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Episode 16: The Cost of Doing It All with Our Dear Friend Megan Veselka
47 Plays1 month ago
In this episode, Megan Veselka opens up about her journey of self-reflection and realizing she had been giving too much of herself without ever asking for help. She shares the disconnect she felt between what she “should” be feeling and what she was actually experiencing—anger, frustration, and resentment creeping in despite checking all the societal boxes. Megan talks honestly about how this affected her family and why recognizing your limits and asking for support is such a crucial part of personal growth and mental health.
I've checked all these boxes, like I'm supposed to be happy now, but I'm not.
I was just giving, giving, giving, and doing it kind of in silence.
People would say, can I help? And I'd say, no.
You're not going to come in here and screw it up.
I realized it was like giving too much of myself away.
There wasn't really a lot left afterwards.
I felt really angry and resentful.
I was taking it out on my family, my kids, my husband.
That's really where the therapy process started.
I do it way better than you ever could.
self-reflection, mental health, therapy, personal growth, emotional well-being, asking for help, family dynamics, giving too much, resentment, self-care, plant therapy, medicinal therapy
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
What's up, everybody?
Introduction to Megan Veselka
00:00:02
Speaker
On today's episode, we have a dear friend of mine, Megan Veselka, joining us to talk about how she juggles it all with grace, therapy, and a little bit of plant medicine along the way.
00:00:15
Speaker
Stay tuned and enjoy this episode with Megan Veselka, rock star mom, realtor, wife, and friend.
Daylight Savings Debate
00:00:26
Speaker
Hello, everyone. It is November 3rd. We're recording this podcast the day after Daylight Savings, which I thought we were getting rid of.
00:00:37
Speaker
and i It was also Halloween weekend, and I made a very bold statement this morning that somebody who created Daylight Savings on Halloween weekend doesn't have children and hates us.
Friendship and Support in Motherhood
00:00:50
Speaker
and yeah
00:00:53
Speaker
Yes, an incredible guest on our episode today, Megan Veselka, dear friend of mine, who we have traveled through many different worlds together um from staying up till, you know, 2.30 in the morning, closing down a bar and somehow making it to work the next day.
00:01:10
Speaker
um with maybe, you know, a little bit of a mess going on in our hair and some leftover makeup. But we showed up and into parenthood where I honestly don't know how I would survive with our oldest. um becoming um she She got to become a mom before me and kind of set the tone and and be a huge resource and support ah for me. And so I'm sure I bugged her many hours of the night with a text message of, why won't they stop crying?
00:01:41
Speaker
Sleep. Megan, I love you. I'm so glad you're on this episode. um And welcome to Classy on a Cajun.
Megan: Realtor and Mother
00:01:50
Speaker
Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Go ahead and tell everyone just a little bit about yourself, something quick.
00:01:55
Speaker
And we're going to dive into motherhood, mental health, and all things, um you know, surviving in in this day and age. Perfect. Um, okay. Well, Megan Misalka, I'm in Chesapeake, Virginia.
00:02:10
Speaker
Um, born and raised here. I'm a, ah currently a realtor, which I love mom of three boys. i have eight, six and four year old boys at home. Um, and so that's the general gist of, you know, where I'm at currently I'm about to turn 40. So I know everyone kind of keeps that under wraps, but.
00:02:31
Speaker
I'm pretty proud of where I am right now, so I'm just going to announce it to the world. like i This is my birthday month, and I'm super excited about it. Happy birthday. Thank you. ah huge and exciting birthday month, and i ah you glazed over the fact that you're a realtor. she i mean You started into this career path, what, two years ago?
00:02:53
Speaker
Five years. It's 2020. It's been five years. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I have no idea. i have no concept of time. During COVID actually, it was like trying to get my license during COVID. It was wild. And has absolutely killed it. I mean, the, the name that you've created for yourself in our area um and the amount of people you've been able to help. I'm super, super, super proud of you.
00:03:14
Speaker
Thank you. Appreciate that.
Career Transition: Teaching to Real Estate
00:03:17
Speaker
Going into the real estate world, coming from um teaching, what was that kind of transition transition like for you?
00:03:26
Speaker
especially doing it during COVID? Yeah, so I taught for 10 years high school chemistry and biology, um and I loved ah lots of aspects of it, and there was definitely a lot that I did not like. So when I had my first um child, I took my maternity leave, and when I came back, I quit the first day I was there.
00:03:49
Speaker
oh i They were like, wait, what? What do you mean you can't do this? I'm like, no, I can't. I cannot do this. So she was like, you mean you can't do this anymore starting now or like the end of the month? They're like, what we talking here? So I heard um made it through the rest of the semester. And then I finished my AP Chem, AP Bio students out for the year because they would have been totally screwed on their test without me.
00:04:11
Speaker
So I stayed on for them part time and finished the year out. And then I stayed at home for a while. So i actually stayed at home from... 2018, so it was two years. And so, um, somewhere around when my second child was around six, seven months, I was like, i need to do something else. I need to stop.
00:04:32
Speaker
You just said six, seven. I have to point that out. We just did six, seven months, and it's that's all I'm hearing. So I have to point it out for all those people that want to laugh now. My daughter is one now listening this podcast since I said six, seven. Since you said six, seven. Yes, yes, yes. What is so viral, Megan? and You already blew up our podcast. You did six, seven, and it wasn't on purpose.
00:04:53
Speaker
Okay, go ahead. Sorry. I four-year-old's pumpkin ah carving contest was six, seven. Oh, my God. ah I don't even know what it means. ah christian anyway yeah So around six or seven months, that's when I started doing real estate classes and I got my license.
00:05:10
Speaker
yeah I had one week of in-person classes and then the rest of it was online because they shut everything down. So then I started during COVID, which is a wild time to start real estate. um You basically just raise your hand and people are like flocking to you so to buy or sell a house at that point. So I was super busy that first year. and it's kind of been, has ah its ups and downs, but my, because I then had another child. And so it's been like, you know, I start running and then I got pregnant and then it slowed back down and I start running again. And then I changed brokerages and slowed back down. So it's had its ups and downs throughout the years, but I do,
00:05:45
Speaker
feel like a lot of that was design. I wanted to do a slow growth because I knew at some point I would get to here where my kids are more independent. And I wanted to have that. I didn't want to start now. I wanted to start before and like slowly grow it up to where I got to the point where they could kind of do a little bit more on their own and they don't need me as much anymore. And that's when I can kind of pick up more deals and um growing a little bit more. And that's kind of where I'm at now. So.
00:06:09
Speaker
That's incredible. I mean, but being able to juggle all of that and then a lot of realtors too, like coming out of COVID, it was, again, like you said, like deals were falling into your lap. And so coming out of that, you know, we see realtors who are like, okay, now I have to work for it.
00:06:25
Speaker
yeah Not everyone wants a house at a six and a half percent interest rate. What? Yeah, it definitely changed the field a lot. And so um I'm
Community-Driven Real Estate Business
00:06:35
Speaker
referral based. i don't do any leads. So everything is word of mouth and um you know, just building that database. And I really gear it towards a sense of community with all of my clients. So, you know, half of my database, you know, hasn't bought or sold a house with me, but um I love them and they love me. And so I take care of them. I'm hoping that, you know, when their friends, their neighbor is like, hey, i want to sell or like, hey I have this person for you.
00:06:58
Speaker
And that's kind of where that's all about. So um I don't really not. It's, you know, funny when people, really talk about real estate and how it can be really salesy and gimmicky, but it doesn't feel that way for me. And I don't, that's not me at all. I'm not a overly salesy person. I'm like the girl next door. I'll hold your hand through the whole deal and we will get through it in the end and we'll be friends before we'll be friends after. And, um, you know, my motto is kind of realtor for life. So, um, I have my clients call me for everything from which nightstand should I buy to, you know, do you know, a good roofer? a doctor.
00:07:31
Speaker
they might i need a doctor Yeah, exactly. so So you're an expert at pouring into others. Mm-hmm.
The Journey into Therapy
00:07:41
Speaker
And how do you take care of Megan?
00:07:45
Speaker
That's also a slow growth learning process. um I don't think i I don't know if I'll ever be, um you know, the expert at that, but I definitely have grown a lot over the years. I think and that's kind of where I hit sort of a wall, ah i don't know, probably like three-ish, almost four years ago and know now, I guess,
00:08:05
Speaker
um that I really started with a therapist ah more regularly. So I had a therapist that I went to after my second child was born. i didn't realize quite how much um anxiety I had as a base level. And then when you add a child on top of that and then another child on top of that, it just kind of overflowed.
00:08:23
Speaker
So I started a little bit after my second ah child going to therapy and that helped a lot through that process. But I kind of, you know, once I started feeling okay, just kept on going. And so um that's kind of been my previous MO is just to keep putting one foot in front of the other and figure it out as you go. And when you keep doing that and just ignoring any, um,
00:08:45
Speaker
you know, challenges or you you're burying things along the way, eventually it completely explodes. or superflows Yeah. It's like nothing else can be packed in here. Okay. You're going to have to address some of these things.
00:08:58
Speaker
And that's kind of where I reached um somewhere around that, you know, three or four years ago or so that's when I started my therapy process. And I think that's really when I started doing a lot of self-reflection because I started getting very,
00:09:11
Speaker
um kind of angry and resentful that I didn't have time for myself, that I was like giving everything else to everybody and I didn't have anything left of myself. And that's where i was feeling kind of lost at that point. Cause you know, we didn't have, we had kids back to back two years, you know, every two years, pretty much on the dot. So, um, so then when that two year mark came around, like, okay, well now what do I do? You know, I don't, not getting pregnant. We're not going to have another kid right now. I kind of felt this sense of like I don't know, kind of a bit of an identity crisis of like knowing, you know, what am I doing? Like I have everything in my list that I said I wanted. I have beautiful children.
00:09:50
Speaker
We have our dream house. We like moved into it. Um, and we had, ah you know, I'm married to a wonderful guy and I'm like, I've checked all these boxes, like supposed to be happy now, but I'm not. So I had to do a lot of like self-reflection on that and try to figure out, okay,
00:10:07
Speaker
Well, where is it? Where is the disconnect? And what is, um, what is not fitting together? What's not working? And one of the main things that I realized was I was just giving, giving, giving and, um, doing it kind of in silence where, um,
00:10:25
Speaker
you know, people would say, can I help? And I'd say, no, you know, I don't need any help. I don't need anybody's help. So it was like, it's not like, you're going to come here in here and screw it up. And I'm going to have to do it again the right way. Right. That's what we think sometimes time way better than you ever could. So let me just do it myself.
00:10:39
Speaker
um But yeah, I, I realized at some point that it was like giving too much of myself away and there wasn't really a lot left um afterwards. And so that's really where the therapy process started because I,
00:10:54
Speaker
um I just felt really angry and resentful and I was taking it out on my family, my kids, you know, my husband. And and um it was definitely taking a toll on all of it and myself because I felt guilty about all of it, you know, so.
00:11:09
Speaker
Sometimes it's easier to serve others, feed into others so that we don't have to look look inside ourselves. Right. Correct. Yeah, that's exactly what my therapist is like. You don't know what's going on because you just schedule yourself every moment of the day. So you don't have to think about it. And then, hello, like, you know, you're you're need to start saying no, start saying home, start sitting in the quiet, start going for a while, you know, all the things. That's scary, Megan. That's scary, right?
00:11:39
Speaker
So scary. Yes, definitely. Yeah. And then you have to say like what you're thinking out loud, right? So now that you've sat with your thoughts, is it, you know, you have to go to people in your life to say like, Hey, you've impacted me in a way that I don't think is healthy for me right now. Or, um you know, I think we need to communicate differently because I'm just, again, doing like and pleasing and it's not beneficial to me. So like, how did you,
00:12:07
Speaker
Do you think you, when you first started therapy, do you think you raised your hand more or do you think that there was more of an outside influence from people in your life or your family to say like, Hey, are you okay? Um, I think it was mostly me. Cause I think it was, um I was really, i felt like I was pretty good at hiding it for the most part to everybody else. So, um, you know, that's kind of,
00:12:32
Speaker
something that is part of it, compartmentalizing, bearing it down and putting on the brave face for everybody else. And so i think, um, for me, it was just feeling, just having that feeling of, um, like, don't know, I was telling, telling my friend who's a, my, actually my, um,
00:12:51
Speaker
physician, was like, I feel like I can't breathe. Like, i feel like I take a deep breath and it it feels like I have not taken a deep breath in like 10 years. It's like my lungs are like, oh God, thank you. know And she's like, yeah, that's called anxiety.
00:13:02
Speaker
so i was like, oh, okay. I didn't even register that I was dealing with that on a day-to-day basis. I really felt like when I, of course, after I had the kids, I noticed it with postpartum anxiety. It was very clear. I was being very illogical and I knew I was being illogical. I couldn't figure out how to stop myself from being illogical or rational. But, um, afterwards I felt like, okay, I'm just going about my daily life. I don't really see, see that until she mentioned that. So I started putting, you know, pieces together, realizing that, Hey, um, I think I,
00:13:32
Speaker
am getting a little in over my head at this point and I'm feeling like I should be a lot happier than I am and so you kind of get to the point where you think okay well what is this all for if I'm working this hard I'm giving this much and I'm still not happy like there's really nothing left to give so there must be some other answer to this because it can't be that I'm not giving enough that's not the case so I love that. And that should be a tagline, Julie, but for this whole episode is what is this all for? i just got goosebumps, goosebumps.
00:14:02
Speaker
I just combined two words into one. um Um, but when you said that Megan, I was like, wow, what is this all for? Yeah. Right. That's so powerful that you just said that.
00:14:12
Speaker
Hmm.
00:14:15
Speaker
So what was the thing that I guess triggered it? Was it, you know, the ongoing therapy is, was there something that like, obviously the tools that you were given through therapy, um, was there something that was like, okay, I have to do, I have to overhaul my life.
00:14:30
Speaker
I guess what were the three things that you overhauled first? Obviously saying no to things in your schedule were there other things that you kind of took ah took a big look at and said, I need to make an and a huge impact because I am not showing up for myself and others the way that I'd like to.
00:14:47
Speaker
Yeah, it was um it a few things. It was definitely saying no to people, signing myself up for less things. um So just being okay with... not people pleasing everybody and saying hey you know i don't have like it's not life or death if i go to this you know bunko meeting or whatever so yeah i don't know i don't know megan fun go so that was a big part of it another part of it was just um you know a lot of self-reflection because i was so angry i was like pointing fingers at like okay well you know my oh my god
00:15:19
Speaker
i'll tell my for my husband for example i'd be like okay well he's not doing the xyz you know all the i have a whole list of all the things he doesn't do and you know to his defense i never asked for any of those things so my thought process is a very famous one among women i feel like is that you know i shouldn't have to ask him he should just know but yeah you walked by the trash can babe how do you not see these things you know it should be obvious but um But at the same time, I just think that our communication styles are very different. And so he's happy to help, but he needs like direction on like what, what he can help with, especially because, um, again, after ah i can say this now that I'm way past it, but especially because I'm very, um, controlling about how things are done. And so he was almost nervous to step in and to help thinking, oh my gosh, I'm not going to do it the way she wants me to. So I don't want to get in trouble for doing it wrong.
00:16:11
Speaker
So I think letting go of a little bit of that, um, need to control the situation and speaking up and saying, hey, I need help with this. These are the things I need help with. um That was huge for us. so that would be two.
00:16:22
Speaker
um And then the third thing, really, that one of the major things that still do is um I go for as many times a week as possible. i go for a daily walk. So I walk in my neighborhood um and I've been known to do it when it's like 20 degrees outside. I will do it if it's just sprinkling, it's raining, maybe not. But the other stuff, like I have to have um those moments to myself and that preferably sometime in the morning. And that's how I so you know try to get though that time to myself, because it's highly likely that the rest of the day there will be no time to myself after that moment.
00:16:54
Speaker
And so um those three things are probably the major ones and that I changed early on that made a difference that I have stuck with and from then till now. And that's, you know, we're going on three and a half, four years now. So.
00:17:09
Speaker
Megan, was your husband, did he go to therapy too? Or how, what was his involvement in this um journey of yours? Oh yeah. He, um, He definitely went to therapy first. We started at marriage counseling so I was convinced it was an us problem.
00:17:23
Speaker
yeah um And then about, I don't know, probably not even a month or so in, I realized it's really not an us problem as much as it's a individual issue for both of us. um So he had some things to work through. he ended up going to see an individual counselor on his own and I went on my own and it's very, um,
00:17:42
Speaker
very eyeopening when you finally like allow yourself to like take in um information that, you know, it's hard but it's kind of critical. So you're you're basically opening yourself up to be like, wow, like some of those issues with us were really me. Whereas I would have found 14 different reasons why it wasn't me, pointed the finger at somebody else. But, um you know, when you really sit there and reflect, it's like, it's not just him, it's both of us. And we are reacting in ways that we've been conditioned to our whole life.
00:18:13
Speaker
And they don't mesh together very well. And so that's kind of what wherere we're dealing with is, you know, a lot of my, I was in kind of constantly fight or flight mode. So it was, you know, i if he said one thing that I could even twist around to make it in my head, it was sounding critical. i would jump down his throat or i would silent walk away or whatever. you There was never any, you know, constructive conversation between the two of us at that time in our marriage.
00:18:39
Speaker
And so, um, I think doing that individual counseling for me is what made the difference. We never even went back to marriage counseling because once I like, I'm
00:18:52
Speaker
ah like, okay, I get it now. So I always say that to people and people kind of look at me weird, but like, I mean, start for sure. Start with marriage counseling if that's what feels good for you. But majority of the time it has very little to do with the two of you together as much it has to do with the two of you separately.
00:19:08
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean, that goes back to what you were saying in the beginning too. Like, you it's so much easier to blame and look at somebody else than to actually sit and reflect on your actions and, you know, whatever trauma you're working through or the way that you were brought up and what, you know, what the standard is in your mind than to, you know, it's just easier to blame.
00:19:30
Speaker
Exactly. And then to pour into, you know, yourself, like, I feel like it's, you know, such a, a powerful like stance to be like, Hey, I'm really, I'm really want to look into how I can be a better person. And then we can show up, you know, better together and, you know, maybe do some yearly tune-ups, um, which I think is so crazily important. Like,
00:19:52
Speaker
You go from this whirlwind of an engagement and like, you know, then it's all of these high peaks. Like, I feel like that's really hard. That's something that I deal with is like, oh my gosh, have this amazing wedding. wedding Oh my gosh, you bring this perfect baby into this world. Oh my gosh, you bring another perfect baby into this world.
00:20:09
Speaker
Oh my gosh, there's what's left. Like that's for me, those are the, that's what I planned my whole life for growing up. like Yep. I'm going to get married. and i'm gonna have beautiful babies and I'm mom.
00:20:20
Speaker
i I want to have a career, but those those were the pillars for me. And so like when you check those off, you're like, okay, um we're going to go on an awesome trip, but is like that going to be as um like monumental for my life?
00:20:36
Speaker
Right. And then you're just so living on random highs with your spouse. um Yeah. So I mean, it's, it's so important um to evolve together.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, I agree. And it's, you know, it's like the other thing that I think people don't need to realize too, is when you're starting their therapy journey, it honestly usually goes downhill before shows
Therapy and Personal Growth
00:21:04
Speaker
up. So when you start but peeling back the layers, it gets a little intense because, you know, it you you're hoping that this will be a fix for you. And when you're taking it in these one hour chunks, it's not get going to work. It's not going to fix it.
00:21:19
Speaker
Yeah, it does not happen fast. So, you know, there was quite a bit of time that I felt like we were going backwards versus forwards, because we know you get into the session, you're chatting about things that you're, you know, dealing with that you're struggling with, and you feel like it now you've brought it all out into the open. And then you're like, Oh, my God.
00:21:35
Speaker
but I actually do hate you. You know what? That dishwasher, we're done. I hate you. Right? You're saying all these stuff. Exactly. So that was super challenging, too, is like it definitely got worse before it gets better. And I think, you know, um I think, number one, people don't go to therapy as early as they should. I mean, they wait until it's kind of already too late a lot of the times. Yeah.
00:21:55
Speaker
So they try it for a short period of time and realize that, hey, this is hard. i don't really want to do this anymore. It's not working. And I think a lot of times people give up. You know, they don't start early enough and they give up too early. So I think it goes slower, too. I think is what you're saying as well, Megan. But I feel like until we're willing to be completely vulnerable and hard, honest and really.
00:22:17
Speaker
but I mean, I know you're with yeah therapist, but I still feel like people resist, resist, resist. And until you're willing to put it all all out there, huh you can't, you won't start to make real progress until you've done that. So the the more honest you can be with yourself and with your therapist, um the more vulnerable and hard and hurtful and let all that stuff out that it's still going to be a slow process to your point, but the quicker get to start to see some resolution, some solutions, some, um,
00:22:43
Speaker
you know, some improvements in and in understanding and awareness, but I think it takes a while for some people to really be willing to be completely honest with their with themselves first, right? And then their therapist.
00:22:55
Speaker
Yeah. And so, you know, it's, It's, you have to be super motivated too. And that's the thing, you know, i ah hear a lot of my, you know, couple of friends, a lot of times we'll say, well, you know, my husband doesn't really want to go to therapy. I'm like, so go by yourself. Like it doesn't, it doesn't matter because, you know, even, even if my husband had never done marriage counseling with me, and even if he never did individual counseling, um, I, our marriage still would have improved just based on my own therapy. Mm-hmm.
00:23:21
Speaker
And then I think that that is, you know, not enough of a reason, but you have to be motivated to do it. um And otherwise it's just not going to work so that, you know, you have to really be at a point that you need that change to occur. And so that's, that's kind of how I was when I got to that point. I mean, I was kind of just really exhausted as best word to say. I was tired of, of chasing this um unattainable,
00:23:51
Speaker
goal of perfection and I wouldn't allow myself to be anything less than that. And so, um, not accepting any flaws in any avenue of my life. And it's just impossible to be, you know,
00:24:02
Speaker
the absolute perfect 100% realtor and the perfect 100% wife and the perfect mom and and mom and all we all those things. there's layer Yes. And then you number one, that's impossible alone.
00:24:16
Speaker
um But then it even if you did try to achieve, achieve those goals, then what, percentage is left for you. And that's kind of, you know, where I was at my therapist, like Megan, you cannot do all of these things. It's just like impossible. You cannot, it's literally physically impossible. You are beating yourself up for an unattainable, like, you know, level of, of achievement. And so once I kind of, um,
00:24:43
Speaker
accepted that, I feel like ah yeah everything got a lot better. It took me a while though. So like, what do you mean? What do you mean? I can't make all my hand, make all my kids, you know, Halloween costumes and make all of their cakes and, and do all, and I want to be a room mom and I'm also a realtor.
00:25:00
Speaker
I'm exhausted just hearing you say all that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. She does have to keep making cakes, though. I will die on that hill because Megan makes the most delicious cakes. Yes. Lots of pressure on you.
00:25:13
Speaker
so I have a question. How would you like motivate somebody in their twenty s to... and but I guess, how would you encourage someone to be motivated in their 20s when life seems okay, but they haven't maybe, their plates are not being thrown in the air or at them um to be able to juggle that crazy whirlwind that continues to grow as you start a family, as you have kids, as your career, you know, explodes?
00:25:44
Speaker
um How would you encourage them to... you know, prioritize their mental space before they get there? ah I think, um Yeah, I talk about this a lot with ah friends and, you know, have a mom's group in my brokerage that I run. And the main things that I usually say to them is I always share my personal experiences. And I always tell them, like, if I would, i wish I would have started earlier. um That would be my number one regret is not starting earlier.
00:26:13
Speaker
And the main thing I always tell them is, you know, you, the thing is, Your body tells you what you need to know if you just listen to it. So 99% of the time and when I talk about mental health with any um any female at almost any point in their life.
00:26:32
Speaker
and They always say, well, yeah, I've thought about going to therapy. I'm like, if you thought about going to therapy, that was your body saying it's time to go to therapy. And so if you're not listening to it, you're ignoring it, um then it will come back to you down the road.
00:26:43
Speaker
um But a majority of people that I talk to have always been like, oh, i I thought about it, but I feel like you know everybody else goes through this too, or I'm sure it will get better when that's like the typical, you know, cop out of not doing it.
00:26:55
Speaker
um So, but I really do feel like if you're really listening to yourself, if those thoughts come in your head, like, hmm, maybe I should talk to a therapist, that's because you should. So it's more like rocket science. It's, you know, it's really that is the reason people are scared or they, and you know, it's getting better, but it's still like,
00:27:15
Speaker
people have certain thoughts about people going to therapy and and mental health in general. And so um I think that's kind of one of my main reasons for talking about it so openly is that um I think we need to like nip that in the bud. Oh my God, they should have it in high school. it should be a high school course and it should continue after that.
00:27:33
Speaker
Something you just said, like, yes, your body, but also if there's patterns in your life yeah that that are not positive or you're not happy with relationships, things like that, That's also to me like a flag that maybe there's something there you need need to uncover and dig into.
00:27:48
Speaker
Let me ask you this, Megan. I know people in my life that have tried therapy. I'm quoting. try hear But you'll hear um I didn't like them.
00:27:58
Speaker
Therapy is not for me. And I'm like, you went to one person. So can you talk about that? Like, how did you find your therapist or any words of advice around finding someone? Because lot times it may not be the first person you go to. Yeah, you really do have to mesh really well. And so I think that is something that's really important. I did go to a different therapist after my second child. And, um you know, after she helped me through my postpartum anxiety, we didn't really mesh well after that. But she got me through that one stage of my life.
00:28:24
Speaker
um The therapist I have now is recommended from a friend of mine. And so I think that's always the best way to go. But the only way you're going to get a referral from a friend is if they talk about it. Like It's like hard to find.
00:28:35
Speaker
so yeah, I've sent my therapist so many referrals. I'm like, do I get a i get cut from this or what? I guess you should be free by now. Can I get a free session? No, I'm just kidding.
00:28:47
Speaker
um Yeah, I just feel like getting a recommendation from someone is always the best. um But that's not a possibility that I think you, you know, going into psychology today is a very common website. You can go through there and look at the therapists and their little profiles that they have about themselves. And that's not a surefire way of finding a perfect one, but it's at least something to kind of head in the right direction.
00:29:08
Speaker
And if you are having a few sessions, I would say ah for the second or third one, If it's not feeling right or not meshing, um I feel like just yeah the therapist is fine with you saying, hey, this is not working for me. i'm going to try somebody else.
00:29:23
Speaker
A lot of them will have consultations for free that you can do. Jump on a quick 10, 15 minute call and chat with them and see if you feel like it feels right or not. But if you don't have the right one, it will not be helpful. So I think it is important to have that mindset that it might take you you know two three four um different therapists to really find when that meshes well with you and unfortunately sometimes things change even with them you get the perfect one and they move away or um you know their life changes and you don't you have to start over and i just feel like you just have to keep going like you can't you know you can't just give up after the first like if you went to a doctor that you didn't like and you're like well guess i'll never go to a doctor again i'm like yeah not really like logical yeah love that yeah
00:30:08
Speaker
And if you're at the fifth therapist and you're not agreeing with what they're saying, then maybe you and you out on your shit. and You need to own up to you.
00:30:21
Speaker
Act as patterns. There's a pattern. Yeah. yeah So what outside of therapy has really, um, I mean, you are I am in all of you as knowing you for how long have I known, you know, 20 years. feels like forever. it' Um,
00:30:38
Speaker
of what you are accomplished. I mean, I've always been in awe of you, but you have such um insight, not only for your own life, but um you're such, um and you're so inquisitive when we're together and just really, yeah i mean, you make an impact on my my life every time I talk to you, right? It's like, hey, how's the weather? What's going on? It's not, it's always a deep conversation with you. And and that really is so meaningful and and really does help people to you know reflect and say,
00:31:06
Speaker
oh yeah, I've got patterns I need to look at. And Meghna was kind of being like, hey girl. um So what else outside of that, because you are just, you know, ah shining light in what you're doing for yourself personally and professionally and the impact you're having on others. So what else outside of, you know, just talking to someone do you feel like um got you to where you are today?
00:31:30
Speaker
Yeah. um So I guess about Oh gosh, February. year I think I started seeing my therapist in February and we got through, um i don't know, probably three or four months, five months maybe. And she started, kind of just mentioning something about, um,
Exploring Psychedelic Therapy
00:31:48
Speaker
plant medicine. So, uh, psychedelic therapy is one of the things that she mentioned to me. And when she first said it to me, I was like,
00:31:55
Speaker
Okay, crazy. I'm not sure. Wow, weird. Okay, can we get off this call now? I'm like, this is the uncomfortable. I need to find new therapist. Bye. Yeah, exactly. And so I was like, she was like, well, you know, no pressure, but you should just like, just like, look into it. Just see, like, here's a video you should check out.
00:32:13
Speaker
So I, i took a moment, like after I got off, I like pushed it to the side, but it kept kind of kept creeping in like, what that video is about? wonder what that's like. And so I started clicking on, um there's a YouTube video that was done by um the Hope Project. So a woman is a an Navy SEAL wife who runs the Hope Project. And she um basically has a video about um psychedelic therapy and how it's made such a difference in her husband and her life and how their marriage is only um together this to this day because of it and so she talked a lot about it and how beneficial it was and i did some research and the next time we had a session i asked a few more questions i'm like so um tell me more about this and what is this like and what's it look like and so she answered a few questions and i was like okay well that's probably not gonna you know whatever that's probably not gonna happen for me um you know i'm my husband's a veteran so
00:33:06
Speaker
there is a lot of resources for veterans and veteran spouses and so um i don't know probably a couple weeks went by i was like you know what maybe i'll just apply to it and you know if they call me then i'll figure it out if i want to go or not so it's kind of like i just kept like barely stepping into this and so um i i did um send an application and um i'm so shocker, they like accepted me.
00:33:31
Speaker
So I was like, okay, now I got to figure this out. Am I going to do this or not do this? And, um, it was, it was a really hard, um, time to figure that out because it's not number one. i at this point in therapy, I'm still in the very beginning. I'm only in the first five, six months of, um, therapy. I'm only just beginning to like make time for myself. So for me to take You know, on it was a five or six day retreat in Mexico that you don't talk to your family during.
00:33:57
Speaker
I'm like how I'm like trying to wrap my head around like number one I can't even fathom how I would do this. And then number two, how the hell is my husband? Sorry, me said how is my husband going to take care of these children without me? Oh my gosh, they're all going to die, you know?
00:34:12
Speaker
title and show i'm going to like I was like literally on the, I mean, I was on edge about it until the very last minute. And so the rest of my therapy sessions between the time that I got accepted to the time i went was all trying to wrap my head around the fact that I could do this. I should do this. Um, cause I tried, I talked myself out of it, you know, a million times. You look at the, um, a lot of the home hope project and there's a million of them, but, um,
00:34:39
Speaker
A lot of their success stories are all about, you know, spouses have been through a lot of you know, domestic abuse and, um you know, the drug addicts. And I mean, you name it, terrible things have happened to these women. um And they go to this, these are retreats to try to get past a lot of that trauma.
00:34:54
Speaker
And so that was always was my i reason. I'm like, well, I mean, they're way worse than I am. I'm not that bad. So yeah. I think I'm good. i don't really need to go. i even like when we were getting ready for this, I was looking up and I found an old email I had sent to my therapist like, hey, um they accepted me. I don't know what to do I think I'm feeling pretty good now. So I think we could just.
00:35:18
Speaker
She's like, no, you should go. And so had to just remind me that a lot of times when you, you know, you get past these things that happen in your life, you minimize like what they were.
00:35:29
Speaker
And so, you know, I did, I was married early. I was married at 22. got divorced when I was 26. was um it you know i'm not going to go into lot of details with that but it was very traumatic for to be in your twenty s to go through the situation of divorce that i had um and my i just generally buried it down and kept going and i you know i also had a miscarriage it between my uh first and second child and i just buried that out and kept going like i got pregnant immediately after it was like it never happened And so all of those things that kind of keep adding up into this toll um that I was taking onto myself and was like stuck in my body.
00:36:07
Speaker
It's very woo woo. And so until you go through this process, you know, it sounds kind of crazy. I'm like, it was really negative energy you kind of trapped. And so when I finally decided, okay, I'm going to do this, I'm going to go through it. It's like a whole process. So it's, you know, it's, it's ah therapy beforehand. You do a lot of therapy sessions in the group and one-on-one with counselors before you go.
00:36:29
Speaker
um It is not something that, you know, some random person is running. It is run by a doctor. ah There are medical professionals there. It's like a whole thing and lots of research based.
00:36:40
Speaker
And so i went on this Mexico retreat and it was um by far the most life altering, um amazing things I've ever, ever done.
00:36:53
Speaker
And how long were actually in Mexico? I was there for six days. So the first day we um we kind of just toured a little bit and got to know everybody. And then um we were at like an Airbnb for the rest of the time. And um that was when we did a lot of work. So it it the medicine is a big part of it, but the other big part of it is being around that community of women that were there. There was, think five or six of us together. um And so just like being vulnerable in a group of women, mean,
00:37:24
Speaker
i mean I think women are just super special. And so I think they really show up for each other when you open yourself up and say, Hey, look, these are the things that, you know, I went through, or these are the things that I'm challenging, challenged with, these are the ways that I want to be better. um And they just show up for you in that space. And um that was really the the general feeling of the whole community. Everybody was there for that same reason to like, let go of things that were not serving them anymore and to move forward into a more positive space of positive energy. And so,
00:37:55
Speaker
That's really one of them the main things that was so powerful on this whole mental health journey is me saying, okay, I can do this. And it was, it's so multifaceted because it wasn't just the plant medicine.
00:38:08
Speaker
It wasn't just the community that I had there. It wasn't just the therapy before, during, and after that process. It wasn't just my therapist that i went to regularly. It was also the fact that I left my husband and I came back, my kids were still alive.
00:38:19
Speaker
um And so- I'm like, it was all of those things, you know, it was like all of those things were like so life-changing for me that I could actually do that. He would support me in doing something that he didn't really fully understand at that point.
00:38:31
Speaker
um And still doesn't, but he's very supportive of me figuring it out. Yeah. in trust to you and Really, really cool. So, you know, it's um psilocybin is the, the plant medicine I use is actually now legal in Oregon, which is crazy.
00:38:47
Speaker
What is it called? Psilocybin. Psilocybin mushroom, yeah. So it's basically, it's a psychedelic drug and it was just basically having that space to allow um trauma to be released from your body is kind of what it was. So to be honest, ah if you would have asked me,
00:39:06
Speaker
about this journey, like immediately after I went to this retreat, I would have told you it was awful because I cried for like five or six hours straight. Like my eyes were like that's so puffy. I couldn't see.
00:39:18
Speaker
um it was terrible because I realized now that I was like literally releasing all of this grief and, um, sadness that I didn't allow myself to feel at any point. So, you know, like I, I went through a lot of things and I just, um,
00:39:36
Speaker
buried them and kept going and like, no, we'll just move on. Like, for sometimes we don't even know. tell me if this is visual your, was your journey, but they don't even know we're burying things. We know something's not right. We know maybe we' and we're not allowing ourselves to experience joy. We know that maybe we're having anxiety. We know maybe we're trying to hide stuff or we're a fighter. I mean, I'm all those things too, Megan.
00:39:56
Speaker
And until we're in a situation like you just were in something similar, we're do you realize that it comes like, oh my God, where's, where has this been? You don't even realize what all you're even pushing down your whole life.
00:40:09
Speaker
Yeah. You're giving yourself, oh it was like a, you know, it's quite a few days that I did not have my phone. I was not doing anything with my phone, which is already gives me anxiety. Like that gave me anxiety then it still gets me anxiety now, but like as a realtor, not have your phone is almost impossible. And then especially with children, i mean, there was obviously emergency things in place, but It was just really hard not to to really focus on myself for that long and not have like a million things on your list to do. So it was um a lot of reaching into yourself and finding more out about who you are and what you enjoy and having that time, you know, to to just be, to listen. And I think that is a big part of it is...
00:40:52
Speaker
setting aside that time for yourself into focusing on it. That was another like avenue of this whole whole thing. So I did that. It was like November of 2023. Two years ago.
00:41:07
Speaker
Yeah. I remember you calling me like a month later too. And you were like, I don't really know how to talk to people. anymore you're like you're like um i don't i just experienced something like life-changing um cool you went to the grocery store today yes it was like that it was very very very hard because it was like what julie said like i'm not really good about chatting about the weather anymore like it's either like i'm i can do it but it's like i have there's a different version of me that people that only can talk about that get and then there's another version of me that i'm like okay here we are now we're in it you know
00:41:41
Speaker
And so I don't know how to to do that anymore because once you have that kind of experience, it it really has a lot of, um, eight it the science If you look in the science behind it, it really does rewire your brain. but It changes the synapses to a lot of the traumatic events into new positive synapses. And if you keep that going and integrate it into your life and keep with this positive energy, it stays. And so for me, like I can't really listen to people complaining about you know their life and not be willing to do anything about it. It kind of gets a little...
00:42:12
Speaker
like When they can. So did that, what's your ongoing treatment like? Is it with your sister therapist here or or does that program have some type of ongoing treatment? Yeah, so they um they do. they They stay with ah um everybody that has gone through their retreats and they have ongoing um Zoom calls that you can hop on. They do a lot of other types of, um you know, breath work classes and stuff if you want to do that.
00:42:37
Speaker
I just stayed on with my therapist and really continued to follow the same, you know, things that were working with me before, which is going on my walks, taking time to myself. Um, and it went really well. And I got to a place I was so comfortable and happy with where I was that I was like, okay, I'm good now. I did all of this. My main goal was to like, um, you know, get my marriage in a place, myself in a place. I felt like, Hey, let's have this fourth child. I like been thinking about this like forever.
00:43:04
Speaker
And, um, and didn't really feel like I was in a place to do it. So when, right there after that, I was, well, this past, not this past summer, the summer before, um we were like, let's do it. Finally, finally got my husband on board. i'm like, we're good. We're in a good place. I feel good. We're good. Everything's good. Let's do it. And the minute I started, you know, trying and and i got pregnant and it was a you know, chemical pregnancy. So that was super disappointing.
00:43:30
Speaker
And then I got pregnant again. I had a miscarriage and it threw me for a loop. Like it was so challenging. I can't even explain because I had been so far so well, I was doing so well with my anxiety up to that point that getting to that point and being in that world of like high anxiety was so hard for me to process. Cause I could, I didn't know even know what to do. Like I, now I'm very aware about how anxious I have and I don't know what to do about it. So, um,
00:43:59
Speaker
That was super hard. And so I ended up um going to another retreat um and I went to another one. they say that you have to wait at least six months ah before you do, usually a year before you do another one. And typically it's ah more of a long term thing. So you don't really typically need it very often.
00:44:18
Speaker
for me, but for me going through a traumatic event, like a miscarriage and having that, um, kind of thing that happened, um, with me and having a hard time dealing with it. I did decide to go on another, um, ah retreat and I did that and it was, um, even more life-changing than the first one because I think I was in a space where I was like,
00:44:41
Speaker
much more open. Like I knew what it was like now. And so I was not guarded um to anything that any kind of um energy that I was going to be bringing in. And so. Right. Any fear, like yeah all of that was, was gone. You knew what to expect. You knew Derek, Derek, God bless him, was going to keep the kids alive.
00:44:59
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, exactly. So it's like, I'm like, I'm good. I'm good now. And so me being so open to the process, I feel like I got an even better experience the second time around. um, um You know, it's it's very difficult to put in words if you haven't experienced it, but the best way that I can um kind of translate it to everybody who has not been on a medicine journey before is it really...
00:45:24
Speaker
um releases anything that is negative. You're able to kind of get that out of your body and you accept, um, kind of a positive energy and you, it's very spiritual. And so a lot of people get scared about that because there some people are religious and some people are not religious and they don't know really what to do with that. So i don't know how to explain that any other way. You have to kind of make that work for yourself. But for me, it was a connection to,
00:45:51
Speaker
um the earth and God and, um, you know, just living things.
Spiritual Growth and Acceptance
00:45:57
Speaker
so like a big, a big vision that i had in my journey was a, was a tree with a root system that goes into the ground, basically showing us that we're all connected. and And so, um, you know, remembering that is something that I feel like, to be honest, ah everybody in the entire world needs to think about at some point because really are all connected. And I feel like the whole world is so combative against others, but, um, we are all one, you know, humankind. And so
00:46:22
Speaker
to treat everybody in that way is really important and it's really important to me. And so, um you know, having that, that ah last retreat was so,
00:46:33
Speaker
even more life-changing to me because it gave me that and it gave me just this piece of knowing that I was on the right path, I was doing the right things. And I wanted so badly to have an answer to my question, like, do I have another child? Should I have another child? I was like, ask I'm like asking the medicine in the process, like, do I have a fourth child or do I not? Tell me yes or no And the, you know, the answer that I got when I was listening was, hey, like,
00:46:59
Speaker
And basically, answer was Megan, you don't get to know that. That's the joy of life is that you don't get to know what your next steps are. Like you're supposed to experience them as they come. And so it was an overwhelming sense of knowing that I was on the right path, I'm doing the right things, and whatever happens along this path is what's supposed to happen and just to accept that that's the way it is. and so um Once I kind of got that message, i was like, oh, okay, that makes sense. Without blame, without shame. yeah yeah Yeah, exactly. And I say that to ourselves. like You probably blame, what what did I do wrong? How did make this happen? I'm shameful of this. i mean, we've got to let all that go and trust that.
00:47:40
Speaker
This is the path we're meant to be on. That's pretty powerful. Yeah. So it was, it's definitely been, that has been, um you know, in addition to therapy, you know, I talked to Julie about this a little bit before, but because really share this a lot with a lot of people, mostly because people look at me like I have five heads. They're like, wait, what?
00:47:58
Speaker
So, i mean, you have to really. be in the head space to understand and um and to be open to ah you know other versions of therapy. But for me, talking about my mental health journey is almost telling a lie. I don't want women to listen to my, like how I've changed so much over these last couple of years and I only give you half of it. i'm like, yeah, sure. Talk to someone for four three, four years and you're going to feel great. I'm like, you probably will. You will feel better. you will for sure feel better.
00:48:23
Speaker
But to get this to this level in this short period of time, for me, I had that, that like jumpstart is what i would consider it. And that was, you know, allowing myself to consider, um you know, but being open-minded to other things. And so that is really what it's all about.
00:48:39
Speaker
And there's lots of resources for it. So um especially for veterans, really big in the veteran community, they're able to um come off of a lot of their um depressant medications and and for a long time. And so it's wild. If you look at the research on, you know, people are off of it for two three,
00:48:58
Speaker
four years, people that were suicidal are no longer suicidal. I mean, there's a whole plethora of statistics, but, um, you know, there's several organizations that do it. They're mostly, um, surrounded around veterans and veteran spouses, but they also, there are some for firefighters, police officers, first responders.
00:49:13
Speaker
Um, and then there's definitely private ones as well. Beckley retreats, does private ones also. Um, but, and they're, they're starting to come here. that's why there's a lot in Oregon now. psilocybin is legal i i it blows my mind that people are are just doing that on the streets but um i think it it has to be surrounded around therapy for it to be fully beneficial for sure it's not just the medicine alone it's like the combination yeah but together yeah you i mean you have to call out what you're trying to remove from your body um and then you know again
00:49:44
Speaker
come to terms with, you know, what God's plan is for you. um you know, um but yeah, if you don't call it out and you're just sitting there tripping on.
00:49:55
Speaker
And it's ongoing, right? I mean, this is a journey we'll be on the rest of our lives, but should be one that we see constant improvement and and enlightenment and awareness. But it's not like you just went there came i go, okay, I'm good. I mean, I love, you know, you back again, because there was more to work on. There's going to always be something more to work on and that's okay.
00:50:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't stop there. So you have to continue working with it. Otherwise you're just undoing everything that was done. So do have to continue. um but I do feel like the, you the first one was super beneficial because it, it really got me started on this path, but I do feel like a lot of those tears and grief was like me fighting, like I wasn't fully open and vulnerable in that process. And so when I, you know, got to that second retreat,
00:50:38
Speaker
It was such a powerful experience, you know, because I felt like I finally... was I got, I can't, I cannot keep holding onto this. I cannot keep like trying to control, like here I am still trying to control my life. I think I have control over. I want a baby right now.
00:50:55
Speaker
now like I don't understand. The plan was I said I was ready and now I'm ready. What do you mean? Yes, exactly. So like pushing that control is, was so huge for me. And it was a definitely an eyeopening moment to be like,
00:51:10
Speaker
It was you know kind of comical. You know what I love though, Megan? um And Julie and I talk about this a lot. like I always say to people, if you're not happy where you are, do something different. And I love, even for you being, I can tell, you know confident, controlling. To me, I see that in a healthy way now, but I'm sure there's been times where you've really struggled with that.
00:51:27
Speaker
But yet you were willing to really make yourself vulnerable and let go of control for someone that really owns that you know that. That says so much. And I love that you were willing to do whatever it took to be the best Megan. And I know you're not the best Megan you yet, but gosh, it sounds like you've come so far. And I love that you weren't willing to settle and you knew something was wrong and you were ready to shake it up.
00:51:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. i I'm would definitely say I'm the best version of myself so far. And so that's why I'm, you know, I'm not really shy about being like, yeah, I am turning 40, but you know what? I'm feeling pretty great. So, um, and 40 and fierce and, ah and i you know, it's, you have to have a really strong motivation. Why? So I really did it for my kids. You know, that's the main thing. wanted to be present for them in a, um,
00:52:16
Speaker
in a meaningful way. You know, I wanted to have quality time over quantity time with them. And i wanted to not miss those moments. Like I wanted to be present
Living in the Moment
00:52:25
Speaker
in the moment. And so that's the main thing that I feel like this whole journey as a whole, all of the pieces have taught me is to be present in the moment. It's not like these moments that you're spending with people are not just superficial. Like ah they're, they're all meaningful if you allow them to be. So that's the thing i can, I can, it hits me often. I'll be at, you know,
00:52:46
Speaker
I joke around my friend, but I'm i'm at Busch Gardens and i'm like walking around the chaos with like three kids and there's people everywhere. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I get to be here like in this moment with my kids and to have that ability to recognize and be grateful for those moments.
00:53:02
Speaker
um Whereas before I feel like it was always a means to an end. Like, you know, you take this off the list. Yes, you're going to your children be able to do that.
00:53:12
Speaker
And that's where like Julie's like, ah well, I do like what I'm hanging out with my friends. I'm like, so how's your life? Cause I'm like, I'm not just like no chatting. Hey, what's your, what'd you get? Something's wrong, Julie. What's going on? Spill the beans.
00:53:28
Speaker
yes yeah Being present is, is the main thing that I learned. And I feel like that is something that as a whole people, majority of people are missing. Yeah. We're so disconnected sometimes. Well, Megan,
00:53:40
Speaker
We appreciate you so much. I think we have more to talk about in a future episode. I want to dig in. but so many I wrote so many notes for our follow-up podcast. And I'm flying to Virginia Beach soon just to talk with Megan. Come on, let's go. Again. I'm in the Virginia Beach. Again, yeah.
00:53:59
Speaker
Yeah. Megan, we appreciate you. Thank you so much. We're going to put um some links for some of the resources that Megan has shared on today's podcast today. We appreciate you and we love you and we'll see you on another episode.
00:54:13
Speaker
Thank you. right. Bye. Bye guys.
00:54:18
Speaker
Thanks for listening to this episode of classy on occasion with Julie's friend, Megan. Wow. I just, my hand hurts. I wrote down so many notes, but couple of things she said that I loved, um, was what is this all for?
00:54:33
Speaker
What is this all for? I love that. And, She said, I'm the best version of myself so far. So, so many great takeaways, whether you're 20 or 50 years old. um We hope you love this episode. If you did, be sure to like us, follow, subscribe. And if it speaks to you in any way, please give us a review.
00:54:52
Speaker
Have a great day. See you next time.