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119. Grief is Sneaky; Creeps Up on You Unexpectededly
70 Plays3 years ago
In this solo episode I talk about an incident that occured in my grief journey recently... that made me re live the emotions I had felt when I had a miscarriage 16 years ago.
Grief does not knock on our door and tell us, "Hey, I'm about to walk in! Beware!" Nope... it just kicks the door opened unannounced and slams you to the floor. Grief is sneaky!! It creeps up on you unexpectedly.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest or for coaching:
https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com
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Transcript
Unexpected Nature of Grief
00:00:00
Speaker
We do not know when grief will creep up on us. We do not know where we will be and what space and time in our own emotions we will be when it creeps up on us. So therefore, how we react, regardless if it's been 16 years, 20 years down the line.
00:00:25
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It could still bring up a lot of emotions and that is exactly why I believe that it's not that whole thing about time heals, it's just who we have become in that process of that time.
Podcast Introduction
00:00:46
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Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast.
00:00:54
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This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:10
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I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host.
Evolution vs. Healing of Grief
00:01:24
Speaker
Now let's dive right in to today's episode. Hi, I hope that this podcast finds you well.
00:01:37
Speaker
I wanted today to talk about the topic of how grief creeps up when we least expect it and how it shows up differently as time goes by. You know the saying that time heals, we hear it often, especially in the topic of grief, yet
00:02:04
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I don't believe it does.
Personal Story of Miscarriage
00:02:07
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I believe we grow, we get stronger, and therefore it looks differently as time goes by because we are different. But there are times in which grief just sneaks in unexpectedly.
00:02:31
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I had a miscarriage, my first pregnancy. And I remember that day very well, the day that it started to spot and therefore the OB asked me to go to get a sonogram, an ultrasound. And so I went in and I remember laying there and seeing the technician's face.
00:03:01
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as she was just searching and searching and searching for that heartbeat. And as I'm laying there by myself, looking at her face and trying to read her reactions, it was just so overwhelming and she couldn't say anything to me. She just said, you know, the doctor will contact you and explain more. So to leave there with
00:03:32
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no answers was just even more overwhelming. So anyhow,
Revisiting Past Emotions
00:03:42
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so that was that experience. And that was, again, my first pregnancy that did end in a miscarriage, which happened naturally. But I also had scheduled a DNC even prior to it kind of occurring. And I did follow through.
00:04:00
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having the DNC after. And here I am, let me see how many years later, 16 years later, 16 and a half years later after this happened. This happened March, 2001. Is that correct? No, 2001. What am I talking about? March, 2006. I wasn't even married. March, 2006.
00:04:30
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I, here I am now, 2022, and I had a gynecology appointment, and they needed to check. I'm in my late 40s, and they needed to check that everything was normal, and I had a sonogram. And there I was, laying on this table with the technician again.
00:04:55
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you know, searching, and all of a sudden just tears just started flowing down my face. And I told her, I'm like, oh, because she had already asked also how many pregnancies, and I said three, how many births, I said two. So she already knew, of course, with just that data before she even started to do it. But as I'm there and I'm like with tears coming down, I said, wow, it's amazing that these many years later and
00:05:24
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I can, you know, I'm starting to get flashbacks of that day of when I got that response. And I told her that one of the things that really felt even the hardest was the fact that the technician couldn't tell me anything. And I said, I don't even know how you guys do it.
Carrying Grief Over Time
00:05:41
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Like it's got to be so hard to be in this position that you are
00:05:45
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here as a mom, an expecting mom is very excited to find out this news and that there's sometimes that you have this information of the heartbeat and to have to deliver that news has to be so overwhelming. And she said, yeah, it is.
00:06:02
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So anyway, I just wanted to share this story, this example of how sometimes things that we feel we've quote unquote overcome can still sneak up. I do think about that pregnancy. Often I was eight weeks along when it happened. So I, even though I,
00:06:31
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didn't get a chance to even know the gender of the baby. I still know, you know, when my due date was going to be and wonder, you know, wow, I'd have a junior in high school already. And yeah, so things like that, they still come up. So again, we do not know when grief will creep up on us. We do not know
00:07:00
Speaker
where we will be and what space and time in our own emotions we will be when it creeps up on us. So therefore, how we react, regardless if it's been 16 years, 20 years down the line, it could still bring up a lot of emotions and
00:07:23
Speaker
That is exactly why I believe that it's not that whole thing about time heals. It's just who we have become in that process of that time. That makes the experience of grief a little bit different as it goes by. So as I'm sharing this, just be mindful of your own journey that it is not
00:07:52
Speaker
going to be something that you will just be able to snap your fingers and move, move on because it isn't. You move through life carrying this grief with you yet again.
Encouragement and Sharing
00:08:10
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you just learn how to carry it in a way that it is not as much of a weight on your shoulders as it might have felt at the beginning of the experience. So just again sending you all love as you're going through this journey.
00:08:31
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This was just a quick little episode here to share this anecdote of my own life, and I hope it serves you in some shape or form. Much love to you.
00:08:49
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Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:09:18
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Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.