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161. Parallel Worlds: Honoring My Sister Zorana's Legacy
148 Plays11 months ago
In this unedited episode, I share my reflections on the 27th anniversary of my sister Zorana's passing. The day brought unexpected emotions as I connected with memories, messages from loved ones, and found old writings expressing my conversations with Zorana. Join me as I navigate the complex layers of grief, gratitude, and the enduring presence of those we've lost. This episode is a raw tribute to parallel worlds, where our loved ones continue to shape our lives from beyond the veil.
Reach out if you feel called to be coached by me in your own reach journey.
https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
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Transcript
Podcast and Instagram Live Challenges
00:00:03
Speaker
Thank you for joining me today. I actually just recorded a whole other episode per se or bit for the same podcast. And I was doing it at the same time as I was trying to record an Instagram live.
00:00:26
Speaker
But that was a little challenging. So I decided to just re-record and do a briefer version of it for this podcast.
Anniversary of Sister's Passing
00:00:40
Speaker
So today is December 17, 2023. And on December 17, 2023,
00:00:49
Speaker
is my sister's anniversary, December 17th. It's been 27 years since she died in a car accident. And I...
00:01:01
Speaker
was going through some pictures of her. It's interesting because it's not always that I get emotional on her anniversary, just like it's not always that I get emotional on my mom's anniversary either. My mom's anniversary was November 7th and that was seven years since her passing.
00:01:23
Speaker
Um, yeah, there's times in which I don't cry, but today there were a few things that occurred that just moved me.
Sister's Perspective on the Accident
00:01:32
Speaker
One of them being a post my sister shared on Instagram. That was just so beautiful sharing her own perspective of when they received the news, she was only 12 and my brother was seven. And I was 21 and I was here in the States. They were in Columbia.
00:01:53
Speaker
And reading her post just brought me back to how I myself was feeling on that day and receiving the news. And I was actually by myself when I got to call about her car accident.
00:02:19
Speaker
I was also by myself when I got the call about her death. So I was thinking of that and really just giving myself so much grace.
Facing Loss with Family and Faith
00:02:39
Speaker
I still have this in town. I still have the other headset in my ear for the Instagram post. Anyway, giving myself so much grace and love for the person I was at that age, 21, and the gratitude I have for God,
00:03:05
Speaker
for having also walked alongside me through a time as well as my sister herself during that time so that I would be ready to help in the process of seeing everybody
00:03:37
Speaker
in the Seattle area where she was living and arrived on my own. My family arrived a couple of days later and
00:03:50
Speaker
the strength to face that reality. Now, strength is not something that we have to have when we're grieving. It just happened to be that that was one of the qualities that showed up once I was there in Seattle and on my own because I was the first person of the family that was there. And I think that that was just something I needed to portray.
00:04:17
Speaker
to bring comfort to those that were around me in the moment. It was just naturally just what happened. It was not like I tried to be strong. I just kind of happened in the moment. And then my moments of meltdown or any of those kind of things, grief expression just showed up at other times. But anyhow, so after I read that post of my sister, then I also got a
Sister's Lasting Impact on Friends
00:04:46
Speaker
message from my brother who was in Columbia at this moment and was saying some prayers for Serana and he, in a house of worship there in Columbia for Serana and for my mom and just had a beautiful
00:05:14
Speaker
way of remembering her today. And then I get a call from a friend of my sister's as well as mine that lives in the Seattle area to let me know that he was visiting her grave site and it just moved me so much. This is somebody that in general, like everybody there in Seattle, they only met her for four months before she died.
00:05:47
Speaker
yet how how impactful
00:06:05
Speaker
her death was to them as well as her own life, that they still, a lot of them still remember her and go and visit her graveside on her anniversary or on her birthday. And it just means the world to me and my family because we're not nearby and even though
00:06:30
Speaker
I don't believe she's there anymore. It's just that the space itself of remembering that day that we buried her body has a significance as well. That day, though, it was really sad. It was also filled with so much love.
Reading and Translating a Poem
00:06:53
Speaker
So anyway, so because I'm in that mode, kind of that griefy mode as we call it, I decided to go through a box of things that I had of hers and in it I ended up finding some things that I wrote and I wanted to share
00:07:15
Speaker
one and I'll read it in Spanish and Then I'll read it in English because I originally wrote this in Spanish. Sorry for all this rustling sound. It's the papers here So what I What I used to do I don't do it as much now I just but I did do it a lot as part of my grief great morning process I guess as
00:07:47
Speaker
Uh, it was that I would talk to her and I would talk to Zrana, especially when I was in the car, um, driving back from school or whatever, going to my grandmother's house. And this is in California and I'd be on Pacific coast highway and the sun would be setting. And this conversation is one I had with her in the car. So.
00:08:15
Speaker
We're going to switch to Spanish.
00:08:28
Speaker
En el atar de servitoros trumir andos y ami, un rostro tan radiante que nel puedes entir, la tier de tu corazón, el cantar de tuvos a lo lejos decir. Estoy aquí contigo en que lejos este, cuando te cuantre sola tu la hoy estaré, que hando tu camino y a compañando tengo andar, por el camino de la vida en busca de la verdad.
00:08:51
Speaker
Pienza es que te habando nado, es que que quiego cada estas, siempre estas comigo, sin importar la tempestan, en esus momentos de duda recuerda pincatar que de de de lo lejos de erudia, me entras entulle estas. Sera tosojos y siente como a carício tu corazón, que a un estando ucente puedes escuchar mi hos.
00:09:17
Speaker
I wrote this September 10th, 1998. And so again, this was a conversation I was having. So of course I couldn't write while I was driving. And then the moment I got home, I just like wrote it down. And so this is the translation that I myself did. So it's not the most eloquent in Spanish. It was flowing because that's how I wrote it. So this is what I translated to be.
00:09:44
Speaker
In the sunset I saw your face looking towards me, a face so radiant that in it I could feel the beating of your heart and the singing of your voice in the distance say, I'm here, though far I may seem. When you're alone, next to you I'll be guiding your way and accompanying you in your path. In search, sorry, your path,
00:10:15
Speaker
in your journey through life in search for truth. You think I've abandoned you, how mistaken you are. I'm always with you, no matter where you are. In moments of doubt, remember my song, that in the distance rocks you to sleep while in your bed you lay. Close your eyes and feel how I caress your heart, that even though I'm absent, you can still hear my song.
Family Closeness and Presence of Loved Ones
00:10:52
Speaker
What I like is to see the person I was and the person I've become. I don't know if the 21-year-old me would be the 48-year-old woman that I am now. I have no clue how that
00:11:19
Speaker
incident at that time of my life hadn't occurred, as well as the dynamics of our family. The closest that we have towards each other.
00:11:49
Speaker
I miss my sister and my mom every day. But I carry them with me all the time because I do know, I truly, truly do know that we are parallel worlds, only divided by a thin veil
00:12:23
Speaker
I feel them. I know they're with me. And I give thanks to them and to God for having walked alongside me in this creep journey.
00:12:59
Speaker
That's it. I think that's all I want to say today. Short episode, I'm going to full on just post this without editing it.
Embracing Grief in Human Experience
00:13:13
Speaker
And I hope that if anyone ever feels like
00:13:29
Speaker
they should have a timeline for their grief that if their loved one has died, five years, 10 years, seven years, 20 years, 50 years, that it is not okay for them to cry or feel sad or miss them. I hope that this just gives you
00:13:57
Speaker
an idea that you can grieve them yet at the same time feel so grateful and so alive in so many areas of your life.
00:14:14
Speaker
Grief does not have to control us. It does not have to be the one driving the wheel. It does not have to identify it. No, that's not the word I wanna use. I think it is like, it doesn't have to define us. Grief doesn't have to define us. Yet it does create an impact on how we view the world.
00:14:43
Speaker
In all honesty, I feel that grief really does allow us to be more present, more present with the emotions that come, be them joy, sadness, anger, whichever one, and just embrace them.
00:15:14
Speaker
They're all part of us and part of our human experience. And it's OK to have moments in which we're griefy, as I called it. Sending you all love and gratitude.
00:15:46
Speaker
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