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Ep. 190 – Gerbert Sits on the Right Hand of God w/ Comedian Mike Valdes
350 Plays10 months ago
This week we’re excited to welcome our good friend, comedian, musician, and podcaster Mike Valdes! Discussion topics include naughty assassins, the Lord’s stance on marionettes, Louisianna’s new Ten Commandments law for classrooms, and Disney’s new “Punk Goes Crunk”-esque album of cover songs. We always have so much fun hanging out with Mike! You can follow him on Instagram (@mikevaldes) and TikTok (@officialmikevaldes), check out his podcast Childlike at Best, and for info on upcoming appearances, merch, etc. go to www.thekidfromup.com.
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Transcript
Uncle Joey and Puppet Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
outside. Which one is he in full house? He's ah Uncle Joey, the uncle that's not related to anybody. um he he's He's the guy that has those really funny jokes where he comes in where he comes in and he's just wearing a wacky shirt. And that's the joke. like That's Uncle Joey. He's not related, but he is an ethical pedophile. Yeah, he just says words in a different voice. It's so funny because like my buddy, she as well, by the way, me he sure did heavily in common. Yeah, the woodchuck. He sure did. Yeah. Was Mr. Woodchuck ah a Christian woodchuck? Like, can you imagine? Well, Mike, here's what you use a little fun fact that you don't know. All puppets are Christian.
00:00:46
Speaker
is that is that the truth i feel I feel a little better about watching the puppets now. Even the ones you wouldn't think. Even like, ah what, the insult dog? What's his name? It's true. Triumph the insult dog? Yeah. no i watch I watch Team America with brand new eyes now.
Mike Valdez's Trump Rally Story
00:01:22
Speaker
Hey, everybody, we are back with another episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Sam. I'm Casey. And we are here with our pal, who thankfully I know you are at the Pennsylvania rally. I'm glad that bullet just barely missed you. I'm sorry that it hit somebody else, of course. But Mike, he survived it. He's here with us. you got Mike Valdez hanging out with us. Sure did. Yeah. You still have lobe splatter on your glasses. I'm telling you, man. Well, here's the thing. Like I I heard I heard it from a mile away. Right. And I was hearing it with my sonic ear ear thing that I have. You guys know about this. I i heard it with my sonic ear thing. And I said, I said, President Trump, get down. And he didn't listen to me because he can't hear. And so it just shot him right in the ear. It was really, it was really sad. But it's unfortunate because now he's definitely not going to be able to hear you.
00:02:20
Speaker
even worse now. That's the time you try to save his life. You don't think he's going to be particularly good at listening after this? That's kind of the thing is like that's why I like Trump so much because he was so good at listening. You felt seen as a person. I really did. Yeah. I really feel mocked for your disabilities. You're like 100 percent. He noticed me. Yeah, that's that's the best way to get noticed is just like and just walk by him with a limp and he will hone in on you
00:02:52
Speaker
Yeah. Like a good comedian. You know what's really great is somebody that openly hates gay people got got his ears pierced on the right. Isn't that funny? yeah yeah
00:03:05
Speaker
ah I just thought about that right now. To justify it too, you know? Yeah, he's like, couldn't you at least shot me in my left ear? He's dude, the only safe thing to do is remove the whole thing now.
Trump as a Humorous Figure and Conspiracy Theories
00:03:22
Speaker
a little hole on this. He'll just have a hole on the side. Yeah. That's so dumb, dude. raycon Yeah. Dude, is I find I know we're all in love with the conspiracy theories that are floating around. I think it's I'm really looking for this is I'm really looking forward to the next several weeks. I know I'm going to get tired of it, like very tired of it, but
00:03:48
Speaker
There's also a lot to look forward to and to be thankful for, right? Yeah, I think it's, you know, just, I don't know if this is exactly where you wanted to go with this, but this is growing up Christian. So can we just talk about the first thing that most of us thought when this motherfucker got up? Which was too bad. He's the anti-Christ. Oh, no. Yeah, I think that was the third book and left behind.
00:04:18
Speaker
a remarkable guy got up The moment this guy got up, I was like, he's the antichrist. like what is it it's ah I mean, allow me to quote revelation 13 three. Yeah. And I, uh, what's, what's, what's translation do I want to go with? That's a real question. oh The message remix, please. I'm going to go with KJV because it's the first one that showed up. yeah it's ah And I saw that one of his heads was, as it were, wounded to death and his deadly wound was healed and all the world wondered after the beast.
00:04:54
Speaker
Yeah. And doesn't it say something about the beast having like different heads or something? Oh, yeah. yes It has lots of heads. Yeah. And there were lots of heads. There were lots of heads covering as most as you as you both know from the merch that you guys bought. Yeah. of it There's many there's many heads ah circling and around. It says I know like letters for Mira Jima jerk off. like just all crowded on top of each other. Yeah. ah The Nasbee, which was his my, it was always my favorite translation said, I saw one of his heads as if it had been fatally wounded and his fatal wound was healed and the whole earth was amazed and followed after the beast. Yeah. And they're like, and that's, and they're gonna, they'll be like, well, that's just like,
00:05:45
Speaker
That's Biden's degenerative brain disease is what they're sure. It's different. The head isn't the ear. I mean, let's just work around it. I don't think it could have obviously, anticri even if he would have hit him in the head, I don't think it would appear because I'm pretty sure his hair is like a magneto style. The tech covering. Can you imagine how he keeps up the woke mind virus? Yeah, that's you true. Yeah. Coming under psychic control. Yeah. Wouldn't you love to just see like like an the inside of Mar-a-Lago and he's got one of those big like- Cerebros? Like a big chair with mist all around it and every morning like a robot arm clamps his hair on like it's Darth Vader. like
00:06:37
Speaker
That's very funny. Yeah, he's just a giant egghead. And then they just like Lego pieces, his hair onto his head. He actually has a little Lego like. dot Yeah, dot the little hole. Yeah, it is. It's Lego hair. That's all. Yeah. and Yeah. Almost guys jumped on him like. I mean, it's 100 percent chance that he farted, right? Yeah. Or should you see the ah I think it was a hard times article, but it was like, Uh, it's something about like Trump says that that giant piece of crap in his pants was there before the shots even went off or whatever. I loved it. Just like, kid he's like, I wasn't scared. Yeah. Well, that was there the whole time. I mean, that's, let's be honest. That's why his
Artistry, Internet Fame, and Comedy
00:07:26
Speaker
shoes fell off. He shit his pants so hard. that
00:07:31
Speaker
but and before and Before he left, he was like, let me get my shoes. Let me get my shoes. Yeah. like du I love that that the minute they finally showed a picture of the shooter. Yeah, you were like, was nobody profiling at this route? Like, of course he was the guy. Yeah, like he just, you could cut and paste. You could find him at any gun show, like carrying around a copy of the Turner diaries. yeah The key is that the archetype.
00:08:03
Speaker
for that, dude. So a ah a sketch comedy team a while back ah called Goat Face. It's with Hassan Minaj and um Ali Ali comedy and um goodness, Aristotle Fahim Anwar. Just great. And they have this whole thing where like there's a terrorist attack and ah they're all in an apartment. They're watching and they're like, oh, my. gosh, what's going on? What's going on? And they're like, we have profiled the person. It is, you know, Bill Johnson. And then it's just and they jump in in slow motion. like And it's like, thank God it was a white guy. Like it was it was so funny. like But like you start you think about this stuff and it's like.
00:08:51
Speaker
assassinating or trying to assassinate a president is is some white guy shit. Like, that's what yeah just be honest. Yeah. Like, did anybody check his pocket for what book he was reading? It's all right.
00:09:05
Speaker
It's just what now we have Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone banned from libraries because this motherfucker was reading it while he was trying to shoot Trump like. but Like. I can't read Catcher in the Rye anymore because somebody tried to shoot John Lennon. Watch, he came from like a super nutty like conservative family. In actuality, his copy of the Anarchist Cookbook was hollowed out so he could read Harry Potter on the inside. ah
00:09:39
Speaker
That's that's usually I mean, that's that's that's what a lot of people do. Imagine, dude, imagine there's like there's like a son of like a skinhead who has like Mein Kampf hollowed out just so he could read the Diary of Anne Frank. like
00:10:00
Speaker
50 percent of the Maze Runner's audiences. Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:07
Speaker
yeah that's funny dude and oh my god yeah what would you do if you wrote a book like let's say you like really just oh you you've always wanted to be a writer and you write like you pour yourself over years of like you know writing and rewriting and you know editing and all that stuff and you finally like put out your first book and it's like a romantic teen novel, you know young adult section, perfect for PG-13 movie, right and it blows up. And then you find out after the fact that like your audience is is
00:10:45
Speaker
primarily like white supremacist or something. Oh, yeah. Well, that's that's the thing that really sucks about being an artist is that you can't choose your fans. You know what I mean? Like, that's like, you know, I'm pretty sure you can you can choose whether you have white supremacists as your fans, you know, because I have themes there, Casey, that. Yeah, there's there's definitely some themes that you would put blowing up with an audience like that. Yeah, it might be a white supremacist thing. Yeah. And as and as the white man made perfectly in the image of God kiss, kiss this woman like just like if you have lines like that, you know, they're probably going to be like, like, um but yeah, I've I've thought about.
00:11:37
Speaker
I've actually thought about it but the opposite way where like you pour your heart and soul out into a book and you do so much and it's perfect for a movie and everything and then just nobody cares. So most books? like Is that what you're saying? Yeah, which is most which is most books. Yeah, like that's the thing. and Then you think about it and it's like it's like that in every field. like Every woman has thought Man, my pussy is great. I could charge five bucks a month for this shit. And they find out that only a couple people really want to see it. You know what I mean?
00:12:15
Speaker
Yeah, I know so much more. I know several of those. Yeah. You've got Insider, Industry Insider at the local level. Because of the cosplay to OnlyFans pipeline, is that why? That's exactly what it is. But there's been quite a few people that I've known over the years that like really like psyched themselves up and finally like went for it and started in OnlyFans and then just
00:12:51
Speaker
Just didn't, just didn't catch. Yeah. Well, and it's, and it's like anything, man. Like you have to promote yourself. You have to give them a little bit, you know, for them to want it. You know, it's, it's weird, but like, yeah, it's, it's, it's a difficult, it's a difficult business. The arts is a difficult business. You know, writing a book, showing and showing your, your clam, it's the same thing. you know like The arts. ah it's all it's ah It's all the arts, you know what I mean? like jerking off if i was It's like jerking off into a cup and videotaping it. It's the arts, right? and Yeah, it is. I might start an OnlyFans. Who knows? Sure. Shit's tight these days. It's true. Yeah. I mean, I guess you could see where your audience, like if you're a guy and you're going to get into it.
00:13:36
Speaker
Like you're really catering to a predominantly gay audience. Of course, which I think is the greatest tell of all time of like really where you stay. Like if if there was like ah a large, like if there's an audience of women, or if there's like a select group of women that are like, this is great, I would be like, awesome. if There is like a good like if that many gay dudes were like I'm I fucking love your only fans I'm like that means so much more to me like of course that's it like Well, let's be let's be completely honest here like I
00:14:12
Speaker
I mean, porn is is primarily a male-dominated industry in like fan base. yeah You know what I mean? like There's not many women that are fans that aren't in it. You know what I mean? like That's kind of what it is. like like The only way I know you're a fan is if you're in the industry. You know what I mean? Like, like other than that, it's like it's mostly just dudes, you know, but ah I mean, that's but again, I don't know much about anything, dude. Like I I'm just I'm just assuming, you know, but that's that's the thing. Like you you kind of have to look at it like what does. Yeah, no matter what, no matter what you do for an OnlyFans, you always have to be like, well, what do dudes want? You know, like do they want me?
00:14:57
Speaker
Yeah, do they want me jerking it to a freaking, you know, Jurassic Park clamshell or something, you know? I don't know what that means, but the VHS tapes. I heard you asked the part. I was so niche. but That has to be out there somewhere. I love this guy, dude. he goes His only fans is him jerking off, but he jerks off into old Disney clamshell VHS tapes. Absolutely. That's the way it's like.
00:15:29
Speaker
It's a 90s nostalgia jerk-off session. It's like yes. I i love this X-Men action figure from the 90s. Just like blow a full load on it and people are like this is what I'm here for. It's just by the way. I might have just come up with a million dollar idea. Oh yeah, it might. yeah right It might especially be a contingent of gay hipsters that would love that idea. 100% dude. you know, Rub and Tug sort of thing. Yeah. Who doesn't love Disney clamshells and jerking off? Like, that's what it is. The gay community is kind of like Senpai for sure. if yeah yeah If you're a male content creator, like, but what, okay, like, so let's say you start your only fans, you're doing this like clamshell, you know, jerking off the clamshell, whatever.
00:16:24
Speaker
You kind of blow up. you got you know You're not world famous, right? But you've got a good, hearty contingent of people that like pay to see you on a regular basis. and it kind of like That would be a confidence boost, right? Yeah. You'd start to think, like come maybe, I don't know, maybe I am attractive. And then you find a forum page where they discuss you and what they like and dislike all of of everything that you make. And you find out that really it's it's a whole like community of foot guys and they're cropping the rest of your body out. just fear Yeah. I mean, honestly, i I would see that as a win. Yeah, because because I see it as like it's less work for me and I'll just make the job easier on you and charge more money.
00:17:18
Speaker
It's less manscaping. It is less manscaping. I was thinking you were going to go in this direction, Casey, and I think it's equally as valid to consider as you're like you're blowing up. You're like, people love this. And you find out it's actually related to the disgust factor. They just hate you so much. Sure. They can't look away. Yeah, that would be tough for me. Do you lean into it? Or do you like, can you section that out? Can you go? That's the Internet. I have my life and I enjoy it. And this is like, you know, you're making an extra, like, let's say $5,000 a month. Like, you know, do you lean into it? And you're like, Yeah, hate me. Or do you like, does that make you actually want to kill yourself? Yeah, that that's tough for me, man. Like, I'm i'm somebody who
00:18:07
Speaker
Unfortunately, I care too much about things like that. like I care too much about what people think. And so because of that, i would it would hurt it would hurt me. It would be worse. Yeah, it would be way worse. um So much so that like i don't even I've had things go viral on TikTok and stuff. And and granted, you know, low key viral, not like, you know, skibbity toilet viral, you know, like, like I'm angry that you even said that I work in an elementary school and the amount of times I have to hear about skibbity toilet over the years. Yeah. Makes me think about quitting. Sure. Yeah. Well, and to be fair, I feel the same way about being an entertainer.
00:18:53
Speaker
Because that bitch is making so much money for being the worst thing that ever happened. She makes so much money for literally being an artwork. I thought it was a dude's face in the toilet. I would have said bitch if I knew it was a woman. I thought it was a dude in the toilet. I'm not being sexist. I genuinely don't even know. i only know that I only know Skibbity toilet. I don't even know the video. Oh, you haven't watched it? Oh, no. If you watch it, you'll actually be like, like i i'm still trying i've I just explained this to somebody a few days ago, honestly. i'm like I'm still trying to find the words to explain the feelings I had, but it was it was a form of actual pain. yeah it's It's so dumb.
00:19:44
Speaker
I don't think I've seen anything contest this for the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my 36 years of living. It was horrifically, nightmarishly stupid. yeah And when you see it, you go, like it's almost like you got punched, like it hurts. You feel a physical and emotional pain. And ah and then you feel an anger, like a pure, white-hot. thing i would love hanger anger because it's it's infuriating that someone could make their money being like this. I think I have the perfect analogy of how you feel. but have you ever Have you ever just been living your life and then a fly scares you? i No. but So a fly just comes in and then it scares you and then for ah but it scares you and then the second right after you're like, that thing has to die.
00:20:41
Speaker
You know what I mean? like Yeah, you're holding the grudge now. i'm with you i he When you see a fly, I think of like, when I think of a fly that ruins everything, it's like 11 o'clock at night. I settle down, I watch TV, and it's like a fly just lands. it's like It's attracted to the light of the TV. It's dark in my room, in my house. And it's just like, lands. And you're like, fuck, I got to get. And then you get up and it like flies off and it's going to get your air 15 from your bed and just shoot your TV. Find a good vantage point on the roof. Yeah, that just grazes its ear and you're like, Jesus Christ, I can't kill this one.
00:21:22
Speaker
yeah Like yeah i yeah, I enjoy those like painful cringe video then let's go look good. Give me toilet and report back I watched ah Papa meat did a a video about it. I didn't make it all the way through but Yeah, yeah I get it I mean, it's it's just it's one of those things like, you know, but anyway, all I was all I was trying to say to get back to my point was that that I any time that I have gone completely like, my you know, micro viral or whatever, that I get a lot of comments. I just ignore everything like i I cannot, you know, I cannot engage because the second that I do, you know, it's and it's and it's difficult because like I want
00:22:08
Speaker
I don't want them to win. You know what I mean? You know, but also like I don't want to sink to their level right at the same time. If you're kind like on the Internet, it's just you're engaging in a losing ever. It's losers all the way down. but Exactly. Yeah. Like I did. I did a thing for modern mammals recently and and I was getting comments of like, you know, Oh, look, it's Andy Milanakis's cousin or like, you know, whatever, like things like that. And that's fine. Make your jokes. Whatever. I just ignored them, even though what I wanted to say was actually I have a couple inches on Andy Milanakis. He's pretty short. And actually, I also have a couple inches inside of your mom right now. So that would actually be really great if you could treat me with respect because I might be your new dad. So that's what I wanted to say. But I was just like,
00:23:02
Speaker
There's no point, you know what I mean? Like at one point I'll be on a podcast and I could just talk about it, you know? And you have a career in entertainment and media and they're probably doing nothing nearly as interesting. Well, that's that's the thing that I find so funny is that is that there are these people that want to become They almost think that they could become a famous comedian by having the funniest comment on a tick-tock. Oh, yeah people dude and Comment funny like I've seen comments that make me like spit my drink out like hello Yeah, funny as shit you you open the comments within 30 seconds of the post It's like the first comment funniest shit ever probably not like
00:23:49
Speaker
Like that's a different skill set. Like being a funny commenter isn't getting you anywhere and it doesn't translate into much. But other than just like you jerking off to 7000 likes, you know. Yeah. And look, it's it's happened. It's happened. to to me, you know, a couple of times, but it was in a different format. Like, for example, um you know, after midnight has ah has a TikTok and they have an Instagram and they encourage that you make funny remarks, you know, obviously not about, you know, the people or whatever, but they're like, you know, do you have a funny hashtag for this or whatever? You know, what's the worst? There was one that
00:24:32
Speaker
that ah they were talking about, like, ah Christian music parodies. And so, like, it's like people that are Christian that are parodying, you know, um Sabrina Carpenter's espresso and like changing it to something about loving Jesus and, you know, things like that. And then they were like, comedians, can you think of a worse song? And then on on in my comment, it's the top comment, you could see it. And it says, it says, WAP worship and praise. And so like. And and it's like it has like 7000 likes or something like that. And like, I don't give a shit. Like, I don't care. You know, the the best thing that could happen to me is a casting director from after midnight looks at it, finds it funny and goes on my page, sees that I'm a comedian and goes, hey, we should maybe have him on like that's best case scenario. Right. I mean, like that's it, you know, and even then,
00:25:29
Speaker
probably not gonna happen, you know what I mean? Like, everybody can, like, people can be funny, you know what I mean, on the internet. Like, it's it's super easy, you know, so, um so yeah, I mean, I, I don't know, man, it's, it's weird because like, I don't know how you guys feel about comments, but like, I never, I've never written a negative comment in my life, and um I just don't see a point in it. And I never really have, you know, and like I I feel like most negative comments that I see are like, like, you know, the um
Comedy Experiences and Auditions
00:26:08
Speaker
there's like the plug and play ones like there's like, yeah, that the kind of responses that you can find on every post everywhere. I feel like no negative comments are that it's like.
00:26:22
Speaker
Oh, this was, uh, I wish I could think of one right now. It's always just like generic shit though. It's like, and yeah they're always the top ones. It's just like, yeah, yeah, something similar. But it's like you, there's internet comment matter that people fall into. And they're just like, it's like, I swear they're just waiting for a video to pop up where they can
00:26:47
Speaker
say the thing that everyone else is thinking that's on every other post first so that way right like OMG this saying this on it oh my god this saying this on any video any comment I and it has like the most likes it's like That's just your version of agreeing like yeah is full of that and I find that shit annoying I feel like Casey the only time on our page because whatever I mean we mostly have people who are along for the ride and what we're doing and Yeah, we we peaked you guys have a good you guys have a good audience when it comes to like who whoever is coming to growing up Christian knows what they're getting you know part and that's what I'm about to get into so we picked the Instagram algorithm Instagram is one of those things where it's like
00:27:32
Speaker
You got to post like daily, multiple times a day. I guess it used to be like, just don't reuse the same hashtags now. I guess it's anything over like two or three hashtags the algorithm suppresses. If you tag somebody, the algorithm suppresses it because it thinks you're just trying to like mooch off there ah their audience. Like it's just an ever shifting thing. You can never get it right. ah I got sick of it so I never post I post occasionally if I find something that I think is funny. um But if you don't pop i actually I was just talking to someone who has whose career kind of requires um a social media presence yeah and he was like.
00:28:19
Speaker
It's just hard. I don't I don't do it right. You're supposed to post two or three times a day. If you don't like I post every maybe once a week. It's like you post one thing and then I use the same hashtags a week later. And instead of getting like 3000 likes, I got 48 like it's just impossible to fucking keep up with. dude You know, you know what's you know what I've noticed as well. And this is This is completely different from comedy, but what I've noticed is music TikTok and music Instagram and all that stuff because and the the music business has completely changed. Like, let's be completely honest. like Like, nobody is giving half of a shit unless your song is on TikTok. And a lot of these people are starting like
00:29:12
Speaker
it's it's just It's just ridiculous. i was I was actually reading a comment ah from, ah I was watching this video and I was really in my feelings because I've i've been you know having some relationship issues and I was really in my feelings and it was this guy, beautiful voice. is singing um when she loved me from Toy Story 2 and just absolutely phenomenal voice and it's his natural voice it's not recorded nothing but he was building Legos while he was singing.
00:29:45
Speaker
And I started noticing in all of his videos, he's not just singing, he has to be doing something. And and I was like, why is he like, how why does he have to do that? And then he commented on somebody and he says, I've tried just singing and nobody watches those videos. So you have to be a good singer, but also build Legos. You know what I mean? It's a human version of like the ah the visualizer that used to like bounce around on your screen. Yeah. Or I've seen so many videos, people reposting videos where like the top half is the actual thing and the bottom half is someone like
00:30:28
Speaker
building in rocket league, like just something. so Yeah. Or playing rocket league. It's just like content and putting like just doubling the content beneath it for like the ADHD brains I get. I don't know. It's getting dude. It's all over the top at this point. And Moses swarm has the perfect bit about this. ah He improvised this bit for Comedy Central because his whole like 10 minute set was just like talking. He was just upset about the Internet and he he did like 20 minutes, but they ended up using the first 10 minutes and of him just like ranting about how much he hates the Internet. And he's like, let's be honest. The only reason why I even care to do this special is not because I need a special. It's because I need a clip for Instagram.
00:31:11
Speaker
um yeah You know, and he's like being satirical about it. And he's like, and so what I want you guys to do is help me have a perfect, ah you know, a perfect thing. And what what I'd like for Comedy Central to do is to go ahead and just smash my video down to where you can barely see what's going on. And then in font that's extremely grainy and misspelled, please just put when her pussy be homework or something like weird that note that doesn't make any sense. and And he's just like making fun of the entire algorithm. And it is the funniest thing ever. And it's like that's exactly what. And he was also making fun of like, also, if you could please just subtitle my jokes, because nothing is better than than reading a punchline before it's said. Oh, yeah. Because that's yeah, because that's the thing you want to read the job to make sure it's funny.
00:32:04
Speaker
You know what I mean? Like, it's like, come on, dude. Like, what are we doing here? Like, the only thing I've turned subtitles off for is comedy specials. Like, yeah, it it ruins comedy specials so much when you see the subtitles before they deliver it the way they intended and you just read it. It's like when you it's that's like the biggest biggest criticism about like comedy reviews. anytime but like ah any newspaper wants to comment on what a comedian did during their set and they write out the joke like this was offensive they said and then they just write it word for word you're like yeah because you missed everything before it after it the environment everything about it you ruined it you ruined it by writing about it no journalist should never be allowed to write about a comedy
00:32:53
Speaker
Of course, there's no there's no cadence. There's no tone. There's nothing like without cadence or tone or character. What is a joke? It's like, you know what I mean? i but like It's not even it's not even a joke. You're just reading words and like and and sure, like there are were there are jokes. that you can write on a piece of paper and are just funny on paper. Like ah like I once recently heard someone say, and this is very funny, ah they said they said that a Happy Meal is an appetizer for the toy. that That's very funny. you know But like it's it's also just funny on paper. You know what I mean? like If you read that, you will find it just as funny as if I said it.
00:33:34
Speaker
yeah would i require an understanding from the audience to know that what you're saying is a exactly exactly yeah doesn't require yeah it doesn't require an understanding of like i know that he's kidding he has like i know his character i understand you know his his intention like all this stuff which is something that a comedian builds and it takes time that is what part of being a comedian is that's what makes it so hard you know that's why these open micers you know not to like get all philosophical comedy or whatever but that's why a lot of these open micers come in with their 911 jokes on their first time
00:34:13
Speaker
you know, or they come in with their, you know, Trump got shot in the ear jokes, and they're filming it, you know, for their TikTok, because they think it's going to go viral, even though there's four people in the audience, you know, like, they they are like, why doesn't anybody think this is funny? And it's like, you know, Anthony Jussel and it can do it. And it's like, well, yeah, because he's been doing this for years. Everybody knows who he is. poor He built the rapport. Everybody knows who he is. you know like that's That's part of it. yeah That's why Tim Dillon can get away with what he gets away with. That's why so many... you know and And I say this about me, that's why I get away with a lot of things
00:34:54
Speaker
that I shouldn't get away with because I use my charisma. I use you know my laugh. I use a lot of things for people to be like, oh, he's kidding. He's saying something so messed up. But it's like you know he has this like innocent you know cadence about him. There's no way that it's real. you know And that's that's what's beautiful about comedy. you know But if you wrote my comedy on paper, you would be like, yeah my first joke is about my parents dying. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's literally, that's literally what it is, you know, but of course, you know, I, I, I develop a, a characteristic and you find out very quickly, you know, one of the, one of the things that I'm very proud of and confident in is that
00:35:43
Speaker
I punch you in the face with who the fuck I am in the first 30 seconds of being up there. You know what I mean? Like like you you know what you're getting ah less than a minute in. Like you're like, OK, this guy is a silly goose. Like this is what's happening. And if I'm not in for it, I'm not going to like this. And if I am, then this is going to be great. And nine times out of 10 people are. If they like comedy, they're in for it. You know, I just recently I just did a festival ah with, uh, with the impractical jokers last week. And, uh, I was going to ask you about that. So I'm glad we're moving in this direction. Cause I knew you came off a festival yeah and with the impractical jokers. Yeah. yeah
00:36:25
Speaker
So it was it was so sick. Like it was so it was it started by Jiggy, who is ah opening. He opens for Joe Gatto and for for Murr and for um for I don't think he opens for Sal, but he ah he does all the stuff and all of them were stand up. comics. So so yeah, there I think all of them except for Q is a stand up. Q is just a podcaster as far as I know. And and Q came in, he did his podcast called Space Monkeys, and um they did
00:37:01
Speaker
a show called Taste Funny Live. And I was telling them ah after it because we it was right right before my showcase and I went up to Jiggy who ran the festival and was the the headliner of the whole thing and everything. I went up to him and I was like, dude, this needs to be a television show. And essentially I'll pitch it to you right now. And this is the elevator pitch. It is a comedian doing stand up while also cooking. Who wouldn't watch that? That is that is like such an entertaining show. the you know Two things people love. Yeah. I feel like and it's almost impossible for me to not stop on a cooking reel or clip. Yeah.
00:37:45
Speaker
I always do. and I almost always regret it, by the way, because the type of shit you see on Instagram or Facebook, it's like it's all no facebook Facebook is the cesspool of cooking videos. Yeah. Watch me turn this guitar case into bread. Yeah. like in And you're like, what are you doing? It's like, yeah, it's always someone pouring like epoxy on some shit to make it something stupid that no one asked for. Yeah. It's like doing like, I don't know, it's something with a burger. Let me throw these like pepper hole, like these, like, let me slice these peppers down the middle and poke them in a burger and then fill those with something and then flip it and be like, I just did something awesome. You're like, this is disgusting food. terrible Exactly.
00:38:30
Speaker
Yeah, and so so the so yeah that is the elevator pitch now what makes the the show funny other than the stand-up is that it it is much like in practice it it is much like in practical jokers in that every 60 seconds, there is a challenge that needs to happen. And so um the way that they did it live was every minute they they would have somebody in the audience call out a number, and that number meant you know that for the next minute, you have to cook with lobster hands. you know Or for the next minute, you have to, um or not for the next minute, but ah for this challenge, you have to, ah he was making ah pancakes and eggs.
00:39:13
Speaker
And he said, um this next minute, you have to put crickets in the pancake mix. You have to put hot sauce on the eggs, like this really, you know, last dab type of hot sauce on the eggs. You know, ah you have to, you know, do whatever. And it's super, you know, also every time they played um every time they played this specific song that, come on, Mr. Tallyman, Tally me banana. every time they played that song, it was called the banana in the pocket ah challenge. He had to eat a full banana while cooking, and they played that song like 25 times. It was hilarious. and and so like And so it was just a very fun show. And I was telling him and and the other the other dudes, of course, they they came up and they helped and
00:40:00
Speaker
you know, they they like did their thing. And um and yeah, like it was it was a fun experience. And what was so cool, too, was that, you know, Jiggy, um you know, it's it's his festival. And like, what's so what was so awesome was that he was so um just kind and hospitable to newer comedians, and he was just like, I want, I want my audience to, to find new people that are good, you know, and so I really respected the hell out of him for that because
00:40:37
Speaker
I asked him if I could do it because my buddy Brittany Brave was on it. And she was like, yeah, like the his fan base and the the Joker's fan base is not even a fan base. It's a family like these people will follow you anywhere you go. And um and I did not realize how true that was until last week where it was just like, holy crap, dude, like this is insane. Like, you know, the and these people were coming up to me after you know asking for pictures and autographs and all these things and wanting merch and like you know um i i went in you know thinking because i i do most of my shows in miami i barely ever bring merch you know so like whenever i do bring merch it's like when i'm at miami improv or something
00:41:27
Speaker
And I sell maybe one shirt, you know, so I got to a point where I was like, you know what, I make more money if I say that everything's by donation. And so, you know, so maybe somebody gives me five bucks for a shirt, but then another person feels bad and they give me 50 for a shirt. You know what I mean? And that's kind of been a thing that I've done since music, you know, with with all that. Dude, I did that. I did that ah at um at this place and I made almost three hundred dollars and I made and I had no merch. I had no shirts. I had nothing. I had nothing. I literally all I had were pins, business cards, and I was giving away boxes of cereal. That was it. That's it. That's all I was doing. That's all I was doing. And I was like, and nothing costs money. This is all just for you to follow me on Instagram. That's it. That's all this is for. If you want merch, this is the website. This is what the merch looks like. You know, I had my, I had my shirt that you guys have seen the view master shirt. I had a sweater as well. And, and I was like, this is the website where you could find it.
00:42:36
Speaker
And then the next day I look at my statistics for my merch and and it's like I sold like 20 units of like the shirt and like five units of the sweatshirt or like whatever. And it's like crazy, man. Like these people are just so loving and just like that's sick. Yeah, they like they want they they just love comedy and they love they love who they love and especially What I was also noticing as well and what they were telling me was, we we love finding somebody new and then being like, I saw them when they were here. And and like, you're you were that for us this year. And it was like so sweet, you know, because like, now I feel like I can take on the world as a standup comedian because I have these people behind my back. yeah You know what I mean? Where was this festival?
00:43:31
Speaker
It was in Orlando, Florida. Yeah. okay It was like right literally right across the street from Universal Studios and ah Hollywood Studios in Walt Disney World. Right next to the pain management clinic. Yeah. next Are they impractical guys, Florida people? Is that how you got hooked up with it or? No. just the northeast and So Jiggy is from Orlando. ah The impractical jokers guys are New York guys. That's from New York. Yeah, they're New York guys and also Jiggy's a New York guy, too. But he's from Orlando. So he likes he I think it changes every year. But for the last two years, he's been doing it in Orlando because that's where he's from. And he wants to kind of like make it more. This is my home base, you know, like that kind of thing.
00:44:20
Speaker
And everybody just I mean, dude, when I say people flew in from all over the world, there were people from Germany that came to this fucking festival. It was unreal. I could not. I have never I have never done something. of that caliber where somebody has flown from, you know, and spent thousands of dollars to see three days of comedy. Like it's like and I was just like, dude, this is where it's at. This is like this is the audience that I need. You know, like these are loving, you know, people and like and and what's funny enough is like a lot of them are just like
00:45:02
Speaker
And I mean this with love. A lot of them are just dorks. like They love their comedy nerds. You know what I mean? like like you know how You know how we are when we're when we're off air, essentially. you know we we just We talk about, oh, dude, did you did you see that podcast? Did you do this? Did you do that? that's the I saw 100 of those people you know this this past weekend. That's really fun. And they were just like, where's your podcast? How can I find it? Where's this? Where's that? I mean, you know, good luck getting rid of me is essentially what they were what they were doing. And it was awesome. Like it was it was so and I might be undershooting it by 100. I think it was maybe two or three hundred. Like it was it was a lot of people for this for the size of the festival, because it was essentially they rented out the Marriott, ah the courtyard by Marriott, that's right by Disney.
00:45:55
Speaker
And um like all of the ballrooms were turned into stages. They had a theater. We used that theater. um And ah all of the rooms was where everybody stayed. So essentially, like they the festival took over that hotel for the three days. It was really cool. That's super cool. It's awesome. It was really cool, you dude. I'm glad that I'm glad you had that. Thanks. and That's fucking sick, dude. I'll send you I taped. I taped my sets. I'll send you my sets so you guys can take a look. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. i and And they were really, really fun. I mean, I.
00:46:37
Speaker
I felt when I was up there, I was like, man, this is the first time in a long time, you know, because again, working in Miami sometimes gets you really jaded because a lot of this, a lot of people have make me laugh energy, as opposed to Yeah. As opposed to like, let's have a good time. I'm here to laugh. Let's have a good time. What do you got? You know, and that's a completely different energy. And and when I was up there, I was like, my God, I have never felt more myself in such a long time. Like this was so needed, you know, and you could see it in the video like like it's like, oh, he really looks comfortable up there, do you know.
00:47:15
Speaker
And just having people who are there to have a good time makes, like a friend and I were at a comedy show and there was this guy sitting in the front row who just sat there the entire fucking time, with his arms crossed, completely slouched, and just like a stern look on his face. For the hour and a half, or hour and 15 minutes, whatever it was, didn't crack a single smile. And even when the comedian tried to engage, like it was a rough set. It was ah really it was fun, but it was a rough set. And is it is it like a well-known comedian or was it just like a local show?
00:47:59
Speaker
Yeah, fairly well known. Okay. and It probably wasn't their fault to be completely honest. No, no. Oh God, no. This was not the comedian's fault at all. Yeah, because that could because I have a story about when I saw Pete Holmes and he had a rough set in my opinion. I know you'll hear like, if you listen to enough comedy podcasts, they'll be like, you know, comics want to be like, it was the audience was terrible, but it's like, Sometimes it really is. I get that they want to put the onus on themselves to be the ones that had the bad... Let me acknowledge where I went wrong, X, Y, and Z. But there are bad crowds. There are. And this was a bad crowd. And this guy just sitting there like that... Good for this person for being able to just carry on. If you were a newer comic,
00:48:49
Speaker
And you saw that in the front, the fucking front row. would It would have killed you. It would have killed your charisma. It would have killed your delivery. It would have borrowed into your skull. And you because it. I it almost ruined it for me as just someone watching it. I'm if you're looking at the stage, I'm on the right side of it. This person's dead center, like in the front. So for where I am, my i I can just see this person with the lights on their face. And I'm like, if you were a new comic and you had to deal with that, it would have been fucking brutal.
00:49:24
Speaker
Yeah, dude, i I went and I saw I saw Pete Holmes at a Daniel Beach improv. And, um you know, I know those guys. So I just told them, hey, you know, can I just sit in the back? And they were like, sure. So just I sat in the back. And his opener went up and I and while he was up there, he wasn't he wasn't bombing. His jokes were great. His jokes were great. But it just wasn't connecting. And I was like, dude, if this is how this show is going to be, this is going to be rough.
00:49:56
Speaker
And and and also there were ah maybe four people that were up in the front and one of them was getting married or it was their birthday or some shit. And I was like, and they would not stop talking. And I was like, oh, no, like this is going to suck, because like, because now I'm looking at it not even as an audience member, because I was trying to be an audience member. But now I'm looking at it as a comedian where I'm like, OK, also, like if I was opening for Pete, it's my job to make sure that these people understand you can't do this while he's up here. You know, so majority of his job was wrangling these people like he couldn't he couldn't finish his bit, you know, about he had some bit about WWE wwe that he that seemed really interesting.
00:50:48
Speaker
Couldn't get through it, you know, and he ended up abandoning it and and he just went to like some, you know, really quick one liner and then was just brought Pete up. And I probably would have done the same thing, honestly, because I probably would have just been like, I just want to get out of here, you know, and um And Pete went up there and he he handled it, you know, and he handled it in like the most Pete Holmes way ever, which was like he was super, super sweet about it. Yeah. And like he talked to her and he let her have her flowers and he let her do her thing. He's like, oh, you're from New Jersey. Oh, that's so sweet. Or you're from Boston. That's what it was. You're from Boston. I'm from Boston. Oh, great. You know, whatever. And he goes, OK.
00:51:35
Speaker
I've let you have your I've let you have your moment now. That's it. OK. And like and it was really nice. And and she honestly, until like almost the last 10 minutes, she stayed quiet the whole time. I was like, holy crap. That's like the nicest way I've ever seen somebody shut someone down. Like that was really, really cool to watch. And then another thing that was crazy was in the so in the back, there was I was I was in the back. So like in the very back, there was like um a kerfuffle happening. Like they were like fighting and, you know, whatever. And he he addressed it.
00:52:14
Speaker
or whatever. And, and he was in the middle of ah of a setup. And he had to he addressed it. And then it took a very long time. And they these people ended up having to be kicked out, which is hilarious, because right before ah they ah they apparently were on the comp list for to get in. And it was hilarious to me because I've noticed as a comedian for 10 years that I've been doing this. Everybody that has free tickets always is the problem.
00:52:48
Speaker
Like, yeah it is never it is never the person that paid that has the problem. It is always it is always who like I know the comedian. He's my cousin. Like, you know, that's the person yeah that is so fucking annoying. like the entire show. And so and so I don't know if they were related or what was going on, but they had comp tickets and they were just going nuts. And Pete, yeah you know, he did he I don't know if he had he probably did have like a sign for security, like a hand signal or something because he didn't say anything. Yeah. And I know that sometimes people have hand signals just because they don't want to look like a dick. And um fair enough.
00:53:33
Speaker
Yeah, of course. It's fair it's what I would do. It's what I would do. Like if I if I, you know, go like this, wipe my brow, like that means take them out, you know, whatever. You know, if I hire Hitler, like take the shot so yeah means we're having a great time. Yeah. No, but and then and then he gets back to the joke. And of course, you know, and as a comedian, I understand this, he gets back to the joke. And he gets back to where he was and then finishes it and then realizes, oh, yeah, the joke doesn't work because three minutes of this setup was was me trying to get these fucking people. Oh, my God. That's so now that so now the joke bombs, you know, and so it's just like so I was just like, man. And of course it wasn't him. It wasn't his fault like at all. It wasn't his fault, you know, but
00:54:31
Speaker
It was it was tough, man, because he's he's my favorite comedian. So it's like it's kind of tough for me to say that he's bad or whatever. um But ah like I have a bias with him and and Donald Glover as well. But he doesn't do stand up anymore. But I have a bias with very specific people where I'm like, they're perfect and nothing could hit them. and You know, whatever. but yeah But I could I could definitely be like, man, like that. That crowd sucked. It was so bad. and i And I wanted to stay because my original my original thought, you know ah what I wanted to do, I don't know if you guys are U-bit weird fans, but what I wanted to do was ah was have him sign my bottle of modern mammals.
00:55:17
Speaker
and because it's the it's the thing that he promotes okay and I thought that would be really funny and and then what was even funnier dude I don't know if I've ever told you guys this story what was even funnier I was looking through my stuff And ah like looking through like my memory box of like comedy and like, you know, the posters of like how I've told you like how certain posters look like I photoshopped my name into it. You know, like like it's like Andy Kinler and you know, Neil Brandon, Mike Valdez. And I'm just like, what in the world? Yeah, I'm looking I'm looking through all these things. And sure enough, I see I see the sides for season three, episode one of crashing because I auditioned for
Pop-Punk Disney and Christian Media Nostalgia
00:56:01
Speaker
crashing.
00:56:01
Speaker
And okay did I ever tell you guys this story? No, I don't think so. I auditioned. OK, so I auditioned for crashing and I got super close. So it was me. And ah essentially they wanted Jaboukie Young White. That's who they wanted. But what was going on was he was on The Daily Show at the time. And there was a huge chance that he wasn't going to be able to do it. So they went ahead and they just auditioned other people to make sure, you know, in case he couldn't do it. And um and basically, I auditioned.
00:56:39
Speaker
I got all the way up to Judd. I auditioned all the way up to Judd. like like I was up there. I did and did four auditions. And and it was ah really it was a really crazy audition process because my role was a stand-up comedian. So I had to show them my stand-up. So I had to show them, this is me doing stand-up. Here's a set. This is what it looks like. Now here's me acting. Now here's me you know doing this and you know whatever. and yeah And then I looked at it and I go, damn, man. OK, so now I know the next time I meet Pete Holmes, I'm going to tell him the story about how I auditioned for Crashing. And I almost did it. But Jaboukie got it instead of me. And then I'm going to have him sign my spec script.
00:57:23
Speaker
Can you sign my script, please? And please put, hey, Mike, I'm sorry. be time but Because i like I mean, my agent was like, have you ever heard of crashing? It's on HBO. And I was like, heard of it. It's my favorite show. What are you talking about? It was fantastic. it's I literally it's over. And she and she was like, she was like there there. You know, they're paying the it was so funny because, again, she's my agent, so she's very business savvy. And she's like, they're offering X amount of dollars, which I don't remember if I knew I would just tell you because I don't give a fuck. But but like they're offering X amount of dollars. I think I can get them higher. But they're just trying to give you that much because you're an unknown and all this stuff. And I was and I even I even emailed her. I go, hey, honestly, I would do this if I had to give them money.
00:58:19
Speaker
well yeah like i want i it was It's a three episode arc of my favorite show. like I want to do this. It's unbelievable. you know so yeah it's i I can't believe I haven't told you guys that story. but yeah That's sick. Man, I'm going to pivot for us now. is that yeah Let's do it. but Before I pivot, Casey, I'm going to have you hit the pause button because I have to go pee-pee as usual. All right. That was a fantastic pee break. I feel a lot like my dogs, uh, at times when, so I have this beverage here in front of me. It's a good size beverage, but I have not drank it for the last like 20 minutes because I had to pee. And I feel like that's what my dogs do when I'm not home. Like
00:59:11
Speaker
I get home and my dog is like pumped. He's like, Oh my God, thank God you're here. I'm super pumped. And then as soon as like that wears off, he goes in, like c chugs an entire giant ass bowl of water. Yeah. And I'm like, I think you just weren't drinking because you knew the bathroom wasn't an option and I wasn't here. and And it's like part of their bio. He's just like, I know I can't piss and I will not piss in this house. So he just doesn't drink anything all day long. That's a good boy. I know. Great dog. Love that. Well, he's not a great dog. He has a lot of problems too. But sure in this area, he does fine. He's got a lot of mental health issues. I feel like this is the most I've been able to. Yes, he does. He's on a better health.
01:00:01
Speaker
This dog's on some pretty high levels of Prozac. Yeah Still can't really get his shit together. But anyway, this is the most I've been able to empathize with my dog in a long time was like This has been mostly full for a while. I'm like, I can't drink it because I have to pee a bit. And now I'm not. and I can't. I can't drink it because I know I'll have to pee. And I think it's so sick that my dog knows if he drinks water, he's going to pee. Dude, speaking speaking of dogs, I just wanted to say this. Did you guys know that Disney just announced a pop punk covers album?
01:00:35
Speaker
whoa where why is they what yes they are going to be doing a covers album with pop punk bands doing doing all of their classic disney songs it's called a whole new sound and uh their first their first single is can you feel the love tonight by simple plan um oh so we're like that not only are we doing old disney songs we're finding pop punk bands from the time that those songs are actually written to do that of course yeah yeah yeah well that's well that's the point like it's and that's so funny
01:01:10
Speaker
I said um I said this recently because because Simple Plan, they ah they started off with ah a single called I'm Just a Kid. And what's great is now they just changed it to I'm Just a Dad. You know, like it's it's wonderful. um But they I don't know, man, I was thinking about this because I talk about this on stage. Like it's how I keep my sense of childlike wonder sometimes where like I try to imagine like what Bands would be because they haven't announced the whole track list. So like what bands would be on this and what's the only announcement so far? Simple play only announcement so far. So what are we thinking like ah like, um you know, I get blink ah dude, that's the first thing I was thinking was if blink covers when she loved me, it would be so funny.
01:02:03
Speaker
like feel like blink is in order for it um just like world could do something for sure under the sea under the sea that would be good what that I was thinking of the of how the blink song would go it would go like um ah when somebody loved me everything was beautiful everything yeah Everything that she did or lived in my boner and she was dead. I was there to dry her tears. She was happy, she was all like, shave of me. Like, it'd be great. um I'm trying to think of other bands like
01:02:46
Speaker
Dude, like All-American Rejects doing. Yeah, big time. Yeah, All-American Rejects just doing like a really like bass, like bass heavy version of like, I don't know. Prince Ali. its Yes. ah Prince Ali from the tables up.
01:03:08
Speaker
but like I'm having too much fun with this. This is great. i If they're sticking with like like that that era, I feel like new if Newfound Glory doesn't do something, I'll kill myself. Of course, they're the godfathers of pop punk. It feels necessary. yeah they're and they they seem like they would do like They feel like a band that would do it. You know that you don't have to like convince them or like upsell. yeah know Yeah, I think the only I think the only band that like has to do it is that I forget if you guys know you guys probably know ah there's a band are they're called like our our last night or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. They're big on cover. They cover a bunch of songs and they're so sick ah the way that they do them. It's just I don't know if they're trying to go heavy or not because that's the thing is they make them super heavy. But um but yeah, like
01:04:08
Speaker
If we're going like, like pure, like 90s nostalgia pop punk like that would be so fun. um I love that I just, it was just a fun thought experiment I wondered what you guys would think, and who who you would want on that. I mean, as long as new found glories on it, then I got what I came for. That's all I need. What song do you want them to do, though? Oh, God. i see I think you're assuming that I could just name drop Disney songs better than I can.
01:04:41
Speaker
um Well, here's here's the thing. Who is going to take the title? No. Who is going to take the Titan Disney song? Eye to eye from a goofy movie. What punk band is going to annihilate that song? Because that's the thing. It's either going to be so good or so bad. yeah ah Like because that that song rips already, you know what I mean? Like it's like even to this day, like that's that movie's like 30 years old and that song still rips, you know, so that film holds up real good. Oh, yeah. I feel like he's had some bangers, too, though. I thought he said some real bangers. Hercules, I think the last good were like the songs were so like.
01:05:30
Speaker
slap till the very end was probably Tarzan. And then everything before was great. Because Phil Collins, right? dude Phil Collins, Phil Collins killed that sound. Incidentally, that's the only Phil Collins songs I like. is they Of course. Yeah. Yeah. The Tarzan ones. You know what? Newfound Glory doing Son of Man, I think would be good. I think that would be good. I could hear it already. OK. So me and up in the sky. Like the air spirits and me free. You know, a lot of a lot of people are always like, man, how does Jordan Pudex sound the same? And I'm like, it it doesn't do anything to your voice if you sing out of your nose. Like, like. Yeah, that's true. but I can see a Tom DeLong doing like Once Upon a Dream. Yes, I know you.
01:06:22
Speaker
I'm up with you once upon a dream. long noseline dude i I want Blink to do this whole album. I just want Simple Plan to do that one song and then Blink does the whole album. That's a big announcement. I just want Tom DeLonge's accent. They bury the lead that hard. Yeah. How would you imagine? Here we go. We got Simple Plan and then it's just the rest of it comes out. all blank it's like it's that is the biggest berry the lead in the history of berry the leads but you would be you would be fooling yourself if you don't think that album would fly off the shelves if it was just it was all blank covering disney songs you know and they let them put in like random boner words and things like that in there that would be amazing dude like
01:07:17
Speaker
ah Somebody has to somebody will definitely have to do ah um I'll make a man out of you from move on yes, dude That would be so so that song is so good well Just great ones. Anyway, well on was that was solid. I've been watching I'll make a man out of you. I'll make a man out of you is so sick um What's that? ah The who is the girl I see song? What's that song? Oh?
01:07:45
Speaker
Straight back at me. Yeah. Yeah that Christina Aguilera song that Barlow girl stole like a million times I was gonna say if this is really successful then we'll get maybe we'll get like a parallel Christian of coffee and will you Like FM static singing like veggie tails to that was it's just Which by the way, it's so funny that you say that because that has already been done yeah crazy oh So they it wasn't FM static but they had it was a it was a Veggie Tales Rocks album or something and it was like
01:08:26
Speaker
You know, Michael Tate singing the cheeseburger song. I know for a fact, Reliant K did the Pirates Who Can't Do Anything. Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. Yeah, but to be fair, they wrote that song for Veggie Tales. Oh, did they? Yes. So it makes complete sense that they did that. Oh, shit. I did not know that. That's sick. Yeah. Because when they do it, it's pretty good. I mean... Of course, because it's something they would write. Like it's... Slick Shoes wrote, everybody owns a water buffalo. No, they didn't. I mean, I'm pretty sure you might be right. They did not. I'm pretty sure jars of clay wrote Where's my hair brush?
01:09:07
Speaker
like Yeah, it seems they're laying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Which is hilarious thinking about it now, because like, is it the lead singer like he didn't come out recently? From Jars of Clay? Yeah, from Jars of Clay. He came out as what a white supremacist? Is this breaking news? Is this breaking news? No, he came out. He said he's been a homosexual for like 20 years or something like that. Yeah. Wow. It was his whole life, huh? So I guess he chose to be.
01:09:44
Speaker
well that's where the money was dude that's what is what you gotta do dude there's so many and i've said it on the podcast before there's so many bands that i know that are christian bands that are doing it for the business of it like they don't even believe what they're singing it anymore like it it might have started that way let's go the jars of clay christian fans lash out after the lead singer tweets oh tweets for same-sex marriage when was this Yeah. So who cares? No, sorry. That's all. That's 2014. Yeah. I did. I just I just typed into Google jars of clay singer gay. I got nothing. Yeah. I don't know. Fact check. Someone needs to fact check. I'm not finding it right away. He was on he was on the Bad Christian podcast, which is now who knows what it's called now. But it's it's it's a different name now. But it was a singer.
01:10:38
Speaker
yeah i it might have i'm pretty sure it was the same i could i could be time dan hassel time yeah i could be wrong um but and uh who was the other guy ray bolts or something he came out as well yeah ray bolts did yeah but that i think that was well this was like it was like forever ago though yeah yeah yeah um but i mean this is like this is it's so funny because like
01:11:19
Speaker
beke kryscher said this on a podcast and it made me laugh so hard because like he was talking about how John Chris got canceled and he's just like, with dan I can't tell by Wikipedia. It doesn't seem like Dan Hasseltine is gay. Oh, maybe I'm wrong. Oh, it might be from Hampton. berk said what she's It might it then it then it might just be that he got, which to be fair, being being a part of the Christian industry, you could get canceled for just tweeting pro gay stuff like and then, you know, that's already a thing. So maybe that's what it was. And then I was like, well, it can't it can't be as dumb as being pro gay. It must be that he is gay. And then because maybe it was me trying to rationalize it in my head. You know, where's the slippery slope?
01:12:05
Speaker
Yeah, because I was like, you can't be that stupid. And like, and sure enough, it is that stupid. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, oh, God, man. It's like, dude, I i quote you, Casey, all the time, dude, where you say you said you said this on a podcast I was on that was so funny. You said, say what you want about Christians, but they know how to get people to the voting booth. but but they are good at that yeah they're very good at getting people to the voting booth and dude there is nothing there is no better metaphor in this world than that and i mean that in in like every regard like it's not even just like to the voting booth it's just like to watching christian media like you know like watching horrible christian movies like
01:12:56
Speaker
Um, I don't know if you guys, uh, if you guys watch, there's this guy, his name is Jonathan. Something I for, I forget, but he's a commentator on YouTube that is a comedic commentator, but he does a Christian media and he ah subscribed to this thing called like faith flicks or something. Pure Flix. oh yeah you know what it is And he was like, I only watch pure flicks for a week and and, you know, all this stuff. And he reviewed all of the shows and all this stuff. Did you know that pure flicks has sitcoms?
01:13:31
Speaker
I don't know. I actually, Pure Flix, because it's the epitome of- Dude, are you kidding me? This is ridiculous. It's the epitome of setting up just basically a parallel, it's the epitome of parallel institution. It's like, oh, it's comedy, it's thriller. I mean, whatever there is, Pure Flix does it and they do it Christian. Dude if I and here's the thing to Their their most their highest rated sitcom From what I can from what I saw which was not much from what I saw does not even have jokes in it um I was just like, okay This is a sitcom for what because it's it has a lighter hue on the lens Like why is this a sitcom, you know? um If I gave you three guesses you would guess who the star of this sitcom is
01:14:25
Speaker
Oh, Kurt Cameron? No, not Kurt Cameron. what's his But that is a good that is a good guess. Who thinks who thinks sitcoms? Think clean. is it Wait, is kevin so Kevin Sorbo the guy who does everything? Kevin Sorbo is the guy who does everything, but he's not a sitcom guy. Primarily Hercules. That's crazy that he's not like a dad, but he's not like a dad in a sitcom. Dude, it's Dave Coulier. Every dad in every Christian sitcom. It's Dave Coulier, dude. He's the star of this, he's the star of this sitcom. Oh, wow. And so it's Dave Coulier and he works at a Christian radio station. It's a workplace comedy about him working at a Christian radio station. Dude. No way. He's not a Christian in real life, is he? I don't think so. But at the same time. That just shows you where his career is at. Is that the problem here?
01:15:22
Speaker
I think I think it's weird because like I I see him and like, you know, because I watch everything that I know of him is synonymous with clean, if that makes any sense. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I only know him in full house. I don't know anything about his career outside. Which one is he in full house? He's Uncle Joey, the uncle that's not related to anybody. He he's He's the guy that has those really funny jokes where he comes in where he comes in and he's just wearing a wacky shirt. And that's the joke. like That's Uncle Joey. He's not related, but he is an ethical pedophile. He just says words in a different voice.
01:16:07
Speaker
It's so funny because like my buddy. She tree as well, by the way. me He sure did heavily in common. Yeah, the woodchuck. He sure did. Yeah. Was Mr. Woodchuck ah a Christian woodchuck? Like, can you imagine? Well, Mike, here's what you here's a little fun fact that you don't know. All puppets are Christians. is that is that the truth i feel I feel a little better about watching the puppets now. Even the ones you wouldn't think. Even like, ah what, the insult dog? What's his name? It's true. Triumph the insult dog? Yeah. no I watched Team America with brand new eyes now. No, no, no. Those aren't puppets. Those were marionettes.
01:16:49
Speaker
triumph ah all it's not really a puppet so much as just like and like ah like a rubber shark that you'd yeah your face it is a hand i mean it's not made in god's image so look notice listen yeah I just need to say ah all this to say that I'm just finding ways like a good christian to justify almost almost everything that i believe if if i say it i interrupted you i interrupted you just when you were like like a good christian i just went state farm is there just to plug state farm i just wanted to support state farm ah promo code mike baldes
01:17:26
Speaker
um yeah
01:17:29
Speaker
um yeah it's and Yeah, dude, it's it's funny because like my my really my really good friend, she always told me, she's like, I don't know what it is, but whenever I see Dave Coulier, I just get a weird vibe about him. I don't know what it is. I just get a weird vibe. I don't think he's funny. I don't think anything. And I was just like, man, that's weird. Because like you know growing up, I always thought he was funny. Because like again, i I'm the perfect demographic of that show. like i i was Maricade and Ashley's age when the show came out. like So like I literally grew up watching that show, just like how they grew up being on it. And and so like it was my humor in a lot of ways. like like he Him doing those voices was funny to me. you know so
01:18:14
Speaker
um And now I watch it and I still love it because it just reminds me of when I was a kid, you know, so um and so like I understand the people that don't like it. But I also try to explain to people why I like it, you know, and why so many people like it, you know.
America's Funniest Videos and Childhood Memories
01:18:32
Speaker
And do you remember when he had like a video show? I sure do. Yeah, cause I don't remember what it was called, but like ah the main Bob Saget had America's funny videos, which was a smash hit. I mean, oh yeah we would be we were so excited when that came on. Dude, du like that was family. I mean, for anybody who's younger than a millennial, imagine YouTube compilations of people getting kicked in the nuts, but it was on TV.
01:19:01
Speaker
like like prime time dude that shit yeah legit Yeah, before the internet like America's funny song video was the only way to to see that the rest of America was an idiot like Like it was like it was it was amazing the amount of people I saw fall through trampolines Oh, you'll never see that many people fall through trampolines again. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's funny chased by ducks It's funny because now now it's so oversaturated, you know, because of Tosh.0 and because of the internet, where you're just like, okay, man, I get it, you know? and we Yeah, in America's video, it's locked, so Tosh.0 could run.
01:19:45
Speaker
Yeah. We sent in a video. Did you guys ever send in a video to America's Dancing Videos? Dude, I always talked about it because when my family... Everybody wanted to send in... Everybody wanted 10,000 bucks. Everybody wanted 10,000 bucks for hitting their dad with a wiggle ball. Kickstarter kids we yeah but we had America funny so video and you would take a picture of yourself getting a You know an ad ripped off at a trampoline. Yeah, and that's how you paid for your leg up I had a good one. I had like an actual like we talked about all time I don't even know if we have this video anymore still but we were at Disney World
01:20:23
Speaker
There you know the prime location sword in the stone, you know, there's that sword in the stone. You can take it out. Yeah. My whole family. Everyone lines up. they go Oh, like to get a pull it from different angles. Can't do it. Apparently, like if it does come loose sometimes and someone gets to take it out and it's pretty. dumb Yeah. but I it's my turn. There's actually there's actually I um hate to spoil the Disney magic. There's a switch that is in the back of the rock. I mean, you can that you can press and that's what gets it out. Yeah, fuck. Well, then the rest of the story didn't need to happen, but it did. So I'm yeah I'm probably eight, seven, not that old. ah And I go underhand, almost like you're like going to lift like free weights or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I get my hands under the handle. I try all different ways. I end on that way. I'm pulling up, pulling up, and I lose my footing and I just straight drop my dick right onto the hilt. Oh, no. And flip over the front of it and just start like fucking crying my goddamn eyes out. And my dad has the entire thing on camera and we, my entire childhood, we talked. We should submit it. We should submit it. We never did, but we should have.
01:21:35
Speaker
I gotta be like, I gotta be honest. It is too late. Yeah, it's way too late. I will, I will. I just, it's you in the studio audience, and you're a grown man with kids. Like, but like and who was the kid? And you're like, it's me. yeah like I thought that that's at least runner up winner right there. I mean, that's at least I gotta be completely honest with you. i I was expecting something else and it wasn't what I was expecting. So then I just started laughing at what I was imagining. And and what what I thought was that you were going to pull it up. And in the video, you could see that you pooped yourself so hard. It just went down your shorts.
01:22:20
Speaker
like Like an Olympic weight lifter. How'd you know I was wearing shorts, Mike? as all kids were Dude, it's Florida. like I know you were wearing shorts. It's Florida. It's Florida. like it dude it's people People do that to me at comedy shows all the time one time. One time I called on a guy and I asked him to stand up and he did he he did the cross sign and I go, did you just did you just do the cross sign like you're a Dominican baseball player? And then he goes, how did you know I was Dominican? And I go, dude, your shirt's not even on. What do you mean? How do I not know? your How do I know you're not Dominican? Like, what are you talking about? Like, you're not wearing socks right now. What are you talking about? Of course I know you're Dominican. and
01:23:04
Speaker
like You think I don't have eyes? I can see you. But yeah, that's so funny, man. Back in the day, did you guys ever think to fake a video for America's 20-some videos? Of course. Dude, the amount of people that must have faked it just trying to try to get 10,000 hours. That was like pre-jackass. We're like, how yeah fake this shit like yeah how do we How do we fake it to where we accidentally hit dad with a wiffle ball in the nuts? yeah you know And then he doesn't beat you on camera afterwards because it was the 90s.
01:23:41
Speaker
right yeah like It was funny, and then dad ruined it because he beat the shit out of all of us. It was a good take. Now go go pick a switch. Yeah, that's so funny, dude. It's like, well, I'm going to need that $10,000 for therapy, so thanks.
Humor in Serious Contexts
01:23:59
Speaker
yeah that's Dude, that's so real, man. Oh my God. and Well, anyway, you wanted to pivot to something. Yeah, I was going to say, speaking of dads being the shit out of people, let's do a quick pivot and there was a story recently um that I found comical I think it's insane I think it's so dumb ah we haven't talked about it yet and it's the ah it's it's Bill HB 7-1 you guys know Bill HB 7-1 right
01:24:31
Speaker
no again a little bit not right knew All public schools in louis Louisiana must display the 10 commandments beginning January 1st in each classroom on a poster or a framed
Ten Commandments in Modern Society
01:24:44
Speaker
document, which must be at least 11 by 14 inches with the text of the commandments displayed in a large, easily readable font. So none of that ye olde English kind of font. Yeah, we don't want we don't want that comic sense. which is I mean, I think that was the I think that old English font was the only way I ever read the 10. Yeah, we want Helvetica and that's it. That's all we're looking for. I think a person revelation about if you use Jokerman font to print a Bible like you. God writes you out of the book of life. If it's not like Times New Roman, dude, I'm out. Yeah. Yeah. don Yeah.
01:25:20
Speaker
if it's ah I'm trying to think of different fonts now. If there's if it's not an aerial font, an emboldened aerial font. Calibri baby. Calibri boy. Calibri 11 point. eleven points That's what I do when I write my papers. I like to turn on wing dings once in a while just to be a bit of a rascal. yeah now I want to turn on Wingdings on the 16th. To be able to rascal. Such a stupid joke. So funny.
01:26:00
Speaker
buts true who knew that That would be the joke that killed Mike Valdez I love silly stuff like that, dude it's but writing so serious so funny You don't want to be served your divorce papers printed in
01:26:29
Speaker
I honestly don't even know what Wingdings is. That's a font. it is Yes, it is the is the most comically like obscure font that is on with that it's on Microsoft Word. where you like It's a font that you see it and you're like, there's no way anybody uses it. It's like window liquid.
01:26:54
Speaker
and like like like they look like they like they look like they're made out of like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh's tail like that's how like but but that' totally bad it looks like who uses this
01:27:13
Speaker
and god Well anyway well I what I want to know is so the Ten Commandments is obviously super important that we're of course face with them Casey you went to Christian school Did you guys did I ah yeah, that's right. You did too. I couldn't quite remember. We're gonna follow up with that, but I Do either of you remember having the Ten Commandments anywhere and hung up in your school? Did you have them hung up in your school? Yes, and I will counter that with everywhere. like Really? yeah Oh, yeah. They weren't offered on the Ten Seas. I think the only place that it wasn't was like the bathroom. Which is crazy. I'm not being facetious here. like I'm being serious. like like i think
01:27:59
Speaker
I think it was like everywhere. It's the only place to cut that where you could safely covet your neighbor. Yeah. That's usually where I would covet my neighbor's wife. was
01:28:12
Speaker
yeah yeah The church bathroom. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Now, because I can honestly say like I find this push. like I should have done a little more research in who presented, who wrote this bill to begin with, whose idea it was, but whatever. It doesn't even matter. I find it wild. i know I know for a fact I never saw the Ten Commandments hung up in my church. i don't Really? My parents do not have the Ten Commandments anywhere hung up at my house. Casey, do you recall the Ten Commandments being hung up anywhere in your church or school or home? Probably in my church. I don't specifically remember it, but I'm sure it was there. But in my school, I don't think we had it in the school.
01:29:03
Speaker
It's it's pretty irrelevant for school age children. Let's be real. ah I mean, yes, maybe some of it's not. But think it Mike, yeah I mean, you had. So here's the deal. Everybody they want it in schools. They want kids to know it and see it and think about it and remember it. Yeah, Mike. You had it in your school. You had it in your church. Mm hmm. You had it printed on your underoos. Do you? Can you? Can you name all 10 commandments?
01:29:35
Speaker
Oh, man, that i I had a feeling this was going to come up um like the last week. You were like, I know for we were we were talking back. Sam's going to ask me about the 10. We were. So I don't know if this was like this with you, Casey. where Did you have like memory verse tests and stuff like that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did a lot. Yeah. Yeah, we did, too. And did they did they ever test you on on knowing the 10 commandments, too? I don't because i remember specifically being tested on that. I remember being tested on it. and And I remember being young enough to be like, I don't know what some of these things are. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't know what like coveting was, you know, like like things like that. Hmm.
01:30:18
Speaker
i remember I think I only understood them because there was some. Oh, my God, dude, this is this is like a a memory jog. And I can't remember like what it would even be called. But there was a Christian cartoon, like a movie, a cartoon where it's ah it's like. ah It's like a couple of teenagers and their little brother or something and they're in a diner with like a jukebox and they're talking about like, you know The the original top ten and then they get sucked into the jukebox and go on a magical journey where they sing songs for each of the ah Ten Commandments and it's like
01:31:00
Speaker
Well, the top 10 hits, the original top 10 hits. Yeah, they they went into the to NBC and was like, I see Schoolhouse Rock, here's Schoolhouse Rock, but worse. That's exactly what it was. yeah If you're in the audience and you know what cartoon I'm talking about, message us. Please, yeah. Oh, it's out there. So i this is such a tangent. I want to answer. I'm going to answer you first, Sam, and then I'll go off into this tangent because this is something I did want to ask the both of you, especially you, Casey, because you grew up in a Christian school. But um ah let's see if I got it.
01:31:40
Speaker
ah Thou shall not have other gods before me. Thou shall not steal. I'm not going to get these in in order at all. Thou shall not steal. Thou shall not kill. on one second Wait one second. I ah I'm trying to I get it. This is my bad. ah No, you're good. I got to make sure I have them all in front of me. so I can check them off. See, if you had them posted the way that the school district wants you to, this wouldn't be such a problem. How much different your life would be if you read the original Terms of Service. All right. Yeah. Yeah. We're back. All right. You said no other gods. Yeah. Shut not steal. All right. Yeah. Don't shut up murder or kill. Ooh. Which is it? Because Mark Driscoll might have a bone to pick with you if you say it wrong. I would say it's murder. That's what Mark Driscoll would say.
01:32:34
Speaker
Yeah.
01:32:38
Speaker
yeah Well, in between slurs. Yeah, more Driscoll is also a pedophile in between talking about my anal sex is fine yeah between married couples to a four year old. But yeah. um yeah So they'll should not have they'll should not ah covet my neighbor's wife. They're not coming in.
01:33:03
Speaker
There's something about, um, about envying your neighbor's property, but that could also be coveting your wife.
01:33:16
Speaker
I just connected some dots there that I never thought of before. That all falls under covet. I'll read it to you. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male slaves in case you want to fuck them too. Or his female slave or his ox in case you want to fuck that or his doggy in case you want to fuck that or anything that belongs to your neighbor. Just be happy with the victims in your compound. Yeah. Just be happy with the rapes you've done. You don't need more rapes, dude. Yes, you don't need any more. I... Okay. Honestly, dude, I think I might need... You have four so far, dude, so you should kill yourself if you think you're a real Christian.
01:34:02
Speaker
That's the person with them in his hands. had but and we had To it over because you didn't know them yeah like ah jump it And fill in a few Yeah, cuz I'm trying to think if I can put them together too dude. I bear false witnesses one ah Yep false testimony no idols yeah Yeah, the the idols one is that's like me because that one always felt really redundant No other gods before me and no idols. Yeah, so was the ta it was the same thing I think that's one and two right it is ah one one is his name in vain I believe oh no, but you raise say name in vain so that's three and I'll give that to you Mike, okay ah One is the other god to two is no idols three is no name in vain
01:34:56
Speaker
I think all three of those are the same thing to be completely honest. I really do. I think all three of them are the same thing. Well, we know God's a wordy bitch. So I do know for sure that no one ever put any thought into what taking God's name invade meant. court you're just like don't say oh my god that's what I know yeah I was fucking almost 30 by the time I realized that I was like that doesn't make sense yeah then you're like oh all these fucking assholes being like God said you need to vote Republican
01:35:30
Speaker
You're like, oh, yeah you guys fucked up number number three. Pretty good. Yeah, that's literally what it is. Yeah, it's it's it's ah giving God credit for your bullshit. That's what that's what that's what taking his name in vain is. So wait God told me like dad told me I had to kill my children. You have once like what do you do? and You have seven. I'll review the ones you guys have. I'll review the ones you guys have. I'll be honest. That's a holy number. I think we could tap out. No, you can't because God never taps out. He tapped out at seven. Technically he tapped out at six and counted in the thirties and forties. God doesn't tap out. He taps that. Okay. You guys have no other gods before me.
01:36:18
Speaker
No idols, two, three. No name in vain. Six is thou thou. This is the number thou shall not steal. Nine. Don't bear false witness in 10 is thou shall not covet. Is don't lust is that one? Nope. ah But oh think about what does lust lead to if you're married, Casey? I know of your number i know number five
01:36:50
Speaker
thou shall not lie. Oh, we got that one, right? i i know that one's I know that one's there. I just don't remember. No, it's not. there's there's no There's no definitive not lying, actually. I thought false witness was lying. But that's only under legal, like, eh, eh. Like, if you're testifying. No, don't bear false testimony. But if you're lying you know about where you were when your wife's like, where were you tonight? You're like, I was out with the guys. That's fine. You can do that. Yeah, yeah.
01:37:21
Speaker
I distinctly remember the cartoon characterizing it as lying. So I remember i I actually remember the the printed out version of this, which is probably going to be the same one that everyone's going to use. I remember it saying, thou shall not lie. But ah but to be fair, bearing false witness is the same thing. So like I get that, but it's not necessary. I don't I mean, I don't think so. I don't think bearing Let's split hair. yeah This is the nice thing about the Bible is it can say what you want it to. Right. Right. I mean, I i thought I thought Thou Shout Not Lie was was a perfect middle ground because that means don't lie about anything. You know what I mean? Which is just a good thing to just not do.
01:38:09
Speaker
You know what I mean? Unless there are Jews in your attic and it's the Holocaust, Mike. That's true. That's true. like i do remember I do remember those times that I did lie to the Nazis about the Jews that were in my attic. Yeah. and To that, God understands why I broke that commandment. um but yeah it's It's funny how Christians find ways that God allowed them to break a certain commandment just for a certain reason. and You know what I mean? but it's like It's like, oh yeah, don't murder. By the way, here's 75 books of the Bible where we murdered people. yeah um
01:38:44
Speaker
but um It's really strange. You get to do a lot of dancing around those. I always found that so strange. Do you guys need hints then? I do need a hint for sure. What do we do on Sundays, boys? Although, keep the sack at home. Go to brunch. That shall not go to brunch.
01:39:06
Speaker
That shall not wear the wide brim hats to eat pancakes, ladies. Yes. That shall not drink mimosas. and we all have parents right what are we supposed to do to our parents honor that father and mother oh ill shut thou shalt not listen to your mom and dad otherwise it's that one of your father and mother otherwise you shall be put to death or get the switch for not properly submitting your america's funniest home videos yeah so is that is that the only commandment that says thou shalt that that does not say thou shalt not uh it may no i don't
01:39:44
Speaker
because everything is about on your father and mother. No, remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. OK, there you go. ah You could say thou shalt not take the name of the Lord. ah Shall not make for it. Yeah, yeah. So you have remember the Sabbath on your father and mother. And there's just a bunch of don't do this bullshit. I always remember the Sabbath because I'm always on a crazy train, baby.
01:40:07
Speaker
And the last one, you guys, I gave you the hint earlier, you're married and you're lusting and that can lead you to what? Commit what? Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery. Adultery.
01:40:33
Speaker
Adultery. Adul that's the intro to the like, no, don't take God's name in vain. Yeah. It's that it's, you know, it's, it's weird. Have you guys ever seen that movie called saved? I never saw it. No. And Macaulay Culkin. Yeah, and yeah, Macaulay Culkin's in a wheelchair and and there's so it's about these kids that have that go to a Christian school and it's a very good movie but um there's there's this girl that's like a devout Christian and she's starting to kind of question things and one of the things that she starts to realize is that
01:41:11
Speaker
she can so she starts swearing and the earth isn't yeah like she's not she she was always scared that she couldn't curse because she was going to be struck by lightning. So she like went outside and just went looked up at the sky and just went fuck. And then like realize nothing happens. And like it's such a real moment because like it does feel like that sometimes where it's just like what kind of a god do you believe in man because like Do you believe in a God that cares that much about what you're saying you know and and that doesn't understand your heart at least? you know Because like there's a difference. I mean, there's a lot of things that you can do that are just absolutely dirty and dark and horrible and technically not say anything wrong.
01:42:01
Speaker
You know what I mean? And like and you could still hurt somebody, you know, and you can still like ruin people's lives without having said a curse word, you know, or whatever. So it's like, come on, man, like these are semantics like these are all just a lot of this crap is semantics, you know. Yeah, I think I think the ah the trap that that parent authority figures, parents, whatever fault fell into is like using the, like the loose language of some of these things as like a, uh, like a reinforcement tool for whatever it was that they didn't want you to do.
01:42:44
Speaker
right like I don't want my kids to swear, so now I'm going to make it a commandment. and because yeah I remember a girl at at my school one time, we were out on the playground and she she cursed and I was like, you shouldn't swear. and yeah She like looked up and flipped off the sky. And I was like, yeah, I was like, seriously, like I love that guy here. You're you're playing with fire. yeah Oh, yeah, dude. I was that kid, too. Like I was that kid who like who was like, this is a demon like like the angels are going to come or going to repel from heaven and like take her and and be like, oh, she's not supposed to be here. Like, you know, and like because she's a demon, you know, like that's I literally thought that. you know And it's like, people are just people, man. And like you know people go through their shit. And like I remember being a kid, like it was like the biggest deal when somebody got divorced. And like now, the amount of divorces that I see, it's just like, I get it. It just puts more women on the market for you, dude. Yeah, yeah. um As long as they don't have kids, I'm into it. um Yeah.
01:43:49
Speaker
No, but but but that's the thing like like I'm like, you know, it's just like I, I get it now because I see people as as human as opposed to a person who did something wrong, you know, or a person who did something that I was told not to do, you know, and it's just like, You know, there's ah my my therapist says this. ah She says that, you know, you you live a life that needs to that where you you live in the gray. And a lot of people like my parents and like probably your parents as well. Both of you, Sam and Casey.
01:44:24
Speaker
Live in a bubble and it is it is safe to live in that bubble They're happy living in that bubble but to us we're we're like, but there's something else and like there's got to be something else and and Really life is about living in the gray. Like that's really what it is. Like life is about It's like well. Yeah, there is like, yes, that is a good intention, but also what is it doing to somebody's life? like You know what I mean? And we've had this conversation about so many things. I don't remember if it was on Growing Up Christian or on my podcast, but like,
01:45:01
Speaker
Yes, there is good in, you know, like, you know, being on fire for God and all this stuff. But there's also a lot of trauma that can come from telling a kid that there's a huge possibility that somebody's going to put a gun to their head and ask them if they're a Christian. You know, and like, that's just that's absolutely ridiculous. You should not be doing that to a child, you know, like what's a great like case study of it? Because, you know, I always felt like Like a lot of the crazier things that we talked about on the show that you know that i that I have some relation with and stuff is like the crazy stuff didn't really come from my parents. My parents were always like fairly.
01:45:46
Speaker
Like they were conservative and stuff, but they were pretty, they were reasonable. And it's because like, you know, my dad's job kept him interacting with people on the outside, you know? And like, there's no better example of like, why that, that like creating that, that dome, that like safe space zone dome for yourself is bad for you than pastor's families. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because they're sure. I mean, how many have you known that are just weird because they live under the bubble all the time? Like they never have to really leave that. And when they do, it's always like it's like, ah you know, you're you're exiting the spacecraft, you know, you've got like a protective suit on and you're like, I'm here for a purpose. I've got an airline connecting me to the ah
01:46:37
Speaker
to the the the you know main ship and I'm gonna do my work and then I'm going back where it's safe. I mean this with respect, but like you're almost giving yourself a personality disorder by doing it. Yeah. You know what I mean? that Yeah, because like sure because because it's one of those things where like you're forcing yourself into this place and it's not who you really are. You know what I mean? And like who so who gets to see who you really are? You know, and so and then after a while you start to forget, you know what I mean? And so like it makes it, you know, and not to not to give any of them any any credit or forgive any of them. But like it makes sense why a lot of these people
01:47:22
Speaker
retaliate and why a lot of these people a lot of these pastors get caught or even sometimes want to get caught because like they want to be they want to be known or they want to feel real feelings. You know what I mean? Like, because it's like, I've never I haven't been able to be a real person for so long, you know, and it also makes sense why the kids retaliate as well, because they're just like, I'm not my father, even though everything everyone thinks of me is what my father is, you know, And so, yeah, it's it's it's weird. Yeah. So what that's why what I'm hearing both of you say is like, you know, if you're in your bubble, right. And you don't that that can be problematic, which is why it's really important to the two of you that the Ten Commandments are in public schools. So that way they don't get in their non-Christian bubble, like you get a blended. And that's why you guys are heavy backers of
01:48:17
Speaker
Is that what I'm hearing? If I want, if I could just make a prediction and I'll put money down on this, right? Okay. Okay. this this is This legislation's in place now, right? Yeah. There'll never be another school shooter in Louisiana. Yeah.
01:48:36
Speaker
he yeah They fixed it. Amen, dude. i'm not even the Mike's laughing, but um I take that very seriously. so yeah well i last i I just need the audience to know and you guys to know that I laugh when I agree with something. ah yeah okay yeah yeah and Thing is like I when I laugh really hard. It's because I really agree with something Okay, so perfect. Yeah, no more school shootings in Louisiana We'll report on it and we'll explain why it has nothing to do with tech ma it's being in the world And we'll figure out a way to do the right gymnastics, but dude the yeah the first one that happens Steve Ducey should be there like on like on on location in the press conference with the sheriff being like
01:49:25
Speaker
Were the Ten Commandments up? Show me the Ten Commandments. Where are they? If they're missing, I'm going to freak out. So I wanted to I wanted to ask you guys a specific to to do like to do like a more fun Christian question here.
Christian Music's Influence and Secular Transition
01:49:41
Speaker
um I was going to ask you guys about Christian music um because it's it's so funny, man. Like I was I was just thinking about it recently, um how um For me personally, I don't know about you guys. Maybe, Casey, ah you probably feel the same way. um The 90s, the whole decade of music, I have a complete blind spot. like Because that was primarily when I was listening to Christian music. So I don't remember like any 90s song.
01:50:17
Speaker
like ever unless it's like you know smells like teen spirit or something like that you know like something so obviously you know prevalent because it's been in like movies or something like that but like All I was listening to at that time was that and and it's so it's just so interesting. you know i I joke about it in my stand up. I say i say ah I used to listen to a band called Petra and Petra is great if you've never heard of Journey. and like but and and
01:50:48
Speaker
and that's That's kind of how I view a lot of a lot of it. Like Rebecca St. James is great if you've never heard of Alanis Morissa. It's kind of like that. So that was kind of my question is like, is that the same for you too? Did you guys have a... blog i know I think Sam, you told me that that it wasn't as policed in your house, right? That it was only Like it it sort of was like I I it was Accessing the radio so I sure radio hits quite well Yeah, I wasn't out there buying CDs like there were albums that I was like ah my go-to it like point is the I bought a I think
01:51:35
Speaker
I bought a Googoo Dolls album, I believe. And they said, God damn in it. And I was like, oh, no, parents are going to find out. I'm just going to I'm just going to get ahead of this. It's my favorite part of Iris, actually. And I brought it down. I brought it to my parents and was like, I think we should return this. And that kind of built some rapport, which helped me out later because then it was a lot easier to, you know, get what I want like. Yeah, get the Marshall Mathers help. Yeah. ah what was like Get the dirty get this shit out of the way now be like, yeah, no, look for real. I felt that long old tactic. That's a faint retreat. I genuinely, I genuinely understand how you feel because I i actually felt the same exact way. Like i I would get I would get CDs and like I would do it. I remember. I don't know if you guys feel felt this, but like I would get because like it wasn't until like this was going to be my question actually was was like what was
01:52:30
Speaker
I was going to ask you, like what was like the first like few bands that like had you cross over into listening to actual music? because and And this is so telling of our age, by the way, because now you can just listen to whatever you want whenever you want, because nobody's policing your music, especially not your parents. You know you can just have a Spotify account and listen to whatever you want. you know But back then, you had to like make a commitment you know and and like buy a CD or you know steal it from Napster and and break a commandment. you know So you had to figure something out. you you know so um But I definitely remember like hearing hearing a curse word or something and it like stopping my heart. You know what I mean? like And like having like a ah guttural reaction of, uh-oh, am I going to get in trouble for... you know, for even like allowing this to be in my ears, you know, it's it's crazy. But what are Casey? What can you tell me? Like, what were some of what was your experience in that regard?
01:53:31
Speaker
Well, I pretty much only listened to Christian music, like up until I went to Liberty. So even my first year of college, yeah, I still, ah the exception was probably Lincoln park. Sure. I did. ah Was that the first band that had you cross over kind of until like, Oh, there's other bands. Yeah, at least partially, but I did at one point, i I had like a burned copy of hybrid theory and I did it one point, like throw it away because I was like, I shouldn't be listening to this. Dude, I was thinking about this recently. I think this is why Lincoln Park is so synonymous.
01:54:09
Speaker
not only because they're a great band because they are. I love them. They are. They are the reason why a lot of Christians started listening to other music that wasn't Christian. I think you're right. Yeah. Mark was so undeniable at that point in time. They're so undeniably good. They were just like. I mean we gotta to figure something out man like this is so like in like when in the end dropped are you kidding and are you kidding dude 99 it's 99 you're watching MTV and you watch that indian video and it is the most 99s ass video you've ever seen
01:54:49
Speaker
Like it is so made in the 90s. It's ridiculous. Like industrial, like tribal graphics. And they always have like real wacky music videos. Yeah. And and they they have their open shirts. They have their open shirts with the wind blowing on them. Like, I mean, so cool. You know, and then and then to be ah what was what was great was then ah the speaking of industrial, then the industrial rock. thing happened because then every band was like, we have to be like Lincoln Park, but put our spin to it. So then like the kind of Rob Zombie of it all, you know, became very popular again. And like, ah you know, um Marilyn Manson and like, you know, Limp Biscuit and like, you know, people like that. And and that started what I call matrix core. um Have you?
01:55:41
Speaker
where it's like it was rock, but it sounded like it could be on the Matrix Reloaded soundtrack. really Yeah, exactly. POD is Matrix Core. ah
01:55:55
Speaker
you know like I think just as an example, okay because Spotify was around long after Linkin Park's like peak, for sure, right? Yes, but to be fair, that band had a peak and they have stayed there. Oh, I love their newer stuff. I like um all their albums. I'm telling you, and and i and I'm saying this with full positivity and and and full confidence. I think that they're still at the top and their lead singer is dead. And I think they're still as popular as they were when Meteora came out. like In the end, on Spotify has 2.1 billion plays.
01:56:38
Speaker
Dude, I mean, ridiculous. It's not. And that's one music streaming service. Not everybody uses Spotify. Yeah, like, like people 12 years or 15 years after like this streaming service started like 12 years after that dropped, you know. Yeah, dude, I just bought that anniversary box set of Meteora, um which is just hybrid theory part two. But but still, like I mean, i I love those records. And then it wasn't until after that where they were like, hey, like, which I actually really respect this because they
01:57:16
Speaker
man, it's so funny that we're talking about this, but like, doesn't it feel like they were trendsetters in a lot of ways? Because like, Hybrid Theory comes out and then there's like bands that are just Diet Linkin Park for so long, right? And then five years later, Christian Diet Linkin Park comes out. Like, you know what I mean? like Like Thousand Foot Crutch and like, you know, people like that. And then, You know, two albums in, they're like, you know what, we're going to change our sound. We're changing it. And then, and it turns into like this new kind of thing. And now, Imagine Dragons is trying to be them. And now, like all these other bands are trying to be them. It's like, dude, they are trendsetters in a lot of ways. Like, it's wild, man.
01:58:05
Speaker
I think they're like the only, like one of the handful of bands that are trendsetters. And another one that I was thinking of, which like, it's kind of a punchline, but not really. I think ah another trendsetter band is Coldplay in a lot of ways, because without Fix You by Coldplay, we wouldn't have worship music for the past 10 years. so
01:58:30
Speaker
Yeah, you know like exactly Because honestly Christian bands just listen to fix you by cold played said we're doing that and we're never gonna not do that so That's why every worship song sounds like
01:58:47
Speaker
um but it's just right configuration yeah oh yes god Yeah, what what was your so so was was Lincoln Park your crossover band as well Sam, uh Definitely a a big part of it. I think I feel like they they get they were that band that just gave me that like I taste for something heavier, you know? Sure. Yeah, that taste for wanting something that that was like not. I don't know. I don't know if it's like because like what they were saying wasn't necessarily like negative either. You know, like you know what I mean? Like it wasn't that it wasn't Christian or was Christian. It was just like just different. It just allowed you to get your aggression out. Yeah. In a way in a way that.
01:59:39
Speaker
Yeah, in a way that DC Talks Jesus Freak just could never do. Yeah, and i really I never really connect. I didn't really connect with a lot of Christian music. I didn't listen. Welcome to the club. So like, I just needed to be like clean and they they they rode that line in a way that worked. It was aggressive, but still pretty clean. So I was able to to that kind of like itched like scratch that itch for like ah my desire for like, oh, maybe there's something heavier out there. Can we for a second just give Christian music their flowers, though? ah Let's. And by the way, I do need to set a precedent. Reliant K and switch would do not count. um Is there a Christian album that you think front to back is still a banger?
02:00:30
Speaker
If you're saying Relying Key doesn't count, then I mean. And Switchfoot doesn't count. i Because to me, those are pants. No, that dude, it's hard to say because so much of like the Christian music you got into is metalcore. Sure. Like Thrill Seeker by August Burns Red is in a perfect album. Yeah. Yes. So like it's that's a tough conversation, I think, to have. If you're going to go for like content more contemporary, then no, I would say absolutely not. Yeah. No, i was I was going to go like like CCM. skill is skill. It's collide is really good, I think. You think front to back that it's that it's probably the best that you would say. I think of any best record their albums for sure. It might be the best any like Christian rock. Well, that's what I was going to say is like is like the best Christian rock like Christian radio, like made for Christian radio type deal. Which one do you think killer fireproof is pretty good?
02:01:25
Speaker
Pillar Fireproof is really good. My personal favorite, and I still listen to it, is FM statics. ah Definitely maybe that first FM static record. I think front to back, it is- This has burned a hole in that one. Dude, it's actually a fun pop punk record. It's actually really, really fun. And granted, I'm more of a pop punk person, which is why I was saying I can't count ReliantK. And even then, ReliantK, It's hard for me to pick a favorite with them because for me, my personal favorite is Forget Not Slow Down. But I think the best production wise is Mm hmm. You know, so like and that's also the the breakout album that made them, you know, be this like, you know,
02:02:12
Speaker
They're Christian. and That's crazy. Like, you know, and then because they were it was them and like under oath really were like where people were like, I didn't know they were Christian until I heard the last song, you know, like, but yeah, I don't know. Man, I was just curious. Yeah, we had a playlist going for a while. I got to dig that up again on a like a Spotify playlist of just like CCM bangers. Oh, dude, i so I made I made a playlist. A friend gave me this idea and we started laughing. um And you are more than welcome to start this playlist. And we called we called the playlist ah Christian Music to Doink to, which is just like. And it's Christian songs that you listen to while you're having sex.
02:03:00
Speaker
and like
02:03:03
Speaker
I mean, flood by jars of clay. Like, let's be honest. Like, come on, dude. That one goes hard still. It goes hard in the paint. um What's what ah Rebecca St. James God. That's another one. um if you're It's got that. If you're hooking up with an Asian, it's going to be great.
02:03:23
Speaker
but That's so inside baseball. But if you know what I'm talking about, that was a really good joke.
02:03:34
Speaker
Oh my god. Yes. Dude, it's been so much fun hanging out with you again. Yeah, same, dude. I've been having so much fun. i Did we record it? We did, yeah. Okay, cool. Move over, Joe Rogan. Cool. Dude, where do people find you? They can find me on my website, thekidfromup.com.
Guest Social Media Promotion
02:04:00
Speaker
and that has everything. It has my Instagram, my TikTok, my podcast, all that stuff. And yeah, Listen to Childlike at Best with Mike Valdez. That is my podcast. I've had Sam and Casey on separately ah to talk about childhood and ah review cereal and all this kind of stuff.
02:04:17
Speaker
Also, I've had some really some really cool people as well ah alongside them, ah like ah ah james mars or ah sorry Jason Marsden from a goofy movie, and Hocus Pocus, you know things like that. I've also had a lot of comedians on Gina Brion, just a bunch of really cool ah people. Robbie Rist, the voice of Michelangelo from Ninja Turtles, all these really cool stuff. um But yeah, ah cool stuff, neat stuff. Good stuff, even. Yeah, yeah. no But yeah, ah yeah, the kid from up.com. Uncle Jimmy came under a few of the accusations.
02:04:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. The kid from up.com. And also I have really nice I have really cool merch as well as child. It's it's a child like wonder dot CEO. So if you want to if you want to check out those T-shirts, you can get them. And they're they're really nice. ah It's the old old school view master. um We're probably going to do a new design of the yeah the chatter phone from Fisher Price. The the you remember the the phone with the face on it. Yeah, we're probably going to do that. Yeah. Probably gonna do that. i had ah I had a cool idea of using the chat the chatter phone and and then the quote says be be present and And yeah, I thought that would be really fun. So yeah other than that. Yeah, enjoy Enjoy life and don't lose your sense of childlike wonder That's right, dude, so great fucking love having you on always Thanks everybody for listening and we'll see you next time