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9. New Year Mindsets for 2024, Let's Slow Down Together, with Jen & Rachel
126 Plays1 year ago
This week, Jen and Rachel share some strategies for embracing the holiday season with little ones. They reflect on how the holiday celebrations have changed after babies, and discuss some of the challenges like leveling expectations and rebounding from thwarted plans amidst the chaos of cold and flu season.
Jen also gives an overview of some of the new services that Bloom After Baby plans to launch in the new year, including online courses and small group online classes.
You can learn more about Rachel's California-based group therapy practice and how you can work with her at www.racheldaggettlmft.com or on instagram @rachelscouch
If you enjoyed this episode and found the information helpful, please rate and review! This is the best way to support the show and let us know which topics you'd like more of.
Additionally, we'd love hear from you - find us on Instagram @bloomafterbaby and let us know what you think of the show or what topics you'd like us to cover!
*Please note that this podcast is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for seeking individualized care from a mental health or medical professional*
Stay Tuned for more to come from Rachel Daggett and Dr Jen Jordan on all things motherhood and mental health - real mom experiences and insights from a licensed psychotherapist and medical doctor.
Learn more about us and access all of our courses, services, and free resources at bloomafterbaby.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Bloom After Baby
00:00:02
Speaker
You're listening to Bloom After Baby, the podcast. We're your hosts, Rachel Daggett and Jen Jordan. We're a therapist and a doctor and both moms of two. We're here to discuss the mental health and wellness needs that are unique to motherhood. From confusing hormone swings to your expanding body to boundaries and tricky relationships, we'll give you the information you need to experience motherhood in a way that feels good to you.
00:00:30
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in. Let's get to it. All right. Hello, my dear Jenny. We are recording this in the midst of the holiday season here of 2023. And when all of you are listening to this, it will be right as the holidays are wrapping up probably the first week of January when this one rolls out. So Jenny, how are you doing? We're in a chaotic period right now.
00:00:54
Speaker
We are, I feel like we're in the thick of it when it's actually only December 5th right now and we're recording. So the holidays are just starting, but in our family, we have two birthdays, the first week of December or last week of November. So that plus Thanksgiving, it's been wild.
00:01:09
Speaker
Yes. I feel for you. Yeah. I want to hear, I know that you guys are in the midst of some interesting sleep transition. I want to hear what's going on in your household this week. Oh yeah. Sean and I woke up this morning and just one of those days where all
Holiday Excitement and Challenges
00:01:25
Speaker
you can do is laugh and wonder, is this my life? And sometimes I'm just like, am I being pumped right now? Like where's the hidden camera?
00:01:32
Speaker
A read, our almost four-year-old, has recently decided that he's going to wake up at 4, 4.35 a.m. and come into our room, which is fine. We don't mind that. And it'd be great. I would love to snuggle with him in those early mornings and sleep, but he chooses not to sleep. He chooses instead to bring a big-ass pile of wooden blocks and puzzles into the bed and clank them around and throw them around and sing.
00:01:55
Speaker
jingle bells at the top of his lawn and try to get our attention in any way possible. So he's been doing this for a few weeks now and we're just trying every trick in the book to convince him to stay in his room until a certain hour. And we've used like fairies for everything in this house, the body training, the diaper fairy, the bedtime fairy for working with bedtime routines. And it does work really well for him. He loves fantasy and it's such a great imagination. Um,
00:02:22
Speaker
And so we did figure out a way to essentially to convince him to stay in his room until a certain hour in the morning. And he went to bed last night feeling pretty confident that he was going to do it and that we were going to be able to sleep until our alarms went off at 6.15.
00:02:37
Speaker
And he did, he stayed in his room. He actually got up on his own, turned on a little Christmas tree in his room by himself. And he was doing puzzles by himself in his room instead of coming in to serving us. But late 4.53 AM instead, our almost nine month old decided to wake up and cry and cry. And she hasn't done that in ages. I've been spoiled with her. She's been a great sleeper. But we're just like, is this like a whack-a-mole? What is happening? So yeah, it is all you can do is laugh. Because if you get frustrated, you're just going to be frustrated and pissed off all the time. So we laughed about it.
00:03:07
Speaker
feels like they're in the mood sometimes, right? Are they whispering? I'm going to appease them and stay in my bed longer this morning so you make sure you wake up. Can't let them breathe too much. So true. Yeah. No, it is. I don't know. It really might be some sort of energy thing where like the frequencies when one's calm, the other one has to balance that out. But in your household, I think part of it too must be just the energy of the holiday season because anyone who knows you're like the biggest Christmas elf ever, they're probably just like picking up on all the excitement that you have illuminating from you.
00:03:37
Speaker
Yeah. You did it to yourself. I really did. And my mom. Thank you, mom, because she, she, oh, it was just such a magic maker and she's the reason why I love Christmas so much now as an adult. But every year she does these advent pillows where each day of December, you don't just get like a full noodles, like traditional tiny pieces of chocolate, which is great and wonderful in my opinion. No, you get a basket and every day you get to open a present.
00:04:05
Speaker
You move the little pillow in the advent pillows and you pick a present and it's so fun. But I think that is probably with Reed. He isn't waking up really early because he's like, where's my present?
00:04:17
Speaker
I'm totally right. Oh, I didn't think about that. We did the Advent too in my house, but I didn't think about it. We haven't started it yet with Scotty. I hadn't thought about that being. Yeah. So look, you've totally done this to yourself. Were you not going to have a little Christmas elf that's up at four in the morning singing jingle bells? No, it's not in the jeans here. That makes sense to me.
00:04:35
Speaker
Oh, that's tough, though. That is definitely not sustainable during the holidays. Leap just feels like a just constant struggle in motherhood. And I guess that is one thing I didn't expect. But what have your experiences been, Jenny, with the holidays and motherhood? And how has that changed for you? Because I know, especially last year, you guys had a lot of hiccups and travel plans changing and illness and stuff. So how do you anticipate what you'll be feeling in about a month?
00:05:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, last year definitely lowered the bar for us on the holidays, the holidays with kids. Last year we'd had a fiasco, we were trying to fly to Hawaii and we'd had an ice storm that like never happens in Seattle and we'd had illnesses, norovirus, like rampage through our family that same week and then
00:05:21
Speaker
a road closure that thwarted our plan B. It was crazy. So yeah, I think that really set the standard of this time of year being so unpredictable for all sorts of reasons, but particularly
Managing Holiday Stress and Expectations
00:05:30
Speaker
in motherhood now it's cold and flu season, right? So that's going to sabotage plans undoubtedly at some point. And then I think the biggest takeaway was traveling during the holidays and also the, really just what the family gatherings looked like last year and having a toddler
00:05:47
Speaker
that point wasn't with a newborn, you have some stress and fatigue, but not necessarily the same chaos that comes with the toddler and for us 202. And just the idea that the trips, vacations, and like fun holiday celebrations are not necessarily celebrations or vacations. They're adventures, they can be
00:06:08
Speaker
quality family time, but they're going to be sometimes even more work than just your normal routine. That was a lesson last year. So we'll see going into it this year. We're definitely going into it like with that idea that we're going to make some memories, but it's going to be a lot of work and there's going to be lots of meltdowns and overstimulation. And I'm trying to psych myself up for all of that. Yeah. How about you?
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah, same. We haven't had as many, I guess, travel plans or opportunities to be derailed, but certainly the sickness. I think I've talked about on our Instagram that you missed two or three things. Giving's in a row due to illness. And I just don't remember that ever being a concern before kids. Like, it doesn't really matter as much if people were sick. It seems so crazy. Yeah.
00:06:49
Speaker
But I think for me, it's just been a lot of like level setting my own expectations of what this time of year is going to look like and letting go of my romanticization of what it should be and look like and how magical and wonderful it will all be. Because it really is overstimulating, not just for us, but for the kids and just allowing that to be and then figuring out a way to set, set us all up for success. Learn from what has occurred in the past and know how you need to adjust and
00:07:16
Speaker
Yeah, just make changes, hopefully proactively so that you know what to anticipate more instead of trying to do the same thing over and over again, even though it's not working. Did you guys, this is your second holidays with actual toddler age. Do you feel like you were able to do that last year? Like having learned from the year before what it felt like with a little one? I think last year was definitely the peak of so far with kids of the trials of the holidays. Part of that was because I was pregnant.
00:07:43
Speaker
and a miserable human being and really it was really gone through a rough time in his three. No, almost three is like two and a half to three. Your stage was the hardest for him. And yeah, we missed like quite a few things last year, not only because of sickness, but also because of his behaviors and his
00:08:01
Speaker
and just his struggle with emotions and sensory stuff, which of course had an impact on the entire household. It has helped though this year knowing how to set expectations with others too. Okay. You might, you may or may not be able to make this event and just how to organize things differently and just know that it's not just going to be all magical and fun and wonder just because it's the holidays that can actually cause more distress for everybody and just being okay with that and being there for each other, right? Like supporting each other through it.
00:08:27
Speaker
I haven't figured out a personal goal for what feels fulfilling around that though, because I think like that realization I was telling Eric, my husband the other day, like sometimes in those situations where it is supposed to be this special occasion, this wonderful gathering, and you're doing a lot of just maybe the deescalating and kind of behavioral stuff, or there's lots of meltdowns, whatever.
00:08:50
Speaker
It's not fun and I don't have a, I don't have closure around that. It just feels so sad to me that some of those situations, my expectations maybe are set and so I'm not surprised and I can navigate
Post-Holiday Reflection and Goal Setting
00:09:00
Speaker
through it. But at the end of it, I was telling Erica, this just bums me out that some of those things that are supposed to be at least fun, just don't feel like that. They just feel like a lot of work. I feel that too. Definitely after Thanksgiving, I felt really down and it was enjoyable on the outside, but there's always behind the scenes stuff going on when you're little. So trying to manage
00:09:19
Speaker
the tantrums or the potty accidents and all their feelings. And this generation of parents were working really hard at being really attuned with our kids and co-regulating. And that takes a lot of effort and energy emotionally. So yeah, I think it's like you're, and you're so on. There's so much adrenaline and cortisol pumping through you when you're doing that for and with your kids. So it only makes sense that there would be a little bit of that down afterwards. But yeah, it can just feel really sad. Yeah.
00:09:48
Speaker
So I would expect that in about a month, when Christmas breaks are winding down and everyone's taking their tree down, there might be some sadness, like there probably could be some collective
00:10:00
Speaker
sadness, grief, just low mood when people are listening to this. And so I guess I just want to name that you're not alone if you're experiencing that. Like historically winter is actually the time for us to go inward and hibernate a little bit. And I'm sure there's some real history stuff there with anthropology and everything, but it really is this time of year isn't supposed to be this like goal setting action period. So let's just give ourselves some grace right now as we go into the new year and be reflective and set intentions rather than
00:10:28
Speaker
kind of like make all these massive cheetos in ourselves. Yeah, no, that's a really good reminder. Yeah. And I think with that, one thing we've been thinking about is
00:10:36
Speaker
just slowing down around the holidays and slowing down probably in the new year to carrying that over that. Even scheduling in some weekends that we're planning to do nothing and having a few movie nights here and there that we don't normally do. And just like some really easy, simple, cozy, comfortable things when we can. I think last year, the year before we'd really looked at all these activities for little ones. And then yeah, like you said, starting the new year with.
00:10:58
Speaker
New family routines and adding and I think this year we're looking at what can we peel away make more space? Where can we make more space? We're so over scheduled No, we were taught to function that way right like in our culture. It's not anybody's fault but in our culture and in this society like we are taught to be over scheduled and to believe that the
00:11:16
Speaker
Most I don't know like the healthiest most productive way to be is to be doing and it's not I don't think that's really how we're supposed to operate and I Don't want that to be what our kid. Yeah to do all the time. So you can definitely model model a different way. I
00:11:34
Speaker
And I'm excited in the next few weeks, we're gonna have a couple of guests on that are full-time working moms that, or whatever type of time working moms that are balancing careers and littles and tons of other things. And so I'm excited. I definitely don't feel like I've yet mastered that in my motherhood.
00:11:52
Speaker
journey and so I'm excited to hear more from other people who are in it of how they're balancing it all because my tendency for sure has always been to just try harder and push harder and I think we're going to be able to get some good tips from experts who've done it of ways that we can make that look different and look like less. Yeah, I'm so excited for the guests that we have lined up this year and we're really only on like months
00:12:16
Speaker
I'm counting on my fingers because I have math challenge. But for this whole thing of our business that we're building together and we have a lot ahead and we're really appreciative of those of you who are listening, who are supporting us, Jenny and I really believe in what we're doing and we are definitely learning as we go. But we appreciate all of you who are
00:12:35
Speaker
supporting and following us, whether you knew us before or not. And we want your feedback too. And yes, I don't hesitate to reach out to us. Yeah, for sure. We're loving the input on social media. That's probably the easiest place to join in the conversation and give us feedback. And we're starting to have more discussions going on there. So that's exciting. So yes, please find us and keep it coming. Plus, let's just keep this short and sweet since we're just going to the new year. And again, we're not trying to
00:12:58
Speaker
push anybody to do anything crazy this week. But I just want to encourage everybody to take things slow and in whatever way you can, in whatever capacity you can control that, just moving slowly into the new year versus trying to propel yourself to a whole new version of you that's just realistic and it's not necessary. So let me think about some intentions you have in motherhood in regards to your own mental health
Introducing New Courses and Support Groups
00:13:20
Speaker
and wellness for the new year. And we will be here to support you through all of it and hopefully be some guiding light, but also
00:13:27
Speaker
learn right along with you. All right, before we go today, Rachel and I want to give you guys a little bit of an update about what types of services and resources we plan to offer in the new year. So to back up for just a moment, one of the reasons that Rachel and I as a family physician and as a therapist decided that we wanted to create both a podcast and a social media platform and really a community was that when we were in the perinatal period and particularly the postpartum period,
00:13:55
Speaker
We found that social media was one of our best resources where we could find information from other experts. Experiencing things like mood changes and relationship changes and identity and social shift, the unfamiliar physical changes, so many things that you experience in the perinatal period are unanticipated. And both of us found, as well as many of the women we speak to, have found that their routine perinatal care or even women's health care or their primary health care
00:14:25
Speaker
isn't necessarily well equipped to help them cope with some of those challenges and adjustment. And both of us found that social media actually provided one of the best resources for that. And again, that was some of the experts that we found using social media as a platform to disseminate information. So that's our goal, to help disseminate information and to provide a hub where you can familiarize with some of the information that we believe all women should have
00:14:54
Speaker
in the perinatal period and beyond. So a lot of our posts on social media have to do with that. A lot of our discussions on this podcast will have to do with that. And additionally, we want to provide more comprehensive learning. And we've thought a lot about what form that could take. And one of the things that we've found most helpful is learning through asynchronous courses. And so being able to take a course that you work through on your own time. And so that's something that we ourselves have found really beneficial and are working towards. But another thing that we think is really important is providing
00:15:24
Speaker
place for contact and communication and support between other moms. So that's one of the first things we're planning to start with in the new year is having group based offerings that's not predicated upon a specific diagnosis or need that really has to do more with providing information and resources that we think are comprehensive that really all women should have
00:15:43
Speaker
going into their pregnancy and or postpartum. And so the goal with starting with something that is not clinical is really to be as inclusive as possible, that this is comprehensive. But again, this is information that we feel like we didn't have, again, as a physician and as a therapist, even with our backgrounds in training. And we don't recognize as a part of routine maternal care that we want to provide. And we don't want to leave out anyone. This is for everyone. Everyone falls into this box.
00:16:11
Speaker
So that's kind of the wrap behind starting with a group learning type of format. And then to get into a little bit more detail around the format is that we'd like it to be something where there's an ability to do some of the learning and training on your own. Again, speaking from professional and personal experience, we certainly realize the unrealistic aspect of seeking schedules with a lot of people across a lot of different time zones and needs. And so wanting there to be an ability to review and
00:16:41
Speaker
learn the information on your own, but also wanting there to be touch points where you can, where we can ensure that you're able to absorb and understand the information you need. And then also an ability to communicate with and to commiserate with and learn with other people going through it together. Thinking back to my own training, I feel like some of the most, some of the most poignant information or those golden nuggets came from other people asking the questions that
00:17:09
Speaker
you didn't know to ask or hadn't thought of or were too afraid to ask. And so the ability to have some touch points like that where you can be learning together and learning from one another and all of us learning together, we're in this with you. So we're hoping the format looks something like a standalone course that you can access on your own and work throughout your own pace, but also with some guided instruction and Q&A time periods and a cadence to that. It's a standing weekly time that you can schedule around, but also
00:17:39
Speaker
planning to record so that you can access when and if you need to miss those sessions or go back. So I wanted to give just kind of a quick overview of all of that. We'll definitely provide a lot more information on social media and then of course we'll have the full outline on our website once we have that finalized and available to you. But today we wanted to give a quick overview and also if you have any input we are continuing to kind of get some pulse checks and input on social media but feel free to reach out to us there with any suggestions or thoughts.
00:18:09
Speaker
or you can always email us and the information there is on our website and in the show notes too. So thanks again so much for being with us today and we'll look forward to continuing more of this and hopefully hearing more from all of you in the new year.
00:18:23
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in with us today. If you enjoyed this episode and feel like it brought you value, don't forget to rate the show and leave a review. Your feedback means the world to us and helps us know which conversations you are needing the most. And we'll keep bringing you new episodes every week, so
Call to Action and Engagement
00:18:40
Speaker
hit subscribe so you don't miss a thing. Also, be sure to check out the show notes for any links or resources that we mentioned.
00:18:46
Speaker
We're on this journey with you, so be sure to find us on the gram and TikTok, plus go to bloomactorbaby.com and grab our free guides on all things motherhood created just for you. Breathe, be well, and keep growing, Mama.