Transcript
Speaker: Hey everyone, we're so glad you're here for another episode of Classy on Occasion. Today we're going to dive into grief, passion, and purpose. We hope you enjoy this episode and please share with friends who would enjoy as well.
Speaker: Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Morning. You don't even know what day is it. What time is it? hi I feel like this should be tired on occasion instead of classy.
Speaker: but um You know what? I love how old real we are. in And I turned on vacation vacation. How come you're tired?
Speaker: You know what? It was a beautiful, relaxing vacation. um Time spent, especially. Okay. So we went to Ocracoke Island. It's in the Southern point of the Outer Banks. If you've never been, you have to go put it on your bucket list.
Speaker: It is 16 miles long. i mean, it's a tiny little Island. And they have some of the most amazing restaurants. um It is just slow.
Speaker: Like, Stoney and I even worked down there, but you're you don't have the distractions of everything else, right? Wait, wait, wait. wait wait What did you say? Back up.
Speaker: We worked a little bit. What happened to you? I'm going unplug. I'm going to spend the whole week with my family. I'm not. That sounds great. But realistically, when's the last time you took a vacation and you didn't do some sort of work?
Speaker: Very true. I think the last time.
Speaker: Was when we went to Grand Cayman last year. I definitely unplugged kind of completely. I do think, not to cut off your story, but your I want to hear more about that. But I do think one of the, there's so many pros and cons, a lot of pros of working remotely.
Speaker: But I do think when you work remote and your day, your life is, you know, on your computer and and or in your phone, even that when you go on vacation, you it's hard to turn that off because that's, you're always working virtually, remotely. So I think that's, that you know, when you work in a building and it's not that you don't take it with you, but I think Sometimes it's easier to shut the door of your office in a building and really turn it off when you go on vacation.
Speaker: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, you still have text messages. You still have people who are um you know relying on you. I mean, it's a it's a huge um responsibility. It's a huge privilege as well.
Speaker: it's... it Does not stop. So yes, but it I mean, it was, it was simple. It was, we had this beautiful house with a screened in porch. So, you know, it wasn't a bad little office space. Yeah. um But yeah, that is the hardest thing about working room remote.
Speaker: Yeah. But you got some good sun. and like your, we had a beach day. It was windy. It's windy. Obviously you're, you get to drive on the beach. I mean, it is, it is the little perfect vacation.
Speaker: We did puzzles and and all of the fun things. um One of our highlights is we took a ah boat over to Portsmouth Island. um No one lives there. The last two residents um left in 1971, believe.
Speaker: yeah They still have their original church and school. um So it was super cool to walk through what their lives were like living on this tiny little remote island. But the mosquitoes are um also still very alive and well. And they're like, oh, visitors.
Speaker: ah So make sure you bring mosquito spray. But it was an incredible experience. you know, vacation and connecting with our little ones and each other. um It's just so nice to, we are, again, the the hustle is so real every day in school. And, yeah you know, you want to make sure your kids are in activities and you're want to make sure you're excelling at your job.
Speaker: So to ah slow down, we were looking at, you know, some other kind of busier vacations when we were looking at what to do for spring break, but to really just slow down and like, you know, I'm going cry.
Speaker: stare at your kid's face yeah while they're playing on the beach for hours. um It was definitely a gift. I'm so glad you did that. and'm so glad you had fun.
Speaker: It was awesome. How's your week been? um My week has been since I have you know took a pause on work, if you will, it's been like this rollercoaster. I keep saying enjoy the time. I set a way to focus on some personal things. And, um, and people keep asking me, like, I, I need to work. Like I, if, if I love what I'm doing, like I need to feel on fire.
Speaker: Most days I need something to do. I need a purpose. I, I don't like just sitting around and, I've done so much laundry. I've cleaned out so many drawers and closets. My house has never been more spotless and organized.
Speaker: There is a one-way flight to Virginia Beach. I'm sending you ticket get now. my sister's moving I'm like I'll come help you just I am not and also you know not that we can't afford it but we obviously accept away from income so I it's not gonna want to go shopping all the time or go meet my friends for lunch all the time and spend more money so I just feel like I'm like oh I do not also doesn't fill your cup like knowing you like yeah shopping's fun but that does not fill your cup right No, but I listened to this um amazing, I'm not even done with it. it's It's almost two hours long. It's Mel Robbins. I'm going to, maybe we can put it in the notes of, if you know how to do that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: But it's a Mel Robbins with Jay Shetty. I'm going share it with you. And I'm about an hour in and I have three pages of notes. Oh my word. And it's, I mean, he's saying so many things. And one of the things in there, and you just mentioned this before we got on this call,
Speaker: he talked a little bit. I don't know if he used it and and if he used the word grief, Julie, um you can touch on that in a second, but I think he talked about when you feel stuck sometimes you feel stuck because you can't let go of something, whether it's, you know, comfort in your job, whether it's things in a relationship, if you can't, if you're grieving, like the loss of someone you loved spouse or partner, but also talked about like, for me and you're going, your grief is much heavier, but I'm grieving and I'm also happy. So it's very conflictual.
Speaker: My youngest son is about to go to college. And so now that I'm at this, you know, the last, you know, 10 yards, I'm on the 10 yard line for her for her he before he leaves. I'm trying to get all this time in with him. I'm trying to talk about certain, you know, things in life and I'm grieving that he's going to be gone. My other son moved to Boston and he's going to grad school. So like his room isn't even really his room anymore. I put it into a guest room. So I'm grieving that. So I have all this heaviness, but also obviously so proud as a mom, but you know, grief is,
Speaker: So interesting. I know you're talking about your grandma and I'd love you to share that because that's certainly a real, a real grief too, that touches us in so many ways. Yeah. Well, it's weird how it's affecting me too. So today would have been my grandmother's 80th birthday. And the first person, obviously I think about it as my mom, um, she passed, I was pretty young. So, you know, memories with her are not, um,
Speaker: I would say anything like very impactful as an adult. You know what i mean? um Just because you're when you're younger, your memories aren't as vibrant anyways. well ah But the impact that it has on my mom, they had a similar similar relationship to what my mom and I have. And I think um I'm almost sounds negative. I don't know, but it's like, I can't imagine how my mom's feeling because I can't imagine my mom ever being gone. And then I know one day she actually will. And I think I'm grieving that or just the thought of, right. Like the thought of it, like, gosh, please, no, don't ever leave me.
Speaker: ah And how, and then that goes back into, you know, like your, your grief, it's a rollercoaster of emotion, emotions. You're, you're grieving that, um you know, my children didn't have this relationship relationship with my grandmother. I didn't have more time with her. My mom has gone through so many milestones without her there.
Speaker: And especially me being a parent, like, Oh my gosh, I talked to my mom at least once a day. Right. And the need for her, not just a want, but like I need her.
Speaker: yeah um So it's so many things, but it really does make you reflect on um the purpose and the passion in your life of, okay,
Speaker: every day is a gift. How am I choosing joy for myself, for the time with my mom, for the time with my mom and my kids meet, you know, the, all the, the kind of relationships and, um, the female relationships as well.
Speaker: I think that's, that's, uh, such a gift, um, to see, you know, strong female relationships. Um,
Speaker: and create them and nurture them and and all of those things. So yeah, just some roller coaster of missions this morning. ah So am walking through all of those thoughts, but then also am I bringing, you know, purpose and passion to my life and those around me?
Speaker: Yeah. And he talked about this. Jayshay talked about this. i cannot wait you to listen to it. Now, maybe I'm just so fired up because I'm in this, I need to hear what all that he's saying right now. So it may not hit everyone the same, but there's so many life lessons in this podcast and many of which you and I've talked about before, actually, it's just a great reminder, but he talked about, did I already say this? A passion is really what fills you up, what you up, energy. He says, passion is what you love, but it's like, what lights you on fire? What gives you energy?
Speaker: You know, that when almost, you just leave something, a conversation or a day or, you know, an event and you're like, God, I'm on fire. But he said, the purpose is when you put that passion in service of others.
Speaker: ah And I just got goosebumps saying it. And I think about when I had my studio, my fitness studio, um it was a lot of work. but it was so fulfilling and I loved, and it wasn't really intentional, but it wasn't just a kickboxing studio. It was really feeding into these primarily women that, women too, but primarily women that just were looking for something. They were looking for connection. they were looking for someone to hear them. They were looking for someone to make them feel valued, to know that they're worthy.
Speaker: and i I mean, I, that, and not to toot my horn, but I just, I love to hear that. And I love people and I want to but let them know that you are worthy. You, you do have a special gift and it's, you know, I'm so glad you're here and I'm so thankful. And but when I, when I would feed into them just naturally organically, it would so fill me. I was like, almost like I'm being selfish. Like I'm feeding in them to fulfill me, but right really I just am thinking like, you know, what is next for me? And aye
Speaker: just feel like we all want to feel valued. We all want to feel like we've contributed, that we've done good, whether we've done good as moms raising our children, whether we've done good as being good daughters, whether we've done good in our professions, in our job, whether we've done good being a good wife.
Speaker: um And so I, I feel like that's what lights me on fire when I learn from somebody else, but also when I can feed that into somebody else. And it may not always have to be your job. Maybe that's something I can go, you know, maybe would love for it to be my job because I feel like right that's also my hobby. People say, what is your hobby? I'm like, I don't know. i don't know if i have a hobby. I love people. I love having a purpose. I love having something I need to go out and do. And and I leave, I can say this, it's better now that we've left it or I've left it. Right.
Speaker: So that's so powerful to say that. And you're talking about even small things. scenarios, right? Like a simple coffee and wow, I hope that person has ah better outlook just on their day. Right.
Speaker: And then that turns into a snowball effect. But to say that, um, you made some sort of impact in someone's life and that to be your goal, um, as your hobby or your job, um, is, is incredible. Now, where do you, what do you think right now this,
Speaker: the aha moment of purpose and passion for you. Do you think it's going to fall out of the sky? Like what? um if help Betty said, and which I've said this before too, not as eloquently as he did, but he said, we find our purpose through sampling.
Speaker: Um, which Which I've always said, I've always said there's power in doing things and realizing you don't want to do those things, right? So, or whatever it whether it's, you know, jobs, skills, hobbies, like go out and do things to figure out what lights you up. Because if you don't go on sample, if you don't go experiment, you don't go get curious, you how do you ever figure it out?
Speaker: Right. Right. yeah So, I mean, I feel like i um I've always known that I love to serve others. I love, I feel like I have a skill. you could You'd be the best person for me to ask, probably one of the best, but ah helping people find their gift and elevating them to to did you to find where they shine and where they can also contribute. And um so I want to do more of that. And i'm i'm not I don't know yet what that looks like. Right.
Speaker: But I've had conversations with people professionally and personally where I leave and I'm like, oh my God, I just learned something great or powerful or aha moment. And it lights me on fire. Now, how can I go take that and and spread it and share it in other ways? So I'm not sure what it looks like yet, but what I do know, and I think part of that is getting older and, you know, and going through some grief times and phases, but is that I want to feel that way most of the time, not 20% of the time.
Speaker: I want feel that way 80% the time, 90% of the time, you know, there's going to be 10%, 20% where we're dealing with conflict or things we don't like, hard things. So I'm not naive to think that, you know, you're always going to feel that way. But I, at almost 55, I know that I do have a gift and I just want to figure out how to tunnel it.
Speaker: Tunnel it? Tunnel funnel. Tunnel funnel. That's a lot. We can make something with that. We're going to do a tunnel funnel training on our next podcast. So we'll see. But i God is funny. God is, you know, I think I was feeling very, very lost in the past couple weeks. And then I went to church, of course, for Easter on Sunday and then heard this podcast today. And I thought, this is a gift this time I have.
Speaker: And how can I best use it not only to pick care my family, but also to figure out, you know, what's next for me. And it may be that I just go and I love when I volunteer at my church and I hosted Bible study for women. And why aren't I doing those things right now?
Speaker: Right. It's, it's, it's funny how we can create distractions from things that, um, yeah, in my opinion is our only thing holding us back is fear.
Speaker: Um, you know, what are people going to think? What are people going to say? am I qualified? um not that Yeah. The qualified is my, i feel like is the number one thing that I let crawl into my head.
Speaker: Um, but something we did at our retreat two, two years ago now, was that two years ago? Yeah. We're playing another one. Who wants to go on a classy slash tired on occasion Yeah.
Speaker: We'll take naps. We'll schedule naps. um Was truly looking at things in your life, professionally and personally, of things that you have to do, things that you need to do, things that you want to do. And then what was the other one?
Speaker: But it was it was really categorizing you know these things in your life of... and again, writing things down, making them visual, looking at what your capacity is.
Speaker: Um, I know I say this, we all have the same 24 hours in the day, but if what's priority, a priority for you is getting more involved in your church and creating some sort of uplifting safe space for women. And you keep coming back to that. That's a pretty high priority.
Speaker: That's, that's a, that's a want and a need because it's, there are women who need it, who are going to be fulfilled by you. um and that is something that is, ah you know, some sort of spark inside of you right now.
Speaker: Um, so really looking at that, I think that's an important, um, kind of task to do in your life professionally and personally. um and then you just have to make sure that you're, you're holding yourself accountable, sharing with, you know, friends.
Speaker: um what your goals are when you want to complete them. um But yeah, it's... What Nike, just do it. Just do it. Just yeah There was something I saw this morning. Let me pull it up.
Speaker: That was very loud to me today. It said, it's Ben Barker Fitness. About a year ago, i quit telling my kids to have a good day.
Speaker: I started telling them to make it a good day. Mm-hmm. You can't sit around and wait for life to happen.
Speaker: So good. Meg, when you were talking, the word intention came to my mind. And when I was in the studio, we'd have I can't remember if it was a word of the month. I think it was because I love to do that. So I'd always have some word of the month.
Speaker: You know, one was getting curious about your life, committing to your life, being confident about, you know, who you are. But I use the word intention. in fact, my team used to kind of laugh like, it's intentional Heather be intentional but I we do have to and I was thinking about this morning in the shower like what are the things that um get you know that can change my mood or make me happy and I love music and yet I get up in the morning i turn on the news I start my coffee and I and and I listen to the news the news is so negative and even like the today show can have some you know some have some funny stories and cooking things and but I thought okay that's fine that's just kind of
Speaker: But if I turn on happy music, my mood immediately immediately elevates, right? When I'm around people that fill my cup or I can fill their cup, I immediately elevate. What am I doing on a daily, weekly basis?
Speaker: Even daily, even moment, like again, turning, getting up, change my habit of the TV and turn on happy music. Turn on happy music. Even if it's, you know, just like a, Stoney and I did this one day, we did a motivation. It was like a motivational song or something. i don't know. It was kind of, it was a little cheesy, but um You tried it.
Speaker: We tried it. That's so funny you say that. So I get in the car with the girls and I'll notice I drive around with no sound on in the car 98% the time.
Speaker: Was that because you're talking? no No, no, no, Complete silence. And I think why i do it because everything else is so loud and in here. Yeah. um And all all the other things going on. But then sometimes like I have, ah I have the girls and I keep adding songs to our Christian playlist.
Speaker: And I have some really awesome kind of like rockin' and some heavy songs in there too, where sometimes I'll just turn it up to like, 20. And so my car's got like, you know, some base to it.
Speaker: I love it. um But it's, it's wild that, you know, we say those things out loud and then reflecting and then actually taking the action to say, I'm going to turn off the news.
Speaker: going to break this little habit of grabbing the remote and I'm going to put some music on, blare it through the house. I mean, because if there are other people in your home as well, Stoney does make a good habit of doing it on the, on the TV downstairs in the morning.
Speaker: um That's ah something you get to share with other people to hopefully. rushsh i mean, I, we could talk. sort My brain's like going everywhere. I just, you know, I guess she would ask me like, what am I talking about with Julie on our podcast today? I'm like, I have a thousand things, but, um, back to intention. don't want to leave that yet, but one thing intention, my mom, maybe it wasn't intentional with her. And, you know, you know, she's, she passed, gosh, a long time ago, 2005.
Speaker: two thousand and five She's going all the time. Um, I talked to her every day too, like you do your mom. So that was barely, that's, that was the worst group I've ever gone through my life. I tell people it's, it's better now, but, um, i don't want to cry, but it really put a hole in me, put a hole in my soul.
Speaker: But she used to play music all the time. She played Barbra Streisand. She played, you know, Neil Diamond. She played some of, you know, Fleetwood Mac, some of the old ones. And I think she just, um on albums, and she just loved music. And so when those songs come out, my whole, I can feel my whole body kind of elevate and I get so excited. I love it.
Speaker: And I'm like, Heather, do that for your own, you know, kids. Because, you know, whether they, right now, they're our girls will be like, ugh, what is this? Turn this off. Yeah. Later, they're going to hear it and they're going to remember and be like, oh my God, Heather and dad loved this this music, this song, this artist. might be played Barbara Streisand at my mom's funeral because she loved it so much.
Speaker: So, I mean, I think, you know, we don't realize some of those things that will create just such wonderful memories later. And and we we enjoy them now. So I think being intentional about stuff little stuff like that too and scheduling time with friends. I just saw my college girlfriends and we're pretty good about once a year.
Speaker: getting together for 30 something years now. And when one of them were leaving, Lori, one of them said, always feel so much better when I leave you guys. Like I leave feeling like a better person, but we, you know, we, I will say my friend, our friend, Erica, who's one of us, one of the five, she's always like, we can get so busy with life and she'll, she'll okay, girls, what's our, when's our date? Like she'll push us until we get it.
Speaker: So I, we all need someone like that our life too, because it's so busy. We could just all of a sudden three years go by and we didn't see each other. Absolutely. i you have to have someone like that. I mean, it's, you know, agendas and things to do are not stopping. I have to say no to things recently, just because of of our work and, and just networking commitments, I feel like have grown astronomically, which is, you know, great for, you know,
Speaker: ah professional, but also um making sure it doesn't get in the way of, of personal. um So yeah, having someone to say, Hey, it's, it's been a while. We need to check in. We need to see each other or, Hey, you know, at least, at least let's do a FaceTime hangout. I mean, we did those in the silly COVID COVID days. Speaking of, we need to get something on the calendar.
Speaker: Dang it. Act of being intentional. Dang it. Yeah, so I think, I know we're over 20 minutes, I think, but I always talk about personal development, professional development, and I've been doing it quite a bit of it lately since I have more time, but it shouldn't matter. we should even It could be 10 minutes, and like this podcast, and now feel like the way I'm feeling right now, you right continue into action, right? Otherwise, it's just I just listened, and great, I felt good for the moment, and now it's gone.
Speaker: But you never know what podcast, what person, what book, what TED Talk will change the trajectory of your life, change your mindset, give you an idea that you can run with. So I think it's super important that you with intention that we schedule, it doesn't have to be overwhelming. I think people can make things so overwhelming.
Speaker: It can literally be why I was in the shower when I started this podcast and I had it on there with the speaker while I'm showering, listening to, then doing my makeup, listening to this podcast. There is time if it's important. to Right.
Speaker: And if it, and if it is going to be fulfilling to you again, if it is something that, you know, and Be intentional about what you select because if it is something that feels draining and heavy to you, then maybe not today. Maybe it's a tomorrow thing, right?
Speaker: um Because there could still be value with that connection with that person. um So be be be intentional about not only taking the action, but what the action is or person or.
Speaker: That's the result you want from it. something that's been on my heart for a long time, you know, i did an episode on it and it's one of the episodes I hear probably the most compliments on or the most like, oh I really liked that one.
Speaker: And I don't even know if it would make, make sense. And I'm gonna tell you what it is. And then you can think about it and we'll talk about it some more, but i I, you know, now again, my age, I'm thinking back of all the things I wish I would. And I, and I try to live in regret, but certainly reflection, right? Yeah.
Speaker: nice snow No regerts, just reflection. things I wish I knew then that I knew now. ah You know, some of that one well will never really be comprehended until someone's in that position. So I do get that like someone that's, you know, 30, 25, 28, 30, I can say, i can speak into them things that I've learned and it, you know, may not actually compute until they're married, they have kids, but I feel the strong pull on my heart um to find ways when I've always wanted to connect the wiser, more mature women.
Speaker: and don't mean mature and active, but mature in age. I'm sorry not to say old. The older women um but with wisdom. We're not mature. We will never be mature. I'm definitely not mature. Ask my college girlfriends. I just spent five days with acting. I feel like I do.
Speaker: Or my husband is like, you're the biggest stork. Yes, I am. um But those, the, the older women and how can we, and and we can learn from younger women too. I really have always had this desire, this pull in my heart to bring different generations together to learn from each other.
Speaker: Right. But I do think there's some value in learning from older. I've always looked up to older women and said, what can you teach me? I'm just a sponge and I want to learn. And I want to, you know, teach me things that I can put into practice now when I'm younger.
Speaker: So there is something in I don't know what that looks like. I don't know. and Back to our podcast that we did with the questions from our answers from someone in their fifties, someone in their thirties, people, my friends that listen to that say, i love that, that podcast that you and Julie did.
Speaker: So there's something there. I'm not really sure what to do with it. And, you know, I'd love to get, kind of get your opinion on if you think it's something worthy of exploring more. Absolutely. I mean, the value that you bring to my life, I mean,
Speaker: ah It's definitely, I never look at an an age gap between us. I look at an experience gap. And I think it's important, like, you know, you using the word older.
Speaker: um ah i think it's more of the experience and the life that you've been able to live and learn. um And what a gift that I have of an opportunity to say, um you know, how can I...
Speaker: rewire the next six months of my life and in this season that I'm in as a mom, as a wife, as a professional um and potentially have a more positive outcome in five years from now or 10 years from now. um And that could, that's every aspect of my life, right? Relationships, financial, like that's, there's, there's so much value there um to be able to reflect with someone who is,
Speaker: walked that season previously. um and you know, to be honest with you as well, to say like, that sucked. Like, here's maybe what do I would have done different, but also, you know, that, that was a, not a great time. Yeah. You know, not a great season. So I don't really have much to, but let's talk about it. Like, let's just share ideas. Right. It's not always you a solution that you have to look for when you're connecting. It can be a conversation or, or just being heard. yeah So I think we should do another podcast on it and then we should still do our, our, our classy, tired on occasion.
Speaker: i think I would love to do that. I, the devil was in me a few days ago. I thought, what am I, what do want do this podcast? I have nothing to offer right now. I'm in this phase of season of my life. I'm like,
Speaker: And I'm like, ooh, devil, get out, and get up I did feel like that. I was like, we have to do this. The joy that I get from these these episodes, we have to, we have to, we have to. We to listen. Hopefully somebody listens, but we're having new time. Yeah, I do. Come to our retreat. Just give me me and Heather.
Speaker: One of my friends like them from college also said, she goes, I love your podcast. She goes, I want you guys to crack up more and laugh more and you know do more funny things. I'm like, well, that's got to be spontaneous. Let's do a tired podcast and funny podcast. funny one.
Speaker: I'll have to see if I can find the clips of me. Absolutely losing it, trying to record our outtakes. That would be great. I'll see if I can find it. All right. Well, i love you.
Speaker: Thankful for this. um We appreciate anyone and everyone who takes time um to listen to our hearts. um I feel like this is very much a ah ah fulfilling, safe place for Heather and I. So we love you and appreciate you.
Speaker: and We'll see you next time. Bye, Jules. everybody. see on occasion podcast. If you enjoy this episode, please share with your friends and family and subscribe.
Speaker: As always, get curious and be intentional.
