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163. Resilience Beyond Grief: A Mother's Journey Through Loss and Legacy with Shannon Spruill
134 Plays11 months ago
Shannon Spruill, a native of Brooklyn, New York, now resides in Buffalo, NY. For the past 37 years, Shannon Spruill has been happily married to Esau Spruill Jr. Together, they have been blessed with three sons named Derek, Brian, and Patrick. She has achieved academic success, graduating Suma Cum Laude from Bryant and Stratton College with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration and obtaining a master's degree in Computer Information Systems from Boston University. For the past 26 years, Shannon has been an Account Executive at Ingram Micro.
Despite her successful career, Shannon felt a calling to pursue her lifelong passion for writing. Although fiction was her initial desire, she decided to share her personal journey instead. Her first book, "My Reflection in the Mirror," was released on December 1, 2010. It delves into the personal demons she had to overcome, with the hope of inspiring and empowering other women.
Tragedy struck on October 4, 2013, when Shannon lost her son Brian in a devastating automobile accident. Instead of succumbing to darkness, Shannon found solace in her faith and began helping other parents who have experienced the loss of a child. She also published her second book, "The Shattered Mirror: Picking up the Pieces," which explores her journey of coping with her son's death. Combining both books, she published a revised edition titled "Tribulation to Victory: Birth of a Queen" in April 2018. This book became a bestseller, and Shannon is currently working on her 14th book.
In addition to her writing career, Shannon is the CEO and Founder of Parents Pushing Past Their Grief Inc. Parents Pushing Past Their Grief Inc. mission is to provide support, comfort, and resources to parents who have experienced the devastating loss of a child. Shannon wanted to create a safe and understanding community where parents can find solace, share their stories, and connect with others who have gone through similar experiences.
Shannon's journey is one of resilience, faith, and a commitment to helping others. Her accomplishments as an author, entrepreneur, and community advocate are a testament to her strength and determination.
Website: www.ppptg-inc.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/findinghopeinthemidstofheartache
Youtube: www.youtube.com/channel/UC0DNYXYzmvbaDm0ASs5RsJg
Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/company/parents-pushing-past-their-grief-inc/
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Transcript
Redefining Life After Loss
00:00:00
Speaker
I do feel that when you lose a child, you have to redevelop yourself. It was like after I lost Brian, you're never gonna be the same. I am not the same woman I was after October 4th, 2013. Not the same person, totally different person. And part of that change was
00:00:28
Speaker
I got to do me, you know, that saying do me. It's about me embracing life. And I said, I want to write a book. Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast.
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:50
Speaker
This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:06
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Shannon Sproul's Grief
00:01:29
Speaker
Today I am chatting with Shannon Sproul. She is a published author with 13 books and another one on the way. It looks, it seems as if I'm sharing like a child on the way. Three kids and another one on the way. No, it's 13 books and another one on the way. She is also the CEO and founder of Parents Pushing Past Their Grief. And today we will be talking
00:01:53
Speaker
particularly on that topic of grief and her own experience with the loss of her son, Brian. So welcome to the show, Shannon. Thank you, Kendra. And thank you for having me on your show.
00:02:08
Speaker
I am grateful for you to be here. So let's start with where are you now? Where do you live? Where did you grow up and your family dynamics? I always like to start there. Absolutely. So born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. I'm currently living in Buffalo, New York, which is considered upstate New York. I've been here
00:02:33
Speaker
33 years I'm married my husband Esau I've been married to him for 37 years and have three sons my youngest is Patrick the middle Brian who passed away.
00:02:50
Speaker
And then Derek, who's my oldest, and Derek is 39. Those things, it's interesting because we don't only end up thinking of our own ages sometimes, but when we realize how old our children are, it sometimes hits us even
00:03:11
Speaker
stronger at times, right? And then, of course, you still probably keep track of how old Brian would be at this moment as well. So how old would Brian be? Brian would have been 37. 37. So him and Derek are two years apart. And with Patrick, how old is Patrick? Patrick is 33.
00:03:34
Speaker
Okay, so he was much much younger. So this has been 10 years ago since the passing of Brian. He was then 20 something he was 26. He would have a month after that he would have been 27. Okay. He didn't make it to 27. So he was 26.
00:03:53
Speaker
26 years old and he died in a car accident.
Comparing Grief Experiences
00:03:58
Speaker
So at that moment, had you experienced grief prior to Brian's death, like the death of anybody else close to you? So it's funny you asked that question because my mother died about two years before he did. And me and my mother were like very close.
00:04:22
Speaker
And it was hard, you know, she was sick, you know, we saw the progression and then she finally passed. And it was, it was sad. There was, it was hard to deal with, but she was out of pain. So it was like, in one sense, it was a relief not to see her suffer, but on the other hand, it was like,
00:04:44
Speaker
Who do I pick up the phone and call now? You know what I'm saying? My friend is gone. My mom is gone. So it was difficult, but I adjusted and moved on totally different from my experience with Brian.
00:05:04
Speaker
Tell us then how it was then at this point. Because with your mom, it was something you could foresee coming because she'd been sick. With a sudden death, like a car accident, it's something that completely catches you off guard. And it's your child. It's a different dynamic.
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah, the suddenness of it, if that's a word. And the fact that it was my child. I tell people, you hear the cliches when it comes to grief. Oh, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I can imagine how you feel. Well, let me say that if you have not experienced the loss of a child, you can't imagine what a person
Faith and Coping Strategies
00:05:54
Speaker
feels. Everybody's grief journey is different, but a child is incomparable. Honestly, 10 years later, it's still hard for me to put into words what I felt. It was a gut-wrenching pain. It's the only way I can describe it. And some may say, well, you lost your mother. That had to be hard. I said, but it wasn't that gut-wrenching pain.
00:06:22
Speaker
if that makes any sense. It's just a totally different pain and to get to, you know, not to go through the whole story, but when we were in the hospital,
00:06:37
Speaker
The doctor came in, she was a pregnant doctor too. It looked like she was about to give birth at any moment. She comes in, you know, she tells us about the accident. Our first thing as well, you know, how bad is he hurt? Can we see him? And then when she looked at me and said, I'm sorry, he didn't make it. I tell you to 10 years later, I hear that over and over in my head.
00:07:02
Speaker
That was out of everything that I can remember from that day. Hearing her say that and seeing that she's about to bring a child into this world and she's telling me mine has left this world.
00:07:15
Speaker
It's just there's nothing that compares to that type of pain. So what had been your tools navigating the grief of your mom? And then now here you are not only navigating your own grief of the death of Brian. Would you like me to use the word death or passing? What is it more comfortable? Either one. Either one is okay.
00:07:37
Speaker
with the death of Brian and then also supporting the grief journey of your husband and of your kids in that process. So share what were the tools that you guys used? Faith was a big one of what I could see from your bio. Faith is first and foremost, with my mother's death, honestly, there were no tools to, you know, and I didn't explore grief at that time.
00:08:07
Speaker
It was she passed away. I cried. I mourned. I thought about her. I had my difficult mornings. I would come home from work and pick up the phone or call her and realize she was gone. But I just navigated through that. Maybe you want to say blindly until things got better with my son, which was something totally different, totally, you know,
00:08:34
Speaker
A mother doesn't expect to bury their child. And I started off, you know, denial. After denial came anger, going through the grief stages. I don't think everyone goes through those stages in order. Mind started with denial, then the anger, because to this day I have not spoken to the young lady driving the car. And I was angry at her for a long time.
00:09:03
Speaker
no longer I found forgiveness and all of that. But after that, I relied on God, a lot of prayer, a lot of leaning into my faith and trusting that, you know, I don't understand everything that happens in life, but as long as I trust God, I know that things will be okay.
Founding 'Parents Pushing Past Their Grief'
00:09:24
Speaker
And then it was like, I don't want another parent to go through what I've went through.
00:09:33
Speaker
It'll happen, but I just want to be able to let them know that there's hope. My organization is built around that one word, hope. And I reached out to an organization, a national organization, Bereave Parents, and wanted to start a local chapter in my area. And the woman was like, well, we usually expect the parents to wait at least a year
00:10:03
Speaker
you know, to go through their grief process before running a support group. So, you know, I said, I'm ready. She said, but your son passed two months ago. She said, but I'll tell you what. I'm in shock of that, by the way. Yeah. They like you too. Yeah. So she said, well, write me a letter explaining why you're ready and whatever. So I wrote her a letter. After that, she was like, we'll approve you. So I started the chapter.
00:10:31
Speaker
But, and I won't go into details out of respect for the organization. There were things that I wanted to do that I couldn't do. So I had started saying, you know what? I could start my own organization. You know, I just want people to realize that it's not the end of the world. You feel like it's the end of the world. And I researched starting a nonprofit. It seemed so daunting at the time. So I was like, nope, I don't have it.
00:11:03
Speaker
I pray a lot and it was like God kept putting this in front of me. People kept coming to me and I got a friend who just, their child just died. Would you talk to them? And it kept coming back to me and finally I did decide I'm just going to start an organization. And that's where parents pushing past their grief came
Impact and Activities of the Organization
00:11:24
Speaker
from. We've been in operation for the last year. We started last August, so we're a little over a year. It's about,
00:11:33
Speaker
generating hope in the parent. It's not about when you come to us, we'll solve your problem. We'll cure your grief. Because there is no cure. I agree. You know, because grief is born out of love and love is everlasting. So how do you say you're going to be healed? It's to encourage them how to move forward in spite of the grief.
00:11:59
Speaker
Um, so that's been my journey. That's been, you know, as far as actual tools, um, it's for me, it's just been my faith. I have a strong, um, I have a strong faith life and that has carried me on. A lot of people had suggested I'd speak to someone and nothing against that because I recommend, you know, there's parents that come to me and sometime I feel like, you know,
00:12:28
Speaker
It's great you're coming and you're coming to the support group, but they may need more than that. They may need to speak with a psychiatrist or a counselor. So definitely not against that. I just didn't, I didn't do it. I didn't have the need for that. But yeah, that's been my journey in a short wrap up.
Writing as a Healing Process
00:12:51
Speaker
Thank you for sharing and thank you for sharing the hard story as well of how Brian
00:12:58
Speaker
died and your journey. You mentioned you don't use any other tools, but one of the things I feel that is a huge tool that you have used is the aspect that you're serving others. So the aspect of serving someone else and creating the space for others is in itself a tool. Because when you're walking alongside someone that is grieving and you yourself are grieving,
00:13:26
Speaker
Right. That in itself is a huge tool. So I just wanted to say that that service that you're doing and providing is another avenue for that too. And I guess you're right because a lot of people, you know, I've had the question, why, why, why you do what you're doing? And I tell them along with me being there for other people, it helps me. It really does.
00:13:53
Speaker
I don't know how to explain it, but it helps me in my journey when I can help someone else. So I guess you're right. It is a tool. So yeah. Yeah, it's a company. I think sometimes somebody mentioned in one of my podcasts that
00:14:11
Speaker
Grief needs to be witnessed and support groups like this. It's another space in which you're able to share your grief, share the pain without judgment. So what were some of the things that you feel and spaces within your own faith that you also did to create these opportunities to share your grief prior to you starting your organization?
00:14:42
Speaker
So I didn't. And what I mean by I didn't. So I did.
00:14:51
Speaker
I started getting busy. As soon as my son died, it's like I went in a hyperdrive. And I think, honestly, and I'm not a psychologist, but I think that was my way of not dealing with it. As far as his arrangements, I let nobody do anything. I did everything. I even did his eulogy at the church. I did everything. And that was the way people was like, Shannon, you need to sit down. No, I got it.
00:15:21
Speaker
So I stayed busy. I didn't want to take that time to think. And then I went from busy into helping other parents. So there was not that time for, you know, us to sit down. Now, my husband's totally different. He was much more emotional. And my husband's the type, you know, he's not that, you know, scared to share his emotions. Where with me, it was like, I didn't want to cry.
00:15:51
Speaker
I didn't want to talk about it. I, you know, I suffer from depression and I felt like if I let myself think about this or really grieve, I would go down that dark hole and I didn't want that. So I just constantly stayed going. And I'm gonna be honest with you, it's been 10 years and I am just,
00:16:18
Speaker
pulling the pieces together today. I'm actually in the process of getting certified as a grief coach and doing my classes. I'm actually working on myself. So as crazy as that sound 10 years later, I'm honestly just pull, you know, unwrapping it and exploring and understanding my own grief. Cause I had not done that in 10 years.
00:16:46
Speaker
I don't think that's crazy at all. I don't think it's crazy at all. I think a lot of times so many of us, even people that study psychology or things like that sometimes go in it to try to understand. And the part of you staying busy, it's so important to note that. And thank you for sharing that. And you compared the two different ways in how your husband grieve and how you grieve and him being more in the emotions and being
00:17:17
Speaker
allowing himself to cry, but for you knowing that you did not want to allow, you didn't want to allow that little.
00:17:25
Speaker
a crater, a little crack to become into this canyon that then you were stuck in there and not being able to get out because you already had a predisposition to depression. You chose to stay busy and in service. That was your way of protecting also yourself and your well-being.
00:17:49
Speaker
kudos to you too because unknowingly, you just dealt with it the best way and moving forward with the pain, accompanying others in that process too. So let's talk about your books. Are any of your books, I don't know the dates in which each of your books was published. So take us into that journey of writing.
00:18:13
Speaker
Some are fiction and some are reality members and and do any of them talk about your grief?
Publications on Grief
00:18:22
Speaker
Yes, so I've always wanted to write always had a passion for writing in school as I was growing up, but I'm gonna tell you something I Do feel that when you lose a child you have to
00:18:40
Speaker
redevelop yourself. It was like after I lost Brian, you're never gonna be the same. I am not the same woman I was after October 4th, 2013. Not the same person, totally different person. And part of that change was, I gotta do me. You know that saying do me? It's about me embracing life.
00:19:10
Speaker
And I said, I want to write a book. You know, I've always wanted to write one. I love fiction. I love mysteries. And that's where I wanted to, you know, start my writing journey. So I literally started writing, you know, to share a story. It's crazy. I started writing a fiction book.
00:19:32
Speaker
And we were at church and we had a conference and there was a guest minister there. And he came up to me afterwards. We were in the dining hall and he came up to me. He says, so you're writing a book, aren't you? I looked at him like, yeah, saying to myself, okay, how do you know I'm writing a book? Who told you? He says, I need to tell you something. And God has put this on my spirit. You need to go home.
00:20:01
Speaker
You need to tear that book up, and you need to share your story. So at first, I got insulted, kind of like, who are you to tell me to tear up my book? But when I went home that night, and I thought about it, and I was like, I do have a story to share. I have gone through so much in life. Outside of the death of my son, I've dealt with a lot of personal demons. I was bullied.
00:20:31
Speaker
medical conditions, brain surgery. There was a point where I would talk to the mirror because the name of the book was The Shattered Mirror. My reflection in the mirror was my first book because I had nobody to talk to. So it was a lot of stuff and I embarked on writing my book. Then
00:20:55
Speaker
I thought about sharing my story about Brian. So I revamped the book, redid it, added my story about Brian and changed the title. And I redid the book.
00:21:10
Speaker
and released it. So after I told my story, and part of me telling my stories because I know that there's young women and parents out there that are walking the same journey that I've walked. So if I could share something that could give them some hope
00:21:27
Speaker
then I felt like I'd do my job. And that came in the form of a young lady at church came up to me because my pastor was promoting the book. She came up to me after the service one day and hugged me and started crying. So I'm thinking maybe she's just full from the service we just had. And she whispered in my ear, thank you.
00:21:51
Speaker
And I said, for what? She said, thank you for sharing. She said, because I always thought that I was alone. So at that moment, it was like, if I never sold another book in my life, I've done something here. So after that, I started writing fiction, suspense thrillers, a lot of great feedback. People love the books.
00:22:13
Speaker
Then I started thinking, you know what? I shared my story. How wonderful would it be to people in my support group to give them an opportunity to share their stories? So we did a book, it's an anthology, and it's called Tribute to Our Angels from the Heart of a Parent. And each parent told their story
00:22:41
Speaker
about their child, losing their child and how they move forward. So that was my first project as far as bringing in other authors and some of the women, this was the first time they ever wrote a book or wrote, you know, for a book. So that was a huge project, very proud of it. And then I did a couple of journals. I did one, another one, I don't have
00:23:08
Speaker
Another one that was near and dear to my heart is a book I did for, it's called We Heal As We Write, Letters to
Challenges of Running a Support Group
00:23:19
Speaker
Our Children. And it's basically a journal where you write, there's writing prompts in there, but write letters to your child. I did this book because after Brian passed away, I literally wrote a letter every day to him.
00:23:38
Speaker
I wrote a letter to tell him things I wish I could have told him. And I thought that was an excellent therapeutic thing to do. So that's why I created this book. And like, when new people join us or we do different programs or fundraisers, I always try to make sure I get this book in the hands of a parent that's lost a child. Because it's a great, to me, it's a great tool. And a lot of them are like, oh my God, this is wonderful.
00:24:07
Speaker
You just said a tool. There you go. You said, you okay. Let me, let me, I don't mean to, I don't, sometimes we don't see things until we say them. We're like, oh, wait a minute. You had, first when we started this conversation, you said, my faith has been my only tool.
00:24:22
Speaker
Then I'm like, wait a minute, but then you serve others. And then now you're saying you wrote and you created a journey and that you would write to Brian every day. That was your tool too. So sometimes you don't even realize the tools we're using in order to process our grief to mourn.
00:24:41
Speaker
this, you know, this loss. So that that is another huge one, writing letters to your loved one. And in this case, you know, to the person's died, died. And in this case, to your son and creating this that tool of the of the journal. That is genius. That's when with prompts and memories that you could kind of write it by chance, you know, that that was mine for when my sister died, was also writing because we lived apart.
00:25:09
Speaker
And so we had already been writing for the past because we didn't had already moved out of the house for college. We didn't live in the same place. So we had already been writing. This is back, you know.
00:25:20
Speaker
what, 27 years ago? So therefore, there was no texting or anything like that. And even actually not even email yet really had just started. So I would write letters. So when she died, I did exactly the same. I was 21. That was naturally what I would do. Instead of Dear Diary, I would just write to her.
00:25:44
Speaker
I also feel it's like a great tool. Usually the tools, I think it's like, what is innate to you? And then that's kind of what people use. So writing was something was already innate to you and your nature, right? So you use that. Faith was already innate and part of your being. And so you use that.
00:26:04
Speaker
So that's amazing. Now, how can people tell me the name of the the two books that you just mentioned, the one of the angels again, the first one was tributes to our angels from the heart of a parent. Okay. And that's available on Amazon and all your books are available. Are they still all being published? The first one to the all you can put my name in on Amazon and everything I write comes up with the exception of this book.
00:26:34
Speaker
of the journal. The journal, I haven't made public. I usually keep it for, you know, 40 people that are part of the support group, you know, as I meet parents that have lost a child. I will make it public eventually. I just initially, it was just, I'm going to use your word, a tool that I provided to parents to help them do a new process.
00:27:01
Speaker
Oh, that's great. OK, now for you then, as you're getting this feedback from like you got them the feedback at the church after you wrote the book, this lady coming to you and saying, you know, thank you.
Recognition and Partnerships
00:27:16
Speaker
You get that also then from the groups you have. How many people in the year you said you have had your organization, your support group, how many people have come through your
00:27:30
Speaker
program that you've supported approximately. So right now as far as, so we have a private group on Facebook, which we do our encouraging one another, parents sharing their stories. And then every Thursday we have a support group meeting via
00:27:53
Speaker
Facebook. Oh, great. So this is all all virtual, that virtual. Yes. The reason I made it virtual, we started out, we started out doing it at a community center. And I'll be honest with you, people would not come. And I'm in Buffalo, New York, wintertime, nobody wants to get out in the bad weather. So I said, you know what, what about if we did it virtually? And I think it works better virtually.
00:28:23
Speaker
And then I'm open to people outside of my community. I have people down in New York City that are part of the group, people in Atlanta. So it's not like I'm confining it to just the Buffalo area by having it in person. But right now, as far as the private group, I think we're about 50 members.
00:28:48
Speaker
We've, this year, this past year, we've done some fundraising and then we had a huge banquet. So before I talk about the banquet, we did a meat raffle. Meat raffles are popular in the Buffalo area. What is that? Yeah. What is a meat raffle called? It's, you know, we get together, we read a big hall, people come, think of it like bingo or something like that. But when they call your number, you're winning packages of meat.
00:29:19
Speaker
And that has taken off in this area. So we did a meet raffle. And when I say success, it was more than we could ask for. People are still asking us, when are we doing another one? We made it unique. We played music. We did different things during the meet raffle. Most of them are just, hey, here's a meet raffle. You win, you win. We tried to make it more intimate.
00:29:46
Speaker
That was a success. We did a raffle for Mother's Day, and then we had our banquet. And when I say for the first banquet, it was beyond beautiful.
00:30:02
Speaker
We honored the parents. I got all the parents that we honored. We got them a plaque with a poem on it with their child's name, their birth year, the day they transitioned. And it was a poem that I wrote and it's on this beautiful tile plaque. We got them little favors and stuff and made a cute little gift bag for them.
00:30:30
Speaker
being that it was the first, my board of directors, and a shout out to my board of directors. I couldn't...
00:30:37
Speaker
not ask for a more perfect board of directors. All of the members of the board of directors are all parents that have lost a child with the exception of our board president. And we work so well together. They are phenomenal. But they suggested because it was our first event, who better to be the keynote speaker than you, Shannon, to tell your story. So I was the keynote speaker.
00:31:05
Speaker
It was beautiful. It was beautiful. I couldn't have been more happy. Afterwards, people came up to me and the one young lady from my church, she had lost her son, long battled with cancer, and I really wanted her to come.
00:31:24
Speaker
And she came up to me, she said, I am so glad I came. She has such a wonderful time. So that's going to be our annual event, our banquet. We call it a remembrance banquet. This year, the focus was on hope. It was all built around hope. Yeah, that's been,
00:31:46
Speaker
Our first year, we also started something that I'm very proud of. It's called Mark of an Angel. And we presented our first two at the banquet where we provide financial assistance for parents to purchase their headstone.
00:32:04
Speaker
So we at the banquet was our, I guess, you know, inauguration. We gave out our first two to two parents and monthly we'll be, you know, looking at parents that, you know, are struggling with purchasing a headset, not a head, excuse me, a headstone. And we are going in and helping them with that.
00:32:26
Speaker
looking to start, you know, a lot of other things, but we're new and we're taking baby steps. But it's just about being impactful in the community and letting these parents know that they have a safe haven.
Overcoming Cultural Barriers
00:32:41
Speaker
I got two parents on my board that to see where they're at today from the day I met them is amazing. I had one parent who wouldn't come out her house.
00:32:57
Speaker
she was a wreck and she is so full of life now. Not to say that she doesn't have her struggles and it's still hard for her, but being part of this organization has given her a whole new outlook and some, you know, and that's what it's all about. So seeing that and seeing the members come in and participate, I'm hoping I can get more people to the support group meetings. That's where I struggle. Um, people,
00:33:28
Speaker
I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but I noticed that in the African-American community, people aren't as open to talking about their pain in a group setting. So I'm trying to break that stereotype and give people to come. And it's a slow journey. I'm going to continue to be there for people
00:33:54
Speaker
It's funny, when we were doing it in person, I would go, no one would show up, and me and my husband would sit there the whole hour. And my girlfriend was like, you gonna go in? I said, I'm gonna be there, because guess what? It's gonna be that one day that I don't go, and that parent in need is gonna show up.
00:34:13
Speaker
So I go, whether they're people that show up, then there's a bunch of people that show up and, you know, it varies. But I would really love to be able to grow the support group, have parents come.
00:34:27
Speaker
They're interactive on our Facebook group, you know, because I try to post every day, how are you feeling? Let's talk about your emotions. We celebrate the children. Like when there's a birthday, I'll put up a picture of their child and celebrate it. So I get that kind of engagement, which I'll take anything right now. But yeah, I think that
00:34:53
Speaker
I think we're going to be bigger than what I even could imagine.
00:34:59
Speaker
Well, it seems that way, the fact that you've already had the meat raffles and the banquet, those spaces, though, even though maybe the actually meeting in person for support might not be what your community that you're reaching out to right now is wanting, it may just be that these spaces of social gatherings and honoring may be the way that they connect with others.
00:35:28
Speaker
Right? So just being in those spaces of community with others that are hurting, yet you're sharing a meal or playing the raffle and winning the meat or the banquet, that may be the way in certain
00:35:48
Speaker
groups too, you know, like maybe that's a way too. And eventually then as you start getting more comfortable, then maybe people then share more about their pain and grief when they already have the trust of others.
00:36:04
Speaker
Yeah, and you're right, and we're still in the process of getting ourselves out there and known. So that's another thing. And what I'm starting to see, I have other organizations now that are wanting to partner with us, which I think is a good thing. I just talked to one of the young ladies last night on my board, and there is a mental health agency that wants us to come and get certified for mental health first aid.
00:36:34
Speaker
And they're inviting us, you know, our organization to join them. So I think that's a good thing because the support from other organizations is going to be huge. Here's a mental health. Once I get to know them being a mental health agency.
00:36:53
Speaker
I may have referrals, you know what I'm saying, as this could be a resource for people that come in and need a little more than just a support group. So definitely getting ourselves out there. We're January.
00:37:06
Speaker
Our goal starting the new year is to get working on our brochure, to get those in the hospitals, in the funeral homes. So we're still working, we're still new, we're still trying to get our information out there. So I know that we will grow and we will be a much needed resource in our community.
00:37:29
Speaker
Absolutely. And so this is, again, more people listening to. So for the in-person events, if you live in the Buffalo area, this is a resource.
Positive Outcomes and Gratitude
00:37:39
Speaker
If you don't, you could still join the group on Facebook, correct? Yes. Yes. Even if you don't live in the area. And then for the banquets, somebody that doesn't live in the area, they could still travel to go to the banquets, right? Yes. We have one parent who
00:37:57
Speaker
is downstate in New York. She wanted to come this year. She couldn't, and she says she's going to try to make arrangements to come next year. We also do some of our fundraisers. We do like the Mother's Day. We made it where I think we raffled off a TV, some gift cards, but we opened it to anyone in the US because it was easier for us to just go ahead and ship the TV to the person
00:38:26
Speaker
you know, if they were out of state. So there are things that we're going to open up where everyone, you know, it doesn't, you don't just have to be in Buffalo. There's some that won't, but we will keep that in mind going forward.
00:38:41
Speaker
That's an amazing gift that you are bringing in. With the name of the podcast being Grief, Gratitude and the Grain Between, we never can say that we're grateful for having gone through a pain experience necessarily, right? But it's the aspect of seeing these situations, like the one you've created,
00:39:04
Speaker
that you are giving forward that would have not giving others giving forward. No, what is it? Paying it forward to others and helping others that would have not otherwise happened had you not been yourself going through the pain you did. You know, you are going through, right? It's like this. Yeah. This would have not been something you would have probably even
00:39:30
Speaker
fathomed of bringing to light. And that's why I said earlier that I trust God. I don't understand everything that happens in life. And some might say you had to lose your son to go through this, but I don't know what God's ultimate
00:39:49
Speaker
plan is for my life, I just trust him. And I do know that I have met some phenomenal people. There's a community of younger adults that were my son's friends that have become our children, so to say, and it's relationships that have developed. My son's pastor, the church he went to, his wife, we've become very good friends. So sometimes you have to look at
00:40:20
Speaker
the bright things out of it, you know what I'm saying? The good things that came out of it. It may sound crazy to someone who, okay, they died, how could anything good come of that? But look, look at parents pushing past their grief. In the year's time, the impact that we've made on other parents, that like you said, if this place didn't exist, where would they have been? You know, the two parents I talked about watching them grow
00:40:48
Speaker
as they were part of this organization, where would they be today? So yeah, there has been good that has come out of this. Does that erase the heartache?
Enduring Nature of Loss
00:41:02
Speaker
10 years later, I still have moments where I was going to work one day and in the car there was a song and I lost it.
00:41:11
Speaker
I had to call my girlfriend now. She came in the car and sat with me and prayed with me. And it was like, why am I, this is like, this happened like last year or two years ago. And I'm sitting here like, it's been like eight years. Why am I sitting here crying and bawling like a baby? And it's just, you know, you talk about triggers. They will always be there. I can smell a scent and it reminds me of my son. I can see a young man walking down the street from the back
00:41:40
Speaker
He looks just like him. So it's those things you have to, I hate to say it, you have to incorporate it into your life and learn how to maneuver and deal with it because they're always going to be there. So it's been a journey, but there has been some, some light. It hasn't always been darkness. There has been a lot of light and I'm thankful. I can tell people today, I am thankful.
Remembering Brian
00:42:09
Speaker
And there is gratitude. Thank you for sharing those moments of, like you said, that come up unexpectedly and that still bring you to tears even now, right? Because time is not, people say, oh, time heals. I don't go, I don't subscribe to that. No, no. I don't subscribe to that saying. I think that we become,
00:42:37
Speaker
more resilient, we end up having more tools, we have other things that may, like you said, help us kind of forge forward in that as things come up, but not necessarily as the time, the cure, it's the things that we've incorporated into our lives to help us.
00:42:59
Speaker
maneuver through this path of grief. I would love for you to share with us if you feel comfortable some stories or aspects of Brian and his personality with
Lessons from Brian
00:43:14
Speaker
us. Share a little bit about him or a story. Brian, my girlfriend
00:43:23
Speaker
of good friend of ours and she, she loved Brian. She said, you either love him or hate him. Cause he was so full of life. He was the life of the party. When his birthday comes around, it was like a grand affair. He was just like flamboyant. It was my birthday and he celebrated life. He came to me and he worked where I worked for a while.
00:43:52
Speaker
I had got him a job at my company where I work. And he had came to me one day on lunch and, you know, all mothers, we all had that, oh, I hope my son becomes a doctor, a lawyer, you know, that's the motherly thing. And he came to me one day and he said, mom, I don't want to finish college because he was going to a local college here. He said, college is not for me. He says, but I do want to do fashion design.
00:44:19
Speaker
So I'm a type of mother, I try to encourage them regardless of how I truly feel. I'm like fashion, I'm saying to myself, I didn't say it to him like, couldn't have been something else, but I encouraged him, I said, you go for it. And the way he pursued it, he went to the fashion week in New York,
00:44:40
Speaker
He went to Toronto. He went out to California. He was featured in a few magazines just to watch him just go after what he wanted. And that's the type of person Brian was. He loved life.
00:44:55
Speaker
He always, from the time he was in school, I used to get calls from school. Brian was extremely intelligent, but he had to be the class clown. He just had too much time on his head, and that's the way he was. He lived life, he enjoyed life, and he was just, you know, today, I, you know, when my son passed, the one thing I was scared of was what I remember what he looks like.
00:45:25
Speaker
But I remember those little intricate details. 10 years later, I see his big smile right now. He had an infectious smile. And everyone that knew Brian loved him. He was just that type of person. And I'm not being biased because I'm his mother, but that's who he was. He was a joy and devilish because his brothers, he would pick at them.
00:45:51
Speaker
That was Brian. Thank you so much for sharing his personality with us and the aspects of him that you learned to admire as well. Isn't it interesting how even as parents, we can learn from our children.
Conclusion and Thanks
00:46:11
Speaker
I feel they're more of our teachers than we are of them. So the fact that he just went for what he wanted and
00:46:21
Speaker
Yeah, when full force in his goals, I can see where he got that from as well because you went, you went forward in creating this company yourself and stepping outside of what you did before to then create this space.
00:46:38
Speaker
Thank you, Shannon. Thank you for sharing him with us and a little bit of him with us. And in your brief journey, and this is the space I provide in order to show that with the other people that come to the podcast.
00:46:55
Speaker
And for the listeners to have someone else that they can also then listen to and relate to and feel accompaniment as they're listening to other people's stories. So thank you for coming on the podcast, sharing about your life, sharing about Brian, about your organization, as well as your books. Is there anything I have not asked you that you would like to still share with the audience?
00:47:19
Speaker
No, I mean, no, I don't have anything else. I would love to share my website for those listening. It's www.ppp, parents pushing past their grief. So it's ppptg-inc.org.
00:47:39
Speaker
So it will be in the show notes down below. I'll link the website as well so they could click on it. Yeah. And then for the year, that's the grief support and then your own for the books, Shannon Sproul S P R. Yeah. Say the spelling is different than how it sounds. So S P S P R U I L L.
00:48:05
Speaker
Thank you, Shannon. And so that's how you can find any of the 13 soon to be 14 books and maybe in the future also the journal as well. But if you're part of the support group, then you can, the private support group, you can get the journal through Shannon as well.
00:48:25
Speaker
Shannon, thank you once again and to you and your family, an embrace of love and support here as well from our community to yours. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.
00:48:46
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:49:14
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.