Transcript
Speaker: Hello, you are listening to Classy on Occasion.
Speaker: This is Episode 3, Wit and Wisdom, Laughing Through Self-Understanding.
Speaker: Heather and I are going to dive through what self-awareness means to each of us and some takeaways for you to apply in your own life.
Speaker: Enjoy.
Speaker: Hey, hey.
Speaker: What's up, Julie?
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: Are you excited about Episode 3?
Speaker: I am very excited.
Speaker: I feel like it is just snowballing into an incredible, you know, journey altogether, but also each episode just gets a little deeper and a little bit more insight from others.
Speaker: So it's nice to get that feedback.
Speaker: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker: We've been talking about doing this for, I don't know, a couple weeks now maybe, although you and I talk about this subject, this topic of self-awareness a lot.
Speaker: But I'll share some things over the past, especially four or five days, as I was planning, preparing mentally for this podcast.
Speaker: And I love our title.
Speaker: It's Wit and Wisdom, Laughing Through Self-Understanding.
Speaker: Because if you don't laugh some as you take this journey of being self-aware, you can cry and go down this rabbit hole of beating yourself up and insecurity and weakness.
Speaker: And I mean, you have to be very careful and kind, very honest to yourself.
Speaker: But I love that.
Speaker: I think you and I try and do a good job of really laughing through our own personal growth.
Speaker: experiences and journeys.
Speaker: I think that's super important to get across to our listeners is as you dig deeper into this, if you're not already, to make sure you find some humor in it, right?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Because it's a different, you know, time in your life too.
Speaker: Right now for me, like self-awareness as I'm, you know, reaching into my mid thirties is way different than what it was five years ago.
Speaker: So what I laugh about now, I probably was crying about five years ago.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I know you put down like what is the actual, what does that mean?
Speaker: And you wrote conscious knowledge of one's character, feelings, motives, and desires.
Speaker: And I know you and I talked about when we first brought this topic up, I think both of our brains went to different places.
Speaker: And
Speaker: self self awareness is such a huge, um, overwhelming, almost a topic or subject, if you will.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Cause it really, my brain went to like self limiting beliefs and internal self talk and self sabotage and, um, yours, not that you didn't go there too, but I remember yours going to more like, you know, what's important to me.
Speaker: Do others know what's important to me?
Speaker: And I'm portraying all of my self awareness to everyone.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Am I being true?
Speaker: Deep down in my bones do I feel makes me self-aware of my actions, how they're hurting or helping others.
Speaker: So yeah, I definitely took it down the external self-awareness path a little bit more.
Speaker: I will say right now we didn't plan this, although we don't usually plan much of our podcast.
Speaker: We're pretty much playing it.
Speaker: But if I were to say, because for our listeners or viewers, we didn't ask each other what our values were.
Speaker: But I feel like I know you pretty well.
Speaker: I would say really well, even though we work professionally mostly, but we got to know each other really well personally.
Speaker: But I would say, let's see if I'm right, that you value family specifically.
Speaker: especially your own family, your husband and your girls.
Speaker: I mean, it's super important to you and your decisions align with that.
Speaker: Um, I know you talked about balance before, but yeah, you, I see your actions living out.
Speaker: Like how do I find balance in my life?
Speaker: You spending being a good wife,
Speaker: a good mother but also super driven professionally um i also um think you value and know that you value your relationship with your mom and your your mom your dad but especially you and your mom have a really special relationship um with your family too but i really say that with your mom you value your spirituality and your health and exercise and fitness is super important to you although that can be difficult with all that you have on your plate but you've prioritized that and your friends i think your friends are very important to you as well but also
Speaker: I see that you just constantly want to improve and grow and drive professionally, personally.
Speaker: So I don't know.
Speaker: That's what I would say is important to you.
Speaker: Did I miss anything?
Speaker: Yeah, just the fact that I, you know, have to hold back tears on this episode.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: That means a lot that, you know, someone who knows me so well that I obviously get to spend a lot of time with you, but that, you know, my true feelings deep down in my heart, the things that I treasure.
Speaker: I mean, those are my treasures.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm portraying that to the world.
Speaker: And what's great about you is that all of those items are also at the top of things that I feel like you treasure and want to protect.
Speaker: Also, you're very much a protector.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: of those relationships.
Speaker: Um, so I'm just very fortunate to share those similar beliefs.
Speaker: Um, and what's important is it helps us hold each other accountable.
Speaker: I know there have been times when, you know, issues at home, issues with kids, um, being able to have someone who's one either lived through it or currently going through it and we can really uplift each other with those similar beliefs.
Speaker: So important.
Speaker: I know we talked about that, like having one other thing of self-awareness is my life in balance, which I use that word loosely because when I say that, I mean, okay, relationship-wise, spiritually, financially, my health, my professional life.
Speaker: And they're going to, when I say balance, I don't mean they're all equal, right?
Speaker: So for me, like being self-aware of that, like sometimes they're going to be a little out of balance and that's, you're going to be more focused on motherhood at some, at some parts in your life than you might be in your business or your profession.
Speaker: But when I say, are they, are they balanced?
Speaker: Are they balanced where you want them to be?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I think it's just a constant check in with yourself to make sure that if I really,
Speaker: I feel like my spirituality is out of sync.
Speaker: Are my actions and what I'm doing putting me back in alignment with where that spirituality should be?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So it's just kind of understanding based on where you are in your life, where those, what that wheel looks like, if you will, and making sure that you're just, your actions align with where you, how valuable that component of your life is during that time.
Speaker: And also looking at that component and seeing how is, how is my spiritual spirituality?
Speaker: How is my fitness, my nutrition?
Speaker: How is that going to affect all of the other things that are important in my life?
Speaker: And I, that's a huge thing that I've is come to like non-negotiable.
Speaker: I have to get a workout in.
Speaker: I am going to be a better mom, wife, employee, everything.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: What are, what are those things in your life?
Speaker: And,
Speaker: Again, that's going to change, but what are those things in your life that are going to elevate each section of your values that are important to you?
Speaker: Yeah, I love that.
Speaker: And part of that is understanding our own strengths and weaknesses, which is something I know we talk about a lot.
Speaker: I'm constantly looking at myself.
Speaker: What are my strengths?
Speaker: What are my weaknesses, both professionally, also in my personal life, and really learning to navigate that.
Speaker: But also, something I did when I was –
Speaker: in the management training at First Union Bank when I was right out of college.
Speaker: So I was probably 22, maybe 23.
Speaker: And I went, I got hired by a bank, which is not around anymore.
Speaker: It shows my age, but, and I was hired to be in their management program.
Speaker: It's a nine month program.
Speaker: And you go, you spend some time in each component of the business.
Speaker: And then you go back to your, to your branch, your office, and you actually apply what you learned, but it's a leadership program.
Speaker: So one of the parts of that nine months was really developing our leadership skills.
Speaker: And this is towards the end of the nine months.
Speaker: So we got, there was, I think, 16 of us in this program.
Speaker: So we spent like two weeks at a time together in a hotel.
Speaker: So you can imagine you're doing things socially, you're at work together all day.
Speaker: But we got to this part of the program where we had to give each other feedback, like very honest, honest feedback about how you see this person.
Speaker: We had prompting questions, which I can't remember, but I just remember, um,
Speaker: Being like, it was hard.
Speaker: It was all kind feedback and critique, but it was hard.
Speaker: It was real like, you know, Heather, you need to spend more time here.
Speaker: Heather, I looked like you were harsh here or you need to, whatever it was.
Speaker: I just remember thinking to myself, wow, this is so hard to hear, but so powerful, right?
Speaker: And it was amongst a bunch of people.
Speaker: So, you know, you might have had one person that I didn't like drive with.
Speaker: Um, so, but when I heard the pattern of multiple people saying something that was consistent, I thought, wow.
Speaker: So it's great to hear like the compliments, like you're really great at this.
Speaker: That felt good.
Speaker: But I also got some real, some really honest feedback, um, on my leadership and it's forever kind of, I'll never forget it.
Speaker: And I've always sought out that more because I went through that, that very uncomfortable circumstance.
Speaker: Now I was like, okay, I need to keep doing this.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Cause what I thought I was good at, some of it was aligned with they gave me, but some of it was like, that's not how I mean to be portrayed at all.
Speaker: A lifelong, you know, thought or skill that you'll, you'll have and you'll reflect on certain situations where if their feedback was you're harsh, right?
Speaker: You have a, you know, movie reel playing in your head, like, was I too harsh?
Speaker: And you're, I mean, it's a, a baggage that you kind of have to carry your whole life, but it's also a good thing.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So that way you're always kind of checking in with yourself.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And being careful.
Speaker: You and I talked about this a lot, actually, but I've heard some podcasts on just the questions are powerful, right?
Speaker: So when you're on this journey of self-awareness, which by the way, you guys is always like, you don't ever stop this journey of self-awareness, but.
Speaker: Instead of always saying like, why did I act this way?
Speaker: Why did I do that?
Speaker: Why this?
Speaker: Why that?
Speaker: That's a very harsh, can be a very harsh question.
Speaker: But saying, what about this situation is making me elevated?
Speaker: What about this is causing me anger or frustration or defensiveness?
Speaker: Like this just happened last night with Joe.
Speaker: We were watching the Grammys and we were talking between, something came up and
Speaker: I won't go into what he said, but he said something and I was like, I felt my whole, like, I'm even getting, look, I'm even getting red right now.
Speaker: I felt my whole red, I feel myself getting like elevated.
Speaker: And I was like, I was like, what?
Speaker: That is ridiculous.
Speaker: I mean, I kind of went not off, but I was like, that's a, sir.
Speaker: I think I said, that's, I might even said idiotic.
Speaker: I didn't call him idiot.
Speaker: I said, that's idiotic.
Speaker: Something like that.
Speaker: And he was like, whoa, dude.
Speaker: But so I went to the bathroom, washed my face for bed.
Speaker: And I started thinking, I said to myself, what about that just got me super defensive?
Speaker: I didn't say, why am I acting like that?
Speaker: You know, start to beat myself up.
Speaker: I said, what about that just did that?
Speaker: And it's only been since last night.
Speaker: So I need to do some more self-discovery.
Speaker: But I thought about when I was in high school, I had the perception, and I'm pretty sure people said this.
Speaker: some very nasty things about me when I was in high school.
Speaker: Um, I was friends with a lot of the guys.
Speaker: It was easier.
Speaker: I thought it was.
Speaker: And, um, and I remember thinking that's not who I am at all.
Speaker: When I heard these rumors about me and it was very hurtful.
Speaker: Now, the grandest high school and I'm over it, but I do think I said to Joey after I came out of the bathroom and I said, I think that just triggered me because I just want to make sure we're careful, like not to assume something or judge someone.
Speaker: Um, without knowing if factually, if that was true, right.
Speaker: And not that he was judging, but he made an assumption about something.
Speaker: And I think that's what triggered me.
Speaker: I'm like, cause I remember being so hurt.
Speaker: Like, that's not who I am.
Speaker: Why are the people saying that about me?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Why do they have this version of me in their head that again, I, I feel no connection to.
Speaker: It was hurt.
Speaker: It was very hurtful.
Speaker: So, um, just an example of trying to understand, but that also brought us back down to, he was like, Heather, I'm so sorry.
Speaker: I'm like, well, no, you didn't know.
Speaker: I didn't know, but it took, now it wasn't about me saying something to him or him saying something to me.
Speaker: It was about, gosh, what, and it brought us closer, but also let me understand why I responded that way.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And now he knows to be careful because he knows that's going to trigger me.
Speaker: And that's a, that's a double-sided self-awareness scenario where you said, you know,
Speaker: What do you mean?
Speaker: Don't say that.
Speaker: You could have also said, why do you feel that way, Joey?
Speaker: What triggered him to have those thoughts, right?
Speaker: So it's very much a self-awareness coming together that you guys had in that moment.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, even though you broke out in full on hives and you want to maybe put your hands on him.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: We laughed about it soon after that, but for a moment there, I thought, but those are the kinds, there's been multiple times in our marriage where I've recognized something was triggering me.
Speaker: And I said to him, honey, I'm, I'm triggered right now.
Speaker: So I'm not going to respond until I have a chance to kind of work through this because I know it was something from my past that had nothing to do with him.
Speaker: But that took me a while to get to that point to know that how I'm feeling right now is not because of Joey.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Everything, all of our responses are little girls coming out of something that happened, something that made us feel alone or beat up.
Speaker: And, you know, that's our response.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So those are sometimes hard things to kind of dive into to understand, but I, they have really helped our relationship and our marriage.
Speaker: And I think those things can play into, you know, your professional life too, like taking,
Speaker: risk, making decisions or fear of decisions.
Speaker: Like I told you, you know, I really struggle with people pleasing, not want to disappoint people.
Speaker: I've come a long way, long way in that journey.
Speaker: Um, but I, I had to be intentional that word, um, about doing something, even though it's afraid of failing or afraid of looking foolish or afraid of, um, disappointing someone.
Speaker: Like I had to say, I'm doing this anyway.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But I had to be aware that I had that, you know, limiting belief.
Speaker: and took an intentional action and made a decision, even though I felt that way or was scared of that thing.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And it's hard.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Cause you, you will fail sometimes you will, you know, that's what we learn.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I've grown the most in my failures for sure.
Speaker: Um, but the, the, uh, opposite, the alternative to that is that I, I don't live to my full potential.
Speaker: I don't take advantage of opportunities.
Speaker: I don't learn what I really want to do with my life because I am afraid to try something different.
Speaker: I don't need somebody because I was afraid to go join this group that I don't know anybody.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You're not going to grow.
Speaker: You have some sort of untapped, you know, skill that you've maybe never had the opportunity to use.
Speaker: And you get to use that now that you've, you've taken that step.
Speaker: So I think you have to be aware in order to do something anyway, if you will, if that makes sense.
Speaker: Um, and, and in a more like less emotional, um, example, like just learning, like with Joey and I, um, you know, I think I told you, is he like, he loves it and not loves, but he's great at details.
Speaker: And like, I hate to pay the bills.
Speaker: I don't do you, I hate paying bills.
Speaker: I mean, I hate paying them out of my own bank account.
Speaker: I will pay them.
Speaker: I hate that too.
Speaker: Am I just the act of doing it?
Speaker: Even though you can almost automate all of it.
Speaker: All of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I hate doing laundry.
Speaker: I have to set.
Speaker: It's funny.
Speaker: I hate doing laundry.
Speaker: I set a timer for myself.
Speaker: Like I'll have a break and be like, all right, I'm going to go fold one load of laundry.
Speaker: I set a timer.
Speaker: It takes six minutes to fold a load of laundry.
Speaker: It's not a lot of time.
Speaker: And so I have to, you know, put that kind of story in my head.
Speaker: Like it's not a lot of time of your day.
Speaker: I know you hate it, but I'll, I'll, the bill, it probably takes 30 seconds, even one that you have to do manually to type in your credit card number.
Speaker: I mean, it's really kind of terrible.
Speaker: It's the act of doing it.
Speaker: Your laundry.
Speaker: I don't mind folding laundry because I'll do it while we're watching TV.
Speaker: I hate putting it away.
Speaker: It can live in the basket forever.
Speaker: I will get what I need.
Speaker: And I'm aware of that.
Speaker: So, you know, that's, again, that's a very self-aware of that, even though it can be a continuous battle in our home of, you know, who's responsible for what today.
Speaker: But I am aware of it and I know when to say, I need help.
Speaker: Please, someone put my laundry.
Speaker: I can only get it up the stairs.
Speaker: Help me the rest of the way, Stoney.
Speaker: Love Stoney, but he would help you.
Speaker: He does.
Speaker: He does.
Speaker: What is something else that you feel like you really are maybe aware of or struggle with?
Speaker: Like me being people pleaser, which again, I've gotten so much better.
Speaker: I think I used to be a nag as well.
Speaker: Although I might say I'm still a nag sometimes, but I was very aware that I used to nag a lot.
Speaker: So I constantly will stop myself and go, shush, stop nagging right now.
Speaker: I'm definitely in my, what's the word?
Speaker: uh, like poser syndrome, like, am I imposter poser or I'm a poser.
Speaker: I'm not, um, imposter syndrome where I just, I keep showing up and I'm, it's almost like I'm trying to, um, instill this belief in myself that I'm capable of all of these things and capable of doing like, you know, going to the gym and being a good mom.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: being a wife, being an entrepreneur and an employee.
Speaker: And I think it's also I hear limiting beliefs from others.
Speaker: I overheard someone say, how and why is she doing all of that?
Speaker: It's like, well, we all have the same amount of time in our day.
Speaker: These are also things that I really want to do.
Speaker: So if you really want to do it,
Speaker: again, I will take all of the six minutes of folding laundry and never touch the laundry basket again and do the things that I really want to do, the things that really bring me joy.
Speaker: So yeah, I feel like my self-awareness journey right now is imposter syndrome and just trying to completely silence that and use the time.
Speaker: I'm also, I don't know why time is such a
Speaker: thought for me, like, how much longer am I going to be on this earth?
Speaker: How much more can I give back?
Speaker: And my therapist says that's because I'm entering my mid thirties.
Speaker: And that's what you do at that age.
Speaker: Like you're kind of close to halfway through your life.
Speaker: I'm like, don't say that.
Speaker: No, you're going to live forever.
Speaker: But yeah, imposter syndrome and just,
Speaker: Also, slowing down a little bit to know that, like, hey, what am I giving back in this life?
Speaker: Am I going to achieve all the things that I want to achieve?
Speaker: But am I also doing it well?
Speaker: And then am I also making sure that I'm taking time for my family?
Speaker: So a lot of different self-awareness journeys, but I feel like it's very loud and clear right now what I am aware of and what I want to work on.
Speaker: And again, a lot of that's confidence.
Speaker: Something you said on one of our other calls, a work call, I think, you said you're really reflecting on, you know, how is my life different?
Speaker: I'm paraphrasing different.
Speaker: How did my life to be different this year from last year and the previous year?
Speaker: And I don't want to keep.
Speaker: having these same patterns in my life that, that aren't good patterns, that aren't healthy patterns.
Speaker: I don't want to just go year and year and go, I'm still this, I'm still eating the same.
Speaker: I'm still drinking the same.
Speaker: I'm still not working out, whatever the case in your situation was.
Speaker: And, and I, I found myself with myself, Susie sabotage, whatever her name is negative Nelly.
Speaker: Um, because I, sometimes I beat myself up and go like, I haven't made enough progress in my life year over year.
Speaker: There's still some things I'm still doing that I was doing 10 years ago for God's sakes.
Speaker: And I can really beat myself up.
Speaker: And then I have to reframe it and go, okay, well, what actions are you going to take to change that?
Speaker: And also, Heather, by the way, let's look about really how has your life progressed over the past 10 years and take a moment to be proud of myself, but then say, okay, let's be real now.
Speaker: Now what do I have to change?
Speaker: And if you're tired of saying the same thing for 10 years and make a change, damn it.
Speaker: I mean, really, like that's on me.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I'm in the same place in this part of my life that I, that I have been, and I haven't done the things I have to do to change it.
Speaker: That is on me.
Speaker: So you have to h ave a little bit of hard love with yourself too, without going down the rabbit hole of, of defeating yourself where you do nothing again.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Too dark of a place.
Speaker: And I, I mean, for me, it's definitely visual.
Speaker: If I, if I write down a true,
Speaker: I don't know, growth list of things that I've accomplished or things that I've gotten better at.
Speaker: And then those areas, it's like, yes, I am improving.
Speaker: So please pat yourself on the back.
Speaker: If that's visual for you, if you want to make, you know, a scrapbook board, whatever you can connect with, but, you know, make sure you are really
Speaker: congratulating yourself for those wins each year.
Speaker: And then again, those small things, come up with a plan, stick to it, and you'll be on top of the world next year.
Speaker: It does require discipline.
Speaker: Discipline in your decisions, discipline in your health, discipline in – it does require some discipline.
Speaker: It's not meant to be easy, but the rewards are so much greater when you have to work for it.
Speaker: And it's so much harder in our very, you know, quick world that we live in, right?
Speaker: Like we haven't had fast food this month.
Speaker: I really wanted to get some Chick-fil-A this morning, but I didn't because I was like, I don't have to have it.
Speaker: It's not healthy for me.
Speaker: But we do.
Speaker: We live in such a, you know, quick reward.
Speaker: Say that five times fast.
Speaker: Words.
Speaker: Words.
Speaker: that, you know, whatever you want is right there.
Speaker: All right, well, I'm going to take this pill and get skinny.
Speaker: I'm going to, you know, go eat this food real quick.
Speaker: Well, it's not going to be healthy for you.
Speaker: This, this is going to happen.
Speaker: Um, so yeah, that, it makes it harder, but it does make it a little bit more rewarding because you have to fight so many easy options and stick to your discipline.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think, think beyond the immediate, um,
Speaker: reward or the immediate outcome in that moment and think more about what we want coming down the road and how we're going to feel after we do that thing, make that decision.
Speaker: How are we going to feel after?
Speaker: I think that's super important.
Speaker: One thing that's really been front for me is like just what we expose ourselves to as far as negativity and misinformation or negative information, bad information, not just news wise, but even like Joey and I have been really
Speaker: conscious about our conversations and making sure that they are not all just bad news or negative or hard stuff.
Speaker: And that we really take some time to talk about things that are uplifting, you know, things that we want to do in our future and making plans and just being careful not to live in this conversation of,
Speaker: ball of negativity, not towards each other, but just in, with all that's happening in the world and life and our lives can be hard with our children and blended family and all that.
Speaker: So I think being really careful about that is super important as well.
Speaker: Cause you can find yourself, especially if you're around people like that you work with that are negative, it's easy to take that on.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: All of a sudden you're talking about things that are, that are negative.
Speaker: I'm like, why are we, why are we even talking about that?
Speaker: Nothing to do with our lives.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Cause it can be exhausting.
Speaker: And if it is something to do with your life or your job, then how are we going to improve on it?
Speaker: Is there a book that we can read?
Speaker: Is there a podcast that we can listen to?
Speaker: ClassyOnOccasion.com.
Speaker: Is there, you know, is there someone that I can call that, you know, can help me navigate this in a positive direction?
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Cause there's so much drama in our lives.
Speaker: There is.
Speaker: And I, you, I, I think I probably shared a few stories with you, but, um, really being careful.
Speaker: We talk a lot about, you know, who you hang around, fill your time with, but, um, people are either, especially friendships, they're either fountains or drains.
Speaker: Like when you leave them, do you leave feeling full or do you leave feeling empty?
Speaker: And, and I don't mean like someone going through a bad time.
Speaker: And so they really need me more right now because they're going through a really hard time.
Speaker: That's not what I mean.
Speaker: I mean, then when you consistently are with someone and every time you leave, you're like, oh my God, it's an insane thing over and over and over again.
Speaker: Nothing's changing.
Speaker: And it's the same drama and you leave and you're exhausted.
Speaker: Like you have to put boundaries around those types of people in your life because they will take, take, take, take from you.
Speaker: And then you have nothing left for what you need to be putting your energy to.
Speaker: Very true.
Speaker: I've had to do that a few times in my life and it's not always easy because it means losing friendships.
Speaker: Even sometimes people you've had in your life for a very long time.
Speaker: But they're really just keeping you from living at your full potential, you know, and living a life that's fulfilling and joyful.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So that's really hard.
Speaker: It's been really hard, but so glad that I've made those difficult decisions.
Speaker: And it's also important to ask yourself that, am I a drain?
Speaker: Julie, am I a drain or am I a fountain?
Speaker: You're a fountain, Bill.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: I better be.
Speaker: You are overflowing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, so that's been an important lesson I've learned as well.
Speaker: Self-awareness has a lot of power.
Speaker: It can be challenging and hard at times, but it really helps you navigate your life personally, professionally, and it helps you be a strong leader.
Speaker: I mean, you have to be self-aware in order to navigate how you're serving others.
Speaker: So very important.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: And, you know, just...
Speaker: using it as like your kind of stepping stone for building that confidence.
Speaker: Again, like as I was saying earlier, I feel so much confidence in certain aspects of my life and then in others as I'm taking, and it's definitely when you're taking new steps into doing a podcast, starting another business, you know, wanting to enhance your marriage, whatever it is.
Speaker: As you start to take those steps, you really have to lean into it
Speaker: Um, and make sure again, you are being honest with yourself because you can give yourself, um, false encouragement.
Speaker: Like, oh yeah, that was a great decision.
Speaker: You, you know, you really listened to that person and spoke well and no, you were hurtful.
Speaker: Um, so, but use it as a, as a stepping stone, um, to build that self-confidence in what you're doing or taking on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's, that plays into all aspects of your life too.
Speaker: Having confidence in, in yourself and,
Speaker: A couple of takeaways as we wrap this up, but you know, first of all, I think if you're wondering how, you know, how, where are you?
Speaker: First of all, what's going on with this light on my face?
Speaker: It's your blinds.
Speaker: I got to fix that.
Speaker: I'm being self aware that there's a light on my face.
Speaker: You know, it, first of all, I would always seek out feedback from trusted friends, mentors, coaches, therapists.
Speaker: That's an, we, we,
Speaker: make sure that what we think we're putting out there is really what's being perceived and taken.
Speaker: I think it's a very powerful exercise for people to really figure that out.
Speaker: I would also say, if you look at your life and you have this pattern of, you know, maybe it's bad relationships or you can't keep a job or your life's not where you want it to be in really any aspects of it.
Speaker: Um, that's, that's a red flag that you probably need to look within.
Speaker: You might think of yourself a word, but if you're, if you're still, um,
Speaker: over and over and over again, not where you want to be, or you need to ask yourself some really, really hard questions.
Speaker: And I would challenge you to not only self-reflect, um, but to change what you're doing, make some different decisions, try some different things and see what happens in your life.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: So I think reflecting on your values, you know, do you even know what do I really value?
Speaker: What's important to me?
Speaker: Asking yourself those questions and then saying the next step is this is the harder step.
Speaker: Do your decisions align with that?
Speaker: If you're saying spirituality is important to you, your health is important to you, your marriage is important to you, are you going to church or do you have a relationship with the Lord or whatever that spiritual being is to you?
Speaker: If it's health and wellness, are you feeding your body the nutrients it needs?
Speaker: Are you working out at least three, four times a week?
Speaker: If it's your marriage, are you having a date night?
Speaker: once a month or twice a month or once a week, even more so?
Speaker: Are you having honest conversations with each other?
Speaker: That's when I say, I can sit here and tell you what's important to me, but if my decisions aren't aligning, I'm out of sync.
Speaker: I'm out of balance and my life won't reflect what's important to me.
Speaker: So I think that's the first important.
Speaker: We have to kind of sit back and reflect, what are my values?
Speaker: What's important to me?
Speaker: And do my decisions align with that?
Speaker: And as you're asking others for feedback, do not ask your friend that says yes and is your constant cheerleader.
Speaker: One, that's not a great friend because your friend should be honest and be giving you hard feedback sometimes.
Speaker: So make sure that you're not asking your yes friend for feedback.
Speaker: That's why I love going to like a business coach or even a therapist that you've been with for a while or someone that can really speak into that's not like your best friend that's going to cause some potential
Speaker: you know, defensiveness or awkwardness.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Heather, that light looks fine on your face.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: My biggest thing is definitely journaling and it's people.
Speaker: So I have a friend and she's going to laugh when she hears this, but for Christmas gifts, she gave all of us journals.
Speaker: And right before she handed it to us, the girls were like, Oh my gosh, is, is she going to give us journals?
Speaker: And we open it.
Speaker: But it is the best journal.
Speaker: It's three things every day.
Speaker: It's just a gratitude journal, right?
Speaker: Whatever speaks to you, whatever you need to write down.
Speaker: If you are kind of in a hard time and you're not looking for a gratitude journal, there's plenty of options out there for you to choose from.
Speaker: But it's so easy and it's just setting in a self-awareness aspect.
Speaker: It's like, what am I thankful for today?
Speaker: Well, if the last week I haven't written down that I'm thankful for my husband, then what
Speaker: What do I need to do?
Speaker: What do we need to do to work on that?
Speaker: So journaling, again, people tend to think journaling sometimes, like you have to get up and write this, you know, synopsis on your life.
Speaker: No, just get up, write three things, write your intentions for the day.
Speaker: Super, super helpful to keep, you know, what's important to you top of mind, especially first thing in the morning.
Speaker: Do it before you pick up your phone, though.
Speaker: The world enters your mind and poisons you.
Speaker: It can take five minutes.
Speaker: It doesn't need to be this lengthy thing.
Speaker: And it does help you identify trends and patterns.
Speaker: If you go back and look over the years and go, gosh, I keep talking about that same thing.
Speaker: And now here it is five years later and I'm still saying the same thing.
Speaker: You know, it's a real self-check there.
Speaker: Being mindfulness, being, practicing mindfulness, which when I say that, it's like when I had that trigger last night or I had that response in my body to be able to say, oh,
Speaker: What is making me feel this way?
Speaker: What is triggering this?
Speaker: And even if I can't really identify what that was to just know it's not what just happened.
Speaker: It's not what Joey just said.
Speaker: It's not what Julie just said.
Speaker: It's something that's pulling from my past.
Speaker: It's making me feel this way has nothing to do with you.
Speaker: That relieves the power that it has in that moment with me and my husband or me with my friend or me with my coworker, whatever the case may be.
Speaker: But really being present of saying, what about the situation is causing me to feel this way, causing me to react this way, whatever it
Speaker: Again, having that healthy question around what is happening, being mindful of that in that moment, I think is very important.
Speaker: It really helps you identify your responses to things or lack of response to things in some cases.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Um, and I think I, you and I talked about this so important to both of us for both.
Speaker: We both go to therapy.
Speaker: Um, I've gone to therapy most of my adult life and I think it's such a coach therapy.
Speaker: It's so important to have someone professionally that is educated, has experience to really help us navigate, not just ourselves and our own self-talk and our own limiting beliefs, but understanding others that are in our lives, our husbands, our children's relationship with our, with our family, with, I mean, mine really came when I lost my mom.
Speaker: Then I lost my sister.
Speaker: Talk about loss.
Speaker: And I had to really work through a lot of regret and, um, I had to forgive myself for things that I didn't say or do when they were live.
Speaker: And it really helped me, gave me some, I was able to forgive myself, which is super important for my marriage now.
Speaker: And in me with my kids now, can you imagine what I'd be putting on them if I hadn't been able to work through, um, that pain and regret?
Speaker: So I'm a big, as you are, I know proponent of, it's not a weakness to get work with someone.
Speaker: the work with accounts right there.
Speaker: It actually shows strength because you're going really, really hard places, but that really provide such freedom.
Speaker: Freedom for yourself and for the relationships that you're in or going to be in.
Speaker: Super awesome.
Speaker: And just remember this isn't, you know, again, I feel like I'm deep in it now.
Speaker: And that is probably also because I've, you know, started therapy in the last year and, um,
Speaker: And it really has opened up my eyes to a bigger part of my self-awareness journey because it seems very big right now.
Speaker: But again, it doesn't end.
Speaker: There's no end date.
Speaker: There's no finish line.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I want to make everyone feel like, oh, my God, this is going to be awful because it's not.
Speaker: I mean, we've talked – there's definitely some –
Speaker: harder times and harder conversations you have to have with yourself.
Speaker: But, um, it really is, like I said before that word freedom, um, and just breakthroughs.
Speaker: And I mean, just even my first marriage and Joey's first marriage and how we've taken our ownership of the, our parts in that working through therapy with each other.
Speaker: We go to, he and I both go to therapy together as well.
Speaker: And just how it's, I would not want to make the same mistakes that I made in my first marriage, you know, um, in this marriage.
Speaker: And so,
Speaker: it's we've had to both go on our self-awareness journey separately, but then also together for the sake of our marriage and for our children that we both brought into this.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So there's a lot of, a lot of positives and, and great things that come out of being on this intentional self-awareness journey.
Speaker: It really can help you live a fulfilling life, the life you want.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Love it.
Speaker: Love it too.
Speaker: Love you.
Speaker: Love you.
Speaker: Stop.
Speaker: I'm so emotional today.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I've only cried like five times.
Speaker: But anyways, I love this journey.
Speaker: Love that we're on it together.
Speaker: And thank you all for tuning in.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to our podcast, Classy on Occasion.
Speaker: If you like what you heard, it would mean a lot to us if you would write a review and share this out with your friends and family.
Speaker: We appreciate you.
