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Leveraging Habit Formation to Reduce the Mental Load , Promote Calm, & Create More Peace in Your Home
198 Plays1 year ago
The mental load of motherhood can lead to constant decision fatigue and a never-ending mental to-do list. One incredibly helpful strategy to combat this mental gymnastics is to harness the brain power of habit formation! Habits are also beneficial for our little ones, helping to promote security and confidence and reduce overstimulaiton.
In this episode, Jen will discuss:
- how habits can create lasting routines...
- how habits help reduce the mental load of motherhood...
- how habits can help create more peace and calm mentally, both for you and your little ones...
References:
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
The Importance of Creating Habits and Routine - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/#bibr5-1559827618818044
The Ultimate Guide for Helping Your Kids Create A Habit https://afineparent.com/habits/how-to-create-a-habit.html
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This podcast does not contain medical advice and is for entertainment purposes only.
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nervous system regulation; habit, stress and anxiety; elevated cortisol; holistic approaches; root causes of stress; postpartum; overwhelm; how to regulate your nervous system; how to lower your cortisol; habit formation; lasting routines; reduce mental load; motherhood; peace and calm; mental health; peaceful home; brain space
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Transcript
Introduction to Habits and Routines
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Bloom After Baby podcast. This is Jen and I'm recording a soil episode today. I'm going to be talking about habits and routines and really how habits and routines can make a big difference for your mental health, particularly in postpartum when there are so many decisions to be made, you're learning so many new things.
Understanding Habits vs. Routines
00:00:24
Speaker
and talk a little bit about how habits from a brain perspective really can make a difference in helping to regulate your nervous system and promote calm for yourself and also for your family. So how this applies to little ones and creating routines for little ones. So I want to start by talking a little bit about
00:00:48
Speaker
what habits and routines are and kind of the distinction between those and get into how the neuroscience of habits how we can actually kind of leverage that brain mechanism to create routines that are long-lasting and that we actually stick to so first I'll kind of just clarify the distinction between routines and habits and
00:01:12
Speaker
how this all fits in. So when we're talking about routines, we're talking more about behaviors, a normal sequence of events or behaviors. So for example, your family's bedtime routine or your morning routine and what that looks like. So your bedtime routine with your family is maybe a game after dinner, bath, brush teeth, read books, story, bedtime, that's a routine.
The Science Behind Habit Formation
00:01:37
Speaker
But the habit is more kind of the neurologic description. So what's happening at the level of the brain
00:01:42
Speaker
during those steps. So the main distinction is that habits are behaviors that are often done with little or no conscious thought, while routines are a sequence of behaviors that frequently are repeated but with conscious intention. And research shows that habits form when conscious choices are slowly integrated and reinforced across brain circuits over time. So by repeating actions over and over and over again,
00:02:10
Speaker
they become automatic and become a habit. So for example, getting up and brushing your teeth in the morning, you repeat that over and over again to the point where you don't have to remember to brush your teeth, you don't have to put it on a to-do list, you get up and it's automatic, you just do it, it's habit. And so that has to do with wiring parts of the brain that are specifically involved in habit
00:02:34
Speaker
behaviors and the actions involved while you're performing a habit. So let's talk a little bit about that, about that actual kind of brain neurologic perspective of habits. In 1999, psychologists from MIT identified
00:02:52
Speaker
what they call a habit loop, so portions of the brain involved in these behaviors. And they identified different steps related to different areas in the brain. So there are four steps, cue, routine, reward, and craving. And we'll get into those a little bit more, but those are what's defined as the habit loop.
00:03:13
Speaker
And they describe habit formation essentially as learning a habit and distinguish it from other types of learning that involves higher level of thinking. So, learning where kind of conscious learning that involves talking, thinking, word associations.
00:03:33
Speaker
Whereas habit learning is through parts of the brain that are unconscious areas, including an area called the basal ganglia. So we're often not aware when we're learning or developing habits.
The Role of the Brain in Habits
00:03:48
Speaker
So what drives that automatic or subconscious habit formation? Our brain is
00:03:56
Speaker
lazy. It's always looking to eliminate effort. And it's also always looking out for either reward or punishment in the sense that it's looking to make the connection between an action that results in a reward or an action that results in a negative outcome. And it files that information away in an area called the basal ganglia. Basal ganglia is primarily responsible for reward-based learning. It also has a wide range of functions involving
00:04:25
Speaker
voluntary movements and other things, but it's the main structure where we think of habit formation taking place. So this habit loop is a pattern or a circuit in the brain that contains those four elements, cue, response, reward, and craving.
00:04:40
Speaker
And it starts with, so I'm going to break those down. And let's start with Q. So, habit formation starts with the Q or trigger. And the Q is what instructs the brain to check if there's a pre-established routine or action to handle that situation.
00:05:01
Speaker
to set it in motion. So that's the response piece, the second part, the response. The response is the motion, and this can be mental, emotional, physical action, and then there is the reward. So that helps the brain determine if the sequence or that routine is worth remembering and repeating.
00:05:22
Speaker
and the reward can be an external or internal reward. So it can be an intentional reward that we that we is put in place or it can be something that's like an internal feeling.
00:05:37
Speaker
And we'll get into that a little bit more. But the critical part of the habit loop is what drives it all to perpetuate, kind of, and this is the craving piece. So according to, this is a journalist, Charles Duhigg, but is the author of the book, The Power of Habit. He says that unless the reward is something that results in a craving, the habit's unlikely to stick.
00:06:00
Speaker
So craving needs to become triggered the moment the brain encounters the cue. And then research shows that once the habit is formed, then the reward can often be removed.
00:06:12
Speaker
and that cycle can continue without the reward.
Benefits of Habits for Families
00:06:15
Speaker
But I'll break it down. I'll give some examples that I think will make it kind of a little bit more clear, but essentially the cue and craving become sort of intertwined from a neurologic perspective too. So an example of a common habit, think about when you automatically pick up your phone and start to scroll articles on social media. There's the cue, which is often boredom or lack of stimulation.
00:06:42
Speaker
and the action or behavior is picking up your phone to scroll and the reward is elimination of boredom and adopting mean hits with scrolling. The craving becomes the kind of overlaps with the cue so the craving becomes
00:07:01
Speaker
craving stimulation or craving's lack of boredom. And again, the cue being when you're starting to feel bored or unstimulated. So that example kind of illustrates too that sometimes habits are reinforced through avoidance of an uncomfortable feeling or procrastination can become habit in that sense. So your reward is avoiding or preventing a negative feeling.
00:07:28
Speaker
And then the craving becomes simply kind of the impulse to avoid that negative feeling or to find a more desirable feeling that you gain when you do the other thing, like scrolling in that example. So let's take a step back and think about how habits can be beneficial when it comes to creating more peace and calm for yourself and in your household.
00:07:53
Speaker
There is a connection. So again, like I said, our brain loves habits. Habits take less energy, they don't use higher level thinking, cortical areas of the brain. So from a neurologic perspective, that habit loop is efficient, it's streamlined, it's cost effective, and your brain's always looking for paths of least resistance.
00:08:14
Speaker
In fact, research shows that behaviors people consider habitual lead to less emotional arousal than new behaviors, and we see that in kids for sure. So that's part of the reason that habits can feel good for kids, that there's less of the decision-making effort, the strain and stimulation that comes with that.
00:08:36
Speaker
and less of the unknown.
Creating Effective Routines
00:08:38
Speaker
And when the brains can anticipate what's next, they'll feel more secure, more confident. So part of that has to do with there's less activation in areas of the brain involved in stress response associated with uncertainties. So why would I use all this time talking about the formation of habits? It's because we can use that brain science of habit formation
00:09:04
Speaker
to help structure our daily routines in more effective ways that we'll actually be able to stick to and adhere to using those brain habit loops. So the goal is really to develop routines that become somehow habitual, that don't require conscious effort or thought or decision making.
00:09:25
Speaker
And then we'll be able to stick to them better. And again, along with all of that, promotes a sense of calm, confidence, security in the brains of our little ones. So I'll go through a couple examples now of how you can make some of your daily routines more habitual and kind of breaking down the routines into portions that can become essentially habits.
00:09:54
Speaker
First, I'd like to clarify too, and we're talking about kind of how to develop this, that there's no specific timeline for how long it takes for routine or behavior to become a habit. There is a myth around 21 days, and that had come from a study by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, who is a famous plastic surgeon from the 1950s, and he'd
00:10:16
Speaker
observed that it took about 21 days for patients to get used to their new appearance after a nose job and Somehow that number became kind of a golden rule of habit formation but Scientists nowadays agree that it can take
00:10:32
Speaker
likely anywhere from 18 to 254 days is what research shows to form new habits. So anyways, just keeping in mind that it can take weeks to months to really form into a habit.
Practical Habit Examples
00:10:45
Speaker
And in terms of when you want to think about implementing a habit into your daily activities,
00:10:53
Speaker
Obviously, there'll be lots of times during the day that we aren't sticking to routines, but the best time to have kind of a regimented habitual routine is times of transition. So like morning and bedtime routines, after school pickups, meal times,
00:11:11
Speaker
Transitions that can be really tough or where there's more unknowns, less predictability, higher emotional strain. So using these areas of the brain involved in habit and predictability and those times can be less emotionally straining for you and for your kids. It's more comforting for your little ones. So I go through a couple examples of how we can create habits in our morning routine.
00:11:39
Speaker
So for example, say your morning routine is something along the lines of your little ones waking up, having breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth, brushing hair, putting on jacket shoes, grabbing bags, getting out the door.
00:11:55
Speaker
Where in that sequence do you usually find there's the most struggle? For our family, often it's the time between wake up and breakfast is often challenging. And so one way we looked at creating
00:12:13
Speaker
more of a habit between that sequence or that transition. That was one of the first places I looked to kind of implement a habit. So let's first create kind of going back to that cue response reward, create a clear cue for breakfast time. So we're trying to get from wake up to breakfast time smoothly.
00:12:33
Speaker
And a lot of times what would happen would be like my toddler would walk into the living room, start pulling out toys, getting distracted with other things. And so what we started doing is having her breakfast all ready to go. Usually it's just oatmeal, having it ready to go at the table where she usually eats all her meals.
00:12:53
Speaker
And then we would use the phrase when she woke up, your breakfast and milk are on the table when you're ready. So it's not a question, there's no decision making. The cue is verbal there, that it's there in the living room, ready to go. And then there's the visual cue too when she gets into the living room that her breakfast is there, ready to go, she sits down to breakfast.
00:13:19
Speaker
And then the routine, so the cues are in place and then the routine of actually sitting down to have breakfast, we included reading her book while she eats. And so it's part of the routine and then the reward too, in the sense that the reward is she enjoys reading the book with us. So it's essentially an intrinsic award.
00:13:42
Speaker
Reward and then after she finishes breakfast she gets some playtime. So she knows as soon as breakfast is over We're going to do an activity before she gets dressed. So There's a built-in kind of external reward there as well that she's gonna have playtime I guess that would be an intrinsic reward too, but so Then the craving piece becomes a
00:14:07
Speaker
that once she finishes breakfast, she gets some playtime before moving on to the next thing. So she's looking forward to that playtime as well. So that's just one piece of that entire routine that has become this series of steps repeated over and over that is actually kind of creating that habit loop in her brain going through those motions and has definitely become more habitual.
00:14:36
Speaker
for our family. Another habit example in our morning routine would be brushing her hair. So she hates it. She would always resist it. And so we looked to make that step more habitual as well. So what that looked like was we kind of sandwiched it. So in this case, breakfast and the book.
00:15:01
Speaker
So we, so the cue or the loop for this looks like, first of all, the cue. So we put out all our hair things in a basket, her hairbrush, spray, clips. And while she's eating breakfast, I pull out the basket and tell her, okay, I'm going to do your hair right now while you're having breakfast. And I asked her which clip or scrunchie she wants. So.
00:15:25
Speaker
That's the cue. And then I do her hair, brush her hair while she's having breakfast. So that's the routine. And then the reward is still that once her breakfast is finished and her hair is done, we have playtime. And so also,
00:15:41
Speaker
with coupling. So I'd say with this so the the cue is there that kind of visual cue and then also eating breakfast she knows is the time we do hair as well. The routine is doing them together and then that reward of playtime when it's all finished. And then also coupling the hair with eating that's something I learned from an OT to have some sort of kind of oral stimulation like eating chewing something to help distract and can kind of reduce
00:16:09
Speaker
the sensory input for kids that are more tactically defensive. So that was also a reason to kind of include that routine there. So those are two pretty simple examples of how we kind of use that science of habit to make steps in the morning routine a lot smoother. And it's definitely true you see with that structure and sequence
00:16:30
Speaker
um, that they come to anticipate those steps and kind of find them seem to find comfort and calm in that structure.
Applying Habits in Daily Life
00:16:37
Speaker
And again, like I said, I think this can also be really valuable postpartum when you are learning so many new things. There's all sorts of decision-making and mental gymnastics all throughout the day, keeping track of
00:16:52
Speaker
you know, things like feeding and baby sleep and just all of this information that you are trying to keep track of. Creating habits around little tasks can really free up some brain space. And so like another example there was laundry. I was really struggling or do really struggle to keep up with our laundry. And so one example of kind of creating a habit there could look like having a cue of
00:17:21
Speaker
You know on Tuesday well first of all the routine of Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm gonna do laundry and so the cue of in the morning. I have
00:17:31
Speaker
I'm putting the laundry basket out ready to take downstairs and then the routine of doing laundry first thing in the morning putting on a load before I get my coffee and then the reward of grabbing my coffee after I'm coming back from the laundry room.
00:17:51
Speaker
And then I started associating kind of that process of getting coffee with having finished the laundry. And so again, that's kind of a small example of a way to make a chore more habitual. And like I said, kind of free up some of that brain space for other important decision making.
Conclusion and Resources
00:18:16
Speaker
So for me personally, understanding habit formation and being able to kind of break down parts of the routine, kind of a process around that, it's been really effective. I hope you'll find it helpful too and really finding more calm and predictability and comfort for your kids and your family in your day-to-day activities.
00:18:40
Speaker
I'll link some of the information and some of the references that I talked about in the show notes. So if you'd like to learn more about habits and also some good resources for creating more types of habitual routines for your little ones, check out the notes. And as always, please reach out on Instagram with any thoughts or questions. I always love hearing from you and definitely helps me know what topics information you need more of.
00:19:08
Speaker
If you enjoyed this episode and you found it helpful, please go ahead and hit subscribe and leave a review and any feedback. Also, you can find me over on at Bloom After Baby on Instagram and I always love hearing from you guys and what topics you want to hear more of. Thanks so much for tuning in. Bye.