to it. Because i really, I still want to do that. as So we'll sort of go back on that another time. have a lot more capacity now. so And I have a lot more interest in it now. What I mean is I have a lot more drive for it now. We'll talk off mic. But for now, going to wrap things up.
00:58:08
Speaker
Gavin Harper, I love you so much. Whoa. i got My heart got ahead of my mouth. I love you so goddamn much. i love you. You're just the best. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! a
00:58:22
Speaker
a